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PghSubie Archive

View 0 posts and 228 comments by PghSubie on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Married people do best when they're building their lives TOGETHER. They work as partners in planning everything, working as a solid team. If you go through life as two separate people, then don't be surprised when it feels like you're two separate people. Start with real honest communication together and see where it goes from there
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 02:02 PM
2

"make it make sense" ?? ROFLMAO
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 11:53 AM
1

Where was the marriage license filed? Why can't you apply for a divorce decree in Norway?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 09:41 PM
6

Using AI for anything at all is a roll of the dice. In this case, it seems like a pretty expensive gamble
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 07:23 PM
6

The person that you knew and married is now gone. In her place is someone who looks very similar, but is a different person Feel free to mourn for what's gone, but then move on
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 06:58 PM
1

I was married at 23, divorced at 31. Remarried at 44. I'm 57 now. I'm not sure if I qualify for what you're asking.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 04:19 PM
6

It's painful to be reminded that you have to move on, but it's still the reality. Spend whatever time you need in order to mourn what is gone. But, then it's time to move on. Sorry man. But, it does get better
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:24 PM
3

Like riding the proverbial bike, but easier. I knew more about women as a divorced 30-something than I did as a timid teenager.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:07 PM
18

So, you say that she's gorgeous, she's hard working, and she completely loves you, plus you have a child together. Sounds like you need therapy. You're not going to find greener grass on the other side of the fence. You're just going to turn your own yard into a septic field and find a garbage dump on the other side of the fence
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 07:54 AM
4

You can't control what your ex says. Continue to be loving, helpful, and supportive to your kids. They'll figure it out
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 02:32 PM
4

You're already there. It's not toxic. Build something
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 01:59 PM
2

Talk to a divorce lawyer about that question. There might be some financial steps for you to take quickly
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 05:03 PM
17

You can't change the past. Don't fixate on it. It no longer matters what you did 5 years ago or what you should have done. Focus and what you should do today and tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 09:44 AM
1

Why are you still carrying this weight 10 years later? Let it go and forget about it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 07:22 AM
1

You have no chance to get her back until you fix yourself, AND demonstrate that you can stay fix for a period of time
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 08:05 PM
5

Maybe "apparent hypocrisy" ?? I'm guessing, because otherwise, I have the same question. I would not call the behavior described as being hypocrisy, just racism. It should not matter the color of your ex's new squeeze's skin, or their career, or hair color. Forget about them and move on. She is no longer your concern. Stop letting her live rent-free in your head. The person that you once knew is gone. So, stop thinking so much about the person who took their place
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 10:50 AM
2

Keep showing them love and support. They'll likely come around eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:55 PM
2

You are only 28. Work on keeping your buddy healthy and meet people. You've got a ton of life ahead of you to be excited about. Focus on what's ahead of you and start building new plans for the future. Plans change all the time for a variety of reasons. It just means that it's time for new ones
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:12 AM
3

If you've been separated for 5 years then you should get divorced. If you don't want to be divorced, then you should be in therapy, because you are confused about what you want. It's ok to want to be divorced. It's ok to want to be married, but, you're mired right in the middle of the road.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 07:47 AM
1

I would expect marriage to also cancel any alimony
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:01 PM
1

If you pay separate expenses from ones that she pays, then you're doing it poorly. Money should go into a joint account and joint bills should be paid from the joint account
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:50 PM
0

So, you still don't want to talk about what the law does say, you want to talk about what it should say. In lieu of that, encourage her to move on and date someone new. In my state, cohabitation cancels any claim to alimony
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 03:16 PM
5

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Which seems like it's not new information.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:50 PM
-1

Oh, you want to debate the theory of the law itself, nevermind
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:45 PM
2

You're netting $12k per month and your wife wants 1/3 of that. Plus she wants 1/2 of the retirement funds. That does not sound obscene. You did not mention her income nor retirement situation
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:06 AM
3

If you do been and if she does agree, then realize that you won't have the relationship that you had before. You'll be completely subservient to whatever she wants. If you belittle yourself, then you give her all of the power, you'll have changed the dynamic and it'll be even worse than whatever it was before. If you want her back, you've got to ignore her and better yourself. Make yourself more attractive. Feel better about yourself. Be more confident about yourself. It's a position of confiden…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 08:16 AM
3

That's solidly a question for your attorney
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 09:42 AM
8

I was married for 9 years, then divorced for for 8 years. Then dating for 5 years, (so technically divorced 13 years), then married again now for 12 years. It's been 1000x better than my first marriage. My current wife is still amazing. She and I are an incredible team
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 06:35 AM
1

No, this is NOT a boundary that she must respect. And the law agrees. Reacting to this is the manipulation. She wants to get under your skin. Don't play that game She's gone. Let her go
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 01:02 PM
0

It's a Divorce. Are you high? The biggest issue involved is emotionally being anchored to someone who no longer cares. Sever the ties and start to heal
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 12:42 PM
0

