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Objective-Fan-5464 Archive

View 18 posts and 307 comments by Objective-Fan-5464 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
66

Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 11:55 PM
45

Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 07:04 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 04:56 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 07:50 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:42 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:42 AM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:30 AM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 09:16 PM
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RantObjective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 04:58 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 01:46 AM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 03:36 AM
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Dealing with the Ex / STBXObjective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:57 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 11:08 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:26 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:18 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 04:16 PM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:33 AM
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Objective-Fan-5464/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 03:30 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

This is right. Do NOT bring kids into grown up matters no matter how tempting it is. Your children are not an outlet to vent your feelings of betrayal. All they need now is their dad and that's what you must do.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 02:27 PM
3

They' already dating, married, or happily single and they can spot shallow energy a mile away. What you attract reflects how you show up. If your focus is mainly looks, then that’s exactly the energy that’s coming through.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:16 PM
2

This is the correct answer. Courts assume that parties exercise due diligence in settlement of the case and something like a "gift to her only" should have been disclosed / uncovered during that period. Absent clear evidence of fraud, this will get thrown out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 07:39 PM
3

Depends on what is in your decree. In mine, I'm responsible for health insurance for our children and we split costs 50/50 for out of pocket. However, if the provider is out of network and it is a non-emergency procedure then the parent taking the children is fully responsible.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:03 PM
2

Mediation is about moving people off extreme positions without going to court. My ex had the same extreme positions and we had 2 failed mediations for temporary orders. I knew the court alternative and how they would rule so I stuck with that. I got what I wanted in temp. orders hearing. The final mediation was successful because the court had already established the basline. Right now she’s starting from “I want everything,” which is actually very common early in the process. A few suggestions …
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:01 PM
1

Good for you, seriously. Getting healthy, starting businesses, and stabilizing your life after a divorce is a big win. But one observation: if part of the victory is watching her struggle, you might still be more tied to the situation than you think. The actual milestone is when her life, good or bad, stops being relevant to how you measure yours. Your businesses, your house, your health, that’s the win. It doesn’t need her failure as contrast. Keep building. Just make sure the scoreboard is you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 04:58 PM
4

I would suggest paying the bill (if able) to protect your credit and request a reimbursement from her. If she doesn't pay, that can be settled when the final split of assets happens. You should also request that you be taken off the utilities or even request cancellation and inform her that you are doing so.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 04:54 PM
6

Background: I'm in TX as well By default, there is a standard possession order in Texas. So, unless you have abuse allegations, you will have the kids 43% on average for the entire year. Under an SPO, you’d typically have: 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends (overnights) of the month Thursday overnight during the school term Extended summer Alternating holidays (Spring Break, Thanksgiving, Christmas) Father's Day weekend The SPO is your worst day in court and her lawyer knows this. So, if you want to settle,…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 09:42 PM
6

I'm assuming that your concern is that once your mortgage is paid off, your ex may ask for more since your expense have gone down? I'm in Texas so this is where my experience lies. Here, your CS payment is based on income (and capped) and not on expenses. It would depend on your state but I'm not aware of any state that bases CS based on net income after expenses rather than gross income.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:44 PM
1

She gave up custody, doesn't financially support the children (assuming she doesnt pay CS), and now wants the tax benefit? As you said, you already know the answer so please take this as validation that your answer is correct.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:16 PM
14

Two things come to mind Firstly, I would ask for a swap of lost parenting time and not give up a week. It is great for children to spend time with their extended family on both sides of the house but it shouldn't be at the expense of their time with the other parent. Secondly, I would, not agree to split the airfare, lodging, or any other travel related expense. You could offer the children some discretionary spending money for the trip. You should wholeheartedly encourage the children's relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:11 PM
3

You’re not wrong. But you’re not fully right either. The breakdown isn’t chores vs money but that it’s that each person’s sacrifice was in a currency the other stopped valuing. Yes, many women carry the domestic and emotional load. Yes, resentment builds when it feels invisible. But many men carry the financial and psychological load. Career pressure, financial pressure, providing stability, and absorbing stress silently. That labor is invisible too. By the time divorce is filed: She feels like …
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 05:46 PM
3

You’re not confused you’re refusing to accept reality and your optimism isn’t loyalty. What you have isn’t a marriage. It’s a status arrangement where your value is measured by money, trips, and optics. When you stopped funding the lifestyle, the relationship ended. Everything else is simply noise. She and her mother run your life, your finances, and your self-worth. You pay the bills, absorb disrespect, sacrifice your job, and still get told you “don’t fit her status.” Six months of silence tol…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 05:08 PM
6

For many, control itself is the goal. It regulates anxiety, preserves a sense of relevance, or maintains a connection through conflict. Confusion and reaction are part of the payoff. That’s why trying to understand why it’s happening keeps you stuck in the loop.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 03:27 PM
27

Why do you care? I don’t mean that sarcastically, I mean it literally. The fact that you’re cataloging his looks, money, and flaws means she’s still living rent-free in your head. Who she dates now isn’t a referendum on you, and it isn’t proof she made a “good” or “bad” choice. It’s just a signal that the marriage is over and she’s choosing something different. Sometimes that different thing is healthier. Sometimes it’s a mess. Either way, it’s not your problem to grade. The danger here is that …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 07:17 PM
5

I used ChatGPT extensively during my divorce process from 2023 to mid-2025 even though I had an attorney. The capabilities have evolved significantly during that time. It helped me make sense of the filings, responses, and sift through mountains of discovery in no time at all. It is a powerful tool to understand laws/procedures, organizing facts/timelines, clarity in responses, and sanity checking arguments. Your story does highlight something real: the system can be brutal for people without re…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:59 PM
2

A child psychologist in mediation rarely does what you’re hoping it will do. In most cases, psychologists don’t decide custody and are cautious about being used to validate one parent’s position. If they sense they’re being asked to “break through” the other parent’s narrative, their input often carries less weight. A few things that matter in practice: Enmeshment ≠ custody preference. Kids defaulting to one parent for comfort is common in high-conflict homes and doesn’t automatically justify 75…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:16 PM
1

Short answer: yes, you may have legal footing but not because you’re a man, and not just because you want the house. What matters is equity and the kids’ best interests. Key points that help you: Your $150K down payment (if traceable) can be credited to you at sale. The pre-divorce refinance used to pay her debts and buy her car may be argued as marital waste/dissipation, especially since it doubled the mortgage. Income disparity (because she earns 2×) can support temporary spousal maintenance o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 09:00 PM
10

What you’re describing is normal in early post-divorce grief, especially with stacked losses like you’ve had. The waves, the loneliness, the “loser/alone forever” thoughts, those are depression talking, not truth. A few things to anchor to: 3–4 months is still acute trauma time. Finalizing the divorce often makes things worse before they get better. Hearing anything about your ex is a trigger, not evidence of anything about your worth. Empty time fuels the spiral. Change your body state (walks, …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 07:02 PM
1

If both parties truly agree the home is worth $500K, then that’s the number you start from. Full stop. In most divorces, a buyout works like this: Fair market value: $500K Equity split per agreement (often 50/50): $250K each One party pays the other $250K (refinancing, other assets, etc.) and keeps the house The “discounts” you’re describing are usually "hypothetical" Realtor fees / taxes: Those only apply if the house is actually sold. In a buyout, they’re hypothetical, so most people don’t dis…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 03:22 PM
2

Short answer: your dad isn’t automatically ruined, and this isn’t about “women getting everything.” It’s about whether the community property was ever fully closed. Key points in most states (I don't know about Louisiana specifically): Asking is not getting: She still has to prove each asset she is requesting was community, existed in 2009, and wasn’t waived or offset. Overseas property, retirement, and bank accounts are not automatic wins. However, unpartitioned or undisclosed community propert…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 02:29 PM
1

Always good to be informed before mediation. Neutral mediators don’t protect you from a bad deal, they just facilitate whatever you agree to. You don’t need to antagonize her but you do need to understand what’s yours before you decide what to give up. And for what it’s worth, using tools like ChatGPT isn’t about replacing legal advice, it’s about walking into the room informed enough not to get steamrolled. A few high-signal points: Use numbers, not narratives. Go into mediation with a balance …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 09:44 PM
0

This mindset is the problem. Right now this is about your ego, not the children's safety. You’re arguing about rank in a house you don’t control. Saying that your authority “trumps” his does nothing for your kids and actively weakens your position. Authoritarians thrive on power struggles. You’re feeding him. Stop trying to win a dominance contest you can’t enforce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 10:09 PM
0

Your instinct to protect is valid but your framing is not helping the situation. You are making it about power and humiliation rather than what is best for the children. Also, their mother has effectively aligned with the fiancé so you don't have that avenue either. A few things I’d strongly suggest: Separate “structure” from “demeaning behavior.” Chores and rules are normal. Yelling, mocking, laughing at punishments, and chest-puffing are not. Focus your concern on how discipline is delivered, …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 05:21 PM
9

Are you describing my ex? Whether or not the word “narcissist” fits perfectly isn’t actually the most important point. What matters is the pattern you’re describing: chronic invalidation, shifting goalposts, double binds, and punishment for having normal human emotions. That erodes a person over time. A few things stand out clearly: You’re stuck in no-win scenarios. Calm is wrong, emotion is wrong, space is wrong, engagement is wrong. That’s not a communication issue—that’s an impossible standar…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 03:42 PM
6

First of all, slow down. Panic is what the silver bullet strategy relies on. A few immediate priorities: Do not assume truth will “win on its own.” Family court is not criminal court. Credibility, consistency, and documentation matter more than outrage. Say nothing reactive. Do not text, email, confront, or “explain.” Anything emotional can be repurposed against you. Get a competent family law attorney ASAP. One with DV allegation defense experience, not just a general divorce lawyer. This matte…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 03:03 PM
1

Forgiveness isn’t a deadline. It’s not something you owe, and it’s not something you force. Right now, you’re doing something harder and healthier: you’re seeing your dad clearly for the first time and not as a villain, not as a hero, but as a flawed human who made real choices that had real consequences. It’s okay to acknowledge his guilt and still not be ready to forgive him. Guilt in his eyes doesn’t erase what happened, and forgiveness doesn’t require you to minimize your experience. A usefu…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 03:36 PM
5

First, I’m really sorry. I can't tell how old you are but, regardless, this is heavy, and it’s not your job to carry it. What you’re seeing isn’t really about you or your mom. It’s your dad struggling with unresolved loss, jealousy, and fear, and instead of dealing with it directly, he’s projecting it onto the safest place he can: you. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does make his behavior unfair. The most important thing to understand is this: you cannot fix him, and you are not resp…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 02:43 PM
18

This isn’t a “women” dynamic. It’s a mismatched-agency dynamic. What you’re describing happens when one partner wants change and the other doesn’t, but instead of negotiating honestly, tension gets managed through withdrawal, pressure, or triangulation. That’s not biology. That’s poor boundaries. People don’t detach because a need isn’t met. They detach because the conflict around the need isn’t handled cleanly. Resentment grows when disagreement turns into leverage: sexual, emotional, or relati…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:20 PM
11

This isn’t weakness. It’s load. Seventy hours a week, two jobs, unexpected stress, and one rough couple of days is a normal human limit, not a character flaw. “Man up” is not leadership, and it’s not partnership. Your wife doesn’t need to be your therapist, but she does need to be safe. Calling you weak and threatening divorce when you struggle isn’t support, it’s conditional acceptance. Before deciding anything, separate two things: a bad reaction versus a core belief. If this is out of charact…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:15 PM
1

