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StunningSort3082 Archive

View 2 posts and 435 comments by StunningSort3082 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

StunningSort3082/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 12:57 PM
1

DiscussionStunningSort3082/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/24 01:33 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

If there are 5 steps to laundry (1) gathering a load, (2) placing the load in the wash, (3) placing clothes in the dryer or air drying items, (4) folding or hanging clothes, and (5) putting them away, do they all equal 20% of doing a load of laundry. How do you decide what percentage each step gets out of 100? Is it different for white towels versus a load with a lot of delicate items? What is the equivalent chore to folding laundry if my husband had to cover a load for me and now I “owe” him, s…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 11:26 PM
4

Some of that’s a choice though. Outside of the potty training window, our kids never came to the bathroom with us. We place a big emphasis on independence, so the kids were helping make their food and feeding themselves before age 2. Doing solo outings, even with multiple kids under 2, takes some planning but it isn’t hard or impossible. We’re not into attachment or gentle parenting though, so I imagine those parenting styles may make those things more difficult.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 11:20 PM
-2

You are being compensated for it though.. You get to have more time with your kids than your spouse (allegedly that’s priceless), and you still get the benefit of all the marital assets that come along with having a working partner. If you don’t want to miss out on that time in the workforce, then don’t stay home.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:53 PM
2

The natural ebb and flow of a marriage is not being taken advantage of. I have to work late tonight, so my husband has all the kiddos at home himself. He will do the dinner, bath and bed routine solo. Should be keep a tally of how much solo parenting time that was and make sure he gets it back? This week? This month? This year? Every day isn’t going to be 50/50, so if you’re chasing that you’re going to be arguing with your partner about doing an extra load of laundry because it’s fair. That’s d…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:49 PM
-3

And it’s sad that there aren’t more women who can give their husbands the opportunity to be a true head of household and in charge of the family by staying at home.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:43 PM
-4

Is unloading then dishwasher and putting away clothes going to be enough to not have to hear about 50/50 though?? Probably not
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:41 PM
1

I don’t know anyone in our friend group (30s-early 40s) who only works 40 hours a week. I haven’t worked a 40 hour week since I was in high school working over the summer. That’s also why I specified that in our home it would not be easier to be the working parent. Note: the comment I am replying to was edited after I replied.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:39 PM
0

Being a parent generally gets easier with each child that turns 6 and is in school full time. That age also opens so many options for after school activities, camps and just the ability to play independently at home. At least in our home, there’s no way being a SAHP is harder once all the kiddos are in 6+ than working 60+ hours a week. Even now when all our kids are still under 6, it’s really not that hard to get a significant amount of chores done while they’re playing together. Even with a new…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:28 PM
3

That’s what we’re working towards. Everything is “what have you done for me lately.”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 10:22 PM
–

It would be interesting to know if a man alone with young children would have been higher in the priority queue than the solo woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/24 01:01 PM
4

I agree. In high school chicks would always dump all their friends and love bomb obsess over their new boyfriend, and expect him to be equally as obsessive.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 01:02 AM
2

I don’t “manage” my husband and he’s the one who replaces the toilet paper and schedules doctors appointments. If I need help, I ask and then let take over. Boom off my plate. My husband was a SAHD for several years, so no needing him for money.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 12:57 AM
2

A lot of family/household planning is a choice. Public school is available, sports and extracurricular activities are optional, kids should be doing their own application essays, and not everyone has a child with learning disabilities. I don’t know my kids shoe sizes (if I need to know I check their shoes), and I could never remember anyone but the primary daycare teachers name while my husband knew every teacher in the whole center. Women have the same ability to set boundaries around leisure t…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 12:54 AM
6

The “bro-mance”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 11:03 PM
3

Super rural America wasn’t exactly full of opportunities for women in the 1940s, but she did teach for several years due to the WWII related teacher shortages. If only work away from the homestead counts, and farming does not, then my grandfather didn’t work either.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 11:02 PM
4

My husband does play golf, and I love those free Saturday and Sunday mornings. The kiddos and I can go do whatever we want (I mean honestly we’re usually just at the Club pool), and it makes for a happy husband. A win win all around! If Becky isn’t playing in the women’s league, then that’s on her. I personally prefer my “me time” in 1-2 hour chunks for working out every day, which shakes out to more than a round of golf week.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 10:12 PM
3

American women time how long it takes their husband to take a dump after work, and it’s a popular meme joke. I see women I went to high school and college with constantly bitching about how their husband is off to play golf again (duh Becky it’s a weekly golf league, so he goes weekly).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:32 PM
2

A lot of women also heavily lean on the “mental load” as work.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:18 PM
-2

In 2024, not interacting with other adults on a daily basis is usually a choice. Getting out with 3 under 3 isn’t as easy as going out solo, but it isn’t impossible (in my opinion it isn’t even hard). It’s funny how I never got the loneliness complaint from my husband in the several years he was a SAHD..
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:14 PM
3

This is the kind of thing where women create work for themselves, unnecessarily, and then “omg the mental load.” If you just left your husband be, I imagine he would see his friends and family as much he wants to because he would be in control of his own priorities.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:10 PM
1

Out of curiosity, did your husband expressly ask you to do all this extra “work”?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:57 PM
3

The domestic chores my grandmother was responsible for at my age (early 30s) and what I’m responsible for are vastly different. I can run a load of laundry in the background while I do other things, I have a dishwasher, my vacuum doesn’t require bags, I get to use swiffer dusters and windex wipes. My grandma washed clothes for 7 people by hand, hand washed dishes for at least 10 for 3 meals a day (after making all 3 meals from scratch), could only vacuum one room at a time before replacing the b…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:55 PM
4

It will never be enough for most women.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:43 PM
8

That works in theory, during the vetting stage, but I know a lot of women who did a complete 180 after marriage and/or kids. When the husband wants to go out, the wife is the poor victim stuck at home is the victim, but when it’s her turn to go out it’s her right and she’s earned it. I feel like this is even more amplified in women who choose to stay at home in lieu of working.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:40 PM
15

Part of the issue that you’re missing, is that women now expect “their man” to be their everything, including their bff. I hear other women complain every single time their husband tries to do something with just his friends. Women whine about golf, they whine about boys trips, and they even whine about grabbing a drink after work. Even if you have a cool wife, that understands the importance of male friendships, good luck finding a buddy who also has a cool wife. What a catch-22 to be in. Women…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:26 PM
1

Why can’t your husband wake up with the baby overnight? It is because you’re EBF? At 9m pp, I would look at the cost/benefit analysis for your whole family when it comes to EBF. Also, I think you mentioned this elsewhere that the baby is a good sleeper otherwise, so that’s good. Hopefully they’re doing 10+ hour stretches most nights.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/24 09:07 PM
5

There are subs for marriedredpill and redpillwomen. Do you believe those two groups of people, married red pill men and red pill women, do not actually exist within the framework of RP?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:41 PM
2

Le sigh. This wasn’t about anyone in particular, just a general warning about becoming a frumpy bumpkin.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/24 03:06 PM
2

First, I think it’s important to highlight that my husband and I never had a discussion about how we were paying for things before we moved in together. So, for the first 6 months of dating we both paid for dates. Like I said in another post, it was more of a take turns paying than a true 50/50 the check every time. Paying was a sweet little gift from whomever pulled out their credit card first. Part of the disconnect may be due to my husband and I’s relationship with money. At the stage in our …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 09:40 PM
0

I’m confused. My husband is the leader of our family. We went 50/50ish on paying when we were first dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 09:23 PM
4

Correct, which is why I don’t agree with the premise that if you cooked for yourself and did all your own dishes, that also means you should have to do all the cooking and dishes when you move in with someone. No one should be expected to do everything just because they did when they lived alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 09:21 PM
3

Not a big deal if I’m out like $50, which is what I think our bar bill was on our first date. He paid for our second date (dinner and a movie, so more than what I spent on the first date), which is why I said it’s probably a 50/50 wash overall.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 07:19 PM
2

That’s not my idea of a partnership, because income during a marriage is marital income, but I can see how maybe that method would work for some folks
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:59 PM
3

How? It’s not like it was a financial hardship for me to pay. I regularly pick up the whole check when going out with friends. I enjoy giving gifts and I view paying as a gift.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:57 PM
1

I feel like you’re extrapolating beyond the plain text of the post. My point is simple, you can be a “good woman” and still place a strong emphasis on your looks.
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/24 06:20 PM
6

I can see why you live alone lol My collaborative approach, where I don’t harp and nag my husband, has led us to a place where he does way more than 50% of the domestic and childcare work around the home so I can focus more on work. No way a combative approach, including making fun of him if he needs help, ends in the same result.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 05:34 PM
2

There’s a big difference between laundry for a single student and laundry for a family of 6 lol Even when my husband was a SAHD I didn’t expect to have zero responsibilities at home. Why would I expect him to do it all now that he’s gone back to work?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 05:27 PM
3

To do half? You’re saying if you could care for the home you lived in alone by yourself, then you should also be able to care for any space completely by yourself. Also, aside from someone I know that literally has their own private golf course, no one maintains 74 acres of manicured lawn space at the same degree required by gated HOAs.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 05:25 PM
1

All I was doing was offering some additional context. Wanting to remain sexy by dressing fashionably after 30, does not mean someone isn’t focused on their RMV. In contrast, I would say making sure you maintain that youthful spark that attracted your husband in the first place (likely somewhere in that 18-23 age bracket) is an important part of maintaining your RMV. Pivoting to frumpiness post kids, where you still have that extra 20lbs, things are much softer and you don’t put the same work int…
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/24 05:18 PM
–

As a woman I totally agree, though I personally prefer the take turns method over splitting every check. I paid for my husband and I’s first date, and I would say we shook about to about 50/50 (if anyone paid more overall it was me because I like go and do things more than my husband). My husband had never had a woman pay for a first date, and I know it helped me get subsequent dates. He said it was an early sign I truly wanted to be partners and not just a leech on his resources since he was ol…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 05:07 PM
3

So we should split bills 50/50, chores 50/50 and then I can spend all my extra money on whatever I want? Would that be more fair?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:53 PM
3

Wait, why is it debatable? How is a 66/33 split different than a 50/50 split?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:38 PM
7

So, in our case, because I earn more than twice my husband’s salary, he should do at least 66% of the chores, correct?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:18 PM
5

What about couples who live in significantly different homes after marriage. Think a 650 sq ft apartment versus a 4000+ sq ft home. Should my husband be expected to care for the extra 3000+ sq ft on his own, because he kept is bachelor apartment clean? Should I be expected to do it all because I lived independently before marriage? Neither of us had yard work responsibilities and now we have over an acre to care for. How should we divvy up that new responsibility?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:14 PM
9

Do women? When I lived alone, in a one bedroom apartment, there was significantly less work to do versus the 4000+ sq home my husband and I live in. He bought the home in anticipation of our marriage and having a family, it’s not like I moved in and he was caring for the whole place himself before we met.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:10 PM
13

The couple needs to decide in a split that feels equitable. You’re not going to achieve a true 50/50 split, because there life ebbs and flows. For example, if one spouse has surgery, there might be several months where the other spouse has to do it all and take care of their recovering spouse. The same goes after child birth. At least in our family, the only thing I did for the first 8w pp was take care of our newborn(s), and my husband did absolutely everything else for our family. When my husb…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 02:49 PM
4

It’s sweet that you have wife goggles on and hold your wife up as an example of a “good” woman, but that doesn’t make women with traits more similar to her sister “bad” women without hope. Working hard to stay fit and toned after 30 doesn’t mean a woman needs to be medicated to deal with her demons, just like wearing designer clothes doesn’t mean someone isn’t content.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/24 10:33 PM
2

All I can speak to is my personal experience, and from what I’ve seen a lot of men do not know how to do “administrative” type tasks. Hopefully that is a very small minority of men, and I happen to just be surrounded by that minority! My husband had never paid a bill until we started combining our finances. His mom had always done it, and he’d been living independently for almost a decade when we met. He also ate out every meal, because he’d never grocery shopped and cooked for himself. He didn’…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 10:00 PM
14

Men decide if they want to fuck you while you’re fully clothed. Once the clothes come off, they’re already all in.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/24 07:31 PM
10

If a man’s only purpose was his wife, then I can see how he would flounder after divorce. But, I’ve seen men that clearly have goals and a purpose outside of family, including work and friends, that just crumble because they literally do not know how to pay their bill, prepare food, buy clothes in the right size, etc. This is also something I see in widowers too
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 07:29 PM
27

Some men don’t know how to live without being mothered, and when the person doing the mothering is gone they never recover.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 06:32 PM
0

Non-monogamy doesn’t have to be a deal breaker for everyone.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/24 06:07 PM
7

You do nothing. You offered help, he declined, so now he needs the space to work through this independently.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/24 03:15 PM
1

I was just at some conference thing recently and a keynote speaker defined it as ending in ‘94, but even going up to ‘96 doesn’t really change how I view things.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/24 09:03 PM
2

The last year of millennials (1994) are all turning 30 this year, so at least in my friend group there are very few single millennials left. And there aren’t any young millennials anymore lol I didn’t really date in undergrad, but I felt like I met plenty of college-aged men with similar political beliefs. They became fewer as I moved through law school and grad school, but I stood out as a welcome alternative to all the raging feminists in the programs. Being hot and conservative in grad school…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/24 03:23 PM
–

Because it makes them feel bad about themselves, probably. It’s easier to hid behind the rah rah girls are perfect act, then do a postmortem with their friend on why she is the problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/24 01:21 AM
1

There’s nothing mentioned about no fault divorce in either of the “policy goals” you cited below.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/24 12:32 AM
3

In the US, women have only had the right to vote for just over a 100 years. Some states, like Wyoming, have allowed women to vote in state and local elections since they were territories. New York was the last state to allow no fault divorce and that was in 2010, so just shy of 100 years since the passage of the 19th amendment. It took New York over 40 years to pass no fault divorce after the legal concept gained traction, and they have a democrat trifecta.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 10:24 PM
0

PC Principal, woke ass men are just as bad (worse in my opinion) lol
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 10:07 PM
3

They got rid of permanent alimony, which most states don’t allow! They were part of a very small number of states that still allowed it, so this just brought them into conformity with the rest of the country.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 09:37 PM
0

How? That makes no sense. This is an issue for individual states, many of which have Republican trifectas, and none of them have taken considerable steps to roll back no fault divorce. Who our president is has no bearing on divorce laws in individual states. None.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 09:32 PM
-3

That’s at the federal level, so irrelevant to this issue. Republicans have had the trifecta in a large number of states for years (decades in many cases) and there’s been no legislation passed restricting no-fault divorce. Folks who are concerned about this do not understand how public policy and law making actually works.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 09:30 PM
-2

There have been no considerable steps taken in any state to roll back no-fault divorce. A single legislator introducing a bill is not a considerable step. There are all sorts of crazy ass bills filed in states every session by both Democrats and Republicans, and many of them are filed simply so they can tell a constituent “well, I filed a bill.” And some completely taken out of context statement from a private event 4 years is also not a considerable step towards repealing no-fault divorce. A bi…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 09:16 PM
6

That’s a single dude who has built his little corner of the internet on saying things just to get a reaction. I have yet to hear a Trump supporter, of whom I know 1000s, say something like this IRL. X is not real life.
/r/RedPillWomen07/11/24 08:20 PM
–

