Time for Divorce. Need Advice.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-11-07T11:13:37+00:00

Lawyer up first of all. Ask the lawyer all that. We cant advice you legally.

TRPWay2 · 2015-11-07T15:14:16+00:00

Agree you need legal advice asap. I am not a lawyer. DO NOT TELL HER YET. Tactically, definitely talk that over with your lawyer and get your shit together. In some states you can file quickly, like file within a day and she'll get notice in 2 weeks, so it isn't like this will be hanging out there. Also depends on the state but talk to the lawyer about documenting the affair in a legally admissible way. You could have the option of filing "at fault" which can also expedite everything, hugely depends on the state.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE, until talking to your lawyer. "Abandonment" could jeopardize custody, again a reason not to tell her and to talk to a lawyer.

Get your kid paternity tested, pick up the kit at Walmart, it is very easy.

Good Luck.

theultmatecad · 2015-11-07T16:21:52+00:00

Sorry bro, you can PM me if you ever want to talk, sometimes its helpful to hear another's point of.view

First get the lawyer, second the gym membership, third a close male friend to have for emotional support.

Dont tell her shit. Figure out what you want, plan the road to get there, and if that means divorce it will be on YOUR timeline. You can drop the hammer when your risks are minimized, and your comfort is maximized.

Oh, and Amazon has a great paternity kit, I used it

rurpe · 2015-11-07T16:27:52+00:00

Get a paternity test for your son

uxl · 2015-11-07T16:35:13+00:00

Secretly, very quietly, get a lawyer. Maybe open a new card/account to help ensure she doesn't see the expense. DO NOT LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW. Game of pretend time. Pretend you're happy and stable and comfortable - not a care in the world.

Make sure the lawyer is good. Rarely is there another time that it's worth going into debt. This is one of the most important expenses you will ever make.

I've been there. I was in a much worse place. If you need to vent, use me, not anyone in your life that knows her.

Good luck.

Mildly_Sociopathic · 2015-11-07T16:40:08+00:00

Hopefully it's mine

Fuck is wrong with you? Do you want to pay more child support to this whore?

FearDearg2015 · 2015-11-07T15:28:38+00:00

Get a lawyer for legal advice asap. Meanwhile, you are not gonna leave the house, and the little she knows about how much you know the better. Keep your powder dry. Google "relationship 180" which might give you some perspective on how to handle being around the house with a dishonest cheating fucker.

mediamole · 2015-11-07T16:09:09+00:00

Stay in the home. In many US states, that keeps you in a stronger position regarding child custody.

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-11-07T15:22:58+00:00

Get the lawyer, ask all of these types of questions, remain unphased and do what you need to do to just be a Dad to your kid.

No rage, no emotion, just exist and be a solid dad. Let the legalities play out and remain focused on your end goal, starting a life for you where you can generate your own happiness and remain a part of your kid's life.

bogeyd6 · 2015-11-07T16:22:14+00:00

Everyone covered the legal advice part.

The only thing I can add is you just need to work on you and your son. Ghost her and cut her out of the picture in everything you are doing. Take a Machiavelli stance with your divorce. Make sure you have her served at the most embarrassing time that you can for her. Personally I would have her served at the boyfriends house and she finds out through him. No need for you to bother with telling her personally, and once she is served do not talk to her at all. As far as assets go, depending on your time frames, start liquidating them into cash. It's easier at the final proceedings to just pay her out in cold hard cash than to give her something that Chad can enjoy, such as a motorcycle. Chad will spend her broke in a month so don't put too much value into the money.

MRP is very short sighted in sometimes on how to handle the divorce. With children involved you really need to tighten up your frame for the coming custody battle. Also, ask your lawyer about the pregnancy and how it affects, and possibly, lengthens the proceedings. Realize that custody probably will not be yours and arrange your schedule and life for when your son is with you. He needs a strong RP man to teach him the ways of the world. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

vox_veritas · 2015-11-09T00:05:52+00:00

Divorce attorney here. Yes, lawyer up immediately, but don't tell her and don't have the papers served yet. Pony up the cash for a private investigator to get solid evidence of the adultery. Any competent divorce attorney will have two or three go-to PI's to choose from. The most important reason for this is if you live in a state where adultery bars alimony. Secondly, you can use it as leverage in settlement talks, as (speaking from experience) women often will do anything they can for their adultery not to come to light, regardless of whether it is advantageous from a legal perspective.

