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Objective_Problem_90 Archive

View 0 posts and 285 comments by Objective_Problem_90 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Im sorry you are facing this situation. What exactly are the reasons you are wanting to end things? Just don't match up as a couple anymore, not responsive to counseling, etc?
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 04:34 AM
3

I 2nd this. I dont know the full story of your dynamics, but if you both are cordial at this point, and you feel comfortable and that she will behave herself, you could show up for the memory of seeing your kids open up the presents and then leave once its completed. My ex is pretty vindictive so we have our own holidays and such, although she has mellowed out some over the years.I still keep extra interactions short and sweet and leave as quick as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 05:02 AM
5

You could say I made the right choice by "moo"ving. Seriously, its been 5 years so I have no beef with her. Okay, ill see myself out.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 01:59 AM
26

I lost 360lb. My ex wife. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 04:13 PM
7

No. You will get screwed once they do an assessment of the house. On the bad advice of my crappy lawyer at the time, I moved out asap. Ex made two payments on the house and then got it appraised. It was worth an additional 20k, but because she made 2 payments, she got to keep that via the shit judge. Stay in the house until they literally move you out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 02:22 AM
3

Im sorry brother. My girlfriend cheated on me and im still in shock as to why. She was completely willing to throw away everything withme and my little boy that loved her.. I asked her why and she couldn't give me a reason,other than she was selfish and made a mistake. I didn't treat her poorly, wasn't bad in bed. She even admitted it had nothing to do with bed stuff. Not trying to be tmi here. You may never know the reasons. Men, listen to your gut. If you feel like its over, then go ahead and …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 06:26 AM
12

She wanted lifetime alimony. Wow. The court system needs to really crack down on these women that think divorce is their lifetime meal ticket.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 03:31 PM
3

Sounds like she is indeed a good one. Her intention and integrity are above reproach.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:21 AM
2

It can add up real quick. My lawyers charged $300+ an hour. Every email to/from ran me like $20 a piece. Phone calls ran off that $300 rate too. Plus I would get charged for phone calls to the opposing lawyer. I would get pissed because id get an invoice for like 2 hours of calls to her lawyers for the week and then they'd charge me $50 bucks for the email detailing what they talked about. Im not rich, make like $2k a month, so really hated the monthly invoices over S1k a month. I had to get a 2…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 03:27 PM
1

She and her lawyer kept asking for Various things,and then kept trying to add more and more stuff, like a new parenting plan that my lawyer drew up that cost me $2k alone, yet her lawyer balked at that and said she wasn't going to charge her client that and felt it was unnecessary, even though thats what my ex wanted in the beginning, then threatened to take me to court if I didn't meet her additional demands. That alone would have cost me an additional $5k just for my lawyer to show up. It was …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 03:18 PM
10

10k is a really low number for lawyer fees unless you and your spouse agree completely on everything for a smooth transition. My ex was quite difficult and I spent over 100k in fees and whatnot over 4 yrs. She always would contest everything. She was willing to spend 10s of thousands of dollars to go to court over a $125 month increase in child support and pay $1000 to her lawyer. If your ex is cordial and willing to work with you throughout the process it might not be bad. Your mileage may vary…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:02 AM
16

Stay away from alcohol. I mean it. Don't touch it. It's not a coping or escape answer to your situation. You want to emerge out of this in a better frame of mind and continue enjoying life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 01:20 AM
10

$100k and I'm still trying to get out of the hole after 4 yrs.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 02:33 AM
9

I got divorced from my ex 4 yrs ago. She was brutal and ruthless. Her and her lawyer as well as the state did not care if I would be bankrupt, homeless etc. She got the house and my son while I ended up cashing out my 401k, spending over 100k just to have my young son 2 weekends a month. During this period, I lost 2 jobs and my younger brother passed. It was very hard and I went through depression and drank more than I should. Yes, I thought about ending it but I realized that very action would …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 05:19 AM
3

Agree 100% I was in the same boat. Not perfect myself, but she could do no wrong and to her I could do nothing right. It's hard to combat a mentality like that because if you can't break thru together, the relationship is over.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 12:25 AM
5

If you have no kids, block and move on. No contact nothing. I have a son with my vindictive ex so unfortunately, I have to deal with her every other weekend. She still tries to stir up things every few months, but I don't have to put up with her crap daily anymore. She doesn't have any power. If you can completely have your life back, do it and never look back. Be very careful though that you do not pick another woman with same toxic traits.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 12:45 AM
2

2nd divorce?? Sorry to hear that. My one and only divorce cost me over 100k just to get time with my son. Have a girlfriend now but will never ever marry again. System is too skewed towards females, and unfortunately, they really don't care about the children having a strong relationship with their dads either. It's all about making sure moms maintain their standard of living even after they shack up with another man.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 08:22 PM
20

You and the little guy are a packaged deal. You get him 4 days a month. If she can't act like an adult on this, she needs to get the boot.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 02:16 AM
10

I was just thinking the other day how I've missed so many life memories and milestones with my Lil guy. I mean I got to take him to his first day of kindergarten and got pics as a proud dad and all. It just makes me very sad that I have him for so very little. I try to make the best of it with quality experiences/outings, hoping he has good memories of us. It just isn't right that the court system treats fathers like they are criminals. It needs to change. Kids need their dad, but we are treated…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 07:09 AM
3

At some point, the sex was not worth it either. If a gentleman was lucky enough to get it. Usually the first thing to go.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 12:22 AM
4

If it didn't have me, my child or my beloved late pug, I got rid of it. I cropped what I could to keep those I wanted. The divorce was horrible and dragged out and she tried to make me homeless and bankrupt in the process while taking every penny i could and prevented me from seeing my son for three months before the courts stepped in ( she got zero punishment for that too). I wanted no further reminders of the type of person she is.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 12:19 AM
5

Must be an ex wife that is actually decent and not wanting to soak the guy for everything. Rare.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:15 AM
2

This makes me quite sad to hear, considering I myself am in the situation where I try very hard to have a good relationship with my young son. It's hard when I only get him 4 days a month. I try to focus on being there for him, quality time etc.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 06:30 AM
24

Anytime someone suggests bringing a 3rd party into the relationship, you don't have one anymore. Don't put up with that shit. She is not the loving partner you thought she was. A decent person would not entertain the idea.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 05:45 AM
3

It was at the divorce where I learned for sure that my ex did not love me. She was very vindictive, filing for everything she could with her hot shot lawyer who was perfectly fine because more money. Didn't save a dime for her own retirement(she was horrible with money) but she ended up with the house, some of my 401k, and that I only have my son 4 days a month. I'm not a criminal, but some women paint you out to be that. My ex was extreme so it cost me alot of money, time, effort but my son is …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 11:34 PM
5

Sounds more like a nightmare. Op was just stuck in a cycle where it looked like it would never improve. Sounds like they made the right decision to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 06:35 PM
7

Nope. None of her business. That relationship is over.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:52 AM
4

It should tell you your marriage is probably over. If she doesn't make you the package deal to them, you don't mean anything to her at this point except a meal ticket. You may wish to contact a lawyer on advice going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 02:30 PM
3

It's real easy to get into a rut and just go through the motions. Your life was turned upside down. I'm sorry you have gone through this, but it doesn't have to define you either. Start small, work on your physical/mental health. Start saving/investing to build a foundation. You have plenty of life to live, my friend. I'm a divorced father myself and my ex did everything she could to ruin me. I'm still here. You still have purpose too. I wish you the best. Do what you can do to transform your li…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 03:20 AM
15

Sounds to me just another way to run up the lawyer costs.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:44 AM
2

Eh, it happens. Same age as you. I was in marriage with no intimacy for a couple yrs. After the divorce, once I started dating I noticed a little trouble too. I think though I had a mental block so it took a little time to get back to normal, but it did. I also have some health issues diabetic high BP, and once I got checked out and on meds, things worked out better. Give yourself some time. You'll get back to where you wanna be.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 07:18 PM
5

The question you may wish to ask yourself is "Can I handle 20-30 more years of this?". I asked myself that same question along with "what am I doing here". I know why I didn't leave earlier because of my son, but I just couldn't see myself being with her any longer because it was affecting my mental and physical health. I realized i could be a better person and daddy to my son on my own.Her nagging all the time, the shifty comments she'd make, just being downright cruel. No intimacy for 2 yrs et…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 07:09 PM
3

It will get better. It's so hard at first, especially if you have kids. My advice, love them and yourself as best as you can. Find hobbies, keep yourself engaged in them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 02:52 PM
3

I was glad it was done, but little did I know she'd find other legal issues to try and snare me financially over the next 3 yrs. I was not sad at all. She was mean and vindictively cruel at the end of the marriage. Any feelings that I had for her completely gone. Divorce still worth it though. Slowly digging my way free financially but each day is different and better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:17 AM
14

Hang in there, friend. There's a stigma about us divorced guys sometimes. But they don't know your story. They won't be there for your success either. Don't let that phase you. Keep being the best dad you can be and take the steps needed for your best life. Not going to lie, it's taken me almost 4 years post divorce to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Still paying legal bills. But we have to keep moving forward. For our kids. For ourselves. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 06:54 PM
6

She's rewarded for her spending ways.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:29 AM
3

We used to love them once, but they got ugly real fast.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 05:25 PM
14

Whenever my ex is suddenly being nice to me, it means she wants something. Every. Single. Time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 11:01 PM
3

