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View 2 posts and 53 comments by QuietVisitor on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
53

QuietVisitor/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:38 PM
5

QuietVisitor/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 11:26 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Wait… whaaa???
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 09:04 AM
7

I’ve thought the same, and certainly it’s true of many of our still-married friends, but being almost a decade out of divorce, I’ve developed a different view now. It occurs to me now that a lot of the apathy when I was divorcing was a kind of subconscious veiled jealousy on their part. Hear me out… if you’re married over around 10-15 years, there’s probably a 50/50 chance that you’re no longer happy. There are loads of dead bedrooms in that mix. Sure, there are plenty of happy homes, but there …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 11:55 PM
3

Most of the ones I’ve seen end up being a train wreck. I think there’s often a big disconnect between what the ex wife thinks her worth is and what the new guy thinks her worth is. Delusional is a word that comes to mind. Unfortunately, the DV set up is pretty common. Often, on this subreddit it’s advised that you “gray rock” around your ex, only meet in public spaces (preferably with cameras), and in your own home, set up cameras so there’s no potential for claims of abuse. If you haven’t alrea…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 09:47 AM
6

As far as the “shame”, give it I few years. There’s so much we men put onto ourselves in a divorce as if it’s only our failure. The people who know her will eventually see and understand what kind of person she is… they always repeat the behaviors and it’s next to impossible to convince people twice that a failed relationship is the other person’s failings.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 09:48 PM
5

Forty free
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:23 AM
5

I think it’s another way some women dodge responsibility / ownership. They want to make themselves out to be a good person in these circumstances and I believe they say this so they don’t have to confront their bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 07:01 AM
19

Literally the only place that didn’t gaslight me after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 11:21 PM
1

USPS
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 12:44 AM
10

Yeah, wasn’t trying to gaslight you. Just saying that plenty of people in relationships construct their own meaning around a whole variety of things and before you know it, the couple lives on two different planets. That being said, from my experience, women are exceptionally good at living on “victim planet”. My ex did similar to me and it’s taken years to realize just how delusional she had become. The fact that you are reflective about it demonstrates that you’re searching for “reality planet…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:13 PM
8

lol… congratulations on escaping that child.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:58 PM
11

Houseflies on shit
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:54 PM
8

Short answer… we all construct our own realities… even you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:33 PM
1

Of course young man. You’ve got this. You’re building a stronger you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 07:27 PM
1

I think what you’re missing from his story is the part that she had control from the beginning, was using him as a fuck toy and was finished with him. Sometimes the dumbest things reveal the true intentions and there’s no putting that genie back into the bottle. We all lie a little, but sometimes the relationship itself is a lie. Maybe a lie of convenience, perhaps a lie that got out of control, and sadly, sometimes a knowing lie. I think the best defense against bad outcomes in relationships is…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 01:02 PM
2

It’s easy to construct beliefs about what another person’s motives are. Love is about being open with one another and sometimes we risk being vulnerable. You can’t love without suspending disbelief. When you’re deepest in love you feel like “you know” someone. But is that truly possible? I tell my friends to be kind to yourself after a break up. When we humans view other humans through our own lens, it can have some distortions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 02:38 AM
2

There’s nothing “special” about a faithless person leaving you. It’s actually quite common. You’re mourning a person who never existed. Learn from the pain and decide to see more clearly in the next relationship what “is” as opposed to what you “believe”. Hard truth, but that’s what the folks in this sub understand… and you asked.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 12:31 AM
32

Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, etc. are designed to feed whatever excites you. They fed my ex the delusion that she deserved more, that I oppressed her, that she probably should be with a millionaire, and that she was completely justified in being a twat. Honestly, I was pretty angry with social media at first… now I’m grateful that it accelerated the process of revealing that faithless POS.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 11:31 PM
0

Is that a you tube video? Where do I find it?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 09:14 AM
3

Yeah, totally get that… but even friends whose kids are grown.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:00 AM
5

It makes me sad though. I know you’re right but hate to think of us as utilities. I’m far away from my divorce and the chaos that followed… it’s probably shitty but I feel like (with my still-married friends) there’s a big loss of depth now. It’s not going to make me abandon them, but it’s probably just going to stay occasional friendships. Hard to make new friends in late forties…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 11:53 PM
2

That’s awful bro. It’s odd how devious some people become while still maintaining the angelic act.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 11:27 AM
1

I love this so much. Especially the part about many men not being actually happy in their marriages and the emasculating appearance to us on the outside. I agree they seem like zombies just waiting to die. I’m often alone, but at least I’m not imprisoned.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 08:43 PM
1

