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Sonia314 Archive

View 4 posts and 469 comments by Sonia314 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

If class is independent of income, it’s independent of responsibility. If you were committing to the definition you claim fully that it’s just about different cultures, I wouldn’t have a problem with what you’re doing. But you’re trying to have it both ways. I called it a claim because I know plenty of British people, and they don’t do this trying to have it both ways thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:30 AM
–

How about this study with over a million respondents that resulted in much less selection bias because the author was able to create nationally representative sub-samples of hundred of thousands of respondents then? https://bigkinksurvey.com/?y=sexcount&x=politics
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 02:00 AM
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When will this rumor that women are not more into violent porn and sex than men die? Over and over again research finds that we are. Like this study for example. https://bigkinksurvey.com/?y=sexcount&x=politics
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 01:56 AM
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I highly doubt it’s normally the same woman shaming men for watching porn and saying they are insecure for shaming their girlfriends for watching porn.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 01:51 AM
1

I don’t date, but I have casual sex. I have it exclusively with men in my social group, because it means I know their reputation for integrity in casual sex. I’ve had casual sex with guys who weren’t friends of friends, and while I would do it again if I ran out of great options within my social group, it’s inferior because it’s taking a leap of faith about their STI status and their likelihood violating boundaries. I talk about all my sexual partners with friends to make sure I’m not missing re…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 01:06 AM
4

I would date such a man. It’s hard to explain why I would because I can’t think of a reason someone wouldn’t. No wonder there is a fertility crisis if people have such restrictive dealbreakers.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 03:17 AM
2

I think a more effective version would involve more game, but the women saying there is something morally wrong with the guy for doing that are just being assholes. Women in my community don’t, and both women and men are better off for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 02:07 AM
1

Wait this whole time you’ve been talking about people as rich as the people in the Epstein files and CEOs? Our perspectives on these people certainly differ, but they are such a tiny portion of the population that they are not relevant to discussions of overall associations between socioeconomic status and abuse.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 09:48 PM
1

It sounds like you have such a deep hatred of richer people that a debate on the well documented negative association between income and intimate partner violence is not a good use of my time. I’ll probably leave this conversation at this point. I encourage you to have more empathy for your fellow human beings instead of calling people almost cartoonishly evil just for providing goods and services that normal people value a lot. This is a moot point because the studies generally use surveys to m…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 08:53 PM
0

Rich victims benefit from better legal access just as much as rich perpetrators. Victims in abusive rich relationships typically have career capital that gives them a lot more options to leave the relationship. It's hard to find a personality flaw that doesn't anti-correlate with income. Most of these make it easier to be stuck in abusive relationships and are independant of cultural gender norms. https://online.ucpress.edu/collabra/article/7/1/24431/117346/The-Big-Five-Across-Socioeconomic-Stat…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 11:49 AM
2

Over and over again studies find that intimate partner violence anti-correlates with socioeconomic status. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10952995/ Sexual activity anti-correlates with education in the US in men. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4081028/
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 11:14 AM
-2

Over and over again studies find that intimate partner violence anti-correlates with socioeconomic status. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10952995/
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 10:53 AM
0

Over and over again studies find that intimate partner violence anti-correlates with socioeconomic status. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10952995/
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 10:52 AM
-1

Over and over again studies find that intimate partner violence anti-correlates with socioeconomic status. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10952995/
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 10:52 AM
0

Abusive men tend to exist in low income environments where women typically have serious emotional problems too. In women emotional problems often manifest as low self esteem that makes us put up with abuse. After I left my abusive relationship I climbed the socioeconomic ladder and am now in an upper class community where abusive men basically don't exist by comparison. Another factor is that lower income people tend to have more sex because their careers are pretty boring, so sex is more stimul…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 03:06 AM
–

I’m an attractive woman with a significant social media presence. I’ve never had guys ask me out due to it. Furthermore, attractive women are not the only kind of women. The average American woman is overweight.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:53 PM
1

I have really distinctive hair and the things I talk about in the discussion section of the discord provide enough clues. Also my community is like 80% male and there are almost no overweight people, so it’s pretty easy to narrow it down. Also some people in my community are on fetlife.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 10:45 PM
1

I’m a lady that posts nudes and other erotic material in a discord server and on fetlife. I do so under a pseudonym and don’t show my face in the discord server, but people in my community can often put two and two together. When acquaintances or friends recognize me and bring it up, I like it. I act playfully embarrassed, but in an encouraging way. If they matched the explicit language I use in my writing in person from the get go I would be uncomfortable. If they match the explicit language I …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 12:17 AM
1

Think about it this way: despite all the options she has, she’s chosen her partner to love. How many options she has should be reassuring for this reason, not frightening. Men who struggle with jealousy so much that they don’t see it like this are really shooting themselves in the foot. It’s a turnoff because it signals an unhealthy level of insecurity that normal men don’t have.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 03:00 PM
4

As someone who has spent most of my life with cheap tech, I can relate. Both men and women are expressing this about the opposite sex (women more than men) in large numbers because we have stunted social skills due to streaming, video games, phones etc becoming so entertaining that the hard work of dating and relationships seems unappealing by comparison. I’m old enough to remember when we socialized out of shear boredom every day. Then a computer of my own and streaming videos and better video …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:24 AM
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One thing I think is happening to some degree is that medical errors are really common in general, but women have more of a victim mentality than men on average so they weave it into a narrative about gender instead of taking the error at face value. I’ve had doctors not take me seriously enough, but I’d need more evidence to claim that it was related to my gender. In contrast my feminist friends tend to leap at chances to see gender discrimination against them in all areas of life when the fact…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 03:30 AM
1

Only 53% of American adults ages 18-29 had ever used a dating site in 2023 according to Pew. Among partnered American adults ages 18-29, only 20% met their partner on a dating app. Regardless of your age, you don't have to use dating apps. It's a choice. Youngsters are lonely enough that sometimes they get stuck in bubbles where they think using dating sites is required, and benifit from people who were around before cheap tech stunted everyone's social skills explaining how much better dating c…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 02:30 AM
1

Oh I never drink or do drugs.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:39 AM
3

Oh gosh looking at some of the other answers, guys can be badly behaved. I also expect him to initiate giving me oral (I often turn him down because I don’t really like it), but didn’t mention that because it’s a given in my community.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 10:52 AM
4

It’s 1/6
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 10:43 AM
0

No. The quality of the sex I have isn’t worse during casual sex. It’s the STI risk that prevents me from having more casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 08:33 AM
4

I've gone home with men I just met at a party twice. They were some of my best sexual experiences, but I don't think I'd do it again after finding out that about 16% of Americans have genital herpes. I do have friends with benefits though. As for what I expect, I expect us to exchange clean STI results from within the last 3 months. I expect him to be talented as a Dom, caring, honest, a good listener, and assertive about what he wants and doesn't want. When I say talented as a Dom, I primarily …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 07:44 AM
1

I think they hate men, and they are lying to themselves if they think they don’t. I think like many people they are looking for an excuse to be cruel, and have found a socially acceptable form of cruelty. It’s really hard to relate to as someone who has had the kind of experiences they claim justify this behavior like being a victim of sexual harassment and an abusive relationship, but also much harder experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 06:43 PM
8

That's not true at all. Research consistently finds that women are more into BDSM than men. I encourage you to check out this database of the findings of a massive study on the topic. https://bigkinksurvey.com/?y=sexcount&x=politics
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 04:35 PM
7

Yes you did: “Not to mention sex has an important function in serious relationships of bonding and intimacy and "kinky sex" doesn't really fullfill that role ngl.” “So kinky sex is honestly less appealing. Especially if it's degrading etc.” If you hadn’t said the previous, I would have given you the benefit of the doubt that when you said “Doing "kinky sex" doesn't count as giving someone a superior or better experience. Women aren't hookers providing you a servicing.” You didn’t mean to exclude…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:34 PM
6

You could have written a post arguing that women don't owe men kinky sex acts, but you didn't. You wrote a post arguing that women don't owe men kinky sex acts and that kinky sex is inherently inferior to vanilla sex. So we are addressing the whole OP, whether you like it or not. It's appalling that you don't see the irony of all this. You spent half your post objecting to people pressuring others into their preferred sex acts trying to pressure others into your preferred sex acts. It's wrong in…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:25 PM
8

You can’t spend half your post arguing that there is something inherently wrong with kinky sex not just people pressuring others into sex they don’t want and then expect people to ignore it because it wasn’t in the title.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:03 PM
9

Like many women, I have never found vanilla sex arousing. Claiming that women like me can’t have sex fulfill an important function in serious relationships of bonding and intimacy is deeply harmful. Many of us spend our lives unable to connect with our partners because the kind of shame you are trying to inflict makes us try to make vanilla sex work. I respect your right to not have kinky sex. Please treat us with the same decency.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:34 PM
1

Please get off the apps and touch grass. What you’re talking about is true in the artificial world of dating apps and bot-boosted short-form videos, not real life.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 08:56 AM
1

Nope. For that type of attraction my attraction actually is anti-correlated with status, which isn’t surprising because familiarity builds attraction and normal people are less likely to interact with high status people.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:30 AM
2

I don’t believe in bypassing paywalls on a large scale, so I’m not going to go to the trouble of installing that, but there isn’t a paywall on mobile so I read it. What an irrelevant article to your point! There are some features that are on average preferred more by different genders in dating. How on earth could you make the leap from society prefers tall men on average to women want men to be wage slaves and only sleep with escorts? The article doesn’t even include statistics about height pre…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:59 AM
2

What an insane thing to say to a woman whose dozen closest friends are all men but one. I love them and want nothing but the best for them. The financial times article is paywalled, but I’m a fan of the source so I’d be willing to read it if you copy-pasted it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 11:37 PM
1

Are you trying to ask “how many men do you respect on a daily basis? How many men do you give a lot of importance to when you are talking to him etc?” If so the answer is that I typically respect men more than women. All but one of my dozen closest friends are men, and if I enter a space that is more gender balanced than about 3/4 men it feels like a bit of a red flag. So I respect men deeply constantly. If you’re thinking of a narrow focus of respect enough to date, I find the men I’m around ap…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 11:15 PM
3

Or just go to college or do a trade apprenticeship or start out in a minimum wage job and get promoted to manager positions. Men making minimum wage or similar need to do something to improve their circumstances, but the status bar you’re talking about is low enough that most men meet it. You don’t need to gamble on entrepreneurship if you’re a bad fit for it. Also, jobs that meet the status bar are a lot more important for keeping society running than minimum wage jobs. That’s why they pay more…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 07:32 PM
2

Yeah I agree that is often happening too.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 02:11 PM
3

There is nothing immoral about what you’re doing. Instead my concern is that it sounds like a lot of work for you. Is that you have rare kinks? If so have you tried kink friendly spaces? You might have to move cities to improve your prospects if you have niche sexual interests. That’s what I did and 10/10 would recommend.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 07:54 AM
0

I’m someone who gets so addicted to romance when I do it that I can’t balance it with an ambitious career, so I’ve been single for 14 years. In my community people are so passionate about their careers that I’m not the only one who has made this decision. Some look forward to the day AI girlfriends are good enough. I do a similar thing where I develop elaborate fantasies about characters I make up. I can see pros and cons of this system. There will always be people that are not well suited for d…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 07:45 AM
–

The divorce rate would probably skyrocket, because people wouldn’t know if they are sexually compatible or not and would be getting married to have sex instead of based on whether they are compatible as people do in cultures that currently practice that. The belief that divorce is wrong traps many people in unhappy marriages in those cultures, but this wouldn’t be true in most people’s case in this world. People would be really miserable, because they are cutting an important part of life out of…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 07:21 AM
17

I think it’s because gender wars are actually class wars. I appreciated this coverage of it. https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/the-gender-wars-are-class-wars It seems like red pill guys are typically lower income and blue pill women are typically upper income. I’ve been both poor and rich, and the dysfunctional people red pill guys are describing as normal are so common in the low income parts of high income countries that the only way to avoid them is to climb the socioeconomic ladder. If they …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 07:04 AM
–

oh fuck I'm sorry I got confused! I'll delete the comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 10:13 PM
–

I don’t believe that at all and I’m a woman myself. I enjoy being catcalled, and this research finds that women of most ages do too on net. I’ve only been sexually harassed once in my life. https://bigkinksurvey.com/?y=catcall&x=age_int&w=unweighted
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 11:55 AM
3

It means he is good at sex, they are very sexually compatible, or both. It typically has nothing to do with the physical characteristics of his dick.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 11:17 AM
–

I’ve been sexually harassed only once in my life. I get catcalled about monthly, but I enjoy getting catcalled and don’t consider it sexual harassment. This research finds that women of most ages enjoy catcalling on average. There is only a brief period of women not on-net liking it that goes away by mid twenties. https://bigkinksurvey.com/?y=catcall&x=age_int&w=unweighted
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 11:08 AM
1

I think people should choose whatever they personally prefer, although I think it’s unfair to kids to give them hyphenated names if the name becomes super long that way. All the women in my parent’s generation kept their last names (born in the 50s), while the kids got the father’s names, so it would feel odd for me to not do the same. I’m a sub so there is some appeal in changing my last name to my husband’s, but ultimately it’s hard for me to understand why women who have made any kind of name…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 12:26 AM
–

I do find it exciting when a man does something that he is passionate about and that challenges him for work. However, he can make up for not having that by having hobbies that play that role in his life
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 06:02 AM
–

Women are blamed less because people that call themselves feminists consider women weaker and in need of protection. It’s one of the reasons I don’t consider myself a feminist in the rich world sense. They see men as having more agency than women, but true feminism would mean taking responsibility for our mistakes instead of seeing ourselves as helpless victims at the mercy of men. I do think the red pill blames women excessively, but it doesn’t make feminism not holding women to the standards t…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 05:57 AM
2

No.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 02:59 AM
0

Many women do use double standards like that, but I actively oppose that phenomenon. Note that I said toxic men and women in the same breath. The OP just mentioned toxic men, but I included women because I don’t think the two can be separated. Then I pointed out that toxic men are unhappy because women like who I was are unpleasant to be around. I don’t see gender in the way that many men on here assume women do. Almost all my close friends are male, and when they make mistakes in dating I liste…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 01:48 PM
-1

Toxic men and women focus on dating because they don’t have anything better to do. I dated a toxic man once. I did it because I had low self esteem from an abusive childhood and wanted to save him like I couldn’t save my dead brother. Then I got my life together and moved onto a wealthier community where people are often late bloomers because we are so focused on our careers. Within this community not being toxic is richly rewarded with sex and relationships, but only the most polymath among us …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 04:17 AM
–

Dating isn’t terrible for women, so I date.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 05:06 AM
–

It’s so much easier! With relationships there is this exhausting baseline of massive social interaction but with my FwB it’s fully customizable to whatever I’m looking for. I just have FwBs right now because my career has gotten really ambitious
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 03:16 AM
2

Women who think there is something wrong with porn and catcalling often have a perspective that women are helpless and men are powerful despite claiming to be liberated. That’s where this double standard is coming from. They want the rights of equality, but they don’t want the responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:45 AM
–

IQ is 40%-80% genetic, so person A likely would have done well without the family money too. Person B only has $10,000 several years after graduating college, which indicates a significant flaw the OP hasn’t mentioned. The whole post is flawed. You don’t get paid well just to check whether papers are stamped. It sounds like a broke person’s fantasy of what rich people are like who doesn’t actually know rich people.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:35 AM
–

Oh you’re right sorry.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:30 AM
–

