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Particular_Oil3314 Archive

View 3 posts and 276 comments by Particular_Oil3314 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

Yes, they did claim they were the cook. For my age, there was some beneveolent sexism about it that I see now is utter nonsense. In reality, about 50% of people can cook a meal properly from scratch and for the under fifties, I do not think there is much of a sex divide in that. There was certainly a taboo, which is why even when I was the cook, my GFs would say I could not cook at all. It was not universal, I was in the USA and cooked a spread for guests of my then GF and let her take the credi…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 01:36 AM
–

I really would appreciate it if you would read the OP
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:54 AM
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I am nudging fifty and, when we host, I have done the Christmas prep. Apparently that is freakishly unusual on Reddit but I cannot say it has ever been strange IRL. I think we were the first generation of men where Mother-in-laws were generally on our side. And I think this was becase they heard that women still did everything but saw their son-in-laws cooking, cleaning etc and thought this was unusual when it was in fact not. As I said, I think the issue is partially what people do but not just…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:51 AM
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Alright, so barely any men know how to cook and we are living in the Flintstones! :D
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:38 AM
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You really are welcome to stop. I had a question, you are denying its validity or just do not undertand. OK. Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:32 AM
–

Perhas so? What is your first language? There seems to be pressure on women on here to identify women as martyrs in a very old fashioned way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:26 AM
–

I would say from my own experience, in the UK, I was a slob, filthy, lazy man who could not be trusted to boild an egg. In Scandinavia, I am hardworking, clean, tidy and a good cook. It seems a fairly common epxerience and it is not me changing, nor my experience alone. Of course if the perception is rooted in reality then changing the reality will alter the perception or the reporting. But there seems to be a pressure to justify wanting greater sexual equality (which has a long way to go) with …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:24 AM
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Fair enough. Where was this? Again, I can see that children are still primarily seen as the woman's job. Because, there is reality there to back it up. The idea that the average man comes home about the same time as his wife, then puts his feet up and it praised for perhaps helping put the dishes in the dishwasher after his wife has cooking the meal is clearly fanciful. I live in one of the most (if not this more) feminist regions on the globe and that really is a very low bar. There are plenty …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:01 AM
–

I was not having a go at women not knowing how to iron. There is no reason why they should, as I wrote before. I am suggesting that there has to be some reason why in a society that still has so much sexual inequality, there is still the eed to pretend that domestic labour is divided like it is 1973.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:57 PM
–

I would say from my own experience, in the UK, I was a slob, filthy, lazy man who could not be trusted to boild an egg. In Scandinavia, I am hardworking, clean, tidy and a good cook. It seems a fairly common epxerience and it is not me changing, nor my experience alone. Of course if the perception is rooted in reality then changing the reality will alter the perception or the reporting. But there seems to be a pressure to justify wanting greater sexual equality (which has a long way to go) with …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:47 PM
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There is a reason though. I live in a very feminist region of the world, and this stuff does not happen as much. Whereas I have been the man who cooked, but the woman would pretend she did in some places, I come to this relatively feminst place and women are far more happy to acknowledge is. I was the typical, filthy, useless an who could not cook in the UK and a very house trained, efficient, and good cook in Scandinavia. I suspect there is an insecure need for some people to justify themselves…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:37 PM
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Of course men can read labels. Neither laundry not ironing is actually challenging in the modern age. I mean, why pretend otherwise?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:33 PM
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I am sorry. I should not have written that. I was getting tetchy at other replies and was rude. Sorry. I have been divorced too and it was horribly painful. And she is far better off without me. I am sure she would say I struggled to cope with things not going easily as I was used to and having the maturity for marriage, that she tried to offer all the emotional support and practical support but helping me while trying to manage everyting was too much in the end. I would say I worked very long h…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:31 PM
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What I asked (and have not had a good faith response for) is why the need to proclaim this huge imbalance on Reddit. The idea that the bulk of men would feel comfortable opening up to their wives in the same way their wvies would to them is clearly fanciful. I hope we get to that feminist utopia but we are far from it. I have briefly lived in a French speaking part fo the world when it really was like Reddit claimed was normal. I dazzled a woman on a second date by quickly making a meal, cleanin…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:45 PM
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I do not believe you. I have heard women claim to do it all, in one case one I shared a house with years later found out to her shock that bathrooms needed to be cleaned. It is normalised on Reddit. It might also be in your age group or culture. THere are gender divides in work, but dishwashing is like putting rubbish out, toilet cleaning or getting hair from the drain - more with the men. Again, I am nudging 50 and in Norther Europe. It might be my experience is different.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:41 PM
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That is not in good faith.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:37 PM
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Yet only affects people who disagree with you apparently. Sorry my lived reality does not match your prejudices :D
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:37 PM
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Obviously, yes, as I know them. To take it another way, amongst men and women of your generation, what proportion would know how to cook a meal from scratch?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:31 PM
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I would acknowledge that this does happen with kids. I certainly would not acknowledge that particularly more women are able to cook from scratch with the under 60s, that is a basic life skill. In Reddit world, women claim to do the ironing and I am not sure many women my age would know how to use one (women not having to wear shirts).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:30 PM
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I am sure that happens and certainly did in older generations. My boomer parents are still like Reddit world portrays (though my Dad certainly changed nappies, did the washing up etc). I have seen life like that in the French speaking world. But I am well into middle age and I have not encountered this in real life, certainly not in teh English speaking world. I would also say I have GFs who would say they did the bulk of the housework, but more in an amotional sense (I took the reponsibility fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:27 PM
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Yes. I also have a kitchen and have had serious relationships. Usually, I did the cooking which was acknowledged or not depending on the culture. It might be a thing in your part of the world certainly. Are you from India or USA?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:20 PM
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I see. To make it easier, the direct experiences women report and the direct experience men report seem out of sync. Again, were women to be impressed at a man who held down a job, did housework and was emotional support, the world would be very different. Thankfully, I have rarely known these things to be not completely taken for granted. There seems to be a need to pretend they rarely happen despite real life and I am not sure who benefits from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:18 PM
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I see. To make it easier, the direct experiences women report and the direct experience men report seem out of sync. Again, were women to be impressed at a man who held down a job, did housework and was emotional support, the world would be very different. Thankfully, I have rarely known these things to be not completely taken for granted. There seems to be a need to pretend they rarely happen despite real life and I am not sure who benefits from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:18 PM
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-A man will be praised for “babysitting” his own kids. Really? Perhaps that is some parts of the USA and bits of Europe thing. It is not something I encounter IRL
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:15 PM
10

Yes. I mean, I ordered a coffee today from a woman. I was just using her to get m coffee but she knew that. I also gave a man direction, so he was technically just using me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 06:57 PM
6

I am flaired blue, but I do not think men go through life with caring atractive women gushing to love and care for them because they have a job, are respectful, do housework, offer emotional support and lift life's burdens.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 06:09 AM
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Obviously, and work full time. I am not abusive. I do the basics of work, housework, emotional support etc that are a given.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 06:29 PM
1

"A trivial example of what you write is that UK women and Danish women will both agree that men in their nations would never give up a seat for a lady." And you think women from the UK agreeing that men in their nations would never give up a seat for a lady refutes that in someway?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 09:59 AM
1

"A trivial example of what you write is that UK women and Danish women will both agree that men in their nations would never give up a seat for a lady." And you think women from the UK agreeing that men in their nations would never give up a seat for a lady refutes that in someway?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 09:51 AM
-1

Here is the thing. Everytime you try to explain to a man why his direct experience does not immediately match what feminism say is going on beneath the surface, someone will pop up and tell him his experience is wrong. If I were to rely on Reddit feminism for my view of the world, I would have been told that as a hard working, not very well off, man who put his girlfriend first, worked full time, did the bulk of hte housework, and took the emotional burden that I would be conidered husband of th…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 09:34 AM
1

