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Momcella Archive

View 0 posts and 161 comments by Momcella on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
29

You're describing my ex. If I knew then what I know now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 12:14 AM
21

Personally, it was a lot to take in at first. I had to take it in in small doses, as opposed to now, where I look forward to reading what you absolutely fabulous women have to say every day. I discovered this sub because it was being trash talked. I'll admit, if I wasn't looking for this type of sub specifically, I don't think I could of handled it. If I wasn't desperately ready & willing to change my pickme ways, I would've been scared away. If I still wanted to exist in a man's world, afraid o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 01:47 AM
1

I've never understood why people gathering for the holidays to argue & fight has been normalized, almost romanticized. We've been conditioned to believe it's ok. It's definitely not ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:26 PM
1

I have. She wasn't raised around them, but she knew of it and was able to see it for herself. I gave them a chance to be grandparents to her, but the reality was, they weren't interested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:17 PM
35

It was the opposite in our family. To this day, mom serves dad first & he sits at the end of the table. He's complained if the meal wasn't cooked on time or if he wasn't happy with the selection. Depending on who's visiting, the rest of the males get served next (my brothers are in their 40s & 50s), she'll call their names to come get their plates, then mom would announce I can now serve myself & my daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 06:17 AM
22

He wasn't expecting that reaction. Do you think they say that to determine if you're able to be easily manipulated?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:56 AM
33

Oh no! I have that dvd, but haven't watched it, now I really don't want to. I'll have to look for it & throw it in the trash where it belongs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 06:31 AM
160

Once I started paying attention to what men liked watching, it's mostly women screaming in fear. More of the movie will play, more violence towards the female character. Then I started noticing it in movies I've liked in the past, so much violence towards women, and I was ok with that? Now I specifically look for female directors. Everytime I give a male directed movie a chance, hoping it'll be void of violence or suggestive angles, nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 04:37 AM
18

Amen! As a GenXer, wish I knew then what I do now (thanks to FDS), would've saved me SO much heartache! I've been able to teach my daughter to be her own person, never to get lost in someone else. She's old enough now to explore this sub & absolutely loves the fierce ladies on here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 03:28 AM
7

The ex was obviously staring at the waitresses crotch as she was walking up. Idk if he just couldn't help himself (porn fried brain), or if he was doing it to make me uncomfortable. All it did was give me second hand embarrassment. The kids were sitting at the same table, too. We were separated at the time, so maybe trying to make me jealous? For whatever reason, that's when I knew without a doubt, all the icks I noticed before were justified.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:37 AM
8

Wow, thank you for sharing your story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 04:06 AM
79

Ugh, can't say how many times my LVM ex mentioned his ex that broke up with him over the phone. Instead of moving on, they relive the good old days. They create their own groundhog day, the day the women dodged a bullet. These women are out living their lives, while these men can't seem to move past it. Caught in the middle is a wonderful person who has no idea their perfect wedding day is all a sham & their perfect little family isn't as important to him as they are to her. It's pretty damn sad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 02:23 AM
65

She looked like a beautiful person. All that taken away by a jealous man. I hate to even call him her husband, he didn't deserve that title.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 03:57 AM
105

Same, men are simply not worth dying over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 03:55 AM
3

She has to be childless, but how many does he have? Reminds me when my parents sat down my 45 yr old brother & told him he needs to find a woman with a career, no past marriages & no children. This dusty, hoarder, NV, community dick of a man couldn't even believe what they were saying. How ridiculous they are. What's even more ridiculous is that mom accompanies dad wherever he goes cause she keeps catching him "flirting" when he takes off on his own. This woman lost herself decades ago being a g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 02:30 AM
105

He's hugging her, but looks like he wants to choke her out. She set herself up to look like a fool & all those guys were willing participants to see how this goes. I'm SO glad I didn't record all these cringy things I used to do for guys in my pick me days & put music behind it lol. Poor girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 06:07 AM
31

I wonder if her perception of this FWB relationship was skewed since she stayed the night, he got up early to go to work, letting her sleep in like a pretend wife? She probably even cleaned up a little before leaving. I wonder how long she stayed at his place (room?) before finally leaving? The longer she'd stay, the more attached she'd get. For him, the longer she'd stay, the cleaner his place would get. The more she'd want to come over for free sex = housemaid. I could see the bar getting lowe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 01:40 AM
7

I believe I suffered with an autoimmune disorder while growing up in an abusive family. Although I had obvious signs, I wasn't taken to a decent dr to get properly diagnosed & treated. I practically ran away from them to save my sanity. During the marriage with a narcassist, the disorder got progressively worse. Seeing the same male dr for a decade, stating obvious symptoms which were ignored once again, it got worse & worse, I was losing the will to live. Seeing another (male) dr was a literal …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 06:56 AM
15

