TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Shineynewflipflops Archive

View 3 posts and 196 comments by Shineynewflipflops on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

Shineynewflipflops/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:52 PM
5

CourtShineynewflipflops/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 06:48 PM
4

CustodyShineynewflipflops/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 06:09 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

She is done and playing games. If she really cared about her son, you and her daughter, she would be researching the best places to live with asthma, and best opportunity for you to land a job. Seattle is bad in every aspect, so it’s a ruse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 12:17 PM
4

No one can offer you good advice until you provide context around what “severely ill” means.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 12:01 PM
7

You are not facing reality. Life with long term girlfriend was easy. No kids, limited commitment. Fun. A breeze. Life with a wife and child is completely different. Even if long term ex was in your wife’s place with your baby, you’d feel different. Way different. Think it’s tough now? Try being divorced, with a baby and ex. and her new boyfriend. Then you getting in a relationship with someone else (who likely will have an ex. and kids).
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 11:40 PM
3

When they were little they just left it at that. When they were teens and we got into more detail, it seemed they were not surprised. They were witness to my ex, her behaviors and continual derailment of her life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 11:18 PM
3

I just simply said to my kids that there are reasons people should not stay married and left it at that. When they were much older I told them the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 05:24 PM
0

Ignore it. He probably has, or is, banging your stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 04:42 PM
20

Bringing strange men around your daughter is irresponsible. Having some dude shack with your daughter present is disgusting. Sharing a room with some dude and your daughter is pure nasty.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 01:43 AM
16

Stay completely away from single moms if you are truly looking for a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 04:24 PM
1

I can help you out but need you to answer a few questions- Are both your names on the lease and when is the lease set to end? What debt do you have that is in both of your names? What was your annual income and what was her annual income in 2025?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 05:19 PM
6

She’s glowing because she blames you for her problems. Right now, in her mind, you are gone so her problems are gone. My ex was exactly like this. When I dumped her, she couldn’t be happier or more pleasant to be around. That lasted about two months. Then her life started to unravel. She became miserable to deal with and I was the cause of every single problem.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 05:10 PM
6

I always tell people contemplating divorce that they are simply trading out cards. In essence you are exchanging the problems you know and have, for new and different problems. First and foremost, if there’s no infidelity, addiction or abuse you need to be able to look in the mirror and honestly know that you did everything to save the marriage. Otherwise, you will inevitably have regret. Second, are you and your wife better off parents separated? Divorce is very hard on kids. However, they glad…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 04:53 PM
2

Need to do whatever it takes to keep the peace until you meet with a lawyer. Don’t do anything different than you are doing today. You need to make it very clear to the lawyer that you must leave the residence at the point of filing and her receiving the papers. If the lawyer is any good, they will do the following: Prepare the paperwork and timeline for filing. Draft a temporary parenting plan which you sign which should be delivered by a courier the same day she is served the divorce papers. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 08:11 PM
15

That took a lot. Most divorce people have this attitude that since their life exploded, why give a f*ck about anyone else. Good for you and I hope your integrity pays you back 100 times.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:01 PM
15

You need to absolutely reject the stupid Hollywood bullshit around this whole idea of “step dad”. This notion of labeling whoever this person as a parent, is quite frankly coercive and manipulative and can be damaging to kids. If he’s a decent guy, he’s no different than a pastor, coach or teacher. Simply another role model. View him that way. I believe it’s smart to have a conversation with the kids. Don’t make him an enemy or threat. At the same time, you don’t need to support the idea that he…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 11:00 PM
5

I would sit down and simply tell her this marriage is not working for you. I would be careful not to blame or attack. Based on what you wrote, I would say something like this: “This marriage is not working for me. I want a marriage with intimacy. I want to have sex with my wife and I want her to want to have sex with me. I want shared interests. I want shared adventures. I want laughter and fun. I want a true partner. If you are interested in the same, I would want nothing more than to work on t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 06:52 PM
1

Where we live, moving 50 miles or out of state (both apply in this case) requires a relocation court order. Courts typically approve if both parents approve and theirs a custody modification/parenting plan that supports. Now, she can still petition, but she knows there’s no way she’ll get a favorable ruling given her job, the kids being rooted and my friends income, support and presence as a father.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 06:33 PM
1

She wants every other weekend. Friday night to Sunday night. I shouldn’t have wrote eliminate. It reduces her monthly overnights from 15 to 4. So it significantly reduces CS.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 06:23 PM
2

Generally speaking, a judge needs some evidence to issue a DVRO….typical are police reports and arrests, threatening texts or emails or witnesses that testify under oath. Now, it doesn’t mean they can’t issue one without evidence. The best advice for men filing is to get a lawyer, then move out when she’s being served and submitting a temporary custody / parenting plan petition when filing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:43 PM
1

Two different things. You are thinking alienation of affection laws.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:32 PM
2

These states still allow for at-fault divorce when, if proven, can impact custody, DOAs, and alimony: New York Nevada New Mexico Alaska Florida South Carolina Delaware Arkansas These states have alienation of affection laws: Hawaii Mississippi North Carolina South Dakota Utah
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:28 PM
4

Where do you live? This varies quite a bit from state to state. It can impact division of assets, alimony and custody if it goes to trial. Also, and I think more advantageous, is it allows the affair and the AP to be put under a microscope. The AP can be deposed and details of the affair uncovered. This can be extremely embarrassing to both him and her. Details like the fact that he was arrested, etc. now become part of the evidence. Remember. The true goal in divorce is to get a favorable settl…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:24 PM
0

Your right, and there’s more to it. Flawed female logic. Divorced single women are resource strapped. It’s time and money. Seeing a guy who’s emotionally stable, takes care of his kids, spends time with them, etc. leads her to believe he would do the with her and her brood.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 12:27 AM
7

I was in your shoes a long time ago. I would encourage you to follow my path as it worked out incredibly well. Lead your life moving forward traveling lightly. Goal is to hit 40 with minimum baggage. Focus on your kids, your health, your finances. Sure you can date and play around, but don’t get entangled with someone until your kids are grown and on their own. Blended families are a hollywood fantasy. Don’t exposed yourself or your kids to that charade. Again, the prize is hitting 40- kids are …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 05:41 PM
19