Everything else is too state-specific for you to get any worthwhile advice here. Get referrals for a handful of attorneys, preferably from trusted people you know, and schedule consultations. Expect to pay a few hundred dollars each time, typically for an hour of their time at their usual hourly rate. Unlike personal injury and criminal defense attorneys, most experienced family law attorneys with decent business will not spend more than 10-15 minutes on the phone for free, since they bill by the hour. Don't hire an attorney who promises you anything.

Countpudyoola · 2015-11-09T16:11:31+00:00

So hopefully you've talked to a lawyer already. If not , that's step one still.

If you don't live in a no-fault state, gather as much evidence as possible. Although I think it's a good idea anyway no-fault or not.

Paternity test.

Keep that shit under lock and key.

HIGHLY INADVISABLE BUT LET ME TELL A SITUATION OF APPARENTLY COLD-CALCULATED REVENGE.

A lady who I used to work with's ex husband found out she was cheating. She was reaaaaallly nasty personality wise at work so I had 0% sympathy for her. She didn't know he knew for over a year. Over that time he let her drain a small trust her grandmother left her (trust money he would have had no access to) on some huge dream home house they were building. He sank 0 dollars into it. When they were doing paperwork it was only fair to him that she put the house in her name since it was going to be mostly her money. He had no problem ;-) with that since he was such a good guy loyal husband.

He hit her up for a divorce about 75% through construction after she had about exhausted her trust money and it was time for him to pitch in.

If you have trouble drawing the lines. Had he just filed for divorce like a sane person they would have split assets, she would have kept her trust though, and gone their unmerry ways. He was so full of vitriol by this point he waited her out over a year so that she would waste money he wouldn't have access to , then bail while she had an unfinished house she could do nothing with.

Also during this time period, he dropped his hours at work and started establishing patterns of child care he got dual custody with no child support.

The crazy thing is he apparently never victim puked on her after even all the paperwork was done. He did it, she figured out things after, he kept calm and cool (obviously helped with his kids) and she turned into a Tasmanian devil about it.

So if he can keep quiet for a year to not show his ace hand, then you can for a little bit while you work out logistics for a lawyer. It worked out for this guy, but might have backfired, plus I think that level of spite has to come back and haunt you at some point...but maybe not.

Trekneck · 2015-11-07T15:30:48+00:00

Lawyer up, abandoning your home could look bad for you in court without getting legal advice first. Second, court finds out you knew about the affair and continued living there, could end up being used against you by saying you condoned it, simply through your inaction. All these things I learned thru my attorney. I suggest seeing one before making any decisions.

If you don't own a house together, live out of your car if you have to. But do it after getting legal advice and serving her.

ElGuapoMiguel · 2015-11-07T18:03:05+00:00

I would add, Google the Divorce List, and implement. Your in a war zone now, maintain stealth mode, do not tip your hand. STFU, until ready. Work on your new life. Get excited about your new awesome future. I am contemplating D also.

Document the affair for court, your ace in the hole!

Good luck Bro!

TheGurw · 2015-11-07T19:30:58+00:00

Get photographic evidence that she is breaking the marriage contract. Hire a good PI to do it, make sure that it's more than just coffee dates. You need pictures of her pretending to gag on his dick.

Njncguy · 2015-11-07T19:33:14+00:00

Two suggestions from someone who was in a very similar situation:

Be careful of any temporary arrangement you make in your run up to your divorce. A judge (or arbitrator) will look at it as precedent. In my case I lost lots of custody time with my kids because of a temporary setup that dragged on for nearly a year (the time it took to get the divorce).
Be prepared to NOT "play nice". I hate to say it, but being a total bastard (while keeping up a facade) tends to win. Don't expect your wife to reciprocate if you try to be fair and honest. She will just try to take you for more. As my wife said at the start of our divorce "this divorce is a business deal and I'm going to maximize my take." Yeah, that's cold. But that's the reality of a divorce.

