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MensDivorceCircle Archive

View 1 posts and 83 comments by MensDivorceCircle on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
20

MensDivorceCircle/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:48 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

There should’ve never been a 4th… she isn’t going to change unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 02:34 PM
3

your description of your new GF is also concerning, I don’t talk about my gf like that or my ex-wife. Imagine if your daughter’s boyfriend talked about her like that, big cans and a smoke show…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 02:21 PM
2

For every single man in this group, please stop getting married without a prenuptial agreement even if you have nothing. If she says “you don’t trust me or don’t love me if you want me to sign that” move on from her fast. So many men in this group get burned financially and from a custody perspective. Protect yo self before she wrecks yo self….
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 01:30 AM
4

You are only trapped by your own inability to let go of your fear and move on. I say this as someone that was divorced for a second time in January 2026… being unhappy is never worth staying, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 01:27 AM
2

You feel empty because YOU are not focused on YOU. You are using your FWB to deal with your attachment needs and dopamine hit. Sex is great but if there is no emotional connection or intention it’s just sex, it’s fun at times and fulfilling, but still doesn’t solve what’s going on inside mentally and emotionally. Read single on purpose by John Kim, very enlightening and helpful book.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 01:36 PM
1

Marriage is about standards, agreements and common respect. If you want change, you have to develop standards and agreements, not demands and ultimatums.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 01:32 PM
1

The key is to not make an “ultimatum”… i would not just “talk” about couples counseling, I would find a counselor and you go and invite her “honey, I feel like our marriage has things we both can work on, I found a marriage counselor and I am going to go on my own, and I would love it if you would come with me sometime”….. That demonstrates your willingness to go and grow, if she chooses to never go, the you know she isn’t willing to grow with you and that might move you further towards making y…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 01:31 PM
2

Sex and intimacy is a standard in any marriage, not a requirement and getting somewhere else is a terrible choice. If she isn’t going to be intimate in the marriage then they have misaligned values, it’s time to either repair it or leave.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:21 PM
2

1) have you done couples counseling to try and repair it? 2) what are you worried about if you file for divorce 3) you being unhappy is worse than being divorced (trust me, I have been divorced twice and I am much happier than I was married)
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:18 PM
3

You just do. My daughter was 12 and son was 10 and now they are 18 and 20, you just have to, you have just trust that your ex will choose someone like you, someone that isn’t a complete loser and my ex didn’t choose anyone that was terrible. She is also a worried that you will choose someone terrible too, so just let it go and take one day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 01:01 PM
1

Functional doctor can help
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 12:35 PM
1

You did your job, you added a human to the workforce, not enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 05:11 PM
1

Have you had your hormones checked? Low T? It impacts and helps regulate emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 05:09 PM
2

You need therapy if you are crying yourself to sleep, get help bro, no shame. It’s depression…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 02:48 PM
9

Same, 50, married/divorced twice, two kids college age kids. I love being alone, no one telling me what I need to do, no honey do list, I sleep better alone, I get to go on vacations alone, eat breakfast for dinner anytime I want, go get ice cream before dinner, look at a hot women without guilt, listen to my music without her nagging me, fart whenever and whenever I want, take hot showers as long as I want, wear the same clothes three times a week, watch sports anytime I want, live where I want…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 02:46 PM
1

You are individual people with individual emotions and feelings. It’s 100% normal to feel different and to take longer to process. The fastest thing you can do is stop comparing your grieving process to hers, you will continue to hurt knowing she is happy and moving on. Allow yourself to feel the feels but don’t sit in them too long. Go seek counseling or someone to talk things out, go to the gym, find new hobbies and read single on purpose and breaking up on purpose by John Kim, both amazing bo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 01:15 PM
1

Cell phone records are the most telling If she is using SMS and not some app
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:14 PM
5

Maybe not the best advice. Keep your life peaceful and stay out of your ex-wife’s business. If that is what she wants to do and what he wants to do, it will eventually come to the surface, it always does. Keep the peace with her, focus 110% on your kids, and the peace between she and yourself is worth a million dollars when it comes to your kids. Don’t invite yourself to her drama!
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 09:12 PM
5

Someone I know filed for divorce from his wife recently because she cheated on him with….wait for it….his married brother. She is a dirty ho and cheated on him many times, and meanwhile she is the type of woman that acts like the perfect wife and mom in the community, meanwhile she banged his visiting brother in the backyard…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:28 AM
2

Don’t make it a priority to find a partner, stop chasing and focus on you. The right person will come into your life, I promise, a strong, healed, confident version of you will be far more attractive than a man that chases and is “looking” for the next partner.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:43 PM
5

