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Ruggiard Archive

View 7 posts and 74 comments by Ruggiard on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

Absolutely! Of all the things that had happened, us not being together anymore is a way better outcome than if we had gone ahead with our plan to make children and keep each other miserable till death do us part. It wasn't for that reason that she divorced me, but I would have been too loyal and too principled to end it even though in rearview it is obvious that she wasn't right for me. As much as I was hurt at the time, I'm so much better off
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 01:57 PM
1

Some accidents are bigger, some smaller. Some are life-destroying, some just wreck the car. We absolutely agree on this. My point is that if I can avoid it, I want to be defined by myself not by what happened to me
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 07:41 AM
10

As the banker said: "I never made a bad loan, some of them just turned bad down the line". I take solace in that. Some good decisions at the time turned bad later. Sometimes shit just happens. Almost three years post-divorce, I see divorce like a car crash. No one wants it when they get into a car. Obviously there are reckless drivers, but sometimes you just have bad luck and get t-boned on an intersection and there was nothing you could've done. Just live with it and move on, you'll be happier
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:07 PM
2

I took a "maintenance break". Took about 18 months off dating and just thinking about myself, the relationship and my patterns. I also took some "alternate therapy" where I could discuss some issues and work on my sexual confidence which was also in the shitter after the marriage. And I got my teeth corrected. If I know how to have better judgement by now, I cannot say. I can say that I have some new red flags (at least on the factual criteria) and that I observe more than I project. What gives …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:16 PM
5

Personally the hardest part to come to terms with was not the divorce, but being confronted with what turned out to be a horrible lack of judgement. How could I have been so sure about that person and ignored all the signs? How could I have missed all of this? Lastly, If I had such bad choice of a partner in the past, how may I ever do better in the future?
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:28 PM
3

Same here. She wanted out, but didn't want to file initially. I told her that limbo is not an option. Best decision ever.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 10:16 AM
2

Very sorry to hear that. Her condition might explain the motivation of the act. The fact that it happened means that she also followed through on it and that she quite possibly will do so again. The salient point is that actions have consequences and cheating is a fundamental breach of trust and terminates the basis for a relationship according to the standards you set for yourself (as do most of us). Her feeling sorry makes it more pathetic and - frankly - dumber. Take a time out (with a commun…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:41 PM
1

You are in one of the most difficult circumstances you will have to face in your life. I know it sounds dumb, but from what you say here, you have a strong (probably justified) suspicion but no proof. Seriously. All the signs point there but without confirmation or a confession, you can not be sure. If you are going for the divorce make sure you have actual evidence that will hold up in court. I'm not familiar with the divorce laws in your jurisdiction but escalating without any proof might get …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 02:40 PM
7

There's the one route no one seems to try: talk to her. Not as a "you don't give me what I want" but as a "how can we get this to work?" discussion. You and her vs the problem. I know it's super difficult. In my marriage, it was the other way around. I was not attracted to her anymore for a number of reasons and her pushing made it worse. The other route is that you will have to get both of you into a state where you are desirable to each other again. Get out of that environment of chores, kids …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 09:34 AM
5

ied Valid point. Asking divorce_men about marriage would be like asking around in the accident ward of a hospital if it's worthwhile buying a season pass for skiing. As a divorced man with a very smooth divorce (apart from the emotional trauma that comes with any breakup) I can tell you a few things: If you want to legally hitch together do it for reasons that make sense legally (taxes, green cards, children or similar). Getting legally married has nothing to do with love. Which brings me to my …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:55 PM
1

Thanks, that was my point exactly. Not everything here is a bloody fight. Not every divorce is super messy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 03:47 PM
3

About eight months before you ask that question
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:26 PM
2

be strong buddy, these thoughts will become less and less intense. One day, you will be at peace with them or even able to forgive her. You're on the right path: Schadenfreude is a starting point. It will move to pity for her shortcomings as you get stronger. Ultimately, it might be indifference to her flaws, the realization that you are your own person and the acceptance that she was part of your story. Not less, not more. I believe that holding grudges hurts you more than others
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 03:59 PM
1