Torvold55 · 2015-11-07T20:24:43+00:00

Definately Lawyer first.... and do not concede possession of the home to her. It is your house too, and this can be used to fight a fair custody arrangement.

2015-11-08T01:45:12+00:00

I got my console with a lawyer a week ago Friday. This is simply a data dump of my experience. I'm not suggesting anything. My state is a no fault state. Also, my state is equal custody for the parents as long as they are able parents. When filing for divorce, they have 20 days to respond, 30 days if they are out of state. I was told do not leave the house. I mentioned I was a little worried about her calling the cops in a domestic dispute. It is possible for my wife to get what is called an order of protection (restraining order). Now my lawyer told me stories of a woman who made up a domestic dispute and got an order of protection. Guy had to vacate the house. So I would keep all this secret until the last possible moment. I asked about starting to record conversations. She said it could go either way. In one case the judge heard a tape and it was damning evidence. In another case, the judge said, you have broken any and all trust and ruled the other way. Anyway, I do not plan on divorcing my wife, I just wanted to know what my rights as a father were and how I could protect myself. I put them on retainer in case the cops get called on me. I can just STFU and call my lawyer. I did negotiate a lower retainer.

I have since learned that my wife does not want to divorce me b/c she can't stand the fact that I will get joint custody. She's got the crazy baby brain right now. She wants/wanted a separation. We'll see how it all shakes out when I return from my business trip but I'm mentally ready to be served paperwork.

In your case, I would keep it all quiet and move your chess pieces in position. I wouldn't act any happier or sad than you already are as to not cause any suspicion. Please keep us posted on her reaction when you finally confront her on her cheating.

RPcoyote · 2015-11-08T01:55:32+00:00

What other advice type are you looking for? Clearly you need an attorney for that kind of advice. So what are you looking to us for?

turn30left · 2015-11-08T02:07:29+00:00

If she is pregnant, it may not be yours.

REKT-it_Ralph420 · 2015-11-08T05:52:21+00:00

check your laws because you might have to quit fucking her. In some jurisdictions, fucking after uncovering infidelity basically condones it and throws away any leverage you might have in court. I'd also start making regular withdrawals and developing a "gambling addiction". Just be sure to substitute the slot machine with a safety deposit box and use it to keep your lawyer paid. lol.

chief_slap_ahoe · 2015-11-08T11:17:21+00:00

Lawyer first. Always play from a position of control. Never play catch up.

Watch out for calling false abuse on her part.

Prince-Gnarls · 2015-11-08T14:03:15+00:00

There is a chance she's pregnant (hopefully it's mine).

Why on earth would you want MORE children with her? That's just more child support to pay.

Chances are it isn't even yours OP - DB combined with years of cheating... well I'll let you do the math on that one! :/

dreddit321 · 2015-11-09T04:22:13+00:00

3.We have a 5 year old son, and we were trying to have another. There is a chance she's pregnant (hopefully it's mine).

JFC!!! That fucking blows. Others have covered the lawyer and paternity bits, but please, stop doing her raw!

irateMD · 2015-11-07T15:21:43+00:00

Quietly get a lawyer and have papers drawn up. Figure out where all of your financial assets and liabilities are and make copies of all the relevant documents. Document everything with respect to interactions with her and with the kid. Is the first kid yours?

No more PIV sex with her. Condoms aren't perfect for preventing pregnancy or STI. You don't need Chad's chlamydia on top of everything else. The pussy here isn't worth the risk of her getting pregnant.

If she's pregnant and she's pro choice, only then should you reveal that you are planning divorce, since it will give her time to consider abortion.

Title	Time for Divorce. Need Advice.
Author	d-day-throwaway
Upvotes	9
Comments	33
Date	November 7, 2015 9:25 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3rvfht/time_for_divorce_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/time-for-divorce-need-advice.200751 https://theredarchive.com/post/200751

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