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Sam_N_Emmy Archive

View 1 posts and 211 comments by Sam_N_Emmy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
68

RantSam_N_Emmy/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 06:00 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Scheduling helped with my case when she’d say I wasn’t willing to compromise.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 08:12 PM
2

I moved into the basement when we separated. We scheduled time for the kitchen and laundry. I generally took care of the kids while she went out with “friends”. We did our best not to cross paths. During the actual divorce I kicked her out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 07:39 PM
7

When I was getting close to figuring things out she came up with this wild story about me cheating. She said I was only accusing her because I did it myself. It went from her friend told her I hit on her, to my coworker, to her sister. She was intentionally not making sense to distract me. I didn’t find out until later that she was cheating and my accusations were correct. Over 10 years later she still denies it and tells everyone that I was crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 02:52 AM
1

This is a thing with most women and breakups. It doesn’t matter what the real truth is, you are now the villain. You are the darkness she survived. Odds are she’ll call you a narcissist and probably post about abuse or trauma. My ex did it. She moved the narrative from her cheating, to justifying it because she was a survivor of whatever nonspecific trauma she went through. I have a lot of female friends that do the same thing. It’s trendy and gets them the attention they crave. Give it time and…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 05:03 PM
4

My ex got kept mine until she got married again, which was the 6 month wait after it was final. The funny part is she’s been married twice since she switched to his name and has never bothered to change it. Not sure if it’s because she knows the marriages won’t last or she likes the name better.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 02:03 PM
1

She still gets super pissy with people when they say they saw me out somewhere. Especially if they say anything about me looking happy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 11:11 PM
17

Women will do anything to destroy you in order to protect their image and reputation. Never believe that they are above doing horrible things. They will do anything to hide their affairs and protect their partners. My ex was trying to be amicable, until I found evidence of the affair. She was already a horrible person but she went even darker once I found out. Even after 10 plus years of being divorced. She still gets pissed at anyone that points out she cheated. All this time and she still prot…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 02:58 PM
8

All of this is true. But you have a right to stand up for yourself. I had my name drug through the mud. I was most definitely convicted in the court of public opinion. No matter what I did my reputation was already damaged. But I stood up. I fought. I proved my innocence. I showed the doubters the light of the truth. I won full custody of my kids. No child support owed. No alimony owed. All the debt she ran up during our separation that she pinned on me, had to be paid by her. All because I stoo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 09:13 PM
1

My standards didn’t go up, but I do feel like I upgraded.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 06:04 PM
2

Unfortunately this is what women do. It’s dumb that they think that because he likes the same stuff, we’re going to be friends. Thankfully this was short lived on my end. Be civil for the kids sake but stand by your rules. If you don’t want him in your house, then he doesn’t need to be there. It’s okay to not like someone. It’s okay to set firm boundaries. Just make sure she doesn’t twist it to fit her own narrative to the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 05:56 PM
4

You will always be the villain of her story. Don’t worry about her fiction. Just like kids throwing a tantrum, if you don’t overreact, she’ll get bored and move on. Eventually she’ll find someone else to make miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:53 PM
9

I’m saying this from the perspective of being married for 16 years with 12 of those being completely horrible. I was that guy that stayed because of the kids. Ex was verbally abusive, disrespected me every chance she got. Although I didn’t find this out until the end, cheated multiple times. I didn’t want to leave my kids with such a horrible person. I finally broke, divorce was the only way forward. My kids were in their early teens by then. When I sat them down to tell them about the divorce, …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 02:20 PM
1

Agree with all of this. Do not give them anything they can use to prove their case. Everything bust be treated without emotion and very businesslike.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:41 PM
2

It’s all good. I eventually upgraded.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 08:39 PM
19

My ex and I split for a lot of reasons but cheating was why I threw her out. At that time I had the name of one guy and that’s where it sat. As we went through the process two more names came out. Over time that list has grown to 8 different guys in the span of 18 years, 16 married. One guy called me years after our divorce because he thought I had found out about him. I told him about the others and he was more pissed that she lied to him about being the only one. It sucks to find this stuff ou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 11:03 AM
1

Seems like a bad idea. Is there something she wants that you can sacrifice in trade for keeping both dogs? I fought something similar and lost to the court eventually. She fought harder for the dog than she did for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 05:23 PM
6

It’s a mix of things. It’s definitely a way to weed out the crazies but they are also to that point that casual dating sucks. Everyone understands not everyone you meet is long term material. Let’s face it, dating at any age sucks. People are just done with the games.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:57 PM
2

Eventually you need to forgive yourself. I was angry at myself too. For lots of things, especially not seeing through the lies. Forgiving yourself helps take away the numbness. It gets better one day at a time. There will be good and bad days. We wouldn’t be human if there weren’t. You’ll eventually reach a point when you can’t remember why you felt the way you did.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 11:06 PM
5

Numbness goes away over time. Everyone is different and we all heal in different ways. Anger is a different story. I’ve been divorced over ten years and I still have anger at my ex. It’s evolved and changed focus over the years, but it’s still there. I don’t let it define me, I’ve just learned it will always be a part of me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:30 PM
6

Separation and divorce was two years total. Started dating after the divorce was final. Didn’t meet my wife now for about a year after. We met by chance at the grocery store.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 09:35 PM
8

Time. It took time and proving to myself that I was okay. Eventually you’ll hit that moment when you realize that you are okay just being with you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 08:05 PM
1

You have my sympathy if we were.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 04:14 AM
5

It’s unfortunate that you have to look at every aspect that can be manipulated with a narcissist. It gets frustrating.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 03:51 PM
5

It’s a manipulation. We put limits on that communication in our home. The worst was FaceTime calls and having the kids walk around the house looking for things in the background to complain about. We have a designated spot for calls and times that it’s unacceptable. Eventually it lost its fun and has almost stopped completely
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:59 PM
2

It was because the first day in the therapist pegged her with social personality disorder and narcissistic tendencies. She went for one more visit and was done. She was exposed and didn’t like it. We separated shortly afterwards and things unraveled from there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 03:05 PM
1

Find someone that is willing to explain your rights and fight for you. Too many attorneys just roll over when the future ex wife claims abuse, wants more money, and so on. Ask around and see who’s got a good reputation for taking care of their clients.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:16 PM
5

Yes mine had a lot of “Just friends”. It was a gut punch to find out what was really going on, but it was fun to find out that the friends didn’t know they weren’t the only ones.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 03:39 PM
15

They’re never just friends. Especially if she defends the friendship.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 02:32 PM
1

If there is no contract or written documentation you can consider that debt yours. The court will only look at what’s legally bound to her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:00 PM
4