I had the opportunity to take in some Ukrainian refugees and they were a godsend! Not only did they help with the housework, they also were a massive social relief for me. Interactions were minimal (they didn't speak my languages) but there was life in the house. Ah also: get a dog!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 08:02 AM
1

Get a new dog
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 06:56 AM
1

I fully understand your feelings and the shame that may come with it. It took me some time but I had to come to the realization that if you do something in your life, or something happens which you can't change anymore, it's not a mistake, it's part of your story now. You will always have that ex-wife and you once had your reasons for marrying her. Now you're wiser, but own your history. That is a chapter of your story.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 02:58 PM
6

people on this planet, does your ex wife have to be one of those that stays in your life? Removing her makes roo I don't think it's retardedness. Having lunch with my ex-wife didn't harm me. Actually, it proved to me that I have moved on. I refuse to let my divorce define me. I'm a man in my own right, not a divorcee. It was very important for me to give that bad decision I made a place in my live and move on from it. Now that things have moved on, I want to give the past a place. Not everything…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 07:02 AM
8

life turns to shit. The Thank you for your concern. I don't feel that powerless.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 03:38 PM
1

If I were a suspicious person, I would say near or with her parents. The "travel expense" story is just to get extra cash.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:15 PM
9

ivorce me Asking that question in this subreddit is like going to a body positivity group and asking whether you should have that last brownie
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 08:14 AM
2

you're at a great place. Probably the place where you should have been at the outset of your marriage. You are at a point where you make an informed decision about getting into a relationship or not (and you know the consequences). You're even prepared to walk it alone. If and when you meet somebody, this will be a great basis for a good decision on your future. The only trap: extrapolating from your past to your future. Things will quite probably not fail at the same point again. You have made …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:53 AM
1

If you happen to separate what is inside and outside your control, you will find peace more easily. What's the point in getting mad about something that you couldn't control? Admitting that some things are beyond our personal influence is not a sign of weakness. In fact, a stark proponent of this was a Roman Emperor (Marcus Aurelius), a vastly powerful man who also had to accept that there are things he can't change. What your ex-wife is and has become has nothing to do with you. Accept it and m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 11:14 AM
2

This might be on a much minor scale, but my dog's behavioral issues cleared within a few weeks of her being away. One master in charge, one responsibility does wonders for training.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:00 PM
1

https://www.amazon.com/Bachelor-Home-Companion-Practical-Keeping/dp/0871136864
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 11:14 AM
33

The usual: anger, denial, repression, distraction, muttering entire conversations to myself, lots of hiking with my dog, casual sex, about twenty install- and uninstall iterations of dating apps and now running, hiking and now a bit of therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 02:56 PM
1

This has gotten a number of downvotes. So just to reiterate the point without the joke: if the number of her body count is your main consideration when you decide if you want to be with someone (unless they are "professionals"), you definitely shouldn't be with that person anyway. Find someone you love, whose life is compatible with yours and with whom you can build a trusting (and thrusting) relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 03:04 PM
0

No, it doesn't. Or as the great Billy Connolly put it on his quip about the afterlife: "53 fucking virgins! The very thought of 53 fucking virgins, it’s a nightmare! It’s not a fucking present, it’s not a prize, it’s a punishment! Give me 2 fire-breathing whores any day of the week. I’m a slut man!" I'm 42 and believe me: it's better to find a girl who knows what she likes, knows what she does and has a few tricks up her sleeve and is cool with that. Ideally she's a "lady in the streets whore in…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 08:17 AM
6

Hey man, I feel you. It's okay to be shocked and confused. Life sometimes hits us with a combination strike (left right straight). I get the impression this is all hitting you as one big ton of bricks. The unstructured post points to that. Do I understand you right? - The relationship has been difficult for a while? - Still you are heartbroken? - You have suffered a brain injury which exarcerbated everything? - You still find it difficult to concentrate and you are confused and frustrated? - You…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:40 PM
1

