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Rozenheg Archive

View 0 posts and 305 comments by Rozenheg on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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35

Yes, they can be single for years, but you might never know it. If you are bothering them and they’re not interested, they’ll tell you they have a boyfriend so you’ll leave them alone without drama.
/r/seduction28/05/26 03:27 PM
1

Meeting through social circle is indeed most reliable for most people. If your social circle doesn’t include women, try to expand it or pick up a hobby that has a better mix of people.
/r/seduction24/05/26 12:43 PM
1

From your description I don’t get that impression. If you felt awkward, if there’s a little bit of trust built up it doesn’t have to be a problem. As a woman I appreciate that you take care for not wanting to be creepy and stuff. And I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of online stuff about women talking about that. I hope you can go forward taking such good care with how you conduct yourself without feeling anxious and with a positive feeling towards yourself. This subreddit doesn’t always have a posit…
/r/seduction08/05/26 05:18 AM
6

OP, from the bottom of my heart as a woman, you look absolutely, 100%, perfectly fine. You have very pleasant eyes. It sounds like you can make fun and light and pleasant conversation. You’re all set to have coffee and conversation and who knows where it will lead? Maybe you’ll just have an interesting conversation, maybe it will lead to friendship or more. Just know with everything I just describe, I, for one, would very much pursue something with a guy like you if our personalities meshed and …
/r/seduction07/05/26 09:17 PM
1

Still doesn’t means she was loud because it was good.
/r/seduction07/05/26 05:43 AM
1

Hey, I just realised I’m being a bit harsh because you said you developed genuine feelings for her. But do think about this from her perspective. And if you have feelings especially that should make you care about what’s right for her. But I apologise for being harsh. I’m triggered because of her loss and how her grief is likely measured in years.
/r/seduction07/05/26 12:06 AM
2

Loud & biting her own forearms? Like to make herself be quieter or because the sex was hurting her and she was just trying to get through it?
/r/seduction07/05/26 12:04 AM
3

I’m in my fifties and I’ve seen many guys like you mistake intimacy with a flirty edge precisely because it’s safe and will never go anywhere for being DTF. She is still grieving and you’re making her life harder. If you’re a decent human being, respect her choice no matter her reasons and let it go.
/r/seduction05/05/26 10:28 PM
3

She thought you were a friend, there for her in a time of need. Someone who was safe because the age difference and situation made it obvious that there could never be a thing. Someone she can be a bit flirty or sensitive or touchy with because it’s safe, it la obviously not going to go anywhere. Of course she’s going to be hot and cold, she’s showing you her most vulnerable side in a vulnerable time. People sometimes get scared when they do that. Of course she’s jealous, she’s afraid if you get…
/r/seduction05/05/26 07:28 PM
3

Qualities you wanna look for are how does someone react when they are called on something or called out. Relationship skills (like Gottman training) go a long way.
/r/ExRedPill04/05/26 05:17 AM
1

99 guys who are muscular it will be a turn off and I’ll roll my eyes and think ‘what’s with all the gym bro’s’. One in a hundred will somehow look like he’s happy with himself in a non-antagonistic way and have a nice smile or a warm & intelligent look in his eyes to top it all off and that person I’ll maybe stop breathing for a second.
/r/seduction03/05/26 06:13 AM
1

Actually sounds like just sexual harassment. Doing it because the can and they get a feeling of power nd if getting away with something.
/r/seduction25/04/26 07:28 PM
8

You can also find or make playlists on YouTube that you choose. Just pick 8 YouTube video essays and queue them up. Don’t let autoplay ruin your mental health. F. D. Signifier has fire long form video essays and some of them tell the truth about the manosphere as well.
/r/ExRedPill23/04/26 05:17 AM
10

Most networking events are general or supposedly equal opportunity but favor men. So there are also a few that try to help women get better opportunities because we used to be excluded. How is that bad?
/r/ExRedPill23/04/26 05:15 AM
2

This is ridiculous. Sometimes a partner in your life will be dealing with something big and crying a lot. No, irritation is not a normal response! Being stuck on an issue and rejecting help can be a real issue, but that’s different. And you can still cry because you miss someone years later, sometimes. That’s normal and healthy. OP is right. The manosphere says this a lot and life proves them wrong.
/r/ExRedPill19/04/26 05:43 AM
3

Yep. The patriarchy hurt them, as it hurts everyone.
/r/ExRedPill13/04/26 05:54 AM
2

I get it. It’s just q little bit of shared awkwardness from their side too. I wouldn’t read too much into it, & try to let it go as much as you can, if you can.
/r/seduction07/04/26 07:28 PM
78

They feel bad about hurting you and/or afraid you will hurt them (as many me can’t handle rejection and lash out at some point, sometimes months later). You focusing on their response in relationship to them rejecting you means it still has emotional charge for you, which is what people will often pick up on, which inspires feelings of worry. The more you signal they and you are on good terms and you’re not worried about anything, the sooner things return to normal.
/r/seduction07/04/26 06:57 PM
5

It’s not that you see it, it’s that you relate to it a certain way. So block that stuff, not someone who points it out.
/r/ExRedPill07/04/26 06:25 AM
1

Does she know it’s only one bed, or is that going to come as a creepy surprise?
/r/seduction27/03/26 06:05 PM
9

Would you advice a woman to ask her male classmates to be as blunt as possible? They’re young, inexperienced and a certain demographic. They would comment on this woman’s weight and breast size. Which would make this woman insecure about her body for the rest of her life. But look ahead. People of all body types have relationships. I will say one thing: a lot of men and woman who are very sensitive to outside judgement, are more sensitive to things like height and weight. What sometimes happens …
/r/ExRedPill25/03/26 05:32 AM
1

If I talk to a guy and then they’re like ‘so how about that one on one meetup now?’ it feels threatening and demanding. Just say you really enjoyed meeting her first, see how she responds and then ask her if she’d like to do get together again sometime. Either with friends or just for coffee.
/r/seduction20/03/26 09:07 AM
9

Dude, you showed yourself to be an asshole and she didn’t think you were relationship material. She acted accordingly and didn’t want a relationship with you. Nothing mysterious about it.
/r/seduction15/03/26 06:26 AM
1

I think situationship is also starting to mean something steady but casual that doesn’t have the same expectations as a relationship.
/r/seduction08/03/26 08:10 AM
1

I guess there is a more strict definition of emotional safety reserved for relationships, so you are correct in that sense. I think there is a minimum level of emotional safety that applies to any level of connection. I need to know my FWB has basic respect for me as a person, for example. But you’re right that the wording is usually reserved for a higher level of attachment relationship. My bad.
/r/seduction06/03/26 06:41 AM
13

Among chimps the alpha males will cockblock ‘lesser’ males, lower in the hierarchy. But the female chimps will still seek thyme out and they’ll find some privacy and get it on where the alphas can’t harass them. It used to be thought the alpha male was passing on his genetic material most. Now that dna tech is finally available, we find out that the ‘lesser’ chimps are actually fathering the babies more often.
/r/ExRedPill04/03/26 05:03 PM
6

The other guy is just someone she can be casual with. You’re someone she would have serious feelings for. If she already knows that she would develop feelings for you, better that she takes responsibility and limit that. Hurt feelings often means drama and a shitty reputation for you. So be honest and have something casual with someone who also doesn’t see long term potential in you.
/r/seduction04/03/26 02:15 PM
2

Yep, rings true. Everyone who thinks it’s ‘easy’ for a girl to find sex doesn’t add ‘physically safe, emotionally safe, comfortable and pleasurable’ to their idea of sex. If they find a guy where they have that and they’re not looking to a dating app for a relationship (or they don’t want one at all), this is reality.
/r/seduction03/03/26 05:26 AM
3

Likely they got a really bad impression of you when you approached them, and don’t want you around their friends. To protect them from a guy they clock as being bad news. Pretty fair.
/r/seduction27/02/26 07:48 AM
1

So you have no idea if that gut feeling will be a good guide in the future. Maybe you can figure out what all the second guessing and doubts are about. Maybe it’s your intuition telling you you aren’t compatible in the long run. Maybe it’s you sabotaging a good relationship for a fantasy. Maybe reflect on these things, possibly even with a therapist to support that introspection? You could be looking back in ten years and kick yourself for not working through the doubt and letting a good thing g…
/r/seduction25/02/26 01:07 PM
0

She didn’t treat you like a king, she was developing a relationship and you were giving off no signals that she was wrong to think that. If you’re being ‘treated like a king’, and you’re not treating that person like a queen, you aren’t holding up your end as a man and partner, whether it’s casual or otherwise. And you should be aligned on casual or otherwise. If not, let het put that time and effort into someone else.
/r/seduction25/02/26 12:06 PM
1

No, the product is your ability to have a relationship. That means respect for your partner, ability for emotional closeness, respecting boundaries, mutual support, reciprocity, healthy interdependence. Without those things you will indeed find women don’t want to have a relationship with you.
/r/ExRedPill22/02/26 07:10 AM
1

Does it, though? For everyone? Sure it sucks. But if it’s the most painful thing in the world, then likely either it is touching the raw nerve of another, earlier painful experience that you haven’t processed properly. Or you have your self worth tied up in either this particular person or in romantic sex in general. It hurts like hell. But I don’t think it’s the most painful experience ever. If you are passionate about being a doctor or a dancer or something like that, then not getting into the…
/r/seduction20/02/26 05:46 PM
5

Toxic guys are nice in the beginning. They actually low key groom people. They’re just really good at being nice at first. Instead of good people not only in the beginning, but then later too, like a normal person. Also if you haven’t had that experience yet, you often don’t recognise manipulative behaviour. Plus we all have buttons people can push a little more easily than others. The manipulative guys are good at finding those.
/r/seduction20/02/26 02:11 PM
5