Because at the end of the day you answered your own question already. Women are materialistic. He bought her happiness and gives her shiny things. She chose that over her family. This is your opportunity to be a good dad and raise your kids. Do all the things they need to be happy. Don’t worry about her because she’s either going to move to the next guy that has even more money and shiny things, or run out her usefulness to this guy. She’s also helped to show you how to watch out for the type of…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 10:15 PM
6

No. I was pissed at having to sell the house but that was a small price for the freedom I gained.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 07:37 PM
8

I’ve known a lot of guys that felt the same way. Most, not all, will tell you that they found their upgrade. I personally went from minimal sex to being with someone that finds new and creative ways to have sex regularly.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:32 PM
3

I wouldn’t go out of my way to invite her. Maybe at max once a month plan something that you can all do. This can either be something that allows her phone time to illustrate your point. You could also plan something so involved that she has no option but to put the phone down.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 03:45 PM
8

Guessing the BF doesn’t know you two are hooking up. You feel used because you’re the other guy now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 02:12 PM
1

She’s probably told them without you knowing. Mine did that and gave them quite the story. I was the bad guy for a very long time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:27 PM
2

Mine asked that we not tell many people about it. Turned out she’d already told her family we were in the process months before I served her. They knew she was cheating so to cover she told them I was abusive and she was leaving. Always understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. It’s definitely not for your benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 10:16 AM
19

Women and social media in general. My ex demanded that we have access to each other’s accounts at all times. I was fine with that. What I never knew was that she had multiple other accounts for each of her personalities. Social media is dangerous to a marriage when in the wrong hands. Women seeking the wrong kind of validation can find whatever it is they need to hear. It always leads back to the husband being the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 06:30 PM
3

Just tell her. You heard her words and for both of your best interests you need to separate and divorce. At this point you are just delaying the inevitable. Get ahead of it because if she’s telling you she’s miserable and hasn’t been intimate in months, she’s already working on an exit plan.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:01 PM
6

I said much of the same after my divorce. I eventually found the right person and have a better understanding of what a good marriage is like.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 05:45 PM
9

It’s amazing how they just decide they’re done and move on with no emotion. Yet they tell us that we are the problem. Get ready for the roller coaster of crud she’ll put you through when people start judging her for her actions.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:08 PM
13

Unless you stumble across the truth accidentally, you’ll probably never know. Women lie as easily as they breathe. I’ve learned that they would rather wrestle a rabid grizzly bear than take responsibility for their own bad behavior and decisions. Ten plus years divorced and my ex still tells people it was because I abused her. Even after her multiple affairs were exposed and I was given full custody of our children. She still hangs on to the lie and will tell anyone that will listen. Women have …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:05 PM
1

I think results may vary no matter what. The best advice my therapist gave me was about closure. We don’t always get proper closure during a divorce. Especially when there’s infidelity. She told me when I was ready, to mourn the loss of the relationship. Treat it like a funeral and celebrate the good and acknowledge the bad. She advised doing it with a few friends that knew the situation. With everything that happened leading up, this worked for me as well as my kids. We all got the needed closu…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 05:23 PM
1

Younger is not always bad because they’re not jaded yet. Inexperience would definitely be an issue. Mine always gave me an exercise or “homework” to focus on. The beginning of the next appointment was recap and talking about how I did with the different things she would have me try. It always felt productive and definitely helped me through a lot of different issues.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 04:33 PM
1

I agree that sometimes it feels repetitive by in my experience a therapist helps give you the tools to work through your issues. Mine basically helped me discover my triggers and work through some past abuse. Then she gave me the tools to find ways to cope and heal.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:52 PM
2

It’s always rough to find out from other people. I found out after we separated and I was on the verge of filing. It sucks having suspicions that you can’t confirm but you know are true. The other part that sucks is the amount of people that already knew she was cheating. They either didn’t say anything to avoid being the first to tell you or assumed you already knew. Either way it’s hurtful to feel like you were lied to by everyone. If you suspected and she’s dating quickly, it’s definitely som…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 06:58 PM
4

The best therapy I had was having a funeral for my marriage. I said out loud to nobody in particular all the things I needed to say. I had a small box of things that I burned and used that as my goodbye. There were a couple close friends with me and they helped share the good, bad, and ugly times with me. It gave me closure and really was the first step in moving forward. It was like a weight was lifted.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 03:58 PM
2

Sounds like your spouse’s therapist is a quack. Couples therapy is for fixing the relationship or realizing it’s over. That’s it. It’s not there to say we found this underlying condition and it’s all your fault. My therapist would have never asked for anything like this. I suggest a few sessions with a therapist on your own for a second opinion. Seems like she’s trying to hang blame on whatever they find in the evaluation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 12:59 PM
18

My wife cheated and left me with the kids. At one point she admitted that she doesn’t regret cheating but was sad things were over. She was sad I was no longer financing her lifestyle. I have no sympathy for cheaters and it’s all crocodile tears. They’re only sorry that they got caught.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 07:50 PM
1

It’s all mind games. Make sure you have a lawyer if you don’t already. None of this would be advised by a lawyer. If it is, she’s got a bad lawyer and that will help you later on. Do what you need to protect yourself because there’s a lot worse that she can throw at you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 02:12 PM
9

My brother had a happy marriage. Then his wife started hanging around a couple older divorced women. They filled her head with what they saw as flaws in their marriage. He traveled for work and these women had her so miserable that she started cheating. What should have been a quick divorce, turned into a nightmare because these women were “experts” on what she deserved. When it was over they dumped her and moved on to another happy marriage needing wrecked.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:15 AM
2

I found mine just like I said. I asked around. I knew a lot of guys that went through bad divorce’s. She was a shark. She’s retired now but still helps if I have issues with the ex and her bs.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:13 PM
8

When I was looking I asked all the men I knew who they feared. What lawyer was the one they didn’t want to see sitting across from them in the courtroom. What lawyer screwed them over and they now curse their name. That’s who I hired and when the dust settled, my ex had no clue what hit her. The best part was she knew everything my ex would try. It had to be colossally stupid for her to not have me prepared. Which did happen. I am so thankful I took the time and found this woman. She had the pla…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 02:10 PM
14

I could never be the other man. I know the pain I went through and would never do that to someone else. I learned to read the signs, speak my feelings, and trust my gut. I got remarried and my wife is always shocked when I can pick out which of her friends are having relationship issues. It’s just a matter of paying attention.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:25 PM
9

The best advice I ever got was to have a funeral for the relationship. Mourn it like you would mourn a death. Smile at the good times, laugh at the funny, and cry at the sad. Celebrate it for what it was and that all things eventually end. You can do this alone or with those close to you. It gives you a chance to close a chapter on your terms.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 02:53 PM
3

