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MissouriBlue Archive

View 5 posts and 593 comments by MissouriBlue on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

!remindme 1 Month
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/22 03:39 AM
2

Yes. My tests were at 2 months after I broke up with the NVX and at 12 months. The health department said that some things take a while to show up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 06:58 AM
5

We were discussing our dating history (in generic terms, not statical terms) and I mentioned that having broken up with my Ex almost a year ago, that my second round of STD Testing was due. The conversation just kinda evolved into: while a test is required, if we think this is going in the direction of intimacy, it is not the Nookie Ticket that gets me in the sack when your results show up. LOL! On my birthday, he got tested. And we traded papers with much fanfare a week or so later. 🤣 I have hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 04:22 PM
17

Prioritizing your infant/child is not “a loser!” You have a different priority list right now. ( And it is not permanent.) Your priority list will change over your entire life, it is supposed to change as you grow and age, as circumstances alter. You’ve streamlined your chores list and some of your self-care has taken a back seat. As munchkin gets a little less needy, you will/should add back some self-focused tasks. When you begin Caring for yourselves a bit more, you’ll feel better about yours…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 04:38 PM
36

Can confirm. Still recovering. 😒 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 06:21 AM
14

💖💖💖💖💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 05:15 PM
71

It is Projection. They toss this out so you’ll wear yourself out to prove them wrong…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 06:33 AM
86

My abuse Recovery almost exactly followed the recipe for grieving the death of a loved one. It’s not linear, but it is the same methodology… So I gathered up all the Narcissist’s worthless tokens of feigned affection and held a funeral — somber music, spoken eulogy for the completely fake relationship that I had whole heartedly participated while he played games, and “buried” the little box of love notes and junk jewelry. It was cathartic. And it helped me turn the page, so to speak, on that cha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 06:24 AM
61

A dick that touches the water when flaccid is a pretty big dick… 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 06:09 AM
244

I would leave out the WHY and just tell him you’d like him to move out. Don’t give him the playbook for his next victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:57 AM
309

Stay strong. Don’t be Gaslit. He told you what he wanted and he’ll try to back pedal… don’t buy that b#llsh#t. No man that respects you wants to watch another man nail his beloved. No man who offers you Up for another to bang is seeing you as a human being with self-respect and feelings — he’s offering his fleshlight to a Buddy, like it is (meaning: YOU ARE) an appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:41 AM
10

I’m so sorry to hear what you (and your Mother) had to face alone… condolences of the loss of your Grandpa. 💔 I’m proud you can see what you’ll never put up with from a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:14 AM
223

Ewwwwww… that sounds like a porn move. WTF?! I hope you helped him pack his things, load his car, and GTFO of your home. Or at least that last phrase…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:07 AM
24

You remove every interior door in the home so he has no privacy. He will leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 03:03 AM
44

Much like in abusive relationships, until she’s had “enough” the light bulb won’t turn on. Once she’s fed up, those glimmers of your conversation will still be in the back of her mind. You’ve done your part. You spoke your truth. The rest is up to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 07:01 PM
5

Oh. My. Gawd… 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 08:27 AM
18

Right. Poor thing. I truly wish someone could tell her what he is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 05:17 PM
151

Can confirm… my Ex picked a “Trauma and abuse survivor” and has her doing Home School/SAHM so he can isolate and abuse her. She had been employed and has had her kids in school. I wish her well. He is actively Triangulating her — our town has a population of ~900 and I see her in traffic. She whips out her phone to record me commuting to work, like she’s been “told things”. Bless her soon-to-be broken heart. 💔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 07:05 AM
32

My Ex had me covered with Insurance for an additional year… moron. I dropped him like the socks I take off each night, a hot sweaty mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 10:16 AM
112

Oh. My. Gosh! My narcissist studied this series endlessly to try to figure out how to deal with human beings, and how to pretend to be a good friend… For six years I watched him watching the series. I think I know where his Narcissism came from, or at least his narcissistic practices. I am floored!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 10:05 AM
65

Move on. He’s projecting his own infidelities. He’s making you stressed — so he needs to go. His accusations are either his own wishes or his own guilt. You don’t need this drama and stress in your life. Fall back. Read, study the handbook, dive into your own issues, focus on your career, visit your girlfriends, take a class, and wonder why you put any effort into some guy that you’re simply dating… Dating is the time when we decide if we want to keep them… He has clearly shown you that you do n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 08:36 AM
378

Story time: My Father (HVM) and his wife once ate something bad. During the night, my Father got up and went to the master bathroom with stomach issues. His wife awoke and also needed the restroom, saw the MBA was occupied and scurried up the hallway to another restroom… not quite making it in time. She continued in to the restroom to use the facilities and hop in the shower to clean herself up. When she came out of the restroom, she found my Father cleaning the carpet. This is what you want. So…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 08:59 PM
8

Or LMGTFY.com
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 10:33 AM
61

I understand. I feel the same sadness. That it took me 50+ years to even hear the words “self care” and “inner work” is jaw dropping. But we don’t get a rewind button. Sadly. Instead of lamenting my horrendous past, I have to look forward optimistically. There is hope… Be proud of your achievements. They are what will make the remainder of your life more than just a lesson in endurance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 10:23 AM
91

I went out to dinner with someone recently who set off some FDS-radar in me. I couldn’t put my finger on it… he was clean and neat and conversational and articulate and bought dinner without any bravado… but something was off. I left the dinner and over the next week did some research and found he had several alterations with local law enforcement, was a felon. Yeah, no thanks. I don’t need that in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 08:21 AM
8

I’ve found FOUR accounts of my Covert Narcissist Ex. He creates a new account for each persona. First he was John the suburban business man, then he was Johnny the TactiCool protector, another John that has his co-workers, and now he’s JR the Gentleman Farmer. LOL! “I can’t log in to it any more. It’s got me locked out.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:47 AM
27

This is actually a Narcissistic ploy. If you leave THEM, then they can spin the narrative and play the victim. My Ex played this game. He gained 100 pounds (ew), grew full facial hair (the one thing I told him I disliked), ate food like a 15 year old boy (I eat healthy), left his dishes stinking in the kitchen sink (I polish my sink before bed every day), and a million other little JABS to disgust me to the point I kicked him out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 08:24 AM
58

I make them send me a picture of their driver’s license… they can cover the actual DL Number, but I want full name, DOB, and physical address on file. And I share it with my adult daughter, to hold onto in case of my disappearance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 08:41 AM
82

I’m a 3-4 Day advance, at the minimum. And preferable a week… before our Saturday date ends, hit me up for the next Saturday to guarantee your shot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 08:36 AM
2

Oh yes, the argument and then using sex. They see sex as a Win. And we are trying for connectedness and intimacy. Weaponized f*cking is what I ended up calling it. In the final three years of my Covert Narc shitationship, we fooled around six times. I fell for the ploy every six months and ended up sad, humiliated, recognizing the abuse and then glossing it over for him, rinse/repeat. Until I finally realized I wasn’t enjoying sex with him in the least. The manipulation is so damaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 08:34 AM
3

It’s spooky that it’s becoming normalized…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 07:02 PM
2

Hugs… Yes, the healing is difficult, but so worth it! Congratulations on Surviving! And best wishes in your journey to Thriving again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:59 PM
26

I just got out of six years with a Covert Narcissist and I see it sprinkled around everywhere… 😳 Sometimes I’m a little paranoid about the signs, but it’ll keep me safe! LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 08:50 AM
49

This is Narcissistic Mirroring. It’s like reverse projection — they inhale your interests and parrot them back in public as if they are Their Interests. It fills the void in their soul to absorb your passions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 08:06 AM
17

That sounds like Narcissistic Discard followed by Hoovering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 06:44 AM
11

Wow… thank you for sharing that. It’s wonderful to see how things are in different areas of the world, and compare them to my little spot on the globe. I commend you for prioritizing yourself and your future! I’m so sorry that your Mother cannot see how you’re trying to better your life and invest in your own security. Mom is probably old enough that you’re not going to sway her thinking, so respectfully appreciate that she’s advising you based on her brainwashing by society… sad as that is. Kee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 06:35 AM
28

This was my Narc — verbatim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:34 AM
8

Oh, I like your sticker! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 06:37 PM
6

I was almost asked this question recently, by a HVM in my circle…. He simply asked, “Aren you dating?” I replied that I have a happy life and can meet all of my own needs. To which he replied, “Smart!” and bought me a cocktail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:51 AM
42

I’ve actually uttered, “Your dick doesn’t work” and walked out mid-coitus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:36 AM
45

I recently was speaking with a guy who stated he was Looking for a lady to move because he already owned an acreage. In further talking, he’s taking a job that will require him to be gone for 2-6 weeks at a time… I asked him why he didn’t simply rent an acreage caretaker for his home and livestock. 😳 He didn’t really have a reply. Block and Delete. I have my own acreage. I’m not tending to yours… for Free. That Shit pays, and pays well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:32 AM
18

That’s the ego-centric highlight of Narcissism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:50 AM
3

“We discovered that we had different goals after so long had passed. We simply grew apart.” Not really a lie… and detailed enough to kibosh any follow-up questions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 09:31 AM
142

Comparing his last three victims, it gets exponentially worse with each failed relationship. Do NOT fall for The Hoovering attempts. They now know you well enough to be even more subtle in their abuse and more effective in the damage. Do not risk a second round of Abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 09:09 AM
91

Yes, that’s Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, and causes Cognitive Dissonance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 08:20 AM
3

With him being a deputy, the local resources were removed from my access due to “conflict of interest”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:29 PM
9

Thanks, yes, it seems I might/should pick again in the therapists. And my Ex broke my wrists when I tried getting him out of my life, so Intimate Partner Violence would apply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:15 PM
6

Agreed. I almost didn’t post this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:10 PM
4

Thank you. I’ll check into that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:08 PM
5

I’ll add her books to my list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:07 PM
16

OMG! Yes, Betrayal is a Narcissist’s standard weapon! And never having participated in therapy before, leaves me befuddled. Thank you, dear! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 10:41 AM
45

Yeah, that’s where I’m stumbling… I’m not feeling the (ummmm) “leadership” in my therapy. It’s more like having coffee with my high school Bestie and just feeling heard. I need a different therapist, don’t I? (Asking here, makes me realize I’ve already gotten the answer from my gut. LOL! [I love it here!!])
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 10:19 AM
9

Agreed. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 09:55 AM
26

Thank you… maybe the longer versions was more what my therapist was suggesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 09:54 AM
72

That’s what I was thinking. The Narcissist that I just got out of my life, weaponized my vulnerability and empathy to abuse me. That’s why this so confused me. A Trauma therapist suggesting vulnerability as a healing mode seemed very questionable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 09:53 AM
2

I’ve not been able to find a therapist I click with… it’s a struggle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 08:45 AM
1

Exactly. The criteria for “done” can have different levels, depending on your expectations. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 07:49 PM
7

I had to rent the neighbor husband to mow my acreage. I carry my own fucking trash bag out once a week. And in exchange: no lying, no cheating, no embezzling, no Porn surfing, no Gaslighting, no stonewalling, no silent treatment, no broken arms. I’m good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 06:44 AM
33

Thank You for that! I keep touching my toe to the waters of Dating, and only seem to attract NVM & LVM. (It has been a year since he broke my arm when I tried kicking him out; it’s been seven months since I succeeded kicking him out.) I keep thinking that maybe I’m just being really too overly cautious… so it’s nice to see some IRL examples. It’s not me. They are NVM/LVM. I am being smarter. LOL! I’ve still some more therapy to wade through, I think. 📖 🗣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:09 AM
575

Consider this: I live in a safe area… I don’t worry about someone breaking in my home. I still lock my doors. Why would I think that my feeling of security has anything to do with taking a proactive stance regarding my well-being? Block/Delete is the “lock on the door” of your communication devices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 08:38 PM
103

I do this also. And not just for Dating… (I’m not dating really at the moment. I am group socializing.) I make note of all people’s inconsistencies. Co-worker caught in a lie? Start a note on her. Friend blowing me off? Start a note. This way, if the Friend later tells me about something during that time period that actually justifies the Blow Off, I delete that log entry. It helps me re-learn Boundaries to be able to see them being infringed, in writing. I just spent six years with a Narcissist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 08:19 PM
23

So, I’m the opposite. Almost all of the guys that I lightly dated, and had no spark, ended up simply acquaintances in my social circle. The only Exs that I block/delete were the ones who were clearly LVM/NVM. I think my discerning criteria is their “intent” during the early Dating phase — leeches get blocked, regular people get regular treatment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:03 PM
2

I agree. Funny/sad. :-/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 04:59 PM
2

I had to LOL! at the triangulation… 😒 My Ex Narc Abuser has his poor next victim standing out in 17 degrees waiting to record me as I commuted to work the other day… I hadn’t driven to work in FOUR DAYS and wonder if he has her out there every morning. 😳 Poor thing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:12 AM
84

Can confirm — the Deputy that broke my wrists when I tried to get him out of my home: Domestic Violence Advocate could not support me because of a “conflict of interest” because the Prosecuting Attorney worked with my attacker; however, there appears to be no “conflict of interest” when the PA decides to drop the case… How exactly does that Conflict thing work again?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:35 PM
17

Ah, where was this advice six years ago when I was being Mirrored, Love Bombed, and Future Faked… I could have saved myself such heart break. LOL! Thank You for this! I’m bookmarking it. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 08:21 AM
5

Oh, I am recently moved on from a Covert Narcissist… and so many of the things you shared were things he did. You actually remind me of his previous relationship. She has helped me immeasurably with my recovery. I’m so proud of you and all you’ve done. 💕 Your children will be so much better off without that toxicity in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 08:12 AM
64

Exactly. The State failed me today. The case I filed against him breaking my arm was dropped because the County Prosecuting Attorney decided to not press charges against his buddy Deputy. ¯\(ツ)/¯ I move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:59 AM
58

I know, right! In the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:40 AM
10

I’ll not tie my chariot to another falling star again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:54 AM
3

“It is not a priority for me right now.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:53 AM
112

Can confirm… bought for My new guy, when he was Love Bombing: entire wardrobe, couple iPhones, a vehicle, and finally 11 acres and a home. And he was still cheating on me, Gas lighting, Manipulating, Stone walling, Silent Treatment… Ditch that vampire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:50 AM
40

The Nest is colorful… 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 05:11 AM
49