The guy didn’t get the degree, he paid for his sister to get a degree.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:26 AM
–

This question isn’t relevant to this sub. You should say what you really mean. Keeping the analogy secret is cowardly.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:18 AM
4

I had a plan that I wasn’t going to do casual sex, just date, because of my low social battery due to my autism. Then about a year ago I went on a date with amazing sexual chemistry with a guy who is my friends with benefits to this day. We didn’t work out romantically because he decided me being Christian was a dealbreaker for him. While the trustworthiness and care he’s shown and the fun he’s been has been impeccable, my change in perspective wasn’t really about him. It was that I realized tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 10:43 PM
0

Mostly. We have a lot more serious options than men do as well, but the libido mismatch makes the vagueness of dating apps especially troublesome, and warm approaches especially good by comparison.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 12:48 AM
1

Yeah I have a NSFW social media account, so I get an unfiltered view of the male libido. What am I supposed to do with the bare bones profiles I’m bombarded with on dating apps after knowing all that?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 10:46 PM
2

I absolutely agree that it's not reasonable to demand monogamy if you're not wiling to have sex in your marriage, but 11% isn't most. Cheating is never justified, but neither is expecting someone you claim to love to be celibate.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 05:46 PM
0

I’m 38. I definitely feel like cheap tech stunted my social skills in my youth. It had a huge effect on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 04:02 AM
-1

Most things about looks are within people’s control. It’s very rare that a guy’s face is so ugly or he is so short that he can’t compensate for it in the looks department by being buff. And if you’re skilled enough along more important metrics people practically stop caring about looks at all. The most sexually successful men in my community are a short dude and an obese dude. They are just so moral and interesting to talk to and good at sex that no one gives a fuck. They’re not even wealthy by …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 01:08 AM
0

Yeah the generation raised on cheap tech has really stunted social skills. Communities like mine with a vibrant in person social life are rare outside religious communities. It takes effort to create them, but when you realize how much better they are than the alternatives, the effort feels worth it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 12:54 AM
2

I'm absolutely not like that. I prefer conventionally attractive men as much as the next woman. Looks just aren't particularly important compared to the deeper things that make relationships successful.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 11:28 PM
6

I’m a woman who gets that kind of attention on apps, and I have an insanely lower floor for things like looks in guys I meet in person than what I use on the apps. We filter by shallow characteristics on apps because it’s harder to filter for things we actually care about on them. In person we don’t have to bother with that. I ended up ditching the apps entirely because finding people through mutual friends is so much more fulfilling even for women who have a lot of options on apps. No matter ho…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 10:45 PM
–

Talk about dishonesty. It's rude to edit a comment after someone has replied. You originally said we are a sex cult new age religion just because we are in tech and live in the bay area, then when I pointed out how insane that is you added the rationalism piece to your comment instead of as a new reply to my comment, making me look bad and lessening the chances that I would notice the change and respond. That's against the rules of this sub. People like me who don't do things like that themselve…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 09:04 AM
–

Also this sub is definitely not monogamous focused. Like this post, discussions are generally equally applicable to monogamous and poly dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 08:56 AM
1

How people grow up does affect what they are like as adults. That's why I agreed it has some effect. But they can also unlearn these habits, attenuating this effect. Super stimuli increases in adulthood, making it more likely to be responsible for such a big change. People would probably find a way to hang out despite the limitations if the alternative was boredom like it was for me growing up. Think about how bored you get when you don't have access to any digital content, like when you acciden…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 09:57 PM
1

No; I mentioned earlier we are leaders in tech, not disabled people. We're autistic in the asbergers sense. My community is the Effective Altruism and Rationalist community.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 09:37 PM
1

Oh do you live in Britain? I'm not familiar with people using the word council house in the US. Yeah Britain has had a really rough couple decades. Even in Britain there has been a small increase in median income/consumption though. Wages are a bad way of measuring living standards because taxes and transfers and non-wage compensation make such a big difference. https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/daily-median-income?tab=line&country=~GBR&mapSelect=~GBR Why would the income of the top 10% and 1% …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 09:01 PM
2

If being poly seemed to help with making the most of group houses, I might have done that, but the monogamous people seem to be getting as much out of them as the poly people. It doesn't seem to be making a difference. I think people who don't know much about poly overestimate how different poly people are. If you know more about poly, it's easy to see why always disclosing that you know a lot of poly people on this sub doesn't make sense. There are so many things that affect people’s dating mor…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:52 PM
1

That stuff basically only affects minors though, which is a very small portion of the dating pool. I agree it likely as some effect, but I've lived through these changes personally, and I don't see how less access to a car or public spaces as a minor could compare to no longer being forced to socialize out of boredom after personal computers became common. When I was growing up cars per household were much lower, so teenagers rarely had access to cars in the first place. Increased cars per house…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:38 PM
1

People are looking for different things in a partner across all sorts of dimensions. Why would poly be a bigger difference than the other ways we are different? Personally I've never been in a poly relationship. I think it would probably work for me, but I won't know until I've tried it. Some people in my community are poly, but I doubt it's the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:23 PM
1

I don't see how changes that small could account for such a big change. Stricter enforcement of underage drinking laws would only affect a small portion of the single population, and there is nothing stopping people socializing without drinking. I don't see how graduated licensing laws could had such a big effect despite the ubiquity of rideshare apps, and people are still getting licenses en masse anyway, so it doesn't seem to be affecting more than a small sliver of the population either.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:16 PM
1

We've been around for a while now. A lot of the group houses are about a decade old. It's male dominated because we're in tech and our community is autistic and quantitative, but I feel like if sexual abuse was going to happen it would have happened already.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:05 PM
1

What's your sources for such a massive change in insurance industry policies and law enforcement practices that it could cause such a big change during that decade?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 07:55 PM
1

You still haven't explained what the mechanism might be by which poly makes group houses work. It seems like you're looking at correlation and assuming causation. It's very clear you basically don't know anything about my community at this point, so I don't know why you would think you can extrapolate from your personal experiences with people living in group houses onto my community. People lie on the internet, but if you knew anything about my community, you would know how unlikely it would be…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 07:52 PM
1

When other things get cheaper, people can spend more on essentials. So we (I'm an economics student) use the overall inflation rate instead of single categories when measuring changes in living standards. The census bureau uses a method that vastly underestimates living standards improvements because the CPI (the inflation measure they use) overestimates inflation by over 1 percentage points per year and they don't include taxes and transfers, but even they find a 10% improvement in male incomes…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 07:33 PM
2

In the US real median income per person increased by 49% between 1973 and 2023. https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/daily-median-income?tab=line&country=~USA&mapSelect=~USA As I've mentioned elsewhere, I mostly agree that it's the competing superstimuli that's keeping people from 3rd spaces these days. My own experience is a particularly striking example. Despite severe autism and a horrific childhood, I had a fairly normal social life in elementary school. Then my family's income at least double…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 09:18 AM
1

For what it's worth we hate Sam Bankman Fried and Sam Altman with a passion. The media likes those stories because they are salacious, but those people are pretty disconnected to what ordinary members of the movement are like. We're so nerdy that the reality is far too boring for the news. At the same time we feel really bad that we let the world down by enabling those people before we knew who they were. It was a pretty colossal fuckup and we spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to not …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:50 AM
2

Your experience sounds a bit different from ours. We're typically workaholics and leaders in our fields, so we live a lifestyle that encourages that. Think quite hours that begin at 10:30pm, co-working rooms, and accountability systems like paying your housemates money for harassing you if they catch you not following a goal you've set for yourself. People customize the group house culture to be what they are looking for at any age, enough that even millionaires are raising kids in them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 08:12 AM
1

I haven't heard the term before. The dating dynamic you've described doesn't make me feel triggered or defensive, it just makes me feel sad that my wonderful male friends and family members and all the rest have to go through that and try to think of ways I can help things be easier for them. Empathy about that is a lot of why I'm on this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 07:02 AM
2

But how are we connected to the Zizians and Peter Thiel? People in my community don't even like those people, let alone belong to the same community as them. There aren't a lot of people we spend more time actively opposing than them. I think poly is great and will continue advocating for it being considered an option for people who are well suited to it. I just don't think it's connected to what makes group houses work. How many people do you know who would be comfortable being dragged into an …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 06:08 AM
2

Pretty much. I would describe it with more empathy though. I also think it's hard to have the social aspects of a church without the religion. Some people are figuring it out, but it takes time.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 05:07 AM
2

In places where the rent isn't so high there is a selection effect where people who are too poor to live alone are typically people who also have a lot of drama (I've lived in that world too). But here people don't want to move out, so they remain in group houses while in relationships and while making several hundred thousand dollars per year each. I think making group houses work well is a skill that people didn't invest in because it took effort, and in the bay the high rent made it worth tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 04:47 AM
3

I assumed you meant polyamory because the accusation makes so little sense that that's the only thing I could think of. We're so nerdy that I'm completely stumped about what else you could mean. Some of us are even intentionally celibate because we're so passionate about our careers that dating seems boring and unimportant by comparison. Are you talking about the people that go to Aella's orgies? They overlap a bit with my community, but they are a different community. Can you explain? Probably …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 04:06 AM
4

Dating roommates can be tricky, but it works great surprisingly often. It helps that there are a ton of other group houses in the community nearby that someone can move to if it doesn't work out. But yeah dating roommates isn't the main draw, it's how easy it is to host parties and how big your social network can get when you have a dozen roommates.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 03:05 AM
2

Oh is this meant to be an argument that the third spaces argument is bad in general? Seems pretty straightforward to me: People used to socialize via church etc because they were more commonly devoutly religious, and active religious communities still do about as well as mine. I'm also seriously religious, so before I found this community I had churches. The other change is that people used to choose to socialize in person more because video games, streaming videos, scrolling, and other online c…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 02:58 AM
1

That sucks. I hope there is a way of people letting go of those attitudes that doesn’t require the absurd rents of big cities as a catalyst. I hope I’m able to help that happen in at least a small way by publicizing what this lifestyle is like.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 02:12 AM
2

Exactly! That is totally my experience too.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 01:08 AM
2

That cult hates us even more than they hate the general population. You thinking we’re the same community shows how little you know about us. This particular friend has lived in a lot of major cities and gotten a chance to see what communities are like with and without the poly, rationalism, effective altruism, and group house elements. He’s also thought a ton about modern dating; He gives talks at conferences about it and moderates subs like this one. Society moves forward by people innovating.…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 01:05 AM
0

I 100% agree that all those things are terrible. I’m a centrist who works hard to fix these things. But they make it harder to have a successful dating life, not easier. The fact that we’re succeeding so much in spite of them shows how valuable what we’re doing right is.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:59 AM
2

If our male friends expressed dissatisfaction with the dating situation in the group houses, we would feel sad about that and try to find a solution that makes things easier for them like we do when they bring any of their dating problems to us, because that’s how normal people who don’t see relationships as zero sum transactions relate to each other. Can you link to the okcupid data you are referring to? It’s so silly that gender wars people think they can hide their views by not talking about …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:53 AM
2

People having trouble dating and trying to find solutions to this is the whole point of this sub. We’ve found a solution, and I’m sharing it. We’re super nerdy so you’re probably overestimating how much sex is happening. But we probably have a fairly normal amount of sex, which is astonishing given how autistic we tend to be. People typically aren't having sex with their housemates.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:45 AM
2

Sounds like people should become more like us in other ways too then.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:38 AM
4

You have such a warped view of gender relations. My male friends are authentic about the ways they are dissatisfied with the community and with dating all the time; why would the group house aspect be magically unique? Obviously if a woman is getting paid hundreds or thousands of dollars to have sex, she can overlook not being attracted to someone enough to have sex with them. Most women aren’t prostitutes or gold diggers. If women have as many suitors as you claim (and I agree we have a lot), w…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:26 AM
4

Half a million dollar salaries are not uncommon in the group houses, and people are usually making at least $200,000 per year unless they intentionally took a salary hit to work on altruistic projects. Group houses are just so great that people realized how awesome they were and stopped getting their own places just because they can afford it. The high rents were the catalyst for getting people to think hard enough about this problem to make group houses being the norm work, but now that the gro…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:15 AM
2

I’m not missing 3rd spaces personally since finding this community. The group house parties are 3rd spaces and there are lots of other 3rd spaces because it’s a big city and I’m passionate about things.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:10 AM
2

I agree the apps aren’t particularly shallow if you’re deep enough yourself. I like warm approaches better so the apps aren’t my thing, but when I was on them I didn’t have the having to filter by shallow characteristics problem that many women have. Good for you that you can make them work.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:08 AM
2

There are so many conventionally unattractive people in these group houses. We’re wealthy so we don’t get to 300lb, but there are plenty of obese people in the group houses. Most people are attractive enough to get married, and that seems like the most relevant bar of attractiveness.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:03 AM
3

That’s just because younger people are dragging the average down. For example this Pew poll found that only 25% of 40 year olds have never been married. Also while divorce is a pity, people who who were married but are now divorced are clearly in the attractive bucket because someone was attracted enough to want to have that much sex with them in the first place. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/28/a-record-high-share-of-40-year-olds-in-the-us-have-never-been-married/
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 12:00 AM
5

Identity politics is so silly. Of course I ask my male friends about their experiences of this community and they observe the same thing. Not everything is about gender wars. I wasn’t claiming that your point about instagram was invalid. I just didn’t understand it and was asking you to elaborate. Women don’t have sex with people they don’t find attractive, and people in relationships and marriage have sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:54 PM
5

How can I take you seriously when you call rationalism/Effective-Altruism a new age religion and poly a sex cult? People are free to look these things up and observe what inaccurate descriptions these are. I agree the excitement of finding others with your niche interests also contributes to this social abundance, hence my last paragraph and why I made sure to ask my well traveled friend who studies dating how much he thought it was the group houses before posting this.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:48 PM
4

You’re talking as if sharing a home is some big sacrifice, but so many people living alone is causing so much platonic loneliness too. It’s a fantastic way of living and I never plan on giving it up.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:43 PM
0

For sure, but most people get married, suggesting those people are a minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:39 PM
5

Wow that really sucks. I didn’t realize this group house lifestyle could be so ineffective sometimes. I wonder what’s different in your situation than ours that’s causing such different results. What point are you trying to make about instagram? I don’t use that app much. If most people weren’t considered attractive, most people wouldn’t get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:38 PM
2

There are a few people who have their own places because this is important to them, but since everyone else lives in group houses, those people are still able to get many of the advantages of this kind of community.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:24 PM
3

I’m an introvert, but even to me the group houses don’t feel particularly crowded. Also villages have big disadvantages in that there aren’t enough employers for everyone to have the option of jobs they are satisfied with and people with niche interests are really lonely. Higher population density areas are better for most people, which is why most people live in them.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:07 PM
2

They are different from college dorms in that they are much bigger and people are more mature so there is almost no drama, but yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:04 PM
-1

Most people are considered attractive everywhere but the apps. Everyone is friends of friends so safety isn’t really an issue. Extroverts are a minority, and most women want a partner. You do the math. Women are desperate to get off the apps where they are pressured to be so hypergamous too. My guess is you don’t have experience with this lifestyle, because you’re bringing up things that aren’t an issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:01 PM
1

Both
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 09:56 PM
1

This is a good point. I thought about it and was able to filter primarily by personality by adjusting my strategy. Here’s what I did: Went on okcupid instead of the apps that encourage briefer profiles or even have character limits. wrote an absolutely massive wall of text for my profile. Was authentic in a way that made it alienating to guys I’m not compatible with and super exciting to guys I’m compatible with. I’m super nerdy so it was already clear a deep personalized message was the way to …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 12:38 AM
–

