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MrsJohnMarston__ Archive

View 7 posts and 165 comments by MrsJohnMarston__ on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
679

CULTURAL MISOGYNYMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:43 PM
373

CULTURAL MISOGYNYMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 09:25 PM
347

MINDSET SHIFTMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:08 PM
302

SCROTES MADMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:46 PM
182

CULTURAL MISOGYNYMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 09:08 PM
177

CULTURAL MISOGYNYMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 02:18 AM
47

MALE DEPRAVITYMrsJohnMarston__/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:24 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

((Before FDS)) I’ll edit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 08:34 PM
11

She is quite insufferable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 02:47 PM
10

Well even if he’s not watching it, it may well have damaged his approach to sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 02:46 PM
27

Yeah that’s quite reminiscent of pornography too — “you want this bitch”. It’s treating orgasm as something for him to “unlock”. Where’s the intimacy in that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 10:20 AM
36

If he’s treating orgasm as some object to be achieved like a video game achievement then he’s p0rn sick. He might as well get a sex doll if that’s what he thinks. It should be said when we have sex, we want men to satisfy us but that comes from a place where you’re both unguarded and not trying to control the sex. It might be a yellow flag if a man can’t do this: it might be a sign of him suppressing his emotions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 10:17 AM
43

Oh goodness I remember watching her on Newsnight in the U.K. and she drove me mad. She’s one of these “women just need to be more sexually assertive and the rapists go away” feminists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 09:43 AM
3

Yes I am hoping to do a PhD but I don’t want to stick around because cba with academia politics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 06:17 PM
5

Yes it is and this is something I’ve done because, I don’t really know... maybe I though it was “empowering?” 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 05:53 PM
6

Yes this is relatable. Although I’m lucky enough to have encountered men who are good at conversation though and will properly engage. But there’s so many men who feel the need for their egos to be constantly stroked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 03:07 PM
1

Yeah women are far more self-conscious even among friends not to divulge all their MH issues, or not in a way which is demanding help from others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 02:41 PM
96

It’s liberalism though: it’s freedom of choice becomes one of obligation. It’s why the push towards violence is sex as a choice, in reality has become one of obligation — “vanilla shaming”. I really like Žižek, although his political understanding is poor, he’s very good at highlighting the hypocrisies of liberal societies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 02:33 PM
4

Absolutely. I like that it it’s women causing the stigma here and not the fact it’s toxic masculinity and men refusing to get help /s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 09:05 AM
6

Mood for life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 03:21 AM
18

Yep that’s absolutely fair. I’m done with society judging women for being assertive over their dating choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 01:11 AM
65

“Dating is not a democracy” FDS slogan right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 12:59 AM
10

Oh my, that just breaks my heart, but I’m glad you’ve found that self-love, it otherwise definitely eats away at us. We can find the strength somehow to survive and end the cycle ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 12:50 AM
110

100% This weeks podcast they flip the “well it’s her choice when it comes to BDSM” to ask “what kind of men enjoy doing this to women?” Speaking from experience, I thought I might be into some BDSM, but now I actually understand that through my “sexual assertiveness” I was actually a performer for men. I thought I wanted to be slapped during sex because it would arouse men and that turned me on. Of course, this sex didn’t make me orgasm because I was acting for their gaze. When I dropped my sexu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:55 PM
10

Ohhhhh yessss I commented on this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:14 PM
5

I think to say I reject consent as a concept is quite challenging and provocative, so I understand why you disagree. Speaking from experience I don’t think I have ever verbally consented to sex. Consent requires you to be able to disclose your desires, it requires you to have inner knowledge of what you want — it’s quite burdensome and I believe it objectifies your sexuality and makes sex performative. My experience of good sex didn’t need me to say “yes, I want this” it happened in a context of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:03 PM
8

Yes, that’s what I was meaning. It’s discussed quite often in FDS why women don’t outwardly say “no” — I consider myself a confident person but it doesn’t mean that I haven’t become intimidated by men, especially when they wanted to have sex with me. I’ve never mentioned this before but when I was in America I remember being peer pressured into sex — I was being encouraged to have sex with a guy at the hostel I was staying at. Then the next nights we had sex because I didn’t want him to kick up …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:30 PM
14

I certainly don’t think it’s her fault at all. My point is that consent discourse is part of this broader “cOmMiNiCate” nonsense (like the OP has pointed out). When men should know not to assault you. Constantly the responsibility has burdened women. The point about objectification is one where you feel as if you’re being made the object of sex, the “desired”. Whereas good sex comes from a place where you’re two people entwined. If someone assaults you it’s because they’ve dehumanised you to an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 12:56 PM
15