I'm assuming from your username that you are in Texas (like me) so if you can't agree with your ex-spouse, the judge can only order a standard possession order (like me). There are alternatives where you can get creative like a modified 2-2-3 but they all require communication and compromise. Baseline Schedule: Parent A: Mon–Tue every week Parent B: Wed–Thu every week Weekends: Alternate Fri–Sun between Parent A and B On travel weeks The non-traveling parent covers Mon–Thu The traveling parent t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 03:34 PM
4

I am mid 40s and went through this and what you’re seeing is pretty normal for the 40+ crowd, especially post-divorce. What worked for me was to "work on myself" (cliche) for a while after I filed and then got on the apps. Had a few short flings and have been in a relationship with a wonderful person for a while now, who I met on Tinder. In my experience, a lot of women (and men) list “long-term” as a filter, not necessarily as a demand that date one leads to marriage. It’s often shorthand for “…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:37 PM
1

I travel for work as well (consulting), but work from home most of the time. During the divorce I actually did the math, I was away about 36 nights per year (~10% of the calendar, ~14% of weekdays). That helped reframe things and take emotion out of it The key predictability and control. I’m at a level where travel is required but I largely control when it happens. I ended up with the Texas Standard Possession Order (so not 50/50), and it’s worked well because it’s predictable and easy to plan a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:16 PM
3

You can impute her income at full-time even if she is working part-time. So you can say that your annual income is $90k even if she doesn't work. Also, with her getting a generous settlement from marital property, spousal support isn't happening, not in Texas anyway. At this point, my advice would be to let the attorney handle it. Basically, if she wants the house, she can pay for it. If she can't, then you are more than happy to take it and offset her equity with other assets.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 04:11 PM
2

I’d strongly recommend modeling this out with real numbers before making that offer. For example, let’s say: House value: $600k Mortgage balance: $400k Gross equity: $200k Net equity after selling costs (≈7%): ~$158k Now compare that to retirement assets: $160k in a 401(k) is not $160k in real terms After 25–30% taxes, that’s closer to $110–120k So a “clean” buyout often requires more retirement dollars than people expect just to be equivalent especially when cash is tight. Then layer in cash fl…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:43 PM
1

Our situation exactly. We were both on the title, I was the only one on the mortgage. There are two phases here that you have to consider Temporary Orders: You will most likely have to pay child support and temporary spousal support if you are able. Child Support is fairly straight forward and there's a calculator online that tells you that amount with appropriate inputs. Temporary Spousal support is ordered sometimes (it was in my case) if the other spouse doesn't have any income. You will need…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:33 PM
4

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I'm in Texas as well and have been through this exact scenario. Long story short, she is using the kids as leverage to delay her financial reality at your expense. Some items from my experience: “For the kids’ sake” doesn’t override financial reality: Courts care about stability, not one parent staying in a specific house at the other parent’s expense. If keeping the house leaves you unable to afford basic housing for yourself, that’s a non-starter. Judges do …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:12 PM
4

Go to court, go straight to court, do not pass go, do not collect $200. In seriousness, I was in a similar situation and tried to "amicable" but ended up spending over $150k in lawyer fees, psych evals, mediators, etc. between the two of us. She had family and lawyers encouraging her to fight as well. We tried mediation (didn't work), had an amicus attorney assigned to evaluate for children (found no issues), went to second mediation (didn't work), and then went to court for temporary orders. I …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 08:30 PM
4

It was a step but I fear that the distance between us is too great to overcome. Having a conversation with her about it is a great first step. Even if the distance feels too great to overcome, you owe it to yourself to try to cover it with your wife. What if you're wrong?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 05:52 PM
1

I 100% intend to and tag on attorney fees. But the lost trip with kids... that's a different story.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 05:47 PM
1

Yes to both consent and passport. We have traded over 15 messages on just this thing alone. Her latest objection is that the form is incomplete (it definitely isn't) and wont point out what information she thinks is missing. I would hate to get the kids involved and, as you said, it's a statement of fact. They will be disappointed for sure if we can't go. We are also past the cancellation/refund window on all reservations so I'm looking at a $5k hit as well. I definitely have recourse to recoup …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:13 PM
2

Honestly this is one of those situations where fairness isn’t always “equal split”, it’s proportional contribution based on means. If he makes twice as much, then a 2:1 contribution to shared monthly expenses (mortgage, bills, groceries, etc.) is a very common and reasonable model. What matters more is that the shared life cost is balanced equitably, not surgically itemized to the penny. As long as they’ve agreed on clear expectations, they both feel secure, and the prenup establishes ownership …
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 04:26 PM
5

There is a difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict and divorce rewires that tolerance. Healthy arguing looks like: two people staying on the same team even when they disagree, trying to understand each other, staying inside boundaries, focusing on the issue not destroying the person. Unhealthy arguing feels like threat, survival, humiliation, attack, or “I need to escape to be safe.” After divorce, especially if the prior marriage involved emotional volatility, manipulation, o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:45 PM
5

You didn’t lose your dignity. You traded comfort for proximity to your kid, that’s sacrifice… that’s fatherhood… that’s character. A lot of men never understand this until much later: the climb back isn’t linear and it often starts at the bottom while everything looks like loss. But the truth is, this is the foundation phase, not the collapse phase. When you rebuild now, you rebuild as a man whose identity isn’t dependent on a partner, a house, or a title. You rebuild for YOU, not for a marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 02:53 PM
7

You’re carrying guilt that doesn’t actually belong to you. She’s making choices. You’re just finally refusing to shield her from the consequences anymore. That’s not “taking their mother away”, that’s refusing to let your kids grow up thinking this chaos is normal. The pattern is already here: DV arrest, drunk driving with your child in the car, manipulation, denial, sneaking alcohol as soon as accountability lightens. That trajectory doesn’t suddenly stabilize in 10 more years. It accelerates. …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:14 PM
7

From what you’re describing, reconciliation honestly sounds off the table. Someone who files, weaponizes guilt, and immediately tries to divert marital assets out of your reach isn’t acting like someone who wants to repair a marriage, that’s someone posturing for advantage. Taking your legal share of the house is not “taking it from the kids.” Kids benefit when BOTH parents are financially stable post-divorce. Her trying to put it in the kids’ name with her as custodian is a control move, not a …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:06 PM
5

A lot of men confuse being alone with being lonely. Divorce forces silence, and at first the quiet feels like abandonment and failure. But being alone is actually neutral and sometimes even freeing. Loneliness is what you felt when you were next to someone who didn’t see you, understand you, or choose you. Many of us were lonelier inside the marriage than after it ended. The solitude now can become space to rebuild identity without distortion. The real work is learning how to sit with yourself w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:02 PM
8

Brother, that first year is doing something, it’s survival, and that’s no small thing. You went through emotional demolition and managed to stay standing. That’s progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Kudos to you and pat yourself on the back! Here’s what worked for me once the dust started to settle (and I'm only 6 months into it): Treat this next phase like rebuilding, not rebounding. You don’t need to rush into another relationship or reinvent yourself overnight. Think of this as your per…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 08:18 PM
17

I'm also in Texas and went through a divorce although not in the conditions you describe. If you want him to come out the other side intact, he needs to stop thinking like a betrayed husband and start thinking like a strategist who is preparing for a negotiation where the other side doesn’t even know it’s already begun. His advantage right now is asymmetry of information. She doesn’t know he knows. That is leverage. Leverage is ALWAYS maximized before disclosure and it evaporates instantly the m…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 03:24 PM
1

Totally fair. I get where you’re coming from. I don’t disagree that a lot of guys get hit way harder. I won’t pretend I’m “fully recovered” either. I’m not there yet. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that perspective is what keeps me steady. My post wasn’t meant to say “everyone can bounce back easily.” It’s just a reminder that even when you’re deep in it, recovery can happen. Some of it is circumstances, some of it is habits, and some of it is refusing to stay stuck. You’r…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:52 AM
5

Sure, nothing fancy or guru-level here. I just focused on consistency and simplicity. I treat investing like a bill. Money moves automatically from checking to investments every month. Most of my portfolio is boring: S&P 500, total market, and international index funds. I reinvest dividends and leave it alone. I also max 401(k), IRA, and HSA before touching taxable accounts. Every dollar sheltered is a silent raise. Also, no margin, no credit card debt, no new toys after divorce. Every upgrade d…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:05 AM
4

You’re absolutely right, everyone’s experience is different. I’m not dismissing the pain or financial destruction that some guys go through. It’s real, and it can be brutal. What I am saying is that recovery is possible. My post isn’t meant to invalidate anyone else’s story, it’s meant to give hope to the guys still in the storm. Some lose everything and never rebuild. Others lose half and rebuild stronger. I shared my numbers because it’s easy to forget that financial recovery is not a myth. If…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 03:57 AM
0

True. However, a primary residence is not an asset IMO and I don't count it in any net worth calculation. My rationale (some may disagree) is that you need a place to live so it's an expense, like rent. That "rent" may go down once the mortgage is paid off (or you sell it and take equity to buy another place cash) but then you still have property taxes, insurance, repairs. So, buy a house for sure if you can buy don't treat it as an investment. If it goes down in value, then oh well, if it goes …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:49 AM
-3

Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with how that works. Im sure it sucks but the idea is that consistency in the long run will get you ahead. The situation in terms of CS and alimony cant really be helped once awarded I thinks so what other option do you have? It may be 4 year, 7 years, 10 years, maybe more but you will recover.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:40 AM
1

Im in the same boat. CS is capped because of Texas and less than 10% of my gross income and no alimony (again, texas) Lifestyle adjustment has been a bitch but I do acknowledge the advantages in terms of income, CS, and alimony. Just wanted to say that it's doable with persistence.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:36 AM
2

Agreed but that's when I (we) bought our first house. I was only a few years out of college. Still own it and it's doubled in value over that time so about a 4.5% annualized gain.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:33 AM
2

I get it and Im sorry to hear it. My data is from 2009 to now so 16 years. We had a housing crash, covid, lay offs (twice), and other setbacks along the way. The only thing that worked is consistency over time. I also have CS payments, live in a house half the size of our marital home, and most months I barely get by. Despair isnt an option for me, atleast right now. I made a plan to pay down debt, increase income, and keep moving on. The only thing left to do is be consistent.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 12:55 AM
0

I get it. My data is from 2009 to now so 16 years. We had a housing crash, covid, lay offs (twice), and other setbacks along the way. The only thing that worked is consistency over time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 12:51 AM
3

At the end of it all, between the 2 of us, we had spent 175k in attorney fees (120k hers), maxed out credit cards, i got laid off, found a new job, all during this time. Its been "final" for around 6 months so still fresh. I just did an "inventory" of the financial damage this weekend and saw the pattern. Even with all that shit, I was set back 4 years. My focus now is rebuilding my "empire." I did it once and will do it again. The point of making a post about it is that you can rebuild, just ha…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 12:35 AM
7

Took: About half my stuff. Gave: Peace. The journey from filing to finalization was torture but in the end, totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 11:47 PM
1

The kids are a separate issue from her financial responsibilities, IMO. If she is unable to afford something, then that's her lifestyle choice, not mine. Kids aren't leverage or emotional blackmail.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 04:36 PM
1

Best advice so far!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:51 AM
0

Good point. Im more than happy to have the kids as primary parent if she isnt able to meet her obligations. Im simply sticking to the decree, and she isn't.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:50 AM
2

Not sure what you mean. She would pay the lender directly.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:47 AM
2

Thank you! That's exactly what im doing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:45 AM
2

I have a provision for restitution if she is over 30 days late. It's going to be a headache for sure, but I have recourse.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 03:44 AM
1

My point of view exactly !
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 10:50 AM
3

The consequence is sale i think and the consequence for non payment causing delinquency is that I get to foreclose.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:53 AM
3