The rationalist and rationalist-adjacent community there? More likely than not.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 06:39 AM
–

The rationalist and rationalist-adjacent community in the San Francisco Bay Area.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 03:27 AM
–

It really compromises their ability to care for their male friends/family. They are often cruel to all the men in their lives, even the ones that bend over backwards to try not to trigger them. It’s incredibly tragic. Women in my community are actively trying to repair the damage hateful women have done, and it’s really sad how badly needed our work is.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 03:17 AM
1

Settling down with the wrong person and potentially having a divorce as a result sounds like a high price to pay just to avoid doing surrogacy + egg donation + your sperm as a backup plan if there are fertility problems. I’ve never been able to have kids biologically, so I’ve always known that’s what I’d do and it puzzles me to no end that people jump through all these hoops to avoid it. Being biologically related to one’s parents isn’t even usually the best thing for the kid. A typical college …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 02:49 AM
5

The most love I’ve ever felt for someone romantically was mainly because I find him super intellectually exciting and he has a lot of empathy. He didn’t love me back so eventually I was able to let go of the feeling by focusing on the ways he’s less intellectually exciting than I originally thought. He never benefited me materially in any way and I had no expectation of that being a possibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 06:00 AM
1

Why would someone say something like that? It's a logically meaningless statement. There are lots of ways to compliment someone that actually add something meaningful that you could use instead. If someone can think of so few compliments to give their partner that are related to who they are that they have to resort to something like this, isn't that a sign that they are not very compatible?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 05:04 AM
1

Yeah I think our increased comfort with honesty is one of those rare things where autism actually makes people more effective socially. It's the neurotypicals that are dragging society down on this one. I've ended up in a community where the neurotypicals agree on this, and people's relationships are so healthy as a result.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 04:57 AM
1

Slightly. I don’t search for it or click on it, but when a good erotic picture of it pops up on my feed I find it a bit arousing.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 04:10 AM
–

Interesting. Well I don’t know what you’re doing wrong that’s made you miss these communities so far, but I encourage you to not give up. I think it helps to be deeply passionate about something. So for example I wouldn’t necessarily expect a painting class with a casual hobby vibe to plug you into an extensive artist community, but if you were passionate about painting and good at it you might have better luck.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 01:36 AM
–

I asked my well traveled friend about this, and he said that he knows of other communities that are like ours. There are lots of religious communities that achieve similar social abundance to ours, but if you’re not religious you should still be able to find ones like ours in major cities if you look hard enough. He suggested artist communities and academic focused communities. Our community is focused around nerdy political causes and nerdy self improvement.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/26 11:28 PM
1

I prefer to have sex on the first or second date. If the vibe was different than I’ve experienced in the past I could be more patient, but sex is an important part of compatibility so it’s hard to justify waiting much longer. The things that make it more and less likely to happen on the first date are how well I know him, whether mutual friends vouch for him, how much intellectual attraction there is, how much sexual chemistry there is, his STI riskiness, and various safety green and red flags l…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/26 04:40 AM
1

There are lots of American communities that are not like that. Mine isn’t. There are giant house parties and other events several times a week where single people mingle and enjoy making new friends. There are hundreds of people in the extended social group so there is always someone new to meet through mutual friends. It probably makes sense to keep looking for this kind of community or to create it for yourself. Good luck!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/26 04:05 AM
1

How much dating outside the apps have you tried? If all three of you were focused on the apps, that would give you guys a very skewed picture. Women have to filter by something on the apps, so we often filter by the accessible shallow characteristics that we don’t actually care about in real life. When I date and am single I ask guys out in person at least once a month (warm approaches, cold approaches are as bad as the apps), and I don’t think it’s feasible for someone to have a good enough und…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/26 01:55 AM
1

I find men incredibly physically attractive. I can't think of anything about the male body that is different from the female body that isn't a turn on. Like many women, I'm sexually submissive, and I also love the way their dominance (lower risk aversion, higher assertiveness, lower neuroticism, physical power, violence and protectiveness in the ancestral environment etc) ties into that. I do find men more enjoyable to be around intellectually, but that's just why my friends are mostly male; The…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 08:00 PM
1

Interesting. I don’t know how that’s feasible given it’s a dating discussion forum. That’s probably why everyone ignores that rule. But I want to abide by the rules, so I’ll leave the forum.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/26 02:56 AM
–

Most women usually don’t sleep with men on the first date regardless of how well the date has gone. I prefer sex on the first date, but there are lots of reasons I wouldn’t go for it that are unrelated to the man. Like maybe I’m on my period or have a busy day the next day and thus don’t have time for how tired I’d be after sex with someone I just met due to my autism.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 01:45 PM
–

You have very little empathy. It’s really hard to do well on the dating market without empathy. Try working on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 01:28 PM
14

For most of it I was unwanted except by severely mentally ill NEETS
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 09:12 AM
–

I'd only do oral sex and written erotic roleplay until menopause.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 09:05 AM
9

I don't understand what you're saying, in either case.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 08:56 AM
1

35+ At a nerdy party At a nerdy party At a sexy and nerdy party At a nerdy and artistic party At a vocational school
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 08:47 AM
26

Identity politics leads to really inaccurate beliefs. It's just as bad when redpillers do it as when feminists do it. Human beings have the mental capacity to understand things they haven't personally experienced well enough to have useful opinions on it. That's how knowledge was passed down enough to create civilization in the first place. Another flaw in identity politics is that people who belong to groups with different averages can still have similar experiences due to other factors. For ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 08:41 AM
–

I would not do that. That sounds absolutely awful. Cheating is awful so of course they should care. I don't care if my husband is represented in the literal DNA of my child because I believe in having my children's biological mother and father be super-geniuses who don't have the genetic problems of my family. But it would only be my child's biological mother if my husband wasn't excited about this option.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 08:05 AM
1

Lots of people see that they are wrong. It’s a big part of why progressives keep losing elections even though people don’t like the alternatives either. People who hate the way these kinds of feminists do are absolutely miserable. I don’t see anything worth emulating.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 05:50 AM
1

Hate is rarely a useful emotion. You can call out bad behavior without letting it consume you the way hate does. Women who hate men are in the wrong. You don’t need to sink to their level.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 05:22 AM
–

Real median income per person increased by 110% between 1963 and 2023 in the US, with a particularly large increase over the last decade. https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/daily-median-income?tab=line&country=~USA&mapSelect=~USA <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 02:42 AM
1

What's wild is there is a mathematical proof (the stable marriage problem) that shows that women are even worse off from this situation than men are, because approaching gives you more control over who you date. This equilibrium is in no-body's best interests. I'm an autistic woman whose joint biggest weakness is low self esteem., but I usually make the first move. Most of the time when I ask someone out I get rejected, and once it caused serious drama. But after a while you develop a thick skin…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 02:11 AM
1

Older generations have much lower rates of singlehood, so they are the best people to be taking advice from. Not all gen z communities have dead in person social lives that drive people to the much less effective apps. Mine doesn't. If your community doesn't have a vibrant in person social life, change it or find one that does. It's hard (something I especially understand because of my autism), but it's better than growing bitter from the apps then dying alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 01:57 AM
–

I generally agree with this, but now I'm in a community where single motherhood and fatherhood are fine because everyone is software engineer level wealthy. They can pay for live in nannies, and have enough savings to take many years off work. They can also generally work from home. There are also so few children in the community that they get a lot of free babysitting from people who want a bit of kids in their life or are trying to figure out if they want to have kids. These kids are well set …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/26 01:40 AM
1

I would absolutely be fine with a man expecting me to maintain an attractive weight, keep my depression at a manageable level, etc. In fact I would be uncomfortable dating someone who felt this way but wasn’t willing to admit it to me or himself. If you’re hanging out with women who would slap you for admitting such things, you need to find some better friends, not sink to their level. I’m so sick of men assuming women are a monolith that all have it easy. Yes, someone who was exactly the same a…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/26 09:07 PM
1

External validation doesn’t actually matter much. It’s whether you can give yourself validation regardless of external validation that makes a difference in your life. Personally, I couldn’t give myself internal validation because of my depression despite having slightly more external validation than a virgin, and it’s still something I struggle tremendously with. The difference is I identified that as the main problem, so I was able to make progress on it and start having sex. Your second state…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/26 08:13 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re in such a dark place. They are not an automatic red flag. Virgins can be good at sex the first time, similar to how I was good at sex the first time after a decade of celibacy with essentially no memory of what sex was like. There are also many aspects to human beings that can balance out a red flag like that. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have any significant red flags. Virgins often have enough strengths to balance out their lack of experience. I know several guys who were…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/26 10:03 AM
1

That’s not what I said at all. There are plenty of other aspects of a person that make a good partner that have made me date men that were bad at sex. They can use those aspects to gain experience. Such severe pessimism is likely limiting you in life in lots of ways, and I encourage you to work on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 10:41 PM
1

Yes, many women continue to want men at least as strong as them academically and financially, which is infeasible given the strength of women in these areas now. That’s part of it. But articles like this point out that shyness about approaching in person from atrophied social skills from being raised online is a big part of it. It’s only a vocal minority that don’t want to be approached. A poll found that 70 something percent of women want to be approached more (sorry I can’t share the link. The…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 05:49 PM
1

Yes, largely because younger age groups have adopted strategies like the one advocated by the OP. People age 30-49 actually have the lowest rate at of singlehood at 21%. It’s just the generation raised on social media, better video games, dating apps etc that are struggling so much. In the Pew source for example, you see a giant jump in dating app usage in that cohort from the next older cohort from 37% to 53%.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 04:09 PM
1

Yet somehow the average joe shmoe is in a relationship. Only 32% of American men were single in February 2024 according to Pew. If we didn't like being approached by them, we wouldn't be in relationships with them en masse. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/08/for-valentines-day-facts-about-marriage-and-dating-in-the-us/
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 03:55 AM
1

I just noticed there are comments in this thread. I can't relate to not wanting to be hit on when I am not looking my best at all, and haven't heard of other women having that problem. In fact for me not looking my best is an unusually good time to be hit on because it gives me a self esteem boost I wasn't expecting.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 03:50 AM
2

Virginity in itself isn’t a turn off. It’s the lack of skill and confidence that often accompanies it that is the problem. If I was on a date with a guy in his 30s and I learned he was a virgin, I wouldn’t bat an eye regardless of the reason (if he's on a date with me he's not saving sex for marriage anymore). If he was bad at sex however, that would be a big problem regardless of his experience. The thing is sexual prowess is remarkably uncorrelated with sexual experience. There is so much you …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 11:24 AM
1

Jealousy is such an unhealthy trait to nurture in oneself. Essentially all my friends are luckier than me along almost every metric, and I love hearing about how good their lives are! It didn’t even occur to me that someone else would experience this as unpleasant until this post. Neurotic people create so many problems for themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 06:37 AM
1

My community did this. It works great!
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 06:29 AM
2

Another way of saying this is that there’s never been a better time to approach women in person. All the people who are so sensitive that they’d rather die alone than face these risks are taking themselves out of the equation, and normal women are left starved for attention due to the stupid actions of a vocal minority. Apps are not a realistic alternative. Only top tier men have good experiences on them because the gender balance and initiation norms are so lopsided. Meanwhile average guys who …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 06:24 AM
1

I do it because they encourage me to and they talk about their sex/romantic lives too. We don't see gender in my community in the way it sounds like yours does.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:48 AM
2

Physical attraction often grows for me. If I don’t find someone physically attractive at first, I don’t usually put much stock in it (unless he is obese), because if I become attracted to their personality, physical attraction often follows.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/25 05:34 AM
1

You didn’t say that to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/25 12:35 AM
4

I was referring to cancel culture, but now that you mention it, rising singlehood might explain why people were so dissatisfied despite the economy being so good.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 02:33 PM
–

If I like a guy in my community, I usually send him a message asking him out with a link to my dating doc (a Google doc about yourself and what you’re looking for in dating that we often use in my community because dating apps are too shallow). I tell him why I like him and why I think we would be a good match in the message. Sometimes they will have dating application form that I fill out. You can find those in the central dating doc repository. This usually doesn’t work but I don’t take any da…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 02:02 PM
1

I want to be hit on anywhere! Even at work if the timing is right and it’s done respectfully enough is fine. There are a loud minority of bitter online women spreading these rumors that are ruining things for the rest of us. I always say no to cold approaches unless the guy knows about my personality from my reputation, because I’m a huge nerd and asking someone out based on looks is an indication we aren’t compatible, but I’m always flattered and will always call out women attempting to shame m…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 01:29 PM
–

I want to be able to orgasm, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to (due to side effects of medications). I want to be just as turned on with partners in person as I am when I’m masterbating, but I don’t know how to learn to be meaningfully turned on with partners except via sexting. I don’t want to get any STIs despite making casual sex a regular part of my life. I don’t feel like I can date seriously until I solve the sexual arousal with partners problem, because I have no way of knowing if so…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 12:44 PM
1

I do have a minimum threshold for looks, but almost all the men I know exceed it (my community is very wealthy so obesity is rare), so looks alone don’t do much for me- it’s their personality that determines whether I date or sleep with them. For example, currently I don’t know much about the looks of the man I’m most attracted to because he lives 9 time zones away. We do a lot of sexting and I see him in person a few times a year. He’s actually very conventionally attractive, but I didn’t know …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 07:04 AM
12

It’s attitudes like yours that got Trump elected. The average person is sick of this petty closed minded-ness, and the sooner you cut it out, the sooner you can start actually combating conservatism.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 06:43 AM
1

I didn’t say it was. There are some women your strategy might work for. Not being selective would also work if you’re still taking the time send all of them a personalized message. But I’m a 38 year old overweight undergraduate. If your strategy wouldn’t work on me, imagine how badly it would work for women who are more conventionally attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/25 06:01 AM
-1

Absolutely. More than I’ve seen almost anyone else’s
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 09:00 PM
0

That’s why I use apps like Ok Cupid that reward in depth profiles. Women who write generic profiles shouldn’t be expecting more than generic messages.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 10:48 AM
1

Everyone has different preferences, so most of what is best for her will be personal to her, but here’s a few generic prices of advice I would give her: Don’t put yourself in a position where you care about his income (caring about how productive he is is very important, but income is different). Be able to support yourself in a lifestyle you are comfortable with without a man. This can come from making more or being satisfied with less, but being financially dependent on a man makes you comprom…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 08:33 AM
2

If you’re more selective, you can spend more time on each match. I completely ignore likes and generic messages. It’s nothing personal - I simply don’t have time. The only way a guy can get my attention on an app is by writing a personal message.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 08:17 AM
5

I’m so much better to date because I masterbate regularly. I didn’t date for a decade and had kinda forgotten how sex worked on top of not being particularly good at it when I was dating, but when I finally got up the courage to start dating again I found I was much better at sex than I had been before because creative masterbation is such good practice. I continue to come up with great ideas to try in real life through masterbation that my sexual partners love. I also have bi-polar disorder, an…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 08:14 AM
1

Yes, that’s the problem. I’m part of a community that still does things in person in a way many communities don’t. If your community is so online that dating apps are a reflection of reality, it’s time to fix your community or find one like mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 08:04 AM
0

I think you would be better off in the long run if you saw this as a mental health problem that you can fix through work on it instead of normalizing it. I get that that’s how you feel now, but it sounds really inconvenient for you and you don’t have to live like this. I’m not saying this from a place of privilege; it’s a problem I personally overcame, along with much worse mental health issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/25 08:00 AM
2