It's a woman that you're no longer married to, in a house you no longer live in. The relationship cannot be rebuilt. She's an independent person. Let it go. It's not about self-respect, at all. Stop feeling connected to the woman who ditched you
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:48 AM
-4

It might feel uncomfortable and feel like a bad reminder, but you need to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:54 AM
7

Your state might have a generic support calculator available online. You would need to know the income for each parent, the custody schedule, and any specific recurring expenses, such as sports fees, music lessons, health insurance, and who's paying for them
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:04 PM
2

So, they want you to support your child into oost-secondary education. Sounds horrific. But, if that's what the judges in your county/state want, then that's that. Your lawyer will be a better legal counsel than this sub
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:46 PM
3

Is she on a hormonal birth control? Has she been subjected to any sort of assault or trauma?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:47 PM
0

"her half" ??
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:10 AM
8

Why do you still have a joint account??
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:45 PM
5

Everything sounded fairly expected until you got to the last line. If you're going to court withOUT a lawyer, then you can expect to be unhappy about the outcome
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 11:03 AM
15

It was a clear demonstration of the respect (lack thereof) that she has left for you. She is no longer the person that you married. It's ok to mourn for the person that's gone. But, remember that she is gone. Don't be fooled by the person who looks just like her but is a very different person now
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:14 AM
2

I was married for almost 10 years, then divorced for ~12 years, now married again for 12+ years. I'm still very happy with my current marriage. It was an amazingly good choice.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:59 PM
1

You should check to see if your state has a standard support calculator for your situation. Or ask a lawyer to do a calculation
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 07:00 PM
7

Archive them, and then stash then somewhere that you won't run into them. They're a memory of a person who is no longer accessible. Keep those wonderful memories, but realize that you can't go back in time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:32 PM
6

She had already moved on, at least mentally, before the separation. She knew the guy before the separation. How well she knew him might be a question. Regardless, if the paperwork for the divorce hasn't already been started, get it moving.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 04:56 PM
12

Yep, those are indeed troubling warning signs
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 12:20 AM
8

Why would you care?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:30 AM
1

You need to work hard to mentally separate the person that you initially married and the person who wants to divorce you now. Do not be confused into remembering the fiancee and applying those memories to the person near you now. . That's a whole new person. Don't get them mixed up. Respond to this new person based upon how they're treating you now. Do not give them slack based upon your memories from 5-10 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 11:09 PM
8

Sounds like you desperately need some new memories of sleeping next to a different person
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 10:06 AM
-5

The adult in residence should be given respect.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 11:28 PM
8

Your children deserve parents who are setting a good example about how to live their lives with a strong partner and be happy. If you're setting an example of how to squander your life being miserable, then don't be surprised if they follow your examples when they grow up. Is that what you want to happen?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:45 PM
5

She's in your past. Stop worrying about her
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 12:38 PM
5

I married, I divorced, I LEARNED how I had chosen poorly and made the wrong priorities,, then I made a much better choice, and married again. Nope, not interested in trying over with the first wife
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 12:03 PM
8

If it's been 5 years and you're still missing your ex, then you definitely need to be dating again
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 11:51 AM
6

I got divorced. Was single for ~9 years. Got engaged and married again. I paid attention to different behaviors as red flags. But, I'm all in for the second marriage. I'm still ecstatic with my choice in women this time. Second wife is amazing still. Have been married over a decade, which is longer than first marriage. Have a good friend who is also still happily married in his second marriage after almost a decade.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:54 PM
6

You're welcome to live life as a hermit. No one will force you to make friends. But, it's not possible to make friends to be in a serious relationship with anyone if you're strictly asocial or antisocial. It takes practice. Start small. Be friendly with a co-worker. Join a club. Go to a gym
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 03:28 PM
9

Spend some single time before you get into another relationship. Be comfortable with yourself. Don't subject someone to your rebound issues
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:35 PM
2

Co-parenting effectively requires practice and effective communication. The health of your child is what's at stake
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:34 PM
5

There's a lot of info there that doesn't seem necessary. If you need to reschedule the appointment, then reschedule it. What are you updating your ex about? Did you buy new sneakers? Start using a different detergent for your dishwasher?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:01 PM
7

What does your separation agreement say about custody arrangements?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:34 AM
5

Take the ring off. Store it some place secure. It's a memory, a memory of a better time, but a time that's gone now
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:44 AM
8

Sounds like you are still reserving part of your soul for your ex. Just keep remembering that the person that you married is gone. The person that's left is a different person, and that's the one that you have to deal with
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 08:29 PM
5

They're just people. Just relax and act like a real person. Treat them like a real person too. Be honest and take it slowly. Ignore every pickup line that you've seen in a movie or sitcom
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 08:26 PM
16

Sounds like a good excuse to invite an attractive woman to join you
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:39 PM
6