Interesting. In many states, if a settlement offer is refused and the court orders the same or less, than the refusing party can be sued for damages- ie lawyer fees, and other costs. Not sure if bankruptcy applies but you should look into this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 12:08 AM
2

You need to understand the dissipation of marital assets law in your state. As a first step, you need to establish if this spending is typical. So if she never traveled or traveled alone, then her behavior is not typical. Second is to determine if it was necessary. Vacations are not. Third, is it beneficial to the marital estate. So an example is spending money to prepare a house for sale. That’s beneficial. What’s important is you understanding what she spent and having that documented. Now, in…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 01:57 PM
4

My ex was truly gifted. She had the ability to bring out the worst in people. I swear, she’d have Mother Teresa cussing like a sailor.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 08:23 PM
1

I couldn’t co parent with my ex. Same situation as you. Couple things I did. First, I imposed rules we all followed when it came to curfews, phones, driving, house chores, you name it. They were my house rules. So when they were with me, they followed them. I followed the same rules. Second, I paid for the phones. They were my phones, issued to the kids. Not theirs. They followed the rules or I shut them off. As a side, my daughter felt I was too strict and controlling so chose to live with her …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 08:19 PM
3

People who end up in relationships quickly after divorce are seeking validation, and in some cases, resources. I would never date a woman 6 months out from an 8 year marriage. She’s not even close to having her shit together. Add to that her ex and her kid probably don’t either. Ain’t no way I’m jumping into that mess. So whoever she’s dating is either pathetic and desperate, a predator or a moron. Take your pick.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 10:01 PM
5

The only real benefit to filing at fault is if she used squandered marital assets to facilitate the affair. In that case you could argue restitution when dividing assets. Otherwise, makes no difference. Thank goodness she’s on a temporary green card. You need legal help to ensure your obligations are completely severed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 02:35 AM
1

Really starts with building a plan on what leaving will look like.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 07:12 PM
1

You must get yourself at a place where you are absolutely willing to end the marriage and at the same time still want to save the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 01:02 PM
1

One thing I learned about therapists is they have no obligation to you, the marriage and, with the exception of mandatory reporting, no obligation to children.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:48 PM
2

That’s fair and can happen. It also depends in your jurisdiction, how tight the guidelines are and personal biases. In my case we settled at mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 01:48 PM
2

I know why she’s all the sudden being amicable. By law, she cannot relocate your son 140 miles away without a court order. My guess is she somehow realizes this now. Yes, in Texas it’s a long distance possession order. It’s not a choice. It’s a requirement that you must agree upon or she needs a really compelling argument if you contest. You cannot negotiate child support in exchange for something else. The courts view child support as your child’s money, not hers. You need to throw this idea if…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 06:07 PM
1

Ok so you were divorced in Nevada and the child lived in Nevada and she was granted primary custody. This can be tricky. You are essentially filing one petitions, requesting to motions or modifications. One is to change custody. The second is to relocate. Judges look at these cases as changes in circumstances and/or changes in behaviors. They will grant motions based on changes in circumstances. So as an example. If she just started drinking and was neglectful. That’s behavioral. The judge will …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:31 PM
1

In Nevada, a child can have input into custody at age 12. California requires the age to be 14. The hard evidence you have is great. If your child can weigh in, it’s double as powerful. I can give you more advice, but need more information. First, when you divorced, where was the child residing? California, Nevada or somewhere else? Was there any order in the decree or separately, that granted a move to Nevada? In which state, did you get divorced?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 09:44 PM
4

I ran into the same. I learned the hard way that trying to force them in their mental state is impossible and they just dig their heels in more. I told my ex two things that seemed to register with her- You really need to talk to your lawyer about your decision to cohabitate with your children. That decision will likely affect the custody arrangement. You also need to talk to your lawyer about your accountability to these children. You are responsible for their safety and well being. Something h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 02:15 PM
7

Dating sites are used by women as a validation tool to feel good about themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 02:06 PM
2

Need to research UCCJEA. This is a federal statue that dictates states jurisdiction for child home state and custody.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 03:08 AM
2

Your world is upside down and it’s natural and expected that you feel the way you do. What helped me was establishing a routine and practicing discipline to maintain that routine.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 02:49 PM
2

Yes and you need to get really detailed on healthcare. Need to be very clear that you split costs for premiums, deductibles and prescriptions.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 12:40 AM
17

Both men and women check out of marriages, but it’s typically very different. This is not absolute, but more of a common difference. When men check out, they tend to redirect their resources within the marriage. They focus more on work, sports, hobbies, etc. They become more agreeable and apathetic. When women check out, they begin building a narrative in their head. It’s less about what they actually are doing and more about how they are choosing to view the marriage. Of course, it’s heavily bi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 10:11 PM
11

99% certainty she’s already talking to someone. That’s the perspective she is talking about. She is monkey branching. Every other week she will change based on what’s going on with whoever else. I am sorry but that is what is going on. My advice is to get a lawyer and file immediately. There’s zero reason why you shouldn’t. As petitioner, you can always pull the petition.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 06:00 PM
3

Every state varies. The one thing that I have found interesting are the processes to modify. In most states, the person receiving alimony can petition to modify while they are receiving alimony. So in ops case, his ex can petition to increase or extend within the 2 years. This requires some material change in circumstances. However, once the alimony ends- using ops example- 2 years, in most all states they cannot petition for modification.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:43 PM
5

Stay away from single moms.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:25 PM
3

It’s because women are much more comparative than men, especially when it comes to relationships. We often hear women say “she can do so much better than him”. That statement is a theory or speculation. It requires validation. When men move on, it’s usually targeted at the ex in isolation, irrespective of anyone else. Men often say “she’s nuts” or something to that effect.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:18 PM
4

Probably won’t stop anything. You can put that in the decree. Problem is, every time she violates it, your only recourse is to take her to court. That costs money and judges typically scold them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:50 PM
14

Wedding rings to women are simply an attention seeking prop. during the engagement. Regardless, you should be absolutely THRILLED that you have it back. Nothing pisses me off more when I see them keep the ring and then wear it on the other hand.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:46 PM
2

In most jurisdictions, a judge will likely order one, or multiple, mediation sessions before a trial. The idea of having a mediation without attorneys is ok, but there are a few things you need to understand. It makes sense to use a mediator if the following applies: You have a very clear understanding of all household income, assets and debts AND you have a clear path of division. You are very closely aligned in custody, child support, alimony and division of assets. What you’ve generally agree…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:39 PM
8