It’s not about boredom in mine and my high n-count freinds’ experience. It’s not that we seek novelty, but we can be a bit too picky. When the norm is having sex around the 2nd date, you end up having a lot of sex just looking for a serious relationship. All the evidence I’ve seen shows women have lower libido than men on average; we don’t place greater importance on sex than men. The trouble is the orgasm gap (men have substantially more orgasms than women). It just takes practice from men (not…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 10:04 PM
2

That hasn’t been my experience. Sometimes I wonder if it makes people more picky, which can have negative consequences if there is substantial conflict in a marriage, but it doesn’t make me crave newness, and that hasn’t been something I’ve observed in others in my community (at 8 lifetime sexual partners, my n-count is low for my community)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 07:10 PM
–

Totally agree. And it’s not just men that notice this. Many women are sick of it too.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 02:15 AM
2

I was dating a wonderful guy who wanted to build a life with me, but I have autism that made it drain my social battery too much and PTSD that needed to be resolved before I felt qualified to make the choice about who to date very seriously. All this was taking too much time away from school, so I decided to build up to dating again more gradually by working on these skills with friends with benefits, which is less of a time commitment. I have no shortage of interest from other men in my communi…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 08:19 PM
0

What are you talking about? I didn’t mention this to discuss her marketing prowess but to address the topic raised by the person I was responding to. It was only when the other person responded to what I said with claiming anyone could be a successful onlyfans creator that we discussed whether the profession takes skill or not in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 08:11 PM
1

Out of my dozen closest friends, one is a woman and one is nonbinary, the rest are men. I’ve had sex with some of them. No man I’ve dated has ever cared in the slightest. If he asked me to hang out with them less, he would definitely be considered insecure for it in my community. People just don’t see gender here the way they seem to in your community.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 10:55 AM
0

Shouldn’t you be selecting for people who have good relationships with their exes, because that shows they will more likely handle conflict with you well? If you think not remaining close friends with your exes is normal, to me that’s a sign that people around you don’t handle conflict well enough. You said in another comment thread that you weren’t criticizing men and women being close friends in general. What to you defines a “male friend” who is just an orbiter waiting for his shot, instead o…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 10:47 AM
-2

Almost all my friends are men. You’re really talking about a subset of men that almost doesn’t exist in many communities. If anything I felt self conscious about my n-count being too low at 4 until I doubled it this year. Now I’m seen as higher value.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 10:13 AM
1

The well paid escorts I know deeply respect their customers. They have enough options that they are only choosing to spend time with the customers they really enjoy the company of. And these women have lots of other options, like work in tech, but they chose to do this instead because spending time with these men makes them happy. For them the connection is much more genuine than the OP makes it out to be. I agree that one shouldn’t settle for escorts as a permanent solution to relationship prob…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 09:56 AM
3

Why do you think high body counts inhibit pair bonding? There is a correlation with divorce and body counts, but that can easily be explained by opposition to divorce even if there is abuse or other toxic dynamics correlating with belief that low body counts are a good thing. Personally I’ve found more sexual partners and porn improve my intimacy skills and thus my likelyhood of finding a partner because it’s practice.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 09:39 AM
1

I want society to do better than making people who trick people into sex stop doing it by rewarding those people with more sex. There are a lot of worthy causes that need the government’s money, and the government would have less money to spend on them not only through the expenses of the program but also from the lower fertility rates it would likely produce. There are a lot of really toxic feminists who are being harmed by these lies. I think it’s telling that even they don’t think these lies …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 03:51 AM
10

I know some sex workers, and they really enjoy it. They make it sound like a lot of fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 03:34 AM
1

People who want relationships are vulnerable to replacing the hard work it takes with instant gratification this would provide. I was reading in The Economist about how one of the main reasons for the decrease in relationships is cheap alternatives like online dating websites and video streaming and porn and onlyfans and video games and now AI chatbots are making people invest less in dating which is often hard work. People can already orgasm reliably from porn, and this seems to have decreased …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 01:29 AM
1

That would improve that aspect, but it would also decrease men’s incentives to keep trying to date. And someone who is willing to trick people into sex is not a constituent who’s needs we should be prioritizing above the constituents who would be harmed by this.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 01:05 AM
1

I don’t remember the details, but she was making a good living off it professionally unlike most creators who bring in less than $200 per month. She’s no more likely to be biased than any other expert newspapers interview about their industry. To be clear, I think it’s a weak source because any business person has incentives to stretch the truth, but it was a better source than other people were providing so I thought I’d contribute something. I found it particularly credible because she was goi…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 12:52 AM
1

I think prostitution is great, but I think this would reduce people’s willingness to put effort into dating on average, which is part of what caused the lack of relationships crisis in the first place. This would in turn reduce fertility rates further, reducing the tax base. So this would very much not be in the government’s best interest. I deeply emphasize with the plight of sexually unsuccessful males, especially as someone so sexually unsuccessful that I’ve only had sex 6 times in the last 1…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 12:18 AM
2

Lots of people try to be successful onlyfans creators, so someone who is successful at it requires a deep understanding of the market.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 12:09 AM
4

A random red pill dude doesn’t make a living in the industry. He would just be talking about his personal preferences. If this was any other industry, wouldn’t an interview with a professional about the market dynamics be a useful data point for you? What’s different about this situation for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 12:07 AM
4

She’s a professional in the very industry we are discussing, talking about the market dynamics.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/25 12:02 AM
8

I watched an interview with a onlyfans lady who explained that going on manosphere podcasts to get made fun of is a super profitable strategy because the consumers of that manosphere content are so disproportionately likely to watch the woman’s porn as a result.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/25 11:56 PM
1

Absolutely. If people are out here seeing those as dealbreakers, no wonder we have an epidemic of unwanted singlehood.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/25 09:06 AM
1

I often find myself in situations that other women angrily find annoying, and I think they would benefit the most from having less anxiety about these situations. I’ve made a lot of progress on bipolar disorder and PTSD, so I know you’re not stuck with whatever baseline level of anxiety you start with in life; you can improve with practice. For example, a lot of women have anxiety around being cold approached even in safe environments, receiving sexual comments on the post when they post nudes o…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 04:28 AM
1

I think dead bedrooms and the cheating that comes with it are disgusting. If you’re only interested in women who are so uninterested in sex that they willing to stick around in conservative cultures, that’s what you’re optimizing for.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 03:56 PM
2

And society wouldn’t be happy for her if that’s not what she wanted, but when there aren’t rigid judgments about what people are supposed to do like there are in conservative cultures, people’s actions generally reflect what they want. The women who don’t want to be promiscuous aren’t promiscuous, and the women who want to be are.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 03:48 PM
1

This is why accepting polyamory is so important. People of any gender with flaws like that that are a dealbreaker for almost everyone deserve love too.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 03:32 PM
1

I think we are entitled overall because we aren’t grateful enough for the attention we get. Most men’s experience is so different from even a low SMV woman, and we typically take it for granted. Even though it’s really important to me to celebrate the ways I’m lucky, it’s hard to remember when attention is such a given. A lot of women even resent the attention even when it isn’t inappropriate. It shows so little compassion for people who aren’t as lucky.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 02:47 PM
3

Maybe there is an odd conservative who isn’t happy for her, but society sees that as a personality flaw that they put up with if he brings enough other things to the table in a friendship,
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 02:36 PM
2

Like if a woman has a one night stand or a high n count or friends with benefits or attends an orgy or posts nudes online or attends events that celebrate promiscuity with her tits out or other sexy things people are universally happy for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 02:32 PM
2

Why do you think it implies we are ashamed of our past when anyone would be offended if someone called them gross? Women aren’t hesitant to talk about it in general, just with men who are insecure and jealous enough to say it means we shouldn’t be taken seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 02:22 PM
1

I think that’s generally what like college educated communities in cities are like, at least in blue states, and plenty of other communities too. I’ve certainly never been part of a community that hasn’t celebrated promiscuity except for a year once where I purposely sought one out to try to understand such a foreign culture better. I’ve lived in California cities with populations between 60,000 and 8 million people. Sometimes these communities were centered around church, sometimes a vocational…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 02:13 PM
3

I don’t understand why this confuses you. It bothers anyone when someone thinks something they are proud of is immoral and tries to penalize them for it. Think about a hobby you have that you are passionate about and proud of how you do it. Wouldn’t it bother you if someone told you it was immoral and it would make you a worse partner? Women like me who’s community celebrates promiscuity can just feel sorry for the people who think it is immoral and laugh off the rare occasions when someone trie…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/25 08:57 PM
1

There is so much difference! And plenty of less physically attractive men outperforming very physically attractive ones. What’s surprising is the degree to which it’s hard to put my finger on what’s making the difference sometimes. The best explanation I can come up with in those weird cases is that poor mental health comes across even when you think you’re hiding it, so the solution is to get better mental health. For most cases it’s not a secret; women value a lot of other things besides looks…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/25 10:22 AM
–

Not in the slightest. There is nothing in her post that describes polyamory. For example: a) Material gain is not part of the practice; it's about sex and romance. Women here happen to be very wealthy and not very materialistic, so we don't need anyone to provide for us. b) Polyamory is deeply egalitarian. Men also have many sexual partners; that's what happens when you don't police the sexuality of the women in your community. c) Respect for your partners is an essential part of polyamory. A po…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/25 04:17 AM
2

People change. During my first one night stand, you never would have guessed that it was my first because I was incredibly forward and sex-focused. I think it makes sense to not assume much about people's history from their actions. It sounds like (just from what you've said) you might be reading too much into her question. Lots of people don't attach meaning to how promiscuous people are. Is there other context that is making you more concerned?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/25 02:22 AM
–

Few things would lower a woman's SMV in my community faster than calling her husband a cuck (unless he asked her to). My community is very poly, and respect for your partners is key for people wanting to date and sleep with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/25 02:05 AM
1

I think think a lot of female outfits are sexualized and enjoy looking at women wearing them for that reason even though I'm straight. They're pretty similar to the outfits you see in the media when they want to accentuate the woman's sex appeal; skin tight, showing cleavage, showing skin etc
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/25 02:00 AM
1

I’m glad you appreciate the nuances. I agree a lot of harm comes from people not doing promiscuity responsibly. But in mixed societies, isn’t it just as much the traditional people’s responsibility to not hurt the promiscuous people as it is the promiscuous people’s to not hurt the traditional people’s? Personally I have observed overwhelming pressure to be less promiscuous than people want to be in general US society, but very rarely pressure to be more promiscuous than people want to be. It ev…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/25 12:29 AM
–

Because resenting the world so much is deeply unsexy. I've had a very objectively unlucky life by English speaking people standards, far worse than the bad luck that comes with being an average man. I've experienced catastrophic disability and the poverty that accompanies it. But people describe me as having an unusually positive outlook, something that really improves my chances on the dating market. The more you build your identity around the ways you are unlucky rather than lucky, the less in…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 11:15 PM
–

Everyone would be better off if they didn't care about people's sexual histories. You don't need to be high value in those other ways to have pivoting to that attitude improve your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 10:53 PM
1

I don't think it's accurate at all. I don't even drink alcohol, let alone do harder drugs, and I love and am very successful at casual sex. It's never been an impediment. In fact being more than buzzed gets you ejected from the sex/sexy parties in my community.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 10:44 PM
–

I belong to a community where these kind of quality men are the norm, and they couldn't care less about anyone's sexual history. A lot of these critiques are coming from women in my position who are satisfied with our sex/dating life but believe wider society would be better off if there were more communities like ours.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 10:39 PM
-1

A man who has led a woman on like that is practically undatable to high value women. Few things could sabotage your dating chances more than lying to get a woman to sleep with you. You might think you could hide it from future partners, but even if you could, engaging in such intense deception day in and day out would warp how you relate to women and honesty in a way that would come out.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 10:12 PM
1

I would be upset because he lied. I wouldn't be upset about his relationship history. People of any gender should not be telling such a toxic lie about things that people care so little about. Lying so easily indicates they might lie to you about any number of other things.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 10:06 PM
1

What's wrong with promiscuity? I have friends with benefits, post nudes online, and enjoy going home to sleep with men I've just met at parties if someone I know gives them a good reference and they show me a clean STI panel. It's a lot of fun and we manage STI risk so well in our community that there is almost no downside. It even leads to a lot of personal growth.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 09:59 PM
2

Omg what truly awful experiences! There is no excuse for those people’s behavior at all. It makes a lot of sense why someone who experienced that would feel that way about society. I belong to a very autistic community (that is about 90% male) and I haven’t heard of people having those experiences before. I hope you find a community that treats you better in the way that you truly deserve.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 09:43 PM
–

In the past 6 months: 1. I’ve been catcalled twice and hit on by my Lyft passengers twice. I’m active on Fetlife, where guys DM me looking for sex or a date several times a week and guys often share their sexual fantasies about me in comments on my posts. The Fetlife stuff is mostly more similar to being catcalled than being approached seriously. For example, it’s usually clear that they haven’t read my brief profile, which indicates they are just spamming women without trying to ascertain wheth…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/25 08:57 PM
1

Do you not understand that emotional bonding is a fundamental part of a friends with benefits dynamic? What’s wrong with multiple men? I love the sex just as much as they do, and they love the emotional bonding just as much as I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 05:16 PM
1

But why are you saying my relationship style is Quid pro quo? I’m just looking for people that are trustworthy and compassionate. I only mentioned looks to show that people who have better character can outcompete people with better looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 01:45 AM
1

Why is it transactional?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 07:55 PM
3

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 05:29 AM
3

As a woman with several friends with benefits who prefers sex on the first date and enjoys open relationships and who lives in a community where this is the norm, I don’t understand who all these happy bad guys getting laid are. I know there are poor communities with a lot of criminals where the criminals get laid too, but how is anyone actually jealous of those guys? They are miserable, getting divorced all the time and settling for women that are really unpleasant to be around on top of often …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 04:45 AM
1

Good point. That's how I view this too, I was just trying to tailor my response to what he seemed to be interested in.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/25 11:10 PM
-3

It’s not male privilege, just low neuroticism. I don’t vet and am just as weirded out as him that some women do.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 03:46 AM
1

I don’t say yes to cold approaches (unless he knows of me even though he doesn’t know me) because it indicates we don’t have enough in common. Men I’m interested in are too deep to waste time on asking someone out when all they know about her is her looks. I don’t do vetting. I think it’s pretty neurotic and unnecessary. If people aren’t resilient enough to setbacks and able to notice red flags enough to date without vetting, that’s something they need to work on in general. You can go over red …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 12:53 AM
1

Bad men can become good, but I don’t want anything to do with the process. If a man made serious mistakes years ago and friends vouch for him that he’s changed, I’m fine dating him, but I’m not going to help a man I’m dating make such big changes. I’ll just not date him or dump him. Big moral changes outside of the way he treats me are things I’m fine to help with though. So for example, if I were to discover that a friend who brings a lot of other things to the table in our friendship is toxica…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 06:50 AM
1

My preferences wouldn’t change except altruism in a partner would be less important because there would be less people living in poverty that we need to help. I don’t see the point of living on more than a lower class California income. I’ll make far more than that when I graduate, so I don’t care about a guy’s income. Middle class Americans don’t have to wait for UBI to be as happy as they would be if they didn’t have to worry about money. They could just stop taking what they have for granted.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 05:44 AM
0