Statistically, up to 40% of First Responders are somewhere on the spectrum on NPD. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 01:07 AM
74

Yes. He was exquisitely effective and subtle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 08:38 PM
358

My Narcissist Ex took several sociology and psychology classes and then weaponized that knowledge to abuse his victims more effectively. Edit to add: And then went in to Law Enforcement so they know How to play the laws and stay, as he put it “on this side of plausible deniability.” Can confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 07:56 PM
13

I’ve been thinking of sending her a gift basket of gratitude… maybe that would make her think?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:39 AM
20

My Covert Narc Ex who is 46 and still married, targeted his next victim, who is 27 or 28. She has no clue what’s about to happen to her. I wish I could warn her. 🙁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:14 AM
37

I recently had a pup of 34, fib that his age was 42, because I am 55… 😳 Ew. You’re my son’s age. 🤮 Who is fishing for a Mommy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:06 AM
80

This is a spoof… the roles are reversed, and this is what women experience on the daily. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 06:52 PM
3

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 05:46 PM
18

Oh, I want a Jack… someone who actually sees me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 07:13 AM
13

He used you to triangulate her. Making himself appear “in demand”. He’s a manipulator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 09:16 AM
11

I have a picture of myself at around 6 years old, holding out a flower for the picture taker… I’m smiling, making eye contact, and being thoughtful/generous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 03:48 AM
19

I agree. And I’ve made great strides in healing already. It is just jaw dropping to think that they know what they are, and continue to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:57 PM
106

Yes… my Narcissist did the same to me. The Betrayal Trauma is really hard to get over. That your dreams were weaponized and their “love” was simply them Mirroring you and Love Bombing… that everything was an illusion of their mental illness. It’s crushing. 💔 But when someone (innocently) tried to touch me the other day and I about crawled over the counter to get away… So fucked up to do this to another human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 08:59 AM
12

“I’ve always just been used for my income.” is used to triangulate you against the real or imagined women in his prior life… to condition you to not have any pressing expectations because you won’t want to further traumatized him into - I dunno - feeding himself. One of many examples.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 08:42 AM
4

Same here. I turned on FB Dating and specifically stated I was only looking for text, talk and maybe eventually dinner. (I work awful hours, my Abuser got me to take an isolated shift.) I practiced reading their ads and playing “Spot the 🚩 Flag” since I got so stupendously duped the last time. I actually got one guy who just wanted someone to talk to… sounds good for Me… Nope. He’s still leading with his dick. So I got to practice some healthy Block & Delete. Followed by a The FB Pause. LOL! Ugh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 08:04 AM
29

That’s How you train a dog — ignore them and reward them, repeat. Pattern recognition and they get trained. Interestingly, this is similar to How the Trauma Bond (Stockholm Syndrome) is created. Real or imagined “kindnesses” after poor treatment. It’s that Isn’t it funny how that works?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:29 PM
16

I always love your POV. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:09 PM
157

… and scenario #4: He Future Faked you, saying he’s marriage minded, when in reality he’s a Narcissistic Serial Adulterer who will discard you when he’s vampire’d you to a husk, to continue his parasitic ways with his next victim. There’s always that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:05 PM
69

End this login credentials and create another account.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:54 AM
2

My masseuse offers facials. I’ll check into that after the New Year turns. Thanks for the tip!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:46 AM
18

It sounds like you’ve figured out the pattern… that’s the first step to self-protection. 😒 Enjoy your next 51 weeks growing and glowing up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:03 PM
144

We cannot pick the family that we come FROM, but you can definitely limit the Prime Time that you spend with them. Going forward: Spend a couple days before Christmas as your evening with them. Don’t expect them to change. Accept their LV effort. And plan your Christmas Day doing what makes YOU HAPPY. Address your own needs. Create your own traditions. Pamper yourself as you feel appropriate. If you’re not ready to completely remove him from your life, then acknowledge what his baseline is going…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 09:24 AM
143

… she looks “enthused” when he’s blowing off their relationship… 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:54 AM
3

This sounds idyllic! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:50 AM
3

Bwa ha ha! I love that! ☕️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:48 AM
4

Yayyyyy! Go, you! I’m proud of that achievement!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:47 AM
14

Debt Free is the BEST gift to give yourself! Fantastic prioritization!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:42 AM
15

Absolutely! My usual indulgence is an Epsom Salts bath… it gives you minerals you’re missing, feels like a warm hug, enhances exfoliation, and encourages you to linger and focus on your self-care! Add candles and a book, and maybe a couple glasses of wine, for the budget version of indulgence. (I recently sold an asset which allowed me to indulge myself financially. It is not my normal to drop significant cashola on myself, that stuff I described above.) I have budgeted in a massage each payday,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:38 AM
7

Thank You for the strength reference… I hadn’t thought of that! 💕 I thought it was fitting. They’re beautiful, and have meaning to me. I’ll add the additional “meaning” to my view of them! LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:38 AM
17

It is nigh on orgasmic! The touch and relax and connection, without the wet spot or drama or snoring lump beside you! Do it! You’ll not regret it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 02:13 AM
206

There’s always that moment when it clicks… and I just stop trying. I realize that oxytocin and misplaced loyalty have deceived me into thinking that I needed to TRY Harder. That’s when I check out. This last relationship, I was trying to resolve an issue that had dangled unresolved for way too long — and he broke my wrists. ~CLICK.~ Done. No further drama. No further discussion about that unresolved issue. Dissociation. Detachment. Fall back into individual survival mode. Numb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:59 PM
155

I have bought myself a set of matching earrings and necklace — little diamonds in a teardrop… to remind me that the only tears I should have are diamonds. LOL! I replaced a pocketknife that was taken by the Ex, and a super flashlight that he took. These items are for My convenience and safety. An investment in Me. I brought home some Bailey’s for my Christmas coffee. I’ve made a friend and she’s having me over for Christmas dinner with her family and they’re grilling out steaks. I’ll be bringing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:51 PM
20

Bonus: I can now spot them! 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:40 PM
67

This.. This this this this this. Mine used this. It’s exhausting and will destroy your health physically and mentally. I am glad you’ve gotten away from that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:34 PM
36

They use a numbing agent. I will probably have mine touched up soon, it’s about a decade old and I would like it a bit thicker and darker. 10/10 would advise having the thin/basic put on in tattoo. I sometimes thicken it up for a party, but leave it as installed 99.9% of the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 05:19 AM
23

… until you get the guy that likes you playing “hide the vibrator” in him. 😳 Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:45 AM
98

Or tattoos. I have a tattoo that doesn’t even show at the beach… (and my eyeliner is very subtly tattoo’d on. But they never notice this one.) That subtle Neg that while it’s normally below his threshold, that maybe he’ll make the exception for Little Ol’ Meeeeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:41 AM
18

That is narcissistic Love Bombing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:39 AM
114

… his brother?! I’m dying of laughter here! Send that screenshot to his wife. What a maggot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 07:33 AM
19

Yes! Good on us for having escaped!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:41 AM
57

This was my last relationship, with a Covert Narcissist. Almost exactly what I endured.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:26 AM
12

I live outside a town of 900. I feel your struggle regarding the dating pool. I also am living completely without human contact. My work is solitary. I sleep alone. I’ve spent six months therapy’ing with a Zoom therapist. She’s my Rent-a-Friend. Look into that… Your anxiety is the problem. Not the dating pool. Get yourself back in therapy. You have not become a solid, stable, datable woman yet. Don’t shack up with a guy just to avoid dealing with your own anxiety. Adopting someone else’s issues …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 08:10 PM
21

I make them ask for mine and make the guest move, and I have three Google Voice numbers that I use. They actually text to my phone, but they’re in DND so I check messages at appropriate times for My schedule… I work an off shift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:59 PM
21

Great List! I’m stealing some of those that weren’t in my List!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:54 PM
23

So, your second sentence is “I am confused.” This is your answer. A man who wants you, will not leave you confused. You’re being played. Dip out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 08:36 AM
19

¯\(ツ)/¯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 08:26 AM
11

So, I’ve gotta say that my last date, Real date, was probably in 2008. A husband and a Narcissist ago. 😳 But I date myself almost every week. I dated myself twice this week because I went out (wearing my new Diamond earrings, I must say) a second time this week after a particularly stressful but successful day. Getting out and doing things I enjoy will be where I meet the guy(s) who like the same things I like. And it may take several times of seeing each other in that setting to actually strike…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 08:08 AM
2

Exactly! I still think we need an Abuser Database, like we have the Pedo Database. Get these guys held accountable for their actions. Public Punishment used to be very effective as a deterrent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 07:51 AM
1

I am being judicious, cautious, and remaining vigilant. He began spreading the word that he “might be leaving the area” right after I kicked him out in July… he knew this was coming. I’m thinking he’ll take his ruined reputation and go somewhere to begin again on his narcissistic public image. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, he bullied the wrong chick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 07:49 AM
2

Thank you! 🙂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 07:46 AM
2

Exactly. Once we consistently hold them accountable for their misbehavior, then that kind of misbehavior will stop being so commonplace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 07:45 AM
2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:26 AM
9

Exactly… My next mission in life will be to make sure other partners of LEOs aren’t left dangling out there alone. That was the worst part - feeling alone (after years of being psychologically abused and isolated) in the battle for six weeks after I turned him in. Edit to add: …while trying to process the abuse, break the Cognitive Dissonance, and Trauma Bond, and cPTSD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 09:41 PM
6

Oh, believe me… I expected less. My closest town (20 minutes away) is population 900. The county seat is population 1,500. The entire county is population 10,000. We have one stop light.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 06:39 PM
8

Yup. And the Judge caught that vibe, also. I’m so pleased at the impartiality of the Judge. I really wasn’t expecting that since he works with the Ex occasionally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 06:32 PM
16

I have two, large ones. I have a driveway alarm so I know someone approaches the house. I’m armed and trained to judiciously protect myself if necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 06:30 PM
7

Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:56 PM
7

Thanks! 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:56 PM
7

💕 Beautifully said…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:55 PM
8

Holy cow! Incredible story, my Queen! I’ll check with my attorney about the Malice in a Civil suit. I am not pursuing money. I clarified with the Criminal Investigator that should any gain come from this, I want it to be an Alternate DV Support Plan for my County and all counties across Missouri that missed making one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:54 PM
22

Thank you. Yes, there is a very dangerous period when you shame them in public and damage the meticulously curated public mask. I’ve a security company watching me and my property, plus my cameras store images to cloud, etc. If nothing has happened in about a week, I will be OK until the next step in this process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 04:49 PM
76

Thank you. Interestingly, as soon as I could break the Cognitive Dissonance, I got angry… And really wanted to see justice served. Anger is simply one of the grief processes. So I decided to use that energy for something positive. It was a fantastic motivator!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 09:25 AM
12

You can also change the “Reddit” to your cell phone carrier name or Facebook or any other messaging carrier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 12:55 AM
32

Coming out of a six year relationship with what ended up a Covert Narcissist, I can confirm this. I am kind and empathetic and a giving person. (That’s why I was targeted by him.) Now that I’ve gotten him out of my life, I can see little “Narcissistic Fleas” that I’ve picked up. I’m working on them. :-/ You are the sum total of the five people you are the closest to, or so the saying goes. So if you’re isolated and manipulated to where you only have one input? Then that is what you’ll adapt to a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:39 PM
94

Sex is naturally enjoyable between partners who are interested in each others’ pleasure. I love your Happy Meal analogy! I spewed my coffee! ROFL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:26 PM
16

I want to rewind to 13… I’m 55. 😢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 09:11 AM
43

This is a Narcissistic Mask. They wear it in specific situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 09:09 AM
3

Just added it to my Netflix. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 07:28 PM
68

My Covert Narcissist Ex did this. And I’ve currently someone helping me professionally, we’ve discussed the Savior Complex that we think is creating “attraction” in the form of this illusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 07:15 PM
7

💕 sincere hug from your “sister”… 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:43 PM
33

Yes. I have the escalating pattern over 40 years of abuse that all is tied back to an emotional negligent parent and the other parent was simply checked out of their dysfunctional marriage. As my damage has compounded by failed relationships, men have taken a left turn at Albuquerque, and my last relationship was a full on Covert Narcissist. I’ve finally identified my parental issues and I’ll be working on those for the next decade. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:51 AM
5

Love Bombing is the fast track to connectedness and intimacy. You’re perfect. Anything you say, he mirrors and says “Me, too!” Rushing the standard milestones like first kiss, meeting the family, sexual activity, naming the relationship (fiancé at Month 3?!), you’re everything he’s ever wanted, he’s never met anyone like you, only YOU understand him… I could go on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:33 AM
5

Neuroplasticity (physical brain injury exercises) will help your Higher Executive Function recovery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:26 AM
1

… 🤔 What language is that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:23 AM
4

Yeah… my thoughts exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 06:30 PM
30

My Ex had FOUR personal accounts when I dumped him. ¯\(ツ)/¯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 08:18 AM
64

In an interesting twist… all of his wives and mistresses only had one child each. Henry was passing along a STD that made them unable to bear children after having sex with him. I can’t recall the disease he was passing along though. (Abuse Amnesia, sorry.) Maybe someone else can recall what it’s suspected that he had.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:13 AM
239

I have written a “Sobriety List”… a bulleted list of every abuse and use I can remember. Any time I am feeling “weak”, I go read that list to remind myself of the cruel things he did to me. One example: My Ex sat there while I cried and told him that his silent treatment and refusal to make eye contact or touch me (even hold my hand!) was killing me. I’m in a state where I know NOBODY, I am working am completely isolated work shift where I cannot socialize at all, and I’m gone 11 hours a day to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:02 AM
12

Welcome to the Covert Narcissist Recovery Group… 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 11:43 PM
13

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 08:06 AM
54

Yeah. I kicked him out at the end of June and he was ordering new tags in July for the next victim. That’s mental illness!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 07:17 AM
150

If you watch: they wear a mask of normalcy or even altruism in public… which means they know what they’re doing at home wouldn’t fly in public view. They. Choose. To. Act. Abusive. To. You.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:36 AM
275

The emotional guys will share their childhood Trauma and relationship damage in an attempt to escalate the emotional bond with them. That false sense of connection and intimacy is used to lower your defenses. They also, the more manipulative types, will share super “special” items with you… mine gave me his Army dog tags — and because they were such an intimate item, it created an additional bond. Come to find out, he orders them regularly for all his women from MyDogTag dot com. $12.99 shipped.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 03:16 AM
242

