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RPDame Archive

View 2 posts and 107 comments by RPDame on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Congratulations! I owned it completely. I owned the fact I wasn’t an innocent angel in that relationship and played my part. I particularly loved that statement. It's very easy to dwell in a victim mentality and act like the world owes you something. I began following /r/asianbeauty and asked a girl friend who subscribes to this beauty philosophy about her routine and worked on my own. I've been doing this, too! I love that stuff. It is so much cheaper than western products, too. Sometimes my gu…
/r/RedPillWomen08/12/15 12:00 AM
2

It is my belief that places like /r/relationships have been overrun by the bored and entitled feminist mommy crowd and the beta dudes who love them. They all upvote eachother. Want proof? Watch any post about a pregnant woman. Anything she does, no matter how abhorrent, will be excused and it will be the man's fault. A man is not allowed to be unhappy and have needs when he is married with kids; he is immediately shamed and told to give more to his wife and be more understanding. Any voices of d…
/r/RedPillWomen19/10/15 04:57 PM
16

My date opened up several things about very personal things about his background. If this is happening very early in the dating process then this is a red flag. It indicates a serious lack of personal boundaries, which is not a quality of a strong leader. There is a time and place for getting to know someone on a deeper level. Someone who has an instinct to throw it all out there immediately has some issues on top of whatever they are describing, because the very act of letting someone in so qui…
/r/RedPillWomen18/10/15 02:33 PM
4

I even told him this morning that I would rather see him only once a week than not at all. He insisted that he's giving me my keys back. Yeah, don't do this. You broke things off because this situation wasn't right for you. You were in the power seat to begin making a life you could be happy with. You want more from him, he can't/won't give it, so you need to get him out of your life in order to find the guy for you. Instead, he's making the decisions? You're not in a relationship with him. Wors…
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/15 03:08 PM
4

but disrespect from children is something few would say is acceptable behavior. This is chock full of moral judgments. Perhaps he didn't see it as disrespect. Perhaps he didn't see letting it go as something that was the end of the world. Are you better able to say what happened because you're a woman and therefore have special parenting wisdom, or something? This won't work if you call him your captain but don't trust his judgment in one area of life. You cannot force your view onto your captai…
/r/RedPillWomen07/10/15 10:53 AM
6

But you are judgmental toward him if you require time to chill out. That's a problem. Have you considered that perhaps you aren't the superior parent? This "mother knows best" attitude is something we see in BP relationships.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 11:54 PM
2

Yes, I know that. I have no interest in debating single motherhood. Single mothers exist, and they do not have the option to be SAHMs, and are therefore support my argument about SAHM being a luxury. I also mentioned another group, and that is a dual parent low-income household. Either they are low income across the board or they live in a high cost-of-living area. Those mothers also cannot choose to be SAHM, because the household needs two incomes. So diverting the discussion to low-income earn…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 11:51 PM
10

"Son, it's because I'm your mother and I'm not his mother. We have different styles of parenting. If I was his mother, I would have said something, just like I do with you."
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 11:44 PM
2

I'm not sure if he's an alcoholic in the way you describe, but he does have problems with alcohol. He loves to drink, usually wants to overdo it, makes poor choices...but he's high functioning, goes to work, doesn't put drinking before work. The criteria for being an alcoholic is a dependency on alcohol. If he's drinking every day as a way to de-stress/escape, that's a dependency. Many alcoholics hold down jobs and don't drink until the afternoon. These things don't exclude them from being depen…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 04:22 PM
3

Well, for one, a single mother can't be a SAHM unless she's divorced and is getting quite the alimony payout. Also, depending on the cost of living in whatever area you live, one salary may not be enough. It's nice that you were frugal, but opining that every mother has the choice to be a SAHM if the family tries hard enough simply isn't realistic. Sometimes there isn't a father in the home to work while the mother stays home. (I don't want to enter into a morality debate about single motherhood…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/15 04:18 PM
3

So it shouldn't be considered a job. Nor should it be considered a luxury. A luxury is something only some people can afford, but even the poorest people on earth can raise a family. So it isn't a luxury, either. While I agree with you that calling it a job isn't quite right, I'm not following how being a SAHM isn't a luxury. It's not an option for households that cannot afford it, and many working women wish that staying home was an option for them. Alas, it isn't possible and/or sustainable gi…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/15 06:20 PM
24

I (26, f) got out of a 5 year relationship around 5 months ago, the spark was gone and he wasn't leading me. Almost immediately I started to become very close with a friend(32,m). We eventually ended up having sex and continued to do so. Given that you're essentially in a FWB with a man who is living with another woman, and given that you traded one relationship for another, I'm going to suggest that you do what you're trying desperately to avoid: be alone. Spend some time in monk mode. Don't da…
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/15 02:09 PM
3

I'll go easy on you because I know you're hurting. I want to give him time but I need advice on how to cope with that and wonder how these sorts of things worked out for others? In most cases I've seen where one person has ended things and the other person doesn't want it to end, the only way to give it a chance in the future is to accept it, cut contact, and move on. Lingering after the breakup - even as friends - lowers your value in the other person's eyes. They know that they've hurt you, an…
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/15 08:07 PM
5