I didn’t date for a decade after getting out of an abusive relationship. I started dating again about 6 months ago. I took the break because my autism and bipolar disorder and PTSD made dating too exhausting to combine with a more challenging career until now, but if I had known the kind of men I know now earlier, I would have gotten back into dating earlier. It would really have taken an exceptional man in terms of morality and intellect and excitement about me to overcome the things that held …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 04:58 AM
3

I would view it as a financially responsible decision for a man who has his life together and a good income. In fact it’s a bit endearing for a man like that to be that close to his family. It’s an indication that he’s averse to drama.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 12:18 PM
–

Actually I’ve found men to be much better at it personally. Women are good at giving platitudes, but men are good at telling it like it is, which is far more useful. Men are also more quantitative and in my experience have less drama. In general they have less of the victim mentality that clouds most women’s judgement.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 10:35 AM
–

They’re plenty motivated by romance and sex and family and companionship. In fact better off women might be more beneficial to less intelligent couples than more intelligent ones, because money is more often a source of friction in those relationships. With more money to go around, there would be less arguments over paying the bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 11:47 PM
–

Are you claiming soulmates don’t exist for middle class and poor people, or also for the upper class people who have found their soulmates I’m surrounded by? Either way I’m skeptical. Rich people in the past would be very poor by modern rich world standards, and we know from history that many people had soulmates. The relationships around me were pretty fucked up in my ghetto days, but that was just more bottom 20th percentile dysfunction. I always pictured things being more civilized in the ric…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 11:32 PM
6

@giveuporfindaway for someone to change their opinion on a topic, they had to have previously had an opinion on it. You could have asked about the pace of change more generally, but you didn’t. Very few women have thought about the topic before seeing this post. Your surprise indicates that these answers are useful to you and you should be grateful for them rather than aggressive about them.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 11:10 AM
2

I don’t find it acceptable.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 10:24 AM
6

What do you think marriage is to women with good careers? Those are the only women I know, and not being able to find a man with as fancy a career as us sure isn’t going to stop us from marrying. Men bring all sorts of things to the table besides money and prestige like emotional support and someone to challenge us and someone who shares our passions and great sex and someone to raise a family with. In my world we left gendered financial power behind long ago. I’ve only heard one woman complain …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 10:16 AM
1

I would feel so respected by a guy who would be honest with me about that. Like I’d really found a home. I feel deeply uncomfortable with all the people who try to hide this dynamic. They are lying. However, the doing the bare minimum is a completely different story. It’s not related to what he doesn’t like about me specifically but that he doesn’t find me that appealing on a meta level or has some baggage so something. We would need to fix that problem if we’re going to stay together.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 02:29 AM
5

Totally. Almost all my close friends are male, and I would probably date most of the compatible ones if they were interested. But if they make it clear they are not, I just let it go. I can even enjoy the sight of them being hot without any negative consequences. People need to just chill out and enjoy life.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/25 03:39 AM
1

6.5 inches and very girthy. Just a bit bigger than average, but big enough to matter and I thought bigger ones were all over the place. Yes. A lot of women are into pain during sex. It’s reflected in the fact that we watch more violent porn than men do. https://aella.substack.com/p/women-prefer-more-violent-porn-and
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 10:43 AM
1

I don’t mind bigger dicks in porn than I would prefer in real life because everything has to be over the top in porn to compensate for not being real. When I first started having sex, I was insecure about my blowjob skills because I had been practicing on a porn sized dildo (the smallest one available) and I thought dicks that big were normal from just seeing dicks in porn. I kept getting pleasantly surprised to get average sized dicks that were much more manageable instead. I think I would stil…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 10:01 AM
1

I’m 37. I plan to finish my degree within 5 years and then focus heavily on work for the next 5. I don’t want to have kids till my late 40s at the earliest (donor egg + husband’s sperm + surrogate womb). Unless my job gets fully automated, I’d also be fine not having kids. I want to take as little time off work to care for kids as possible. If my job gets fully automated I’d probably want to have a lot of kids though, as that might be the most interesting challenge left. Right now I’m looking fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 09:18 AM
2

It’s not something I want. If the guy was a virgin when we met it wouldn’t be a big deal, but if he wanted to save sex for marriage that would be a dealbreaker.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 08:51 AM
1

I watch porn on pornhub and read it on literotica. It’s always BDSM. I don’t have a preference for dick sizes in the spectrum represented in porn. Bigger dicks than I would prefer in person can be good for compensating for the lower stimulation porn gives me because it’s not real. I don’t find watching women receiving oral arousing at all. Women getting face fucked is hot though, and I watch a lot of blowjob porn to improve my technique. The porn I enjoy most is pretty psychological, with a lot …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 08:43 AM
11

That sounds really rough. I hadn’t thought about how alienating that must be. Personally I basically don’t have female friends so I can’t add that much data, but my male dominated social group does mostly talk about non-dating things.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 08:25 AM
1

I would turn down a guy who approached me in this situation because it would seem like he was just approaching me for my looks. I don’t have much in common with a guy who would do that. I would appreciate the compliment and thank him though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/25 01:46 AM
2

I enjoy having friends with benefits, even though in a perfect world I would just have a relationship. The 3 friends with benefits I’ve had got in my pants by being exceptionally skilled at dirty talk and trustworthy. Two of them have been close friends and well above average in morality, which made me comfortable going way further with them (for example, having unprotected sex) than with the other one. These are some of the ways they displayed trustworthiness: Showing compassion for me outside …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/25 01:39 AM
–

It is easier as a woman, but men have this experience too. Most men are out there dating and getting married and raising families because they don’t let a few bad experiences stop them in their tracks. Your percentages are way off. I already said most men reject me and one started drama over it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 09:32 AM
–

Did you only ask someone out twice before giving up? If you’re single and want a girlfriend you should be warm approaching at least maybe a dozen times a year. You learn not to care about rejections if you’re asking people out enough. That’s what I did. My first 2 attempts were also an embarrassing failure and a friend-zone, but I have an active dating life now because I learned to not let getting rejected most of the time bother me. It was very hard not to let it bother me at first, so I think …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/25 11:04 PM
–

You don’t have to be bothered about poisoning the well and making things weird if a warm approach is rejected. It’s a choice you’re making. I used to be too scared of that to ask people out too, but I worked on that issue until I overcame it. Now I ask guys out a few times a month. I usually get rejected, but even if it does make things awkward, that passes quickly. One time it led to drama when the person turned out to be mentally unstable, but when you develop a reputation for good character i…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/25 10:28 PM
29

It’s such a shame that women don’t make the first move more often because making the first move is completely in our self interest. I usually make the first move. I ask guys out a few times a month. Guys love it and it makes my life so much easier because I’m not missing out on all those opportunities. Most of the time I get rejected, but I don’t take it personally. This didn’t come easily to me at first; I had to work hard to develop a thick enough skin and I think it’s a skill that other peopl…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 08:52 PM
3

I haven’t ever mocked a guy for that and can’t recall a friend doing it. However, women do in the media so much that I expect many do. I probably heard women do it when my social group was less classy a decade ago and forgot about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 08:45 AM
0

I agree that women are submissive. That wasn’t the mystery I was referring to. The mystery is why women are more into being submissive than men are into being dominant. For example, is it genetic? If so why was being kinky more adaptive for women than it was for men in the ancestral environment? Is it because kink often helps people cope with being victims of sexual violence and women are more likely to experience sexual violence? Is it the many other reasons it could be? It’s difficult to desig…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 12:38 AM
13

I actually got a chance to ask one of the top researchers in the world on this topic why this is the case, and she said it’s basically a mystery. We have theories, but it’s been so hard to do research on it because of the stigma against kinky people that we’ve barely been able to test them. Edit: People seem to be confused about what I’m saying the mystery is. The mystery is why women are more into being submissive than men are into being dominant. I’m not disagreeing with the OP. For example, r…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:49 AM
1

You can choose whether you are the kind of person that would end a friendship over that big a crush or not. I’ve had crushes that intense, but I kept the friendship because I knew those kinds of crushes are unhealthy and I didn’t want to build my life around unhealthy emotions. Unrequited crushes that intense pass eventually, and the more you work on overcoming them, the quicker they pass. Maybe that person has had crushes that intense, they just know better than to subvert their life to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 07:58 AM
0

The vast majority of my close friends are male. Gender is almost irrelevant to how well matched people are as friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 07:47 AM
2

I don’t require the guy to have a college education, a house, or a car. I prefer for him not to have a house or car, and I’m neutral about the college education. I also don’t think in those transactional terms about dates. I’m just looking for the cheapest way to get indoors in public for several hours for a first date and prefer free dates with access to a bedroom at each other’s places after the first date. I’m just interested in his company.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 07:25 AM
1

Oh I didn’t think you were. Sorry if I came across harshly. It was probably my autism.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 08:19 PM
1

I rarely log into the dating app I’m on because I’m too busy with in person stuff. I can only imagine how much more that would be true if I was more attractive. I think everyone is missing out by relying on dating apps and it makes sense that the easier other options are for people, the more they would seize them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 10:35 AM
–

There is no amount of money I would take to forgo sex and romance if I couldn’t spend it altruistically.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 10:30 AM
2

Yeah I haven’t done it. It sounds like an interesting experiment. Thanks for pointing this out. I feel a bit silly that the thought didn’t occur to me earlier and am glad you were here to explain it to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 10:17 AM
1

Thanks. I am fat. I’m about 30lb overweight and 37 and if guys bothered to look at my profile they would find that I have an unusually high number of characteristics that are dealbreakers for the vast majority of men such as niche kinks and a disinterest in having kids until like a decade from now and unpopular political beliefs.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 10:08 AM
0

It’s different because it’s someone they are not in a relationship with. It’s a bad move because it gets misinterpreted so often and the woman may just be doing it for other reasons, so it doesn’t mean anything in and of itself. You have to look at the context. If she’s doing something like asking you for feedback on her dating profile or sending you thirst traps to “review” it could be a move. This is all so inefficient. I just bypass all this wasted time by asking guys out. I usually get rejec…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 06:30 AM
0

That sounds pretty infuriating. I wasn’t aware it was so bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 06:24 AM
-1

If he sends me a message that shows that he is actually interested in me rather than copy-pasting the same message to every girl with a pretty face, I’m quite likely to look at his profile. I say in my profile that I don’t respond to likes and generic messages and still those are the vast majority of interactions I get. Most guys simply don’t care whether we would be a good fit or not. They are just spamming women and expecting us to figure it out ourselves, often based on almost no information …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 06:21 AM
-1

Guys do it too and it’s been effective on me when done right.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 11:25 PM
-1

It does work for some guys, but I agree it’s a bad move.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 11:23 PM
0

I have a dating profile for the guys that use it correctly by writing personalized messages that show they have read my profile, of which there are many. Think about how much effort guys typically put into swiping right or sending a generic message. My understanding is a pretty face and a couple equally superficial features are all it takes. It doesn’t indicate that the guy is actually interested in dating me. How is that any more meaningful than getting catcalled on the street?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 10:44 PM
0

The fact remains that dating apps are ineffective whereas warm approaches are effective. We could argue about definitions, or we could actually fix the problem. A right swipe or a generic message provides no information about whether we would get along. It’s proof that someone hasn’t read my profile because I say I don’t respond to them in it, indicting that guys who do that don’t read women’s profiles in general. It’s the equivalent of being catcalled on the street, which I would hope you agree…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 10:27 PM
1

Yes that’s the other thing! Not having a detailed profile makes all the other efforts on dating apps almost useless, no matter how attractive the pictures are. So much of what drives guys to the red pill is not learning basic skills like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 10:18 PM
1

I use okcupid where you just don’t have time to make a decision about a guy instead of actively rejecting him by swiping left. But yes, I don’t click on his profile, which is the equivalent. Why would I when I have too many high quality messages that show guys have actually read my profile to engage with even all of them?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 10:16 PM
0

I would never not consider a guy not asking me out because I wasn’t attracted to him or the outing not being extravagant (excluding being catcalled by strangers on the street of course). Swiping right or sending a generic message on dating apps doesn’t count because average women don’t have time to look at those. Dating apps are a waste of time for everyone involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 10:07 PM
1

Many guys think sending a generic message or even just a like on a dating app counts as initiating contact. It absolutely does not. Even average women are so inundated with those that they rarely have time to look at a profile over that. Have you been sending personalized messages that show you’ve read her profile? In person is also way more effective. Relying on dating apps is such a waste of time.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:58 PM
1

I think waiting till you think a woman likes you is a terrible idea! You might miss so many cues that way, and women will often say yes to a date even if they previously hadn’t considered you as a prospect. I ask guys out all the time and I would never wait till I think they are into me. Most of the time I get rejected, but taking that personally is the root of so many problems on this forum.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:55 PM
0

Why do people think swiping right means anything? I’m about average and I get so many likes on okcupid that I would never look at a guy’s profile over a like or even a generic message.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:39 PM
-1

Swiping right does not count at all. I’m maybe average, and I get so many likes that I would never look at a guy’s profile over a like or a generic message.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:37 PM
0

You shouldn’t be waiting to ask women out till they indicate interest. I am typically the one to ask men out and I don’t wait at all. Why waste time trying to guess when you could get the answer of whether they are open to it explicitly by asking them out? Usually I get rejected, but I don’t understand why people think being rejected is such a big deal. If you don’t have many female friends, than you should get more female friends. Cold approaches and dating apps are pretty ineffective by compar…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:32 PM
-1

Talking about other men the women is into isn’t a signal that she’s not interested in you. It’s a standard move women use with men they are attracted to to try to make them jealous and see them in that context. It probably means nothing because there are many other reasons women do it, but it doesn’t mean she’s not into you.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:26 PM
3

Why did you ask this question if you are going to assume answers that surprise you are dishonest?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:18 PM
1

I don’t think I would feel anything in that situation. If he seemed attracted to her I would feel insecure, but good looking and single and having a laugh doesn’t imply that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:14 PM
3

Why do you say women don’t develop insecurities about their body from porn the way men do? I just found out that porn is shot right after the women wax or the stars have had laser hair removal this year. The sacrifices I made because I thought there was something wrong with my body that made me not be able to shave that close were awful (and too embarrassing to share publicly).
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 10:16 AM
1

Research finds women far more often have a rape kink and other violent kinks than men do. We often develop these kinks because they are effective at taking back control of situations we had no control over, allowing us to heal. Often the lifetime of internalized shame from these feminists’ efforts is worse than sexual abuse itself. People should be left alone to enjoy the kind of porn they prefer in peace. What’s practiced between consenting adults or alone doesn’t hurt anyone. The effect is par…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 09:42 AM
2

I’m fine with dating guys who I’m not physically attracted to because physical attraction grows pretty quickly and reliably for me. This is even true for guys I find unattractive rather than just not attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/25 07:56 AM
1

It’s not intentional. It’s because we’re so nervous that we forget how to human.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 09:05 AM
3

I think you’re generalizing too much. Women aren’t a monolith. But I think your argument is correct that men basically prefer younger women for innocent biological reasons (despite being heavily disadvantaged by this as a 37 year old women who wants to wait another decade to have kids so I prefer younger men). I know plenty of people around age 20 that are more mature than the average person in their 30s, so I don’t make big assumptions about vulnerability based on age in the first place. Howeve…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/25 01:53 AM
2

I think a lot of that is because women aren’t nearly as interested in casual sex on average. Another factor is a lot of the market for escorts is men whose wives think they get to nope out of sex just because they are married. We also make that much money less often than men. If you happen to be a woman who enjoys casual sex and has the money, why not get the best? Also, even though women consume less porn, we consume plenty of written erotica. I added a section on that topic to my comment, prob…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:13 AM
1