I would feign that the message was never delivered. Screenshot it for posterity. Act like you never saw it. Because he’s in a position of power, calling him out in it could impact her education. I would wait until you no longer need his Mentoring, and then turn him in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 11:40 PM
44

Situational Awareness training will be one of your best training classes. Second, follow it with some Women’s Self-Defense training. Having the tools won’t keep you safe, if you do not know How to avoid the situation, or How to use the tools effectively without them being taken from you. Knowledge weighs nothing and can’t be taken from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 08:10 PM
5

I can’t upvote this enough times! This!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 05:26 PM
6

Wonderful! I filled a report here against the local Deputy who broke my wrists, and it was interesting to have them tell me that the local DV Advocate and Prosecuting attorney would not be able to help me since they work with my Abuser. I look forward to reading this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 07:59 AM
1

Read up on Cognitive Dissonance and the Trauma Bond… I think you may be struggling with one or both of those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 09:03 AM
95

Any vagina that he has access to is his favorite. Do NOT fall for the lie. If you’re in a relationship: your breasts are the most beautiful; your vagina is the best; your cheesecake is the tastiest; your perfume is the sweetest; your smile is the most sparkling. Access is what makes it so attractive. IF. HE. LOVES. YOU. Stick to FDS Principals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 08:54 AM
11

Thank You for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 07:35 PM
9

Wrists, actually. Plural.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 02:46 AM
34

Yup. Healed. Kicked him out later in front of cameras I’d installed. And have filed charges with the State for Domestic Violence by a Law Enforcement Officer. Take no shit, Queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:38 PM
16

I look at the past three things he’s given me, add them up, and that’s a “big” gift. The Thursday candy, the Valentine’s $75 item, and the July fireworks of $150, means that his Christmas is a limit of $250 MAX! Easy “rule of thumb”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:19 AM
190

My Narcissist played the supportive boyfriend when my Mother needed help, during the funeral, and for two months after… but it was an act. For others to see. The reality was that it was an act. An illusion. To discredit my reports of later abuse, because “they knew him to be supportive and caring”. He later isolated me, physiologically psychologically abused me, gas lighted, manipulated, silent treatment’d, and broke my arms when I tried to make him move out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:09 AM
48

When I discussed all these with my Covert Narcissist, he weaponized everything and used It for Future Faking, Love Bombing, Mirroring, Manipulation, Gas Lighting, etc. Hard. PASS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 08:02 AM
255

Yes, my Ex (Narcissist) also did this. Not just the “huh?” but the “what do you mean?” trope. It’s a way to break down your self-esteem. Because “obviously you’re unable to communicate effectively”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 06:45 PM
149

First Time performance anxiety, could be the issue. Watch other aspects of his personality. Watch other aspects of his bedtime skillset. Watch other aspects of EVERYTHING… he may be Porn Sick. Or he might have just had an off night. Vet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 02:50 AM
7

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 08:08 PM
35

I find my Trauma Bond really kicks into overdrive when I either have an idle mind or when I look back in time too long. Keeping busy and keeping my mind occupied helps a lot. When I find my idle mind beginning to creep into the original illusion of him, I use that time to meditate or read or some other “mind work”. When I find I’m looking backward and in denial of How all that shit went down, a Grounding/Present meditation helps pull me back to now. NOW, I am safe. I’m no longer being lied to, c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 07:34 PM
52

My first husband actually uttered the words: “I am not losing viscosity!” 🤦🏻‍♀️ Moron.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:50 AM
9

I’m making good progress. Thank you… 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 07:32 PM
28

Wow. This is like a highlight reel of my relationship… 😢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 06:22 PM
110

I’ve had men fake entire relationships, what makes you think he’s going to speak the truth to you about an interview question? He won’t. Actions speak louder than words. Watch him. Closely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:06 PM
16

This is called “Gaslighting”. It is a common Abuse technique that is used to make the victim doubt themselves and unwaveringly trust the “reality” The Abuser is trying to establish. You know it is 5 that you’re thinking, and he’s gaslighting you into thinking that REALLY it’s something else. Altering your reality to fit his narrative. And setting you up for further abuse. (Once this pattern is accepted, it’s much easier going forward for him to gas light you on other topics.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 05:50 PM
10

Good luck finding one that matches FDS Principles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 04:13 PM
136

My Abuser: Mirroring. Everything I said, he would say, “OMG! Me, too!” (I air my socks out overnight before I put them in the hamper, and [whaddyaknow] so does HE!) [His first wife, he was the Urban Cowboy and line danced. His second wife, he was the suburban businessman, Mormon with Magic Underwear. Me, he was the TactiCool Survivalist and BodyGuard. Now he’s wearing a cowboy hat and going for Gentleman Farmer.) Love Bombing. You are perfect. You are what he’s always been looking for in a mate.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 05:36 AM
45

Oh, poor Tammy… but I’m glad she’s drawn the line and is moving on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 09:44 PM
73

One of my final acts with my NVX was to watch her movie about her own predatory narcissist… for some reason he didn’t find her near as funny as he used to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:30 PM
46

Six years with a narcissist here, also. Yes, if you are DATING someone, there is no compelling reason to “work it out” or struggle bus any of that shit. If you are not waking up happy and looking forward to spending the day with your sweetheart… then you really need to reconsider if the relationship is actually GOOD for You. If you wake up and your butt slams shut considering what drama is going down today - kick him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 06:56 AM
3

Ah. Yes. I see. Thank you… and you’ve got to be so proud of your progress! Congratulations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 07:13 PM
2

Thank you, hon, I really appreciate your reply. What is your situation that puts you in this come Spring?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:26 PM
4

My heart breaks for You… 💔 Do you have any ties holding you there now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:33 PM
20

Thank You for your thoughtful reply. I purchased a home here (his preference) and have had to make all the repairs alone… imagine that, he lied about helping. A year later, he had helped with barely any of the repairs. I’ve gotten more completed in the four months since ejecting him. I am doing intermittent therapy. And gave up, made my annual check for this week, and will have my regular doc prescribe me something to relieve the anxiety and abject depression. I need to break the cycle medically…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:31 PM
142

I feel ya. I moved to another state. Took a job with hours that prevents me from being able to socialize when anyone else is up. Work 11-hour days when you factor in my commute. And don’t have a standard week, so all the festivals and stuff that happen on weekends - I can’t attend, even alone. I know zero people after three years here. When I broke up with my Abuser, he has been disparaging me to his coworkers — in a town of 900, in a county of 10,000, with one stoplight in the whole county. I. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 07:10 AM
2

I equate the “exclusivity” discussion to the same time period when the “we are going to have sex soon” discussion. I’m a fan of holding off on the sexy time until 3-4 months mark. So I guess that makes the “exclusive“ also about 3-4 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:15 PM
5

Yes. This is a great trick. The distance of Time really changes our perspective, and to read the anguish you were pouring out, once you’re no longer Trauma Bonded to them… powerful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 06:02 PM
14

It is actually one of my favorite. With a loving and empathetic partner. I’ve always loved the dynamic of “tonight is my night to receive” or “your night”. To just kick back and enjoy yourself without the distraction of the rest of usual lovemaking… it’s a fun change. But it is very contingent on (the whole relationship) respect, mutual love, and a day of connectedness. If it is a part or piece of a loving and mutual relationship, I love the interaction of focused pleasure for whichever partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 03:59 PM
14

The guy I just booted out has four (that I know of) FB profiles. Because he “kept getting kicked out” of the previous one… uh huh, yeah. I bet so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 01:57 AM
7

My #1 requirement is Empathy. Refer to: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p4ize6/the_perfect_guy/h8zsrhb/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 05:45 PM
24

I’m here to relearn the strategies of coping with men - romantically, professionally, socially. I want tips and techniques for further developing my Self. How best to grow into the best version with the potential I have. If I wanted alternate advice or a steady fare of man-bashing, I can find that elsewhere. I’m all for FDS remaining FDS. Its why I am here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 04:50 PM
162

Just because he starts out pitching in, doesn’t mean at Year Six that he will continue to do so. Men are disposable. Ask my Ex. He was quite taken aback that I had him move out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 04:41 PM
423

High heels. Shaved labia. Waxing everything. Hairless legs and armpits. “Helping him” with (insert everything) Financial Support Barb the Builder
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 03:56 AM
64

I’ve pretty consistently dated a decade younger than me. Since I was 30, I’ve only had one guy older than me and he was only +5. Now at 55, I’m eyeballing the 40-year olds. LOL! I like them trim and healthy, so that really has reduced the selection pool for the 40-year old men. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 10:21 PM
39

Oh my gosh… YES! I’ve been likening my ExNarc as an alien, incapable of human emotions, empathy, or honesty. But I really like your Robot analogy better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:13 AM
4

I’ve come to the realization that since all of the relationship with my Covert Narcissist was an illusion, a fantasy, and my body/mind actually believed THAT… that I’ll trick my mind One final time. I got in a meditative state of relaxation, and fantasized about How our breakup “should have” gone. I envisioned what a heartfelt apology would have sounded like, had he been able to muster up some empathy. I “looked around” during my fantasy and visualized details of the surroundings. Making the fan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 07:25 PM
105

:( My narcissist only gave me love notes all over the house and (pretend) affection. I feel short changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 07:09 PM
8

My list is: Empathy Demonstrative & Affectionate Annual medical and dental checkups As needed mental checkups I’m pretty sure my list is too exhaustive and I’ll never come across such a unicorn. I’m good with loving myself. I’ve gotten used to never being touched by another human… mostly used to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 06:53 PM
5

A really good site for resource, based on the Zip Code where she happens to be: https://hpp.auntbertha.com/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 06:41 PM
5

Oh. What a shame. I always thought they had a good thing going… I guess that was just my projection of what I thought their relationship looked like from out here. 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 06:38 PM
44

The added benefit: all the ladies in an area know who the jerks and abusers ARE and will warn you if they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:20 PM
45

As soon as I took a shift change so we could spend more time together, my Ex switched his shift to avoid me again. I gave up and kicked his User/Abuser ass out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:14 PM
40

In rural areas, we have festivals and fairs and rodeos and popular hangouts and grocery stores and libraries where potential mates can be found.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:12 PM
16

Can confirm… 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:52 PM
20

Oh, I love this last part! I’m going to borrow this for My goals list!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:42 PM
13

The side bar and Wiki have several good suggestions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:30 PM
46

There are states, Missouri being one of them, where it is “one-party consent”. Which means only one party needs to consent to the recording; the second party does not need to consent or be informed that the conversation is being recorded. Your state may differ. Check the regulations of your state.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 06:58 AM
8

Find “Inner Integration” and listen to some Meredith Miller. Stay strong! You’ve got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 07:59 PM
7

I would have loved if he had some with a ⚠️ Warning Label. Then, at the minimum, I could have made an informed decision based on the facts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:50 AM
44

I just ditched one of those and he’s already moved in with his next victim. His three children by two different women — child support has eaten all his income and he can’t live on his own… so he serial abuse (narcissist) women and mooches their housing. And there’s no way to warn his next victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 05:13 PM
3

Thank you! 💕🎂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 05:08 PM
20

This is definitely a “class” I want to pass… I’m tired of repeating this “lesson”! I’ll order that book, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 08:46 PM
184

This is called a “Shit Test”. He’s trying to see How much crap you’ll take from him and How far he can violate your boundary on offensive insults.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:11 PM
48

… and you KNOW there’s a Pickmeisha out there, reading this, and chanting “Yes! Pick me!” 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:09 PM
176

I wish there was a way to database the serial predators and narcissists/Cluster B men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:14 PM
126

You dated a narcissist, didn’t you? I’m struggling with the same… You’ve been brainwashed into thinking this abuse is “normal” and you’re struggling with the “withdrawal symptoms”. Listen to some Meredith Miller’s Inner Integration and recognize that your reactions are what happens after narcissistic abuse. Get the Happify app and play with a little retraining. I’ve been having some good success with the subliminals from 30 Minute Mindset but I’m not sure if it’s the actual subliminal or just th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:13 PM
33

Oh, I love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 06:24 PM
19

I’m happy enough simply skipping the “disdain” part and not throwing away all I’ve worked hard for in my life. The rest is simply life chugging along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 05:52 PM
181

I’ve always admired Katharine Hepburn, she has a very practical view on love, marriage, and life in general. I’m pretty sure she’s the one who said, “If you want to give up the admiration of thousands of men for the distain of one, go ahead, get married.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 05:07 PM
57

“Let my life serve as a warning to others.” This has been my motto first s while now. (I’m right there with you, hon!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 06:52 AM
12

The hug while negging you is called “couching”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:11 PM
93

Yes! This is it in a nutshell. I am finding the echo of FDS in all the Abuse Recovery data I am researching.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:55 PM
41

I found that I seemed to attract the opposite side of the coin. They guys with crappy mothers who created Narcissists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 06:35 PM
14

My ex is currently listed as “Married, Porn Addict” until I can delete the evidence. Then he’ll be gone. I also have “Don’t Answer, Victor” but he was someone’s computer I fixed and then he called incessantly. Also, my default ringtone is “Silence” and only a dozen VIP have an actual ringtone. Use the tools you have. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 02:46 AM
91

Your intuition is always right. You may have just been ignoring what it is actually telling you. Or you’ve gotten to where you two don’t speak the same language any more…? Sounds like some self care is in order. Investigate self-worth and self-esteem. I discovered that decades of varying levels of relationships had impacted my self-love and I was beginning to develop a co-dependent relationship style. Nipping that in the bud will save you lots of frustration. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:12 PM
28

Can confirm LEO attracts narcissists and sociopaths. The psychological training and knowing How to avoid the legal implications gives them “plausible deniability” for their abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 09:06 PM
23

I felt the same and simply squirreled mine away in a box. I can get rid of it later, when I’m stronger. For now, I want the notes (lies) and cheap gifts (breadcrumbs) out of my sight and to stop influencing my abuse recovery. Box that shit up and get it away from You for now… it is a part of the No Contact to cease reading their lies and propaganda.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:57 PM
11

For those struggling with Cognitive Dissonance and Trauma Bonding, I’ve had some really good success listening to the Podcasts and YT videos of Meredith Miller’s “Inner Integrations”. She’s not only a familial survivor, but also a relationship survivor. She’s got some great insight and recovery information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 07:20 AM
124

As I was raised “Southern”, we all smile, nod, and/or say a greeting… I’m glad I’m immersed in solitude! 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 08:46 PM
190