Looks only get your foot in the door and OP was literally a model. So how come women don’t see him as relationship material? Because building a relationship is not about these things. It’s about being genuine and building an emotional connection. It’s not like a computer game where you ‘do something right’ and then you get a reward or can see you achieved something. It’s about genuine human relationships.
/r/ExRedPill20/02/26 06:22 AM
6

I think this must be an artifact of the dating apps matching looking-for-serious-relationship people with not-looking-to-be-in-serious-relationship people, because I’m hearing it from women about men and from men about women. The apps really do keep us chasing our own tail.
/r/ExRedPill20/02/26 06:14 AM
9

90% of the time, 90% of people can. But everyone has their blind spots and some people hide it better than others.
/r/ExRedPill20/02/26 06:09 AM
8

Finding someone really hot and wanting someone for their looks are too different things. If you like someone and have chemistry with them, they will be hot to you. Also, if the attraction is mostly looks based, what happens in the long term? What if your body changes with time, or you can’t work out for a couple of years due to work or injury?
/r/ExRedPill19/02/26 07:27 AM
6

Yeah, this is the right answer. Red-pilled is a delusional paranoid fantasy. Thinking the billionaires are going to make hardworking people rich is also a delusional fantasy. It’s just buying into patriarchy on both those levels, they believe that if they just play the masculinity game, they deserve to win and should be given the rewards.
/r/ExRedPill18/02/26 01:40 PM
1

Some people think FWB is still exclusive, others do not. But if you’re FWB and totally okay with that with each other, you would just tell her about it. It hurts to have to hear it from someone else.
/r/seduction18/02/26 01:37 PM
10

It sounds kind of almost like a form of OCD, maybe? As a woman in her fifties, I get plenty of interest from men, both attraction based and serious intention based. I might look a little younger than I am, but more like early or mid fourties’, not early twenties. And I’m honest about my age. Talk to your therapist about what’s not working in therapy. If they can’t come up with some better way to support you, feel free to look for different kind of therapy. Don’t only try to counteract the belief…
/r/ExRedPill11/02/26 10:12 AM
2

Safety. He isn’t eyeing them as a potential conquest, probably.
/r/seduction11/02/26 06:29 AM
3

Yes, all of these things are lovable, wacht individually and the combination. I have friends who meet this description who have found the love of their lives. If you’re able to get therapy, maybe also think about what experiences of feeling unlovable the awful (and untrue!) rhetoric tapped into. All of us feel unlovable at some point in our lives, and it’s often from some moment (or many moments) of feeling excluded in our earlier lives. Being able to process those times, opens up the door for n…
/r/ExRedPill05/02/26 11:55 AM
4

Why is this being downvoted? It’s true. Especially if you’re out on a date and the only ‘more private’ place nearby is the toilets.
/r/seduction28/01/26 03:11 PM
3

So I could talk to you about what it’s like when you can just about feel someone is being chill because secretly they are hoping something will develop. Or I could talk about that eerie feeling when you learn someone has had a crush on you for ten years and you had no idea, but you feel this stab of regret for them because you could have told them it just wasn’t in the cards and they should have gotten on with their lives. Instead I’m going to ask you to trace that voice in your head that whispe…
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 09:19 PM
13

I think attraction can only grow if no one is trying to make it. Like friends who after ten years of being friends fall in love. Or people who describe themselves as demi-sexual, who need to be friends first before they can be attracted to someone. Notice how persistence and persuasion and effort are missing from those real life examples. So being focussed on someone who doesn’t have that kind of vibe with you, won’t be able to create interest.
/r/ExRedPill24/01/26 02:28 PM
1

Same here, sounds like we’re mostly in agreement. Thanks for working it out in conversation!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 10:33 AM
2

I agree that if you’re in an ongoing relationship and someone just dissappears, that’s weird. I guess I associate ghosting only with more casual online interactions. But you’re right, ghosting is bigger than that and I ignored that. I don’t think the folks ghosting someone in that kind of situation claim it’s for safety reasons usually, though. At least I haven’t heard that.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 08:37 AM
2

A violent ex is different from politely declining a second or third date (mind you, I generally don’t ghost people I’ve actually met, only let conversations fade if we haven’t met yet). But a violent ex who turns into a stalker was probably already showing violent tendencies before they became the ex. So they just moved from being violent in a relationship to being violent after a relationship. And there is no amount of politeness that will prevent that.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 10:25 AM
4

Nope. Tested this both ways many times. It’s the polite ‘not feeling it’ that incited rage. Ghosting generally gets you a ‘huh?’ at worst. I don’t think I ever got an angry response from just fading out. I don’t like ghosting. But even really nice and normal seeming guys often respond to rejection with rage, vitriol or stalking. The trouble is you don’t know which ones will. It happens often enough that it’s at least more than 10 or 20 percent of guys who send you at least one scary-angry messag…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 08:59 AM
6

I think my ex-husband and I would have argued about who gets to save the other by giving them our seat. We would have figured without the other, life would not be worth living. Probably we would have gone with perceived survival chances or we would have gone down together. (Later, a brain injury affected his personality and eventually ended our marriage.) My next long term boyfriend I would have gladly died for, but over time I found out he absolutely would have taken the seat for himself withou…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 06:10 PM
6

I think the safety issue is brought up when people say you should never ghost. Having said that, it might surprise you how often a ‘thanks, but I’m not interested in taking this further’ results in months of harassing messages that sometimes do include death threats and rape threats. It might be only verbal violence, but especially if the guy might know or be able to find out where you live, it’s pretty scary.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 10:35 PM
1

So how does being a jerk outward and inward make a woman scanning for danger decide sex with you is probably not going to kill her?
/r/seduction26/12/25 06:58 PM
2

Could you expand on this difference between moral integrity and alignment with who you are?
/r/seduction26/12/25 03:32 PM
–

If your outsides don’t match your insides, you have to what those of us who say, have a disability do. Make sure people get to know you, so the ‘downside’ just becomes one more minor trade off. I notice in this post you say nothing about a) who you are, or b) what you are looking for. Neither are attractive. Figure out what is important to you about being you. Figure out what is important about the other person (like what’s important to that person in life). From there, you’ll probably start att…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 11:17 AM
0

Your study literally does not measure desirability. It measures ‘mating succes’. The study I linked measures desirability. So.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 08:54 AM
3

Mating succes is how often guys get laid and/or reproduce. That’s a dumb metric for desirability by actual women, given how often stronger (duh) men force themselves on women on the one hand, and on the other hand are more confident in life because they look good in the eyes of other men. If you want to know what actual women find attractive read the study on what actual women find attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 07:26 AM
2

‘Mating succes’ can be influenced by a ton of things, such as getting a better job because you look strong and masculine to your male boss so you decide you are ready for kids and start having them. Read this study about actual desirability instead. Women aren’t looking for the most muscled guy, the female masculine ideal is less muscular and with more body fat, then the male masculine ideal: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-48686-004
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/25 11:46 PM
3

I really like skinny guys. But skinny guys are often embarrassed or just not used to the attention. So I don’t impose. Guys who work out are more open about enjoying admiration and compliments, so they get them more. I think studies have shown women much prefer regular built in relatively good shape. So a guy who can run to catch a bus without getting too winded, lift their luggage into the overhead thing without straining their back. That’s it. That’s the (visual!) preference of the vast majori…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/25 10:23 PM
2

I suffer the same scarcity as a result of ‘high’ standards. Also, no, rape is worse and false accusations are rare.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 08:19 PM
3

No, it’s not about emotional connection, it’s about physical safety and the bare minimum of emotional safety that you want even with strangers. Like filtering out men who despise the women they have sex with. Sex is not pleasurable with someone who isn’t pleasant to be around or who will be nasty afterwards.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 07:53 PM
4

Debatable. I always have the ‘option’ of letting some guy try to live out his porn fantasy without being terribly concerned about me. To find someone who both respects me as a person and is a nice team player in bed, even for casual sex is more rare than you think. And it is also hard to find and filter out the unpleasant people. So it really doesn’t feel like it’s always possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 01:14 PM
6

Very few women have one night stands, and even fewer have lots of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/25 08:04 AM
–

It’s much less black and white than you make it out to be. And most stories of horribly abusice relationships really do start out with ‘he seemed so nice, he was the perfect gentleman’. Then either the abuser suddenly changed or things changed so incrementally, it was hard to even say when it first started going wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:20 AM
–

I think where you and I differ is what kind of valid you think it is. I think it’s valid to acknowledge your obsessing about an experience your partner had in the past, but the attitude you have about the meaning of that obsession and those experiences is not. I also question the role of reassurance by your partner. That is completely valid in general. But if you are disproportionately affected by sex with a past partner, then external validation isnt going to help. I mean, if a past partner was…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:17 AM
–

Everyone feels occasionally jealous. But if your partner’s past experiences with someone they don’t want to be with any more keep you up at night, then yes, you need counseling.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 12:38 AM
1

Yeah, I mean, exactly that. If that makes you insecure, when this person literally loves you and has (again) good sex with you, why would you mentally obsess about that? I’m assuming because love means less to you than ranking yourself against other men. Which honestly seems like a recipe for being or becoming single and unhappy.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 08:48 PM
1

So first of all, sex tends to die long before the relationship. Second of all, why on earth do you care more about how a woman (maybe) ranks sex in her head, and less about being a good partner? What makes sex so much more important than being in a mutually caring relationship, that ‘no one can take that away from you?’
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 08:46 PM
1