Look, I was the same. Everything my ex said about my short comings was valid. It wasn’t until I chose to completely cut her off from everything that I (and unfortunately she) realized that my good far outweighed my bad.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:43 AM
2

I agree if the two sides aren’t close. It’s pointless.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 06:26 PM
2

You need a new attorney. The only evidence you need is her adherence to the temporary custody. It’s not rocket science- it’s a calendar with your days, her days vs. what actually occurred. What your lawyer should also advise you is that the courts and judges rarely move from a temporary parenting plan to a permanent plan THAT IS DIFFERENT. Your lawyer should be having you collect evidence to go to the court with a petition to modify the temporary plan.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:20 PM
6

I am not sure why you didn’t get a billion upvotes. This is an epidemic. It’s not only the $1,000 per month. They then have to deal with the sags and the skin. GLP-1 has become a gold mine for cosmetic surgeons.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:04 PM
1

Florida has a simplified dissolution of marriage. You can use this process provided you have no children and you both waive any claims to alimony. There’s a form both of you submit and sign. One of you is the petitioner, the other is respondent. There’s a debt table and asset table for the petitioner and respondent. You each fill those out- that includes fair market value of accounts, account numbers and if they are joint. It basically outlines who gets what and who owes what. https://www.fljud1…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:56 PM
1

I wouldn’t fall into the blame trap. Blame comes into play when something bad occurs, both agree it’s bad, and a choice is made to hold one person accountable. In your case, it’s about values and principles. Neither are bad or good. They’re choices. You are going to have a certain relationship with your children. That’s your choice. Just because she doesn’t like it, does not make her right and you wrong. She doesn’t like it, she’s leaving. Bye.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 02:00 PM
1

I would think about what type of arguments you have. Some are just basic and what I would call straight forward differences in preferences. It’s like what do we have for dinner? Chinese? Italian? Those are simply making decisions together. They’re fine. However, there’s the prevalent female fights which are rooted in the expectation that you read their mind, and if you don’t, they conclude you somehow do not care about them. They’re like ambushes. As an example, your wife gets mad because you di…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 06:00 PM
3

How old is your daughter?
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:48 PM
6

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, many women today are parasites. They utilize men for resources and when they tap them, they move on. Would not surprise me in the least if she had this guy lined up well before she talked divorce. What I wish I could understand is why men want anything to do with single moms with kids in tow.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 11:25 AM
13

Modern feminism has successfully created a perpetual cycle of damaging women. Women are considered failures if they are just a wife and mother. There’s constant pressure to advance careers. It’s not possible to succeed at all three. Therefore, being a wife takes a backseat. They see their own failure, blame the husband, and divorce. That may not have been your case, but that’s the majority as I have witnessed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 11:52 PM
1

I hate this for you. Go find yourself a single, childless woman. Stay away from single moms. Hopefully, you learned that lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 07:47 PM
2

No it’s not normal. Divorce is a form of betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 01:46 AM
2

I have not but I will advise that calculating the present value (or buyout) of a pension requires financial analysis and assumptions- taxes, lifespan, age of retirement, interest rate assumptions, survivorships, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 01:55 PM
14

The odds of you benefitting at this point are stacked against you. 90% of eligible women in your pool are single moms with kids. No sane man would entertain marriage at this stage.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:03 AM
2

You can’t fix him. However, you can establish boundaries, provided you are brave enough to stomach his reaction or lack thereof. So as an example you can state clearly that you will absolutely not live in a pig sty. It’s not a personal attack because you refuse to live in anyones pig sty. Respecting your boundary is his choice. If he wants you to live there, he’ll clean up. If he doesn’t care if you leave, he won’t change. That will hurt. Add to this, he does not have depression. He is holding o…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 05:32 PM
4

Need to understand the purpose of grey rock. Divorce puts a tremendous emotional strain on our brains and nervous systems. Our bodies have limited capacity to sustain this emotional deregulation. Grey rock is not meant to punish her. It’s meant for you to learn to conserve emotional energy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:31 PM
9

Please. Please. Please understand this. When a biological parent coerces a child into a biological relationship with a non-biological “parent” or non-biological “sibling”, it will forever damage the relationship between the child and coercing biological parent. That’s one of many reasons why these blended families end up being toxic cesspools for children. She’s coercing her children to believe something they know not to be true.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 04:14 PM
5

Sounds very much like she has suppressed trauma.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:13 PM
2

Yes…her and her sleazy lawyer are playing games. I want to win the lottery. Doesn’t mean I will. He needs to get an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 01:40 AM
7

The mental load tied to the idea of me leaving my home was a deal breaker. In the end I kept my home. Her packing and leaving was in a weird way cathartic. I feel for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:31 PM
4

Never forget that marriage, in its most archaic roots, was born of necessity and efficiency. I write this because you, and her, will ultimately have less after divorce- less time, less resources, less possessions. If both of you accept that, you have a chance at keeping things amicable. Problem is that most women (not all) refuse to accept that. They go full throttle into attaining resources to maintain a lifestyle and they do that at any cost- other men, alimony, child support, etc.. Most men (…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 12:40 AM
5

I generally agree with your assessment. I have a few observations myself. Most women now initiate and have planned the divorce for months, maybe years. In effect, they have an emotional head-start. A lot of these tactical blunders are done by men still trying to salvage the marriage. I honestly believe men have more foresight and better grasp of the true impact to kids. This is based on the mindset women have that their kids don’t need a dad. Dad’s don’t think that way. They perceive both parent…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:03 AM
6

We as a society have romanticized this idea of blending families. It all started with the Brady Bunch in the late 60s. It’s projected that men like yourself, are “white knights” who swoop in to save the single mom and her brood. The woman is forever grateful and indebted, due to your generosity, caring and love. This is what the ideology wants us to believe. Reality is, women are turned off by men who protect and provide for another man’s offspring.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 06:56 PM
3

Goal is apathy towards her. You need to get to a point where she’s inconsequential to your life. Create distance. Here’s what I learned the hard way in trying to amicable. Anything bad that happened to her- I was either to blame, expected to fix, or be a shoulder to cry on. Every single interaction was negative. The very few positives, I was never included.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 05:25 PM
6

