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MsunuKany0k0 Archive

View 0 posts and 46 comments by MsunuKany0k0 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Yes the two combined I choose to pay my ex’s mortgage as alimony but I had to pay it off within 6 years which is when the support would. We had two properties so that helped but I saved her a bunch of interest this way (3.50 rate) and ensured my “alimony” went a lot further without her having to refi. Not sure she understood what I was doing but that wasn’t the point Pick the best attorneys in your area because that also taints one’s she can hire since they have consulted with you. There are usu…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 07:01 PM
2

I don’t know nc law and am based in a different state However you should do a web search to figure out what your child support is going to be. I found the calculator pretty easily Alimony is determined by the judge so it depends on what y’all can agree to before a judge decides. It is income based so that’s another thing Maybe consult with an attorney so you know what you may have to deal with. I talked to a couple attorneys prior to the divorce and used that to form a basis of what to expect. I…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 06:53 PM
2

Take it one day at a time. A concept that helped me a bunch was radical acceptance. I had to accept that was my reality no matter how much I didn’t want it to go down like that. I hated it and was the hardest thing I had to do Try to find a support group. Search this forum and there is a divorce men’s group on WhatsApp that is really useful
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:03 AM
1

Kid will never know life with yall together so he will see it as normal for him. It will be different for you Hopefully you have 50/50 or close to it so you can be part of your kids life as much as possible
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 12:44 PM
5

I had a friend that had surgery and went to a rehab facility for a few weeks after hip surgery and got through the worst of it
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:38 PM
5

She accuses me of being the fun dad. I’m just very intentional with the time I have with my daughter. I try to plan things she will enjoy or even just watching her favorite show together. I look forward to the off weeks because I recharge and get ready to go again the next time I have her. I clean the house, hang out with friends and try to catch up on chores. It sucks when she leaves; switch day is Sunday for me so I try to have a good plan of what I want to do that day especially to keep me fr…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 07:29 PM
7

Not sure what country you are in but after 18 in the us the child is considered an adult and no child support. The rest you need to get an attorney and stop letting her tell you what you are going to do. Talk to a lawyer before you decide to move out because it can affect the final outcome. You need an attorney to help you through this. Dont rely on her
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 04:29 PM
6

Agreed with nothing. That’s in the past and when you divorced the clock stopped
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 09:42 PM
1

I think slowing your contributions makes sense especially if it’s only 12 months. You can restart at the end of that period. If you have a match feature you should try to do at least that much since it’s free money If things are better than expected you could start at least partial contributions
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 11:38 PM
3

You have to learn to forgive yourself for your past decisions and accept whatever happened happened because that was what needed to happen and not necessarily what you may have wanted. Practice radical acceptance of this reality. You have to keep living in the present and not in the past: you cannot change the past, the truth and other people but you can change YOUR attitudes, actions and beliefs
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 11:37 AM
2

Truth here I went through the same journey and I had to find that love in myself. I’m starting the process of dating again but through organic meetings. I was lucky and found a singles group and have met some peops through that. Find friend groups that may meet up. Try Meetups app for interests; I attended a few game nights, vinyl nights to meet new people. I found some community and you don’t need a woman to validate you. It starts within. I didn’t really see my value until I went to therapy an…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 04:03 AM
3

It’s time to accept the reality in front of you and practice radical acceptance. Leave contact to being about the children and grey rock your way through this. It seems you wanted therapy to help the relationship but that’s done. You even need to let go of the words she told you about not dating till after the divorce. You cant trust her to keep her word and that is your new reality. She has let go of your marriage and is with another now. Accept this as hard as it is Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:47 AM
8

In my experience You mileage may vary
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:26 PM
3

I had to accept I made bad choices which led to a terrible lack of trust. I tried to be fair with her through the divorce and now I’m trying to get past those feelings of guilt and shame. I accept myself for what I have done and hope I will be a better partner for someone else if the opportunity comes up. I am working on healing myself and forgiving myself as well. Try to be the best father I can be and wishing her the best no matter how much it hurts that I am not her person. I betrayed her tru…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:42 AM
3

That’s rough to hear sir I feel you on that. I just try to enjoy each moment. Those no moments are good for the kiddos though. She just asked me for a late night snack and I told her she prolly shouldn’t but she could eat that for breakfast instead. It’s good for them to learn that no is an okay answer. She leaves tomorrow back to her moms and I will miss her terribly but I have enjoyed the week with her. Luckily I get to see her at her game Monday which helps but it will be 11 days before I get…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:27 AM
2

