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Mysterious_Bet_461 Archive

View 4 posts and 61 comments by Mysterious_Bet_461 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
29

Need SupportMysterious_Bet_461/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 10:53 PM
18

Mysterious_Bet_461/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:05 PM
12

Dealing with the Ex / STBXMysterious_Bet_461/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:48 AM
9

Mysterious_Bet_461/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 09:09 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Dude, same…don’t know how old you are, but I’m finding out that middle-age women move quick if you are decent looking, tall and have a career. I’ve gotten out of doing the deed a few times now. I have some reservations about being intimate with someone else after 13 years & I’m really not sure how I’m gonna feel afterward…but she is into me and if I dodge it again, she’s probably gonna draw the only sensible conclusion and think I’m gay 🤣. My ex has seen what’s happening (passes my house on the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 01:31 AM
4

It’s gonna suck, but it is temporary. We’ve all gone through it (still going through it myself and making/enjoying - probably soon to be regretting - some fantastically terrible decisions). Just remember, everything works its way toward balance. The depths of your sadness without her will definitely rival the heights of your happiness with her. Can’t have one without the other…Gotta be grateful for both. Continue doing what you are doing & confront those feelings as they hit, sit with them and e…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:46 PM
1

Agree with this! Hinge has been excellent. The first week was a bit of a yawn, but it’s been great since. Haven’t really had a need to mess with other apps yet.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 07:09 PM
1

This all is way more complicated than I ever could have imagined. I think the point in posting this, for me at least, is to share what I’m experiencing with others. When I was last actively posting just over 30 days ago I didn’t think I’d be dating anytime soon. I’m amazed at how quickly things can shift if you are open to change and, hopefully, someone else might find this insightful (messy as it may be). Not everyone can or will just shut out their ex and proceed with their new life having min…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 08:11 AM
1

Damn, the likelihood is zero and delusion score 5/5…but at my height, ethnicity and salary range I’m not surprised. 😂 “Women tend to want what other women want,” never looked at it that way, but there’s definitely something to that (clothes, cars, homes, even divorce 🤣). Thanks for the perspective 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 07:48 AM
1

I just started a whole new iCloud account. So everything works as it should and the photos app is basically empty. That solved the problem and it cost me nothing except I do still pay for the other account’s iCloud storage (until the time comes where I’m ready to stop and let it all go).
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:27 AM
1

This ☝️ - it’s difficult to stop treating a STBXW like a wife. Her health, her happiness, her financial wellbeing, her [whatever] is no longer your responsibility. If you want to make sure your kids are well taken care of, then keep yourself in a position to do just that. Moving won’t ruin their life…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:22 AM
2

Her communication has changed. I’m not sure if it’s temporary or permanent, but she is doing a much (like wildly) better job addressing her avoidant nature. She has owned up to and apologized for her role in our current situation and seems to be reflecting on things. I have some boundaries that I’ve outlined before we could ever seriously consider a relationship, some are simple and some more complicated, but nothing could even be considered unless she starts going to therapy (on her own is fine…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:26 PM
3

Not perfect, but definitely better than earlier in the process. It’s amazing how much of a difference a little time can make. That and some time with family for the holidays (which I was way overdue for) is definitely helping! Couldn’t picture where I am now even 6 months ago. Thanks for asking!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:17 PM
4

I like that! Great suggestion. The women I’m dating have actually been great and very understanding, but I’m not trying to push it… And man, when it comes to having a relationship…I’m not entirely sure I’m ready for it yet, but trying to stay open to possibilities. Seeing several people at a time is exhausting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:06 PM
2

8 years ago, I would have sworn you were crazy and explained (at length) the ways my wife was one-of-a-kind, but her behavior the last 5 years has been basic AF & at almost every turn, I find myself seeing reflections of her shitty friends and poorly written movie characters in place of what I once truly believed to be a ‘unique’ individual 😔
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:01 PM
3

Her actions (both while we were living together & married and while we are now separated) do not indicate that she wants to be married. She cheated, she left, she filed for divorce. So I disagree with the premise there. I’m not looking to stay married, but if she wanted to pursue something and that were her intention, she knows sex is not the way to go about it with me. Ethical non-monogamy is not for me - the dating apps were like 90% offers from couples looking for a tall African American guy …
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 10:26 PM
2

You’re not wrong. I had to awkwardly explain why my ex was stopping by with a coffee & the simple truth is…we are still friendly and we’ve not had to have boundaries like that before this. It’s all new. But you’re absolutely right. I do need to get ahead of all of this. It’s all problematic at the moment for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 09:57 PM
3