So sorry man… even though I’m not OCD, I think many of us in a divorce become obsessed with a lot of the stuff you mentioned… the person she was (or we thought she was), the happy times, the emotions, and on and on. A thing I’ve learned post-divorce that works for me is to face the fact that I constructed an idea of a person who never existed, know what I mean? It was much easier to move on once I realized she wore a mask. Also, is it possible for you to redirect your obsessions? For example, a …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 12:46 AM
2

Dated a home health nurse for several years… she did not have an affair, but jeez… she got waaaaaayyyyy too involved with the drama of the people’s lives. Would come home and need to tell me everything about whomever. It was a blessing when the person actually healed or she was reassigned. Sorry that happened to you. Not that they are all the same, but I try to avoid nurses now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 12:20 PM
2

Interesting question… truly. When I first dated a “self-sufficient” highly successful woman, at first, I felt like it was so refreshing to not always handle each and every detail. She was the only woman I had ever seen handle logistics well or insist on paying. Unfortunately, I also got the sense fairly quickly (a couple months) that this person had the expectation of control even in subtle ways and I just couldn’t do it. She was lovely, loving, and generous, but it felt somewhat transactional (…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:10 AM
3

Marylander here. The state no longer requires a one year separation… I believe it changed 2018 or 2019. If you both mutually consent, you can get divorced right away.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 01:58 AM
4

The issue I had with counseling is that it takes two partners assumed to be operating in good faith. Well, if you’re married to a manipulative narcissist, that doesn’t work. She lied in therapy as profusely as in private. I wanted the therapist to call her out on her bullshit (and I know she saw it) but she just never did.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:16 AM
2

Love it!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 03:44 AM
7

This is performative manipulation designed to make you look bad. Forget who she was before divorce decision. You’re not dealing with someone acting in good faith or with your interests in mind any longer. The sole objective is to paint you as abusive, unreasonable, or a threat. As others have said, common area cameras and practice “grey rocking” whenever possible. She’s building a narrative about what kind of person you are in order to receive what she wants in the split. Good luck. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 10:10 AM
5

I had a four year relationship with a woman who had debt, a small child, a low paying job, and a 1920’s era tiny house that needed a lot of work. During that time, because I genuinely believed she loved me, little by little I would help her fix her house (usually me doing the work and her watching or fetching a tool). Sometimes I couldn’t do the work myself but I would provide badly needed guidance and advice based on experience. A great example was, she got an $8000 bonus one year and she wante…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 01:12 PM
3

Was married 19 years to a 10. Never again. The tendency is for 9s and 10s to get trapped in a delusional attention bubble. Shit, nowadays, maybe even 6s, 7s, and 8s. You don’t stand a chance against the unlimited, aggressive attention thrown their way. Inevitably, they form beliefs about the relationship from the standpoint of their delusion bubble. They seem to develop a sense that everything they do must be amazing because they only ever get positive reinforcement, and generally move about the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 02:41 PM
2

You need to document and file a police report. She’s carrying your baby, right?! You really want this psycho to have custody?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 01:31 PM
1

First off, I’m so sorry. You’re describing my former marriage at the end. Not going to deny that it’s an awful process to go through but rest assured, you’re going to come out the other end with at least self respect and resolve to live with yourself in mind for a change. A failure would be for you to remain with a cold, uncaring woman. Your life is too short for that. Also, this community can confirm, after you are through the grieving process, most men regain pride, confidence, and peace. It’s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:04 PM
26

I hear you, but never underestimate the chances of an “amazing, she’s the one, found my ‘soulmate’ sorta situation” to go south. Point is, plenty of dudes in this sub thought they had enough experience to see things clearly. It’s good to stay focused and vigilant is all I’m saying. You’re still young.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 04:11 AM
1

It’s odd that you’re getting downvoted for asking this question.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 12:22 AM
1

I appreciate the breakdown. I have seen that movie but had forgotten the scene. Makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 04:38 PM
2

Bunny Boiler? Curious for an explanation of this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 09:32 AM
1

You’re not alone and you’re not crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 02:21 AM
3

Just keep supplying me no matter what, servant! Whatever your pain, however you feel, damn it, keep supplying me with resources!!! Fuck this succubus! What an awful human. Good luck to you brother.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 02:10 AM
1