She’s also going to do everything to make you the villain of her story and protect anything material that she thinks she deserves.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 08:56 PM
2

I agree with the medical records and timing to prove the STD is from her cheating. Most states will consider that a crime if she knowingly gave you an STD.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:47 PM
17

Always do what’s in your best interest. The system is already geared to protect women, don’t let her take advantage. She is required to disclose those numbers for proper calculation of finances and assets. I’m guessing she’ll stop playing games once the lawyer gets ahold of her. Always protect yourself, she is now the enemy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:26 PM
8

Women follow an unwritten but universally similar playbook. They cheat and lie about it. Then they claim abuse to protect the lie. Understand she will do everything she can to protect the affair over anything else. She will behave like a wild animal that’s been cornered. She is no longer the person you used to know. There is no compassion for you, your feelings, or your reputation. You have become the enemy. Do not feed into anything she does. Show her zero emotion. Going forward everything is a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 03:50 PM
9

Best thing I ever did was to hire a female lawyer. She knew everything my ex would pull and kept me ahead of her. I would have had no clue had I not hired her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 12:44 PM
2

Definitely protect yourself from her running up the cards. Thankfully I turned in financial statements to my attorney. My ex ran up huge debts, had hidden cards, drained our joint savings, and stole the kids college funds. I was able to protect myself from the credit cards, but anything she stole from the joint accounts was just gone. Protect your finances.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 02:53 PM
12

I had a female lawyer that told me all the crazy things women do and how to deal with them. She was amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 01:40 PM
15

Great advice. They will lie straight to your face like it’s their job. Catching mine helped me in a lot of the same ways. She even lied to the judge and got caught. If you suspect it, stick with your gut. I was convinced mine was frigid and found out she was having multiple affairs. Depending on your state, that evidence is helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:39 PM
3

Once your eyes are open to that misery, it can’t be unseen.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 06:02 PM
4

This was that typical female need to destroy a man’s happiness. How dare I be happy and not miss her lol.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 06:44 PM
3

She didn’t regret it until she married and divorced her affair partner. I’m not sure if it was regret or just being upset that I was happy without her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 06:23 PM
8

You were right to block her. This isn’t about missing you as much as it is about her not being happy with her current situation. She’s an ex for a reason and it never takes long to remember that when they come back.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 06:21 AM
2

It’s okay to vent and be upset. You’re still living with the person that caused the hurt. The advice I always give is usually for later on but it may apply here. Have a funeral for your marriage. Acknowledge the loss. Remember the good things. Grieve the end of the marriage. Generally I suggest this post divorce but it may help with your struggles. It’s okay to not feel happy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 09:14 PM
3

Yes I was the only one that didn’t work out with. She miscalculated how petty I can be when pushed. She mistook my kindness for weakness and that was her flaw.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 07:32 PM
3

My ex falls into that category. She has everyone convinced she’s innocent in all these failed relationships. She still blames me for everything wrong in her life 10 years later, but has called me multiple times to cheat with her. I’ve met a lot of divorced men and most have the same if not similar stories. I honestly believe there is some secret playbook women follow once it’s time to end a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 06:32 PM
3

For some reason they want to break us and make us miserable. Any sign of happiness without them makes us horrible in their eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 05:54 PM
2

I’ve been divorced over 10 years and remarried 8. I’m great. She’s been divorced two more times since us, broke, and in a constant custody battle with her original affair partner.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 05:52 PM
7

This is a good example of how vile women can be. They are pure evil when it comes to divorce and making themselves the victims. Mine had her affair partner trash her place and then blamed me. Unfortunately for her, I was out of state when she tried it. The system has made it too easy for women to make stuff up and use it again men. I hired a female lawyer partly because I understood this. It’s easier for another female to call out a woman’s BS and made all the difference for me. Sorry that you a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 05:27 PM
1

Your best course of action is getting a lawyer ASAP. She’s going to tell you that you can’t parent but she’s going to gladly accept your money to help her parent.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 08:51 PM
1

No triggers or anxiety. We both talked about being okay with never getting married. There was never any pressure or need to label the relationship. We just enjoyed being together. The other thing you need to consider is that yes he said that you are the first to last this long. Maybe that was his warning. We have a female friend that says that to her boyfriends prior to breaking up. It’s like a sad comfort in her brain that they set some kind of endurance record. Maybe he was never truly ready a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:50 PM
1

Most of the time I gave them the generic “it’s me”. I always made it about me and having triggers that caused me anxiety about moving forward. Even with the ones that were just not good fits. It was timing and just not meeting the right person. My wife is a different situation all around. I met her shopping for groceries. She absolutely had me speechless. I didn’t even have the nerve to ask her out. Thankfully she felt the same way and stopped just long enough to give me her number. (It’s a lot …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:21 PM
1

I didn’t have many relationships that went beyond a few dates. I think the longest went three months. I never vocalized that it was a fear of commitment but I know there were a couple early dates that I never went out with because I didn’t want to think about being attached out of fear for being hurt. In my opinion it’s best to walk away. I wasn’t ready to be happy with someone until I was happy with myself. It took me a while to get there. Unfortunately divorce can scar deeply and it takes us a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 05:39 PM
2

My ex wife spent years destroying my sense of self before we divorced. We start living in separate rooms prior to divorcing. That’s when I started therapy. I was nearly two years into therapy when we finally split. It was another year plus before I met my current wife. Dating sucked. I was untrusting of anyone. I knew who I was and what I wanted and probably was a little direct with people. I was a handful. Then I met a woman that had similar scars from her marriage. We clicked instantly. It was…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:51 PM
5

Here’s a Quarter (Call someone who cares) - Travis Tritt She cheated. Divorce me. Got pregnant. Married the affair partner. Divorced him. Wanted to crawl back with her new baby. NOPE. This was and still is my ringtone when she tries to call.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:00 PM
5

It’s sad that so many men do. These same women that complain about men being predators are going out and cheating. The worst part is they do more to protect themselves from looking bad over putting effort into their own marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 02:53 AM
15

If she hasn’t already, she will be sleeping with this coworker. Anytime they get defensive about hanging out with a male that you disapprove of, it means there’s some feelings there. Especially if she is deflecting. Get a lawyer, she will go out of her way to hide whatever is going on and you’ve just become a threat to that relationship. It’s part of the cheating wives playbook.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 06:50 PM
10