That part made my senses heighten. My whole body is now on alert. Creepy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 05:44 PM
2

It's beyond ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:51 AM
37

When me & my ex were dating, he mailed a picture of me to his parents. I found it odd what he had written on the back, it was basically saying he liked me cause I was short & it made him feel tall. He hadn't mentioned any of my fabulous qualities. He claims to be 5'8, but that's being generous lol. He also gained a great amount of weight after marriage, he claimed it made him look buff. Ummm...no, just fat. Men are truly delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 09:50 PM
11

Cum is disgusting. Just the word alone gives me a yuck feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 11:38 AM
7

I think he's falling for his own BS, but you're right. Even though there's not a chance, in his way of thinking, there is. If my 17 yr old is present during the conversation, we have a whole, in depth discussion on his delusions afterwards. She's learned how to detect red flags, so at least he's been somewhat useful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:55 AM
9

Well that explains why my self proclaimed Alpha male friend asked me out for coffee & didn't follow up with plans. I let it go, didn't even question him about it. Months later, he asked again, I said no (thanks FDS), he eventually started to lose interest in our friendship. I blocked & deleted before his next lame attempt. During our conversations, I'd ask as many questions as I could to get an idea of the scrote logic he was spewing,. He was offended one of his female acquaintances thought he w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:04 AM
12

This post made me realize why I've refused to dye my graying hair lol. I'm so repulsed my men now that I see through their facades. Wanting to just be left alone has been liberating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 03:13 AM
10

Decades ago, when my brothers were still very young, mom left dad home with the boys for the week while she worked out of town. When she got back, they had tears & were so happy to see her. Not because they missed her, but because now they'll be eating something other than bread & milk. The man fed his children nothing but bread & milk for days in a row. I was embarrassed for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 12:44 AM
4

20 yrs married & I never got a wedding ring. I did get a fake, ugly one around Christmas time from the mall. The displays in middle of the isles, not behind a glass cabinet. He was excited, I wasn't. All I could think of was how I can fake it so he doesn't throw a tantrum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 08:00 AM
1

You perfectly described the story of my life. I'm sorry we both had to go through this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:54 AM
12

My love for flowers has been ruined because of this exact tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:53 AM
11

It's so uncomfortable!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:03 PM
3

Can't wait to read that post! It'll be a lesson on how spot & to deal with those dirty old men. Having been taught to smile, not be rude, respect your elders even though they haven't earned it, I personally need all the help I can get in order to not pass along the ignorance that was taught.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 01:01 AM
3

You're right about the jealousy part, the old me would've questioned myself. Thinking of dirty old men thinking they still have the right stuff makes me want to vomit. It's like they're stuck at a certain age & hadn't realized they've aged, and not aged well. They remind me of sour milk. The physical reaction you get from getting a whiff of it, that's how I feel about them. Gross. If they only knew just how far from desperate we are, but I guess they need to tell themselves that in order to stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 05:15 AM
2

I have a feeling we're still a long ways from suffocating the patriarchy, but it's a great possibility. I have so much hope for it, even if I won't see it in my lifetime. It begins with my daughter who's eyes are wide open at a young age to the inequality & the suffering women are currently going through. Your sons who won't say, "not all men", but instead use their courage to tell other men "it's not right". Thank you for raising responsible men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 05:09 AM
6

Honestly, I don't know how I'm still sane. I really, really, really don't. I sometimes wonder if I'm a crazy person pretending to be a sane one lol. When my daughter said, at least you're normal & not like them despite what they've done to you, it gave me strength. She'd be the one to tell me I'm not right in the head if that were the case. I also don't feel like I have imposter syndrome when I hear similar stories & how strong us women are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:57 AM
19

I remember one time, around 10ish, she tried to teach me how to iron. She was so super frustrated because I refused. I didn't feel the need to learn because I wasn't going to become a housewife like her. I failed, she succeeded. I got with a man I didn't love, or even like simply because I ended up getting pregnant & felt like it was my only choice. I debated so hard on continuing the path I was going, to make it a career, but knew it was going to be nearly impossible without help, so I quit. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 11:55 PM
2

He really does, I can't unsee it. Me & my daughter were just laughing about it last night. I don't even watch him on occassion anymore, it's now 0%. The same daughter also completely quit watching his content.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 11:24 PM
9

My eyes were preparing to roll lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 12:25 AM
2