In the UK women and Danish women will both agree that men in their nations would never give up a seat for a lady. But UK women in Denmark are shocked by men stealing their seat and Danish women in the UK are charmed by UK men letting them have their seat. The difference is when they see the seat as "theirs", which is ingrained in them through sexist assumptions. The quirk here is that Denmark is the more feminist nation.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:57 AM
2

The issue is when do we consider it their seat. I would suggest a man running ahead of a man to get to a seat would be petty. Were he to do it to a woman, it would be seen as taking her seat. It is perhaps this sort of grey area. No woman in the UK nor Denmark would expect a man to give up his seat, but he should let her have her seat. It is the presumptions in those words that is important.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:54 AM
2

You have a few things right IMO and some wrong. FIrstly, there is no real barrier to calling yourself a feminist. If you want to call yourself a scientist, you had better have the PhD or the qualifications. If you want to call yourself a socialist or capitalist without derision you have better have some idea of those views. But, feminist? Short of saying "As a feminist, I think all women should be property to be abused" i can pretty much include all views. And the people with the biggest voice a…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:30 AM
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Mate, you are on drugs. Or you should be. Yes, my wife works and does housework. I now that is not as common as most women on Reddit pretend, so I am grateful.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 06:04 AM
2

The obvious question is if a woman has already mentally checked out of the relationship why continue to prolong the inevitable breakup? Why not just end things immediately? - In as much as there is a difference, men often feel empowered when they are helpless and women often feel helpless when they have power. It is likely that she is hoping he will solve the issue as she considers there is nothing that she can do but he should be able to resolve it easily. Related to the above. If a woman has c…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 07:02 AM
2

I am trying to talk down the red pill stuff. I am a happily married man. Men like pretty women, this is not controversial. High status can be as petty as being highly respected in the immediate group of people, or being massively rich. People have depth but they also have shallow reaches and we live in a hierarchical socity. It should not be like that and I do not think it is inevitable and natural, but it is the case and the more hierarchal and patriarchal society gets the more it matters.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 08:48 PM
2

The big headline is not really "Men are ridiculous" but "Americans more confidient that Brits". https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/35979-which-animals-could-britons-beat-fight An American woman is more likely to think she can beat up a wolf than an British man is. The British seem to underrate themselves against small animals and the Americans often overrate them selves against bears and wolves etc. And, yes, elephant. I am not even sure how I would get the elephant to realise that I was atta…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 08:37 AM
2

It is not as damning of male hubris as people make out. From this the average man thinks he has a 50% chance with a medium sized dog. If you are prepared to accept they will ruin your forearm, you then have a medium sized dog hanging off your arm that is about to die. Eagles are quite wimpy, only a few kilos. If you can grab it, it is game over for the eagle. There is an interesting part to the survery that barely any British men think they can beat up a bear or wolf, which a chunk of American m…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 08:00 AM
2

After chatting to a woman when a "pick up artist" was turned down by her, he approaced me for tips. And i entered into that world as a man who could be described as a feminist ally. It was eye opening. Much of their advice was good, there were rules of thumb that are good when you do not actually have any understanding. But there was a lack of appreciating the understanding. A silly example, but going up to a girl and saying "can I buy you a drink?" is a terrible start as you are trying to buy t…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 07:42 AM
9

Do you prefer women who look naturally beautiful or those that achieve the same with a lot of make up? - meanwhile, women are happy for a man to look rugged. Do women want a man with natural high status or one who struggles hard to acheive it?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 07:30 AM
5

I am not sure the OP is that wrong, but it is more to do perhaps with male and female ideals. Do men prefer women who look naturally beautiful or those that achieve the same with a lot of make up? - meanwhile, women are happy for a man to look rugged. Do women want a man with natural high status or one who struggles hard to acheive it? Men do not typically appreciate the efforts women go to with their appearence just like women will not appreciate efforts with status.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 07:30 AM
2

Yes. I broadly agree. I think men are less likely to see themselves as a helpless victim and think they should be able to resolve the situation. But few people see themselves as a baddie
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 06:02 PM
1

" Meanwhile the woman will undoubtedly rate herself as a 10, which naturally comes with the implication that she deserves a 10/10 man. Just watch any street interview to see this"
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 05:40 PM
2

I think people struggle to know themselves. I think some people (mainly men) are a bit deeper than they think they are and some people (mainly women) are more shallow than they think they are. FOr the first group, someone starts to look really pretty if they mesh and for the latter, person is far more interesting and wise of they are tall and rich/pretty and young.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 03:43 PM
0

Indeed not.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 05:22 AM
31

When I was young, I would hear the women talk about their relationships. They were expected to clean up and organise their useless men, who were babies when ill and constantly selfish. I thought I would be a great boyfriend. I cleaned up, organised us both, looked after us while we were both ill and put her first.... ...and I was complained for all the same things regardless. Had I not been in a relationship, I would not have realised that this is all talk. It is perfectly understandable women b…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 05:45 PM
1

There are double standards. If you marry a woman, she can reasonably expect these things. On the other hand, it is more normal for her to take your name.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 01:41 PM
3

I do not think it is a woman's job to provide you with validation nor help with lonliness in any circumstances.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 12:27 PM
3

Indeed. I do not think it is a woman's job to provide you with validation nor help with lonlisness in any circumstances.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 12:27 PM
2

Thank you! Ironically, I was starting to womder if people were misunderstanding on purpose :D
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 05:26 AM
1

Why are you bothering with a troll?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:38 PM
2

Thanks, that was the point of the OP. It is a term used often by people who consider themselves feminist but often reflects some very old-fashioned presumptions. That will happen to us all but we have to catch ourselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:28 PM
2

Thank you for the kind reply. The OP was more to reflect that there is a sexist undertone despite it being generally used by people who consider themselves feminist. Women are presumed to be selfless and incapable whereas men are selfish and secretly capable. We do not have to concern ourselves beyond that other than being aware of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:26 PM
2

I am calling this tendency out. That is not endorsing it. And, you you really not say there is more tendency for accuse men of weaponized incompetence? I am pretty sure I am more likely to have been yelled at for errors by women than vice versa obviously. I am saying there is a tendency to believe that women are being selfless but incapable whereas men are selfish and secretly more capable. And much of hte association with weaponized incompetence and men in paricular arises from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:15 PM
3

Do you genuinely believe that most women would find you special or better than their husbands?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:09 PM
2

I can see you are confused. I ddi try to make it clear. I am saying there is a tendency to believe that women are being selfless but incapable whereas men are selfish and secretly more capable. Can you see the standard sexism in those presumptions? Clearly, men should broadly be able to cook and clean to a similar level. Obviously.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:08 PM
1

That is not related. Do not waste our time anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:06 PM
1

I am not confusing it all. I am saying there is a tendency to believe that women are being selfless but incapable whereas men are selfish and secretly more capable. Can you see the standard sexism in those presumptions? Clearly, men should broadly be able to cook and clean to a similar level. Obviously.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:05 PM
2

It is funny to look back and it never occured to either of us (I suspect) that it was deliberate. I wonder how it would be seen now :D I write that not meaning to suggest I actually know, as I do not.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:58 PM
2

I admire my Dad but his DIY is comical!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:53 PM
1

I would say this is something that I as a man find irritiating in women also. It is also something that just seems natural to accept as the price for not doing it yourself. As a young man, I had women bring me things they struggled with only for me to also find it a struggle. They would find this annoying of me but would have found the idea that this reflected sexism to be silly (rather than me being annoying for not being able to do it). In hindsight, it seems clear ingrained sexism. To me anyw…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:45 PM
3

I am going on my limited experience! Might I guess, to bring it back, that men are quite happy to believe they are just far better at DIY and women suspecting their men are being deliberately bad at househld tasks? I have always considered the gender divide in DIY more that men who are scared of doing it feel more pressure to get over those fears out of a sense they should be able to do it. Which is sexism again reay.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:36 PM
1