My current wife never asks. She's met the ex many times. (Because of the kids, there was no escaping her. Current wife and I were always attending high school swim meets, band concerts, etc, and ex was frequently there. My current relationship is awesome. I tell her all the time how amazing it is to have such an incredible PARTNER
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:17 PM
4

I was married in 1992. Had two kids. Divorced in 2001. Remarried in 2014. Still very happily married. I like to say that I learned something from my previous mistake and choose MUCH better for the second time around
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:43 PM
12

Dude, she's your EX-wife. Move on. Don't think about pulling nostalgia out of the trash can and dusting it off
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 12:31 PM
1

If the custody schedule is legally decided, then you just have to move forward. Don't continue to cause yourself stress over something that you cannot control. If you're missing your son, then spend your days without him making plans for what to do with him next. Focus on making yourself a better person and making better use of the time that you do have with him. There will come a day when he will want to be on his own. Make sure he's got great memories with you to take with him
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 03:07 PM
3

You need to move on. Your wife was part of your life in the past. Build a new future for yourself withOUT dragging your wife along. Call her
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 03:02 PM
2

It seems to me to be a giant red flag that you're refusing to support your son in something that he seemingly enjoys doing
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 04:59 PM
2

Balancing that list feels a bit like putting a hippo and a chipmunk on a seesaw
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 01:49 PM
8

You're still letting her live rent-free in your head. Just let her go. Stop thinking about her. You can react to your friends' actions however you like. But, react to their actions, not to what you think they're being told by someone who is no longer in your life
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 03:44 PM
-1

As someone who was Divorced, Remarried, suffered a stroke event, spent time in rehab, and is now home on Disability, I think you really need to be there to get her back on her feet. You owe it to both of you to see how things go. I am incredibly grateful to my wife for holding things together, for being my caregiver, cheerleader, chauffeur, and best damn partner that a guy could hope for. Your marriage has just hit a substantial speedbump. It'll tell friends and family more about your character …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 04:03 PM
3

You can always just call her by name. Regardless, you are still married. Depending on context, it could be fine to still use "wife". And you can always say "Karen"
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:34 AM
1

I don't think you actually read what I wrote. If it's HIS IRA, then it's HIS problem. She will potentially get money as a beneficiary to which she she not really be otherwise entitled. But, that's NOT her problem.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 01:37 PM
2

You're still a beneficiary for his IRA? That doesn't seem like a thing that should trouble you
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 11:11 PM
-7

Ask her out on a date Maybe a movie, a comedy perhaps. Go for dinner, some place with servers and tablecloths. Give it a try
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:43 AM
14

So she was being friendly and chatty with other parents. You're still caring too much about what she's doing. She's no longer your love interest, let it go. You'll feel better. At the most, just chuckle to yourself and move on. If she's building a reputation for herself in the parents' group(s), that's on her and will not impact you. Plus.... There's a good chance that she's doing it simply to get you to notice and be jealous. And you're reacting exactly how she wants you to.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:51 PM
7

Three weeks from start of affair to initiation of divorce, sounds like a best case scenario
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 12:11 AM
3

The Settlement Agreement should have been attached and approved by the court. Someone Oopsed
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 01:38 PM
15

It's the number of overnights that will count when the court calculates child support. That's what she's angling for
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 10:53 PM
1

My expense for covering health insurance was. There were no childcare expenses
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 10:32 PM
1

I believe the calculator took gross pay minus tax withholdings
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 08:39 PM
4

My child support calc was only based upon my income, so it wouldn't have mattered. The equity/debt of the previous/marital house only mattered for the divorce settlement itself, nothing forward
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:58 PM
6

In PA, cohabitation also negates alimony. I was lucky in that regard too :-)
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:16 PM
-4

Don't bother telling your ex. It's none of her business. Your kids have met your fiancee and like her. And they know your status. You're good
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 10:34 AM
4

If you got into a car accident, would you swear off ever having a car again? You, unfortunately, chose poorly, the first time. So, did I. Be aware of what happened, think about what you've learned, treat yourself better. Make better priorities for yourself. Look for different qualities in a woman. Be open to happiness with another person. That might involve marriage, or it might not
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 01:53 PM
3

Regardless of what you paid for it, the value is no better than 1/4 of what you paid for it, probably 1/4 of that number. I never really thought about the plan for my ex's ring
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 07:04 PM
4

Congrats. You were the backup plan for her backup plan
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:09 PM
4

She filed for a divorce. She got back together with an ex-bf. She moved in with him She's pregnant with his baby? Do you need a billboard? A song and dance number? She's gone. Move on
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 03:18 PM
11

Chuckle, shake your head, mourn for the woman that you once knew. That person is gone now. You can't change the past Move on and make sure that you respect yourself at least as well as you think she should respect herself
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:52 PM
3

Your children deserve to grow up seeing a good example of what a happy parent Looks like. If it's possible to change your current circumstance to be happy, then do so, soon. If there's no way to be happy where you are, then find somewhere else to be, soon
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:12 PM
3

You should get a copy of the court order once it's filed
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:48 PM
2