Make yourself the best You and that way, if you happen upon someone that sends seems to fit your life & lifestyle (that you approve for dating), he either loves your life or he leaves… If you always please yourself, at least one person is happy! Edit: durnit autocorrect
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 05:15 PM
27

Just the white ones?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 04:46 PM
92

Mine kept saying incredulously “I don’t know why someone like you would date someone like me.” Turns out; he was spot on. Everything the first year was an illusion. He was many levels below me in almost every aspect. … wasted time. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 06:59 AM
38

I’ve worked in Tech for 35 years and would like to state that “assholes are everywhere”. Tech does not hold the title for most misogynistic field of employment, any more than blue-collar trades, or finance, or service industry. LVM/LVW are not employment specific. You’ll find asswipes everywhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:45 PM
32

I am also at that 2+ month mark. I think there’s something about this point… I’ve been struggling with my No Contact. I keep imagining that I’m going to bump into him and he’s going to admit how wrong he was to abuse me, recant all his abuse, and apologize sincerely. And then I wake up and realize that Narcissists don’t play The Game so they can circle back and apologize. They don’t have that level of introspection. Theirs is a zero-sum game. You 👏 don’t 👏 win. Ever. Dust yourself off. Fall back…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:48 AM
95

Run, Genny! Run!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:29 AM
28

Your brain actually stores good and bad memories differently. Read this: https://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/why-you-only-remember-the-good-stuff-of-a-bad-relationship-part-2 I was really struggling with the abuse I experienced and the Love Bombing, and How they were being weighted differently in my mind. This article helped!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:17 AM
82

Yes! This exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 01:24 AM
224

Women are trained in Co-Dependency in many families. Trained to put everyone else’s needs before their own. And until they’re completely depleted, they don’t think twice about the dynamic. Don’t beat yourself up over having been taught Co-Dependency; take that hard lesson and begin applying FDS guidelines to take back your self-worth and self-love. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 07:05 PM
3

Gotcha! I’ll try that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 01:26 AM
7

Requires a downloaded app?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 01:22 AM
19

Mine mimicked “The Unit” and “How I Met Your Mother”. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:58 AM
8

I don’t use social media. It adds nothing to my life. This solves that cyber-stalker issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:49 AM
79

One of the facts I clarified when kicking out my recent Ex… “You say you’re so busy at work, and you’re avoiding me is so you can focus there — let me help you. Move out. Now you’ll have all the time you need to focus on your priorities. That mindset doesn’t work for me, since I am a priority.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 02:32 PM
12

Agreed. Perhaps I didn’t fully clarify that I don’t ask random men out. When I referred to a “BF” it would be when I take a male out for his birthday or other special occasion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 08:42 PM
40

So, just to add: Whomever invites the Other for the date is who pays. They are the ones asking you out and they pick the venue based on their finances and time constraints. I often, in relationships (BF, GF, family), ask someone out. If I’ve asked, then it is on me. Period. End of transmission. Dating is no different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 06:20 PM
602

She is a full fledged codependent. And he used her. I hope she gets in therapy and hopes she finds us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 05:22 PM
6

(I removed him already.) I DO come here for support and conversation. It’s a lifesaver!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 05:16 PM
64

Youth, beauty, confidence… ;) I miss those. I know I left them around here somewhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:57 AM
10

Can confirm… six years of almost complete isolation, and abuse. Once his Narc mask slipped, the nightmare became very apparent. And I know zero people here. It is very tough to do this alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:36 AM
226

Decades ago, I walked out on a guy with his pants around his ankles… “I’m sorry, but my evening is worth more than that.” Your enjoyment is part and parcel of the evening’s entertainment. If you’re not going to have fun — then why would you want to be there?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:02 AM
14

Exactly…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 08:35 AM
145

Narcissist often have an immaculately curated Public Image. The one I just ditched, was almost rabid about How he looked in public and at work. Saving his abhorrent behaviors for in private, at home. So, the take-away here is that they know what they’re doing and are very selective of when and who they abuse. That they can turn it off and on, put that mask in place and take it off, clarifies that it is a choice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 02:40 AM
3

I feel I’ve been nothing but positive and supportive on FDLU, but apparently had crossed some line… Don’t take it personally. Continue to work on your journey. Continue to help your Sisters. Continue to level up. (And, for the record, your message posted and I can see it…)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:32 PM
33

I started a weekly dinner out after I ditched my Narc. Leisurely dinner. Light socialization. An hour walk afterward. It’s an ease back into life after years of isolation and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:19 PM
7

I got permanent-banned from our Level Up. No explanation. No nuthin’. I must have crossed some line. Sometimes it takes a little growth to get our comments in line with the rules. I’m OK with their boundary. No stalking or circling around to harass them. (Although I did question it, initially.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:16 PM
37

All that is required for you mention to any family that includes a woman and we will find or buy a set of linens for You. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve two sets that I would gladly share with anyone currently down on their luck. All they need to do is mention it. 😳 And right now, my Mother is trying to share about five sets with my sister or me. When I kicked out my Ex, I gave him one complete towel set and one complete bedding set. And I traded him the bed frame (I had purchased) for some other items (he had purc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:43 PM
13

(Just ask him. I’ve had several guys tidy up their armpit. Not necessarily shave down to skin, but keeping it short for me.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 06:08 PM
149

I left my children’s father because I didn’t want my daughter to think punching was what husbands did; and I didn’t want my son that was How women are treated. My son is now 30 and a HVM, and is making sure his finances are in order before he’s ready to breed. My daughter is 27 and asexual. She sees nothing out there worth her serenity. Your children are watching you. This is exactly How they learn to act and what to accept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 08:55 AM
176

Bingo! Lack of intimacy, connectedness, attention, and fulfilling and interesting sex that includes foreplay — is the cause for dropping libido.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:36 AM
11

Exactly! Yes, yes, yes! The people around you will Gaslight you about his personality: “Chad could never (do that). He is so caring and empowering. You must be sensitive. He’s so wonderful because he (insert Public Image Builder action). You’re exaggerating.” Gaslight… now you are confused, they’re trying to get you to question Your Reality, and your Self-Esteem/Self-Worth can take a hit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:15 PM
41

There are also Altruistic Narcissists, who are doing the Altruistic work only for the boost to the Public Image, so don’t be fooled by their generous demonstrations in PUBLIC. Watch for generous demonstrations that are also anonymous, AND similar kindness/empathy in the privacy of your relationship. If you’re only finding ONE type of generosity (the Public Image Builder), whip out your magnifying glass and take a very close look at the other areas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 06:34 PM
271

I see Love Bombing and Age Gap. And Image Illusion, by presenting them as married in public. Narcissist. Run. Block. Delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 06:09 PM
69

“That is one opinion.” 😶 Zero reactivity, simply a response. And a completely blank expression. You’re not being their supply, you’re not being rude, it’s simply “ah”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:00 AM
82

Those tools are used to accelerate the intimacy connection. To create a false sense of connectedness. Always see if the actions match the words, in Future Faking. If he cannot make dinner reservations, chances ARE that he’s not going to book that trip or buy that house with you. 😳 Watch the short-term actions very closely. And since many Narcissist use this, keep a close eye on any negative actions and Red Flag behavior. They often cannot go 100% Positive, so there will be a few subtle Negatives…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:16 PM
10

Read up on Narcissism. There are Covert Narcissists, Overt Narcissists, Altruist Narcissists, and I am sure, many more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 05:18 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 05:18 PM
16

Eh? That seems contrived. Am I just the cynic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:49 AM
1

Eh. It’s nothing but a thang. I’ve got this. :) I just need a trick that works for me. Years of guarding has made me “too protected”. I’ll find the key that breaks down those walls. 👍🏻 I’ll be good once I can break the dam that has been constructed. I’m persistent and have perseverance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:48 AM
100

Love Bombing and Future Faking usually go hand-in-hand. They often simply mirror their victims, initially, and then as their victim opens up about their history, hopes, dreams, goals, past hurt, vulnerabilities… then the abuser has full ammo with which they can manipulate the victim. Keep in mind that the abuser is only showing half of their toolset when Love Bombing. The second half of this tool is the Devaluation Phase… the easily identified abuse part. These two, are simply different sides of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:54 AM
2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:27 PM
2

I’ve got a therapist. She’s not helping. I’ll try your empathy trick! I bet that works. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 05:26 PM
36

Next…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:51 AM
17

So I’ve an issue. I’ve discovered that I cannot cry. I’ve Emotionally Constipated myself by protecting myself from emotional abuse… WTF?! I really want a good snot-slinging bawl episode. But I can’t seem to muster one up. (I’ve even tried vino.) Anyone have any suggestions?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:32 AM
10

I use the Cancel Method. Any time I find myself thinking (rose-colored glasses) about my Narcissistic Ex, I have my mind shout “CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL” and then add “This is not reality. The reality IS that he was an abuser and all of that Love Bombing was an illusion. My reality is: I am content now. I am working toward happiness. I’m kicking ass at work now that I can focus. My budget is happier and I’m saving more. I’m on track to hit my goal for the year earlier than expected. I am making prog…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:28 AM
10

Happy birthday to you or her! 🎂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:18 AM
17

Be careful with that… I’ve two weighted blanket that were just hanging out in my Cart. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:17 AM
21

Oh! I’m so happy for you! Congrats on finding something enjoyable… 🥂 (Whispers: Keep vetting.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:12 AM
62

“Hit on” is actually one of my least favorite things. Right up there with the sound of getting a filling at the dentist as it echoes in my skull.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:02 AM
4

I enjoyed the simplicity. I used the time to really audit my life, my choices, my history. But I love looking out all the windows of my air-conditioned bedroom at the forest I OWN and taking satisfaction in my accomplishments. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 08:55 PM
9

I did van life for 18-months, but it was a way to simply travel while finding where I wanted to land when escaping a stalker and looking for my next home/career step. It wasn’t a goal, it was a step to a goal. Now I own acreage with a big home and have an awesome job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:07 PM
7

Sometimes, yes! And sometimes, it is only a pot. Often, it’s a free-rent situation in someone else’s back yard or empty lot. I get the Off-Grid lifestyle… but this isn’t it. This is abject poverty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 06:17 PM
4

Yes. It’s a shed that has the accoutrements of a home. It has a bed and sometimes plumbing, or maybe a composting toilet and a water catchment system. Missouri has lots of shouse, yurts, tents, old RVs, etc as abodes. They’re the poorest of the poor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 06:10 PM
107

That hilarious… I can see it happening! (I envision bleating sheep blindly following the planted lead… I think they plant ridiculous “starts” simply so see How far their brethren can take it.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 05:08 PM
10

I find Table Manners a huge vet. If I cannot sit across the table and confirm that you know How to use cutlery correctly and How to chew with your mouth closed… or, Goddess Forbid, not speak with your mouth full… then I’m not interested in going on an “activity date” with you. First things, first. Second date is a spelling and grammar test…? 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:54 AM
72

Vintage chick checking in: Age (menopause) impacts natural lubrications protocols… and I’ve got this amazing toy that works better with some lube. 💃 Offering up for Your critique: KY UltraGel Premium. It’s worth the price. Feels almost natural. No staining your linens. Water soluble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:39 AM
2

How does Europe view Fencing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:30 AM
81

Empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:13 AM
3

I’m enjoying Inner Integration with Meredith Miller
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:20 AM
61

Interestingly, a Narcissist has to alternate both the Love Bombing and the Devaluation — nobody would stay and endure the abuse if you’re an asshole all the time. It has to be evened out with the Breadcrumbs of affection to keep you hooked. Something to read up on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:34 PM
42

I, too, have visualized my Block as a protective layer. But I love your Biodome! Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:46 PM
9

We commonly call that “The Good Ol’ Boys Club”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 07:55 PM
34

This is your choice with anything, and life partner is no different. If a dislike my uncomfortable shoes, I get new shoes. If my best friend begins acting foolish, I can distance myself from her. If my husband cheats on me, I can leave him. If my parents verbally abuse me, I can exclude them from my life. It is all about prioritizing your self. Nobody is going to watch out for your best interests nearly as judiciously as YOU! Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Self-Improvement, Self-Love — these are the w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 07:51 PM
2

Oh, ouch. Imagine her chagrin when she figures THAT One out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 01:43 PM
32

Going to the Lace-Making Museum: we love to look at it, but it’s nothing like what we have in Real Life? It’s just lace… honest. I’m not going to buy any. Or take it up as a hobby. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 08:18 AM
1

I second Dr. Ramani… And also offer up Inner Integration by Meredith Miller.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 03:38 AM
82

… and she put up with it. Accepted it, literally. 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:52 PM
9

I moved states with my Narc Ex and was intentionally isolated to allow further abuse… Now I am self-isolating as I work through the trauma. I spend my time working, researching Narcissist traits and techniques, eating well, sleeping well. For “social” interaction, I have been taking myself out on dates and have called on my neighbors. I’ve found that to be a fulfilling interaction during my continued isolation and very beneficial to getting to know my new area. View it is an opportunity to furth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:10 PM
22

Can confirm. My Narcissist Ex had taken some psych classes and used It for Evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:42 PM
32

I’m so sorry to hear that he’s been lying to you, and so incredibly happy for you that you definitely dumped him! If he’s going to lie about his masturbation, he’s going to lie about the important stuff. Good looking out for yourselves, dear!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:39 PM
8

I’ve been on a research rant (pun on Research Grant) on Narcissistic behavior, both Overt and Covert and wonder if we want to get that far out in the weeds specific details. Any interest in this as a topic? Or maybe a referral to another sub that deals with this topic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 10:30 AM
6

Sent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 04:52 AM
11

Narcissists have such illusion lives, he just illusioned a bit more. ¯\(ツ)/¯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:19 AM
6

I see you’ve met my Ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:51 PM
74

I’ve set my household network to collect traffic logs. That’s how I caught my Ex frequenting some dating sites and daily porn. And the time stamps proved that he spent FOUR HOURS surfing porn… hours. Four. 😳 While his dirty dishes sat stinking in the sink and he said he hadn’t had time to do his stinking dishes. Ahhhhh, The lies I could regale you with… 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:43 PM
28

I hope you gave him his Gold Star for the day…?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 05:45 PM
8