No. It is generally done by the men. THe issue is there is tendency just for them to assume they happen to be better at it rather than women being deliberately being bad at it. We want to fall back to the sexist presumption of men being capable and selfish and women being less capable and selfless. WI allows this to makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:12 PM
1

I am writing from a western perspective. Clearly, men and women can broadly cook and clean capably in equal numbers roughly at least amongst the middle aged and younger (western Europe here). Me as a woman or a man can cook but might occasionally burn something. I suspect as a woman I would be seen as being incompetent on those occasions and WI as a man. It almost implies that men are inherently more capable.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:01 PM
2

You are a lucky man! We all make mistakes and are better at somethings than others.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:51 PM
2

Really? I am from the UK and nearly fifty and I would say few women ironed, their clothes do not need ironing typically whereas men my age wrose shirts.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:49 PM
1

Where in the world is that? To be honest, I would assume it is men who have to iron clothes more than women surely?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:41 PM
1

Which is the bizarre OTT case. I am writing from Norther Europe rather than Idia so please exceuse the different context.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:40 PM
0

Yes, the idea that women go "Ah didums! I will just do it instead" seems like utter nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:37 PM
2

Clearly not. Obviously. Does this woman ever make errors?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:36 PM
-1

That is a lot of words to not say much.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:35 PM
1

You surely make mistakes occasionally yourself? Is your wife typically understanding?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:35 PM
1

Where are you in the world?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:34 PM
1

Did you read the first line?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:34 PM
2

Thank you! You put it very well. I think the comments are a reflection of how people cannot consider these things.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:33 PM
0

That there is a greater presumotion that mens' imcompetence is weaponised. FFS, read.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:17 PM
0

Yes. Obviously, Captin Obvious. See the first sentance. The question is how we interpret the same behaviour, is there a presumption of ineptitude in women that manes they are less likely to be accused of it, i.e. benevolent sexism.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 07:15 PM
-6

Yes. I am very skeptical too. Yet women being rubbish at something it just being accepted in a way it is not they other way round. That seems sexist to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 03:07 PM
2

Clearly that is terrible behaviour. We can all agree on that very obviously. But in that example, him doing something can resolve the situation. That is hardly an example of nagging.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 08:35 PM
3

If magging can be addressed by doing the thing in question, then it is not nagging. It is reminding, pishing etc. The point of nagging is it is not realated to reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 08:04 PM
2

Yes. Where this is not clear to men is having this message without the personality to match it will come out as constant assertion that you are walked over regardless. To men, it will see like a victim mentality.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/25 05:41 AM
6

Toxic masculinity is often thinking everything is your responsibility and that iit is all within you power to force your way through it unflinchingly without accepting the imposssibility or pain. I would suggest the opposite would be failing to accept that you can affect a change and accepting the impossibility and pain instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 07:34 PM
3

You get the same the other way suggesting that less pretty women are somehow better partners. It is all nonsense. It is more likely that the wealthy 6'2", handsome charming man is single by choice and his counterpart is not though.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 06:37 PM
1

He was banking which has the problem is is surrounded by other bankers. You are far better off in Hicksville with 80K than Manhattan with 200K.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 07:16 AM
–

You understood "I am not sure you can speak for yourself that well. Most of us cannot" as "you are angelic"?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 08:36 PM
–

I am not sure you can speak for yourself that well. Most of us cannot, that is perhaps the point. It might not be that people are lying but they do not know themselves that well. Women on Reddit have no reason to lie but they are clearly not the angelic Wonder Women they see themselves as. That is not lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 07:51 PM
1

I think there are a three broad reasons... 1) Women who are like that but inhibited socially from acting out in that way. They feel pressured to be socialised so they see men behaving decently as cowards. To them, having guts means having the balls to be obnoxious and men who fail in this are gutless cowards. 2) We want to be understood. We cannot accept love from a person that does not know the real us. And if your esteem is low then you want someone who sees how disappinting you are. And by im…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 02:43 PM
3

I think there are couple of things here. The emphasis should be on good communication. That is to say, listening for what the person is feeling and also figuring out their motives for saying it (I actually thing lads are quite good at listening to the words). But most men do not know any better. They just got lucky with meeting someone eventually hence the useless "be yourself" advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 07:05 AM
1

Most do not exhibit their own stupidity on the internet but here you are.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 06:30 AM
2

Really, the negative here is your IQ. People are not that rational. If you are abused badly by everyone with ginger hair, you are going to start getting an aversion to anyone with ginger hair. Rationally, you should fight against this which is what she is doing. Well done on being able to type.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 06:29 AM
3

FFS, the whole point is she is realising they are not good reasons. If you are badly abused by one group, then it takes magnanimousy to move through that. It does not have to be called a traua response. THere is a difference between reasons and "good". I am sure I would be violent is stressed, tried, hungry and then provoked. That does nto make it a good thing and if I struggle to overcome that despite those circumstances that is admirable.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/25 05:20 AM
6

If they were fighting not have them, then it would be impressive. This is what forgivemenss looks like.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/25 05:16 AM
4

Which is what she is expressing. She is struggling against something. If I had had her experience with men, I would have to fight against the same feelings. She seems to be actively struggling to keep faith in men. Most of them, I suspect, I would completely agree with you. Generally, it is women who think men should take full responsibility for her happiness and are then anyry and feel betrayed rather than having any introspection. But I think there are exceptions and that is perhaps an example…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 01:52 PM
15

You are being the child here. She has good reason to hate men and does not want to. But given what she has been through, she is struggling not to. What you have there is a woman with strength, integrity and self-awareness.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 01:46 PM
0

I accept the impression, but I would suggest that the circumcision is hardly comparable. I would not want either circumsised but one of those is more brutal than the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 09:32 AM
1

Mate, I really think that is gold. Doing things to impress women raraely works but being a man on a mission works. I think you are really on the cusp. Persevering with yoga lessons and meditation could be really worthwhile and for your self rather than anything else. Worst case scenarion is you are happiers, mentally clearer and more physically relaxed. I think you just have to step into that "just be yourself" that many men say but few understand. Seriously, if you go for the mediation/yoga jou…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 04:45 PM
1

Sounds good. You know yourself better and I have never met you. You have the basics down certainly. The only alarm I see is "at creating mental models of other people" which suggests a cognative model than an intuitive feel. Possible hard core yoga and mediation might still hte inner voice that perhas is rarely still. That might give you mre of an effortless rapport. Perhpas?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 04:26 PM
–

If you listen to women describe that relationships, you would think abuse was utterly normal. It is why people who really are in relationships that bad do not realise how not normal they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 04:01 PM
1

That is good. Are you able to start to see their internal dialogue and call them out on it?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 03:59 PM
2

Bravo! I think there is a major issue that there are women in relationship whose men expect them to care for them even if they are both unwell, work full time and then take charge of the house and kids, bills etc. And those women will read this description and think it is totally normal while most women who claim it is normal know deep down it is not true.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 07:26 AM
2

I am a little more sympathetic to them that you perhaps. It is more that if someone says, "I am looking forward to going on holiday to Sweden in the summer", you can listen to those words and think they want to talk about travel generally+ or hear about the time you went to Sweden. Or just ask them questions about what they will do there. Which are OK but there are better things to ask and probe.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 07:19 AM
11

Yes, I believe you. I think we do have some unconsious bias. I found myself noticing that when a girl was prettier I found her more interesting. But I because aware of it and on occasion missed that the girl really was genuinley interesting rather than just very pretty. Equally, when I was well off, women saw me as taller and smarter than when I was poorer. They would not think they were doing it, but I was often seen as about 5'7" and was then seen as about 5'10"-11". And if I said something sm…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 06:01 AM
–

Yes and while it is a minority, it is the male and female minorities like that that give an (ahem) outsized impression.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 05:36 AM
–

Yes, it is like they feel more social pressure. Perhaps at a level men typically did not since they were teenagers?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 05:35 AM
1

Would the pressure women feel (and it is about how much is felt) from other women exceed what men feel from other men?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 03:16 PM
0