When someone doesn’t want you any more, it doesn’t matter if it’s one day, one week, one month or one year… that’s on them… focus 100% on yourself and healing and the next steps in the process of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 02:07 PM
7

IF this is even a real story, remember the woman in Sacramento that went missing and then ended up on the side of the road with “ligature marks on her wrist) and claimed some Mexican women and men took her. She was cheating on her husband and was with another guy the whole time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 05:27 PM
2

I had a similar issue, 50M and I started taking https://www.innosupps.com/products/nitro-wood-magnum-g and I honestly don’t have any issues at all.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:38 PM
2

I mean that nickname could define so many things about that relationship! 😬
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:16 PM
2

We always stay a lot longer than we should, I stayed 15 years married, 17 together with an alcoholic and even had kids with her. Outside of my kids being the most amazing humans on earth, I wish I would have had the courage to end it when I had my first thought, which was within the first couple years. But you know what they say “should of, could of, would of doesn’t exist”
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:15 PM
2

What! She gave it to her affair partner, that is sociopathic.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 11:47 AM
3

A positive, your marriage expired, now you get to work on your own growth. You get to have more autonomy and freedom. You get to go see that band she hated, you get to sit at home in your underwear and fart as often and as loud as you want. You get to eat, what you want, when you want without someone criticizing you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 11:18 PM
1

It’s possible even he doesn’t know… if she was on dating apps, she could have been lying about being married.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 11:31 PM
5

It will take alot of work on her part to not cheat again, even if you told her. She is setting up her next life while holding on to her current life. The best thing to do is act like nothing is wrong, document, meet with an attorney, and start preparing yourself next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 04:47 PM
4

I would argue that guys cheat when they feel neglected at some level by their partner, women cheat when they are done. Most men I know that have cheated on their wives has been because she had disconnected emotionally or physically. Most women I know that cheated left their husband.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 01:05 PM
1

It’s not about THAT visit, how many other visits had there been? And the very fact she was at another guys apartment is enough evidence I would need to consider it cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 01:04 PM
1

Where in Portugal? Call 1411 or visit https://www.sns24.gov.pt/pt/tema/prevencao-e-cuidados-de-saude/prevencao-do-suicidio/
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:51 PM
2

Please call 988 https://988lifeline.org/ or in Portugal 1412 or visit https://www.sns24.gov.pt/pt/tema/prevencao-e-cuidados-de-saude/prevencao-do-suicidio/
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:51 PM
5

Stop giving her power and control over you… she decided she doesn’t want to be with you within 3 years, this is a blessing. You want a women to be your “fxxk yes”… not your “well, I don’t know” person.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 07:38 AM
4

She wanted “freedom” alright! Freedom to sleep with another man without guilt
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 07:31 AM
4

Avoid conversations about past relationships and if they brings up her past relationship, it usually is a sign of unhealed shit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 06:39 PM
2

Ask yourself a really deep question, why are you still paying 90% of expenses, why are you making concessions. From my experience, I did the same thing and it was from three places 1) the need to continue to be the provider and take care of her because that was my identity 2) I felt guilt for making the decision and being the “leaver” 3) she was an alcoholic and I was a codependent, so I “had” to take care of her. What’s your reasons?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 07:31 AM
2

I am failing to see where you “are to be blamed”? Marriage is a team and teams sometime need a leader to make smart decisions for the team in order to protect the whole. You made good decisions. Second, the only way to overcome your loss is to focus 100% on yourself, which is hard because most men lose their self identity during marriage and feel lost during divorce. Hire a therapist or coach and start changing your life and learning to be comfortable in your own shell. You are tying your identi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 07:04 AM
1

I hear the pain in what you are saying. Feeling like the world is against you can be incredibly heavy, and a lot of men carry that quietly. One framework that helped me make sense of my own journey was the idea of the Page, the Knight, and the King. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time in the Page stage. I was very aware of the unfairness in the world and how men are sometimes treated. It made me angry and frustrated, and at times I felt powerless about it. The Page often sees the problems …
/r/MensRights15/03/26 07:24 AM
1

Wherever there are alot of cowboys, like literally horseback riding, bible reading, home cooked meal eating men. The women in those communities often understand a healthy masculine vs feminine relationship balance. I live in a very liberal town and it’s terrible, half the conversations I hear, including from women married with sons, they always talk about how men are terrible human beings.
/r/MensRights15/03/26 07:15 AM
3