How is it functionally useless? Relationships decline either because people don’t have relationships skills or they don’t use them, or because a lot of hard things landed on them and the strain killed the relationship (also see the previous reason) or because there was a basic incompatibility and instead of acknowledging that they let the relationship sour. But the years that were good were still good and the relationships that survive, survive.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 07:54 PM
0

It takes a while to figure out a toxic dude is a toxic dude. And the toxic dude may have also genuinely and wholeheartedly loved them, at first. There can be genuine love with someone who, it turns out, was hiding their flaws. One reason toxic dudes get girlfriends is they are great at making people feel emotionally safe and connected (and it turns out to either all be a lie, orrrrrrr it was real but they had problems they weren’t willing to fix. Or some of both). That’s part of why bad relation…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 07:52 PM
0

My dude, most women are not consumed by a desire to have the best sex of their lives. Good sex is fine. They’re not constantly optimising or trying to game the system because they love the lives they have and the good (genuinely good!) sex they have. They love their partners and they’re not going to blow it all up if the relationship is good and loving.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 03:24 PM
2

Physical attractiveness is not an innate quality. I mean, it is if you’re talking about that ‘there’s just something about her I love, from her funny nose to her crooked teeth, I just love everything about her’ thing. But for people who view women as mainly valuable for their physical attractiveness? For them I t is a set of external standards, that supposedly confer societal status. Also, those people forget that you know those inside innate qualities by how they treat people and how they respo…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 02:15 PM
0

Satisfaction isn’t one thing, and if changes throughout. If you look at the statistic that there is an orgasm gap when women have sex with men, bit there isn’t much of an orgasm gap when women have sex with men, you could draw the conclusion that women take more care that there partner is satisfied and men take less care that their partner is satisfied. The odds that a guy in a relationship is more satisfied with sex is certainly possible. But it’s difficult to say exactly: is this guy absolutel…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 01:33 PM
0

Why on earth would the difference between ‘genuinely good’ and ‘earth shattering’ be such a big deal? It’s harder to have good sex in a long term relationship, because that requires actually dealing with emotional ruptures, both the small ones and the big ones. Many of us were never given the skills and we also have a hard time finding the time and emotional breathing room between work and kids. But whatever great experience you had in the past, if the current ones are ‘just’ good, is that reall…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 12:29 PM
0

They do have desire or they have no desire to make it better? Maybe their partners do and maybe their partners don’t feel it is or isn’t good, but ‘already had the best’ is not a thing with sex. Research showed that people who have good sex (which means good communication, emotional attunement, and a growth mindset around sex) will have better sex with every passing decade of life. This is regardless of age, health, erectie dysfunction, you name it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 11:14 AM
-5

Notice how those women who married someone who they had less hot sex with all say they love their current life partners so much more and they have a wonderful life together. It takes a special kind of obsessive wrongheadedness to take this as a loss for these guys. Neither being the best at anything nor being the best at sex needs to take up this much room in your head. It will prevent you from being happy and having mutually loving relationships in your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 08:10 AM
–

The attitude, the weirdly obsessive feelings about sex and the alcohol problem might be playing a role…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/25 12:37 AM
5

I don’t know anyone who does that, unless you mean when a woman has a full time job and is doing most of the housework and desperately wants her guy to at least get his act together on one of those two things.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 10:12 PM
15

So first of all, i don’t think you are correct I hear as many men say ‘because she is a great cook’ as I hear women say ‘he makes me coffee every morning’. Second, you have to know what that means: for a lot of people the gesture expresses something else: it’s an example of their tenderness, care thoughtfulness, a shared moment, etcetera. In my personal life I know both men and women who were seemingly with people who cared more about what their partner did for them, out of convenience, if you w…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 09:25 AM
3

Both the post and this comment are very, very sharp. Great analysis and description, both of you.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/25 07:09 PM
7

Bro, this looks being subjective thing? That’s true throughout life. But her boyfriend at the time articulating what he liked about her and being that specific, just freaking believe that even guys in high school can like someone for their personality or find someone other than the most mainstream-beauty-ideal attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/25 07:31 AM
1

It sounds like your work friend thinks you have friends. Namely, them. And yes, women are aware and encourage men to work on developing friendships, with emotional depth without the necessary aid of alcohol. Up to you if you do so.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/25 03:20 PM
5

But the touch supposedly ‘undesirable’ women get is not pleasant touch. It’s harmful touch. Even ‘hot’ women have to fend off more situations where someone is dehumanising them at the same time they want to get in their pants. ‘Don’t care, had sex’ only works if the ‘had sex’ is some achievement and it makes you feel good regardless of if you even like the person and they were nice to you. If you just want to have a nice connection with someone with whom you have enough mutual like, then it’s di…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/25 09:13 AM
6

There is a lot of bad relationship therapy out there. In truth, both parties need validation. Both parties need resolution. A person (in your example a man) who says ‘I just want to make them happy’ is not yet able to take their partner’s perspective seriously. Validation (both ways) comes first. Resolution (for both people) comes second. The Gottman’s have done a ton of research about what makes relationships last. You need both, and again validation comes first. They’ve written a lot about how…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/25 11:34 AM
8

What would you do to lock down the right guy? Like, what would make you pretty good at that?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/25 05:22 AM
–

What you’re saying is not lowering standards at all. Sounds like really good standards.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/25 11:48 AM
–

Nobody owes you sex, nobody owes you a timeline to get to know you. So nobody is stringing you along.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/25 05:23 AM
–

Stringing along is only a thing if you don’t see the other person as human and you don’t see spending time together as a way to get to know each other and find out if you develop trust and the right vibe. You can give ultimatums, I guess, but I hope even women who need less time walk away from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 09:20 PM
–

Not so sure. A lot of us may know within 30 seconds if we see it happening ever, but we might not act on it until we know you better after three months. And sometimes we do surprise ourselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 06:55 PM
–

That’s not true of everyone. Demisexual women who don’t develop sexual attraction until they develop emotional connection exist.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 06:47 PM
–

I think some of us get the wrong idea from porn, but! And this is an important but, your idea that ‘everyone after will feel small by comparison’ seems to reflect this idea that bigger is better and more satisfying. It’s not, and there isn’t a magical reset of the vagina that happens when you are with a bigger guy. The thing that resets your standards for sex is how nice someone is, how comfortable with themselves and your body, how pleasant a lover. What that is depends on personal taste (some …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/25 11:38 AM
1

I don’t think it is, on the whole, as you describe. Women are raised to be pro social. Men, even today, much less so. People are trying to restore that balance. Most people want their partner to act like a partner, but addressing this imbalance is part of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/25 08:18 AM
2

Having sex when you aren’t into it at that moment for whatever reason (tired, or unresolved fight with your partner), is what leads to dead bedroom. Good luck with relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/25 07:32 AM
1

I think you are mostly plagued by a misunderstanding. When women say not to expect those things (which very much includes sex), what is meant by that is not to expect them in an entitled way, like a subscription service. It comes from being partners, not from expectation.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/25 07:29 AM
1

You realise hunter/gatherers all had to work, right? And women always did a ton of food provision with gathering and hunting small game, but it turns out they did their share of hunting big game too. Women have always worked. Those evolutionary mechanisms aren’t shaped like you think they are. Even if they were the most important thing, which they probably aren’t, but if they are, then remember that women have always worked. Here’s some undeniable science: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandso…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 10:15 PM
1

Status and wealth are relative. Most women work. Lots of women put their man through college (and often get left when that guy graduates). When they don’t work, they do the bulk of the child care and housework. When they do work they do the bulk of the child care and housework. If you’re overlooking all these ‘flaws’, I think you’re missing something.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 07:55 PM
3

It’s hard to discuss when it’s just ‘higher’. Higher than what? I would not be surprised that it’s both the highest and the lowest who battle with these things because it’s harder to find a compatible partner or it might be a sign of something else (I mean, 30 or 100 partners over a lifetime is still quite different from 2000 partners over a lifetime.) But a lot of folks consider 10 promiscuous for a woman, which is obviously, well, ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 07:03 PM
3

Sure is, and it’s not about low maintenance. It’s about how you build having fun with a reciprocal partner. Like the reframe!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:59 PM
4

What in the above makes you think I don’t like sex? If you’re life partners with someone you know that life will sometimes throw you curveballs and sex had to take a back seat. If you can’t face those times, you can’t sustain a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:58 PM
4

Refuse to be 50/50 how? All studies show men still think they do more when if you sit down, film both people, count everything (including child care, the whole nine yards) and break it down, most women are still doing more than 50% of everything. So if that’s the majority, even with the younger generation who are really trying, then if you found a woman who really doesn’t want to go 50/50, congrats. You have a talent for finding rare things. But before you give yourself that medal, really have a…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 04:25 PM
5

There are plenty of women who will just want a low key coffee with no expectations for a first date. If you date transactionally (entertainment and material things for maybe sex) then people will negotiate for a better deal. If you want to make a connection with another person who may just want to have sec with you because they like you and vibe with you, it’s not like that. But you will have to prove that’s what you want, because a lot of guys who are actually transitional, pretend to be relati…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 12:03 PM
12

Yes, sex is part of life and most humans have sexual desire. Some people have a high sex drive, some low. Some folks are doing it to feel good about themselves or their relationship, others are having sex they don’t even enjoy. But. Life will have its ups and downs and your sex live will have its ups and downs. Parents of young children usually see their sex life suffer from the strain, physical toll and lack of privacy. Illness, depression, medications, all those things will cause periods where…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 09:02 AM
7

Regardless of what?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 08:18 AM
2

And their expectation in turn is based on having the experience that if they don’t ask the guy to put in some effort he thinks ‘well that was easy’ and stops respecting her. Those fun experiences are supposed to be opportunities to get to know each other and be bonding experiences, though. Which is what you want, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 08:18 AM
14

