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Njncguy Archive

View 9 posts and 124 comments by Njncguy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I was married just under 10 years and we had no children together. I lost $850,000. $150,000 for her legal costs (judge made me pay 100% of her legal fees). $150,000 my own legal fees $100,00 in temporary alimony to cover her while we got divorced $450,00 divorce settlement (paid a discounted alimony amount by paying a lump sum up front) $850,00 total Brutal. My ex bought a house with her “winnings”. I moved into a rental in a cheaper neighboring town.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 05:46 PM
1

Oh she definitely became an ex. And she did indeed live happily ever after with her lover. Well, one of them at least. She had to decide between two different overlapping lovers. I’m just glad she’s been out of my life for years now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 03:13 PM
2

People will turn mental somersaults to protect their ego. Said another way, no one — esp. women it seems — will mentally let themselves look in a mirror and acknowledge that they see a bad person. Case in point: I can still vividly remember when I found my wife’s cache of love letters (from her lover), some extremely explicit. My wife’s reaction was to go nuts that I had violated her privacy. Forget apologizing. Forget even acknowledging that she had done something wrong. The problem was totally…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:54 PM
1

Clearly the man is a sexist pig because his go to salutation is it identify them by their sex instead of their professional achievement. It’s as if he wrote to black people and started off saying “Dear darkies”. Uh, wait. What I just said is utter nonsense. He was simply using a commonly accepted salutation. When and if the social norms change acceptable greetings then go with it. It’s like using “Ms”. Way back (I’m 70) Ms wasn’t even used. At first it seemed odd to use. Now it’s standard use.
/r/MensRights04/04/23 01:15 PM
3

Legally it doesn’t really matter. But I agree with the other posts that say psychologically she wants to make you appear to be the bad guy (the one filing for the divorce) so she can play the victim. That psychological benefit can be quite motivational and have substantial benefits. In my divorce my wife had a series of affairs, constantly criticized me, and in the late stages even said how much she utterly despised me (so much so she couldn’t bear for me to touch her). She then claimed (I’m sur…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 08:28 PM
3

Don’t leave. When my wife said she wanted a divorce she wanted me to leave also. I didn’t. Fortunately, we were able to discuss the situation and agreed we would both stay in the house until financial matters were resolved during the pre-divorce phase or actual divorce. Believe it or not it actually worked. She took the upstairs bedroom. We kept our communications reasonably cordial. We minimized time near each other in the kitchen or common areas. We certainly did nothing sexual with each other…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 09:10 PM
2

Reminds me of how a week ago my wife told me I wasn’t efficiently holding two laundry baskets (i.e. not holding it her way). I asked her if she was really telling me how to hold a laundry basket. My thought was that boiling down her criticism to its essence would show to her the silliness of such a request and would put a stop to it. To my surprise she only paused a second and said “Yes”. So I went ahead and carried the baskets down to the laundry room my way. My wife muttered how I was just bei…
/r/MensRights01/03/21 03:03 AM
1

My condolences on the death of your marriage. My 2 cents is that you accept that she no longer wants you. Why try to be with someone who doesn't want you? I'd also say chances are she is already involved with someone given what you've said. Keep your ears open to find out. If she is having an affair you'll at least have some peace of mind as to what happened. Finally, use this time to make a better you. Get in shape. Life weights. Take up (or expand) an interesting hobby. You'll feel better abou…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 05:52 PM
5

Yep. I'd definitely say a high N count greatly increases the chances of a cheating wife (or husband). In my 20s I married a woman who had had some 100 past lovers. I was rather shocked when she told me. But I was in love by then. Sure enough, during our 18 year marriage she had affairs during at the last 10, possibly during the whole marriage. She kept her affairs hidden until the end.. The biggest problem is sex for her was for sport, sport fucking to coin a phrase. Such a perspective doesn't m…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/18 12:41 PM
1

When I was 25 and just getting married I thought I knew everything about women and life. I'm now 65 and in my third marriage. I no longer think I know that much about women and life. ... But hey, I think your list is chock full of good and realistic touchstones. Good luck with your life!
/r/askTRP24/11/18 02:51 PM
1

As others have said, the funds given to just you (and not commingled) should be yours alone and not divided up with an ex. HOWEVER, there's an indirect way your to be X could take some of these funds (as happened to me). if you have a lot more assets than your to be X, the judge might well figure you can afford to pay more alimony. Even worse, the judge might say you have to pay all of you to be X's legal fees (as my judge did). The result was my ex blackmailed with by saying she would make the …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/18 01:22 PM
3

Just saying I feel for you. The reality is the courts --more specifically, the judges -- are biased in favor of women. Male judges are the worst, especially if the TBX is pretty. I won't bother to reiterate past posts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/18 02:23 AM
2

Your "status quo" concern is well founded. The concern is a judge tends to let let the status quo continue because he/she thinks that's what's least disruptive for the child going forward. Then add in most people's bias of viewing the mom as inherently being the better parent and the whole playing field tilts in mom's favor. In my case, years ago now, I had been the at-home parent for two years. When we separated, I temporarily agreed to to sharing 50/50 custody. My nearby TBX's parents helped o…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/18 04:44 PM
4

Time helps. Years ago I was home alone on Christmas Eve for the first time without the kids. Wife and I had separated at that point and she had the kids. It was he lowest point of my life. I felt very concerned -- for myself -- when I realized for the first time in my life why people commit suicide. I felt so alone. I felt so rejected by my wife. And I felt so wronged. So I feel for you. But give it time. Things get better. Time also gives you a better perspective on how things weren't all your …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/18 10:02 PM
2