Don't try to recalculate bills. Just get her a job or a raise
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 12:39 AM
4

It's a marital asset now. You'll have to buy her out of her half and get a quit-claim deed in exchange, or sell it outright
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:40 AM
7

The curiosity that drove you to look, that's the mind-killer. Let her go. Stop wondering. It's not what you can see on her socials that's bad for you. It's the desire to see it that's problematic
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 03:43 PM
28

I'm not interested in even being friends with an 80yo who is so emotionally stunted they are in a relationship with a 19yo. They're at completely different stages of life with completely different sets of life experience
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 07:31 PM
0

Did you get her to quit any hormonal birth control?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 09:04 PM
7

You applied a marital asset against a marital liability. Seems reasonable
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 08:23 PM
6

No, that rotation feels awful. Those people may be little, but they're still people. They'll want at least a little stability. They have school schedules and friends. And a swap at 8:00 feels like it's way too late and too close to bed time. Just remember that they'll often come to you and then remember a half -hour later that they still have homework to do
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 04:03 PM
1

"....put less..." Which is also Fraud
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:50 PM
17

Sounds like you missed the easy response -- "No, YOU need to fight for the 25 years. I have been, and I'm getting nothing back"
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:48 PM
7

Do you need even more evidence that it's time to move?
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 01:36 PM
6

If you haven't had a client in 7 months, you don't have a business, you have a hobby. Sounds like your wife is right, move on from that "business". Keep the wife happy
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 01:32 PM
1

There shouldn't be any wage deduction at all without the appropriate legal paperwork. And you should have been given copies of all of that paperwork. What does it say?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:18 PM
20

She's cheating or she's lining something up. She's aligning herself with someone new who she considers to be "strong"
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:21 PM
2

Hang onto feelings that help you change the future. Get rid of feelings about changing the past. Move on. Worry about tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 05:44 PM
4

I married again at 44 after having been divorced for 12 years. It can happen. Work on being happy and comfortable with yourself. Like yourself first and be a great parent!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 08:48 PM
2

You've already taken the steps to eliminate her from your daily life. Now take the steps to remove her from your thoughts. If it's been 20 years!?! Stop letting her live for free in your brain! It's gone, in the past. Focus on enjoying your present
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:25 PM
1

I've had some medical issues in the last few years. A girlfriend would not have been allowed into my hospital room, nor been allowed to talk to doctors on my behalf, nor make decisions about my care. I am very grateful for everything that my wife brings to our relationship and continues to being
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:24 PM
1

There are certainly a lot of jaded men around. But, I've been married, divorced and married again. I am completely thrilled with my second marriage. It's everything that I could have wanted, and I'm 11 years in. On my 10 year anniversary the first time around, I was standing in my divorce lawyer's office when I realized what day it was. So much stress was lifted off of me then. But, I'm ecstatic with my 2nd choice. Some risk yes. But, I've found much more reward
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 04:20 PM
-5

If you're dating five years and not married, then it's time to move on
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 01:14 AM
4

Does your state have an online calculator for CS and/or alimony? Throw yourself fully into the therapy
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 10:01 PM
5

You won't be able to go back to being"single". Instead, you'll be "divorced". It's similar, but not quite the same. If there's nothing toxic going on, try some counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 03:41 PM
1

Marital investment losses are marital losses.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 07:34 PM
1

Part of your married partnership invested some money, and there was an investment that lost money. Who is trying to claim what exactly?? It sounds like the marriage lost money on an investment and that money is gone. I'm confused by your question
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 06:02 PM
4

It's cool that you got a Right of First Refusal clause. But, if you want to pursue it, you'll probably need better evidence than simply viewing which cars are in the driveway. And the observation of a child could easily be refuted by someone saying they were home, but the child went to nap and then the parent ran to the store or something
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 04:09 PM
1

At the very end, you'll get a court order dissolving the marriage. That's the relevant date, the one on that paperwork
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 12:49 PM
7

My divorce was finalized almost 20 years ago. I've been remarried 1 years now. And it's been almost 4 years since I had a half-dozen strokes all at once. 1/3 of my brain died. I'm on LTD (" medically retired" ), I haven't been on skates, skis, or a bicycle in almost 5 years. But, I'm doing great. My wife is awesome. My daughters are awesome. I can wake up every day with a smile
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:18 AM
6

My ex has always hovered get closely. Eventually, my kids felt that way too. But, at the time that I decided upon my path, I decided that getting 100% of the attention for 50% of the time was still better than 20% of the attention 100% of the time. I didn't have to constantly compete to get a few minutes alone with a book at bedtime, or on the couch to watch cartoons. None of the options are perfect. But, my kids deserved to see at least one of their parents trying to set a good example for a he…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:30 AM
1

Work on yourself first. Trying to dive into a rebound relationship isn't good for anyone. Find those hobbies. Meet people. Make friends. Build a life that you want to share with someone
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 02:44 PM
1