I don’t think this was my point, that it wasn’t assault. I’m saying consent doesn’t protect women from assault. It’s pointless having a conversation in my mind with him about this because he obviously doesn’t understand that. It’s clear that he views her as an object of his desire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 11:35 AM
46

You don’t know how right you are there. The more you “clap back” the more it hurts when they don’t respond. God I needed FDS when I was younger!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 09:44 AM
26

Oh my goodness. This is horrible. Sexual politics are not easy to navigate and this shows you that “consent” doesn’t work: it always forces the onus on the woman to say yes and no. The point is that good sex is something which comes from a place of mutual vulnerability. It’s not about constantly having to worry about about pleasing your partner. What I would ask her is if she felt she could only have sex on the grounds that she feels desirable — if so, then this will objectify her and she will c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 09:19 AM
18

One of my BF had to cut off a friendship a few years back with an old high school friend because he was emotionally draining. He would constantly use her as a therapist. And he also crashed at her parents when she wasn’t in town. He refused to go get help but happy to drain her energy constantly for attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:43 PM
3

I’d love to go back and play tennis but I need to stop procrastinating about getting my driving license, so need some recap lessons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:10 PM
5

Yes. Me and one of my BF will be getting drunk outside on cocktails🍹
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:02 PM
6

Not on here, this was by a ‘friend’ but she basically judged me for going out with someone who had a house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:56 PM
4

It certainly helps. I definitely got shamed for being in a relationship with someone who owned property.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 05:50 PM
23

The only bill I pay is for my phone. But then I live with someone who owns their house out right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 03:19 PM
11

Oh yes. I haven’t read this but Mary Harrington talks about intersectionality in feminism (in light of Foucault’s paedophillia) https://unherd.com/thepost/foucaults-attitude-to-sex-lives-on-in-intersectional-feminism/ I always greet male feminists with suspicion... I don’t need my OH to tell me he respects women, because he does it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 12:02 PM
23

P0rnhub saying that it’s consensual content hahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:50 AM
26

Well yeah we’ve got a bunch of right-wing libertarians in charge. Wish I was seeing more from Labour though on it. Someone’s got to feel that this needs changing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:11 AM
26

Well one questions whether that’s bona fide intersectionality when it’s not even acknowledging the racism in a lot of p0rn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:09 AM
168

I really think p0rn is fxcking evil. Seems little effort is being made to even regulate it and it’s out of control: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/3e3d501a-9484-11eb-84a3-79b283cc3ba8?shareToken=eb543757b8eb1bb3938f2401854de26d
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 12:15 AM
2

Yeah the sex work stuff is something you hear amongst (some) male MPs in Labour. Surprisingly un-socialist to my mind. Like when did they get to decide 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 06:41 PM
20

I’ve said it before but I have introvert fiancé who asked me out. It’s just a lie ZVM/LVM use to deflect from their own inadequacies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 03:43 PM
26

I love Future Nostalgia. For the most part she sings with authority, not passivity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 10:25 AM
113

It is totally screwed up. Making them the master of their own mothers history of abuse and exploitation. Female agency is non-existent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 05:48 PM
434

Ah yes let’s ask men to make judgements on the exploitation their mothers suffered at the hands of other men by turning it into a question about the mothers morality 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 05:32 PM
33

I’ve found this true for myself. But then intelligence and intellect are part of what I’m looking for. I’m sure my OH has a high IQ but if you started saying that you were looking for a guy with a minimum 125 IQ these losers would still be complaining. They know they have nothing to offer which is why they resent us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 08:09 AM
98

So “negging” was popularised (especially here in the U.K.) during the mid-00s. He’s a little older than me and it’s something he saw at University. We still had things like “lad culture” at this time swayed by “lads mags”. He remembers guys (Fuckbois) at Uni who used negging to pick up women then (my OH does not understand this at all but then he witnessed emotional abuse from a step parent when he was a child). The notion that men can dismiss these techniques as something of a weird online miso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 07:39 PM
5

I can’t say whether this feels like 50/50 but this is what happens in my house: — He does our child’s bedtime EVERY night because he WANTS to do her bedtime — He does the majority of the vacuuming — He unloads the dishwasher/fills it about 80-90% of the time it needs doing — He still cooks 2/3 times a week — He does 4/7 breakfasts with our child — He cooks 3-4 dinners for our child — On a night, he does most of the nighttime changes if our child wakes up When neither of us cooks we get a take aw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 07:19 PM
29

