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cats_or_get_out Archive

View 13 posts and 2,554 comments by cats_or_get_out on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

There is a recording. Someone videotaped the encounter from under a door or something. Four servicemembers are being charged under the UCMJ for having possession of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/17 03:16 AM
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I think the Simpsons in 2002 explained what Sex in the City was all about very well. From The Simpsons: Selma: Let's catch the tail end of Nookie in New York. Marge Simpson: Nookie in New York? Patty: It's a cable show about four single women who act like gay men. Marge Simpson: That sounds great! Miranda: [Marge, Patty and Selma turn on "Nookie in New York"] If I'm not having sex by the end of this goat-cheese quesadilla, I'm going to scream. Charlotte: I also enjoy sex. Samantha: Since this mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/17 09:43 PM
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I think the Simpsons in 2002 explained what Sex in the City was all about very well. From The Simpsons: Selma: Let's catch the tail end of Nookie in New York. Marge Simpson: Nookie in New York? Patty: It's a cable show about four single women who act like gay men. Marge Simpson: That sounds great! Miranda: [Marge, Patty and Selma turn on "Nookie in New York"] If I'm not having sex by the end of this goat-cheese quesadilla, I'm going to scream. Charlotte: I also enjoy sex. Samantha: Since this mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/17 09:43 PM
4

I like what Atlas wrote once, and it pretty much sums up my marriage: "No one here gets out alive." (Our actual vows were whatever the courthouse clerk read from a script....this better sums up our view.)
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 02:39 AM
3

hahaha no
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/17 04:06 AM
2

on top of that you learn that none of them are really that special Makes sense. A guy probably isn't going to make that connection if he's just trawling for sex. I mean, even if a women is awesome, he views her as an means to an end. Her words are merely hurdles or something to be endured because he is focused on getting laid. Any smooth talker knows that the best way to make it happen is to shut up and just let her do all the talking. Borrrrrrring.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/17 10:03 PM
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I can't understand why 2 new women a month would be appealing. Hear me out. I mean even if a guy LOVES sex with lots of random, new girls that means that he has to do the new girl thing every single time--listen to her, hook up, ditch her and hope she doesn't kill his rabbit and go all Fatal Attraction on him. I guess if he's naturally extroverted and enjoys all that small talk and BS that surrounds the sex, then I can see it working out. For many guys, especially guys who don't enjoy hyperactiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/17 10:46 PM
1

We have long periods apart, and I think it helps a lot with keeping things interesting. He's been gone for a few weeks and will be gone for a few weeks more, and this is just routine for us. I get a break on dinner and housework--things still get done, but it's my low key time. My evenings are more quiet and empty after kid bedtime, so I spend that time doing my own thing. The time apart helps me appreciate all that he is and does. I miss his company. I also notice how everything around here sta…
/r/RedPillWives23/05/17 03:22 AM
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Well said. We have plenty of RP guys here who think women are happier than men because they have greater access to sex. It's a story of a woman tasking the male strategy out for a spin and finding it unsatisfying (which is kinda "duh, of course" for an RP person.... But should be very confusing for feminists who believe women are just sex reversed males). This is the piece that some guys aren't understanding yet, but you clearly understand. Women aren't men. Although we have more opportunities, …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/17 03:10 AM
1

I gave up all caffeine, but many of my friends continued to drink coffee--just in moderation/conservative side. If I ever got pregnant again, I would allow myself a bit of caffeine.
/r/RedPillWives20/05/17 04:25 AM
1

Men encourage it? I think we do it to ourselves. If anything, everyone on the outside looking in is like, "What does she see in that guy?!"
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/17 12:07 AM
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"Don't expect a fully formed package. You have to be willing to grow with a man and help mold him into the man he's meant to be." This is mostly false. The only true part is "You have to be willing to grow with a man." Both people grow and change over time, and it's not always smooth and wine and roses. You also have to accept the man that stands in front of you is the man you have. So much misery is caused by our ideas and projections of "our man's potential"--we fail to see the reality and liv…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/17 04:26 AM
2

Hmmm....I would argue that it just makes men extra thirsty and insecure. Gives women more power.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/17 05:30 PM
3

Porn is the performance of sex. There is a very real awareness of the viewer--camera angles, etc--and the performers are performing for the camera. The problem is that it is hard to get "into the moment" and to just experience what we're experiencing if we're focused on performance. For instance, some men get bent out of shape if their women don't orgasm every single time. What if that's not what she wants at that moment? What if her greatest pleasure in that moment is being there for him and pl…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/17 05:25 PM
10

that socially mandated time and space for self-reflection Ah, yes. Sitz baths and ice packs. The baby that won't latch and feed. The waking every three hours around the clock to change and feed the baby. The only thoughts I remember having are these: "If I can fall asleep right now, I have 2 hours 45 minutes before the baby will wake up....okay, 2 hours 40 minutes....that's still a lot....2 hours 30 minutes...I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row in 4 weeks, and I'm not dead yet!.... 2 hour…
/r/RedPillWives10/05/17 06:08 AM
2

illustrated
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/17 10:20 PM
1

Nope. But I don't follow sports.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/17 01:22 AM
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Did you chop up the meat ahead of time? Here's my method: 3 lbs pork shoulder. Chop into 1 inch thick slices and cover completely with a dry rub. You can marinate overnight (I never do). Saute the meat. Add 1 c. beer, 2 c. chicken broth. Cook on manual 42 minutes. Quick pressure release (or natural if you want--I'm usually hungry!). Drain and toss away liquid. The meat will fall apart at this point. Serve on buns with your choice of sauce. I also like to cole slaw and NC style vinegar-based sauc…
/r/RedPillWives04/05/17 04:42 AM
2

I agree, but it still leaves unanswered why so many men DON'T commit suicide and why white and Native Americans are strongly represented. Surely these issues affecting men must affect men from different ethnic and cultural groups in America, yet they are not killing themselves at that 7/10 rate that white men are. It's very strange. If it were reversed, say 7 out of 10 women, I think it would get a lot more attention because women's group would make it an issue. I think MRAs could follow the exa…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/17 04:33 AM
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Sure. What I can't figure out is why the rate is so much higher for white and Native American men. Is it cultural? Is it a genetic predisposition to despair? Depression and mental illness cuts across all demographics, yet suicide is heavily concentrated on a fairly specific demographic. It is interesting to note that suicide rates are increasing among women and other groups in the US. The article I read in the NYT was a little difficult to "math" through it because they cited increases in percen…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/17 03:16 AM
1

Yep. The guy I knew used a shotgun. His suicide was apparently part of a long term plan.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/17 03:07 AM
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This is an important factor. Having access to a firearm puts a person at a higher risk for suicide. It obviously doesn't mean that owning a gun makes you suicidal, but it does provide an effective means for someone who is suicidal.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/17 12:34 AM
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That is a very painful way to go.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/17 12:30 AM
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I've spent two years thinking about this as I have tried to make sense of a tragedy, and I don't have a clear, easy answer. In 2015 in the US, 7 out 10 suicides were white men. Nearly half of all suicides involved a firearm. Middle age men in particular have high rates of suicide. People over the age of 85 comprise nearly 20% all suicides. Women attempt suicide at a greater rate than men. https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/ This is one of those rabbit holes I have am still falling…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/17 09:59 PM
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The Instant Pot is the best thing to happen to my kitchen. Make pulled pork in 45 minutes. Hard boil eggs perfectly without babysitting the pot. Make homemade yogurt while you sleep. Go from dried beans to fully cooked beans in 50 minutes (no overnight soaking required)! Need to saute your mirepoix and meat before starting your soup? No problem. Use the saute feature. It's like a slow cooker on steroids. Since I got my Instant Pot, my slow cookers (I have 3) are now in the closet, getting dusty.
/r/RedPillWives01/05/17 02:29 AM
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Even if I am not personally at risk, the whole thing gives me the heebies-jeevies. I feel like this. I bet there are a few people out there who would love to doxx RPWi members just for shits and giggles.
/r/RedPillWives27/04/17 06:40 PM
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Even when you do everything within your power to protect your identity, things can still go wrong. Yes. Exactly. That's why I'm strongly considering leaving.
/r/RedPillWives27/04/17 03:58 PM
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This whole thing makes me want to close my account and go back to lurking. I saw this article in r/politics, and the mean-spirited comments in the comment section made me just sad. What makes me sad is the malicious glee. Remember when a certain mustachioed Redditor (from the election debates) did an AMA from his old account, and people went trawling through his history looking for unsavory stuff? It was cruel and unnecessary and unkind. Was he exercising poor judgment? Absolutely. But that does…
/r/RedPillWives27/04/17 03:37 PM
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Yeah, when someone is threatening to killl the kids, it's time to move out.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/17 02:47 AM
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Why would any woman stay married a man who doesn't offer benefits? Plenty. They stay because they said they would, and that commitment means something to them. This is hard to find in both men and women, but it is not unicorn-level impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/17 02:01 AM
1

I think those guys were the next level of weird. The spreadsheet was just too much. Plus, it happened in Asheville.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/17 06:56 PM
2

I feel bad for the guy. What a crappy week. I hope he realizes that it's not the end of the world. Words mean things, and that's tough when they're spewed out and littered on the Internet in perpetuity. I was disappointed when I read some of the mean spirited comments on r/politics. It is important to recognize that schadenfreude is a very real and personal indictment of our own moral failings. "Nothing that we despise in the other man is inherently absent from ourselves." --D. Bonhoeffer
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/17 04:20 PM
3

You have to be proactive in finding a social network. In school and work, it is built into your day. You meet friends simply by showing up. As a SAHW, you have to find people that you click with. Every time I move, I have to start from scratch. I have had great luck meeting friends through volunteering. Just be aware that it takes time and that each group has a different vibe, so if it's not working out, try something else. I also have had tremendous luck with running clubs. It's hard for someon…
/r/RedPillWives26/04/17 02:28 AM
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No, but I have always known what is NOT my type. I have steered clear of extroverts, frat boys, team sport athletes, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/17 01:09 AM
1

Interesting point.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/17 09:44 PM
4

Or when your boss says, "Please close the door." Even if it's nothing "serious," there is that moment of you can't breathe-want to die-principal's office flashbacks. My club leader recently texted me, "Can I borrow you for 10 minutes to chat? Good things, I promise." I still had that moment of hot sick stomach/cold sweat...running data analysis on any possible recent social transgressions or faux pas. Ridiculous, right? I hate that I automatically go into freak out mode--hamster revving up at 5,…
/r/RedPillWives25/04/17 01:53 AM
2

The stakes are high. The risk is high. It is supposed to be painful and catastrophic if it ends. It is not just breaking up. It's the destruction of a family. If it's not for you, that's absolutely fine. Anyone who harbors a huge amount of anxiety about marriage would be miserable in a marriage even if his spouse was faithful and perfect in every way. He would be constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. Nothing she could ever say or do could make him feel secure about marriage because he i…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/17 03:36 PM
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LTR is dating. Marriage is family. You start a new family entity as Mr. and Mrs.; even if you don't ever have kids, you still have a new nuclear family. Your extended family becomes her family and vice versa, and both extended families become a lot less significant than the new family unit. (Unfortunately, I see a lot of families where moms and dads have too much influence, and it causes strife on the couple. Your family of origin takes a back seat.) The emphasis is now on the what's benefits th…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/17 11:52 PM
3

I like your approach to finance.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/17 05:27 PM
2

The sun is out, so I'm outside, too!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/17 06:39 AM
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Yeah, the discussion of the Western Canon was a big deal in my English department. We did not suggest that the current "Greatist Hits works of literature" were bad or inferior, but we examined the possible exclusion of other, possibly great works. Harold Bloom at this time (late '90s) lamented the push of multiculturalism, which gen argued was the dismantling the established canon in favor of "including other voices." We, of course, all assumed Harold Bloom was an old fashioned villain, and I al…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/17 12:33 AM
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"We need to talk." Nothing good comes from this.
/r/RedPillWives21/04/17 09:29 PM
2

Have you (inadvertently) made him responsible for your happiness? It sounds like the reason you are able to have some holes punched in your self-confidence (critiques from others) is because you later fill it (or expect or try to fill it) with his endless admiration and enthusiasm. He knows you want to "make it." He knows you are frazzled. Take yourself out of your own head and try to see it from his perspective. He probably wants to "fix it" and is confused why you're all upset about his input.…
/r/RedPillWives09/04/17 08:53 PM
7

You need to be more diligent in the vetting process. You were uncomfortable with his weird boundary (can sleep with other women). Instead of saying "next," you tortured yourself and agonized over it. I think this is a type of self-harm, and given what you said about your history with self-destructive behaviors, I think you used him and your insecurity as another way to punish yourself. What surprises me is that you still are unsure what path to take. This guy is covered with red flags. You shoul…
/r/RedPillWives06/04/17 06:30 PM
5

Looks are very important to men, so I think they assume that they must be very important to women (solipsism). Remember those "post the hot guy and girl" threads? Men put up pics (including porn stars) and the comments were all about looks. Women put up pics and there were a lot of comments about context and personality (i.e., charisma)--I love the characters he plays in movies or he seems like someone I could listen to all day long. Personally, I find myself doing this, too. I never thought I'd…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/17 03:35 PM
2

🎶"People are people so why should it be/You and I should get along so awfully"🎶🎵
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/17 10:13 PM
5

This is such a good explanation. When I read about this concept on PPD, I see a lot of "women are evil" v "NAWALT" arguments, which both totally miss the point. Thanks for writing this up. :-)
/r/RedPillWives04/04/17 12:15 AM
2

It's heartbreaking.
/r/RedPillWives31/03/17 08:40 PM
6

That whole "tit for tat" thing was a problem in my life. I was so obsessed with everything being equal and fair. But it's never equal. Never. This becomes painfully obvious when you get pregnant and later start breastfeeding. Instead of worrying about "fairness," now I focus on "Am I doubt everything I can to bring value to this life--our marriage, our child, our home, etc?" When I stopped worrying about having an egalitarian relationship and accepted that "it is what it is," I was able to obser…
/r/RedPillWives31/03/17 08:40 PM
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I think the key difference is that RPWi focus on changing ourselves while fully recognizing that it may or may not influence others to change. When you focus outward and try to change another person, you are shifting all of your attention to something that is beyond your control and neglecting that over which you have control. A man does not need "to make" his wife respect him. He cannot "make" her respect him, but he sure as hell can start respecting himself and put down boundaries. For instanc…
/r/RedPillWives31/03/17 03:50 PM
1

The masses (all of our us) are controlled by our own appetites. They take what Mencken referred to as "peasant-like delight in vices." It's the reason why the Proles in the novel 1984 were given access to beer, pornography, prostitution, gambling, etc. This is what makes people malleable and docile--distract them with all sorts of appetite-whetting things. "Half a gram, don't give a damn." (Huxley) Offer the people financial credit, derange them on consuming thing after thing, and now you have a…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/17 09:27 PM
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Want to be above your nature? Interesting idea. I think our nature tends towards mindless doing and feeding our appetites (food, sex, buying stuff). We're naturally little zombies. We take and take and need and want--like children. "Gimme gimme gimme." We feel that we lack something, that we don't have enough and never will have enough food, sex, money, power, attention, etc. It reminds me of an ouroboros, consuming so much and never full and destroying ourselves in the process. What if empathy …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/17 10:40 PM
6

I assume he's had the same 'some day' stance since you first started dating. Too many women stick around on the promise of 'some day' - only to wake up in their mid 30's and realize that they've been had. Yes! Your responses here are all on point. The troublesome aspect of living together before getting married is that the relationship kind of "slides" into it rather than joined by deliberate, mutual commitment. Sure this isn't ALWAYS and for all people, but it seems to be a trend. Women think i…
/r/RedPillWives28/03/17 09:44 PM
3

I guess I'm having a hard time imagining NOT wanting to support my own child, my own flesh and blood. If I had issues with handing over cash to the other parent, why not hand it over in the form of goods--clothes, toys, diapers, health care coverage, etc--instead? It's my tiny human.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/17 04:25 AM
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I tried to look at the ROOT of my hamster before I answered him. I really like this. Instead of that instant reaction, you gave yourself time to process what you were feeling and thinking. This is something I want to work on. :-)
/r/RedPillWives25/03/17 05:00 AM
4

How do we compare to men. How can we be like men, because feminists believe men are the better sex. This is a key point.
/r/RedPillWives23/03/17 06:15 AM
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Let me pose it to you this way. If YOU were texting men and receiving their nude pics and sending them gifts, you would most certainly be accused of cheating.
/r/RedPillWives22/03/17 03:32 AM
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Yes, this is cheating.
/r/RedPillWives21/03/17 03:50 AM
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This is all very ableist.
/r/RedPillWives20/03/17 10:39 PM
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Hahaha! Oh, the mixed messages in this image! We are told: "You are a tough woman. Gender roles are too constrictive!" Then this "empowering" image of woman is a lanky, mannish figure wearing a childish, baby doll dress. See, the problem here is that the woman in charge of this initiative wants to change what we regard as the default for "person" in our brains. Often, we here "person" and the mind conjures up a male figure just as the word "fruit" might conjure up the image of an apple as a prot…
/r/RedPillWives20/03/17 08:54 PM
1

That works for me! He'll have to put up with my black licorice breath though, and he hates black licorice.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/17 02:06 AM
1

I think we try to make the world conform to our view of it rather than to adjust our worldview against the new facts of our experiences. (Confirmation bias) This is a human tendency and not something exclusive to just RP or BP. We all do it.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/17 08:55 PM
5

I think this is really brilliant.
/r/RedPillWives15/03/17 04:00 PM
2

Wow! Prompt response! :-). Good luck with everything. You are just at the beginning.
/r/RedPillWives12/03/17 07:11 AM
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Reframe it in your mind from "fixing him" to instead complying with his request for book titles. Provide him the titles and contextual information about the authors or the text (e.g., "so-and-so is a prominent writer in the field and his focus is on RP in marriage"; "book was highly recommended because the author...."), and then let it go. What will this look like in action? Give him the book titles and then back off. Don't push or coax or nag or hint. Don't order them for him unless he specific…
/r/RedPillWives12/03/17 06:48 AM
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Agree with u/irisandoleander. Also beware of infantilizing him and slipping into Mom role. He is responsible for fixing his own problems, and that could include body dysmorphia. He wants your respect, and it can to him feel like you don't respect/look up to him if you are babying him. It doesn't make him feel desirable, and it could make it patronized. Give him all due respect and admiration without any intention of curing or fixing anything. Re book thing.....your marriage doesn't need a script…
/r/RedPillWives11/03/17 05:20 PM
6

How do you get through to somebody like that? You can't fix or change him. Repeat that yourself 1,000 times. We can only fix or change ourselves. This relationship seems to have the same dynamics as an alcoholic's marriage. You may have been drawn to him precisely because of these flaws, especially if you had this codependent relationship modeled to you by your own parents. Google search for "codependency" and see if it feels like that's what happening in your marriage. If so, there are things y…
/r/RedPillWives10/03/17 08:33 PM
1

I was wondering about that, too.
/r/RedPillWives10/03/17 07:46 PM
2

I appreciate that you took the time to consider everything. Most people--myself included--tend to get trapped in wanting to be "right." I admire your ability to step outside of all that and to reevaluate ideas. It is really unusual. I try to do this, and I often get caught up in ego and my own worldview.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 05:23 AM
2

I agree, and I don't think it's going to change. The conditions are such that workers are have little options. It's take it or leave it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 03:59 AM
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Sure, but you're still missing work, which can adversely affect the workplace. When staff members were out sick, I had to scramble around to arrange for sufficient coverage to keep the place operating properly. Often, it meant splitting my shift if an evening staffer called out or going in on my morning off if it was a day shift (public library). Pain in the ass for everyone. And because we had no control over staffing levels (determined by county), we were always understaffed.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 03:06 AM
3

I love this idea of "boredom." No one ever says, "You're going to apply for a job. Won't you be bored at work?" Very few are heard exclaiming, "Thank God it's Monday! Phew!"
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 02:32 AM
1

It seems that money is a big concern for most couples regardless if both people work or not. As income rises, so does consumption. It takes a tremendous amount of self-discipline to resist this.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 02:10 AM
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The reality is that there is no leeway. Daycares require that child who had a fever of 100 degrees or more to stay home a full 24 hours. They have to be strict because illness spreads do quickly. Hoof and mouth disease, flu, stomach bugs, all run rampant. If you can afford a nanny, you may be able to leave the child in her care. But home daycare providers are often as strict as facilities (same reason). When I worked full time and my child was sick, I would have to leave work and stay home. This…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:51 AM
2

In my husband's line of work, I am expected to attend monthly meetings, volunteer to help the unit, and attend social functions and dinners with his coworkers and their wives. It's deeply engrained in this culture that the wives of leadership will be involved and assist with family readiness.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:33 AM
4

They would get bored. Yes. SAHW can get bored just as office workers get bored. But the time a child is at school is when the parent can run errands without kids (soooo much easier) and clean house (also easier alone) or simply just spend some time reading a book. This is how moms get to squeeze in some refreshing "me" time. This is worth a million dollars. I have worked full time, and I have also been a SAHM. I have seen the pros and cons of both.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:29 AM
2

I would go insane if all I had to do every day was play house Are you making assumptions about something you haven't experienced? Reality v expections can be very different.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:24 AM
2

Moms spend a lot of time being "on call." Your school aged child won't need you every second of the afternoon.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:20 AM
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For real. Despite all advances in medicine and technology, our widespread education about health and welfare, we are fatter than ever. If, as a society, we continue to relate to food the way we do now, we will achieve an amazing gross human race in the future. I wonder if there is a correlation between obesity and the lack of home maker.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:14 AM
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"Cheap" daycare? 10 years ago, I was paying $125/week for daycare, which was the rate set by the military installation where we lived (rates for both home-based and facility-based daycare.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:07 AM
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Worthless to society? Hahahah sure, some might be. But so much unpaid work (i.e., contributing to society) happens because of these folks. Let me give you an example. Say you and your wife are both working, and your twins get the stomach bug (profound vomiting and diarrhea). If either of you miss work, someone else at work has to pick up your slack or you have to put your projects on pause. You can't take your vomiting children to daycare (they have strict rules about that sort of thing). But gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/17 12:00 AM
2

Oh no! Those nights are the so rough. Hang in there!
/r/RedPillWives09/03/17 03:06 AM
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Well, that's a double whammy because she is a girl. Isn't she on strike, too? The only solution is to drink a bottle of wine while the children forage for themselves like trash pandas.
/r/RedPillWives09/03/17 02:13 AM
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No unpaid work, too? Well, I'll have to tell my kid, "You're on your own tonight. Mama's off the clock." (Dad is gone for a few weeks for work.) Yeah, that sounds reasonable.
/r/RedPillWives08/03/17 10:11 PM
3

I bet it makes it feel more delicious to have that on a weekday. :-) I am going to tell my husband about this.
/r/RedPillWives08/03/17 01:02 AM
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That "day off" sounds wonderful. I think I'm going to steal it.
/r/RedPillWives07/03/17 11:52 PM
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I have a newfound peace with being a SAHM. I knew cognitively that it was the right decision, but for a long time, I still felt like a leech. It's the 1 year anniversary of my SAHM-ness, and I finally feel in my heart, a sense of calm and peace. That nagging urge that I should be out there, "contributing to society" and "bringing home the bacon" is slowly going away. I enjoy picking my daughter up from school and having her friends over or running her around town to get supplies for some school …
/r/RedPillWives07/03/17 11:32 PM
4

A rocking chair can be so lovely. I have fond memories of the one we had when I was growing up.
/r/RedPillWives07/03/17 11:13 PM
–

I fully agree with other women here. Comparing yourself to others will make you feel like a failure. Even the most put together woman is not perfect and has things left undone at the end of each day. This sense of never getting it all done is exacerbated when kids come into the picture. (You mop; they spill; you clean up; they play; you clean up; etc.) You have a limited amount of resources--time and money. When you spend your time doing one thing, you sacrifice that time. Same thing goes for mo…
/r/RedPillWives07/03/17 10:37 PM
3

Yes. Thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/17 02:47 AM
–

Your chads are all fairly androgynous. Interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/17 10:26 PM
6

You don't have to defend your family's decisions. Let it roll off you like water on a duck's back. :-)
/r/RedPillWives28/02/17 07:14 AM
5

Yes. :-) Of course, yes. Yes. (The fact that we even have to ask this question is a sign of a much bigger problem in our society.)
/r/RedPillWives28/02/17 06:53 AM
1

Good call.
/r/RedPillWives26/02/17 03:40 AM
–

Here is a great resource that a few librarians I know use. We even created library programs around this concept. Pretty awesome and overdue. http://www.guysread.com/
/r/RedPillWives26/02/17 03:40 AM
–

Yeah, I totally get that "attached" kid thing. My husband is gone a lot (military, too), and each deployment set us back developmentally for everything--bedtimes, potty training, talking, etc. It's part of the whole experience. It makes it much harder but not impossible. A key piece of advice I got from another mom/military wife was to be the thermostat not the thermometer. Sometimes I have to stop myself and ask if I'm reacting to the situation (thermometer) or if I'm guiding the sitation (ther…
/r/RedPillWives24/02/17 11:38 PM
1

Yeah, me too.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/17 03:39 AM
–

Do you socialize with other adults during the day at all or do you feel isolated (maybe connected via social media like Facebook)? Even if you're a total introvert, you might feel a little needy and wilted if you spend all your time with your baby. Even an hour a day with another mom or friend (coffee, playdate at park, stroller run, etc) can make a huge difference. Also, it might be worth researching other sleep routines for your child. Every child and family are different, for sure. (Mine was …
/r/RedPillWives24/02/17 03:32 AM
3

Very interesting.
/r/RedPillWives21/02/17 05:36 AM
–

How do you respond to negativity? You try to understand them and not take things personally. They, like you, have no experience as housewives. It's all conjecture. They're thinking worst case scenario, and you're thinking of the best case scenario. Most of the time it's neither. Will your career suffer? Sure, but I won't be in my deathbed lamenting it (I am a SAHM currently.) Will be you be bored? Yes. Life is sometimes boring and tedious. Plus, if you're bored, you can always fix that with soci…
/r/RedPillWives19/02/17 05:39 PM
–

Are you conflating domination with desire?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/17 03:47 AM
–

I usually love her work, but this leaves me scratching my head. Her example about helping him find a job is an example of having no boundaries. Having boundaries means respecting that his responsibilities are his. A large part of RPWi is about respecting the boundaries between a man and a woman. The captain and first mate dynamic is predicated on boundaries. I agree that people misunderstand boundaries. A boundary will not get others "to straighten up," but they will help you from joining them i…
/r/RedPillWives04/02/17 02:58 PM
1

It sounds like he is describing a deliberate IO (information operations) campaign against our own (Americans) people. I love truth and true things. I find any effort to obfuscate truth deeply disturbing even if that obfuscation results in "good" ends. The ends do not justify the means.
/r/RedPillWives04/02/17 02:47 PM
4

I love how she has routines and a philosophy of small improvements. We didn't get a slobby house overnight, so getting it clean is not going to happen overnight either. Routines and small, doable goals helped me get rid of the clutter and keep my house relatively clean. (I think of her when I only vacuum the middles of the room!) I was a perfectionist, and it ironically resulted in a cluttered house. It's like one of Steinbeck's characters says in East of Eden, "Now that you don't have to be per…
/r/RedPillWives04/02/17 03:23 AM
–

Flylady helped me organized, tidy, and calm. I like her ease-into-it approach. I still shine my sink. I have noticed that having dirty dishes waiting for me in the morning makes my normal morning fatigue feel like depression. I feel "behind" already, and I haven't even had a cup of coffee. I need to go back and revisit her writings! Thanks for posting!
/r/RedPillWives03/02/17 04:52 AM
2

"Never do for your husband what he can do for himself." From reading one of her books, I gathered that she is saying stop treating your husband like he is a child. Stop telling him what to wear or how to drive and what to eat, etc. A LOT of couples, especially after years of marriage fall into this weird dynamic where she assumes the role of Mother and he docilely plays the role of befuddled man-child. I think the opening scenes in American Beauty demonstrate this perfectly--Lester dropping his …
/r/RedPillWives28/01/17 09:12 PM
4

Congratulations!
/r/RedPillWives27/01/17 03:32 AM
2

The cure is simple: take a big slice of humble pie. Fortunately (and unfortunately), life is full of lots "opportunities" to remind myself that I am imperfect, flawed, and wanting. I feel like I have a thousand answers for that dreaded interview question, "What are your greatest weaknesses?" sigh
/r/RedPillWives27/01/17 03:22 AM
1

I agree! I see this perspective coming RP, BP, and all in between. Maybe it's because it's easier (cheaper, faster) to think in terms of absolutes--either this or that.
/r/RedPillWives27/01/17 03:18 AM
–

A creep is a man who continues to transgress boundaries. Sometimes he is aware and enjoying making her uncomfortable (like flashers). Most of the time, he probably is unable to understand that his transgressive behavior is making her uncomfortable--notable example, "pls respond ( ́・ω・ )"
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/17 10:13 PM
3

I'm with you! I'm so grateful for all the rain and the snow pack in the west.
/r/RedPillWives18/01/17 03:55 AM
1

I feel stupid for letting my speech get away from me. I totally get that. That's me in a nutshell. At least you recognize what you want to change. That's the first step, right? (I have struggled with this for years.)
/r/RedPillWives17/01/17 05:36 AM
–

confront myself, learn more about myself, and accept yourself I'm trying a 50K (run) this week to pursue the same goals. I totally go that.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/17 05:16 AM
–