Happy birthday. I know it's tough, man. Find a way to celebrate your day ( movie, nice dinner etc). It will help you get your mind off stuff for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:01 PM
1

You want to be a good father. But you have to save yourself first. Your mental health will continue to decline until you remedy this. Be it counseling or divorce. My moment came when I decided that I did not want my young son to see us fighting and that I could end it and leave to keep my sanity and health. I could fight like hades to make sure I had my time with him and still make awesome memories and being a good dad. It will be a hard and expensive decision of divorce. For me, worth it. Yeah,…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 07:25 AM
3

My rule was to keep only the pics of her that had either me, my son, or my beloved late pug. Any pics with just her were deleted. No regrets on that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 11:46 PM
3

Counseling was a last ditch attempt. She wouldn't budge and felt she did nothing wrong and didnt need to change at all. He told her that if she didn't, our marriage would be over in 6 months. He was absolutely right. Counseling only works if both people are willing to work at it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 07:07 AM
6

Lol. I laughed at that. Good joke. As a divorced man, I always appreciate good humor.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:57 PM
6

She probably realized she left you too soon. Wants to stick around until she knows she can lawyer up for a meal ticket. No skills, no job, stay at home mom. The courts will rule for her the next time she decides to have some fun with the ex boyfriend. Like others have said, I'd be very cautious about trusting her. She had it all with you and your children and she still didn't give a crap about nearly destroying it all.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 11:44 PM
12

She wants you to "change" but why? What is she doing to better herself as a partner and person? If she's wanting divorce, I think she's already been checked out long ago. Better lawyer up because it's probably over.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:29 PM
1

The forgiveness is really for you, so you can heal and move on with your life. It doesnt mean some sort of kumbaya moment and suddenly you two are friendly again. She will have to deal with what she did for the rest of her life. Focus on yourself and your children. It is my hope that everyone on here that has been heart broken and/or betrayed find peace and happiness again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 02:33 AM
1

Until the current legal system is overhauled so that the men stop being the default meal ticket for the woman after the marriage has ended, nope.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:41 PM
2

Op, you might want to see if there is a law college in your area that would take your case for very low cost or even free. Law students need experience somehow and this is one way to benefit without breaking the bank. I'm very sorry you are going through this, but it sounds like you need to put a stop to all this for the sake of you and your children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:27 AM
1

What makes me mad is that the whole system is a racket. From the judges to the lawyers, even your own lawyer. They just want your money and as much as can get. It doesn't matter that your quality of life is downgraded, just that hers gets elevated.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 03:00 PM
2

6 months in and she needs a break? Sigh, I'm sorry you are going through this. As for divorce being nasty, it really depends on how amicable she is, which really sets the tone. If she fights over everything, it'll get expensive and messy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:41 PM
2

She's already checked out. No amount of chocolates or flowers or being Mr nice guy will change that. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but make sure you focus on improving yourself. Don't make the same mistake of getting married again. Too much to lose for guys, nothing to gain once the courts get involved.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 07:32 AM
2

She can wish for whatever she wants, but most likely all your assets together will be divided up. No, you won't leave with just the shirt on your back or zero proceeds from a 350k house unless you just cave in and not fight. Lawyer up and take your portion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 06:22 AM
2

There is no good faith. She will turn on you once she lawyers up and will demand the world from you and every penny you got. She will conveniently forget any and all good things you did for her. She is your enemy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 06:57 AM
8

As an older guy in my mid 40s, I too was taught marriage was forever Yada Yada. Sometimes no matter what you've done in life or for spouse is good enough for them. Now you are in a stage where you should learn and love yourself and what truly makes you content what it always should have been. That is, focus on you. What will make you happy, successful, content to wake up every day? Society has taught men you need a woman to be happy and successful. No you don't. Not that women or relationships s…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 07:04 AM
6

After the divorce, I didn't even ask for the ring back. I paid like 2k, but then you start to realize that the ring value is just as worthless as the woman you married. I would not advise any young men to get married in this day and age. With the way the court system is, once she decides she is done with you, she comes out better divorcing you than if she stayed married.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 08:07 PM
2

Because just about any judge can over rule it, or the woman can claim she signed under protest.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 12:33 PM
2

You still get to walk away with like 175k after taxes. Most of us fellas are lucky enough to not be homeless and bankrupt after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 04:48 PM
24

Number 3 is huge. Divorce needs to stop being a huge payday for woman, while the guy is forced to deal with downgraded living.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 11:13 PM
1

2 yrs after the divorce and we still cannot be cordial in the same space together for even 5-10 minutes. Even just picking up my son she still finds things to bitch about. Although I still have to deal with that, at least it's no longer a daily thing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 10:38 PM
6

Not true. If you are a male and have kids, your ex will most likely still get half your check. Mine makes more but I still have to pay child support, day care, and 100 percent of the health care premiums. Not to mention 10k in lawyer fees I have to pay. Oh, they do get paid because we have a court system in this country that encourages it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 07:19 PM
2

I thought my ex was the only "strong independent woman" that makes her life purpose to drag me into mediation for every single cent she can get of my money. Rather than just the other option of just being content with having the house with her live in boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 12:29 AM
1

Exactly. It's crazy how that works.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:21 PM
1

I'm just saying that the cop on the other line actually told me she could pile up all my stuff, set it on fire and there was nothing I could do about that since we were still married at the the time. Yet if I went into the house and broke her stuff, they'd probably arrest me. The cop told me to speak with my lawyer as she was trashing my stuff. You do that to a neighbor or anyone else, you get in trouble for vandalism. If you are married at the time and divorcing, apparently it's OK to for your …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 02:17 PM
1

My ex threw out all my stuff on the lawn, broke crap. I too called the cops and was told the same thing. Civil matter nothing they can do.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 01:36 AM
2

As a saver, I was punished heavily during the divorce. She spent all she had, zero in savings, no retirement. We both make about the same. The court saw my 401k that i had saved over 10 years in, gave her part of that, as well as gave her the house we owned to make it "50/50" while I was forced to move into a shitty apartment and see my son 4 days a month. It's all about maintaining her life, while men/fathers get the shaft. I was almost homeless because of it, courts do not care what happens to…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 03:14 PM
1

Well, I had all sorts of evidence of violations my ex did. Like withhold my child from seeing me for 3 months. I was told by two lawyers, sure we could go to court over that, but it's very possible the judge would just slap her on the wrist, meanwhile it'd cost me well over 10k just to try and go after that. Focus on what you can control. Going after her for all sorts of stuff hoping a judge will come down hard on her will most likely cost you tens of thousands of dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 02:56 AM
1

I'd be getting a lawyer and giving her divorce papers, Pronto. Your marriage is over. Why put up with hearing all the slutty things she is doing with someone else?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 01:49 PM
2

I'm so sorry my friend. Please focus on improving yourself. Many of us have dealt with this. It's all the same.. it does get better but it takes time.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 04:34 AM
4

Nope, because the hard thing about this, the moment she wants to leave, she's already made the decision weeks ago. She is fine with it, you mean nothing to her and she might have someone else lined up. The exact month my divorce was finalized, 6 months to the day I requested, she already had another guy move into the house we had built together. If she has told you she doesn't want you, believe it and move on, no matter what history you have with her, she's done with you. Why fight for that?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 06:52 AM
6

I was a meal ticket for her. I helped her pay off her student loan, get out of debt etc. Once she got pregnant and I refused to do her bidding every day, our marriage was over. She found out pretty quickly her hot shot lawyer could get her our house, child support and almost 50% of my monthly paycheck while limiting my access to my son to 4 days a month, and the judge agreed with her. I see why 4,000 dads commit suicide every year. We are made out to be criminals and walking atms. Fuck me. Never…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 06:34 AM
2

You are doing everything you to need to, guy. Keep doing it and best of luck. We need to desperately hear those success stories from others thave made it from the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 07:02 AM
13

I'm a walking atm to her and her lawyer. Of course, she can decide to withhold my son from me for 3 months knowing nothing will happen unless I take her to court for thousands of dollars on my part, which the judge will do a slap on the wrist. But if I withhold one darn nonthly child support payment, the freakking state files on HER behalf a warrent for my arrest and court appearance. This is why men give up. I'm in the same loop trying to break free.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 06:55 AM
9

I did research once I got divorced. Not surprised that almost 4,000 men commit suicide every year. We lose our kids, get hosed by the court system again and again, made out to look like criminals, lose half our paycheck or more and then are practically told to " deal with it" or we are weak. The courts do not care about our living situation after divorce, only the females. We have sometimes had to get 2nd jobs just to prevent homelessness or keep up with bills. Some men are fighting daily just t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 06:49 AM
1

You need to survive and fight for your son. Please. He needs you so bad. I know the ex is bleeding you for every penny. Mine is too. Not sure how I'm gonna ear and pay rent, but sons and daughters need their daddies. We've all thought checking out at some point. Every one of us. The court system, lawyers (even the " men's rights" ones just take your money because the laws favor the women heavily) need completely reformed and is so unjustly unfair. Fathers are not criminals or just walking atms. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 08:49 AM
1

Lawyer up. She will go after all your money.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 07:44 AM
2

Agreed 100% it doesn't matter what I spend. The judge and court rules 4 days a month for me, max child support for the mom and 100% health care premiums all on me. She makes more than me and now has a hot headed live in boyfriend. Courts do not give a shit about the dad or his situation ever. Its a great deservice for both dad and kid, but they dont care . It's all about taking care of the mother and her quality of life.They don't even care about " the best interests of the kids". It's all a mon…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:54 AM
3