She has been paying the mortgage, so that is good. There is a provision in the decree that if is delinquent (as defined by the lender, i.e., 30 days), then I have a right to foreclose, get credit repair, and pay for it from proceeds. That would suck but I'd have a big chunk of cash. It was all discussed in mediation and she knows not to fuck with it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:52 AM
4

The lawyer is saying I don't have to do anything. Refinance is her responsibility, and if she hasn't refinanced by the deadline, she needs to sell per the Decree. If she refuses to sell, then file for contempt and enforcement.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:47 AM
3

She is required to pay the mortgage AND refinance in 90 days. I don't pay anything.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:45 AM
2

And I thought I could file for contempt 😀
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:44 AM
4

That's what I am seeing as well. Judges stick to the decree. She needs to refinance.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:43 AM
6

So, to clarify. The decree awards her the home, all bills, maintenance, mortgage, taxes, and insurance. Also, it gives her 90 days to refinance or pay off the house. So, I am not paying the mortgage. She is. It's just only in my name currently. During mediation, I offered to let her keep the mortgage for 5 years in return for $60k of additional marital assets which was based on her mortgage going up by $1k / month at current rates and she declined the offer. Now she wants to go back and get a be…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:40 AM
1

NTA. It doesn't matter whether the spouse requesting support is the man or the woman. The state has criteria that it uses to evaluate and that is all that matters. Gender of the requesting spouse isn't one of the factors. Get everything you are entitled to and speak with an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:31 PM
3

It takes flexibility and understanding, but you knew that. Either one of you can negotiate with the other parent to modify the parenting schedule to accommodate. If either of your exes is understanding then it shouldn't be an issue. For my part, the lady I'm seeing now has a similar schedule to me for now but her ex is understanding. Mine isn't. We go on dates on the weekends we line up, on weekends that we don't, we have week night dates which could just be hanging out at home. If we have an ou…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:27 PM
14

I am a Disney dad and proud of it. We take two international vacations every year and our children have been better for it in that they experience different cultures, food, art, architecture, language, and everything else that comes with it. On the days/weekends they are with me, we do atleast one activity outside the house and it could be as simple as taking a hike or going to a movie. However, they have routines at home. Dinner is at 8PM, bedtime is at 9:30, homework needs to be done, chores n…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 01:42 PM
2

I did. it was nerve-racking, and I would not recommend it at all. I didn't move out because we didn't have orders or a parenting agreement in place so it was for the kids. Also, at that time, she didn't have a job so I would be stuck paying for 2 places as well as legal fees. I had to be on constant alert for the threat of false accusations, couldn't concentrate on anything, and it's just too stressful. I suggest getting a temporary agreement in place regarding custody and finances and pack up y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 05:25 PM
1

A few ways to do it. You could sell and split obviously but if she wants to keep the house then you could get a bigger share of other assets like 401k, brokerage, cash. etc.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 05:47 PM
2

Any equity in home at time of marriage would be hers but any increase in equity would be shared between you both. Also, since her 401k loan pre-dates your marriage, that is a separate liability. So, you can argue that marital funds paid for the mortgage over the course of the marriage so you are entitled to half the increase in equity and the 401k loan is a separate liability to her and should not be considered in the split. I work better with numbers so here is me just roughing it with an examp…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 05:00 PM
3

I would think so. Last year was tough personally and definitely affected my focus. It's a tough lesson to learn but it's learned.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 03:27 PM
1

Did you ex file a counter-petition? If so, they can push to continue even if you stall or withdraw your petition. Also, the court may look at the traditional wedding as a common law marriage and I don't know how it would go over in court. I would suggest seeing it through.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 08:03 PM
2

Oh yes. Just for mediation, you have to share the latest statements (bank, credit card, brokerage, car loans, student loans, investments, 401k, mortgage etc.), recent paystubs, property valuations (homes, cars, boats, etc.) and put it all in a spreadsheet. Then the fun starts.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 08:01 PM
3

I suggest going with a retired judge and there are a few of them who do mediations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 07:58 PM
3

The mediator shut down all that in a heartbeat for me. She wanted max child support plus double that in spousal support because "she can't afford to keep the house." I said her lifestyle is not my problem and if she can't afford it then sell it and cash out. My judge was a state guideline person as well so it wouldn't have worked out well in court.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 07:35 PM
1

It's pretty bad for IT right now. I am in consulting and was a non-equity partner but focused on Finance Transformation. It's still a tough market no matter how you look at it but I choose to focus things within my control. A job at the same level will take atleast 6 months or more from what I can tell. It may take that long to atleast get some revenue coming in on my self-employed consulting route. However, I may just be riding the high on getting things finalized. Have you tried reaching out t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 07:32 PM
1

I was told that expanded standard is the normal in Texas now. I have the ESPO meaning 1/3/5 weekends, thursdays during school, extended summer, spring break etc.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 07:28 PM
2

$2300/month for 2 children but I'm in Texas and there's a cap.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 04:43 PM
6

Sorry to hear that. I'm in Texas as well so I can offer some context. I would suggest trying to reconcile as much as possible. Divorce is hell for everyone involved so that decision should not be made lightly. If you are going to divorce, here's some points You will split half your marital stuff i.e. home, savings, retirement, everything. Texas is an equitable division state. At your income, you are looking at around $1500/month for child support. There is a calculator online that helps you. You…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 04:39 PM
6

It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed, and it’s completely understandable. When it comes to the division of assets and debts in a divorce, the process is broken down into a few key areas: custody/visitation, asset split, and child support/alimony. Each of these are generally separate issues, although custody drives child support, for example. Since you're focused on the asset split, here's a breakdown of how it generally works. The general rule is that any assets acquired during the marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 04:31 PM
1

She knows you've called one so it doesn't look like you are sneaking. I don't think you should be concerned about sneaking because if you have already decided to divorce then all bets are off.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 06:59 PM
2

She has wealthy parents and siblings and will likely be sucking on that teet for a long time. My mortgage is "non-assumable" meaning that she can't just take it over. It sounds like my option 1 is the best strategy for me. Disentangle completely and let her be. Thank you so much for the clarity!
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 05:49 PM
23

She has been keeping a track of all your faults while you have been overlooking hers. Glad you got it figured out now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 04:58 PM
1

Agree on the custody point and that is definitely what I'm going for. However, the mortgage and title was to be more pragmatic in finances. I know that (even with child support) she cannot afford the current $4k mortgage and everything else that comes with it. She will be forced to sell eventually while I walk away with a bigger share of marital assets. But the risk of having my credit tied to her timely payments is a big one which gives me pause.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 04:54 PM
1

But if your I-864 was rejected then her green card wasn't approved correct? Can you withdraw the application?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 07:15 PM
2

I haven't had one done yet but when I spoke with my attorney about it, the purpose of a vocational evaluation report is to examine the person's ability to earn an income by working. Any additional information is color commentary but since it is part of a report, you should definitely pursue. These guys aren't idiots, For example, I would depose the evaluator on the following How did you assess the subject’s current life circumstances and vocational capacity? Can you walk me through your process?…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 02:26 PM
3

Have you considered annulment? You were married in November so it's around 3 months which would be reasonable. Also, maybe threaten to inform the USCIS that the intent was fraud. May actually want to do it instead of threaten it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 11:20 PM
3

I am in the exact same position, we are both on the title, the mortgage is in our name, and she can't afford it on her own. Our mediation is in a month and I've been advised that don't sign a quit claim on a house to which you are still on a mortgage Option 1: She refinances the house in her name. The equity she retains should be offset by other assets such as retirement, investments, etc. or she give you cash from refinancing. Option 2: You sell the house and split the proceeds. Option 3: Like …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:15 PM
2

Solitude and peace are truly priceless. It’s unfortunate how things turned out, but sometimes being alone can offer a sense of clarity and healing that can’t be found when you’re constantly chasing connections. You’re alone, but not lonely—you have your dog, your game, and some comfort food. It might not be a grand celebration, but it’s a chance to enjoy the things that bring you comfort and recharge. It’s a step toward rediscovering yourself. Hang in there, things will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 05:07 PM
3

I hear you. Texting, calling, planning dates, all to get laid? Jokes aside, relationships take work. It takes communication, evaluation, compromise, and a whole host of other things. Online dating isn't a thing for a lot of people but for an introvert like me, it's a godsend
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:55 PM
5

A court order. However, any attorney fees whether incurred by you or her come out of the marital pot. So, if she is broke and takes out a loan to pay for it, it is still marital debt.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:52 PM
8

I think it's important to remember that kids often process things differently and may not always express their feelings in ways we expect. That doesn't mean they don’t appreciate you. Stay present, keep supporting them, and trust that over time, they'll see and understand your efforts. It’s tough, but consistency and patience can make a big difference in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 09:31 PM
2

Mainly because mediation is cheaper even with the lawyers sitting there all day and billing. Also, with a mediated agreement, you can get creative with possession schedules and asset splits. For example, in Texas we have the standard possession order which is what the courts give the non-custodial parent. We can negotiate a better one hopefully. We can also negotiate similar terms for asset split.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 09:00 PM
2

Sounds like you are taking responsibility FOR her. You are responsible TO her and not FOR her. It is not your responsibility to fix her for the sake of the kids. Until you accept that she isn't your responsibility, you will not move forward. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 08:49 PM
2

Look, I get the concern about the mother of your children. I feel the same way meaning regardless of my feelings towards her, her relationship with the children is important. However, your responsibility isn't to build or maintain the mother's relationship with your children. Your responsibility is to encourage it. She needs to get her own life in order to be an effective parent. UNTIL she does, the kids are better off with you. WHEN she does, you can discuss next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 08:05 PM
1

Oh yes, a lot. A quick summary is that during the first mediation, she asked for sole custody and supervised visitation for me. I said no. we had an amicus assigned and they found nothing. So, second mediation and she pushed for no overnights. I said no. We then went to court for temporary orders and the judge rules for SPO for me which is what I asked for to begin with. "Final" mediation is in March so let's see what games we play.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 07:58 PM
2

Sorry to hear this. I think the hardest thing for me is to be vulnerable and put myself out there. I suggest you do the same and take baby steps. You will face rejection, that's part of life, but start by putting yourself out there. I wish you well!
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 07:55 PM
1

Does you state have Guardian-At-Litem or amicus attorneys? This sounds serious and I would definitely arrange for it. Their job is to be the court's eyes and ears in representing the best interest of the children. Also, her failing completely is not your problem. Your only concern is the well-being of the children.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:12 PM
1

I've been through two for temporary orders and have a "final" in a month so I know a thing or two. They key is being prepared and here are my suggestions Know your priorities regarding custody, asset division, and support. Focus on what you absolutely need i.e. your "absolute minimum" meaning what you will accept without heading to court. Understand your financial situation in detail and I mean IN DETAIL. Tax Statements, Bank Statements, Credit Card Statements, Mortgage, All of it. Make sure you…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:10 PM
1

I have not gotten to that point yet but you have to consider the financial alternative. A trial will cost you a lot, $20k minimum per side. She probably knows it as well and a good mediator will lay it out for her and you. Also, there are rules around restricted stock and vesting period so be sure to look that up. I'd say if you agree on custody and no child support in mediation then try to keep asset division as close to 50/50 as possible. Even it it's 60/40 in her favor I would take it in your…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 10:03 PM
1

In Texas, you're entitled to 50% of marital assets, so don't feel pressured to accept less. Offering 30-40% of her 401k, bonuses, and restricted stock might speed up mediation, but make sure it’s still fair to you. Keep in mind, child support and asset division are separate, so you can negotiate these separately. If you're going for 50/50 custody, it could affect child support, but you can address that in the agreement. Go into mediation clear on your priorities and be open to negotiation, but p…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 05:57 PM
5

