~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 34 | Go work out they say… | Relative-Visit-1917 | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 01:46 PM | |
| 19 | Two years, nothings changed | Relative-Visit-1917 | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/23 10:22 PM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| -3 | She is apologizing for cheating and begging to withdraw from divorce.I’m not going to cheer you on for divorce. The target isn’t divorce. The target is doing what’s best for your family. If you haven’t, do marital discernment therapy. That’s where everything is out on the table. If she truly has a BPD diagnosis, there’s meds and therapy for that. Is she taking the drugs? Is she going to her therapy appointments? | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 05:35 PM |
| 3 | Go work out they say…I’m aware there’s a long list of other reasons. Dying doesn’t scare everyone the same. Especially the clinically depressed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 05:30 PM |
| 2 | Go work out they say…Compared to 15-20 years ago, far more women are married, leaving a much smaller pool. I can observe other people and make judgements. I can’t fool myself of a hidden cabal of good women who will only come out when I do XYZ. Look, divorce is awful. We’ve become a decrepit society and I believe 80-90% of divorces shouldn’t have happened. Mine included. I don’t want to marry those women. We have become a divorce on demand culture. Nearly all divorced people believe their divorce had to happen. Wome… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 05:28 PM |
| 1 | Go work out they say…Well, this is a logical argument just can get with. Spinning bike to mountain bike again… I was thinking of this “boxing aerobics” class. It has a better name, but I forgot. I wouldn’t mind grappling sports if I lose more weight. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 02:58 PM |
| 7 | Go work out they say…Best comment so far… the responses so far are all well meaning, but not part of a broad mindset change, just logical arguments about working out. It doesn’t help that my last therapist told me to go work out on the first day. I’m like ugh… it’s like I’m being told the first step to get past depression is to get past depression. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 02:27 PM |
| 2 | Go work out they say…Since I was 16, doing it to look good without a shirt on was number 1. I liked other aspects, but if looking good for women was off the table, I wouldn’t do it. Is this good? Am I defending it? No. Just a reality for me. I’m looking more for mindset adjustment not logical arguments. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 02:25 PM |
| 5 | Go work out they say…Yeah, most women our age (from my experience) are divorced, and left good men. They just saw they weren’t happy and saw divorce as a transactional option. I wish for them to stay single. I’m scared of women who haven’t gone through premenopausal mid life crisis stuff, as that played a part in my divorce. I don’t want to do that again with unilateral no fault divorce as a thing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 02:22 PM |
| 4 | Go work out they say…Logically it makes sense to work out for a laundry list of reasons, but like I said, I don’t care about any of them. In many ways I don’t want longevity. I think this is part of a larger issue I have with major depressive disorder. I just wish my first piece of advice from my psychiatrist isn’t to go workout. I’m like doc, if I was working out, I wouldn’t be in your office. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 02:18 PM |
| -2 | Go work out they say…I guess I’m a loser, thanks for shaming me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/24 02:09 PM |
| 1 | Unfaithful ex wife stalling on house sale due to not wanting to sellI doubt it… I get the sense there is something he’s not telling you. Tell him to make a burner account and come discuss here. The house has to be sold at a price that is market appraisal rate. No less no more. Thats the only fair number. He can think it’s too high until he turns blue. She’s entitled to fair market rate. She can want the house until she turns blue, but it has to sell. Everything about the sell of the house was in their divorce. He signed that document. If he signed it in mediatio… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/24 12:06 AM |
| 1 | Two years, nothings changedFor you, it’s permanent, you have your ummm reasons which you can’t get over. For you, you own the divorce. You will not want to reconcile. If I felt that way, I’d instantly be so over it I’d not even be on Reddit discussing it with others. For what it’s worth my ex isn’t even dating. She’s always nice and pleasant to be around. This probably makes it more difficult for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 04:36 PM |
| 0 | Two years, nothings changedSo, you don’t want her back. Thats fine if you don’t. You own divorce, you might not have wanted it, but you don’t want to go back, and have your reasons. I don’t want divorce, and I want to reconcile. Her decision does nothing to change that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 04:32 PM |
| 2 | Two years, nothings changedThe problem with using hobbies, is I see it for the distraction that it is. It feels completely phony. I had hobbies before, and I did them to cool down from the good stress of the life I otherwise enjoyed. They don’t have a place now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 04:21 PM |
| 1 | Two years, nothings changedNo, an amputation is permanent. A divorce is indefinite. It becomes undone if both agree for it to be undone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 04:14 PM |
| 0 | Two years, nothings changedDivorce is indefinite, not permanent. How did you allow yourself to believe it’s permanent? | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 04:12 PM |
| 2 | Two years, nothings changedRead what he said about hobbies. Thats perfect. I’m envious as hell of those who just need to be told to find a hobby, work out, play with your friends. It makes me want to be a therapist. I can tell people that and let the money roll in. They also tell people (more or less) happy marriage happy divorce, it matters not, and care nothing for the lives that are wrecked in the process. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 03:56 PM |