You just get back out there. The first time I had sex after my divorce was not good. Nerves got the best of me. It wasn’t until I met my wife now, that I realized it definitely wasn’t me that was the issue. I had and continue to have the best sex ever with her. Sometimes it’s not about the music but having the right dance partner.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 02:10 PM
2

I made that mistake early on. I reached out to who I thought was someone I could trust to check the ex’s mental health. Just opened a whole can of worms. Unless children are in danger, it’s best to keep it anonymous or just let things play out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:07 PM
7

Even a doorbell camera makes a huge difference. People don’t realize how damaging simply flipping off the camera can be. We were definitely happy with the results of ours. Submitted over two hours of 15 to 60 second clips.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 04:40 PM
5

We dealt with similar. We ended up putting up cameras and documenting everything until we had built up enough evidence to get a restraining order. It was simply worded and stated that there was no reason to come on property. If breached it would be considered trespassing. It also stated that permission by the kids was not valid.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 04:31 PM
4

Pretty much.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 11:16 PM
15

My ex liked to play mind games with me. I hand already started therapy prior to separation and eventual divorce. It was after our divorce was final. We had an appointment with our accountant to settle our last tax filing as ordered by the court. They accommodated my request for us to be in separate rooms and enter and exit separately. All was going according to plan. She left first and was in a hurry. I didn’t really pay much attention due to her being pissy about my ability to write the check f…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 09:29 PM
6

Nothing good will come of this. Do not let her back in. Her lawyer is giving her the wrong kind of advice.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:31 PM
5

There’s not much that can be done. Orders can be written but they’re hard to enforce. The more you push the more she’ll double down and make you miserable with this guy and whoever else comes along. This is the nightmare of being divorced with kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:42 PM
10

Unless it’s a confirmed yes, it’s always a no. Never assume yes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 06:10 PM
6

If you can’t talk to her directly about finances, you shouldn’t be thinking about marriage. Marriage is about honesty and open communication. This isn’t a great start and probably what would lead to the marriage not working out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 03:40 PM
1

Unless you have it in writing that she is not entitled, everything is fair game. I used that to my advantage. Thanks to our lovely legal system, I was getting full custody but expected to pay her child support. I negotiated half of her retirement that I was entitled to in place of the support. Why transfer funds to me that I would just be using to pay her back. On paper it looks great. In reality, I just let her keep her own money and didn’t lose mine. Divorce can be an odd process.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:12 PM
1

She’s just looking for a reaction. Nothing more. She wants you to be miserable without her. It’s all part of their playbook to feel some kind of validation that they can still drive you nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 06:14 PM
2

Most sellers get nervous when it’s known that a divorce is happening. I had a lot of no’s before I got a yes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 04:09 PM
3

I was able to get the seller to agree to a monthly rental agreement until my divorce was final. There is still a lot of risk to that. You have to find someone willing to work with you. It definitely wasn’t an easy process.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:01 PM
5

Have a female friend just like this. She’s never been married. Can’t have kids. Her biggest flaw, she self sabotages relationships. Things get real and one day she just up and walks away. It’s generally something small like this. An argument most of us would think is normal becomes a deal breaker. Hopefully you can work through this but it really hits the same as what I’ve seen before. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 01:35 PM
2

Get used to that number, it usually doesn’t change. She’s also got it in her head that is the amount. If she knows it’s a pain, she will use it and only ask for more. Keep reading posts on this sub. There’s handy tips for dealing with ex’s because they all follow the same basic playbook. Hang in there and keep doing the right things for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 02:00 PM
2

Wow. She sounds lovely. If she’s truly a narcissist, best defense is to take all emotion out of the equation. Narcissistic people feed on emotions especially negative. It gives them power. Treat everything like you’re dealing with a toddler. Example: “These are your choices A or B. This is the consequence for not picking one. C is not negotiable. It’s A or B. If not you miss out.” I learned this with my ex and it was like unlocking a secret level. Eventually it’s no longer fun because you’re not…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 06:53 PM
4

I’ve seen stories worse than mine but not many.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:07 PM
3

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:06 PM
11

It has been great watching her slowly keep getting worse. You keep waiting to see rock bottom, but she just keeps free falling. The only reason I keep any kind of tabs on her is because it’s free entertainment.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:06 PM
39

Ex cheated and left me and the kids for her HS boyfriend. She cut all ties with the kids once the divorce was final. She waited the required six months and a day to get married. She then announced they were having a baby. They announced their divorce about four months after their marriage. Just a few weeks after the baby. He moved in with a new girlfriend and she was on her own. It’s been a spiral since. Since our divorce she’s been divorced two more times and she continues to cheat on whoever s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 01:36 PM
1

After 1 year post divorce I was that single dad that was just starting to get life figured out. I had my career on track. Both kids were getting A’s in school. Living with me full time. Just getting back into dating but really not enjoying what I was finding. I was at peace for the first time since before I met my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 06:38 PM
3

If there were dry spells and she pulled the “I’m giving you the ring back because you deserve better”. Odds are she was doing the same thing before you. Her hurt and anger at you are nothing more than manipulation and her own guilt projecting at you. Take time and mourn your marriage. You are still young and will find this to be a lesson learned over time. Use what you learned and apply it going forward. I’m a better husband now than I was in my first marriage. It’s crappy to admit but I definit…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 11:34 AM
14

First time sex is always a little awkward. It’s all part of getting back out there. It’s gets better. I went from being in a dead bedroom to that moment post divorce where I had nervous sex because it honestly had been a really long time. It was not good. I was a mess. It also showed me what I needed to improve on. Eventually I met someone who I’m still having amazing sex with.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 03:46 PM
9

Just pick your battles. I treated every meeting like it was a business meeting. I left emotional responses at the door. Lots of yes and no answers. Lots of direct responses to the lawyers vs looking at her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:29 PM
1

Mine disappeared during the divorce. She claimed I must have lost it. When she got remarried I saw my ring on the guys hand. She recycled it. I knew it was my ring because it looked the same and had a distinct gouge from hitting it at work. Not sure what happened to it after they divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:25 AM
3

You nailed it. It’s the universal playbook women follow in a divorce. She also wanted it to be amicable and that lawyers weren’t necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 11:46 AM
12

Got that when she found out I was getting married while she was going through a messy divorce from her affair partner. She wanted me to cheat with her. I sent copies of her texts to her lawyer and threatened to send them to his if she reached out again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 03:49 AM
2

Hopefully it’s a win for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 10:03 PM
6

This was an old boyfriend from high school. Apparently she felt he was wrongfully convicted.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 09:58 PM
8