It happens and happened to me. The first woman I went out with, we ended up having sex in her car. I had a hard time getting aroused physically even though I was into it. It passed. The next few times were challenging as well. I went through the same things you did, getting tested, etc and found nothing. Turns out, I need an emotional connection before physical intimacy and apparently it's called being demisexual. Who knew? It's much better now but it took a while
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 05:47 PM
1

Been there my friend. I cohabitated with STBX for 14 months until temporary orders were in place. Here are a few things you can try Move a trusted family member to live with you. Parents or sibling. Doing so gives you a witness in case she tries to make false abuse accusations and she will. Get your own space at home, take the master bedroom, convert an available space into your own room, etc. It needs to be private and separate from hers. Get cameras and put them all around the home. I didn't d…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 07:12 PM
6

How do we deal with pain and grief? We drown it in alcohol and women. (kidding) It's a process, it will take time and you will come out a better man (father, sibling, son, friend, relative, neighbor, etc.) through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train. For now, yes, i get sad sometimes. I miss the partnership, companionship, etc but all that was long gone before I filed for divorce. I still miss the good days. I don't ignore them, I process it and move on. Hope it gets…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 07:03 PM
3

Filing for temporary custody is the right first step, but it’s important to document everything, follow legal advice, and prioritize your son’s safety. Also, Continue documenting all interactions, especially any concerning behavior (e.g., medication issues, aggression). This will strengthen your case and has been a god send for me. If the situation escalates, consider applying for an emergency custody order to protect your son. Request a mental health evaluation from her doctor to support your c…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:08 PM
1

I'm not in the UK so I can't speak to specifics but in general here is what I would advise Consult with an attorney. Maybe even a 1 hour consultation so they can explain the legal options Keep records and document everything. Get a journal or an online document and keep a dated journal of every abuse claim or lies she tells Assess your custody arrangements and your attorney can help with that. Make sure you know what you want e.g. prevent her from moving the kids Protect financial assets, freeze…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:22 PM
2

I shared with my process server the details of where she lived, the car she drove, where she liked to hang out, a picture of what she looked like, and her friends. She got served at a coffee shop (her favorite hang out). She thought this guy was hitting on her, he introduced himself, she introduced herself (first name only) and he said, wait are you "fullname", she says yes and got served. Anyway, I know this isn't what you asked but that's how he describes it and it is hilarious. I guess the po…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:13 PM
8

No, just no. There is a conflict of interest. Her incentives aren't aligned with yours. If she wants top dollar then she can prolong the sale and if she wants to get it done quickly then she can sell to the lowest. An impartial party is always the best option IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:09 PM
25

Sun Tzu said "When you are able to attack, do so with full force and leave no escape for the enemy." Well done my man!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:06 PM
4

That is great! I'm happy for you. Here are some things I did Took improv classes. It was a great experience and highly recommended. Started therapy for the first time in my life. Went to marriage counseling a couple of times but that didn't work out (obviously). Got back into sports. Started Soccer and Tennis and play atleast once a week Went to an Opera for the first time ever. Learned that I really enjoy theatre, opera, and arts in general. Scheduled regular get togethers with old buddies. Act…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:02 PM
1

Child support is defined in Texas but parties can agree to a different amount. Courts (for the most part) only order the guideline amounts. The Texas Family Code is pretty clear on child support and there is a calculator online that will tell you what you owe based on what you make. In short, it's 20% of "net resources" for 1 child and goes up by 5% per child to 40% for up to 5 children. Net Resources are your income less taxes and health insurance and maxes out at $9,200 per month. Also, I have…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 06:56 PM
8

If only Hallmark made cards for divorcing people. Sick? You get a card. Birthday? Get a cake. Death in family? Flowers. New kid? Baby Shower. Married? Let's party It sucks, but that's how it is.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 06:44 PM
5

I'll be 45 this year and in the thick of it. I think you are looking at it from a purely financial perspective and that's reasonable. But, let's say you are looking to retire at 65. Think about where you were 20 years ago and how far you have come professionally, financially, and emotionally. Just think where you will be in 20 years. Also, your highest earning years, i.e. your 50s, are still ahead of you. Also, the value of mental health cannot be overstated. Are you willing to live the rest of …
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 04:49 PM
3

No, but why would anyone want to reconcile with a person like that?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 04:25 PM
1

This is the correct answer and I did almost exactly this. Waited a year from filing the divorce, worked on myself (or so I thought), still not finalized, and then decided to start dating a few months ago. Admittedly, I went a little crazy. One year of no sex meant I hopped in with anyone who would let me. What I've learned is that it's easier for me to date at my age than when I was younger. So, now, about 6 months in, I'm seeing two women, they don't know about each other and I feel very guilty…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:52 PM
3

Rule of thumb, do not share anything with the ex that isn't directly related to the kids. Anything you mention to the ex and her cohort will come back to bite you. For example, You got a new job? only let her know if it impacts the kids' health insurance for example. You went to Africa for a trip? If the kids didn't go, don't even bring it up. Even then, just say we had a good time. You are dating someone new? unless they're moving in with you, don't mention it. You get it. Learn the lesson and …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:08 PM
10

Fuck no. It's not a day you celebrate, it's a day your mourn as well as the day you got married. As in "I curse the day you were born, the day we met, and the day we married" Eventually, you will move on to being indifferent but this is it for now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 02:03 PM
7

I know exactly how that feels and sorry you're going through it. Brinksmanship is never a good thing in a relationship let alone a marriage. It looks like she was testing you to see how far you would go and the excuse of making a promise that you would never leave is an attempt at saving face. The way I see it is that if you reconcile, she knows you will back down and she can "win" with you in any disagreement. No amount of communication or therapy will solve what is effectively a personality di…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 01:56 PM
2

Sorry to hear that you're going through this and to be brutally honest, it'll get worse before it gets better. Personally, I recommend that you get a good lawyer and make her prove all her allegations. Get the judge to see that she is weaponizing the court system. Also, read up on strategies for fighting a "silver bullet" divorce. I cohabitated with my STBX for a year while she did the same. It's harrowing but just got temporary orders a few months ago with possession time clearly spelled out an…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 09:37 PM
1

So, the missing piece of the puzzle is who gets to decide where the kids live and where they go to school. Your ruling or orders should have that spelled out very clearly. Typically, in my state, one parents gets to decide the primary residence of the kids within a certain geographic area, typically the current county and contiguous counties. So, what you may want to do is look at your ruling, file for a modification if it allows, but in this case definitely consult with a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 07:35 PM
6

It hurts seeing the person you loved move on. It could be the next day or years later but it still stings the same. You asked for practical advice and It's cliche but like others said, focus on yourself. That involves making a plan and acting on it. I recommend a plan focused on the areas below Physical - It's very easy to let go in challenging times. Eat healthy, Start working out, playing sports, or just going out for a walk daily Mental - Learn a new skill, start reading, anything to keep you…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 07:28 PM
2

You don't have to pay for anything that you aren't ordered to by the court but it looks like you agreed to it in mediation or in writing somehow. If that's true, then I think you are out of luck and will have to get a comparable plan on the exchange. If this isn't true, then it's not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 07:19 PM
3

I'm currently in the heat of it. Here's the short version of my story: Filed in August 2023. The first mediation failed due to false abuse allegations made against me. An amicus was appointed, and they found no grounds for the accusations. The second mediation also failed. My ex requested a psych evaluation. Mine came back clean, but hers showed some issues, though they didn’t affect her parenting. We went to court, and the judge issued Temporary Orders a few months ago, which mirrored the custo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 07:16 PM
6

It's all state dependent, as many others have said and there are calculators that help you with that. There are other factors such as her education level, work experience (0 as I understand), etc. I'm in Texas which is a no alimony state (to some degree) but YMMV. So, maybe move to texas for a year and file :)
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:26 PM
5

It's reasonable to be upset with a revelation like that. Imagine that you discovered that the woman you are married to had a gang bang, only once, but it happened. I'd personally be upset and feel betrayed that this didn't come up in the years we were together. Also, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all had I known from her and not discovered it through a third party. However, wanting a divorce is overkill. She is feeling insecure and probably needs reassurance. I would own up to it, reassure…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:22 PM
9

Unless you have an order in place, she isn't entitled to anything.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 09:27 PM
2

Typically, the first mediation is for temporary orders to figure out who lives where, who pays for what, and possession and access of children. The "final" is for asset division and requires a full disclosure of all assets and liabilities.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:48 PM
2

It depends on what you want. I would suggest focusing on yourself for a while, figure out what future you want, and then execute on it. Personally, I wanted to work on myself and then start daring but circumstances pushed me. I waited a year from filing my divorce (still pending) and started dating. I've been on quite a few dates and it's been a mixed bag. I am early/mid 40s and the young ones (younger than 30) are looking for a sugar daddy, the 30-40 are looking for husband, and 40+ are looking…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 06:29 PM
8

I tried but ultimately it didn't work. She said she wanted a divorce, we went to therapy and it worked for a while. Then the d-word surfaced again and she fled with the children to her parents during COVID for 6 months. I convinced her to come back. Finally, two years later, I decided that it wasn't going to work out so I filed for divorce. In my experience, once one of the partners has seriously thought of divorce to even bring it up, it's not salvageable.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 06:21 PM
3

So, if I'm reading this right, Out of the current marital estate, she gets $1.3M and you get $1.4M. Additionally, you get the RSU grant vesting over 5 years of $0.3M assuming you stay at the company for 5 years. The RSUs may be worth more of less over that time but their current value is $0. However, you have to pay her SS of $110k and mortgage of $200k. I'm not going to apply a discount rate to the SS but the $200k discounted by inflation over 12 years is probably more like $175k in current val…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 01:20 PM
1

It's completely normal in my experience. I'm one year into the process, we are still cohabitating, and sometimes I wonder if I could have done things differently. There definitely are and I don't dispute that I could have done better. However, I remind myself of all the angst that made me want to file. It's easy to look at the past with rose colored glasses and then long for it. I remember the good times and trivialize the bad. The best thing I can offer is that learn from the past, grow, and ta…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:27 AM
1

I actually checked with my attorney before signing up. If I pay for a subscription then it shows up on my credit card statement and then it the other party knows. She said that you are separated and are free to date who you please. The only thing you have to be careful about is spending too much on dates, hotels, travel, etc while the divorce is pending. This can be made to say that you are wasting the marital estate. Which is why I use points for hotels.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:14 AM
1

The rolodex is the fantasy that I have right now. Perhaps time to stop it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:52 PM
2

Wow. I had to read this twice because it resonated with me deeply. In retrospect, this post is definitely a cry for help even though I didn't realize at the time I wrote the post. It was part humblebrag and part acknowledgement that I know it's too soon. If I'm truly honest with myself, I wasn't even thinking about the lack of sex until I saw the STBX going out (presumably) on dates. I was working on me and mine and knew that eventually I would get there. Seeing her "short-circuited" me and I ju…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:40 PM
2

Agree with the stable monogamous relationship point. I will (hopefully) get there one day but for now, it's about scratching an itch.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:29 PM
3

The second part of your question, how do i invite them back. I don't have game (rizz?) at all so take it with a grain of salt. Typically, once we've matched we are texting on the app for a day or two, then exchange phone numbers and flirting/texting on there. I may be getting old but the younger crowd doesn't like phone calls but I do try to talk on the phone atleast once prior to meeting. Then I suggest meeting up for a date. I typically suggest drinks but coffee works just as well. So by the t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:21 PM
3

