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Perfect-Drummer-6496 Archive

View 1 post and 32 comments by Perfect-Drummer-6496 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Perfect-Drummer-6496/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:57 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I don't mind my time at all, but the kids prefer my house over hers and this summer, they come over and hang out at my place when she and I are both at work. It's the family house and she's in a rental, so I get why they prefer being here, but it's food and groceries 7 days a week, more utilities, more messes to clean up. Then when they ARE with me they never go to her house, so she's free to do wtf she wants to do. Last Sunday I had my older boys 10 days in a row, she picked them up at 3pm, by …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 11:50 PM
2

Be glad that's the case.....I had a very similar situation and have 3 kids that had a front row seat to the chaos.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 07:02 PM
8

Move out, but have a plan to have kids when you do at least 50%
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 05:40 AM
3

I knew I could afford it and that it would be best for me to keep it. At least for the next few years while my kids finish HS. Then I'll have paid it down more and the equity will have only grown. I never intended to keep it to try and make her feel bad or angry at me - I literally did it so my kids wouldnt be more disrupted after the divorce. As it was - we seperated 2 years ago for 9 months and I moved out and rented a house that they came and stayed with me in 50% of the time. There was no wa…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 06:24 PM
4

I did. Had $140k in equity....so I paid her $70k which is now tacted onto my new mortgage. Fortunately that means the house is still worth more than 70k than what I owe and house prices don't seem to be coming down anytime soon. It's kinda fucked up though.. The house belonged to her grandmother. We bought it from her mom and aunts after her grandma passed away, so we've been there for 16 years. I've made MASSIVE updates to the house myself of the years. Converted it from a multi unit to a singl…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 05:38 PM
1

I've been on Hinge for 2 months and live in a Hella rural area and I've had multiple people I've talked to including 2 separate weekend dates during that time. I don't get a crazy amount of matches but enough...
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 07:08 PM
2

Bruh....you're not kidding. I'm 2 months post finalized divorced and just had a blast for 2 nights with someone I met on Hinge. Like even if it doesn't go anywhere, be smart and go have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:46 AM
1

My kids aren't old enough to do much. So I got them a hanging plant and card for the kids to give her. I did the same for Xmas. It's for the kids and nit her. It's also not reciprocated, which is fine.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:21 PM
0

Bruh.....it's been interesting. I hear all the time how guys get nothing on these app, has not been my experience...
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:42 AM
1

We were together for 24 years and married 17. We were best friends and I honestly thought we'd always be together - we made it so much further than anyone else I knew. Around 10 years ago her ability to regulate her emotions started to become problematic. That led to multiple police visits and eventually an involuntary stay at a psyiacatric hosptial for a week. Eventually it became too much and I moved out and filed for the divorce. I told her and everyone that it was not my desire to divorce he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 12:26 PM
1

I initiated the divorce the first time and reconciled. By the 2nd time, that was it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:04 PM
1

Yep...same. Also....I've found some people online to chat and meet with and that alone takes your mind off whatever they're up to.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 01:52 PM
2

Good luck man, I nested for about 2 months, every other day. It was awful.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 03:44 AM
1

Point # 1: From my perspective - I have 3 kids - 16, 13, and 4. As much as I hate my ex - I know they love their mom. So for Christmas and her birthday, I took them out and helped them pick out presents for her. I helped them wrap them for her as well. I want them to be as least fucked up as possible from all of this - and the only way I can envision doing that is being the bigger person. Do I hate it - yep....is it the right thing to do for my kids....also yep. Did she do any of that for me....…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 05:30 PM
1

Her only "evidence" was her hand written notes on the back of the PPO form - saying I gave her bruises, verbally abused her and tried having her committed to the psych ward. Obviously once the judge and lawyers saw that was all she had - it was tossed pretty quick, but just the fact that she'd tried taking my kids away from me was insane. I had to pay an extra $1500 just so my lawyer would be there with me - and I had no idea what it would be like. Fucking crazy ride we go through...I hope the b…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 05:22 PM
1

I'm working on being indifferent - that's the goal, but after 24 years together it's damn difficult to just turn my mind off about her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 03:26 PM
1

The secret was getting her to sign an "Exclusive Use Agreement" for me to soley use the house. She only agreed because she needed her own place and couldnt afford to keep the house - and she was living at an extended stay hotel connected to the local bar - so I offered to pay for her 1st months rent and security deposit on a house rental in exchange for her signing the agreement. Was she signed, she was out and that gave me more leverage during the divorce - plus I was continuing to pay all the …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 03:14 PM
3