She dated this guy in high school. He went to prison for beating her and putting her in the hospital. He ended up back in prison later for beating multiple women over 70 while robbing them. He did 12 years for that. She found him on FB and acted like he was a saint. Gave him our kids college funds. I used his history plus my ex’s mental decline with being around him as reasons for her being unfit. The court agreed. Definitely keep any eye on what she does. Women do crazy things.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 09:57 PM
2

Me too lol.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 09:50 PM
5

Thank you. We’ve gotten the best revenge by living a good life and finding our happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 07:44 PM
7

I’m not a supporter of dunking on the opposition when they’re down but this is an NBA Jam moment.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 07:02 PM
8

I have 100 custody. My kids are living on their own. This was more like closing a chapter for them. They always hoped this dude would end up back in jail. Their mom chose him over ever talking to them. She missed a good portion of their lives because of that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 07:01 PM
1

It’s not necessary about changing the laws as it is about the interpretation of existing laws. The law worked in my favor because I found someone that knew how to use it. My ex tried to spin tales of abuse and play the victim. I fortunately had a lawyer who was willing to call BS when needed. 100% custody and no support owed. She also had to admit in court to lying about her affairs.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 04:58 PM
9

Mine was a shark and knew all the moves my ex and her attorney would make. It was an ugly divorce anyway but it definitely benefited having a female perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 05:01 PM
24

Find a better lawyer. When I knew it was time, I went to every guy I knew that got divorced. I asked which lawyer they feared the most because they all got screwed. They all gave the same name, so I hired her. Best thing I could have done. My ex wife still doesn’t know what hit her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 02:01 PM
9

It happens. They do that to be hurtful but to also act like the victim. My ex abandoned our kids and now only claims the child she had with her affair partner. She thinks she’s teaching us a lesson. Generally, this is just a sign that they have nothing better to annoy you with. It’s petty and small minded. Ignore her antics and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 07:14 PM
3

I’m the kind of person that needs some form of closure. It really helped me and my kids move forward after the divorce. We talked about good things and bad things and what we wanted to change. We laughed, we cried, we closed that chapter of our lives the way we needed. Everyone heals differently but it’s a good starting place. Best of luck with everything and here’s to brighter days ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 09:46 PM
2

It’s hard to hear but time heals everything. It’s okay to be sad and have all the feelings you are having. This is an emotional time and only the ones who have gone through it really know. Keep doing the things you’re doing to make your life better. There is no better revenge than being happy and living a good life. It kills my ex to know I’m better without her. The best advice I can offer is mourn the loss of the marriage. Have a funeral for it. Celebrate the good memories and burry the bad one…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 07:45 PM
1

This! They want that reaction, good or bad. As long as they’re getting something, they win. Once you are able to shut that off it’s a game changer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 01:21 PM
3

It’s hard to watch our kids go through that. Especially when the other parent is horrible. Best thing you can do is be there and appreciate the time you get. The hate dulls over time. Maybe if you’re lucky it will go away completely. I’m a bitter person so it’s not in the cards for me. Just take every day for what it is and try to find the wins, even if they’re small. Eventually things won’t seem so rough.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 08:56 PM
9

Best answer I can give is time. When it comes to hating her, don’t let her see it. Don’t react good or bad to anything. Be straightforward and honest. The more emotion you have the more it feeds her need to get a reaction. If you take that away, she’ll eventually get bored and find a new source of drama. I will add this. I’ve been divorced 10ish years and remarried for eight. I was with my ex for nearly 20 years total. The hate never goes away fully. I found my person I was meant to be with. I f…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 07:37 PM
1

It wasn’t fun at the time but I can laugh about it now. My ex got a slap on the wrist for false reporting and spent an hour or two locked up for perjury later on. Kids haven’t had anything to do with her in the last 9 1/2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 08:27 PM
3

I’ve commented about this elsewhere, but my ex was like that. Walked away from two teen daughters. Had her boyfriend smack her around and trash her place. Then tried to blame me. Unfortunately she didn’t realize I was out of state. That was when things started to unravel for her. She did everything to protect her lies. 10 years later she still maintains that I brainwashed the kids and was the one that beat her up. I still have pictures from the hotel and local police station that prove I was ove…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:55 PM
7

Trust me there will be more to document now that the cat is out of the bag. Once the truth is out there, the claws come out and you won’t recognize the person she becomes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 06:56 PM
5

It’s amazing how amicable they want to be in order to hide the affair. Document, document, document. I can’t stress how important that is. Get everything in writing. It will save you down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 06:45 PM
18

It’s not you, nor does it have anything to do with you or anything that happened prior. This is the “false advertising” stage. She’s going to dress up and pretend she’s something she’s not in order to hook her next victim.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 02:36 AM
1

We found public places with lots of security cameras around and brought a witness that could record if things escalated. At one point we did our switches at the sheriff’s office. Make sure you do something to protect yourself because her behavior is only going to get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:27 PM
2

As soon as I read the line “I cover nearly all the financial responsibilities”. That was all I needed to see. She’s wanting things civil and dragging things along because you are paying the bills. If you start asking for more help financially, she wouldn’t be so civil. Do not date anyone while this is going on. She is waiting for something like this to pounce on. You may not be together but she’s still looking for anything to use as an advantage when it comes to divorce. It might be time to star…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 01:22 PM
1

That’s why I said it was criminal. At the time it almost cost me my job. My neighbors were mad because of the drama. My kids were exposed to hearing all of my ex’s dirty laundry in court. While innocent my reputation took a big hit. It also showed how far she was willing to go in order to wreck our lives. She was the one that cheated but it was all our fault. That’s why I have had minimal contact and don’t live in the same town as her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 04:22 PM
4

This is beyond the petty, but definitely falls in the criminally stupid category. She trashed her place and had her boyfriend smack her a few times. Then called the cops and said I did it. She didn’t know I had left the state days prior for work. Cops are at my door and the neighbors are calling freaking out because they knew my vehicle had been gone for days. I talked to the officer in charge basically did a FaceTime video and showed him I wasn’t anywhere close. I ended up going to the nearest …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 01:28 PM
1

We were still in mediation. She was horrible to deal with. We got to the point where we couldn’t be in the same room. Our house sold fast so our lawyers agreed to draw something up separately. We had already agreed to 50/50 when we listed. So they based everything on that. They laughed when I asked that she not be in the same room as my check. She flat out admitted that I was right to ask that. 10 years later and we still can’t be in the same place without things turning nasty.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 01:46 PM
5

I put something in place that issued us separate checks when we sold our home. Split 50/50 of the sale. It was also ordered that she not be in the same room as my check nor were they to fall for her “he gave me permission”. Don’t trust anything she says or does going forward and have everything notarized. They may seem amicable at first but the longer things go the less you recognize the person you are divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 01:12 PM
7