Have you ever tried just spending the weekend with a good book or a cat or at the beach or mountains without drugs? I'm not judging (seriously, you do you). I just wonder what you're looking for or what you're trying to ignore. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I'm not one to diss a another's avocations. I run stupid distances to get high.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/17 03:48 AM
2

Great resolution. In the future, I would recommend talking to your dad first to get clarification before escalating (eg, taking it to SO, analyzing about 100 different reasons and possible resolutions). Sometimes it really is just a misunderstanding. This is one way we turn molehills into mountains. :-)
/r/RedPillWives12/01/17 03:07 AM
2

Yeah, he's not even "friends" though. He is definitely in the "creepy" category because he keeps commenting without any feedback from them. It's unnerving.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/17 03:34 PM
–

just a weird, personal preference--I think it's weird and cringy when grown men wear sports jerseys with another man's name on it. Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/17 03:51 AM
–

I think "orbiter" is more for a "friend." A woman enjoys the company of her orbiters--support and friendship and stuff. The guy you deceived isn't that. He's more like an acquaintance-gone-cringey.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/17 03:27 AM
–

I can't speak for a hundred years ago, but at least in 50 years ago, there was a difference (for teenagers) between going on a date and "going steady."
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/17 06:55 AM
–

Nope. Never been interested in that kind of scene.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/17 04:55 PM
–

Yeah, that 50% figure is misleading and inaccurate. I think divorce is truly a Baby Boomer phenomenon--they had spectacular rates of divorce. I wonder, when broken down generationally in 100 years, how much each generation actually marries and divorces.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/17 12:01 AM
–

Indeed! Often people try to find lover that will fill the missing parts of themselves. (That's what she said....ugh, sorry couldn't help myself). I think when people acknowledge that there is a universal, basic amount of emptiness in each of us, an emptiness that can't be filled with money or friends or sex or ambition or power, an emptiness that is always there even when it is obscured by moments of ecstasy or bliss, then we'd all be a lot more calm and perhaps even happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/17 05:59 AM
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You stay together. Now this only works if the commitment is both ways. It's like two sides of a triangle. Both need to lean in and commit. Commitment isn't complicated. There's no magic to it. You just do it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/17 05:29 AM
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You will move into Stages 5, 6, 7 etc. if you are committed for the long haul. Lifelong relationships (ie, marriage) move beyond Stages 1-4 and into difficult, wonderful territory. There will be disappointment and frustration, but if you can work through it, you have a chance to have real lifelong companionship. As one chaplain told a group of us once, "You can either have a 30 year long marriage or 30 four month long flings." What he meant by that was that a lot of people bail when the going ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/17 11:26 PM
4

RIP Kindle! :-( I totally get that! Even with "night shift" enabled, my iPhone is too bright. My paperwhite is the bee's knees!
/r/RedPillWives04/01/17 04:19 AM
–

Pre-school teachers have a tough job. Not everyone can hack it. I admire them so much!!
/r/RedPillWives02/01/17 10:58 PM
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We don't negotiate with toddlers. They are little insurgents. hahahaha
/r/RedPillWives02/01/17 08:02 PM
5

This is delightful!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/16 06:32 AM
5

Hahaha I just wrote that in a comment before I read your comment. So true.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/16 08:59 PM
3

Me too, sister! Take some walks or run and then have a glass of wine. This too shall pass! Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives27/12/16 10:37 PM
2

AFBB does exist, but it is not a default mode. It makes more sense when talking about divorced women who are looking for new husbands or women looking for step-dads for their kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/16 10:31 PM
2

most women have relationships with genuine nice guy betas in their 20s Pretty much.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/16 09:50 PM
3

Does this Icelandic tradition look cozy?! This is my ideal way to spend a holiday. :-)
/r/RedPillWives26/12/16 10:30 PM
3

Yes! I understand this so much! Some people just operate on a totally different level of noise. I try to be a good sport, but it wears me down after a while. 4 days of that is a long time.
/r/RedPillWives26/12/16 09:54 PM
7

I declare today to be National Introvert Decompressing Day. I have spent a long while on the couch, listening to our clock tick tock, and just sort of zoning out. Feels great. :-)
/r/RedPillWives26/12/16 09:53 PM
4

Yeah, you hear about dads trying to get their boys to be manly. Moms not so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/16 05:16 PM
1

I believe it!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/16 02:17 AM
1

I run for the high. Not gonna lie.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/16 02:02 AM
2

Yikes!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/16 01:23 AM
2

I just don't get the appeal of drugs, but if you're safe, than that's all that matters. People can be funny about other people's avocations. When they say, "Oh, running is bad for your knees," I have to laugh. Yeah, well, running keeps me from being a raging psycho, so there's that.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/16 01:13 AM
2

Phew! I was worried you might get scurvy. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/16 12:05 AM
2

Yikes! Is that safe?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/16 11:43 PM
2

For sure! Marine Corps seems to be held together with 550 cord. Hahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/16 05:48 PM
1

Yep. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/16 03:10 AM
1

bitch shield aka, common sense
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/16 02:40 AM
4

Yeah, I ran 10 miles today. I learned that if you don't post about your mileage on social media, then you lose those miles. So put me down for 40+ miles this week. Thanks. Also, this
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/16 08:17 PM
2

I think most do. They're just going about their business quietly.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/16 07:14 PM
8

Looks are necessary but not sufficient. There has to be some sort of spark. I'll also add that if a very good looking guy hit on me, and he was clearly out of my league, I'd run for the hills. I had no interest in being a Chad ONS.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/16 06:12 AM
7

I was a hard core feminist--subvert the patriarchy and all that. I subscribed to Ms. magazine in high school and loved to read books by Gloria Steinem and Susan Faludi. I took a lot of women's studies courses in college that met the GE requirements (women in government, literary critical theory--feminism, etc.). On the one hand, I was intensely interested in the subject on and on the other, I was looking for love (in the 90s). All the cute, queer girls took women's studies. I am fascinated by ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/16 07:41 PM
5

so unless guys on the prowl in libraries they're less likely to meet them Oh, they do, believe me.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/16 07:14 PM
2

Why do you think he overeats? This is the core of the issue. He gets comfort from food. He gets the illusion of control from food. He knows he's fat. He knows how you feel about it--I guarantee it. He gets no comfort from that knowledge. But he in spite of that, HE chooses--chooses--to overeat because that is HIS CHOICE, not yours. Most of his waking hours aren't his own if he spends 50 hours a week working. He is working to build YOU up, to support his family. His autonomy is closely tied in to…
/r/RedPillWives19/12/16 03:11 PM
3

You and me both! Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives19/12/16 03:31 AM
3

This problem affects the entire family. This may be true, but it is not yours to fix. The more you attempt to cajole, coax, encourage him, the more he will start to resent you. What women view as encouragement comes off as criticism to them. You're not his mom, and you have to let him solve his own problems. Ask yourself what do you have control over? Focus on that. Everything else is folly.
/r/RedPillWives19/12/16 12:48 AM
5

Fully agree. This could be a serenity prayer for some wives.
/r/RedPillWives19/12/16 12:44 AM
3

Yeah, well they aren't teenagers from day 1. You know how the pet store is full of kittens? Kittens are easily adoptable. Big cats, not so much--not as adorable. Those kittens get you with those big eyes and clumsy movements. Well, you take one home and it shits all over the place and climbs your curtains, but you love it because it's so damn cute. Well, it ages from kitten to cat, but by that time, you're pretty bonded to it. I think the same is true for kids. Also, asshole kids are made that w…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/16 07:08 PM
4

Here's the thing about kids. Most people don't like them, especially other people's kids. We didn't even think about having kids until the second half of our 20s. We were pretty adamantly anti-kid. We love our kid and still dislike other kids in general. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/16 03:45 AM
4

My long term plan is to live in a van by the beach/in the woods. Seriously. Living the military wife lifestyle (dependa life! hahahaha) in the meantime.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/16 02:03 AM
2

Hahahahaha I love this!
/r/RedPillWives17/12/16 01:57 AM
2

Good for you. If the subject of your family comes up during a date, you can always say, "We're not very close," and leave it at that. :-) I have something similar going on with my own mom. I love her, but she's super aloof. I haven't heard from her in a few years (other than seeing her FB reposts). We even live within an hour of each other. It hurts, but I try to focus on the family who is connected to me. Once I started viewing her as another person--a hurting, lonely person--I felt the anger l…
/r/RedPillWives16/12/16 03:12 AM
1

Awwwwww, that's so sweet. :-)
/r/RedPillWives15/12/16 02:10 AM
1

Wow! Snowed in sounds awesome!
/r/RedPillWives15/12/16 01:51 AM
1

Yay for Dad! I bet he had a blast, too. They love fixing things and spending time with their grandkids. It's like Dad-heaven.
/r/RedPillWives15/12/16 01:50 AM
2

grateful for public libraries Yes!!! I loved serving as a public librarian. Reading your post made me happy. :-)
/r/RedPillWives15/12/16 01:48 AM
2

Congratulations! :-)
/r/RedPillWives15/12/16 01:46 AM
0

I absolutely agree. There are some predators out there, and sometimes shit happens regardless of precautions. Predators go for the weak and vulnerable. Some basic things (like having good plan when going out on the town or when running alone) can help make you less of a target. I think it's important to exercise common sense without getting paranoid and fearful.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/16 12:58 AM
3

I wrote my response before I read yours. I absolutely agree with this many people start therapy, only to continually 'discover' more issues Yes, yes, yes! I think some people look forward to spending an hour each week bitching about their mom, dad, boyfriend, sister, dog, etc. A good therapist will skillfully direct the conversation back to the person, but I imagine quite a few are cool with letting therapy be just a venting session rather than actual therapy. You can't change or "fix" other peo…
/r/RedPillWives14/12/16 11:02 PM
1

People need to be careful and maintain situational awareness. If your buddy system friend is also shitfaced, then you both are in danger. It's not just about rape but many types of dangers--getting hit by a car, for instance, when you and your friend (both shitfaced) decide to cut across the street or having your wallet stolen because you were unaware of what was happening around you. A lot of incident reports in the military are tied to alcohol consumption. Suicides and domestic violence are al…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/16 10:50 PM
2

Introspection will help you learn more about yourself, your motivations, and etc. Therapy can be a great tool for helping people deal with cognitive distortions and for developing insight into themselves. As you move forward, I caution you against the blame trap. It's very easy to vilify others in our lives for our problems, and yes, there are some pretty mean people out there. I think it's a normal first step to acknowledge the situation and feel anger, etc. What can happen, however, is that pe…
/r/RedPillWives14/12/16 10:28 PM
12

My thoughts on the subject: if women are leaving your apartment crying and upset, then you're terrible at sex at best or a rapist. Neither of those are things to be proud of. I think the whole "choo choo" aspect has an element of homoeroticism to it, too. Very strange situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/16 10:07 PM
17

This article provides a lot more background information and context. The details about the surveillance cameras in the hallway and elevator were very interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/16 09:10 PM
2

Yep! Plus, she's an adult. She can exercise her autonomy and make her own decisions. All the comments in here about "I would talk to her about..." are silly to me. That is way too late to start those conversations. She knows NOW, as a pre-teen, that our financial support of her in college is not a right. We have told her that we will support her if she puts forth 100%. Otherwise, that money is staying in the bank.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/16 10:09 PM
1

You may be thinking slightly off about stoicism. Yeah, I agree. I think the problem is that we have Stoicism and stoic. One is a philosophical school, and the other is putting up with pain or hardship without complaining. I think most people would benefit from reading up on some Stoic writings and joining the discussion on r/Stoicism. Even that subreddit can be a shit show because there is a lot confusion about what Stoicism is all about. You end up with a lot of motivational quotes or requests …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/16 08:01 PM
3

It's pretty cool that your mom and her husband helped you move. Even cooler that he offered to do repairs on your old place! Wow! It sounds like Mom doesn't see the boundaries you put down. It's probably best not to let her "help you move" in the future. God help you if/when you give her grandkids! :-) hahaha The overbearing will go into overdrive!
/r/RedPillWives13/12/16 04:52 PM
8

Are you sure you wouldn't be the one getting triggered? You're smarter than that. Don't get your buttons pushed by other people's silliness. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/16 10:17 PM
7

I like you, too! Civility, kindness, compassion, honesty--these things are what's important to me. I love this sign!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/16 10:06 PM
8

There is no space for emotions in debates/arguments. You can be friends with people without sharing the same viewpoints. I don't try to dissuade my friends from their ideas, especially via debates. I have learned that people are generally pretty set in their ways for their own convoluted reasons. I like to hear their ideas and where they are coming from. I am more interested in learning about them than in changing them. Plus, it's ineffective mechanism for change. No one "wins" an argument and m…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/16 05:39 PM
5

the person has no logical reasoning so why even bother with them? Most people are irrational to some degree or another. It's part of being human. I like people, and I think their passions make them interesting, even if I don't share the same point of view.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/16 05:07 PM
16

I respectfully disagree. I think there are a lot of quiet, reserved feminists (I know some of these), and some really outspoken ones. It's tempting to conflate the ideology with personality type. I think the obnoxious folks always typecast their "side."
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/16 04:25 PM
4

I haven't met an explicitly anti-feminist person in real life. I know a lot of right wingers, red necks, etc., but no specifically "anti-feminists." It's not on their radar. They don't care, or they aren't talking about it they way people do here. I'd say of family and friends, the breakdown looks something like this: 20% right wing, 50% left wing, 30% moderates
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/16 04:13 PM
7

"I'm a unicorn" What snowflakes think they are.
/r/RedPillWives10/12/16 06:02 PM
5

I don't have any fear that my husband will cheat or leave me--no fear at all. But I am very aware of how other women look at him and regard him. If he were single, he would have no difficulty finding dates. In this sense, Dread isn't fear that he will abandon me but my awareness of his market value. (Hope that makes sense.) I don't sit around and think about how I settled or deserve better or whatever the cliche is. I am aware that I got lucky and that he could have (and could) "do better." He l…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/16 05:41 PM
4

Nagging is the adult form of whining.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/16 05:42 AM
1

Yep
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/16 05:32 AM
5

Stop! You guys are killing me!!!
/r/RedPillWives09/12/16 01:34 AM
6

Kiss me, baby.
/r/RedPillWives09/12/16 01:33 AM
3

Yep! Thanks for pointing that out.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/16 05:43 AM
1

I went in totally blind because I was sent from a temp agency. Uhhh, things just got weirder and weirder.
/r/RedPillWives08/12/16 05:39 AM
1

I hope he realizes that it was his dorky lack of manners that killed the date. You can see how someone could hamster this by saying, "I shamed her by bringing up this subject; therefore, she didn't do me because of the slut defense or such nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/16 03:56 PM
3

I briefly worked for a husband and wife team (3 other women on staff) in their home/office. Weird setup. They operated a self-storage facility, lived illegally upstairs, and did construction contracting work downstairs After a few weeks, I realized that one of the "partners" was actually a mistress (openly) with the guy. Nope, nope, nope! Boundaries are our friends!
/r/RedPillWives07/12/16 02:25 AM
7

Do guys like that? It screams drag queen to me. To each his own, I guess. Maybe it's a regional thing?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/16 01:59 AM
4

"I think it was a little bit of a rookie move on a first date." Hahahaha That was unfortunate for him because he is much more attractive than she is, I think.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/16 01:30 AM
3

I think a lot of this social anxiety (what will they think of me?) drops sharply when a woman hits 40 or 50. I'm not sure if it's hormonal changes or perspective, but I have seen that, as a vague generalization. On the other hand, women in their early 20s can be so damn high strung about stuff like that. I was like a tightly wound coil of stress and "shoulds." I honestly don't know how my husband put up with needless stress monster stuff. Cringy memories!!!
/r/RedPillWives07/12/16 01:15 AM
10

Reading this reminded me of something I read last week by Marcus Aurelius (Meditations): I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.
/r/RedPillWives06/12/16 03:43 PM
1

Totally agree! Plus, if the conversation starts to wane, no big deal. Running side by side in silence is cool, too. You also can get a glimpse of how the other person deals with the challenges of running--say a big hill, running out of steam, etc. I run nearly everyday with all sorts of different people, and I can tell a lot about their resilience and temperament from how they deal with those running challenges!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/16 09:52 PM
4

I live in unknowns, so I have become "okayish" with uncertainty. This is not a personality trait so much as a coping mechanism. I was very "type A" and "J" (Myers-Briggs). My experiences with my husband leaving for combat over and over and moving and madness (post partum psychosis) forced me to develop flexibility, a sense of chill. It was either yield or snap. Don't seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you. --Epictetus
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/16 07:28 PM
1

Yeah, don't underestimate the power of a home cooked meal. I HATE cooking with a passion, but I am happy when I see him enjoying himself. Sometimes a little food, a little wine, some down time, and sex is all he needs to reenergize. I think you being the goddess of light and fun will be most helpful. What man wouldn't want to come home to a happy woman who appreciates his hard work? :-)
/r/RedPillWives05/12/16 04:02 AM
6

There is a magical "I love you" button on the cervix. It can only pushed so many times before it starts to wear out.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/16 03:40 AM
3

Men really need to be useful and to feel useful (yep, I said it, feels, man). So what you may be interpreting as stress may in fact be "good stress." It gets them in the zone. We may be viewing it from a "how I would feel in this situation" kind of mindset, but they aren't us. :-) One big problem military families face is reintegrating after months apart. She is accustomed to doing everything, and he feels like he doesn't have a place or role or importance in the family. They crave being needed …
/r/RedPillWives05/12/16 03:35 AM
3

No. I think it's unethical and self-destructive. I couldn't respect the guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/16 03:15 AM
3

I sometimes think they mean women will not love you unconditionally, so don't get complacent. That works for both sexes. That makes sense and is less disingenuous than "women aren't loyal." I love true things and probably because of this I test statements and ideas. It's not about "winning" an argument (as Dale Carnegie said, "No one wins an argument") but trying discern between false assumptions and true ones. Or in Internet parlance, "reals over feels" (is that feelz with a z? Not sure what th…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/16 01:10 AM
2

Yeah, pretty much. I am smaller and physically weaker than most men.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/16 09:35 PM
5

Maybe "equitable" is a good term here.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/16 09:26 PM
2

I never thought you were a misogynist. I'm not really sure if I could ever really label someone that. It's a throwaway term, don't you think? Any "woman haters" out there seem to be full-blown misanthropes--they seem to be mad at everything and everyone. I think that stems from a great deal of pain, so I don't think too badly of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/16 09:21 PM
2

Dirty shaming tactic? Used by whom? For what purpose? I don't buy into "shaming," so it may that I can't see it the way you do, kind of like how a colorblind person can't see the numbers inscribed on one of those color tests. Maybe I have been around my Marine too long (married 15 years and counting), but honor, courage, commitment, that sort of thing, those are real traits, behaviors, choices. If you see these things as just words used shaming tactics and people as means to your ends, then we s…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/16 04:13 AM
2

If a person is incapable of loyalty, he is defective, is he not? This is what I mean by "defect." If a person lacks loyalty, he lacks also honor, integrity, and trustworthiness for these all fruits of virtue. If you truly believe that your wife, as a woman, is incapable of loyalty, then she is clearly defective and untrustworthy. From the little I've read from you, I don't think you dislike or mistrust your wife, which is quite unwise if she truly incapable of loyalty.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/16 03:49 AM
2

Then by that logic, anyone who has never been married should not chime in about "divorce rape" (or any other "ills" of marriage) every time the concept of marriage is mentioned here.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/16 11:16 PM
2

Interesting point. What a large, monstrous hamster must be required for this logic! As they say, you can't have your cake and eat it, too, or rather, you can't have your Kate and Edith, too. Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/16 09:10 PM
2

I was curious what bigotry was (vice prejudice), and I stumbled on this interesting post from the Oxford University Press blog concerning the etymology of bigot.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/16 04:58 PM
2

Hahahaha
/r/RedPillWives02/12/16 11:31 PM
6

My alumni association called. I knew it was a fund drive thing, but I felt like humoring the caller who was so perky and "on script." Her: "I see you got your masters in library science. How exciting! Are you working on your field?" Me: "No." Her: "What kind of work do you do?" Me: "I'm a stay-at-home wife." Her: "Oh! Great! (Shuffling of papers heard) That's, um, great! Are you traveling or taking it easy?" Hahaha it was like I had said, "Yeah, I held up a bank and got send to the penn, but my …
/r/RedPillWives02/12/16 04:51 PM
2

Thank you! I guess I have a bit of an addictive personality, so when I get into something, I am all in.
/r/RedPillWives02/12/16 04:03 PM
2

You know the whole, "We don't negotiate with terrorists?" Well, we had that in our home, "We don't negotiate with toddlers."
/r/RedPillWives02/12/16 02:37 AM
7

This is all so vague, so I can't comment specifically to your situation (whatever that is). I can say, though, that in front of your children, you and your husband should be a united front. Kids are little insurrectionists and will play you against each other. It's not healthy for them or for you. Always address your parenting concerns privately to your husband, out of earshot from the kids. So many people don't do this, and it cuts off their authority at the knees. Also, it stresses kids out an…
/r/RedPillWives02/12/16 01:55 AM
1

Not that I recently did that or anything. Hahahahaha.
/r/RedPillWives01/12/16 12:34 AM
1

Vertigo is the best movie ever made. Ever. (Kim Novak's eyebrows are full drag queen though)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/16 10:06 PM
1

Thanks! It was 95% mental and 5% physical. I felt like bailing on my plan this morning, but when I saw how excited my husband was for me, I knew I had to face my fears and just run (alone--scary!!!), It was SO AWESOME to finish. He is super proud of me. I had a great run. No Olympics for me hahahaha, but a sub-5 hour finish. :-)
/r/RedPillWives26/11/16 05:20 AM
1

Thanks for the vote of confidence! :-) it was challenging and fun.
/r/RedPillWives26/11/16 05:15 AM
1

Not in and of itself, but it would be a plus. I admire a man who is willing to put off instant gratification.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/16 05:14 AM
11

Attempting to run a marathon on my own today. My previous long distance was 21.5 miles, so 26.2 miles may or may not be achieved today. Wish me luck. If you never hear from me again, know I died doing what I loved, and it was a pleasure knowing you. Hahahaha
/r/RedPillWives25/11/16 05:14 PM
9

I respect a man who has convictions. I may not be particularly impressed with those convictions (say, militant veganism) but I can respect that dedication. I can respect someone without being attracted to him, but I couldn't be attracted to a man I didn't respect.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/16 06:20 AM
9

Works for me. Why? He knows what he's about and sticks to his convictions.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/16 05:20 AM
3

I totally get that. I guess the key is to figure out what you have control over (vice what you cannot control) and focus on that. You cannot take away his misery. (Repeat that to yourself as you need to.) Only he can do that. His problems and unhappiness at work and life are bigger than you. Focus on doing what you can but leave the rest behind. Do your best and be okay with that. I'm not sure if that helps you, but I hope it gives you a realistic sense of your role. :-)
/r/RedPillWives24/11/16 11:20 PM
6

You need a support network where you live. It'll take time and effort, but it's absolutely essential. You need to have friends (with kids) that you can connect with and lean on. Even though you are an introvert, you will still benefit from an hour here or there with friends. Try attending a story time class at a library or go to a church or something to find people with similar interests and life situations. There are all sorts of mom groups like MOPS, La Leche League, stroller walking clubs, et…
/r/RedPillWives23/11/16 05:59 AM
1

It sounds like you may have burn out going on. The double whammy of postpartum depression and twins is a lot to recover from. I had postpartum, and even though the crisis part lasted only a year, it took a lot of time before I felt normal again. The good news is that this isn't permanent. Keep working on making it through day to day. :-)
/r/RedPillWives22/11/16 03:57 PM
2

As long as you are working towards your marriage, you haven't failed. Keep the end in mind. Think out the next 5, 10, 20 years. Your kids, those adorable bundles of entropy, will be out of the house, and it will just be the two of you. Take divorce off the table and out of your mind. It is not option. If you are unhappy, then own it. We are responsible for our own happiness. No one else can do it for us (despite what the movies tell us). If you are still not convinced, imagine you are a divorcee…
/r/RedPillWives21/11/16 07:22 PM
10

I think everyone here is hung up on the word "deserve." Try looking at it this way: a person ends up with his complement. Or as an idiom, "Water seeks its own level." We are drawn to other people for all sorts of rational and irrational reasons. If we find ourselves over and over in failed relationships with "losers," we must recognize that the common denominator is us. The question then becomes, "Why am I entangling myself with these people who are unkind/wicked/hurtful/etc.?" It is not the "Ot…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/16 06:50 PM
3

I've been traveling all month, so I have a bit of catching up to do around here. Wish list? I don't have anything on my list, but I wouldn't be disappointed if I got a trip to some place with awesome trail running. :-)
/r/RedPillWives19/11/16 03:38 AM
4

So far, I'm not doing so well. It's interesting how much energy it takes to listen. I'm paying closer attention though and working towards it.
/r/RedPillWives02/11/16 10:56 PM
7

This is pretty much grooming her for Chad. You resent her, and she knows it. I wonder if your resentment seems to come from a deep, deep place of hurt and sense of betrayal. This was not how you envisioned your life. It's like you got the ol' bait and switch. I also wonder if the worse feeling here is the sense of powerlessness. It must be a terrible thing to experience. (I imagine she feels pretty much all these things, too.)
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/16 03:28 PM
7

Thank you. The logic is flawed. All mice eat cheese. I eat cheese. ergo, I am a mouse.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/16 03:10 PM
2

The archived post is creepy! he talked to me a few years ago about feeling physically lonely Eww. Wtf this is her husband's brother. Why is she having this kind of conversation with him!? he's been disregarding my words and feelings about this Eww! He isn't her husband, and he owes her nothing in terms of this. Why is she so obsessed with her brother-in-law? Even her husband doesn't give a shit, but she does. Let each man live his own life. This woman needs some boundaries because her behavior i…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/16 09:58 PM
2

women are encouraged to be attractive only for themselves I have never understood this. If a woman dresses well to be seen, then she is vain, slutty, shallow, vapid, trashy, oppressed, etc. So you are ONLY allowed to be attractive for no one to look at you. That's really what "attractive only to themselves" is saying.
/r/RedPillWives01/11/16 03:16 PM
1

I suspect we're similar in that making people happy is a "why" we find worthwhile! Well said!
/r/RedPillWives01/11/16 03:07 PM
3

I love Epictetus. I try to tell myself this all the time: "Demand not that things happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do, and you will go on well." It doesn't result in "eudaimonia" but it helps me be less of a controlling psycho bitch.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/16 03:06 AM
3

Show of hands: how many people here--or even people you have known--have been to this type of bachelorette party where the bride is giving bjs to the strippers? I think this scenario is an outlier.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/16 02:51 AM
4

I like this list. I would imagine that if you don't have #1 (respect), then the rest of it falls to shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/16 02:46 AM
2

Very interesting! The quiz said I was a questioner, which I found interesting because I predicted I would be a people pleaser. It seems accurate though. I don't have a problem making commitments and following through as long as I embrace the "why" behind it.
/r/RedPillWives31/10/16 10:01 PM
8

"Have some agency and stop letting things just happen to you." Can I get this translated into Latin and used as a sort of motto?
/r/RedPillWives31/10/16 06:32 PM
5

Oh CQ, love your words.
/r/RedPillWives31/10/16 06:31 PM
12

Why is it considered (by many on the left) to be empowering for a man to dress in drag, put on makeup, and look fabulous, but for a woman to wear the same makeup and clothing, it is considered trashy or over-the-top? When a woman is obsessed with fashion, she is shallow and vapid. When a man is obsessed with fashion, he is sensitive and artistic. Why do I have a billion "motivational quote" pictures in my facebook feed about how awesome girls who don't act like girls are. These are the ones wher…
/r/RedPillWives31/10/16 06:28 PM
7

Nearly everybody agreed that vaginal sex “counted” as sex, but only 84 percent thought anal sex counted. 51 percent thought oral sex counted. A small fraction of people kept their V-cards by technicality: Of people who have had anal sex, 2.5 percent still consider themselves virgins. Even at MIT there is no consensus at what constitutes an n-count.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/16 06:00 PM
2

Kids are exhausting! If you think staying up all night clubbing will totally wreck yourself, try waking up several times a night because of a baby screaming. I don't know why a 60 year old guy would want anything to do with that scene.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/16 05:52 PM
7

Yes. I was one. I remember hanging out with a few different (lesbian) women, hoping that by merely being around me that they feel a spark of attraction. I was definitely a beta orbiter when I was thinking, "Man, I am tired of smiling and pretending to find this person's conversation interesting."
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/16 03:16 PM
1

I'm English, I know how to act English, don't worry! Hahahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/16 04:01 AM
2

I think if men want children, it's perhaps wiser to do so earlier rather than later. My dad had kids young, got divorced, and had no more kids. He was appalled to see his coworkers becoming fathers at ages 40+. He thought it was idiotic to tie up your healthy, early retirement years with fatherhood. My dad likes to travel, fly airplanes, that kind of stuff, and when we were "grown," he was happy to have his independence (and time) back. Just another perspective...it seems like a lifestyle that w…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/16 03:25 AM
2

The second guy sounds like a Hugh Grant character from a 90s rom com. Hahaha Sort of off-topic, so I'll post here. I think people who cheat fundamentally misunderstand the nature of marriage and themselves. The expectations are all messed up, and they make terrible, self-destructive decisions based on those unrealistic expectations not being met. short 1 min. clip explaining the marriage 80-20 rule (not your usual Pareto Principle as applied by TRP) Also, I think spending any "romantic" time wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/16 03:02 AM
2