I’m in my fifties with both good and bad relationships that lasted more than 10 years. This is not romanticising relationships. This is human nature. This is why we need people in our lives. And there is nothing romanticised about that. The idea that we can have transactional relationships and be happy is actually the feel good fairy tale. It’s an easy out, but it’s a scam. Long term happiness with another person? You better love and respect each other and have some relationship skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 08:14 AM
9

Of course people who have a healthy relationship to sex also make great parents. You’re not a better parent for never having had casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:56 AM
–

Most women don’t want a stable table that feels being a stable table is their job description. They want a partner in life who knows how to be a human being in relationship with another human being. That’s where the ‘not good enough’ comes from. You are trying to live up to the wrong job description.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:50 AM
–

Casual lovers aren’t privileged. It’s just a different thing. And most men struggle because they make it really weird or creepy and throw up all kinds of red flags.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:48 AM
23

Oh my God, if you go into a relationship feeling that the person is only good for sex (or ideally, sex and cooking and cleaning) please don’t have a relationship at all. A relationship is liking each others company so much that you want to build a life together (and figure out a fair way to run a household together (and fair here takes into account more than money and time) and you want to be intimate together in a way that works for both of you. It means liking each other so much that you alway…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 06:39 AM
–

That’s beautifully expressed. And I would argue that if you are friends with the person you are in a relationship that ‘narrative’ is literally just life, from the big to the small, to the shared in-jokes to the absurd humor, to little rituals and shared memories and whatever stuff is on your mind. It doesn’t have to be made up stuff. It’s just tuning in to each other. I’m guessing that’s more like where you’re at anyway, from how this conversation is going. Thanks for that, BTW!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/25 11:35 PM
–

I have no idea what you are trying to say. I’m not saying woman cannot objectify or be emotionally distant. I’m just reacting to the generalisation you’re making about women needing ‘drama’. It’s not drama. They need the guy to relate to them as a full human being. Like literally just that.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/25 08:54 PM
–

The casual lovers are also putting in effort. Dressing up, smelling nice, giving compliments and generally being nice and fun to be around for the time you’re together and they don’t make a mess, may even make you breakfast (or dinner) and don’t take you for granted. And they should be at least passably good in bed, because otherwise, why bother? So that, too, is what husbands should do, but husbands have another role too, being the team mate in life. And one of the most important parts of that …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/25 07:53 PM
–

I think what you describe as ‘drama’ is actually emotional engagement. And yes, many men have lost access to that without ‘drama’ to get them in the game. For a lot of women ‘drama’ is the only time her dude notices she is a person and in the room with him. Try emotional engagement sometime without labelling it as drama or story and see what happens. The suggestively shaped pumpkin is what we don’t want to be. (Note, if objectification is a kink, it exists within the context of emotional engagem…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/25 07:48 PM
5

This. The innocence myth was a way to limit and control women just as the primitive brute myth was a way to limit and control men. In both cases humanity and agency were being attacked. Women’s rights movements have been fighting the innocence myth since long before the iPhone. Good on OP for recognising that neither one nor the other gender are angels or devils.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/25 06:03 AM
2

And it’s not just about it being out of your control. It’s also valueing what the other person values because they value it. Deciding as a team what to keep and what to drop. As you say, not unilaterally.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 01:37 PM
4

Sure, but mother-daughter relationships aren’t simple either. Precisely because they are mother and daughter.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 11:23 AM
10

Or, here me out here, given that most women work anyway, why not have the men step up so they are not like you’re uncle’s generation and it doesn’t have to be the mother in law on the hook for this by default?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 11:18 AM
1

Women are raised to be more prosocial. The part where there are no gendered expectations of who does what and where you’re both trained to take other peoples perspectives into account when making decisions is real. A lot of the cons you are talking about come from the stigma, loneliness and real threats of growing up and living queer. I have to say that I think many men are now also raised with more of that prosocial and egalitarian expectation and it does make a difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/25 11:36 AM
–

You could have just said it made you uncomfortable and asked her to stop.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 09:44 AM
14

Agreed. And it was hard for women to start breaking out of their negative and limiting gender roles while trying to become more fully human. A lot of internalised stuff and a lot of push back from society. It’s not going to be easy for men either. But it’s as they say. The best time to plant an apple tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is now…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/25 04:37 PM
4

This. And it’s okay to get support with this shift too. Right now you’re focussed on the negative which probably makes you tense and stressed and it’s harder to enjoy people’s company, or trust the good moments, which makes it harder to connect positively to other people and that feeds the negative perspective. I know it might sound scary or unnecessary, but a good therapist can help break you out of these negative thoughts and explore the feelings that go with this. You don’t have to do it alon…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/09/25 04:33 PM
2

Yes, you said men pick their partner the way people pick a pet dog. And they don’t. They pick a partner not by evaluating for age and looks and cuteness. They pick by yes, attraction, but also by personality and values and the love between you. Unless they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/25 12:42 PM
5

Or, you know, like people and true partners if you see your wife as truly human.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/25 11:55 AM
1

This!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/25 04:56 AM
13

Nah, it’s been a documented thing since the beginning of medical science.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 04:38 PM
0

If she’s an actual friend, someone you care about for her own sake beyond whether you have a relationship, don’t you want her to find that person? I know sometimes the loneliness can get to anyone when they’re single, and sometimes you gotta let your friend now and ask her to talk to other friends about that or whatever. But unless you only want a relationship if you can have a romantic relationship, you’ll want to hear what’s going on in her life, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 04:06 PM
3

My dude, I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because I am a woman and so often when men said they accepted my no and we stayed friends and I was a real friend to them, they eventually rejected my friendship because if they couldn’t get in my pants the friendship wasn’t worth it to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 02:52 PM
2

Because with you she felt safe! You’d asked, accepted a no, and now she could be close to you without fear you’d take it as her leading you on! Because of that conversation, you grew closer as friends! Or not. I mean again, I wasn’t there, she could just be a shitty person. Who knows. Anyway, should this ever happen again, consider saying something like ‘hey, ever since we had that conversation and you told me you weren’t interested in a romantic relationship, I notice you’re touching me more. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 02:45 PM
0

Did you try talking to her about it? Sounds to me like once that conversation (about not being interested romantically) was held, she felt safe platonically being close to you because you both knew where you stood. I don’t know, I wasn’t there. Maybe she was all but taking your clothes off, I don’t know. But if you both know this relationship is not going to turn romantic, platonic touch is awesome. Bro hugs with your opposite gender friends are also something to cherish, in my world. It would b…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 02:37 PM
2

People tend to fade away for awhile when they are in the throes of New Relationship Energy. But if that friendship didn’t survive it might be because there was that hope and now that that’s gone it’s not worth it. I think if the friendship really was strong on its own, it survives. Also, if you neglect your friendships to date, I think you’re less likely to find someone. You often find people through friends or need your friends to talk through emotional stuff you run into, when dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 12:58 PM
50

Women also have physical issues dismisses as psychological by heath care providers more often…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 10:53 AM
5

This kind of a ‘you’re both right’ thing. Sometimes once you fall in love with someone, you need to heal your broken heart first. But! If that happened bro wouldn’t feel like the girl or woman did anything wrong and they’d hate to lose the friendship just as much. It’s only if you became friends hoping to get in their pants, that you resent them wanting to be friends and hanging out as friends and supporting each other as friends. Women usually encounter the second kind a lot more often than the…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 06:48 AM
8

In your mind is fine, as long as it doesn’t affect how you treat them as people. It would also be impossible to dress non-sexually, because some people are most turned on by modest clothing, right? It is absolutely in the eye of the beholder. So yeah, sexualising is like other social and emotional intelligence things: context & interaction dependent.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/25 03:16 PM
-4

This.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/25 03:04 PM
1

Wanting something very badly and feeling hurt and disappointed is just that. Painful. Wanting something very badly and then treating other people badly because of that disappointment, or opposing other people’s agency (among ithrt things) is entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/25 02:08 PM
3

Also wondering if those women you know are exasperated heterosexual women throwing up their hands and saying ‘it would be so much better if I could just date women’, but not with a serious intent to try it. That happens a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/25 08:53 AM
5

I’d love to know where you are finding women who find it hard to get into relationships with other women, but I’m pretty sure your anecdote is just that. Some women you know find it hard to find queer community where they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/25 07:56 AM
4

That is bull shit. The tight friend group lesbians date in are their lesbian friends. Queer women do in fact seek out other queer women to be friends with once they realise they are queer. Both actively and because those are the people they like hanging out with where they can be themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/25 07:48 AM
4

Lesbians who do all date their friend pool are dating though. In between organising get together’s with their partner(s) and all their exes. So yes, there is perhaps some truth to that stereotype, but that doesn’t mean they date less.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/25 07:41 AM
4

That’s partly true. But people also very often suppress what they’re attracted to, in order to be with someone they think appears more socially acceptable. Like, you might like curvy women, or feminine guys but pick someone more conventional. You might even convince yourself that’s just your attraction in order to not have to investigate why you are really attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 06:17 AM
5

This!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/25 06:15 AM
1

Yes it can be platonic. Just as it can be platonic between women, men can allow themselves to be platonically vulnerable with their platonic women friends in ways some of them could never be with a male friend. So. Yes. Absolutely possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/25 10:33 PM
1

Because a committed relationship that works is great. It’s when one partner isn’t fully on board as a team mate (and about team mates being equals) that it gets to be a detriment.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/25 01:08 PM
4

Dead bedroom can easily happen with couples who are very attracted to each other. It’s not usually lack of desire that causes dead bedroom. It’s lack of emotional safety and inability to repair relationship ruptures.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/25 11:03 AM
1