Agree with most of the other comments. Will add from personal experience, if you have pets, DO NOT under any circumstances share custody. Did that with my dog mostly because my ex thought it would be good for the kids (he goes where they go). And in the haze of the divorce, I stupidly agreed. Problem one is the ex never did, and currently doesn’t, give the dog what he needs, so his years of training are pretty much ruined. She just thought he was magically a good boy. Problem two is that now my …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 01:53 AM
7

The thing to remember about therapy is that it is impartial to a fault in most cases. Whatever bullshit she wants to tell the therapist will likely go unchallenged and you’ll simply be asked questions like, “can you please express what you just heard your wife say.” And, “why do you believe your reality is more valid than hers?” Or, my favorite, “what do you think she need that you could be working towards?” It’s always about “hearing” the other person and rarely about evaluating the effort, act…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 01:13 AM
6

Collective hug to all my brothers… this hits too close to home.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 06:32 PM
1

Arrangements for a shared dog. It made sense seven years ago to allow him to travel with the kids back and forth. They needed their buddy around. I didn’t think of what would happen once they went to college. It’s an entanglement I wish I had thought through. She clearly doesn’t care for him the same and I have no ability to change the agreement. Swap him weekly just like we did with kids. He’s old and probably has two years left tops, but even his end has me scared. She can’t make hard decision…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 01:22 AM
2

Therapy doesn’t necessarily mean she’s being confronted with hard truths or doing the work. You have no idea what she’s saying, how she’s spinning it in her own mind, or what therapeutic approach is being employed. While not always the case, some therapists reinforce the delusions of their clients. And, no offense, but the combination of holding the marriage hostage unless she gets her fourth baby and Mormonism in general makes me tend towards the latter. Ironically, you might be the one who ben…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 07:56 AM
3

This is normal. We resent not only the ex and their bullshit, but all of their spineless enablers and flying monkeys. The thing is, your best remedy is to act like you don’t give a fuck. Just pop in the ear buds, work out, ignore them, and demonstrate confidence. That’s the best way to get under their skin. Just be better than them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 12:51 PM
3

45k is honestly a steal. If she wanted, she could probably get half of your house’s value. He’s right, you should take the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 01:41 AM
12

1.) It seems one of your primary hang ups here is the kids staying happy in a stable situation. Like millions of divorcees can attest, kids sense much more than we realize and it’s usually AFTER divorce that we notice they knew you were not happy. If you and your wife aren’t in any way affectionate, they see that. Maybe you don’t argue in front of them, or keep the resentment and anger stuffed away. And, you might think you’re shielding them somehow… but are you really? You and your wife are the…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 07:36 AM
2

You said yourself that you’re not ready for this. One way you could play this is to just be your authentic self unapologetically. She might even want you more that way. You tell her you’ll hit it but that’s all we’re gonna do. You’ve got other priorities.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 12:19 AM
1

The difference in the reality of 2023 compared to 15-20 years ago is way more extreme than some people realize. I tend to believe that the time pre-smartphone and pre-social media obsession was just the final somewhat “traditional” stage before women got sucked into a hyper-narcissistic alternate reality. It makes sense to me that you were being authentic, i.e, not needing to use “game”, and that you worked a nine dollar per hour job without a car yet landed a woman you thought was “forever”. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 12:14 AM
11

Was married 19 years. After divorce and a few years of rebuilding, I also considered this question. For myself the answer is: 1.) any woman I date, I make clear in the beginning that I’m not going to marry again, I might not ever live with a woman again, and that even if we get physical, it will take time for me to love. 2.) related to love… it’s important for me in any post-divorce relationship to define love as actions and not words. Show me love. Don’t tell me. 3.) I’m not interested in relat…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 01:38 AM
54

Ex was a 9 or 10. Thing is, she was delusional as fuck as a result of all of the constant attention. She genuinely thought the world revolved around her. Still does. It’s a big part (but not the only part) of why we divorced 19 years later. I also went through a brief period of anxiety about my chances in the dating world. However, once I got out there as an older male, there was an entire sea of women who helped me clarify or distill my true standards of attraction. For example, I learned that …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 07:58 AM
3

I have no idea about the split proposal. But, related to the lies she’s telling your daughters, I have good news and bad news. Bad news first… she will 100% plant seeds of lies and disinformation and generally paint you to be the bad guy. I not only endured this with my own two girls and ex, but saw it multiple times over as my buddies also divorced. But here’s the thing… you can’t badmouth your ex. Because then, you’re really the bad guy in you kids’ eyes and especially not good if her lawyer o…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 02:37 PM
10

Yeah, but the tribal tat is badass!
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen02/01/22 01:15 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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