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PurrpleCarrot42 Archive

View 3 posts and 39 comments by PurrpleCarrot42 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

PurrpleCarrot42/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:01 AM
5

PurrpleCarrot42/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 01:17 AM
1

PurrpleCarrot42/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 02:42 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Drinking isn’t going to fix anything, although it could make things worse. You need to be strong for you kids, but also you don’t need to pretend to be Superman. Let them see you, see you feel, see you hurt, see you handle it in a healthy manner. Be an example for them on how to handle something like, as they almost certainly will deal with it at some point. Hang in there, it gets easier, SLOWLY but surely.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:55 PM
3

Sorry to hear this. I can relate to a large extent. Mental health is not prioritized for men, especially Indian men. Sent you a DM, happy to chat/talk if you’d like.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 11:53 AM
3

Just know this - You WILL survive. What you feel now is not how you will feel a year from now. Not saying it will all magically get better, but it will get better than what is now. Trying to find a new structure for your life - work, gym, kids (if you have), hobbies, friends, family, volunteer. This may sound ironical but limit time on your phone - Facebook, Reddit and any other social media platforms. Try to get regular about sleep. They say it takes 1 month per year of relationship to grieve t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:16 PM
3

Although its sad, I think it’s fairly common that after a divorce, while the woman’s friends form a shield of sisterhood around, the man is left with hardly any. The men who are common or couple friends follow their wives. And in general men don’t show up for their friends in the same supportive way as women do, or even how men show up for their women friends. And if you have no local family, you’re shit out of luck. Feel free to DM me if you’d like to chat.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 06:34 PM
1

Please do yourself a huge favor and get a divorce NOW. This situation is not going to improve. The longer you wait the more pain you will suffer and pay a bigger price financially.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 11:06 PM
2

Do not leave in haste. You should talk to a lawyer before moving out. Yes, your reaction will be a roller coaster, and grief will come in waves, but slowly it will start to fade. It will probably never go away but it will become bearable, you will become stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:18 PM
5

This!! I buried my head in the sand and avoided divorce for over 10 years, because it felt to me like a personal failure. I had after all vowed to “…till death do us part”. Going thru it now and almost at the finish line, I wish I hadn’t wasted those 10 years. And more of if I hadn’t thought that staying in was “best for the kids”
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:02 PM
5

Before you credit the new guy for all her newfound happiness, keep in mind any relationship looks a lot different at 1 year mark, than at 15 yr mark. Let her have a few years with the guy and see if she’s still as giddy as she is now. That said, you have identified a list of things you could improve upon. WORK On those. Be the kind of dad your son WANTS to spend time with. If you are are still hoping for a reunion, please don’t. Move on!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 08:30 PM
1

All those emotions and feeling sound familiar, even if I didn’t log them with such frequent precision. I am almost a year out from separation and on the final lap before crossing the FINISH line. It DOES get better. Hang in there. Journaling or writing the feelings is seria my a good way to let out some steam and not let the anger keep building up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 01:02 AM
5

Most men elect to “do the right thing” even if they suffer because it. They put family, and children first. They stay in an unhappy, love less, sexless unfulfilling marriage, work 2 jobs or 14 hr days t o provide for their family and children, because they were taught and brought up with this sense of responsibility, that’s what it means to be a “husband, a father, a man”. In turn we expect the the wives will also do the “right thing”. They will also put “family first, children first” Whether th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:13 AM
8

It WILL get better. But unfortunately it will get worse before it gets better. Women check out way earlier than men and have the chance and the time to grieve the end of the relationship (IF there’s any grieving). For you the grieving begins now. Educate yourself on divorce process, make sure you do everything you can to get 50/50 custody. Improve your relationship with the children. Also start improving or building relationships with your family, if you have any close by, with your men friends,…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 08:45 AM
3

What’s worse than being single and lonely? Being lonely in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you HAVE to follow either path, do what works for you, and that may change with time - be open to it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 11:38 PM
3

You have 4 kids and a wife who waited for you to have a stable job before bringing up divorce?? Please don’t do this without a lawyer. I know it seems like unnecessary expense but once you start the process you will realize you’re not as amicable as you thought you might be.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 08:07 AM
2