My ex filed a PPO on me as payback for me filing for divorce. She laughed at me about the date of the hearing, which was on our sons 16th bday. It was tossed out before the judge walked into the courtroom due to no evidence..... I was with this person for 24 years and married 17.....I never thought she could do such a thing....but boy, was I wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:57 PM
1

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, I certainly appreciate it! You and I sound like we've had similar experiences. My ex and I also did couples counseling - and each time she got up and stormed out of the session within 15 minutes. The only things the counselor asked us each to do - was sit quietly, make eye contact and simply listen to the other person without judgement, argueing, interrupting, or even making defensive body language - it was an excersie in observation and trying to …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:47 PM
1

Good luck! When the FOC calculated CS in the start of the seperation they determined I'd only owe $300/month - but then I showed I was paying $1000/month for daycare - which obviously we werent doing when we were together - so while I'm not specifically paying her direct CS - I am on the hook for daycare - but that will only last another year. I'm just fortunate there was no alimony involved and after being a SAHM for 17 years - I expected that for sure...
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:08 PM
1

Well said
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 03:53 AM
4

Damn....I'm lucky. Married 17 years....she was, by her own choice a SAHM. No CS or alimony. I kept the marital home because she couldn't afford it and I didn't want my kids to have to move. My mortgage went up by a 1/3 after buying her out, but I guess I'm lucky seeing what others have to do.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 03:51 AM
1

My ex wife's emotional dysregulation over small inconsequential issues.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 07:04 PM
1

I had a 20-page Google Doc that went back to 2022... that documented every argument. It started just as me trying to maintain my sanity. She kept blowing up about stuff every few weeks only to then act like nothing happened. I started taking notes after talking to my counselor that way I could look back and see what had ACTUALLY happened rather than sanity washing her behavior every time
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:31 PM
2

My ex showed up drunk at my door at 4am last December. It was supposed to be her first night with the kids in her new place, but she said she had covid and needed me to watch the kids that night. So they stayed with me. About 4am I hear a knock at my door, I jump up and realized it's her at my door. She basically went out to the bar until 3am, drove drunk home, crashed her car in a snowbank and got it stuck, while managing to lose her only car key. I was pissed, and took a video of her drunk on …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:09 PM
2

I've spent LOTS of time reading and learning about BPD. I'm not 100% sure that's exactly what it was, but from the counselors I've spoken to - what ive described is very similar. Especially when you consider she came from a divorced family and never had parents that were "parents" towards her - more like trying to be her friend.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 06:19 PM
1

I'm sorry. Our relationship was good until about 10 years ago when she developed PPMD, which went away briefly during her last pregnancy. About 9 months after the birth of our last kid - she exploded on my family in our living room - screaming and cussing at my parents in front of our kids. She literally chased them down the street in her barefeet during winter telling them they ruined our marriage. This was a week before Xmas and my parents had just asked when they might see us around Xmas time…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 06:17 PM
3

I'm 43, married 17 years and together 24 years and in the same boat with you. How you can simply move on to someone else without any hesitation is by far the hardest to comprehend. Women will dress up, do their nails and makeup, head to the bar and have 4-5 guys lining up. In the few online exchanges I've had, as soon as they learn I'm recently divorced. They're gone... which is fine, but huge difference between how it goes for them vs guys. Feel free to dm me if you wanna talk, I've found these…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 04:22 PM
2

I don't know you, but from a stranger to another, thank you. I needed to hear this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:17 PM
1

I feel this, I'm 43 and just divorced my ex after 24 years together and 17 married. I kept the marital home so the kids didn't have to move, but I hate it. I hate living in this time capsule of my previous life. It's a huge house too and she left all the animals, so I'm left taking care of essentially what was our entire life. From a financial perspective it was the right move because there's no way I could afford a similar house in the area this one is located, but coming home to the house that…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:15 PM
1

Point #4 is, by far, the most important. I'm 7 months in from our separation, and it finalized 1 month ago. Working out, check.....guitar after work, check......eating/sleeping regularly, check.....getting outside and meeting new people, check... ...and I still feel like shit. So, yeah, I definitely feel point #4 is a good reminder that despite all the positive things one might be doing it's a trauma that's gonna take some self compassion to work through
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 05:29 AM
1

Im 43, I kept the house so the kids didn't have to move, too. She couldn't afford it anyway. It was a good move financially, but a terrible move otherwise. I hate living in this time capsule of my previous life... every room reminds me of some moment we shared in the past 20 years. I'm starting over too and while I find the ability to get up and do what I want freeing it's almost overwhelming to realize I'm alone now and every choice is mine and mine alone to make. It's nice but unsettling at th…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:37 AM
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