Only about ten percent of the population is into kinky sex including dominance and chocking (and part of that ten percent is doing the dominant side of it). I think you’re right that traits thought of as masculine are valorised. But most people who are into dominance & submission in the bedroom at some point worry they can never find anyone to date, because they are absolutely a minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 12:52 PM
3

No, it’s real. Fastest growing group of people becoming homeless in Australia for example. Women over fifty who have lived conventional lives. Worked part time, had no financial literacy around pension etc., just focussed on their family and being there for the people in their lives, raised their kids to adulthood, don’t want to be a burden, end up homeless
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/25 06:20 PM
4

Except that’s absolutely not true of at least 90% of the people I know. In fact, if their partners acted like that, my friends would have a really hard time with it. It’s the ‘no cracks in masculinity’ and side-stepping emotion that kills relationships, rather.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/25 01:01 PM
7

Did you mean to reply to me? I can’t make sense of how what you’re saying is supposed to apply to what I said.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/25 12:59 PM
-2

If that is true for you, then you either have or are dating someone with a personality disorder. Absolutely not the bread and butter of most relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/25 12:12 PM
3

Despite some of those authors being women, if most women were more mercenary, many, many more women wouldn’t end up destitute after decades of caring for and contributing to their family both at home and through having a job. Also, expecting women to do the lions share of housework, care and keeping the joined social life alive is not seen as mercenary from/by men. Interestingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/25 12:10 PM
–

Regarding number 8, that’s often in relationship statuswhere women are forced in that role, and partly because women don’t expect men to take their interests seriously having been shamed for them in the past, or mainsplained to to the point of giving up. Or you gravitate towards those women who lack that quality.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 06:27 AM
–

I don’t know what kind of bizarre caricature of women’s experience you make up in your head, but bar a very, very few people who make it their whole life (generally for a limited amount of time), most women have whole lives and the ones who put a little more effort into their appearance are also still ordinary people who absolutely run into other peoples attitudes, as we all do.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 07:05 PM
–

There’s a huge difference between saying you prefer ‘plain’ looking women (because you find them more attractive) and saying that the more attractive person is too attractive for you. Unless it’s a judgement against ‘hot’ (which could be more slutty or glam or sophisticated looking women), and that is also something a lot of women don’t like. We know what it’s like when random dudes judge us and a lot of us prefer hanging out with people who look less judgementally at how women like to express t…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 06:35 PM
–

I think you may be confusing other peoples judgement about someone’s partner choice. Not everyone finds the same thing attractive. The ‘common denominator’ attractive isnt attractive to everyone and it’s not the only thing most people attractive. And also, not everyone’s attraction is primarily about looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 04:42 PM
–

It sounds like you go after people you don’t find attractive. Rather than have a broad taste in women. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t find them attractive. No one wants to be settled for. Additionally it sounds like objectifying the ‘hot’ one, instead of thinking of them as whole human beings with good and bad qualities and a mind of their own who may or may not find you attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 02:32 PM
18

Most of my leftist friends are definitely with men that you would put in the 90% unattractive category, but that to them are number 1.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/25 07:42 AM
0

I wonder how old you are. If you only find conventionally attractive people attractive, that’s either a really unfortunate limitation of how your personal erotic mind works, or you’re maybe inexperienced and a bit sheltered.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/25 05:19 AM
4

Uhm, no. Sincerely, a bi woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/25 05:53 AM
–

Women are happier single than be in a relationship where they are expected to do all the domestic work on top of going out to work and having an emotionally unsupportive partner (or a partner who is only emotionally supportive on their terms). And that is a larger trend women are now opting out of. With another adult who takes responsibility at work and also at home, and who is emotionally aware of himself and others and supportive and willing to receive support? Definitely happier together.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 11:39 AM
–

My dude, women absolutely need and desire love for, with and from another adult. Evolution shaped us to be just as human as you, with a full and rich emotional life.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 07:11 AM
–

So women without children lead loveless lives, lol?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 06:36 AM
–

If you think women are shaped by evolution, why do you think men are not? When originally it was definitely women gathering and hunting small game that provided most of the daily sustenance for the tribe? Also, evolution actually shaped us to be able to care about each other. Love is real because the potential for it is in our genes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 05:51 AM
2

You seem to not understand what I’m saying: there is a time and place to approach women for casual sex and be open and honest about and treat your casual sec partner well. There is also the coercive and sneaky awfulness. The first is welcome, the second is not. It’s not about if women a) also approach people for casual sex or b) maybe also approach people in a dishonest way. The point is that the vast majority of attention women get is the dishonest and inappropriate kind. That has gotten better…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 11:24 AM
5

No, I mean serious and appropriate in intention. You can be funny and casual in how you talk to someone. That’s just social skills. But you still need to be a good person who is also funny and passionate and adventures. But you know, treat people with respect.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 11:20 AM
1

We’re not talking about female attention at all, and yes, most of the ‘hey, baby’ is about quick sex. If you disregard the ‘noise’ and look only at serious and appropriate responses, women don’t have a steady stream of options either.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 11:12 AM
4

Because about 0,001 percent of that attention is in good faith.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 11:07 AM
2

Yes, this, but ‘interested’ feels like a threat. Because most of this attention is actually harassment or could turn into a melt-down any second. Ask yourself how many of these guys genuinely like this hypothetical woman as a person and want to spend time with her just because they enjoy her company? It’s hard to find the guys who are both attracted to you and just like you as a person and you also like them and go from there. Now you know why my single friends, who get plenty of attention, are …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 09:12 AM
15

Agreed. The therapist in the example also sounds like they learned nothing new since they left school a million years ago. We now know that just pushing through a shut down absolutely doesn’t work for ADHD. This therapist is either working with a problem they don’t have the specialised knowledge for, or their practice is outdated. Therapy is not about ‘giving advice’, because a) that would make people dependent on the therapists opinion to live their lives, and b) if ‘just do it’ worked, no one …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 07:46 AM
7

If your partner, male or female, pulls back when you feel and express love, that person is avoidantly attached. You can look this up, there is a ton of scientific writing about attachment and how it can go wrong and shape relationship patterns for life. If you would rather not feel love and keep pulling yourself back from that and think that will make you happy, there is a good chance you have some attachment trauma too. Folks who love each other don’t look to seek ‘better’ partners unless there…
/r/ExRedPill17/07/25 04:31 PM
–

Except every woman and every body is different and you are probably different some days depending on your mood and such. So, expecting all men to have ‘figured it out’ by age thirty means they should either be mind readers or have had prior partners who liked exactly what you like.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 05:58 AM
3

This deserves to be higher. It’s also about how you approach wanting things to improve for yourself. Easier from a place of love.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 10:04 PM
3

This exactly.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 05:46 AM
–

So don’t. Because I promise you, how you talk about it affects how you think about it and how you approach this and how you feel about it. And how eager women are going to be, to get physically vulnerable with you. How you are going to approach both relational and casual sex. It’s not helping you, I promise.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:07 PM
–

If you don’t see how that doesn’t express ‘celebration and revelling in’, or that this had nothing to do with marriage prospects, I don’t think you’re even understand what we’re disagreeing about.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:55 PM
–

‘Getting a girlfriend’ on its own is pretty neutral language. Saying ‘I had a good chance to fuck her’ to your buddies is a whole different thing. Soooooo….
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:33 PM
–

The language seems to express how you value and intend to treat your dance partner in this endeavour. If you sound like you just want the temporary use of someone’s body, rather than to have sex be the end result of a connection (be it lasting or fleeting), that’s something most women want to stay away from. (Footnote to ‘stay away from’: Excluding fun role play where it’s extra important the dude sees you as human first, and sex is a nice bonus.) So yeah. Changing your attitude, will improve yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 11:32 AM
4

If you have any actual real world life experience you will know that actually a lot of the ideas people project onto other people are wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 02:34 PM
4

I mean that you look at someone with alternative dress and you think they are irresponsible and hedonistic. While the values that style of dress expresses to the wearer may be critical thinking and humanism. While they’re actual rates of conscientiousness and hedonism (values you projected onto them) may vary wildly across the group of people who dress alternatively.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 12:51 PM
2

I believe it is, but the values others project on alternative or sexy dress are not necessarily the values they express for the wearer. I don’t have to explain this with examples, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 12:44 PM
8

I’d wanna know if there’s something going on about how he thinks of the women he dated before as very different people from the type of woman he wants to marry. Usually librarians are the kinkiest, so if he equates alternative or sexy dress with ‘slur’ and conservative dress with ‘dependable’ or something, than I don’t think that man has the life experience or people-sense and judgement to be getting married.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 11:32 AM
1

I have read tons about sex and biology. Let’s just say I’m not convinced bh your argument.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:03 PM
1

Dude, if you mean that a small subset of men uses sex for unhealthy external validation, just say so.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:50 PM
1

What makes you think that? And how is it more than the act of having sex for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:13 PM
1

I will add this: long term partner monogamy is not necessarily that safe. I don’t know how they compare, but people get physically abused, raped, coerced and sometimes murdered in long term monogamous relationships in shocking numbers. I think ONS can be unsafe when folks feel no accountability. The less stigma there is, the safer ONS will be. And abstinence is technically insurance against STI’s, but in practice it leads to a lot of people having unsafe sex because they can’t be honest with the…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:57 PM
2

So safer sex is a term for measures that reduce the risk of STI transmission. As for stealthing and rape, you kinda don’t know that in a long term relationship either. Plenty of women thought they were safe but weren’t or were worn down into having sex when their partner wanted to but they didn’t, over the years.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:46 PM
1