My ex has never wished me happy birthday or happy father's day or given me any presents in that regard since the 2 years we have been divorced. I have followed the same behavior because the divorce process was brutal and she gets plenty of my money monthly as is. Maybe it would be different for others if they happen to still be cordial and friendly. Unfortunately I don't have that type of situation. Let her live in boyfriend get her all that crap. She is his problem now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:05 AM
1

You are hurt, devastated. Completely understandable! Grieve, do what you can do to heal yourself and get back on your feet. BUT.. you have to move on now. No begging, no pleading. You have to come up with a game plan to make yourself successful going forward in all areas, physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. If there are children involved, even more so. They need their Daddy and you need them. This will be one of the toughest things to face in your life. I'm still going through the…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 06:59 AM
2

Just curious, but guessing after you do all that for her, She's "too tired" to meet any of your needs, right? That's how my ex was, even though I worked 10 hours a day, did yard work after and took care of the son and put him to bed so she could shower and watch TV for several hours every night.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 06:37 AM
1

The minute my ex wife got pregnant was practically the end of our marriage. She actually told me that me and our marriage were on the back burner. That we were parents now and she was a mom and that was what mattered now. No more fun as couple, no yearly vacations etc. Intamcy stopped, conversations and laughter stopped. Tried counseling to save marriage, but no budging on her part and 9 months later I requested a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 06:31 AM
1

My ex takes our son to the er or urgent care every time he gets a fever. The doctors keep telling her that they do not have a magic pill and to just alternate Tylenol and ibuprofen. A few months back, she called an ambulance because he had a fever of 100. Of course, I have to pay half of every bill. While I don't mind care for son when needed, I wish there was a way to stop her wasteful spending ways.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:14 PM
1

The lack of sex won't improve either. It will get worse. She knows she can get away it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 06:01 AM
1

Nope, she is getting the house and now that's her problem to deal with. You put up with her shit, now it's her turn to deal with real shit. She can afford it on her double salary.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 07:03 PM
2

I know nothing about Cali. I live in the Midwest and unfortunately, the laws are set here regarding child support and alimony. If you are a male and a single dad, the courts are skewed towards the female and custodial parent. Maybe if you spend 100k, but I don't have that kind of money. I've gotten a "men's rights attorney" only to find out they don't or can't do.much for negotiation or divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 10:44 PM
3

Agreed. Now that we know more about her actions, she needs to be dropped like a hot potato. You got the deal that most of us fathers would be pleased with.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 01:49 AM
2

Ok, take a step back, breathe and think about this for minute. Your first sentence was that you are tired of this roller coaster. Has that changed, has she? Is this all being prompted by just your daughter wanting a family again, or do you somehow know things will work this time around? I would not tell her anything until you work on what you really want out of this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 01:47 AM
1

You are most welcome. Good Luck!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 06:03 AM
3

Contact a law college in your area and see if there are hungry up and coming defense lawyers who are willing to take on your case for free.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 11:10 PM
1

Here in nebraska,cs can be modified every 6 months. A state calculator is used. If you make 40k a year, the payment is around $550 a month for one child. It doesn't go down much either if the woman makes 80k a year.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 11:02 PM
2

Without kids, there is a limit to how much she and the courts can take from you. Once divorced, it might be tough for a few months, but you will start to see you have your freedom and a new life to pursue whatever you want. As for me, my ex asks for a new parenting plan every time my job hours/days change and sues me for more child support, so almost two years after divorce, she is still extracting more money from me, and costing me thousands in lawyers fees. I really wish a rule was in place th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 02:35 AM
2

Given that she is 40, her window is rapidly closing, if not already. Unless she does expensive treatments which your money will come in handy for. If you do get married, and divorced, you will be a walking atm for both mother and child for 20 years. A child, although you may dearly love, that you'll be lucky to see 2 weekends a month. Date, sure and improve yourself. Take the advice all us other guys are telling you. Once a woman gets you and puts you in the ringer, they never stop.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 10:33 PM
1

Yes. There is a reason she is single. Doesn't mean she is a bad person. I went on a date with a gal, 35,+ not married, no kids. Couldn't nail her down as reason whise end of night wise. Still, I knew she was not ever gonna be marriage mater after that date indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:26 AM
1

Your son needs you, Dad.. Fight like hell and do everything you can to be in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 06:37 PM
9

Its not Reagan to blame. It's the fact that most judges nationwide have this mentality from the 1950s that all women cannot fend for themselves ever and men must forever be punished and criminals in a divorce case and pay the maximum amount and if they improve themselves, they are punished even years after the divorce. In my state the ex can sue every 6 months for more child support. You are never free even after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 07:12 AM
7

I'm so sorry. As for myself, even 2 years after the divorce, I pay 50 percent of childcare, medical bills and $250 a month in child support, almost half of my disposable income for the month and now she is suing me to pay for 100% of his monthly medical premiums even though she makes $3 more an hour than I do, and has a double income due to live in boyfriend while I live alone and now have to consider a 2nd job. The system only cares about a "single moms" lifestyle and will leave the male bankru…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 07:08 AM
9

My ex, thanks to her lawyer and judge, used the divorce to get out of debt for the first time in her life, got control of the house, refinanced to remodel the house and use the equity to buy a brand new car full in cash while I was stuck with all of the30k in credit card debt accrued during the marriage, and had to move to a crappy apartment. She greatly used Divorce to improve her life, while my life was destroyed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 06:53 AM
3

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Yeah, it is a crock that the same system that has "the best interests of the child" is the same one that requires you to shell out thousands of dollars to see your son. Yet, miss one child support payment and they are ready to arrest you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:25 PM
12

Get a lawyer immediately, a men's rights attorney if you can. Fight for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 07:01 AM
1

If you have kids. No. 2 years after divorce and I'm still dealing with her crapm
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:40 AM
3

I haven't found one yet. They all want their $300 plus an hour. The only winners are the lawyers and the women. Guys get screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 05:53 AM
2

The court does not care one bit about evidence..even if they did it will cost you thousands of dollars to present it to the judge and even then they are apt to dismiss all her wrong doings. Men are just screwed and we really need court reform here. Our kids deserve their daddies in their lives and the women have way too much power.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:13 PM
2

Men become criminals because the courts make it so. I had to pay monthly child support while still taking care of my son physically in my own house before I left.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:07 PM
2

Right? I'm seeking a parenting app right now too because her texts and communications are way more than an ex spouse should be especially after almost 2 years from divorce. It should be just pick up/drop off child at this point. I hope you get some resolve with that. It's no fun. Is your ex narcissistic? Just curious.my is for sure so I know she likes to still feel in control.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 06:58 AM
3

All you can do is love your kids as best as you can. That and throw money at the system that has failed good fathers for years regarding "best interests of the children". Vindictive hateful women rarely get punished by most judges and at the end of the day, good men and our children suffer. I'm going through that with a hateful ex almost 2 years after divorce that has decided to not let me have my weekend visits with my son for almost 3 months now. Would love to see her be held accountable for t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:25 PM
2

Focus on your son and fight for him. The marriage is over. Plan on improving yourself and do what you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:34 AM
3

Thank you. I appreciate your words. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Wish the system was kinder to men who just want to focus on being a good father.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:50 PM
8

My ex had this grandiose idea that we'd still hang out together with our son for pizza parties, walks in the park. Nope, I want nothing to do with her. Once the marriage is over, one should plan their own events, parties and memories with child.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 11:39 PM
4

My ex found a guy to move in the house just barely after the ink on the divorce settlement had dried. We don't get along, and I worry about my sons well being, but nothing I can really do, other to make memories with my boy, tell him i love him/care for him and teach him when I can. Only have him 3 days a month. A travesty really and it's so hard to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 06:31 AM
6

Run and don't look back. The marriage is over. She probably already cheated on you, and now wants the marriage open to justify her actions. I'm sorry that things ended this way, but she has made her choice.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 02:52 AM
3

Nope. I wouldn't get her anything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 04:50 PM
2

Unfortunately my money right now does a great disappearing act thanks to my ex. I hope the magic show is over soon.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:39 AM
2

I know how that goes. Ex prefers to change parenting plan through lawyers costing me thousands of dollars when all she has to do is switch weekends with me, which would be painless and free. I guess she'd rather make both our lawyers rich instead of our son that could have a couple years college expenses covered by now. Men shouldn't have to spend thousands for access to their kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 02:36 AM
2

My ex was nice enough to throw it all in big pile on the front lawn in the middle of the night.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 02:28 AM
3

Don't give her any sort of intamcy. She doesn't deserve any more of your time or energy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:26 PM
3

I agree with this. Ex wife was the same. Even now, when she is "nice", I instantly think what is she trying to get now. She is still always angling to get her way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:23 PM
1

It really just depends as each situation is different. Some women still have some compassion for the guy and truly want the best for all parties. Other women are narcissistic and vindictive and do every trick in the book to make him miserable, even after the divorce. I hate seeing those stories of guys being put thru the ringer like that, because I know from experience.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:17 PM
2

Thank you very much. I too have no faith that courts offer any justice yetI am hoping that your case is successful. One step at a time. The script definitely needs flipped. At the end of the day, it's our kids that are hurting from this. Courts need to step up and hold people accountable for their actions. Please keep us updated. We all need to hear successful stories as they happen and keep us motivated to keep fighting.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 11:37 PM
3