If you’ve been in 5+ LTRs where cheating and abuse were a problem, and they were consecutive and that encompasses your dating experience, then yes I think that says something about you. I’d apply the same exact standard to women.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 08:17 PM
–

Really? He’s gotten to the point of proposing with 5 different women, and they all said no, that doesn’t say anything about the man?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 04:11 PM
–

If you’re constantly getting dumped, whether you’re a man or a woman, I think it’s time to examine what is wrong with you personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 04:00 PM
1

The only rule is to practice safe sex, because I would like to remain STI free. So would I rather my husband purposefully give me an STI or like slap me once? For a 1:1, I’d probably rather deal with a slap to the face than an STI. No testing or meds required to get over a red cheek.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 09:54 PM
1

I don’t really care who my husband has sex with (so long as it doesn’t impact my health), so I guess cheats? Though I don’t know if it’s cheating if I’ve agreed to non-monogamy on his part.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 09:23 PM
2

I respectfully disagree. While my husband and I have both had seasons where we do significantly more than the other (due to illness, mostly), I certainly wouldn’t say I regularly do more. Only my husband has been a SAHH/D. I’ve never been completely in charge of caring for our home for an extended amount of time. Maybe I’m totally misled, but I certainly feel like I have it all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 05:15 PM
2

Either women can or can’t have it all. Which is it? If women can have it all by finding equal partners, then clearly some women can (and do) have it all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 03:24 PM
5

The only couple who has separated, it was male initiated. In the couples where the husband is the changed partner, their wives are trying to find ways to live with it and adjust.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 02:16 AM
9

You could probably tell in the dating phase if someone wasn’t going to cook or clean. I know it was abundantly clear to my husband that I had a lower bar for “tidy” than he did while we were dating, and he chose to accept that part of me. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me, but I just remind him this is my best and he’s always known it’s my best. Happy to pay for a weekly cleaner though, but it creeps him out lol 50 extra pounds of chub can completely change how a person looks. It’s not unreas…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:21 PM
6

We know several couple working through this right now. In some the changed partner is the wife, and in others it’s the husband. Right now, the only couple who has separated it was initiated by the husband who is tired of the wife never wanting to go out and do things as a family, a couple or even just solo. Is the husband physically restrained and prevented from going out with his friends or the kids? No. He regularly takes the kids out on the weekends, and still spends time with his/their frien…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:33 PM
9

Full disclosure, I’ve never read the book or seen the movie, so this is hypothetical. Being boring can be toxic, especially if someone gets more boring over time. If you married someone who had a vest for life and loved to travel and experience new things and meet people and they turned into a total homebody over time that can be exceptionally hard to deal with. I’m in my early 30’s and I see this a lot in couples my age. They met in college when they were both so young and fun, had kids during …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:09 PM
3

I think you missed the point. Even if you want to be “provided for” you should be able to provide at the same level yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:11 PM
8

I understand that, in my own marriage that is my husband. He was a SAHH and then a SAHD. But, he completely supported himself before we met, and is capable of fully supporting our family if we ever reached a point where I was no longer able to. I think that’s something all SAHPs should be capable of.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:10 PM
24

Aren’t people doing something before having kids? Every SAHP I know was supporting themselves before marriage and kids, so clearly they were able to provide for themselves and it’s not something they’re incapable of.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:17 PM
1

I married pretty early, and had had been in an LTR before that one, so I never really was in a position to explore hookup culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:25 PM
8

If you think about it, moving in together and getting married usually coincide with a couple getting busier at work as there careers progress and then if you throw kids in the mix it can be a lack of time and not a lack of desire that lead to less sex. If you and your partner aren’t on the same page about prioritizing sex, I could see how things could slow down. In our case, that means we’re having sex every day but not multiple times every day. Our longest “breaks” have all been due to late pre…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:23 PM
3

I’ve always had a high sex drive. Pre-hormonal birth control, during hormonal birth control and periods of time where I’ve been off birth control as an adult. While my sex drive hasn’t necessarily lessened, it just becomes more difficult to satisfy a high sex drive after kids. If we want to fuck before the kids wake up, that means I have to be up and working out at 4 AM, so that doesn’t happen every day. And some days between work and running the kids around either myself, my husband, or both of…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:38 PM
4

OP said her bf simply thinks Tyla is hot, so seems perfectly normal to me.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 09:44 PM
1

But why is it weird? I personally think Channing Tatum looks like a potato, so that example isn’t directly applicable lol, but if it were it isn’t like my husband thinks he’s the only human being on this earth that I’m attracted to. Just like I’m not the only human he’s attracted to. There’s nothing weird or wrong about that from my perspective.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 09:35 PM
-4

No one who is mentally healthy should find other people attractive after a certain age? That’s all a celebrity crush is.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 06:36 PM
4

Watching the Victoria Secret Fashion show together is a nothing burger. It sounds like your concern is him watching it and enjoying it, but if he wants to see the content he already has, so you’re not avoiding anything by not watching it together. I’m too short to be a model, so my husband knows he didn’t marry a super model. It’s not like he’s going to realize super models are hotties for the first time by watching a fashion show with me.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 06:11 PM
8

If your bf wants to see the Angels, he’s already looked at pictures and clips. It’s not like the only way he can access this information is through you.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 05:55 PM
7

If your bf thinks Tyla is hot, he’s already seen photos and clips of her performing in the show.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 05:50 PM
1

Correct. I’m sure even with his disabilities he could be like a Walmart greeter or something, but when he was applying for jobs he could not find one that could accommodate his disability that also paid more than child care.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 09:37 PM
1

He could get a job, but not one that earned more than the cost of child care for 3 kids, so he is choosing to stay at home.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 09:27 PM
2

Should men who are disabled, and therefore unable to work, just kill themselves? For example, we have a friend who is a disabled veteran and they stay home while their wife works. Would his family be better off if he’d just died?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 07:56 PM
7

So, you can choose #2 and still end up working if your husband is okay with it, but if you choose #1 you can’t even have friends?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 11:36 PM
3

We live in a large home in a LCOL area. We have a central vac, and keep the equipment in the utility closet we have on each floor. We do also have a stick vacuum in the kitchen for meal time messes and a shop vac out in our garage for our cars. If you can’t tell, my husband really likes vacuums. In total, we’re probably talking $1000 worth of supplies, but for a 4000+ sq home and large garage that seemed like a great investment to us. We have young children, a nanny, and a lot of grandparent hel…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 03:30 PM
4

Nope, totally universal. I must be living in the Shallow Hal universe and my whole family and all my friends are obese but I can’t see it. I bet there’s an extra 2 on my pants that I can’t see, and I’m actually a size 22. You’ve really opened my eyes!
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 02:56 PM
6

It was my husband’s idea to have a vacuum for every level, because he believed it was most efficient to never be more than a few steps away from a vacuum. If you’re on the top floor of our home, it’s going to take more than a minute to get down three flights of stairs to grab the vacuum that got left in the basement. In that time, you could already have the mess vacuumed up and the vacuum stowed back away. But, I guess the time we save by having cleaning supplies and tools readily accessible doe…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 02:54 PM
5

I see. Yes, based on your personal experience it is universal that men are fat because women cook them complicated, shitty meals. My bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 02:46 PM
7

All I’m trying to say is that I don’t think your experience is universal. It certainly do wouldn’t translate to my social circle. My husband isn’t overweight and neither am I, and I do all the shopping and cooking in our home. And, the one couple we know where the husband is overweight, he’s actually the one responsible for most of the cooking.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 02:17 PM
4

I’m sure my husband was plenty happy eating Taco Bell every night, but he wasn’t exactly able to compensate for it in the gym. After we moved in together, I think he lost like 20 lbs that first month just from not eating out anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 02:14 PM
12

Do they though? You shared your personal experience, so I will share mine. The single men I know, including my husband when I met him, eat out for almost every meal. In contrast, the single women I know eat at home for most meals. I personally find it easier to eat healthy when eating at home, but I know it isn’t impossible to eat healthy while also eating out. Most married couples I know, the wife either meal preps for the week or they’re having quick one pan meals, like egg roll in a bowl, on …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 01:33 PM
6

Sounds like you just allow a lot of inefficiencies to creep into housework. We have a vacuum for every level of our home, for example, which saves an immense amount of time regardless of who has to do the vacuuming. Also, the spin cycle is your friend. No need for blankets to come out of the wash soaking wet. Just because the set up at your home creates an environment where you can do tasks a couple seconds faster than your female partner, doesn’t mean those conditions are universal.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 01:26 PM
13

If a woman had a vaginal birth without any additional intervention, how could someone tell just by looking at her (likely clothed) that she had given birth?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 06:37 PM
6

While you don’t owe people this info, you cant really play off questions about what you do for a living. I’m a lawyer and I hate telling people what I do, because then they always want to tell me some dumb story about their cousin who is a felon, but it just comes with the territory. Unfortunately, when people hear OP is a SAHW they may think she’s dumb and lazy, but if she’s secure in her choice to stay home then answering truthfully should be easy.
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/24 06:22 PM
17

I have my own consulting business. I enjoy the flexibility and time it leaves for my hobbies. My husband provides our family health insurance through his business. He would know more about what options he had as a business owner. We live in the homes my husband builds until the market makes it too lucrative not to sell. I’m sure he’d be happy to chat more about his career as a home builder. Your focus isn’t on your career or your family’s financial management, so I wouldn’t try to fake it. You a…
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/24 04:51 PM
1

This makes me feel pretty good about myself in comparison lol
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 01:14 PM
1

OP needs to clarify what she means by helping financially. If all he’s doing is buy lunch or coffee, that’s very different than consistently paying their monthly rent.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 11:31 PM
-3

Clearly they knew each other, she attended OP’s wedding. But 20 missed calls in a row sounds cray cray to me.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 10:25 PM
1

That didn’t factor into my advice, it was my way of calling out OP as a trickle truther. I know you read her original thread because you commented on it, and it was very hard to follow because she trickle truthed and revealed in the comments she had no actual proof of cheating. Le sigh
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 08:59 PM
1

I’m not making assumptions. “He never crossed the line with inappropriate talk..” is a direct quote from OP. Those are her words. I asked OP for clarification on what she meant by “helping financially,” but she ignored that when she responded.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 08:45 PM
-8

Not on her husband’s part. Based on what OP shared, he simply ignored that individual outside of trying to get back some money she owed him. I can’t stop other women from hitting on my husband, and ignoring them seems like a very reasonable reaction.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 08:37 PM
-2

OP has said he’s never crossed “the line” in these conversations, so to me that screams over reacting. Harpies often end up with their spouses hiding innocuous behavior, because they just want to have normal interactions with other people. For example, it wouldn’t surprise me if in this context with OP’s trickle truthing if “giving money” to other women is paying for a coffee.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 08:33 PM
-7

In my opinion you’re way over reacting. Other than that your response doesn’t really make sense to me.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 07:46 PM
0

What can your husband do that is okay? Most of what you’re describing seems like just friendships with women. The alleged financial support aspect is weird, but who knows what that actually means based on the rest of your post. If your husband is a doctor, then he’s going to work with a lot of women. I can see why he’s being secretive if he gets a lecture every time he chats with a coworker about life and not just work. Personally, this does not sound like cheating to me in any sense of the word…
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/24 06:11 PM
3

That’s a lot about your husband, but what are you doing to ensure your family has a rainy day fund for things like major truck repairs or a broken appliance?
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/24 07:36 PM
1

But you’ve come taken the maxim outside of the hypothetical, so you haven’t really pointed out any flaws.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 06:25 PM
1

You can’t see the difference between two adults sucking face at a conference and someone being a serial killer?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 06:11 PM
3

Honestly what I’m most focused on, is your financial situation. If your husband needs to drive into a hurricane for the money, then things must be pretty dire. It seems like that’s the root cause of your concerns about dangerous behavior. Edited: fixing phone typos
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/24 05:02 PM
1

Honestly at this point, it might be best for OP if this goes incredibly poorly, so no one ever suggests it again.
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/24 12:29 AM
1

Based on OP’s description, I assumed MIL doesn’t have a home (or if she does it is not one that’s safe to visit).
/r/RedPillWomen26/09/24 12:47 PM
3

If you don’t hold any grudges and are filled with such an overwhelming sense of compassion, I would think it would be pretty easy to briefly host her and treat her like any other guest in your home. Had I been in your shoes during the “consultation phase” I wouldn’t have given and advice and instead encouraged him to do what he felt called to do and reassured him that he just needs to make the right decision for himself. Just because someone has had bad things happen to them, that doesn’t mean t…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/24 09:06 PM
10

Why did you push him to reinitiate contact with her? You pushed bringing her back into your lives and now you don’t know what to do and how to act? Yikes. You wanted to play peace maker, so my advice is that you have to be generously forgiving and be that peace maker.
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/24 06:51 PM
2

Haha nope married
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 10:49 PM
2

Sure. If they’re both discreet, then I don’t see a downside. In fact in this scenario it seems like there are only upsides.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 10:43 PM
4

I don’t care if he fucked her 5 years ago, if it had no noticeable impact on our marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 10:30 PM
6

I think there’s a big difference between finding out my husband has some secret second family and finding out he sucked face with some rando 5+ years ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 10:16 PM
15

No. If my husband is able to cheat in a manner that the only way I’d ever know was through a test, then why do I even care. Asking him to take the test would abolish all trust if he wasn’t cheating, and even if he had do I really care if he made out with Becky at a conference 5 years ago? Like what impact does that currently have on our marriage? In my opinion none.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 08:25 PM
2

Well there was only a summary of a single study when o commented, so that’s all I was commenting on. In that study, it says the tests were done as a part of a child support proceeding. In my experience, those are only done when a father is not listed on the birth certificate, which formed the basis for my comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 08:22 PM
1

Have you taken a paternity test to ensure who you believe your parents are, are in fact your parents? I know your post talks about doing them at birth, but isn’t it only fair that your own father definitively knows if you’re genetically his or not even if you are an adult?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 08:07 PM
3

I think you also have to consider the population being studied. Based on what I was able to read, these tests were performed as a part of paternal identification, which means a father wasn’t listed on the child’s birth certificate. In most (maybe all, but I’m not completely confident enough to say all) US states if a mother is married her husband (or ex-husband if they were recently divorced) is automatically placed on the birth certification. So, the population in the study you cited is unwed m…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 07:57 PM
–

No body really knows I make more than my husband. They can assume I do based on my 60+ hour average work week compared to his 30ish hour work week, and our actual job titles, but it’s not like we wear our salaries on our foreheads. From a budget perspective, we just have one big pot of money, so our lifestyle is based on having two incomes. He’s got no shortage of male friends, and no one seems to make fun of his for being the primary parent. In fact, I think alot of his friends are jealous of o…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 10:26 PM
–

I make more than twice what my husband does annually, and it is a non-issue. He could make as much as I do (or more), but right now we’re in a season of life where it makes sense for him to have a more flexible work life balance. If literally all he brought to the table was his salary, he wouldn’t be a particularly “attractive” partner. I don’t need more money, so his salary doesn’t really add anything. What’s important to me is help. If I cook, he cleans. He is the primary parent for our kiddos…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 02:10 PM
6