I thought OP asked about what made some women enjoy casual and their own theory was that the women who enjoyed it picked casual partners for certain qualities and getting into FWB with those more than ONS. But I can see your way of reading it too. My point holds for ONS though. Safer sex with ONS means less stress and fewer health issues. So more enjoyable casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:28 PM
2

Definitely, but it’s complex. Some people who are risk averse and deny themselves then cave and have impulsive, unprotected sex. Other people who are risk averse figure out what the risks are and mitigate them, having casual sex very intentionally. It depends on how you deal with all the different things pulling you in different directions.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:23 PM
1

Could be, I guess. But FWB is also casual though, yeah?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:14 PM
6

I’d argue more sex educated and know how to reduce risks.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:10 PM
0

How does that contrast with what I said?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:07 PM
3

Sure, those people exist. Especially when they’re afraid to assert boundaries or are dependent for one reason or another. But most are very unhappy and sex that they don’t enjoy becomes more and more damaging over time and it ultimately tends to damage them and the relationship both.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 10:01 AM
10

I’m not so sure that propaganda is true. I know many people, who tick very few of the chad boxes, some check none and they will still sometimes have casual sex. Alternatively the very promiscuous people who are with a different girl every night? That’s also a very small pool of women who are into that who have a lot of casual sex themselves. The vast majority of people (even good looking, high earning fit people) live far more pedestrian lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 10:00 AM
2

Both things are important. You can start having sex and then discover if your personalities and values are compatible. Or you can get a sense of whether your values and personalities are compatible first and then find out if you’re sexually compatible. Sex could be really important to some people and less important to others. If you’re not sexually compatible and that’s not very important to one person, it only works if it’s not important to the other person too.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:40 AM
10

Because most of us are not. I’ve never gone for the type you describe.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:36 AM
12

I think women want access to quality casual sex. With safety, respect, no loss of reputation, good company and good sex. As it stands, certainly women don’t have easy access to casual sex at all. It’s difficult to realise and carries great risks. But when it is safe and pleasurable and congenial, women love it as much as anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:16 AM
7

Yeah, you’re wrong in two counts: one, not all guys are attracted to looks first and foremost, men who don’t experience any sexual attraction until they are emotionally connected to a person exist. Second, what defines ‘looks’ to different men, varies. Some men go absolutely wild over gangly looking Tom-boys. Others like super curvy women, others have a thing for feet or for long hair or short hair or any other thing. Of course there are common denominators that are liked by a majority of people…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:04 PM
-1

No, what I mean is, you know you like what they look like and some of their outward, social personalities. But you have no idea if you would actually vibe with them, like spending time with them, be a team with them, any of that. Unless you are only looking for a one night stand, that’s pretty relevant. Also, I have a heard from multiple male friends who slept with many girls in their school/college/friend group, because he was sweet, super respectful of boundaries and good at sex, but they didn…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 09:54 AM
-1

Yeah, but I’m asking if these are actually women uiu have good rapport with, or women that look good from a distance, but you don’t know what it would be like to be friends with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 09:16 AM
2

Do you actually know these women well, or do you only know them from afar?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 09:07 AM
1

Think about the women you like, that you have the best connection with. Then find out what they like. Chances are it’s not what you think.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 08:47 AM
1

MRA is completely separate from feminism and they are the furthest thing from mirrors of each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:41 PM
1

So in your opinion you can only be a feminist if you put women’s rights above men’s rights? This is quitw obviously untrue, but this is what you are asserting?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:03 PM
2

But in your opinion the only way someone would be a feminist was if they prioritised one groups inalienable rights over another groups? Or someone who puts their own time an effort towards men’s mental health cannot also be a feminist? Someone who thinks ending child poverty is the most important issue of our time bar none cannot also be a feminist?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:41 AM
6

No, you can believe women should have agency and equal rights (feminism) and still think that it is equally important and urgent that men should also have universal human rights.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:20 AM
12

I’ve heard it often. I think it’s weird. I especially find it weird that some folks worry bi people are more likely to cheat. As if straight people wouldn’t because they only have billions of people of the opposite sex to cheat with…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:28 AM
16

Because they want to know if they can be their whole selves?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:26 AM
0

This deserves to be higher up.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:18 AM
1

I think your title can be misread. I agree with the examples you give, but it’s hard to distill from your description in the title. The title could as easily describe for example someone complaining about systemic problems like cat calling in informal language. I think it’s not ‘very negative’ language, your examples cross over into dehumanising.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:14 AM
4

This is so true. Responsible non-monogamy beats irresponsible monogamy every time.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 05:56 AM
2

If you’re going to do this, there are way better ways to do that math than your rough estimate & they also include tracking other signs of fertility. Tracking can be very reliable, but not like this. Might not be a bad idea to look into the ‘pro version’ of fertility tracking. Sounds like you do have the diligence for it, so that’s a good foundation.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 05:55 AM
6

A lot of women are afraid to show lust, because it gets a negative response (meaning either disapproval, or people decide she’s ‘fair game’, or both). So if we want to express ourselves sexually more freely, we have to create a safe environment for us to do that. So if you find women who have stronger desires, who like you, who feel safe with you to express it, I think those would have to be the most likely prerequisites.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 05:39 AM
0

I’m curious, would you say the caretaking in your family was the same for brothers and sisters? Or did they have a different style?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:30 AM
0

Women are raised to proactively be caretakers emotionally. Often filling in the gap by guys being raised not to.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:08 AM
2

Boys don’t cry, they have to be the rock, they’re supposed to focus on winning not on how they make others feel is controversial now?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 05:16 AM
4

How is it a surprise that if boys are raised to ignore or suppress their own and others emotions, that it’s hard for them as adults to start doing that in a healthy way? Women used to not be allowed to do things on our own or by ourselves, and that has luckily changed. But it’s been slower going to get some of those same healthy changes going for guys. It’s your birthright to do those things, but because of outdated ideas and the idea that boys and men wouldn’t be good at it, it’s been kept from…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 10:14 PM
3

Guys who are very closed off emotionally often actually do show a lot of emotion, but they do it by either being angry or being cold and stone walling. Both of those things are very hard on a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 09:39 PM
13

Read the opening comment again. The OP literally wants to have a relationship without having the emotional part of a relationship. Which is all fine and dandy, but not something a partner who does want an actual partner has to settle for. In a relationship it’s normal to take care of each other and to be there for each other emotionally. Men are often not raised to be proactive partners in that, women are raised to take up the slack. That’s something fewer and fewer women and men want to settle …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 03:00 PM
6

My dude, that is just called supporting your partner when they have a bad day. I’m sure they would have done the same for you. We’re talking about pro-actively taking care of each other and the relationship emotionally, and that being one-sided or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:39 PM
10

I think that’s definitely an issue, but being your partner’s sole support is still easier when they are not making you do all the emotional labour.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:15 PM
3

They don’t have to be a mess to leave all the emotional connection work to their partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:46 PM
66

Emotional labour is emotional labour if the other person isn’t doing their part to regulate their own emotions, take responsibility for their self care, or be part of a team with their partner when it comes to the relationship. I agree women should stop having conversations about feelings or the relationship with unwilling partners. Given that those conversations are essential to having a relationship, they should also leave partners who are unwilling to (and unwilling to learn to) have those co…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:17 PM
21

It could be that in trying to do everything right, you end up trying to check all those boxes, but aren’t actually connecting with those women through doing those things. This can be anxiety or it can actually be fear of getting hurt. But this process is about you finding ways to (gradually) get to know someone, let them get to know you and build a connection. So maybe you’re not doing everything right because using the advice to ‘do these things right’ is not the same thing as using the advice …
/r/ExRedPill23/06/25 04:24 PM
4

I think you describe the problem perfectly: misogyny infused sex drive. Maybe now is a good time to work on getting the misogyny out of your otherwise perfectly wonderful libido. Because sex drives have a way of suddenly returning too. Might be realllllly worthwhile to do some self work now, if you felt so inclined.
/r/ExRedPill23/06/25 09:37 AM
14

His charm appeals to men, not women.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 10:41 AM
3

You might like this: https://youtu.be/CLEHLLDevi8?si=L4auvjWa4lTkrk1x
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 09:04 PM
3

I see and I stand corrected: the models were only used to test women’s accurate size recall if hard plastic objects. Then they asked them ‘if you met a guy with mainstream appeal’ and asked them what size they would want that guy to be. I still call bullshit. Why? Because I have talked to many women who have bought toys that looked great in the store and weren’t so great when they brought them home. Almost always folks buy something too big. So I stand by it still being a bad methodology. Also c…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:44 PM
4

Look at how the participants were recruited: the only women who went through with it, were women who when they read what they were supposed to do ;94 the story still agrees. So they were by definition women who would be a-okay with inserting a whole size range of hard plastic models in their vagina. In other words, everyone who thought ‘this is not worth twenty bucks’ would decline. That eliminates a lot of women who prefer smaller and definitely excluded everyone for whom bigger is a deal break…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:30 PM
5

The studies show a slight preference for the tiniest smidge above average. Definitely not size queens. Also, the overall importance of penis size in a woman’s satisfaction is low, for the vast, vast majority of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:21 PM
1

I like men who are a little more androgynous (certainly not hyper masculine) and if I feel a connection to a particular person, I definitely am incredibly attracted to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:19 PM
14

This. Not a former party girl but have talked to a lot of people about their sex lives. Most times not even mentioned, very rare woman who cares. Even rarer who prefers above average. Less than 2 - 5 % size queens sounds about right to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 01:58 PM
12

This is what I’ve actually done for my friends and… they got good matches and dates. BTW, my friends had good personalities. What I helped with was how they presented themselves, how to appeal to the type of woman they actually liked and who would like them back, and to understand the (dating) world from a woman’s point of view. So yeah. My limited experience is exactly that.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 04:57 AM
22