Mourn the loss of the relationship. Cry, grieve, and take time to get it out of your system. I was with a horrible person and it still hurt. Best advice I got from anyone was to mourn the relationship and find closure in the loss. It took me time but little by little I was able to find my focus and realize that life goes on. Thanks to my ex, I was isolated and didn’t have many places to turn to. I put on a lot of miles, walking and running things through my head. I gained a lot of clarity on tho…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 04:51 PM
3

In the end she got the equivalent of a slap on the wrist. The biggest part was her losing any custody rights. It was a sucky thing to have to listen to in court but it was also good to get validation for everything she was calling me crazy for.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 07:21 PM
3

Definitely appeal. Too many women get away with false reporting. If you don’t fight it, she knows she’s got you. This will be the precedent for any future interactions. She’ll have a history for people to reference if she reports again. My ex did this to me. Thankfully, she’s dumb and her timing was off. I was out of state when she accused me of assaulting her and trashing her/our house. Ended up talking to the cops through video chat to show I was not home nor in the same state. I had a local p…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 04:38 PM
11

First night after getting the keys to my place. Divorce is finally over. 100% custody of my two kids. No furniture. No cable. No internet outside of our phones. The three of us sitting in an empty house. We cried together for a good thirty minutes. Then we got up and started our journey forward. We walked room to room. We talked about decorating and painting. We order pizza and played board games on the floor. We laughed and enjoyed the quiet together. We knew we’d be okay. We discovered that it…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 03:33 PM
5

The best thing my attorney did was to sit me down and have a frank conversation. She asked about how things were, why I thought they were that way, and that before we get halfway into the process I would no longer recognize the person I was divorcing. She was right about everything. She told me to take emotion off the table when dealing with her in person. It’s okay to be upset and cry, just not in front of my ex. She talked about women using the system to their advantage. She told me that most …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 02:50 PM
6

We’ve all been there. Focus on what you can and take your time. The trap so many of us fall into is that everything has to be done right now. Start looking for attorneys and find someone that will explain what rights you have to protect yourself and what you are entitled to. Too many men just give into the societal norm of she gets everything. Well, they don’t always need everything to survive. Take care of yourself, don’t fall into obligations put forward by her because some of those are no lon…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 01:53 PM
1

I’m pretty sure they all follow the same playbook. My ex claimed abuse and went so far as to trash her place and blame me. Thankfully I was out of state when she pulled that crap. Find a good attorney. Mine was able to use my ex’s lies against her. She came out a lot worse off than I did. Don’t let her dictate how things are going to go. If she keeps the house, she needs to buy you out. Fight for what is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 07:18 PM
18

It’s all for show. She’s doing damage control to convince people it’s okay that she cheated because she’s happy. Once she’s comfortable she’ll get back to status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 03:19 PM
2

Did freeze but any money that came out of joint accounts could only be used for already existing debt, bills, or childcare. Receipts had to be provided for anything that came out of it. We each opened separate accounts once that decision was made and each transferred our half to pay the bills. My bank did alert me to fraudulent activity when she tried to access my new account and the children’s savings. All credit cards were required to be surrendered and zero balance accounts closed as well.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 04:52 PM
4

Look into what resources are available to help with childcare. Due to my ex’s choices I was forced to move and ended up in a place that I looked at as temporary. It worked within my budget and had enough room for my kids and our three dogs. It sucked but we all made it through. You got this. Don’t let the fear of “what if” slow you down. We adjusted our budget and my kids look back and laugh at the stuff we did. Our first night in our new place was the three of us playing board games and eating …
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 01:39 PM
1

lol. She retired a few years after my divorce. She still represents me if the ex stirs things up but I haven’t needed her in years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 01:21 PM
1

She had just represented a friend and so she offered me a discount. It was about 2500 total. Which is really cheap given the amount of time we actually had to spend in court. I did the math at one point and it should have been around 15000.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 12:54 PM
1

I’d like to take credit but I had a very good lawyer and my ex was too focused on being a horrible person.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 12:37 PM
2

It was. Thankfully she’s a horrible person and the judge agreed
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 03:48 AM
4

We split everything in the bank 50/50. Any joint debt was 50/50. Where I won was individual debt. Any credit cards with only one name on the account went to that individual. She had just bought a new vehicle and I kept my name off the title and loan. I negotiated my share of her retirement for no child support. I got 100% custody and no spousal support owed. Any profits from sold properties had to be used to pay off joint debts before individual. When the dust settled I had about 25 thousand lef…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 08:44 PM
6

I definitely feel you. I wish I had this community 10 years ago. There’s a lot of good people here that have similar stories. Just remember to take it one day at a time. You’re going to get through this and end up better than before.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 09:33 PM
1

Your truck is your only asset. Vehicles don’t play a big part in our state. You’ll just want to be sure that it’s noted that it’s in your name and you will be responsible for any debt that may be owed on it. Otherwise yes, when there is nothing to be split it can be a lot less painful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:13 PM
1

It’s best to have this conversation with an attorney but it should be fine. I had permission to throw my ex’s stuff out in the front lawn.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 06:34 PM
1

This is an awesome suggestion.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 04:27 PM
1

You either need to get a lawyer or find a better one. You are getting screwed royally.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 07:28 PM
1

I think it depends on what state you’re in as well. Ours wouldn’t even consider that unless one side was buying out the other to keep the property. My ex knew I wanted the house and offered a buyout. Definitely wasn’t doing anything that left her with a profit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 02:53 PM
6

Congrats! This deserves the Braveheart freedom scream.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 06:38 PM
5

I think it depends on the individual and the reasons behind the divorce. I had reasons to be more vindictive than I was. Most of mine was in self defense. I was vindictive in knowing she was lying about cheating and wanting to prove that she was lying. I found a shark for a lawyer and used their expertise against her. I got nearly every I wanted from our divorce. I made sure she was held responsible for all her debts accrued from traveling to her affair partner. It was both protective and vindic…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:22 PM
2

There’s a lot I could add to this but it’s not worth it. Long story short on this one is that she wanted another kid and that was the only way she was getting one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 05:54 PM
3

The day after the divorce was final the ex announced she was engaged to her affair partner. She married after the waiting period was up. The day after her wedding she announced she was pregnant. (She’s a big girl so it was hard to tell.). She had the baby a few months later which meant she was pregnant when they got engaged. Her divorce from the affair partner started shortly after. It was nearly a year to the day that ours was officially finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 04:29 PM
13

You’ve just given her notice of your plans. She’s cold because now she’s calculating her next move. My ex did this during separation. She’d do enough to guilt me into thinking things were okay, while prepping for her exit. Thankfully I caught on and got ahead of her. It saved a lot of headaches. If your wife was sincere she wouldn’t be cold and processing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 05:01 PM
4