Great that you have evidence. Just know that it will probably cost you alot of money if you go that route, and there is a chance that at the end of the day the judge may not punish her at all with consequences, so proceed carefully. In my state, even the statue says keeping kids from dad is a no no, and the judge is to "sentence" her to jail time and then immediately rescind if the mother promises to be good and follow the parenting plan. Yet, if I miss one child support payment, a warrant is ma…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 11:32 PM
3

I feel for you. Even almost two years after the divorce, my ex keeps going after me for stuff and just max pain and suffering. Haven't seen my son in two months because she is keeping him from me, but still forced to pay cs, and half of everything she keeps signing my 4 year old up for (chiropractic care, therapy, runs him to the er every time he has a fever over 99 etc ). It's just ridiculous that a person can be so cold and vindictive. I sincerely hope your situation improves.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 11:26 PM
1

You move on. Why continue to punish yourself and entertain any idea of doing so? She used you and is still trying to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 02:26 AM
3

Truth is, most men do try to fight fair and just want to move on. But we are forced to spend dollars because the odds are always stacked against us.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 02:16 AM
1

My ex told me similar, that she didn't need my money (not much anyway). But the moment divorce was on, she went after every single penny she could. Hope for the best, but be prepared if she fights you like you are her worst enemy.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 02:13 AM
1

Too late for prenup at this point. I've also seen where guys have had a prenup done prior to marriage and soon as divorce hits, the woman claims she was forced to sign against her will or the judge just outright over rules it or ignores it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 02:10 AM
1

I wouldn't marry again unless one is a glutton for punishment and you enjoyed losing at least half your stuff the first time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 11:39 PM
1

I hear you. My ex has signed up my 4 yr old to therapy because of "my inconsistencies", whatever that means and now wants me to pay half the monthly bill. 40% of my check already goes to her in form of child support, daycare, and medical bills. Now she is suing for more child support. On top of that, she has been denying me my weekend visits for almost 2 months now, and i cant afford to take her to court on that.I'm working overtime, not for fun, but just to survive. It's not right. Fathers shou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 11:36 PM
1

In my state, daycare is an additional expense, in addition to child support , 50% of the bill.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 11:25 PM
3

I learned first hand that divorce was financial devastating to me, but she made a darn near profit off of it, and greatly improved her life. Yes, more men need to take advantage of any resources that show how bad marriage and divorce is for men. It's a ticking time bomb for guys thanks to the laws in place.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 07:25 PM
1

Oh, if she is a narc, be prepared for her to try to butt into your life even after the divorce. It doesn't just suddenly end when the ink dries on the paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 02:23 AM
2

This is very familiar to my own story. We all need to start writing our reps and requesting law changes because far too often women know that there is zero incentive to behave before, during and after divorce. They know the courts will in most cases give them at least half of what you got, child support, alimony and limit access to your children 4 days a month, as though we are some sort of criminal. Truth is, most of us are dads that are indeed good, but hurting like hell and thrown to the wolv…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 02:17 AM
2

Not completely everything. Your daughter remembers the good times with you. Build off of that, and make some new ones with her. Keep moving forward, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/23 05:01 PM
1

This could have been my story. I'm divorced now, but she still remains a thorn in my side 2 years later. She's also bpd and they always have to feel in control of everything, even though she has the house and a new guy. It's not a good environment for anyone, and dealing with someone daily that insults, controls wears on you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 11:41 PM
5

You want to be a glutton for punishment? You are separated. Why reward someone that is making the decision to not be with you. I was separated from my ex until we divorced and her birthday came up during this time. I certainly was not going to acknowledge it, or send anything. You're moving on, not living in past events.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 08:16 PM
3

Lol. Reminds me a while back that a guy was complaining about troubles in his marriage (several issues like lack of intimacy, him having anxiety, depression from constant fighting etc) in one of the sub forums (not this one). I simply told the man to take care of his health physically, mentally, spiritually during this time of difficulty. I was banned with 30 seconds of posting because I was a "red piller". I said absolutely nothing about his spouse or his problems, just trying to help someone d…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 09:19 AM
1

I'm very saddened and sorry to hear this happened. I can see in pain and hurt over this. Please get some counseling here, so you can figure out how to recover the best way possible for you and your son. It's a massive shock to your system and was a horrible thing happen. However, you need to make sure it does not eat you up and cloud all your decisions forward. My ex too is proud card carrying member of the POS club, and she's still doing her hardest to make sure her membership never expires. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 09:08 AM
2

A woman will try her hardest to impress you and win you over. Once she does through marriage, you simply become her meal ticket. She has no incentive to work, to clean, to help pay bills, can cut off all intamcy, etc If you ask for divorce, she will get half of everything in most cases, even the house and monthly alimony. She has it made! She knows it, and the courts are set up that way. If you have kids, prepare to lose more money. Not every woman is like this mind you. I've just seen enough ov…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 08:55 AM
1

Well, I don't know about being in the game. I got out of it and it costs me a pretty penny for it. Still does I guess, but now instead of screwing with my mind daily, she does it with my son too. There is nothing I can to fight back, unless I have lots of money. Even then, the judge is apt to slap her on the wrist. Still, it sounds like you might have an eventual 3rd divorce if not careful. I'm not sure what you mean about "efforts not being matched", but marriage is indeed give and take for bot…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 08:44 AM
1

Cut out as much debt as you can. Look to cook at home, coupons etc. I mean it's what everyone has heard, but it's so very important to manage every dollar and cut where you can. In my state, I'm not only responsible for child support, but also half of all medical AND daycare bills. Don't have an issue taking care of my son, but all that can easily wipe out 40% or more of my monthly check or more. Ex likes to use the emergency room as the primary doctor and has called an ambulance as an uber to t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 08:34 AM
2

I'm sorry to hear this. Divorce is never easy on anyone, but it really pains and angers me the petty lengths that many women seem to go. They don't mind a scorched earth path, even if it means hurting you, the kids etc doing it. Continue on with Divorce plans, also make sure you get some counseling to deal with this and keep yourself in a good mindset. Easy on the "escape" things, alcohol spending money etc. It's been hard on me almost 2 years out, not because of love or feelings (those were lon…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 08:25 AM
1

I really appreciate your reply. I was a little discouraged when my lawyer said that I could fight all her bs, but it would just cost me thousands and no guarantees that the judge would do anything about her nonsense. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation as well and congrats on your soberity. With everything going on, I imagine it's been difficult. Here's hoping things get better for us both, and we get to see our kids regularly again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 01:58 AM
2

Why would you ever want to go back to something that was harming you and doing you no good? Yeah, we all have a few good memories of our ex when things were great. But it's important to remember what happened when things went south and how that and her made you feel. I know I hated my situation, all the manipulation and insults.I would never come back and it's also important that I don't get into another relationship that matches the exs bi polar, narcissistic, egotistical behavior. I'd rather b…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 03:51 AM
3

Unless you are willing to burn through thousands of dollars, you'll have to put up with her continued bad behavior. Unfortunately, courts and laws provide zero incentive for women to behave. My ex has been preventing me from seeing my son for my overnight bi weekly visits, and my lawyer informed me that trying to get her on custodial interference will cost me thousands of dollars and the judge still might give her a free pass on it. So she can deny me my son for a month, but I miss 1 child suppo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 12:53 AM
2

The thing is, for many women the game is never up. They'll continue to badger you through the courts and lawyers for more child support etc. Just when I think I'm improving and moving on, ex decides to do parental alienation with my son, and sue to take me to court for more money. I can never have some financial success years after the divorce because she can always claim a piece of the pie. Plus,Now I'll have to pony up thousands to defend myself and fight for what should have already been esta…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 02:53 AM
4

Agreed. If she doesn't respect you now, she won't respect hearing any sort of actual truth. Work on exactly what you need to do in regards of possible divorce and getting healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 06:37 PM
1

You could always file to summon her to court. She'd be forced to lawyer up then.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 01:50 AM
1

Lol, my best friend from high school had a shih tzu named that, and it made me laugh. I was told she was named that because she was mean and would chew your balls off.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 01:48 AM
2

Ugh, I got the same thing from my ex. Except I was playing video games only after she and my son were sleeping. She just didn't want me having any hobbies. Called them stupid and silly. She had them and that was somehow ok. Be careful with that if she doing same.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 07:02 AM
1

Does that work really in court?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 06:58 AM
1

Thank you. I needed this right now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 06:56 AM
1

I'm going through that right now. Ex wife has kept my kid for over a month. Police say they can't get involved, contact courts, lawyers. Funny though if I miss only 1 child support payment to her, suddenly they are involved in arresting me. Guys are screwed and women take advantage of this through the system.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 06:54 AM
11

Because women already get all the support they need through the state, government etc. Men are just fucked every which way. They don't care at all about the men's situation in regards to living life, paying rent, bills etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 11:58 PM
1

Cut her off now. She has made her choice and is using you big time. She's just guilt tripping you into doing what she wants for herself. Dont help her with anything. Start that divorce filing asap. Take care of yourself physically and mentally because it's going to be a long road of healing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 03:26 PM
2