Aiden, Jaden, Caden, etc Hahahahaha, that's like every boy in my kid's class! (I'm with you on this one!)
/r/RedPillWives26/10/16 01:38 AM
2

I'm up front and say, "Hey I need a few minutes to vent." It's like code or something. We're 15 years deep into marriage so far, so we can shorthand a lot of stuff. When we first were together, I made the JV mistake of going on and on and on. I realized that I was essentially teaching him to tune me out/zone out while I was talking. Yikes. Women need to be taught to see things from a man's POV in things like this and to learn how to get our needs met without the firehose of words. It's all about…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/16 10:47 PM
3

I know. It's weird, right? Emotions are by definition irrational. Running is one way to deal with difficult emotions and communicating is another way. I guess I have these conversations with my husband because I want him to know how I feel. It makes me feel loved. Similarly, I don't necessarily need physical love frequently, but he does. I gladly connect with him physically whenever he wants to because I love making him feel loved. We both work hard to find that connection. Men and women are fun…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/16 09:52 PM
3

I don't want help with the problem though. See, I usually can solve the problem myself once I get rid of those pesky irrational gut reaction emotions that are clouding my thinking. Talking about for a few minutes helps me clear my head and feel more calm and in control. What helps me is empathy. I want empathy. You can't get that from a teddy bear. When I can't talk to someone, I often will go for a long run. It has the same sort of "getting perspective" effect. It puts me in control of my emoti…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/16 08:30 PM
3

Very, very true. I agree with all of that. It's not just she talks, and he listens. It can be as simple as her telling about something crappy that happened and him saying, "That sucks." Just acknowledge it and move on. There need not be a "fix" or "solution." A simple "that's cool" or "that sucks" is fairly effective. (When I say that, I am not being dismissive or condescending, I am just honestly acknowledging what the situation is about. Not sure if that makes sense.) This works really well fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/16 02:37 AM
2

It only takes a few minutes. Anyone who spends more than 20 minutes venting is just getting themselves more pissed off and more worked up. That's stewing, not venting. Women have to be very respectful and cognizant of their husband's time and attention. If I babble endlessly, I basically say that everything I say is unimportant and don't worry about catching any details. I try to "get my words out" (as we call it) with friends during the day. Then when he comes home, it's about quality, not quan…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/16 01:20 AM
1

That makes me sad. I love that they're willing to go along to make her happy, but no man wants to feel like a beta dork. I wanted a minivan when I had my baby. It would've made my life a lot easier (we had a compact car and a motorcycle). But he said that he just couldn't cross that line.
/r/RedPillWives24/10/16 10:57 PM
2

There's a lot things my husband is not into. When we were first married, I took it personally. But everyone does engagement photos! The latest and greatest craze, gender reveal parties for pregnant couples, makes him roll his eyes. I have learned that less is more for that guy. If I tried to drag him along with these ideas, he'd get pretty annoyed with me. So I keep it low key. For some other guys, they might be really into those things.
/r/RedPillWives24/10/16 10:46 PM
4

My husband would think this is super lame, like up there with getting studio portraits or putting a 26.2 decal on the car. I guess what I'm trying to say is know your man. If he wouldn't dig this, then don't try to make it happen. But, honey, it'll be fun! I read a blog post where another couple do this every year!
/r/RedPillWives24/10/16 10:03 PM
2

He's not wrong. Tights aren't pants, and it's gross. Tacky, tacky no matter the weight or age of the wearer. I don't allow my 11 year-old daughter to dress like that. If she wants to wear tights (or leggings), then she has to wear a skirt over them.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 09:47 PM
1

if I didn't know how to respond, I'd make a captain obvious solution just so that I don't sound like I don't care That is a really interesting point that I hadn't considered before. It's so true though! I feel kind of lost and helpless when I don't know what to say. Reminds me of when Hank had to deal with LuAnn's crying
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 09:40 PM
3

I wasn't always the one doing the dumping. When I was dumped, I was given different reasons: I still love my ex-girlfriend; this isn't working out; I met someone new; I like you but I'm not in love with you; I want to see other people, etc. When I was the one doing the dumping, I said things like, "This doesn't seem to be working" or whatever but that rings pretty hollow. Ultimately, it doesn't matter why, and when you're being dumped no answer is good enough. It just sucks. If I were completely…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 05:56 PM
3

it has nothing to do with you as a person Yes! Exactly. This is what infatuation is all about. When we are in that state, we can't see the other person for whom they really are. We idealize them, and eventually that goes away because it cannot sustained. My relationships that failed all had one thing in common--me. I often was shocked and confused when the infatuation blinders fell off, and sometimes those blinders stayed on long after I was dumped. From the moment I started dating, I tried to f…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 05:44 PM
2

That sounds like a relationship that is steeped in entropy. No one is making an effort. Everyone is miserable. (This is not a situation that will yield spontaneous sexual contact or desire.) It's like expecting a couch potato to run a sub-4 marathon. They haven't put any effort into training, and the result will be obvious.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 03:36 PM
3

When someone we have loved dies, the love is replaced by grief. When someone we have loved rejects us, we replace that with something darker--rage, hate, despair, etc. I think this is because the falling apart of the relationship feels more like a condemnation of whom we are rather than what it really is, an acknowledgment of severed connection. When someone doesn't want to be with us anymore, it feels like the world is saying, "You are not worthy." I think relationships, especially dating ones,…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 03:27 PM
2

Men and women are inherently not compatible and not connected. I agree with that. That's why we (men and women) have to work hard. If we sit back and expect that connection--physical or emotional--to happen, then it isn't going to be sustainable past the honeymoon phase. One way to make that connection is by stepping outside of our own experience and getting away from gut-reaction emotion. Feeling an emotional response is normal. Automatically acting out on it is slavery. (Aurelius, Epictetus, a…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 02:27 PM
3

You ask too much. Yeah, marriages are like that. We expect much from our spouses and are expected to give much. It's hard work, no doubt about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 05:59 AM
1

I loved that book! I may have gotten that info from there. I need to re-read that one.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 05:42 AM
8

The OP was asking why "so many women" get upset. You may not be in that category of "so many women," but I am (as are many others). I am providing a prospective for those of us who have those feelings. Here's a humorous video on the subject It's Not About the Nail
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/16 03:43 AM
1

Not so much running from anything as to nature--ocean, mountains, etc. My favorite runs are usually long and involve trails and wild animals and beer at the end of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 07:28 PM
6

Yeah, venting is what friends are for. I give myself 5 minutes tops for venting to my husband. Otherwise, it seems to just drag the mood down. I think this tension/mismatch will always be present between men and women regardless of society's views or conditioning. It's because at a fundamental level, we love our partner so deeply and fully that we forget that they aren't us--they have different needs, etc. Solipsism for both sexes.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 07:20 PM
12

Female imperative? No, it's just a difference in communication style. Men have their own quirks. They don't want to talk the way we do, and when women don't understand this, they say things like, "What are you thinking about right now?" "Why won't you talk to me about XYZ?" "What did you guys talk about?" She will truly and honestly be confused when he says, "Nothing," after he spent 5 hours fishing with his friend. Sure, they said words, but the content was inconsequential. The bonding was over…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 07:03 PM
20

Honestly? We want to be heard. That's all. That makes us feel connected to another person. I want to be able to share my experience with you. That's what I am looking for. When we communicate, we often are too busy formulating a response while the other person is talking. This isn't active listening. It's frustrating when you have this kind of interaction. This is typically where the "stop giving me solutions" thing comes from. It's not about the solutions; it's that she doesn't feel like she is…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 06:54 PM
2

Hahahahahaha it's so true!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 03:53 AM
2

I love moray eels' faces. They make me giggle! My kiddo loves the leafy lettuce sea dragons. They are ridiculously fabulous fish.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 03:44 AM
1

Just looked up that location. Holy moly! So beautiful!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 03:27 AM
2

One of my favorite places (besides libraries). Everyone goes ape shit over the sea mammals or the very large fish, but I love sea anemones, starfish (especially sunflower starfish), and the octopuses (octopi?)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/16 03:24 AM
2

Run, nap, read, repeat
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/16 06:35 PM
2

Hahahahaha love those! It's good to have you here. :-)
/r/RedPillWives21/10/16 02:47 AM
4

We go for a trail run just the two of us. Best date ever. We do this about once or twice a week. We can go a few miles without even talking, and it doesn't matter. Just being together, away from everything, brings out our happier, more carefree selves. (If I were single, I would definitely have this as a date. It would weed out the wimps, and you can see how he approaches challenges like monster hills. Even if the guy turns out to be not your cup of tea, you still got a run out of it, and it cos…
/r/RedPillWives19/10/16 07:20 PM
13

Yep. This is one of those things that I think men just don't get. I have never been insulted or offended by a "fast performance." Far from it! Love it! It feels real and authentic. Pounding away mindlessly and dispassionately for too long is the equivalent of starfish sex for women. (I wonder how many disgruntled men who complain of starfish lovers are indeed using the jackhammer of boredom technique.)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/16 08:57 PM
3

You are not an awful person. Let's just get that said first. You have a lot of work to do for your mental health, and you recognize that. Focus on that. This is about you more than him. You shouldn't be having lots of fights and screaming matches. That sounds like BPD more than anything. BPD is like comfort testing on steroids. That gets old for him and for you. It will kill your relationships. You can get healthier. As you do, you may find these relationship problems settle. But first, stop wit…
/r/RedPillWives15/10/16 10:52 PM
3

Exactly this! NRE is a huge factor, and it is often left out in these discussions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/16 03:20 AM
3

My normal routine for gross exercise clothes: Do a pre-soak on cold--no detergent. (Also, try to wash within 48 hours) Then wash on the hottest setting you can especially if you have hard water. Soap residue is a problem for hard water folks (like me), and this residue will later trap odors big time. You can also buy a residue-free athletic wash (Nathan brand comes to mind). Finally, do a final rinse (cold is fine). This will help remove any residue remaining. Steer clear of fabric softeners for…
/r/RedPillWives14/10/16 05:55 AM
5

Are you using an energy efficient washer or an old school washer? What temperature are you using? (The new washers are pretty terrible for stinky clothes.) Some of the moms around here swear by laundry stripper. It will remove ammonia smells. (Used for cloth diapers mainly, but good for other laundry.) I haven't used it, but my friends love it. You can try an enzyme-based formula like Nature's Miracle. I stumbled on this from a cat pee/laundry fiasco once. I have also used it on my camelbak stra…
/r/RedPillWives14/10/16 01:45 AM
9

The values that support "for better or worse" will be present in other facets of her life, too. How is her honor, courage, and commitment towards her job, her hobbies, her family? Listen to how she describes personal challenges. Despair? Blaming others? Giving up? Or does she adopt an attitude of resilience? Does she view failure as an opportunity to try again and do it a different way? Is she comfortable being uncomfortable in the moment--future orientation? (Applies a lot to work, family, and …
/r/RedPillWives13/10/16 02:31 PM
3

This is my idea of an awesome fantasy.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/16 02:19 PM
3

Same on all accounts!
/r/RedPillWives13/10/16 02:57 AM
3

Your job is like a unicorn. That's awesome.
/r/RedPillWives11/10/16 03:25 PM
8

Stop becoming enmeshed in her problems. We can listen and be empathetic without taking on others' problems as our own. But I'm not enmeshed. I'm just a concerned cousin. Weekly sessions with her about her misery? Creating a Reddit alt account and a post on RPWi? Consider this: You are enabling her in all this. She gets her "recharge" from her weekly rant sessions with you. If you stepped out of the role of fixer, she might (maybe not) feel the emotional depletion instead of salving it with marty…
/r/RedPillWives10/10/16 10:37 PM
1

A surprising amount of people have no/poor flossing habits. So gross, especially when you can smell it or see the gunk built up on the tooth's surface. (Many people think brushing is enough.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/16 09:47 PM
2

I love being around friends, but I expire after an hour or two. It's probably less about being "traditional" and more about enjoying quiet and solitude. This Hyperbole and a Half pretty much sums me up. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/16 08:34 PM
3

Running trails or roads (lots of group runs and solo runs), libraries, on my couch reading I prefer to stay away from loud, crowded places full of the many too many. I'll enjoy a bar if it's quiet and gentlemanly--no TVs or blasting music. My dream bar would be like the Diogenes Club. For the uninitiated: "There are many men in London, you know, who, some from shyness, some from misanthropy, have no wish for the company of their fellows. Yet they are not averse to comfortable chairs and the late…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/16 06:58 PM
1

Reminds me of the fallacy ref
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/16 04:05 AM
6

Good food for thought. The whole "women are incapable of love" is the male equivalent of "all men are pigs." When I hear absolutes--always, never--I listen carefully for cognitive distortions such as black and white thinking (splitting). Emotions are the driver--"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler." (F.N.) This does not invalidate the sentiment (eg, "all men are pigs"), but it can help us to understand the feelings and experiences and fears behind the …
/r/RedPillWives05/10/16 03:03 AM
9

We're women, and we communicate like women. We connect by sharing personal experiences--it's a fast track to friendship and intimacy because disclosures open up a more hidden, vulnerable part of us. And when one person discloses, the other often mirrors and discloses, kind of like a de facto truth or dare. Men don't seem to communicate that way, at least not on RP forums. They seem (from outside looking in here) to be more "just the facts, ma'am"--who, what, when, where, why, how. RP men especia…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/16 08:40 PM
18

I see you responded with "I am a female..." as the beginning of one of your downvoted comments. This is a very annoying phrase to that demographic. It's like the woman equivalent of mansplaining. Just give good RP advice and move on. We also have a no "as a man" or "man here" policy on RPWi. If you're not giving RP advice, then don't comment on an RP sub. People often go into anecdotal land with advice threads. This seems to be the least helpful way (or at least the least receptive way) to provi…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/16 08:11 PM
10

(TMI incoming) Dry, miserably dry.
/r/RedPillWives04/10/16 02:04 PM
12

it only works if she is sexually attracted to the man Since she's having sex with him, I'd hope she's sexually attracted to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/16 07:22 PM
8

Sweet baby Jesus, thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/16 01:57 PM
2

I think the fundamental issue is mental health. It seems like a type of personality disorder like borderline personality disorder but in men. The ways some of these folks interact with others can be very off-putting, and it leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein the "incel" spirals further into that very definition. People keep their distance because the person suffering is sending out hateful vibes. These conclaves of incels (on Reddit or elsewhere) perhaps contribute even more to this sel…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/16 09:39 PM
1

Wow, thank you for the thoughtful compliment! Made my day. :-)
/r/RedPillWives29/09/16 08:59 PM
2

Desire is not negotiable. If a woman feels no desire for a man, it isn't because she thinks she's hot shit. She just doesn't feel desire for that man. Women are hardwired to be more selective. That's how nature works. Men are hardwired to desire many, many different women. It's simple. Watch groups of men around women. They look like birds, strutting around, showing their butt feathers to attract a mate. If you're going to be upset about this, rail at the gods, shake your fists in fury to the he…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/16 06:47 PM
8

The entire "romance" from Taxi Driver is a perfect example of creepy. The approach was a little iffy, but she went out on the date anyway. (Let me stop and point something out here. I think when men complain the women are using them for free dinners, what they need to realize is that 90-99% of women aren't hustling for free plate of spaghetti. If she is on the date and it goes sour, it means that she went from "He's good" to "No way." If she goes on a date with you, she probably doesn't think yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/16 07:24 PM
3

Lord knows I don't have it on me to deal with foolishness anymore. Hahaha isn't that the truth? :-)
/r/RedPillWives27/09/16 02:36 AM
11

Haha no, in the Lifetime movies, she is a perfect, healthy woman who just happens to fall for the wrong guy this one time. Then she takes up cardio kick boxing or bow hunting to build her self-confidence, and this skill is then used to take down her evil abuser by force. It's all strong independent woman stuff in the end, and she is never complicit in her role because it happened "out of the blue." It has absolutely nothing to do with her terrible boundaries or psychological makeup. And it was a…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/16 06:24 PM
4

most women are not going to be interested in me, it doesn't bother me now You probably aren't interested in most women either. Like you said, you have high standards. That's a good thing. Otherwise, you'd just pick one woman at random and that's kind of cruel, too. Like, "You have the right reproductive equipment--you'll do." That's not love or attraction or compatibility. It's reducing the woman from personhood to interchangeable part. Just because someone isn't interested in you doesn't mean y…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/16 05:27 PM
3

Well, shoot, those "romantic" movies have that sort of plot, so it seems like it's perfect, right? Hahaha. Oh well, live and learn. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/16 05:07 PM
24

To spot an abusive man, you have to know what to look for. (Hint: it's not a criminal history or asshole-ness, though those signs might be present.) --wants to commit too fast, too soon; declares love on the first date --victim mentality: he says his exes are crazy, his parents are terrible, all the problems at work are due to his boss, coworkers, society is against him, etc. This is a blamer personality type. Eventually, he will blame the new lover (and focus abuse on her), but right now, she i…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/16 04:36 PM
5

I like your attitude. :-)
/r/RedPillWives26/09/16 03:53 PM
5

The Good There are homemade pies in my fridge--for absolutely no special reason. I am not a cooking type, so I don't normally do this sort of thing. I'm discovering that it's easy to make other things (like extra side dishes or desserts) while I'm already "stuck" in the kitchen making dinner. Hell, the kitchen is already messy, might as well cook more stuff before I clean for the night. My husband was gushing about the pie. Food really is the way to a man's heart, huh? The Bad I find my bitchy, …
/r/RedPillWives26/09/16 03:52 PM
5

I love that moment when the teamwork is just flowing. It's totally that satisfied seal meme face.
/r/RedPillWives26/09/16 03:29 PM
5

That sounds awful and awkward about the client at the firm. Good for you for letting it roll off like water on a duck's back.
/r/RedPillWives26/09/16 03:24 PM
2

I would feel flat without oneitis. Oneitis brings us a special kind of pain and longing, a hunger. The word saudade comes to mind. It would hurt less to take the anti-oneitis, but in shaving off the rough edges of loss and longing, we sort of diminish its entire value of that connection. I suppose it is the appetite for connection that we need, and oneitis is that craving for a particular person at a specific time. We can eat without appetite but not so richly or with so much pleasure.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/16 01:27 AM
2

Dumbbells here I come! Hooray! Fitness should feel good. Even when you're at your limjt and ready to puke, it should feel challenging but not miserable. If you're not enjoying the challenge, you won't sustain that level of fitness over a lifetime. For people getting into fitness, they often go too hard and burn out and make it a miserable experience. Then exercise becomes a low priority and gets wiped out of their schedule. R/science published a study that said if you enjoy exercise, you will do…
/r/RedPillWives24/09/16 08:50 PM
5

This is a great post because we are not attractive when we unhappy with our bodies. For instance, I was in amazing, peak athletic shape when I was 22, and I remember complaining to my husband about "being fat." Not cool. No one wants to hear that. It's annoying AF. I am, a-hem, a bit older now, and I love my body. I am grateful that it takes me on running adventures. Because I respect my body more, I don't punish my body during exercise. By changing my mindset, my fitness changed dramatically. B…
/r/RedPillWives24/09/16 07:39 PM
5

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." --Epictetus Spend a week listening more. Try listening completely and fully without formulating a response while the other person is talking. Babble a little less. Practice comfortable silence. For instance, when he's driving, he is our "captive audience," and we tend to want to use this time to hash out our business or babble on about nothing important. Let him have some peace and quiet. If he wants words, he'll t…
/r/RedPillWives24/09/16 07:25 PM
3

Maybe when a guy says he noticed her smile, he is saying that he got her IOI signals. That is definitely attractive, don't you think?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/16 12:48 AM
6

^^<sup>Very</sup> well said
/r/RedPillWives23/09/16 06:45 PM
6

Yes, yes, yes to house, finances, kids--would not enter into those challenges together without marriage
/r/RedPillWives22/09/16 03:33 PM
14

If a man is 40 and single, I have to wonder if there's something wrong. He is either coming out of some dead-end LTR or divorce or is one of those guys who is a "confirmed bachelor" who isn't interested in family life. (This is the sense I get from your friend's sentiment.) I'm not saying he's defective, but if I were dating, it would be a huge red flag. I'd pay close attention to why he is single. I wouldn't want to be his rebound relationship nor would I want to be Miss Never-gonna-get-married…
/r/RedPillWives19/09/16 07:13 PM
1

Sure, he can take unpaid leave. Just like he can take unpaid leave if his wife needs help during chemo. (There is no cancer spouse leave with pay. You use FMLA.) I had my baby, and my husband left for Iraq two days later. My folks came out (3 hours away from our military base) for three days, and then I was on my own. My friends have babies alone all the time. It sucks ass. Day after day of feeding, cleaning, laundry, groceries, etc.--alone. We pitch in and help each other with "meal trains" and…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/16 04:15 AM
1

When the woman is recovering who is taking care of her? Herself. She is not a total invalid (unless of course there are complications). It's only 9-10 hours of solo time and then Dad comes home.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/16 04:50 AM
4

No. Leave is required for medical recovery. Recovering from giving birth, whether vaginal or c-section, requires a lot of healing. It has nothing to do with "bonding" with the baby. I think maternity (paternity) leave policies should be left up to the companies' discretion and not a government mandate. Having children is a choice. We can't say that we're pro-choice (I am) and then turn around and demand special treatment for our choices. If you cannot afford 6 weeks of unpaid leave, then you can…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/16 03:56 AM
2

Getting out of our comfort zones is always good even if it feels terrible at the time. The same goes for her. Here's an analogy that will kill your hamster: When you get dental work done, it can hurt, right? Does this mean we forgo dental work? Nope. It is not harmful; it is beneficial. It hurts, but it doesn't harm. New scenario: eating candy all day doesn't "hurt" but it definitely harms. It "hurts" our kid when we say no to pixie sticks, but it doesn't harm. Again, it is beneficial. When you …
/r/RedPillWives15/09/16 10:53 AM
2

I'll enjoy it while we're stationed here, but I do love a loooong hike in the woods or run on a trail through trees and shade. It's nice to get away from people.
/r/RedPillWives15/09/16 03:49 AM
4

I love that feeling at night when the dishwasher is going and the rest of the house is quiet. ahhhhh It's the sound of I'm done for the day. I used to get this feeling pretty hardcore after tucking the kiddo to bed--freedom!!!! I also feel really relaxed when I can smell laundry drying. It doesn't even have to be my laundry! If I walk though the neighborhood and smell a neighbor's dryer going, I am instantly relaxed. Weird, huh? All those fake chemical fragrances, should be gross, right?--but I …
/r/RedPillWives14/09/16 11:25 PM
3

I totally get that! We call our daughter "Loophole Lucy" (not her real name) because she tries to lawyer her way out of everything. She always was cranky at drop off (even as she was older), but I realized that as soon as I left, she was having fun. So I let go of the guilt. Looking back, it was so important for her to get around other kids (only child) and play and have fun.
/r/RedPillWives14/09/16 11:15 PM
2

Yesssssss! High five running sister! It's my drug of choice. Your running area sounds beautiful--so jealous! I get to run along the beach, but unless I'm out there at 5 am, I'm with 100 other people :-(
/r/RedPillWives14/09/16 11:12 PM
5

Yes, 15 women got a great scholarship. 15 out of a 157,000,000 women in America. Pointing to this scholarship as "women get things" is silly.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/16 04:33 AM
3

Yes!!! Vetting and completely surrendering are mutually exclusive processes. You surrender completely BECAUSE you have vetted him already, and you have stopped vetting. One builds on the other. Trying to do these both simultaneously is like stepping on the gas and the brakes at the same time.
/r/RedPillWives12/09/16 06:56 PM
1

This was my day. It burns!
/r/RedPillWives11/09/16 11:29 PM
3

I subbed before I taught full time. About two years into my full time career, I remember looking at those subs enviously....no lesson plans, no papers to grades, no parent conferences....I always joke how I'd rather strip than teach again (not really!), but I wouldn't mind subbing if I needed some sweet moola.
/r/RedPillWives10/09/16 03:48 AM
6

Good advice. Piggybacking on #1: Don't be surprised if sex feels awkward. You might be fine with 3 months separation, but a lot of us wives feel awkward after a long time apart. It's so normal that the chaplain include that info in the reunion briefs. Also, don't try to cram in 3 months into one night--trust me on this one. Hahahaha
/r/RedPillWives10/09/16 12:02 AM
2

Yep
/r/RedPillWives09/09/16 11:43 PM
2

Fat kid Friday! We're having my favorite food, spaghetti bolognese! I was planning on making a homemade tomato soup (Cooking Light recipe circa 1999) for a light soup and salad night, and then I remembered it's Friday! My husband and I go big on the weekend fitness, so soup and salad doesn't cut it. We need those calories.
/r/RedPillWives09/09/16 11:39 PM
8

Substitute teaching is a good gig that pays pretty well, and the work is flexible (choose to work or not). Good hours. Low stress--at least for me...I have teaching experience so it's a cake walk compared to actual teaching. Each state has different requirements, but it's worth looking into if that's your jam.
/r/RedPillWives09/09/16 10:45 PM
1

I love Vincent D'Onifrio in Law and Order, and I giggle every time he does this.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/16 01:55 AM
2

100% agree! Timshel. We all have capacity for good and evil, and we can choose to be good ("Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.") My favorite character in the book was Alice. She was so wicked, yet Steinbeck wrote her in a way that humanized her. He based her character on his second wife whom he felt was a psychopath. O_o I'm reading a cool book right now called The Diary of a Novel: The East of Eden Letters. He wrote in a journal where on side was for the novel and the other…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 06:38 PM
2

My kid did that and scared the crap out of me. She wasn't even a year old. We were visiting someone's house, and I was standing right next to my kiddo. Even my lightening fast mom reflexes were too slow. I am so grateful it was carpeted and that she landed okay. It could have been really bad. Plus, imagine the trip to the ER and all those CPS questions. Ugh. She didn't care much for the stairs at home because it represented bed time. I think baby gates are also helpful in preventing the kid from…
/r/RedPillWives08/09/16 05:02 PM
2

Yes! Exactly! We should a form a secret society of super creepers.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 04:33 PM
2

We would probably be best friends in real life. Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 04:23 PM
2

Any other verboten terms? My 2nd grade teacher forbade very. To this day, I feel like a deviant any time I use that word.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 04:18 PM
3

r/52book is a great subreddit for your reading goal. I get a lot of what to read next ideas from there.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 04:16 PM
3

Yessss! Alone is the key word. You can't stop the chatter in your mind if you're with someone else.
/r/RedPillWives08/09/16 04:06 PM
2

🎶 "These are a few of my favorite things..."🎶 John Steinbeck. Hoo boy. I'm on a binge this year. It started with Cannery Row and now I've read nearly all his books. Even took a trip Monterey and Salinas to visit all the spots. I am also obsessed with tide pools and marine life and Ed Ricketts (mmmm...) thanks to John S. I spend a lot of time at the beach and at aquariums. I love the plotting, aloof "devil fish" (octopus) and all the lore that surrounds them. Maybe I'll read Twenty Thousand Leagu…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 03:58 PM
2

How do you respond to those who would say that you are "self-hating" black woman? I read that on Blue Pill regarding an RPW (not sure whom) and want to know your thoughts.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 03:16 PM
3

Did the real Richard III get a bum rap?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 03:12 PM
5

Yeah, I'm chiming in on baby gates. Babies are terrible at climbing down. (Going up isn't so bad.) When they start to fall, they tumble all the way down. I used baby gates to sequester the kiddo into the living room. This made my life so much easier. I could make dinner without worrying about the kid getting underfoot.
/r/RedPillWives08/09/16 03:47 AM
1

Yep. I think men in their 30s, 40s look better, but I am also in my late 30s. When I was 20, I preferred the boyish look of early 20-something guys. Those guys look like kids to me now.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/16 02:32 AM
1

I agree. I think he was trying to process what was happening because it was an entirely new experience and came out of the blue. You can hear the WTH is happening right now in his "yeah." It was like that vocal utterance was his brain trying to buy time to figure out what exactly was going on. He didn't ask her questions or jump into conversation. (Like a freeze response?)
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/16 03:15 PM
1

That sounds so fun! Staying home can be awesome when you do extra things like that to make it festive.
/r/RedPillWives07/09/16 04:38 AM
1

Good: I dun fixed my eyebrows. The eyebrow razor is more feasible for me than relying solely on waxing. Still need to work on technique (thanks, YouTube!), but I feel more polished and pretty. The Bad: I didn't get as much running in this week. We all got sick. Having to jump through hoops to buy real Sudafed always pisses me off. I try to be as nice as I can to the pharmacy tech (not her fault), and I do my best not to look or act like meth addict. (That's just me being paranoid.) The Ugly: I h…
/r/RedPillWives07/09/16 04:35 AM
5

I second this. I have been taking a zinc, magnesium, and calcium combo supplement for a few months now. Big difference for me.
/r/RedPillWives07/09/16 04:02 AM
4

Running. Lots of running. I do this all month long, but I notice a lot relief from my PMS. If I feel agitated or depressed, I'll go for a longer run (7+ miles), and I feel like a new woman. My thoughts are clearer, and shit that bothered me two hours ago just doesn't matter.
/r/RedPillWives07/09/16 03:59 AM
2

sure felt like a mountain in the moment Ain't that the truth! ;-)
/r/RedPillWives06/09/16 03:23 AM
3