Depends on your state. It also depends on what she’s looking for. If it’s amicable there are things to negotiate to replace support. I was entitled to half of my Ex’s retirement. I was also granted full custody of our children. Thanks to our wonderful laws and protections, she was entitled to child and spousal support. I negotiated to not touch the retirement if she dropped all support. Math was in her favor so she went for it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 06:22 PM
2

I took a similar approach until I met the woman who is my wife now. Divorced at 40. No plans to marry, yet here we are. Never say never.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 12:27 PM
2

It’s a hard truth that we all face. It’s also true that things only can get better. Learn from what didn’t work before and be better.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 09:13 PM
6

My ex was like that. Nothing was her fault and until she had to actually admit on record, she wasn’t cheating. She showed no remorse and had no emotion whatsoever. She got screwed in the divorce and the only thing she ever showed was anger. She’s gone through multiple relationships after and each time showing no remorse for destroying the relationship. In the only civil 10 minutes we have spoken in ten years post divorce, she admitted regret. Only in the sense that she got away with so much with…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 04:52 PM
17

Start getting your things in order. This is just the first lies you’ve caught her in. They won’t be the last. Find a lawyer without telling her. Get a plan together and have her served.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 01:21 PM
4

Sold mine and used the cash to buy the kids things she hated.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 04:11 AM
4

That’s the best way to do it. I’m not sure if you can or if it matters but make sure you list infidelity at your reason. Mine fought to keep that off of any of the paperwork because she insisted on lying. Before it was over she was caught and it cost her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 10:18 PM
9

Also, once she knows that you know. It’s going to be like dealing with a wounded or trapped animal. The claws wi come out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 09:49 PM
4

If you had suspicions, it’s good to have answers but it doesn’t hurt any less. You’re definitely going to start seeing her through a different light and any lie that she tells will be easy to spot.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 09:47 PM
21

Outside of actually getting the call, I feel you. It’s a gut punch and sucks having to start this process. At least this dude feels bad. The one screwing my ex was a pain in the ass. You’re going to discover a lot as you move forward. You’re going to have moments of “why didn’t I catch this or that”. It’s all part of the process. Take your time and get a good lawyer. Find a therapist for you and the kid. Things will get ugly. We’re all here for you. Especially if you need to talk things out. Sta…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 08:06 PM
15

My ex cheated. She didn’t have any regrets at the time. She has since admitted to mutual friends that she would have never done what she did knowing where her life is now. She even tried to get me to cheat with her. I’m not sure if it’s total regret or her need to ruin my happiness. Either way I have no regrets and I’m definitely better off for it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 04:43 PM
5

No. I will add that most of my divorced friends are not on good terms with their ex’s either.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 04:20 PM
2

My ex announced she was pregnant a short time after our divorce. She waited the six months plus one day and remarried her Affair partner. They filed for divorce shortly after the kid was born. She was 42 now working on her second divorce with a new baby at home. The idiot she cheated with calls me to find out what lawyer I used because he wanted to use her too. Since this all went down she cut all communication with our kids. It’s been a constant custody battle with her AP. She doesn’t let him s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 05:55 PM
11

I didn’t find out until we were living on separate floors of the house. We worked opposite schedules so that was also a benefit. Same thing, friends, coworkers, and family knew. She wove a story of abuse. Kid were in their teens but due to abuse on her end, were supportive of the divorce. I had been meeting with a lawyer prior to finding out because something didn’t seem right. It wasn’t until the kids pointed out they overheard her talking about her “work trip” that I did some digging. I had en…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 09:30 PM
1

A friend’s ex hit him in front of witnesses at a kids soccer game. She was arrested and spent the night in jail. So yes they can be. If there’s evidence to support violence they most definitely should be charged. My ex was charged with filing a false report of DV during our divorce. It shouldn’t matter who is doing the assaulting if the evidence supports the claims. In my case I was out of state and she said the assault happened at a specific time. I could prove it would have been impossible for…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:50 PM
2

Depends on the app and what you’re looking to find. There’s everything from one night stands to expecting a ring on their finger after the first date.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:08 PM
1

Sometimes happiness is worth the risk. I’ll take 50/50 odds.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:59 PM
12

You just need to meet the right one. I was very much in the never going to trust, care about, or fall in love with another woman. Then the right one came along and changed my life for the better.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 08:24 PM
2

She’s trying to paint you as the neglectful parent. While at the same time keeping the kids from seeing anyone that may not be on her side. Unless there is an agreement in writing, she has no authority to do anything to stop you. Is there going to be hell to pay, yes. She also needs to understand that maybe you do need time to take care of yourself. Divorce takes a toll and it’s okay to take a day.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 12:56 PM
6

Agreed, by leaving you are giving the advantage to her if this goes to full divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 12:08 PM
6

You do what’s right for your kids. Be respectful to the family and keep interactions with the ex to a minimum. If she’s a narcissist she will be looking to feed off of this whole situation. Make her aware you are there for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 09:54 PM
1

Gather evidence and character witnesses. Even then it’s a long shot but not impossible. I got 100% custody of my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 07:50 PM
1

Definitely get evidence of her debt so when you are asked why you moved money around you have proof of poor financial management on her part. Keep major purchases separate. If she gets a car, it all in her name and so on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:11 PM
3

Go hard and ask for everything you would anyway. She filed against you in retaliation so she’s not going easy. Women need to be shown that just because they’re the mother, they don’t know best or should have everything regarding kids default to them. My ex did some vile things to me and the kids in our divorce. Not once did she think she would lose them because “she’s a woman”. The courts taught her a lesson. Always fight for what is right for you and your kids, even if that means getting a litt…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 09:31 PM
5

There’s lots of good advice here. I will add that when you admit to a narcissist that you love them, it gives them power over you. They are manipulative and see that as a weakness to expose. It’s okay to feel the way you do but understand that most narcissists are not capable of those kinds of feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 03:16 PM
2

I’ve been divorced nearly 10 years. She is still a pain in my ass when she gets bored. Kids are grown and I’m remarried. Live in a different town. There she pops up. When I started dating, I moved to a different city and dated in a third. Just to keep her off my trail.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 01:05 AM
20

Welcome to having an ex that is going to do everything to ensure you are never happy. She will be high conflict and make everything a pain in the ass. Mine cheated and was the sole cause of my misery but felt the need to cause drama in every part of my life. I’m guessing she’s the type that will argue that the sky is green just to cause a headache. Best to keep her as far away from your personal life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 10:25 PM
1