A word of warning on how bad this could unfold. In NJ (don't about WA) a divorced guy lost (gave up on?) his job a few years after his divorce and ended up with a much lower paying job. He couldn't fully pay his divorce agreement obligations despite the court lowering them. The result? He got put in jail. Ex-wife claimed he got a low paying job on purpose. He said not; it was just simply the way his career had nosedived. The truth? I don't know. Either way, the end result is the same: jail. My p…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/17 01:33 PM
6

Do NOT let her temporarily have full custody if/when you two separate. A judge will look at that "temporary" situation and likely make it permanent since doing so makes for the least disruption in the child's life. ... Been there. Also, for your own custody time (especially in any temporary situation) if you can, have your parents help in the child care. Again, the judge won't want to disrupt the grandparental loving care that the child has grown accustomed to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/17 01:35 PM
2

I second joining a men's group. I did during my divorce. I found it incredibly useful for a bunch of guys to share their inner most thoughts. For example, I shared my recurring nightmare dream that I had brutally killed my to-be-ex. I thought maybe inside I was an evil person. Nearly everyone in the group laughed out loud at my dream. They had all had similar dreams. I also saw a counselor who could delve deeper into the psychology of it all. For example, people often marry a person with the wor…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/17 12:03 AM
2

I did this when my divorce started 9 years ago. She wanted the divorce. While not happy about it, I was also relieved the misery was finally coming to an end. She moved to another bedroom in the house. We kept it civil in the common areas. We agreed on informal group rules that we could lead our own lives and not be bothered by the other person. However, if there's high levels of emotional angst, keeping it civil could be a real problem. As a guy you'll have to bend over backwards to be nice. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/17 01:16 AM
1

Yeah, I agree with you on the need for women to be faithful (and the other guy's comment on don't marry a slut). ... BUT my point is cheating -- be it a man or woman -- has a high potential of blowing up so many people's lives. .. I agree with all the RP points on improving yourself, keeping an abundance attitude, etc. ... BUT to just shamelessly cheat on your spouse is still reprehensible. Really now. It's manly/alpha to go blow up your kids' lives just because you want to fuck around? That's n…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/17 06:40 PM
2

Hmm ... I know. Red pill. But here's a true story of how such behavior -- and RP attitude -- can destroy so much: Years ago my then wife and I went on a vacation with another couple who were our best friends. We had rented a beautiful house on St. John's for a week. Our young kids were best friends and also along. First night there it comes out that my wife and the other guy (yes an alpha type) had been having an affair for 3 years. As his wife angrily said to my wife: "So you've pretended to be…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/17 12:04 AM
52

I remember some 20 years ago, in the midst of marriage counseling, my wife's suggested solution was to have an open marriage. She was sleeping with two other guys at the time and freezing me out sexually. Underlying it all, her SMV was higher than mine. Her Wall Street job had taken off (helped by sleepling with the boss). My being in good -- great shape -- did not offset such a disparity in career success. It took me 2 seconds to say "NO" to her open marriage suggestion. As I told her, such a s…
/r/TheRedPill12/05/17 02:28 PM
2

Be VERY careful about what kind of custody setup you let become a precedent. In my case, I temporarily accepted a custody setup I didn't want to be permanent in order to get my cheating wife out of the house. That temporary setup became permanent because continuing the current status was seen by the court as the way to go. BUT current status meant my kids spent 25% of their time with my wife's newly hired housekeeper instead of with me. Insane! My own lawyer was stunned. Bottom line, NEVER agree…
/r/MensRights20/07/16 02:13 PM
1

Seeing the forest instead of the trees. Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/16 12:23 AM
1

This was a dating web site that came out about 6 years ago that only allowed "beautiful" people to join. Other members did the rating based on the picture you submitted. Sorry, but I forget the name of the web site. Try a Google search. The site got a lot of publicity back when it started. ... For what it matters, I was divorced at the time.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/16 05:24 PM
5

Great post. It's too easy for your ego to fool you into thinking you're high in SMV when you're just not. A good reality check is posting a picture of yourself on a web site that lets others rate your looks. I did this a few years ago. I thought for sure I be at least an 8. The first few "votes" that came in were around a 5. I dismissed them, thinking "oh they're just the typical right out of the gate naysayers you find on the Internet". Well after a 100 votes called my pic a 5 I had to face rea…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/16 03:42 PM
2

F'ck NJ. That's the same state I also got screwed over in. Hell, there was even an article in the papers a year back about a guy getting put in jail when he couldn't pay his alimony (which was 75% of his after divorce income).
/r/MensRights02/03/16 02:40 PM
3

Divorce often has Alice-in-Wonderland outcomes that go against the law. ... For ex., assets you own before marriage are supposedly immune from being taken away in a divorce. That's bullshit. Happened to me in a signnificant amount. ... Now remarried but with an iron clad pre-martial agreement.
/r/MensRights02/03/16 12:19 AM
3

I've had some similar situations. Instead of just launching into using their name I pause, give them a thoughtful look, and then ask say: "oh we've met before. ... Isn't your name xyz?" Invariably they're pleasantly surprised and are complimentary of my memory. And sometimes (if it's a compliment to them), I'll explain how I remembered their name (I use a visual memory trick per an earlier posting). That also makes it seem less like I'm obsessing over them and instead am just clever and smart.
/r/askTRP28/02/16 02:29 PM
3

Jeez. This could be the best time of your life. Don't hold yourself back from it being so. Let's see. You're employed, in good shape, no alimony or kids, ... women around your age are starting to feel they better meet someone if they're ever going to have a life partner (or some are already divorced who badly want their sexual desirability reaffirmed). ... You're standing in the middle of an apple orchard saying you want apples. Go pick some! I got divorced when I was 44. At the time of the divo…
/r/askTRP23/02/16 03:07 PM
6