In my case, they are already aware I have children and we won't be going back to my place. Also suggesting we go back to theirs come off as creepy unless they offer, which no one has so far. I have the marriott app and look up (cheap) hotels close by to the place we are meeting just in case. Their properties are usually safe and clean so no "roadside motel" feel. If the date looks to be going well, I suggest we go to the hotel and book it right then and there if they accept. Most hotels have win…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:16 PM
1

I think you have the main points covered but here is a checklist Marital Property Division and allocation: Basically your assets and debts including cash, stocks, home, cars, personal property, credit card debt, student loans, etc. Retirement Account Division: How 401k/IRA/HSA etc get split Spousal Support Child Custody Child Support Insurance Coverage: Auto, home, health, and life insurance and who is responsible for what Future communication: How the two of you will communicate regarding the c…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:00 PM
3

Not knowing the particulars of your situation, the best idea is to network. There are real estate investor groups in every city, networking events, etc. Good and successful people are always willing to help out others who ask for their help and advice. Also, if you are employed, invest in yourself to learn new tools, techniques, and technologies and increase your income that way. Sorry if this advice is too generic but regardless, it's going to take hard work. The you 10 years from now will than…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:54 PM
3

You don't grow wealth by investing in liabilities. You grow wealth through leverage in both labor and money. Either way, you need to hustle Here is what I mean (and these are very basic example and hypothetical) Money leverage: Say you have $50k for a down payment on a new house. You could use it buy a home to live in and pay for everything. Or, you could get a mortgage, buy that condo, and rent it out at 25% over your mortgage. In 5 years, you have saved on taxes, someone else paid the mortgage…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:41 PM
3

This is the best comment. The rush of a new relationship brings back memories of how the good years of your marriage was for you. Also, initially, both parties are putting their best foot forward so it all takes time. There is an old adage that you don't really know a person until you travel with them. Being in an unfamiliar or new environment brings out the true qualities of a person. The mask no longer works, the anxieties surface, and their nature reveals itself. So, take week long trip or tw…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:11 PM
2

It's been said here already but a few points to consider Do not sign a divorce decree with that mortgage off your credit meaning she has either refinanced or the house is sold. You may not be able to get another loan/mortgage with the old one on your record. This is non-negotiable. Get a list of all your assets and debts, home, furniture, retirement, cash, stocks, crypto, cars, etc. and come up with a debt division plan. Maybe you get the house, she gets the retirement, and you offset by taking …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:07 PM
1

You must be a good looking dude. I'm fairly average looking. Also, I'm impatient. I signed up for a subscription after 2 days of no matches other than a few trying to sell crypto. Will definitely try Bumble.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:28 PM
2

My thoughts exactly!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:26 PM
3

Shit. Thank you! I have a "no sex without condoms" policy but the oral thing is a concern. It's like being married for almost 20 years makes you forget everything they taught you in sex-ed. Will definitely look into it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:14 PM
3

Also, sorry to hear about your situation my man. I focused on myself for as soon as I filed for divorce. Started working out, eating right, focused on my kids, and occupied myself with work. I lost 60 pounds (Mounjaro helped), got a great raise / bonus at work, and have the best relationship with my children now. All I can advise is that you put yourself out there and don't let life get you down. I'm still working on it but I look at what has happened and if is something outside your control, th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:12 PM
1

So, I just signed up for Hinge a couple of days ago and it's been luke warm to say the least. May have to pay for a subscription. I'm paying for a Tinder platinum subscription as well I'll check out Bumble but I heard that women make the first move there. I don't look like Brad Pitt and don't have any good photos of me so I think I'm f-ed there. Will try it out though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:07 PM
2

So, honestly, I have a therapist and she advised against it. She said she understood the urge having been celibate for almost a year but the emotional impact of a few minutes of pleasure may undo the healing. What does she know? :)
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:05 PM
3

I'm seeing that now. I'm in no rush to get into a relationship and not even sure that I want to get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:03 PM
1

Mostly I book hotels. I travel for work and haven't used the points at all. I find a (decent) hotel for under 20k points (Marriott) and then make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 01:01 PM
2

Actually, not really. It's a numbers game I think. the 150 right swipes is a low-ball estimate I think. Just kept swiping right on anyone and everyone until something clicked.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:59 PM
2

Our interaction is non-existent. We have separate rooms and haven't spoken in all that time. Our only communication is through text or email.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:58 PM
1

I think we both wanted the divorce but neither was willing to file. I just had enough and did it one day. Hang in there. my process is ongoing and we still dont have temporary orders yet and thats why we are still cohabitating.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:57 PM
1

The key is to not have any standards and to pay for their highest tier of service. :)
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:56 PM
5

LMAO.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:50 AM
7

I say that on my profile and mention it during the messaging phase. I don't tell them that we are still living together.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 12:49 AM
2

But she makes $300k.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:48 PM
2

It sounds like you’re doing your best to keep things fair and put your kids first, which is great. A few thoughts: Child Support: With her making way more, it's normal that there might be some expectation for her to pay child support, even with 50/50 custody. It’s not about you; it’s about making sure the kids have what they need. Retirement and Assets: Since Texas is a community property state, what she built up in her 401(k) while you were married is usually split. You took on more of the home…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 03:53 PM
1

It is significantly greater... like 5x
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 11:39 PM
1

Thanks! Just messaged
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 05:16 PM
2

Understand that you have already responded but leaving it on here in case someone in the future is overwhelmed by discovery, request for production, or interrogatories.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 12:07 AM
20

Here's how you respond Plaintiff objects to this interrogatory as vague, ambiguous, argumentative, overly broad, unduly burdensome, and not reasonably likely to lead to admissible evidence. Plaintiff objects as this interrogatory calls for a legal conclusion. Plaintiff objects as this interrogatory calls for speculation and conjecture. Plaintiff objects as this interrogatory is overly broad, vague, and unintelligible, preventing a proper response. Plaintiff objects as this interrogatory seeks in…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 12:05 AM
1

This is the best comment. I would add that if you don't have court orders then get them ASAP that outline who pays for what. Also, if you don't have court orders, you can move back into your own house for financial reasons but YMMV with the sanity point.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 09:00 PM
2

Just had ours done and it was a single interview and two tests. My STBX went before me as well but to the psychologist's credit, she was objective. I would get a second opinion but it may confirm what the first one found. My results indicated that "MMPI Validity Scales scores suggest potential under-reporting, but the profile is still considered valid." Also mentioned my ADD diagnosis and associated treatment. STBX's assessment "... responses on the MMPI indicate significant thought dysfunction,…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 08:39 PM
1

In line with what I've heard from my attorney. The evidence can be used to impeach her credibility with the court (which is great!) but in terms of actual consequences, the chances are zero.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 03:10 PM
3

That's what I've gathered as well. You can make any statement you want without repercussions.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 03:08 PM
2

If you took cash out before the filing then you can show that you are doing what your normally do. If it's a new thing then that may raise questions.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 02:21 PM
2

Objections and interrogatories are your friend. Cheat sheet below Plaintiff objects to this interrogatory as vague, ambiguous, argumentative, overbroad, unduly burdensome, and not reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence. Plaintiff objects to this interrogatory because it calls for the plaintiff to make a legal conclusion. Plaintiff objects because this interrogatory calls for pure conjecture and speculation. It is not the plaintiff’s job to guess what would have hap…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 12:09 AM
1

I'm assuming you have all the documentation / statements. You could make an argument that it was fraud and in the final settlement, it should be credit to you from the community property.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 05:20 PM
3

Just send the pdfs and call it a day. A request for "printed" copies is harassment.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 05:16 PM
3

Get a Lawyer. You transferred marital assets during the marriage ($30k) during the divorce that wasn't disclosed even though this was requested during discovery. That will be construed as fraud since you didn't disclose during discovery. The judge can definitely ask that you send all your statements currently. the jewelry should be considered part of the marital estate when it was divided. It would (should?) have been included in the marital asset inventory when it was divided.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:59 PM
1

Then I think you don't have anything to worry about from a financial abuse perspective. She will likely try to make the case that you were "controlling" financially as the sole (or main) income earner. How you need to pivot the conversation is that you were trying to manage the family's long-term financial stability.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 01:16 PM
3

So, I'm in Texas as well and it all depends on what was in the MSA. Is the divorce decree signed? Are you joint managing conservators? If so, who is the parent with the right to determine the child's primary residence? If it is the both of you, who is the parent with the right to receive child support? DO NOT pay anything that isn't agreed to in the settlement agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:08 PM
1

So, financial abuse is a broad term. Here are some questions you need to ask Have you prevented her from accessing marital bank accounts? Put her on an allowance? denied/discouraged her from working? Are all credit cards in your name? have you hidden assets? have you used marital funds for drugs, affairs or gambling? have you denied her access to her separate assets? If it comes to it, you will need to show how you contributed to the marital estate, how you were not coercive, how you encouraged …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:10 PM
6

Quite simply, she has the burden of proof. All you can say is that you no longer have access to these accounts as they were closed X years ago, you don't have documentation to that effect, and that you are willing to sign an affidavit under oath to that effect as well. All a good forensic accountant or investigator needs is a social security number and time and they can build an entire picture of your estate. For offshore accounts, they know the typical setups so that's fairly easy to check. You…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:01 PM
1

Most states have a calculator that you can use. I found one online for your state (may not be accurate) and plugged in some numbers based on your salary, $400/month for health insurance, no income for ex and a 67-32 split and it should be $843/week which averages out to $3,400 per month. You definitely need to consult a lawyer. Source: https://www.amherstdivorce.com/ma-child-support-calculator-html
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:45 PM
2

Posted my comment before I saw your response. This is commendable!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:29 PM
3

I'm currently in the thick of it as are most other participants. I'm also happy that people heal and move on. However, it would be helpful if, every now and then, some would come back and encourage and advise others going through it with their experience. I also understand if reliving this experience may be too painful for some so no judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 01:28 PM
1

Ditto. Paid for mediatory and attorney and went nowhere. Will stick around to this one for a couple of hours and if we're still spinning our wheels then I'm out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:35 PM
2

Expanded Possession is what I meant. I didn't think they did the old "standard" anymore. Love the advice on walking away and will definitely have the attorney do that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:32 PM
1

Exactly! as long as it is a justifiable business expense, it's all good.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:48 PM
1

How did that go at the end? I'm assuming that you have a valuation of LLC at marriage and a valuation of the LLC at dissolution. She would (at most) be entitled to 50% of the increase in valuation at dissolution and not the entire thing, no?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:47 PM
4

Broke people giving examples of Elon makes me chuckle every time
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:43 PM
2

In most cases (less than $1M in marital assets) is it even worth it? Any good divorce attorney will see the spouse with a business and get a forensic accountant to review. If you've registered an LLC, there are services that can look at all filings and find out exactly what LLCs you have registered. If you get caught hiding stuff from disclosures, then you are royally screwed. If you plan on keeping it all "above board" a "C-Corp" is probably your best bet. You will have double taxation though s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 07:42 PM
3

Always a good idea to reconcile however once divorce has been mentioned (much less started) there is no turning back. You may reconcile but it is very unlikely that this will be a lasting peace. Best case, you reconcile and she realizes that you don't follow through, she completely loses respect for you, and she is completely dominant in your marriage for the rest of your life. Worst case, you proceed with the divorce and lose half your stuff after a drawn out battle. However, silver lining is y…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:07 PM
1

There is no "normal", just you as you are and as you want to be. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and truly empathize. Realize that this too shall pass.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 03:03 PM
1

