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SilverGraphSurfer Archive

View 0 posts and 67 comments by SilverGraphSurfer on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

Let me fix that: Stop getting married It’s a shit deal for everyone, but especially men. Don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:57 AM
1

This. Absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 11:11 PM
2

I disagree. The final straw was seeing my son cry when the disrespect and guilt crap she threw at me made him feel like shit because we were playing a game together. As I talked over that incident and others with a marriage counselor (we did couples counseling together and the therapist did a private session with each of us as we worked to see if we could reconcile) it became very clear that if I continued to accept being treated like that and being unhappy I was teaching my children that they s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 11:08 PM
1

After only 3 years, no kids, and this young? End it now. The above thinking is sunk cost fallacy - don’t fall into that trap. Definitely think about any additional spending on assets that will have to be split, and definitely do not have kids. Hint: You can always make more money and get new stuff, but you can never get back the time you spend being unhappy. The mistake is getting married in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:06 PM
1

Awesome! I’ve been down a similar path. After a dead bedroom for many many years, it seems we have built a reserve of sexual energy. Enjoy. Just never marry again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 12:56 PM
2

Wow, I didn’t know that. Canadian here - we are screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:18 PM
2

Cohabitation = marriage in the eyes of the law. There are other reasons why I don’t think cohabitation is good for a relationship, but those are irrelevant since living together = agreeing to that insane “contract”.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 02:03 PM
9

This right here. I will never get married and never cohabitate again. I have a committed LTR with a wonderful lady who also prefers to maintain her own home. You know what beats the shit out of marriage? Two independent people who CHOOSE to spend time with each other. Each moment is a choice. Either partner can end it at any time. No one is trapped. There is no painful and combative legal process required that will drain everyone’s time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 01:04 PM
1

I have a different perspective. It’s not about you and her or winning. What is best for your child? Like it or not, 50/50 is best, so offer her 50/50 with you as primary and she has to move back to get it. That is entirely fair and best for your child. If she wants 50/50 she moves back. Period. It’s not about you or her or winning, it’s a out the best interests of your child. Focus on that and the courts will see it. Especially if you can get it without spending years and hundreds of thousands m…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 02:28 AM
2

Document this behavior and see a lawyer right away. Start recording with your phone when you interact. Protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 09:11 PM
1

You can have all of what you want without getting married. The lie we are sold is that we can’t have a family without that insane contract. It isn’t true.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:37 AM
1

That is not true. That may be the lie that is told to sell this extremely shitty deal. See r/deadbedrooms if you want a dose of the reality of many marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:35 AM
1

That is great but none of that requires marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:31 AM
2

Oh it can’t be a merger of equal value, that is a loss for both parties and a bigger loss for the man almost always. It’s lose/lose. It makes zero sense.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:23 AM
2

No force in this universe could make me do that. Maybe a brain injury? I don’t think marriage makes sense. Certainly not for men, but I think it is a net negative for relationships long term. I have a wonderful partner who is an independent woman. We are TLA - Together Living Apart. We spend most nights together but both have our own homes and lives. We are with each other and committed long term and exclusive, but because we choose to. Neither of us is dependent on the other or trapped. Neither…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 02:19 AM
2

This right here. The only person you should respond to in these matters is your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 12:56 PM
3

LMGTFY https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collaborative_law I suggest you learn to do your own research and learning or this process is going to cost you 5x as much.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 04:19 AM
1

You are both lucky the outcome wasn't any worse. It is very good to see how seriously you are taking this and working to get yourself well. But she and your child can't take that risk. They just can't. I suggest putting reconciliation out of your mind. There is only two priorities you that I think make sense. 1. Get yourself healthy mentally and physically. 2. Rebuild your relationship with your son. Safely. Slowly. You have a long way to go but you are taking the right steps. Hoping for or push…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 03:40 AM
4

You dodged a massive bullet there. Good riddance. How much would life suck if you actually had a child with that woman? You need to focus on you first. You find a great partner when you finally are happy on your own and don't NEED anyone to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 03:30 AM
2

aw and colorable law? Collaborative law you mean?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 03:26 AM
1

Sorry about that, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I should have said that it is best to pay a lawyer to review your specific situation so you know where you stand. You will hear all kinds of opinions from people who don’t know the laws or the situation and it’s much easier to ignore that stuff if you can be sure of the reality.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 04:55 AM
2