And then some of us prefer bi men, because they have a broader perspective on sex and relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 07:51 AM
2

Forcing sex and cheating doom a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 05:24 AM
1

It’s not a utility. Don’t you understand human beings?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 03:23 PM
1

I disagree, but by your logic the opposite is also true.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 02:17 PM
2

That is so the opposite of what usually happens. I mean, yes, there’s the male friend who would like to be more when that’s just not someone they’re into. But when regular looking guys get left it’s almost always because there’s an emotional component missing.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 01:57 PM
1

That’s the weirdest and stupidest invalidating comment I have ever gotten.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 09:55 AM
7

It’s not utility that women want in addition to whatever initial attraction we feel. It’s a human relationship where we’re seen and feel like we’re on the same team. Emotional reciprocity from someone who is emotionally mature enough to be able to see is as both equals and human beings and sexual beings at the same time. Someone who isn’t instrumental and giving to get, and who also isn’t immature and/or cynical enough to see us that way either.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 07:29 AM
–

In the beginning you’re still getting to know each other. So if someone seems great on a date, but then afterwards they act very needy, I’m learning something about them I didn’t know yet. And that becomes part of my opinion about them. And influences if I want to move forward with them or not. Also, reading your replies below, I wonder if it’s just being needy? Needy is an emotion in you. You feel a certain way (like desiring contact) and you may or may not communicate that. Needy can turn into…
/r/ExRedPill08/06/25 07:07 AM
–

Not realistic because that’s not real people and the real world. Cynical because it’s not only an unrealistic take, but also a negative generalisation about human beings in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/25 09:51 AM
5

Sounds like an incredibly cynical and unrealistic view.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 01:31 PM
-1

If you think a friendship isn’t genuine because a woman friend doesn’t help you reach your dating goals, then you unfortunate don’t know what friendship actually is. You can make up your own rules for friendship, but the other person will figure out where you’re coming from eventually. In essence, friendship cannot hinge on meeting instrumental goals through that connection. That’s just using someone. Which makes people not want to be friends with you and not want to be in a relationship with yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 10:20 AM
3

FWIW: sometimes women are hesitant to initiate with their platonic friends who would be open to more, because they don’t want to give them the wrong idea. Doesn’t mean the friendship isn’t genuine. Could also be that it is one-sided, of course. In that case letting go of the friendship is the better idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 09:59 AM
12

If you’re only friends with a woman for her to be your wingmen, that’s extremely instrumental and not real friendship. Real friendship is appreciating someone for who they are and what they emotionally bring to your life. Being (among other things) each other’s ‘emotional tampon’ reciprocally, if you insist on describing it that way (and describing it that way is dumb).
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 09:57 AM
2

It’s not the main decider. It gets your foot in the door, like good packaging. But it’s not the main decider for most people. Also, no, good looking people don’t act worse than non-conventionally good looking people. That has to do with life experiences and bitterness and defensiveness actually have a lot more to do with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 08:20 AM
-3

So what? You can’t change your height, but social skills can be improved. The good looking guy who is awkward on the date isn’t going to have as good a time or as good a relationship. (Good looking means different things to different people anyway.) Most people are average. So have the best life and the best dates you can, given what you’ve got. If you don’t, you’re just throwing away the opportunities to have a good life that you do have. Social skills is the thing most people can most easily a…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:25 AM
-5

Try this: write a socially awkward profile and a socially intelligent profile with the same picture. One profile where as the woman reading it you expect to sit in awkward silence and never be asked about yourself (or be interrogated weirdly and inappropriately), and one profile where you expect to have a positive, warm, pleasant interaction with someone who observes appropriate boundaries. See who gets the most play.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:13 AM
-4

Bad looking/good people are going to be snapped up. It’s more socially awkward good people who aren’t going to be as quick to connect. Especially if they are trying to connect with someone very outgoing who isn’t looking for a (very) introverted partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:02 AM
6

We all have blind spots and we all have low moments where we are extra vulnerable. I agree that anyone can be susceptible and you show real character snapping out of it and making amends and reconnecting with your wife. That’s the stuff really good partners and relationships are made off.
/r/ExRedPill22/05/25 05:54 PM
5

That’s a really good insight. I’m a big fan of exploring somatic modalities, especially when you can feel so strongly it’s something that’s stuck on the body, as I think you’re describing. But maybe you prefer a different way to approach it, or you need something else, and that is fine too.
/r/ExRedPill19/05/25 07:56 PM
11

This I think is the crux. Some part of you is stuck in a kind of emergency mode. Whereas the odds of building a connection with women who are randomly ‘around’ by just picking them up with a PUA approach are really small: it’s just a bad filter to find people who are the matching puzzle piece to your own. Would it be a bad idea to do some self work on this emergency mode on the one hand (maybe something to bring up with a therapist?), and at the same time some exploring around what kind of perso…
/r/ExRedPill19/05/25 12:58 PM
5

Sounds like that’s a place to get clarity for yourself. Maybe the question is what’s making you vacilate. Maybe the question is what’s making those things seem like opposites and what would your life look like is you got your needs met (or pursue your desires) sustainably and in tune with the people you are in relationship(s) with?
/r/ExRedPill19/05/25 09:40 AM
6

Have you considered connecting with women on a different basis than meaningless lines? Might be worth giving a go. The dichotomy between novelty and settling down might not be as stark as all that. Real connection may need tending, but doesn’t necessarily feel stale over time. Worth exploring what you think you’d be giving up if you build a more lasting connection, if that’s what you want to do.
/r/ExRedPill19/05/25 09:10 AM
23

Sounds like you have good friends, were able to reflect, willing to take action, with genuine respect from a place of authenticity. Very happy for you. You can be proud of yourself.
/r/ExRedPill16/05/25 03:11 PM
6

The research about traits associated with good sex across a lifetime is based on research into what makes people have sex they and their partners considered really great across their life span. The part about a desire for a certain partner being a response to relationships dissatisfaction and being a desire for certain qualities or experiences, not for a partner who actually treats you badly is based on the work of a few different relationship therapists and sex therapists.
/r/ExRedPill01/05/25 10:40 PM
6

No, I’m saying that masculine and toxic are not traits that are commonly associated with a good sex live throughout the life span. The attraction to ‘masculine, toxic men’ probably is a minority attraction, but also its just how women express some things they’re fed up with in their long term partners, such as disinterest and tuning out. Then when they’re able to express that and resolve the relationship issue, it turns out they don’t want a partner who’ll low key ruin their life, they were just…
/r/ExRedPill01/05/25 10:10 PM
11

There are plenty of more masculine, toxic men in their own dead bedroom situation. There is research on what types of people have great sex and have it all through their lifespan. One of their most prominent qualities is being great communicators and being very mindful of their partners. Lots of people whose sexual relationship has stalled start fantasising about someone who is the opposite of their partners. That maybe a genuine desire, but it can also be side stepping the issue of why your sex…
/r/ExRedPill01/05/25 09:23 PM
3

What makes that funny for you?
/r/ExRedPill16/04/25 12:48 PM
7

No, they’re fine. It’s not hard wired that way at all, nothing needs to be rewired. Casual sex (which can also be affectionate) is just different than a relationship.
/r/ExRedPill16/04/25 08:46 AM
16

This is so incredibly true. You do have to be willing to be social and a nice enough person that people will want to spend soms time with you. But you can absolutely still be awkward and eccentric even on that dimension.
/r/ExRedPill08/04/25 05:11 AM
6

Except luckily folks do have some and develop more and then come here to dig their way out.
/r/ExRedPill26/03/25 03:44 PM
4

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Maybe one of the most insidious things about red pill content is that it teaches these guys how to talk to people to make them feel really seen, when they do not have any of the emotional skills to actually be present with another person in an honest way. I am so, so sorry you had this experience. It does destroy trust and that is so unfair because there is no reason to treat another human being this way. Seconding that a good therapist can be a great help, if …
/r/ExRedPill12/03/25 01:27 PM
7

Like I guess maybe you just needed somebody to stand with you and validate and hold space for your feelings. That is such a good insight that it was actually about things in your life and the missing support there. Thank you for sharing that. ❤️
/r/ExRedPill09/02/25 01:48 PM
10

Sounds like some strong self-reflection. Well done. I’m interested in understand it better, did it feel like at least someone had your back when you were in a bad place with your mom (and it sounds like you still are and I’m sorry it’s still tough, OP!). Or like a place for that anger to go and be acceptable?
/r/ExRedPill09/02/25 12:08 PM
3

Yeah, I’ve sometimes noticed this as well. It’s not as widespread as other things like ‘boys don’t cry’ (and thank god men and boys are human and they do cry!), but I’ve noticed it with affection towards animals and especially cats too. That ‘masculinity rule’ exists in the world and it is indeed bullshit and sucks. Good for you for noticing and not being willing to accept that rule, OP! So glad you love your dogs and cats and connect with them. ❤️
/r/ExRedPill22/11/24 09:17 AM
12

You might like this one (little bit of counterbalance to that patriarchal bull shit): r/Mensmittenwithkittens
/r/ExRedPill22/11/24 09:14 AM
2

Sometimes that’s not enough against the thoughts and ideas that start looping in our heads. Is what I’m saying.
/r/ExRedPill05/11/24 04:47 PM
6

But like, look at the actual evidence to the contrary. Because asking yourself that in your head and becoming convinced that they don’t, or they can’t find love or people they’re actually attracted to, when that’s clearly not true, is definitely a thing.
/r/ExRedPill05/11/24 04:17 PM
6