Thanks for sharing your story. You have a good point on frame at the start of your marriage. In my case I asked my live in girlfriend to marry me some 10 times before she said yes. Boy was that a mistake on my part. Bad marriage. Worse divorce.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/16 02:59 AM
2

Here's how I found out my now ex-wife was (still) cheating when we're married: I surreptitiously looked through everything of hers. In her briefcase I found a "love folder". Sandwiched in with "I love mommy" kid drawings were a bunch of her current lover's letters. Also found a condom. And we didn't use condoms for family planning. I also secretly tapped the phone lines. Recorded conversations further confirmed the current affair. Then I used that information to see just how much she was still l…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 04:27 AM
5

Some 30 years ago I remember a management training seminar I went to. The first words out of our teacher's mouth were: "how do you know your spouse loves you?" ... He sure got everyone's attention. That was his lead in to saying it's from "observable behavior" (same as OP's "by their actions"). He made the point that your spouse might say they love you but if they ignore you, are cold to you, etc. their actions say otherwise. This analogy was how the teacher drove home his point of how you need …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/16 04:13 PM
1

Well said AND without the often near hostile tone that sometimes comes in to play. Wish I could upvote this to the top.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/16 03:53 PM
1

Woof woof
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/16 03:43 AM
1

Feel for you. I started a strong lifting program some 6 months ago. Overall strength leaped forward. And psychologically I felt great. Then about a month ago I tore a rotator cuff. Can't do anything upper body. My chest is turning into man boobs. Just hate it.
/r/askTRP05/01/16 05:38 PM
2

Take a look at meetup.com. This site lets people form get-togethers for people with a common interest. ... For myself I formed a special interest group that targeted the characteristics of people I'd like to do something with. And in my case it was playing golf with other young seniors who live in the area). It's been fun.
/r/askTRP03/01/16 02:46 PM
0

I'm glad to see that a TRP "name" does NOT see it as impressive. My comment above was meant as total utter sarcasm.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/16 11:04 PM
0

So impressed you were fucking a married woman and could have her leave for you any time you wanted.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/16 04:22 AM
3

Put a good spin on whatever you have that qualifies as work. I know one guy who started a web page (for sharing GIFS). He was doing this while he was between jobs. So when asked what he was doing now he would say he was an Internet entrepreneur (as opposed to saying he was looking for work). It made for good talking points, be it a job interview or social conversations. ... He now has a good job and his internet endeavor still might work. But bigger picture, as someone else said, focus on gettin…
/r/askTRP31/12/15 03:26 PM
1

As a 62 year old guy myself ... Way to go! Now let me get to my 2016 New Year resolutions.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/15 01:59 PM
1

This is sooo true: "After she's decided you're no longer man enough ..., her hamster needs to protect her ego and somehow make it your fault." It happened to me. Wish I had read something like TRP. Instead, I tried harder to be nice, to do more chores around the house, etc. What a waste of time. More than that, it was counter productive. She just thought less of me and walked over me more. Note: just being in good physical shape (I was) is NOT enough(by itself anyway). I think status in society …
/r/TheRedPill08/12/15 03:39 PM
9

You say: "The whole concept of TRP is just so stupid and out of touch with the real world" I strongly disagree. At its core TRP says deal with reality and take responsibility. That's all for the good. And a key part of reality is acknowledging that to keep your spouse/gf (or just dates) interested in you you need to keep your sexual attractiveness up. That leads to the solution of improving yourself (both physically and more). ... In contrast, relying on being a "nice guy" isn't enough and often…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/15 03:09 PM
4

G-R-E-A-T advice. Let me add that once you cross the line of actually cheating you can't uncross it. Cheating will also snowball into you being a liar and (for most people) losing your self-respect.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/15 11:31 PM
1

Two suggestions from someone who was in a very similar situation: Be careful of any temporary arrangement you make in your run up to your divorce. A judge (or arbitrator) will look at it as precedent. In my case I lost lots of custody time with my kids because of a temporary setup that dragged on for nearly a year (the time it took to get the divorce). Be prepared to NOT "play nice". I hate to say it, but being a total bastard (while keeping up a facade) tends to win. Don't expect your wife to r…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/15 07:33 PM
1

Good post. Agreed. Just shut up and don't whine about sex. Even if you "win" (by whining) you'll lose because all you'll get is duty sex. Instead, make yourself as awesome as you can and increase your SMV to the point where she genuinely desires you. ... And even if you don't get the sex you want you'll at least be light years ahead in feeling better about yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/15 12:48 AM
3

Strongly agree with what Scribs1 said. To expand ... Being married (happily) is a more enjoyable way to live. The emotional closeness, sharing life together, and even plain old companionship is wonderful to have. I don't dismiss the importance of sex. It IS important and is often the canary in the coal mine. But the idea that many in TRP promote that going through life spinning plates is the ideal is pretty weak. Frankly, I see that view as being something that an over sexed 19 year old would ha…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/15 03:02 PM
3

Well said and you dead on make your point.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/15 02:29 PM
2

Sometimes you really just can NOT tell your wife is cheating. A true story: My "wonderful & charming" wife fucked a "jogging buddy" friend of ours in our beach locker. After the sex, she came down to the beach area to be with me and our two small children. We built sand castles. Jumped the waves with the kids. By all outward appearances (and to me) we were having fun. Somehow I'm stuck with image of my loving wife with her beaming smile directed towards me while some other guy's spunk is literal…
/r/TheRedPill30/10/15 02:48 PM
1