Mate, posting on divorce_men about cold feet before marriage is a foregone conclusion. That said, with the issues you reported and her reaction, you dodged a bullet. Relationships ending is always devastating and I feel your pain. It's especially hard when the relationship shatters at the next big step. Hang in there and find the person, with whom these questions don't come up or aren't breaking the relationship. Or stay alone and be happy that way. I have a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 07:55 AM
5

y strong u/RideATX has a very valid point on what you should focus on. That said, I have witnessed similar behaviours throughout my divorce and after. The main explanation probably is cognitive dissonance. If you have done nothing wrong and she divorces you for her own reasons, this could make her a bad person in her mind. If she continues to show you kindness and you slip first and do something unforgiveable, then she will feel like she is morally in the clear. Also, she might feel guilt and is…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 07:45 AM
2

s well as m I have only done three sessions so far. I guess women are more prone to admit issues in this area and maybe seek help. The reason I sought out help was that my marriage was sexually dead and I did not feel turned on by my visually beautiful ex-wife at all. Some people put this down to a chemical issue (low testosterone), but I still got horny (alone) and my entire sexlife needed recalibrating. The sessions are separated into a conversational part, where you discuss and the therapist …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:59 AM
11

Hey dude, getting back out there is hard. I gave (and still am giving) myself some time with the whole thing. One thing I am doing during this "maintenance break" (also got an invisalign) is I took sessions for sexological bodywork. It's basically therapy with some actual physical interaction in the form of exercises at the end. It has profoundly changed the way I feel about my own male sexuality and has helped me understand the patterns I got into during the marriage. It's not for everyone (may…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 05:11 PM
2

I had to ask myself the same questions. The first thing I did was to remove all instagram pictures of us together. Too painful having these reminders pop up on my profile. Next I went on to create a separate instagram account just for myself where I post hiking pictures with my dog. I still have this desire to share, but I feel more comfortable sharing it with a bunch of strangers than knowing that she might see it (it's also good because coworkers, bosses and so on know about my "main" instagra…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 09:07 AM
13

I was planning on autoerotic asphyxiation while - ironically - listening to Air Supply, but it might just be a workout, dinner and then Clarkson's Farm on the couch with the doggo
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 01:12 PM
1

what you inferred wasn't implied
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 04:14 PM
1

our personality,thoughts,want I think that's a current phenomenon with everything (including the internet) people take one detail, extrapolate it into the future and then come to the conclusion that it can never work. I write this down as someone not being ready for a relationship and won't take this personally.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 02:23 PM
1

“Let's face it: a date is a job-interview that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. ” Jerry Seinfeld
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 01:10 PM
2

grifters out there is astounding. Never dinner or any expensive dates, follow the Leykis 101 rule, max of $40, $0 is optimal. No action by the 3rd date?…cut her loose and move on. And never, NEVER simp for any woman. Do not even think about anything serious right now, lest you fall vic This is like a warzone! I see why many women are also super wary. But thanks for the warning
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:15 AM
2

My ex wife spent all of our money. I'm definitely not trying to impress anyone with spending anymore
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:13 AM
1

kept the date. 99% of my matches have been fake. Of the 1% real ones 99% of those canceled day of. I deleted all of those apps now for about 9 months now and have way more success doin Good to know. Wish me luck!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:12 AM
1

Thanks! The events website tips is a good idea! I'll definitely check that out. The "magic" part is a bit strange to me. In my experience that is as much linked to your own receptiveness and openness as it is linked to the other person's character. But I get what you mean. I don't want a second date with anyone who doesn't interest me. On the other hand, I have also observed that the less people invest a date with their own personal interest, the more likely they are to not perceive any "magic/c…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:12 AM
1