I'm so sorry he did that to you. I woke up to an older male coworker (military) feeling me up. I trusted him enough to fall asleep in an extra bed he had, it was a long day at work, we worked the same shift. I want to scream at my old self to "leave now!", but I didn't, not until he walked out of the bathroom naked with just a washcloth on his erect penis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 12:10 AM
34

This is why I chose to not forgive my abusive ex. I want to stay angry at him for using & abusing me for the entire 20 yr marriage until I was finally able to get away from him with the little one. He brainwashed the two older ones to where they almost didn't speak to me again. My anger is justified & I will forever be pissed at that fat fuck. I'm also angry at my incompetent parents for setting me up to fail, who raised all 7 of us to be misogynistic co dependents who grew up thinking it's ok t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 05:05 AM
10

Went to one with a friend cause she wanted her community dick of a bf to be faithful to her (my brother). I watched that lady con my friend into handing over $400 in cash for vood doo type of stuff. She gave her a small bottle of soap, said use it in your next bath. My friend opened it on the way home to smell it & said, "This is Palmolive dish soap!" Why didn't I stop her from getting scammed? She was so desperate for her bf to stop cheating & love her back the way she loved him, there wasn't m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 08:22 AM
13

Esposas is handcuffs in spanish? TIL & I speak spanish lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 09:09 AM
1

I'm gagging!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 06:12 AM
33

Validation from women means the world to me. I, for one, wish I had a mother that stood up for me. Undoing internalized misogyny takes an enormous amount of effort, but it's part of the process of learning my worth. Every single story on FDS is healing to read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 05:01 AM
52

It's cause it's what THEY do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 03:12 AM
107

At a restaurant, my teenage daughter said an old man made her feel uncomfortable when she'd walk past their large party (pre covid) sitting nearly next to us. I watched, he definitely was. As they were leaving, he held the door open as his family group was leaving, I was staring him hard the whole time from my table. He looked at my daughter, then he noticed me, it obviously took him by surprise. The old creep got sent to hell. I would say he lost his soul that day, but what grown ass man who st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 03:10 AM
2

Thank you. This was back when I was naive & thought all professionals acted professional. The woman dr I was seeing before him was very rude & acted as if she was tired of hearing women whining, ugh. So he was a baby step up, good enough, right? Now I know he wasn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 12:15 AM
23

Yep, I'm renting in a backwoods, middle of nowhere town isolated from friends & family with no job or career opportunities. It's depressing, but affordable, but depressing. I noticed the locals who've grown up here have the lowest standards, both in quality of life & partners. There's a man I know who's excited about starting work stocking a grocery store & got a 2nd job working in a gas station burger place prepping. In my head I'm thinking, you're 50 yrs old & no career! There's some serious a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 01:06 AM
7

I hated having my then husband around any of my deliveries. He creeped me out, the way he'd watch as I was being examined, then make "jokes" afterwards. When I noticed what he was doing, I yelled at him to leave the room. My 3rd pregnancy had complications, even then I kept telling him to leave, the nurses kept sending him back to make sure I didn't start seizing. Even then I'd rather suffer alone than having someone I hated driving my blood pressure up from just the sight of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:51 AM
7

You need to excersise, told him I already do. You need to eat better, told him I already do. You need to blah, blah, blah, blah. I already take care of myself well, tell me what's wrong with me. Lose weight -_- Went to a different dr who actually ran tests, dug deeper & diagnosed me & my two kids. Turns out, my immune system was attacking me. Went back to the other dr for a different appt, told him I went to see another dr who came up with a diagnosis. He got angry. As he got up to leave, I stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 06:55 AM
15

Exactly what I was thinking as he wrote it down, spoke slow & clearly to dumb it down for me. Too bad he's too smart & alpha for women eye roll till it hurts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 02:23 AM
52

For now, access has come to a halt as I'm in the process of unlearning & relearning the right things. I recently told a male friend that women give themselves away when they have sex, he had no idea what I was talking about. He's a self claimed alpha male (he mansplained) and that's the reason he can't seem to hold a relationship. Rather than try to help, I went along with what he was saying. Not because I agreed with what he was saying, but because I'm no longer anyone's therapist. Let him figu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 01:12 AM
9

Thank you 💕 I paused after typing that out, how ridiculous the situation was. How very unavoidable that shitty 20 yr marriage to such a heartless, short, bald, fat pig with his small pee pee & skin disorder was if I was only taught better. I'm finally sleeping in my own room alone, in my own bed alone. No more massive snoring & stank farts to deal with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 08:45 PM
12