The support calculations generally don't care where the source of income comes from. If it's income, it's income. Do you want her SSDI income to be treated as zero?
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 07:08 PM
1

Start with counseling, martial and individual
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 06:00 PM
6

If you're describing them as "atomic bombs" then you do need to seriously look at your diet, or Beano, or lactaid, or something
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:31 PM
0

If you have a child together, you'll need to maintain a relationship of some sort in order to co-parent. Stick with the therapy/counseling in order to build good communication skills with each other. You'll need them
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:45 PM
2

Take your time. Feel free to mourn what has been lost. Then move on. Better yourself. Feel good about yourself first. Be confident in who you are and what you can offer to a partner. Then, start looking for someone who fits your new life
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:47 PM
1

If she was married to Trump at the birth AND put his name on the birth certificate, then the burden of proof of lack of paternity is his, he's got a fight on his hands. Definitely time to have a lawyer put things in writing
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 04:08 PM
6

If you're still married when the kid is born and she puts your name on the birth certificate, then you've got a fight on your hands
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 12:01 AM
2

Pretend to be interested and string her along until you get everything split on paper.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 09:27 AM
8

There are plenty of awful people out, both men and women. But, there are also plenty of non-awful people out there too Just watch for red flags to tell you which you've got. How do they treat wait-staff? How do they treat pets? How do they behave in an argument? How much debt do they have? What sort of career goals do they have? Etc
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 09:26 PM
2

Find hobbies that make you happy. Make sure that some of them involve being outside and being active. Find someone else whose company you enjoy
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 02:44 PM
-21

Your ex, through whatever process, has ended up with someone who is trying to be supportive of your children at a public event. Sounds like you should let the past go and focus on what's best for your children in the present
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 11:04 PM
8

My ex-wife wife got married on the day after the final divorce decree showed up in the mail. She was engaged months before that and cohabitating. I celebrated the elimination of any risk of alimony. They got divorced 10-15 years later. Now she's living with some other guy. I feel bad for him. But, that's not my headache
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:48 PM
2

Get yourselves into counseling quickly. Even if your marriage cannot be saved, you will need to maintain a healthy relationship and have good communication skills with each other in order to co-parent together for the next couple decades
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 06:35 PM
1

She's post-partum with your newborn child. Fight for your relationship. She needs a lot of support. You're on the hook. Life with a newborn can be tough. Work through it together
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:52 PM
1

The post did not say anything about"abuse", nor did I. Neither "yelling" nor "smirking" qualify as abuse. If you feel a need to protect your children from any yelling or smirking then you need to keep them in your own home
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 06:35 PM
-1

The owner of the house does NOT need to allow you inside. And if your children are in his house, it is very reasonable that they have to follow his rules. If your kids go to a friend's house, they need to follow the rules there as set by the owner(s) of the house. You won't be with them 24x7. You need to teach them to respect authority. If they go to a mall, they need to respect the rules there too, even if you're not with them. Etc etc
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 03:49 PM
5

Pretty sure that you should be able to have an earning capacity assessed and assigned to her
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 09:04 PM
3

It'll never work, sorry to say. No matter what you say to family/friends, they'll never feel comfortable having both of you at an event. They'll simply stop feeling comfortable around the two of you together. I'd recommend marriage counseling
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:29 PM
2

If you've got children, then counseling can definitely make things better. You have to both be interested in making a relationship work though Even if the marriage ends, you'll still need to be co-parent for years to come. Having effective communication skills in that relationship will definitely be helpful. And once you move forward with a divorce, your chances of such counseling improving your communications will essentially evaporate
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 05:15 PM
1

What does your lawyer say about your current status?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 08:07 PM
4

It's in a box somewhere with some random foreign coins
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 01:32 PM
6

I can hardly imagine the emotionally stunted nature of a 30yo-man who would be fulfilled by a relationship with a 20-yo woman. She's not even old enough to legally drink. The rule of thumb that I've heard, and which seems to work, is Half your age, plus 7. So, a 30yo shouldn't go any younger than a 22yo. And that would suggest an outside limit
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 11:59 AM
2

If you've got a caring and supportive partner, that's a pretty valuable asset. Work on finding interesting things to do together
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:53 PM
10

I married once, poorly. Was in the divorce lawyer's office before 9th anniversary. Learned my lesson. Chose MUCH better the next time. Second marriage has passed 11 years and feeling stronger and more wonderful than ever
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 11:47 PM
2

Are you sure that you want to be still married when your business improves?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:31 PM
1

I would expect that you would be more worried about undisclosed sources of income, and not care at all about her expenses. What she chooses to spend money on, short of illegal drugs with kids in the house, is no longer your problem. Just make sure that she isn't making more income than you thought
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 10:56 AM
3

I was divorced and did my second marriage when I was 45. I couldn't be happier with the decision or the marriage. There's no way I'd want more kids though. The idea of trying to do little league baseball, soccer, or other at 50 is NOT attractive. 50+ is too old to be sitting on bleachers for a swim meet or volleyball game either. I had friends when I was in high school, whose parents had retired by the time the high school prom and commencement were rolling around. I'll pass
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:25 AM
1