I disagree. If men good at sex were so easy to find, all these women wouldn’t be wandering around never having experienced orgasms except via masterbation or experiencing them so rarely. The best sex I’ve had is so much better than average sex that I think it makes more sense for a rich low SMV woman to spend money on than most things. The best sexual experience I’ve had doesn’t even include sex (that’s one of the boundaries of his monogomish relationship). What I have with him is better than al…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 08:42 AM
1

Female orgasms are so tricky that skill goes a long way. I imagine male escorts are much more skilled than the average guy on tinder, so it probably makes sense for a lot of women with that much money.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:04 AM
1

I think it makes sense for some people. It’s something I might have tried myself when I was too autistic to date except I would have felt horrible about spending so much money on myself instead of donating it to the global poor. One plus is it gets you practice that you wouldn’t get otherwise, which will make you more eligible to date for women who aren’t so closed minded that they see this as a red flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 12:48 AM
1

I’m lucky enough to live in a progressive community where even the most promiscuous women aren’t shamed for our sexuality (even though men still are). But it didn’t do me much good; I’ve never found vanilla sex arousing at all and spent my life up until my mid 30s thinking there was something wrong with BDSM because the subculture of feminism that sees it as abusive dominated in my life. My mom raised me under that kind of feminism (and my dad deferred to her), and there was a decade where I was…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 08:57 AM
4

If I was in a monogamous relationship I wouldn’t go on the date. That would be cheating. Instead I would take this as an indication that there is something seriously wrong with my relationship that made me consider ending it. I’d try to understand what needs I’m not getting met in my relationship and try to change the relationship to meet them without ending it. If that didn’t work, I would consider breaking up with my boyfriend and only then go on the date. If I was in a poly relationship I wou…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 10:05 AM
2

I think men have a right to get paternity tests. Cheating is common enough that women shouldn’t be offended by it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 09:21 PM
–

Not using your real name doesn’t mean you are anonymous. Many people’s friends know their Reddit usernames, and many who don’t could piece it together from our Reddit activity. That’s one reason I didn’t bother with an alias on here.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 07:16 AM
–

Yeah the cultural thing makes sense actually. When I was less wealthy, almost no-one was caring and intelligent the way the chads I know are. Women had to settle for men who wouldn’t be able to compete in my current community (SF Bay Area tech). There were still guys that had a lot of sex coasting by on basic things like good looks because the women didn’t bring enough to the table for the kinds of chads I know now to want us. but I never really thought of those guys as lucky because their disre…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:33 AM
–

I suppose that would be an advantage yes. This idea is still hard to square with the experience of every Chad I know though. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. After-all, all each of us has is anecdotes. I hope someday you are able to find love. It sounds like you’ve had a bad breakup. It happens to everyone. Generalizing too much can prevent people from bouncing back the way most people do.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:28 AM
–

I live in a sex positive culture so I’m very open with friends and to a lesser extent co-workers and family. However, I am not open with strangers online.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 05:26 AM
–

You sound to me like maybe you don’t have much personal experience with chads. I know and fuck plenty of chads, and what makes them chads is their studied skill in bringing women pleasure. It’s a challenging thing to do because we need to feel safe and our orgasms are so tricky, so there is tremendous advantage in being good at this. It’s such a difficult skill to master that I even know an obese chad with a large harem because attention to one’s partner and charisma and sexual skill are so impo…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 05:22 AM
1

No, more tame than that. but I’m not comfortable talking about my specific kinks to a stranger online under my real name.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:25 AM
1

I don’t watch lesbian porn. I think men and women are just as objectively attractive, and personally I am not attracted enough to women to date them or have sex with them unless it’s group sex with a man I’m attracted to and the narrative is that it’s for him. Kissing women is fun for me, but that’s mostly because men enjoy watching it. This seems normal to me. I wouldn’t worry about a woman being less attracted to you because she is also attracted to women. That’s not generally how attraction w…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/25 09:33 AM
1

I have casual sex, and this isn’t the reason. It’s because my kinks are so niche that the chances of meeting someone intellectually exciting enough to date who also shares them are slim. I have two friends with benefits and occasional temporary dynamics along with dating, and my preference would be for my boyfriend to be fine with me continuing them if he didn’t share enough of my kinks. This is also something I would be happy to do for him. It’s relatively common in the kink community.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/25 09:19 AM
1

I would date most of my male friends if I found out they shared my kinks and they were into me (and my social group is about 80% male).
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/25 09:12 AM
3

Being introduced by mutual friends by far. This looks like showing up to my friend’s events several times a week where I often meet new people. The people who show up at these events generally share my interests so they are good potential matches. I don’t consider men who have cold approached me outside of venues that already filter for my interests. If someone is essentially talking to me for my looks that’s a red flag, and I’m so weird that the chances of being a good match with a random perso…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/25 02:21 AM
1

This question isn’t applicable to me because money and prestige are irrelevant to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 09:56 AM
2

Hard disagree. I have debilitating bipolar disorder. My joint biggest weakness is low self esteem. I have increased my confidence by an astronomical amount over my lifetime through backbreaking work that has been entirely worth it. A lot of it has been faking it till I make it. I’ve found that strategy extremely effective. I began as a stinky obese person in the poorest 10% of the US too autistic to have meaningful friendships outside my family. I was not getting positive feedback until recently…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 10:17 PM
–

Do you see how claiming my evidence was tweets when only 3 out of 8 of them were is inaccurate? Do you not feel it’s a contradiction to dismiss the summery of the research by an expert in a field because he did it on x while simultaneously promoting your own opinions without citing your sources on another social media platform? What do you feel is gained by not citing sources?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 06:40 AM
3

Emotional intimacy often makes an experience better, but sex without it can also be very hot. Some of the best sex I’ve had was with a man who I had only exchanged a few sentences with first. I was touching his dick before I knew his name. It was awesome.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 12:55 AM
1

I would end things if he said he was waiting for marriage or a long term committed partner because I think sexual compatibility is essential before I make that commitment, but would only end things if he said he wanted a deeper emotional connection first if it felt like he would take too long to achieve that. I might wait like 3 months for a really special guy; I’m not in a hurry because I have friends with benefits. I wouldn’t judge him for being a virgin. I was approximately a virgin in my mid…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 11:28 PM
–

I was justifiably offended that you said my evidence came from tweets rather than studies, but I believe now that made me respond too harshly. I apologize. If you made that mistake because you don’t see studies as very important, it’s a more understandable error. Why don’t you think studies are very important?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 10:25 PM
2

I have provided summaries of the research by experts in the field and maybe a dozen individual studies. If you also base your opinions on studies, I would be eager for you to share them. Otherwise I don’t think repeating myself to someone who misrepresents my responses so egregiously is a good use of my time.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 08:25 PM
1

Tell that to the women who are hopelessly addicted to sex with men they wouldn’t otherwise date, who are passionately in love with them. I realize personal growth is often discouraged in the manosphere, and it makes sense that people would be traumatized into that after the frankly very cruel behavior of many feminists, but prioritizing personal growth not working just isn’t many men’s experience. I’m not saying it will work for everyone, and many men prefer being secondary partners anyway becau…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 06:43 PM
1

Nobody is suggesting no woman wants to do these jobs. Thinking in absolutes like that when no-one else is is highly unscientific. Thanks for sharing that article! I wasn’t aware that a paper finds different results. However, one paper disagreeing with the rest of the papers in the field does not debunk a theory. It provides useful data that the other papers may be wrong, but most high quality papers would have to disagree for debunking to start being a possibly appropriate term.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 06:24 PM
1

I just provided a lot of evidence that it plays a small role. Ambitious women in other fields also emulate women. In societies with less sexism, they are free to do so because maleness isn’t glorified at the expense of female traits. Computer science being dominated by women historically fits a global pattern of it having more female representation in fields that men enjoy more on average in more sexist societies. If sexism was causing underrepresentation of women, wouldn’t things get better as …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 06:09 PM
0

There’s a big difference between my romantic/sexual preferences and the preferences of what I consider overly feminist women’s preferences here. We just want to be left alone to live our personal lives in peace (for example, it’s not even illegal to discriminate against us for our preferences and we lose our jobs over it all the time in conservative areas). In contrast, people who see different reasons for the gender pay gap and underrepresentation of women in STEM than me try to change their wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 05:46 PM
2

Are you saying to you ethical non-monogamy seems like it comes from feminism?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 03:16 AM
1

You’re looking at average datability. That’s not what matters in ethical non-monogamy. Think about women you’ve been attracted to. Every one of them had strengths and weaknesses. In ethical non-monogamy, you get to enjoy the strengths without spending too much time on the weaknesses. For example, maybe a woman would be a perfect mom but gives terrible blowjobs and doesn’t share one of your most important hobbies. You can have kids with her and enjoy 10/10 blowjobs and your hobby with another wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 03:07 AM
1

That’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m saying women are actually attracted to a lot of low average SMV men, the wider world just isn’t aware of that because monogamy forces them not to date them. And like I said, many men have my experience where they grow into primary partner material because of ethical non-monogamy because so much of datability is a skill that can be learned.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 02:57 AM
0

If ethical-non-monogamy isn’t your thing, just don’t do it. No need to resort to name calling. I don’t see how my sexual/romantic orientation relates to my experience as a woman in STEM.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 02:42 AM
0

I have not been on that sub, but my whole social group is STEM, so it’s not really needed. I’m suspicious of someone who cares enough about these issues to spend a lot of time on a sub with that title. It seems like there would be a lot of selection bias. I believe sexism is an important problem. Being sexually harassed sucked. But rich world feminism has become about a lot more than achieving equality and removing barriers women face. I believe we could combat the problems better if we didn’t i…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 02:11 AM
-2

I’m a woman in STEM (who was a victim of sexual harassment by a senior member of my field) and in my experience a lot of the discrimination against women in these fields is exaggerated by people with high neuroticism who are inappropriately influenced by feminism. They obsessively look for slights to the extent that they are actually bothered by things like women’s bathrooms being slightly further away and their boss using the term gentlemen and then correcting himself to ladies and gentlemen wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 02:00 AM
19

I’m a woman in STEM (electrical engineering, 90% male, plus my community is mostly software engineers and computer scientists, 80% male) and despite being a victim of sexual harassment by a senior member of my field, I expect sexism can only play a small role in female underrepresentation in these fields and the overall gender pay gap in rich countries. Studies show women are more interested in people than things on average, and display other differences that mean a perfectly equitable society w…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 01:33 AM
2

This post is too vague for me to answer the question. There is a large range of reasonableness of preferences that could be described this abstractly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 02:31 AM
2

No positive or negative impressions based on his age, relationship status, or childlessness. Positive impressions based on the other factors.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/25 04:05 AM
1

I would never lie about my age. A lie is a toxic way to start a relationship and could only backfire by showing you are a dishonest person. I’m 37. I list 20 to 50
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:57 PM
1

That would make sense after years of this situation, but after just 3 months the unemployment is the last thing this man cares about. The marriage has become so toxic that he’s just looking for an excuse to divorce. Whether I would hate him would depend on what part I played in the real reasons the marriage had become so toxic.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:53 PM
1

None of those reasons are why women date men with low average SMV. People are multidimensional. Even men with low average SMV have genuine strengths that make high SMV women excited to date them as long as they don’t have to be her everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:35 PM
0

Yes. The hotness isn’t the cause, it’s the personality shortcomings.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:25 PM
1

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:25 PM
1

Honestly more than one. But the point is that what I’m talking about isn’t out of charity. Even people with very low average SMV do some things better than people with great SMV. Polyamory allows those strengths to get people a foot in the door. The woman with a Stacy Harem is doing it because she genuinely enjoys dating the low SMV man.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 10:14 AM
1

Everyone is getting sex. Contraception is reliable enough that the issue with kids you mentioned isn’t a problem to my knowledge Men get the practice I got too. You don’t have to be the finished article. People are multidimensional and bring strengths that people who are stronger than them on average don’t have.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:29 AM
-1

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 08:06 AM
3

More acquaintances
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 11:10 PM
1

That’s an interesting description of Aella’s work. What makes you think she runs a sex cult?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 11:08 PM
-2

I know of examples similar to mine with low SMV men joining Stacy Harems. I’m just not comfortable sharing them publicly because I don’t want to violate my friends’ privacy. They approximate to my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 11:04 PM
1

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 10:38 PM
0

When you say lower standards, do you mean looks? Women have higher standards for relationships than for one nights stands, but since his looks, charisma, and sexual prowess is all a one-night stand is bringing to the table beyond a baseline level of trustworthiness, he has to really outperform on these metrics because he can’t compensate in other areas.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 10:37 PM
-1

How should I have phrased it differently? I admit theirs is a perspective I don’t understand very well. Objectively I’ve struggled with being undatable to a similar degree that incel men have and for similar reasons, but I’ve had a growth mindset and internal locus of control that makes the red pill attitude very foreign to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 10:32 PM
2

It’s the rationalist subculture within the California Bay Area tech community.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 07:49 AM
–

Amen. Women have no business being so cruel to men, and no business claiming it is different from body shaming about female body parts.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:06 AM
0

I’m so sorry you’ve had those experiences! That sounds truly awful. As an autistic person myself, I deeply empathize. The world is hard on us and it’s not fair at all. There was a decade of my adult life where I was so autistic and hurt by past experiences that not only did I not date, but I basically didn’t have friends. I never gave up working to overcome my autism, and I’m so glad I persisted. Now I have the wonderful dating life and friendships I always dreamed of. I discovered that social s…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 04:45 AM
1

Psykotyrant you also specifically said the one woman who doesn’t surprise you is the only one being honest. As ComplexAttitude4Lyfe pointed out, lies of omission are lies. I’m so sorry your mother went through that! I can see why that would be hard to get over. But women are not a monolith. Lived experiences don’t say much about the wider world. I’m sorry you’re so bitter about women that you assume we are lying when we have interests that surprise you. I hope you have better experiences with wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 08:26 PM
4

Why do you think we’re lying? What good is a man’s money when I have enough to buy everything I want already?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 07:35 AM
0

Passion for learning, passion for self improvement, shared hobbies, altruism, the kind of kinky I’m into, good at sex, doesn’t want to start a family too soon, excited about his career, good communication skills, sexual chemistry, empathy, quantitative mindset, well read, challenges me, high decoupling, is excited about me, good mental health, etc. Really, once a guy meets the roughly average bar, in practice looks don’t matter for me because these other things are so much more important than lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 07:14 AM
2

I don’t generally see it as a plus. Larger dicks are good because they hurt more and look better, but they are harder to deepthroat. Right now if I discovered a guy had an above average sized dick I would be disappointed, but I think that will change to neutral when I get more practice giving head.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 05:32 AM
3

I think it’s usually because Western feminists are too self absorbed. There are challenges to supporting feminists in other countries that make it a lot harder, but in my experience western feminists usually haven’t even tried to figure out if these challenges are prohibitive before focusing on the more minor issues that only affect them.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/25 08:38 AM
-3

Cold approaches where he knows almost nothing about me besides my looks are flattering but a red flag because they imply he is shallow. I don’t waste time on those. I just thank him for the compliment. However, if I’ve done extraverted things around him like give a lightning talk that mean he might be approaching me for my personality even if we haven’t talked before, or if he knows of me from my intellectual reputation in the community, they are a great idea. I recommend boldness. The best pick…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/25 08:32 AM
1