Developing a series of tests would be a little bit insane, my dear. Instead, be receptive to him and simply observe him over time. With enough time you'll get a sense of his character and how he handles difficulty, especially if the two of you are out and about and coming across different people and situations. Dating means uncertainty and you should become okay with that uncertainty. You cannot date without patience, because then you end up rushing it and potentially ending up with someone who …
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/15 12:52 PM
3

Thank you! It's something that came to my attention watching the entitled attitude of ex-wives and the unlucky souls who have to co-parent with them. Then I started to notice that the entitled attitude began as soon as the woman considered the man trapped with her - either the wedding or having the first child. She stops trying, and thinks that she's entitled to all the perks of marriage while making zero effort to making the marriage a happy one. And she justifies it all as her absolute devotio…
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/15 12:43 PM
10

Learning about something and incorporating it into your value system are two different things. Put emotional distance between you and what you are studying. Just because you read about it, write about it, and discuss it doesn't mean it becomes a part of you. That can only happen if you allow it. Let this be a first step toward learning that you aren't powerless over your destiny.
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/15 11:05 PM
14

Yes, the "parenting as religion" aspect of modern society has been troubling me for quite a long time, even before discovering the red pill. It seems as soon as kids are brought into the equation, women use the children as a way to control the household and to stop doing anything they don't want to do. Mothers expect to be treated at as if popping out a child bestows upon them a special wisdom that the rest of society - men and childless women - could not possibly ever know. Fathers are treated …
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/15 11:02 PM
2

He insists there are no strong emotions involved and that there is no bond, and I do think that part of it is that he does honestly feel guilty because when he broke up with her, he promised her he'd have her back and doesn't want to reneg on that promise. No bond? They why "worry" and why work to "support" her? No one does those things without a bond. Severing the relationship means severing the obligation and promises. If that doesn't happen, it's because one or both are trying to hold on. He …
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 04:35 PM
1

I've tried meditating before but it almost felt stressful for me, probably because I don't know how to just shut off. Haha! That means you really need it! Should I just google mindful meditation? We have a Buddhist meditation center here and I took some introductory courses. It was lovely, especially because no one was pushing any religion or worship. And I thought it was hilarious that I paid money to sit quietly in a room with a bunch of other people sitting quietly in a room :) If you can fin…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 03:23 PM
1

So this is my fault, but he doesn't see it this way. I've been pretty chill about it for the majority of our relationship because the majority of their conversations are light catching up on their families (marriage, babies), so he wasn't hurting my feelings until I saw the "I miss you" exchange, which then made me connect the dots to the bothersome incidents. Okay, that makes sense. So this hasn't been an ongoing issue and it's just recently that he's discovered how you feel about their exchang…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 03:07 PM
2

I haven't experienced this. My SO is extroverted and very touchy-feeley, and I'm introverted and sometimes I need a little time to check out in order to recharge my batteries. He'd prefer if we were always touching, so I try to incorporate more of what he wants. But it's just my nature that I need some space sometimes, because being around other people drains me as opposed to energizing me. It's just how I am, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about him. I want to feel like he is MY alpha…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 02:37 PM
8

You're focused on words. Who cares whether it was "I dreamed about you" or "you were in my dreams"? Who cares what context "I miss you" is in? His actions are that of someone who retains strong feelings for an ex and that is what you should focus on. Don't get sidetracked by what "_____" meant and how it was intended. I would not put up with this. He broke up with her and she's depressed - so what? She's not his responsibility but he's finding every excuse to hold on in spite of you feeling unha…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 02:01 PM
21

I'm used to being pursued, but none of my prior relationships have worked out because they've been too needy and clingy. Now I have the company of a man who has his own life and doesn't seem to have dating as a top priority, and while that's very refreshing it's giving me some anxiety. I worry that you've decided that him not taking the initiative to pursue you means he's strong. And maybe it does, but it also may indicate he's not good at the type of leadership you're looking for in a partner a…
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/15 11:12 AM
31

first wave feminism fought for suffrage, second wave about having the choice to have a career and reproductive rights. Third wave feminism seems to not have a have the same purpose, it seems like its goals are more to control and manipulate people on a personal scale (men and women alike) I agree. I think equality has been achieved, and modern feminism is more about holding on to entitlements and advantages, than it is about seeking equality. It seems that modern feminism promotes women belittli…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/15 10:57 AM
3

except I don't want dominance in my relationship - he's just not there to be dominant. I am not talking about dominance, I'm talking about being in a state of constant hyper-awareness for perceived slights. because I don't have a good sense of what is/isnt important yet. Isn't there a better way to learn this than being on hyperalert mode? I think you're trying to learn life lessons by lashing out at others and I'm just not sure what that accomplishes for you. Other people aren't at fault for yo…
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/15 05:49 PM
4