I listened to a podcast where a psychologist stated that a kids relationship and perception of a parent solidifies at about 25 years old. They carry all of that the rest of their lives. It’s essentially a point where they make an adults assessment of their childhood and parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:14 PM
4

I am truly sorry for all of this. Try your best to stay focused on three very important pillars. Financials, health and career. Everything you do going forward needs vetted with the following questions- Will his improve my financial position? Will this advance or improve my career? Will I be healthier as a result? Adjacent to all of this is taking care of your daughter. This is a great opportunity to simplify your life. This will improve your mental health. Everything else are toxic distractions…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 02:49 PM
1

I live in Florida. I wrote typically, but it does not mean always.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 02:19 AM
2

Don’t get excited. Have you had a mediation yet?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:15 AM
1

The judge can deny the petition but needs to go on record as to why. A hearing is a means to deny the petition or order the decree. The judge can also assign a custody evaluator to the case. They would evaluate the custody agreement and attend the hearing. I do not know where you live, but typically a judge will not issue an order without a hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 12:09 AM
1

True. Isn’t it funny though that it’s now a label? “fun dad”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 11:49 PM
10

Trying to marry a single mom is a fools errand. If that’s your end game, it’s a gauntlet.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:38 PM
1

Typically, if you have a signed settlement with a lawyer(s) involved, the judge will just validate with the petitioner that the marriage is irreconcilable, and was signed, blah, blah and then they rule dissolution. Because there are lawyer(s) the judge probably doesn’t even look at it. Purely a guess, but thinking since you did not have lawyers involved, the judge wanted to look closer and didn’t do it before hand. Just lazy. The last thing the judge wants to deal with is a coercion situation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 10:29 PM
2

When you wrote about the idea of opening the relationship, and she is worried about an STD, does that imply she willing to have sex with someone else, but not you? I guess she could be worried about you catching something, but if you two aren’t having sex then so what. Anyway, the short answer to opening a marriage is it’s stupid. It basically is a guarantee for divorce. If you are heavily leaning towards that, it’s time to just get divorce over with. She obviously does not desire to have sex wi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 10:20 PM
3

Women love to put down “fun dads”. It’s a criticism from them. I embraced that. I made sure I got work, home chores, etc. done so we could have fun during the visits. My kids learned to get their homework done ahead of time. So, yep. Every weekend with dad was fun. It wasn’t my fault my ex chose to use her time off without the kids to bar hop, nurse hangovers and find a “man” with her toxic friends. It wasn’t my fault she chose to do laundry, grocery shop, clean her house, etc. when she had the …
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:19 PM
3

Arizona custody guidelines require judges to use 11 factors when determining custody. Now, this is when judges need to intervene where the two parents are at odds. Ideally, you and your stbx would make a parenting plan that you both agree upon. What is the challenge to both of you making a plan?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 04:07 PM
8

Yes, she is putting her own pleasure before her family and the whole reason she is FORCED to do that is because of YOU. Obviously that’s nonsense, BUT it’s the narrative she’s playing in her head. Get ready, she will do everything in her power to get you to play into her narrative. She will blame you, reconstruct the past, instigate fights, do things intentionally to aggravate you. If you are in the US, the first step in the their playbook is a restraining order. Just be careful.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 08:16 PM
12

Well, of the physically sturdy ones, 90% of those are lunatics. Pick your poison.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 08:09 PM
1

You wrote that her family didn’t agree with her divorcing you. You are privy to the conversation her parents and relatives are having with her. Behind the scenes, they maybe defending you, and holding her accountable. Your ex’s only recourse is to make you look like the bad guy. Her family may not be buying that. As for her mother asking you about the card. It may not be a criticism. It may be more about getting info to defend you or keep you looking like the “good guy”.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 05:04 PM
6

Some people wake up everyday and look in the mirror and know they need to change- their marriage sucks, their parenting sucks. Yet they continue with the same behavior. I don’t know the psychology. Regular people call it being in a rut. These same people, who are forced to change have no choice but to act differently. Maybe that’s what you are seeing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 04:03 AM
1

How old are you? Get a reversal, move on and stay away from single moms. 99% of these women are not looking for a husband to build a life with. They looking for a solution to a problem.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 04:25 PM
2

Let me start by just laying it out. Everyone has different interests. Make sure you always think through that- lawyers, judges, friends of the court, counselors, etc. So, this counselor you are seeing does not give a shit about you, or your wife, or your marriage, or your divorce. This counselor dealt with this shit day in, day out for years. Her goal is to get a parenting plan in place, end the session early and play candy crush until the next divorcee appointment. Therefore, she does not care …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 04:15 PM
3

Unfortunately judges, friends of the court, GALs, etc. have heard everything under the sun. Unless this guy has been arrested, or if there’s documentation around his mental state, there’s little you can do about it. Now, if there is anything, any little thing, most judges won’t hesitate to court order him not having contact with children. They could give two shits about boyfriends, but they just need something.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:21 AM
13

I have a few things that are certain….. Kids, as kids, will side with the parent that alienates. As adults, the kids will resent the parent that alienates for the rest of their adult lives. As a parent, the verdict as to whether or not you are a good parent will come when they are about 25 years old. The “trauma” I caused as a dad to teens is now the subject of laughter- how I made them dress, shit I did to boyfriends, how I handled their drama. Be a “rock”….I wasn’t cool or fun. But I prioritiz…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:11 AM
3

Once a settlement agreement is signed by both, normally only one spouse needs to be in court for the final hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 09:22 PM
4

Teens and 10 years post divorce is no big deal to introduce yourself. At this point, dating someone is no big deal. That’s where prioritization and boundaries (with having kids) come into play. Need to think of yourself as a friend of the family. Teenagers can understand this. If there comes a point where you all get serious, get aligned in big things (kids, money, living) and you want to be together forever, then you need to make that transition- engaging in more of their activities, potentiall…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 07:10 PM
4

The number one goal right now is to build confidence that you are attractive from a relationship perspective. This needs to done knowing you are not ready for a relationship. ONSs do not build that confidence. Sure, there’s attraction and some level of validation but none of that is truly relationship attraction.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 03:40 PM
2