None of this things feel like a bare minimum at all. Some of them I would be totally charmed by (paying for first dates, sidewalk rule, and very inexpensive gifts every month or two) but the rest would be active turnoffs. The physical stuff would be a turnoff because it would get awkward quickly. The flowers would be a turnoff because I like to live well below my means so I can donate more to charity. Every woman has different preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 12:16 AM
1

I find this behavior disgusting. I’ve never been even remotely attracted to it in my whole life. It’s one of the biggest turnoffs there is for me. This is despite the fact that I’m a very kinky sub and engage in extreme violent role-play with men of good character. I think what you’re experiencing is very cultural. It’s something I saw in my community when I was American-poor (although I think a lot of it was settling for these guys rather than being attracted to this behavior specifically), but…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:29 PM
2

Much of what I said is personal experience, much of it is otherwise confidential information, and much of it is statistics that I don’t have time to relocate. Sorry, It seems like you allocated more time for this conversation than I did. I would otherwise be very interested in getting into more detail, but I’m dealing with an interpersonal crisis that is taking up too much of my time. Here is a link to a collection of the studies that are convenient for me to link to. https://m.facebook.com/stor…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 02:53 AM
3

Here are some of many examples of ways I see it as having bred mistrust of men in an unhealthy way: Rape and sexual assault statistics are exaggerated even by people who should know better. Sexual assault statistics are often quoted as rape statistics, and sexual assault statistics are kind of meaningless because they include things that very few women consider sexual assault like being woken up by sexual intimacy with a partner. The man vs bear debate was atrocious. It was fundamentally dehuman…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 09:54 PM
1

I thought by social change he meant anecdotally among my social group. I didn’t have a social group at the time, and didn’t have continuity of social groups such that I could have compared. I’m talking about in the media at the time and since then and the way my social group talked about it when I found one again. I just can’t tell if my new social group was worse than they otherwise would have been because I didn’t know them before metoo. I see unhealthy distrust of men all over the place in so…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 09:22 PM
1

It’s hard for me to tell whether there was a social change because I was so autistic at the time. I had so few friends that I don’t feel qualified to answer that question. Edit: There had been a part of my life before then where I had a lot of friends that allowed me to get an accurate assessment of what people are like. The loneliness during that time was temporary, related to a bad breakup. By the time I had started socializing again I was part of a completely different socioeconomic class, so…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 08:25 AM
15

For me it felt like the metoo movement got out of hand. It certainly felt to me like it was breeding mistrust of men in an unhealthy way more than it was validating feelings women already had. I remember feeling a lot of peer pressure to resent men in a way that I didn’t and I don’t think women should.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 06:30 AM
2

37, 25lb overweight, college student. I made an extremely wordy profile on okcupid a few months ago. I got about 1500 likes and 150 messages in the first week, many of them high quality. I went on 1 date from it but ended up having enough opportunities in my community that I haven’t logged in in a long time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 10:36 AM
1

Best of luck MikeArrow! I was also morbidly obese but am now just about 25lb overweight. It took me a long time to figure out how to make it work, but eventually I did. I’m rooting for you! You can do it!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 10:12 AM
1

Oh I see what you mean now. Sorry for my confusion.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 12:00 AM
0

By forbidding discussion of what (I think) is the main reason someone would be against cutting ties, I think you’ve made your post kind of pointless.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 10:37 PM
4

While I disagree that they are doing it in bad faith, I am pretty appalled by how cruel many women’s responses have been on here. It’s like they think caring about this problem makes someone care less about the problem of rape. What a petty, self absorbed way of looking at the world. I don’t think much of the red pill, but every time I log on here I think less and less of feminism. Why can’t they just have a little compassion for their fellow human beings?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 10:30 PM
7

I deeply empathize with the predicament he is in. However, since most woman would see it as a prohibitively large red flag and it doesn’t mean much because consent can be revoked at any time, it would make me see him as someone who has poor mental health and that would kill the mood. I’d probably still have sex with him, but it wouldn’t be as good. I think women are rarely as respectful as I am of the risks men face, so it’s a bad idea. I wish there was a better solution.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 07:45 AM
1

Conventional attractiveness is a low priority to many people. In my case, I have access to plenty of very conventionally attractive guys, but almost none of them are as nerdy, openminded, compassionate, cold culture or otherwise deep as I need them to be. I don’t use the apps much because I have too many irl opportunities, but I have an account on one and when I log in that’s the reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 12:23 AM
1

I don’t care about how much money a guy makes at all. I make less money than the rest of my community because I’m a student and I won’t make as much money as them until I graduate, so coincidentally I’ve ended up dating richer guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:16 PM
1

For first dates I’m always prepared to split the check but am charmed when the guy offers to pay for it. In relationships I prefer to keep finances as separate as humanly possible. This is especially important to me because I’m lower income than the guys I typically date, so I want to keep money out of our relationship. When I have more money (I’m a student now) I’d like to continue living this frugally and donate the excess money, so non-shared expenses will be important for that reason. Expens…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:34 AM
1

I don’t notice these things.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:24 AM
12

Sex seems to be very important to you so in the interest of time I’ll stick to that. I prefer to have sex on the first date. I have more sex with guys I see as boyfriend/husband material than guys I see as hookup/FwB material because I prioritize guys I can see a deeper future with. I’m also more likely to have unprotected sex with them because there is a higher level of trust.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:22 AM
1

I’ve had a lot of success asking guys out and being asked out at the many social events my community holds. Our community has also turned to posting Google docs about ourselves in a dating directory because the apps aren’t deep enough, and I get a steady trickle of guys asking me out from mine. If things slowed down I would hop on the apps, but it hasn’t been necessary so far. These connections have worked better for me because being in my community is a better filters for guys I’d like to date …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:16 AM
1

I don’t think it’s fair to attribute the mistakes in these studies to malice, at least the ones I’ve seen. Social science studies are hard enough to do well that these could easily be honest mistakes.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 12:52 AM
7

Why do people think women can’t have kids in our 40s and 50s? Nothing wrong with surrogacy + egg donation + husband’s sperm. I’ve never been able to have kids biologically, so I don’t understand what all the fuss is about.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:56 AM
2

Thank you. Great point! My understanding is the study you linked to just covers wealth. Can you also link to the studies that look at the other factors? I know they matter, but I want to understand it quantitatively.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 04:10 AM
-1

I probably agree with this, and think there is a perfectly reasonable solution to the limitations fertility places on it: paid surrogacy and egg donation. I’ve never been able to have kids myself, so I always knew I would do them. I don’t feel any negative emotions about having to do surrogacy and egg donation. I love the freedom this gives me to not rush into marriage. However, it’s so weird how much guys care! Many have turned me down because I can’t have kids biologically, even though our kid…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 04:05 AM
2

On wow I can’t believe I missed that. Thanks for pointing it out!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 09:06 PM
1

Married men are happier than single men according to this study. Don’t let fear hold you back from being happy. You can always sign a prenup. You can also decrease your risk of divorce by living different lifestyles. For example, divorce rates are highly anti-correlated with education.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 02:18 PM
1

I thought this was a critique of the red pill at first. I saw a study that found they are unusually risk averse on average. They seem to give up due to romantic rejection more easily on average. Someone with a normal level of risk aversion may be better equipped to comment on dating life than someone who is technically looking but in practice rarely asks people out (no, low effort messages on apps don’t count) regardless of whether the person with lower risk aversion has a partner or not current…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:16 AM
1

The cheaper the better for me. My friend got one for $20 off amazon and that seems ideal to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 09:45 AM
1

I’m too depressed. I do have freinds with benefits, but I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend right now, and I’m not interested in settling for a guy who would settle for me when I’m like this (been there done that). I get thousands of likes per week and hundreds of messages because my depression isn’t apparent on my profile, but mental health issues that hold male incels back from dating affect women too. Often both men and women who aren’t dating because of mental health issues blame society, but …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 05:55 AM
1

Nothing wrong with that at all. I would be shocked if it was a dealbreaker for any women in my community. If that’s not true in yours, know that you deserve better.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 02:50 PM
1

Normal men bore me, and this is where my career is. I have zero interest in basing myself in any other community. I’m not going to leave behind my intellectual soulmates and my career just to get laid more often. Even if I never get married, it will be well worth the price. Besides, normal men aren’t particularly interested in me because I’m too intellectual.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 09:18 PM
1

People care about a lot more than people’s faces, especially in intellectual communities like mine. I do have a pretty face, but I’m 37 in a community where the average age is about 30, I have the least successful career of anyone I know in a community where that is the most important thing, and I would have to do surrogacy for kids. I’m slightly overweight in a community where almost everyone else is as skinny as models. I asked my freinds what percentage of people in our community would consid…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 08:06 PM
1

Since this is a dating subreddit, I should mention that I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have hobbies beyond those things, and I can’t imagine someone who doesn’t being very successful in dating. Maybe if you haven’t developed hobbies, it could be helpful. There seems to be a cultural difference between us, but I imagine someone with hobbies would be more successful in any dating market.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 05:37 AM
1

Other people should have called her behavior out as crazy and made it clear it had nothing to do with you instead of participating in the bullying themselves. If I had been there I would have given that woman a piece of my mind, not to mention your friends who sound pretty shitty tbh. They should have taken care of you. It should have been one bad day, not an ongoing thing lasting years.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 09:43 AM
2

Jesus I’m so sorry! There is no excuse for that woman’s behavior. And also no excuse for your friends continuing her bullying instead of standing up for you. I wish you the best of luck recovering from such an awful experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 09:38 AM
6

Sadly I think he just has to play the game and not state this preference so directly. However, there are absolutely ways he can increase his likelihood of finding a woman with high libido and having sex on the first date. As long as it’s well balanced by many other things, saying something hot about sex on your dating profile is great, as is choosing more manly pictures. He can choose women who seem more excited about sex in their profile and in messages. I think in person is a better way to mee…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 09:25 AM
1

I’m skeptical that that’s true, but even if it is, those are all things you can build active social calendars around. Actually about half of what produces our active social calendars and group houses is our work.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 08:08 AM
1

I absolutely acknowledge that lucky genetics played a role in overcoming my social anxiety. However, I did have fear of rejection so bad that I absolutely understand what this feels like. I was single for a decade, in large part because of fear of rejection. I have body dysmorphia that made me think I had to be at the very low end of the healthy weight spectrum and get laser hair removal before I could make an account on a dating app or flirt or even indicate that I was open to being approached …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 08:02 AM
5

I prefer sex on the first date. Sex is better when people are direct about what they want. I sometimes indicate ahead of a first date that I am hoping we have sex by asking to exchange STI tests, and it’s unfair that it’s harder for men to make that move. I would definitely still go on the first date with him, but it would be a turnoff because it shows he has baggage or some other mental health issue. It would be particularly disappointing if it was in his dating profile rather than in messages.…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 07:43 AM
1

I wasn’t claiming that I do. My point is that other communities can produce active social calendars around their own shared interests, and that moving to big cities where forming active social calendars around niche interests is more feasible might be helpful for people struggling with dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 10:01 PM
2

I’m so glad you found your person!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:17 PM
1

Don’t even get me started on that. It’s bonkers that women don’t approach as much as men. It’s in nobody’s best interests.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:06 PM
1

I’m not going to say more about my specific community in this thread because I don’t want to get the people I care about doing illegal things into trouble. I don’t feel like I belong in Christian communities. Atheist ones are the only ones I’ve found with good chances of finding a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 10:36 AM
1

Thanks. I have a pretty face, but I’m overweight in a community where almost no-one else is, I’m 37 in a community where the average age is about 30, I have the least successful career of anyone I know in a community where that is the most important thing, and I would have to do surrogacy for kids. Most importantly, I’m Christian. I did a poll once that found a 3rd of people in my community would never even consider dating a Christian, and almost everyone else considered it a significant disadva…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 10:26 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 08:16 AM
3

I'm a below average woman who generally initiates, and what you said approximately describes my experience. To me it doesn't feel that hard, but all hardship is relative. I've had an unusually hard life for someone speaking English online, so that might be why.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 07:40 AM
1

What does it mean to not be receptive to approaches if you want to be approached?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 05:11 AM
5

It’s interesting that I read this and thought “exactly! It isn’t that hard!” And others read this and thought approximately “exactly! This is prohibitively difficult!”. I think the typical mind fallacy plays a big role in how people discuss the experience of the average person on this subreddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 05:02 AM
5

Sorry. I was doing the typical mind fallacy. Overcoming my fear of rejection is a personal growth arc that I’m really excited about right now. A lot of red pill language reminds me of how I used to talk, except it’s focused on others rather than on oneself. Rejection really isn’t that hard anymore now that I’m used to it. Overcoming my fear of it was a temporary hurdle, and I don’t want other people to give up because of something temporary like I did for a long time. I’m the last person who you…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 04:51 AM
-2

If that’s true, I think it would be true to a lesser extent in person than on dating apps. According to the Pew study, 54% of women feel overwhelmed by the amount of messages we receive on dating apps. I should note that the poll that found 77% of women want to be approached more in person only had two options for answers. The remaining 23% consists of both women who want to be approached less and women who are satisfied with the amount they are approached. This is pretty different from most wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 03:20 AM
0

This approximates to my experience, and I disagree strongly that it’s not worth the effort. Giving up because you experience a normal level of difficulty is a personal choice that should be advised against. If it’s complained about aggressively in a way that doesn’t take personal responsibility for that choice, it should be chastised.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 02:46 AM
1

I’m so sorry that’s been your experience!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 02:41 AM
5

The woman could have lied about what happened.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 01:44 AM
1

Thanks 😊 you too!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 01:26 AM
1

The median American woman is overweight. You’re completely entitled to choose what makes you most happy, but do you see how that’s an unusual personal choice that doesn’t generalize to other people? I belong to a richest 10% American community where the median person is not overweight. If weight is such an important factor for you, getting into one of these communities might be good to prioritize. You don’t have to be that rich to do it; I’m in the poorest 20% of Americans, but I’m welcomed beca…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 01:22 AM
1

Do you mean that sarcastically? If you mean that seriously, that’s your problem right there. If you can’t be attracted to average women, that has nothing to do with society.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:55 AM
3

Some women do have complete meltdowns over getting asked out, and I and many women I know call it out as crazy. It’s awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:29 AM
2

Actually a lot of people in our community are introverts. There are memes about how autistic we are. You don’t have to go to all the parties, just as many as you can manage. A lot of the events are easy on introverts like co-working.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:21 AM
1

Can you share the study?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:17 AM
1

So glad to hear it!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 12:03 AM
-1

I think you shouldn’t care what women like that think. They don’t deserve your attention. Those attitudes make intimacy difficult for them in their own lives. It’s their loss. It is absolutely a struggle to ignore bullies, but I hope with practice everyone can get to a place where that behavior doesn’t affect their own chances of intimacy.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:59 PM
3

I’m so sorry that’s been so intimidating for you! Those people are incredibly cruel. There is no excuse for that behavior. I think you deserve better than letting such petty insecure people limit your intimacy in life. If someone ever does that to you, I encourage you to think of it as their loss. Those attitudes are a major impediment to them achieving intimacy in their own lives. It has nothing to do with you. You deserve to experience the warmth that many women would feel towards you if you a…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:46 PM
1

Safety is certainly a concern. But in my experience we get so many matches that we can’t just filter by safety, we also get to filter by things like looks in addition. I feel super gross doing it. The Pew article also seems to indicate that a lot of the safety concerns come from men we reject almost immediately, rather than men we are actively considering.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:34 PM
7