"Mountain or molehill?" This is like a mantra for me now.
/r/RedPillWives06/09/16 01:47 AM
2

She will be waiting for you--your number one fan.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/16 11:52 PM
2

Update: bought an eyebrow razor. Whoa! I didn't even know these existed. Watched a YouTube tutorial and totally fixed my mangled eyebrows!! Thank you, tintedlipbalm!!!
/r/RedPillWives05/09/16 07:37 PM
1

Great idea. I love waxing but don't love going to the waxing place. I'd rather do about 100 other things, even things like vacuuming or dishes. Hahah. This might help me stay on top things better!
/r/RedPillWives05/09/16 06:01 PM
1

Legs are pretty tidy. Eyebrows are a mess. :-( I suck at life right now in that department.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/16 05:37 PM
3

Good analogy! I was totally like this when I was younger, and ideas off-putting to others. No one wants to hang around someone who toots her own horn all day. I heard once, "Stop trying to be interesting, and be interested in the other person." Works wonders for making friends. It's more fun, too! :-) I already know "me." I'd rather hear about you, that sort of thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/16 05:35 PM
17

Yeah, I think the whole "intimating to men" is a hamster's whispering mantra. So intimidating....it's not you it's THEM...you're perfect; just wait and Mr. Right will come along... It's a self-delusion and a crutch. It's also something we women tell our single friends when we run out of consolations and patience. "He must just be intimidated by you." It's a lot easier to say that than to be honest--yeah, he's just not into you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/16 06:44 PM
19

The myth that men are intimidated by well educated or successful women is another one of those dating tropes that needs to die. The percentage of men actually intimidated by a woman with success is relatively small. The “he’s intimidated by my strength” nonsense is usually uttered by women who very well might be educated and assertive and successful, but are also probably brash and caustic. Most guys have no problem dating women who are driven and ambitious and smart and outspoken. It’s all in h…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/16 06:20 PM
7

>so much hate towards the female humans We don't hate women or men. We recognize that women and men follow certain patterns of behavior, some of which are self-destructive. This forum offers several things: --learning how to identify these behaviors in potential mates so that we don't become plates or alpha widows --identifying rationalizations (the hamster) that support and enable our own self-destructive behaviors in order to stop falling into old patterns --we use our awareness of relationshi…
/r/RedPillWives03/09/16 08:37 PM
5

MRW when reading this You don't try to change him. Period. You don't focus on "fixing" the other person. That is an insane and fruitless venture. You fix yourself because that is all you can control.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/16 12:46 PM
6

I'm also more than done with all of the "only STEM matters" line of thought Amen, sister. One of the pitfalls some people fall into is judging women on the standard of a man. This would be fine if men and women weren't totally different--otherwise you end up viewing women as incompetent men. going to push women to act more like men Yes. Totally agree.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/16 01:30 AM
1

it's funny to act like these people are real Hahaha so true. I think that's what makes a movie relatable because the character rings true to human nature. That's why Shakespeare is still relevant today--his characters are so true to life. There's a cliche that says "bad choices make for good stories." I think the converse is true. Good choices make for boring stories. If you look at all the great stories, they're full of people making bad choices. :-)
/r/RedPillWives02/09/16 09:41 PM
9

Drew's character isn't sweet and innocent. She is talking about her man troubles with some guy at work. She is all cozy and friendly with this guy. Remember that creepy kiss with the Other Guy (Robbie) to demonstrate what her wedding kiss should look like? Wrong, so wrong. She's deeply unhappy with her douche boyfriend because she realizes that he is not interested in real marriage, real commitment...why should he? He gets all the perks without any effort on his part. She doesn't decide to leave…
/r/RedPillWives02/09/16 09:22 PM
2

You are creating a situation where it is you versus the world. You make Others your enemy and "win" a war that they aren't even aware of. The spoils of your victory are "I win by them avoiding me." That's not winning. That's hiding. It's easy to piss off other people. It's easy to isolate ourselves and pat ourselves on the back for being "better." But the problem is that we aren't better than Those People. It feels safer to us because we are afraid to be vulnerable and to view Others as people. …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/16 06:00 PM
2

"Red flags just look like flags when you're looking at someone with rose-colored glasses." Whoa! So true!
/r/RedPillWives02/09/16 12:26 AM
1

Third trimester in the summer? That's intense! :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/16 03:21 PM
6

Honest question for OP: Do you think femininity is degrading? Are non-traditional traits (i.e., masculine traits) in women superior to feminine traits? In your ideal world, would women be socialized to be men? Would there be gender differences? What about men displaying feminine gender traits? Is that degrading or empowering?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/16 03:16 PM
6

"We're so in looooooove. Now everything in life is going to be easy. Love conquers all!" "BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Young love. They have no idea what's ahead."
/r/RedPillWives01/09/16 03:03 PM
3

I got married in a courthouse 15 years ago. It was perfect. :-)
/r/RedPillWives01/09/16 03:19 AM
3

Hahahahaha we both described it as corny. (I hadn't read this comment when I wrote my other one.)
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 11:06 PM
4

BDSM is so corny. I wish I could explain to some BP folks that RPW is not a form or type of BDSM.
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 11:02 PM
3

unofficially engaged What do you mean by that? Not trying to be bitchy--genuinely curious
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 10:54 PM
4

I think a lot of women rush into relationships with blinders on. They over-romanticize their partner and project all sorts of virtues into him that may or may not be there. Then down the road, these women are devastated when Mr. Right does all sorts of weird and self-destructive things. I think most women rush in too fast and too soon. We have this craving for intimacy and connection, and we often hamster away good advice (like slow down and vet this dude), because we get caught up in the feelin…
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 09:11 PM
3

Try fleece tights from Target. They are waaaay more durable, but they are very warm--almost too warm for where we live now!
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 07:32 PM
5

In college, a chemistry professor (who was divorced and twice my age) once gave me a $50 restaurant gift card for getting the highest grade in the class. He was disappointed when I took my Marine boyfriend out with it. I think the professor thought I would invite him out with me. Come to think of it...it wasn't so much a perk as an attempted pick up. I was naive. If that happened now, I would decline the "gift." Looking back, I feel so embarrassed for him. Other perks? Sometimes men hold doors o…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/16 07:30 PM
6

We need to make happiness wherever we are Yes! Many times yes! This is the secret. It applies well to other situations like work. Whenever I heard my coworkers bitch endlessly about the job (beyond normal haha-venting level), I would become aware that they were the crazy-makers. These are the people who have the horrible landlord, the shitty parents, the bad dates, the terrible experiences as a customer, etc. I have been there myself, especially with work angst. It sucks. I was miserable. When I…
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 07:13 PM
4

Noooooooooo! May summer never end! I am a sundress girl. I don't own jeans nor boots--totally not "me." Sweater tights and scarfs and cardigans all the way while I dream of sundresses again!
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 06:51 PM
5

That was totally my reaction, too. I read The Surrendered Wife out of morbid curiosity and became a fan. Like many others in RPW, I am a recovering control freak. :-) Twenty years ago, I was into Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I loved her book 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. RPW aligns with my personal values and helps me silence those hamsters!
/r/RedPillWives31/08/16 02:07 PM
1

Eyebrows! Why do they grow so fast!?
/r/RedPillWives30/08/16 02:09 PM
3

Dinosaur band aids!
/r/RedPillWives30/08/16 02:08 PM
3

I hope you feel better soon! Being sick is the pits. :-(
/r/RedPillWives29/08/16 11:05 PM
2

Bahahahaha I love it!!
/r/RedPillWives29/08/16 04:11 PM
2

Me too! I have an account there, but it's a matter of making my "beauty" a priority. Hahaha new week, new opportunities! Maybe this is old judgmental me lurking under the surface. I was very critical of women being "vain" when I was a young feminist in the 1990s. I thought that a woman should focus all her efforts on her insides and exert no effort on her outsides--that if a woman spent time doing makeup and waxing, then she did so because she had nothing else to offer the world. D'oh! Was I wro…
/r/RedPillWives29/08/16 04:06 PM
3

I love this!
/r/RedPillWives29/08/16 03:51 PM
3

The Good Ran the gnarliest trail with my husband yesterday. My goal was 11 miles. I hadn't run over 10 miles in a stretch. This trail has insane hills, and my total gained feet was 962. Up and down and up and down! I was proud that I dug in deep and persevered. My husband said that he was really impressed with my performance. He makes everything look effortless. Men have such an advantage when it comes to athletics that it can feel like being a kid with your dad when we go run. Haha. Overall, I'…
/r/RedPillWives29/08/16 03:49 PM
2

Busted! Well, it's a new week, a new opportunity!
/r/RedPillWives29/08/16 03:26 PM
1

Your post brings up a good point for other readers. Religion is almost never important in those infatuation days of early dating. We're so blinded by love that those "little" difference seem not that important at the time. I agree with Dr. Laura S. that marrying someone with a different faith belief is a bad idea. It just makes everything harder. Sometimes these issues don't bubble up until there are kids, and then it's a Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret scenario. I don't have any specific a…
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 11:45 PM
1

Ding ding ding! Those are great rules. :-)
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 09:11 PM
2

That was me when we lived in the South. So hot. So humid. Ugh. And those bugs!
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 07:15 PM
1

Great job with the food! Keep it up! Get out there this weekend, and do something physical for fun! :-)
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 07:04 PM
1

Niiiice! I eat whatever. I am jealous. I haven't been able to do that in years. :-( At work, people would offer me cake, and I'd say "No, thanks." And they would say, "But you don't have to watch what you eat! You're in great shape!" And I'd think, "Well, how d'ya think this 'great shape' happens?!" (If I'm gonna have dessert, I'm going to have something I really love and not sheet cake from Walmart.)
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 07:02 PM
2

Eating out is what is making America fat (my theory). We are so busy go go go, especially with work, so we buy convenience. And our food convenience--restaurant food--is served to us in 2,000+ calorie platters. High five for cooking at home!!!
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 06:55 PM
2

Good question. I'm interested to see what the responses are. I've used various fitness programs, and I like that they plan out everything. It's like, "Today is shoulders and legs. Do this exercise at 60% 1RM for 12 reps and then...." For weightlifting, I like having a workout already there, so I'm not tempted to cut corners. But I'd be lying if I said I was lifting at the moment. The weather is too damn nice here to workout indoors, so my running miles are at a new high. Isn't if funny how the w…
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 06:48 PM
2

Alright!
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 06:32 PM
1

Great job! It's so disorienting being a new mom. You just went through a pregnancy, a major surgery, and possibly breastfeeding. Your body had been in 100% mom mode. Spending time working out will really help you feel like you and not "mom" 24/7. I think so many women slide into perma-mom mode (with their husbands) because they get sucked into that rip tide of mom-dom.
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 06:31 PM
7

The mate switching hypothesis, as explained in this paper, makes a lot more sense than the good gene hypothesis as a possible cause of female infidelity. I thought some of the sources cited were too old (especially on divorce data with that outdated 50% rate), and that the author should have spent more time in the literature review process. My guess is that he has a ton of research on the topic and builds on the previous lit reviews rather than start from square one.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/16 02:15 PM
2

Great work! Getting up and in the habit is so important. 0530 is pretty darn early, so good for you! Keep it up!!!
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 03:56 AM
2

I loved Fly Lady! Her routines and methodology got rid of my perfectionism mindset. It was a totally different approach than my "let it fall into chaos and then mega deep clean" yo-yo trap.
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 02:54 AM
2

That's awesome!
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 02:50 AM
1

Hahaha, me too! My husband thought I was a snob when we met at college. (I was shy and super awkward.) We spent three years openly disliking each other before we finally connected.
/r/RedPillWives25/08/16 01:47 AM
2

Keep that silliness even after kids! The secret is having a strict and early bedtime. It preserves a lot of adult-only time. :-)
/r/RedPillWives24/08/16 08:44 PM
2

Shop vacs are awesome! I think every household that can afford one should have one.
/r/RedPillWives24/08/16 08:19 PM
2

I love your Fridays.
/r/RedPillWives24/08/16 05:41 PM
2

This is pretty much my routine, too!
/r/RedPillWives24/08/16 05:39 PM
1

My goal is two-fold: I want my house always to be "door bell ready" in case someone stops by. This means the downstairs looks and smells fresh and that the downstairs bathroom is clean. I want the house clean and lovely by the time my husband comes home from work. This means no dishes, dirty laundry, clutter, no unmade bed, etc. Two things that I recommend: De-clutter. Daily housework sucks when you are hanging onto too much stuff. Borrow The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up from your public li…
/r/RedPillWives24/08/16 05:39 PM
3

Feed the hamster. For a moment there, I didn't realize you meant a literal hamster! Hahaha I was, like, "Whoa, and here I am trying to keep mine in a coma." Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives24/08/16 05:15 PM
1

Muhahahaha! Reel him in with "food" cooking.
/r/RedPillWives23/08/16 03:25 PM
5

This would be me if I didn't have my husband to be the voice of reason.
/r/RedPillWives22/08/16 03:04 AM
2

Whoa. That's intense.
/r/RedPillWives20/08/16 04:20 PM
3

17 factorial. Not exactly what I mean, but thanks, Bot! At least now I'll know how many possible combinations there are for parking 17 cars in a parking lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/16 01:47 AM
2

Wow! 17! Seems kind of exploitive, especially for the long hours and bad pay, but I suppose as long as it benefits all parties involved, then awesome! I sure could have used someone when my baby was little. I had super bad postpartum disorder, and I was living on a remote military base while my husband was in Iraq. Even 3 hours a day would have made a huge difference! The great thing is that you have realistic expectations about what having children is like. I think so many of us go in with rose…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/16 01:42 AM
11

Wonderful post! I think this clarifies a lot of issues about "surrendering" for new-to-RPW (and non-pill) people. Possibly unpopular opinion incoming....TRIGGER ALERT hahaha There is a huge difference between a husband and a boyfriend. My advice to my own daughter as she gets older? Call him your "SO," your "partner," your fiancé, your whatever, but until he marries you, he does not get husband privileges. One of the primary privileges of husband is being head of the household. That is earned. O…
/r/RedPillWives20/08/16 01:38 AM
3

Hahaha so true! You know what's kind of nice? Acknowledging reality instead of living with really unrealistic expectations. Knowing our limits helps us succeed because we can plan more realistically. I think some people "hope" themselves to death (especially in terms of finances and work). The demands of 60 hour work weeks will interfere with this relationship. I think you and I know first hand that there is a limit to resources! You can only burn the candle at both ends so long before you get b…
/r/RedPillWives19/08/16 11:49 PM
5

Yeah, that triangle is real!
/r/RedPillWives19/08/16 10:40 PM
3

This is one of those lose-lose arguments with some folks at TRP. You are a selfish slob if you are a stay-at-home-wife. You are emasculating shrew if you work and have a career. There is no way to be successful. A shitty wife who stays home will be a shitty wife who works (and vice versa). To view the role (SAHM or full time worker) as the common denominator in bad marriages is akin to saying that being married to a woman is the cause of all bad marriages or that being human is the cause of all …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/16 09:16 PM
2

God bless you, Citrus Drink, vintage 76. I could never do that level of work for someone else's kids. I hope you were well compensated or that you had some really cool fringe benefits (like foreign travel) for all that!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/16 09:06 PM
3

95% of the time, guys who just smoke while deployed drop the habit soon after coming home. Having a safe place to sleep and a proper glass of scotch after a fine dinner is often more than sufficient once they're home. And if he is smoking, then decide if this is a deal breaker. If not, then let him make his own choices. :-) Yeah, the reunion time is worse than the weeks leading up to deployment for me. You would think that since I know what's going to happen that I can prevent those emotions. No…
/r/RedPillWives17/08/16 07:49 PM
5

Sounds like you have reunion jitters. Everything is magnified to nth degree right before and right after they get home. It's so normal and terrifying, and it happens to me every time. If this had happened four months ago, you might have had a different reaction. But now there are, "What if he doesn't love me the same way" and "Am I pretty enough for him" thoughts. So you might chalk this all up to the normal emotional cycle of deployments. Obsessing over it might just be making a mountain out of…
/r/RedPillWives17/08/16 06:52 PM
3

Both you and Mrs Uppity have some great tweets. They're genuine, reflective, and kind. I don't like much of Twitter, even from users I respect, because some of the vitriol stuff folks post is too much for me. I don't need that in my life right now. :-)
/r/RedPillWives16/08/16 02:25 AM
3

You're right. It is so simple and yet so effective. I love reading your tweets by the way (I lurk). Your comment about saving full surrender for marriage (instead of giving or all in serial monogamy) makes 100% sense to me. I would love to see a post on that. :-)
/r/RedPillWives15/08/16 10:38 PM
21

It is interesting how perspective changes everything. When I was in high school (20+ years ago), I remember seeing this go around. We all thought this was ridiculous and anti-modern. I think I may even have had a photocopy of it slipped in my plastic binder. I also went around in converse shoes that I had written "subvert the patriarchy" in marker on the toe. Seriously. I did that. Now re-reading this as a wife of 15+ years, I think this article makes sense. It's not about being a slave to your …
/r/RedPillWives15/08/16 09:53 PM
1

It's all about what works for you both. :-).
/r/RedPillWives15/08/16 04:21 PM
1

Flowers on the table are such a nice touch. I don't do this enough.
/r/RedPillWives14/08/16 03:57 PM
3

I agree! Doing preventative maintenance (PM) is super important. My dad instilled this in me. For instance, I have long hair and my vacuum cleaner needs a "haircut" every few months. I enjoy taking it apart and cleaning the beater brush rolls and cleaning the canister (Dyson) components thoroughly. This keeps my vacuum from smelling dirty. I make sure the cars get their proper maintenance, especially when my husband is deployed for a few months. Making sure central AC filters are changed monthly…
/r/RedPillWives14/08/16 03:56 PM
6

Yeah, and a lot of childless people don't realize how frequently infants and babies get mildly sick--too sick for daycare (over 100 degree fever). No childcare place will take a vomiting baby either (or one with diarrhea) until the baby has been well for 24 hours. Or worse, your babysitter is sick. Either way, someone has to take time off work. This was a real problem at my last job. Those employees with little ones at home had to take a lot of time off. As a supervisor and master schedule maker…
/r/RedPillWives14/08/16 03:42 PM
3

I'm not always good at that, especially if I'm cooking when he gets home. (Cooking stresses me out sometimes.) I have to remind myself that the tasks aren't the point. I have to get out of Miss Efficient Mode. My favorite days are crockpot days and roasting days. Dinner is slowly cooking, table is set, home is clean, and I squeeze in a few chapters of reading before he gets home. Bliss!
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 11:23 PM
4

Perfect! I think we to know ourselves to optimize performance. I perform better (fitness, housework, thinking) after being up for 2 hours. That 5 am running stuff works for my husband but not for me! I arrange my workouts and housework around my own circadian rhythms (hope I don't sound too new-age). I think it's important to figure out what works. You know that you're out of energy after dinner, so that's your finish line. That's awesome!
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 11:18 PM
10

I am a reformed slob. I used to follow FlyLady 10 years ago, and her routines are now my habits. Here's my homemaking tips: I estimate that it takes me 2 hours to do "housework" stuff everyday. This includes dinners, shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc. (This doesn't include "mom stuff".) Some days I do less (or none at all), especially if we're doing a family thing somewhere. I know that if I skip a day, it's no big deal but if I cut too many corners, I fall behind. Do laundry everyday if you can.…
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 10:20 PM
6

Sure, not all men are good with finances. But that's the man she chose. The blame game doesn't help couples move towards each other. If they don't have this part of their lives squared away, then they might not be ready for family life on hard mode.
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 05:39 PM
12

It doesn't sound like you are both on a team. It's probably not the best time to add a member to the family. What concerns me is not the problems but how you both can't solve them together: Your finances are dicey, and you accuse your husband of being a poor budgeter and big spender. You're depressed and seeking happiness somewhere out there (hint: wherever you go, there you are). You feel like your husband is unclear in his expectations. You want to live in the city, and he doesn't. Maybe find …
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 02:01 AM
3

Congratulations! A new baby changes everything, and sometimes it feels you're living in moment-to-moment chaos. (That chaos frenetic feeling doesn't last. It'll settle into routine.) I'm cheering for you as you conquer new challenges and joys. :-)
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 01:50 AM
1

I feel the same way!
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 01:45 AM
2

Awesome!
/r/RedPillWives13/08/16 01:40 AM
2

I have one "forever home" cat, and I foster other cats (mostly kittens). Right now I am fostering 6 week old kitten. I may end up with two more foster kittens before the end of the week!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/16 04:26 AM
1

My dream!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/16 04:22 AM
3

I agree, and I think it applies beyond TRP and extends to all of us. John Steinbeck wrote this about his friend Ed Ricketts. It's one of my favorite passages: "Once Ed said to me, 'For a very long time I didn't like myself.' It was not said in self-pity but simply as an unfortunate fact. 'It was a very difficult time,' he said, 'and very painful. I did not like myself for a number of reasons, some of them valid and some of them pure fancy. I would hate to have to go back to that. Then gradually,…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/16 05:22 PM
4

Trump is all emotions--all over the place. His "strategy" is visceral and comes from how he feels at that moment and seemingly pays little heed to advisors. Hillary is a robot or a lizard person. Every move she makes is carefully calculated without regard to ethics. It's a weird year.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/16 03:23 AM
6

It's ineffective Establish clear expectations. Inform of consequences. Follow through every single time. 3 is important because if you cave just once out of 100 times, you have just taught your child what your breaking point is. This makes correcting misbehavior even harder (law of variable rewards).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/16 07:57 PM
3

Thanks for linking that to-do list advice. I love it!
/r/RedPillWives08/08/16 07:25 PM
4

Reflections: Everything is moving along well. I feel like I am finally reaping the benefits of good habits. I am running at least 4 times a week and my house is consistently clean. People can stop by any time, and the place is nice. It is just natural and automatic now. This was not me pre-RPWi! (This change happened after I went from full time work to homemaker. Totally worth it!) Mods: (two words) actual women I really value that a women's sub is run by women. I appreciate male insight, but th…
/r/RedPillWives08/08/16 07:23 PM
6

"Will my reaction contribute in any positive way?" I'm stealing this for my own use! Thanks!!
/r/RedPillWives08/08/16 03:08 AM
2

Bahahahaha
/r/RedPillWives04/08/16 08:51 PM
5

Just make it to that first birthday mark. That's a good, short term goal. That first year is rough. Make yourself a goal, even if it's ridiculously modest. "I will run/bicycle/whatever for 10 minutes every day until that first birthday." I got back into shape by "streaking." The rule was that you had to run a mile everyday for a month. You didn't have to do the entire mile at once (1/2 in am, 1/2 in pm or whatever), but the mile had to be run (not walking). This got me in the habit of putting on…
/r/RedPillWives04/08/16 08:17 PM
6

I like how Aladdin was like 🎶 "I will show you the world" 🎶 as a poor city bum to a princess. Yeah, bro, you and your monkey have certainly seen the entire world. Aladdin, world traveler.
/r/RedPillWives04/08/16 01:55 AM
3

Congratulations on quitting!
/r/RedPillWives01/08/16 06:12 PM
3

What kinds of books do you like? More importantly, what kinds do you dislike? :-)
/r/RedPillWives30/07/16 11:15 PM
6

I remember whining to my husband, "Pay attention to meeee." He clicked off the TV and looked at me. "Okay, I am paying attention to you." And then I was sad because it wasn't the kind of attention I wanted. I wanted intimacy, closeness, not school marm-demanded attention. Eyes on me, boys and girls! Desire cannot be demanded (or negotiated).
/r/RedPillWives30/07/16 07:28 PM
6

I had become resistible Ouch. I know I've been there (again and again)! Thanks for posting this article! It's a good reminder.
/r/RedPillWives30/07/16 06:56 PM
1

That was how Lysol was originally marketed--not as a household cleaner but a douche. Nuts, huh?
/r/RedPillWives30/07/16 02:26 AM
1

Hahahaha It's like using Lysol for "feminine freshness" and birth control. Eeeeewwww! Smithsonian Magazine article
/r/RedPillWives30/07/16 01:13 AM
3

You have a good head on your shoulders. It will help you deal with all this.
/r/RedPillWives29/07/16 01:55 AM
6

SAHDs Wow, that acronym even looks sad.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/16 01:44 AM
4

Hahaha the stick figure family! Ack! It's the lady equivalent of truck nuts.
/r/RedPillWives27/07/16 05:45 AM
8

That picture makes me so sad. It's like every RP man's worst nightmare. He's just one step away from putting "live, laugh, love" decals on the minivan at his wife's behest.
/r/RedPillWives26/07/16 10:41 PM
7

>My grandmother’s marriage didn’t last 58 years because of a dress Amen. It's just a dress. It's just one day. The real stuff comes later. You should see military wives go off the deep end with deployment reunion outfits. Some women have taken to hiring professional photographers to capture the moment. Gag. Our obsession with being perfect and making the perfect dress choice is fueled by the same urge that insists we take monthly "birthday" photos of our infants or have gender reveal photography…
/r/RedPillWives26/07/16 10:29 PM
3

When I worked, I would get weekend depression. It was like I was powering through my work days, and all that garbage would come bubble right up when I had down time! I'm like you. I thrive on structure--always have. I am working on being more content without it. It's a work in progress!
/r/RedPillWives26/07/16 06:03 PM
5

Phone calls are rough. It's important to keep them light but also authentic, which is hard to do when you're are just mentally DONE with the deployment. I totally know this feeling! Nothing ever goes according to plan, and that's okay. I know your man is a contractor, but feel free to adopt the Semper Gumby ("always flexible") mantra that we live by. When you feel crazy, just start counting your blessings. 1. He called. 2. He is safe. Etc A note about reunions...this part of deployments are ofte…
/r/RedPillWives26/07/16 03:50 AM
2

I get the same way when I am around people all the time. I love people, but I NEED some quiet down time. When I was living in the dorms, I spent a lot of time in the library and the language lab because it was empty. Very refreshing. Also, I went to church to this little old fashioned church by myself. Peace and quiet. Even 20 minutes is refreshing. I also go for long solo runs when I'm feeling like I need a people break.
/r/RedPillWives25/07/16 02:24 PM
3

I think Hank's wife (Lillian Rearden) is a great example of what not to do! Even Hank's mother is horrible. That scene where he comes home to bitchy women and a wimpy brother Philip was a wake up call for me. I read this book a few years before finding RPW, but I had a real "a-ha" moment. I realized that I needed to be pleasant and supportive, not nagging and whining when my husband came home from deployments and field ops. I sometimes felt so worn out that I forgot that he was the one doing the…
/r/RedPillWives25/07/16 04:47 AM
5

your feelings are sabotaging you This applies to so much of our lives hahaha
/r/RedPillWives25/07/16 04:36 AM
5

This reminds me of the first week at a new job. You are excited and ready to succeed, but you feel kind of like an imposter. That's normal. As you continue, you will find your new work habits and procedures become routine. Take heart. I am not a "natural" homemaker or cook. It took me a long time to figure out my stuff. I am still improving and finding things I enjoy.
/r/RedPillWives25/07/16 04:35 AM
3

I get some great books for my to-read list in there!
/r/RedPillWives25/07/16 04:20 AM
2

Me too! Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives23/07/16 10:04 PM
3

r/books r/literature r/52book r/youtubehaiku r/libraries r/tuckedinkitties
/r/RedPillWives23/07/16 09:34 PM
7

So romantic. I poked around the Internet and found these revisions of the traditional candy hearts ("be mine," etc) feminist candy hearts samples below: All Mine… this list of half the chores, these are all my responsibilities. Let’s Kiss, when you A-OK it. Till then, I’m just happy to be in your company.
/r/RedPillWives21/07/16 07:59 PM
3

negativity drive by That totally describes Christmas with the relatives. Hahaha I'll have to keep that image in mind next December to help me stay merry and bright.
/r/RedPillWives21/07/16 12:20 AM
6

Good advice. It's not easy dealing with some of the stuff, especially when it's something permanent like a parent. This quote reminds me why people offer such strange advice or make snotty remarks: People like you to be something, preferably what they are. --John Steinbeck, East of Eden
/r/RedPillWives20/07/16 09:04 PM
7

It sounds like your break up was an honorable one, and you should feel proud about that. You didn't tear him down to refashion him in your image of what he "ought to be." You didn't go shopping for a new suitor when you were feeling lonely. You respected him and yourself. This is speaks tremendously about your character. I feel bad for this guy, as I imagine you do, too, but it is not our role to be saviors. A man cannot lead when he is not in control of himself.
/r/RedPillWives20/07/16 08:57 PM
8

What a wonderful post! Breakups are made especially painful by the sense of public failure. It hurts to explain to our friends and families that your relationship didn't work out. I'm glad you felt well enough to join us again. When I learned about "sunk cost" in economics, I recognized that I had that mindset about my dating relationships. Even when the writing was on the wall, I dug deeper because "I am no quitter," and I had already invested so much time and resources. I also would hang onto …
/r/RedPillWives20/07/16 06:54 PM
5

Hahahahaha brilliant
/r/RedPillWives20/07/16 04:15 PM
1

No. That is not a solution. It's just another complication. You don't fix a flooded basement by setting your house on fire. You figure out what is causing the flooding and you work diligently to abate the flooding and to mend the subsequent water damage.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/16 06:25 PM
3

Well said.
/r/RedPillWives18/07/16 06:17 PM
3

Thanks for posting! This article is an interesting counterpoint to this "toxic masculinity" nonsense that I read today. http://www.latimes.com/opinion/opinion-la/la-ol-police-mass-shooting-men-women-gender-20160715-snap-story.html
/r/RedPillWives15/07/16 09:13 PM
2