OK. Point made. And I see how the dynamics can indeed work for the best. I'd add that extreme circumstances can call for extreme measures. AND, as for looking at morality aspects I'll put a sock in my mouth. Elsewhere in this thread someone this morning was kind enough to really lay out the reasoning why interjecting morality in TRP discussions is not the right place. (And to lay it out without resorting to name calling.) ... As I said in reply "understood".
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/15 02:50 PM
2

Well said. Understood. No more "but..." on my part. My apologies for going down the morality path.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/15 02:11 PM
0

I get what you're saying. TRP isn't the place to debate morality. Fair enough. But still, to completely drop morality from a TRP way of seeing relationships I think is a serious mistake. Sure. Each person can pull in their OWN morality for how they choose to follow TRP thinking (or not) and not "preach" their own morality to others. ... But I think at some point one's own choice of behavior crosses a line in how it affects (negatively) others and society. And I do see cheating as crossing that l…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/15 12:42 PM
-1

Fuck. I'll just go rob a bank and to hell with other 's subjective opinion on my robbery. As long as I have integrity in my robbery tnen it's okay. Frankly I don't like being in the devils advocate position on TRP. I embrace the vast majority of what TRP says. ... But for someone to say their cheating is okay just goes beyond what's okay. If you think that 's "judgmental" or goes against the amoral "reality" of TRP then you might as well go rob some banks. Morality IS relevant.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/15 03:17 AM
-2

We have common ground on how some of those feminist social norms are -- well -- fucked up. As I said, norms "within reason". And yeah, "within reason" is pretty subjective. Bot at the other extreme, just doing whatever you want goes too far.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/15 03:03 AM
0

I'd probably enjoy having a beer with you given your balanced -- and nonabusive -- way of talking. I know. I'm guilty of being a bit judgemental in what I've said here. But cheating IS just so wrong. If things have reached the point where cheating is seen as a viable option then the marriage is over. Why lie? Why lose your soul? Why abuse your spouse by espousing a false reality? ... Hell, if you're going to go against societal norms (meaning OTHER people's " judgemental" opinions) why not go ro…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/15 02:41 AM
0

You're so full of crap it's unreal. First of all, I'm 62, not the neophyte under 30 you try to pigeon hole me in. I've also had a lot of life experience. In those years I've been married three times. (Thank god the third one is a good one.) I'll be the first to say my first two marriages suffered a lot from my being too much beta. (It's part of the reason I find TRP so fascinating and instructive in helping to clarify to me just what went wrong .. and what I seem to be doing right now.) I'll als…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 10:00 PM
0

I don't disagree with what you said. In some cases you just might need to go that far. And just possibly going that far will work. But I think you would agree that in most cases going so far as cheating means you'll blow up the marriage. Most people just won't accept cheating. And I think most people who "accept" cheating only do so because they feel they don't feel they have viable options.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 05:39 PM
-2

Opinion vs. fact? Is it just my opinion that in one's marriage vows you promise to stay true? Is it just opinion that you're a member of society to which you need to adhere to certain social norms? Pllleeaassee ... Society's norms pretty much define what's moral. Cheating doesn't fit the norm (of what's seen as acceptable behavior). You can still follow (and benefit) from TRP red pill truths without crossing into being an amoral jerk.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 04:34 PM
1

I think dread can indeed work and work quite well (for the better of all). But I think people are fooling themselves that cheating is good as long as it's being done from an abundance mentality perspective. You can still do the "dread game" without crossing a line that in most cases will blow up a marriage (in addition to making you a liar). And THAT is dealing with cold hard reality. Again, aren't you supposed to be "real" in TRP?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 04:22 PM
0

A good (and valid) point. I've explained more below.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 02:44 PM
-2

Hmm ... And is that how you would want your daughter's husband to treat her? I think not. Sure. We all have a natural sex drive that doesn't somehow get magically turned off when we marry. But we're members of society and thus need to follow society's rules (within reason). Not cheating (and thus not lying, blowing up your marriage, and having your children deal with the fallout) is certainly "within reason". Understand that at the same time I strongly agree with such core TRP tenants that deal …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 02:39 PM
-6

Excuse me ... But you think having affairs is somehow a good thing? Justifying your affairs as "abundance mentality" is such utter bullshit. Get real.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/15 01:17 PM
2

Fascinating. Thanks. I'm amazed there's such a huge difference.
/r/TheRedPill20/10/15 03:23 AM
1

Hey, I basically agree with all you just wrote. And yes, I very much agree with your point that people can make the mistake of idealizing the person they love (thinking that of course their spouse would be there if they got sick). Hell, my wife who left was very religious. She had a strong, seemingly genuine, since of right and wrong. But I can assure that such a "genuinely good" person can indeed not behave as you would think when the chips are down. It's not even a bad/good dichotomy. It's hum…
/r/TheRedPill20/10/15 02:32 AM
2

The doctor didn't specify. The context was the healthy spouse (50/50 men and women) wanted out of the marriage.
/r/TheRedPill20/10/15 02:15 AM
2

Thanks for your thinking. Much (most?) I can even agree with. There IS a good philosophical argument you can make that all behavior is selfish. Still, in the example I gave (of the selfless wife looking after her dying husband) if I go by TRP thinking she would divorce her husband, take all she could, and have sex with other guys. She didn't. Sure. Perhaps some of that was "selfish" such as wanting to keep her self image as a "good person". Or maybe she was "selfish" in that she risked being ost…
/r/TheRedPill20/10/15 01:26 AM
1

My overall point is that not all people operate on such a base level as depicted in TRP. Sure. Most people do. It's human nature. It's why I even made the initial posting. I thought my MS doctor's comment (on the extent of how MS patients get dropped by their spouse) was quite relevant to showing how TRP captures so much truth. BUT but but ... There IS genuine goodness in people. I'm cynical (realistic) enough to think such goodness is distinctly in the minority. But don't rule it out as ever be…
/r/TheRedPill20/10/15 12:49 AM
1