At your age, need to figure out where you are going with your life- career, aspirations, goals, etc. and you need to be working towards that. Women who want the same, will be all over you. Women who don’t want the same, will be gone. Women who have no clue what they want out of life, spin in circles looking for happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 02:47 AM
4

Just don’t use OLD as a validation tool.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 04:37 PM
1

Yep……thats part of the whole process…..time vs. money.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 05:05 AM
2

It’s pretty stupid to put that language in a decree. Rarely enforceable. My ex always used to let me know anytime she and her latest fling were doing anything with the kids. I always felt it was more her trying to get under my skin than anything. I always told her she is responsible for the safety and well-being of the kids when she has them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 05:55 PM
6

If she cheated, you don’t need to go into anything beyond that. Just own it. There’s millions of guys out there that left cheating wives for no other reason. It’s not what you signed up for and you are out. Period. Just don’t make it about anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 05:42 PM
1

Yea this is a mess. As a start, whose name are the phones under and who’s paying? If it’s your account then take the phones to a store and get it fixed so you have the parental controls.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:16 PM
11

Kids do deserve their mum to be happy. It’s a husband’s obligation to do what he can to support her. You are no longer a husband. She is a single mom and she now needs to figure that out on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:08 PM
6

I was listening to Dr. Laura and the woman she was speaking to sounds like your ex wife who was now in her 60’s. Shitty relationship with her kids. Gave the same old sob story as to why she was never present in her kids lives, blamed ex, etc. Dr. Laura would have none of it. Basically said she needs to accept the consequences of her choices. Loved it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 12:45 AM
6

I disagree with the partner/lover/friend. There is a bond between two people that share offspring. It cannot be replaced. It can dissolve, but never be replaced. She is not living her best life. She is avoiding facing life- she is in a fantasy induced dopamine high.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 06:29 PM
2

Need to get your head pointed towards reality. We all have ONE opportunity to be married to the parent of ALL our children. That can never be replaced by anyone or any scenario. Please stop writing about being replaced. These two are together because they are exactly alike. Neither respects, nor values marriage. Both will always put themselves before their children. Neither has any ability to invest in a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 06:18 PM
18

This just demonstrates how absolutely powerful fantasies and fabricated narratives can screw with someone’s brain. I don’t know why, but women seem more susceptible to this. This is why I think often times men are so depressed and worried about being divorced and women are so giddy and excited. I think it’s because men tend to lock into reality.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:34 PM
2

Baffled as to why you waited so long with no kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:20 PM
3

Between when she decided to buy the cookie and when she ate it, she had 3 meltdowns, talked to four friends about you not eating it, journaled, consulted AI and researched TikTok memes on husbands and cookies. That’s why you are getting divorced. You are emotionally bankrupt, narcissistic, gaslighting abuser.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 12:39 AM
3

It’s for the kids. 100% for the kids. Dad points.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 12:19 AM
0

You had been together 10 years before getting married. Why wait so long? What is the reason you do not have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 04:29 PM
2

Divorced people tend to stick together. I suppose that’s why we are on this sub. My buddy is divorced, and his divorce went very well. Even with kids. I was shocked. Now, after the divorce, is when the shit hit the fan. His ex wife chose to put her head in the sand, dreaming of some utopian divorced life. After the gavel strikes, she decides to face reality. During the divorce, they both had lawyers and settled during one mediation. Judge signed off. After the divorce, she took him to court 5 ti…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:02 PM
5

There’s a big difference between running towards something and running away from something. Running towards something gives the feeling of anticipation and excitement. Running away from something gives the feeling of fear. If you are trying to run from her, then being stuck in a house with her is like being caged with a tiger. It’s really important to take steps towards a future vision. Get yourself in the mindset that you are running towards something.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:20 PM
3

How many times have we seen on these subs where a woman doesn’t want kids, divorces and then 6 months later is knocked up?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 02:51 PM
11

The more you chase her, the more she’ll run to this other guy. You cannot compete with newness. However, this other guy cannot provide 15 years, nor is he probably interested. My strong advice is you file for divorce. Have her served. There’s a good chance AP runs. He likely was after sex and the tidiness of an affair, especially if he is married. Her divorcing completely changes the dynamic. Your wife will pressurize the situation with AP. The affair HAS to be worth more than a 15 year marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 05:54 PM
1

Yes, because the idea is the kids at least have some level of peace when they are alone with either parent. The idea is if two parents are constantly fighting, and theirs constant tension in the house, the kids have no escape.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 05:25 PM
13

Here’s the reality- Kids raised in a home with two married parents in a healthy marriage prosper. This will transcend into adulthood. Success factors studied are relationships, education, wealth and income. Children of divorced parents are significantly disadvantaged, as measured through the above factors. The magnitude of disadvantage is directly related to the effectiveness of coparenting and cohabitation with non-biological children and adults. The absolute worse environment for children is a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:39 PM
3

I edited my comment. I am years out. I am to the point where memories of being with her seem surreal. Nobody can believe we were ever together. It’s embarrassing to admit. I even see it in my kids at times.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:13 PM
4

You are following my progression…….I went from sadness and anger, to apathy……and from there, pity and embarrassment. Hopefully for you, it sustains with apathy. In my case, I still deal with having pity and embarrassment (for her).
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:02 PM
6

This was very similar to my experience. I am not a psychologist but feel like my ex wife had serious abandonment issues from not having a present father during her childhood.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 11:40 AM
2

My thoughts are gold digging is nothing more than a form of prostitution…….sex and companionship in exchange for money. Whatever reasons someone chooses to be a prostitute are likely the same reasons someone chooses to be a gold digger. The only difference may be social status, opportunity and looks. In this sense, gold digging is also very premeditated. When it comes to the typical divorce and money, it’s simply a response to the corrupt and flawed ideology that forms the basis for divorce laws…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 05:45 PM
1

Yes, and it’s because the challenge with independence, is loneliness. It’s pure logic. A huge factor in all of this, is them learning over time, the difference between male sexual desire and male relationship desire. For every 10 guys willing to sleep with them, there maybe one that’s willing and capable of entertaining a real relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:57 PM
6