Both you and others don’t know what you are talking about. Spend a couple hundred for an hour with your lawyer and have them calculate what the high and low is for your state and your situation. Get the real information so that you know where you stand. But no matter what you discover you need to get your head straight on it that you are not paying your ex, but your kids. That’s the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 12:16 PM
1

Well you are dead wrong. You aren’t paying her you are paying to support your kids and that is split according to income. If you do some research you can find out yourself what table rates are in your jurisdiction. If you are paying significantly more than you should that is one thing, but if you are not or are paying less then you need to leave it alone.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 11:56 AM
1

It is always worth fighting for 50/50. Your lawyer is right, that concession was foolish. You need to listen to her. Had you listened to her advice the first time you wouldn’t be here. She isn’t bleeding you dry, you went against her advice and it cost you. You pay for a lawyer’s advice, best pay attention to it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 11:46 AM
1

Hiring a lawyer does not mean no mediation. You should both consult a good lawyer of your own but you can still work out the agreement yourselves with a mediator. If she hires a lawyer and decides to toss the agreement and start from scratch or go to court then that sucks - and it’s stupid because you will piss away far more than money - but you can’t stop her. My STBX hired a lawyer and did a 2 HR consultation and it was very good. Her lawyer gave her the truth about how it would go so she was …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/20 03:19 PM
4

Anyone who despises you is not worth your time. They haven’t been in your shoes. So glad you got 50/50. I am in a similar situation except when she “kicked me out” I said no - this is my house as much as hers. I moved into the spare room instead. Lack of affection, intimacy and sex will destroy a marriage very effectively faster than most people believe. I realized in therapy just how broken my marriage was. It was long dead. I suspect yours was too. Once you realize what you do to your kids whe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/20 11:12 PM
1

I don’t think the reasons ever provide that. Here’s how it will likely go. Each reason will be denied, attacked and defended against. There will be more anger and hurt because of the “reasons”, not closure. Getting into “why” is never productive.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/20 09:46 AM
1

She wants you to drink so she can control and manipulate you. Please make sure you steel yourself against any attempt she makes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 11:53 PM
1

If you have equity built up in your property use a home equity backed loan instead. Much lower rates.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 11:37 PM
2

She is entitled to 50% of the community property. So she wants half of the what you claim was separate coming into the marriage of 100k. So ask yourself, how much time and money will it take to fight this? What if it takes 2 years and 40k and you lose and have to give her 50k anyway? What is the probability of that outcome? What type of assets make up the 100k? Was it worth 100k before marriage or is any of that appreciation or growth that happened during the marriage? You should consider an off…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 02:29 PM
2

How long were you married, what assets are you claiming as separate and how much is 50% of those assets? It doesn’t matter what is right or wrong it is a simple expected return calculation. How much time and money will it cost you to fight this in court win or lose? 2 years and 50k? Unless the assets you are claiming as separate are worth a lot more than 100k AND you have a very good probability of winning it doesn’t make sense. You find another lawyer and pay for a couple of hours to get a seco…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 06:59 AM
4

You fucking don’t that’s what. Do you punch yourself in the nuts just for fun too?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 02:17 AM
1

Document that shit. She can’t do that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 01:08 AM
1

That’s bullshit. Pick up Mom’s House, Dad’s House. Good book.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 01:06 AM
1

You said “caused by me demanding full custody” but you mean 50%? Well that puts you in a better position. Reframe that as “Equal parenting time is what is best for my child.” Read Mom’s House, Dad’s House be Isolina Ricci
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/20 10:15 AM
2

Well you can’t fix people they have to want it. I would offer to book her an appointment- she will day no I’m sure but.... offer via email and document. Reference that you are concerned because of the conversation where she threatened suicide.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 09:29 PM
1

While you are absolutely best to document everything you need to rethink full custody. Unless she is physically abusive or a drug addict or non functional alcoholic you are very unlikely to win that battle. And you shouldn’t. Why are you going for full custody? What is so dire that you would damage your daughter so deeply by removing her mother from her life? Kids need both parents and 50/50 is the best solution in the vast majority of cases. Who convinced you to go for full custody? Fighting th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 12:21 PM
1

Smart watch and/or phone activity tracking. Walks, hiking, biking etc. let you track your activity and you can often label or note them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 12:13 PM
2

It doesn’t matter. Never talk about or think about “why”. It’s not helpful. What she said is abusive and you need to document it. Since she doesn’t want to see you limit all communication to email. That way you have a record of it. Let her know that if she mentions suicide again you will call 911 immediately. You don’t fuck around with that one. If she makes that threat again you call them. You have to. She needs a therapist and right now. You too. We all do going through this but her need seems…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 12:08 PM
20