I'm unclear on the mortgage buyout because that doesn't make sense to me or maybe I'm not understanding it correctly. The "buyout" should be the current value of your home (through the local tax authority, Zillow, etc.) minus the current outstanding balance on the mortgage. Half of that is yours. I would get an inventory together of the marital estate. Put together a list of assets (Bank Accounts, Investments, Houses, Retirement, Vehicles, Other Assets like jewelry, household items, etc.) and li…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:59 PM
2

So, an amicus attorney is a "friend" of the court and are appointed by the court typically to protect the best interest of the children. The amicus attorney would have conversations with you, your child, and any other parties involved, make home visits, interview other people with knowledge of your case (such as teachers, doctors, and relatives), and attend hearings and mediation. They don't represent you or the children and are independent fact finders. Ours was assigned after my STBX made accu…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 09:25 PM
1

The children should never be the go between for parental communication. I suggest getting a court order to use an app like "Our Family Wizard" for communication and limit to just that only. Also, stick to your separation agreement if you have one on pickups/dropoffs and finances. Nothing more, Nothing less.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:18 PM
2

You did the right thing with limiting them to legal advice and you decide whether it's a good deal or not. You are your best advocate. The attorney is there for legal expertise, for their experience, and to navigate the court system. Once you have that frame of mind then it becomes easier to navigate. Also, good for you to get the main house. That said, i would have taken the 50-50 and made that work somehow because I understand that the courts like status quo. May become an uphill battle in fin…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 04:15 PM
2

I think what matters is where you are in your process, not the ex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:05 AM
3

This is absolutely correct! Do not be intimidated by posturing. Focus on the outcomes you want and negotiate for what is important to you. Something like 90% of cases are settled prior to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 04:21 PM
1

I think you have some great advice here. I had mediation not too long ago (failed miserably) and another one soon. Here's how I would prepare Know your BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement) meaning know the bare minimum that you are willing to accept in mediation and failing which you will go to trial. Start your negotiation with more than that and then "settle" for anything at or above your BATNA. Be willing to walk away and don't get bullied into accepting a crappy deal. Know your f…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:35 PM
6

The best advice I heard for responding to false allegations is to respond with "You know that this isn't true" and above all, keep calm.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:38 PM
1

It's a god send! Anytime I'm writing an email to my ex (or a text) I ask ChatGPT to write a BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) response. It changes my response from "stupid bitch, stop harassing me because I'm tired of saying the same fucking thing over and over again." to "please refer to my previous communication on the topic" :) For lawyers and others, I ask it to make my message concise and coherent and it does great. It really helps when emotions are flying all over the place.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 02:09 PM
4

The good ones do
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:30 PM
22

DO NOT MOVE OUT. That's the biggest mistake men make in a divorce. The court will see this as an indication that you can support two household or that you are ok not living with your kids or a host of other things. Courts like status quo. Get a lawyer, get an agreement in place about bills, money, kids, etc and then move out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:29 PM
3

Glad to hear that you found it useful and happy to help! A note on nutrition. Protein / Fats: There are tons of slow cooker recipes online and even on TikTok. I have tried a lot of them and they are absolutely delicious. You can also make simple dishes pretty easily with the stove but I suggest starting with the slow cooker. Carbs: With the rice cooker, your rice should be a no-brainer, just follow instructions. If you don't want to get one, Gordon Ramsay has a good video on how to cook just pla…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:30 PM
0

Kids are kids. If they don't treat you right then its a failure of your parenting. Take responsibility for you and yours.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:19 PM
3

Glad to help and funny how the numbers added up!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:17 PM
3

I think you need to figure out the outcome you want and come up with a plan and evidence to get there. Your lawyer is likely already thinking like that and you need to get on the same page. Patterns, rather than single instances, are what you need to present. If your goal is to question her credibility, collect and document all instances of this and send them to your lawyer and have him come up with the best way to present that to the court. i.e. "Your honor, the respondent's credibility is in q…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:09 PM
4

Here are some ideas assuming you already have stove, fridge, microwave, and oven. I'm going with the cheapest options here 1. Get your kitchen basics (around $100): Get some utensils Basic kitchen set: Look up "Gibson Home Back to Basics Nonstick Aluminum Cookware Set, 59-Piece, Black" on Amazon Dinnerware set: Look up "US Acrylic Newport Plastic Plate, Bowl and Tumbler Dinnerware Set for 4 in Grey Stone | 12-Piece Drinking and Dining Set | Reusable, BPA-free, Made in the USA, Top-rack Dishwashe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 05:02 PM
2

I think you may have to get creative and documentation will help. Do you have documentation that you provided cash down payment support from the sale of the first home? Do you have a document listing the purchase price of the Florida home? Do you have a document stating the sale price of the Florida home? (less agent fees, etc.) Do you have a document stating the purchase price of the Knoxville home? Do you have a current appraisal of the Knoxville home? Are you willing to sign a document ceding…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:45 PM
-9

Don't kill yourself for others, guys, not even for your kids I was with you until you got to that part.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:33 PM
1

The child support, standard possession, and "equitable" split of assets is the default in Texas. But, you get what you negotiate between each other and in mediation. There is no correlation between possession time and child support in Texas AFAIK. Your income situation could be switched and she would still receive CS. So, you could do some math and do the following In Travis county, the "Living Wage" for a single person before taxes needs to be $38,171 per year. (Source: https://livingwage.mit.e…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 04:17 PM
2

I'm going through this in Texas so I have some familiarity though I am not a lawyer. The primary custodian parent ALWAYS gets the child support regardless of parenting schedule. Also, there is a limit on income considered for child support in Texas. Per, Texas Family Code Sec. 154.125(a). the payer's net resources in excess of $9,200 / month are not considered for child support. At $180k of annual income and assuming you pay for healthcare ($500/month) and your own taxes, your net resources are …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 02:46 AM
1

Firstly, regarding OFW communications, keep your responses to her messages BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm). If it isn't an emergency, then you do not need to respond immediately, 24 hours is reasonable. For example, on the 5 minute delay (if the allegation is true) "noted your concern about the 5-min delay today, traffic was horrible. Apologies for that, will ensure it doesn't happen again. Thanks for understanding." If it isn't true something like "I understand your concern, but I…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:01 AM
1

Ultimately, there is not advantage to the OUTCOME of the divorce on filing first. There are, however, some first mover advantages to filing first in the PROCESS. The responding party can also counter-petition as well instead of responding to your petition. Some thoughts The petitioner gets to pick the jurisdiction in which to file. You get more time to plan and strategize putting the responding party on the defensive. You also get time to collect information and gather evidence. You get to set t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 11:50 PM
0

Typically, HRA funds should be considered when calculating each parent's share of unreimbursed medical expenses. However, this can vary based on the terms of your child support order and local laws. Review your child support agreement for any terms regarding unreimbursed medical expenses. Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and obligations in this context. Discuss the matter with your ex-wife, possibly through mediation, to reach an understanding or modification of the t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 11:09 PM
2

I get where you are coming from but the wedding isn't about the father, the step-dad, step-mom, or the ex-wife. Secondly, what will your thoughts be on adopted children calling their adoptive parents mom and dad? A sperm/egg donation doesn't make you a parent. If a child is fortunate enough to have 2 sets of loving parents then great for them!
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 02:35 AM
5

My STBX has the exact same thing going on. She records me and thinks I don't see it. It's an intimidation tactic. I say bring it on. On a serious note, if your temporary orders don't already include it, get something in there to say that she can't communicate with your family/friends/work and cannot discuss the divorce proceeding outside her immediate family (parents / siblings). You may contact your family to tell them that over the course of this divorce, they may hear things that are not flat…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 02:30 AM
4

Just made a similar comment on another post. She will need to refinance to "buy out" your share or use other assets to offset her equity in the home. First off, can she afford the refinance? If you got that sweet 2.5% rate in 2021 then she is out of luck. Rates are close to 7% now and the refinanced mortgage payments will go up accordingly. Secondly, get language in your divorce decree in case she can't refinance meaning she has 3 months to refinance, you will not do a quit-claim until that is d…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 02:24 AM
2

So, during the divorce proceedings, I'd recommend laying off weed and alcohol. Secondly, don't be afraid if you didn't do anything wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 06:50 PM
1

How about selling the vehicle and getting a cheap car for now? Liquidating a 401k will result in early withdrawal penalties and rob you of future gains down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 06:45 PM
3

As many have said, your only option is to have her refinance. At current rates, a $300k mortgage is around $2,100 per month. Add in property taxes, insurance, and HOA and say that goes up to $3,500 per month (your numbers may vary). Any mortgage company wants to see 3x to 4x in income so does she make $11k to $14k / month? If she doesn't, then she may use that as a basis to get alimony from you. I think your best option is to push for a sale and split the equity. Alternatively, Put in the follow…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 06:41 PM
1

File a counter petition: You remain in the house and she moves out. You get all legal custody of kids. She gets supervised visitation. She pays you child support as well as alimony. She pays all legal fees if it goes to trial. Also, your attorney has the independent authorization to get after her for non-payment.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 06:23 PM
1

This is the correct answer. The only way mediation works is if both parties are reasonable and willing to negotiate. If you are able, speak with your stbx one-on-one and see where you are on issues before mediation. The main issues, IMO, being child custody, split of assets, and child/spousal support. Get at least a high-level agreement on each topic (e.g. joint custody, 50/50 split, support per state law) then use mediation to iron out details. My experience with mediation was horrible because …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:31 PM
2

Without a prenup and with a business started during the marriage, it’s likely that the business will be considered marital property, and your wife may be entitled to up to a 50% stake in it upon divorce. You may need to have the business professionally valued and be prepared to buy out your wife's share or negotiate with other assets. If your business is an LLC, you might consider converting to an S Corporation and hiring yourself as an employee, which can provide tax benefits despite the employ…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:25 PM
13

Always. Men who are affectionate and loving towards their children are always looked at with suspicion. Unrelated story, but long ago I was playing with my 2 year old in a park and this lady comes up to me and asks "Does his mother know you are playing with him like that?" I responded that I don't need anyone's permission to play with my child. She left all huffy and I continued on. I'm not in your situation currently but I would recommend reaching out to parents (mothers OR fathers) to arrange …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:13 PM
5

Just because it is requested doesn't mean it will be granted. Don't fall for scare tactics.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 09:04 PM
2

I hear you. I'm in the process of divorce but can definitely see myself in this situation. Please work with your therapists on specific strategies to manage intrusive thoughts and improve emotional well-being. Techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) could be particularly helpful for addressing FOMO and negative internal dialogues. Also, engage in communities or groups that share your interests or experiences, such as support groups for single parents or individuals with disabilities. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 07:57 PM
1

Typically, Debts incurred after the date of separation are generally considered separate debt. However, if finances were still intertwined, as in your case with a joint account, it may be more complex. If your STBXW used joint funds for personal expenses, it could impact how the debt is divided. The court may look at the nature of the expenses and whether they were for the benefit of both parties. So, gather all documentation related to the debts and expenses after the separation, as this will b…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 07:54 PM
3

I'm very sorry you're facing this tough situation. Make sure to respond to the divorce complaint by the court's deadline, even if it's a simple statement that you have received the petition, are seeking counsel, and will file your own response, to avoid a default judgment. Collect any relevant financial documents as they will be important for your case. Lean on friends and family for emotional support during this time. Here are some thoughts: Mental Health Support: Consider speaking with a thera…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 07:49 PM
2

Having a stipulation in a parenting plan is key. Time is valuable and unless a tardiness was communicated in a timely manner, there should be consequences in my opinion. I would suggest having the following language in parenting plan If one parent fails to notify the other parent that they will be late, the other parent need only wait 15 minutes past the scheduled exchange time. If the parent was beginning a parenting time period when they were late and the waiting period expires before they arr…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 06:40 PM
2