You have no idea what her income looks like, nor her spending, but yet you bought her an $18k watch anyway. I'm guessing that she has a really amazing ass
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 08:34 PM
3

You're married, not roommates. Working together with common finances builds a more solid relationship. Acting like you're going to get divorced frequently leads to divorce
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 04:47 PM
10

You "loaned your wife" money. I'm confused. In the perspective of martial property, what do you envision that this means?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 01:02 PM
1

How often are you including her with your activities with your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 09:50 PM
3

How long have you been dating her? Has she met your kids yet?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 10:56 AM
1

She's trying to wait you out, to get you to leave the house
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 08:45 AM
1

If you're asking a math question, then you should both get the same value. House 1-$75k or house 2+$75k. If you're asking a legal question, then that would be a much longer conversation with your lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 08:15 AM
9

You've become the backup plan. If you're happy being second choice, then keep hanging out. Realize that you'll always be treated as such. But, it's your call
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 07:25 PM
4

You should consult with a local attorney who's familiar with local family law
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 07:31 PM
4

Are you setting the example for your kids that you want to be setting? Do you want them to normalize the conditions that you're tolerating right now, and end up in the same sort of relationship in 20-30 years?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 04:41 PM
2

Yep, sounds like you're right -- you'll never get a woman this hot again, you'll never get THIS woman again. Sounds like she's emotionally moved on. You need to do so as well. "Hot" is not nearly as important as "respectful", "supportive", "loving", "caring"....etc. Keep a backup of all of the photos somewhere secure. But, start making plans
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 01:54 PM
3

Whenever you think of someone else sleeping with her, laugh about it. She's their problem now. And then forget about her and go back to sleep
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 06:15 PM
2

You file based upon your status of Dec 31. Doesn't it say that in the instructions?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 05:27 PM
2

First steps should be to get your debts under control, accumulate some cash to pay for a lawyer, have an initial consultation with a lawyer, and get both of you to counseling. Even if you can't repair the marriage, you'll need a relationship for co-parenting for a decade+
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:21 AM
3

Try every form of counseling that you can. If there's a chance to reconcile and be happy, then fight hard for that chance. Divorce sucks
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 12:19 PM
2

Your state might have a publicly available calculator for child support. Try to find one. If that fails, try a different state. It wouldn't be legally defensible, but it should give you a ballpark number. Basically, the idea is to come up with a total expected child expense for a given level of family income. Then, allocate that based upon the number of overnights of custody. Factor in any specific expenses like daycare or health insurance. After that, you'll get a delta based upon income, and t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:27 PM
5

Realistically, if you're feeling like dating is hard work, then you're probably doing it wrong. Find some channels to meet new people. Then enjoy the process. You'll find some frogs. But, always be on the lookout for princesses and/or princes. Just enjoy meeting new people. Lower your expectations for each date. You won't meet the person of your dreams, just hope to enjoy a dinner or drinks or hike or bike or whatever. Maybe you'll meet a dozen people before you find one worthy of a second date.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:44 PM
-5

If you think that dating is that much work, then I suspect we have an idea why your marriage failed. Relationships are all a lot of hard work. If it's worth having, then it's worth working hard for. People are all independent beings. It takes constant communication and compromise. If you're looking for a maid, there are better places to look than dating apps
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 01:52 PM
4

The care of yourself first. Find activities that you enjoy. You'll start running into women who share similar interests
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 08:19 PM
1

My second marriage is going fantastically. I'm 55 now. Could not be happier with my relationship
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 11:55 AM
4

I divorced at 32 and remarried at 45. Don't try to set an alarm clock for yourself and don't over-extend yourself for a mortgage
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 03:11 PM
2

I believe that a famous alkshow financial advisor would say something like, Beans and rice! Until you've got this mess under control. Beans and rice, no vacations, because you're freaking Broke" Sorry, that probably doesn't help much. But, I was just seeing another Reel of him ranting that same line." Unfortunately, you really only have a few options, increase your income, decrease your payments, , or eliminate some payments
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 10:31 PM
2

My ex got engaged and their wedding was less than 48 hours after the final divorce decree showed up in the mail
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 03:42 PM
2

How did you pay for your living situation by no longer going to work?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 03:54 PM
4

It's not a competition. Take care of yourself first. Feel good about yourself, THEN work to find someone worthy of your time& attention
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:47 PM
10

Your presence and involvement are worth more than your wallet. Go be with your family
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:11 PM
3

If you've already got a ruling specific alimony, then that order probably mentions healthcare coverage
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 06:08 PM
3

What is she asking you to start doing or quit doing? You're still together and you have a small kid. At a minimum, you'll be co-parenting for a decade. The time to build a healthy relationship is now. Take steps to make ahead the playing field is even. If she doesn't have a job, make it clear that she should start taking steps to get one. Make sure you're equally participating in childcare duties
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 02:54 PM
5