I did van life for a couple years while moving states. I had the money to do it. I had running water and a toilet and a full bed. And a stove and solar and a fridge/freezer. I landed several states away. Found a great job. And a year later, closed on acreage with a lovely little home. It is a tool. An easy way to travel. I miss my van. But I’m crafting a lovely life here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 07:48 AM
2

Six years with an Covert Narc… I’ll hold your hand from afar and cheer your progress! I am making a list of all the things as I remember them, in chronological order. It helps to keep in mind that the Abuse was real and documentable. Seeing it in a fact-check format, makes the pattern so much more discernible. I’ve even gone back to preface each event with its manipulation technique: Love Bomb, Breadcrumb, Gaslight, Future Fake, Silent Treatment, Promiscuity, Avoidance/Isolation, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:52 PM
3

I’ll take that, also, if you would share with me… :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 07:43 PM
31

I want to suggest a Help Line for us ladies who don’t have that Queen in our lives. 😃 I text my FDS Sponsor or Mentor and she shoots back some sage advice! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:08 AM
2

I love reading actual examples of the manipulation. I struggle with identifying it. This is exactly what I need to see! (I live very isolated and don’t have people to practice with… LOL!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 07:32 PM
5

Thank You for translation… I was reading that abomination as “fee-YAW” and wondering to what he was referring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 07:01 PM
100

Yes! Very much so… Professionally, I’ve worked a male dominated-field for 40 years. There definitely are those three categories. (IT/networking) Personally, my hobby was a male-dominated field, also. (Cars) I grew up working with my Father on cars. Routine maintenance and shade tree Mechanic repairs. As an adult, I participated in car clubs (President), showed shiny cars, restored vintage cars, flipped cars for quick supplemental income, and worked on my (and my girlfriends’) maintenance and rep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:17 PM
51

I live in a zero cellular coverage area. Hiking could have also been no service. But there’s no excuse when you’ve gotten to an area with coverage. (I’m using cellular now to reply to you… why is he still in radio silence? Because he wants to be silent.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 08:47 PM
7

Yes, I’ve learned to love my bed to myself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 08:50 PM
17

I made mine sleep in another bedroom. It made things much better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:15 PM
21

Sleep deprivation is used for torture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 04:53 PM
71

The toys in my night table indicate supremely high vibration… 🤣 (sorry, I couldn’t resist the joke!) I’m going to have to go with: this is some kind of BS. Just more gas lighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 04:48 PM
127

Take yourself out on an even better date!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 07:22 PM
35

As an added point: during the love bombing stage, and future faking stage, often Narcissists will share False intimacy. They offer up stories that are consolidations of things they’ve read, seen, people they’ve previously dated’s trauma, TV show plot lines, all sorts of untrue “intimacy” to help solidify the bond. Later, when the mask slips, you’ll realize that it was all just an illusion and they’ve never really shared THEIR inner workings. It’s all simply a part of the game they play.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:11 PM
7

I’ve discovered the great guy love bombing me and the gaslighting guy I threw out were actually the same guy PRETENDING to be nice makes my brain spin. It’s called “cognitive dissonance”. There are some great podcasts, books, and Dr Ramani videos that discuss this. Read up on “cognitive dissonance” and see if that sounds like what you’re experiencing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:01 PM
5

Oh, thank you. I can’t wait to curl up and read these…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 07:29 AM
60

“Vintage Chick”!!!! I love that! I’m going to switch my vocabulary… 💕 Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 07:50 PM
75

“Would you please tally up my meal on a separate check? He’s decided he would like me to subsidize his meal.” And while waiting for the server to return… whip out your phone and let him watch you (as you narrate) “Block… and… Delete”. 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 06:30 PM
138

Older chick here, also… yes, the brainwashing we endured and the life examples we had growing up, really set the tone for my dating and partnering. I’m working to a better place now, thanks to the support and guidance here. I’m really looking forward to stepping out into the dating world again in a year or two! I’ll have a whole new set of glasses to view the world with… 🤓
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 06:20 PM
95

The other night, I unblocked him (momentarily) on my phone just so I could have that sense of satisfaction of blocking him again! LOL! 💃 It feels so good to tell myself “No more of your deceit!” as I click the Block button.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 07:33 PM
2

Yeah, the narcissist I just dumped tried the soulmates, start dust, and Twin Flames route on me. I’m not that deep (or gullible?)… I just found it creepy and he dropped it and switched tactics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 06:16 PM
268

In a previous relationship, he almost chanted “Me,too!” to everything I said. I later discovered that all of those were actually lies. He was nothing like me (several YEARS later) after all the pretenses had fallen by the wayside… What an exhausting communication Technique it will be to so closely guard anything I say, lest I expose my tender underbelly. 😕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 07:34 PM
10

… or the male begrudgingly wears one, but it is in the position of a Chin-Diaper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 03:31 AM
98

My Go-To reaction is to look at them as if I’ve discovered some intriguing new bug on the back porch. Look at it with cool detachment, and carry on with my day. 👀 💃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 06:12 PM
24

The thirty-minute “shit” more than twice a day. (He’s watching porn in the bathroom.) Evidence of porn sites on your household network’s web log. Secretive of their phone and phone bill. Requesting nudes. Semi-flaccid while in the midst of intercourse. (The movie they watch in their head while having sex with you, isn’t matching the actual activities taking place.) Lack off affectionate touch during the everyday activities, so touch only is during sexual activity. Lack off affectionate conversat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:55 PM
9

This is where I chomp down on the fingers… oh, oops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:45 PM
5

Oh, I love your love story. Thank You for that… 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:47 AM
153

Someone mentioned something the other day that resonated with me. I’ll paraphrase: It’s not that you had a high libido. It is that you were craving the Emotional Connection that comes with having sex, and have been attempting for that Connection with Emotionally Constipated men. I know that really rang my alarm bells.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:51 PM
17

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:09 AM
59

And just as disappointing. It sounds good until you realize it’s garbage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:53 AM
97

I’ve never been so lonely as when partnered with a LVM. At least when I live alone, I can expect to not speak to another person or to not be hugged or to not have anyone hold my hand or not make eye contact. When living with someone, there is the potential of affection, attention, appreciation — and when you don’t receive these, it is a very lonely feeling. I will choose to not have expectations crushed. I will choose to not have these expectations at all. I will choose to not have a man here. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:30 AM
18

I am applauding her! 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 06:14 PM
70

It’s a bonnet. Edit: correction. It is a hair accessory that held their hair. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qon9Lr9bXUc/Vlaufis8Y8I/AAAAAAAACGU/rXrcwe6YGOI/s1600/GodeySept63waterfall.png How to make it happen: http://bethsbobbins.blogspot.com/2015/08/hair-dressing-c1863-7-waterfall.html?m=1
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 05:30 PM
28

Yes. You make them bring their latest (this year’s) three (3) credit reports. I do this to anyone I’m considering getting my finances near. I don’t co-mingle finances, but if we are going to consider, in the future, possibly forming shared goals then I want to see your annual credit reports. If they haven’t pulled them lately, then we make a stay-at-home date and get them pulled, with a home-cooked meal and wine in the patio afterward. This one date is non-negotiable for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 05:52 PM
137

Yup. The narcissist I just got rid of asked that exact question — because he’s made his last two wives insane with his compulsive lies and porn addiction and phone hiding and gas lighting. He then proceeded to go through my entire computer (pictures, eMails, ten-year old Christmas card inserts, everything) and critique items. Putting me off balance and beginning the abuse. I had no clue. I’ve never had to lock my own computer at home… why would I want to lock a desktop computer in my own home?! …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 05:28 PM
71

And even if you do win in Court, it takes a LOT of money to take a deadbeat to Court. I spent 75% off what I got back from an Ex Spouse, just in the attorneys to get it. :-/ They don’t want to lose their gravy train. So they’ll fight it tooth and nail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 05:21 PM
46

Can confirm: my Ex wouldn’t eat right and made fun of my healthy eating, and gained an entire person of extra weight. (Envision Elmer Fudd) my Ex refused dental, mental, or health care and when I started addressing my vitamin deficiency, he ridiculed my efforts. I’ve relocated him elsewhere and am still addressing my vitamin deficiency… and lining up some mental health care to help me get over that gaslighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 07:35 AM
3

Remote control vibrators, a his/hers pair that can even synchronize. Across the Internet. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 05:13 AM
7

Exactly… they know I get dressed at 1:40 and leave at 2:40, but I still say “bye”!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:59 PM
8

You can also log into your household router and have it collect websites visited. I found my NLM (ex) frequenting Adult Friend Finders and XVideo and something called Chaturbate… Turn on the Web Log and watch their browser traffic. It doesn’t catch apps, but most apps come from a website initially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:24 PM
23

Even when texting my sister or mother, I end with “Headed to work. Chat later.” instead of just poof in the middle of the convo. That way they know I’m out of the loop until I pop back in again. Common courtesy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:10 PM
34

I hand them my drivers license to confirm my address. It’s silent and they can double check my misspelled & unique names.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 06:27 AM
3

I just added it to my Netflix tonight!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 04:23 AM
65

I’m right there with you, sister. I won’t be hitching my wagon to another falling star again. I don’t have the time at this point to recover from any more financial setbacks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 01:15 AM
27

“Sheer dint of will.” 😳 “I’ve not found anyone that actually improves my level of life yet.” “What an intriguing question.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:20 PM
35

Rule #13: Angry women “are crazy”. Angry men have “trouble expressing themselves”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 11:00 PM
8

Vans? Mans…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:40 PM
19

Block. Delete. Next?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:38 PM
307

Part of me is wondering if he was jealous of her promotion and dumped her for that… since everything else seemed to be going along smoothly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:36 PM
30

Thank you. I’ve been internalizing it. Thinking “it’s me!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:10 AM
32

Thank you. I’ve really been thinking I’m the shit magnet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:09 AM
1

… I have discovered that my adult daughter is an asexual, which means she is not brainwashed by the patriarchy. She has watched me struggle my entire life, her entire life, with men that are less. And while I encouraged her to have a relationship with her biological father, my first husband, she has not missed all that entails. I began dating my first husband when I was 16 and he was 19, and while he was a wonderful sperm donor, he was not a good spouse. We parted on semi-decent terms. Both of m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:03 AM
5

The sweat-soaked skin cells compacting into a smooth sheet of… yuck. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 08:01 AM
14

I’m older. And very isolated. I know nobody around here. Closest town is 20 minutes away and has a population of 900 people. Enjoy your solitude and focus on yourself. At work, stay tight lipped about your recent struggles. If you have to divulge anything, keep it short: “Buster has moved out. It was for the best.” followed by “I’d rather not discuss it now.” and if necessary, “No thank you, but I appreciate the offer to discuss it.” I am focusing on my health, my home, and my employment. Those …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 07:36 AM
11

Ignore the down votes and PMs. We have people who would try to piss on your post. :-/ The ACTUAL replies show you live love and acceptance and encouragement. Focus on those. Slide that tiara back straight and know that you’ve got this! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 07:21 AM
16

Men? These creatures are lurking men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 07:17 AM
88

I’m right there with you… I’m taking a year or two off from dating and figuring out why I’m the shithead magnet. I’m going to find a therapist in trauma bonding and narcissistic magnetism. I’m so done with attracting the long con abusers. Six years with this last one before I could extricate myself. I. Am. Done!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:57 AM
151

Read up on Narcissists & Sociopaths. 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:38 AM
25

I’ve a mini-update on the guy I recently removed from my life. I’ve had a family member of his confirm that he’s either a narcissist or a sociopath. And a lifelong compulsive liar. And their father was actually committed to a mental health facility at one point. (50% of sociopaths are genetic, 50% are environmental) His pattern is to line up the next victim (bigger, better deal) while future faking his current spouse. (So my watching his network traffic on Adult Friend Finders dot com, was accur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:16 PM
30

We cannot make our friends/family recognize the error of their ways. Sadly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:06 PM
8

I read that one. Great book!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 03:58 AM
39

I have the same background dynamic. I’ve spent my life trying to build a life with friends and mates that are either narcissists or sociopaths. Those are fun spouses to waste a life with… I’ve decided that therapy is the only thing that is going to help me unload 55 years of baggage. I think when we get TOO ingrained in a behavior that we need guidance to figure it out and change our mindset. You can do this. I’ll hold your hands from afar and we can both work on ourselves. 💕 I’ve not found a th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 05:34 PM
54

This is my thoughts exactly! I’ve learned that seducing myself is very eye opening! And relaxing. And educational. And FUN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 05:16 PM
3

I’ve got four of them and they’re fantastic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 11:08 PM
23

Wyze v3 for $30 with a $9 SIM card. Good quality images. Streaming images. Saves to SIM for a rolling 2-week save. App on your phone to watch remotely. Listen/Speak ability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:51 PM
67

There are steps to grieving and Anger is one of those steps. You are grieving. Grieving the loss of the illusion, dream, potential partner, whatever. But you are making progress. Use that anger to help you identify the aspects you’ll not put up with again. Pick that rumination apart and identify the Red Flags you got bamboozled into overlooking and why that bamboozling was able to succeed. What will you do next time to prevent this happening? Maybe journal your thoughts when they happen and look…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:45 PM
3

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 08:49 PM
93

55 and arriving late to the party, but I’ve got my dancing shoes on and I’m rocking the tiara!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 07:57 AM
6

Continuing to address my vitamin deficiency that was discovered earlier this year. (Homozygous MTHFR) I’ve gotten everything except my B12 back in range. Kicked out the OKLM/NLM and digging all his possessions/garbage out of my home. Having my roof repaired, lining up the yard work, getting ready to have the driveway graded, a culvert installed, new gravel brought in, and a ditch cleaned out. (Investing in my property.) Taking the next five “Fridays” off from work to allow myself some rest and s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:55 PM
50

This! I like hearing about favorite food and dishes and that segues into if they can cook. You can critique their diet and their skills in one topic! LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:50 AM
29

Great analogy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:39 PM
62

This… My grandparents (1910s) were HV and my parents (1930s) were a split LVW&HVM, and unfortunately my PickMe Mother didn’t teach me many HV Traits. :( It was a sign of the times, though to be fair to her. In the 1960s the Original Wave of Feminism really ruined the women who THOUGHT they were doing a good thing for theirs Sisters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 07:19 PM
8

I am proud of You for recognizing your value! You must prioritize yourself… and he was not equal to your level. Hugs from afar. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 08:28 AM
83