I rushed into a relationship after my separation, so I get why it happens. In my case I was in a new relationship within about three months and my divorce wasn’t even final yet. Looking back, I wasn’t ready at all. I was hurt, confused, lonely, and honestly just trying to feel normal again. The woman I started dating was going through a divorce too. She had been cheated on and was dealing with her own heartbreak. We were both pretty broken at the time. And if I’m being honest, the attraction did…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 07:08 AM
13

Just message me, we men have to support each other. If we don’t ask for help, we sit in our own shit, and when someone offers it’s not “bothering”
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:57 AM
8

If you don’t have anyone to talk to, DM me, happy to
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:51 AM
5

Realize you aren’t helpless and divorce her!
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:09 AM
9

You shouldn’t feel anything, she was never yours in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 07:36 AM
9

She needed her next dopamine hit! What she didn’t say is she immediately was on bumble Swiping left and right, looking for a possible replacement, someone more handsome, someone that matched her “vibe” more than your husband. The modern day woman is wired differently, they have listened to unfortunately too much feminism propaganda. They doom scroll on TikTok for hours, unhappy with her own self imagine and life. She likely had a loyal husband that loved her, but that wasn’t good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 05:12 AM
5

Wow, makes my ex look like a kitten!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 07:43 AM
1

Sounds like it is repairable, you are at “that” stage in your marriage where you need to rebuild the romance… start going out on real dates once per week, not logistical dates, take her out, don’t make her plan it. Go to counseling to talk through your shit and her shit and how to communicate better. Let go of anything in the past. And the hot girl at the bakery isn’t going to be any better than your wife already is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 07:38 AM
3

It sounds like you are hanging onto her for safety and comfort, which is more of a codependent behavior. Your goal now is to figure YOU out and be comfortable alone for a while before attaching to someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 09:15 AM
5

I agree you must always put yourself first, but just like going to therapy gives you an outlet to talk through things, its nice to have that support system so you don't feel like you are running through it alone. My buddies and I went mountain biking on Sundays the first few months after my separation and it was nice to have their support. In a way, we are all here as a way to gain support, right?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:05 PM
1

Boundaries bro! Cut her off, she is fucking with your heart and you are allowing her to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:06 AM
2

Hate to say it, but the patterns are that there is a high likelihood she is cheating on you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:00 AM
2

I have a free substack with the same name as my Reddit name with content about my trip and also about divorce, you're welcome to check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 01:56 PM
10

I separated in January 2025, and my divorce was finally final the second week of January 2026, the same week I flew to Lisbon, Portugal, for three months of solo workcation. I am enjoying single life, haven't dated, living in a co-living house in the Algarve with 8 other people, having the time of my life, and turning 50 tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 10:03 AM
6

Let it go! What she says about you doesn't matter anymore, and if the people she is spreading that info to believe her, then you need to find a new circle.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 11:39 AM
1

My point was, the ONLY part of her 401K that is in play in the marriage is the portion vested during the marriage. If he vested money prior to the marriage, or after separation, it usually isn't in play.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:29 PM
3

AND, she is going to have to pay taxes on the withdrawal amount, which HE is also liable for... She just made this difficult situation even more complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 07:57 AM
5

This is not factually true, please do not take advice some from a random person on Reddit, please see an attorney. Depends is 100% correct, but in most states, ONLY the value of the 401K that was earned during the marriage is considered an asset during a divorce, not the whole 401K. So if before the marriage it was worth $100K and now its worth $150K, only the $50K is up for grabs. If you are still legally married and not separated and you didn't sign anything removing yourself from the liabilit…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 07:56 AM
6

If she doesn’t want to be married any more, you don’t have to live with her feelings and emotions into consideration. She chose this, but she is embarrassed to allow the rest of the world to see the truth. Focus on you and your kids and stop catering to her needs.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 01:07 PM
1

Space, expansion and growth. Taking a trip allows all three.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 07:19 AM
1

I am currently living in Portugal and Spain for three months alone. I have been separated for a year and my divorce just finalized, so I decided to focus on me and travel in Europe.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 07:18 AM
1

There is no time line, it’s when you feel right.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 07:08 AM
14

Oh the age ole, you must be a narcissist accusation. Everyone has narcissistic moments. Narcissism is about patterns, not episodes. The red flag is not confidence or self-focus. It is lack of empathy plus entitlement plus refusal to self-correct. Accusing him as a Narcissist is the easiest diagnosis for 30 to 50 year old women that would like to point the blame to their husband as the primary reason for the relationship failure without taking any accountability of the expired relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 08:33 AM
12

Ummm. Narcissists don’t go to therapy, so that’s probably a good first sign.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 08:28 AM
2

"I'm sitting here trying to get better for her and my two kids." Get better for YOU, not for her. Put your mask on before helping others.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 10:49 AM
1