You're going to be co-parenting for a bunch of years. Do the counseling. Improve the relationship. Salvage whatever friendship that you can. You'll need to have a good working relationship with her. But, accept that a loving marriage is likely no longer an option
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 07:39 PM
2

If you can withdraw $22,000, pay 20% tax and 10% penalty, keep $10k in the fund, and pay her $15k, and have that agreement approved in writing, seems like a win. But, if you leave her a window to accept the $15k AND still chase you for the 50%, then be very careful
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:30 PM
2

My ex wanted to do couples counseling with a therapist that she'd been seeing. The first session felt like it would be an ambush. It was. I fended off a couple attacks. She threw a tantrum. The counselor was literally wide-eyed while my ex had a meltdown. The comment was, "well, now we have something that we can work on." I never went back. Neither did she. She couldn't get the therapist to agree with her that I was wrong, so she had no value to the sessions any more
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:16 AM
1

Yep. Go for it. You'll have a LOT of work ahead of you. But, it sounds like it could be worth it
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:43 PM
3

If you can find a way back to mutual happiness and mutual respect, I'd think that was something worth considering. But, you're the one with the experience and history. It's your life, your call.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 02:48 PM
3

She's either an idiot, of she's already prepared for that scenario. So, it might be more difficult. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 04:27 PM
2

If she's making money under the table, then you'll need to find a way to prove her income. Tax statements, if she declared it. If you can prove the income AND it's not declared, then the IRS would probably be interested to hear about it as well
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 04:24 PM
3

Your adjudicated calculation for child support should have already taken her income, your income, and your custody schedule into effect. If you think your support number is too high, then you can lower your income, increase her income, change your custody schedule to have more time, or simply adjust your perspective
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:51 PM
4

I can't say that I really paid any attention. I did eventually find out that she got engaged and they got married a few hours after the divorce decree showed up in the mail box. They got divorced ~7-8 years later
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 12:55 PM
3

Keep in mind that you'll need to keep seeing her face for 15-20+ years more as you co-parent. So, don't blow things up too badly. But, stand up for yourself and demand the respect they you deserve. If you don't, it'll only get worse
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 08:48 PM
1

Even if you cannot resurrect the marriage, you'll still need effective communication and a reasonable relationship in order to effectively coParent for the next 10-15-20 years. The therapy will not be wasted effort
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:08 PM
3

Therapy, even if unlikely to be fruitful, would still be cheaper/easier. Divorce is tough. And expensive. If there's no cheating, then give therapy a try ..... And/or a secluded tropical vacation for two... Young kids can be very stressful to a relationship. Take a break together
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:27 PM
1

If you're making 60% of the combined income, then you should be paying 60% of the combined bills.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:17 PM
3

So the best with what you've got. Make what you've got even better. Go to the gym Pay attention to people who are good people, not just people who look good in a mirror. Pay attention to the people who do the same Stop worrying about the mirror so much
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 01:12 PM
1

You're setting an example for your kids, whatever you choose to do. Do you want them to learn to grow up and spend their lives unhappy?
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 02:44 PM
3

Keep a log book and evidence of each communication. Take advantage of as much time with your kids as you can. Make sure that they see you doing so
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:10 PM
2

Question -- is your wife using some form of hormonal birth control, either pull or IUD?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:57 AM
0

There's was a rule of thumb that I had run across. I don't recall it exactly, but it was something like, half your age+10
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 08:36 PM
2

Your STBXW's MIL ?? .... Isn't that your own mother?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:24 PM
5

Because, she was making plans about leaving, for far longer than you thought. And a large part of that was the mental preparation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:16 PM
2

There are online calculators available that should process the cold numbers for you. If they calculate that you should be receiving support, then maybe you want to just rejuggle things so that you're not in the precarious (possibly??) Position of asking for support. Maybe have her carry the health insurance for the kids or get the tax deduction for yourself. Maybe have her pay for the trumpet lessons or judo lessons. Whatever
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 05:12 PM
1

You certainly don't want to pay lawyers to argue about $20 leashes and $75 space heaters. If you're going to argue about anything, it might as well be those things. There's going to be residual bitterness and it's going to come out. Just let it happen.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:42 PM
6

What's your payback on potentially spending$10k on a lawyer to possibly save $20/month ?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:40 PM
4

Sounds like you had a great woman in your life and your issues made you punt that relationship. You can't get it back now. But, you definitely need therapy. What you should have been keeping in mind is the person that she was in your relationship. The person that she was in the past is gone. It's what she does today that matters. Or did matter anyway. Now, she's not your concern any more. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 02:02 PM
1

So far, my second marriage is wonderful and has exceeded my first marriage in length as well as emotional and even financial support. If you adopt the same strategy for a second wife as you did for the first, then don't be surprised when you end up with the same result. If you learn from your mistakes, then things can be better
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:46 PM
1