I consider this a pre-marriage asset. Perhaps he could have that written into pre-nup to protect that.
/r/RedPillWives15/07/16 02:14 AM
12

definitely not worth getting overly wrapped up about it Yes! This parable drove that point home to me. I was reading a picture book to my daughter, and it had a variation of this in it. It was an ah-ha moment (lightbulb) for me: A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help…
/r/RedPillWives14/07/16 11:10 PM
3

I just smile and say thank you. I let weird advice just roll off like water on a duck's back. When I worked with the public at the library, I got all sorts of strange advice--from politics to reading suggestions to how I should wear my hair. I just keep the conversation friendly and let the weird stuff drift by. That keeps everyone happy. You never win an argument, so don't start one. Just as your friend won't change your mind, you won't change hers either. Move on to another topic and choose to…
/r/RedPillWives14/07/16 09:27 PM
4

Something to consider. Being a SAHM (I am one currently) can affect your income-earning potential. Say you are applying for a job after five years on the job market, then you are competing against people who are IN the market. Your last salary earned is probably under current market value (5 years ago dollars), but it will be used by the company as a guide in determining compensation. That being said, I am in full support of being a SAHM. I think the advice offered by others here is sound. What …
/r/RedPillWives14/07/16 07:28 PM
1

Gotcha
/r/RedPillWives13/07/16 09:54 PM
1

What is HLL?
/r/RedPillWives13/07/16 09:42 PM
1

Sure. Go hang out with really old people or combat vets who have had too many close calls. They get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/16 09:34 PM
4

Well said
/r/RedPillWives12/07/16 05:16 PM
8

Hahahahaha do you have any idea how ridiculous this is?! I have friends who have adopted after YEARS of going through the process. One friend got a cheap adoption at only $10,000 fees. They have had agreements with birth moms who back out at the last minute. They have had to deal a with some type of Native American tribal counsel because the baby is like 15% of a particular tribe. And baby mama drama is insane until the adoption is finalized. You have to keep birth mama pacified even though she …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/16 01:51 AM
7

I sincerely believe that young adults don't believe they'll get "old" or have "old people problems." My Baby Boomer folks and their friends are astounded that they are having knee problems and cancers and all sorts of "old people" problems. It's like when you're young you think people choose to shuffle around with poodle hair and a walker..
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/16 01:38 AM
1

I can only imagine! Haha
/r/RedPillWives12/07/16 01:31 AM
1

Wonderful! I haven't seen it. :-) (adding it to my queue!)
/r/RedPillWives12/07/16 01:13 AM
3

What an interesting interpretation!
/r/RedPillWives12/07/16 01:11 AM
3

This is perfect! Thanks for sharing. :-)
/r/RedPillWives10/07/16 11:29 PM
13

who has been dating in NYC for the past 20 years I guess if I had been "dating" for 20 years, I'd might become a bit more cynical and exploitive like this gal. She views people as a means to an end. I had a grandmother like this who managed to get lots of "gifts" and services from many male suitors. There is a price you pay when you view others merely as objects who do things for you. It affects how you view the world and how you view yourself. You cannot form meaningful human connections, and o…
/r/RedPillWives08/07/16 02:52 PM
5

I suppose it is like a depressed poor man who thinks money will solve all his problems. It doesn't really matter to the man who is looking out into the world with longing. The longing is the there, and he feels a deep, painful lack. The pain is real even if his "solution" (i.e., sex) isn't as effective as he imagines.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/16 05:29 AM
10

I think it's about loneliness, and that is something we all experience at some point. I suspect some incels suffer from socialization issues such as schizoid personality disorder or anxiety/depression or other issues that further isolates them from other people. I think it's less about sex and more about social isolation and rejection or anticipated rejection. Surely anyone can empathize with those feelings on some level.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/16 10:59 PM
7

There's no magic formula. :-) Instead of worrying about implementing a "program," think about the underlying principles. Try to focus on changing one unhelpful behavior at a time. Perhaps you find yourself nagging from time to time. Well, then focus on that. Or perhaps you find yourself "rescuing" him when he doesn't need your interference. This behavior induces feelings of incompetence and inadequacy. Just pick one thing to work on and forget about a "program." I think you'll find things natura…
/r/RedPillWives03/07/16 02:06 PM
8

I read her book on marriage, Committed, and thought the ideas were interesting. But as I was reading it, I also got the feeling that she is a hot mess and doomed. :-( She didn't want to get married again, and her second marriage was spurred on by problems with border crossings and international visits. details of the circumstances She said that she wrote Committed to get over her fears of marriage. I feel bad for her, and I think her relationships (marriage or not) will be replays of the same st…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/16 01:08 PM
1

I read her book on marriage, Committed, and thought the ideas were interesting. But as I was reading it, I also got the feeling that she is a hot mess and doomed. :-( I feel bad for her, and I think her relationships (marriage or not) will be replays of the same story over and over and over.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/16 01:48 AM
1

I agree with the other commenters. Reminds me of this
/r/RedPillWives03/07/16 01:45 AM
5

Misogynist shitlord!
/r/RedPillWives02/07/16 02:02 AM
3

Stop objectifying me!
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 10:59 PM
2

I love LDS people. :-) The missionaries are so nice. They would come into my library a lot. The theology doesn't work for me, but I respect and love my LDS peeps. I love their sense of close-knit community. I also think women should live on their own first before getting married. A woman should learn how to adult on her own first (bills, job, cooking, time management, etc). She brings more to the table and doesn't have the "if only I lived on my own" regret stuff because she has been there and d…
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 10:35 PM
3

Yeah, my water (on a military base) has no fluoridation either. We get these super detailed water reports each quarter. Camp Lejeune had toxic tap water decades ago, so now all bases are pretty vigilant about testing and reporting water quality. Even so, people sometimes look at me like I'm drinking toilet water. Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 07:44 PM
2

Amen, sister! Cooking and cleaning are important because we are civilized, responsible adults, but they are a means to an end, not the the end itself. The goal is a peaceful and relaxing home for the family and freeing up more time for us to spend away from the home doing stuff we enjoy.
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 07:41 PM
1

I love tap water. Unlike Gen. Jack D. Ripper In Dr. Strangelove, I don't think fluoridated water is a communist plot to control the populace.
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 05:34 PM
3

Did we just become best friends?! Cooking is not magical or fun for me. It's just something you do, like laundry or grocery shopping. Some people find it fun, and I think that's great. I'd rather read a book or go running or even steam mop my floor than cook. I cook all the time because it's part of being a responsible adult, but it doesn't bring me joy and rainbows. I also don't get the whole food obsession. Why is my Facebook feed filled with short videos of people making food? Gah. Most of th…
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 05:14 PM
1

If we had literally 12 days (or fewer) of Christmas, we might like it a whole lot more. :-)
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 05:00 PM
9

Christmas is just too much. It's assault on the senses--the music, the garish decorations, the cloyingly sweet smells--everywhere, even at the drugstore. The damn music is everywhere for 6 solid weeks. All I want this Christmas is you.... and Have a holly jolly Christmas. It's the best time of the year... It's all so manic and extroverted. Fun, fun, fun! Christmas "parties" at work. Secret Santa. Goddamn gingerbread parties. Shopping for bosses' gifts. Shopping for subordinates' gifts. Mandatory…
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 09:54 AM
23

I hate Christmas, Pinterest, dogs, and cooking.
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 01:32 AM
2

Body Max 2 and Step Moves are up there as my favorites. I like all the dance-y combos, the more complicated, the better. I love her Body Blast video with all the good music. I bought STS and some other strength videos, but I use the step ones 95% of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/16 09:30 PM
3

Yes! They are the best. When I had a small child (and a deployed husband), I found myself looking forward to my nightly living room workouts. My kid was in bed (no babysitter needed), and it didn't matter that it was 100 degrees outside (desert life).
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/16 09:21 PM
2

Cathe Friedrich makes the best step aerobics videos. I have about 20 of them. Way more fun than bro style workouts.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/16 09:19 PM
2

Spot on. This is good advice.
/r/RedPillWives27/06/16 09:45 PM
1

Best wishes to you!
/r/RedPillWomen02/06/16 03:00 AM
2

I've heard that the 40s and 50s are so pleasant because your IDAG kicks in. I think it's a shift in hormones. I am only 38, but my hormones are definitely different now than 10 years ago. (Plus, there's experience....that can mellow one out.). I worked with a lot of postmenopausal women, and most of them gave no fucks. The risk is that you can become a super crab (like that secretary in Monsters, Inc).
/r/RedPillWives30/05/16 12:51 AM
9

Agree and amplify? Actually, as you get older, you will truly run out of fucks to give. It is one of the benefits of being old. In the meantime, you just do you. :-)
/r/RedPillWives29/05/16 10:27 PM
8

Hahahahaha It's hard for folks without kids to get this. I didn't get it until I had mine. It's like being Sisyphus--you do the same things over and over! Those people who talk about having a messy house and happy kids crack me up. Even doing the bare minimum is a hell of a lot of work!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/16 02:23 AM
6

Yep! I have worked full time with a husband and child, but I now stay home full time. Why? My family needs that stability right now. My field (libraries) has retail hours, and this wrecks havoc on our already chaotic military life. My husband has go to the field frequently, often with little notice, which makes childcare a nightmare. (Managing childcare during deployments is even worse.) When I was working full time, he would spend his down time picking up the slack at home with laundry and groc…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/16 01:57 AM
2

I have quite a few of those. They balance out the redneck friends on my Facebook feed.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/16 03:51 PM
2

It might look romantic from the outside, but marriage is a ton of work. It's about being committed to the marriage above all. It's hard to explain. I guess it's like training for the Olympics. It's easy to talk about but it's something else to do it, to wake up at the crack of dawn everyday and jump in a pool for 8 hours even when you just want to stay in bed and sleep. Thanks for the kind words :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/16 04:34 AM
1

If anything, her choices pushed me in the opposite direction. Many people in my family live sort of weird, untraditional lives. Good for them. That's so not for me!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/16 04:29 AM
4

It seems lonely to me. It's like there's this wannabe adult who is "connecting" with you, but she has no real clue about the life you have lived--your struggles, your perspective, your worldview, etc. Maybe I am projecting myself too much. I was basically a teenager when I was 20--I knew everything and nothing, and I had scant actual world experience to substantiate anything I said. That was okay for my husband because at the the time, he too was a 20 year-old in that same bubble of sophomoric o…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/16 09:21 PM
6

I think it's gross, but to each his own. My mom and her second husband have been in the swinging lifestyle for at least the past 20 years, so that sort makes it even grosser for me to ponder. Ewww.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/16 03:23 AM
3

Men face a tough challenge. How they do tell the difference between no and LMR? I don't think the gentle attempts at persuasion (kisses, words, roving hands) should be construed at rape or assault. If he pushes past without consent, then it crosses a line. I think every woman who has been in sexualized encounters with a man has experienced this "pressure" to go further and further. It's not bad or immoral. It merely is what it is. It becomes problematic when we try to pretend that it is not natu…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/16 08:30 PM
3

My yes is yes, and my no is no. Rule #3: Words mean things. I've been on the resisting side of LMR-pushing (LMRP?). If he didn't get the message, he got a hard next. Sorry, Todd, prom of 1994! Hahaha. I'm not fucking you (or anyone else) in high school!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/16 02:27 AM
4

When I was younger, I didn't get a lot of constructive help from doctors. I got a whole lot of "it's just in your head. You just need to relax." Discovering my latex allergy years later was a huge ah-ha moment for me. I always felt like I was peeing on broken glass after sex. I thought that was normal. D'oh! I was so frustrated. I also haven't been able to do certain positions because it hits the cervix hard. Apparently, that's a part of having a tilted uterus! Who knew? I knew something was ami…
/r/RedPillWives22/05/16 01:51 AM
6

Those hormones can be the culprit! I have been on many different types of birth control, and each one has its pros and cons. I've even noticed differences between different types of pills (progesterone only, estrogen and progesterone combos, 7:7:7 and full strength), hormonal IUD, nuvaring, the shot, etc. You might another type of hormone strength and combination work well for you. I had good luck with the hormonal IUD and the nuvaring, though I did have more migraines with the latter. I guess t…
/r/RedPillWives22/05/16 12:06 AM
3

If you have a tilted uterus, you might experience pain with certain positions. No one told me my uterus was tipped until I was 36. Hahahaha. When my doctor told me, I was like, well, damn, that makes sense!
/r/RedPillWives21/05/16 11:52 PM
4

That was me for years! It wasn't until I had a child that it become comfortable for me. I had sought medical advice from different doctors. I discovered things that made it worse. Condoms are pure hell. I have a latex allergy. But even lamb skin are brutal. All lubes are problematic and can cause me irritation down the road. Even saliva is a problem for me. I have to rely on my own "stuff," so I have to be in the mood to make it work well. I use, um, accessories, during sex, and it works like a …
/r/RedPillWives21/05/16 11:00 PM
1

Dishes! What a great idea. I am going to steal it!
/r/RedPillWives21/05/16 04:24 PM
2

Good idea!
/r/RedPillWives21/05/16 04:12 AM
9

I admire and respect you for reading this book and for taking a good faith effort to understand "the other side." I enjoyed reading your post. :-) I think if we could all be a bit more like you, we might understand each other better.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/16 04:08 AM
4

That sounds wonderful!
/r/RedPillWives20/05/16 03:23 AM
2

The comments on both links are really fascinating. Still digesting...
/r/RedPillWives19/05/16 09:16 PM
2

Perfect! Thank you!!!
/r/RedPillWives19/05/16 09:10 PM
2

This (the hamburger and sock lady) was very interesting, and I'd like to read it in context of its original Reddit thread. Neither "source" cites the redditors' username or subreddit, or at least I didn't see it. Does anyone know where the hamburger post/comment original thread is?
/r/RedPillWives19/05/16 09:02 PM
6

I have been thinking about this since that post about Swedish coziness. Each day as I face the house, I ask, how can I make this place better? I don't have any answers--yet, but I have been stepping up my cleaning game. Removing clutter and crumbs and the like has helped make the place nicer. My husband likes a clean, minimalist look, so I have been steering clear of knick knacks and such. I brought in some flowers brought I think some house plants make enliven the place up more. We got our wind…
/r/RedPillWives19/05/16 05:59 PM
4

Thank you. I have been thinking about this all night. You know, RPW in my marriage is about setting priorities and working towards personal improvement. One big change in my marriage since RPW was the conscious decision to put my career on hiatus. We moved (for the military), and instead of looking for a professional job, I opted to stay home for the time being. My husband said he was tired of me working on the weekends. He was burned out on spending his time off doing all the laundry, shopping,…
/r/RedPillWives19/05/16 05:45 PM
6

Women get so high strung about being perfect. My Facebook feed is full of over-the-top crafts made for their children's teachers or the "perfect" gender reveal party for their unborn kid (I guess this is now a thing). It's like bridezilla mode forever. I think it comes from this idea where we believe that if it's not perfect or ideal, then everything is wrong. We picked the wrong man, the wrong career, had the wrong number of kids, etc. I see women bailing relationships and careers at the first …
/r/RedPillWives19/05/16 03:00 AM
1

Sounds pretty normal! :-)
/r/RedPillWives12/05/16 01:01 AM
2

Well said. Thank you for writing.
/r/RedPillWives10/05/16 04:57 PM
4

Imagine how her husband felt when she told him about her latest blog post. (And yes, I think she told him because she doesn't have the common sense or decency to realize how hurtful this would be to him.) "I love you so much but I think I missed out on so many girl-bonding moments because we got married too soon." How do you even respond to that?
/r/RedPillWives10/05/16 04:51 PM
7

"Dear RPW, I am doing all the RPW things, and he still isn't doing what I want him to do. I am trying to make him lead, and he won't! What do I do to change him into the alpha I want him to be?" This post is a good resource for women who write in these questions. Fortunately, I have seen fewer of these types of posts lately, but they always seem to pop up eventually.
/r/RedPillWives05/05/16 01:45 AM
7

That's what I got, too--next generation left. It probably would've been different if they had a "I don't care. It doesn't matter option," for most of the questions. Also the questions about effort versus results (work ethic and government benefits) sort of pinned me in corner. Yes, efforts often lead to results, but hey life isn't fair and shit happens--efforts do not guarantee success. Hard work is generally necessary but not always sufficient to success. Oh well. Americans have no sense of wha…
/r/RedPillWives03/05/16 07:28 PM
2

Amen!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/16 06:02 PM
4

I hate the sound of children whining and being obnoxious in the bathroom. It happened a lot at my last job (public library), and I just wanted to pee in peace :-(
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/16 05:48 PM
2

I'll be honest. I hate how little kids (boys and girls) hog up the stalls in women's restrooms. There's nothing quite like having a kid peeking through the slats in the stall or looking up under the side of the stall. Filthy kids! Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/16 03:58 PM
12

By this logic, children should have a separate bathroom to protect them from adults.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/16 01:46 PM
14

Don't care.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/16 05:36 AM
1

WHAT DID YOU SAY? GET BACK DOWN HERE, ATLAS B. SHRUGGIN! I AM TALKING TO YOU!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/16 05:17 PM
1

We always sing it as, "Fuck you, I won't tidy my bedroom!"
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/16 04:59 PM
3

Please, someone, use these as lyrics for an aggressive metal song--with lots of screaming and growling.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/16 04:49 PM
2

So true! Bahahaha
/r/RedPillWives28/04/16 02:23 PM
5

I am so glad that you're doing well, and I look forward to that post!
/r/RedPillWives28/04/16 03:30 AM
6

Same principles apply--from school age children to babies to adults that I have managed. Establish clear expectations and consequences. Follow through, that sort of thing. The best leaders are the ones who can communicate the WITFM (pronounced "with-um"): what's in it for me. Even babies will eventually stop throwing pacifiers once they realize you aren't going to pick it up for them. They are self-interested creatures. They're also pretty clever and pick up quickly, especially with parents who …
/r/RedPillWives28/04/16 12:10 AM
5

I have never spanked my kid. I was able to keep a class of middle schoolers in line without any physical contact during my teaching years, so I figured the same principles could be applied successfully to child rearing. Expectations, consequences, follow though, integrity, etc,--these are tools for meaningful behavioral change.
/r/RedPillWives27/04/16 10:58 PM
7

"Reporters" hahaha Let's use precise language. These are freelancers and low-level staff writers. These folks aren't Walter Cronkite. They aren't trying to learn about something and present it to the world. They're people who want to write a salacious piece that will generate a lot of "clicks" on "news" websites.
/r/RedPillWives27/04/16 10:55 PM
6

Well explained. Even Donald Trump, a man some RP folks worship, is married.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/16 10:37 PM
2

Ah, it's not something you find. It's something you make. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/16 04:21 PM
1

Hahaha so does it make marriage look better or worse?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/16 02:12 PM
5

Thank you, OP, for writing this post. I have enjoyed reading the discussion it has spurred. This post has brought up some important RPW topics.
/r/RedPillWives27/04/16 02:15 AM
1

Great explanation.
/r/RedPillWives27/04/16 02:12 AM
5

Ding ding ding!
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 09:08 PM
2

I wish you both well. :-)
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 09:07 PM
5

Wonderfully put.
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 09:05 PM
9

the only person you change is yourself, so it would do no good to talk about what our husbands can do for us to make us happy Yes!
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 07:47 PM
4

What you view as being proactive--like finding a forum for her--is going to push her away. We all come to our own ideas because they fill a need in ourselves. If she does not feel that need, she will resent your efforts and will "rebel" against you. Her comments about "drinking the Kool-Aid" clearly shows how she feels about all this. If, on the other hand, she sees a change in you and a positive growth in your marriage, she might be sparked with curiosity and a desire to learn more. It has to b…
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 07:33 PM
10

I see this happen a bit. He discovers RP and wants to proselytize to her about RP. Or she discovers RPW and wants to proselytize to him. They give the other RP texts and then become frustrated when the partner isn't super pumped about it. Instead of changing our partners--a futile and frustrating endeavor--we ought to spend more time on transforming ourselves. Laura Doyle suggests strongly in her book for us women to keep our journey private from our men. Why? Two reasons come to mind. 1) "Honey…
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 06:54 PM
3

This reminded me of something. Handwritten recipe cards are a wonderful treasure. If your mother or grandmother is still alive, have her write out a recipe or two in her own handwriting. I have one from my grandmother (now dead), and I treasure it. It's for chili and written on a plain index card in cursive pen and stained from splashes of food from a time when I didn't really contemplate that she wouldn't always be here.
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 06:45 PM
6

This is fantastic. Thanks for posting!
/r/RedPillWives26/04/16 01:59 AM
3

My husband has The Three Rules. They're not really rules as much as principles of the universe. We want to get that vinyl lettering that people use to put "live laugh love" and whatnot on their living room wall, but we want to put up Rule #2: "The universe is indifferent to your suffering" in very feminine, swirly script. (Rule 1. Life's not fair. Rule 3. Words mean things...sometimes we add "Own your shit" as fourth rule, but we still refer to them as The Three Rules of the --- Family.)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 09:47 PM
2

Your last paragraph, the one about "hard-as-nails, grizzled old married veteran" is perfect. Very insightful.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 09:40 PM
2

"no one gets out of this marriage alive" This would make a lovely cross stitch!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 09:38 PM
4

Destined? By whom or by what?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 09:34 PM
9

I would guess that all people who get engaged and married because they feel connected at that moment. (APALT?) That's not the issue. The problem happens 3 years down the line when they don't have that feeling. They think they fucked up, chose the wrong mate! They realize that they will feel horrible forever (not true), so they bail and enter a new relationship, and the cycle starts anew. You won't feel connected all the time to your spouse. Period. Ask anyone who has been married for 50 years. T…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 05:15 PM
6

Love comes from commitment. No matter how interesting the other person is, no matter how hot and sexy he/she is, it will fall apart eventually without commitment. If you need proof of this, look at the relationships of celebrities.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 04:57 PM
6

It's not our job to change it (ie, fix society). We can only change ourselves. It's our job to decide how we live our own lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 04:55 PM
14

That's the whole point of marriage. That's why there's the wedding where you make your family fly out from all over the country. (Well, I had a courthouse wedding, but you get the idea!) Face it. When else, aside from your funeral, can you gather so many family members and friends on your behalf? What is the purpose of this ceremony? It's not a magic show. It's not like the officiant magically unites the two people. So what is it? It's a huge public declaration. It's a sworn statement. Simply pu…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 04:38 PM
19

Hopefully you find your soulmate, and you grow together, and you feel a really deep and profound connection that lasts for the rest of your life There are no soulmates. Deep and profound connection? That's a feeling. Feelings come and go. Marriage is the commitment of two people to stay married--to stay faithful and exclusive--regardless of how they feel in any given moment. Our feelings are fickle and capricious and often cruel. Don't get me wrong, marriage sometimes feels great, but often it j…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/16 04:23 PM
2

Who steals a refrigerator???
/r/RedPillWives25/04/16 03:57 PM
4

Don't feed the hamster! Now that you know your hamster's favorite snack (fears about men and monogamy), stop feeding it to the hamster. You'll just drive yourself crazy, and it'll burn out your man. It is not his job to entertain and soothe your hamster. :-)
/r/RedPillWives25/04/16 03:40 PM
6

I would not have children outside of marriage. Period. I have a 10 year-old, and the marriage is the foundation of our family. I would not have a child without that support of being a family.
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 10:29 PM
3

Well put!
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 06:04 PM
4

Here is something to consider about uprooting your life. When you move, you are not just in a new location. You have to start completely over. I have moved all over the country 5 times in the past 15 years (military wife), and it's hard. The hardest part, though, is connecting with new friends. Finding friends as an adult is hard. In college, it's easy. People are everywhere. Once you leave college and the area where you went to school, you may find yourself going several months without finding …
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 05:59 PM
2

Wonderful advice as always. :-)
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 05:47 PM
3

I just think it's foolish to move across the country without some sort of commitment. Well, it sounds like that's your values and common sense talking. The rest of sounds like the hamster talking--lots of hoping and wishing. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and I applaud your decision to maintain separate residences. My two cents is that a man who is ready to commitment will move heaven and earth for his woman. He sounds like a guy who loves you, loves spending time with yo…
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 05:46 PM
4

Great post! Here's a quote from the article: To alleviate the discomfort of having such discussions, many women prefer not to make any statements or ask any questions. Why risk the possibility of turning him off? Yet, there’s a factor that can’t be ignored. It will follow us through our entire experience with this guy. Is he dating other women? See, the problem here is that we are uncomfortable with anything that might rock the boat. We are so hopeful, so afraid of rejection that we stay quiet a…
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 05:31 PM
4

Secret tip...if I'm running late on dinner and I hear his motorcycle pulling up, I sauté some onions and garlic! Sometimes I start cooking a few pieces of bacon. If nothing else, then we have some toppings for our salad hahaha. The smell of cooking food is better than any phony scented candle.
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 03:41 AM
1

That analogy perfectly sums it up!
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 03:36 AM
4

I hope you have a great excuse for if your friend finds them in the garage Hahahaha
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 03:08 AM
5

Oreo churros? Holy moly. It's so perverse to marry these two foods together, but wow, that sounds good.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/16 03:24 PM
1

It seems like RPWs are just wanting to implement peace in their own lives. There is not a whole lot of proselytizing. What other people want to do with their lives is their own thing. I enjoy having friends with radically different views (left and right) than my own. They're interesting, and I think people are bigger than just their ideas about things. I would be immensely frustrated if I spent my days trying to convert everyone to my way of thinking. Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/16 03:21 PM
5

This is my life. We don't have AC (live on the coast), so everyday these damn things haunt me!
/r/RedPillWives23/04/16 03:09 PM
1

I think there are some rigid mindsets on both sides of the pills. I like to observe what is happening and make conclusions from that than to make the world conform to my ideas. I think RP is true for many people. I think some people are outliers and defy the model. That is true for pretty much any model regarding human behavior. People are strange, wonderfully irrational creatures.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/16 03:04 PM
1

You're one of my favorite BP people. I think we can have differing philosophies and find ways to make it work for us. I appreciate that you made a effort to see things from the other side of the fence. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/16 01:17 AM
3

Good manners never go out of style! I love that quote about dignity. I think sometimes I apologize because I feel awkward. Instead of making it about me me me I can focus on making the other person feel comfortable by being agreeable and polite. Thanks for posting!
/r/RedPillWives22/04/16 09:47 PM
3

I am so sorry. That sounds awful. :-(
/r/RedPillWives22/04/16 09:43 PM
2

Yep! Great job balancing motherhood and hobbies! Hahahaha
/r/RedPillWives22/04/16 07:27 PM
4

That stock photo of the professional, coiffed mom at work with the baby on her lap (and a kid at her side, too!) is hilariously absurd. She's 100% focused on something on her computer--like balancing a kid and a career is a literal thing. Look at me holding this kid while I work! What the pic should show is a mom rushing to pick up her kid before the day care closes or the mom who is calling out of work because the baby has a fever. Yeah, I get it; these aren't feasible stock photo ideas, oh wel…
/r/RedPillWives21/04/16 10:51 PM
7

I am honored to help. You have done so much for our community!
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 06:29 PM
3

Good to go! I'm glad there's a tangible to help. Thanks for putting this together. :-)
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 04:01 PM
2

Thinking of you, /u/Camille11325!
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 02:36 AM
2

Yep, you sure did. I only got 3280 just now. (You can retake the quiz many times because they throw different words at you.) I got pecuniary wrong, so I went to the etymology section in the definition and learned this: Pecuniary first appeared in English in the early 16th century and comes from the Latin word pecunia, which means "money." Both this root and Latin peculium, which means "private property," are related to the Latin noun for cattle, pecus. In early times, cattle were viewed as a tra…
/r/RedPillWives17/04/16 03:59 PM
6

I volunteered for a non-profit that provided budget counseling and emergency loans (over 2,000 hours). What I have learned is that debt grows with time. An expert, an outsider who can look at the whole picture, can help you make a longterm plan to start to reverse the process. Beware of shady "financial planners." Many of these folks are looking to make a buck by selling you more debt in the form of a consolidation loan. NFCC.org is a credible source of information and contacts for ethical couns…
/r/RedPillWives17/04/16 02:29 PM
2

If I wanted a roommate, I would have gotten a roommate instead of getting married. Hahaha Plus, even though I do the housework and cooking, I recognize that my husband contributes in other ways such as car and computer maintenance.
/r/RedPillWives17/04/16 02:16 PM
2

I haven't accepted these tasks as my responsibility Try to think of it this way. If you were single and living on your own, you would still be doing all those things. They would still be your responsibility. The benefit is that now you can share the fruit of your labors with the man you love. For years I hated cooking and cleaning. What snapped me out of this mode was to think of this as "homemaking." I am making our nest cozy and nice. :-) Best of luck!
/r/RedPillWives17/04/16 01:28 AM
2

Merriam-Webster Vocabulary Quizzes They're addictive. You've been warned. :-)
/r/RedPillWives16/04/16 10:28 PM
2

You and I got similar scores on the nerd test and the right wing test. Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives16/04/16 10:22 PM
6

As a student teacher (many years ago), I found master teachers bewildering. They would give "a look" and the kid would stop misbehaving. I would try that and have much less success. What I didn't know at the time, was that the master teacher had a lot of investment into creating a climate where "the look" was sufficient. There was a lot of effort and work that went into creating the climate, and I was just seeing one moment in time. Around the middle of the year, a fellow new teacher and I decid…
/r/RedPillWives16/04/16 06:50 PM
12