This is an excellent strategy, it should be pinned. I’m fairly lucky that pornsickness hasn’t affected my relationship that much. In fact, it was me who seemed to suggest the “kink” stuff — while I haven’t ever consumed that much myself it definitely had a second hand affect through the kinds of sex I was having with men on ONS (which is why every woman should avoid them). The porn my OH watched before we got together he had on DVD which seems so old fashioned. But I’ve had a nagging curiosity t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 08:04 PM
11

I definitely agree men aren’t victims. But there are individual men who profit far more off pornography than a lot of the individual men who watch it. In other words, porn has both high-profiting and low-profiting dividends. Of course individual men can pretend they don’t have agency, but they do in their choice to consume it. This drives demand for more extreme pornography — p0rnsick limp d*ck — they saddle themselves with ED. Well you should have made better choices. Once you have a generation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 05:44 PM
30

That’s so on point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 04:17 PM
200

I’m beginning to see now that there are a lot of men who feign to be left-wing, but when it comes to women demanding to be treat like a human being and not a prostitute then they get proper triggered. There’s always been a misogynistic streak to the political left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 02:45 PM
26

A man on Facebook (not related to feminism) didn’t even bother to spell my name correctly to patronise me earlier. Whether it’s high/low brow patronising, men are certainly experts at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 02:27 PM
28

I agree with that. It’s easy cash for a small number of rich men who invest in porn like the Murdochs. It gives the male viewers a false impression of domination and authority while occluding the real financial benefactors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 01:05 PM
11

I’ve always been of the left but very much danced to the beat of my own drum. I feel I’ve always been willing to interrogate my views on a number of issues. This was something I experienced particularly in 6th form before University. I’ve learned how to steel myself through debate. The issue is always one of good faith. If someone wants to discuss critically then that’s fine. What I don’t deal in is people being disingenuous. What I’m quite conscious about now as someone who is on the political …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 12:33 PM
52

I do think there’s a psychological reason it appeals to men. I’m not sure if it’s inherent as much as latent tendency which is reinforced by powerful outlets of the patriarchy. That said, if we can exercise agency and challenge it then so can men. I’m not one for false-class consciousness so I’m not going to let men off the hook for saying they’re brainwashed by society 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 12:11 PM
163

There’s been some good posts and comments on FDS about who ‘owns’ or investing in porn. As power structures are self-replicating they find new ways to respond to potential threats which undermine their interests. This is why we’re seeing this abuse of women being sold off as “eMp0wErMeNt”. These moguls are so keen to profit off abuse of women because they know that men are attracted to being dominant over women, as this planet has forever taught them that. When you’ve got at least 50% of the pop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 10:29 AM
159

Huh apparently taking your kids to the park is a massive chore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 08:20 PM
55

One of the problems preventing me from writing good essays in my undergraduate was an unwillingness to be more assertive in my arguments. When I started being more assertive, I got better marks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:46 PM
18

Just enjoy college! When I was 19 I had my first bf and he was a LVM, I was dumped on FB messenger. My response was something similar to yours: I would just date casually and hook up on ONS. But all it did was mess with my brain and cause me oxytocin hangovers. I suppose the other way to look at is if one day you’re together with a HVM, it’ll be cool to look back and say you didn’t get any unnecessary drama. You lived 100% putting your needs first. 19 and at college is a fantastic age: you could…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 09:56 PM
78

So I have a couple of thoughts: I wouldn’t bother dating in your position. If you don’t want anything serious, just focus on yourself first. I think chances are you’ll end up expending a lot of emotional energy to someone you’re not planning a LTR. I think FWB is hard to master and risks playing with your oxytocin. The way I look at these situations is if you invest in yourself first then you’ll always have that. My fiancé met a few times at social events before he asked me out. I said no (not b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 09:21 PM
34

It’s quite sad, even if it’s self-inflicted. After I had my child, there was a gap in sex because of my episiotomy. Apparently he’d jerk off to thinking about sex with me, which I find okay 👌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 05:25 PM
60

I would expect that if I didn’t get a PIV orgasm that at least I have clitoral one. TBH I’ve actually made sure now I don’t touch myself during sex to make sure he’s doing the work to get me off. That said, when I’ve come PIV before him, I let him finish. But good men make sure you cum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 06:41 AM
19

Yeah, probably. I mean my name is a little bit of a joke. I often have a back and forth with my partner over who is the more sexier character on the video games Red Dead Redemption 1/2. Obviously I say John Marston. If you google John Marston (or visit the RDR reddit) there's a picture of a very ruggedly handsome cowboy. My OH is nothing like that. I am a bit of a geek, maybe a nerd. In one of our earliest conversations we were speaking about our favourite Pope (lol funnier because we're both at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 08:25 PM
4