It’s somewhat remedied during the division. Unfortunately in my case she had so much hidden debt that she was already stuck with. When I was able to show where she emptied accounts into her new accounts she was ordered to pay back half. I tried to take that from the proceeds of the sale of the house but her lawyer won. She was still ordered to pay it back but never did. I consulted my lawyer and due to the mountain of debt she was living with there was not much to do.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:08 PM
2

Depending on where you’re at, they will probably do nothing. My ex emptied joint savings and the kids college money into her own accounts. She was ordered to pay back half and never did. Even if I took her back to court, it would be a slap on the wrist
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 04:51 PM
9

She is definitely trying to manipulate you. Where was this prior to letting her know. My parents divorced for 10 years, reconciled, and remarried. I was the only one that kept saying it was a bad idea. I was also the person that got to say I told you so. She’s not wanting to fix things. She’s upset because you’re happy and wants to kill it. My ex was an awful person and it flat out pissed her off when she found out I was happy and seeing someone. She went out of her way to wreck it. This is abou…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:27 PM
2

If you add cheating to the mix, you and I have very similar experiences. Her sister did very much the same and her parents were divorced for a lot of those reasons too. We get so blinded by the day to day that we don’t always see what’s in front of us. In my case it was because it was running the household and working 40 plus hours. I did have one child that admitted to helping cover for the money and even the cheating when she caught her mom. She started accepting bribes to keep her mouth shut.…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 04:40 PM
9

My advice is coming from someone who is a dad and stepdad. No matter what else goes on in your kids life, they will always love you and know you are their dad. I currently have a 10YO stepdaughter that loves me to death. Her BD is abusive and generally leaves her disappointed and in tears. She cries on my shoulder and I help her through her problems. No matter how great I try to be and how crappy he is to her, she still loves him and puts him on a pedestal. It’s a crappy comparison but kids love…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:54 PM
1

Over time the picture becomes more clear. It’s almost like putting a puzzle together. Sometimes you get one piece to fit and allows others to quickly fall into place. Then there are those times where you know what you need but the piece fell under the couch and you’re left searching for it. The more you put together the more clear the picture becomes. Unfortunately, there are those times where we don’t necessarily want the pieces to fit. The good news is that once you know what you had, you can …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:28 PM
9

I know I’m a rarity when it comes to this. Before I settled on my lawyer I went to all the guys I knew that were screwed in their settlement and got a consensus name of the lawyer that screwed them. That’s who I hired and she did not disappoint.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:54 PM
14

My ex lied about cheating and did so through the whole process. I knew but for her she knew I couldn’t prove it. She slipped and I was able to submit evidence of her admitting to having multiple partners through our marriage. Her statement was along the lines of yes she admits to cheating but we’re so far in the process it won’t make a difference. I took it to my lawyer who took it to the judge. My 50/50 custody went to 100% and she was forced to pay my court and legal costs from the proceeds of…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 09:42 PM
35

The best example was Independence Day. We hosted a party and it was amazing. I smoked ribs, grilled burgers and brats, and we made a few other things. People brought food and fireworks. I spent more than anticipated, mostly due to being unsupervised. We had a blast. In the past my ex would have been bitching the whole time. She would have found a reason to start a fight with both guests and myself. The party would be over before it got going. My wife (now) was by my side for the whole thing and …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 04:46 PM
1

I come from a house where we believe in God but understand he is not a single parent. God’s will becomes clear when we are ready to see. Maybe it just not that time yet. Divorce is messy and rarely makes sense until we can view it from a distance. Keep focusing on the things that make you a better person. Let her work out her issues as well. Eventually you’ll find your peace and clearly see the path you are on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 09:41 PM
3

Sounds like you’ve got good kids and that’s the result of having a good dad. I know it’s just the application but be sure to thank your son for his future service to our country. Hold your head high and know you’re a good dad and a good man.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 08:26 PM
5

Agreed, don’t throw anything away that is hers. If needed they can add an addendum that gives a timeframe for picking stuff up. If she doesn’t comply you will dispose of it as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 11:01 AM
2

We sold the house and split the proceeds 50/50. I also had it written that whatever each party kept that had both names attached, be paid by their share of the sale. I walked away with most of my profits intact and she found out the cost of wanting to take everything from me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:56 PM
4

A lot is going to happen in the next 9-10 months. I moved into the spare room when we decided to “separate”. Live in the same house but worked mostly opposite schedules. You can make it work but the deeper into the divorce things go the more you will both will dislike each other. No matter how amicable things are, custody and division of debt and assets will change things. Don’t let her cover anything up if she’s being unfaithful. My ex tried and it blew up in her face but it set things back bec…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:50 PM
2

If you have a good one in your area, speak with a VSO. They may not have much to help directly but should have some resources they can point you to.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 10:01 PM
3

It took me a while to realize that losing that money was just a down payment on happiness. It hurts but over time you realize it was less painful than staying married.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:57 PM
7

It’s part of a playbook they follow. Make sure you have a lawyer that pushes back on those charges. In most cases you are going to be guilty in the court of public opinion but a judge will see through the BS. I feel for you, went through a lot of the same.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 03:51 PM
7

Don’t feel sorry for her problems or there’s always going to be a new problem. She wasn’t feeling anything for you when she cheated. My ex didn’t believe me when I said I was throwing her out. She left me with the kids while she was continuing her affair 3 states away. She believed me when I sent pictures of her stuff waiting for her on the front lawn.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:51 PM
9

Don’t let her win. It sucks but if you give up she wins and basically you are whatever she says you are.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 08:23 PM
6

My ex did that for the first little bit. She would ask for favors to help her out and act like her cheating was no big deal. She got pissy when I started billing her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 10:47 PM
12

Been divorced for a while, but I still get calls from collection agencies looking for the cheating ex. Best part is the dude she left for dumped a bunch of his debt on her. He used the same tactics she tried, and failed, with me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 06:32 PM
8

I’ve been remarried for more than 5 years now. Yes there is hope but take the lessons you learned from the previous marriage and apply them. I am a happier person because I’m a better person than in my first marriage. It helps to find someone that’s gone through the struggles too. We both know what it takes to make us happy and each other happy. Use that knowledge whether you’re with someone or not.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:08 PM
3

I didn’t know much about narcissism until I was invited to therapy with my kids. Their therapist asked me a lot of questions about my ex’s behavior and compiled that with what the kids said. Of course without meeting directly with my ex she couldn’t officially diagnose but determined my ex displayed narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies. My wife’s ex does have a diagnosis and the more I understand how a narcissist operates the more I realize they are very much the same person. We often refer t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:31 AM
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