I don’t think it has gone well, but she’s just started. The first 7-10 days for me was also pretty depressing, but it’s improved significantly. I have raised the question about what she actually wants and all she says is “You know I can’t commit to anything long term right now…” and I have no issue with that at the moment. As long as no one is expecting anything specific other than a little fun, I see no harm being done (conveniently 😅).
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 09:51 PM
2

I know it’s temporary, but I’m positive if I end it, our communication in general will fall apart. I feel like I either get both or nothing. Either way, the time will come for it to end, or she’ll find a worthwhile prospect and cut it off herself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 09:45 PM
3

This is the right answer. How you react to her farts, is how she will react to yours. You just gotta be patient and wait for her to accidentally let a bad one slip out and be sweet about it. Godspeed 🫡
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 01:05 PM
3

That’s just it. You wouldn’t do anything that ‘might’ even impact the kids in a negative way & your ex does not have that concern. So…maybe it’s everything you mentioned, or maybe it’s nothing. For her, all of those considerations are secondary to her wants and needs.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:35 AM
1

Comments like these do remind me that I’m lucky. If I’m honest with myself, her behavior is a huge reason why I didn’t really push to have children (and she may have thought the same thing in her end about me). Again hindsight 🙃
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:09 AM
1

I used to feel like that was the only way forward, but with no romantic feelings or attraction (on my side at least), I have no problem being around her…which will make things easier socially. We’re mutually indifferent 😂
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:07 AM
1

I spent the better part of this year trying desperately to understand why she was unwilling to put in any work and feeling like I had lost my person. The truth is, by the time we sat in the counselor’s chair she was already long gone. Roughly half of our 13 years was great (literally picture perfect / storybook shit) but she cheated at year 7, and it’s been an absolute nightmare for me since then. It’s also been a comedy of errors on my part because I thought being a good husband meant ‘acceptin…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:09 PM
2

This works, I used to be obsessed with my wife and think she was gorgeous. Her behavior was ugly and that’s all I see and think about now. Makes the whole issue disappear.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:33 PM
2

The minute I was done (truly done), I started telling everyone. It’s not a shameful thing and accepting it is just part of the process. You’ve spent over 2 years fighting for someone who isn’t committed to you and your marriage. If I had to guess, she was committed to ending things when she told you - any wavering on her part is just emotional and insecurity driven (if it actually exists) isn’t going to bring your relationship back from the brink. This same dynamic made the last 12 months of my …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:16 PM
5

Putting some space between you and her is important. It doesn’t matter what she is doing - the ‘she’ you care about…and the ‘her’ you have feelings for doesn’t exist anymore. The absolute hardest thing to do is to stop treating your ex, and thinking about your ex, like you would your wife. Go to counseling (cause family and friends will only hear you out for so long - they all have their own problems) and take a moment to mourn your marriage and reflect on her behavior. At one point, I was like …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:02 PM
1

Agreed. Certainly true in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 09:40 PM
10

Women are famously allergic to taking accountability. Ask any guy in this sub… I think the simple answer is that growth requires confronting yourself and dealing with the discomfort that comes along with that. Some people (a shockingly high percentage of women) would rather sacrifice their relationships (friendships, marriages, family - this applies to all of it) than face themselves OR show others their authentic self. Avoidance is great armor for some and they learn to survive by deflecting, b…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 01:50 PM
8

I think a big part of it is accepting that you may never know for sure and not overthinking and over examining the situation to an unhealthy extent. Match her energy and leave emotion out of it, or get to a point where you can. Weeks ago, I would have thought that was an impossible task…but one day (after months of heartache) it just made sense. Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 01:37 PM
3

NGL, I’m excited for whatever comes next. I’m 42 and at first I was a bit concerned about starting over, but I’m not really starting anything over… Nothing has really changed for me since she left except better sleep, better diet/health and way less stress. I’m just continue on and foster a few ladies until they find their forever homes. I’m sure it will be filled with good and bad experiences, but whatever…can’t possibly be worse than the last 12 months! 😂
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 07:07 AM
2

Thanks! This started around 12 months ago & back then I couldn’t actually imagine having the mindset I have now. Today I spent like 7 seconds wondering how she would feel about finally getting divorce papers & then I remembered that her feelings about this (or anything else really) aren’t my concern. I’m not trying to upset her at all, and I genuinely hope she’s just relieved she didn’t have to pay anything, but before I would have considered if the timing was good for her work schedule, the imp…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 06:39 AM
2