Pub would be a fantastic idea, furthermore, it's a 6Nations weekend. The problem is that I would run into my old rugby mates. That wouldn't make for a good first date :-D
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:08 AM
2

nger gave me her number recently and has been texting and calling. Regardless of what else happens, my ego and self-confidence needed this boost after the last year or two. I also have defi Good on you! 25 years is a bit of a gap, though. Are you all clear about the motives?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:07 AM
1

and try to impress her I did this on my first rebound Let her like you for you.. Rule 1: I'm a kid of the 80s and the AIDS epidemic. Condoms and sex belong together for me. Rule 2: I'm absolutely with you Rule 3: No intention of getting remarried (it's a first date). If it leads to love, who knows, I don't mind. But then again, it's a first date: with my character it might just as well end up with me drinking alone with an old fashioned poured over my head.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:06 AM
1

y place require you buy a few drinks. So now you don't even have to be the focus all night and yo I love comedy anyways! That's a good plan!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:02 AM
1

Dinner also sets this weird adversarial dynamic where you sit across from each other and she grills you with questions the whole time in a job interview type setting. It's polarizing and also se Thanks dude, great to hear some people still have confidence and a relaxed attitude!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 08:01 AM
2

of a nasty divorce. Why the vasectomy? This isn't mandatory for dates these days, right?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 03:47 PM
4

About ten months after she divorced my ass
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 04:28 PM
1

One year in. Everything seemed okay and the last formalities of the divorce proceedings are being settled. She then asked me on a sidenote if she could occasionally come and see the dog. A volcano of emotion erupted in me. I felt angered by that request (although it might even have been meant as an olive branch to establish contact without saying that she wants to see me). I felt vindictive because she had chosen to leave and also said some nasty things about the dog which even at the time I kne…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 10:41 AM
5

Don't. If you do it, make sure the state is: legally covered and drunk
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:28 PM
1

Up” app has a good intro course. Headspace is probs fine too. You need a meditation guide to get star definitely not going to do that anymore
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 01:26 PM
1

hanks for being Good to know, I'm not the only one. I think it will take time. It's just that the tunnel sucks
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 09:45 AM
8

est lesson from it: You cannot control her behavior. You can only control your response to her behavior. "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday is a great introduction into stoicism. I thanks man! I'm a big fan of the stoics since high school. Glad you reminded me of that
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 01:42 PM
2

some guys trying to hire a "renowned" therapist and setting up group sessions on Zoom
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 09:25 AM
1

: I work in tech and often on the deal side. There was one year (the year I met my ex) I was working on a deal where I only got paid on contingency fee. So I went 12 months without drawing a monthly pa Thanks for clearing that up! I didn't understand the tactics behind it. Putting the husband in a bad light seems like a bad approach if you want to get money out of him.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 01:40 PM
11

Nope and yes! I am convinced that believing in a soulmate is what makes a happy lifelong marriage impossible. If you assume that there is someone who magically complements every facet of you and who anticipates every emotional, psychological need of you and lovey you despite all your flaws and once you find that magic person, everything will be fine, then you're set up for disappointment. I'm just divorced and my ex-wife thought exactly that. She believed that if there is difficulty and hardship…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 08:13 AM
7

ven realize it, you are practice dick, if you go through with it don’t be surprised when things get f "Monkey branching" I love it. That's exactly why I assumed my now ex-wife has already had someone else. Otherwise she wouldn't have been that courageous and unproblematic with the divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 08:13 AM
2

Any thoughts on a "reverse-stag-do"? Take my mates and celebrate a wild return to the bachelor's pool?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 01:02 PM
14

me, have a beer, go running, hit the gym, see frie I'll go to a craft beer pub with my best mate tomorrow afternoon and for a two-day overnight forest hike with my doggo over the weekend. That'll give me some distance. You're right, I feel like a popped blister right now
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 08:59 AM
2

This. You can't ditch habits, but you can replace what you do after a cue. Find out what your cue for the habit is (Frustration, a conflict) and then use that cue to trigger another habit (going for a run, doing a workout) and a reward (a post-run smoothie or similar). Read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. If you feel that liking a drink is not a problem, but your surroundings say there is. You might still be able to just shift your "habitual" drinking (i.e. a mechanical reaction to frust…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 07:23 AM
4