Yeah I think it was missed that I was trying to discuss to make this post and concept better, and not trying to debate to refute the whole idea. Oh well lol If women come here and read this post, I just wanted the comments to provide some context to folks on how this concept should be applied. It’s great to make already awesome marriages even better, but this sub doesn’t only draw people in already awesome marriages.
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/24 09:13 PM
2

In my own marriage, the concept of a GFE is useless. That’s just our sex life. My husband would not be interested in stopping at a hj or bj anyways, when piv sex is an option. Trust me I’ve offered and it’s just not his thing. If the point of the GFE is to recreate the sexual energy from the first few weeks/months of dating, that’s going to look different in my marriage than what is described in the post. My husband’s always been a “you orgasm before I do or I don’t even enjoy it” kinda guy. The…
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/24 08:21 PM
5

This response actually addresses the reason I commented. I commented on a reply about why there might be pushback, and offered an explanation as to why some women may not be in a place of freely offering a GFE. I agree that women need to own their sexuality and ensure they’re getting what they need out of sex. BUT, many women that I talk with do not have partners who are open to feedback on their performance or ideas on how sex can be more fulfilling for the woman. These typically happen to be w…
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/24 08:11 PM
6

I think we’re talking past each other. I personally have an insatiable sex drive, so my husband and I are in the opposite position of most couples. I’m not talking about myself here, I’m putting myself in the shoes of many married women where every sex act is focused on male pleasure and her own pleasure is an after thought. If you are rarely, if ever, orgasming with your partner, why would you be incentivized to engage in the GFE? That’s the unfortunate reality for many women, and why I brought…
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/24 04:00 PM
5

My point of putting “porn star” in quotes was that I didn’t literally mean porn star… But, to that point porn star are at least portraying that they too are enjoying the act and orgasming, so a porn star performance should in theory guarantee at least one orgasm for the woman. Also, some women are still raise to view sex as something that is done to you and not something you’re an active participant in. That’s not something that can easily be switched off. I personally would not be into giving h…
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/24 03:47 PM
3

I think the “pleasure gap” probably plays into how people react to this post. If you have a SO who doesn’t put your pleasure first (yes first, we’re talking about PIV sex here so, ladies first), then you’re less inclined to be open to experiences where you’re focusing on his pleasure. I know women who have never orgasmed during a sexual encounter (in my own circle there seems to be a strong correlation between a pleasure gap and not having had sex before marriage, but I’m not saying that’s unive…
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/24 03:29 PM
0

In my case, I can get a pretty good vibe for where I rank based on who I receive attention from and what kind of attention it is. I’m married, so not putting out any feelers now, but when I was single it was pretty easy to decipher who was giving to attention just to bang and who would be willing to explore a relationship. You’re looking for common themes among men willing to explore a relationship and that’s your league. I personally think I’m able to shoot way above what my male equivalent wou…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/24 07:54 PM
7

You have to do an honest assessment of yourself and where you stand in the dating market hierarchy. Men who are willing to commit to a relationship (marriage, if that’s important to you) are the men that are “in your league.” And that’s not as simple as saying, “Well I’m a 5, so I need to find a man who is also a 5.”
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/24 05:29 PM
8

The unmedicated monthly cycle, including ovulation, can lead the changes in mood throughout. I think instead of fertile, you could read it with the word hormonal.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/24 08:35 PM
3

Great article! Thank you for sharing. It does often feel like parenting (really mothering I guess) is this big competition to see who can sacrifice the most for their kids, and it’s just unhealthy.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/24 12:16 PM
3

Isn’t part of raising successful children modeling a strong marriage for them?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/24 02:52 AM
2

There were a lot of my friends parents and my parents friends that got divorced within two years of being empty nesters, and this was likely the root issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/24 02:48 AM
1

Is the only way not to be self-centered to have children?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/24 02:45 AM
1

For the first 6w pp my only responsibilities were to sleep and pump. My husband did everything else and I only helped as I was able. Especially when 2 + 3 came along, my husband was working around the clock to care for 4 people (not including himself).
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/24 12:39 AM
2

Is someone with a broken arm sicker than someone with depression and anxiety?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/24 11:52 PM
-3

My husband was MORE exhausted 4w pp than I was. He deserved the same 4w I got to recover from birth to recover from not sleeping for a month. Just because they aren’t physically healing, doesn’t mean they aren’t healing mentally and emotionally.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/24 10:45 PM
2

It doesn’t make sense to me either, but I’ve been asked “Why do you allow him to act like that?” as if he were a child I could discipline into acting more appropriately. My husband’s own person, and he’s never going to productively manage his anger if he doesn’t want to do it for himself. My general philosophy is to just ignore him when he’s enraged.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 04:38 PM
9

If my country has reached the point where they’re putting women of my build and stature on the front lines in trench warfare, there’s no chance any of us survive 5 years of that. That’s such an unrealistic ask, that it’s hard to imagine. If we distill it down to the 10% chance of dying, then sure. I would absolutely die for my country.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 03:54 PM
20

First, I think it’s only fair to acknowledge you’re not doing a great job of separating this post from the question about having kids. Would I join the military and serve in whatever capacity I was assigned? Absolutely. Out of curiosity, how long would I be expected to serve and is it a full time role or would I also have to have separate full time employment to provide for my family? Is it serving in whatever capacity you’re able until you die either in war, from disease or natural causes? Can …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 03:36 PM
2

To me, dropping a wrench on the floor and cursing doesn’t rise to the level of “abuse.” I was also trying to make the point that someone who struggles with anger and rage isn’t going to just throw a wrench on the floor when they get frustrated, it will escalate rather quickly to involve violence of some sort (thankfully in my case not directed towards me specifically). Even for myself, I think it makes more sense to drop the wrench and curse than to cry in that moment. I know I would curse over …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 03:02 PM
-1

I’m sorry that’s been your experience. From what you’re describing it sounds like you might have a rather flat personality and maybe struggle to express preferences or opinions, but there’s no way for me to know that from Reddit comments! Maybe folks interpret your emotional regulation as you lacking the passion folks expect to see in a leader. I’m a very happy, positive person and that energy is my default. It definitely makes folks stop in their tracks when they see me start to get frustrated …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 02:56 PM
0

That’s cool that works for you. There’s nothing wrong with folks that want to take a different approach. Some folks use Botox, laser treatments and prescription skin care to help maintain a youthful complexion. Other people wash their faces with Irish Spring soap and use hand lotion as moisturizer. Neither person is “bad” or “wrong” they’re just doing what works for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 02:49 PM
-1

Meh you do you and other folks with $$ will do them. Not everyone has side effects from peptides, and there are benefits outside of the metabolic ones the peptides are known for. Improvement in cycles, hair and skin, sleep and mood have all been noted positive effects from folks I know that are on it and we’re already at a “healthy” weight. In 10 years, peptides are going to be like multivitamins, so no judgment from me for folks getting on the train early.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 02:19 PM
0

Because heroin chic is in, and the thinner the better right now. It’s basically 1994 again.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 02:13 PM
-3

My husband struggles with stopping at expressing anger in a healthy way, and instead often flies into a complete, blind rage. To me, that is a huge weakness, because he lacks the self control he needs to function normally in society. Honestly, it’s also embarrassing for me because people assume I “allow” him to act that way and it’s negatively impacted my professional reputation many times. The fact that you possess the self control necessary to not do that has been viewed as weakness by romanti…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 01:44 PM
0

A more accurate comparison would punching a hole in the garage wall and threatening to push the car off a cliff versus crying. And yea in that situation I’ll take crying out of frustration over a temper tantrum.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 12:47 AM
21

I’ve seen my husband cry and “show weakness” countless times, and it’s never given me the ick. Seeing him handle problems with rage, anger and impulsivity does give me the ick, but he’s actively working on that so not sure why I would leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 12:23 AM
15

In my personal experience, people do this all the time. What is vulnerable? When a man exhibits extreme rage and anger, is that vulnerable? Like how much do we have to be hurt ourselves before it’s okay to react negatively?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 07:32 PM
1

That’s not easy to do when you have BDD. Often as a woman, you have to look emaciated to not get messages about how you’d look better if you were thinner. But, by the time you do look emaciated you’ve heard the “thinner = better” messaging so many times that it can’t be counter acted. BDD doesn’t just present in people with EDs, it’s a spectrum disorder like so many other mental health issues. When I was pp, the societal messaging was that it was okay to have gained weight, but that I needed to …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 04:35 PM
10

Body image doesn’t always reflect body size. I felt fatter and more disgusted with myself at my lowest weight than I did at my highest right after giving birth when I was obese due to PE.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 09:02 PM
1

Dude, you’re making things way harder for yourself than you need to. Grocery shopping takes up like an hour a week, and you can even find totally free weekly meal plans that include shopping lists. If you’re really crunched for time you can place a pick up or delivery order from your phone and grocery shopping now only took 15 minutes this week. Most meals in our house take less than 15 minutes to prepare. We serve a protein and vegetable and some type of extra carb for the kids. Most meals use …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 04:18 PM
3

My husband was the SAHP and is still the primary parent now that they’re older and he’s back at work. If I’m a SAHP I’m not doing my job and 90% of the home work myself, I’m just doing the home work. As a SAHD my husband did all of the laundry, dishes, General cleaning, home maintenance and yard work and still had free time for hobbies. What he didn’t do is make things more complicating by making our own purées or having planned activities for all kids to do or not using the dishwasher for bottl…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 04:08 PM
8

If my husband doesn’t do the laundry or a kid falls and needs stitches, he isn’t automatically out on the street with nothing. I may be annoyed, but he does it the next day and there’s really no impact on our family as a whole. If I don’t do my job exactly how my supervisors want, then our whole family is fucked. We lose all of our income and our health insurance. Finding a job after you’ve been fired is a completely different ball game from looking while you have one. That’s why laundry and sta…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:54 PM
2

I realize every kid is different; We had 3 under 2, and they all had their own quirks. BUT, my husband and I were really strict about the schedule and after a while each baby conformed and got with the program. If you have a colicky baby that cries 24/7 and never sleeps, that’s a different situation, but it isn’t the norm. Just like having a medically complex child isn’t the norm. Also, being a parent generally gets significantly easier by age 3. The kids have their own chores and help around th…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:49 PM
1

Who said I don’t like my job? I love it, and continue to work even though we could severely down scale our life and like live in a camper or whatever and not work.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:38 PM
2

SAHPs often make more work for themselves unnecessary. Sleep train your kids and get them on a tight routine so they thrive and things really aren’t that hard. Also, even with a cs I was back to full strength at 4 weeks. Like I realize some women may even need 8-12 weeks, but after that pulling the recovery card is an eye roll.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:24 PM
9

You put finding and keeping a well paying job on the same level as doing dishes and laundry. That’s an absurd comparison.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:21 PM
0

Cool story bro. I never get to mentally leave work.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:17 PM
7

Perceived positives, that don’t actually apply in a lot of situations since I would guess most breadwinners are salaried not hourly workers. My husband (the former SAHP, and possibly future too) has the same level of education I do, so I don’t know how applicable #1 even is. You also missed the never ending weight and stress being solely responsible for your family’s financial future in your new list.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 02:17 PM
5

Uh a lot of people…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 02:10 PM
6

SAHM, yes. When my husband was a SAHD the amount of work he got done around the house on a daily basis was astounding. I literally only had to work, grocery shop and cook and the last two were 100% my choice. What I saw from other houses with a SAHM and mine with a SAHD was like night and day.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 02:00 PM
18

As a woman who has been the sole provider for a SAHP, none of the four items you listed applied Eating a protein bar at my desk is not a lunch break Sure I get compensated, but that money is for my family. If my husband had wanted to work he could have at any time (and does now) I work a job where I have to be available 24/7, which is the price for being well compensated. There is no start and stop time. When I used my vacation time, it was because husband was too sick to watch the kids and need…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 01:49 PM
3

If you can’t see the difference between some CeraVe and Chapstick and a full beat, then that’s on you. One is the basic treatment and upkeep your skin deserves, but is incapable of temporarily changing the structural appearance of one’s face. The other can make facial features, such as nose, cheek bones, lips, etc., look significantly different.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 03:33 PM
7

So washing my face with Irish Spring bar soap is okay, but actual face wash is deceiving because it’s meant to be face wash?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 02:58 PM
11

How is taking care of your skin by washing and moisturizing “just for appearance”? Your skin is your body’s largest organ, so why is taking care of it just for appearance? Because you can see it unlike your liver?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 01:58 PM
6

Did you both wait to have sex for the first time after marriage in accordance with your faith? Do you know if he views pornography?
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/24 09:56 PM
25

What would you do if it turns out you can’t have children? When you answer that question, then you can think about what you do while you wait to have children.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/24 09:30 PM
6

Should the lower earner always be the primary parent and take on the majority of household work regardless of gender?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/24 03:57 PM
3

You have to talk about it, because it impacts how you approach the problem. If you’re in a husband led marriage, then you need to take your problem to him and follow his solution.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/24 07:31 PM
6

I think you missed the most important part of the question…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/24 05:46 PM
0

I guess that didn’t answer my question. Did you save up the “fun” money you’re allocated each month in the budget, or are you pulling from joint funds that could be used for other purchases or savings goals? I would just be open with him and tell him you want him to get this item for Father’s Day. If he says no, ask him how he’d like to allocate the $2000. If it is 100% truly your money, buy the gift and give it freely. By that I mean you can’t expect him to react a certain way or reciprocate wi…
/r/RedPillWives22/05/24 02:34 PM
-1

Is it coming from 100% truly your separate money?
/r/RedPillWives22/05/24 01:46 PM
1

How many LDS couples do you like really, really know? The LDS is notorious for putting on a shiny, happy front even when things are actually a total nightmare. I wouldn’t trust the depiction of an LDS mom on social media one bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 09:22 PM
1

My husband was a SAHH/D, and I have no doubt he would have absolutely destroyed any SAHW/M if you compared the two in productivity. The way our house and yard looked when he stayed at home was leagues above our neighbors with SAHMs, and he had plenty of free time to play golf and video games during the day. We have a friend who is a SAHM and their house is just tragic. It is an absolute mess and their kids are old enough to have their own daily chores they’re responsible for. The husband still h…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 09:19 PM
2

Same
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 05:40 PM
3

I’m not a bleeding heart, so I wouldn’t prioritize “social impact” over what brings in money for the couple. Your career giving you the fee fees doesn’t support a family. I also imagine the dating scene is much different in your late 30s than your early 20s. A lot of my graduate school class mates paired up while still in school, so it may not have been completely clear who was going to end up being the most successful. Women in their late 30s and 40s are also naturally going to have to compromi…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 05:34 PM
6

It’s so much easier to be present and committed at work when someone is at home. When my husband was a SAHH, my sole focus was my work and it was amazing. Now that he’s decided to return to work, we had to figure out how we were going to maintain our lifestyle with two working parents. Thankfully, he makes enough that there’s still an upside after outsourcing some of our regular tasks. I can absolutely see how someone that works full time and is the primary parent would burnout at work and quit …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 01:00 AM
5

I’m not saying that no one lived that life. Just that it wasn’t nearly as widespread as people like to believe
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 10:08 PM
7

lol that’s not comparable to daily life as a medieval peasant
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 09:27 PM
25

I don’t know if it’s competition for the jobs per se, but the fact that women working in those jobs still want to marry men who are more successful than themselves. If more men are more successful than women, they think it will increase the dating market and force women to accept what they can get. The market for spouses as replacement moms they can have sex with is smaller than it used to be, which is inconvenient for men that want to be “taken care of.”
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 09:24 PM
9