I think there are a few vocal feminists that don’t like it, and they are so loud that they drown out the silent majority who like it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:23 PM
2

Occasionally I want more personal space, but our housemates feel a lot more like family than they feel like roommates, so the benefits far outweigh the costs. It’s extremely cozy. Our extreme sex positivity helps a lot, as knowing your housemates can overhear it is probably the biggest disadvantage.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:20 PM
2

Can you share the data? This is not something I’m aware of. Even if the average man has lower standards than the average woman, that doesn’t mean red pill men do. Red pill men are very unusual in many ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:11 PM
16

I think there is some truth to this. The halo effect for women is real and very unfair. However, in my experience it is very vocal cruel feminists who think that awkward men have these traits, rather than normal women. I imagine this varies a lot by community though.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 11:04 PM
3

I am not East Asian or South Asian. Our housemates are mostly white other people in our 20s and 30s and are not related to us. We coalesce around shared interests rather than cultural or religious backgrounds.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 10:52 PM
1

Why do you think women don’t have genuine attraction and desire for average men? That hasn’t been something I’ve seen personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 10:48 PM
1

This sparked my curiosity, so I asked the most conventionally attractive men I know (10s in terms of looks, careers so successful that they are famous in elite tech tech circles where people are typically already in the richest 5% of Americans, top 10% charisma and sexual skill, etc). This has not been their experience at all. They’ve struggled on dating apps. They don’t even have the success that below average SMV women have. What are you basing your opinions on?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 09:54 PM
3

I love being a wing woman for my male friends! They’re wonderful and deserve a wonderful partner (or whatever else they’re seeking). I want to do anything I can to help.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 09:45 PM
3

Hobby events and the communities that form around them have worked best for me. It's a lot easier in bigger cities in my experience, where there are more events and more niche events. I moved to a big city to take advantage of this even though it means my commute is an hour now.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 09:03 AM
0

A friend of mine went through this. The couple got pregnant accidentally. He knew they weren’t ready to be parents but she didn’t. It was heartbreaking. He shouldn’t have had to throw his life away because she was so irresponsible. To say nothing of the poor kid. Hopefully under this system once women realize they will be raising the kid alone many of them would be strong enough to get the abortion.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 11:35 AM
2

What does it matter whose fault it is? Pain is pain. I wish you could just have a little compassion for your fellow human beings. It’s not a competition. Personal pain should make you have more empathy for others who have been through pain, not less. I am glad that you agree that someone not having a lived experience doesn’t mean we get to dismiss their contributions. I mentioned my own experience as a hedge because in my experience views like yours tend to correlate with dismissing people’s con…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 10:01 AM
1

Personally things turned out fine for me in the end too because I overcame what I could and compensated for what I couldn't, but it is a spectrum. I think there are some people who are so ugly and so mentally ill that there is much less they can do to compensate and overcome it. And everything I did and a lot of what you are proposing takes time to achieve.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 05:21 AM
1

I’m so sorry you experienced that! That’s truly awful and I’m so glad you’ve gotten out of it now. However, I should take a moment to explain that I think you have a poor understanding of what being raped is like. The pain is mostly psychological rather than physical. Because the pain is so psychological, it doesn’t just last minutes but generally years. This is why I think the two experiences are more similar than the OP is willing to admit. At least in my experience and for many others, the wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:55 AM
1

As a rape victim myself, I am so appalled by what you’re saying. Notice your words. The lifetime of difficulty with intimacy, therepy, anxiety, and depression also describes what people (including many women) go through who struggle severely with dating. You dismissing loneliness as just about sex just because it’s not caused by rape is so cruel. Imagine you could choose between a lifetime of never being in love, never getting married, and never having children (if that’s something you want) and…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 02:59 AM
1

It’s partially a skill issue and partially not. For example, I’ve struggled with dating because of medical malpractice that made me a lot less physically attractive, PTSD from sexual violence, and mental illness. Some of these are things that I can’t change, and some of them are things that I can change but only after many years of hard work.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 02:44 AM
1

I think it is. Rape is a crime where the victims get more sympathy than is justified by the awfulness (I say this as a rape victim myself), so it comes to mind when someone is trying to think of an analogy that might elicit sympathy for the thing being compared. Sadly I think the outrage in these comments is proving many redpiller’s points about women’s pain being taken more seriously than men’s.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 02:36 AM
8

This is similar to a growth arc I’ve been on. I didn’t date after I started college because it amplifies my bipolar disorder and is exhausting because of my autism. I could balance it with a blue collar career, but not with being an engineering student. Then a close friend suggested we be friends with benefits. It was just low key enough and with someone I trusted enough that I could barely manage it so I said yes, but once I actually tried it I realized there were all these ways that it improve…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 11:10 AM
1

To me (a rape victim) the outrage in these comments shows that rape is considered a protected category beyond what the awfulness of the experience justifies, proving many redpiller’s point about women’s pain being taken more seriously than men’s. Imagine you could choose between never falling in love, never getting married, and never having children (if that’s something important to you) and getting raped once. After being raped many times, I can say I would never choose the lifetime of loneline…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 09:58 AM
2

Awww thanks! Best of luck to you!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 09:20 AM
2

Sounds like you haven’t been hanging out with enough nerds! That kind of statement is considered unusually not autistic in my community (the San Francisco Bay Area tech community).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 08:44 AM
3

Also, infinitely is a big word. When someone pushes back on you using it you should expect they are proposing you use a word like substantially instead rather than that they think the two are equivalent.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 08:30 AM
3

It shouldn’t be necessary for me to explain that that’s not what I’m proposing. I’m curious; if you had to chose between spending your entire life never being in love, never having a spouse, and never having children (if that’s something you want) and being raped once, would you really chose a lifetime of loneliness? I certainly wouldn’t. Being raped sucked, but even though it happened many more times than once, I’ve basically gotten over it now. In fact the worst part wasn’t the rape itself but…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 08:18 AM
2

I’ve often seen feminists quote sexual assault statistics and say they are rape statistics. Often these are professionals in the field that a) should know better and b) have a role in determining the quality of the statistics. I also don’t trust sexual assault statistics at this point unless I know the specific methodology of the study because feminists include interactions that the vast majority of women don’t consider sexual assault like being woken up by sexual intimacy by a partner. https://…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 08:06 AM
-4

As someone who has been raped many times and also struggled to find a partner in the past in the way that many incels do, I disagree that rape is infinitely worse than struggling with dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 07:45 AM
3

I’m sorry people have reacted so emotionally to what you said. As an autistic, high decoupling, technically minded person, I wasn’t expecting their response either. It can be hard to remember how emotional normal people can be.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 06:01 AM
2

Very good points. Do you object to people making the point that the average man isn’t struggling with dating in the way that many redpill people focus on in direct response to people claiming that they are? I totally agree with you if bringing up averages is unprompted, but I do bring up averages in response to red pill people exaggerating the extent of lack of romantic success, in the same way that I do when feminists exaggerate the extent of sexual violence. Exaggerating the extent of lack of …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 05:43 AM
1

What did you mean by that comment?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 12:36 PM
4

I want to say how much I appreciate your interactions in this comments section. Your questions are something that many would stereotype as coming from a person who is aggressive and disrespectful, but you have been anything but that. You’re genuinely curious and respectful in a way that is rare in any community. Thank you for showing me and others how deep red pillers can be.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:31 AM
2

Yes I do both.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:20 AM
2

Whoreasaurus_Rex’s answer applies to me too, but in addition, like many women, it’s a lot easier for me to be sexually satisfied via masterbation than via sex with men I’m not very excited about intellectually and morally. Men who fit my preferences in these areas are rare among the men who want to have sex with me, and it takes time to get to know a man enough to know he fits these preferences. I do have two friends with benefits now, but for a long time these restrictions kept me from having c…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:17 AM
1

I’m glad you understand it’s important. It seems like the average man (and certainly the average woman) doesn’t. I don’t have time for the rest of it, but good luck! https://datepsychology.com/risk-aversion-and-dating/
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 03:48 PM
2

I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that! That sounds awful! It also sounds really unusual. Any ideas about what is causing these results?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 03:44 PM
10

Fascinating responses! I always have an object of desire.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 01:42 PM
1

There’s nothing disrespectful about asking girls if they’re dtf.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 01:36 PM
1

If you like a woman, ask her out. I’m shocked at how many times there is mutual attraction that doesn’t turn into a date because both parties are too shy to make the first move. As a man the burden also falls unfairly on you. Asking someone out imperfectly is so much better than not asking someone out at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 12:17 PM
1

I can't remember ever thinking about a prospect in that way. Even when they have politics my loved one's don't approve of I don't care. It's my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 11:15 AM
1

So yes, mean not median. Median is more descriptive in this case.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 01:15 PM
0

For BMI, did you not use median? I get 63rd or 64th percentile depending on sex when I plug that BMI into this source https://dqydj.com/bmi-percentile-calculator-men-women-united-states/
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 11:22 AM
11

This meta-analysis (focused on rich countries, especially the US) found that hiring discrimination against women is no longer statistically significant, whereas hiring discrimination against men remains a serious problem. I experience hiring discrimination based on one of my demographics, so I really empathize with what men have to go through. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0749597823000560
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 09:51 PM
–

I have more important things to do than write endless paragraphs summarizing an incredibly nuanced 8-part series for a stranger on the internet. I don’t appreciate you insulting me for trying to help someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/24 02:00 AM
1

Yeah, but it’s worth it and I’m too busy to summarize it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/24 10:33 AM
1

The good at sex series on this blog talks a lot about it, and I think it’s really insightful. https://aella.substack.com/archive?sort=new
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/24 08:05 AM
0

This doesn’t fit my experience at all. I’m straight and most of my friends are straight men. This is a typical ratio here. No-body in my culture (San Francisco Bay Area tech) seems bothered by opposite sex friendships at all. I have straight male cuddle partners and my straight male friends share erotica they’ve written with me, and the women they date don’t care. If they did, I would respect that, but it hasn’t come up. This is typical. I only hear about debate about opposite sex friendships in…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/24 02:28 AM
1

I realize you may have been saying that tongue in cheek (in my experience sexually successful men rarely talk like that about women), but I was still wrong to make that assumption, and appreciate you pointing that out.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/24 08:51 PM
1

Omg you’re right! I made a totally unfair assumption there! I’m not used to people who express your views being successful at dating. Thanks for pointing it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/24 07:44 PM
1

Interesting. It would be encouraging if it was less limiting than it seems. The emotion I’ve witnessed makes me skeptical, but I’ll think more about this possibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/24 08:07 AM
1

Btw, I’m not conventionally attractive, so I wasn’t assuming I would be as a man. I did get lucky with my youthful face, but I’m 5lb overweight, and unhealthy bodies are so rare in my community that people have estimated mine is a dealbreaker for 20%-90% of men in the community despite the extreme gender imbalance. I’m also religious, which is a dealbreaker for about 40% of people in my community. I really empathize with your struggles in a way my other comments haven’t revealed enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/24 07:59 AM
2

Oh I’m pretty confident that being rejected is worse than rejecting, despite frequently having to reject men on dating sites because they messaged me graphic sexual stuff after I asked them not to. I’m well aware that women can be real assholes when they reject men. That rudeness is one of the examples of the underlying reason I prefer my friends to be men. I’m usually the one to approach when it comes to serious dating, and while I’ve been rejected, I’ve never been rejected rudely despite havin…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 11:23 PM
1

Where do you live btw? If it’s a tech hub (like where I live is, as I mentioned in another reply to someone’s reply to my comment) I would expect your experiences to generalize poorly to communities without extreme gender imbalances. Many men in my community move from the San Francisco Bay Area to New York because just that change is enough to make a substantial difference in the dating market. Some straight men even try turning themselves bisexual to cope with the gender imbalance, which is not…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 11:16 PM
1

I think this is true in some communities, and definitely true in mine (I’m in tech in the San Francisco Bay Area where my subfield is 90% male and my social group is 85% male). I just don’t think my experience with the gender imbalance generalizes very well, whereas my experience with looks fading does. As I mentioned in another comment, personally I feel very lucky to be female primarily because of the dating options in my unusual community. I just think looks and age are an exception to the ru…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 10:58 PM
1

I also reject your characterization of most men’s dating experiences; Most men get married. The average looking guy you described will likely have a vibrant enough dating life to get married, as will many men substantially less attractive than him.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 10:51 PM
0

I don’t think the advantage men have in being able to make up for lack of looks with career success is large, so there is plenty of room for experiences like yours. Instead I argue that for every man and every women regardless of their base level of attractiveness, there exists a time quite early on in their lives when women are considered substantially less attractive simply because of their age in a way that men are not. For most of women’s adult lives, an average looking woman is considered s…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 10:47 PM
2

I feel like communities are diverse enough that there is room for both our experiences to be true. I will say that if feeling like a victim depended more on life experiences than personality, I would feel about as victimized as a person can feel. I was a victim of physical and sexual violence daily age 7 through late high school, was a victim of an abusive relationship that I lost 4 years of my life to that I got out of a decade ago, and I have been a victim of horrific medical malpractice twice…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 10:34 PM
3

What an unlucky and male chauvinist way of looking at the world; that a woman can only disagree with you on some topics if they are doing so to try to get laid. I would never assume that about people I know so little about for disagreeing with me on intellectual topics. It makes me sad to think of all the data you must be missing out on because of these values.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 10:17 PM
0

I’m not so sure. Studies show that men are strongly disproportionately attracted to women in their 20’s, whereas women are typically mainly attracted to men around our age. I’m 37 but look more like I’m 30. Women’s dating options fall off a cliff in our 40s because we become less conventionally attractive, but men don’t face that sharp cutoff in the dating market. If I was a man I could just keep going hard on my career like I would prefer to do and not have to take my looks fading as seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 07:08 AM
21

I think men I interact with are on average a lot cooler than women. The communities I seek out are very disproportionately male. My current field is 90% male, and my current main social group is 85% male. The draw for me is the focus on being quantitative and less distracted by emotions. Whenever I find myself in female dominated spaces, I often remember why I avoid them. The weak emotionally motivated reasoning, often related to feeling like certain oversimplified groups of people (including mi…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 03:31 AM
6

That's what I meant by communication.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/23 09:46 AM
11

Regarding the orgasm question: I've probably never had an orgasm (apparently that's a side effect of medication I've been on since I was a child). However, sex is still by far one of my favorite activities. Sex is still a lot of fun even though it's harder for us to orgasm than it is for men. Regarding the violence in porn question: The research I've seen so far finds women are more into violent porn than men on average. https://aella.substack.com/p/women-prefer-more-violent-porn-and The study i…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/23 08:55 AM
5

My ability to be attracted to less conventionally attractive men has changed substantially based on actions I've taken. There was a a period of many years where I wasn't dating (by choice, it's a long story) and wasn't very attracted intellectually to the men I knew. I have a healthy libido so I still fantasized a lot, but my only fantasies had to be about guys in movies/TV etc. Before that time, I dated overweight men and didn't notice that they weren't conventionally attractive. After many yea…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/23 02:41 AM
2

It's sad that people have told you that someone trying to influence their partner's style is a problem but trying to influence their partner's adult content usage isn't. People have all sorts of differences in libido and kinks, and often don't have time to have sex when their partner wants to. You're never going to find a partner that is a perfect match for you sexually. Even if someone doesn't personally find the other benefits of porn compelling, supporting their partner using porn can be a he…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/23 02:02 AM
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