Abort, abort! 🚩 Dude you pulled your chute just in time. Sure the ride was great but the ground was coming up fast. I know it’s difficult but you absolutely did the right thing. Ignoring red flags is how many of us ended up miserable for years and a whole lot poorer. You are my fucking hero right now. Well done.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 11:58 AM
0

Bullshit. You go ahead and put your head up your ass but no one should stay in an unhealthy relationship or be unhappy - even if their spouse doesn’t agree.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 03:46 AM
2

That is very wise. That is the key. You can’t be looking for someone to make your life complete. If you are you are looking for someone who can fill a hole in you, and that isn’t possible for a healthy relationship. You have to focus on and be happy with you. Just you. Until you can be happy with and love yourself without a partner you aren’t ready to attract or be a partner to anyone. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t date, have fun and have some great sex. You absolutely can as long as you are d…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 02:00 AM
2

So you don’t want her but you can’t stand anyone else even talking to her? That’s not healthy for you. You can’t control what other people do but you can control what you think about. When you start thinking about her catch yourself and start thinking about positive things like your own health, development and success. Take all of your energy and put it into productive thoughts and actions. You need to take the advice about focusing on yourself but also find a therapist. That will help you immen…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 02:11 PM
2

Any credit cards or other debt she could access cancel it now. Leave the apartment right now. Don’t send her money, don’t give her a cent until you see a lawyer. Do not give her money for bills. I’d she needs to eat buy some food. After you have seen a lawyer and gotten good advice buy her a bus ticket home. Then if you want to you can pay the final bills directly if you choose and if your lawyer agrees.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 12:28 PM
13

Go back home. NOW. It’s your home. No matter what she says or does to get you to leave you need to calmly state this is your home and you will be there with your kids, they need you. Next find a lawyer and have an initial conversation to find out what your situation really is. Do not listen to anything she says about moving out or separation or custody of the children. She either doesn’t know or she will say whatever she needs to in order to get you to leave. Get back in your home right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 12:05 PM
1

I don’t think it’s reasonable to judge the decisions we made in our 20s against what we know and have learned now. Things that we now recognize as red flags or problems in the relationship many of us only learn now after 10-15-20 years. It’s patently ridiculous to think that a 20 something who has had only a couple of serious relationships has the knowledge, experience and emotional intelligence to make that decision for life. When the marriage doesn’t work the focus should be on the kids. That …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 05:33 PM
2

Both the assets and debts are jointly owned and split. That CC debt is joint and so is the tax return - so paying the joint debt with a joint asset seems entirely fair but I would ask a lawyer first. You may not see them yet but maybe a phone call will work? I did my first consultation with my lawyer by phone.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 03:01 PM
12

I know it may be useful for you to share this with us, but I hope you don’t include the negative stuff about their their mother when you talk to them. No matter how terrible she may be it hurts them to do so. Even if she does is hurting them by putting you down. I saw a quote recently that we all need to read and keep in mind. “Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your p…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 12:17 PM
1

Just get out. Now. No kids so just leave. Don’t let her know anything just plan, find a place and move out when she isn’t expecting it. Don’t waste time and energy on the fact that she cheated. It doesn’t matter beyond you being certain you are done.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 03:37 AM
1

STBX and I keep a shared checking account and we total up expenses and both contribute but our paychecks go into our individual accounts. Set boundaries with her. Don’t ask her for space or say she needs to give you anything - tell her your boundaries and enforce them. Be reasonable and calm about it. This isn’t a discussion. It’s not a negotiation and you don’t care if she agrees. Just tell her you will only communicate about XYZ and that communication will be via email. That keeps everything d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 10:03 AM
2

Infertility and miscarriage can shatter a relationship and both people in it. You need to be seeing a therapist and right now. I’m so sorry you are going through this - please get help.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 09:49 AM
10

For your peace of mind and happiness I urge you to say “No thanks. Please don’t contact me again.” This is a horrible idea in so many ways. You still have feelings for her and she knows it, you just demonstrated that. It doesn’t matter what the “issue” is, why would you volunteer to go through the emotional pain you KNOW this will cause? Why would you throw away all of the healing you have started and get sucked right back to the bottom of the roller coaster again? You need to find a good therap…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 09:42 AM
2