I don’t think anyone is idealizing medieval peasants…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 09:19 PM
71

In general, people vision of what a “traditional” family is is not actually traditional. Women have always worked. In agrarian societies, they were often responsible for growing the food that fed their families while men focused on producing crops that could be sold. As societies advanced and industrialized, women took jobs in factories and as domestic help. The picture perfect family with a stay at home mom, two kids, a paid off car and a 3 bedroom home wasn’t a reality for many families even i…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 09:03 PM
8

If you intend to be a SAHW from the onset of marriage, then a prenup is a great idea. It lays out the foundation for the planning that’s necessary to secure a viable financial future for both spouses. At a minimum, it should include requirements for life insurance with the wife as the sole beneficiary and retirement savings. Ideally you’d set up a spousal Roth IRA, but that can be back doored if the working spouse makes enough to be over the income limits. When my husband stayed at home, he neve…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/24 05:25 PM
1

If you’re not having discussion about what your shared values mean in practice and not just in theory, then you probably slide into an unhappy marriage and eventually divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/24 03:31 PM
0

Can you elaborate? From personal experience, the theory of having and raising a child and the actual practice are two totally different ball games. For example, you can aspire to exclusively breastfeed until at least 2, but that doesn’t mean that’s how things are actually going to work out when baby arrives. Dad can say he will do 50% of the middle of the night feedings, but what that’s actually like night after night with a colicky baby can be a different story.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/24 03:04 PM
1

A lot of couple’s previously shared and aligned values start to change when the kid actually arrives. You can talk about how you want to raise a child all you want beforehand, but it’s a completely different exercise once they actually arrive.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/24 02:56 PM
0

If you’re that type of couple, you usually get divorced and the husband re-marries a younger woman who isn’t boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/24 02:53 PM
2

If you’re 4’8” and weigh 134 lbs you are considered obese.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 05:28 PM
3

In the picture you have posted, that bracelet looks like it is holding on for dear life, so I doubt that helps.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 04:45 PM
6

This honestly just sounds like you’re not very good at dressing in a way that suits your body type.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 04:26 PM
2

I’m just shy of 160cm or 5’3”
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 02:53 PM
2

As a woman of petite stature, I’ve come to accept that being as lean as possible is the best option fitness wise. I got into lifting in pursuit of crafting the insta baddie slim thicc look and I just ended up looking disproportionate. Like there’s just not enough height to spread out muscle or fat when you’re that short. I still incorporate weight lifting in my workout regimen, but and really focused now on leaning out and getting closer to the bottom of the body fat and bmi ranges for my height…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 02:23 PM
1

I’ve learned that the phrase “sleep training” itself has to come with a disclaimer lol We moved the kiddos into their own room and started using white noise at 6 months and that helped a lot too. We had our first two kids literally back to back, so I needed nighttime help from my husband because sometimes we had two awake at once. But, while it was just the one, I took up residence in another room to make sure my husband was getting his 8 hours of completely uninterrupted sleep. Being woken up d…
/r/RedPillWives17/05/24 02:09 PM
1

Sorry, but I didn’t recommend having your kiddo cry it out. There are other methods of sleep training. We mostly had to train ourselves not to immediately respond to every cry or gurgle, because oftentimes they weren’t actually even awake and just fussing between sleep cycles. It got much easier with each additional baby, but it was still an adjustment the first time.
/r/RedPillWives17/05/24 05:50 AM
1

I know it’s controversial, but sleep training is life giving. We sleep trained our kids beginning around 6 months and it was worth the 4-5 rough days at the beginning. Our friends who didn’t sleep train still have their toddlers sleeping with them and throwing epic tantrums at bedtime. Our kiddos put themselves to bed without a fuss and sleep the entire night through. I honestly don’t think they’ve ever been in our bedroom. I would just take a week and commit to it, and then enjoy all that extra…
/r/RedPillWives16/05/24 08:51 PM
2

OYS Number: One OYS Comment Preference: 3 Demographics: 30sF, married w/ kids Gratitude list: Spring is turning to summer and the weather has greatly improved this week, which means more outside time for the kids A bulk store recently opened near us, and I went last week and got signed up for a membership. Meal planning (especially lunches) were so much easier this week. On Mother’s Day, my DH let me take the kids for a really long walk while he cleaned up after breakfast and then cleaned the wh…
/r/RedPillWives16/05/24 08:46 PM
14

Can you elaborate? Does he not make enough, work too little and/or not have the type of job you’d like? Do you want him to take initiative on himself or on the relationship? You’ll also need to explain caring about his appearance, because I don’t see that has a feminine trait. I know plenty of masculine men that care significantly about their appearance and health.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/24 10:42 PM
1

Folks with outrageous standards of cleanliness that are outside of the range of “normal” are just control freaks. My husband is a control freak, but in innocuous ways. That’s why he’s been a SAHD and I’ve always worked. I would argue that not being able to organize my bathroom how I want (we do not share bathrooms and he rarely goes into mine) is a bigger psychic tax than him having to deal with items being stored on a counter he doesn’t use or see. The same goes for the kitchen, because I’m the…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/24 07:30 PM
1

It bothers me that I can’t have a toaster on the counter or keep my face wash next to the sink. Why does his definition of clean trump mine, just because he’s more particular? My standard of clean isn’t even a low one (everyone else I know leaves items in their counters), and I find his standard to be unreasonable. I help keep the house clean, but if he needs completely clear counters, then he’s welcome to go the extra mile.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/24 07:11 PM
2

I think folks just have different definitions of what is considered “clean,” and the “cleaner” spouse just cannot comprehend why their level of clean isn’t the other person’s default. In my marriage, I’m the disorganized spouse and on the receiving end of nagging from my husband. My definition of clean is just not as prescriptive as his, and I’ve struggled to get him to understand I’m not going to go out of my way to always rise to his standard of care. For some things sure, but for example, he’…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/24 06:36 PM
4

I think you’re underestimating the amount of time it takes to care for a property. My husband was a SAHH/D for about 5 years, and time for his hobbies were still limited. He spent 6-8 hours a day doing household chores and running errands, and then once we had kids (3 in 2 years) he (we) were busy around the clock. He worked a full time job plus staying at home.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/24 04:08 PM
3

You’re the one who said working out at home isn’t working out.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/24 12:51 AM
4

I’m just sharing my lived experiences, and those of other women I know. I don’t doubt that the culture at your gym may be different than the ones around where I live. That’s awesome that no one ever approaches women at your gym, but that doesn’t mean women haven’t had a bad experience else where. Different people have different exercise routines. I know lots of folks that converted their garage into a home gym in 2020/21, but I know in some circles running, cycling, HIIT, body weight, etc aren’t…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 09:52 PM
7

A lot of the class based gyms end up being women only even if they are coed. I’ve never seen man at a barre, hot yoga, spin or Pilates class I’ve done. I understand there are some that don’t believe that’s real fitness though. I do my WOD at 4:30 AM each morning and it’s only ever women. The gym is coed, but I pick the early class in large part because it is entirely women. There are also some class gyms around that do one or two women only classes each day, and they’re always sold out. I think …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 09:25 PM
14

As a woman, working out in a gym with that ratio of men to women sounds awful. Just in general going to a coed gym can be terrible, because some men think you’re just there because you’re dtf. I know many women who have been run off by gym bros and now go to women only gyms, workout at home or will only go when their partner can join them.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 09:03 PM
1

In my experience, tall men want tall sons and they tend to gravitate towards tall(er) women. At my height, I never really cared how tall a man was, because they were all taller than I was. Being 6ft was not one of my “demands.”
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 06:04 PM
0

That’s not my lived experience and that was not my intent.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 01:17 AM
1

I was just stating a fact as to why I may not experience all of this seemingly mythical attention from men. I can’t be a supermodel, because I can’t grow at least 8 inches 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 12:47 AM
5

I think my appearance has improved with the widespread availability of petite clothing options. I basically never shop in store anymore, and order all my clothes online to get the petite version. It’s helps so much with looking more proportional. I also cannot pull off the slim thicc gym body aesthetic, and have been recomping to a much leaner look which has helped too. Working hard to stay thin is even more important when 5lbs makes a huge difference on a petite frame. Being petite is nice thou…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 09:09 PM
12

Not all women are actively seeking online validation. I’ve also never experienced this overwhelming sense of attention folks think attractive women receive. I am petite though, so I know that makes my looks more niche than someone who isn’t. I’m aware my husband isn’t the only person that would have been willing to marry me, but I didn’t see any reason to keep “shopping around” once we met. Committing to him was easy and has only gotten more effortless with time.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 06:49 PM
3

Correct, but I am married to one who does at least 50% of the home responsibilities and has a wife with more free time for sex because of it 🤷🏻‍♀️ The correlation wasn’t obvious to my husband initially, but now he folds laundry three times a day on the weekends and helps out during the week to make sure I make it to bed before I’m tired.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/24 04:38 PM
5

If I wake up at 4:30AM, get myself and the kids ready, do dropffs, work from 8-5, come home make dinner, do the bedroom routine, clean up the kitchen, throw in a load of laundry and pick up the entire house, it’s tome for my 9:30 bedtime. Where does that leave time for sex during the week? And mind you the weekends are jam packed with activities, errands and chores to ensure there isn’t too much to do during the week. With 3 under 4, we have a load of laundry to do every day and bedding for ever…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/24 03:21 PM
12

Your husband doesn’t want to be married to you anymore, but why would he go through the hassle of filing if the other woman doesn’t care if he’s married and you’re still willing to have sex with him? As I acknowledged in another comment, you are past the point of offering options other than divorce.
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/24 12:38 AM
4

It’s been almost 10 years since I’ve been on a date, but these were not men I would’ve guessed were lacking in options. I think it was mainly because their sole interest was sex (which is why I wasn’t interested in another date), so what did they have to lose by sending constant booty calls?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/24 12:33 AM
12

Had a similar experience when I was dating. Some even continue to try and text you and shoot their shot over and over and over until you do just have to block them. Unfortunately, there are situations where you have to be rude to get the message across because even being honest doesn’t always work.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/24 09:29 PM
5

OP is way past the point of having a good faith open marriage conversation with her husband. I’m not opposed to an open marriage, but I’m more on the ONS end of the spectrum than being polyamorous. I’ve been very open with my husband and I completely trust that he would talk with me before having sex with another woman. He is quite the flirt though, even when I’m around, which is always funny to watch how people react. I know it’s just his friendly nature and that there isn’t a physical componen…
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/24 07:11 PM
6

I think it also depends on what your spouse actually did. If I “caught” my husband flirting with other women, I wouldn’t consider that infidelity. If he had a one night stand at a work conference, while I suppose that is infidelity it’s not worth divorce over (for me). Instead, I’d initiate a conversation about formally transitioning to an open marriage and just being honest with each other if we need some excitement and variety. If I found out my husband had a second, secret family, I’m doing e…
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/24 06:52 PM
2

Would I marry someone I wasn’t attracted to and/or couldn’t get along with just for the sake of getting married? No. What benefit would I (or the man for that matter) even gain for a marriage in that situation? But, it seems like the real question is are you willing to compromise on some aspects in favor of someone who values marriage. In that case my answer would be yes. While my husband is my ideal physically, we aren’t perfectly aligned personality wise. I’m very extroverted and my husband ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/24 03:50 PM
3

If the glasses show you the pool of men willing to commit to you, why wouldn’t you just work on yourself until that pool includes men you’re organically attracted to? Also, I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone whose standards were so low they’d never consider divorce for any reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/24 11:54 PM
3

Uh not my boomer mom
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/24 12:15 AM
4

Initially, you said the man’s schedule is the highest priority if he makes more. No other qualifiers, just that he makes more. When presented with a situation where the wife earns significantly more, now we have to look at earnings, hours worked, how physically demanding the job is and how valuable the job is to society. Where was all of that the first go around? Why to women have to meet additional thresholds and not just earning more?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/24 10:20 PM
1

My husband and I don’t have this issue, but it’s telling that your philosophy doesn’t apply in a marriage where the wife makes considerably more.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/24 09:13 PM
2

So is it who makes more or who has the more flexible job? If you have young children, there’s no flexibility on the need to parent.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/24 09:10 PM
10

We’re the opposite in my marriage. My husband has much higher standards. Is the best practice for me to do my chores to my standard and he’s welcome to redo them or just not do them at all and let him handle them?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/24 09:02 PM
3

If I’m making $100/hr and my husband makes $33/hr, how much housework and childcare does he have to do for things to equal out? Is my schedule the priority 100% of the time if I earn more, or only if I’m using my time to work?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/24 08:31 PM
4

What time do you wake up? About 6 months, I started waking up at 4AM to workout and it’s been great for me. Now, I am someone that does fine with 6-7 hours of sleep and we were very, very strict about sleep training so middle of the night wake-ups are rare. What are you doing while your kids are at co-op and activities? To me that’s prime time for homemaking activities.
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/24 01:12 AM
31

Sleeping 14 hours straight is a sign of depression. I can imagine it would be depressing to come home every day to your girlfriend, whom you fully support and provide for, and she just sees you as an incompetent loser instead of building you up. Part of the job of a good wife is to build up her husband’s confidence so he feels appreciated and capable.
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/24 05:42 PM
45

You do not have a husband. You have a boyfriend who is also your baby’s daddy. Not all people think the same way, and some folks just aren’t good at following technical directions. My husband is that way. He’s very analytical and logical, but can’t put together furniture to save his life. We put together all of the furniture for our home office when we got sent home for Covid, and I took the lead. He helped with the heavy lifting, but I was the one figuring out the pictures and directions. When …
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/24 05:22 PM
3

lol now you want people to have life experience to comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/02/24 04:25 PM
2

No one is saying OP cannot comment, just asking for more information on her personal experience that age gap relationships are so difficult. There’s an age gap between my husband and I, but it is rarely noticeable, and I wouldn’t say it’s hard work at all. Why is OP’s experience so different from mine?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/02/24 04:22 PM
6

The OP says we should trust them that age gap relationships are not easy. I think it’s fair to ask them to clarify why we should trust them and what their experience truly is.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/02/24 04:15 PM
4

What’s late bloomer to you? I wouldn’t consider someone in their late twenties dating someone in their earlier 20s an age gap relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/02/24 04:07 PM
1

When I have a plumbing issue, I consult with a professional plumber. Most recently our plumbing contractor sent out a female plumber to repair a part on our irrigation system, and that wasn’t the first time we’ve had a female plumber or trainee. I don’t see how your comment is relevant to my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 06:48 PM
6

I acknowledge that point in several comments elsewhere in this thread.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 04:30 PM
12

Why is literal 50/50 the goal instead the general sense of equality woman are looking for when they say 50/50?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 03:56 PM
7

50/50 requires keeping score, which leads to resentment not contentment. Working together to achieve an equitable split of responsibilities is what allows a couple to work together towards a common goal of shared happiness.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 03:28 PM
5

I think you’re looking at this one dimensionally. You can see the same resentment cycle play out in couples with a SAHW. A SAHW has to add value equal to or greater than her husband’s financial contribution, and not all women are up to the task. Once a man with a SAHW has to start helping around the home on a regular basis, resentment will start to build. Add onto that a woman’s lack of commitment to getting back down to a healthy BMI and staying fit after childbirth, and you have a great recipe…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 02:07 PM
5