The question you need to ask is what is surfacing the anxiety? What do you need to let go of to be at peace about the whole situation? My daughter was pretty shitty to me for many years because of the stories that were told to her and the stories she created in her mind. She is 19 now, and we are starting to reconnect and rebuild. But it took me letting go and being at peace with whatever happened.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 10:47 AM
8

Why “consider it” just do it. Whether she accepts your side of the story is entirely up to her, but being transparent and open from your perspective will allow you to feel better about it. Just don’t expect her to change her mind, it may never happen unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 09:53 AM
0

She is in her 40’s, it’s not always about “someone else”. My therapist said “when people come into my office after 3-4 years of marriage and say, she has changed or he has changed, I tell them, no, you are now just starting to see the “real” version of them”. She probably isn’t a real sexual person and a bit of an avoidant attachment style, but for the first 2 years she showed him what he needed to become “safe and secure”. Now she is showing up as her normal self and he doesn’t like it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 08:52 AM
1

His first sentence “I have no idea how to process this and I’m really looking for some advice.” He is already “feeling”, his statement is a statement looking for advice to take action. I have worked with hundreds of men and most men don’t want to sit in their feelings too long, they want to take action and have a plan.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 07:56 AM
10

What if it just isn’t “it” any more? Let go and move on and be happy. Everything doesn’t always have to have a winner or loser, life isn’t a video game. You enjoyed your time together, took something positive and can now write your next chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 10:10 PM
4

Staying alive for your kids matters more than you know right now, and this moment is not the rest of your life, even if it feels endless tonight. Giving up gives her more control and power…not today brother, not today.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 10:37 PM
2

Don’t offer ANYTHING at all without two things 1) plenty of time after separation 2) talking to an attorney. I gave up more than I should have by wanting to keep the peace early on, I wish I would have allowed myself to get my mind clear and met with attorney sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:35 PM
3

That is a sign that you need to work on yourself even more. When we have resistance to something, it usually means we have some sort of emotional trauma. Get a counselor or therapist and work on why you feel that way, what about a new relationship are you resisting and what could a new relationship look like that is safe for you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:29 PM
14

Um, go see a family law attorney. Changing locks, denying access, or removing belongings without a court order is often considered unlawful self-help. If your name is on the deed/mortgage, she cannot deny you access.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:25 PM
1

Might sound like it, but it’s real. This is what smart people sound like too and people with experience working with men navigating divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:12 PM
1

Did you do couples counseling?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 01:31 PM
2

Asking for sex never works, that is the surface level symptom, not the problem. The question is why doesn’t she feel safe to offer intimacy to you? Every man here should read non-violent communication, I should have read it long time ago. How we communicate with her is more important than what we communicate about. Example: “I want to talk about something important to me. Over the past several months, we have not been physically intimate. I notice I feel disconnected and a bit lonely when that h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 01:05 PM
4

As a divorce coach, this resonates deeply and you articulated something many men struggle to name. What I see often is that the pain lingers not because the decision was wrong, but because divorce dismantles identity before a new one has time to form. The loss is not only the relationship, it is the role, the purpose, and the internal structure that gave daily life meaning. That in-between space you describe is real and disorienting. Men are wired to assess, fix, and move forward, yet this seaso…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 01:52 PM
2

It's simple: back it up, and delete it. One thing I found myself doing was looking at the pictures of her and me together, and it didn't help. Could you get them off your devices and into the cloud or delete them altogether?
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:30 PM
1

I am going to head out of the country for a while, learn a new culture, language, meet new people, adventure. Most friendly countries allow you to stay for 90 days, some up to 1 year without a VISA. There are plenty of save places in Central and South America where you can live cheap, have great weather and experience a new culture. Some places in Europe, also have options... You can go to Ireland for up to 1 year without a VISA as well as Albana (Which I had friends that said it was amazing). L…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:06 AM
3

Does your MSA say anywhere that it’s modifiable? Usually in cases of unemployment, you can file a modification with an attorney. Go speak with at least three attorneys in consultations before you waive the white flag.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:34 PM
2

Not typically, speak with an attorney in your jurisdiction to be sure.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 02:03 AM
3

Same thing happened to me, my STBX gave me crap if I didn't give everything into being a good step dad, I went to school activities, picked them up from school, bought things for them for holidays when their deadbeat dad wouldn't and was always at the sports functions when their own dad NEVER went, but now that we are on the verge of divorce, she said "They want nothing to do with me". However, she was the one to decide it was over. The only thing we can do is control what is within our control,…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:36 PM
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