"Only to later realize that she can leave at any time for any reason." Yeah. In my case the wacky divorce laws made it easy for my now ex to leave and take some serious money with her. Hell, she got enough to buy a house in my very nice hometown of 30 years while I ended up moving to a nearby cheaper town and renting. The marriage was under 10 years, no kids, and she worked. ... But I'm getting off TRP topic.
/r/TheRedPill19/10/15 11:36 PM
5

Fortunately, SMV does NOT totally define how a relationship goes in the case of a spouse getting seriously ill. Human goodness and caring CAN be the basis of how one acts in a relationship. For ex., I know one woman who deeply loved her husband of many years. Well, he got cancer and died a horrible slow death over several years. He also had small strokes that led to his personality changing (such as berating her). .. She hung in there totally. Lovingly cared for him. Understand she didn't need h…
/r/TheRedPill19/10/15 11:10 PM
2

Well if I were an Eskimo 100 years ago I'd simply be put on an ice flow and allowed to drift out to sea. My point is your value to your spouse (and to society even) is based on what you can ADD. When on balance you take away it's pretty hard for your spouse to think that that's all just fine. But then in a more advanced society you CAN add value. It's just harder. Think of Stephen Hawkins.
/r/TheRedPill19/10/15 07:48 PM
1

Thanks for the empathy. The thing is it all WAS pure torture. I can still remember one night when I expressed a desire to make love. We were in bed early (a rarity). My wife was looking through some catalogues. She said if I could turn her on then ok. Well, I tried everything I knew. ... Long story short she just continued to lay there reading her catalogue. She yawned even. After trying for a while with 0 respnonse I said screw this and gave up. It was the most humiliating sexual encounter I've…
/r/TheRedPill15/10/15 08:31 PM
2

Listen to your inner most concerns that you don't even want to verbalize. That's were the problems are. I remember the shock of when my now ex- wife told me about her 100 past lovers (after we had been dating a good while). I pondered the thought of "can a leopard chance its spots". Well, it can't. The problem is when you're having sex with someone it's hard to think rationally. I didn't. Wish I could have.
/r/TheRedPill15/10/15 01:56 AM
17

Bingo (mostly). But I don't think life (and my own situation) is as simple as the alpha fucks vs. beta bucks scenario I've given. For one, there's the excitement of sex with a new partner. As my now ex wife said to me in a moment of candor at the end the "forbidden fruit" of an affair made for "exciting sex". And then there's also the classic TRP factor of me needing to improve myself and thus also improving my sexual desirability. But still, at the core she just simply liked fucking around. And…
/r/TheRedPill14/10/15 03:27 PM
42

Painful. The guy should part ways. I married a 100+ sex partner woman. To her credit, she at least told me about her past before we married. But I was already in love with her. Some 18 years later (and 2 kids) we divorced. THE core problem was her desire for me was limited. Although the first few years seemed to be good, the last 12 were a downhill slide to utter misery for me. I was her "comfortable shoe" beta bucks of a husband. She only "enjoyed" sex with me in one position. No oral or anythi…
/r/TheRedPill14/10/15 01:58 PM
1

I basically agree with you. Nonetheless, I think it can be a mistake to get too fixated on RP as the sole answer. You'll limit your thinking. Not everything is a nail to be hit with a hammer. Other dynamics can apply (and not just for a 6% of people who are not well-adjusted). Imago theory, among other deeper psychological perspectives, is relevant for many people. Hmm ... the way I see it is that RP is highly relevant to everyone (100% of the time) but that does not preclude other factors, ofte…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/15 07:31 PM
2

There are also psychosexual attributes in play that are not fully understood, not even in the red pill community. Yep. I do NOT think TRP thinking is a full answer to improving your marriage/relationship (but a darn good first cut). For example, how crazy is it that women with alcoholic fathers so often marry an alcoholic? The answer has to do with the psychology of how people often subconsciously marry someone with the worst traits of their parents. It's called the imago theory. Same type of th…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/15 06:06 PM
1

Thanks for the book advice. I just ordered it. The on-line reviewers gave it incredibly high marks. ... As one reviewer said: "No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men jerks. "
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/15 05:49 PM
2

This is dead on. When you get married an in-case-of-divorce contract is imposed. You have two contract choices :1) the default of the state's laws (in effect a contract) or 2) making you own (the prenup). Understand that the default contract ( the state laws) has gray areas and is subject to the whims of a judge. Results can be totally nuts. (I've had posts on this such as how a judge set me up for legally sanctioned blackmail by my to-be-ex.). So have a prenup!
/r/TheRedPill31/08/15 02:49 AM
16

I found out my then wife of 18 years had been having years of secret affairs. I tried marriage counseling. But even the counselor told me it was hopeless. ... To my to-be ex-wife and her family I became the "bad guy" when I asked for a divorce. Same bullshit story was told to our kids. For her parents (and most of her family) they had to do mental gymnastics to keep the false image that their daughter was still a precious snowflake who could do no wrong. Even when I informed them of some of the …
/r/TheRedPill25/08/15 02:23 PM
5

Situations differ (duh!) but let me share my own experience. My wife of 9 years wanted a full face lift (age 51). The thing is she really didn't need it. I told her this. She was already quite good looking. At the worst she only had some tiny skin sag (jowls?) along the chin line. At any rate, she "had" to have it. So I paid for it all being the nice guy I am (some $20,000). About a year later she asked for a divorce. My honest take on it all was she was setting herself to be in the best positio…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/15 01:38 PM
4