I can only opine on my own marriage, but I don’t see any benefit to leaving my husband in hopes of finding someone who makes more than I do. I likely wouldn’t stand to gain anything financially, because I’d be paying both child support and alimony to my current husband. Plus, someone making 1 million + in their late 30s, early 40s is probably divorced themselves and in a similar situation. Money is nice in a partner, but I care way more about time and my husband has an abundance of time for our …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 12:54 PM
3

Financial independence removes the largest barrier many women face when considering a divorce. In our case, it eliminates one of the top reasons marriages fail. We don’t have disagreements over finances, which means we spend more time enjoying each other. Thanks for your concern though.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 12:00 PM
15

To be fair, we’ve been very unequal even since we started dating. My internships were all paid, while my husband’s were all volunteer. And, in the last 10 years there have been long stretches where my husband wasn’t working at all and was a stay at home spouse/father. Most couples we know all met in undergrad or grad school, so that’s our little slice of the universe.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/24 11:38 PM
32

I [earn] more than twice what my husband does and it doesn’t impact my attraction to him whatsoever. We met in grad school, before either of us had a full time job, and it just happens this is how things shook out. We’re friends with a number of couples in the same situation, so it’s not entirely uncommon.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/24 11:08 PM
11

I think you need to sort out what your standards are for a partner before setting boundaries. It’s useless to set a boundary about smoking or vaping THC if you’re I’m a relationship with a heavily, daily user of THC. That boundary is unenforceable, because to enforce it you’re dependent on another person radically changing their behavior. Instead, you need to set a standard that you don’t date men who use THC and then strictly uphold that standard while vetting potential partners. A boundary I h…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/24 06:47 PM
2

What is the hobby? Is it something you can do together? My husband plays in several adult leagues, and while I can’t compete at his level I can attend his games with the kids and cheer him on. My husband loves golfing. I honestly hate it, but I’m happy to ride along in the cart, drink and talk with him for a whole round. I will also on rare occasion take a swing or two myself. I didn’t play video games when we first met, but I’ve found ones I really love and now we play them together.
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/24 04:54 PM
2

In the US, PCPs are the largest prescriber of antidepressant and anti anxiety medication, so that’s non-sensical. Additionally an ED doctor isn’t going to prescribe antidepressants, because they won’t have an ongoing doctor patient relationship with you. Either your PCP is absolutely terrible, in which case I would recommend finding a new one, or there’s been a miscommunication.
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/24 01:52 PM
3

Your OB or PCP should be able to start you on medication. While ultimately seeing a psychiatrist may be helpful, there’s no reason to delay treatment further while you wait to get an appointment.
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/24 12:53 PM
6

I think there’s a difference between men’s visual preferences in the context of what their ideal woman would look like and actual physical characteristics that would be a deal breaker. I wouldn’t have passed the “pencil test” at 16, and it certainly never hindered my dating life. There are so many physical characteristics that actually are within our control that have a bigger impact on whether or not you’re perceived as attractive that I wouldn’t waste time on preventing natural sagging of the …
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/24 12:39 AM
27

There’s nothing you can do, particularly if you have children and breastfeed. Generally speaking this is not something men care about, and if your husband does then I’m sure he will be happy to pay for a lift.
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/24 12:23 PM
16

Can he be right that she has to wear skirts or dresses? While I’ve certainly met many men who have a preference for skirts and dresses, I’ve never encountered a man willing to end a relationship over a woman’s request to wear leggings to bed on occasion.
/r/RedPillWomen12/02/24 04:29 PM
2

Because he had enough time away from you to decompress and process everything you were dumping on him. He probably feels like his phone is his only escape now that he doesn’t have his own separate space and you rarely, if ever, seem to go out to spend time with friends.
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/24 08:26 PM
6

I would guess your husband wasn’t able to appreciate the severity of your anxiety and depression before you got married and moved in together. Because he had a separate space to return to and decompress, your mental health may not have weighed on him as heavily. Now, it sounds like it’s a little difficult to get space from you and your mental health issues. He’s losing attraction because you’re making him your friend, therapist and maybe punching bag on top of being your husband. I would encoura…
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/24 01:52 PM
7

Did you live together before getting married?
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/24 11:47 PM
2

I work in an area of law that is heavily male dominated. Growing up and through law school, my friends were mostly male, because it was hard to find other women at the same level intelligence wise. I just found other women frustrating to be around, because we usually had such vastly different interests. Thankfully, I finally met an amazing group of women in law school and I was able to recalibrate my attitude. I still have a lot of male friends, but what they all have in common is they took the …
/r/RedPillWomen03/02/24 04:50 PM
5

I personally don’t worry about who my husband is looking at. And if I’m being honest if a woman is really attractive, I’m probably looking at her too. I think it’s unrealistic to expect to be the only woman your boyfriend finds attractive and thinks about sexually for the rest of his life. Fantasies and little crushes are a part of healthy relationships, and shaming him into thinking he’s horrible because he finds another woman attractive is not going to improve your communication as a couple. I…
/r/RedPillWomen03/02/24 04:36 PM
3

I’ve celebrated in the context of like a classroom party, but have always been anti-Valentine’s Day from a romantic perspective. I’ll probably wear my pink suit to work, since it’s on a weekday and use it as an excuse to buy the office treats, so I’m *not like some cray cray Debbie downer. But, Fat Tuesday and St. Patrick’s Day will receive similar treatment from me. *edit
/r/RedPillWomen26/01/24 10:55 PM
13

No. Thankfully my husband and I both agree that Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday not worth celebrating. My thoughts and prayers go out to the folks who have expectations that haven’t been clearly communicated to their SOs.
/r/RedPillWomen26/01/24 09:24 PM
4

I think it’s something like 40-45% of married American women earn the same or more than their husbands. But, within those marriages, women are still contributing far more to domestic duties such as housework and child rearing. If both spouses are working, but the wife earns enough for her husband to stay home, I can see why some women wouldn’t be able to find that prospect “sexy.” If a wife is already working more hours and earning more than her husband, but is also still responsible for the maj…
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/24 01:32 PM
4

but almost no woman is willing to take care of a man in the way that a lot of men take care of women. Are men stepping up to fully manage the home front (including kids, if there are any) in lieu of working? I was thrilled when my husband wanted to stay home, because it meant we could do whatever we wanted when I got home, because he’d already taken care of everything around the house. It was awesome only having to focus on work, and I was kinda sad when he decided he wanted to go back to work. …
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/24 12:56 PM
7

Based on your post history, it seems like you’re insecure about a lot of things. You’re not even engaged yet, so I don’t understand the worry about who is going to be invited to the wedding. There were several of my husband’s friends I’d never met at our wedding, and it was a total non-issue. Having a partner who is really insecure can be exhausting. Try working on yourself first, before you spend too much time interrogating your boyfriend about his female coworkers.
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/24 01:31 PM
22

For me, employability is more important than stability. My husband stayed at home full time when our kids were younger, but once he decided he wanted to go back to work he had a job lined up in less than a month. Being the only one working doesn’t bother me, as long as we’re both happy with our roles. I can see how a working spouse could become resentful if the at home spouse wasn’t putting in an equivalent amount of effort. Thankfully we never had that issue, because my husband treated managing…
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/24 03:23 AM
2

Are you done having children? I think your approach is much different based on that factor. There’s really no point in exploring things like laser, injectables or retinols if you’re just in between pregnancies. You should 100% be wearing sunscreen every day (and ideally reapplying throughout the day). At 32, there’s a good chance you already have visible sun damage. Make sure you get your neck, chest and hands too. What do the wives/girlfriends (especially the girlfriends) of your husband’s cowo…
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/24 12:53 AM
4

Ew.
/r/RedPillWomen20/01/24 05:19 PM
1

OP wasn’t honest about the role she’s played in the issue. It is 100% on the woman to initiate the first several times pp, and she refuses to do so. It’s also not ridiculous for her husband to bring up a topic they apparently fantasized about together before pregnancy. Pregnancy and pp are not excuses for wild, emotional outbursts. If you’re acting that way, then you need to be checked for PPD/A/R.
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/24 09:00 PM
0

Yeah if OP had been honest I could’ve given her some great advice. I’ve had a multiples pregnancy, and my husband and I were also told to stop having sex after a certain point just to make sure I didn’t go into labor before my scheduled c-section. But, that didn’t mean my husband and I stopped being intimate! I’m also a firm believer that pregnancy and new motherhood are absolutely no excuse to be a terrible partner/person. That hormone dump after carrying multiples is wild, but I made sure to g…
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/24 04:40 PM
2

It looks like OP and her husband had discussed having a threesome previously, and she had responded positively to the idea. Based on OP’s update, her and her husband are rather sexually adventurous, and I get the impression that talking about sexual fantasies was common place prior to OP’s pregnancy. There’s no moralizing allowed here, and there it’s up to each couple to decide how sexually adventurous they want to be. Having a threesome, when both spouses are excited and into it, doesn’t mean t…
/r/RedPillWomen19/01/24 03:54 PM
6

There is so much you left out of your post. Do you have triplets or twins? I understand you may have been expecting triplets, but gave birth to twins, but the number of babies you’re taking care of makes a huge difference. With the right tools, caring for twins solo isn’t all that difficult. I’m not saying being solo with them for days on end with a break is acceptable, it’s not, but if you’re on a strict routine it isn’t impossible. Why did you leave out that you feel resentment towards your hu…
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/24 04:42 PM
5

There’s no standard test to detect HPV in men (minus the anal pap that’s recommended to men who engage in anal sex), and most men are simply carriers and don’t have any outward effects. There’s really no way to know if your husband is HPV free outside of him participating in a clinical research study on HPV where they are trialing new testing technologies.
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/24 12:39 PM
6

What is he doing to actively manage his stress? Are there any stressors you can remove? My husband was in a toxic work situation, and he was able to just walk away because I can easily financially support our family. He also had the flexibility to find the right work for him, so he didn’t end up in that situation again. I know he was incredibly thankful and appreciative that he didn’t have to just stick it out, and knowing he can walk away from a job at any time keeps his stress low (at least ou…
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/24 06:15 PM
–

If your relationship is this complex and this much work after a year, what is it going to look like in 5 or 10? You have to find a way to be more secure in your relationship, or your anxiety is going to wear your partner down.
/r/RedPillWomen13/01/24 02:45 PM
6

24 and 29
/r/RedPillWomen13/01/24 01:02 AM
17

My husband and I have a 5 year gap and it isn’t even noticeable.
/r/RedPillWomen13/01/24 12:27 AM
2

I’m not 100% sure, but I don’t think OP is originally from the US.
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/24 09:58 PM
2

Oh so women are carrying like lululemon Everywheres and not bumbags or triangle bags. My Neverfull is my standard carry-on personal item, so that’s what I take if I’m taking my laptop (and I always take my laptop to hockey tournaments).
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/24 06:21 PM
3

I also think you have to look at the context. If I’m spending the day at the rink for a youth hockey tournament, I’m taking my Neverfull. If I’m going out to run errands, then I’m probably taking my Triangle bag.
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/24 05:45 PM
6

We have a very robust sex life, so I’m not concerned. We might go out once a month, at most, but we have sex at least daily. My husband doesn’t watch porn and doesn’t use social media, so he doesn’t struggle with the same things OPs husband does. The impact my appearance, or my husband’s appearance, has on other marriages is not a concern of ours. We certainly don’t invite attention by the way we dress, we’re just an attractive, charismatic couple. It’s silly to think we need to stay home for th…
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/24 12:14 PM
30

Disclaimer: My advice is probably controversial, and I wouldn’t normally recommend this course of action, but I think being a porn addict your husband may need more of shock to his system. I 100% understand how you feel. With 2 kids down, and probably 2 more to go, Ive already accepted that I’m not someone who is genetically gifted in the “SnapBack” department. I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant the first time, but my body is just different now. I’m not above a mommy makeover, but it …
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/24 10:59 PM
2

The “Self Aware Woman” might be a better fit. It takes a certain level of self awareness to achieve the redemption necessary to get to Act III. I also think a lack of self awareness is what can cause a woman to languish in Act II.
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/24 12:00 AM
2

There are certainly women who spend their entire lives in a mix of Act I and Act II. I would argue that it’s unlikely for a woman stuck in Act II, to have left behind the Act I objective of chasing youth and beauty, so the transition is a gray one. I think we see a lot of commenters on this sub who are stuck in Act II. They’re desperate for a partner, but unable to find one for a variety of reasons ranging from weight to poverty to personality, but it would probably be pretty easy to create a ge…
/r/RedPillWomen04/01/24 08:28 PM
2

If a woman’s romantic life is a three Act Play, then it has three acts. In the paragraph you quoted, there’s no acknowledgement that some women don’t have an Act II as described. In an ideal Red Pill trajectory, Act II would be the childbearing and child rearing years of a woman’s life, but that doesn’t fit with the Act III redemption coming after finding a husband. While the impact of pre-pubescent experiences is noted in relation to the three Acts, I was merely suggesting it come with formal r…
/r/RedPillWomen04/01/24 08:22 PM
5

I think you have to account for the life experiences and socialization a girl experiences in her pre-pubescent years. I acknowledge that there are some individuals who find pre-pubescent children attractive, but obviously that’s not yet widely accept by society (though it seems like we’re allowing these individuals to be much more vocal those desires as of late, which is a separate issue). The models a child has prior to having any interest in romantic relationships have a profound impact on the…
/r/RedPillWomen04/01/24 06:59 PM
13

RP men on Reddit and podcasts can say whatever the heck they want, that doesn’t mean it is going to be a reality for most couples. I know 2 couples where the wife stays at home, and that only happened because both couples quickly had 3-4 kids and daycare for 4 at the same time is insane. We’re a dual income household, and it’s nice only having to loosely budget. Since I work, I was also able to support my husband while he has made the shift from full time work to project based work. Overall, tha…
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 10:53 PM
2

The post is about how friendships change after marriage though, not about how they change as we age. The way OP worded her post, it gave off strong “Well now that I’m married…” vibes.
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 10:41 PM
5

So it sounds like you’re not hanging out with your friends, because they aren’t engaging in activities you enjoy, not because you’re prioritizing your marriage. If you want to go out, go out. You don’t have to stop “going out” because you’re married, but you don’t have to keep going out of that’s not your vibe. I think you do own or to your friends to be honest with them, and tell them you’re personally just not into going out late anymore, but you’d be happy to do brunch on Saturdays to hear ab…
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 10:02 PM
2

Lolz. We had a blast with friends who were back for the holidays. There was no outdoor adventure to be had over the last week where we live, so no need to be up early to go sailing or hiking. I wake up at 4AM every weekday to workout, so no shame in staying out late a couple of times a year and changing things up. We do all sorts of stuff with our friends. I regularly host dinner parties and game nights, we travel with friends, we go bowling or axe throwing, we go to movies and plays together, a…
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 09:55 PM
1

OP said THEY don’t go out frequently, which I took to mean her and her husband do not go out of the house frequently. My husband and I closed down the bars with some mutual friends several times over the holidays and it was a blast! I don’t party Th-Sat anymore, but that’s because I have to work (and kids I guess), not because I’m married.
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 09:40 PM
4