Pretty sure the fact that I'm nervous to surrender is the reason I've been having difficulty. You're nervous because you haven't met the right man yet and worry that you won't. You'll know when it's right. Bring your RPW principles into the dating phase, and see what men step up. You need to see evidence of a willingness to lead you. Make sure that there is mutual attraction, passion, and that you are both kind people with mutual goals for life. That's your guy. I see many young women on this su…
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/15 02:37 PM
2

to be able to just let go of worry about some issue and trust your man to take care of it. Do any of you ladies enjoy this feeling? Indeed. Letting go of neuroticism, anxiety and worry is a great feeling. Trusting someone and choosing to be vulnerable and knowing you'll be taken care of is so nice. I know submissive women are supposed to have hard lives I see from your other responses that you intended to portray this as society's view and meant it sarcastically, so I won't jump on it as my refl…
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/15 02:26 PM
10

I have never been more happy to be so completely wrong about something in my whole life!!!!!! Love it. :) I fell apart, came here to try and get my questions answered on how to fix my husband and make him an alpha - and had my ass torn apart and handed back to me. Been there. The ladies here are tough, but if you let their advice marinate, you see that it is a specific brand of tough love. They're trying to help, and helping doesn't mean coddling. The best part is that my husband noticed my chan…
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/15 02:19 PM
4

I feel like it really is day to day life, and mostly with employees. Maybe it's because I live in LA county? Examples include hassling me on a return (even if I'm within their policy but it's rare), or someone loudly insinuating that I'm stealing because the BIC pens in my cart look like BIC razors from their department, telling me that my gym membership never existed, people that cut in line, old people who like to give me a hard time for fun at work (my office manager even said they really do …
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/15 02:12 PM
3

I might gently suggest that you experienced some emotional trauma when you were young that has shaped who you are today. Sometimes that impacts our behavior in relationships. You are asking for advice on how to make surface level changes, which are needed. But I think the biggest impact will be to continue to heal from your past. If I had to guess, you are struggling with becoming vulnerable to someone, and that takes some work on ourselves to first make sure the person is trustworthy (removing …
/r/RedPillWomen04/09/15 03:20 PM
5

The thing that surprised me most was that the female "friends" in my life threw a hissy fit. They told me I was too young, I needed to finish school (Trust me, my husband and I value education deeply so I intend to finish school), men are useless, marriage isn't important... blah blah blah.. but not in a helpful way, but in a cruel and malicious way. They would always make rude comments about my husband and roll their eyes at me and call me desperate whenever I brought him up (which was not ofte…
/r/RedPillWomen04/09/15 03:07 PM
2

After reading your post and the ones that describe the history here, I think that the two of you are just incompatible. Dating is about finding the right person for you. If you date and things seem headed in a way that is right for both of you, you get into a relationship. If, while in the relationship, things are headed in a way that is right for both of you, and the timing is right, then you commit to a serious LTR with a shared future and solid plans, and/or you get married. At any of these s…
/r/RedPillWomen04/09/15 02:44 PM
3

Woot woot! 2nd INFJ reporting in. My guy's an ENFP. We're apparently a very good match.
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 06:38 PM
1

I'm glad this worked out for you. I felt generally good about your last post, but the "correcting his friend" bit was the piece that made me nervous for you. Now that he's not so quick to correct people, and even saying the word himself, I feel confident about his intentions. Good for you. I think being laid back about it truly paid off for you.
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 06:37 PM
3

Yes, if your time frame got moved up suddenly because of health concerns, a lowered libido may be related to worries or indecision on his part. Having a baby is a big decision, after all. He may still see it as an abstract concept off in the future, and to be trying now might be unsettling to him. If that's it, it's a bit of a passive way to communicate that to you, but I suppose he may not be conscious of it himself. How was your sex life before you started trying? And before you moved in toget…
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 06:36 PM
14

From your other posts, it seems like you're trying for a baby. Does ... does he know that, too? I just wonder why you don't mention that here, considering you want to know how to get him to have more sex with you. If he does know, then that may be why you're having issues in the bedroom. Perhaps he's not fully on board with having a child. If he doesn't know, I feel like you're duping us (via omission) to help you get him to get you pregnant. We've been together for 10 months now, and have been …
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 05:52 PM
6

I have never NOT had a door held open for me by men more than where I work now. It's a setting with young people, many of them well-to-do, and I have had the door shut in my face so many times in recent years. It is never the older men, and it almost never happens to me in settings other than my workplace. I believe it's the impact of third wave feminism on these young men. When someone holds the door for me, I always smile and make sure I say a chipper "Thank you!" I love how the men perk right…
/r/RedPillWomen02/09/15 04:42 PM
2

Very cute! Happy belated birthday. It's clear that you are loved very much :) The yellow fabric reminding you of your grandfather got me a little teary-eyed. My beloved granddad died 4 years ago, and I still miss him so. Isn't it funny how the little things help you remember? For me, it's the smell of cedar, because when I was small I used to sleep next to a cedar chest in my grandparent's house.
/r/RedPillWomen31/08/15 04:25 PM
4