You would not say there is more social pressure on women to confirm?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 11:20 AM
6

It is muy impression that there is more social pressure on women than on men. We see the backlash against women not wanting to date a man under six foot.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 07:26 AM
3

Would you say there is far more social pressure on women to be deeper and kinder than there is for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 07:23 AM
2

Societal norms then? Would that work for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 06:31 PM
1

It really does not matter what you think.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 01:55 PM
–

WTF are you on about you loony?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 01:54 PM
3

You do not think people are social? And have cultures?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:56 PM
0

How would this biology be expressed in the absence of culture?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:27 PM
1

No. Because the noble savage assumes there is a pure state. Which there is not. We have attitudes towards all sorts of things that are ingrained in our culture. Those things have generally been useful historically though they are also simplistic and that does not make them accurate.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:27 PM
1

No, you are being slow. I did not say she was eyeing up another man. You made that up. I have been on the other side as a young man, I was with three far more experienced women when there was a young man and I remember beibng shocked with they all looked to me (the kid).
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:25 PM
0

It mixes is up but there are many more areas of the world that two. You can compare to the UK, which is culturally mixed and see a similar trend. Or France if you prefer.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:23 PM
1

Where did I blame men?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:22 PM
2

Because no sensibel person is saying it works like that. Evolutionary psychology is clearly usually nonsense. If it is hard wired, why does the behaviour change across borders and between generations? If you have a group identify as the tough, decisive doers and the other group as caring and passive, you are going to affect their attitudes and that will have positive and negative effects.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:21 PM
1

You thickie!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:19 PM
1

Yes, but I did not say the one who knows what she is doing and it is a little obnoxious for you to claim to know what my wife was noticing about herself better than she did. I will also note that I have seen it from the other end when I became richer and higher status without (I believe) suddenly becoming wiser.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:19 PM
0

Judging this by online discussion is like judging sports fans in the same way. They will come across as dumb and one eyed. We are all superficial. The issue is being self-aware enough to realise it. We wil fail to live upto what we proclaim, few man are as decisive nor as brave as they pretend.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 08:00 AM
0

That is very stupid of you to write. Would you rather people are self-aware or not? We all have these things ingrained in us with culture and upbringing.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 08:00 AM
3

I live in Scandinavia. A big difference between here and the USA is that women are more likely to acknowledge how much their men help them, you hear less about man-flu and the youngest generation of women seem to be concerned about being emotionally supportive to their men. That seems like a big cultural difference to me. Does it not to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 07:59 AM
0

I think red pill is far better at explaining what most men experience and feminism good at explaining why. My wife confessed that even in her female dominated academic profession, she occasionally finds herself looking to the higher status man in the room. This is clearly her affected by patriarchy. The highest status man in most situations is the richest. To most men in the room, they will pick up on her ignoring most men and deferring to the richest. Very red pill, but with a feminist explinat…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 06:00 AM
1

I am 48 and happily married. I was ill recently and rather than being annoyed my wife made me breakfast while I stayed in bed. If you ask women, that is common. In reality it is rare and I am very fortunate. I have also been single and had a couple of days in bed and had women friends check in on me and bring me stff. It is not about how people are but expectations in a relationship. My sister worked in an ICU where the internet said they are trained to warn ill women that their husbands will li…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:40 AM
1

I agree with that. THough, in your original post you say that it is unlikely that a man who has not made friends at 28 will make them at 38. To rephrase that "a man who has not learned to make friends at 28 will not have learned to make them at 38". It is possible to learn these things. Most just get lucky and write nonsense like "just be yourself" but learning is possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:34 AM
2

Very well written. With a friend, you can tell them abou tyour day. With someone who is relyin gon you emotionally, everything you say is about them and you have to speak in that context. It si not something they are aware of. Friends outside fo a GF/wife are vital IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:32 AM
1

Ideally. But that is also unrealistic. If you come home and complain about how hard it is, you are putting a strain on the relationship and she will feel less able to use you to sound out all her problems each day and work through all her issues together. Ideally, we should both rely on each other equally but that is rare. I have been ill in a town where I had only women friends and they came over, checked I was okay and got me a few essentials. THere was no anger that I cancelled things sa peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:29 AM
6

No, it is an assertion. I am not rationalising, I am happily married. I also have friends and valus companionship. Were I to rely on a particular person for emotional support that would be under thrat.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:57 PM
6

As a man who knows nothing of relationships, I am not sure you are in any position. I hope we will get to a place where people do not feel reliant on others. We ar enot htere yet. You pontificante on friendship but acknowledge you struggle with relationships. Perhaps you are more commited to how things should be rather than accepting how they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:56 PM
8

Very much. But I do not think a relationship where someone is likely to emotionally rely on you is a good place for that companionship.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:51 PM
15

Mate, I think you are lonely, not good at being by yourself and rationalising it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:47 PM
2

Would you expect your GF to care equally for your feelings and give you time to vent occasionally? Thi s is something that might be borderline abusive in a relationship with a woman as a man but something you can do with friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:46 PM
20

I think he has not learned to be by himself and mistakes it for wisdom.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:35 PM
-2

I am a lot older. Specifically a Gen X man. I would say being in a relationship is lonlier, as you have to put your own feelings to the side and put her first. Bad day? Listen to hers. Understand that her husband being ill or bereaved is the story. Women can clearly be great friends to men, but a woman friend might help you out when injured or sick whereas a wife will feel let down.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 08:35 PM
2

Yes, I agree with that. And that as a man who enjoyed his boxing and rugby. That said, I would agree with the sentiment to a certain extent. I would agree that male camaraderie is somewhat dismissed. In the hardest times in my life, it has been mates from tough work projects or rugby that have really helped me out. In such a time, your GF or spouse is likely to be feeling let down by your emotional attention being on a family loss or feel betrayed by something such as job loss or injury.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 01:44 PM
3

Sorry, I absolutely believe what you are saying happens. I am explaining that there is a grey area. Rich men are also simply more attractive. There is also a minority of women who much prefer older men (10-30 years older). "It’s just a clear financial arrangement, whereas other guys are just providers for the woman they are dating." - This really answers my question completely.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 06:12 PM
3

Sorry, I get the phrase. I am trying to understand if it is a loose arrangement where he is glad to help out (pretty much FWB) or a regular paid sum? I have been a single, well off, in shape, middle aged man and there are certainly more young women interested in man like that than there are such men. I would never have considered myself a sugar daddy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 05:47 PM
3

Sorry, do you mean sugar daddy as in a wealthier older man or one where there is a specifically financial arrangement?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 01:11 PM
2

She catches herself doing it. It does not mean it is how things should be. I know there are feminists who argue that patriarchy permeates are culture and society completely but somehow does not affect them but I am not sure how seriously we should take them seriously
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 12:55 PM
1

Yes. Sort of. It think our perceptions are skewed. A couple of friends I know (M) had cases where their partners (F) were really exceptional. One had planned a weekend away with her when his brother tragically died and he cancelled the weekend away and went to his family, she did not complain for a moment and actually helped look after them all. Another had issues arise with stress related infertility and rather than be angry, his wife took it on herself and work with him to make his life less s…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:48 AM
1

My wife is a feminist. She was commented to me that she would find herself looking to the highest status man for approval in difficult situations. Usually that means the richest. And that also means she is dismissing most men. It is påatriarchy and it is what red pill. These things can be both at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:37 AM
-1

"Whatever I do, it's wrong to a redpill man" - Yes but not many men are that. When I write on "Ask Feminists" I know I will not be welcome with nuance. If I write on New York Giants Reddit, they might not like the Philadelphia Eagles much.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 06:06 AM
1

I have been lucky enough to be in a few relationships. Most relationships do not work out including same sex relationships and that is without any particular abusive behaviour. I also think that women are going to be cautious to get into a seriosu realtionship as it is riskier for them, which is great if you are a man can make a special emotional connection with women but that is a skill most men are terrible at. In my experience in relationships, very few women would put up wiht behaviour like …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 05:56 AM
-1