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. But you absolutely can and will make it through this. Your first order of business is to sort out the citizenship. What is your legal status in Portugal or her EU country? Have you applied for citizenship in either of those two? If you were married for 10 yrs, I can’t imagine that your application will be simply rejected. Find some local charitable organizations who can help you find a free or cheap immigration lawyer to help you with this. Similarl…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:25 PM
3

If you guys are talking to each other, airing out grievances, being open about expectations and disappointments with each other, then yes, things will get worse first before there’s a chance that they will get better. If, on the other hand, there is no communication, the only conversation is about kids or logistics of life, if there isn’t any effort on both sides to actually try to listen to the other person, then I’m afraid you are likely wasting time and money, things will likely not change an…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:19 AM
1

DMed you a couple of names.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 11:04 PM
1

Thank you. That makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:23 AM
9

Sorry to hear that you are going through it, but you are certainly not alone. Happens all the time. Usually the person who files (70% of divorces are filed by women) has already gone through the “grieving” the loss, in the preceding months/years. They are far ahead and way more ready to move on than the one being left. You need to stop being invested in her (other than as the mother of your children- if you have any together). Focus on your recovery and your journey and your new life. Take the t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:56 PM
1

Give it back. Try if you can to do it without any accompanying speech. Actions speak louder than words.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 04:19 PM
7

What do you have to feel shameful about? You are NOT a failure. It takes two people to make a marriage work, but it only takes one person to break it. She’s decided she wants out. You can stay and prolong your misery, or get out now while you are still young. Getting divorced and staying together to co parent is a recipe for disaster. You can still be friendly and coparent living separately. The only thing to ensure here is that you get 50/50 custody of your child - go see a lawyer to make sure …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 10:53 AM
9

Whether you want it or not, you are on the path to divorce. Might as well tread carefully with intention rather than stumbling through it. You should absolutely get a lawyer for yourself - even if you guys want to settle it amicably. Your lawyer should be able to guide you during the negotiation process as well as review the final agreement to make sure there are no gotchas. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m 7 mos into the process, its definitely a roller coaster but slowly gets better o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:16 AM
3

Can understand your pain, going thru gray divorce after 30 yrs being married. Give it some time - they say it takes one month per year of being married (or in the relationship) to get over it. And don’t beat yourself up if you’re still longing for it to somehow work out - just don’t put too much hope in it either. It gets better, slowly but surely.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 11:44 AM
1

Sorry to hear this. It’s a sad but a fairly common situation. She’s not bothered by it because in her mind the relationship ended a long time ago. It’s news to you, and your mind and body will take its time to process and accept it, grieve it, and then hopefully get over it and move on. Whatever you do with the house, don’t move out till you have the final agreement in place. Yes I’m sure living in the same place is not easy. How long before your children move out. If it’s a few months, might be…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 07:58 AM
6

You’re not crazy. And you’re not alone. Despite knowing well logically and rationally that this person isn’t good for you, occasionally we revert to missing them, especially in difficult times - because that’s what is familiar, it’s the comfort of known, opposite of fear of unknown, it’s that old familiar ”blankie”. It does get better slowly with time. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 01:38 PM
2

I avoided a divorce for last 8 yrs (out of 30) of our marriage, in large part due to this reason. In the end still getting divorced. Not going to sugar coat, it won’t be easy. Most of the friends will fall in her camp. If you don’t have any family nearby or can’t rely on them, it will be hard. But if this is the only reason you are staying, things are unlikely to improve, and it will likely end in a divorce eventually, now or 15 years from now. Take your pick. Make a couple of good in person fri…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 02:32 AM
20

Sorry to hear you are going thru this. I am no misogynist, but The more I read these stories, the more it feels like that men are still treating marriage as “till death do us part”, whereas for women it is “as long as I am happy…”. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 08:27 PM
15

It is really sad that men find such little support - from their friends, especially so from other male friends, whether they are just “his” friends or whether they are “their” common friends. Women friends will invariably circle around ‘her’, and usually their husbands simply follow suit. Going through it right now and feeling it to the max. I’m even considering moving a few states away so I don’t have to feel “divorced” by friends - just adds insult to injury.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 06:53 PM
4