This seems like a very conservative point you are coming from, OP. Unless you live in the Vatican, I can't imagine these questions making sense
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 12:46 PM
3

en the most supportive husband. I owned up to that and worked on and bettered myself through personal therapy, and tried to work on us in couples therapy. She just doesn’t feel I’m worth the Okay, I guess I hear some of that in your language. When it comes to passive behaviour, I would count myself rather on her side than on yours to be honest. This can be immensely frustrating when you get the feeling that you're pulling for two. You have two children, you want to save this and you want to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 03:00 PM
3

personal therapy, and tried to work on us in couples therapy. She just doesn’t feel I’m worth the Hey man, sorry about that. My situation was similar with the "epiphany". It sucks. The rug has been pulled from underneath your feet and it's free fall time now. What we're experiencing seems to happen all over the place (my best friend, my brother-in-law). There are things within our control and things outside. How our spouses feel about us can be on both sides of this fence. If this is not a warni…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 12:32 PM
3

Hey dude, sorry for what you're going through. What has happened so far. What is your situation like (other than the separate rooms)? Has she mentioned divorce? If you want to stay sane, don't extrapolate from the present, focus on the next right thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 12:05 PM
8

I took in a couple of Ukrainian refugees. They clean the house all the time and we share meals. They are super grateful to have a place to stay and I'm super grateful that somebody is bringing a little bit of life into the house
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 01:59 PM
7

ally be content and ma I don't know if this would work for you, but a dog is the best thing in my divorce. He is loyal (unlike others), friendly and gets me regular exercise and someone to be around without having to put up with BS.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 07:50 AM
1

At least archive all that. Instagram, google photos etc. all support archiving. Delete the nudes.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 06:57 AM
2

I feel you. I wanted to do that after she sprung the divorce on me. I can't. I had to archive all the photo albums we made and take down all the pictures. I feel it's necessary to create a clean cut, make myself realize that it's over and will never return and grieve before I can start looking at the memories again. The memories will need a new context. Once that is accomplished and I feel safe and secure alone or in a new relationship, I may be able to look at pictures of these years again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 07:56 AM
17

I had these thoughts a lot, but now they wane. The marriage is over and there's more than one way to deal with it, but dwelling on the past seems like a dead end.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 02:48 PM
1

a crazy dog on a mountain so If you have been dreaming of a motorbike all your life (at least all your marriage), do it. I have always been cycle-curious but decided against it for numerous reasons: I can't take the dog I'm inexperienced, which is not a good thing for such a dangerous pastime My left knee doesn't bend that well for longer periods I'm not sure how I look in leathers I would need a new organ donor card If I had the cash (and the garage space), I'd get a Caterham or something simil…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 08:33 AM
2

gs may seem difficult to accept when they occur but later on it all makes sense. The fear of letting go is worse on you than the pain of having let go. At least it seems like that to me. Once the decision was there and I had to deal with it, I had a mission and a goal. One of the things that got me initially was shame: I felt ashamed of a failed marriage in the second year. Ashamed of being a failed husband. But nobody among my friends and acquaintances shared that view. Which helped a lot. I mu…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 09:28 AM
2

Will do, after everything is signed. I might also by a lottery ticket. Just for the 1:31'000'000 chance of apocalyptic irony
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 03:49 PM
6

have at least one hobby to help keep yourself levelheaded (cooking/going to the gym/jogging, etc.) Thanks! Good job on the blind spot warning with the bad relationships. That's a trap I should be aware of. The hobby thing was the first project I attacked. I looked at what makes me happiest in general. Sounds stupid but I get a big grin everytime I see my dog's paws bouncing before me on walks. So I decided to get even more serious about my hiking. Thing is: without the old ball and chain, I'll b…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 03:48 PM
4

Bachelor return party! Plan a weekend with friend like you had for your Stag Do. Only this time, you actually feel like partying
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 04:53 PM
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