This!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:24 PM
2

I’m a believer now. I firmly believe there is nothing further for us to discuss that doesn’t involve navigating our way toward finalize all the paperwork. I’m happy with that decision now (after months of ups and downs and false hope). Just eager to get it over with and enjoy whatever comes next (the good and the bad!).
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 08:25 PM
2

Good point. I’ll clarify that it’s definitely what’s best for me & I’m unconcerned with whether or not it’s best for her. I’m almost certain it’s not the best decision for her. She’s an awesome person, but over time her work ethic and follow through always turns to shit with everything she does, her emotional state is constantly in flux and no matter how much she wants it to be, life isn’t a fairy tale. The things I admired most about her when we were in our 20s was how she viewed the world diff…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 03:00 PM
3

I just spent months torturing myself misinterpreting my STBX as she struggled with her own feelings about all this. Made the last few months hell for both of us. I only made the decision to go no contact last night, and not because I hate her or anything crazy. We just literally have nothing to discuss. Best of luck to you!
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 02:42 AM
5

Happy birthday, despite the circumstances. Mine was the 7th and she left on the 5th. It’s like there is a group chat where they all plan these things out.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 02:39 AM
12

Minimize contact and encourage her to get out of that house ASAP. Parents, friends, whatever she has to do. I read this same advice in comments to others and in my posts and thought “eh, we don’t need to minimize contact/go no contact…we can be friends throughout this process.” Man, was I wrong! Everyone on here was right and I wish I had listened earlier. 🤣 The more we spoke and interacted the worse it was for me personally. Again, everything was generally pleasant, but if there’s truly nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 12:31 AM
1

Truly absurd, especially for a 39 yr old!
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:27 PM
1

Honestly, going back just doesn’t seem possible once you realize that they will always be looking for any hint of the feeling that made them want to run in the first place (which isn’t always even entirely under your control). My thoughts and prayers go out to the next few guys who have to deal with all this…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 02:25 PM
1

Definitely wish I had good friends closer to me who could have pulled me out of a failing marriage sooner. I elected not to share with the family and friends…I made excuses for her behavior and tried to accept her flaws in an effort to prioritize my marriage and that was a mistake. If I had turned to this sub sooner, the guys would have set me straight…I may not have listened, but having no one to check my near constant irrational decisions when it came to my STBXW was silly on my part.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:39 AM
3

It took me months and a few weeks of solo counseling sessions to get my mind in the right place. Like you, I knew it needed to end, but accepting that took a while. I think the best thing I did was start listening to the folks in this sub. No contact with my STBX, work out, continue counseling, and give yourself a little grace - most of which you are already doing. As far as the resentment part, your guess is as good as mine. I used to think I wasted 13 years of my life, but every story/movie/ex…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:25 AM
1

I am seriously considering that and will make a decision this weekend. I know it’s the right thing to do for me personally. Part of the problem is that I have no idea who she really is….I definitely fell in love with the person I met in 2012 and I was resolved to love her as she grew and changed, but in all fairness, I never stopped to think about whether or not I should love the person she was becoming as she grew/changed. Best I can describe her is: She is a dreamer who is constantly chasing h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:19 AM
1

Caretaker to a cheater … well that one resonated! 😔 She 100% didn’t even do that for attention (I know because she hasn’t taken 3-5 months to plan anything in her whole life), which is somehow scarier than if she had. I only stopped by her apartment because I had a feeling something was wrong based on a conversation we had where she sounded drunk at 9am. She doesn’t really have any other friends out here (we recently moved here). I obviously took the dog from her apartment after the EMTs left, w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:08 AM
1

Can’t argue with that. I put a lot of pride in my marriage and my behavior as a husband. I thought being a good husband meant forgiving and moving forward. Looking back this was just a long-term relationship with tax and green card benefits for her. I say that because while the cheating happened at year 7, other bad behavior existed from the jump. She has some real issues re childhood trauma that I stupidly thought I could fix or support her through & I know better now. And she’s avoiding addres…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 05:32 AM
1

Healing is underway for sure. I still go to our counselor weekly & it definitely helps. Not the ending I wanted, but I’m thankful there’s no children involved and it’s a nice clean break. I still kinda feel the urge to avoid going no contact…it will happen naturally over time (probably faster now), but I bet it would be easier on me mentally. We’ll see how things shake out over the next few days.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 05:17 AM
2