Typically, people who do not understand generalisations or hypotheticals are intellectually worthless. Perhaps you might like to help people by finding typos?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/25 06:23 AM
1

Yes, clearly. Imagine the characteristics of a leader. Strong, decisive, responsible. And we associate them with maleness, to the extent that female leadership is seen to require being male. And we are still talking about this as a hierarchy. You are far less important to society no matter how hard you work that someone who owns the company you work for.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:58 PM
1

I think it is worth splitting the terms up. If you can humour me? Thank you for your replies, I am enjoying this. By capitalism, I mean the bulk of economic and political power is with people who own things. Wealth creation is seen as being brought by wealthy people giving them value (Hobbsian economics) just like landlords provide housing. By socialism, I mean the bulk of economic and political power is with the masses who work for a living and their familes. Wealth creating is seen as being br…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:36 PM
2

Thank you. As I think you recognise, there is still the issue that Red Pill is one of the few things that acknowledge that dating really is harder for the bulk of non-wealthy young men and offer any steps. It is a unique way they have to lure men in.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 01:52 PM
1

Yes, sex is not the main issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 09:24 AM
0

They might use liberal language but I do not see any stymying of the pumping of money from working population of the USA up to the already very very wealthy. You are saying "left" but what you seem to be taking as that is the Democratic party. Thye might be lesss authoratarian and push laws on everyone to try and change society rather than to punish outside groups, but economically they are perfectly happy for money to all go to the same people. It is the same people funding both parties. "React…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 09:23 AM
1

As a man who has done plenty of boxing and rugby, there is also a myth of locker room talk. It would be quite boring rather than shocking for outsiders.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 09:06 AM
1

Would you care to expand on that? Because I can think of some that are.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 09:05 AM
1

May I compare to man flu? The patriacrchal ideal is that the man is tough and resiliant and the woman selfless, helpless victim and caring. When a man gets ill, he lets down his side of the bargain. While a woman might be partly rationally sympathetic she is likey to feel betrayed too and be annoyed with him. If both get ill, him caring for her while he is also ill should be impressive but is actually also annoying. To make things right, we have man flu. We pretend he was not really ill at all a…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 07:46 AM
4

There is a great chasm. We are perhaps naive to what women go through, it took me until middle age to realise how much creepiness men put women through. When you were a teenage boy, and your friends would talk about their glam life and regular sex with top models and street life, you assumed they were exaggerating a little but perhaps it was not quite clear how much. I cite that example as I think men after that never feel the same level of social pressure than many women do. And when women say …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 07:40 AM
1

As a Gen X, I think I saw the first time when it was meant to be OK. Before that, it that man had a major say over decisions that largely maintained his emtional life. And I think I saw the cross over, about 50% of women could cook and about 50% of men. But if the man cooked he would downplay it and she woudl say she did, which was really where we have 'emotional labour' for the work a woman does in a traditionally female role when the man takes respoonsibility for it. Equally, if men and women …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 07:33 AM
-1

We seem to be heading into a period of oligarchs, where the nation is run by and few a small number of exceptionally rich men. The economic power of the average working man, and with it respsect and authority, is being taken away towards this same small band. These oligarchs then tell the working white man blame the women and feminism and black people and DEI for their economic power, respect and authority being taken away.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:57 AM
1

I certainly had the common experience that women often assumed I shoudl automatically be better at things than they were. This was when young, but certainly when those women would have been shoced by the suggestion they did not believe women were at least equal. Of course, it was also the1990s when there were pop songs celebrating women being able to manage by themseves in a way taken for granted by men, showing lingering sexism. Those are very modest expectations that you cite and very sensible…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:11 AM
4

Perhaps. It is also about hierarchy. The red pill points to some real things. Women do not need men in the same way anymore. A working man has less value that before - and women have less appreciation of an average working man because of this. Women have overly high expectations. The think is the reason a working man has less economic significance is because of oligarchs like Trump and Musk not despite them. Old fashioned sexism is why women often have the sub-consious expectation that the avera…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 06:23 PM
2

Even my Mum's generation, that was the case. But it was the case in Scandinvia too a few generations ago. I broadly put Scandinavia a generation ahead (no science here). As a Generation X Brit, men and women are as likely to help around the house and there is no feeling it is one person's primarry responsibility within the couple. But where Scandinavia is ahead is where I stated "within the couple". I had a broad generalisation, of wha happens if a man does the cooking in a relationship: - In Sc…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 08:18 AM
1

I am 48. Even for those who are 51, homemade recipes often seemed to involve buying pastry or even things as simple as salad dressing. On the other hand, I do not butcher my own meat nor ground my own flour.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 03:36 AM
8

Go to a culture where a group of people are infantaised and feel powerless and that group will be more likely to be petty, have tantrums and act like spoiled children. Sexism does infantalise women. It is the irony of men who want to travel to more conservative cultures for an easier time will find it does not work like that. Most American people cannot cook. There are fortunes spent on promoting instant ready-meals and further money spent on stopping healthy food being promoted. Being domestic …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 02:14 AM
-1

I think the generalisation are fair and are also fair if you take the sex out of it. Men do not want women with tonnes of plastic surgery and make up but instead want a woman who just looks beautiful naturally. It is the same dynamic as wanting a man not to have to go to the gym but stay in shape.. Hallmark might be a chlche but their romanic films generally consist of her moving on from her slightly short, hard working boyfriend who has to work hard on his career to a man who inherited a family…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 02:04 AM
2

When I lived in the UK, I was terrible around the house and could not be trusted to boild water. Now I live in Scandinavia, I am well house trained and a good cook. I did not change. The social pressure on the women in the UK to be the hard done by was massive and so they would complain about how hard done by they were. In Scandinavia, that pressure was far less. Surveys say Scandinavian men who far more housework but I (and other British men over here typically) see the difference as what is so…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 01:52 AM
2

Exactly the comparison I made.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 08:06 PM
2

That is wonderful. Congratulations! And, perhaps, if it si not presumptious of me, it is great to have the validation that you were not the problem in that last realtionship?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 08:06 PM
2

Yup. And it can be dangerous where a woman in a terrible relationship thinks it is normal A silly illustration but my Scandinavian ex was with a group of UK women who were all complaining about how thei rmen were wimps when ill and these poor women had to do everything while their man whined. She said she was lucky as I was nothing like that at all and looked after us both when we were ill;- and prompty got poisonous looks from everyone there. Of course, she was not particularly lucky and it was…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 08:05 PM
3

I think there is a slight taboo amongst women in confessing their man treats them well. It is just not the standard story in polite society.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:22 PM
1

Exactly my impression. The issue is people who are good partners are either in good relationships (and do not make themselves available) or have been badly burnt (and do not make themselves available). Frankly, in my experience, you are more likely to find them looking for hook ups than serious dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:21 PM
1

In my limited experience (and I have only been me), dating apps know are rather good for finding someone you would want a physical relationship with who also like the look of you. Most men struggle in the same way that most would have struggled down a nightclub and women run the same risks. The issue is people who are good partners are either in good relationships (and do not make themselves available) or have been badly burnt (and do not make themselves available). Frankly, in my experience, yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:20 PM
1

Haha! I still had to correct every single one but there were many more than 13!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:09 PM
1

True, I was in my late thirites and also in the USA for much of that time. Also true about the PhD. Though there is some correlation.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 05:36 PM
1

Many! I still passed because that is really trivial. :)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 05:35 PM
4

The evidence for this being you think so?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 04:55 PM
3

Thanks. I was a beneficiary, in that I was good enough and it meant I really could date on my own terms whereas most average men really struggled. From a male perspective, I think red pillers often point to the male experience accurately (whereas feminism absolutely denies it) whereas feminsim offers the best explinations (for phenomena it denies happen).
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 04:33 PM
5

No, I am doing well. In fact, I am now happily married. But I remember that I was good enough to attract women, which meant I had a surplus whereas average guys realy got left behing.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 04:31 PM
5