Absolutely this. I’ve also had my own MH problems, if I thought my OH was having issues I’d be sympathetic but I would expect him to engage in getting support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:28 AM
22

Yes absolutely. It’s quite interesting to see who is actually invested in a lot of this “woke” media. I expect it from the Trad Con and classic media outlets, but it’s outlets like Vice which I am more suspicious of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:32 PM
17

I wasn’t unhappy about having my daughter at 26. Both my parents are in their 50s and we get support from my partners mum. But we were able to do so because we currently have no mortgage to pay. I definitely emphasise that there’s no right age to have kids, if you want them, there’s advantages and disadvantages at different times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 12:33 PM
33

I feel similarly. Her sister in the end does start to live like a HVW too. I think the parallel journeys would be my interpretation too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:07 AM
10

Maybe if he’d been an attentive husband, he would have given her a perineal massage which helps reduce the chances of an episiotomy. I’ve honestly never heard of this, though I’m British. I’ve had a baby and I had an episiotomy (I was stitched up by the midwife). It did take a while before I wanted to have sex again. I saw a gynob (a woman) who said the scars were healing fine, though sex might still be uncomfortable. I realise now that I have a pretty HV man because he never pestered me for sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 10:24 AM
3

Let me inbox you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 09:44 AM
8

That was my thought 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 09:43 AM
21

Yeah 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 10:10 PM
36

I mean defence is important but yeah, this is not right or proper. Anything to take away from male offending though innit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 10:08 PM
43

Well we can wish that sexual politics should be different (and I genuinely want it to change) but unfortunately no, we are punished and judged by society for wanting and having sex. It just seems unimaginable how you have had sex would have any relevance to someone else’s sexual behaviour, but here we are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 10:06 PM
168

There was a case in the U.K. about a young woman who was raped by a footballer. He was convicted the first time. But he was able to appeal it by... and brace yourself for this... discussing HER sexual history in court. So they had men in court she’d had sex with saying she enjoyed having sex while on all fours and apparently asked for it harder. This was supposedly relevant to another man r*ping this woman. It was hard not to read about that and think, hey this could have easily been me. Oh yes.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 09:41 PM
17

Welcome, it’s disturbing how pretty much every woman has a moment where they think “sh*t this is it”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:11 PM
142

The amount of mental gymnastics it takes to get yourself thinking that’s acceptable is just 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 12:14 AM
13

Ooh thanks. He definitely appeals to my moral sensibilities 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 07:51 PM
89

Him getting off to women who are very probably being exploited would be enough to make my dry as the Sahara. Watching p*rn is to support abuse of women and you are absolutely right to set that as a deal-breaking boundary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 06:08 PM
1

Yeah I don’t know what to say other than that you’re amazing for doing what you’re doing. It makes me angry that the resources aren’t often there or are made so difficult to locate in the first place (hey there Tory government). If we think of all the other things women have to put up with, it’s just unnecessarily adding to the distress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 11:55 AM
29

Edit: I just hate how women’s spaces are policed by people who go around sharing child p*rn. But these things almost seem inevitable because hey, look it’s us challenging men and if we do the slightest thing or wrong. These are exactly the same people who would exclude actual women from their version of feminism. This policing is never done to male dominated spaces. We’re imbued with this extra layer of virtue. (And I say this as someone who has actually called out “hate” where it has actually h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:40 PM
9

So I’ll happily admit that both me and my partner are public sector so we don’t have a massive joint income but he inherited a house and some savings. Because there’s no mortgage we live comfortably (and British so free healthcare). There’s literally no way we’d have a child together now if we weren’t comfortable. I absolutely sympathise with women who want a partner with a 6 figure (or equivalent salary). We don’t need to be saddled by someone else’s poorer financial situation and lack of ambit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:28 PM
1

I think she’s great. I’m not sure what I personally think of her views on mental illness and psychiatry though, but I give her kudos for making the argument.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 10:13 AM
14

Yeah I don’t think 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 12:06 AM
52

This case made my blood boil. He was very evidently dangerous. Just too many of these cases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 08:39 PM
87

I feel this is why FDS emphasis on looking after your mental health and maintaining it is SO IMPORTANT. Someone on Social Media was giving me stick for supporting FDS because of the advice on mental health. But I said it’s there, because it prevents you from being exploited by RPers and other horrible L/ZVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 05:26 PM
91