| 1 | Two years, nothings changedAn amputation is permanent, divorce is indefinite. As for your last paragraph, I’d rather die now and get it over with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 03:51 PM |
| 1 | Two years, nothings changedSorry if what I said made you think that. I know that the divorce happened. The reality is simple. I didn’t want it to happen, still don’t want it, I want it to unhappen, which is still possible. That’s why this feels so impossible for me. I have to deny that possibility and insist it’s permanent. It’s not. At best it’s indefinite. Moreover I have to live her idea of an ideal life, and see her and communicate with her all the time. The only way is to want/appreciate/be gladful/ pick your word th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 03:49 PM |
| 4 | Two years, nothings changedThis is true. Grieving the living, and ever present. It would seem others simply find a reason to like or want to be divorced too. Hate their ex back is common. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 02:22 AM |
| 2 | Two years, nothings changedHow do you know? Are you 100% certain? She doesn’t want to reconcile right now, hard stop. She might not ever change her mind That is reality. It’s not fantasy. In any case, her not wanting to does nothing to my wanting to. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 02:11 AM |
| 2 | Two years, nothings changedThanks. It’s discouraging when everyone who’s seemingly in a better place, they got there by owning the idea of divorce too. A sort of “you can’t fire me, I quit” attitude. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 02:03 AM |
| 4 | Two years, nothings changedNo, not my first. We were married at 30, I had been around the block by then. Perhaps low self esteem indeed, and trauma from a variety of circumstances. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 01:47 AM |
| 3 | Two years, nothings changedIndeed I am. I’m seeing a psychiatrist. Talk therapy is touch and go. I don’t want divorce, and they want me to appreciate my new divorced life. Whatever good that can come from it isn’t worth the bad, and that good has long odds at best. I’m not going to see a therapist to become “divorce woke” like my ex wife. I can’t lie to myself to make myself feel better. I’m not sure what else there is to discuss with a therapist. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 01:40 AM |
| 2 | Two years, nothings changedI believe we could reconcile. I believe it would be hard work, but doable. Her simply not wanting to doesn’t do much to my desire. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 01:05 AM |
| 2 | Two years, nothings changedI don’t want divorce. Period. Hard stop. I want our family back together. I want to reconcile. It’s been two years for me. You’re not even divorced yet. That’s my point. The only way everyone copes (except for me) is to want divorce and or not want marriage, however you want to put it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 12:45 AM |
| 3 | Two years, nothings changedSo you still want to work on the marriage? | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/12/23 12:08 AM |
| 3 | Two years, nothings changedMaybe just writing down like you said might be the way to go. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/23 11:09 PM |
| 4 | Two years, nothings changedI’ve had therapists. A few take aways. I blame them in part for my marriage collapsing. I don’t want to talk about that. Second, it always comes down to wanting me to “do things I like,” go to the gym, play with your friends. I’m not anywhere near this. They then ask me what do I want from therapy, and it becomes real, nothing they can provide. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/23 10:58 PM |
| 1 | Just a rant about the culture of divorceI just did a cursory check on Supreme Court decisions on parental rights. A 1920s case Meyer v. Nebraska, suggested that parents have defacto rights to parent their children as they see fit unless restricted with due process. A custody hearing is in fact due process. Part of that due process evaluation is “best interests of the child.” Best interests of the child statues are legally passed laws that don’t violate the spirit of the previous mentioned court decision. Custody usually involves a lis… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/21 03:08 PM |
| 1 | Just a rant about the culture of divorceCan you please reference the Supreme Court cases you mentioned? | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/21 02:45 PM |
| 1 | Just a rant about the culture of divorceA marriage is a contract. You enter it with the default idea that it’s for life. Any departure from that is done through a premarital agreement, or prenup. However, children are often a product of a marital union, and that becomes far more delicate. You can’t prenup future care of children. It’s unpredictable, and the children’s needs are considered the most important. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/07/21 07:59 PM |
| 1 | Permanent supportHave you tried a last ditch Hail Mary ultimatum? Mine would be “take your meds or we are done.” Just like a woman telling her husband to quit drinking or we are done. The issue with her potential personality challenges is she has to take her meds. If your brain can’t make the right chemicals, store bought is fine. Have you or her taken an enneagram personality test or similar? I’d be curious where she is on that... | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/21 03:29 PM |
| 1 | Permanent supportWhat state are you in? How many lawyers have you talked to? Also, how many therapists did y’all try? Does she want a divorce? | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/21 03:08 PM |
| 1 | Permanent supportHave y’all tried a trial separation? | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/21 01:50 PM |
| 1 | Permanent supportHow bad is it that the cost you’re paying is worth it? Honest question. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/07/21 01:18 AM |
| 1 | Permanent supportDoes she want this divorce, or you? | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/21 10:47 PM |
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