Why continue to stay in a marriage that is dead? In my case, there was alot of verbal, and mental abuse from her on a daily basis and my attempts at marriage counseling had failed. The only thing that held me back was my young son. Even with that, her bs had become too much. You have to ask yourself truthfully whether you could handle or be happy with this situation for the next 20-30 years. If not, rip that bandaid off and get it done. There's alot of life left to be living. Don't live it feeli…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 01:45 PM
3

Thank you. You as well.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 05:23 PM
5

My marriage was in two stages at the end. We would either fight and argue horribly, or she would give me the silent treatment for days. I guess the 3rd option was for her to belittle and insult me. We have a child together and unfortunately 2 years later after the divorce, she is still a chaotic problem to deal with. The nightmare doesn't always completely end after the divorce. I just don't have to deal with it daily. Yet, she always seems to try and create new issues every few months.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 03:04 PM
4

I wouldn't be surprised if they kick you out or ask you to leave, especially given its their house and there is no agreement in writing. I'm not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV. Just saying to be prepared to find other accommodations.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 07:39 PM
3

If you have no kids, it may be best to lawyer up and get out. My ex is bipolar, narcissistic and it eventually came to a point where neither of us were speaking at all.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 03:49 PM
2

Yep, she wins either way at this point. With that being said, a life of freedom away from someone that disrespects you so much is still a solid option. The question I asked myself in my breakaway was " Could I deal with all this bs and her for the next 30 years?". The answer was no, even if I was alone and homeless.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 03:25 AM
2

Every guy gets that ah ha moment where he realizes that while he is fighting for time with his kids, all lawyers have made the pain and anguish just a large billable hour. Neither side or judge cares what happens to the man, and because of that mere fact, they don't really seek the child's "best interests". I myself had to stop counsel because it gets to the point that you just can't continue to afford a neverending quagmire at the tune of $400 an hour. I hate this system and really wish there w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:23 AM
18

Yep. Got that line all the time. Went to marriage counseling and she told the counselor she wasn't going to budge on any of her attitudes, actions because she had done nothing wrong in the marriage. When I told her I wanted divorce a few months later, she was cold, indifferent, void of any emotion. She just simply said " I was the perfect wife for you, you'll never find anyone better". News flash, it really wasn't hard to find someone better, she set the bar very low. Ha
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:04 AM
1

She's using you. She's already told you she has nothing left for you other than what you can provide her. Lawyer up and get out as soon as you can. Then you can heal faster and move on. It sucks, and being on your own is hard, but gets better after each passing year. Make sure you get counseling because stuff like this affects all men mentally whether we think so or not.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 07:48 AM
1

Unless you have kids, block, ignore and move on. She was the one to make the decision to not have you. Nothing good can come of this. Be nice but firm and sever completely. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses no matter how much time has passed. Find friends that haven't ripped your heart out previously.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 07:39 AM
6

Best part of all this is reading of Bible. That will keep ya motivated. Keep working hard and thanks for being an inspiration to the rest of us. There is indeed light at the end of the tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 07:31 AM
2

She has checked out. Hate to break it to you, buy also don't be surprised if the sex starts getting longer in between before she just finally stops all together. Counseling is needed at this point, bare minimum. If that doesn't work, a lawyer to go over your options is needed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 09:26 AM
5

File for divorce. She only wants what you can offer, not you at this point. I'm sorry to hear it. Also, make sure you get some counseling as you are hurting but you need to learn to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 09:22 AM
2

Wait, child support is part of daycare for you? For my plan, I'm forced to pay 50% daycare IN Addition to child support. I was told by lawyer that's just how it is now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 09:20 AM
1

This adventure you seek sounds great from your point of view. Like others have said, it's not as great as we want to think. Plenty of broke, narcissistic crazies out there and after about a year, i was done with that and back to just working on myself. . If she truly is a good woman, keep her by finding solutions to resolve your concerns. If it's a sexless or less than you want issue, let her know that and that you want to improve the romance.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 02:15 AM
1

Ask your lawyer for a copy of your parenting plan, read it thoroughly. It should state rules for communication with your child. If not, get an modification with your lawyer asap.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 06:34 AM
1

If you are divorced, find out what your parenting plan stats. Many plans state she must respond within 24 hours. Depends though on what you set up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 06:26 AM
1

Agreed. Call the police and ask what are the laws in your state regarding recording video and audio of someone else. That way you will know a way to further protect yourself. We all make mistakes. Make sure it doesn't happen again, because the courts do not favor men.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 06:24 AM
1

My ex was bpd. She didn't try to "come back" in the sense of the word, but she's fought me tooth and nail over just about everything and so jealous of any success I've had without her. Told me at divorce she would be fine without me. Still texts me way more than an ex should, even though her boyfriend moved in barely after the ink dried on the divorce papers. If you have initiated the divorce, you'll probably live rent free in her head because it will bother her that you are no longer interested…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:26 AM
1

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I will tell you this from my own experience. Rip the bandaid off, get through it and do everything you can to better yourself. Job, hobbies, investing etc. By the time year 2 hits, this will all be a bump in the road. You will be living your best life. Will it be perfect? No. You will probably have to fight like heck, maybe some depression, but you will make it. You have value to those around you and those you have yet to meet.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:19 AM
1

I cannot imagine this. My ex was bi polar and narcissistic and I'd have to be a glutton for punishment to go back to that. All the insults and hurtful comments, the sex less marriage etc. I realize maybe my situation is different but honestly Gentlemen (or ladies even), if you have someone that treats you horribly, why go back to it ever? I may not get married again, but I did find someone relation wiseafter that is nice, kind and it's wonderful just to have someone not cut you down on a daily b…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 05:10 AM
1

You got that right, my friend. My ex hide it well, and the moment we divorced, she turned absolutely horrid. Even my lawyers, as much as they had seen experience wise admited that it was hard to see anyone trying what she did against the father of her child. No kindness or compassion. I barely avoided bankruptcy and homeless, while she got the house, part of my 401k (even though I couldn't touch a damn penny of it to survive or lessen my predicament). It's better for me now, but only because of …
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 04:59 AM
4

Careful op.my ex raged for weeks after the divorce talk that she didn't need me or what little money I had. That she and my son would be completely fine without me. Next thing I know during the divorce proceeding she hired the top lawyer in the city for max child support, the house and half my 401k ( while she spent every penny she had and no 401k in 15 years together). Lawyer up and hang in there as best as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 01:46 AM
5

It just astounds me that there are plenty of women like this. My ex told me all the time that I was a good man, she loved me Yada Yada, but once the divorce proceedings hit because I could no longer handle her narcissistic, bi polar, entitled behavior towards me, she turned up the heat and was determined to bankrupt me any way she could. Unfortunately, the court system encourages this type of behavior, especially if kids are involved.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 06:20 AM
1

Happy Birthday. Sorry to hear about your situation. I was in the same boat. Constantly complaining about why didn't I do this etc. Yet, somehow she got a free pass. I can of one time I was at work, came home to the kitchen piled super high with trash and garbage bags to the ceiling. Her and the mil had been home all day making a mess, but they wanted until I got home to tell me I needed to take out the trash, even though the outside can was like 25 feet away.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 03:52 AM
1

I look at my own grandparents, they were married for 72 years. You could see that they really loved and cared for each other. Is it a generation thing? Perhaps. My ex wife refused to compromise on anything, and towards the end always said back stabbing insulting comments towards me. Counseling did nothing, as surprise surprise, she wasn't going budge one bit and felt like all the problems were me. The counselor told her bluntly that if she kept on that track, our marriage was over in 6 months. H…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 06:56 PM
3

We have indeed all been there. Do not beat yourself up over this. Showing emotion is not a weakness. It means you still care. Hang in there and definitely use the suggestions people have offered here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 05:02 PM
2

Stay in the home. For one, you could lose out on any equity between then. I know. It happened to me. I left in Oct and the house was appraised for divorce preceeding. It went up $25k in that time and because ex made 2 payments by herself, judge decided she was entitled to all the new equity and it literally cost me $25k. Stay until you are practically kicked out by the court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 01:14 AM
1

Sounds to me that you are a good and caring Dad. I feel like I walk a tightrope with my emotions, but I let my son know everytime I have him, that I love and care for him no matter what, while also keeping any comments I say to him regarding his mom/my ex neutral/non negative as possible. I know for a fact that she isn't doing the same. Children need to know they are loved, cared for and wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 07:34 AM
2

I just read in amazement how similar this was to my marriage. It pissed her off so much that I had some hobbies. Now, mind you, bills were being paid on time always by me, i was often working 50+ hour weeks. Yet she also had the gall to nitpick on me playing a video game for a few hours in the evening hours after she had gone to bed. I too also heard the " I shouldn't have to tell you" berating on a daily basis. Crickets though if the shoe was on the other foot.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 07:25 AM
1

Except in football you survive to play the next week. In Divorce, many men's lives are completely shattered, and financially ruined. Maybe not for the long term, but for a few years at least. If it's a game, I don't want to play anymore because I got shutout. I'll watch from the stands now when it comes to marriage game. I know a few previously married guys that feel the same, and just focus on themselves or casual date.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 07:17 AM
1

If one has kids, there isn't a final goodbye. You will still have to deal with her on a monthly basis. In my own experience, I guess the "goodbye" for me in the marriage status was when I was packing up my car to leave the house and move into my own apartment. It was kind of a weird situation, she was there, working at home, along with her mom, who was watching our son. Neither of them helped, nor said goodbye. I hugged and kissed my little boy, said a prayer for him and his safety knowing I cou…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 09:46 AM
1