Our first year of marriage, the now ex would go to Hooters during his lunch while I was home very pregnant & hungry. His excuse for going was because his friends asked him & he didn't want to be rude by refusing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 06:46 PM
1

Interesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 01:23 AM
9

Yes. FDS has opened my eyes. I'm working on regurgitating all the bullshit I've been fed with my upbringing & toxic marriage of 20 yrs. The bitterness is slowly subsiding, leaving behind a pleasant taste thanks to self care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 07:37 PM
2

I sarcastically refer to this when anything needs blame, just because it's so ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 07:33 PM
6

Didn't the apple represent knowledge? Is this why it's a bad thing? I always wondered, but religion = don't question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 07:30 PM
5

When I start a sentence (towards my 16 yr old daughter), "when you fall in love & get married", she throws me a look as if I'm insane. I'm glad her eyes are open to men's depravity. Can't even say "not all men" anymore cause the destruction porn has caused to these young men. If I'm seeing it in nearly 50 yr olds, I can imagine what her generation is now like. I'm also Latina & so damn glad the wool has been lifted from my eyes. Breaking traditions is one of the first steps to protecting these g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:45 AM
3

You are a beautiful person. Thank you so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 07:13 AM
6

Yes, I agree now. Back then, I didn't consider it so, and it was just a few yrs ago. You'd think at my age (40's), I'd know better. I wish I was raised to see my worth. Reading this sub is part of my healing process. Thank you for your response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:11 PM
53

Looking back, it really did seem like a reenactment. One time I told the now ex piece of trash to stop cause it was painful, it just made him go at it harder. I just found it so strange that my pain seemed to turn him on. That was pre FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:24 AM
38

Cause they made us believe we were the reason for the relationship going bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:20 AM
26

This explains so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:16 AM
22

Frog butt lol. Perfectly describes the ex, can't mentally unsee now 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 11:15 AM
3

Mods, from the bottom of my mending heart, a big kiss, hug, & thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 12:21 PM
5

I was shampooing my car seats in the midday heat, I was a mess & kinda ashamed of the way I looked cause someone came over to pick something up I was giving away. He talked about his long time gf & asked if I was married. I made the mistake of saying I was separating which is why I was getting rid of things. He left & started texting asking for a hookup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 10:46 AM
6

I'm SO glad I kept my maiden name. When I told my then husband I wasn't changing it to his, he got angry. He was a man baby when it came to his emotions. Literally, he would throw himself on the bed, face down & cry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 10:37 AM
5

A NVM ex bf said I owed him a bj for doing me a favor, not even a big one. I guess he was proud of himself cause he did it without being asked & needed his gold star. After shaming him, he said he was just joking. Ha!Ha! LOL! What an asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 10:31 AM
4

Fixed that for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:39 AM
12

"Be the bigger person & apologize". No, I won't let myself be abused by that person any longer or take blame to spare their feelings. The person who told me this abuses his wife, chokes her against the wall. Absolutely no one to be taking advice from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:31 AM
25

This still gives me the heebie jeebies. Instead of foreplay, he spit on his dick to be able to ram it in. I asked if he just used morning breath spit as lube? And when was the last time you even brushed your teeth? Did you at least shower from last night? No wonder I've been dealing with UTIs. My stomach turns just thinking about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:18 AM
11

I keep going back to, "he was so horny, he told me he loved me." He never did & never will. I honestly don't think he's capable. True, though. I'd be laying there concerned, wondering if an erection will be possible that night lol. "It'S mY MeDiCaTiOn". I'm sure his medication also put the virus on his laptop & not the pornsite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:02 AM
2

Thank you, I'm so grateful I was directed to this sub by haters. We can only protect our daughters so much, that's the scary part. But she has a better chance than I do, maybe? I've been in many bad situations. Did I not have it worse cause I was submissive?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 05:44 AM
6

I tell my teenage daughter how bad I feel for her & her generation. I don't see it getting better & I fear for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:56 AM
7

I can't stop laugh/crying at your comments cause they're 100% true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:44 AM
7

Yep. I'd lay there saying "nope, not it." Can't get turned on while giving lessons, especially after I literally showed where it was. It's no use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:22 AM
36

Well that explains my LVM ex's moves. No matter how many times I said that doesn't feel good, he kept doing it, it's like he was on auto pilot. I felt used, like nothing but a sex doll, which led to a dead bedroom. Left him there with his dick in his hand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:14 AM
18

I was going to ask, who does that & when has it become a thing? Doesn't sound sensual at fkn all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:08 AM
31

Growing up, my LVM dad, whom I've never seen pick up a broom, told me I sweeping wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:06 AM
40