Nonsense. I am a man that has done pretty well. I am also good socially, good looking, smart (PhD) and professionally successful. Look at this from the POV of a woman. Getting close to a man and in a relationship is risky so and bad feeling has to be treated very seriously. A man is all OK pretty much is not worth taking the risk on. A woman still (and we should be past this but are not) gets her status from her man so an cool attractive man, who is charming, kind, sexy and trashman will struggl…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 03:42 PM
5

Yes. THat would clearly be a red flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 02:13 PM
2

Because it is a lot of responsibility. People who fancy the idea of muliple wives are terrible husbands, those who find one hard work are the better ones. As a man, you have a duty to help your women through her emotional issues while also continuing to work with yourself. A woman coming out of that is likely to have a huge amount if issues and you might have to consider that you might not be up to it. You must also have hubris to think you will do better in a relationship with her than the last…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 02:13 PM
2

Yes. Well done. In case of the plural, we use fewer. That is why "less tall men" refers to lesser tallness and "fewer tall men" refers to the number of tall men. That is why it matters.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 02:47 PM
3

TBF, pop-forum feminism is pretty much like this. It is like a sports fans forum in which being loyal is more important than thinking. But were he wanting balance he could go on r/sociology - he will not.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 02:45 PM
1

It is a shame. In any feminist group, I (and I imagine we) are dangerous misogynists. It is a shame if the inbetween groups disappear.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 02:43 PM
6

Thanks. Juding by the downvotes, I was feeling alone!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 01:35 PM
0

It is a stupid example and you would have to be stupid to think this photo is a good example. The single person in the foreground is a woman. Fancy betting on the sex of most of their enslavers? I now what the OP is saying, I am not the stupid one here.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 12:18 PM
-8

I agree with what you say butthe response to a photo in which one particular person is featured is hardly the best example.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 10:49 AM
-12

And the main person in the foreground in focus. The image is horrific and turning it into a butt hurt complaint on women is weird. You saw this photo and thought "aren't women horrible"? Come on!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 10:25 AM
1

Not really unless you would like to specify what bit you are thinking of?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 04:46 PM
2

First, I would listen to him and learn how he sees things. The worst advice is to just be yourself. First we must learn he that person is, then we must find out whom he can relate to and have a relationship given the right tools, and then learn how to comunicate that self to that potential partner. If you are comfortable with yourself and self aware, you are off to a great start in dating. But it is also a pretty good place to be with living life regardless. Things like meditation (and perhaps t…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 08:42 PM
1

They have as much agency as people do generally. In a very Judith Butler way :)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 05:36 AM
2

THe color things is a bit of a sideshow.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 05:30 AM
2

I can see that as the average man becomes less appealing, he wants a more traditional hierarchy that valued him. The contradiction is is that it is this very hierarchy and th elow place of an ordinary working man in it that lowers his value so much. True equality would rise him up and improve his life.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 06:07 PM
2

Thanks. I was briefly adjacent to the PUA scene in California briefly after a podcaster on these matters saw me step in when a woman rejected him. A lot of the PUA stuff works but for other reasons. Saying a woman is beautiful is boring. Asking if her nails are fake shows more interest and acknowledges the effort, and noting the effort she made is far better. It can actually be humanising than objectifying. It is a shame the people offering advice on how to make an emotional connection are often…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 06:04 PM
0

Yes! Thanks! I wrote this: "I am very much not red pill. But I see a few men drifting that way. There is an overlap between feminism and boomers, that tell young men that if they are responsible, put their partner first, look after themselves and put their partner first, that they will be a great catch for women and will find a partner. This does not happen and only the red pill offers an explination. It makes sense to me that women are reluctant to take a gamble on a guy like that without a str…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 11:03 AM
23

Sorry, I posted this above: "I am very much not red pill. But I see a few men drifting that way. There is an overlap between feminism and boomers, that tell young men that if they are responsible, put their partner first, look after themselves and put their partner first, that they will be a great catch for women and will find a partner. This does not happen and only the red pill offers an explination. It makes sense to me that women are reluctant to take a gamble on a guy like that without a st…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 11:01 AM
20

It is a numbers game. Like a raffle. But you can buy as many toickets as you can afford. Make the most of yourself, understand what you want in a partner, learn good and effective communication etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 09:05 PM
2

Yes, people have diverse tastes. That is not the topic. Men frustrated by their own high standards struggle with seeing great danger in opening up to women, I suggest. Perhaps women (who do often have insanely high standards) are also seeing a huge risk?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 07:16 PM
1

I think the toxic thing about toxic masculinity or femininity is thinking these traits are inherently masculine or feminine
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 06:41 PM
1

PS: There are mens problems. I think the bigger issues are workplace and public harrassment of women and a conviction rate so low for rape that it is practically decriminalised and the way society treats rape victims. Equality is key to all of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 06:40 PM
1

My side?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 05:11 PM
1

Thank you! I am going to argue with you and I hope I might say that this is because I am interested and appreciative in what you write. I am aware I will have a different perspective. I often find myself arguing with misgynistic men convinced I am a blue haired feminist and then arguing with women who assume I am a bitter red piller. I imagine you would find very few women who would consider money a massive thing for a decent man. I would say for myself (please, I know how wrong I am generally) …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 05:10 PM
1

Let's agree that men can have equal rights to an abortion if they get pregnant.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 04:22 PM
2

Very well. I hereby support the right of men to have abortions of their pregnancy specifically aligned with women's.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 04:00 PM
9

Abortion is a protection against giving birth. I am not sure what protection you think men should be given in that respect?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 02:20 PM
2

Yes. Have you never encountered man fustrated by their own high standards. It does happen. Would you not acknowledge that getting into a realtionship with a man is fairly risky behaviour?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 02:19 PM
3

I think there is a genuine discrepency in what women and men perceive. I did not mention a good income and that does make a huge difference. Fortunately, women do not need men as they used to (clearly a very good thing). In the UK, the euphamism for a modest income used to be immaturity. Nowadays it woudl be defined as getting your act together. Women and men are earning similar amounts and which, compared to traditional standards, makes men look disappointing. I am not arguing the conservative …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 02:17 PM
1

Men who feel emotionally vulnerable often have very high standards and get fixated on a special "one". I thin this reflects their feeling of vulnerability. Women are perhaps more vulnerable so we could assume they will on the whole have the same traits (being people). An average height, fairly good looking man, with a average job and prospects, house trained, good cook, fit, well groomed and puts hi partner first is not going to be surrounded by women wanting a relationship with him. They might …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 12:59 PM
5

There are men who are deeply unhappy that their own standards are so high. Often, I think this is a result of fear. Getting into a relationship with a woman does involve the risk of having your heart ripped up and rejected. I think the risks for women are even high, and the standards (or requirement for some very special emotional connection) are elevated accordingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 12:51 PM
1

I think there is less stigma on men saying they are shallow. And, as for (3), well that does change as you get older typically.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 03:28 PM
3

Many men give rubbish advice. When men say "Just be yourself" I know he was rubbish and making connections and eventually got lucky. And most men do not want to accept they just got lucky. In their defence, they are less likely to think they are experts on relationship advice for relations with men.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 03:26 PM
2

I would certainly say my housework efforts are reduced by either flatsharing with a man, more so than living solo, more so that living with a woman. I think there are a few things, tidying up after woman is fine but a woman doing hte same reeks of exploitation, so her picking my socks up the floor woudl be more offensive to her than my picking her socks up would be. Also, women will often have more things and need more things day to day. Whether than is hair from the drain, the veneer of cosmeti…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 02:41 PM
5

I have on occasion handed my OLD over and it did not go with the success they expected. The issue is want people like and respond to is not what they think. There can certainly be a strong relation with small decisions when people are fresh and relaxed but aside from that it is more like zoo-ology (people that is, not a man or woman thing). I am a straight man, I would not claim to have insight in how best to get a relationship with men as I have never tried. That is leaving aside not knowing ei…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 02:23 PM
7