I slowly started to delete/trash any pics of her, keeping only ones that have either me, my beloved late pug, or our son in them. I did throw out any and all cards, letters from her over the years. I also let her keep all the wedding photos and picture book. Sure, there were some nice moments, but the last two years of the marriage were so horrible for me that I chose to be really selective of what I wanted to hold on to.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 09:34 AM
2

You are comparing her to the woman she was either was, or the one you want her to still be. Unfortunately, neither exist. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Get some good counseling, go easy if any on the alcohol at this time because really it just creates more problems or fret over the past. It's okay to smile over good memories, most ended marriages have a few of them. Think of them,with the realization that you must move on. That chapter is over, time for a new one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 06:08 PM
2

Yep, I look back and every single time ex wife did not get her way, she cried about it. It's a tactic. You know the one and only moment she didn't resort to crying? It's when I told her we were done and wanted a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 06:02 PM
3

Your whole post resonated with me because everything you felt and did was my situation. I just wanted a happy home, peace and time with my son. I got none of it with her except daily insults, the bashing of what I didn't do, or if I did why it wasn't right. I stayed another 8 months or so because of my son, to see him daily. But she just piled on even more and I had enough and got out. I don't regret it, but I do miss seeing my son on a more regular basis.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 05:54 PM
3

Unfortunately at least where I live, she can apply to the courts for an increase every 6 months. I noticed last time it was excessive too. I made an extra $4 a hour and they wanted to double my child support. Funny how her income goes up and there's no rush to lower and modify it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 02:32 AM
1

I've had two lawyers tell me that really both parties could mutually agree to work things out on their own without court costs/lawyers etc. Unfortunately, this is not really encouraged by lawyers as they wanna make their $300 a hour and there is zero incentive for a mother to play nice if she wants her pound of fresh. If both parties are willing and agree on access of children, doors could be opened without both spending loads on lawyers until the children are older. Disclaimer, not a lawyer, di…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 02:18 AM
3

Sexless relationship. Yeah, I won't go through that again. However, the spigot of intamcy can be turned off at any time by the woman, so be aware. Also, will never date or have a relationship with a bi polar woman. Medicated or not. Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I certainly wish those going through that continue to work and improve. It's just too much of a deal breaker for me in a relationship. Went through that in marriage and completely ignored all the warning signs during dating that it was…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 01:13 AM
2

Probably a hard battle uphill. He unfortunately has a track record off not caring and making an effort for the past decade. Paying child support doesn't count either as helpful interaction with the kids. Many good and tentative fathers have fought a similar battle usually at the exact time of divorce, beg and plead, racking up 10s of thousands of dollars to have their kids halftime and still lose the chance because some court decided otherwise. We unfortunately live in a 50s mentality that unles…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 01:07 AM
2

One thing no one realizes is it's not just child support, but they make sure to get you for half of daycare costs too, which will easily set you back another 500+ or more. I'm definitely someone that believes in taking care of your kids, but still it's an expense that some men overlook when budgeting.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 12:45 AM
1

In my case,the day I left the house suddenly her lawyer went to judge and basically put a stop on any selling of house, and then I lost out in 20k of house equity on the equaling of assets because they said she was entitled to it because she made a whopping two payments on the house during the divorce process after I left. Although, I probably would not have been able to handle living in the house during divorce. It was physically and mentally killing me as is. If you can handle it, stay in that…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 11:54 PM
1

When something traumatic like divorce happens, it is so hard to see the big picture. When I divorced, it was like my ex left but the king of bad luck moved in with me in my new small apartment. My dog passed, I lost 2 jobs within a 6 month time frame. The added burden of my/her lawyers hounding me for payment, and the ex still trying to control me from afar (bipolar, narcissistic). Now almost two years in, those rough waters have calmed down a bit. It is the utmost importance to take care of you…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 10:46 AM
2

My friend, my son says the same at 3 years old. It's crushing to my soul. It's so upseting to me when he states he wants to be with his daddy when I drop him off. He doesn't understand.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 03:16 AM
13

I grieve over a year later not so much the loss of marriage but for the fact that my young son has to deal with a fractured world. I couldn't prevent that and it hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 02:29 AM
4

Very true. If the man is the saver and investor, while the wife spends every penny, she will be rewarded and the guy punished because of the courts wanting things to be "equitable".
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 05:57 PM
1

Men are starting to realize that the courts treat a failed marriage as a business transaction. If you have children, you are gonna get screwed as it's heavily favored towards women.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 11:43 PM
3

Much time, energy, and money was spent by me for ex. And then on dates after the divorce Not a good return on investment in either case. I'm finding myself a little more content doing my thing, hobbies, investments right now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 05:08 AM
1

She's cheating on you. Lawyer up.and get this over with. If no kids, then it should end fairly quickly. I'm so sorry it happened to you. I'm an older divorced guy, not looking to get married anymore. Too jaded to think it's beneficial for me.. and surprisingly, I'm OK with that.. You still are young enough to find someone that truly cares for you, but exercise extreme caution.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 10:31 PM
1

After my ex became pregnant, that really was the beginning of the end for my marriage. She became really mean, insult me on a daily basis etc. Just really cruel stuff. What you have to learn is her behavior is not acceptable for you and your child, and you need to follow through on your actions. She will not change. The evidence will help but focus on getting out of that unhealthy environment and trying to protect your child. Get some counseling too so you can heal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 05:13 PM
1

It's a business transaction now. She is not your friend. Lawyer up and file first if you can. Do not move out. I learned the hard way it goes against you., and you could lose out on equity earned on the house.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 02:07 AM
4

I learned very quickly that the court does not care about the well being of a male, only the female with a child. Here in my state, I was told they wouldn't take more than poverty level for daycare, medical and child support, but they do not take in consideration of your rent, utilities, credit card payments or other debts. I guess they assume you live for free. I'm not really sure what child support covers since I still am required to pay half of all medical/dental/vision/daycare. I don't have …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 11:43 PM
1

No I didn't, but the ex wife made out like scrooge mcduck from it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 12:58 AM
1

The guy is probably just a bit nervous. Let's face it, after a long marriage that ended pretty bad for most of us, we are all off our game a bit. Plus, there are plenty of women out there who are flirty nice, but do that with everyone so it's natural to be a bit cautious. Since she seems up for it, as mentioned, going the next step in naming a place seems fine. Hope they both have a great time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 12:56 AM
2

You are human, you had a bad night, don't let it define improving yourself. Find other ways to enjoy the idle time so you don't fall back into that previous rut.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 12:51 AM
2

The money is so skewed here that it's worth it to get a lawyer and and also have her pay his lawyer fees. He would be really foolish not to get representation and see what he gets. Not to soak her, but to equalize it. If the roles were reversed, he'd have to pay too.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 08:57 PM
2

Let her "miss" you. You are better off without her. You are correct, she made her bed, let her lie in it. Alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 09:59 PM
2

I went out and got a few of those Tupperware meal containers that you can freeze an entree and side. Make up a batch of food one weekend of a couple different things and then you have some meals to just pop in microwave after work etc. Cuts down on waste, saves time and money
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 09:52 PM
1

One could also add is avoid bi-polar/narcissistic women at all costs.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 09:45 PM
3

This is kind of a worrisome issue. It's not unreasonable for you to.spemd alone time with your kids, just as she probably has and will. It doesn't mean you think any less. To.me, it shows your dedication as a family man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 11:33 PM
3

You are missing a woman that no longer exists. My ex was kind and loving at one point too. That's how we get fooled into marrying them. Then I saw how cruel and brutal she really was during divorce, trying to soak me for every penny I had, did not care if I was bankrupt and penniless. She treated me so horribly during the last year of marriage, insults and pure hatred. I started to make a list of all the crappy things she did and said to me in case down the road I ever wavered after divorce. It …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 12:29 AM
2

100 true. All of us thought our ex's before marriage were awesome, loving, kind women. Divorce changes things though and that's why forums like this one are created. To show others that it goes south, it goes quick and men take the brutal blunt of it. Marriage is a profit maker for women, with little to no benefit for men.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 12:22 AM
1

I'll be blunt here. In the back of your head, you at one time must have thought your ex was the best thing ever too. But things change over time obviously. It also changes once you get married. All of us know things are great and fun when dating, the sex is constant etc. Then you get married and that goes away. Not all obviously, but too many guys to count have horror stories that really make me re-consider if I ever want marriage again. Not just the sex, but realizing that when things go south,…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 12:15 AM
5

I started to read before my divorce how hard it was for us men. Something like 3600 males who divorce kill themselves. Thought it was crazy. Then I myself was put through the meat grinder with a narcissistic bi polar ex who got a hot shot lawyer and tried to take every penny I had, while limiting access to my son 4 days a month. She ended up getting everything while my style of living decreased dramatically. It pains me that I cannot see my 3 year old son. Worse that I know it affects him greatl…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 12:05 AM
1

This sounds like a terrible idea. Live in the same house but give her $1700 a month. Remember, she will have no incentive to play nice here, because they never do. I think she's already playing hard ball bringing up the alimony thing even though your incomes are similar. Put the house up for sale. The court will decide the rest. Be prepared for her to try and soak you for everything you got.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 07:40 PM
6