Unless the courts decided that they're an unfit parent and awarded you sole custody, you'll have to figure out something
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:42 PM
0

You've got another decade of needing to interact with her about raising those kids. The sooner that you figure out how to cordially chat with her, the better off you'll all be
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:04 PM
2

Making her go to bed alone is certainly going to cement her feelings of feeling alone and being unhappy. If you want to stay in the relationship, then you should be trying harder to make her happy and make her feel part of an awesome partnership. It sounds like you're doing the opposite. If you start planning defense for a divorce now, you're just making the divorce more likely. Spend your energy on getting what you want. Your words say that you want a happy supportive relationship. Make your ac…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 01:37 PM
1

The only reason to wait would be to get her employed first
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 02:02 PM
1

Five months into a marriage AND adopting two dogs, that sounds like you're still adjusting to a major lifestyle change. The problem isn't your wife, seemingly, it's your mindset. Embrace your partnership and see where that takes you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:44 AM
1

If you have your eyes open when going into counseling, it can certainly be valuable. Just be careful about where discussions go, everything can be repeated later. But, it's possible that you learn valuable things about yourself or about being in a relationship, either of which can help you on the future
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 08:27 PM
25

"OUR Amazon account" huh? Separate that stuff, pronto
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 04:12 PM
1

My first marriage was over at nine years and was miserable several years before that. Second marriage is still fantastic at 10 years and counting. You've gotta make a better choice on the second go-around and take advantage of everything you learned the first time
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 01:34 PM
2

Your mortgage paperwork should list the interest rate that it uses as a basis for the adjustment rate, as well as the add-on. For example, it might be the 1-year LIBOR rate plus 5%. Find that information in your mortgage paperwork and then check online for a graph of that benchmark interest rate
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 04:22 PM
1

You definitely do not want to block the number of a co-parent, regardless of their pattern
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 08:56 PM
2

It was a very frustrating time --dreading Friday afternoons because it meant being at home all weekend with her. And conversely, looking forward to Monday mornings. The reduction in stress was fantastic.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 12:22 PM
2

So says your post on a social media platform
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 04:27 PM
6

Try these -- "I got a new job" "I work with computers" .... Or something else equally generic
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 09:16 PM
4

What should concern you is her behavior while she's in a relationship with you. If you think she's repeating past behaviors, then you know what to watch for. But, don't obsess about her past -- focus on her (and your) present
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:03 PM
12

It's been said as a general rule for years, if you want to know what your girlfriend/wife will look like in 20-30 years, take a close look at her mother. Thanks for adding further credence to that rule
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 09:31 PM
2

You've got to figure out your living situation PRONTO. I'm sure you already know that. But, as it is, you're still dealing with the poison every day, and it seems like it's going to get worse now. One or both of you need to move out ASAFP. How was that handled in your settlement agreement??
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 03:26 PM
3

Who says that he expected her to bring her kids along?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:57 AM
3

It sounds like there are some important details missing here. Where is she from? Where are you all now? Where are you going?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 07:43 PM
3

It can be a big hurdle to get over. But you've got to get back out there and try again. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:49 PM
3

Your little girl deserves to have parents set a good example for her of how to live a good life and be happy. If you instead set the example of how to stay miserable for years, she's going to have even more to deal with as she grows up and tries to have a relationship of her own. It really sounds like you have a lot of work to do. Start by doing ALL of the household chores before she can get to them. Bust your ass to feel valuable around the house. Do it so that your little girl gets to see that…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 10:28 PM
6

You should be paying a lawyer who can tell you when to be logical and stop being emotional. The reality is that your relationship with your ex is gone. Just move on. It's not useful to allow them power over your future by continuing to focus on being bitter
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 01:53 AM
3

You really need to ask some questions to a lawyer. Don't tell her that you're going to a lawyer. Don't tell her that you went to a lawyer. There's no reason for her to know until you file something.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 02:49 PM
-3

You need to stop being upset about things that a person did before they were in a relationship with you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 02:30 PM
1

This looks like it could help https://www.rosen.com/alimony-calculator/
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/22 03:26 PM
1

Teamwork can be a fantastic thing. And bonding over stressful situations can make a relationship stronger, if they can work through it together. Misdirected anger can certainly be a problem though. I dealt with a lot of sleep deprivation, bit hearing the giggles in the morning always made that stress melt away.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 06:15 PM
1

That's an awful place to be. I've been there. My ex was just a terrible person to try to spend life with.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 04:31 PM
9

You didn't say why you are thinking that marriage isn't for you But, there's a good chance that once you hold your child in your arms, and hear them coo or giggle at you, you might feel very good about where you are
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 12:59 PM
3

YES.... Life definitely got better! I couldn't fathom the idea that my kids would grow up watching their parents being miserable with each other, and learning that as the norm
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 06:35 PM
-18

Nope. That doesn't count
/r/PussyPass09/06/21 10:56 AM
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