Wanting to “get off” is not a therapeutic reason. People who are both able bodied and disabled go without sex: it’s not an entitlement ffs. And if it wasn’t sexual, you wouldn’t need a woman somehow either 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 04:35 PM
21

I could bet my bottom dollar as well if there was a thread here on “avoid dating men with a below average IQ” that there’d be a whole crowd banging on about “don’t stupid men deserve love too”. The issue is totally with women’s autonomy and us having the freedom to decide who we want to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:10 PM
40

Yeah scrote has made it into my lexicon now too 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 09:34 PM
32

Yeah. When I was about 19 I had cars pulling up with men asking if I wanted to get in (no thanks, lol). I’m pretty sure now that these were men were groomers thinking I was probably 15 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 08:44 PM
23

That’s also amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 08:31 PM
258

I have to praise FDS for introducing me the phrase “community dick”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 07:00 PM
14

Well when I got to the end I realised all of the above is essentially encapsulated in that quote 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 10:57 PM
116

1) Don’t feel you ‘need’ to be in a relationship unless that relationship is bringing something positive to your life/positively compliments your life. 2)... Sex is not a necessarily positive aspect of a relationship. Unless he’s making he making you cum (I’m speaking PIV) you’ll be happy enough with a vibrator. 3) The best sex you will experience is not performative: you can trick yourself into becoming aroused, but it doesn’t particularly lead you to the best sex 4) In the words of Slavoj Žiže…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 10:20 PM
81

When I was young I read a book by Babette Cole called “Princess Smartypants” who refuses to marry all the (probably unvetted) suitors and she goes off and does her Queen Sh*t. That’s the princess narrative we all need 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:44 PM
4

I don’t think I ever really acknowledged it until recently, well the first time I spoke openly about it beyond my partner was last week before we lit our candle for Sarah Everard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 09:34 PM
26

Thanks for your perspective, it certainly helps me to be a better ally. I definitely agree with you. A lot of the framing I was seeing in the U.K. seemed to be couching it as another COVID attack, at least early on. There’s absolutely no denying that the forces of racism and misogyny intertwine. These are not some abstracted concepts, they are real forces which are reflected in women’s lived experience. Which is why you’re correct to argue that they have equal weighting — you can’t separate and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 02:28 PM
6

Yeah bc trafficking and abuse doesn’t happen in p0rn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 10:27 AM
8

BDSM is not a sexual orientation FFS. You are right it’s like a privileged hobby. And yeah the whole performative aspect of sex at the moment lends itself rather well to that and consent is not a great concept for keeping women free from sexual violence, let alone giving women high quality sexual experiences. It’s actually boR1nG vAn1llA s3x which is likely to make you cum. It’s as if they’re using BDSM because they struggle to be intimate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 08:33 AM
11

Yeah... erm it seems that way. Seemed to be unmoved by the numerous counts I posted to him including Grace Millaine and We Can’t Consent To This... an article about brain damage caused by asphyxiation 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 12:02 AM
19

That’s disgusting. Also doesn’t surprise me that Armie Hammer has been accused of rape either 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 10:03 PM
36

Yes, the most terrifying moment of my life was standing at a tram stop (alone) at night on my year abroad while waiting for friends in this industrial area. While I was waiting a massive car with tinted windows pulled up and this massive bald guy was yelling at me in a foreign language. It was terrifying. I remember just freezing. I think I tried to suppress the trauma by taking drugs and hooking up with an unvetted stranger...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 09:40 PM
22

Oh it’s depressing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 08:37 PM
57

That’s the most hilarious thing, he’s judging my sex life to be boring. Weirdly enough I don’t need to be beaten/strangled/bitten and called a filthy whore to reach orgasm and I don’t think any of those things would make me cum either 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 08:37 PM
33

A charmer for sure!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 08:01 PM
61

Well earlier in the thread he decided to make a joke about strangling women until they ‘almost’ pass out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:59 PM
159

Hahahahahaha they’re proper triggered by thought of women making money. Why do you care pal? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 06:28 PM
2

I think I disagree because someone with an addictive personality can become addicted to anything. It’s the dopamine hit. I also don’t think it helps if a man has a seriously unhealthy interest in porn to dissuade them from taking steps away from it. Porn can condition men into very unhealthy and scary sexual interests. I think that is particularly true of men in their early 20s who grew up watching teen porn and are still hooked on it and they’re starting to drift towards paedophilia. I mean, yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 06:04 PM
60

Also the Nordic system doesn’t decriminalise the purchase of sex. Morons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 04:59 PM
95