I guess for me personally, my life didn’t drastically change when I got married. Being married didn’t add anything to my todo list that made me too busy to hangout with my friends. I found the time for friends while we were just dating, and I’m not really sure how marriage changes that. Around the same time I got married, my career took off though and I started working longer hours and my work became more complex. If I was a bad friend shortly after getting married, it was 100% work to blame and…
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 09:37 PM
0

What does being married have to do with not going out? Like you can’t leave your house now that you’re married? My husband and I go out with friends jointly (we’ve been together for so long now most of our friends are joint), but we also go out to dinner and/or drinks without each other. I guess I don’t understand why you can’t go out for dinner and/or a drink without your husband, unless there’s some cultural thing I’m missing.
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 09:32 PM
15

A lot of that stems from that one friend everyone had in HS. She’d find a new BF, get all obsessed and spend all her time with him and his friends, and then coming running back to her “old” friends when they broke up. She be back to normal for a couple weeks and the whole cycle would repeat itself. Honestly it was kinda sad to watch. My husband and family are important to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t go out with friends a couple nights a month. My husband can easily handle the kiddos while …
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/24 09:21 PM
5

I think you have to take a step back and look at the natural evolution a man is going to go through as he becomes a family man, specifically a father. I earn more than 2x my husband’s salary, and he earns an impressive salary himself. While he’s still very masculine and I’m very feminine, he has changed from when I met him to now. My husband had the opportunity to stay home with both of our kids until they were over a year old. He is an incredibly involved father, and I would consider him the de…
/r/RedPillWomen28/12/23 01:38 PM
10

It looks like you had similar complaints a year ago, and they’ve only gotten worse now that you’ve added another child to the mix. Does your husband still work from home? Do you still perceive his job as “chill”? Is he expecting you will go back to splitting everything 50/50 when you go back to work? When my husband was a SAHD, I jumped in as soon as I got home to help out to ensure he could take a break before bedtime routines. I also tried to take the kids out of the house for a whole morning …
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/23 03:25 PM
4

At 27, the men your age who want to be providers have already found someone to provide for. I would aim for divorcées under 40. My husband is 5 years older than me, and the difference isn’t even noticeable. He has friends that are 8-10 years older than me that I get along with really well, and the age difference (references to tv shows, music, movies, childhood experiences, etc.) is just barely noticeable. My husband could provide for our family on his own, but I love to work and challenge mysel…
/r/RedPillWomen21/12/23 07:15 PM
91

Yes.
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/23 06:20 PM
11

Yes, you’re going about it wrong. Your life should be so exciting and fulfilling that you don’t even notice if he takes 12 hours to text you back. Like who has time to sit in their phone and text, text, text anyways? From 4:30AM - 8PM I’m busy and I go to bed at 10:30PM, so even as a woman I’ve only got like 90 minutes a day where I could have a texting conversation. Your request makes you look like a stage 5 clinger. Chill out, don’t text him first and let him come to you. I didn’t text my husb…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/23 05:33 PM
2

If I were you, I’d ask myself if everyone would be better off if I switched to exclusively pumping and feeding freshly pumped breast milk. Both of my kids did EBF via bottles. They were 8w premature, and this was the most efficient system for our family. I could pump, dad could feed and I cleaned my pump stuff at the same time. The whole process took about 20 minutes and then one parent can handle the rest of the wake window while the other sleeps. I would also recommend a binder and some compre…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/23 07:10 PM
4

What parts? Cleaning gutters? We paid for gutter guard and now it’s hardly and work. Snow removal? We have a snowblower that either of us can start up and use, so we take turns while the other does shoveling and salt. Cleaning the exterior windows? We have a service that comes once a year that gets them cleaner than we ever could by hand. Mowing the grass and edging? We can both do those, but my husband always volunteers. He enjoys the time outside listening to the radio on his headphones. I eve…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/23 06:02 PM
2

That’s why I said finding a workable distribution is possible with some work and commitment. If you’re lazy, then you’re bringing your unhappiness upon yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/23 05:54 PM
8

Cut everyone some slack and don’t worry about things being messy around the home. I’m not saying let things get dirty, but laundry hanging out on the floor before it gets washed or a couple dishes in the sink overnight are extremely foolish things to pick a fight over any time, but especially now. I would suggest talking to your OB about PPD during your next visit. You’re exhibiting many of the signs, but it seems like you’re particularly struggling with pp rage. Are you breastfeeding/pumping?
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/23 05:21 PM
7

Insofar as 50/50 marriages actually exist (the reality is the couple just needs to perceive their split to be 50/50, even if the real allocation ebbs and flows), I don’t think they’re inherently abusive or the man is necessarily taking advantage of the woman. The majority of marriages have two wage earners, and while ~40-45% of those marriages end in divorce, that means that ~60-55% do not. With some work and commitment from both partners, it’s possible to find a distribution of labor that works…
/r/RedPillWomen16/12/23 04:55 PM
1

So any time he could interact with you, you’ve been sleeping? It’s reasonable that he wouldn’t want to wake you or call/text while you’re sleeping. Based on your post history, it doesn’t seem like you see any redeemable qualities in your husband, so I’m not sure why you thought he would suddenly change when you’re sick.
/r/RedPillWomen14/12/23 10:28 PM
5

How can you live in the same home and not come face to face for 3 days? That would be impossible in my house, even when my husband is in his blackout period at work.
/r/RedPillWomen14/12/23 10:13 PM
6

The families I know with a SAHP have 3+ kids. In a couple situations the dad is actually the SAHP, because they do more flexible consulting work. The poster below explained what a box checker is, and other folks on this thread have supported that hiring box checkers is common practice in the tech industry. My husband went back to grad school mid-career, while I started right after undergrad, so I was technically a year ahead of him. He was interested in an area of law that I already had some con…
/r/RedPillWomen14/12/23 01:14 PM
42

Are you 1000% positive you’d be able to do better if you broke up with him? At least in the circles I run in, very few highly successful and ambitious men want SAHWs. They all have wives who are just as successful as they are, and work outside of the home. It also sounds like you have such a narrow definition of success that you’re projecting onto him. Have you considered that you got the job over him because you’re a box checker?
/r/RedPillWomen14/12/23 12:19 AM
12

Baby clothes are a complete waste of money. We got almost everything second hand for our kids (a lot was still brand new), which was perfect because most of it was trash after they used it. We’ve kept some for future kiddos, but not a lot because kids don’t need a lot. You’re probably buying stuff for your house because that’s where you spend all your time now. Get out of the house as much as you can. Take the baby grocery shopping every week, go to the park, go for long walks, go visit friends …
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/23 01:05 AM
4

What are you spending money on?
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/23 11:56 PM
24

There are many ways to be a homemaker, and running a large household (or households if they have any vacation properties) is one way. You don’t have to do all the work yourself to manage what’s getting done around the home. Have you considered that your BF is just honestly in different? My husband and I are both generally indifferent to food, which can make meal planning difficult. Even when I was pregnant I never had cravings, and it’s rare either of us have a very clear preference for what we …
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/23 01:45 PM
10

OP isn’t engaged, she thinks she’s getting engaged. My husband didn’t shy away from talking about marriage and commitment when we first started dating. He made it clear he was tired of dating just to date, and was dating with purpose going forward. He reached out when he said he would and freely committed his high value time (Friday-Sunday) to me without me having to initiate dates.
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 11:35 PM
1

19-39 was just a random age range I selected. It’s kind of like how some games say for ages 0-99+. Like with most things, socioeconomic status and educational attainment will of course impact when someone is ready to get married. If you’re 21, in college and still a dependent and receiving health benefits from a parent it would be stupid to give that up by getting married. That doesn’t mean you haven’t clearly stated your intention to get married and backed that up with your actions.
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 09:15 PM
3

For every woman that married their college or high school sweetheart, there seems to be 10 more who have an ex-boyfriend that married the next person they dated after they broke up with the sweetheart. OP’s post was in the context of someone who maybe kinda sorta probably has secured a proposal within a year, and I chimed in as someone that actually got engaged after less than a year of dating. I stand behind my opinion that a lot of coupling is just dumb luck. Men aren’t literally going around …
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 09:11 PM
6

It isn’t the most realistic advice where I’m from either. If you’re a single, never married guy at 35, then there’s probably a red flag reason. I just entered my 30s and everyone around my age that is worth marrying is already engaged or married.
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 08:10 PM
0

Those very well may be ultimatum couples, which isn’t what someone should be looking for. If a man wants to get married, he’ll propose without any prodding regardless of if he’s 19 or 39.
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 08:06 PM
3

When a man’s light turns on, they’re actively looking for a passenger, but that doesn’t mean they’ll let just anyone ride in the cab. So I’m not discounting the importance of SMV or RMV, but reinforcing “no light, no ride.” In my experience, men are willing to make all sorts of concessions and compromises when they finally decide (without any prompting) they want to get married. Once they turn their light on, finding a passenger becomes their mission. That’s not to say concessions work out on th…
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 08:03 PM
21

Men are like cabs, when they’re available their light goes on. They awake one day and decide their ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pickup, boom, that' the one they'll marry. It's not fate, it's dumb luck. This quote from SATC is so perfect and spot on. None of the things you listed are going to matter if his light isn’t on. That’s the biggest gap I see in your advice as someone who actually did get engaged after less than a year of datin…
/r/RedPillWomen28/11/23 06:41 PM
3

I think there’s a difference between picking a fight and being willing to fight about something. My husband is extremely particular. To the point that he does most things around the house himself, because I stopped trying to meet his impossible standards. If he wants to have a go about how I don’t help with cleaning the kitchen anymore, then I’ll take the bait because he knows the reason I don’t is because I refuse to tolerate his constant supervision and correction to ensure I’m doing things “r…
/r/RedPillWomen27/11/23 03:32 AM
6

You’re still being vague with what the “trauma” was. Did he cheat on you? Did you cheat on him? Were you in a car accident? Did you see someone get murdered? Did a family member pass unexpectedly? Why did you shift your priorities after having a kid? I’m still my husband’s wife before I’m a mom. My marriage is a higher priority to me than my kids are. If my husband wants to go out on a date night, then we make that happen. Sure a little planning is required to make sure we’ve got someone to watc…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/23 06:36 PM
3

So, I’ve noticed you haven’t answered any questions about if your Husband’s job is physically and/or mentally taxing. There’s a difference. You also haven’t explained how you’re both different people than when you first met. That information is vital for you to get advice here. On the weekends, I go out and do something from like 8:30-11:30 and then come home for lunch and nap time. Then I try to do some other type of activity like go for a long walk, go to a park or if it’s inclement weather go…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/23 02:49 PM
4

Have you tried making yourself scarce? If he isn’t getting home until 9, then you’ve probably already had 1.5h after your son has gone to sleep to tidy up and do your school work. Why are you waiting up for him just to be disappointed night after night? Have you tried going upstairs before he gets home, doing some yoga or taking a relaxing bath, doing your night time skincare routine and going to bed? It sounds like he needs space to decompress after a long day, and coming home to a quiet house …
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/23 01:13 PM
8

He needs to give himself permission to do this for himself. That’s why he’s doing it, but it’s hard for people to admit they’re working on something just for themselves because that can come off as selfish and self-centered. My husband was attracted to me before I had kids, while I was pregnant and while I was losing the weight I gained. That doesn’t mean I was happy with what I looked like 6m pp, and that’s enough for my commitment to exercise and diet to be worthwhile.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/23 05:49 PM
28

I mean his behavior seems pretty typical gym bro to me. My husband is into fitness, but not body building, so he’s not super particular about his macros, protein, supplements, etc, but it is a commitment that takes up time. I’m the same way, I’m unavailable to my family for over an hour every day to workout and I closely watch what I eat. We have a couple of friends that are into Olympic Bodybuilding and do like competitions and stuff, and this is tame compared to what their regimens are. For so…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/23 05:38 PM
40

Can you explain a little more about how this is directly impacting you and your son’s lives? I can understand that it’s annoying, but what are the tangible impacts it has on you? Has he tried sharing his macros with you so you can make meals that’s help him meet his goals? Is he working out at a time when you can join him in the gym and work out together?
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/23 05:18 PM
13

First, I want to acknowledge that my life had meaning and purpose before I met my husband and before I had kids. While I do derive purpose from my marriage and parenting, they are not what give me purpose, because I had a purpose and goals before I was a wife and mother. What brings me the most joy in life is helping others. Supporting my husband is my favorite part of marriage, I enjoy teaching my kids new things and watching them grow and I work in a helping profession. Those tangible examples…
/r/RedPillWomen14/11/23 01:41 PM
1

Yes, we waited to start trying until after we’d been married for 2 years. Our first was born a couple months after our 3rd wedding anniversary.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/23 07:29 PM
3

I’m so thankful we waited 2+ years before having kids. It gave us time to feel really prepared and to have important discussions about our parenting styles. I doubt we’d be as happy as we are today if we’d rushed into having kids.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/23 07:20 PM
3

Honestly that’s what a lot of what dating life is in your late teens and early 20s. In my experience, mens lights don’t come on until they’re at least 25.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/23 06:53 PM
1

Do you and your husband own your home together, or do you just own it yourself??
/r/RedPillWomen07/11/23 08:58 PM
2

Thank you! I plan to do a field report on how things work out. My husband I spoke about this in greater detail last night during dinner, and I think we’re going to find a solution that is positive for both of us. I know some folks kinda think my husband is overbearing and batty, but that’s not the case. On the whole, it is definitely my turn to figure out how to accommodate him because he accommodates me so much.
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/23 06:36 PM
6

I think this post really started to take on a life of its own, and doesn’t take into account the big picture of our whole relationship. My husband is incredible! He was a SAHH/SAHD for 3 years, and managed every aspect of our home. He’s such a wonderful partner and really goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy and cared for. He’s an amazing father and is still the kids primary care giver even though he decided to return to work. All he asks in return is that our time together after the kids …
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/23 03:44 PM
1

Sorry, I think we’re on the same page. In the AM I wash my face with CeraVe cleanser. The gentle exfoliation is a wash cloth that I also use to scrub behind my ears and wash my neck. Very, very gentle exfoliation. Then, once my face is dry I put on my eye balm, followed by vitamin C and a moisturizer. Then I wait a couple of minutes and do my quick makeup routine. At night, I remove my make up with CeraVe balm. Once it’s completely dry I swipe some Vaseline under my eyes, apply my tret, finish t…
/r/RedPillWomen02/11/23 12:02 AM
1

We do not live in a high crime area. It’s higher crime than where I grew up, but that was very, very small town USA. I will admit that I’ve struggled to adapt to things like locking the door while we’re home and leaving my purse in the car while it’s in the garage. Where I’m from people leave their houses unlocked when they go out of town in case a neighbor needs anything. My husband has lived in large, metropolitan cities, so has a very different set of experiences.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 11:44 PM
1

That’s a viewpoint I hadn’t really considered. I wear very minimal makeup, just style my hair straight and dress very, very conservatively at work. Like I basically just wear black suits that are all to the knee and could never be described as low cut. I’m hoping that he really just thinks I’m inefficient because he’s able to get ready so quickly.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 11:30 PM
0

I do use a moisturizer on top. I’ve had oily skin as long as I can remember. One of my parents is the same exact way. The bonus is I basically never have dry skin anywhere and I don’t have any wrinkles (yet haha). I have oily skin without any acne or clogged pores. My esthetician has told me I’m very unique, especially since my skin hasn’t started to get drier as I age.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 07:27 PM
4