Overtime on holidays. We become Santa, a pilgrim, bunny rabbits, Cupid. Even non holidays like delivering for the tooth fairy on the DL. We make it look easy, but takes so much planning & effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 06:25 AM
23

I'm at 2+ yrs now? I lost count, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is how much I don't miss sex like I thought I would. I just don't care anymore since seeing men in a different way thanks to FDS. Seeing them for what they really are, they don't deserve me. It's empowering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:25 AM
2

Exactly! Using their bad marriage as an example of what relationships should be like, it's no wonder we turn out to seek unhealthy ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 08:57 AM
6

Same here 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 03:40 AM
7

Having gone through a verbally abusive marriage for 20 yrs, my thought as I was reading it was also, he planned that argument for his benefit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 10:28 PM
2

Yet the only description they come up with is bitch or mean. Anymore than that, though would mean putting in some effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 09:44 PM
10

I want this on a shirt lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:22 PM
5

Maybe it's the other way around. Is she trying to convince herself to stay attracted to this crusty-ass man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 04:09 AM
6

Dang, I was in a 20 yr sitcom then. My short, fat, bald lvm ex thought he could mistreat me as long as he says he'll never do it again while handing me flowers (there were always fresh flowers in the vase). He told SIL in front of me how he doesn't believe in divorce, I told him, in front of her, I do. I regretted the first "I do", but not the second.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 04:01 AM
2

This explains so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:21 AM
4

Maybe he looks raggedy cause he's always around beautiful & elegant twentysomething year olds? Age comparison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 07:30 PM
116

Mentioned to a male friend how Leonardo was a predator, he said women only get mad at that cause they're not in the scene where they have a chance of dating him 🤢 This man is in his late 30's. He also admitted a couple of times how women like him at first until they get to know him. He also mentioned how his ex is bipolar & that's why they're not together. Red flags galore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:35 AM
8

I heard him mention it a few months ago (it looked like an old podcast), now I can't stand the sight of him even more. On occassion, I'd listen to JR, depending on his guest. After watching him laugh about it, I rarely watch anymore, I can't put it out of my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 07:04 AM
2

Lucky! Both you & your mother. "You two deserve each other" took on a whole new meaning ❤ This is beautiful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 01:01 PM
20

And being gaslit into thinking you weren't trying hard enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 12:51 PM
20

The ex said "it's not fair" during a tantrum on the phone. The (then) little one witnessed it & lost all respect for him for the way he was speaking to her mother, the parent raising her. She's being taught these values now. Thank you all of FDS for showing how to break the vicious cycle of internalized misogyny & how very, very important it is to be independent. Much love to all my sisters teaching & learning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 12:48 PM
5

Exactly! Don't even give them 1% of trust, now I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 07:14 PM
10

I'm loving this post! Earlier this year I cut off most of my hair cause pandemic, stay at home orders, less upkeep. I pretty much quit caring what anyone thinks, still in the process of finding myself again as OP. I'm starting to let it grow back out, but question on whether I'll be tempted to cut it very short again. I feel so much more freedom being single. No more, will he like it? What will he think? Fk them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 07:52 AM
25

My ex would get in my face & yell at the top of his lungs, I honestly think he was role playing as a drill Sargent (we were both military). I endured for 20 yrs, until I said no more. Him: Can't we try & work it out? Me: I've been for 20 yrs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 05:10 AM
18

I called my husband my first child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 09:16 AM
9

I love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 10:49 PM
2

Thank you ❤ I was definitely a scapegoat, but I believe it was because I did fight back, otherwise they would've broken me, they did their best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 10:58 PM
13

I just realized why my brother, whom I was close to, would tell me to be the bigger person & apologize to family members even though it wasn't my fault, or I'd involuntarily be put in the middle of situations. It's because he wanted me to do the same to him when he does me wrong. He's a NVM, but I only realized when I went no contact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:35 AM
1

All the bs we were fed about relationships through music & movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:47 AM
2

I hated my body when married cause of my toxic ex, he made comments of my postpartum body. After leaving, my confidence level went up so much, didn't know I had that in me. Someone in this sub asked a queation that stuck with me, could they have womb envy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:33 AM
7

Same here with "working late", but he never checked in to say he was. He just didn't show up lol. Food tasted amazing either way. Screw them all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:42 AM
33

Never again! We were so unbelievably poor for the first 15 yrs of marriage, something I tell my now grown children, because they didn't realize since I always found a way to make things work. It was unbelievably stressful. I was repaid with some horrible emotional abuse which started literally the day after we got married. I'd lock myself in the bedroom while he banged on the door threatening to knock it down. Whatever was nearby would get thrown across the room. He got help from a family member…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:31 AM
7