Indeed. People are compiicated, communication is hard and being self-aware is very hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 01:55 PM
13

We do not know ourselves that well. It is new years. People will make resolutions and genuinely believe they will keep them. And they will fail. They were not dishonest but we are more monkey brained than we believe. There is a lot more pressure on women to not be like this, it is still more accepted in men. So women will feel more pressure to conform. They are being honest, just mistaken. It is why they are so bad at advice on how to approach and chat to women when logically they would be exper…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 01:52 PM
4

Ideally, you have a partner who can pull in the same direction and be a support for you in tough times. That does happen but it also an unrealisitic expectation. It is more likely that the good time will be better because you have someone to share it with and the bad times will be far harder as you have more responsibilities, more emotional weight to carry and apartner taking it out on you. If you are a fit condition to be a husband and at a good place in life, it is likely that having a wife wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 08:27 AM
2

Now we have VD, STDs and STIs! Thanks! :D
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 09:16 PM
9

Sorry, I should have written STDs. (venereal disease, sorry, I am a bit old).
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 07:41 PM
12

There are certainly women who are not too keen on condoms and I have had to be the one insisting. I think there is a social aspect. Because VD is seen as low class and socially degrading it is the most socially secure women (white, well off, educated, professional) who seem least keen on them.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 07:24 PM
3

By causing enough doubt to suggest it is disputed means it becomes emotional labor. So even I I were to do the job and have responsibiliy doing the job, any unsureness always has it considered her doing emotional labour. I was fortunate we were doing relationship counselling in Scandinavia where they seem not to consider emotional labour a real thing (as opposed to have the responsibility fo rht ejob and doing the job) and mental workload to be something hard to see in the other person.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 07:13 PM
8

My ex-wife would make claims about sex and housework that were similar. IN many ways it did not help. We had a surreal argument about whether she had cleaned her breakfast bowl or not (it was in front of us at the time with remains of milk and coco pops). But recording our discussions and chores helped me not fall into the emotional labour trap.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 07:04 PM
8

There is a good purpose and a stupid purpose. In this situation, the person declining sex will likely lie. My ex-wife said we have sex a couple of times a month and implied my not remembering any for the years showed I was either lying or losing it. So, I recorded our sex life and repeated this made up claim, with lots of time she claimed to have done other things, I could state it was a lie without being forced to question myself. It is a senisble thing to do. Put confronting someone with it as…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 07:01 PM
1

Very kind to say so. Thank you. People having firm expectations for the other sex and how they should be are a big issue. People often handle their own perceived failures by self-delusion and those of the opposite sex with anger. I personally think that women are under more social pressure than men to be perfectly good. These do not result in them being better but in self-delusions. There was a post in the Scandinavia forum from Brits on this; surveys of women show that Scandinavian women are le…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 04:20 PM
–

"People are complex, mixed up and have conflicting desires: Why it is all about me"
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 04:02 PM
2

I clearly stated that manfllu is nonsense. My whole post was based on that presumption. Of course, men get ill. And women would genuinely believe they would look after their men if they got ill but in reality are disappointed in them when it happens in reality. That is the whole point of what I was writing.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 04:01 PM
–

Reddit has a remarkable number os school essays that could be subtitled "Its not fair that women won't sleep with me".
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 03:39 PM
1

Have you not heard of man-flu? It is clearly nonsense the pressures of a man not to be ill and the pressure of a woman to be a self-sacrificing martyr mean that if a man gets ill we have a troupe cover it up and pretend: - The man was not really ill - Women would not be annoyed at their man for being ill - Women would immediately pamper their men if they seemed ill This theatre is a reaction to that social pressure that requires a social pretense.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 03:36 PM
1

It think there relevent think is that there is a significant difference between the UK and USA despite them being fairly similar. There are social pressure on men to be tough and that leads at the most absurd end to 6% of men in the USA thinking they could beat up an elephant. The pressure on women is not to be tough but to a selfless martyr and is far, far stronger that the pressure on American men to be good at beating up animals. So, of course they are outraged at the idea that men do not tak…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 03:00 PM
1

<image> I think we can consider a fair amount of self-delusion on things like this. Men feeling pressure to be tougher than they really are. The difference in the UK and USA is big enough to suggest greater machismo pressure in the USA causing greater delusion.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 02:44 PM
21

You see how that worked "and they were fine with it" is the important bit. If most men in your office were doing it and a few were persistent, it would be very annoying very quickly.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 01:40 PM
18

I wonder how the OP would be with a man ogling him and pushing him for a sexual engagement.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 01:22 PM
3

You would want all that. It would be brill. If you think you need it, then you will be angry at men for not fulfilling your needs. Go to red pill and you will find men who want easy available sex and only value women who do not give it to them. A lot of the problems you cite are either the male side of an inequality (if almost all the property is owned by men there is a bigger issue!) or eased in less sexist societies. Or are eliminated by very sexist scoeties, the contractions are when a cultur…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 01:21 PM
-1

Self-awareness is hard and for those who do not know it is hard for them, it becomes impossible. Mainly, it is when we try to convince ouselves that we live upto social pressure. So, UK women in same sex relationships really believe each do 75% of the housework and men in a same sex realtionship belive they do less than half. This self delusion correlates with the amount of social pressure felt to conform to something they are not. Who is least honest with themselves is likely whoever has the mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 12:53 PM
8

Feminist is a broad term. Gender identities are a huge part of our culture and our culture infuses and is perpetuated by all of us. There are plenty of feminists who somehow think that they are possibly most other women stand apart from the culture they are in and are not swayed by it. This is clearly nuts. Cultural expectations of men and women will be absorbed by men and women. So, yes, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 12:47 PM
6

Wanting it is fine. I would want all that. Expecting it or feeling the need is the issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 12:35 PM
–

I absolutely agree with all of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 03:42 PM
1

Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 10:49 AM
3

I think most men would not be aware of how much some women really are stared at to an extreme level.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 10:48 AM
1

And, again, do you think gay female marriages divorce more frequently than gay male marriages because women like you are more inclned to paper work? Or would you say there are more social pressure on men and women generally beyond an affinity for paper work?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 09:00 PM
2

That gay female marriages are less stable that gay male marriages and that women more commonly initiate divorce that men is because women do the paper work is truely weak. And I think the reason is that it needs to be explained away. The red pill version is blame women and that is sexist nonsense. I would suggest that there are likely more gay male marriages with at least one unhappy partner thinking he can still make it work. Women seem less inclined to think this way.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 08:56 PM
0

It is a terrible argument. Seriously, I think when there is a huge discrepency and one that varies acriss cultures, it does reek of patriachy. But clearly it is more complex. I am a divorced man. I do not think my experience was unusual. I would say I felt the responsibility to make the marriage work whereas my ex-wife thought there was nothing she coudl do. It was something our marraige counseller did her best to overcome in us. British men seem to be the least likely in the world to initiate d…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 08:34 PM
–

Before the punitive approach, I would like to be sure that it would reduce abortions. Otherwise we are going to lead to dangerous abortions. This is I think something where we (sympathetically I hope) disagree as I am happier with elective abortions not being punished if it does not reduce the number at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 07:36 PM
–

I think if we seek to care for women and children, then lower abortion rates can follow. If we have just cared for women and children and abortion rates do not lower, that is next best.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 07:19 PM
–

Yes, I completely understand that. I am not in favour of dead babies. And there are two questions, how to minimise dead babies and how to punish people we do not like. Those in favour of babies not dying or suffering should also be in favour of making sure they are fed well and have healthcare. And I really think those views are compatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 06:06 PM
–

I am Catholic and pro-life. But I am not happy I support pragmatisim rather than showy moralism. I do not doubt hte genuine sincerity on both sides of this.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 05:15 PM
3