Sure did. I first dragged her to marriage counseling in the hopes of somehow saving the marriage. But after a few months of that I realized that divorce was the only answer. As our marriage counselor advised me, she just wanted the shell of a marriage as a home base and was going to continue her affairs. No thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/15 12:55 PM
9

The "power of least interest" is dead on. My personal experience goes like this: Years back I asked my then live-in serious girlfriend some 10 times to marry me before she finally agreed. The reality was she cared the least (by far) about the relationship. As result, for the whole 18 year marriage she had all the power. Basically, everything was done her way. I became the order taker. I also spent way too much of my time trying to make her happy (with me) and please her. I did things like giving…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/15 01:42 PM
3

Yep. It can work that way. I paid out $120,000 for my wife's education. She/we talked about how it would pay off for us. With my last tuition payment for her (and a couple of months after I was diagnosed with MS), she started divorce proceedings. Bottom line, don't be a chump like I was. I knew we were having some issues but thought that by meeting her demands for me to pay for her schooling I would appease her. But the harsh reality was that she was mostly just milking me for all she could get.…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/15 10:13 PM
2

Looking at the other side of the BP fence ... I got some great TRP advice from my dad 40 years ago that I most unfortunately didn't follow. After first meeting my serious girlfriend (later wife) the only thing my dad had to say about her was: "Some women are made to marry. Some are just made to have fun with. She is the later." Somehow my dad innately knew she had been on the cock carousal big time and would probably continue to behave that way in marriage. Unfortunately, my dad was totally righ…
/r/TheRedPill08/08/15 03:58 PM
1

Your last paragraph captures the essence of how men are so often unfairly dealt with. It's almost as if a guy has no right to feel put upon (afterall, men are the bad guys).
/r/MensRights06/08/15 04:27 PM
1

It was an open group (I.e. whoever showed up was welcome). There was no trained therapist as such. However, one person who was into this sort of thing (and had a strong desire to help others) had taken the lead in forming the group. His leadership helped. It also helped that a church hosted the group even though there was no religious overtones for the group meeting. In fact, none of us were members of the church. Nonetheless, hosting the group fit into the church's overall mission. The group pa…
/r/MensRights06/08/15 04:23 PM
2

Let me (partially) take off the TRP hat for a moment. ... I suggest you try "MIRRORING". This standard marriage counselor technique means you totally focus on what they are saying and show you understand what they're saying by repeating it back to them (I.e mirroring it back to them). Do NOT interject your own thoughts. FULLY hear them out and let them know it. For example, you can repeat back to them: "Okay, so feel xyz about abc?" ... Do I understand that right? ... Is there more to it?. You m…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:41 PM
2

You used the word "thinking"?
/r/MensRights26/07/15 02:29 AM
2

Lol ... I'm remarried. ... BUT it's with a pre-nuptial agreement in place this time. Frankly, I think a pre-nup is a key to our happy marriage. The pre-nup gets rid of all the legal BS the government jams in when you legally marry. A pre-nup also means my wife and I are on the same page and with no hidden motives.
/r/MensRights26/07/15 02:24 AM
4

Yes, that's exactly what he said. He had heard the basics of the case but had not decided on the case. Hell, in open court he even called her a (financial) pig when she came asking for more in temporary alimony (and didn't give it to her). BUT let me assure you that the handling of legal fees as I've described (screwing over the wealthier person) IS how such matters are normally handled. I understand something is needed to prevent the wealthier person from out spending and bankrupting the less w…
/r/MensRights26/07/15 01:22 AM
4

Every divorce had a "good" reason where she was totally not at fault. One divorce was the husband left after they had a severely handicapped child (he was so bad off that when he got bigger -- age 12 or so -- he had to be institionalized). Another divorce was her husband had a bunch of affairs on her and wouldn't even have sex with her. I forget the reasons for the third divorce. Even with "good reasons" my thinking should have prevailed (and said "no way"). But great sex with a beautiful woman …
/r/MensRights26/07/15 01:11 AM
6

I was more worried about her killing me. If I had died while she was still married to me she would have gotten a large financial windfall given the way inheritance laws work. Given her utter lack of ethics (more than just the divorce crap) and how much I couldn't "read" her I was actually quite concerned she might do something unfathomable (as in have me killed). So I told my brother (a partner level lawyer) my concerns and told him if I died for whatever reason before the divorce was done to be…
/r/MensRights26/07/15 12:51 AM
4

Well HoundDogs, I TOTALLY agree. And I had the same thought. On the very first date she was fully forthcoming about her prior marriages. My thought was to totally not get involved. BUT here's the problem. She was beautiful, had loads of personality, and the most beaming smile you ever saw. I ended up finding it too hard to resist over time. Hell, I even dropped her for a bit for someone I had known earlier (from a broken engagement) who wanted to get back together. ... BUT it seems beauty wins o…
/r/MensRights26/07/15 12:40 AM
7

Agreed. The problem IS the system. ... In my case (and others) it's as if the court handed my to-be ex a loaded gun and gave her total free license to aim it right at my head. And if I tried to defend myself by pulling out my own gun, not only would I be prevented from doing so but the court would shoot me (with an even larger bullet).
/r/MensRights25/07/15 06:48 PM
5

I seriously thought of that. No blackmail. Just report the crime. ... But then that would have given me no leverage in trying to fend off the blackmail I was on the receiving end of. ... Also, I (perhaps stupidly), I didn't want my step-son to be potentially saddled in life with a criminal record. And as it turned out (now several years later) he did turn his life around.
/r/MensRights25/07/15 04:20 PM
11

Nothing could be done. Lawyer agreed it was blackmail (in concept) but it was all legal. It's the way the system works. I strategized with my lawyer about countering her blackmail with my own. I thought I could threaten my wife with criminal prosecution of her son. My to-be ex-wife's 17 year old son had stolen from me several times over the years (he had a drug problem). The last theft, just a few months prior to being asked for a divorce, was for $20,000 (done with forged checks). So my strateg…
/r/MensRights25/07/15 04:03 PM
1