So, looked for the book but didn't find one by that name. Do you have a link?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 09:07 PM
1

So, strictly financially, Marriage can have financial benefits such as tax advantages, shared expenses, and combined incomes, which can lead to increased wealth accumulation over time. However, it also comes with the risk of financial loss in the event of a divorce, especially without a prenuptial agreement. It's subjective and anecdotal but married couples have a higher tax bracket so a single-income family would take more money home. Additionally, the don't spend as much on leisure activities …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:52 PM
3

Good on you for filing the motion to compel and formal discovery request. I would request any and all documentation (statements, tax returns, W2s, etc.) for the last 7 years if you haven't already. Look out for LLCs in her name, trusts, large transactions, or crypto. Here are some more thoughts With a complete and accurate discovery, consider hiring a forensic accountant who specializes in uncovering hidden assets and income. You can do this yourself with the data but they can analyze tax return…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:45 PM
4

First of all, you are not alone. I'm going through this exact same bullshit. At this point, you want to make peace with the fact that it isn't going to be a peaceful transition. It will also be expensive and don't let that stop you from finding happiness. I struggle with this but you have to focus on the person you will be 5, 10, or 20 years from now. Stay strong and keep coming back here for support. Source: Filed for 'amicable' divorce, wife filed counterpetition with outlandish claims, and pu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:34 PM
3

I think she shows signs of both BPD and NPD but I'm no psychologist. A friend, who is a psychiatrist, actually suggested getting her tested a couple of years ago but nothing came of it. The mediator also stopped short of calling her crazy. I discussed with my attorney and we are going to get a psych eval for both of us. The mediator (based on his judicial background) supported the idea.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 05:02 PM
3

Thank you! Looks like my case is par for the course from what I'm reading. I'm considering pre-empting by filing my own protection order. Disrupt her process and see where it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 04:59 PM
3

What is the standard for a protective order? Can I request one against my STBX? I mean I have a laundry list of issues, she has struck me multiple times, struck the kids in front of me, attempted alienation, made false and malicious allegations against me, caused reputational harm to me by spreading lies, and has general trust issues. Probably a legal question but looking for some guidance here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 02:58 AM
3

I have an attorney, one of the best in the area. She had a laundry list of allegations and the attorney was able to cut them all down in short order. My attorney shot back with "where's the proof of abuse? police reports? medical records? therapist visit? recordings? anything beside 'i said so?'" The issue was that she wouldn't move off the supervised visitation for no apparent reason other than 'i don't wanna.' After about 6 hours, I'm like, we're not making progress here. If we can't move past…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 02:52 AM
3

So, simple allegations were enough for supervised visitation?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:44 AM
5

How did you end up resolving it and how long did it take? Mine actually (at one point) offered to take just the house and offered the remaining assets to me (which are significantly more than the house) in return for the supervised weekly visits. The mediator even said that in the beginning her attorney was supporting her BS and towards the end was trying to get her to meet in the middle but she wouldn't hear it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:28 PM
2

I have a list of my own grievances (with supporting evidence) that I intend on sharing at the TO hearing. Nothing as graphic as the peanut butter thing though :)
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:24 PM
5

My initial offer at mediation was in line with state recommendations i.e. joint custody, parenting time, and equitable split of assets and I'm sticking to it. From what I've read on here, it's going to be a hard few months but worth it in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 11:23 PM
2

Here's my math... for comparison, our house is a 5 bedroom + 6 bath + living + dining + media room + study over 5200 sq ft. Total: 20 hrs/week * Laundry: 2 hrs./week (once a week, washing + folding) * Cleaning entire house: 3 hr./week (once a week,) * Clean kitchen: 3.5 hrs./week (clean 30 mins. every day) * Cooking: 8 hours/week * Misc (Yard work, repairs, deeper clean, etc.): 3.5 hrs./week That's (on average) 3 hours/day but realistically, I start at 7AM on Saturday with laundry / cleaning, an…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/23 04:22 PM
1

I am going through this right now in Texas. Filed a couple of months ago, STBX lawyered up and filed an answer. A week ago, she filed a counter petition alleging DV, abuse to kids and pets. Also requested that I be kicked out of the house, have no contact with the kids, and that I pay for everything. We have mediation scheduled in a couple of weeks. There isn't a temporary orders hearing yet so let's see how the mediation goes but I may get TOs before that. Lawyer says that this is all posturing…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 12:32 AM
3

So, I'm told, in Texas spousal support is determined by the factors below Married more than 10 years (check) AND Does not have the ability to meet their minimum reasonable needs. (This is open-ended and while she has the skills, it leaves room for interpretation.) OR has disability (nope) OR children have special needs (nope) So yea, it might be a play. However, once the marital estate is divided, she is still looking at a low 7 figure payout so there's that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:33 PM
2

The CC is the only entangled item at this point. I'll see if I can get something going.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:29 PM
3

Not unwilling, advised not to. The preset spending limit is a good idea though. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:28 PM
1

So, a few things come to mind Legal Implications: Moving without an agreement in place can affect future child custody arrangements. The court may view the parent who moves out as less involved. Also, it may create an impression that you aren't committed to the family home potentially affecting property division. Financial Stability: If you are the main breadwinner (as most men are) you will now be liable for 2 sets of living expenses and then there are legal costs as well. Emotional well-being:…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:54 PM
3

Initially, I was going to say no but then I read the age of your children. Short Answer: They should know in as nice of a way as possible. Long Answer: Tell them that their mother betrayed your trust, had an affair, and trust is the foundation of any relationship. So, you decided that it was best to separate. It's important for them to know that you still love them, it's not their fault, and you are still a family. Teenager are very self-oriented so assure them that this in no way impacts your r…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 05:52 PM
5

Certainly! :) Remember, in this game, relationships are currency. It's not just about what you know but who you know. Each connection is a potential ally or resource. Be strategic. Find lawyers, financial consultants, forensic accountants, psychologists, even private investigators. It all depends on how much you want to invest but at least identify a team that can help you win in court. You can 'activate' a particular connection on moment's notice so you are never caught flat footed. Think she i…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 01:27 AM
2

IANAL but doesn't an agreed-to parenting plan will become a court order once signed by the judge? So, any violation of that would be contempt wouldn't it?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 12:11 AM
2

I was going to suggest reconciliation then I read your previous post. I was in a similar situation where I have been contemplating divorce for almost 5 years now. I distinctly remember a point in 2017 where I wrote an email asking for divorce, slept on it, then deleted the draft because we made up. I figured every marriage has ups and downs and always deferred the decision. We would go to therapy, fix things, then things would go back to the way they were. Then a couple of months ago, I re-evalu…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 10:54 PM
7

Sorry to hear. Some general advice It's every man for himself. Get a lawyer, but not just any lawyer, get the most ruthless one you can find. Your emotions? Lock them away. This is war, and there's no room for sentimentality. File first so you can control the timeline and outcomes. This is the time to act in your self interest. Protect your assets: Whatever you've earned, whatever is rightfully yours, shield it. Use legal means but do whatever it takes. If she's about to file, she's already stra…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 10:31 PM
7

There are so many items to consider and it's hard to share in one post. Here are some thoughts specific to what you asked to include in a parenting plan. If either parent plans to live with someone who is not related to them by blood or marriage, such person must pass a background check, and the other parent must receive a copy of the background check report at least a week before the scheduled move. Each parent will be allowed to take the children to funerals, births, weddings, graduations, or …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 06:51 PM
3

Divorce brings out the worst in people. She is projecting and was likely stalking you long before especially since she broke into your computer. Change ALL your passwords, physically secure your phone and computer, and get a PO Box to receive mail. Additionally, get therapy, deal with the loss, and focus on (re)building your life. The new-you 10 years from now will thank current-you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:25 PM
3

I'm in Texas as well, going through a similar situation, and have a job with similar requirements. In Texas, there are two main elements to consider: conservatorship and parenting time. By default, Texas often grants joint legal custody, which means both parents are involved in major decisions for the children. As for parenting time, Texas has a Standard Possession Order (SPO) that you can look up for specifics. Typically, this means a 60/40 split favoring the mother. So you'd have your kids eve…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:24 AM
1

If divorce is imminent, then why would you subject yourself to a 'beating?' Speaking with a therapist will only expose you, it's a losing proposition for you. Also, you mentioned in a later comment that you would rather she file first. Filing first may not give you an advantage in terms of outcome however, it let's you control the process. You can go as fast or as slow as you like and you get to go first when in court. Please consider your moves carefully.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:11 AM
4

Divorce sucks, especially after so many years together. But man, hats off to you for how you're handling it – hitting the gym, rocking out with your band, and leaning on friends. That's how you get through tough times. About men and women handling divorce differently, everyone's got their own way of coping. Just because someone seems to move on quickly doesn't mean they're not hurting inside. Everyone's battle is different. Stay strong and keep pushing forward. You've got this, and you've got a …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:06 AM
5

Above all, you must look out for yourself and the kids. Just a few months into this and I've already seen that you've got to put yourself and the kids first. Her problems? They're for her to deal with. If she's digging her heels in about selling, push back harder. She's probably thinking you won't want to drag it to court because of the costs. Don't let her play that game. Stand your ground and see if she backs down. Use whatever you've got to your advantage. Maybe the kids are better off if you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 01:02 AM
2

Yup. I have an attorney and contacted them already. They said it will be taken care of tomorrow. There are standing orders pertaining to disturbing peace and enjoyment of the home. Will update tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:25 PM
0

both our names and it's considered marital property anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:12 AM
1

yup, in my own bedroom. she will be in one of the guest rooms. So, there's really nothing I can do to stop this?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:11 AM
3

Not considering reconciliation at all. However, I don't want my limited peace affected by another party in the house.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 01:52 AM
1

I spoke with a man who filed for divorced as soon as his youngest turned 18. I asked why he didn't file earlier and he said that he didn't want another man raising his children. I didn't follow that path and am in the process with middle-school aged children. Ultimately, you have to realize that you can only control your actions. Once that realization settles in, you do right by your children regardless of your ex's actions. Be the best father you can possibly be and, if lucky, your children hav…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 03:12 PM
2

About that stash of evidence you've got—the audio of verbal abuse, the dodgy tax returns, and the mail fraud. Keep that stuff saved and backed up. You never know when you might need it, especially if things get ugly in court. And let's be real, given the stuff you've already been dealing with, "ugly" is kinda the baseline expectation here. Your credit card situation is a ticking time bomb. If she maxes it out, it's gonna be your credit on the line. I know you're worried that cutting her off will…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 03:05 PM
1

This is the way. A legal parent cannot be restricted from traveling with their child without a court order. File first and get a standing order restricting the child's movement while the divorce is in process. It can be restricted to the state at a minimum or to the county in special cases. If the wedding is international, then definitely seize the child's passport and put it in a safe deposit box to which only you have access. Be ready to prove how you believe she isn't a fit parent. Maybe you …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:39 AM
2

I'm not a lawyer, but live in Texas Property is generally divided as evenly as possible between both parties in a divorce. During mediation, if you have sufficient assets to match your equity in the house, you can negotiate for an arrangement that suits both parties. However, if you end up signing the house over to her through a quitclaim deed, she'll need to refinance the mortgage in her name alone. Keep in mind that if the mortgage is jointly held (sounds like it isn't) and she does opt for a …
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 02:03 AM
3

While I get that the ad could be triggering for some people, particularly divorced dads who feel they're fighting an uphill battle, it's worth noting that advertisements often deal in idealized situations—they're not documentaries. They're designed to evoke emotion and, ultimately, promote a brand. That said, I agree that the portrayal of men in media can often be one-sided, leaning toward either the bumbling dad stereotype or, in cases like this, the too-perfect-to-be-real stepdad. It's a compl…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 01:56 AM
4