If you offer someone lemonade and they say no, but they say yes to a beer from someone else, that does not mean they should have accepted your lemonage. If you get offered lemonade twelve times a day, you might get sick of it! :)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 04:15 PM
0

I have a sneaky feeling you might have thought that already.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 04:10 PM
2

If this stat was the other way round, would you really argue that men were better at paperwork? If men dealt with the legal paper work and kept women out of it, would you not think the man was being abusive? British women in particular are the most likely to initiate divorce. This still applies if they marry non British men or women. Are they just spectacular at paperwork?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 04:10 PM
4

That was the case for me. But not having to pay for two people does that. What you are arguing is that women benefit financially from marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 04:08 PM
1

That made sense before gay marriage. It is clealry nonsense now.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 04:07 PM
2

I think that women almost always do just suck it up at work. A couple of things struck me. I had a very busty colleague in a meeting. When most of the men left the meeting, she changed her posture completely. She had been crouching over while men were around and this was in an engineering company. She never said anything but she changed her whole posture while at work. I had another former colleague meet me in the put and we met a teenage couple, both breathtakingly pretty adn around 17. I was c…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 04:05 PM
3

Fair play to you. I have been the same. There is an extra dynamic in that men are likely to be more threatening to a woman. Ultimately it does come down to whether it is welcome or not. I suspect, it is largely invisible to men how much some women get of this. I have been on construction projects where there would be a group of women and men they designated as non-creepy who would go to coffee together. Some women will complain far too easily, but there are many who put up with far too much. As …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 03:34 PM
4

Yes. I would respond differently (when single) to an approach from someone I find attractive rather than a man coming on to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 01:07 PM
2

I would hope most straight men would be aware that they are not experts in how to approach or respond to straight men. I have let women "help" with texting and OLD and they are often genuinely surprised that their (rather boring) approach does not work. What they miss is they see you as a good partner and think that is evident. There might be something for lesbian women. Unfortunately, those who know the limitations of their wisdom are less likely to offer it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 01:06 PM
5

There is something in that certainly. I lived in Belgium and when the women made the same ompliants as British women, I rolled my eyes metaphoically. But they really were getting home and then making dinner, taking responsibility for keeping the place clean while the men "helped". I have seen similar in German and Polish households. I think there are two types of patriarchy, ones in which women are the work horse and ones in which they are treated as children.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 12:43 PM
6

It is a problem, because on face value it is very valuable for misogynists. But that is is cultural is significant. I have lived in Scandinavia (much less patriarchal) and my experience and that of many English men here is that Scandinavian women perceive their mans contribution far more closely to how the man sees it. Just as in a more patriarchal nation, a man is much more likely to think he can beat up a tiger, so women are much more likely to identify as helpless victims. I think the UK has …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 09:20 AM
17

Weirdly, I the likelihood of a sex of a nationaliy initiating divorce seems independent of whomm they marry. British men are the least likely to initiate divorce and British women the most likely. Thiis was presented as British women being th emost ill-treated and British men being th eworst husbands. But same sex British marriages between women struggle to last a year and between men they are remarkably stable. Also, marriages British women and a foreign man are more likely to end in dovorce th…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 07:11 AM
0

The ban is not about abortion, Were it about abortion we would be looking into other ways of having women not feeling they had to choose it. This is more about punishing "fallen" women, A look at the leading groups promoting it shows this. It is at the crux about what the las is for, making society better or keeping it in place adn punisiihing those who go out of line.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 07:01 AM
0

For whose children?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 12:42 PM
2

Dunno. I suggest https://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 12:20 PM
2

Even the love of a Mother for their child is for their child. All loving relationships in this world have conditions, related to that person's struggle to express love. Love is pure but its expression will be adulterated by our fears, ignorance and ego. Well done, OP, you are in the first step to spirituality and paradise.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:52 AM
1

Because the opposite tendency of toxoc masculinity is to do nothing and passively complain.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/24 06:15 PM
0

Toxic masculinity is a two way street. It does mean people struggle to accept when they cannot affect change but also that there is a determination to make that change. Changing lifestyle is hard and needs faith that it will really work. Without this, it can be harder for people who are a bit to the other end.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/24 04:33 PM
1

Makes sense! That is the least someone can do
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 03:20 PM
2

Nor am I sure why you were downvoted. I am going to give you upvotes. And I basically rating it by how much she enjoyed it really. I think I do not have the intuition nor flamboyance to know better than the woman herself. I think looking at her enjoyment first is a decent way of measuring it. That mutual aspect is the mark o fgood sex I suggest typically?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 03:15 PM
2

To go back to this, I realised at some point I was rubbish at sex as by far the best sex I had involved me just following instructions. So it might just be being rubbish at it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 03:02 PM
0

It is a silly thought experiment, but if women were suddenly as tall and strong as men we woudl take a long time to get used to it. For a couple of generations and maybe more, women would be very disgusted by how short and weak men are as the image of how it "should be". When it comes to things like wages, conservative see this and argue that equality is the problem, whereas perhaps it is that society adapts slowly. Men were in a good position as long as they were conventional and then their fee…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 01:13 PM
1

Fair enough! Thanks! I have no professional expertise at all! I have lived across a few nations and have now seen a few generations. I can see with the bomer generation that the man's feeling was so obviously important that those feelings and the reality of the situation was confused and pushed womens emotions to be a side issue. For Gen X, a man sharing his feelings pretty much equated to emotional abuse as a reaction against that and womens feelings were paramount and legitimate, and now for y…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 12:58 PM
1

Yes, indeed. I note you write "ou'd be surprised", do you have professional experience in this?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 12:52 PM
5

I think there is a difference between sharging a bad day with a mate or sibling. They do not depend on you as an emotional support or to work through their own issues in the way a GF or wife would. Sharing a bad day as a BF to a GF can make her insecure. Of course there are women who can take the "mate" role for their BF but it is something that should nt be taken for granted and might belittle her own needs. Of course, a man should not burden his SO with deep insecurities and general low self e…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 12:35 PM
3

When I was a young man in a serious relationship, I woudl share a bad day at work with my GF. I can see that would be abusive as she was relying on unburdening on me and women often have complex emotions they need to work out. I was essentially like a therapist complaining about my day to a client. That said, I was acting in the way I would with a friend or family member. Equally, part of the relationship as a man with a woman is helpin gthem worlk through their feelings and past. I do not think…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 12:11 PM
3

Yes. I dislike the cartoon as it ignores this. It would be supported by men who would hate a big man coming onto them yet somehow think women should react differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 12:06 PM
–

There are two ways of looking at this. Well, three, the third is women do not generally care about status, but that is dumb. The Peterson/red pill is that women are built to respect and see hierarchy, as it is a natural state. Women will see it and salmon returning to spawn. The other is that we have built our own social hierarchies where status matters and that women get their status weirdly from their husbands far more than vice versa.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 09:58 AM
7

Perhaps being ogled by a very large unattractive man is a similar experience for a man and a woman. It is a simple point that this cartoon misses <image> Put a man in desk chair and aa attractive woman telling him he looks good and the cartoon works just as well. Take the sex of the person away and keep the attractiveness as the issue. An unattractive person pushing to sleep with you and have a relationship is a major threat, if they are attractive it might be welcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 07:56 AM
–

Even in Scandinavia, it matters considerably.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 06:24 PM
–

Were women to be suddenly as tall and strong as men, I suspect it would still take generations before women and men were comfortable with that. And for a generation or two, women would be unhappy with how shrt and feeble men were. When I got a decent income, men did not perceive me differently, but women did. Suddenly, I was far more smart and even generally taller. I am not immune as a man, I sometime cannot tell if a woman really is interesting or just pretty.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 06:23 PM
1

How has this OP stayed up?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 02:51 PM
3

This is men believing in hierarchy. They might think Muslim men attacking women is terrble but are OK when white non-Muslim men do it. The see the natural hierarchy as: 1) Them 2) Women 3 Muslim men
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 02:24 PM
2

Ten different men? That seems like a you thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/24 09:32 PM
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