Thank you FDS, you've given me standards. I didn't have any simply because I didn't have anyone to learn from. What I did learn is to put up with men's abusive ways, learned that from a man lol. The tough love I receive here is much needed because I'm still learning. It feels like I'm slowly emerging from the fog & realizing it's ok to have self worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:58 AM
12

Name it EarNESTo! That's what my daughter calls it when the dog makes his nest out of his blankets 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 10:33 AM
127

It's how I found it! A male going on about how awful it was lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 03:17 AM
2

I was going by personal experience, naming my ex as having done this, but you are absolutely correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 11:11 PM
36

Witnessed this with my brother. The more I got to know him again, the more I realized why his ex (3rd baby mama) left across the state with the kids. He made himself out to be the victim, constantly posting on FB how he's being deprived, whining about having to pay for someone else's kid (the oldest, youngest is his). He willingly signed his name on the birth certificate knowing it wasn't possibly his since she was already pregnant when they met. Somehow even that is her fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 10:38 PM
14

Unfortunately, that name you're looking for is "ex-husband".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:33 PM
34

"I'm a very jealous man." = Insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 05:42 PM
5

After moving back to my hometown, I was reluctant to go out because I'd be stopped by people I went to school with 20 yrs prior. They recognized me, but I didn't always recognize them until they introduced themselves. Only thing running through my mind is how horrible these men have aged. Then I would hear, "I really liked you in high school." Which always sounded kinda desperate. Is this code for, "I'm married, but there's still that chance."? These men think they still got it lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:02 AM
10

They make it so easy, we complicate it. Isn't it nice when we finally decide when enough is enough? It's so freeing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 06:21 AM
8

Also had to let my bff cousin go after she took sides when I was spoken ill of along with a toxic friendship & another who decided to take her frustrations out on me. This was before ADS. Since joining this sub, it reinforced in my mind that those decisions were necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 06:00 AM
21

Well damn. One time I fell asleep on the couch & felt too exhausted to get up (I have a disorder which gives me extreme fatigue). I was in the fetal position cause I was freezing. The ex got up to check on me & walked back to the bedroom. I asked the next morning why he didn't at least throw a blanket on me? All I got was a blank stare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:50 AM
16

Couldn't get halfway though the video, it was too cringy. I can see why she's so confused at the thought of women having standards. If I could go back in time & read the FDS Handbook to young me, I'd be just as confused. 20 yrs of marriage & I never got a wedding ring. Honestly, though, I didnt want one cause I was never in love with my abuser. That was the result of having no standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 07:16 AM
8

While separated, our son mentioned how much his dad spent on his gf to take her to a boring baseball game. I wasn't worried, knew it was just for his money, not his average looks, bald head, short stature, obesity, psoriasis & porn sick. Before that, he kept bringing up how great a restaurant's tacos are & we should go. When I mentioned his suggestion a few days later, he said nevermind cause it's too expensive (he's nowhere near broke). I tried their tacos, mediocre. I make better. Didn't miss …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 10:10 AM
13

The ex is 5'7, but would say he's 5'8". I later found a letter he wrote to his family (we were overseas), while we were dating which said he like me cause I made him feel tall. He didn't seem to like it too well when our son announced he was now taller than his dad. Absolutely no one would mention his height, but he was so self conscious about it. Didn't stop him from flirting, cheating & staring at women's crotches, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 07:17 AM
5

The ex would throw the cell phone out the window then make an immediate u turn to fetch it. It was when cell phones were still & new thing & indestructible. Then the house phone, "throw it, we need a new one anyways."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 02:40 AM
3

I agree 100%. It's such a struggle relearning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 07:50 AM
10

I needed to read these exact comments. Having received the "Hey! I miss you." text, my emotions are playing tug of war.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:14 AM
3

I agree, it is very sad. Nothing we can say about the abuse will make sense to her. She speaks bad about her husband, he speaks bad about her, yet they are made for each other. I haven't lost hope for finding a type of partner as you've mentioned, but at the same time I'm ok with losing that hope. Reading about successful relationships is heartwarming & makes the world not seem so dark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 07:29 AM
50

Witnessed an argument between family members. She was told how messed up it was that her husband holds her against the wall & chokes her during arguments. She paused for about 5 seconds & responded, "but we love each other!" End of argument, what can be said after that 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 06:10 PM
18