To be honest, from what you've written it just seems that talking/relying to/on your ex is a source of comfort. As in, its the 'easy' way out of your current discomfort, and going out there to find someone new is the more uncomfortable thing. I cant say that neither is right or wrong, but If I were to make a metaphor for cliff jumping; then playing it safe brings none of the reward and fun that jumping does. I agree with this. OP, you may be a true alpha widow, or you may just be a woman who can…
/r/RedPillWomen31/08/15 04:21 PM
1

Self-reflection is a wonderful thing. It's so easy to settle into victim-hood and never learn how you may have contributed to the failing relationship. Humbling oneself is hard work but is entirely worth it in the end. As someone who really messed up in her former relationship (BP feminist victim typology. Sigh.) and who spent some months alone trying to unlearn BP behaviors, I'd say that you can only work on relationship skills to a certain degree when you're still single. My wonderful boyfrien…
/r/RedPillWomen31/08/15 04:05 PM
3

A late hello to your late hello :) I'm another former angry feminist who managed to turn things around. I think that you'll be setting a wonderful example for your daughters by modeling a mutually respectful and loving parental relationship for them as they grow. That's so important. They'll get the gift of already knowing how to treat a good man well, and they won't have to make the same mistakes we did. I commend you for that!
/r/RedPillWomen31/08/15 03:54 PM
6

OP, you've gotten some good advice already, but I'll chip in, too. Do know that advice here can be hard to hear, but it is meant to help you. You want help, right? First, while you understand that you shouldn't nag or treat your husband like a child, I don't see you transforming into a RPW. You're only halfway there. You're not doing the destructive things, but you're also not doing the positive things. Nothing will change until you address the second half of the equation, and that is you. Have …
/r/RedPillWomen28/08/15 01:46 PM
22

Congratulations! A million thank yous to you lovely oppressive women Haha!
/r/RedPillWomen28/08/15 12:47 PM
11

Congratulations, from one reformed naggy victim to another :) Now you can see what you were told. Good on you for taking that new perspective when your husband lost his job. You turned things around at a moment when most couples split - the man loses his job, the woman wonders why she's bothering anymore, and the divorce gets set in motion. Instead, you saw it as an opportunity. Kudos to you for that. I never would have thought this was possible, but it's like RPW planted the seed I needed to ma…
/r/RedPillWomen27/08/15 06:01 PM
3

They are skin doctors who can prescribe skin creams and such to keep you looking young. Depending on specialty, they might also do cosmetic procedures, like peels, laser treatments, and injections of fillers. If you go to one before you have problems, they will most likely just tell you to use sunscreen faithfully, drink water, and perhaps use retinol serums to prevent aging.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/15 09:17 PM
1

Good point! My guy has told me he loves it when I come greet him with a smile and big kiss when he first walks in. When I come home and he's here first, I think I'm a bit more like your guy, in that I like a little bit of space and time.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/15 08:47 PM
3

Haha! Pretty much like that, except with less cowboy boots (I should definitely get some, though. That video convinced me!)
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/15 11:01 PM
5

I think Gabby Reece wrote a book some years ago about how to be submissive in order to have a happy marriage. I remember watching a segment on a morning show when her book first came out, and the tone of the segment was almost... cautionary and skeptical. This was before I knew about RPW and was steeped in shrew culture, and even I remember thinking they were being a little weird about the tone of it. She's has not lost a single thing by treating her man like a man. In fact, she's gaining. They'…
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/15 06:12 PM
24

I think this is a great list. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.) This one (#16) is something I had to learn. It makes a big difference whether I meet him at the door with a kiss and a smile versus the times he walks in when I'm in the middle of something and can't immediately connect with him. Yesterday was great. I didn't know he was on his way home, and …
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/15 06:02 PM
3

Also, is there any coming back from this? Is one moment of weakness enough to push a great guy away forever? I am not answering that because this is your anxiety talking :) ... Okay, fine. Yes, of course it's possible. But you do need to be careful that if things go back to being great that you don't drop your self-improvement. And you also need to be especially careful when someone is getting to know you and forming their opinion of you, because acting out then can be hard to come back from bec…
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/15 12:34 AM
5

I'm not the person you're replying to, but I'd suggest just sitting back and waiting until you hear from him next, and being warm and laid back in your response. The reason I say this is because when you've pushed someone like you have (and it's not an established relationship - he's not your husband), your best bet is backing off and letting them come to you. Anything else looks to them like more pressure. A new relationship is delicate and overwhelming someone with pressure can make them want …
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/15 12:06 AM
7

I hear this one occasionally and it always makes me smile and think of RPW.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/15 11:02 PM
2

Thanks for the context. On one hand it's better he didn't say it in front of you - it negates a drive to keep you from getting ideas. In that case, it's either meaningless, or he's setting that boundary with his friend so that his friend doesn't give him grief if he moves on to another woman. His friends' reaction was cute. I'm trying to be understanding about the label thing. Be understanding but also be true to yourself. An RPW can have standards for her relationships. She is respectful about …
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/15 07:52 PM
4

It's really hard to say. The fact that he corrected his friend specifically that you were not his girlfriend is concerning to me. I think if he were simply getting used to the idea of bf/gf and had intentions on being that in the future then he wouldn't have had such a strong reaction. Instead his actions say "don't let her get any ideas". Why not let it go? If you inquired later, he could just say that he felt it would have been awkward to correct him so he let it slide. At the same time, there…
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/15 06:35 PM
1

Its funny how deep an influence our parents play in our development and behaviors and how we really have to recognize and try to do better. Yeah. I get really angry at people in awful relationships who "stay together for the kids" and just stick with the status quo for exactly this reason. Once you have kids, your responsibility is to keep them happy and safe, but also to teach them how to function as a healthy adult. If you can't even do that yourself, then there's going to be a problem. How ca…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/15 12:39 PM
5

Yeah. It really sucked when I realized it. When I stopped trying to date guys who would treat me like my dad did (and win them over to prove some sort of worthiness to myself), I thought I was in the clear and could finally have a happy and healthy relationship. Then I proceeded to unintentionally destroy said healthy relationship by acting like my mom. Chances are that if you've got a "bad" father who creates some daddy issues, then you've also got a "good" resentful martyred mother. The yin an…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/15 12:27 PM
5

Vacation sex! Uninhibited, steamy, passionate vacation sex. My guy likes to say "We don't even need to go on vacation like other couples to have good sex. We always have vacation sex." But even on vacation, we turn it up a notch. Don't worry about your bare face. Remember that your emotions do not determine reality. Feeling insecure doesn't mean you have something that should make you insecure. If it will help your confidence with the first few times he sees you without makeup, use a tinted mois…
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/15 03:24 PM
8

Piggybacking off of your comment to add my experience. When there are daddy issues from an angry or absent father, there is usually a mother who is anxious, a victim, a martyr, etc. Kids are taught that dad is The Problem and Mom is a hero. That's what happened to me, and my parents were married throughout my childhood. I watched how she treated him, but always felt like he probably deserved it. Unfortunately, I never thought twice about how my mother treated my father, nor how her behavior impa…
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/15 03:08 PM
3

Boy, I wish this was a non-troll post because I'd enjoy reading the debate, but you've very much tipped your hand with this: I honestly feel like men are superior to women This is such a simplistic and condescending view of RPW. You must think we're really stupid. We're not brainwashed victims, and we do not think that one sex is superior to the other, but we also don't think that they're equal. No, they are simply different, with differing strengths and weaknesses. I'm sorry that that is such a…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/15 11:08 AM
1

There's a chapter in the book that discusses it. Doyle's argument is that when you are beginning to learn to surrender, the way that you describe it to your guy is most likely going to be interpreted as criticism. Also, there is no benefit to telling him. There is quite a bit of benefit in just doing it. Think about it - all you are really doing is removing negative behaviors of yours. It's not a couple thing, it's a self-improvement journey. So keep quiet, do it, and watch the early signs of hi…
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/15 12:40 PM
1

Yeah. It's a matter of accepting that you have been mistaken when you've assumed that you do things right and others do them wrong. Try and remember that you learned all of the bad stuff once, and so you can unlearn it. It's just going to take effort. What helped me was to picture myself and my brain back in that naive state before it was programmed to be "right", because I was never right. I decided that I'd take myself back to when I was young and able to be molded, and reteach myself how to l…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/15 07:26 PM
1

(mine is very RP while hers is BP where she wears the pants). Sounds like she thought that she wore the pants in your friendship, too. In my opinion, something more was going on here. She could not like your SO very much, but that alone wouldn't make her take it to those lengths. Is she competitive with you? Did she view you as only a tool in her life, so that when you went and got a boyfriend you weren't available to her as much and so she resented him and you? Did she have eyes on your SO and …
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/15 07:05 PM
3

He asked me if I trusted him, and I do. He said there's no reason for me to be worried if I trusted him Awwwwwwww! I'm really happy for you. I looked for your original post in your history but couldn't find it. You either deleted it or posted it under another account. Any way you can dig it up and link it?
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/15 06:11 PM
1

my husband has been soliciting sexual banter/sending pictures of his penis on Craigslist for the last 2-3 years, and also writing personalized erotica and sending it to women he 'meets' on CL, and they write him back erotic replies. When I came to him looking for answers, he claimed that he has never physically or emotionally cheated on me, has never met anyone in person, and that this is a 'compulsion' for him (along with watching porn, apparently). Okay. This is something that is going to be t…
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/15 05:36 PM
32

What's done is done. I don't mean that to excuse you from it, but now that you know, your energies should be on where to go from here. It's difficult to realize where you've been going wrong your entire life. Swallowing the red pill is humbling. But what counts is where you go from here. Don't be afraid to read the book. It is light, positive, and explanatory. The author talks about the mistakes she'd been making all along. Remember, your goal is on self-improvement, not self-flagellation. Thing…
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/15 09:26 PM
3

Did you hear anything I said to you? Starting off your reply with "no" means you're unnecessarily defensive. I'm trying to help you. Helping you does not mean I will tell you what you want to hear. No, I go to see a counselor regularly and I don't talk about my problems with other people. My point was having the expectation that men should deal with someone's mental health issues as some sort of dysfunctional protector. As long as you don't have that expectation and have a goal set of getting be…
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/15 01:46 PM
1

When I read that, I had the same reaction and was confused the first time I read it. "Wait, the coworker is saying that like it's a good thing?" I do believe a person can be too comfortable. Female entitlement seems to peak upon marriage, which they treat like a trophy for their mantle rather than something they have to continually work at. They scour Pinterest, and then post incessant amounts of pictures on social media of their big princess day as proof of how wonderful their life and marriage…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/15 04:03 PM
2

I'm suffering from body dysmorphic disorder, which I am seeing a counselor for. (Think of a 300 pound person who loses a bunch of weight and is now skinny.) Even if my skin is pretty and clear again, I am mentally and emotionally very damaged and worry all the time about it getting worse. I have severe intimacy problems and am anxious about dating someone. That is a lot for a partner to handle. Many BP women want to continue to talk about their emotional illnesses, with an expectation that a man…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/15 03:50 PM
2

Great suggestion! I think I was going for a softer "know" from someone she's been confiding in. As in, <place hand gently on shoulder> "I know what you want for your personal life..." Regardless, your suggestion is better because it's hard to take offense to the way you stated it :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/15 08:26 PM
9

Friends like Mary are frustrating, aren't they? She's a lovely person, but she acts so irrationally and makes emotional decisions and ends up sabotaging herself over and over. It's hard to sit by and watch when you care about someone like this. I vote for having a bit of a Come to Jesus talk over a glass of wine. Wait until she starts asking you for advice about her love life, and tell her that you want to talk to her, but that you're going to want to be really honest with her so she has to real…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/15 05:45 PM
6

You married him agreeing that you would have children. You "agreed to disagree" on when, which should really have been sorted prior to marriage. I agree that having a child is a serious decision. But you already know you want to do it, you already know you want to do it with your husband, you disagree about when. You have not told him your feelings on this topic, instead posting here with a tone of "I know best", and worrying about conflict that may not even happen. So talk to him. "Honey, I'm f…
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/15 09:37 PM
0

what if he really states that he thinks the best think for our family of two, is to have child and start forming our family now? If you have stated your feelings and concerns to him, and he listens but still decides that having a child soon is the best choice, then: You trust his leadership and you get on board with his decision for your marriage, or You continue to place value on that nagging feeling that you are right about this and and he is wrong, and continue being confused over "what to do…
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/15 11:39 AM
4

You're welcome. Know that I wouldn't have taken the time to type it if I thought you were a lost cause. I'm sorry if some of it stung. I do feel like they are things you need to hear in order to become the best version of yourself and to treat your husband right. Someday I hope you look back on this time and are able to use what you learned to help women who were once in your position.
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 07:39 PM
13

I agree with others that, while you've made stupendous progress in going through some motions and noticing the impact of shrew like behavior in other women on their men, there's an element missing: focusing on making this change for unselfish reasons. I had a look back at your posting history, and you filed for divorce in February and it looks like you may have reunited a month or so ago. (Do I have the timing right?) I feel like I can weigh in on this since I was a former shrew (check out my po…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/15 01:49 PM
4

I can completely relate to you. My mom wasn't anxious about cleaning, but she was a man-hater, and everything was worth feeling anxiety over. I recently figured out I emulate her, and have been working to rid myself of the habit. It's tough. I think something about watching this stuff happen when you are a small child causes it to become ingrained as a part of you, and it stays a part of you unless you make an effort to notice it and get rid of it. Self-awareness is the first step to changing ou…
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/15 11:14 AM
5

Thank you so much! And I give credit to you, since I reread portions of your book to make sure my new habits stick. Your work has made a difference in our lives, and I'm so grateful to you!
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/15 07:52 PM
7

Thanks Laura! I really got to experience the power of surrendering in almost a controlled fashion. My previous relationship ended, I took a hard look at myself and how much was my fault, and I made changes and resolved to do better. I'd really loved him and I'd been so destructive. After some months of silence, I was lucky enough to get an unexpected second chance with my ex, and I was able to enter into the relationship with surrendering in mind. It's my own little interpersonal clinical trial,…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/15 04:56 PM
3

I haven't read that, so I can't offer advice. I'll check it out, though. In terms of recommending materials, can I ask how old she is? And why do you honestly think she got dumped? I ask because if she's insecure in herself, she first needs confidence in herself and her worth (not to be confused with entitlement/you-go-girl). Then the next step is upping her girl game and seduction. If she's already a relatively secure person, then she can go right to the girl game.
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/15 03:58 PM
2

I love your response, too. I think that accepting that we are human and will have our moments is a good thing to keep in mind. As long as you are balancing it with distancing yourself from those emotions before acting upon them (as much as possible), I think it's okay to cut yourself a break once in awhile. And I think husbands/SOs will be much less disconcerted by an emotional woman if it happens infrequently, and if they're able to make a difference with the comfort that they offer us. P.S. I …
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/15 03:54 PM
11

Laura, I love your books. I'm reading "The Surrendered Wife" like a bible as I try to make a permanent change in my ways. My questions are: Do you feel like you just want to shake some women and tell them that they could be so much happier if they'd just listen? I'm asking because I'm a recent convert, and I feel this way all the time, so I can't imagine being the author of the instruction manual and seeing so many unhappy women. Here at /r/redpillwomen, we have a first layer to surrendering, wh…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/15 03:48 PM
1

I'm not a SAHW, but I too was reminded of Fly Lady. She's got a system for organizing and keeping things clutter free. I'd say that you'd do well with a schedule. Maybe each day you have tasks to do (your bare minimum, plus cleaning the bathrooms on Wednesdays). You could add on one decluttering/organization task to each day, with the idea that if you can't get to it, then you can't. But having a list of those decluttering/organization projects will still be helpful, and you can tackle them when…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/15 06:42 PM
4

I think that much like making sure you are selecting a strong leader for your romantic partner, if you've got the right workplace with the right people, feminine charm and self-sufficiency can be wonderful. The conditions have to be right. It's different for different occupations. Those of us in male dominated fields may get taken advantage of if we act submissive and feminine. We have to do things like speak first, and lead and be in control. I don't really have customers to please. So sometime…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/15 06:37 PM
3

I'm 18 so maybe it's because people are more immature and relationships aren't as serious, but I've seen enough comments on here and other subs from older people that agree with me. It's not just your age. I think that other people aren't willing to look at themselves enough, and I think they're also very afraid to be alone. If more people were willing to be on their own and look at their contributions to their own unhappiness in their relationships, they would probably make healthier relationsh…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/15 01:34 PM
1

Hmm. We already communicate about sex and our desires pretty openly, so I'm not an expert on getting him talking if he's not already open to it. My suggestion is to choose a quiet time when you feel close and issue a nonjudgmental "Honey, I'd like to make a sexual fantasy of yours come true. Maybe you could think it over, and if there's anything you'd like to try, I'd love to hear about it." That way you're expressing yourself about what you want to do for him, but he's also not put on the spot.…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/15 12:56 PM
10

Sweetie, we all have what we see as flaws. I have a small scar on my face. I'm not happy with my body, particularly my stomach. I'm struggling with hormonal breakouts. All of this is embarrassing for me to type. But none of it matters to my SO, and he thinks I'm super hot. This isn't an unusual thing. People who love us grow to love everything about us. He's not perfect either but he's the only one who turns my head. I worry that you're operating out of insecurity and an attitude of "this is all…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 05:43 PM
1

Ooh ooh! That title sounds great. I can't wait to read it.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 05:24 PM
12

Totally understandable. We all have our own boundaries, and what matters is that you and your partner have the same ones!
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 05:21 PM
14

Slip and slide/handjob from a professional in a distant city. :) I would not be okay with kissing. I would not be okay with a non-professional. I would not be okay with sexual contact beyond the professional providing him a handjob. There are no plans to escalate this beyond his birthday gift. It was a bit of indulgence for him in circumstances that I was comfortable with.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 05:17 PM
8

what makes you so comfortable with letting another woman engage in sexual activities with your husband? It was a handjob and she was a professional in a city we traveled to. It was not someone he'd ever see again. It was all on the up and up and not seedy at all. I wanted to do something special/novel and the concept didn't bother me at all. It was my idea. also, what were the limitations of the massage? did they have sex at all or was it just slip and slide? Slip and slide/handjob.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 04:59 PM
10

You know, I'm still relatively new to RPW, but my gut tells me that this situation crosses a line between red pill femininity and being a doormat. I'm able to be RPW in my relationship because I am adored and because I know that I am my man's gold standard. That's the foundation that has to be there for me to surrender and trust him implicitly, and doing these things for him allows him to then value me even more. I feel like this aspect might be missing for you, and I'm not sure if it can develo…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 03:04 PM
6

Agree. And I feel that wifeintraining should be her man's gold standard - the one he compares other women to and other women fall short. The fact that there was(is?) another woman in that spot is concerning.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 02:52 PM
5

If he has any kinky fantasies that you haven't explored together, it's an excellent time for that. I do this and then give him the freedom to tell his friends if he wants. He loves having a sex life that makes other men jealous, and I love letting him have those moments to talk about.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 02:49 PM
8

Hahah - When SO and I traveled to a somewhat scandalous city for his birthday last year, I bought him a nuru massage with a naked masseuse. I helped him pick the girl he wanted, then I left and went shopping for makeup so he could be decadent and enjoy his time. He loved it and still tells all his friends about it. :) Meanwhile, his friends' girlfriends/wives won't give blowjobs, or the guys are off sneaking their own "happy ending massage parlor" experiences and not telling their girlfriends/wi…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 02:46 PM
4

Or the woman who expects him to read her mind. My SO still has moments where he reacts to me as if I communicate passive-aggressively. Like, I'll say "Hey, this entree sounds interesting" at a restaurant, and he's immediately off rearranging what we were going to order to incorporate the thing that I'm secretly trying to tell him I'd like to order without telling him it's what I want to order. I just look at him, smile and say "Sweetie, it's not necessary to change your plan. I didn't say that I…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 02:28 PM
1

Yes! I think that's why my head is empty where tons of worries used to be. It frees me up to think about good things, which gives me the freedom to think more about all that he's doing right and all that I have to be grateful for. This, in turn, lowers the things I could be anxious about. It's great! In contrast, the old me used to be so incredibly negative and pessimistic. I only saw the bad that he did, and what he got wrong. Things are so much better now. We enjoy every moment together, where…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 02:21 PM
1

Wow, you're smart. This was me reading that. Will you be my (secular, please) life coach?
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/15 02:15 PM
3

I think things shifted as we faced harder challenges together, which have delayed us in really starting a life together. I worry this has affected his pride and confidence, and also left me feeling insecure about my future and my choices, resulting in some depression and confusion. Instead of worrying about whether his pride and confidence are impacted, do what you can to make sure they're not. Make sure he knows that you're proud of him, and that you're not worried and that you know you two wil…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 05:55 PM
1

Take it seriously and don't let yourself get complacent again. It's really hard to make new habits, but all it takes is time and effort. Afterward I had some huge realizations, one of which was that I also was repeating behaviors I learned from my mom (who has been married three times and clearly harbors insecurities from her father leaving). It's so interesting, isn't it? I grew up thinking my father was The Bad One and The Problem. My parents split after I was grown, and getting to know my dad…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 05:44 PM
6

Welcome :) Did you talk to your SO about the red pill? Did you tell him explicitly that you want him to lead? I did not. The only things I told him were: that I wanted to be a happier person, that I would always respect him and his decisions, that I wanted to stay as the feminine energy in our relationship, the way I'd been wasn't even making me happy, and I wanted to stop and learn a new way to be I referenced our bedroom dynamic (a bit of dominance and submission) and said I thought our relati…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 05:25 PM
3

You're welcome! I don't know if you've seen my other posts, so my RP story starts when I got dumped by someone I loved more than I'd ever loved anyone before. I hadn't been a good girlfriend to him. I was crabby, I cut him down, and I couldn't just enjoy our time together. It was intermittent, of course, because our relationship wouldn't have lasted as long as it did if I was constantly like that, but it did cumulative damage and he reached his limit. It was only in my grief that I could see how…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 04:52 PM
3

I was turning BP the past few years since my career is taking off, I graduated with an MBA, and we made large financial decisions like buying a house, and I was starting to control everything. Yes! It's an extra strange dichotomy for me, since I have a great career with lots of responsibility and power, and I'm in graduate school. So I have to actively choose to "turn off" when I go home. This is getting easier as time goes on. My SO seems to love these things about me. He says it turns him on t…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 04:30 PM
3

To me, it's a slippery slope to always be looking to your man for support. Soon you're landing in the codependency of "it's up to him to make me happy." It's not. It's up to you to make yourself happy and to make yourself feel safe. Resilience and patience are important qualities to develop in yourself. Once you have those, you can turn to yourself for support. You can choose to make yourself better all on your own. This doesn't mean you can share things with your SO, just that you should be abl…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 02:02 PM
8

YES! And it makes me glad I'm a hetero woman because I don't have to date them or be in a relationship with them. I notice that society pushes the "woman smart, man dumb" thing everywhere. I guess it's no longer politically correct for marketing or pop culture in general to present the opposite, but it's swung so far in the opposite direction that it's ubiquitous. Misandry is everywhere, and it is disgusting. I am bothered that I once bought into these messages. I've mainly been noticing the mis…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/15 01:42 PM
1

Stuff like this, where partners work on their problems and can begin again, makes committed relationships worthy. It's really a beautiful thing. I agree that if two people can heal from a breakup, and have bettered themselves in the process, chances are it will go the distance. Reuniting is really a lot of fun - all of the passion and romance and all of the familiarity. Sadly, I don't see many women applying this. I wish my recent ex would do it but what I see instead is her going on the same pa…
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/15 12:51 AM
1

I've been in your shoes. In the way that most men at TRP have to hit a personal rock bottom before they start turning themselves around, there's no stronger wakeup call for a woman then to lose the man she truly loves. If she's lucky enough to get a second chance, she's going to put her everything into it. I'm so happy that someone spoke up to me about my behavior, because, otherwise, even if I'd wanted to try to make things work, I'd have had no idea how damaging my own behavior was. So I feel …
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/15 12:41 AM
2

I also appreciate that you did this without expectations you would win back your SO. While it is a blessing (congrats!) you were able to rekindle the relationship, you found it important to change for your own well-being and overall happiness! It was that "What the hell am I doing? I'm not even happy being this way." that was key to the change. I honestly did it for me, hoping all the while I'd be able to show him someday. The whole process was quite humbling, and sometimes I had to work on not …
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/15 12:32 AM
2

Thank you! I feel that way and he tells me he does too. I'm so happy I figured out where I'd gone wrong.
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/15 12:24 AM
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