<3
/r/ExRedPill25/10/24 10:41 PM
8

This is such a good observation!
/r/ExRedPill25/10/24 05:53 AM
18

If you can’t move, and there aren’t places where you can work where no one knows you, can you and your therapist talk to one of the places that does know you and ask them to consider that you need the stability to stay in therapy and continue on the path you are now on? What I find notable in your post is that you are expressing zero resentment towards the people who took action against you (and I’m sure that took a lot of work already). It sounds like you’re really taking the work you’re doing …
/r/ExRedPill24/10/24 06:19 AM
22

He already noted that he has to stay there to finish his degree and he’s not going to start dating or get into relationship for at least another year.
/r/ExRedPill24/10/24 05:57 AM
4

What makes sex shallow? Is it possible that sex exists that is shallow and sex exists that is not?
/r/ExRedPill13/10/24 08:05 PM
3

I’m assuming that you are experiencing conflict about this in your marriage. But of course I could be wrong. I’m still curious what it is that makes it seem like connection can only be associated with platonic relationships, for you. What is the quality of a non-platonic relationship that makes it incompatible with connection? What makes that so?
/r/ExRedPill13/10/24 06:24 PM
5

Is this something you would want to be different, or do you think you would rather look for partners who feel the same way about connection and about sex?
/r/ExRedPill13/10/24 05:45 PM
8

Some people can and some people can’t get it up. Luckily, erections aren’t necessary for satisfying sex. In fact, intercourse and penetration aren’t always a part of satisfying sex. Have you any guesses about why sex and connection seem like they can’t go together for you?
/r/ExRedPill13/10/24 02:39 PM
9

She’s factually wrong. People with good sex lives who stay together report that it does get better with age. Even over the age of 60, 70 and even 80. For more information about the people who have stellar sex lives, read ‘magnificent sex’, by Peggy Kleinplatz. Some of the people she interviewed had sex in the context of a love relationship, some had more casual connections. Plenty of people for whom it was part of a profound connection. So it depends. But her thought process doesn’t seem based o…
/r/ExRedPill13/10/24 01:49 PM
11

I also bet it’s what the person responding to you described so well. I’ll add that women often have a more collaborative style of problem solving and they get frustrated when men don’t seem to want to participate in it (because they were raised very differently) and then both parties get very frustrated. A good book about this is ‘we have to talk’ by Samual Shem and Janet Surrey.
/r/ExRedPill13/10/24 06:16 AM
27

Dude, I don’t know which women you hang out with, but I’m a pretty adventurous girl and NONE of my friends have had 35 partners except maybe a few who are dedicated swingers with their long term married partners. More power to them, right! But remember that the few folks who have been with like a hundred people bring the average up. So if the average is 30 (which I don’t think it is) and some people have been with 100+ people, then… most people have been with far less? Not that any of this matte…
/r/ExRedPill06/09/24 06:40 PM
9

This. Also, OP, go you for recognising this in yourself, being able to reflect on it and being willing to grow. That shows tremendous character. I second what the comment above says, about decoupling the idea of sex and defilement. And that might mean having to let go of the sense that your sexuality is bad too. Like there is a wholesome raunchiness too, however unfamiliar that idea might sound now. Also, you can’t tell on the outside what kind of sex someone prefers. Someone who looks pretty to…
/r/ExRedPill22/08/24 06:05 AM
14

So something people don’t talk about as much is non-verbal social skills. When you talk about tapping someone on the shoulder from behind (sounds like that was somwone you don’t know), I wonder if maybe sometimes you have a little less awareness of people’s personal space and comfort zone? If that’s true, that might help explain why you might find initial contact a bit difficult with people. It can also explain why people are a bit stand offish, like you describe with the example where people sa…
/r/ExRedPill03/08/24 01:09 AM
9

Exactly this. If there were that big a market, there would be that big an industry. They would actually be able to make cheaper high end dolls because of the higher volume of sales.
/r/ExRedPill31/07/24 04:57 AM
10

If I’m being really generous I would say that OP is trying to take the advice of dating someone of similar level of attractiveness as themselves. Their advice does not take into account either body dysmorphia, nor does it advice people to look at people who aren’t super models with a positive outlook. So every point you make, holds. Just wanted to add the possible way this idea came about.
/r/ExRedPill21/07/24 01:54 PM
1

I’ll add to that that my partners and I have often been a burden to each other. Things like illness, hard times, stressed from studies/work) etc. And my partner still felt I added value, and I still felt my partners added value. It’s not about having no needs and not being a bother and things like that. The part about it feeling like equals who both are there for each other and both put in the work (both practical and emotional) and not like one partner is the parent, definitely is important. Ju…
/r/ExRedPill09/07/24 04:13 AM
6

It’s usually something a little intangible like being able to be yourself, feeling seen and heard, knowing you’ve got each others back through the rough spots, knowing you can work through conflict, work out hurt feelings and miscommunications, have fun together, make each other feel valued and appreciated. That last one isn’t as easy as it sounds. There are a lot of people who don’t find it easy to take in feeling valued and appreciated, so even when their partner shows them and tells them, it …
/r/ExRedPill08/07/24 12:04 PM
5

Could absolutely also be a raucous one. But one who likes soft spoken men, for sure.
/r/ExRedPill29/06/24 04:29 PM
1

It’s certainly uniquely gendered. I’m thinking of this kind of thing. Curious what you think. https://www.nativehope.org/missing-and-murdered-indigenous-women-mmiw
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates30/05/24 07:40 PM
1

Interesting point of view. From where I’m sitting I would say out group females suffer the same fate. They are definitely sometimes demonised as objects of terror, but even when the caricature is one of weakness, the end result is the same. I notice you talk about ingroup women being subordinated, but not about what happens to the out group women.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates30/05/24 04:45 PM
1

But those again not relative to their racialised and gender non-conforming AFAB counterparts, generally. So, yeah. All other things being equal being female is an intersectional vulnerability. I think the point is not that men don’t have privilege but a) that not all men have the same amount of privilege and some women have more privilege than some men and b) that the straight jacket of masculinity which may also afford privilege comes at an undesirable cost. But if you discount the privilege in…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates30/05/24 06:09 AM
1

I just read and followed a lot of discussion over the years. I’m thinking in particular about a lot of feminist thought that came out of the early days of women and groups trying to reimagine what a world without sexism would look like, but I don’t have library citations ready (and a lot of it was in Dutch, though by no means exclusively so). I’m not a gender studies scholar. Like I said, I think this perspective got snowed under a bit. Also, some of the theories are talking more about maleness …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/05/24 01:31 PM
-2

Again I want to lead that I am not invalidating your point about men being trapped in the detrimental structures of systems of inequality’s too. But again I have to argue with your example. Because that’s literally not nearly as true of women physicians as it is of male physicians. Not that all women physicians escape the traditions and pressures of their field, but it is nonetheless true that: Patients treated by female surgeons had fewer complications and shorter hospital stays than those trea…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/05/24 12:32 PM
5

As someone who has seen feminism up close from the eighties onward, yes feminism has definitely had an abiding historical interest in and articulation of non-pathological, non-perpetrator masculinity. However, headlines tend to favor the reductive, essentialist thing. I think this is not least because it is actual -less threatening to the status quo than men being human beings trapped in a system of oppression.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/05/24 09:58 AM
-20

Hey, I’m actually very much in the camp that men are struggling and there are systemic reasons for this, but you might want to notice that your counter example sucks. Because yes, 80% of health care workers are women and 60% of gynaecologists are women but the point is that power is still concentrated in the hands of usually men, and women who have equal rank & experience aren’t taken as seriously. You make a great point that both the group that had privilege and the group that is disadvantaged …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/05/24 05:39 AM
5

These are good tips.
/r/ExRedPill28/05/24 05:00 AM
5

Good for you.
/r/ExRedPill15/05/24 08:16 AM
5

How can one join? There are no instructions given.
/r/ExRedPill10/05/24 01:47 AM
32

I would be upset and lose interest in someone who seemed like they lost interest in me.
/r/ExRedPill08/05/24 07:12 PM
16

Only responding to one thing in your comment: It’s possible to not know if you’re feeling it and to actually, definitely be feeling it. This is what happens to a lot of people who get into their heads and a lot of people who need to relax before they can feel any kind of sexual feeling in their body and let’s not forget our Demi-sexual friends who need the friendship to progress before they’re feeling it. Not saying that’s what OP is experiencing. Just wanted to add that detail.
/r/ExRedPill28/04/24 08:26 PM
3

Have you asked her how she feels and how she would like it to unfold?
/r/ExRedPill27/04/24 08:10 PM
–

Go you!
/r/ExRedPill26/04/24 09:17 AM
25

It’s true and it’s not true. Yes, often we get a vibe or we pick up on small stuff or that someone doesn’t walk their talk, that kind of thing. There is stuff that becomes apparent. But… also we are just human. Not all of us have that spidey sense well developed. Certainly even those of us who do have blind spots and/or can be fooled.
/r/ExRedPill25/04/24 08:40 PM
77

This. Guys tone the sexism down towards those women and they’re good at connecting superficially and making it look genuine.
/r/ExRedPill25/04/24 02:03 PM
1

DMing you.
/r/ExRedPill18/04/24 12:03 PM
1

Question: I’m trying to unpack someone having used some of these manipulative and brain washing techniques on me (relatively mildly, thankfully). Do you know if there is like an overview of techniques for people who have had these used on them? I’m getting kind of sick of reading and watching this material to try and unpick it backwards, as you can probably understand. Also interested in finding support groups or books if there are any.
/r/ExRedPill12/04/24 09:43 PM
5

I love this. Average does not exist is a really good thing to remember here.
/r/ExRedPill04/04/24 03:27 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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