Thank you! Other commenters have suggested some different shampoos and can try that would help with showering at night, so I’m going to see if I can make that switch. I think I’m also going to officially 100% move out of the master bathroom, so there’s never a reason for me to have to run up two flights of stairs to grab something. I’m also going to start setting all of my clothes out where I get ready and not our bedroom, so that should also save me some time. I do pack my lunch the night befor…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 06:56 PM
-1

Great suggestions, but we already have 3 separate security systems, two of which include cameras. They’re all set up differently, so it would be extremely difficult for someone to disable/hack all 3 systems and it allows every inch of the house (except bathrooms) to be covered by a camera. Then we have the baby monitor system that’s totally separate and local network only so it can’t be hacked remotely. He’s very concerned with household safety, which is why he wants to be the last one to leave …
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 06:46 PM
3

I have a very simple, but effective skin care routine. I use tret every evening, so I do wash and gently exfoliate in the shower. Then I have eye balm (in a stick so very quick application), vitamin c serum, and a tiny pump of moisturizer. I used a tinted moisturizer with spf in place of foundation. Then quickly swipe on some blush and eyebrow gel and set with powder. Occasionally I’ll also add mascara. Day to day I don’t wear bronzer, highlight or eye makeup. My hair is super straight, and I li…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 05:49 PM
1

Thank you! Both kiddos do have white noise machines, and I think they’ve been super helpful. My husband still wants us to be practically silent after they’ve gone to bed though, because that time is so incredibly important and doesn’t want to do anything that could risk waking them up. I’ve offered to sleep in the spare room across the hall and take the monitor, so he can sleep without disrupting every night, but sleeping with the door closed and a white noise machine on doesn’t work for him. He…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 05:18 PM
0

He could, but it takes him a really long time to fall asleep and he hates just lying in bed for an hour plus to fall asleep. He’s someone who really, really needs that relaxing and decompression time at the end of the day and prefers to hang out until he starts nodding off and then comes to bed. He does not consider sleep relaxing. For me, getting close to 8 hours of sleep a night meets both my need for sleep and my need to relax and decompress, and I can fall asleep almost instantly, so we’re j…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:49 PM
1

When we bought the fancy foam mattress, we also bought an adjustable bed frame. Unfortunately we did not go with the kind where each side is independent, but I think that’s what I’ll suggest the next time we’re in the market. We already don’t share blankets or pillows, because I was waking him up every time I rolled over in my sleep, and that did help a lot.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:46 PM
1

I tried to train my hair in graduate school, when I could get away with looking a little greasy during the process and could never get there. I workout every day, which may be a part of it, but also I went through a lot of hair loss when I was trying to do “low poo” or whatever it’s called. I wear mostly dress and skirt suits, so my dresses are often sleeveless and so are many of the shirts I wear with my skirts. I do wear a blazer (or on occasion a cardigan) every day, but it weird me out not h…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:43 PM
3

Thank you for all the tips! My husband and I have always had different sleep habits and patterns, but it didn’t become an issue until we had kids and he decided to re-enter the workforce. I’m a very heavy sleeper and he’s an incredibly light sleeper, so it’s always been hard for me to judge what will and won’t wake him up at night. On the very rare occasion I do have to use the restroom in the middle of the night, I try to creep out if the bedroom as quietly as possible and make my way down to t…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:37 PM
-1

That time after the kids go to bed is the most important 2-4 hours of his day. Nothing can mess with that time. He needs a lot of time in his nothing box to relax and decompress that I just don’t need. I like to be busy doing stuff after the kiddos go to bed, but it’s hard since I have to be silent while doing it. Even though we have white noise machines for the kids, he still likes us to whisper and be very quiet. Even our dog barking once or twice is very upsetting to him, because it might wak…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:26 PM
1

Even better! He hates all aerosolized things or anything that can leave dust or a film, so this sounds like a great product.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:17 PM
1

I’ll look into that and see if maybe we can comprise and I can apply dry shampoo outside or in the garage. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:11 PM
1

My current wearable only has one setting, but I can try wearing my Apple Watch instead and just putting it on my other wrist over night. I currently don’t wear it at night because my wrist needs that time to breathe, but switching wrists should help with that. When I have my phone on vibrate, my husband can hear it vibrate from floors away, so I think he just has really excellent hearing. He hears all sorts of things I can’t.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:08 PM
5

Now that it’s getting colder, I should be able to avoid daily shaving a little easier. It’s more acceptable to wear black tights and long sleeves now, which will help tremendously. My hair is baby fine and perfectly pin straight, so it tends to start getting oily overnight. I’m hoping the anti-dandruff shampoo another commenter suggested will make a big difference, since dry shampoo is out of the picture for the time being.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:07 PM
-1

I tried the Bumble and Bumble dry shampoo isn’t aerosolized and it worked really well, but unfortunately still hangs in the air and lands on the floor, which didn’t work out. Part of why it takes me so long to get ready is that I’m cleaning up after myself as I go. I make sure to wipe down the counters so my face powder or other products aren’t leaving a film. I pick up the hairs I shed and I’m doing my hair. And I rinse out, spray down and then squeegee the shower after I’m done so there aren’t…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 04:02 PM
1

I do use a wearable, vibrating alarm, but unfortunately even that wakes him up because he says it vibrates the whole mattress. I don’t think I’m very loud getting out of bed, but just the change in pressure of the mattress is enough to cause him to wake up. We bought one of those incredibly expensive foam mattress that you allegedly jump on and not spill a glass of red wine, in hopes of me disturbing him less when I move around at night, but that didn’t help. I also use my own blanket so I’m not…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 03:47 PM
2

I think part of it is that my get ready time is never uninterrupted, so while it takes me 60-90 total I’m not spending all that time actually getting ready. I’m helping get a kid up, and getting them dressed, etc. in the middle of trying to get ready, since I can’t wake up long enough before the kids do to do that stuff first. For me, the showering always takes the longest. I unfortunately am someone who should be shaving daily and that sucks up a lot of time in the shower. Someone else suggeste…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 03:40 PM
-2

So, I don’t want to put any fault on my husband, but I think he’s just an incredibly light sleeper. I have a wearable alarm that wakes me up and I try to roll out of bed as gently as possible, but that movement is enough to cause him to wake up. Unfortunately he’s not someone that can easily go back to bed, so that means he spends time tossing and turning and being upset that he was woken up just so I can get ready. I am in a position in my career where I have a lot of flexibility, so I’m okay w…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 03:36 PM
1

I have dark hair, and no visible dandruff, so that never occurred to me as an option! I use a clarifying shampoo once a week, but I swear that makes my hair even greasier. I’ll try that for 6 weeks and see if I notice any difference. Do you workout daily? If so, how do you refresh your hair after a workout?
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 03:28 PM
3

Unfortunately my hair does not do well if prepped the night before. I spent most of college and grad school trying to figure out how to shower the night before, and it just isn’t an option for me. For makeup, I already use 5 products or less on an average day. I just apply tinted moisturizer, setting powder, blush and eyebrows. Some days I add in mascara. Our kids have white noise machines, but my husband hates running one in our room. He likes to be able to hear what’s going on in the rest of t…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 01:51 PM
-5

Unfortunately with my hair texture and skin type that doesn’t work. I have very oily skin (even with nightly tret use), and I can’t get away with showering the night before if I don’t use dry shampoo. I already cut off 8 inches of my hair, with my husband’s permission of course, to help make things easier and more efficient.
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/23 01:40 PM
3

I think the subtle negative reactions to her more masculine behaviors at work are there so at the rape scene the viewer thinks back to the first half of the movie and thinks to themselves “Damn he was always evil.” As the viewer approaches the ending of the film and give Luke’s character a closer look, they want you to feel rage for everything he’s done from just smirking or rolling his eyes all the way to violence. You’re supposed to be on the same rage to relief journey Emily is feelings. That…
/r/RedPillWomen13/10/23 02:53 PM
4

Don’t date your coworkers. That’s the biggest takeaway from the movie. Seemingly, the conflict revolves around Emily getting the exact promotion Luke thinks he’s entitled to. That’s a problem unique to coworkers (amplified because we’re talking about finance), and a part of that goes away if you don’t work with your SO. I’m also hesitant to agree with the theory that if only Emily had been more feminine and less aggressive then Luke wouldn’t have tried to ruin her career or rape her. Those aren’…
/r/RedPillWomen13/10/23 02:04 PM
2

We’re the same way. Our anniversary is this weekend and we’re just giving each other a kid free night and an extra clean house. Like what else do we need? I’m biased, but I think this is 100% the way to go to avoid conflict over covert contracts surrounding holidays.
/r/RedPillWomen12/10/23 02:39 PM
1

k.
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/23 11:41 AM
1

Yes.
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/23 01:15 AM
1

Now or when we first met?
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/23 12:11 AM
42

What standards? Men don’t give time to women they aren’t attracted to (minus dudes who will sleep with anything with a pulse). If he had all these hot women banging down the door to be with him, then he wouldn’t have ended up with you. If it was so easy for him to pull women who were is “standard,” then he wouldn’t have settled in whatever way he was trying to allude to. Most likely he was just trying to be a hot shot and brag to his friend and cheese about the good ole days, and did so at your …
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/23 07:40 PM
2

I imagine they’d probably propose on the spot.
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/23 02:00 PM
3

Honesty best option if you’re looking to learn about things men want to actually talk about.
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/23 11:33 PM
10

I made the first move with my now husband, and it didn’t impact the traditional nature of our relationship. He appreciated that I was direct and confident enough to ask him to grab a drink. Now, our first “date” was just grabbing a couple drinks together and chatting, not like some full blown hours long affair. For what it’s worth, I also paid our tab on the first date, because I asked if he wanted to get drinks. Again, that really stood out to my husband because he knew I wanted to hang out wit…
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/23 07:50 PM
0

The main marital relationship featured in the series is Ma and Pa, but the story isn’t told from their perspective, it is told from Laura’s. Laura openly admitted that she filled in a lot of blanks from her childhood based on what she thinks likely happened. My comment clearly states they’re still good books to read, so I’m not discounting the enjoyment one can have from revisiting the books as an adult. But, I would caution the OP not to treat these as a treaties on dating and relationships. Co…
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/23 06:36 PM
1

Those books are not 100% autobiographical, and include numerous fictional elements. They’re also told from the perspective of Laura and not Ma and Pa, so the context of their interactions is limited. That’s not be saying they’re bad books to read, they’re not, but they’re also not a true representation of any relationship portrayed in them (including Laura’s own marriage). Stated another way, read them for fun not because you think they hold some secret to a happy marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/23 03:43 PM
3

What benefit does your BF have in bringing up marriage if he doesn’t feel ready? Are there parts of your relationship that you’re holding back until you’re married? How long have you been together? Did you attend college? Do you both have careers? You don’t just need to determine if you are both ready for marriage generally, but if you’re ready for marriage to each other.
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/23 03:24 PM
37

This sounds like it was written by a 12 year old and not an adult. Ask him to grab a cup of coffee or a cupcake or go for a walk to find crunchy leaves. If he says no, then leave him alone. If he says yes, when you’re together tell him you want to hit the reset button because you’d like to get to know him better, but you feel like maybe there’s some weird vibes going on. We aren’t in pre-industrial revolution times here. Smiling and batting your eyes at a guy doesn’t signal “omg ask me if I want…
/r/RedPillWomen28/09/23 03:20 PM
0

I just think it’s odd to confidently proclaim you being fertility to the table when you’re not actually sure if you do. Perceived fertility due to age and health, sure that comes along with men finding you attractive, but I wouldn’t bank on fertility being something I could offer a potential spouse.
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/23 09:43 PM
2

I think a lot of it is going to depend on body type. I’m a quality over quantity person, so I only have 4 pairs of jeans: skinny ankle, wide cropped, straight and boot cut. I guess technically I also have denim overalls and like an old really crappy pair that I wear when we’re doing project, but I wouldn’t wear those as a part of an outfit. But, I’m not big on changing my style of season to season. I’ve just found what looks good on me and roll with it.
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/23 08:23 PM
15

My #1 tips is always going to be to find bras that actually fit appropriately. Some women need several different types of underwire bras (t-shirt, strapless, deep plunge, etc.) so make sure each different kind fits you (that means they’re likely going to be different brands in different styles). Sports bras and bralettes/non-underwires are important too, but I typically wear those with clothes that are more roomy so I buy those without a professional fitting. I’d also disagree with the post’s as…
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/23 08:20 PM
1

It’s a fun little thing to do, but it shouldn’t give anyone peace of mind. Their methodology doesn’t compare to doctor ordered and analyzed lab-based testing. Sure they did an internal study, but they didn’t even model it after the real world conditions for the women using their at home kits… The battery of tests they run does not directly correlate to a woman’s reproductive potential and are typically viewed in a vacuum without access to other relevant health history.
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/23 07:14 PM
-2

Any RE would laugh at your Modern Fertility results and repeat all the tests, so I’m sorry but that was a waste of money. Well they probably wouldn’t audibly laugh, but they wouldn’t put any weight on the results. Hopefully everything goes well and you don’t have any issues with poor ovarian reserve (egg quality or quantity), because those issues can still be present even with a regular cycle. Male factor is also not talked about enough, and easy (though odd and uncomfortable) to check before ma…
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/23 05:44 PM
0

What kind of testing did you do before marriage that you were confident you were bringing fertility to the table? I’m curious how many couple are actually looking into this (for both partners) before tying the knot.
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/23 05:21 PM
6

I think you have to look at your individual mix of traits. If you say “I make it a priority to remain slim and fit,” that describes a lot (not the majority of, but still a significant number) of women. If instead you say, “I make it a priority to remain slim and fit while also being able to cook 3 delicious, entirely homemade meals a day that suit both my husband and I’s unique palates and nutritional goals,” then you’re talking about a much, much, much smaller group of women who can compete wit…
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/23 04:11 PM
15

I guarantee he’s been into smoking weed and playing video games since before you met. I’m not sure why you expected him to change who he is.
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/23 11:36 PM
19

Do you show such little interest in all of your BFs hobbies or just video games? If you’d read about Starfield at all, you’d know it was a huge deal that’s been hyped up for like over 5 years. Your BF is not the only person who has been playing it as often as he can since it came out like 2 weeks ago. Why couldn’t you go over to his house and do your own thing while he plays Starfield? Read a book, stream a show in a tablet, knit, etc. As a married person, a large chunk of the time my husband an…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/23 09:48 PM
9

My husband took a break from working when our kids were born (he does project based work and it’s easier for him to take some time out of the workforce and still stay relevant), but he did all the childcare and housework. Our home was spotless (for a home with 2 under 2) and both kids were very well taken care of. I was happy to support our family during that time, because he was contributing so much labor. I can understand (kinda, I guess) not wanting to get a temporary job during the strike, b…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/23 05:10 PM
12

Is there a reason he isn’t working?
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/23 04:26 PM
7

Deciding to end a relationship with someone in part because they’re financially irresponsible (can’t hold down a job, lack career ambition, have an unpredictable living situation) doesn’t mean you’re only in a relationships for the money. When evaluating someone’s long term potential, you have to ensure you can live the life together that’s important to you. If someone can’t even provide basic necessities for themselves, like consistent housing, then they aren’t ready to be in any type of relati…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/23 04:23 PM
24

Placing importance on a partner being financially stable is not marrying for money…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/23 02:20 PM
1