You have to be careful. Buying a new car before the divorce isn't a great idea. Cars depreciate fast, and it'll likely be considered marital property. So, she could end up asking for it, and you could get stuck with the loan. Not a good scenario One thing you could consider is asking the court to 'impute' her income, basically estimating what she should be making based on her education and experience. Costs a bit upfront, but could save you a lot in the long run. If you're making way more than h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 01:41 AM
1

Someone said this to me a long time ago (I was in my early 20s) and it has stuck with me. "A child's passage into adulthood is marked not by age, but by the moment they perceive their parents not as infallible heroes, but as imperfect, fallible human beings."
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 08:09 PM
3

Love how you zeroed in on natural ways to boost T levels. Some guys are quick to jump on hormone treatments without thinking of the long-term effects. Focusing on diet, exercise, and good sleep is crucial. Cutting back on smoking and alcohol can also make a big difference. Taking the hard road usually pays off in the end—there are no shortcuts to good health. Well said!
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 07:58 PM
2

Yeah, most solid family law attorneys will charge for the first consult. It shows they value their time and expertise. Think of getting a divorce like going on a long, unpredictable ocean trip—your lawyer is your first officer. You'll want someone who's been down this road before, especially if kids are involved. Look for a lawyer who understands financial and custody issues and knows the local judges' tendencies. You've also gotta vibe with them because, trust me, there'll be highs and lows. A …
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 07:50 PM
1

That's some head-spinning behavior for sure. Look, this is a divorce sub and the advice you receive from here will be from that lens. If your marriage has been rocky since day one, this sudden change might be a wake-up call. I suggest that you don't jump to divorce just yet. How about considering couples counseling? A good therapist can help both of you dig into what's really going on and why the vibe between you two has changed so dramatically. Communication is key in any relationship, and mayb…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 07:30 PM
2

That's a tough spot, especially with limited options for childcare. First off, wanting a break doesn't make you a bad dad; everyone needs some social time to recharge. Have you thought about a special needs sitter or a respite care service for your oldest? They're trained to handle situations like yours. Also, maybe consider setting up a co-op with other parents in similar situations—you watch their kids one weekend, they watch yours another. It's a win-win. As for your ex, she's got her view, b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 07:18 PM
2

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, but don't think online forums can provide the help you need. It's important to talk to someone who can, though, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. If you're in immediate danger or experiencing thoughts of suicide, please seek emergency help right away. Please know that no matter what, there are people who care for you and need you, most of all, your children. Some ideas Start a social/workout group with …
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 07:12 PM
2

I totally get it. The modern dating landscape feels like a minefield, especially when you're dealing with a breakup and shared custody. But let's be honest, people have always had the potential to leave or cheat; technology just amplifies it and changing values enable it. It's not that commitment is dead; it's just that options are more visible now. Your parents likely faced their own struggles but stayed together due to societal norms and pressures that were much stronger back then. Both men an…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 06:58 PM
2

You're under no obligation to let her waltz back into your life or your home like nothing happened, especially if you think she's gonna use it against you. If the cops already backed you up once, that's a good sign you're in the right here. You mentioned the hearing's been pushed back but what's been settled so far? If she's admitted to an affair and the judge is on your side, why give her any ammo to twist things? She moved 180 miles away, so it's not like she's around for the kids anyway. Stic…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 12:01 AM
3

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I have lost someone who doesn’t love me That right there is your silver lining. You're free now to find someone who actually values you and what you bring to the table. Time does heal, but don't just wait. Take this time to level up. Work on yourself. Hit the gym, focus on your career, reconnect with your buddies. Make yourself the kind of man that your next partner would fight to keep. Keep your head up, man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 11:57 PM
1

Hey, I get it. Seems like you went up against the system and feel like you got the short end of the stick. Worked your whole life to build something, and now she's taken half, along with the kids, and you're supposed to pay her too. You're bitter, and that's why you're dropping sketchy advice online. Again, just assuming. But look, if you've got kids, just do right by them, no matter what you're going through.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 11:52 PM
2

The scenario you've described—of women finding themselves financially strapped post-divorce while their ex-husbands seem to fare better—is supported by data. A Forbes article cited a survey revealing that almost half of divorced women faced financial surprises they hadn't anticipated. These range from being unaware of the full scope of marital debts to overestimating child support and alimony payments. Interestingly, younger women, who were more likely to relinquish financial control to their hu…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 02:51 AM
1

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a complex and emotionally draining situation. Divorce is never easy, and navigating the complicated dynamics that arise, especially after two decades together, can feel overwhelming. Here are some thoughts that might be helpful: Communication is Key: Given your lengthy history and the complexities involved, it's important to maintain as clear communication as possible. Although she has set boundaries on what subjects she's willing to discus…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 12:58 AM
2

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult and painful situation. I am in a similar situation. My STBX made false claims of abuse against me but was physically abusive herself. I spoke with noone about it because of the stigma associated with is until I spoke with an attorney a few weeks ago. I had to relive all the trauma and make a document and send it over. Firstly, the issue of abuse, whether it's by a man or a woman, is a serious matter that deserves attention and sho…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 12:55 AM
1

Fully agree. I can't stress the importance of a good attorney enough. May do a longer post on this, and the other topics, at some point soon.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:51 PM
1

I strongly disagree with the idea that men should prioritize their own well-being over their financial responsibilities to their children. I can't stress enough that financial responsibilities like child support aren't about appeasing or punishing your ex; they're about ensuring the well-being of your child. This isn't a matter of taking sides in a failed relationship; it's about fulfilling a crucial role as a parent. Abandoning financial commitments essentially abandons your child's needs for s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:46 PM
1

That is exactly why I'm on here. My process just started and will likely be challenging so this sub is cathartic for me, helps me process my thoughts, and get feedback from other men going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:35 PM
1

I'm really sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult situation you're going through. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and emotional toll it's taken on you. While I'm not a mental health professional, I strongly encourage you to seek out specialized help to navigate this traumatic experience. Therapy or counseling can provide a confidential and supportive space for you to process your feelings and explore healthy coping mechanisms. As for legal custody, it's good to hear that you've take…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:31 PM
2

Your approach of putting your children's emotional well-being first in a difficult situation like divorce is commendable. Prioritizing a positive relationship with your kids and refusing to speak ill of their mother sets a good example. It's clear you're committed to being the best father you can be, which is ultimately what matters most. Your experience adds valuable perspective, and I'm glad the post resonated with you. Good luck to you too and thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:26 PM
1

Well, good for you for doing your research. It's clear you have strong opinions on the matter. Just remember that every action has its consequences, legal or otherwise. No system is foolproof, and sometimes the pursuit of outsmarting it can lead to complications you didn't foresee. But it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:14 PM
1

Man, that's a rollercoaster you're on. I get it—when you're in the middle of emotional chaos and then suddenly a ray of sunlight breaks through, you want to believe in that light, especially with two kids in the mix. But listen, don't confuse this period of calm with a promise of lifelong tranquility. Like they say, "Once the genie is out of the bottle, it's pretty damn hard to get it back in." Remember, you're not just navigating around temporary storms; you're considering the climate of your e…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:02 PM
5

Totally get it. While I agree that controlling your emotions is crucial, let's not forget that divorce isn't a battlefield—it's more like a complex dance. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the drama and see your STBX as the enemy. But doing that? Man, you're setting yourself up for not just an emotional drain but a financial one, too. I've seen buddies rack up more legal fees than they'd care to admit, all because they approached this like a zero-sum game. And let's not even get started on the r…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:49 PM
1

Ah, the Oracle has spoken, and the wisdom flows like a fine, underground river of undisclosed assets. Because why just 'unplug' from the Matrix when you can also unplug from the legal system, right? Let's just ignore that little thing called perjury and the annoying buzzkill of ethics. It's just so beta to play by the rules, isn't it? Congratulations on being the James Bond of divorce, dodging legal bullets in your county's "don't ask, don't tell" asset division paradise. But let's not mistake y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:25 PM
1

I have the stats on this in my county, fewer than 0.1% of cases asked for order to force disclosure. Repeatedly I have seen beta males go about in forums saying that you will be caught and lose assets, in reality you have a good chance to keep all you have made Ah, "hide your finances," the secret divorce hack the legal system has never heard of! Relying on your 0.1% statistic, you're practically a financial ninja. But here's the thing: it's not just "beta males" saying you'll get caught, it's t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 10:03 PM
1

Absolutely. Probably more context on #3 as in simply giving in.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:30 PM
5

Probably not a good idea. When (not if) you get found out, there will be hell to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:30 PM
1

I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. Divorce is always complex, and your situation seems to be emotionally charged as well. Here's a concise guide to your questions: Choosing a Law Firm: Consulting with at least three firms is a good idea to gauge options and costs. Look for a firm that has the leverage of associate attorneys and paralegals but isn't so large that your case could get lost in the shuffle. Cost: The retainer and hourly fee you mentioned are relatively standard. Rate…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:00 PM
12

The leading cause of divorce is marriage :)
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:53 PM
6

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this difficult time. Separation after a long-term marriage is an emotionally complex experience that often feels like a mix of mourning, self-evaluation, and a daunting sense of starting over. You're certainly not alone in how you feel, and I applaud you for sharing your experiences and seek guidance. First and foremost, remember that healing is not linear. It sounds like you're doing a lot of good things for yourself: going to the gym, practicing yo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:48 PM
1

I would advise caution, as agreeing to cover certain costs now may set a precedent for future financial negotiations related to raising your children. However, always consider the well-being of the children in any decision-making process. The divorce agreement or child custody agreement should outline any financial responsibilities related to childcare. Also, request documentation of the childcare expenses, including any discounts your ex may be receiving. Consider whether it might be fair to sh…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 06:15 PM
1

Currently filing in Texas and in just the first few weeks of filing. There are two main aspects, children and finances. A. Children: Conservatorship, Custody, and Support Conservatorship: In Texas, what many states refer to as "custody" is known as "conservatorship." The court may grant either joint or sole conservatorship, which essentially determines who makes important decisions concerning the child, such as medical care, education, and residence. Typically, you would get joint conservatorshi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 04:39 PM
1

UPDATE: Had the conversation, handed her the papers and told her that the reason for no process was to keep it civil and to minimize the disruption to the kids. Her only question, "what about the property?" Shows where the priorities are. Now for the most difficult conversation, telling the kids. Frankly rehearsed this many more times than the conversation with the STBX.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 10:03 PM
14

Had this happen to me somewhat about 4 to 5 years ago. Wife had a coworker who was recently divorced. She kept mentioning how the coworker was "independent", got to keep the kids, and received child support. Also remember how her electricity was cutoff for non-payment and had to stay with us for a week while that got sorted out. A few months later, wife asked me to move out while she "thinks things over" and consulted with an attorney because she "wants to know her options." I told her to put up…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 04:43 PM
2

You make a good point about the quick-to-divorce advice often seen on Reddit when wives complain about their husbands. Online advice is limited by lack of full context, so it should be taken with a grain of salt. Relationships are complex and both partners should ideally work on helping each other grow. However, there's a fine line between helping and feeling obligated to "fix" a partner. Gender norms also influence the kind of advice given, creating potential double standards. My personal feeli…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 04:31 PM
1

Thank you. We will see how it goes. Texas limits spousal maintenance (alimony) to 5 years in our case and depends on financial resources/education, disability status, special needs children, or abuse within 2 years. None of these apply in my case I think. Let's see how this AM goes. 8AM and still not out of bed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 01:19 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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