I want to hysterically laugh at myself, this was my 20 yr marriage. I set my expectations so low, I was laying on the ground (figuratively) wondering how i got myself in that position. I came here cause I got an "I miss you" message in my blocked numbers. Not an ex. Thanks to FDS, it didn't make it that far. Once he made plans to "hang out" & defaulted, block & delete. The old me would've tried harder to make it happen lol. I owe my sanity to all the shared stories here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 05:30 AM
5

I needed to read this. I've been thinking about an old friend who ghosted me after a long friendship, apologized many years later, I ended up ghosting her after a rude text response when I needed her help. Did I do the right thing? has been going through my mind for around two years. After reading this, I'm convinced it was for the best. Thank you for putting my mind at ease. Having boundaries will cost you friendships, in return gain some self worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:49 AM
3

Him being jealous instead of using the word insecure just puts blame on the woman instead of the parenting he received. It's our fault he wasn't raised properly, it's up to us to endure the parent's failures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:47 PM
2

Growing up, dad was a horrible alcoholic. He was abusive towards his wife, his children & was suicidal (he threatened to end his life in front of us). Mom chose her man over her children. I think that's where some of us get the impression that we can fix these men, cause we've witnessed it, even though it always failed badly. Don't take advice from someone who doesn't have their shit together. She was pushing my sister to leave her husband cause they just didn't like him, but mom wouldn't ever t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:37 PM
34

Growing up, mom would proudly say she didn't hit us kids. She truly believed she had broken the cycle of abuse. Dad did the hitting, but she would wait for him to get home to dump all her frustrations on him, infuriating him enough to hit (beat) us. It was a daily threat since us kids acted as if raised by wolves. As grown ups, she would get emotional (drama queen) about my sister being in an abusive relationship (niece confirmed she wasn't) & she should leave her husband. An advice she herself …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 09:00 AM
20

I never felt safe when married. I'd go to him asking to tell his pervert friend to stop speaking to me the way he did. He'd just laugh it off & say it's just the way he is, just ignore him. A couple of his coworkers whom I've never met, stopped by while he was at work & started saying some vile things. I called the boss directly, warning that I'll call law enforcement if they came back (I warned them not to). Boss man took care of the problem, husband got mad cause I didn't go to him first. Told…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:08 AM
15

With as many female soldiers & vets, Protect should also be added to the list. Many enlist to provide for the family. I knew one girl who enlisted instead of her husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:57 AM
13

Anytime the subject comes up, I recommend being child free. Strange to say, but I believe people who were raised to be codependent don't feel they have a choice but to have children early & many.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:52 AM
7

Never looked at it that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:43 AM
5

During our 20 yr verbally abusive marriage (literally started the day after we got married, no honeymoon), I blamed myself for choosing this man. This man who pretended to be in love with me. This man who I always felt hated me (I feel he's a closeted racist). This man who ended up being more like a child than a grown person, who took all his anxieties out on his entire family, but overdid it with the niceness to other adults & children. And yep, I was the crazy one when I finally left. Your com…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:33 AM
10

You just described my mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:19 AM
10

Don't give him that power any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 04:15 AM
22

Last time the ex got in my face, stomping from across the room as I was vacuuming, I stood my ground & pretended as if he ain't shit. After he was done, I calmly said if he ever did that again, to pack his things & leave. After our next argument, he started sobbing & packing his suitcase. That's when my daughter walked in & of course I was all to blame. His crocodile tears made him out to be a victim. He ended up not leaving, but I did shortly after for fear that it would escalate to be physical…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 04:11 AM
11

That's a new (to me) way to look at it & it makes so much sense. I did feel as if I was in a competition. Especially during the break up, he convinced our son to stay with him. Win! I didn't get both kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:07 AM
40

It's beyond rude, but he said it "jokingly". Only thing I found funny is when I said, at least I had a reason to be fat (he's a short, very obese man who is extremely self conscious about his psoriasis).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 11:37 AM
83

My ex would make a rude comment about my body each time I gave birth while I was still in the hospital. I finally made him get a vasectomy after our 3rd. You really don't come back from those insults.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 10:27 AM
4

As I was reading this, it gave me chills of hope throughout my entire body. What an amazing story & person you are. It's true about family support, I had none at all. My cousin said it must've been that bad at home if you were willing to go to war instead. I did enlist to fight, ended up getting transferred overseas instead. I will say at the time I was disappointed, now not so much. Either way, I ended up in a battle for my life & sanity. I see myself as Vanessa Guillen & all these soldiers tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 01:13 AM
10