After my divorce, I've really soured against any more marriage. I used to be afraid of living life alone before marriage but now I see in many ways its not a bad thing. A man can still have male and female friendships at his convenience without nagging of whom he was with or out late. I'm sure there are some wonderful women but always in my mind I wonder if she will change, be narcissistic, entitled etc. And I'd rather be on my own and have buddies, hobbies than get into more chaos all over agai…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 03:40 PM
1

Leave. She is trying to goad you into staying. If she really wanted things to work, she wouldn't be chatting up the ex and sending nudes to other dudes. I realize alot of emotion is all is this. If you stay, you will be in for a total nightmare with her. She doesn't respect you, just what you can do for her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 09:05 AM
2

All great advice. I found the same helpful. See your kids when you can, be engaged. Do not talk badly of your ex to your kids, no matter what bad crap went on. Kids will figure it out, and it will make you look bad, bitter. She still is their mom. Take the high road on that. Exercise, keep yourself sharp. Yeah, you are still young to find and date other women. Feel free to do so. Watch experiences with that, and red flags of those just wanting a free meal. You might get lucky with a nice woman w…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 08:57 AM
2

Forgiveness is for you really, not her. It is so you can heal and move on to your successful path. It does not mean you get back together, or be friends now. She needs to know that although you have Forgiveness, what she did has ended the chapter between you two, forever. She made that choice and she will always live with it. For you, it's important to find healing for yourself, and forgiving her (whether verbally said or just in your own heart) starts that process and helps you not to be bitter…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 08:45 AM
2

My ex had this grandiose idea that somehow me and my partner and her and hers could somehow be one big happy family with pizza parties, walks in the park etc. Except I want none of that. She has her life and I have mine. Other than the well-being of my son, I want as little to do with her as possible. Not to mention the fact that she is very controlling and manipulative. So yeah, I have radio silence with her and only text when needed so I can control the conversation, not her. Still, unfortunat…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:07 AM
2

I understand. I imagine you probably did everything you could to keep things together. If you can get counseling, that helps to work through the issues to help move on. Realize it's not your fault, that you did your best, and that you still have much to be grateful for. It hurts like hell especially if children are involved, but I'm healing every day. Best of luck in your journey, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 11:23 PM
5

I am thankful that I had my son, and my dog during our time. None of which would have happened if I had not meet her. Sure there were some good times, but alot of that was also replaced with fighting often and horrible things she said to me at the end. While I wish it was different, this was how it was. So I recommend to move on as best as you can, don't dwell too much on the past, and make good choices. You deserve a good life and perhaps down the road you'll find someone who will appreciate yo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 11:02 PM
1

She can change on a dime. At any time. There doesn't need to be any red flags. Don't get married, and don't cohabitate with her either. Unfortunately, thanks to the courts, she will get rewarded with half your money/assets and children just because she changed her mind about you. My ex actually profited and got a upgrade from our divorce while my life was substantially downgraded. That isn't right, but the courts do not care what happens to the man or if he becomes homeless or bankrupt.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 02:54 PM
1

I'm so sorry this happened. Not surprised at her behavior. My birthday was 3 weeks after I left the house and she didn't even bother to say anything even though we had been together for 15 years. OK then, when her birthday came around 3 months later, I ignored it too. It was just hard to think that after being with someone so long that they would just casually forget that at one point you might have liked each other. If you have children, things will probably get a bit tougher for you going forw…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 02:41 PM
2

I hate this so much. There is zero incentive in the courts for women to behave which is why they get away with bad behavior. If crap like this was shot down with fines, jail time etc, it would stop immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 02:20 PM
4

You are only 22? You have lived a life of someone 3 times that. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm twice your age, but I will tell you, life is worth living again. Find your purpose, it's there. You do not need to stare down the barrel of a gun. You don't see the big picture right now, but you don't yet know all the good You can accomplish. Hang in there. Get counseling if needed, take it day by day. It will get better. I went through a divorce, lost my first born, 2 jobs, and access to my son, but…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 11:26 AM
3

You are angry and understandable at this point. But you must keep a cool head. Take pics of said diary and get yourself a lawyer. Yes, she is a cold hearted witch and it is over and you need to protect your interests at this point. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. Once things go south, it's almost always men who suffer the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 10:28 AM
3

You are absolutely right.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 11:10 PM
4

I will never do it again. Date? Fine. But I'm not cohabitating, either. Plus stats show that 70 percent of 2nd marriages end in divorce. The first one nearly wrecked me. So big no.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 11:09 PM
14

I naively believe we were going to split everything 50/50 and be cordial in the whole matter. Found out when she went and hired a high profile lawyer, she was out for blood and after everything she could get and didn't care what position I was left in. After the dust settled, I was running in the red about $600 a month. I made some major financial adjustments to prevent having to file bankruptcy, but it's still a tough go because she tries to extract more money at every opportunity. All this aft…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 03:56 AM
2

Your story is very similar to many of us. My ex was the same way. She wanted to be a mom, no interest in being a wife. She Became downright mean, insulting and no compromise whatsoever. I tried everything I could on my part, nothing worked. It's been almost a year since the divorce and I feel like I'm still struggling trying to thrive, not just survive. It baffles me how someone that is your partner can treat you so cruelly. She's done much better and even has a new man in the house I left, whil…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 02:18 AM
2

Hey, like you said, you did the best the could with the info you had at the time. As they say hindsight is always 2020. Go forward with the next step and live your life on your terms, my friend. Best of luck in your journey.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 04:27 AM
3

I have some regrets with her. I regret marrying her, I request not asking for a divorce sooner instead of waiting hoping things were going to get better. (They didnt). But don't regret telling her I wanted Divorce, especially knowing I gave my all and she didn't care. I was a meal ticket, a maid.Plus she was bi polar, narcissistic abusive mentally, emotionally, etc. I finally got to the point of asking myself could I deal with all take no give mentally she had for the next 25 years. Nope. I told…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 01:58 AM
4

Not a lawyer here, but it seems to me that if you have 40%of the custody, and paying nearly half of the child expenses that the child support shouldn't be very much in this case. Unfortunately, the courts really don't care much on how or what she spends her money on. In my case, I was the saver, she was the spender and of course, she had nothing in retirement account, while I had a fair amount built up over 10 years worth of saving. Because of that, she got the house because it looked like was l…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 02:32 PM
2

Stick to your guns. I did so, because I was miserable and she was abusive and controlling. We have a young son together and she is always using him as a pawn, even after the divorce. It may be hard at first since your life was so intertwined with hers. (Mine was 15 years, married 9). It was hard financially, still is a year out now, but I'm better in many ways. Work on improving yourself. Skills, hobbies, work. Join forums or local groups where you can interact, make friends. Do look into therap…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 10:35 PM
11

Sounds like she used you to get what she wants. I'm sorry that happened to you. Definitely next steps would be to speak with an attorney. As another has said, take care of yourself during this time. Exercise, work on skills and hobbies, focus on your mental health. It will be a tough challenge and you'll probably mourn over the loss of your relationship, which is normal. Hang in there, there is light at end of tunnel.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/22 02:04 AM
4

Everything that has been said here is correct. Now and then you might have a dad who gets a winning case because they had money, a good judge and/or lawyer. It's never about the best interests of the child. Most of the time it's a complete money grab for both lawyers when the outcome is pretty much a given anyways. Hope for better, but prepare that every other weekend and 1 evening.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 11:42 PM
3

Look, kids are smart. Spend time with them, engage with them and what they are interested in. They love their daddy. Love them back regardless of what she says. They will figure it out on their own.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 07:13 AM
1

It never feels like enough, but when you go from daily contact to weekly, a big part of me feels like I'm still missing out on much. Only thing I can do is be engaged and quality time when I have him and make good memories.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 02:28 PM
5

No thankfully, but I had to find the smallest apartment and nearly bankrupt, meanwhile she got the house, remodeled it, bought and paid for brand new car and became debt free for the first time in her life. The courts don't care one bit what happens to the guy or his living situation
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 07:34 AM
1

It all comes down to the judge in the end. However, some lawyers fight harder than others. If you think you can find a better one, do it. Especially if you are a parent and want your children
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 07:22 AM
2

Completely understand,my friend. But even at 50, your life and even dating life and chance at happiness is not over by a long shot. I'm 44 and really in many ways, it's a blank slate. Focus on you, and do some of the things that make you content, travel, hobbies, exercise etc. You will find that opportunities create themselves. Best of luck to you. Your next chapter is beginning, and spoiler alert, it may be rough sure for a bit, but it's your best one yet!
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 05:49 AM
2

I'm sorry that you and your daughter are hurting in this tragic situation. My son was too young to understand when I told the wife I wanted a divorce, but she didn't shed one tear either or attempt to change mind or change things. Her response was " you'll never find a better woman then me, I am an excellent wife." If she was, I wouldn't have been asking. Life hasn't been easy, but much happier.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 01:40 AM
17

Bi-polar. Medicated or not. Perhaps they are indeed nice, good person. But no, just no. Not for me anymore
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 12:32 PM
2

Hear hear! Music to my ears!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 05:38 AM
4

Run fast my friend. You deserve better, either alone or with another woman that cares about you. You can still be a great parent on your own. I did this myself so I know (only I had one woman that didn't give a crsp about me). Take care of yourself and love your kids. The road is long, but it will get better with time. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:33 AM
8

Looking back, I saw plenty of red flags. Marriage is different now than 50 years old. Our parents/grandparents. Heck, my grandparents were married 73 years. I ended up married for nine, she just was just so darn entitled. Maybe I married wrong, but I wont marry again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:27 AM
12