The biggest struggle at first is to stop thinking of AND/OR treating a person who no longer wants to be your wife as if she is still your wife (I say this as someone who is struggling with this still 🙃) Her health, her mood/happiness, her getting or not getting help - all these things are no longer your responsibility (as foreign as that may feel). She wants her relationship with you to to be that of a person she has kids with. At this point, you’re just 2 people with a common interest. Treat he…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 05:11 PM
18

Don’t trust her again. Simple as that. I put my feelings aside when my STBXW strayed. Forgave her, pretended like it never happened and my reward was her leaving 5 years later. What a waste, but a good learning experience. Don’t be like me. Skip the part where you learn the hard way 😑
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 07:43 PM
1

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 04:11 PM
1

I totally get what you are saying. It’s mostly curiosity and I’m operating under the assumption that all relationships have (or will have) challenges. I’ll either be facing new challenges with a new person (hopefully with the benefit of what I’ve learned) or facing similar challenges with a new person (hopefully one a bit more aligned with my values and long-term goals). I’m getting a handle on how I need to adapt from the type of husband I was and I like the idea of hearing from others who have…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:30 AM
2

Yeah, I really believe the same would have happened in my situation. Which is why some of my frustration is really with myself and my decisions. I could have been divorced 4+ Years ago and moved on by now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:01 AM
6

😂 our therapist kinda agreed with me once (on one single point I made), and that was it. My STBXW shut down from that point forward and the sessions were pointless. She actually said she dislikes that I’m charming.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:04 AM
8

For me it came down to a never-ending string of accommodation in the name of ‘being a good husband’ Cheating, lies, refusing to take accountability for her actions. I accepted them all…put the marriage before my own happiness and straight up ignored what those actions were actually saying.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:55 AM
2

I completely ignored the emotional aspect of our daily lives. I never (literally ever) considered the emotional impact of things on my wife. There were problems and I addressed them. Simple as that. Because they had no emotional impact on me, I assumed there was no emotional impact to her (especially when I was the one to deal directly with whatever it was…). I know I need to be a bit more mindful of that moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:31 AM
6

Dates are definitely underrated, but by the time I got around to taking it seriously, she was already checked out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 11:55 PM
1

That 4th one is often overlooked. Definitely something I’m going to make sure I own in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 11:49 PM
4

My wife’s love languages were definitely physical touch and acts of service. I definitely made an effort with physical touch, but acts of service were a huge issue. I didn’t value her acts and I rarely responded in kind.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 11:42 PM
2

Thanks for sharing. Glad things are looking better. I’m looking forward to the upswing and posts like these are definitely inspiring.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:17 AM
12

Yup. Wasted a lot of time/money/understanding/effort on the wrong person and endured things I never thought I would in an effort to save a relationship that I had several great reasons to leave years ago. Gonna be mad at that (myself) for a while. What’s funny is that I have moments where I also get mad at myself for struggling to show myself even half as much grace as I was showing my STBXW on a weekly basis for her BS. Go figure 😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:10 AM
2

Took me a few weeks/months to admit that I saw the same things they saw, but the same thing happened once the split was actually final. Rose colored glasses and trying to be a good husband will have you lying to yourself about their behavior😅
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 09:36 PM
2

Same. Apples just don’t fall far from the tree.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 04:26 PM
10

What do you think were the biggest factors that led to the breakdown of your relationship? Erosion of trust due to lies (mostly constant little white lies Like I was her parent and she was a teenager), and a complete lack of accountability on her part. Looking back, what kind of partner do you wish you had chosen (or been) to have a better marriage? I wish I had chosen someone a little more practical (which also translates to American instead of European) and someone with better role models. Her…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 04:24 PM
1

I really wish someone had given me this advice like a year ago.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 08:54 PM
1

It just takes time… Mourn the end of your marriage and move forward with a focus on your daughters. Establish boundaries, fight for 50/50 if that’s what you want. I would have financially and emotionally ruined myself to keep my ex happy and it took a while before I was able to recognize what I saw as ‘honoring my vows’ for what it really was. Straight up manipulation. Like you, I even found myself trying to be supportive early on by covering all her bills and expenses for 5 months, giving her t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 08:50 PM
1

I had to just start an entirely new Apple ID. The old one exists, the photos, the contacts, etc…and I still pay monthly for the iCloud storage, but one day I’ll be ready to let them go. This felt a bit better than deleting everything immediately - but DAMN, was it hard…Setting up an entirely new iCloud account without a backup is a massive PITA (but worth it!)
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 12:08 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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