Male or female, if they express their desire to join the military, I say NO! For women, you end up fearing for your life. I left the Army approx 25 yrs ago & still hate going out alone. I keep knives, ice picks, wooden bats, etc scattered throughout the yard & house & know where each one is, making sure they're still there on occassion. I'm not afraid of where I live, it's a security blanket. I carry a small knife on my key fob which I keep around my neck while shopping. I have internalized all …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:51 PM
17

Is this why there's so many women against women? Had someone I knew contact me & I fell for his mind games (before FDS). I was in a vulnerable state, he used that to his advantage. His gf asked if I knew about her, I didn't. Stupid me defended him, even after she said she's caught him before, they live together & he's still married. He cheated on his wife. When she contacted me again, I told her what was going on, but I absolutely will not be open to his friendship (we were friends for a few yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 07:34 AM
15

And he's the one who's grinning throughout the mediocre boo-hoo speech. Duper's delight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:41 AM
44

Or to do some heavy lifting. I'm tired of hearing, "quit your bitching" when I need help with heavier items. I'm tiny, not even 5', yet I'm bitching cause I could use some help. It's just deflecting responsibility. If we're made to feel like we're inconveniencing their show watching marathon, then we'll eventually quit asking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:37 AM
7

My condolences. She sounded like a woman so many of us wish we had in our lives. It's almost miraculous when a woman rises up to this greatness with everyone, males & females alike, trying to keep us down. I admire this sub so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 05:34 PM
2

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 07:53 PM
9

He stopped me while I was getting in my car, it's pretty much what I did. Awkward silence...No you don't!...Got in & drove away. Since learning about narcassistic parasites & LVM, my brain no longer wants to comfort such low effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 10:12 PM
11

I've had this happen when he figured out I was out, it was awkward cause he's never said it before. He's emotionally empty, so when he said it, it's as if it was just a casual conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:07 PM
20

We spend a summer with no AC with summers consisting of 100% humidity & temperatures above 100°F. It had central AC, but he refused to fix it. Ended up getting a window unit for the living room, but the bedrooms were still uncomfortably hot. During the winters, he refused to continue using the furnace which kept us toasty, especially during snow & ice storms. His reason? He didn't trust it even though I'd get it serviced every year before using it. He ended up getting ONE oil filled radiant heat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 08:08 AM
5

Traditions suck! In a culture where men don't do any cleaning, you almost can't blame them for having zero remorse on leaving messes. Almost. There is absolutely no excuse for a grown adult to not eventually realize his upbringing isn't compatible with having a long term relationship. He was extremely codependent on his parents & they on him. Funny cause entitled is exactly what I'd call him. He still didn't see it, though. He chose to stay ignorant. My brothers were also brought up the same way…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 04:37 PM
12

You just described my narcassistic ex husband. Reading through these comments had me realize why he loved grilling so much & invited people over to watch him work his magic. He even gave himself a title, Grill Master. Claimed he was the best & he fully believed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 07:10 AM
13

Yep, that's my motto.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 07:01 AM
37

And me like a dummy cleaning the kitchen cause his "I'll do it later" never happens. He probably knew if he waited long enough, I'd do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 07:00 AM
1

Thank you for the link, it was a good read. I especially loved the last sentence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 09:08 PM
4

Once I discovered a group I really liked in my native language (ex doesn't speak this language, but he tried so hard to fit in with the culture, it was pretty pathetic). He started to also listen to this group. Even before realizing what a narcassist was, it always seemed like he would hijack my taste in music. When I played one of their songs, he said, "Remember when you dedicated that song to me?" I got so annoyed, I said I'd never. Now I wonder if he was gaslighting. I wore headphones from th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:47 AM
12

Their reactions to this sub is what got me interested into seeing what it's about. They made it sound like a bunch of out of control chicks, when in reality it's the complete opposite. Right away I thought how those males complaining were insulted cause they're LVM lol. I'm still new to this sub, but its found me at the perfect time I needed it. Thank you everyone for being so open with your experiences, it's therapeutic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:43 AM
28

Thank you for this! Sounds like the last relationship I was in. Even though I wish I would've known these things a few decades ago, it's never too late. Got with a man who convinced me he was outgoing & willing to keep bettering himself. Turns out, he likes sitting in front of the tv for HOURS at a time, DAYS at a time, watching mediocre vampire shows geared towards the younger crowd. That's when I realized, this man is a child!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 02:21 AM
10

My ex also said some kind of remark after the birth. Forgot what it was he said, but it was dumb enough to where I got up & said I was taking a shower (hospital). I was in so much pain, but even that was better than being around him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:56 PM
2

I've been seeing the ex as low value when he's actually a negative! TIL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:51 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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