The basic premise of marriage and divorce is simple. In a healthy marriage, problems are resolved easier because theres two people, working together. However, if two people are working against each other, and you have a problem, the challenge is exponential and largely insurmountable. The thing about divorce is the problems are yours to solve. There’s no support that a marriage may offer. At the same time, there’s also no headwinds from prevent you from resolving. My personal opinion is it takes…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:09 AM
6

You say you are “hollow and empty”………I read guy who’s got a blank slate.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 12:08 AM
5

Not one person in life ever sets out to be divorced or even re-married. I don’t know what led to your divorce, but guarantee neither of you wanted to be where you are today. That includes co-parenting. Divorce never solves problems. It simply replaces marital problems with divorce problems. In theory, the divorce problems should be easier to navigate.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 07:27 PM
3

People who are controlling tend to feel they have no control over themselves. As an example, if you “blow up” because the kids don’t take the trash out, you do all kind of crazy things to ensure they take the trash out. That’s controlling them, because you can’t control your outburst. Now, the solution is not to simply excuse their behavior. They need to take the trash out and they need to own the consequences of not doing it. As a parent, you may take away privileges. That’s not controlling. Wi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 05:36 PM
3

This is a straight forward process that requires you to have the courage and resolve with three very important convictions: You absolutely have to be a peace with the idea of divorce. That has got to be an option you are completely willing to move forward with. It can’t be a game. It can’t be calling a bluff. It’s sitting down with a lawyer. Understanding finances. Understanding realities. You need to accept that you alone cannot fix this marriage. Stop trying. You are raising daughters that wil…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:23 PM
18

Most women file and do so under the narrative that they are victim’s of oppression. Easy to do because their independence is subsidized through alimony and half of their ex husband’s assets. They can sustain that narrative as long as the husband is worse off, and can’t recover. If the husband improves, finds a better partner and that relationship is visibly better, the exes tend to melt down.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 06:23 PM
1

I think this is a dumb idea. My ex tried this on me. I told her she is 100% responsible for who she chooses to be around the kids when they are in her custody. If the kids hate you, resent you or don’t be around you because of some guy you force on them, you need to live with that. She told me that I don’t trust her. I told her I did not need to trust her. That ship has sailed. I told her that she needs to trust herself and our kids need to trust her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:48 PM
1

You file for divorce. 180 and grey rock. That has saved more marriages than anything else……
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:39 PM
2

Most of the time it’s a simple formula used to calculate child support, alimony and division of assets. The three most significant “gray areas” where experts can highly influence a divorce outcome are as follows: Imputed Income- This comes into play when a spouse is earning less than their potential. The courts must consider earning potential. A good attorney will have expert resources that can use market studies to determine earning potential. Division of assets- Most attorneys divide investmen…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 04:37 PM
2

I removed all that “agreed upon” nonsense from our agreement. Like you, I never trusted my ex to pay anything. I paid for sports & activities, college and phones. My kids learned that. She had zero access to phones. The kids didn’t even talk to her about college.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:51 PM
3

There’s nothing like rediscovering peace. My job was to provide for her, fix all her messes, deal with her “health” issues, deal with her family drama. Her job was to screw losers. Never realized how much of what I did facilitated the latter. Many years later, I received the greatest compliment ever. My daughter said she couldn’t imagine us having ever been together. Ex grew in one direction, I grew in another.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:32 PM
6

Everybody’s entitled to their beliefs. I told my ex that divorce, to me, is epitome of betrayal. I do not have relationships or friendships with people who betray me. Period. I also told here I will no longer be there for her for any reason, whatsoever. There is no amicability, no hostility……just nothing. Sounds to me like you need to have a similar conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:13 PM
2

People never understand that the stability of a marriage is actually what facilitates the affair. I get it. You think that you pushing for divorce will result in driving her away or into another mans arms. Not the case.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:02 PM
3

You need to get an attorney, share your concerns and then follow their guidance. What you would like to do and what you need to do are two very different things.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 08:32 PM
1

Eventually………it means more filings, more motions, stall tactics, delays. Best to get it out if the way.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 08:16 PM
1

Make the most of the time you have with them. That’s all you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 07:17 PM
4

I say the same thing over and over again. There is a two part axiom that all women who divorce hold onto as the justification for divorce. The first part is you will be worse off without them. The second part is that you do not know how to treat women.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 06:01 PM
2

Based on what you shared, yes. My advice have your lawyer contact hers and let them know you are ok with her having the house. However, she needs to qualify for financing and get the house solely in her name PRIOR to the final divorce decree. The last thing you want is a decree stating she gets the house and you get some portion of equity and then you learn she can’t get financing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 05:52 PM
5

DO NOT get into any weird arrangements to try and allow her to keep the home. It’s rare to have assumable mortgages these days and the likelihood of your stbx getting financing is slim to none.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 04:56 PM
1

Just two comments: People tend not to regret the divorce itself. They tend to regret not trying harder. Only you can assess whether you did or didn’t give it your all. Regarding your wife wanting to now try and rebuild. It is extremely rare for a cheater to have some sort of epiphany and then end the affair. She likely was dumped or AP did or said something so egregious it turned her off. Point is, you cannot allow your marriage (and you) to be a fall-back or her plan b.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 04:46 PM
6

What kind of relationship did she and your sister have? Maybe she’s just trying to maintain a friendship. Maybe she’s trying to pitch her narrative of being a victim and not the “bad guy”. Maybe she is trying to find out how you are doing. All I know is this. My ex had this concocted picture of how she felt divorce life would look life. She was going to get her business booming while finishing her degree. She would maintain this “friendship” with me. She would have this relationship with my pare…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 11:59 PM
5

Women don’t respond to any of that. They only respond to he following: That you are visibly better without them- could be appearance, demeanor, health, financials, etc. That if you are with someone else, you treat them in a way better than your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:52 PM
1

What I found interesting was how I just slid into this peacekeeping mode. What I also found interesting (post divorce) was the uglier I got, the nicer and more understanding and submissive she became.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:46 PM
1

It’s a simple concept. There’s people you trust. People you don’t trust. People that are loyal. People that have integrity are people we trust. As an example, the person that watches your pet is someone you trust. They will take good care of the pet. They will take good care of anyone’s pet. In that sense they are trustworthy. They are not a friend. Loyalty is an extension of trust. As an example, if the pet watcher would cancel their plans to watch your pet because you had an emergency, that’s …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:23 PM
2