Congratulations on submitting that Doctoral thesis! As FDS says: you have to drag him, you gotta ditch him 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 04:56 PM
78

This is so boss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 02:50 PM
14

The denial of pathology here seems to alarmingly preclude that these events are actually not preventable. That the suspect was almost innately imbued with a hatred of women. Now to me this is a secular version of Calvinism: that both the world and individuals are corrupted with sin which cannot be forgiven and reconciled (vis-a-vis Catholicism in the main). It’s suggesting that it’s almost the wrong kind of man engaging with pornography and sex work, rather than these being pathologies within so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 02:43 PM
41

I’m currently reading “Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good” by Katherine Angel and it totally challenges the lexicon of consent we’ve been using. (When I’m finished I’ll write a book review here).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 11:32 PM
26

I have a introverted partner but he took the lead asking me out. Well then he waited until I was ready. A guy who tends to be quiet would show his interest if he wanted to. This is definitely an excuse. If they like a woman enough, they can take the initiative. Anything else is fishing for female validation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 02:46 PM
45

I agree but the spin from the media seems to be bracketing it into the same as other attacks on the Asian American community (due to COVID), rather than a misogynistic attack with an underlying racist current. The Guardian seems to be refusing the misogynistic element altogether.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 11:01 PM
37

Tell him you’re not. You can do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 10:27 PM
72

So when I have a bad day and call my OH he comes home with something nice for me wine, flowers or something else I liked and we’d order takeaway. I used to consider this “special” but this is pretty much my standard now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 07:16 PM
66

Thanks. Not sure it was entirely lacking in a racist element (if he’d been there before) but I’m just flabbergasted that major news outlets weren’t focusing on the gendered or sex-working aspects. (Well that was the case this morning on BBC). Definitely pours cold water over the whole “let’s decriminalise the purchase of sex — it’s safer for women” brigade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 04:17 PM
117

I noticed this as well! On BBC news they were not even noting the blatantly misogynistic nature of it. I’m sure it’s racist. But, it’s an attack on fundamentally on vulnerable women. HOW IS THAT DETAIL MISSING???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:50 PM
6

I've been thinking about this question for a couple of days. In my late 20s now and I've been trying to navigate my way through Feminism for a number of years. I loved sociology and I was inspired at 11/12 after reading those "Intro to Sociology/Feminism". So there I became a "feminist". It was a simple feminism one which just posited that women and men are equal. Then it didn't really develop too much again until I went to University. I was then introduced to the 'facets' of liberal feminism. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 12:43 PM
23

I noticed how BBC news said Police haven’t yet established if it was racially motivated... Which is probably true but totally neglected to mention that regardless, it’s a misogynistic attack. But also goes to show that decriminalising the purchase of sex doesn’t make women safer does it 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 09:09 AM
93

Things which could help women feel safer (at least here in the U.K.) • Fast tracking rape and sexual assaults • Giving adequate sentences for those offenders • Take a proactive approach in challenging men who demonstrate “red-flag” behaviours. • Proper education for young boys about behaviour and deconstructing sexist attitudes which prevent them from addressing concerns with their behaviour. Not going to help: • Random covert police who you’re unsure that you can trust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:11 AM
21

My fiancé who’s really into video games (hates gaming culture) said he doesn’t like zero-suit Samus because it unnecessarily sexualises her. He thinks it detracts from her being a super awesome heroine and reduces her to a sex object.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:01 PM
4

It’s interesting how different kinds of positions invoke that sense of “performance”. We’re sooooo conditioned into performing in sex. I’ve really missed cowgirl (it’s what I call on top) bc of the episiotomy, but like with the other positions I need to give a degree of adjustment (I don’t do “reverse cowgirl” bc it’s never comfortable).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 05:28 PM
48

This reminds me that back in my sEx p0sItIv3 days of hook-ups that I was using those ONS to give myself an oxytocin boost. When what I actually needed was therapy and learning how to self-soothe. You do not need men to make you happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 05:05 PM
7

Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 01:22 PM
24

Well rediscovering my sex life again following the healing of my episiotomy, has been an interesting experience. I found (after joining FDS) was refocusing on my sexual pleasure. It should have foreplay which arouses you: massages, kissing, delicate touching. It should bring you right into the moment. You can use gentle guidance and he should pick up on it (if you want him to touch you somewhere). They want to perform oral sex and make you cum. When you begin penetrative intercourse you should b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:44 PM
23

A friend told me when reported her sexual assault to the police the officer rang her back and said “who put you up to this”. Not an uncommon attitude there I’m afraid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:06 PM
102