I DO think you can still be a nice guy and make use of TRP concepts. For myself being a "nice guy" is a big part of who I am. But I think what what one needs to fight against is the tendency for a "nice guy" to be tooooooo "nice" to the point where they don't stand up for their own wants and acknowedge their own feelings. ... Bluntly, if you let yourself be a doormat it just invites more people to wipe their feet on you. Being "nice" (at least overly so) does NOT beget niceness in return. Excess…
/r/TheRedPill23/07/15 12:24 AM
14

Don't be too "wow". You too will get to 62 at some point. Discovered TRP just browsing reddit. As to how I apply it, I think I have a far better understanding of what went wrong in my two prior marriages. Although I still feel a bit victimized in both marriages (see posts I've made) I think I have a much better understanding of the dynamics and where I could have done better (mostly not being a clueless patsy playing the beta role). And in my (ouch) third marriage ( a good one, thank god) I'm tr…
/r/TheRedPill23/07/15 12:11 AM
15

Lol ... Having discovered TRP at age 62 is still beneficial. I really -- I mean REALLY --- wish I could go back in time to when I was so young at 30.
/r/TheRedPill22/07/15 09:17 PM
0

Good post. TRP really DOES give you a practical reality based framework for relationships. As a beta type I still fight my tendency to use my framework that being a "nice guy" is how you need to deal wih women. The other part of that (poor) framework is that it's wrong that so many women are attracted to the "bad boy" type. However, per TRP, the far more accurate (and useful) framework is the beta/alpha difference. "Bad boy"? Not really. More the case of a guy who is confident and manly. And so …
/r/TheRedPill22/07/15 02:42 PM
1

I hope the hackers absolutely torture the owners of Ashley Madison and then go ahead and release all info on the cheaters. Serves the f'ing cheaters right.
/r/TheRedPill21/07/15 03:37 AM
3

Back in my mid-20s I married a woman who had had many sex partners (roughly a 100). I told no one in my family about her "history". They all thought she was great. I mean so did I. She was very charming. Always had a big smile. Driven to succeed. But when my rogue dad met her the ONLY thing he said to me was "some women are made to marry. Some are made to just have fun with. She is the later." My dad had had innumerable affairs (which led to a bad divorce). BUT he just knew what my to-be wife wa…
/r/TheRedPill20/07/15 06:03 PM
0

OK. A bit condescending would be a better word choice. But that's okay. You make some good points. Basically, you are making the solipsism argument. My take on this philosophical issue is that as a matter of being realistic facts CAN be the basis of truth. For example, suppose someone claims they were raped. The courts will seek the truth by examining all the facts (DNA testing, curcumstances, etc.). The truth can fairly well be OBJECTIVELY established. The truth is NOT a matter of his truth bei…
/r/TheRedPill17/07/15 12:51 PM
1

Thanks! Well worth reading. All those assaults DO usually seem to come together and make for bewildering experience ( unless you know the game being played).
/r/TheRedPill16/07/15 01:11 PM
0

Thanks for your thoughts. A little pandering perhaps but certainly worth reading.
/r/TheRedPill16/07/15 12:55 PM
1

touche (or however you spell it).
/r/TheRedPill15/07/15 09:11 PM
0

Fair enough ... But per my above reply, there often IS something that's close to FACT based OBJECTIVE truth. Hopefully you at least try to have your own frame deal with factual reality and not just have a contrived self-serving frame. ... That still doesn't mean you're going to convince someone else. But you CAN at least sleep well at night by being honest about your frame.
/r/TheRedPill15/07/15 08:44 PM
-2

I'll give you some kudos on your thinking ... Even though I said my (now ex) wife used a "false" frame my best guess is she actually believed her frame. Thus, for her, it was NOT a false frame. And yes, I'll agree that that's there's often no objective reality. ... At the same time I think FACT based reality (which you hopefully base your own reality on) is as close as you can get to the truth. It's like a court room. Facts are what count. Not just your own subjective reality. ... My point being…
/r/TheRedPill15/07/15 08:28 PM
0

I see your point. ... But her start-off framework was so off base that it was (in the main) a false framework. Granted, if she stuck with her "frame" she was indeed, as you said, "maintaining frame" (however false the frame). But then isn't a key point of "maintaining frame" being to use the framework of how you truthfully see the situation (your sense of reality). And yes, I'd say she had superior framing skills. From reading TRP I'd now use a different approach. I'd pretty much blow off what s…
/r/TheRedPill15/07/15 06:12 PM
1

Well thanks for the explanation. I'd be open to your thoughts if it seemed to fit my situation but I don't really see it. For one, I had a good role model with a great step-father. I see what you're saying as more a case of (by analogy) of your being like a carpenter to whom everything becomes a nail to be hit by a hammer. ... The underlying problem isn't always the nail nor the solution always a hammer. Even if it often is. No disrespect meant here.
/r/TheRedPill15/07/15 06:01 PM
1

Not sure what you meant by: "This modern and common complex of mothers raising their sons out of parental guilt and personal need is the worst kind of feminist bullshit possible." ... Guilt? Personal need? I think you're stretching too hard but then again I'm not even sure what you mean. I called my mom back then because she was (and is) the one person I know who is all-in "for" me. Plus she already knew all the background. ... My call could have potentially been to my father (meaning either par…
/r/TheRedPill15/07/15 05:32 PM
1

A retarded statement by a retard. Hmm ... Perhaps gratuitous insults -- especially when off topic -- do indeed make one feel better.
/r/TheRedPill09/07/15 12:41 PM
2