How old are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:05 PM
1

Yep. It’s what’s called mental instability. Mental stability is where emotions, feelings, logic, virtues are all aligned. It’s how we are designed. We feel an emotion. Emotions are Instinctual. Part of our brain processes that emotion through feelings. The other part of our brain filters those feelings through logic. Virtues then provide permission to take action. Once that shit becomes misaligned, you’ve got mental instability. That’s your ex. That’s why she can’t function.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 08:39 PM
2

If you have your kids Sun-Thurs and your Fridays and most Saturdays are free, you are in the top 10% of good custody arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 04:16 PM
2

Most everybody wants the “Facebook Marriage”. Underneath that is a lot of work, sacrifice, & commitment. It doesn’t just happen and it certainly isn’t something done on the side. Based in what you wrote, she just doesn’t put any effort in. Sometimes it’s just that simple.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 04:11 PM
3

You need to get a plan together to move out. Her parent’s allegiance is to the marriage first, her second, the grandkids and you last. Once they accept the marriage is over, they will go after you. Don’t think for a second that they will continue to side with you and throw her out. She was raised spoiled and never held accountable. That will never change.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:24 PM
6

I don’t want to put ideas in your head. My ex and I were always getting into heated fights and her modus operandi was to “leave to cool off”. Then she finally moved out. I went probably three months. Told her to either come back and work on the marriage or we file. She waffled for a month then I filed. Three learnings: Never in a million years did I expect an affair. It wasn’t until I was well into the divorce that I discovered it was happening. The fights, the move……all ploys to be with AP. She…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:15 PM
1

This is where your lawyer needs to do their job. If you receive a disclosure letter it can ask for more than what’s required by law or exactly what’s required by law. You need to provide exactly what is required by law. A shitty, lazy lawyer will ask you to fill out the form. A good lawyer will ask you for a detailed list of all accounts, assets, liabilities, debts, etc. that you email. They will then provide only what is necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:39 PM
8

In my experience, hook-ups are not very common. I see a lot more committed, FWB relationships
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:06 PM
5

Online dating is a cesspool.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:37 PM
2

You mentioned in other posts that you believe she had affairs. I think the first thing you need to know before you consider anything, you should know for sure the baby is yours. Assuming you know for sure the baby is yours, you then need to determine if she is seeing or talking to anyone else. There’s absolutely no chance of saving your marriage if she is seeing other people- even if it’s emotional or texting or “friends”. If the baby is yours and she has gone NC with any “interlopers”, then it’…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:22 PM
7

Yes it sucks. I’ll tell you this first hand. The one thing that you are not thinking about, and what you will eventually feel, is inner peace. I’m not saying everyone who gets divorced experiences this. This is reserved for those who were discarded and walked out on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:07 AM
1

Nothing is absolute. Will your stbx stay in the current home long term or will they need to eventually move, perhaps due to cost?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:31 PM
3

She cares about her son and probably thinks this will be great for him because she’s constructed a false narrative in her head.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:58 PM
2

LMAO…….your title. I’m sure proposing to her again won,t help move things along. I’m sure you are anxious to just get things over with. I’m here to tell you to not make the mistake of doing that at your own financial demise.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:26 PM
2

Courts tend to not sympathize with a parent who relocates and creates the 45 min to an hour drive. Just calling it as I see it. They typically consider time with siblings, but not at the expense of parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:21 PM
1

Yes, mediation or not, she needs to file a motion. I would not even entertain mediation on this. You have an order in place and have no interest in changing. She needs to have a compelling reason to relocate that’s in the best interest of the kids. If you pay your CS and are current and you are keeping your custody schedule you will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 06:56 PM
2

Everybody learns, grows, matures, changes. That’s just life. We’ve all done really stupid shit. Some things we are just lucky to live to talk about. All we can do is be smarter, have goals and try our best moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 06:18 PM
5

Have your ex read up on the UCCJEA. It’s federal and it’s meant to stop all this stupid nonsense. Tell her she moves him without going through the courts, she can be charged with kidnapping. Yes, you can press charges because it’s criminal. It’s also considered contempt of the custody order. You take her to family court, especially if she’s arrested, she’s in jeopardy of getting less favorable custody terms and could face fines and jail time. By the way, if you have to get a lawyer, she’ll pay a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:49 AM
1

Yeah, that’s not enough.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:14 PM
3

My ex used to get so mad at me because anytime she told me anything, I would respond with you are responsible for your decisions and you are 100% accountable for the consequences. I would never accuse her of anything, I would only ask questions……..”Do you think it’s responsible to move our kids in with a man you barely know?” She’d always deny everything and I would just apologize for the accusation. Nonetheless I got my point across. No point in arguing when I knew she was lying.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 06:35 PM
2

This lacks specifics. What is it exactly she is going to do to improve?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 06:23 PM
3

My ex used to get so mad at me because anytime she told me anything, I would respond with you are responsible for your decisions and you are 100% accountable for the consequences. I would never accuse her of anything, I would only ask questions……..”Do you think it’s responsible to move our kids in with a man you barely know?” She’d always deny everything and I would just apologize.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 05:43 PM
2

“Out of site, out of mind”. If you were fortunate enough to completely divest yourself of her you are lucky. No kids, no alimony, no child support.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:31 PM
3

Trying to get into their heads is a fools errand. Just embrace the peaceful exchange and don’t overthink.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:25 PM
1

Including them in the process is an awesome idea!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 09:25 PM
2

It’s 100% about networking and putting yourself out there. Statistically speaking, there is a higher probability that you will date someone indirectly (through someone else) than you will directly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 08:07 PM
3

Simple concept with marriage. You and your spouse work together to do what’s best for the marriage. You need to make it clear to her (and yourself) that the partnership has ended. Moving forward, you do what is best for yourself. Period. Only you know what is best for you. Telling other’s is an “I” decision, not a “we” decision.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 08:34 PM
8

I don’t know about being “Daddy’s Daughter”. My experience is there’s three types of divorced women which represent 90% of divorced women: The Competitor: These are women that are out to show the world they “upgraded” from their ex. They want to be on Facebook and Instagram (with you) at every opportunity. They are also obsessed with their ex and what they are doing. These women usually left a great marriage. The Damsel in Distress: These women are desperate to solve a problem. Mostly stretched …
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 08:31 PM
1