My anxiety has increased this week and I now know why: we’re under constant threat as women. I feel it’s fundamentally unsafe to be a woman. The police have been problematic in different forces but the Met and GMP take the biscuit for sexism and racism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 08:10 AM
18

I’ve found generally speaking a lot of the religious communitarian left get this too. Separately, I heard Shelagh Fogarty on LBC telling a caller that her former colleagues could burn in hell for their sexual harassment of her. But she has Irish-Catholic roots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 05:13 PM
14

I was thinking that, I bet anything he’s got a covert p*rn addiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 12:22 PM
23

Also that he’s allowed out of jail because of his family. What about his children and wife? Is he not an immediate risk to them. Those children need putting on the child protection register.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 08:52 AM
15

That “defence” is very commonly used.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 08:46 AM
8

I consider myself pretty gutsy but, I honestly don't think when I've had perverted men near harassing me that I've screamed or started a physical altercation with them. Fear kicks in. As much as my rage-filled heart wants to stab them in the eye, it never plays out that way. Those power-dynamics feel very real. Maybe when I'm walking at a pace and at a distance, I might go "fxck off" to a cat-caller but there's literally no circumstance I could think of that I might walk up to a bloke and tell t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 12:07 AM
7

Thank you, this is the sisterhood I live for ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 10:35 PM
55

Fab post! I’m currently in a healthy relationship with my fiancé and child, long before I found FDS. Even though my relationship is good I’m not sure I would do things the same way (mainly not being married before having my child). I like that FDS keeps me on my toes and that I’m looking to see how my fiancé is behaving like a HVM. But before my fiancé, my first and only other bf was at 19 and it was so damaging to me. I learned not to bother with a relationship unless you established you shared…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 01:53 PM
2

It's from the FDS website: SeXuAl eMp0wErmeNt https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/post/sexual-empowerment-and-why-fds-does-not-support-bdsm-abuse-kink I suppose the key take-away is this: "The goal of our sexual empowerment strategy is not to make yourself sexy to men, but to make men sexy to you and satisfy you sexually first and foremost. "
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:27 AM
32

She’s certainly tedious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 10:06 PM
16

This piece is incredible and I’m reading the book right now. I was reading the article on FDS which was about the male gaze and that made the difference for me about how I have sex and what enjoyment I actually get from it. I realised that even in my relationship with my HV fiancé that our sex wasn’t always hitting the spot. But I realised that too often I was “performing” for him. After this I totally had to rewire my brain. Then we had sex and my focus was totally on his pleasuring of me and i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 10:05 PM
33

Thanks for sharing this, this is such an important place to share this. You got it here before me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 09:02 PM
115

I see she’s locked her account now. Probably complaining she’s getting “deranged abuse” or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 08:28 PM
5

Well given I know someone who was murdered by a man with MH problems, I’m going to go ahead and say, women are probably best to avoid those men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 10:45 AM
7

It’s the video game Red Dead Redemption. But I love Drag Race! It’s pretty cool that I can put RDR and I’m switching between animated cowboys and Drag Queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 09:31 PM
11

Oooh thanks! I particularly like shooting all the horrible men attacking women 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:38 PM
297

That these men all think they’re entitled to a relationship with MM is just gross. Nobody owes you a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:58 PM
96

100% this though. I had an emotionally stunted 1st bf, who broke up with me on FB messenger (should have just blocked then and there). I felt like things were going south weeks before but he (falsely) reassured me. I’m sure we had sex after this point. I was fxcking livid. But because I didn’t delete and block, I ended up going on his Tumblr because he kept writing pseudo-cryptic bull about how he couldn’t explain why he hurt me. In all honesty it never helped. It didn’t even get him to return m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 11:54 PM
94

When I eventually went on a date with my now fiancé (I was too busy focusing on my MA when he first asked), I was pretty skint. I’m sure I said that I was a bit broke. He honestly did not care. We went out and had a meal followed by a drink before I went and chilled with a friend. The fact a man pays for a date, is firstly, show that they respect the effort you’ve gone to get ready and secondly, if this man sees himself as a potential husband, then it shows you that he’s willing to invest in you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 04:40 PM
3

I have a gorgeous daughter. Would be happy to have more. Either our own or through adoption.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 07:33 AM
49

I’m British and the coverage is just getting ridiculous. I’m just like they’re grown-ass people who can decide who they want to speak to and who they don’t. Not surprised that as a couple in love they want to enjoy their young family and choose what to do with their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:23 PM
12

Yeah... Nah. So my fiancé and father of my beautiful daughter, asked me out first. It just doesn’t happen the other way around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 08:47 AM
67