Soooo pretty much the opposite of Amy from Amy's Baking Company. Bonus: She speaks feline The dynamics in that marriage are fascinating to watch.
/r/RedPillWives16/04/16 03:50 PM
1

No matter what Patriarchy smells like, it would definitely be triggering for some people.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/16 02:37 AM
1

How interesting!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/16 01:05 AM
1

Hahahaha! "Baby, I go pass first base, and I bake cookies and cake."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 11:51 PM
6

Exactly. Symptoms exist for some women, but that doesn't give you a free pass to be a bitch.
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 10:32 PM
3

I remember when some feminists in the early 90s tried passing PMS off as a male invention (the medical "establishment") designed to denigrate women--to establish that women are weak, biologically inferior and incapable of man jobs. I subscribed to Ms. magazine at the time, and I remember reading that opinion piece and thinking, "Are you kidding me?!" That was one of those moments when I started questioning the "wisdom" of modern feminist thought. EDIT: This is what I mean. This gal is asserting …
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 10:31 PM
6

I definitely feel crabby and irritable during PMS. The important thing is for me not to act on it. Sometimes this means taking more breaks from people throughout the day. These are not the days to fill up my social calendar to the max. As I am doing this whole peri menopause thing, I find PMS to be more exhausting. I sleep like crap for a few days and wake up with cold sweats. Fortunately, it's only for a few days and not all time. I actually feel such relief when my period starts. It's like a e…
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 09:25 PM
3

In the interview, she is wearing this bridal-like headpiece. It reminds me of Miss Havisham, except with cats, lots of cats.
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 08:34 PM
1

This is perfect
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 08:16 PM
2

That made me kind of sad. When you put it that way, Dread doesn't seem like the big bad monster but a defense against rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 08:11 PM
3

Hahahah my husband placed a hard no on more cats. I would be this lady without him.
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 08:09 PM
1

Yes! It reminds me of the opening to a true crime tv show: "She seemed like a devoted wife, mother, and Sunday school teacher..."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 08:00 PM
3

Here you go! Enjoy!
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 07:59 PM
1

Of course! Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 07:54 PM
8

Warning: may cause temporary blindness
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 07:49 PM
2

it is like a secular religion of sorts Indeed! Thanks for the list!
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 07:47 PM
7

Maybe this is one of those automatic room fresheners where it sprays its oppressive fragrance everywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:33 PM
2

For you, may I suggest Egalitarian. Not too overpowering with a neutral, light scent.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:31 PM
2

To me it looks like "on off on" (like IO symbol) hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:11 PM
2

Maybe that explains why all the old ladies at the library wear vanilla!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:06 PM
1

Bahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:06 PM
1

Hahahahaha I imagine this one includes a propriety blend of bovine pheromones and whispered prayers
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:05 PM
2

Oh dear! It's perfect!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:52 PM
5

May I suggest for you Low n-count, the scent for the discriminating nose.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:43 PM
6

Top secret image of the energy source powering reddit.
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 04:40 PM
2

I forgot about that little guy! Yes. Perfect! When you wear it, you have to spend a lot of time "clarifying" to your friends that it really smells like rose petals and not peed-on woodchips.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:37 PM
3

I imagine this as a body wash. It cleanses away any past transgressions and provides a clean, UNIQUE scent sure to impress that special man.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:33 PM
3

I imagine this smells like Baby Soft. Remember that stuff? What a creepy name!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:31 PM
2

Me neither! People tend to douse themselves in it, and it's overwhelming. I do, however, love the smell of pipe tobacco. My husband smokes it only occasionally, but man oh man, that gets me going!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:30 PM
7

Can we make this a musical? Or maybe a weird play like Waiting for Godot? But can it star cats?
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 04:25 PM
5

Yes! Men's grooming products are always marketed like motor oil! Engineered Quickspray Technology! Hahahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:23 PM
1

I would love to see the print ads for these
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:21 PM
2

US currency Eewww! You know where that's been? Handling cash was the dirtiest part of my last job. Blech! Hahahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:16 PM
3

You are killing me!!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:13 PM
6

Hahahaha "Hypergamy by Atlas now available for a limited time. Free gift of Branch Swinger brand gloves with every purchase"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:13 PM
4

I figured it was more a blend of patchouli, pumpkin spice, and cilantro.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 04:10 PM
7

What a fantastic post. I hope my daughter heeds this wisdom when she crosses into puberty. Also, I loved this image: >fouetté your way down the line You could've fixed the dreadful drag queen-ness of term Pre Wall Prancer!. Maybe change it to a dance move instead. Pre Wall Pas de Chat or the Pre Wall Pas De Bouree. Hahaha but no one asked us. Oh well :-)
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 03:48 PM
3

Have you ever noticed how we can't criticize democracy directly? It is as if pure democracy is holy and perfect, and all of our flaws with the political system arise from our mortal bastardization of this holy state. It is as if our current manifestation of democracy is the Catholic Church on the eve of Luther's Theses. Take the current political discord in the US. People are upset with the two party system, with delegates and superdelegates, the Electoral College, the candidates themselves, etc…
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 03:18 PM
7

The Philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche This book provides a lot of context which is sorely lacking from most discussions of Nietzsche's works and ideas. It is chock full of interesting biographical information and helps you understand Nietzsche's growth from seminary student to party guy to Schopenhauer devotee to Schopenhauer hater, from Wagner devotee to Wagner despiser. I think Nietzsche is misunderstood and misquoted (out of context stuff) by a lot of folks. Prejudices A collection of works N…
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 02:21 PM
2

This whole book is wonderful. (I kinda have the hots for Mencken, so I am biased.) EDIT: This book had several working titles: "The original title for Defense was A Book for Men Only, but other working titles included The Eternal Feminine as well as The Infernal Feminine." "According to Mencken's biographer, Fred Hobson: "Depending on the position of the reader, he was either a great defender of women's rights or, as a critic labelled him in 1916, 'the greatest misogynist since Schopenhauer','th…
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 05:02 AM
1

That's perfect!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 05:00 AM
6

What would it smell like? I imagine it smells like a blend of dirty motor oil (or whatever makes my dad smell after working in the garage) and wood smoke and a smoky scotch whiskey like Laphroaig.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 02:35 AM
7

Pure Misogyny Sounds like a name for a cologne.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/16 12:42 AM
3

What just a touch of plastic surgery, you can look almost as good as me!
/r/RedPillWives15/04/16 12:33 AM
2

Great in the wash. One got a little pilled up on the hip when I took a spill on the concrete while rollerskating. It looks fine though because the pattern kind of camouflages the pilling.
/r/RedPillWives14/04/16 07:20 PM
3

I think women do it to make themselves feel better about themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/16 07:17 PM
8

Teamwork How do you let your boss or even a CEO know that you disagree or that he might be wrong and headed for disaster? With tact and diplomacy. And what if he chooses to do it his own way after all? Then that's his choice. He makes his choice, and I support it. His butt is on the line though, so naturally, he knows that he will experience any negative consequences of his bad decision. (The only exception to support would be if he wanted to do something illegal of immoral like rob a bank or be…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/16 07:11 PM
17

Well said. Being a woman is natural and good. Being a man is natural and good. Both involve a unique set of challenges, advantages, and disadvantages. To hold one sex as more virtuous or more "evil" than another is absurd.
/r/RedPillWives14/04/16 06:58 PM
2

Exactly.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/16 04:33 PM
10

I'm 38, so I look like this
/r/RedPillWives14/04/16 03:13 PM
9

Pre Wall Prancers sounds like the name of a troupe of drag queen "Rockettes" would give themselves.
/r/RedPillWives14/04/16 03:10 PM
3

Very well said. Thanks for putting this together :-)
/r/RedPillWives14/04/16 03:03 PM
2

I got mine as gifts (bought online). My pre-teen daughter has matching ones, too! So ridiculous but fun. I like the ones with the pocket in the back, so I can stash my cellphone if I'm walking around the block. :-) In the winter, I wear fleece lined tights and cardigans over them. I can loaf around the house and still look "decent." I also go running in them with a pair of spandex shorts underneath. Super cute and fun. They're expensive but worth it. I hate shopping for clothes or spending money…
/r/RedPillWives14/04/16 04:01 AM
6

Yes. That must be it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/16 04:18 AM
3

I love these kinds of books! I'm curious about those illustrated plates and the questionable remedies! Hahaha
/r/RedPillWives12/04/16 12:49 AM
5

"12. General Observations on Quadrupeds" Okay, now I'm intrigued.
/r/RedPillWives11/04/16 04:20 AM
3

This is my go to for "home clothes" right now. I can nap in them, and they don't wrinkle. I can throw a cardigan on it, and answer the door without feeling like a slob--Britney Spears edition
/r/RedPillWives10/04/16 06:52 PM
1

Pre-9/11. Where the biggest story was what happened to Chandra Levy. I miss living in a world without combat deployments.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/16 01:49 AM
6

From reading this letter and the effort that you put into it, it seems like you are very focused on your parents and protecting them. They don't need a letter. They don't need a sit down talk. This just makes your husband he bad guy--again. Set boundaries with Mom and Dad when they start being inappropriate. For instance, if your mom starts bad mouthing your SO, say, "We're not going there." That's it. No explanations. No discussion. Look, here is the most painful truth for you: She will not get…
/r/RedPillWives07/04/16 10:27 PM
8

It's like that old joke: "What do you call people who use the pull out method?" "Parents"
/r/RedPillWives07/04/16 10:07 PM
11

The only thing worse than being a plate is being friends with one. Gaaaaahhhhhhhh! So frustrating when she spends all her time whining about the guy who is never going to commit exclusively to her.
/r/RedPillWives07/04/16 04:13 AM
3

This is a fantastic post! I have been thinking about it all day, and it is very humbling. I have been wondering what kinds of sacrifices my husband has made. (I am also thinking of my father and how this has affected him.) Growing up, all I heard was about the sacrifices women made by being married and by being mothers. Feminism was supposed to save us from being sacrificial lambs. Women like Charlotte Perkins Gilman (author of "The Yellow Wallpaper") ran away from the slavish institution of mar…
/r/RedPillWives07/04/16 03:51 AM
3

This my favorite dependa pic
/r/RedPillWives05/04/16 10:53 PM
2

So true!
/r/RedPillWives05/04/16 10:51 PM
3

No dependas in the the running club! Woohoo! I've learned to steer clear of dependas. They are mean and cranky!
/r/RedPillWives05/04/16 10:49 PM
4

I also think that having friends is an important part of self care. When we spend time with our friends, we bloom (even introverts like me!). When we neglect the importance of friendship in our lives, then we start to expect our husbands (SOs) to be our everything. Good Lord, my husband need not be the recipient of my 30,000 daily words and the sole source of human contact. That's not his role. :-) The hard part of being an adult is finding friends. It's easy when you're a student. People are ev…
/r/RedPillWives05/04/16 04:18 PM
5

This is me now due to a recent military move. In the past two weeks, I have been to two book clubs (different libraries), a PTO meeting, and a running club. (Each group is 100% female.) We'll see how they pan out. What I've learned from experience is that you can't just try one thing and hope for the best. You have to get out there even when you want to stay home and read alone with a cat in your lap. :-) I'm about 40 years younger than the other book club ladies--which is saying a lot since I'm…
/r/RedPillWives05/04/16 04:04 PM
3

Wow, thank you! What kind words. :-)
/r/RedPillWives04/04/16 03:54 PM
5

why do think folding laundry matters after that Yeah, no kidding! I think a lot of wives whose husbands deploy a lot get into full time mom mode and sort of forget "how to wife." They are accustomed to taking care of everything (and complaining all the while), and then when husband comes home, he gets put into the kid category or the "hubby" category. ("Hubby" is my word for that guy who gets the "honey do" list and is treated like a child by his wife.)
/r/RedPillWives04/04/16 04:52 AM
7

Yeah, I hear women complain about how stupid their husbands are at [insert task--folding laundry, washing dishes, bathing the kids, etc]. They ridicule and criticize their men and then bitch and moan about how they "have to do everything!" My husband does a lot of things behind the scenes that I don't realize until he's gone. We joke about how a gremlin comes in our house and breaks all our stuff when he deploys. Seriously, the fridge starts leaking water and the computer gives the blue screen o…
/r/RedPillWives04/04/16 04:23 AM
14

Absolutely. Nothing kills the joy in a relationship as quickly a keeping score. "But I changed the last diaper!" This is a miserly way of thinking. (Notice how misers never have enough either.) When we let go of trying to be "even," we become more gracious, more peaceful, and (ta da!) more content.
/r/RedPillWives04/04/16 03:57 AM
1

Thank you, little lady! ;-)
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/16 12:07 AM
3

Me too!
/r/RedPillWives03/04/16 08:14 PM
6

Great job! I appreciate everyone's hard work. :-)
/r/RedPillWives03/04/16 06:50 PM
2

That sounds rough. Hang in there! :-)
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/16 03:57 AM
3

Actually when I was a teen and child, I would put a lot of effort into avoiding girly things. Me too. I felt that "girly" was inferior (Signified Other). "You throw like a girl," that sort of thing. In college, I tried for a more androgynous look and outlook on life. I tried to be more masculine, to eschew the social constructs of "feminine" because I wanted to be equal to men. I was very interested in women's studies (critical theory and philosophies). At some point, I realized that what I was …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/16 09:53 PM
6

Dating or married? Dating? Next. Married? "In sickness or in health..." I would consult a health care professional for advice in what to do, since I am not an expert on alcoholism. I would stay married. If the situation was dangerous, I would leave the home (safety) but stay married and invested.
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/16 07:35 PM
7

I work hard on not being judgmental or sarcastic. I try to understand people on their terms. I do this by listening and watching and reflecting. I think empathy and vulnerability (a hallmark of femininity) go hand in hand. I also stopped trying to compete for success under a man's terms. I realized that I will never run as fast or lift as heavy or terrify burglars, and that's okay. I don't force myself to pick up "cool" masculine hobbies like motorcycle riding or woodworking or car repair. If a …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/16 05:55 PM
1

It sounds like you guys figured out what works for you. That's awesome! :-)
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/16 03:21 PM
2

It's funny because a few decades ago, everyone (men and women) would be aghast if you even suggested that a man be in the delivery room. It's just cultural expectations. Everyone and every couple is different. My grandfather wasn't in the room for each of the 4 births. The kids turned out great. They stayed married until they died. I don't think they had any regrets. Nowadays, we have birth photographers and birth plans and all that. That's great if you want it. But let's be real. You're basical…
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/16 03:16 PM
4

intensely bonding moment Yes! That's so true! I agree with you; I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/16 03:07 PM
3

Thank you. :-) I feel very lucky.
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/16 02:58 PM
3

Thank you. You are a very sweet woman. :-)
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/16 02:35 PM
36

Mine was there. He chose to remain at the head rather than "the business end." I didn't have an epidural and was induced with pitocin. (Long story short, I had to deliver the kid by the next day before he left for Iraq. They said the epidural might slow things down.) He was very involved with providing pressure on my lower back during contractions, which came and went for hours. He helped me sort of move around and flip around when the doctors needed it, and I will always remember how physically…
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/16 03:31 AM
1

Thank you :-)
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/16 02:37 AM
4

No one wants to hire a manager with no experience, and no one wants to work for a manager with no experience. This is a good goal though and something to work towards. I think you just need to get a job, an entry level job of some sort. I'm guessing that your adult life has been spent in school (undergrad and then law school), so it's a bit of a life change to go from student to worker. Even if the job you get is just a basic office job--heck, even a temp job--you can view it as an opportunity t…
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/16 02:33 AM
2

What career field are you interested in?
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/16 02:11 AM
5

That sounds wonderful!
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/16 05:03 AM
5

Do you believe that marriage is "until death do you part?" Some do, and some don't. I couldn't marry someone in the latter category.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/16 05:49 PM
6

Listen to that gut! Don't waste precious time on a dead end. :-)
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/16 03:22 AM
5

That's my advice. Next. This "relationship" is non-existent, and your efforts and queries (like #1 up there) indicate that you are trying to control/steer things. Move on. :-)
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/16 03:07 AM
13

Next.
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/16 02:42 AM
2

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/16 11:16 PM
9

See, only the Censors can read TRP or RPW, but no one else should because "TRP is a damaging thing to read for a lot of people." It is the mission for Censors to go out into the world and be offended. They, and they alone, want to determine what is safe and wholesome for the entire group to read. Think of the children! this is mentally ill. dont read it. This reminds me of the commenter who thought you lying about being Jewish because you weren't scouring the Internet jn search of neo-Nazi stuff…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/16 07:14 PM
12

Wonderfully put! Can you imagine someone like the President having a really tough day--dealing with Congress and lots of tough calls with foreign policy and the press and whatnot. He walks in the door, about ready to collapse and says, "Oh, honey, I have had the longest day. I'm glad to be home." And his wife looks at him and says, "You think your day was bad?" as she rails into tirade about the kids' teachers and her sister's problems with men and "why can't you remember to clean your pockets b…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/16 10:36 PM
2

zero responsibilities Oh, and you'll be responsible for taking care of the safe sex, These two statements are incompatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/16 03:57 PM
1

Thank you very much. :-)
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/16 06:20 AM
18

not time-consuming You know how in the 1980s and 1990s, you heard about the importance of "quality time?" Well, that's bullshit. That was a way to make divorced parents and single parents feel good about themselves. Kids want quantity time. They want us. This doesn't mean we helicopter. It means we are available when they need us and doing our jobs as parents. It means we don't try to force moments to be "quality time" or "learning opportunities." Just by being present as her dad, you are being …
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/16 06:53 PM
2

Thank you. You are very kind. Women can be control freaks. Look at a woman planning a wedding or her childbirth. The reality, especially in a childbirth, never goes according to plan. It's important to plan but even more important to be able to improvise under pressure. I am a recovering control freak. Sometimes my old habits pop up, especially when I'm tired and stressed. That means I need to step back and chill out!
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/16 03:43 AM
2

Yes, absolutely agree with this. A woman's behavior is a reflection of her husband. Case in point? He has to face consequences for her bad behavior (speeding on base, for example). Commands already have enough work to do without having to deal with train wreck wives.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/16 02:06 AM
1

Well said!
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/16 12:30 AM
3

Thank you. I appreciate the compliment!
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 09:42 PM
7

That's tricky. Officer wives have their own clubs (OSC) and get togethers. Officer wives within a unit will generally keep to themselves; however, it is not unheard of for an officer wife to spend time with other military spouses that they know from outside their husband's command (work, volunteering, etc). A lot of this distinction has to do with age. Why would a Major's wife be hanging out with a PFC's wife? The older gal has the responsibility to set boundaries and to prevent those "incidents…
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 08:20 PM
5

Yeah. Long time--though I have a friend whose husband has been in 28 years--we're talking Operation Desert Storm era! Whoa! She is one of my mentors.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 08:01 PM
3

The guys with the trashy wives and kids tend to be shitbirds already. Birds of a feather flock together. (This is why I say steer clear of the women whose husbands are getting NJPs.) If a guy can't manage his own household, his own kids, his own finances, etc, he has no business being in charge of anything.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 07:58 PM
4

You have to get comfortable with ambiguity. This was the biggest change in my personality in the last 10 years. I have grown to be someone who is okay with not knowing the future--or even the near future. Nothing is certain. You can be halfway to a new duty station, and then be sent somewhere else. Having information is a type of control. It makes us feel less helpless, especially during deployments or separations. During deployments, I find myself obsessively scouring the news for combat events…
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 07:52 PM
9

Haha the benefits far outweigh the negatives--both in terms of literal healthcare benefits for our family and in terms of job satisfaction for him. Plus, there's the uniform--especially those chucks. Mmmmmm. It makes me laugh that he has a uniform called an "alpha uniform." Hahah
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 06:26 PM
3

Thanks for the post idea! I just put one up. It was a great opportunity for me to sit and reflect.
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 06:02 PM
9

I agree. I think the red flag is hanging around confessed (and shameless) cheaters AND going to a bar with them. Yikes. Red flag! Red flag! I have met a few train wrecks (both men and women) in my years as a military wife--I keep a wide berth. Plus, having some ground rules keeps temptation away (no bars, no "man friends," etc). God, I can't imagine the shame I would bring to my husband (and myself) if his subordinates were talking about seeing me dancing with Sgt. Thunder at the club. Gross. No…
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/16 01:22 AM
6

Yeah, you should never mention divorce as an option, especially in the heat of argument. This is the pivotal moment, the moment where she thinks, "Well, there's always Plan B." Hell, according to her narrative, he brought it up. Very important marriage ground rule: No divorce. No entertaining the idea, no threats of it, nada. There is no Plan B. It's marriage, which is until death do you part.
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/16 04:38 PM
4

You tell him what you want and then you shut up about it. No hints, no nagging, no whining. If it happens, great. If not, oh well--no biggie. It's not "shut up and make him mind-read his way to the right answer." This is insanely frustrating.
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/16 06:06 PM
3

We have a friend who picked up crabs because his skanky barracks mate was using his bath towel. Gross.
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/16 05:59 PM
29

Any time you say yes to something, you say no to everything else. This is true for everything. Say you have a dollar. You can save it or you can buy a candy bar or one those St. Patrick's Day headbands from the Target $1 bin or whatnot. But no matter what you do (spend or save), you are going to "miss out" on something. If you buy the candy bar, you have said no to all other possibilities of that dollar other than the candy bar. That's how it works. So you have to choose wisely. You can't have i…
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/16 05:36 AM
2

These are women who want marriage and children. These are men who don't. Neither is "right" or "wrong," but these choices incompatible. Women need to go into these arrangements fully aware that what they are agreeing to is cohabitation--not the covert contract (marriage, kids, etc).
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/16 05:54 PM
9

Next. But you already knew that. Why are seeking validation for this? It is the right thing to do, and you know it. He deserves better, and you know it. You feel guilty about breaking up. Let me disabuse you of that. You feel guilty because you think you are some kind of blessing for him. You think you are bringing value to this relationship. But what are you really bringing? You're not even "there." Stop using him.
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 08:35 PM
7

I think sliding into cohabitation is a way for men to put off making tough choices about marriage. I think women often enter these arrangements under a covert contract (If move in now, then he'll propose later.) Women who choose cohabitation need to be very honest with themselves and their expectations of the living arrangements. I see a whole lot of hamstering on this issue. A woman needs to ask herself: Do I want to get married eventually? What are this man's plans in regards to marriage and t…
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 08:16 PM
6

Does society need more women in STEM? I chose English literature because it was intensely fascinating to me. I planned on becoming a teacher, which apparently "society needs." I taught for about 5 years. I'm a librarian (recently unemployed due to military move), and I chose that profession because I am talented at helping people and research. Both professions are stereotypically feminine, and I'm okay with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/16 05:24 PM
9

I guess it's my inexperience in everything relationship related that got the best of me. Nope. It was your desperate hope for a relationship which fed your willingness to deceive yourself. You wanted this relationship to happen, so you went along with behaviors that you knew were not helpful. Women with high n-counts make this same damn mistake over and over. I have made this mistake, too. :-( Recognize that the mistake you made was thinking that your magical vagina powers would woo him towards …
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 04:55 PM
13

Try thinking of it this way: you are a colander. You are trying to fill up, but no amount of "validation" is ever sufficient because it drains right out. It's draining--for you and everyone around you. Another person cannot replace the missing parts of you. You want him to fix you and make you complete. At least you recognize that this strategy isn't working. So now what? Stop trying to fill up--especially with other people's "validation." (Validation Vampire--we all know folks like these.) You …
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/16 09:41 PM
3

It is something I am becoming more and more aware of. I'm not proud of myself when I stoop to validation-seeking behavior. I particularly dislike when I have done this to my husband. "Do you like my dress? Do you like my dinner? Am I pretty enough?" I did this a lot at the beginning of our marriage. I'm learning that I can tell if he likes dinner or my dress or whatnot by paying attention to him. It gets me out of me me me mode!
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/16 10:07 PM
4

I have watched coworkers ask other coworkers for opinions. If the first coworker doesn't offer the "validating opinion," she will ask another and then another until she finds someone who agrees with her. Then she will say, "I thought so, too!" satisfied in her "rightness." I find the same applies to friends and family members. I haven't seen this in men as much as women. Women just have this need to see themselves reflected in other women. It is as if we cannot believe in the rightness of our ow…
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/16 06:06 PM
17

Reading novels Hahaha I am so boring!
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/16 06:27 PM
2

From the court records, authorities were notified by the hospital (not the dad as the article states) when the baby tested positive upon birth. The charges are related to the child neglect of the other children (his and hers--8 and almost 2 years old) in the home, since he left his children in the care of this drug user. I imagine that they are building an even more substantial case against her.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/16 01:49 PM
2

Am I overreacting? Yes
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/16 12:16 AM
3

beliefs of the recent past I'm not sure what this means. Would you mind clarifying that, perhaps by way of examples?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/16 12:59 AM
4

Hahaha I was so pissed at the time (11 years ago). I was pregnant and lonely because we had just moved to the desert (military base), and I had been stuck in the house all day. His "boop" stopped me mid-word. "Did you just hit my snooze button?" "I'm tired, baby. I just want some quiet." I realized that I had been storing up a fire hose of words, and he'd been at work since 0500, yelling at Marines. The man loves his quiet. Over the years, I've grown more and more into that myself.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/16 05:00 PM
10

How to help him want it [marriage] too You don't. Either he's all in or you don't do it. Stop trying to control the situation.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/16 02:50 PM
8

Most people have a finite set of words that they tolerate. My husband and I laugh about his 7,000 to my 30,000. Yes, they are arbitrary numbers. One time, when he came home and I was so excited to see him, I rambled on and on. He was tired, and he looked me in the eyes, and "booped" my nose like a snooze button.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/16 02:05 PM
6

I resist the urge to babble. The man has a 7,000 word listening limit each day. I select my words with care--most of the time. Most women--hell, most people--talk incessantly about nothing at all.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/16 03:38 AM
2

Thank for the fascinating read! My husband and I started dating during the 1990s, so I haven't had to navigate this type of dating. I was sharing parts of this post with my husband, and he laughed at the part where men always swipe. He says that he watches guys at work do what they call The Power Swipe. They would do this all the time. He said that these guys would find hookups everywhere, in every city, very quickly. It is surprising how many women are down for the kind of thing! Thanks again f…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/16 06:13 PM
3

Heeeey I think this relationship has too many red flags--either real or imaginary--for Op to continue without being a high strung mess. xx EDIT: Snooping is idiotic. What good can come of this relationship now? "Yay, he isn't cheating on me, but I distrusted him because you just can't be too sure and I don't trust him enough." Or, "I was right. He was cheating." Both outcomes are unsatisfactory grounds for a relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 12:08 AM
12

Next.
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/16 11:52 PM
8

It's not every period. Some times are easier than others. Passing a blood clot through the cervix is excruciating though. I've given birth without an epidural, and during those cramps, I feel hot and sick like I did then. Most of the time, though, menstruation is pretty unremarkable. It's a woman's problem, and she need not involve her man in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/16 01:42 AM
2

I dug up the quote from memory, and it was linked to Genesis because of a paper I had written in school (about 20 years ago). The essay prompt was that verse from Ecclesiastes, but I spent most of the essay discussing Genesis and the Tree of Knowledge. Soooo deep. Hahahaha What could 16 year-old me possibly know of knowledge and wisdom or even suffering of grief? Little did I know then. Little do I know now. Haha. That is a solace!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 09:47 AM
1

I'm sure he was crying for death. That's the point. Suffering is universal. Everyone suffers. What we do with our own suffering is the difference between choosing life or death. Do we choose empathy or hate? Do we choose compassion or resentment? Do we give in to the temptation or do we choose the hard way?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 09:32 AM
1

Damn it! You're right. Ecclesiastes. Hahaha What was I thinking?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 09:22 AM
2

Reason has no meaning when you have to endure torture, extreme emotional pain, or discrimination. James Stockdale would disagree. In his 7-1/2 years as a POW in Vietnam, he endured brutal psychological and physical torture because of Reason. His book, Thoughts of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot lays out the case for philosophy and the power of Reason and ethics in enduring such an ordeal. Viktor Frankl would also disagree. He wrote, "Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 08:56 AM
3

Let them laugh. Laughter is becoming for children and drunkards. I hope to be a laughing angel someday. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 02:02 AM
8

Suffering is part of being human. It is not a curse no more than having language or memory could be a curse. "There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings."--Dostoevsky With much knowledge comes much sorrow, much wisdom much grief (Ecclesiastes), but I prefer that to a fool's paradise, don't you? Plus, we have the gift of Reason to deliver us from the feeble whims and fancies (i.e., "reals over feels"). EDIT: Ecclesiastes. D'oh!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 01:18 AM
6

No. If anything, it makes me more empathetic. I guess it's like looking at a painting, like one of those abstract experessionism numbers . We are both looking at acrylic on canvas, but we take from it what we will; that is, what our experiences are (the schema, the prior knowledge) will shape our interpretations. Life isn't perception. It's our interpretations of those impressions, so say the Stoics. (But I may be on my fourth beer in a hotel in the middle of rural Texas, so there's that.)
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 01:07 AM
2

Nobody deserves kindness. Kindness is a gift, not an obligation. If it were an obligation, it wouldn't be a kindness. It would just be formal manners. Who is richer? The gift giver or the recipient? One is wealthy, and the other is stingy.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 12:38 AM
1