Bingo. I heard all the time from ex about how strong and independent she was and how she didnt need me for anything. Yet the moment she lawyered up the first thing she went after was as much of my paycheck she could get. I will never get married again ever. There is a reason for the decline of marriage. Men are realizing it's too much of a money maker for women when things fall apart and men get the shaft.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:23 AM
2

So sorry to hear that? Is she affecting your children negatively with all that?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:19 AM
10

This is unfortunately true for me. She was loving, nice and made me think we had a great future together. In divorce, I found out how heartless she was. Despite being the father of her child, she tried to soak me for every penny she could get. It is what it is obviously, but I saw her true colors and how fooled I was. Didnt know that someone you spent 15 years with could be so uncaring. Gentlemen beware, once it goes south, she doesnt care one bit about what you did for her or your present situa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 05:18 AM
3

Exactly. The person you think she is, and who she really is are two separate ideas, and only the latter is reality.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 12:06 AM
3

I think about that alot, the fact the what was supposed to be a whole family with shared memories will now never be. A fractured reality. It feels weird and very sad to me so I try not to dwell down that road. All we can do is be the best father you can be and make your own memories with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 12:01 AM
2

Keep Grinding as best as you can, but have some feelers out. I was such a wreck during and after my divorce, and I ended up losing my job during this tough time as well. But you know what, within weeks I found an even better job, paid off my debt and found a new lease on life. Hang in there friend. You are dealing with the middle of the storm, but it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 04:41 PM
2

One of the issues with this, especially if there are children involved is that the courts will not only support but encourage this behavior. A divorce, given her unwillingness to find more suitable work, could mean alimony and at least half of your assets even though she did nothing to pull her full share of the effort. I cant imagine how frustrating it must be, given there are no kids involved and she has an accounting degree, but would rather you do all the heavy lifting.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 08:47 PM
2

Roflol. Dang, I loved reading that from beginning to end. I hope the "struggle" will continue for you, friend, as well as for us all.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 10:03 PM
2

I can think of little things similar to that salad spinner. Nothing super big, but just enough of little petty crap that she would make a huge deal out of for hours, like a plate that didnt get washed to her satisfaction.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 10:01 PM
2

Do you think you could give some basic details on that in order to give us guys some hope that not every woman walks off with a payday while guy ends up in the poor house? Would love to hear the back story on that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:58 PM
1

Probably anything you are paying now wont count for anything. In fact, prepare for possible higher payments of higher child/alimony support if you just happen to be a male and make income. I had temporary payments too, but in the end they went up 50% once everything was settled. Hopefully yours is different.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:53 PM
2

Get out if the marriage is not fixable. I too debated for a long time as I had a very young son less than a year old at the time. Ex was verbally/mentally abusive, counseling failed because she thought she was perfect etc. Decided I could be a better father and person away from her so i made that choice. It's not easy, you'll struggle but with each day it gets better and plenty on here have great advice on improving yourself. Focus on yourself and your precious kids and you wont go wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:49 PM
1

I dont hate women at all. I've come to realize there are some really nice and kind women out there. I just dont seem to have the knack for picking them out. Lol. I'm not opposed to to fun, healthy relationship, but I have to admit I have zero desire on ever getting married again. No cohabitation either.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:43 PM
2

" You'll never find a better woman than me. I was a great wife to you".
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:40 PM
2

Awesome post. Agree with everything, especially finding a hobby. One of the things I started was getting into the world of investing, small at first, solid companies etc. Helped with managing my money, building my future and further avoiding spending away on junk, alcohol too much. As for the op, I believe that your ex can be required in a divorce degree/parenting plan to allow you access to your children on a regular basis, even if only through phone calls, video time. If not, that could be con…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:35 PM
2

It was a waste of time and money. All it turned into for me was a rehashing of all my faults and wrongs from my ex wife while her refusing to admit any wrongdoing and not willing to work on changing any of her habits. I knew after that last session that our marriage was done. Now, as they always say, results may vary. If a couple is willing to go in and do the work to make things right again, you may have a different and better result.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 07:24 PM
5

Valid question. After the divorce, I too was worried somewhat about doing outings and vacations. Here's the thing, it gets easier after time. Make sure they are feed, clothed and then just be their Dad and have fun with them. I have a 2 yr old so it's a little more difficult, but these are the opportunities for good memories.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 09:31 PM
1

There is nothing beneficial for a man to get married. Period. Divorce only benefits the woman. My ex profited from the divorce getting the house, refinancing it to remodel it, and buying and paying for a brand new car. She also became debt free for the first time in her life as I was saddled with all the credit card debt. I moved into a small apartment and was forced to take on a 2nd job to help pay for child support, daycare etc. And surprise, surprise, just a few months after the divorce was f…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 03:08 AM
8

As a male, you learn pretty quick that the courts and their calculators do not care one bit about the man's situation after a divorce. Now, I'm all for supporting your child and all, but it seems to be all set up for the ex to make bank. You get a nice raise or bonus years after the divorce or she's living with another guy? Too bad, your payments are going up. I had to get a 2nd job after my divorce to pay for all the child support, daycare etc. There really needs to be reform on this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 02:45 AM
4

Be civil. He probably has no idea what he is getting into. Lol.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 04:48 AM
2

Exactly. My marriage fell apart as soon as she got pregnant with our son. I was overjoyed at being a father, but became alarmed and dismayed at her lack of interest in me and our marriage. Her response was that " she was a mother now" as though she could no longer be both wife and mom. Counseling didnt help because she didnt want to work on marriage and 18 months after son was born, marriage was over. Sad to see that it happens over and over to many out there.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:43 PM
2

100%. Your comment made my day. Thank you, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:26 PM
3

Wicked Woman maybe? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:24 PM
5

I've been there myself. Ex wife got everything she wanted from the divorce. She became debt free, bought and paid for brand new car, while I moved into an apartment where a roach or two has been the occasional roommate. Lol it's been difficult though the past year because I've been trying to see my son more often and fighting her on that. It's been heartbreaking for me and really am just trying to move on. I hope you are able to find some peace and happiness, especially when it comes to your chi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:22 PM
1

Pretty much in same boat, son same age, ex always wants to fight and argue about some petty stuff. I learned you'll miss out of some things, but make your own memories with your son, without her. You're probably his world right now anyways right now. It's better he doesnt see the fights and arguing, and alot less drama.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 05:45 AM
3

If you are unhappy and cannot imagine a future together with kids etc, then go on your own, enjoy your family and then consider your options
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 08:12 AM
2

You can always make money. However, at 5 you are still your son's whole world. Many men have been in the same boat. I too am upset and angered over being financially pillaged just because she could do so in a court system that pretty much lets it happen and encourages it. It sucks, but at the end of the day, move on as best as you can and make those memories with your boy. It is so worth it, and he will look back with great joy when he is much older.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 04:56 AM
2

Agree with this. Chances are she will find something else to annoy you with, and it's not worth the stress and additional funds. Let your kids just know they are loved by you, and focus on them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:26 PM
1

I learned pretty quick that unfortunately things against ex in just protecting yourself or your child well being seemed to have little teeth to them or no enforcement. Sad and makes me angry when ex's do not wish to actually behave and be decent.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 08:23 PM
2

Yeah, I learned real quick the court does not care one bit about the man's situation to be able to live and enjoy life after the divorce, only that the women's quality of life is to be maintained after the divorce. It's not right at all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 10:46 AM
1

My ex actually profited from the divorce and came out of it better than ever while I suffered a downgrade in quality of life for a bit. Until reform is done to where divorce is not a winning lottery ticket for women to screw over a man when things go south, it will be the same for many guys I fear.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 10:43 AM
1

I agree the financial statements suck because the courts really didnt care whether I could survive or not, it was just figure out how much she should get. Also, also, any violations I did in the decree would have serious consequences for me, jail time for missed child support etc, but anything she did wrong was just no harm no foul etc so she uses it to her advantage often.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 10:34 AM
1

There really needs to be some sort of reform for men in divorce court because often times they are viewed as villains and a source of income. Little consideration is given to whether they can survive and live after the settlements have been handed down.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 10:26 AM
1

Thank you for your service, friend. Having spent my first Christmas and birthdat alone too last year, I know how you must feel. I too pondered those thoughts of being alone, dying alone for a bit. However, I started to realize just how much freedom I had getting out of a bad marriage. You have a fresh start, and you can make it what you want. I started to meet new people and create new interests and hobbies. Focus on what you do have and go from there. Best of luck to your new start.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 10:17 AM
1

It really depends on what your marriage was like. For me, I no longer had to worry about someone insulting me, telling me daily what I did wrong. I could do what I wanted to do. Being alone for me was and is much better than dealing with the chaos and stress. Finding hobbies to keep me occupied and meeting new people helped keep me connected to others despite being by myself. Would not go back to what was.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 10:08 AM
1

A bad lawyer is even more worse than no lawyer. Pony up and get a good one who will fight for you and actually advice you. I had a bad divorce lawyer who didnt advise or call back,provide updates and it really cost me big in both time, energy, money and position. Impossible to undo the damage.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 10:30 AM
2

Funny how they all say they are strong and independent women until they hire a lawyer and try to take every penny they can. Marriage is a business transaction that once it goes sour, almost always benefits the woman. Even after the divorce, they can still go after you for increased money for additional child support, without any regard for what a man needs to live on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 10:23 AM
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