If she leaves and doesn’t come back you may be ok to do so, but do not do that until you speak to a lawyer. You can get an initial consultation pretty quickly and often for no charge. I prefer a paid consultation if I have chosen the lawyer but if you are not sure who to choose yet do a few initial consultations, ideally over the phone. Google the laws in your jurisdiction and beware any lawyer who says you can “do better” than the standard expected outcome - they’ll drag it out and bleed you dr…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 10:29 PM
2

Terrible advice. Infidelity is not relevant in most jurisdictions and it is both a waste of time and energy for OP and carries a risk of being a disadvantage in negotiations and court. It doesn’t matter why she is done, she is done and OP needs to focus only on moving forward and protecting himself and his kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 05:06 PM
3

It’s her home too, do not change the locks until you speak to a lawyer. Her choice to leave and puts her at further disadvantage so let her do it. Speak to a lawyer right now before you do anything. Don’t waste energy on why, it won’t help. Put all of your energy into getting good legal and financial advice and protecting yourself and your kids. Why doesn’t matter and getting into why will only make you very emotional. You don’t want to make decisions when very emotional so do all you can to foc…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 04:58 PM
1

They also don’t realize that being unhappy in a broken marriage like that will be harmful to children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 11:57 AM
1

Read the first line of your post. I’m not saying you need to be committed, just that you need to be working with a mental health professional. That’s NOT a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of. My psychologist has been amazing and instrumental in my learning how to deal with the end of my 20 year marriage in a healthy way. Get help. For you. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 02:32 AM
1

OP you need help and you need it now. You need to seek mental health help right away. You are a danger to yourself and others in society. Men who have a world view like this do terrible things. Call the suicide hotline for starters. If any of us know someone like this we need to do everything and anything we can to ensure they get help. That means calling a suicide hotline or emergency services. Men with this world view are a great danger to themselves and the public. This is the mentality that …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 12:41 PM
-1

That’s a pretty screwed up view of marriage. Joining together doesn’t mean giving up half of who you are. I think attitudes like yours have more to do with high divorce rates.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 12:34 PM
5

Oh hell no. You cancel that shit right now! Spend that money on yourself. On your kids. Get them giant fucking chocolate hearts from you. But DO NOT send her shit. Not a text, not an email, not a phone call, not a card and certainly not roses. I know you still have feelings and it hurts but this is just going to twist the knife in your heart and on top of that give her so much power to use and control you. Do not do this. Promise me you will angel that and spend the money to treat yourself. Do s…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/20 04:34 AM
0

No need to be friends or be “nice” (whatever that means). Be civil and don’t be an asshole, don’t cause unnecessary problems over stupid shit, but definitely protect your rights, don’t be a doormat and don’t even think about getting back together. Be the calm, reasonable and firm and focus on yourself and your kids. Don’t waste any more time and energy thinking about your ex or STBX. It doesn’t matter what she did or with whom or how much it hurt. The best oath first is still the same.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 10:21 PM
2

This. 👆
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 10:06 PM
0

You had me right up until enemy. That attitude will hurt everyone more including the child.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 09:41 PM
6

No, we must focus on being happy stable people and give them a safe and supportive environment when they are with us. Do that and they’ll be just fine. With one solid and good part of their life they will be able to deal with the tough things in life even if their other parent doesn’t provide that. One healthy happy parent is far better than two unhappy ones. You do need to focus on yourself and stop judging and fretting over what you can’t control. If you choose to be angry and bitter at your e…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 09:38 PM
3

Parenting is always a shared responsibility, especially when married. It still is when separated but the time split is different is all. There are good parts to 50/50 - like each parent can plan and focus heavily on the kids when they have them and the have a week to recharge and be ready again. You seem to think taking turns is some horrible thing compared to the alternative and I don’t think that’s reality. Sure the ideal is a big happy family but that is more of a goal than a reality. If the …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 06:51 PM
1

Introducing new people to the kids is a huge deal. Working on separation agreement now and when that can happen will absolutely be spelled out. Before divorce is crazy talk. This is a big adjustment for kids. Luckily in your case he seems like a good person.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 06:33 PM
3

Focus on you and do stuff that keeps you out of your head. I like exercise or activities that engage my brain so I can’t be up in my head. I’ll go mountain biking or skiing but not running because I need something to focus on. You can tackle a project or do something fun you normally don’t get a chance to do. I like to listen to podcasts or audiobooks while I do other stuff like housework or work out. I’m going looking for a certain piece of vintage clothing for a friend and a pair of boots for …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 12:50 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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