Nobody deserves anything. That's what makes kindness so effective.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 12:15 AM
0

It's not worth the effort. I get that I'll just rub it in their faces some more just to piss them off. Try sweetness and light; it is more more confounding and satisfying. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/16 12:07 AM
1

Be gracious. She's your Dad's problem, not yours. You are living in her house now. If this arrangement is driving you nuts, move out. She isn't your problem to fix nor will she change. Sounds like a tough living situation. Good luck. :-)
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/16 12:00 AM
4

You know, physical separation--war or not--is always tough. Don't discount your own struggles. Just don't wallow in them. Get up and get moving with your life. The busier and more productive your life, the faster those months will pass.
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/16 11:39 PM
4

It's a modern world. Anything is possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/16 12:21 AM
7

Yeah, this was called "gay marriage" until very recently. It apparently was unsatisfactory.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/16 12:16 AM
8

My experience: 6 deployments in the past 16 years--each at 6+ months (1 non-combat, 3 to Iraq, 2 to Afghanistan) You have got to get a straw and suck it up. That's what we do. It's hard, but it gets easier when you understand the emotional process. This is part of the the deployment cycle. Even though your separation is not military-affiliated, this information will be really helpful. You will grow up a lot in the next 6 months. It is fantastic for you. I wouldn't be half the woman I am today wi…
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/16 11:08 PM
1

I could never be with a man who drove a Toyota Prius.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/16 10:43 PM
3

I agree. Introversion isn't a pathology. I'm an introvert, but I'm not withdrawn or antisocial. I connect easily with people at work, especially coworkers and patrons. I enjoy listening to people and seeing familiar faces. On a Friday night, though, I prefer a book and a quiet evening. I love people but only in measured doses. I get physically exhausted after being around people for a while. I find an hour of socializing is my limit. I prefer grabbing a cup of coffee rather than anything longer …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/16 10:35 PM
1

By that logic, I am subverting the patriarchy by being taking care of my home and our child while my husband does his job.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/16 02:07 PM
1

Yeah, not sure why he thought that would be a panty-dropper.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/16 12:43 PM
6

Hahahaha I think it is a man's world, but I'm okay with that. Maybe it's because I've been living on Marine Corps bases for so long. Seems like a man's world everywhere I look.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/16 10:17 PM
4

I'm reading Deep Water (1957) by Patricia Highsmith, who also wrote Strangers on a Train and The Talented Mr. Ripley. This book is dark and disturbing--classic noir fiction. The story centers on a cheating wife and her Beta Bux husband who has to endure the shame of being the town cuckold. It is taking a dark turn involving murder and madness, and frankly, I feel bad for both of them at this point (2/3 of the way through). The book makes you feel claustrophobic and paranoid. Set against the back…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/16 08:16 PM
4

I went on a date once with a guy who laughed about shooting his barn cats with pellet guns. Yikes. Animal cruelty pretty much brings a man's value to 0. I knew a guy in high school who liked setting dumpster fires. He's up there up with the guy who carves a pentagram into his hand or carves your name into his arm with a knife.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/16 01:50 PM
11

This place is great because it represents a range of candid views--there is something here to offend everyone. (In the library profession, we say that the best library has something to offend everyone.) Reading these threads challenges my worldview and has made me realized how much of my beliefs were previously unexamined. I am learning. What fascinates me is the amount of quiet suffering (all people, all pills) experience. I cannot ameliorate or soothe, but I can start to see, especially in my …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/16 03:23 AM
3

I hear you! I trust my husband 100%. I just have some values that I've had since, well, long before I met my husband. One night, he facetimed me while TAD on training at a hotel. He was drunk and kept egging me on to get naughty. I laughed it off. I held my ground. Later, after he came home, he said he really respected me for sticking to my guns. That was a while ago (before RPW), but he has told me that he likes that my values are immutable. He would feel totally differently if I had been sendi…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/16 01:21 AM
2

I don't take (nor have I ever taken) nude photos. My husband has deployed 6 times (6+ months each time). I don't feel comfortable taking a photograph that I don't want my parents or my daughter to stumble on accidentally. He has access to porn. He can see that if he wants to. I think keeping my body restricted to "in person" viewing helps keep a bit of the mystery for us. (Everyone is different though. Some spouses are into it. It's just something I won't do.)
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/16 12:24 AM
2

We ignore it. We just do our normal thing. (We have our own special days.)
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/16 01:21 AM
13

Women. They are the gatekeepers of sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/16 08:03 PM
3

Good idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/16 02:03 AM
2

Well said. Men choose really violent ways to kill themselves. I think this is the manifestation of the intense anger, of this total self-destruction. When people kill themselves or attempt to kill themselves, they are trying to kill pain. Women generally choose very passive means (blood-letting, pills, etc) whereas men choose very angry, violent means (lot of handguns in US).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/16 12:33 AM
3

I think you're absolutely right. Women get support from each other. A man is like the Lone Ranger.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 12:06 PM
3

I think men veer towards rage, and women veer towards depression.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 03:36 AM
1

I am putting a moral value on marriage as well as an economic incentive. If people knew that marriage was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, they might approach it with more caution. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 02:49 AM
3

That's because you are a good person. I hope so. Maybe. I dunno. The jury keeps replaying everything over and over in my head. It's tough. Things I could have said, etc. I hope he knows (or knew) that he would be missed by all of us at the library.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 02:33 AM
4

Thanks for reading. It's never far from my thoughts.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 02:14 AM
2

Yep! The Victorians could make anything erotic by making it verboten. hahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 01:59 AM
8

A library patron of mine sent me a package containing a suicide note, a few pictures of his daughter (estranged and divorced from the mother--living alone and friendless many states away), and Post Its with quotes and poem recommendations. He was 46. "Sent" isn't the right term. He dropped a large, stamped envelope addressed to me in the book drop and then drove off. I called the sheriff. They found him in his car. He had shot himself with a shotgun. (I didn't even know that was possible. I alwa…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 01:52 AM
1

Women have given those children up to orphanages or adoption. My father was raised by a single mom in just such a scenario. His father left when he was 5. She left the state when he was 12 to chase after her boss and left him with his brothers. It was a horribly abusive situation. One of my coworkers is in her 60s, and her husband was raised in orphanage. Dad left when the kid was little, so Mom dropped all 8 kids at the orphanage. Women have to be smarter than this. Women need to pick good prov…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 01:05 AM
15

I think men are angrier than women. Men also act out in more destructive ways than women--i.e., suicide, drunk driving, etc. (As some of you know, I am here because of a man's suicide. That's got me even clued into the pill-o-verse.) I think men experience a narrow range of emotions (namely rage, fear, and lust) but at an intensity that women generally don't experience. I think women have a wide range of complicated emotions, and that we have more peer support for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 12:57 AM
0

According to Victorian etiquette, I must silently and discretely count to 10 before sitting as to not feel someone else's heat on my nether regions. Hahahah
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 12:40 AM
1

Well, I will be unemployed after Sunday (military move). I will have a lot of free time on my hands in about two weeks until forever.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 12:33 AM
1

Admiral James Bond Stockdale He kept the Hinoi Hilton POW camp from degenerating into Andersonville. He led 200 POWs from his cell in solitary confinement using a wall tap communication technique. He refused to cooperate with the enemy in the 7-1/2 years of captivity (and torture) and even resorted to smashing his face in with a chair so that they could not use him in propaganda films. His book, Thoughts of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot, started my love affair with Epictetus. This is a book that…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/16 12:31 AM
4

Oooooohhhh, I like the covenant marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 10:59 PM
4

I would change marriage. You only get one marriage (tax and insurance benefits). You mess that up? Too bad. You can get married again in the eyes of your church but not the state.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 10:55 PM
11

If you have PIV sex, you are rolling the dice on pregnancy. Anyone who is having sex needs to have a plan for if and when pregnancy happens. This is another reason why I think casual sex is a terrible idea. Do you really want that chick from the bar to be your baby mama? Do you think she will make good choices and sacrifice her own needs for that of the child?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 01:45 PM
12

Abortion is a good choice. If it's too late for abortion, then adoption is a good choice. (Women who get pregnant in these circumstances sometimes wait way too long to come to terms with their reality.) Historically, women were pressured by their families into adoption. They did not have the financial support of the state or "the dad" or their own parents. Adoption was seen as the only solution. Nowadays, when a women gets pregnant and decides not to abort, she has more options. What I see time …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 01:16 PM
14

It would be nice if our culture looked on adoption as a noble choice. We ought to praise these women the way we do single mothers. It must be an unspeakably hard choice to make but a noble one.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 12:52 PM
7

Adoption is a fine choice. I have friends who have adopted children. It is a long process. My mother gave up a kid for adoption in high school. It was definitely the best choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 12:31 PM
5

I think you're one astute monkey. Financial stress is making everyone a little nutty. On the one hand, you have the "enjoy the decline" crowd; on the other hand, you have the end of days stockpilers....and then you have a bunch of people sort of mindlessly going about their lives, paying for shit on credit cards, driving cars that the bank owns to jobs that help them pay minimum payments on loans...and at the end of the day, they get to drive to a home that belongs to the bank and sit on rented …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 01:55 AM
4

Americans are swimming in debt. It's pretty terrible. Financial problems are the root of so many marital problems--all that stress, all that bickering.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 01:19 AM
9

I tried to keep score--who did what and paid for what, etc. We were both miserable. I had to let go of this idea of fairness. It was painfully clear to me when I was pregnant and had a baby that there is no "fairness." My husband was dealing with a bunch of crap in Iraq, and I was dealing with a bunch of stuff at home with a newborn and a serious case of postpartum depression. We're different, and we have different roles. He is the guide. His career moves us--hell, I'm moving next week across co…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/16 12:32 AM
1

For an LTR? Give me a man who has read a lot of books for his own pleasure rather than for a degree. This is the gentleman who always finds something interesting to talk about.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 03:46 AM
1

But I'd probably gouge my eyes out if I were to try to have a serious conversation with someone from a trade school for more than twenty minutes. Easy there, Oedipus. Most people are interesting to listen to, even people from trade schools.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 03:35 AM
1

Are you dissing trade schools? Those places actually teach skills. I respect that as a choice. Yeah, academic degrees are a dime a dozen. Everyone has a BA. You can't enter the white collar workplace without it. And the master's degree? Not very impressive either. In the US, you have a glut of people with degrees. The economy sucks, so many people have gone back to school on easy-to-obtain loans. Schools are lapping up these funds and cranking out programs. Now everyone has a degree, which means…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 03:19 AM
2

Oh dear. It hit my Facebook feed. A few of my feminist friends are all bent out of shape by this. When I read crap like this on Facebook, I think, Good Lord, woman, chill out.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 02:51 AM
3

They don't love assholes but they sure do love to fuck them. Given the number of threads in PPD devoted to anal sex, it seems the antecedent of "they" should be "men."
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 01:28 AM
6

Other news agencies were able to discern the gist of the CDC press release: Women who aren't on birth control shouldn't drink alcohol, CDC says Kind of a no brainer...those first weeks of pregnancy are critical for fetal development, and you don't even know that you're pregnant. Also, all fertile women need to take folic acid supplements (if not getting enough through their diets).
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 01:09 AM
2

So education is the requirement for "quality women?" Degrees are a dime a dozen. This is a low bar for "quality woman." My MLIS does not make me a quality woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/16 12:42 AM
5

Based on her post, "high quality" is a direct result of an Ivy League education. Extra hotness points assigned for graduate degrees.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/16 11:53 PM
1

Men who feel this way are very clear about this. Women are the ones who think, "He'll feel differently once he falls in love with me." You get what you get. We have to choose wisely--based on what they say and do and not on wishful thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 10:51 PM
2

A woman who strong arms her man into marriage is a fool. Marriage is tough. It's a lot of work. This is not one of "love conquers all" things. A woman who wants marriage should only date men who are interested in marriage (maybe not now, but eventually).
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 09:52 PM
3

I know, right? Hahaha (Disclaimer: Actual results may vary.)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 09:27 PM
5

Go to MRP and ask those guys if they'd get married again. Go to TRP and take a poll. Ask divorced guys who would be willing to get married ever again. I know a lot of divorced guys (coworkers of husband) who have live-in LTRs but who have said that they are never getting married again. Personally, this would be unacceptable to me in a relationship. If my LTR was anti-marriage, then I'd have to tell myself to move on. Why lament? Why rail against the universe? The dude isn't interested. Move on. …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 09:03 PM
4

Men are bigger, stronger, and tougher than women. That's why they outperform women in combat roles. Women aren't even passing SOI--all 29 hard chargers who tried last spring failed The warrior caste is for men because they are the ones with the physics prowess. Women have been in supporting roles for decades. (My MIL was an officer). But Suzy Schmuckitelly cannot run through heavy fire while carrying my husband. There might be a few women out there, some beefy Olympians, but the vast majority lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 08:42 PM
5

Ah, give them time. They'll improve.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 08:25 PM
5

No, they're average. They're just average 18 year-old dudes. They're not what you'd date, but that doesn't make them below average. And don't worry. After 3 months of PT and being yelled at all day, they'll be much more attractive. Example
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 08:23 PM
1

Set boundaries. You aren't going to change her or her view of him. When she starts in, say, "We are not talking about this." Change the subject. You have been feeding this drama with all your tears and phone calls. Love your mom. She is your mom, and you are an adult. You don't need her permission. Similarly, don't ask for an apology either. Do not engage this topic at all. It is off limits. You have trained her to argue with you. It will take a while for her to get out of the habit of bringing …
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/16 05:45 PM
2

HahahahHahahahah I will never look at poolees the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 03:43 PM
10

These poolees look very average. (18-19 year olds) (A poolee is someone who has signed their paperwork but hasn't gone through boot camp yet.)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/16 03:09 PM
10

Yeah, this reminds me an old joke, Q: "What do you call people who use the pull out method?" A: "Parents" My bigger concern here is that this guy thinks this is a good plan. Red flag. If he posted this to TRP, he'd face a good deal of flak for this poor judgment.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/16 11:55 PM
3

Completely agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 11:38 PM
18

I'm just a little scared of how it'll will affect my body. Keep up with this "method," and you may find yourself pregnant. Any method is less traumatizing than an unwanted, unexpected pregnancy.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/16 09:23 PM
2

Flylady.com helped me get organized when I had a baby 10 years ago. I love her advice for tidying up.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/16 08:40 PM
3

I think perhaps being married to a harpy is far worse than being divorced from a harpy! At least on that we might agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 06:08 PM
13

I enjoy marriage. I could argue that you aren't doing marriage correctly if it's painful. I wouldn't argue that though. I would say that marriage is for the few. If you're not 100% on board, then marriage is a terrible idea. Same for sex acts. Both parties need to be enthusiastic about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 05:57 PM
14

Yeah, the women here aren't saying, "Anal was so fun and pleasurable that I never want to do it again." They tried those things and decided never again. Same for the threesome. This is a death knell for many relationships. A wise person (man or woman) knows what he is about and lives according to those values. Some of those values are shaped by bad choices made in the past. If a man wants anal, he should find a partner who likes it. There is nothing more foolish than trying to change another per…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 05:52 PM
11

They both hurt like hell when done badly, so I think it holds.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 05:46 PM
5

There isn't an AMALT in the sense of women running around screaming, "AMALT." But there are traits that men possess. Here's an example. If a beautiful woman walks by, a man turns and looks at her, often without thinking about it. A male unicorn would be blind to beautiful women; he finds only his true love beautiful. Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 05:36 PM
25

Flowers, candy, and poems is not an equivalent. Try this instead. "But you married your ex-wife and had kids with her. If you loved me, you would marry me and have kids with me." Many a RP man has vowed never to get married or re-married. If he had been married before, he will face this with his new honey at some point. Does he love her less than his ex-wife, Chadina? Probably not. He's just decided that marriage isn't for him. Similarly, she has decided that those sex acts aren't for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 04:57 PM
2

A unicorn is a woman who exists outside of AWALT. (She has not an ounce of hypergamy nor does she shit test or do any those other things.) The male counterpart would be a man who exists outside of AMALT.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 04:35 PM
2

My contention is that they aren't settling for anything. They are happy right now with their choices. We can't see inside their relationship. They may have a tacit agreement that he can fuck whomever he wants. Or if it's completely monogamous, it's completely monogamous for now. These guys can trade up any time they want--they know it, and their women know it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 01:48 AM
5

Do you think that these relationships represent marriage? Do you think these relationships are two people forsaking all others until death do us part? Marriage, to this celebrity caste, seems to be an advanced form of dating rather than a lifelong commitment. These are hardly the people I would look to as exemplary figures in this regard.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 01:38 AM
6

Better question: how many of these relationships will be around in twenty years? Granted, I'm just a casual observer, but I have a hunch that these relationships have 5 years tops. Celebrities are shitty LTR material.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/16 01:25 AM
2

How is that possible? Do I not have free will, agency, and choice?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/16 10:32 PM
2

Oppressed? By whom?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/16 09:56 PM
2

Is very social and frequently attends parties? No thanks. I prefer a surly curmudgeon.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/16 12:34 PM
3

Seriously, try it. Instead of rushing into the restaurant late, "I'm sorry I'm so late. Traffic was awful blah blah blah." Try "Thank you for waiting. I've been looking forward to this dinner with you all week." Try it. Totally different vibe. Really interesting results. I work in a public library, and I am the head librarian. When something goes sideways and I want to speak with the manager lady rolls in, they call for me. I've been trying the gratitude approach and find it is disarming and bri…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/16 05:29 PM
2

Really? Fired if you don't stroke their ego enough? That's weird. We generally fire people for gross incompetence--and even that is hard to accomplish. Lots of documentation and paperwork. (It's a bit easier to fire for something like theft though.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/16 05:17 PM
5

Someone posted this cartoon in RPW. I've already put "thank you" in practice and have noticed it is a lot more effective (and kind) than "I'm sorry."
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/16 01:54 PM
17

No way. I own up to my mistakes--and quickly. Owning my shit also build goodwill. My staff at work knows that they can trust me. When they mistakes, they roger up quickly, which is important in fixing the mistakes. They don't think of me as the asshole who doesn't take responsibility for her actions (we have a few of those at work); those assholes cause the fear and paranoia because they spend their time deflecting and assigning blame. If they are in positions of power, they create a workplace c…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/16 01:41 PM
1

I'm not sure why you're being downvoted. I upvoted you out of GP. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/16 01:28 AM
4

I've changed my view. I was fairly anti-red pill when I started.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/16 09:58 PM
1

I dunno. At work, I see a lot of "strong, independent" types shoehorning their substantial girth into tights and midriffs. They don't seem insecure at all. They don't seem to mind that everyone can see the cheetah pattern on their underwear through their tights. They seem pretty comfortable with themselves in the world. Me on the other hand? If my skirt is above my knees, I feel naked. I just feel more comfortable in modest clothes, especially at work or around the Marine Corps base. I don't wan…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/16 05:00 PM
11

Most of life is endless discussions with no outcome. The outcome is in our own selves--greater empathy, more understanding, etc. Whether you experience those things or not is dependent on how you approach people with different (even offensive, repulsive) ideas. "Dumb-bells are not useless; but they are useless to some, but useful to others." -Epictetus, The Discourses (I came across this the other night and laughed to myself. "Do you even lift, bro?" Poor Epictetus always skipped leg day.)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/16 04:21 PM
4

Well, no one wins an argument. You will never win someone over to your point of view by arguing them down. Dale Carnegie 101. Also, don't forget that this sub has tons of new people all the time. They might not be as vocal or noticeable as the old folks, but these ideas are all new to them. This is a place for them to hash them out (or to read others hash them out).
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/16 04:07 PM
25

Failed? As long as there are people posting and commenting from different points of view, then this sub is working. There very few places like this. I think this place is doing a great job of allowing a wide range of views to be expressed.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/16 01:54 PM
5

I'd be interested to hear how many women here are personally against cohabitating instead of or before marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/16 12:54 AM
2

As long as people are buying, there will be a market for hard cover books. Even with e-book enthusiasts, they often read a mix of ebooks and print media.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/16 07:34 PM
1

Think of the children!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/16 07:16 PM
1

Literature has an ameliorative effect.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/16 07:09 PM
2

Wine helps.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/16 06:55 PM
4

Who do you think lends out those ebooks? Our digital collections are booming. On the other hand, people keep giving Grandma their hand-me-down first generation Kindles because people are assholes! Give Grandma an app-enabled device, you cheap motherfuckers! Okay, sorry, I spend a lot of time doing Grandma Tech Support at work! Hahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/16 06:50 PM
15

I work in a library. People are always trying to get books off the shelf. Some of the pressure comes from our own staff. Touchy book topics: --gay penguins (kid book) --Holocaust denial books --evolution (for and against) Most of the challenges come from fiction though--Captain Underpants, Harry Potter, etc. Here's a list of the 100 most frequently challenged books in 2000-2009 As a taxpayer... is usually the beginning of an unhappy conversation at the circ desk. Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/16 06:39 PM
6

Hurt Feelings Report I would love to see an RPW-specific form like this! Hahaha
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/16 05:26 PM
2

Life is full of people who will get under your skin. They are at every school, every workplace, every family reunion. This is an opportunity to develop some resilience and perseverance. :-) "Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil an…
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/16 12:57 PM
2

It was like your own r/wtf when you were a kid! There's something fascinating about paintings like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 07:50 PM
5

Not if there's not a flared base--because then you end up in the ER explaining to the docs why your hindquarters are vibrating.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 05:36 PM
3

That's just sad. :-(
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 05:32 PM
2

Hahahahaha Sweet dreams, Little One...don't let the bedbugs bite!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 05:30 PM
5

Eh, em, that's what Mr. Cats and I call our, um, supplies.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 04:52 PM
2

This whole post reminds me of Saturn eating his children....mmmmm, delicious children... Here's shirtless Saturn with a nice, sporty physique.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 04:46 PM
2

Thank you! That is a lovely compliment :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/16 12:04 AM
1

Sure, you can control what you can control. But at a certain point, you are not in control. People who clutch and squeeze and grasp to hang on to control are often very out of control (i.e., all aboard the hot mess express).
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 11:39 PM
1

Ha hahahahaha I'm not mentoring material.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 11:37 PM
11

It's the illusion of control. We really are not in control of very much. Think about driving. You can control how fast you go and how you steer, but you have no control over other drivers. Those lane lines are not magical. The only thing that keeps someone from crossing a double yellow line from opposing traffic into your lane is the other driver's choice (that, or a concrete barrier). Think about reputation. You can control your own behavior, but you cannot control what others will think of you…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 08:55 PM
1

Yeah, the military pays for insurance for dependents. Cost me $0 to have a baby. Unreal. Honestly, at this point, he is ready to get out, but those benefits are too damn good--plus, in a few years, he can retire and have all that goes with it (pay, benefits, etc).
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 08:43 PM
1

How about health insurance? Do you pay monthly for that? I think insurance costs and health care costs are prohibitively expensive. Many of my civilian friends are struggling with this. Part of our family's financial solvency comes from not having to shell out for insurance or deductibles. Even prescription coverage is so much better.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 07:56 PM
2

That's cool. As long as your savings is growing (and not your debt), then you're going in the right direction. That metro pass is saving you quite a bit in car payment, gas, maintenance, and insurance. Your food seems low, but if you're eating out and taking from that part of the budget that makes sense. A few years ago, I did budget counseling for military families with a non-profit organization. I was blown away by how much families were dumping into their cars--$500 car payments (!?), insuran…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 07:43 PM
4

Okay, I'll try to answer this one. I was a stay-at-home mom for a while. I currently work, but that will change with our upcoming military move. We have always based our budget on just his income. If we became dual-income dependent, we'd be screwed because we move a lot, and finding work in my field can be challenging. Regardless of our work situations, we have used this formula, applying only his income: We keep our fixed expenses (rent, monthly payments, etc) at 50% or less of our income. We p…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 07:28 PM
1

Gotcha.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 07:13 PM
4

Escape plan? Like an escape from the work force or escape from the marriage?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 07:08 PM
1

One cat was a total submissive when moved out here four years ago. We would put on "the blue harness of shame" (his leash), and he sort of resigned himself to the car. The leash is necessary for when the cat decides to go exploring in the cabin of a car that is traveling at 70 mph. We would "walk the cat" at rest stops. He did not enjoy it. But he did bond with his captor (my husband) during the move. My husband is so that cat's alpha. This time, we have another cat in the mix. This one is a bit…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 05:27 PM
5

That's how marriage works. You pick 'em; you keep 'em for life. This is why I think people--men and women--need be a lot more rational about mate selection. Since we all seem to turn into a pile of retards during those hot and heavy early days of dating, I think it's wise to have a long courtship (at least a year or two) before getting married. You know that I am a big advocate of marriage, but I think it people rush into this shit willy nilly. People spend more time and care in selecting a home…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 05:18 PM
1

Thanks for posting. This is exactly my sentiment.
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/16 05:04 PM
8

Yes! Exactly! When I suggested to a poster that her boyfriend is not captain material, holy crap, the women rally. That's not what she asked advice for blah blah blah Our hamsters work overtime in trying to justify Mr. Loser: he has so much potential. Get a group of women together--being "supportive"--and it looks like this.
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/16 05:03 PM
4

Thanks, Pem, for saving me the words to express this exact sentiment. Well said.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 04:50 PM
13

I have noticed that men, in general, hold darker, more apocalyptic views of the near future. Regardless of political or religious belief system they hold as true, they seem to think that the world is on the brink of evil and disorder. (This is not all men, of course, but many.)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 04:46 PM
4

Googler, Derailer, Anecdoter Some of those other ones are emotionally keyed up. I'm more interested in exploring ideas than proving that a stranger on the Internet is wrong (according to my little world view). I think they left out my least favorite commenter, The Sarcasmer. This is the guy/gal who doesn't really add anything to the discussion, doesn't add anything at all but a sarcastic statement followed by the sarcasm tag. Wait, no, scratch that. My least favorite is The Silent Downvoter. Thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 09:35 AM
2

a ten minute conversation with anyone who is not already a friend is not enjoyable I'm with you on this! Even with my closest, dearest friends, I find that I expire after an hour on hanging out. I am around lots of people all day at work. I love helping people and working in a busy environment, but the downside as that when I'm off, I require quiet and people-less-ness. Dating, especially online dating, sounds terrible. I never clicked with strangers--going from 0 to dating. All my dates were wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 09:06 AM
1

Ugh, no snow. It snowed in nearby areas, but here it rained at 33 degrees F. Then it dried, and the temperature then dropped to the 20s. We usually don't get snow (or much when it does). For the last few years, we have gotten ice storms. The whole world is slippery when that happens and everything shuts down! I'm moving in 3 months to the other coast (cross country driving with cats and family). It'll be year-round temperate living from now on :-). I'm from the west coast, so I'm looking forward…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/16 08:41 AM
3

When people argue back and forth like that, they both walk away more firmly routed in their beliefs than they were before.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 10:25 PM
3

How effective do you find that strategy? Do people stop being assholes because of it? I prefer a kill 'em with kindness approach. I find it is very disarming.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 09:29 PM
3

How is being disrespectful to someone a way to show them that being disrespectful is wrong? You don't have to be a doormat. You can be respectful and disagree with someone else. You can also be respectful even if the other person chooses to be disrespectful. That is your power--your own choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 09:10 PM
3

Really? Penalties for not voting? How odd to force the people to vote. If democracy is the will of the people, then it should be also expressed by a willful abstention in voting. Forces voting reminds me of totalitarian regimes where you have to vote, and there is only one candidate. Hhahaha Happy drinking day! I'm freezing my butt off in the States and at work on a Sunday. Let's trade! (Or just go out for hotdogs)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 04:59 PM
4

Beware of slurs. They say a lot more about the speaker than the intended target.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 04:52 PM
2

What an expensive way to live. Imagine you are an American 18 year-old freshman. If you take out student loans, which is how most American undergrads pay for school, you will be paying for those parties well into your 40s. If that's what your weekends look like (and Daddy isn't paying your expenses), then several things may be going on: You are in a shit major. Congratulations, your degree is garbage. It might be interesting to you, but it doesn't make you competitive in the American marketplace…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 03:51 PM
9

Rectal epithelial tissue is pretty fragile. Even with copious lube, anal sex can be painful--before and after--for many people. If this weren't the case, women would be having lots and lots of anal sex. A few of my friends (women) genuinely enjoy anal sex. Most, however, are not interested. Different strokes for different folks! :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 02:25 AM
6

Getting fucked in the ass is the ultimate act of submission. I thought that was going to the in-laws house for your vacation. (Well, that, and being roped into one of those portrait photo shoots where you both wear matching clothes.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 01:54 AM
12

As a woman, (hahaha, sorry, couldn't resist), I have a different perspective. It might have to do with the pain and discomfort--some of which may last hours or days after the encounter, especially if it aggravates a latent condition like an internal hemorrhoid. One anal fissure (even one unrelated to anal sex) is enough to put off anyone from butt stuff for a long time. When she tries it, she may think, "What the heck? Why not?" Then she experiences it and decides, "Well, no thanks. That sucks. …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 01:24 AM
3

Ben, what is this obsession with male models? I have lived in big, glamorous cities and have had one interaction with an actual male model--ever. (He was a homosexual German guy who lived in my building and had a harem of man plates.) The world is not crawling with male models. They are not your competition. (This would be like me complaining that I am competing with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. It's not reality.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/16 01:00 AM
7

This is what I mean. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 10:56 PM
14

But that's not the reason why TRP men flip their shit. They view it as a sign of disrespect, a sign that she views you as inferior (to her old boyfriends) if she won't do something with you that she did with someone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 09:17 PM
12