I play with seducing myself. A great meal. Some favorite music playlist. Scented candles. A warm bubble bath. Some light massage oil. And seduce myself… it can be very enjoyable! LOL! It 👏 is 👏 not 👏 worth 👏 making 👏 contact 👏 with 👏 some 👏 dude 👏!!! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 08:02 AM
9

I updated the final words… 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 07:57 AM
1

Good that you’ve kept that boundary professionally! 👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 06:20 PM
7

Old gal here: In decades of career, I must suggest that you NOT befriend co-workers. Work is work. Friends are personal… home life. Don’t confuse the two. Do NOT discuss personal stuff at work. You can talk about your new dog or the lawn, but not your boyfriend or girlfriends. Keep that line drawn well. In Sharpie! This will resolve many of those future situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 06:10 PM
4

We must be related. :-/ I’ve got that try-try-try loyalty gene also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 05:27 PM
3

This seems like it is confusing excitement with anxiety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:03 PM
4

They’ve been trained that Pickmeisha will do all the work if he breadcrumbs her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:52 PM
2

Thank you! I’ll find that… I like the mindless, soothing stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:08 PM
3

So… I was in that DQ Parking lot the night she chucked it. I was friends with his friend. And I named my daughter Lorena. 🤣🥂 But it IS a family name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:14 AM
1

OMG! Genetic Genie is amazing! Thank you so much for the lead! It’s better than Prometheus and FREE!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 09:05 AM
2

You sounds like my long-lost sibling? :-D I’ll check out Genetic Genie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:55 AM
3

Homozygous MTHFR… :-/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:47 AM
3

🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 12:12 AM
7

I went to an Integrative Medicine doctor and got my hormones (menopause) and vitamin levels checked. I found out I have a flawed gene that makes my B vitamins wonky. Since that, I researched and found that the (gift from my Sister) Ancestry DNA has a flat file that you can download (thousands of markers in it) and then pay $12 to Prometheus to cross reference all those markers against medical research documents. (Fun project. I’m geeky and analytical.) The Prometheus data doesn’t mean you “have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:57 PM
20

Rosemary Kennedy was asphyxiated during birth, IIRC, and born brain damaged. I think the symptoms were retardation and schizophrenia. I had a great aunt suffer the same birth injury. Women were told to cross their legs and wait for the midwife or doctor to arrive. They suffocated their babies…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:51 PM
3

That sounds lovely! 👸🏻 Good for you in setting boundaries within yourself also. That gives me something to look forward to: the serenity of No Regrets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:42 PM
10

I’m ejecting my LVM at the end of this month, so I think I’ll take a 3-month sabbatical from alcohol and reassess my plan going forward after that… I’ve re-taken up: meditation, kinda yoga more like stretching, reading, and bubble baths for now. 🛀 And limiting my intake of alcohol to two drinks after work in my own bedroom, alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:19 PM
15

Only the white ones? 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:09 PM
17

My alcohol consumption and subsequent arguments follow this same pattern. Our bodies are clamoring the danger signs and we drown it out with drinks. Then, while our judgement is low, we drop our defenses and air all the things that have been on our mind, and they gaslight us that it is simply because we are tipsy. Rinse. Refill. Repeat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:01 PM
13

Also, don’t rule out having your DNA markers checked. I’ve found a genetic flaw that causes depression, anxiety, and cardio issues. Enriched flour, enriched cereals, enriched breads all contribute to this… I take a $4/month supplement and avoid folic acid now. It explains so am many of the odd things that have plagued me four decades.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:45 PM
10

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:24 PM
9

If you’re having sex, he’s not interested in your underpants. Never have I ever had a guy look at my drawers and decide he didn’t like them enough to hanky-panky… You wear what is comfortable and makes you feel like a million bucks! Or go commando. Or whatever your rear end likes best! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 08:01 AM
9

I too have Funnel Butt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:49 AM
2

I’ve watched my Ex try to sell his shit-hole of a house (unsuccessfully) for six years. It is kinda therapeutic. 🤣😂🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:45 AM
4

He’s using 4-year old ENGAGEMENT photos… Oh. Thank you. I laughed so hard at him that I had tears flying! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:42 AM
6

I’ve four decades of cringe material… it’s an ongoing internal monologue that rarely ceases. But I see it as a form of Classroom Education. I’m constantly reviewing past conversations and events, and inspecting them with the new lenses I have on! I play out the cringe scene and role play what I should have done and envision the life I could have had… and how much closer to a reasonable life I could have lived. It strengthens my resolve to make the best of my remaining years and to get my ass bac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:34 AM
9

UserName checks out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:19 AM
193

My first husband punched my front tooth down my throat when I was 8-months pregnant with his Son, our first child. It was an exploitation of my weakness and vulnerability, combined with his inability to cope with the impending additional responsibility of raising a family (spoiler: he never attained that responsibility) and knowing Stupid Me would cover for his ass… He has continued for the next three decades to behave poorly and fail at all sorts of relationships. :-/ They do, because they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:11 AM
2

Ordered! Thanks for The Link!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:44 AM
8

… and if he says he’s amazed/surprised/unbelievable that “someone like you will date someone like him”… believe him. RUN! Currently living this nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:37 AM
1

💋
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 07:10 PM
46

I’m pretty sure his tantrum will make this so much easier for You. You’re telling him the issues you’re struggling with and he’s making light of them, gaslighting you, turning it around where he’s the “victim” (DARVO), and a myriad of other Red Flag indicators. It’s going to be reincarnated reinforcement for your decision. Share a picture of your mower in one of the many yard/lawn/equipment Reddit subs and someone will help you figure out How to get it started. Problem solved. Or simply look up …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:59 PM
10

Sofia Loren, when she was young. That’s an older piece.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 03:53 PM
21

… if I have to “pick up your socks”, it’ll be with the ShopVac. Go find ‘em! 🤮 (I have dogs. This socks will be buried in dog hair.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 01:18 PM
55

I love her air of confidence! 👑💕💍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:09 AM
14

Truer words have never been spoken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:35 PM
106

This: Him: “Why are you divorcing me?!” Me: “Because I’ve told you for EIGHT YEARS…” Him: “I thought you were just ‘venting’ and didn’t think you were serious!” 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:18 AM
45

I’m more concerned with the 13-year age gap. I’m armed, and trained in my firearm’s use, and the self-defense laws of my state.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:11 AM
4

Remember to include WireShark’s packet capture. 👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 04:37 PM
13

Welcome to the club… shall I pour you a rosé spritzer? Let’s toast to your freedom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 04:23 PM
13

Ahhhhhh… sigh and swoon. They picked well for Jamie Fraser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 04:20 PM
5

I want one! LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 12:36 PM
15

The further you get away (time) from that treatment, the better you will be able to pick it apart and see all the red flags. Be kind to yourself. Nobody was born with the knowledge of FDS, we are all learning. But also read/read/read all the FDS books and articles. It’ll help to Teflon-coat your self esteem as you go forward in life. Congratulations on your break from the abusing relationship! 💐💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:17 PM
11

My thought process leans toward that “we have different goals” and our relationship has simply “reached the end of the road”. One and done. It covers all the bases (goals, dreams, manners, lifestyle) and indicates that it is simply finished. No tears. No explanations. No need for high drama and analysis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 01:53 AM
6

Thanks for the heads up! I’ll remain alert and manipulate it to feed that ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:40 PM
6

Do you know my current soon-to-be-ex? 😳 This is so spot on. I wonder if he’s a narcissist..?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:36 PM
251

I reply with: “That’s the plan. Learn from my mistakes.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:42 PM
50

Only in porn does a Ron Jeremy have any chance with a lingerie model.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:41 PM
1

Mother Nature’s hug? 😃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:51 AM
4

Exactly! I love the sense of immediate satisfaction seeing my neatly mown stripes across my lawn. It’s like vacuuming: instant gratification.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:01 PM
2

❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:02 PM
37

Yes, I agree that with age come serenity. I’ve learned that IDGAF for many of the things that seemed so very important when I was younger. Now my clothes are comfortable. Now my face is clean scrubbed and glowing. Now my relationships are more fulfilling and basic. Now I eat better! LOL! Now I prioritize my sleep hygiene. Now my girl friends rank higher than my boyfriends. Now my home exudes serenity. (Sorry, home decor, you don’t make the cut.) Now a soak in the tub beats a night out. Now my be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 09:12 AM
10

It is hard some days. Next time you see a little bird busy with her work, know that there’s a little ol’ Queenlette in Missouri cheering you on. LOL! You’ve got this! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 08:14 AM
264

Is it just ME or has everyone switched “dad bod” into the definition of obesity? I’m not one to shame anyone’s figure, but I thought “dad bod” was just the loss of visible six-pack abs. What’s with the severely overweight and out-of-shape male figures claiming to be a “dad bod”? There’s a difference between being 1%-5% over ideal weight, but still staying active —and being 20%-50% over ideal weight with a sedentary lifestyle. What happened to this phrase?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 07:03 AM
34

What can we do to help?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:55 AM
70

Downvoting them is still attention… I wouldn’t waste another breath on them. The work you do is in the Real World. Not their cocoon of social media. Your work will make larger changes than brigading them with hate. (Although, it does sound fun; I must admit.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:47 AM
127

55 here… my men have given me broken teeth, and broken bones. It is up to US (ourselves) to make our lives What we want. I’ve bought myself a home. I picked a nice little 2-year old vehicle. I splurge on a big ol’ slab of salmon. I bought myself mums to put in my yard. My daughter is helping me build a fence (Dr Seuss would love it!) to keep my two dogs safe in our woods near the house. (She is visiting.) I find empowerment in performing my job well. I find community here. I find love in my chil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:41 AM
298

My Queen… we thank you for your work. I could not do what you do… and it sounds like you’re sacrificing your health to help make the world of our daughters’ a better place. Many thanks. Millions of thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 06:23 AM
22

Soul mates. We are made from the same star dust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 03:37 AM
16

As a 50+ also, allow me to share… It’s fantastic! After such a long relationship, it’s normal to notice that huge hole in your routine. LOL! You’ll soon fill it with long bubble baths, quiet evenings reading, binging on that series you’ve been wanting to watch, mani-pedi-facial evenings, etc. You’ll be able to buy the best piece of meat or fish or whatever and it’ll last you 2-3 meals because you can leave leftovers in the fridge and they won’t get vacuumed up. (Personal gripe: My lunch prep isn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 06:06 PM
15

That’s scary… 😳 I think your dog may have saved your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 08:54 PM
15

My therapy is often to plant a tree. I watch it get stronger and taller, sinking roots deep and grounding itself. It cycles through the seasons and reinvents itself with each one. It’s strong, and also can bend with the storms that pass, strong & flexible. This is the best therapy for failed relationships! I’ve planted a forest by now. LOL! Happy Mother’s Day to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 06:13 PM
103

I have to laugh at your visual, chihuahua with a strap-on peacock tail fan. Luckily, I had already set my coffee down and didn’t spew coffee when I laughed. 🦚 🐕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:57 PM
29

I had an Akita Inu and I relied on her judgment for 18 years. About Date #3 or #4, I would “need to check on my dog”. I would watch her and any dating prospect with their interactions. I dumped several guys for not passing the pooch test. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 08:28 AM
27

My-50s and I agree! I tell my daughter that her generation will change the world!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 08:20 AM
4

1
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:18 PM
40

I’ve gone about 15 years with only wearing eyeshadow/mascara about once a year... you’ll save lots of time and worry, and money. You. Are. BEAUTIFUL! (With or Without the war paint!) (Iliza Schlesinger reference)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 08:45 AM
1

I love your Mom’s advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:14 AM
5

Moist Monday? We are meme free... Tasty Tuesday Washboard Wednesday Sure Happy Its Thursday (or S.H.I.T.) Frisky Friday Stunning Saturday Sinful Sunday :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 05:31 AM
24

I think he forgot that he could sleep in his car if he was so tired. I’ve sleep in my vehicle on cross-country trips many times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:34 PM
3

I don’t know... I don’t even eat spaghetti. Too many carbs and not enough protein that isn’t ground beef. And that Cheeto-dust “Parmesan” is just ~gag~. Buy actual (even shredded) Parmesan, FFS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 08:58 AM
10

Bingo! This is the dropped component of the Traditional Relationship of our day...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 06:07 PM
30

Exactly! We stopped doing the “you cook, I’ll clean” kitchen. I would cook a three-course meal and wash my dishes as I go along, leaving two plates and the utensils/cutlery to wash after... he makes a mound of spaghetti with a jar of Prego and there’s six pans/strainer/frying pan, grease everywhere, every spatula I own, ladles and slotted spoons, damned near every other kitchen item I own strewn across every flat surface in the kitchen — waiting for me to wash. Nope. Now when one of us cooks, it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 06:02 PM
9

I have a daintier version of the Jimmy Durante 👃 snoot. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:54 PM
8

Agreed. Functionality may need adjusted. Aesthetics, is not the adjustment for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:53 PM
8

So, when he told me the other day that “bringing up all that old stuff” was counter-productive to now... 🤡and that our past needs to “start” six months ago 🤡instead of the six YEARS we’ve been doing this “headless chicken dance” — that wasn’t for My sanity? 🤡 🤣😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:23 AM
113

I’ve got a schnoz that’s pretty impressive... if someone is dating or not dating me because of my honker, then they’re really not the guy for me. LOL! I had braces as a kid. My teeth were a mess so my parents paid the value of a new, mid-grade vehicle and I endured five years of pain and bloody mouth from the wires and brackets. There are some things that are worth fixing and some things that just seem a bit too tied to some elusive “perfection”. I don’t follow pop culture or television or movie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 06:48 AM
74

I always dated “a pair and a spare”... and they all always knew it. If they know that aren’t anything unique, their performance is usually much higher. And this did not include any hanky-panky — it was simply dating. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 05:09 AM
54

“Last minute dates” = you’re an afterthought or my real plans fell through. My card
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 12:39 AM
4

It is. Such fun! Travel and companionship... and pride in workmanship. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 11:05 PM
12

I always dated about 10 years younger than me when I was between marriages. They’re eager and energetic. They can open your eyes to new experiences. (music changes a lot in a decade, so having someone pre-screen was always a boon.) Just make sure they know you’re not marrying them and you’re done having children, if that’s your age bracket, so they can spawn with someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:05 PM
26

I’ve always replied with a deadpan, “That’s a $800 job, if you’d really like me to do it for you.” (I have had my cars win National car shows, so “cleaning” my car is a 4-5 hour therapeutic endeavor.) Their faces are generally quite funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:46 PM
29

Thank you. I didn’t realize there was a r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy ...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:41 PM
3

You’ve got a sisterhood of Queens to cheer you and sob with you and to help you plan your future. What can we do to help you, sis? Edit: I am also isolated. I work nights and sleep days, so going out and rubbing elbows with other humans doesn’t happen for me. I come here for companionship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:36 PM
10

We should all strive to offer a hand up to our Sisters. And share with them the FDS Reddit and website.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 07:26 AM
127

Take care of the apartment. Don’t worry about his auto insurance. (Maybe one text: “Your auto insurance ends on 12May.”) Rent a cargo van from the regular car rental place, and rent two men from the local Day Labor place. Two men should be able to load and unload the van in a few hours if you’ve boxed up your stuff. (Temporary “friends” can be rented!) Close the chapter on this phase of your life and start your happy life with a shiny, new crown upon your head! Edit to add: Block his number. You…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:50 PM
27

Start planning your escape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:44 PM
10

Oh, I want your Momma! 💕 Share with her our profound admiration for her persistence and perseverance! That was a hard “row to hoe” and she stuck with it... never losing her crown! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:42 PM
71

Hours of work for which you’re being paid should be the only hours you reply to this work chat. Turn on DND during your off-duty hours. Keep all conversations professional and on topic. Keep a couple replies that you can use in Notepad that direct the conversation back to a professional vein. Copy/Paste those replies when they get off-topic or simply keep yourself on topic and ignore any sentence that is not related to their account/issue. Example: Scrote: “When do you work next? I’d like to see…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:36 PM
6

I’m starting fresh at 55... it’s too late for financial security in my old age, but I can at least make the remainder of my life healthy and happier. One hurdle at a time. 👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 07:11 PM
17

I’ve done 16 years, 5, 8, 5, 8, and am currently at 6 for this one... 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 08:45 PM
160

Yes, I have a very strong “loyalty trait” that makes me try-try-try... that’s the hardest part for me. The Giving Up. I think one of the required reading includes How to deal with the Sunken Cost Fallacy in our relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 06:14 PM
12

(Snort) Whack-a-Mole... Thank You for the guffaw. I needed that. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 03:12 AM
53

I’m not InCel... I am VolCel. Voluntarily celibate. By choice. 😁👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 12:47 AM
41

My son, when very young, tried a trick while we were traveling cross country... and he ended up cleaning a gas station bathroom. I used the restroom and then went out to pump the gasoline. After I paid for The gas, I ducked in the restroom to wash my hands one final time — and he had fire-hosed the entire restroom. 😳 His little butt had to go in there and wipe it all up. The station attendant tried to say he’d clean it up and I clarified that my son would miss an important lesson in cause and ef…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 06:12 PM
138

For our younger Queens not familiar with Heddy Lamar - she led an amazing life. Read “The Only Woman in the Room”... She was often underestimated because of her beauty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 03:20 PM
10

LOL! FDISK his drive! 🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 05:28 AM
3

LOL! Good one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 08:47 PM
2

Nah, no worries, Sis. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 06:53 PM
2

Awwww, it requires an Insta account. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 06:39 PM
129

I have 50+ years of brainwashing to overcome... I’m doing well in some aspects and struggle in some aspects. Such is most of life. I come here for support, examples of the good and bad behaviors, the success stories, the camaraderie, and to help keep my focus on me/my/mine. Occasionally I can pitch in with some cheering or some small advice, but I’m mostly here to soak up the knowledge and technique.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 06:38 PM
81

When finding a porn stash, I save them all to a folder and set it as their screensaver before I power off their system. They’ll find it eventually. LOL!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 06:29 PM
11

The Chin Diaper appears to be a predominantly male method of wearing their masks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:05 PM
5

I see him refer to KC in his threat. If you are a Missouri resident, this is a form of Assault. Call your local police non-emergency number and arrange to press charges. Get this threat on record.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:02 PM
3

I epilate my armpits a couple times a month... which means that while they’re growing out long enough to be grabbed by the plucker, I’ve got fuzzy pits. I shave my legs (or pluck them) about 6 times a year, only to keep it down enough that I don’t have to braid the hair. LOL! I’ve worn basic makeup three times in the past decade or two. Meh. I really don’t care if anyone sees my fuzzy legs or pits. I DO keep my toenails polished with shockingly bright colors. That’s my one festive and happy peac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 04:33 AM
8

I’m sure he simply lied about (omitted) my existence... his banker would have had no clue. (Texas)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:10 AM
8

Refinancing would have been a logical time to update the title paperwork.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:21 AM
47

I understand... 🔥 🏠 🔥 🏃‍♂️ 🔫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:37 PM
112

Not the original loan, but refinanced after six years of marriage... after I put all the equity from selling MY HOME into his home. I know better this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:32 PM
307

Can confirm. Even when married, if he refinances the house and fails to add your name to the deed and loan - pack up your things and divorce him. His BS excuse that you weren’t going to be able to show up to sign anyway, is a lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:21 PM
19

What am I missing? Why does this guy’s opinion matter to you? Why give an iota of energy to him or his delusions? I would ignore the rumors and his comments because in the scheme of your life — his value is Zero. Focus on your personal growth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:09 AM
28

Oh, you made me laugh and then made my heart swell for your happiness! Congratulations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 11:11 PM
149

“I wish I could say the same of you...” 😳 Asshat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 11:07 PM
163

Block and delete that NVM right now, hon. He was not valuing you... he was using and a abusing you. And get checked for STDs since he kept making your girlie bits unhappy. Get a clean bill of health and move on. I hear a Swedish massage in your future with all the money you’re going to save by not subsidizing his lifestyle...? Indulge yourself. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 12:24 AM
2

I have several tattoos. Including my eye liner. It’s a zero-impact on my career. I am not forward-facing, but I was also hired for what is Inside my head and if I can make it come out my fingertips or mouth... nothing more. Most of my other tattoos don’t show with office attire. I have a small one (dollar-bill sized) on my lower arm that I can cover with long sleeves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 08:24 PM
7

If I am feeling overwhelmed, I simply state “The household trash needs gathered up and taken to the can. I am going to vacuum. Unless you’d like to trade chores.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 08:11 PM
3

Mine LinkedIn photo is a smiling pit bull with a halo of flowers as a crown on her head. ¯\(ツ)/¯ I’ve never gotten a job from LinkedIn, or even a solid lead. I’ve not updated it in 5-7 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 01:34 AM
67

It works well. His work shift changes occasionally and we planned for “dual master bedrooms”. It’s nice because when we get up, we are both well-rested and happy to see each other after hogging our own beds and blankets all night! LOL! Hanky-panky isn’t an obligatory after-thought activity. It’s an invitation and acceptance. He can fart and snore all he wants... or (if I did such things) I could. ;) Alone Time really makes a difference in the contentedness of a relationship, in my opinion. It re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 10:53 PM
5

Ooooooh! I’ll read up on those stones! I think my new friend was called a Satisfyer Pro 2. And should arrive in time for my weekend! 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 08:53 PM
95

This. I don’t wash his clothes. I don’t cook for him. If I’m making food for me, I have no problem asking if he’d also like a salad. In the two-bowl sink — he has one bowl for his dirty dishes. My side stays empty because I wash my dishes as I go along. He has his own bathroom and we do not share. I clean my own. He has his own bedroom and I don’t go in there. Not to vacuum, not for hanky-panky, not to find dirty laundry to wash. He has his own laundry soap and does his own wash. When my childre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:08 PM
11

LOL! I just ordered a toy also, from recommendations on here. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 06:55 PM
2

That’s an acronym that only I use... LOL! I’m dating an OKLM. He has some/many great HVM traits and a couple LVM traits. He may pull out of it and become the HVM he should be, or he might not. If he levels up, I’ll be happy to keep him. If he fails to finish developing, he will not be in my life. I’m addressing a few things in my own life, and his stay/go decision is still a little time down my chores list. But it is fast approaching... in the mean time, the vetting continues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 06:01 PM
11

💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 07:02 PM
23

I never suggested that you date them! 😳 oh, heck no! LOL! Apologies if that came across in that vein. That was not my Intent. I was discussing How they think we are out to punish them, and we are not. Truthfully, I do not care if they ever improve themselves. My focus is on me and my Sisters around the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:49 PM
38

This is akin to the “are you on your period?” bullshit that men love using any time you don’t agree with them. I take a variety of vitamin supplements... any pill I take has always been referred to as a “vitamin”. My sinus infection antibiotic was referred to as “my vitamin”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:34 PM
73

For The Lurkers: I do not hate men. A physically fit and well-groomed man, of any age, is beautiful. (My 82-year old father is a healthy specimen of Old Guy and you can still bounce a quarter of his stomach, I bet. But he takes pride in caring for himself.) A kind man is a joy to be around. There are many HVM in my place of employment who are generous with their knowledge in our field, can carry on actual conversations (that don’t revolve around bodily functions or anatomy), etc. I raised both a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:24 PM
39

Buy yourself new shoes. Block and delete. You feel fell for this song and dance before. Quit while you’re ahead. (Run, Forrest! Run!!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:01 PM
5

True that it’s not a sole source of birth control. I had a tubal ligation a decade prior... I don’t think it’s actually FOR birth control, it’s to turn off your periods.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:05 PM
8

Yes!!!! What a wonderful tribute to both of your parents!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 06:38 PM
9

Oh, you gave me goosebumps! I’m kinda teary-eyed for you. 💕 I love to hear these success stories!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 06:36 PM
13

This reminds me of my children when they were low-teens... Mom is in the kitchen, so a kid walks in and wails “I’m hungryyyyyy.” Without variation, I would reply with, “Are your hands broken? Fix yourself something to eat.” Being taught to help yourself is something most self-sufficient humans were taught. If men find that they’re stuck with the mentality of a 14-year old, then it’s probably because they skipped an important developmental step. Which means that it’s time to step back and hone th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 06:33 PM
38

Oh, twenty UpVotes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 09:22 AM
39

Yes... agreed. It was hard. I left the -NV father when they were 1 & 5, and struggled. Hard. One year his donation to child support was a whole $200. For a year. But, like much of FDS: we can do it. I was able, with the help of my strong Lioness Mother, to make it on my/(our) own. She paid for My Escape! And found my first rental. It was incredibly difficult at certain points, but a NVM/LVM is worse than no help at all. I can truly say that after I got my feet back under me, that my children’s l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 09:13 AM
98

I spawned young. 23 & 27. I feel like I did well because they could watch me studying to advance myself. But I was young enough to have fun with them. And, while it’s not often spoken of — kids are incredibly durable and can be taught very important survival techniques by not being given “every convenience in life” at an early age. My children ended up financially savvy and minimalistic, value education, value experiences over “things”, and have a critical eye to the people in their lives that a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:59 AM
37

Oh, honey, you practically wrote a blow-by-blow of my life from 16-42... :( I skipped the Mom step, but... yeah... it can be a tough life to look back on. The important part is that your eyes are open now and you’re headed in the right direction! Every day can be a new chapter in the book of your life! Write a good chapter this time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:13 AM
13

I understand your profession includes grieving people, but basic protocol currently is to Mask in public. Scurry back and grab the Lysol can? (I kid. But can you imagine their expressions?! LOL!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:06 AM
96

I’ve not watched mainstream TV in decades, and then secured a job that includes “auditing channels”... modern TV gags me. The objectification of women (especially) and sex (in general) is absolutely disgusting. And thethe sexualization of children is horrid. Somehow, p*rn has made it to mainstream media and it is pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:02 AM
11

Part of the equation is to remain aware. I wasn’t trying to scare you into hiding. I left my big city, my dangerous location, because I could not single-handedly battle the drug cartels that were kicking in the doors and attacking women. I did all I could do, and then moved three states away... I am still a tough little bird, but self-preservation is also a positive trait. I can now shop and fill up my car without worry. My suggestion was more along the lines of staying smart. Enable yourself, T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 03:49 AM
16

As a tech nerd and minimalist, I find it disconcerting. Nerds often struggle with social interaction. (I am awkward in public and struggle to feign current societal norms.) Being slightly weird isn’t necessarily a bad sign. But if his “odd” never matches up to what you want out of life, then move on to the Next... If he doesn’t even have suitable seating a guest (even camp chairs, FFS) then his social skills might be a bit too light. 😬 Tread lightly. Stay vigilant for other flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 03:25 AM
15

As the chick on the receiving end of the abuse for decades... until I’d had enough, it was never permanent. I’d leave him and he’d BS me into thinking “it’ll be different this time” for decades. Decades! 😳 Plan ahead and have an exit strategy lined up for her use. Maybe one day she will use it. My mother and sister tried and tried, and then simply set aside some money for me to live on when I finally had enough. It took two children and some physical (teeth/bones) breakage, but eventually I made…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 03:14 AM
25

Trick was on him: I used a washboard and wringer and clothesline. When he moved in with me, I showed him How to use them. His wardrobe really thinned out, almost immediately. 😬 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 02:59 AM
37

Be very careful with carrying weapons. If you choose to carry a weapon: make sure you do it legally, with the appropriate documentation and insurance to support your choice. Make positive that you practice, practice, practice. Be fluent in your chosen form of protection. Know the ramifications of withdrawing your chosen method of protection. Do you have legal representation lined up? Do you know the guidelines for drawing or discharging your chosen weapon? Your weapon, any perceived weapon, can …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 02:13 AM
27

Stay strong, young Queen. Our firsts are always memorable, but that doesn’t mean they are our Forever Man. You will learn lots and grow much over the upcoming decade. Thirty-year old You will look back and admire the strength of will that you demonstrated as you moved on from your First. And you will marvel at the life you have built for yourself! Straighten that crown and tend to yourself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 10:04 PM
13

Honey, this is where you block his further texts and phone calls, and delete his number. When you say you’re Done. You’ve reached the point where you don’t see the value in keeping him around. Trust your judgment here and commit to being Done. Leave him to figure the rest of his life out by himself. You need to focus on yourself now. Take a warm bubble bath, pamper yourself for a few days, and then step out like the Queen you are... level that crown in your head and go forth to craft the life yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:09 PM
13

Next?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 08:34 AM
14

I’ll die and cringe with you, doll. 😬 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 08:21 AM
3

Sometimes we just reach the end of The Road. It’s not a bad thing that this path has run its course. This path has moved you forward and gotten you to where you are today. Part company with the memories of the happy times. Don’t overvalue the time you spent on this relationship. It was nice, but it is completed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 06:48 PM
10