In some ways it’s easier for the partner to find fault there and not within themselves. I don’t have any magic advice except to accept your part in this and try your best to ignore her bombardment. In her mind now, it would all have been fixed if there was no affair and it has become the greatest wrong even though like you said yall had a roommate phase which was an issue but now not as a big of an issue as the affair. It doesn’t seem fair and it probably isn’t but I think it’s the acceptances o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 12:26 AM
1

I think you have to realize that things going badly is a part of life and the more important thing is how you react to the bad times. I chose to cope in hard times with my addiction but I am learning better coping strategies now. Cost me a marriage but I’m growing (and she wasn’t perfect but I look at the things I control vs other people). The grass is only greener where you water it; single life may not alleviate all the things you want. I think you have to accept your reality and work to chang…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 12:26 AM
2

Good luck man. I was the same as you and I really wanted to try to fix it. She had her mind made up. The wall of love was built up to the ceiling and didn’t matter what I said or tried. I respected that and let her go. I hope she’s happy but it’s still 6 months fresh for me. Seeing her date other men is ridiculously hard but somehow it’s getting lesser so. We have a kid so contact for the next 6 yrs is inevitable. Im working on myself, unsure if I need to date but taking it slow, working out, ta…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 02:26 AM
6

Based on your post it appears she has already told you what she wants which is a final divorce and it’s up to you to choose to accept that or not. I went through one and once my ex said she was done there was no coming back and ultimately I’m not sure if we could have made it work once she decide she was the divorce even if we had tried. It would have been a lingering fear of her leaving and doubting her commitment to the marriage really. Reading your story I think you need to start preparing fo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 01:57 AM
3

Happy birthday and you are spending it with the most important folks in your world and that is a blessing. Savor these moments because those kiddos are only this age once and they still adore their father. Embrace it today and just live one day at a time
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:16 PM
1

I need to look for those for sure
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:40 AM
2

OP - if you need to chat hit me up. It helps to commiserate sometimes I joined a divorce separation group called circles and the 179 annual fee was worth especially considering I pay my therapist 200/session
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 12:33 AM
4

I have similar story with porn and essentially an emotional affair 10 years ago; I take responsibility for causing her pain and killing the trust. I finally found a way to get past my addiction and have been getting help through therapy and 12 steps but she gave up on me by that time and she had every right to. I tried to accept and support her during our marriage and that part isn’t as important anymore. I more than take the majority of the responsibility of the marriage failing but she had a p…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 02:01 PM
2

Sure. Why not
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:07 PM
3

Her actions are telling you what she wants and it doesn’t involve you. Don’t reach out as others have said it’s only going to end badly for you because she clearly has moved on I had to meet my exs new boyfriend and it was within 4 months of the divorce and it sucked overall. She isn’t the person I married and I have to mourn the end but I know things will get better and you have to act in the same way Prep to meet this person who will be around g your children so you can look out for them. Good…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 12:51 PM
2

I am in the same boat. I just try to be better today and know I can’t change anything in the past. All I can do is the best for my kids now and remember to not fall back into those old habits I had. My addiction caused issues and it took me over 20 years to figure it out. In between that I was married for 13 years but she wasn’t the easiest to deal with either but she takes no responsibility for her side. But in sobriety I have learned it isn’t about her, I have to work on my side of the street …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 12:33 AM
3

Great advice in all these messages. Feel those feelings and move on as you can. As others have said she is informing you ahead of time which didn’t happen for me either. Knowing she is seeing someone broke me inside but it helped me let go more and I am on my way through this hell because of that. If it hadn’t happened I may still think we would get back together and that’s just not reality. Mine moved a guy in before the divorce was final and lied about the relationship claiming it was a friend…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 02:42 AM
3

You will get through this but this is not the end and only the beginning. You have to start to move on. Sounds like there is no kids and cutting the cord may be possible. Don’t keep her stuff get rid of it and start over. Find yourself, continue to work on you and move forward. Life doesn’t end with a woman. I have a child with my ex so I still have to interact at times but I don’t participate in her world, I don’t look at her socials and I don’t want to know about her. She isn’t a part of me be…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 03:44 PM
3

I have maintained a relationship with my step daughter. I am only a few months since divorce but we stay in contact and still do things together. I think I am the more stable parent for her and she wants me still there. I think I offer less judgment and criticism because I don’t not call her out directly. I just try to bring it with love and from a place of helping. During the separation she came to me and told me I was her dad and that meant the world to me. I want to support her where I can an…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 12:34 AM
6

I think you answered your question. Re read what you posted I was in the same denial/delusion about it because I wanted the family unit and she was checked out already
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 07:30 PM
1