Moving because you are running from something is never a good idea. Moving because you are chasing (or seeking) something is a great idea. Only you can decide.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 02:29 AM
9

Simple answer is she is “using” this guy to force herself out of her relationship with you. This is why any person with half a brain doesn’t mess with recently divorced or separated people. She doesn’t want, to want, to end the marriage. If that makes sense. In other words, she has created a logic based narrative in her brain that has convinced her to end the marriage. However, her feelings and emotions are the opposite. Back to the other guy. He’s simply an attempt to fabricate feeling and emot…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 03:49 PM
7

You are acting like you got shot in the head, but in reality the bullet just whizzed by. Give it time. There’s three stages: grief, panic, relief. You are still in the grief stage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 07:54 PM
9

Her behavior is so typical of someone who realizes they were way better off with their ex and married, than they are in their divorced state. They take every opportunity to start a fight or be difficult and unreasonable to get a reaction out of you. They want you to get angry and be a jerk so they actually feel good or justified in divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 07:49 PM
2

That very good point and consideration……..
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 04:42 PM
1

You wrote a lot, but the trick in all of this is choosing to not trade emotional currency with her. You need to realize that when you get angry or sad or even happy with her, you are expending emotions- those emotions cause you angst, overthinking, imagining, etc. Now, you need to express emotions. Just spend them on friends and family. Taking the child to get a paternity test at this point is none of her business, unless of course it’s not yours. While it’s hard and you do care about who she’s …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:28 PM
2

The only advice I have is to minimize your contact and sever as much connection as you can. Two examples- Alimony- in some states, you can give her a lump some in lieu of alimony. That lump sum is not considered alimony. If you can swing it financially, it means she can never ask for alimony or more money once the decree is ordered. Custody- Try to get large chunks of time. One week on, one week off. It minimizes the exchanges and interactions. Additionally, focus on imputed income. If your divo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:14 PM
14

It’s a process. Stay away from dating apps. Don’t even look at them. It’s all about social networking. I needed my divorced friend to help me work the chains at my kids football game. He didn’t want to and I had to coax him (stupid kids HS football game). After the game I asked him to get a beer with my wife and another couple. He didn’t want to (third wheel) and I had to coax him. When we met at the bar, my friend’s wife’s twin sister accompanied them. She had just moved to the area. Fast forwa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 12:15 AM
3

You have no prayer of fixing this. Her kids seem to have zero discipline and you can’t be the disciplinarian. Can’t expose your daughter to this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:56 PM
8

Get a lawyer. Fees come out of marital proceeds. There are advantages to you for filing so consider being the one to do it. She may “own” the house, but any equity and appreciation during the marriage is divisible. If this was truly a surprise, then she’s either a WAWW or she’s having an affair. In either case, you are dealing with someone who is not grounded in reality. Buckle in.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 05:58 PM
1

My buddy got divorced and bought a fixer-upper. If you’re handy, very therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 02:21 AM
2

FWIW it’s good you are writing about the present and the future. Trust me, you are turning the corner. As for your wife wanting to reconcile- you want her to want to come back. That’s very different than you wanting her back. You’ll see that too. As for her having any substantive relationship with her AP- likely won’t happen. Odds are slim to none.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:59 AM
9

She didn’t agree to work it out. She agreed to stay married until she gets a plan. Serve her papers at work.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 10:08 PM
2

It’s stupid. It’s no different than step-parent. There’s parents. Period.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 08:34 PM
2

Retainer is simply a down payment. What are the bill rates per hour?
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 10:42 PM
3

90% of people do not understand prenups. They can only define whats entitled under the divorce laws. If you live in an equitable distribution state, you can define the distribution under a prenup and it will be binding, provided the judge sees it as equitable. Alimony is similar, some states have very defined alimony formulas. Some states are more ambiguous. Prenups are only as good as the latitude with the divorce laws.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 10:10 PM
11

I have never heard that. Usually the order is to move the amount she was ordered to receive into her own IRA by some date. Also. Most lawyers are lazy and hate math. They simply subtract the pre-marriage account value from the current value and split it. By law, the spouse is only entitled to a percentage of the marital contributions and only the capital gains from that percentage of marital contributions. They are not entitled to any capital gains from premarital contributions. Ask me how I kno…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 11:24 PM
5

Thinking as a judge- First, there needs to be a substantial, unexpected or uncontrollable change in circumstances that warrant a modification. Second, the modification needs to be in the best interest of the child. Of course, you can make any modification that you both agree upon. However, children in homes with non-biological males are 40 times more likely to experience abuse compared to those living with biological parents
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 11:11 PM
4

It’s way more straightforward than you think. What you describe perfectly is emotional vs. logical decision making. No need to explain the difference between the decision making aspect. It’s the element of time that’s pertinent. When you think about it, emotional decisions are instantaneous, as are emotions. The decisions are solidified by feeding the emotions- ie your ex professing freedom, telling everyone. Logical decisions are made through facts and some form of need to make a decision- that…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 01:50 AM
3

Even in today’s world, men are expected to approach women. So as an example, for every 10 women a man approaches, they may get a positive response by 3. So 7 out of 10 times the men feel rejected. For every 10 times a woman gets approached, rejection or not, the woman walks away with some feeling of being desired. That aside, something else to consider. Women are negatively biased when it comes to a date. Men are positively biased. Meaning women are hyper sensitive to anything negative, while me…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 09:15 PM
1

High value men do not want these women as wives. Why? Because they know it’s impossible for these women to be in a high-demand career AND be a nurturing and present mother AND be a supportive and faithful wife. The stress if it all will get to them, and long term, it’s the husband who is out.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 09:42 PM
12

There are people who live life making everything better. Themselves, their marriage, their friends. They put the work in. There are also people in life constantly seeking something better. They pillage and move on, contributing nothing. All your wife has accomplished is realizing there’s nothing of substance to be gained from AP. She’s just looking to return to base and prep for her next conquest.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 08:27 PM
1

Alimony and child support are both income based. Both can be determined by actual and imputed income. The only time CS expenses enter into the equation is if there are shared expenses- ie daycare, school tuition, etc. Judges and attorneys rarely allow marital expenses to be shared outside divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 08:19 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter