Time?

FleetingWish · 2015-10-02T19:06:25+00:00

Hi RPW, I want to ask for your advice.

(Please no comments trying to convince me otherwise, my hearts set.)

But, only the advice I want, and won't upset me. Thanks!

TempestTcup · 2015-10-02T19:16:25+00:00

He's just not that into you but wants to keep you on a string in case he changes his mind. Either that or he is wishy-washy. You can waste your time on this Earth waiting on him to finally "be ready" or you can move on.

He was letting you down easily, not realizing that you would use that as hope for a future relationship.

TempestTcup · 2015-10-03T01:02:31+00:00

I think that 20 or 30 years should do it; just be patient and he will be yours when you are old and gray.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-10-02T19:15:46+00:00

I want to be with him and he said that right now he can't because he's not ready.

That's it. Next.

KelIy_C · 2015-10-02T20:10:56+00:00

Look, you hung out with a guy for 6 weeks, you didn't even have sex, and in the end he told you that he not only doesn't want a relationship with you, he doesn't even want to be friends with you. All this is is a teenager with a silly crush, it was reciprocated for a few weeks but something changed his mind, so you're out of luck. You're not some cosmic soul mates who are going to have a lifetime movie based off of your love story. You got nexted. Move on.

RPDame · 2015-10-02T20:07:11+00:00

I'll go easy on you because I know you're hurting.

I want to give him time but I need advice on how to cope with that and wonder how these sorts of things worked out for others?

In most cases I've seen where one person has ended things and the other person doesn't want it to end, the only way to give it a chance in the future is to accept it, cut contact, and move on. Lingering after the breakup - even as friends - lowers your value in the other person's eyes. They know that they've hurt you, and they do start to wonder why you're putting up with so much just to spend time with them. It makes them feel good and you feel awful. Don't do it. It doesn't benefit you other than helping you to stay in denial.

This happened with me, too. My man and I broke up for some months. We were two years in already and we were arguing a lot (this was before I was aware of RPW, obviously). Still, I respected him enough to accept the breakup. I was devastated. But I did what he wanted and moved on with my life. I worked on myself a great deal. And when we got back in touch, we both realized we still loved only each other. Both of us no longer take one another for granted, and I have embraced femininity and submission and no longer resemble the entitled shrew I used to be. Things are great.

I don't know what will happen for you because you only have a month and a half of history together, which isn't a lot. Also, the only reason for the breakup is that he "can't" or doesn't want to be with you now. I know, I know - intensity. But, here's the thing, he may have been projecting that intensity onto you as a remnant from his last relationship. Or maybe it was real. You just don't know.

We as RPW hold our head up high, and even if we are devastated, we don't settle. We wait until we find a captain we want to be with and who wants for us to be his first mate and then we fully submit. If either side isn't sure about the other after some time getting to know one another, the dynamic doesn't work.

So in your position, I think you need to take what he says at face value (you'll never be certain what he's actually thinking), pick up your self-respect, and accept it. Say a friendly goodbye, but don't agree to stay friends. If that's what he wants, it's just to soften the breakup impact for him. If he ever has doubts in the future about letting you go, he knows how to get in touch. In the meantime, grieve, and work on yourself. Eventually get out there and date again. And feel confident that you've held on to your self-respect and have left the door open for him if he wants to give it another go someday.

If that day comes where he returns, do be wary of his intentions. If he is at all wishy-washy, it's not a good sign for your heart. He knows he hurt you and he'll know that, if you agree to see him, he'll have to prove himself to you. My guy was 100% in right out of the gate, and I did not have doubts about his intentions. And even though I knew him, his intentions, and missed him like crazy, I took it slow and did not jump back into where we left off. We dated again, essentially.

Breakups are hard. That is for sure. But prioritize yourself and your well-being because you just don't know what he's actually thinking. Proceed as if the worst were true and that this was just a rebound for him. Leave him behind with kindness and get back to living your life for you. Time will tell what will happen.

P.S. As you dust yourself off and start dating, do not ever try to get serious with someone who is just out of a long term relationship/marriage. That person is trying to figure out life and remember who he is as a single man, even if they were the one to end the former relationship. The chances that you will be used to soothe a bruised ego or unintentionally used when they project all sorts of passion and attachment onto you are very high. The man you want to date will not be in this readjustment period, because those that are in it can be dangerous to our hearts.

closetrpw · 2015-10-02T19:14:04+00:00

Are you saying your heart is set on waiting? Then what's essentially happened is the thing he allegedly was trying to avoid (of course I think really he just wanted you on the backburner while he figures things out- if he really thought you were special, he'd just continue to see you but move slowly).

I mean I understand not being ready immediately after a break up, but that's why you move slowly in your next relationship. You're 1.5 months in, so I think an "all or nothing" attitude is ridiculous. At the same time, if he's not ready, he's not ready, but do not let his unreadiness hold you back.

I would say don't give him the satisfaction of being on the back burner. Tell him it's too painful and not "right" for you to continue contact, and then stick to that. Tell him you do not want to hear from him until he "is ready" for whatever ambiguous thing he's not ready for yet. He might come back, and if he does, tread lightly. If he doesn't, then you've already started the "moving on" process.

Over time you will realize the best thing to do is in fact move on, so fake it until you make it. Work on yourself, but do not dwell on this guy just because you're not seeing anyone else.

EDIT: Actually critical question...are you already sexually involved?

Title	Time?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	October 2, 2015 6:55 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3n9bka/time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/time.166476 https://theredarchive.com/post/166476

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