Sadly, I mostly agree with you. I've had two marriages that took me to the cleaners. In both cases they ended with my "love" coldly looking at me across the table with our lawyers and saying the divorce was a business deal for them and they were going to maximize their take. Unfortunately, they could (anddid) given how divorce laws can work to yield often insane outcomes. I've remarried. However, I only remarried with a pre-nuptial in place that eliminated all the legal BS that can destroy someo…
/r/TheRedPill08/07/15 02:10 PM
3

An interesting take/idea. BUT you're far too cynical and the strategy is self-defeating. You might well miss out on a great partner/lover in life. ... But having said that, my experience is that if a woman's past is littered with too many lovers it's a serious red flag (that they will cheat in you). I made the mistake of being the beta type who married someone with close to 100 past lovers (by age 22 no less). She ended leading a secret life of affairs. When we divorced one of the the things she…
/r/TheRedPill08/07/15 01:46 PM
2

You rhetorically asked: "What did you do to deserve that treatment from your now ex-wife?" Well here's a belated answer. Let me expand my picture of the truth I've painted to make it complete. If I'm honest, I'm a bit guilty of too much just giving just part of the picture (even if the biggest part) so I can play the role of a victim. So let me add this to fill out the full picture: During the last two years of our marriage I left my 9-to-5 job and became an at-home dad. (I was miserable in my w…
/r/TheRedPill06/07/15 02:09 PM
1

QUITE a story. BUT I don't think it's an alpha/beta contrast as much as a matter of standing up for your own wants and not letting yourself get taken advantage of. Unfortunately, it's human nature to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (as in having sex with someone other than your now boring spouse is the way to go). Be that as it may, I DO like this guy's decisive action when he saw what the story was, especially her continuing to make lie after lie.
/r/TheRedPill04/07/15 05:31 PM
4

When the divorce started my to-be ex said her goal was to maximize her take (a real cold heart even if understandable). ... She "won" hands down on virtually all her wants. That included her child custody setup to my great distress (given that it had the kids be with her newly hired housekeeper some 25% of the time when they could have been with me). My own lawyer was so stunned that he blurted out "My god, the housekeeper won custody".
/r/TheRedPill29/06/15 07:29 PM
9

That's a life changing ouch. The thing is I think you're saying it all dead on accurate. My sympathies to you. There IS a gross level bias against men, in many area concerning family and divorce.Hell, I know one guy who got falsely accused of abuse by an angry wfe. He could then only have visitation with his children with court approved supervision. Well, the supervisor (the guy's top exec sister) was then falsely accused. End result: he has had no contact with his children now in some 5 years. …
/r/TheRedPill27/10/14 02:22 AM
0

Fair enough. But it's also ideological for me (in addition to being personal). If the roles were reversed I'd prefer my kids to be with their at-home mom instead of my housekeeper. Trying to slavishly stick to a 50/50 joint custody (in which the end result is a housekeeper has "custody" of the kids for some 20/25% of the time) I don't think is the answer. At the same time I don't like situations where an at-home mom is essentially subsidized (with alimony and child support) to sponge off her ex.…
/r/MensRights18/09/14 04:47 PM
1

Thanks for your thoughts. Obviously (as I do ) you have something of an ax to grind.
/r/MensRights17/09/14 03:03 AM
1

Okay. We disagree. You vote for 50/50 HOUSE time. I vote for maximizing PARENT time. The arbitrator agreed with you. (But then I think the arbitrator had a sexist view of things. ... with sexism being the point I'm making.) I don't see you coming from a sexist bias. Instead, you're bringing up alimony and wanting a re-set with each parent being expected to work and having control over childcare for their 50/50 share of time with the kids. That's not unreasonable. But I still think parent time wi…
/r/MensRights16/09/14 10:17 PM
2

To answer ... 1) I wasn't living off her money. I had my own funds (and contributed my half to the family expenses). Nor did I seek (nor get) any alimony. I suppose I should have given she was making mid-six figures. But I didn't think that was "fair". 2)And yes, all-in-all things turned out okay for my kids so big picture (and these many years later) it's all okay. BUT my POINT is still the same. Sexist attitudes in society (against men) can bring about unfair results. At the time (back at the …
/r/MensRights16/09/14 07:54 PM
2

They know she cheated. I had to say something to defend myself from being typecast as the "bad guy". And let's face it. Lots of people -- and plenty of good people -- have cheated. And then if you cheat you lie about it. Still, my kids have no idea of how far (and how bad) my ex went with things. It wasn't just her affairs. Worse than that was her inner core beliefs (as revealed in marriage counseling). Basically, a prime (overriding) want she had in life was to have sex with many different men …
/r/MensRights16/09/14 04:25 PM
1

Pretty much the kids don't talk about it. To the good (on balance) their perspective is they love their mom and dad and don't want to hear anything negative about their parents. I think my two kids see both parents at fault for bringing about the divorce. Their view is "helped" by only hearing a limited version (from me) of some of the stunts of their mom. As for me, I was at fault for not keeping myself as an equal in the marriage and becoming an at-home dad. As much as I mentally fight that as…
/r/MensRights16/09/14 03:08 PM
2

The arbitrator's stated reason was to keep the status quo. He had a point, albeit I think a limited one. When "Norma" and I separated we informally agreed to follow “her” custody setup (50/50 HOUSEHOLD time). That got her out of the house. But my agreeing to that temporary custody setup was a big mistake. Temporary can become permanent. The divorce dragged on for a year as we fought it out. When I tried to change the temporary custody setup (given how long the divorce was taking) Norma wouldn’t …
/r/MensRights16/09/14 02:52 PM
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