I'm curious to see how women would react if they wanted to try it on their men, and the men said that they had tried it in the past with another woman and didn't like it. (I have a sneaky hunch that most women would be cool with that.) Contrast that to the reaction we hear from TRP men when a woman tells her man that she has tried it but didn't like it and doesn't want to do it again.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 08:10 PM
5

It's not about being satisfied or unsatisfied. I can spend my days wailing and gnashing my teeth about things that are beyond my control, or I can choose to live according to my values the best way I can in a given situation. I can only control what is within my control. This is why I don't spool up about politics for instance. It literally doesn't matter who I vote for as President. The state I live in always votes for a particular kind of candidate. My vote (yes, I will vote) is basically garb…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 07:39 PM
6

I'd do my best within the framework. I wouldn't be a revolutionary or anything. I'd focus on what is within my control, and I'd let go of trying to change "society."
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 07:23 PM
3

Personal attacks are lame. I like your posts and think they are very relevant. I also think that perception v reality is a big factor for women, too. We view neutral things as threats--mainly because we are small and weak! (Hence the "creepy" guy thing or the nervous in public around some guy). It's not necessarily mental illness but related to interacting with strangers in public.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 05:01 PM
6

That's an interesting view. I have read comments that suggest this sub too red.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 12:13 PM
1

It's hard to find a good study. The Motley Fool is respected source in the field, and the methodology they describe looks straightforward: http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2015/01/18/the-average-american-has-this-much-debt-how-do-you.aspx Nerd Wallet estimates the average to be much higher, over $15,000. A lot of news outlets picked up that figure and reported and cited them. It might be accurate, but I didn't check out their methodology. http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit-card-data/aver…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 12:06 PM
3

Oh, I just doubled-checked the name in the article. Gregory Elliot. Hahahaha that makes more sense. (My brain is only semi-functioning today)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 12:22 AM
3

George Eliot? Didn't she write Middlemarch in the 19th century?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/16 12:14 AM
7

Is it illegal? I know it's unethical, but are there laws against doxxing?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 11:57 PM
13

This sounds like a case of perception versus reality. When we view the world through anxious goggles, we risk personalizing everything. It's a touch of hyper-vigilance and paranoia. (I've been there myself.) It's hard sometimes to be objective about a situation when you are in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 11:55 PM
18

This is an interesting topic. You got me poking around the Internet for more information about this issue. I stumbled on this New York Times article. It talks about the relationship between financial savings and marriage. That is, married couples tend to have more savings and better financial outlooks than single people. Part of it is just correlative--college educated, middle class people marry at a rate greater than their lesser educated, poorer counterparts. But part of it is that married peo…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 07:53 PM
7

"Date night" as a thing is her idea. Wine and dine me! Entertain me! Put me in the mood! If he wanted to go out and do that stuff, he probably would have initiated already, especially if they have a captain/first mate dynamic. He would have led the charge if that's something he was interested in. He perhaps like those things, like we all do, but right now, in this season of his life, he might appreciate a mellower down time activity. After working all day and spending family with the kids (OP de…
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/16 02:53 PM
2

That sounds lovely :-)
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/16 01:51 PM
4

Our rule was always an early bedtime for our daughter. This was partly for her health and partly for our marriage. Even now at the age of 10, she has a bedtime of 8:30 pm. Parents need a time to hang up those parent roles and to be husband and wife. My biggest advice to new parents is to carve out that daily time for yourselves. I see people whose kids are up and running around at all hours (10 pm or later!). This doesn't give the parents any down time together. (Plus, kids need structure.)
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/16 04:47 AM
6

>20 yeas of bad sex. :-( Wait, what? Hahahaha. This is like someone telling you that you haven't really had good sex (PIV) if you enjoy oral so much. Everyone is different and has different tastes --food, sex, music, whatever. It's cool that you like something so much. Good on you. That doesn't take away from the pleasure I get from what I like. :-) Different strokes for different folks.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 04:06 AM
4

I've been sexually active for over 20 years. I know what I'm about. Hahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 03:50 AM
3

Totally! Hahahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 03:12 AM
5

yawn The media also asserts that men are total morons who, when left alone with their own babies, will fuck up on epic proportions. You and I know better :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 01:44 AM
5

Men assume that oral sex for women must feel the same as oral sex for men. If that were so, women would all be enthusiastic about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 01:01 AM
7

Meh. Oral sex is boring. Pretty much everything else is better. (Yes, I've had "good" oral sex. I've had sex with women for crying out loud! Hahaha) It just doesn't rock my world. The physical sensation of oral sex isn't my thing. It's okay Psychologically, I like it more when he is involved in the sexual pleasure. That's a HUGE turn on.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/16 12:27 AM
21

Do you ever just sit down and have a glass of wine (or coffee or beer or scotch or whatever) and just sit in quiet with him? Just be still and peaceful. See what happens. If nothing "happens," then that's okay, too. Enjoy just sitting with him. Really, really savor him. (This is practicing gratitude.) You can be homebodies. It doesn't matter where or how you connect. Try listening. You'll be surprised what might happen. If you feel the urge to babble, bite your tongue. Let him enjoy his quiet. L…
/r/RedPillWomen22/01/16 12:19 AM
1

Marriage is worth the effort. All marriages have their seasons. Ours wasn't always as awesome as it is now. Around year 4 or 5, it got rough. My husband and I were cooking dinner and just talking about stuff. I was thinking about how that just that--the conversation and the wine and the cooking--is what makes marriage worth it. Nothing holds a candle to it. The captain has to steer the ship through the storm. You can't control the weather, but you can control adjust the rudder and the sails and …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 10:58 PM
1

I have very strong opinions of right and wrong (surprise, surprise, right?), but I apply that rigor on my life, not others. I drove past a church sign that said, "We are called to be witnesses, not judges or lawyers." This speaks to my heart. It was funny because it was on a Baptist church (our town has dozens and dozens of these), and they're not usually known for this sentiment. My dear friend gave me this quote from a Lutheran theologian who was executed in 1945: "Nothing that we despise in o…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 05:23 PM
3

one of those old timey wooden labyrinth games Fantastic description I don't miss my woman-chasing days. Shit like this brings it all back.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 04:10 PM
5

I think some women don't take compliments from their SO's well because the compliments feel insincere, like a a token to the sex land. And some men sort of treat things as tokens to sex land. "Here, I brought you some flowers, I took out the trash," as though this offering will please the sex gods and unleash the female libido. It's not going to work. (This is a dog's approach. Women are cats.) A man cannot ignore his wife's sexual nature all day long and then at 10:30 pm after she's half-asleep…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 04:06 PM
9

I don't know what other women would find appealing, so I can only speak from my own experiences. Sex with some other guy doesn't sound appealing. My experience with lovers (both male and female) is that each one tries little tricks the he/she totally thought worked for all women. Well, women sexuality is not one size fits all. (It was always a bit annoying to be with a new lover when they got into this mode.) My husband and I have been been for fornicating with other for about 17 years (damn! I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 02:57 AM
1

I imagined you as Data from Star Trek saying this. You have a passion for theory and analysis. I hope you decide to become a researcher or writer (or both).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 02:16 AM
15

I don't claim to speak for all women, but I have read here that ONS aren't generally orgasm-inducing for women. Sure there's the adrenaline rush of adventure, of something exciting and new, of ego-gratifying validation, but for actual sexual pleasure? Probably not as much as a woman in that glorious honeymoon stage of a LTR. That's when she feels loved and safe and adventurous--it's sex all the time in the all the ways and orgasms and peace. It has--for me--a greater appeal than screwing some gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 02:08 AM
6

his personality cues are important Yes. Very much so. Men don't seem real or interesting when presented as just pictures. It's more like a cautious, "Okay, he seems okay, but I need more information." I need more cues to contextualize the image into personhood.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 02:02 AM
15

You also left out that some of us women do not value casual sex because it is not as pleasurable--physically or emotionally. This is a really tricky thing for men to come to grips with because they can't imagine sex with a moderately attractive female as being unsatisfying.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 01:56 AM
8

Women attempt to do this all the time. Misery abounds.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 12:34 AM
3

Interesting. I'm wondering what about RP is getting under your skin. That's probably an interesting place for you start reflecting on. By the way, if you're touristing over at TRP, stop it. It's meant for a male audience. It can get under your skin and ramp your anxiety. If you want to explore RP ideas, I recommend r/PurplePillDebate. You get the benefit of Devil's Advocate for the ideas presented. Full disclosure about me: My husband is no-pill, but RPW works for me.
/r/RedPillWomen21/01/16 12:18 AM
4

Hahaha there's always Brittany Murphy's character in Clueless: "You're a virgin who can't drive." Hahah total bitch mode enabled!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/16 12:07 AM
6

That is fantastic advice. Isn't it interesting that often what we find in the other as endearing in the beginning will drives us insane later?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/16 11:55 PM
5

Then he works on improving his own SMV.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/16 11:46 PM
10

Women say this to hamster away their poor mate selection. "I know he dropped out of school and is living with his mom, but he has so much potential."
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/16 11:43 PM
15

I agree. "But he has so much potential!" I can't tell you how many times I've heard women say this. I can't imagine a man saying this--thank God.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/16 11:15 PM
12

Ah, the Henry Higgins strategy. It sounds like a way to make two people miserable. I think of Judy from Vertigo (great movie with Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak) being miserably transformed into Madeleine, the dead lover. It doesn't seem to be nice thing to do another person. People are what they are. They aren't renovation projects.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/16 11:12 PM
1

Is he red pill or red pill aware? How did you come to learn of RP theory?
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/16 10:18 PM
3

I re-read your post and the comments here, and I was reminded of a phrase from Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Seek first to understand, then be understood. Don't mistake talking for listening. How many times have we all done that? Yikes. (Thinking of that "big talk" you had with him that you described in your post.) We shouldn't train our men to tune us out or to dislike talking to us. When we do these kinds of things though, that's exactly what we're accomplishing. We leave…
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/16 07:21 PM
5

It sounds like you are deeply afraid of being abandoned. You idealize your partner in one moment but when the spark is gone (that's normal), you panic because he might not be The One. All of this anxiety spews out in clinginess and endless comfort and shit tests. You push him away, so he can't reject you. Then you panic and cling. The first mistake was accelerating the pace of your relationship. You can't make the flowers grow faster. I suspect you were so comforted by this man and this relation…
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/16 11:17 AM
1

Pretty much but you need more acronyms. You get 5 bonus points for the words "solipsism" or "Schopenhauer."
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/16 02:53 AM
1

Well, this subreddit is like the neighborhood dive bar. We all pretty much know each what to expect from particular users. We all keep talking about the same bullshit from day to day like old men arguing politics. You're just some schmuck coming though our one horse town. I'm pretty sure you're screwed, and you'll be here forever now. Since you've been here for about 24 hours, I say your chances of escape are about 17%.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/16 12:09 AM
1

How old are you? We older redditors use this as a diversion from our tedious routines of adulting.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 09:24 PM
2

ACALT
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 08:18 PM
2

going for the opposite vibe Here's an idea. What if you and your vibe is creating an equal and opposite (of you) RP guy somewhere in the universe. Like Athena from Zeus' head, your Opposite Man would be born of your thoughts and desires--but opposite. If that is true, somewhere there is an angry man throwing stones at cats and setting fires in library book drops.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 07:21 PM
1

You are looking at sex through a male lens. Women need more than just physical stimulation of the sex organs.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 04:13 PM
6

You made him your beta orbiter. That's very unkind.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/16 04:04 PM
47

Next. Men are "off-the-shelf," not customizable to your personal specifications. Your job is to choose wisely. :-)
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/16 04:02 PM
2

Run! Flee! This is the Hotel California where you can check in any time, but you can never leave. We are the land of lotus eaters. us Or stay and pop gender pills with us.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 02:38 PM
6

Male disposability is a cop-out. I watched Karen S.'s video. Her examples include a sinking ship and a burning building. Have you ever been in either of those scenarios? I'm pretty sure the fireman would grab whomever needs help. And her example of the man in front of the house with a riffle with the woman inside with the kids? That's an individual choice. If it were my MIL, she's be outside with the gun. If it were my husband, he'd choose to go. Why? Well, I asked him just that. His answer: "Me…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 02:25 PM
2

Thanks for the compliment! It goes great with my morning coffee. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 01:52 PM
2

Thank you. :-)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 01:51 PM
5

I'm sorry, but this is a classic case of projection. It has been well-established that dogs drool excessively, and dogs rule absolutely nothing. Dogs love to be ruled. Natural betas. Cats are totalitarian overlords. Cats rule everything. Natural alphas.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 01:50 PM
3

That was very interesting to read. Bizarre. You have a sentence with 85 words. This pressurized speech style is hard to digest in one go. Very emotional. I like that. Lots of good imagery and allusions to things historical and literary. Very good. Very passionate. I like that. It reminds me of angry RP guys. "Nothing that we despise in other men is inherently absent from ourselves. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don't do, and more in light of what they suffer…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 01:30 PM
11

Men are not disposable. Watch out for that line of thinking. It leads to dark places. Are some lives more valuable than others? Now that's an interesting question. Think of your scenario. Now this time, it's a parent and a child, and only one gets to live. I choose my daughter over myself, without hesitation, without regret. Why? Is it because I am hero? No. It is because my daughter's life is more valuable to me than my own. Now place another 10 year-old girl in her place, and see how I answer.…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/16 03:20 AM
6

Don't worry, Butterfly. You and I can founding members of The Boring and Basic Girls With No Individuality Club.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/16 10:00 PM
3

Okay. Maybe they just like doing weird crap like that. I don't understand why people like Pinterest, but more power to 'em.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/16 09:57 PM
6

That would be me. I haven't worn makeup in weeks. I'm a boring basic girl with no individuality. Hahahah
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/16 09:53 PM
8

Yeah, I'd feel so bad for the other person. Sorry, you have to have sex with me for money. :-(
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/16 07:58 PM
18

No EDIT: reason? Because I require that "being desired" feeling. That's more important than just raw aesthetics.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/16 05:41 PM
2

Women are like deer. They travel in groups and are easily startled. It is nothing personal against you. It just takes some skill to master the approach.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/16 02:44 PM
2

Me too
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/16 11:40 PM
7

find it difficult to hold themselves back Then they don't need affirmative action or other protections.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/16 11:39 PM
4

I disagree. I love my husband even when he drives me nuts. Love is a daily choice. I wouldn't want to spend 50+ years with anyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/16 06:21 PM
1

I've been married for 14 years. My husband is non-pill. He thinks everyone has it wrong. Hahahaha.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/16 03:59 AM
2

She's pretty but looks her age. It was hard to process at first. The last time I had seen her was when she was 16. Overlaying that image onto the current image was a trip. I'm just ticked pink that she looks happy. She is definitely post wall though (teenage kid, too). Everyone from high school looks so damn old now. Hahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 04:13 PM
2

I think RP is an attempt to describe reality as it is (as they see it) and to create ways to be successful within a world where the deck is stacked against you. Whether this is "actual reality" or not is not for me to say. I'm not a heterosexual man. They face different challenges than you or I face. They will never truly understand us nor we them. Honestly, I like this place better than r/philosophy, r/criticaltheory, and the like because it's just ordinary Joes and Janes talking about ideas. T…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 04:07 PM
3

Yes, men are cool, and I am a misogynist shitlord! But can you blame me? Hahaha I mean if you could make yourself gay, you'd find yourself liberated from a lot of female bullshit. Hahahaha My friend? Yes she was/is straight. I was intensely in love with her during high school. I sort of drove her off with my intensity. She friended me on Facebook a few months ago. I hadn't seen her in 20 years! Hahaha. No more intense feelings but it's nice to know that I didn't creep her out for life :-). Hahah…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 02:09 PM
2

Hahaha welcome to the pills. If you stay, you will find more of the same until the end of time. No one changes anyone else's mind around here, and that's okay. At the end of the day, you get to sort of see how other people view the world. And you may even empathize (though not necessarily agree with) repugnant points of view. The empathy factor is key. Instead of trying to fight against an idea (say the "woman are teenagers" idea), I climb inside that idea for while. I really, really try to unde…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 01:27 PM
2

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I was in the femme/femme category.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 01:01 PM
3

I guess the term is bisexual. I came out as a lesbian when I was a senior in high school. I had an intense beta orbiter-ship (where I was the orbiter) with a wonderful girl. When my husband and I started dating when I was 21, we confused the hell out of my dad. "So, is he a friend who is a boy or a boyfriend?" Sorry, Dad! To be honest, if Mr. Cats left me, I would probably steer clear of women. Men are so much more straightforward and "easy." (I can't think of another word--not difficult, not co…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 01:00 PM
1

You are too sweet :-)
/r/RedPillWomen15/01/16 12:46 PM
6

Welcome to the pill popping side of Reddit. Go now or you will be stuck here forever. Branch swinging is when a girl leaves her current partner for her new partner. I think some women just hate to be alone and "want to make to work," so they stay and stay and hello, there, Ms. Perfect... Hypergamy means loosely that urge to find the best partner (to upgrade). She might like her current partner a lot, but then comes along Ms. Perfect... It's like one eye is on you, and the other eye is scoping th…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 02:06 AM
6

I'm not sure what I am. I am ruminating on it. :-) About traits that are captain-worthy...I'm glad you noticed! We women have a limited time to marry if we want to have children. Women fall in love with all sorts of men, some of whom are fantastic boyfriends. But the reality is that not all boyfriends make good husbands or captain material. Important questions to ask one's self about the potential captain: --Does this man have a plan? Is he making progress towards his plan? --Is this person futu…
/r/RedPillWomen15/01/16 01:58 AM
5

I think a lot of what RP says about woman-nature rings true in lesbian relationships, especially branch swinging, hypergamy, and comfort tests. That's all there (times a thousand). The need for a dominant partner isn't there as much. A lot of outsiders assume that it's a butch/femme (Dom/sub) thing. It's not as cut and dry as that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 01:20 AM
11

Gay relationships can have a very different dynamic than heterosexual ones. Even the term "gay relationships" is somewhat misleading because male-male relationships/dating seems to have a very different vibe than female-female dating. When I was dating women and hanging with a lot of gay men and women (in San Francisco in the 1990s), I was always jealous of gay men. They didn't seem to be stuck with choosing partners from what I would describe as the Eeyore crowd (moody, dumpy, frumpy). Sure the…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/16 01:04 AM
5

What an interesting post. This adds the nuance that is missing in most discussions of RPW and relationship dynamics. This explains a lot about how and why relationships work or struggle. I would be interested to hear what people in r/PurplePillDebate would think of these ideas. It certainly has the potential elevate the discussion above the same usual 1950s housewife/abused woman/kink discussion. I particularly like is how it acknowledges that different power dynamics can work for different type…
/r/RedPillWomen15/01/16 12:54 AM
4

I'm also pissed at my tenant right now so I may just be on a red flag rampage. Hahahaha! Sorry to hear but I understand about the rampage part! I agree with you on the flags, too.
/r/RedPillWomen13/01/16 01:04 AM
1

Good point! Hahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/16 04:33 PM
3

Bad posture will make you invisible. It also will give you a lot of pain as you get old like me! My husband is 5'7'' but looks big and tall, and part of that is his posture and his eye contact. My MIL is a 4'10'' retired Marine Corps officer, but she intimidates the hell out of everyone because she has awesome posture and penetrating eye contact. I knew my husband before the Marine Corps, and he was Slouchy McSlouchpants. Seeing him a year and a half later with that awesome posture and all that …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/16 01:30 PM
4

"Those machine things?" Like T-1000s? Yeah, shitty posture looks bad on both men and women. I had slouchy posture for a long time until I started yoga and weight lifting (strengthening the back and abs). A man can have a masculine build (apparently I like built fat, according to a previous survey), but if he carries himself like dork, I won't be able to see beyond dork.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/16 03:30 AM
4

Oh, Ben, how short are you? You can't be that short!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/16 02:46 AM
2

You can buy a copy for $35.95! What a deal! http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019188691530060x I don't work at an academic library, so I can't get access. sniff, sniff I'm just a public library slob.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/16 01:24 AM
14

The study was a survey of 7,850 Indonesian women. I'm not suggesting that invalidates the results, but it does make me wonder if we're overlaying something that is culturally dependent (Indonesian) onto us (western folks).
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/16 12:08 AM
1

I am only giving you a RPW perspective. I'm not passive-aggressive. I'm aggressive-aggressive. When I say that it's okay for him to be how he is, I mean it. RP and RPW is not the only way to be. Hang out in Purple Pill Debate, and you will find a lot of chill, happy non-RP people. You are the one who is unhappy with him being the way he is. You're the one pushing, pushing, pushing him to live up to his potential, which is the opposite of what RPW is all about. You can do with that information wh…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 03:31 PM
5

I could be off base, but I'm sensing a covert contract here. I read the words "we always sleep together," and I have to wonder if, in your mind, this means he must reserve all his fun times for you. He might just be a party guy and you're convenient sex, or he might be very committed to you. I don't know because I'm not you. But trying to understand why you're upset over this has made me wonder if you feel like he's using you. Do you feel like he owes you something, say his evenings? Or you migh…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 03:14 PM
1

I need to be a kinder person at work. My nerves are frayed. I gave my notice (upcoming move), and I have no tolerance for any BS from staff members anymore. I have a bad case of workplace senioritis. I have three more weeks of work. I'm going to put myself in "time out" when I feel my crazy. (My forms of time out include things like shelving books.) I'm also going to remind myself that this is all going to be gone soon, and that I'll miss it all. I'm going to try to focus my energy on the patron…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 03:03 PM
3

Hahahah I'm picturing your kitten attacking the "flames"
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 02:50 PM
3

I want snow days or even ice storm days will do...we had them for the past two years, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. Send those cold winds to the South!
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 02:49 PM
4

I find myself wearing these fleece-lined tights to work and not wanting to take them off at home because they're warm and cozy. They're the first tights that I've ever worn that I don't want to just peel off myself after work. I just strip down to my slip (a simple black chemise), remove the bra (hate all bras--I have trigger points for pain throughout my neck and shoulders) and wear a cardigan. It's not too risqué or lingerie looking (I have a kid loading around the house), but it's comfy and v…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 02:47 PM
1

He's a guy who enjoys being taken care of by his parents (mom?) and likes the convenience of sex from the girlfriend whom his parents let move into his bedroom. He's living the good life. It's all the benefits of being an adult without any of the responsibility. Why would he want to change that? Let's be real: being an adult sucks. This way, he can coast through adulthood without having to worry about reaching his potential. He has no reason to want to change any of that, and that's cool, too. I…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 02:33 PM
2

Well, you probably want to figure that part out before you dump a shit ton of money into school. Getting a degree is important, don't get me wrong, but having a plan is even more important.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 02:26 PM
2

You're on the right track, but some of your terms too much opposites. An ear and a eye are not opposites, but each performs a different and important function. How about a nautical theme? A man is the rudder, and a woman is the sails. A ship without a rudder will be cast about wherever the wind blows. A ship without a sail goes nowhere. The rudder steers, the sail harnesses the energy of the wind (the emotional side). Women are more comfortable with chaos, and I think it's because they bend and …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 02:07 PM
3

As he is a shy guy, he needs some reassurance to proceed and that's why I'm here. That's not your job. He isn't interested in living up to his potential. He is happy the way things are. If he wanted to live up to his potential, then he would be doing that already. He is fine with the way things are. All of this energy, all of this ambition is coming from you. That's awesome that you are future-oriented and grounded, but he might not be there. I can promise you one thing: he probably isn't going …
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 03:46 AM
1

Yeah, some women are like deer. We get startled easily when someone is being overly aggressive (not playful and flirting but threatening). It doesn't help when you're wearing heels. My husband calls these "victim shoes" because you can't run as fast in them.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 03:38 AM
1

What are you majoring in?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 03:09 AM
4

If he is going to college to get laid, then he will be fucked, for sure, by student loans. The Marine Corps PFT standards will ensure that OP won't become a fat fuck. If he's smart, he'll take advantage of all the free gyms and physical training opportunities. Hell, he gets paid to work out! He'll grow up faster. He'll eventually be in charge of things--people, gear, etc. This responsibility will build his confidence more than some cheeseball YouTube pep talk will. He will be able to afford a ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 02:41 AM
8

Very well-explained. Context is important. The ski instructor example makes a lot of sense. I think some guys read about the Pareto Principle and use that as a way to feel sorry for themselves, as if this 80:20 dooms them to a life of celibacy. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, too, and all that self-pity is sex repellent.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 02:21 AM
4

Yeah, what I'm saying is that I'm not seeing a whole lot of leadership here. He seems to be more a whatever is easy/whatever you want, babe kind of guy. That's fine, too. Beware of your urge to lead even as you enter RPW. You basically have to let go of the reins and see what happens. Your conclusion in the post is prime example of you taking the reins and wanting to change him. This isn't how it works. RPW is not about a woman converting her man to be manly. This guy's only demonstration of lea…
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 02:07 AM
4

Crazy parties? I guess it depends where you go and what you choose to do with your time. College is a really expensive party. If you're more interested in sex, then join the Marine Corps for four years. Get paid, increase your SMV, and get financial independence from your parents. After 4 years, get out and get the GI Bill to pay for college, which by this time you'll have a competitive advantage (older, athletic veteran) against the other 18 year-old chumps.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 01:54 AM
3

A captain must have a ship. If you're living aboard your parents' home (even if you're paying rent), you are living aboard the USS Mom and Dad.
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 01:45 AM
1

I'm not sure how a man can be a captain when he's living under his parent's roof. Why aren't living on your own? Where were living before here? How long were you two dating before the moving in?
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/16 12:38 AM
3

This topic has gotten me thinking. I have zero interest in being on top. Feels awkward and unsexy. I hear some women talk about taking charge in the bedroom but that does nothing for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 12:16 AM
1

You are thinking of gay men, not women.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/16 12:15 AM
3

Hahaha it reminds me of this
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 06:32 PM
2

6F is my favorite, too!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 06:22 PM
3

I prefer built fat (almost bearlike) apparently. I like strong. I want big shoulders and strong, tree trunk legs (which this image leaves out). I love being literally swept off my feet and carried. I think the other built guys would be sexier with body hair. They look like a gay man's pin up calendar. They look great, don't get me wrong, but I'd like for my man to not have a "plastic" look.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 05:38 PM
0

C1 fails the only test I have: Can this man fireman carry me up a flight of stairs to the bedroom? There is non-negotiable. EDIT: wow, 0! Someone disapproves of my basic strength requirement. I didn't realize that my personal preferences were so offensive. Hahahaha
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 05:32 PM
1

I approve. We have the same taste (except C1).
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 03:26 PM
5

You're fixating on the scenery and missing the plot. It's that women respond to men. I don't feel feminine initiating or being in charge. If he isn't 100% eager to have sex then I'm not going to be either. At that point, sex is just another household chore on a long list. Passionless sex is boring. By passion, I mean, that both people are excited about having sex at that moment. If all I was being offered was mechanical sex, I'd say no thanks. I have always thought that this is how married coupl…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 02:58 PM
3

Actual narcissists are more interesting and far more pernicious. When I hear narcissism bandied around, I notice it is often used by childish adults describing their parents. Pot to kettle over. Black over. Actual narcissists are far more clever than merely selfish. If you are related to one, you wouldn't even think of applying that term to him/her. You would spend years tangled in guilt, regret, love--a sick confluence of nostalgia and grief. If you were related to a true narcissist, you would …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 04:33 AM
2

Each generation has its victim psycho-babble, the adult children of alcoholics, the codependents, etc. Narcissism is the Millenial edition of this. Let's set this idiotic word in a box with a big lock and throw it into the sea. The word is meaningless and whenever it comes up in discussion, it obfuscates and infuriates but never informs.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 03:50 AM
2

Men are men, too. Thank God for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 03:13 AM
4

This thread is amusing! "I'm sorry I was made to be aroused by your interest in me." Hahaha if anything, men should find solace and power in that statement. This means men have the power. But here in PPD, some gents want to play victim, then they shall. He would be a fool, though, to deny himself this advantage. We were made this way. (This is like being mad at women for being born with vaginas.)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 03:02 AM
2

You're my kind of people. Yes, a thousand times yes to this.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 02:47 AM
1

:-)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 01:52 AM
5

Men have a similar thing happening, too. How many times do we hear of the man complain about starfish sex? He is unsatisfied because he doesn't see the manifest of her desire--of her desire for him. What makes the sex exciting for him is that she is responding to him. It might look like narcissism but what it really is is a moment where two people are 100% fully present and focused on that moment. The narcissist would be preening for the mirror or the camera and admiring his or her "performance.…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 01:37 AM
7

Being desired is highly erotic. I feel like I (as a woman) was made for that. I feel like I was designed to respond to desire. If you think about it, it kind of makes of sense. Does it not make sense that women should be designed to respond emotionally to this male energy? His sexuality is probing; whereas, her sexuality is responsive. Sure, some people are probably lining up to tell me how wrong I am, how they, as women love initiating sex, etc. I think, however, there is no erotic thrill for a…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/16 01:23 AM
2

Let me give you a real life example. An older guy comes into my work and hits on me pretty aggressively. He has tried to give me his phone number and has told my coworkers that I am going to marry him (he knows I'm married). He is attractive but incredibly creepy. He is very, very tall and sort of leans over the counter in a domineering way. He flipped my internal warning bells. Something was threatening about him, his body language, his crazy eyes, etc. So I did a search of public incarceration…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/16 11:00 PM
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