I feel this article by Sonia Sodha (journalist for The Observer here in the U.K.) covers elements of this cultural misogyny Expanding womens prisons is inhumane
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 07:42 PM
30

Well and truly fxck that sh*t. Set it on fire!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 01:02 AM
5

Yeah that’s trash. I live with my partner who owns his house outright because it’s an inheritance, but I said from early on this isn’t where I want to live long term, we need somewhere bigger, but seeing as I’ve inherited some money, I want my name on the mortgage. The most important thing in my situation is that me and our daughter are on his will, but then I live in the U.K. and it’s not a super litigious society so if you can prove financial dependency, it often finds in your favour in those …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 09:48 AM
7

That’s gross. My friend had her sexual assault case dropped because even despite her being willing to return to the U.K. so now there’s a sexual predator out on the streets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 12:01 PM
3

👍 Edit: it’s a shame there’s no tag specifically for TW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:11 AM
42

I think the worst aspect beyond the horrific individual trauma is that the criminal justice system is complicit in allowing violence against women to go unpunished. In the U.K. it’s now common practice for the CPS to run their own internal “trials” before deciding what goes before a jury. This is true of rape, sexual assault and any kind of physical abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:07 PM
26

Yes I’m not sure it had a sexual context at all, but it seems like CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) had already conducted its own ‘trial’ and decided that he could credibly be use that “she asked for it” as a defence and therefore wouldn’t prosecute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 06:15 PM
33

Thanks for promoting the TW. Will add the TW if I can, new to posting and I’m on my phone so trying to navigate the post functions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 05:27 PM
3

Yeah it’s ridiculous. My partners father died at the end of 2019. Just found out today that his life insurance paid out to his partner (who earned more money and had more stable income because his father had bipolar). It’s like he couldn’t even leave money for his own children and grandchildren. Actually kind of glad he never met our daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 07:19 PM
13

This is just my view I guess, but you might hit an obstacle in your life and then you’ll look to them and they don’t give you the support that you need. It’s a cliche but it’s when life throws it’s challenges you find out who your real friends are and I guess, which men actually want to offer their unconditional love and support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 03:53 PM
72

So some in my family created a myth around my estranged grandfather, a narcissist, that he was still decent. Even though he refused to pay child support (for context we’re British) and went off with a new woman. Apparently he’s “okay” though because he wanted my Nana back. Nope. He was a rubbish dad (especially to my dad and uncle). But because he supposedly regretted his choices he’s better than the worst 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 07:58 PM
5

I think that’s a fair comment. I understand where you’re coming from, if you’re just hanging with some guy and he’s not even like stated if he wants the same things as you, it would be silly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 11:42 AM
3

I suppose it’s more dependent on where you are in your relationship. I couldn’t be bothered pursuing a relationship with anyone who didn’t share the same aspirations for life as me, so unsurprisingly, when I found my fiancé, we referred to each other as partners fairly early on. I would only really use gf/bf if I was with someone who hadn’t yet made more serious commitments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 11:37 AM
2

I suppose it’s an ideological block because it would mean having to decouple the concept of feminism as ruthless self-interest from liberalism. But on a personal level, like even in my healthy relationship FDS improved the quality of my sex, so if it’s uncool to want more orgasms then so be it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:15 PM
26

I saw one promoting asphyxiation on Heathline
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 07:15 PM
48

Has anyone else noted how articles promoting asphyxiation seem to place emphasis on a woman’s “pleasure” rather than ask what kind of “enjoyment” men get out of strangling and beating women? It’s almost as if it’s societal misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 07:10 PM
6

Yep. You can also couple that sexual objectification with women experiencing lower quality sexual satisfaction, which my generation (Gen Y) have not been more open and honest about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 01:56 PM
4

Even though I’m in a committed relationship, I’m trying to channel this kind of energy into my own sex life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:55 PM
2

Probably about a year ago I tried to look up my first and only previous bf (I was 19 then). Luckily for me there’s nothing I could really see. I (now 28) have a HVM and we have a daughter together and he makes me realised how I should have been treated compared to my 1st (LVM) bf. My LVM bf caused a lot of hurt and made me feel used, who couldn’t really get a grip on his emotions. And damn, it hurt because he was my first too. But sh*t. Why the hell I do that though??? Not. Again. Now I know wha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 10:50 AM
6

Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt from Parks and Rec I don’t want to give spoilers if you haven’t watched but in the very last episode Ben puts himself aside for Leslie and it’s just heart-warming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 12:45 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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