5 months separated and far from being officially divorced. In this time, the amount of time, and the frequency of thoughts I have about thinking about the life that was, or wishing that things were different, is slowly reducing day by day. Short answer, keep doing what you are doing, have activities, hobbies, so you don’t have a lot of time just sitting and thinking. At the same time, don’t avoid the grief, feel it and let it pass through you, otherwise it will stay in for long and fester. Cry i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 12:15 PM
2

Given how young/old they are, what is the benefit of telling them now versus telling them 6-8 months from now? Won’t it just add more time to their pain? It seems to be that trading their (additional) pain for the sake of alleviating your guilt about it isn’t a fair trade. This is just my $0.02.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 02:22 PM
3

You likely need both. A guy who’s gone through it to generally guide you thru the process, help you through the emotional side of it. And depending on your situation/state/kids/assets you need a lawyer as well. Make no mistake though the lawyer won’t be your buddy/mentor/therapist. He/she is just a legal expert(?) who will charge you every penny they can.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 12:06 PM
1

I know it’s hard to be living together - but don’t leave the house until the divorce is final or at least on final stages. Otherwise you will just be separated - which has all the disadvantages of a divorce and none of the benefits. If she’s the one who asked for it (which seems to be the case by the sound of it) she’s had years to prepare her mind and body for it. You on the other hand are just starting. It’s normal for you to react to those words/feelings. Just make sure you are always in cont…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 09:13 PM
3

You’re not alone. It is a hard decision to make. I teetered on that seesaw for a good 10 years. In my case she was the one who wanted the divorce but I kept resisting it. First because of the kids, then because I was afraid of losing friends, then because “it wasn’t THAT bad”… back and forth… You’re 37, still have a lot of life ahead of you. I doubt if things get significantly better once the water is polluted. I actually felt relieved once I made the decision, instead of dangling in indecision …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:04 PM
13

It is my observation and experience that the woman inherits the common friends circle post divorce, the man gets slowly (or quickly) pushed out. No matter what the reason for the divorce - the sisterhood bands together and the guys simply follow along their wives’ lead in social matters. In addition to financial loss and losing time with children, losing the friend circle is yet another significant though intangible cost of divorce for men. I’m sorry you have to go through it. It’s hard enough l…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 10:55 AM
2

As someone mentioned already, please read the book, No More Mr Nice Guy (don’t let the title sway you)
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 11:51 PM
4

Sorry that you are going through this. Just know and keep reminding yourself that you are way more than just a “husband”. It is a travesty for this generation of men ( men in their 40s to 60s) that all of our life and identity is wrapped up in being a husband and father. Make self care a priority. It means - eating right, sleeping enough, exercise, emotional well being - journal , call and meet up with friends and family, see a therapist, most importantly grief the loss of this relationship, but…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 11:46 PM
4

When we told our adult children about our grey divorce, their response was “what took you so long?” Glean what you will from this. I also stayed in a failing marriage (she wanted a divorce for a long time, I resisted because I didn’t want to “lose” the 100% time with children.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:44 AM
11

Read the book “No More Mr Nice Guy” (don’t let the title distract you). Then go to work on yourself. Self-sacrifice doesn’t get you anything. If she’s made up her mind, there’s no use begging or pleading. Can’t tell if you have children or not, if not, I’d say consider yourself lucky. You will come out alive and strong at the other end of it. There’s nothing to be terrified about.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:43 PM
1

Let it go. Consider yourself lucky that you only spent 2-3 years in a bad relationship, and that there are no children involved. It won’t change, you will be asking the same questions in 3, 5, 8, 10 or 15 years later. A lot of selfishness and treachery is masked under the guise of “rebellion against patriarchy”. For (a lot of) women, Divorce is trendy. Get out before you get more deeply entrenched. And yes, it’s normal to feel emotionally detached. Once the strain on the relationship crosses a t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 10:19 AM
7

I’ve thought about the same thing many a times. There are gazillion resources for woman. I was hard pressed to find a local men’s divorce support group. I think it would be really nice if there was group where: one could talk to a live person provides simple peer to peer support, doesn’t have to be advise possibly works multiple time zones - just US time zones to start with does not pedal ANY paid services strictly volunteers driven keeps the data of volunteers safe has a single number (a Google…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 09:22 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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