I’m learning to find my own joy and not look to be validated by anyone but myself and my faith in my higher power. I pray that god gives me what I need and trusting the universe Loving the advice above
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:59 PM
2

It definitely sucks but all the advice is valid and necessary. My ex is onto bf#2 4 months post divorce and after a convo yesterday she ain’t past our relationship so she may be setting herself up to fail but that’s not my bag to worry about. I was proud when she tried to take me back to the past I didn’t go back there with her in feeling guilty. That’s her shit she needs to figure out. Find the new you and love the new you. Time heals and I am working my way to getting back on the dating train.…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:29 PM
1

Ex called me yesterday about a similar thing. My kids don’t want to do stuff with her (and her bf) or we’ve already done it so she feels left out. She also said no one invites her and I thought why the hell would I invite you to dinner with my two kids?! You wanted out of this thing I realize now after what my oldest told me that she wants to do matching events: I took girls to a kayak park and now she wants to do the same; I bought season passes to a theme park and now she wants to go to one wi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 12:05 PM
18

I read somewhere that when you are impatient about the journey (for me it’s moving past the ex completely) the solution is to reflect on the progress. I get caught in today a lot on how I’m doing and forget how much growth I have had in the past few months since the end of the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 07:58 PM
3

Radical acceptance is a concept I didnt know before this divorce season and it has helped. My dreams have gone from her in them and us either hooking up, talking about getting back together toast night I had a dream where I told an old friend what had happened and she didn’t make an appearance. She was mentioned only by name and I think my brain is letting go slowly but surely. It just takes time and I’m not even all the way there yet. About 9 months since separation and 4 months since divorce w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:44 PM
3

Agreed that’s a good thing plus kids get a place of their own they can make their own when they are there
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 07:26 PM
3

I still wish I had given up a lot sooner than I did when I realize how early she checked out of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 08:55 PM
5

I don’t talk to the ex unless I have to Strictly by text unless she calls and I keep those as short as possible
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 02:50 AM
1

I met with a lawyer consulting wise to find out how this would go in my state, a no contest divorce and what was needed to achieve this and his fees if retained him. He broke the three ways this would go after I told him our assets, kid situation and salary info. By meeting him I attorney told me he wouldn’t be able to represent my stbx. I will say the fucker billed me for that initial convo about 6 months later when he helped me file the no contest paperwork. I didn’t argue because the advice w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:37 PM
3

2 months into separation; she took hers off almost immediately and that one hurt. I was in denial about her taking it off and it was something for me to accept
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 12:01 PM
3

When it comes to the guilt for me I found that I had to own my part of my actions and start to forgive myself. I found it way easier to forgive others but not myself. I am forgiving myself and realizing I did the best at the time (it wasn’t good enough) with the tools I had at that point. I can’t change yesterday but I can do better today and my goal is to be a better person for myself and my children today. I have better tools today and am trying to get to be more my authentic self vs what I th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 03:39 PM
5

I have to believe it does. I made bad choices also and didn’t pay her attention but honestly it takes two to tango and for me there are things I look back on and see where she could have supported me more, or heard me more. When I tried to be honest with her in some things she kinda shamed me and it made me regress in telling her things. Maybe if I had that comfort I would’ve been more open and not had an emotional affair but I don’t know that. Something someone said on regrets really resonated:…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 11:31 AM
9

I am with you melodic. My ex is onto boyfriend #2 after divorce finalized about 2 months ago from a 13 year marriage. It blew me away that she was already past it but she prolly isn’t but is looking for validation in another man. That doesn’t have to do with me or the other guy but her. It took me a while to accept this because of the feeling of being disposable. I am still struggling with letting fully go. I am working on it one day at a time and my brain is telling me this through my dreams. I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 05:09 PM
0

I agree with the others that say start with a lower offer and move it up vs start with what is a fair offer because it is still going to be moved up because they always think you are screwing them especially when you are trying to be fair or more than fair. I started a little lower she agreed to it and I moved it to where I actually wanted to finish to have a clean conscience that I didn’t screw her She acts today as if I screwed her by settling without attorneys and she is listening to people t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 10:36 PM
4

I don’t know if there is anything that can justify or make sense of those things. I was the liar in my situation and I cannot explain why I couldn’t be honest outside of my fear of her reaction to my words. I feared how she would react and that stopped me; the truth got heavier over time and I never told her so when it all came out about 10 years after the fact it really wrecked her. My other issue was I had an addiction which affected my sane thinking. This is my story and doesn’t explain anyth…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:17 PM
3

I was advised to pay down consumer debt by an attorney I talked to as I was going through my divorce
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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