Honey, you’ve already had that last conversation. All the post you typed above — was the conversation you needed. He’s done. You’re done. Leave that dog laying where it is... Let’s get you to the gym or on that bicycle since the weather is warming up. You need happy endorphins and some physical exercise to distract you from your want for “just one more”. Journal your thoughts and go for a ride — look at the countryside bursting forth in blooms. This is your time for renewal also! 🌹
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 06:45 PM
4

I had a tubal in 1994, but still had the ablation years later to turn off my periods.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:15 AM
2

I have stainless steel chopsticks... they’re a very-last resort, but they’re strong and long! Anything can be a weapon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 09:11 PM
18

I’m right there with you... My circle of friends IRL is non-existent. (Recently moved here. Not found any HVW in my travels.) I’ve come here for my support, daily!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:25 PM
30

Done correctly, where all of the uterine lining is cauterized, makes pregnancy impossible. If your periods are still spotting through, it wasn’t burned correctly and you could become pregnant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:14 PM
84

I got a uterine ablation. Hormones remain intact, it only cauterized the uterus. I had it done one day and the next day I was tiling my bedroom floor. One day of Motrin for the recovery. Pro: - No more periods. - No pregnancies. Con: None.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 06:48 PM
9

Fantastic news! I am all wiggly with excitement for you! (Envision happy dog doing the whole-body wag!) LOL! Good going!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 08:59 AM
30

So, I’m an Old Bird (55) and have done lots of reading up on menopause... historically, it was called “the change” and further back was called “insanity”. When a woman loses her ability to procreate, our value in the tribe was often reduced in the eyes of men, but the women of the tribe realized that the older gals were still hugely important. Older tribesladies often out-gathered and out-worked their younger ladies because they knew the tricks (after years of doing this chore) and weren’t burde…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:42 PM
3

The original vetting... and families vetted each other, also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 05:21 PM
8

Dating, back then, was not Hanky-Panky. It was conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 08:50 AM
3

My daughter always laughs that she won’t date... “If I’m that lonely, I’ll get a dog. They’re way less work and cost, and much more loyal. And always happy to see me!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 06:30 PM
6

Very nice! 👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 09:27 PM
20

It’s never too late to start again. Start lining up your exit strategy...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 07:56 PM
7

This was Me with my first boyfriend/husband of 16 years... The ingrained Training still haunts me to this day. Funny fact: As an experiment, a university offer a $100 study. Each participant brought a change of clothes and were required to change clothes before leaving so no one else knew the outcome. The test was if the participants could defy potty training and urinate in their pants. I don’t remember the exact number, but something like 85%-90% could NOT pee their pants for $100! Our childhoo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 07:51 PM
7

A durable medical power of attorney, when written well, will allow you to take care of your partner/mother/adult child/neighbor. This overcomes the biggest issue that marriage “resolves”. Everything else except taxes can be covered by savvy financial planning. Retirement, insurance, etc. can all circumvent the necessity for actual marriage by stating beneficiary wishes. IRS, is the only non-negotiable difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 09:13 PM
6

As an ExPat, you can contact your embassy for help. They may have some resources that could help you secure another apartment or room. If you get in a bind, your country’s embassy will also help you get back home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:31 PM
9

Oh... I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing a glimpse behind the curtain. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:07 PM
3

I had my doctor run a battery of vitamin and hormone tests to start since I could not figure out what was wrong with me... She ordered a bunch! She is an “Integrative Medicine” doctor, so she’s more into “fix the person” than “get addicted to this pill”... diet, exercise, meditation/relaxation, etc can fix a bunch of things without pharmaceuticals. The glitch I have is called homozygous MTHFR which just means I need methyl folate. It caused an amino acid in my blood to be too high (homocysteine)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 07:14 PM
3

I’m an Old Bird... it is never too late to start a new chapter and begin the trek to your perfect life. I want more. I will not settle for less. I’ll start now. Come with me? We can do this. Today is the First Day of the remainder of your life - begin now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 10:30 AM
39

Ladies... I have always dated a decade younger than me, since hitting 32. We hit our sexually-voracious appetite peak at 35 while men hit theirs at 25-20! My current guy is a decade younger than I am (55/45) and if your man does not eat correctly and exercise - just like we need to eat right and exercise - then he will degenerate quickly, as we will. If you are taking care of yourself, and he is taking care of his health, then you are both caring for yourselves. HVM... HVF! I make an effort to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 09:57 AM
28

... a p*ssy can take a pounding and like it. But a testes cannot. That’s simply misogynistic lingo to diminish the value of the coveted vagina.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:16 AM
10

Look in my eyes... 👀 You know better. Go read through our manual for a while - this feeling will pass. Then schedule yourself a mani-pedi with your best friend or Mom and have a therapeutic session. Vent it all out...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:10 AM
39

Good going! You’ve got this! 🌸🍾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:05 AM
9

Start getting your resume out there... there are too many days of unhappy when working in a toxic workplace. There are stellar employers out there, you just have to stumble upon the one that is waiting for you. Start looking for Them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:33 PM
8

I understand. I often find myself speechless with the dropped jaw in moments like that. 😒 It’s easy to come up with the logic later, when the stress has subsided. But the nice thing is that you can submit those thoughts via eMail to the supervisory group. Your leadership team will understand the sexist undertones and will nip that sh*t in the bud when it is a documented occurrence. I always CC: my home eMail on inquiries with legal ramifications. Don’t use BCC, use CC
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:19 PM
14

“Then this highlights their need to practice this important skill to our trade!” They need double the exposure...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 07:53 PM
22

“It needs a ‘woman’s touch’, Bob?” “Yeah, um, it does.” “Then I think there should be a rotation through all the CSRs, because that should be a role anyone can fill in if we’ve made it a gender-specific position. We need that male input.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 07:44 PM
24

I found resiliency to be one of the best things to cultivate in my kids. The ability to bounce back. I also think perseverance is a necessity. To be able to stick with something, to endure through the tough parts, is a life skill that we should be installing in our kids. If you’re lucky enough to have both a son and a daughter, endeavor to teach them both with equal portions of what would be stereotypical chores: sons should cook and daughters should fix that floppy doorknob. More than anything,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 07:40 PM
40

Isn’t it freeing when you can look back with “fresh eyes” and see what was happening? I’m PROUD and Happy for you! You’ve got this... 🥳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 05:45 AM
5

I just bought a home, so next week I am removing the hot water tank and putting in a hot water on demand unit! Unlimited hot showers Full bath tubs of hot bubbles Laundry while bathing (multitasking) And because it’s propane (that I added three months ago), I will have a lower electricity bill and cheaper items that make heat. Go, ME! Oh, and I bought myself a semi-expensive, nice, big chef knife for the kitchen or for self-defense... I’m jus’ sayin’. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 05:08 AM
6

Your life and mine seem to have followed similar paths... 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 04:57 AM
52

I will be 55 next week... The glitter in my hair attest to the festivities in life I have enjoyed. My breasties are now in a frantic race to the waistband of my britches. But those bewbies nourished two healthy children. They’ve earned their vacation at the equator of my body. Those babies were both bigguns, so the gentle draping of my stomach skin confirms that I created life. My “bingo wings” are the deflated remnants of arms that have rocked children after nightmares, held lovers, and carried…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 04:45 AM
4

Once you finally SEE the red flags, it’s impossible to UNSee them. Just because you didn’t see them initially, is not something to be ashamed of. Guys spend inordinate amounts of energy to present to you a “complete package” that sucks you in. And once you’re hooked, then they drop the veil and you actually get glimpses of the douchebaggery underneath. My first husband was a NVM. I was young and naive. A dozen years after that divorce, I wanted companionship and my second husband was LVM. I had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 07:57 PM
27

As a Mom to one of each gender of kid, I made positively sure that each kid was taught to cook, clean, fix the lawn mower, mow the yard, tend the pets, balance the checkbook, create a grocery list and USE it, wash their own laundry, etc. It is very important that each human is self-sufficient so that if they choose to include another person in their life — it is not out of necessity, it is a choice and a gift. And if you get in trouble - let’s just say when their father landed in the pokey once,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 07:12 PM
12

Timely... Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 08:19 PM
2

We just called them Singles Rings... I’m not sure if they had another name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 05:45 PM
16

You didn’t. It was a Removal ring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 09:20 AM
15

No, it was a deterrent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 09:19 AM
31

Japan actually has where you can rent a person to draw your spouse into an affair... so she will divorce you. Women can ask for a divorce; apparently, men cannot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 06:04 AM
64

Screenshot the cat images, then delete the video... we learned that in 7th grade. Divorce. Dump. Delete. Block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 06:01 AM
82

Years ago, we had little “wedding bands” with 11 diamonds on them... that represented our commitment to ourselves. They were “singles” rings to thwart the scrotes who were easily deterred by a wedding band. LOL! Your Me ring is beautiful! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 05:57 AM
15

I have worked nights for decades through three employers and two different states... any dude that interrupts my sleep prior to noon is on my Sh*t List. But I am up until 4 a.m. It’s more the the (lack of) consideration for your hours and schedule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 10:28 PM
10

I’ve not only lost two houses in marriage (yeahhhhh), but now the house is in my name solely. At best, he has tenants rights...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 10:11 AM
3

I’ve always been off the opinion that the LESS VISITORS Down South, the higher value the coochie... it’s the standard supply/demand dynamic. If you don’t get between my legs quickly, then you know it’s a low traffic area. That I value it, and you’d better value it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:29 PM
12

I had the “Army Ranger” who was really a motor pool grunt. While he did have some great skills, I don’t find lying an admirable skill. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:06 PM
5

Me, too! I sold everything I owned, and moved. I caught mine standing on my back patio, trapping my car in the driveway to force me to talk to him, stalking me through traffic, driving by my house multiple times per day, etc. So I decided he could have that state. I moved 17 hours away. And changed my name. Poof! No more stalker-Ex harassment. The internal damage takes longer. But discovering a new place and crafting a new life where you can be anything you want because you closed that chapter a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:40 PM
66

This might be more financial advice, but she needs to make sure that her retirement investments are protected. Dad shouldn’t be able to wipe out her (or even their) retirement accounts. I’ll leave the rest of the advice to the Queens. I’m still a fledgling FDS newbie. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 07:26 PM
57

My sister and I laugh about this. We “have” a little cabin in the woods — we dig in our gardens, play with our dogs, sit on the front porch sipping our iced tea and watching a storm roll in...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 06:15 AM
2

Oh, what a horrible form of torture. :( I am so sorry for you. I’m happy to see that you refer to him as your Ex... perfect!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 06:27 PM
3

Ah. I have so much to learn... :-/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 06:22 PM
10

It’s not uncommon. I have a phrase with my (daughter, son, sister, significant other) “People Overload”. When I mention “People Overload” that is code for “I am leaving, your ass better be in the car when I get there or you’ll be walking home”. Zero tolerance for anyone who cannot understand your limit. Carry the car keys. I have a second key fob that they carry if they’re driving me around, or if I get run over by a bus or something... but I always have the ability to leave. And they’re welcome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 10:09 AM
33

Oh. My. Gawsh! Brilliant! ... and drinking too much prior to noon?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 09:54 AM
5

Good for Sis! And good for you! My boyfriend has taught me some. He teaches women’s safety and self-defense classes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:09 AM
20

My daughter carried Hornet spray while walking to school 1.9 miles... upon arrival at the school, she was required to place it in the Haz Mat locker in the Shop Class. When ready to walk back home, she picked it up from the Shop locker. Her school attempted to disarm her, and we hand had a lengthy discussion about this weapon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 06:27 PM
15

Very true, this is why I advocate for defensive training. But if you are cornered - literally anything can be a weapon. And it’s great exercise. And you get to meet similarly-minded strong people! 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 06:23 PM
102

Spent shell casings next to the door. Big dogs looking out the front windows. Training not not only firearms ownership and use, but also a women’s self-defense class or ten. Roommates. Home security system. A weapon in every room: cast iron pan in the kitchen, Hornet spray in the laundry room, stainless steel chopsticks in the dining room... stilettos are also a weapon. Learn How to use them all. You are not a victim. You are trained and able to protect yourself. Learn how!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 10:49 AM
9

This. Exactly. And if he notices anything in the house being moved, just tell him you’ve been house cleaning, deep cleaning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 06:11 AM
31

One of the many nightmare dates I’ve been on over the past 35 years or so: Online dating was a new field and I had signed up for some Match’ing. I get matched up with this local guy and we share a couple phone calls and things seem to be pretty enjoyable, so we plan a date. I clarified that I don’t do bars. I really don’t like drinking on dates, but he’s pushy and we meet at a chain restaurant at their bar. I’m thinking, “That’s fine, they serve food and we will just meet at the bar and then hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 08:36 AM
6

I bet that’s the best you’ve felt in a while! Good going! You look so happy in the “after” photo. Nobody needs a Negative Nicky in their life. I hope you value yourself and hold out for someone who loves the total package that makes you YOU! Hugs from afar... 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 07:42 AM
12

I know for a fact that Outback and Red Lobster are open... I ate at those two this past week while getting some errands run. I call bullsh*t on BK being the only restaurant open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:01 AM
4

He is long ago and far away... my children are now 30. ;) They are happy, well-adjusted, and functional adults with no violent-relationship issues. Success! Thanks for the bling! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 09:14 PM
1

I’ve always countered with “We will try that on you, first.” Somehow, that always changes the direction of the conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 08:29 AM
188

Many, many years ago, I married my high school sweetheart. It took a number of years, but when he punched my front tooth down my throat while 8-months pregnant - I filled Assault/Battery and Divorce the next day. I was never so relieved as the moment I watched the mailbox (I had dug into the ground) recede in the side mirror of the U-Haul I rented (because my car wouldn’t make it out of the state). You are never so lonely as when you are with someone who demeans you. You are never so alone as wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 07:57 AM
2

55 here... yeah, it’s a cesspool out there. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 09:27 AM
2

From what I can tell: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. Every article I’ve read about them indicates a healthy dose of equality and respect for each other. And then there’s this, while every other man is trying to steal the spotlight or simpering and holding her purse... Will is doing the “Boom!” for his wife. They seem to have a fun and well-adjusted relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 07:24 AM
33

The clitoris is the only organ whose sole purpose is the pleasure of its owner. No other organ can make that claim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 09:02 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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