Correct, but this thread is focused on appearance which is impacted by the hormonal cycle experienced by most healthy women.
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/23 01:37 PM
2

My reply obviously doesn’t contemplate every situation, but women do go through menopause which has a direct impact on fertility. Those hormonal changes, if left to occur without intervention, do have an impact on a woman’s appearance. Menopause is just a fact of life and part of the hormonal cycle a typical woman goes through. Sorry if that natural progression doesn’t fit into your narrative.
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/23 03:07 AM
3

I don’t think it will be as simple as just letting it grow out. Overtime, you might develop a shelf or uneven patches of grey/white hair and need to color and style your hair for that transition. As the greying progresses, I think you just have to see what looks best with your skin tone and make your decisions from there.
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/23 06:38 PM
11

I think we need to differentiate between what “the wall” looks like for unmarried women vs. married women, because the concept doesn’t lose its importance once you’re married. Once you’re married, the big drop off on your horizon is menopause. That’s when your reproductive value does drop off a cliff, and many women experience extreme changes to their bodies and even personalities. The 30s are an extremely crucial time to stay as fit and trim as possible, not only to continue to remain attractiv…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/23 05:20 PM
68

You won’t. You were dating for less than 2 months, so the best thing to do is move on and work on yourself. Maybe take a hiatus from dating until you’re more emotionally stable and able to deal with the stresses of dating.
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/23 03:24 PM
6

If you were my daughter, I would encourage you to take a hiatus from dating for the next 2-5 years. At 30, I know only 2 couples who started dating before they were 21 that are married and still together. People change profoundly during college, and 18-20 is a vital time for self discovery and improvement. I personally wouldn’t advise a young woman to shape her life around another person at your age.
/r/RedPillWomen13/09/23 09:02 PM
6

In my experience, sex is something a couple engages in while they’re still in the newness phase of their relationship or after marriage. Either way, it’s part of the process of getting to know each other (as a dating couple or as husband and wife) and experiencing something new together. Stated another way, it tends to coincide with that bubbly feeling of newness and excite, which can help compensate for common, awkward stumbling blocks as you get to know your partners body. The shared newness a…
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/23 08:41 PM
2

I wasn’t being sarcastic. I was curious why you aren’t waiting until marriage if you’ve been willing to wait for 3 years.
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/23 08:17 PM
5

Why have sex now if you’ve already been waiting 3 years? That’s a long time! I guess I don’t understand what the rush is if you haven’t even really taken any new significant steps in your relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/23 08:00 PM
15

Just have sex every other day regardless of where you are in your cycle, and don’t overthink things.
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/23 03:24 AM
3

I’ve had 2 under 2, so I understand how trying that can be. Since your husband works so hard, do you have the financial means to hire a mother’s helper a couple days a week? That way you can ensure you’re having regular, meaningful interactions with other adults without your kids around. It’ll also give you the space to get back into your hobbies, so you have plenty to do after the kids go to bed. I personally love nights when it’s just me and the kiddos at home. After they go to bed I can get i…
/r/RedPillWomen08/09/23 05:17 PM
1

Just because some women are incapable of managing a career, marriage and kids doesn’t mean all women are going to be unsuccessful I’m that arena. You claim to have never met a woman who has a career and isn’t resentful about being wife and/or mother. Those women exist even if you haven’t run across one in the Bay Area.
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/23 03:57 PM
1

That’s mostly true, but I’m talking about the friends I’m closest with. The families where all our husbands and kids are friends and we all work and move in the same circles. This is the group of friends where we’re all each others confidants and we talk endlessly about our careers, relationships and parenting. Most of us have know each other since at least undergrad and we’re well acquainted with our families of origin. I’m not saying everyone can have a career and a happy home life, there are …
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/23 03:53 PM
4

Just because your friends have parents who are incapable of balancing work and family, that doesn’t mean all parents are incapable of managing both successfully. I don’t live in the Bay Area, but almost all of my friends are married, have multiple children and successful careers. Those that don’t have children are actively trying, but we’re all still on the young side of our 30s, so there is time. I guess we just have different experiences, but in my corner of the world there are a lot of women …
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/23 03:43 PM
6

I don’t understand why you think the skills that make someone successful in their career wouldn’t also make them a successful parent. I apply all sorts of skills I learned during my education and throughout the course of my career to parenting, and so does my husband. Being a women with a career doesn’t automatically mean you only eat takeaways. I easily find time to cook homemade meals for my family every night, and make more time consuming recipes on the weekends. It’s a bonus that I can buy w…
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/23 02:41 PM
10

So, something like this can’t happen if you’re living with a roommate or even solo? I knew plenty of other 20 somethings who had similar issues with same-sex, non-romantic roommates.
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/23 03:44 PM
11

Not all women have zero savings and a bad credit score, so not everyone is going to be in this situation if a cohabitating relationship ends.
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/23 03:29 PM
5

Where did you meet your husband? I’m always so interested in learning how couples with mismatched backgrounds meet, because everyone I know met their SO while in school.
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/23 02:03 PM
4

Most men will perceive complaints about not spending enough time together as whiny and clingy. Seemingly he is spending as much time as he wants with you, because men show their priorities by how they spend their time. If you’re comfortable dating in this space, then follow his lead on the pace of the relationship by yielding to him. Be receptive when he asks you to spend time together, but empathetic and supportive when he has to do other things. When you do get to spend time together be fun an…
/r/RedPillWomen01/09/23 06:16 PM
4

The degree to which you apply the above principles is really going to depend on where you are in your relationship. Providing welcome advice and guidance isn’t mothering. Taking over things that an adult is capable of doing, or making infantilizing comments is mothering. Even now, after years of marriage, my husband and I always ask each other if we’re listening to provide advice and solutions or reassurance and comfort. It’s a quick way to save a lot of confusion in what your partner is looking…
/r/RedPillWomen01/09/23 04:15 PM
3

Have your been evaluated for PPD yet? If not, that needs to be your first priority. Personally, I choose to work in large part because I don’t want my life dominated by my children. I spend a lot of time with them, but I’ve made sure I am still “me” post-kids. I realize that’s not an option for everyone, but as much as your husband works is 1-2 days of daycare a week an option? That way you get time to do what you want to do, and can remain a fulfilled, interesting person. Also, by 3m I was not …
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/23 04:46 PM
9

I couldn’t use the restroom or shower without my husband’s help after the first time I gave birth. He helped me with everything from breastfeeding to clipping my nails in the 4 weeks post-birth. He never made me feel like a burden or that I needed to be ashamed or embarrassed when asking for help. I’ve done the same for him after he’s had surgery and needed help. We’ve unfortunately both had the flu and food poisoning, and helped each other through that as well. After several kids and years of m…
/r/RedPillWomen26/08/23 04:23 PM
6

It’s hard to accept, but from both a biological and sociological standpoint it makes perfect sense that your ex wants to play the field at this time in his life. People change soooo much from age 16-26 that someone who was a great fit at 16 very well may be a terrible fit by 26.
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/23 05:42 PM
10

Congrats! I personally think everyone should enter college uncoupled, even if you end up with someone from high school eventually. My best advice would be to take a solid breather and not jump back into dating right away. Find out who you are as an individual first and that will help guide you to a better partner. I’m also not one to ever recommend going back to a past partner, but I know different folks have had different experiences with that. I’ve personally never seen that type of situation …
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/23 05:25 PM
1

We embrace a more “parent-first” approach, so the first thing to go would be structured kid activities. I grew up playing multiple sports, two instruments, and was in a slew of clubs. None of those hobbies carried over into adulthood, so I don’t feel a ton of pressure to push our kids to do the same. Imagine the mental health of someone at age 25 who has already been physically and mentally burnt out for 2 decades! Yikes! This approach has worked so well for our family, and it means that we make…
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/23 02:28 PM
1

They’re just so burnt out by the time they get home … Sounds like your kiddos are going to spend their whole lives burnt out at this rate. When are your kids just going to get to be kids?
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/23 12:23 PM
4

I would outsource meal planning and prepping when your husband isn’t home. Sign up for a meal kit delivery service, meal prep your own casseroles, eat left over, eat a fun snacky supper, etc. The mere act of eating together is what is important for your kids, not exactly what they’re eating. Next, I would strongly recommend a housekeeper or cleaning service. BUT, your kids are also all old enough that they should have chores to complete every day. They’re old enough to clean up after meals, sort…
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/23 01:35 AM
6

My husband and I know the lock codes to each others phones. We will answer calls if a phone got left in another room, or answer texts if one person is driving. I’ve “snooped” on his phone one time, and it was to get one of his friend’s numbers to plan a surprise. I’ve never felt the urge to read his text messages or look at his browser history. That’s just so weird to me. Maybe he’s snooped through my phone and I just don’t know, but I’d be shocked. To me, this is a juvenile concern. As adults w…
/r/RedPillWomen20/08/23 02:20 PM
3

I don’t understand how you’re only dating men who are less educated and financially secure than you are. I didn’t even really interact with men who were from different socioeconomic backgrounds while I was in graduate school. Sure some were more liberal in their politics than others, but there were not a lot of (straight) men I would describe as liberal in their gender ideology or feminine in nature. It doesn’t make any sense that you’re as successful as your portray, but your dating pool is onl…
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 02:08 PM
6

It was pretty darn easy for me. Heck, I even paid for the drinks on our first date because my (at the time future) husband was celebrating an exciting achievement from the prior week. My husband is as conservative and masculine as they come. Not all men want to risk being fleeced by women who are just looking for “providers.”
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 01:56 PM
12

It’s my observation that your obsession with finding a “provider” is working against you in the dating market.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/23 01:03 PM
20

Sounds like he’s trying to show you affection in a way that it culturally appropriate to him. You’re asking him to change decades of cultural conditioning, so give him some grace. And, be careful that he doesn’t start to view you as a no fun nagger. That’ll quickly end the relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 08:38 PM
6

Nothing automatically attracts a man capable of providing; Men aren’t bears and women aren’t salmon. In many (probably most) cases men grow and become providers, they don’t automatically become providers at 18. I know several women who worked while their husbands were in professional school (med school, law school, dental school, etc.), and their dedication paid off big time. Also, I cannot imagine getting my panties in a bunch every time my husband looks at or talks to another woman. What a was…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/23 08:30 PM
7

In the future, I would strongly recommend going to an experienced, reputable injector. Part of what they can provide is gradual enhancement, so you don’t overfill and shock people with new duck lips over night.
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/23 02:34 PM
9

Well that’s your issue right there. Filler takes a lot of skill and attention to detail. If you didn’t go to a reputable injector, there’s a good chance you’re getting these reactions because the filler didn’t enhance your appearance, it altered it.
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/23 02:21 PM
2

Did you go to a reputable injector?
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/23 02:15 PM
1

Every person needs to do what is best for them, while keeping in mind the future impact their decision could have on not only them but their spouse. We had our first two in very quick succession (oops). At that time, my husband was at home in between projects and was actually able to be a SAHD to both of them. It was incredible! All of his friends who were dads were extremely, extremely envious of him. I got comments constantly about how amazing it was that I facilitated such a strong, early bon…
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/23 02:21 PM
2

Little too late for me to be apprehensive since I’m already married with several kids. Thankfully though, I don’t have to work the second shift solo.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/23 09:32 PM
5

It does, which is why lawyers are more likely to drink in excess and commit suicide than other professions. All of this is to say 42 yo women might be unhappy for a number of reasons, not simply that she is unmarried (doesn’t specify if never married or divorced) and child free. I can see why the 39 yo man is happy though. Statistically speaking, he likely does very little, if any, childcare or household work, and has sufficient time to workout, maintain his hobbies and spend time with friends. …
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/23 06:06 PM
2

I am a lawyer (much younger than 42 and I make much more outside of big law). If you’ve been practicing for almost 2 decades and in a situation where that’s been your primary focus and you’re not making 6-figures, then I can see why you’d be extremely unhappy.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/23 05:31 PM
9

And the unhappiest profile?: Female 42 years old Unmarried (and no children) Household income under $100,000 In a professional position (doctor, lawyer, etc.) If I were a doctor or a lawyer making less than $100,000 at age 42, I would be severely depressed too.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/23 04:30 PM
6

This is a great example of “missing the forest for the trees.” While I realize that some women may be in situations where they never spent a single penny while courting/dating their husbands, that certainly isn’t the norm where I live. A man can be a great provider and still be able to accept the gift of his date paying for an activity or a meal. In fact, I know many men use this as a “test” to see what types of activities a women picks when she is treating. Does she always suggest expensive res…
/r/RedPillWomen08/08/23 03:19 PM
9

I guess I don’t really understand your question.. My husband and I plan everything collaboratively. Neither of us would agree to something* without first checking to see if that caused an issue with the other, and we both work together to set our weekly schedules. *We do often tentatively agree to things with the caveat that we need to double check with our spouse. We also both agree that either person can invite friends over to the house whenever they want to without checking with the other, be…
/r/RedPillWomen08/08/23 02:18 PM
25

Are we talking first date or subsequent dates? I’ve never asked a guy out on a first date, but I did routinely initiate “dates” with my husband when we were first dating. If I chose the activity, then I would pay. My husband commented numerous times that while he never expected me to pay, he appreciated that I did because it showed him my generous and giving nature. Even now when it’s coming from the same pot of money, we trade off on who pulls out their credit card to pay. But, while we are ver…
/r/RedPillWomen08/08/23 02:06 PM
13

I can see how only seeing each other 1-2 times a week creates a high pressure situation to have sex, because you don’t have the luxury of continuously keeping the oven preheated or saying how about tomorrow. I wouldn’t discount the importance of always being playful and flirty (even over text or the phone) and those non-sex intimate moments like kissing and touching each other. Do you have a strong, visceral sexual attraction to your BF? If not, have you ever had one to any man?
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 05:50 PM
20

Not everyone finds medication helpful in combatting depression, but if your depression is still causing issues in your relationship then it may be a good idea to revisit the options. There are so many different medications to try. Has your BF directly/explicitly told you your lack of sex drive is causing issues or is that the story you’re telling yourself? Have your tried adding in intimate moments throughout the day? There are a lot of ways to be intimate that aren’t sex.
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 05:32 PM
5

Affirmatively initiate earlier in the evening, so it isn’t an issue. My husband knows that I do all my skin care right before bed and that I can be a goopy mess after depending on the night, so he knows that he’s probably missed the boat at that point. I realize you might not be in an LTR where you can be this direct, but I’ve told my husband “Hey, after I do my skin care our options for intimacy are limited, so don’t wait to initiate if that’s what you’re feeling.” If it does ever happen, he ge…
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 05:27 PM
69

Based on your post history, you’re on a medication that is notorious for destroying sex drives in both men and women. It also makes sex less enjoyable when you have it. Have you spoken with you PCP about the possible side effects and alternative options?
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 05:21 PM
1

Early/ mid-20s
/r/RedPillWomen26/07/23 10:52 PM
3

What did your relationship look like before you got the ring? We dated for less than a year before getting engaged, so our relationship definitely continued to evolve after he proposed. At the time he proposed, we were living together but there was obviously still a lot of newness left in the relationship. What did you do for him and what didn't you do for him? We started living together after 3-4 months of dating. At 6 months I sold off my house, so I didn’t have a separate place anymore. We di…
/r/RedPillWomen26/07/23 06:57 PM
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