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StupidHappyPancakes Archive

View 1 post and 183 comments by StupidHappyPancakes on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
31

DISCUSSIONStupidHappyPancakes/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 08:09 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

How does he act when times get tough? That tells you a lot about a relationship partner. How is his mood if he gets bad news, how does he react to frustration, and how does he react if you get sick or hurt? Is he dependable and trustworthy, and by this I don't mean just will he stay sexually faithful, I mean do you trust him with money, do you trust him with your secrets and your vulnerability, and do you trust that if he promises to do something, he WILL do it? How is he around loud, annoying s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:19 AM
5

It's relentless boundary pushing. Guys like that are just constantly seeing what the woman will tolerate and what he can get away with, and it's a horrible way to live because what makes them feel alive is transgressing the boundaries of others, so they are NEVER satisfied and can never truly be trusted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:04 AM
6

As a woman who remarried her abusive ex, I can confirm that you will regret it forever if you allow that man back into your life. If things had worked out with his side chick, he wouldn't give a damn about you, and you are far too valuable and important to be someone's "backup" choice just because he misses being taken care of by a woman and enjoying the privilege of your company. I honestly think that almost all breakups should be final, unless the person who screwed up the relationship takes t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:01 AM
6

Was this the asshole husband who was running around being gay behind your back or the monster narcissist who broke your finger? I was so horrified when I just read this comment, and then I remembered your username and that we had talked before because we both had ex-husbands who were screwing men behind our backs. (Ha, and for that matter, your guy broke your finger, and mine cut off my toe...) Shit, I hope with every fiber of my being that this childbirth story was LONG in the past along with t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 01:46 AM
18

I don't even know why guys who live REALLY far away still message women on OLD. I set my distance parameters within about a 45 minute ride because I didn't want to deal with the hassle of tons of driving, yet there was a guy about EIGHT hours away who was trying to talk me into a relationship, saying he could just drive up and stay with me every weekend. Uh...SO much wrong with that, especially since we hadn't even met! Then this other guy messaged me from a neighboring country. In retrospect, I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 01:22 AM
4

Men: We're running out of ideas...how about male athletes just start claiming to be females and thereby kill female sports for good?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:02 AM
2

As far as general advice for someone your age, I'd say put your best effort into your education, building your career, and achieving at least a small measure of financial stability. The more you take care of yourself and your future, the less you will "need" from a man, which makes you SO much less vulnerable to abusers and scumbags. I'm telling you, there's a class of predators out there who like nothing more than to find a woman who's lonely, or struggling with money, or desperate to get marri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:00 AM
1

You need to get yourself a gun and learn how to use it. That's some terrifying shit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 05:04 AM
1

Is this the dude that invented MGTOW? 😀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 04:47 AM
2

Has your mom been able to find her way to a better life yet?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 04:19 AM
3

How awful is it that a husband actually standing by his seriously ill wife seems like such an amazing and unusual thing? Far too many men don't pay an ounce of attention to the "in sickness and in health" part of their vows and can't even tolerate a woman who develops a chronic medical problem or needs to recover from a surgical procedure for a couple of months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 04:17 AM
3

This is the one shred of dignity I kept in my abusive marriage because I flat out refused to breed with him unless he massively changed. He wanted a baby like a toddler wants a puppy, and he basically just wanted some other human to terrorize and demand adulation from. I said no way in hell will I give life to a child just so they can be abused by you. The scary thing is that I can guarantee that he has kids now and is just as much of a monster as he ever was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 04:02 AM
1

Has he decided he's going to become a woman yet? You'd be surprised how many guys who are anime addicts go in that direction eventually!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 01:59 AM
2

If it were me, I wouldn't date in college. The single best thing you can do in life for your own safety and sanity is to be as independent and secure as possible, which means finding a good career, which means kicking ass in school, which means avoiding time drainers and energy sucks. You wouldn't want to get a C- on a hugely important midterm because you were too busy making out with some fuckboy frat guy whose mom still does his laundry, would you? You don't EVER want to set yourself up to dep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 01:52 AM
6

My ex-husband was 1, 2, AND 3. No wonder I was doomed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 01:26 AM
24

You are SO right. I got into a disabling car accident about a year after moving in with my ex, and my inability to make money so I could survive without him left me stuck living with a monster and his abusive whims. I also saw strong hints of his bad side before we moved in together, but my home life was so abusive that I was simply desperate to get away. Make no mistake, the very worst abusers in the world WILL sniff you out if you're vulnerable like this. And it's tremendously unfair that havi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 02:52 AM
7

I'm so sorry you went through this. I did too. I don't know if your gay ex-husband is the same ex as the abusive narcissist, but my ex-husband was definitely both gay and an abusive narcissist. My ex had no fear of coming out, but I think he decided he'd just take what he could from me before he moved on to his new life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 12:10 AM
22

We also tend to think that our partner appreciates us going through hell to forgive them, but in reality, they despise us for being so weak. I now think an affair should always be the end of a relationship, because it is hell on earth not being able to trust your partner, who is supposed to be the ONE person you can trust most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 10:20 PM
20

They eat like frat boys until a doctor tells them their life is at risk or a woman forces him to give a damn about his health, which he resents and inevitably results in him downing entire pizzas in secret because "no woman can control me."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 01:01 AM
13

If you do a soft icy pastel pink as opposed to the really neon pink most people choose, it can actually be quite flattering and, believe it or not, can look quite classy with the right haircut and/or style. The only bummer is that to get optimal results, you have to get your hair to platinum blonde first before you can later add the pink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 10:32 AM
7

Yeah, it's pretty embarrassing to be in the situation of being in a terrible relationship and then one day your partner leaves you. People who read about my ex-husband's abuse sometimes praise me for being smart enough and strong enough to leave him, but nope, not only did I put up with all the abuse, but I don't even have the dignity of having stood up for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 10:19 AM
4

I just spent God knows how many hours going through those comments. What this monster did to the OP is just plain evil, but I'm even more disturbed by the fact that a good 90% of the comments, even the most helpful ones, made sure to say how great BDSM is and how choking is SO safe and sexy "if it's done right." What the fuck is going so wrong that we're not even supposed to QUESTION why a "decent man" would ever dream of choking his partner, even if she asked for it? And the fact that so many o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 04:24 AM
4

I've never wanted to have kids, even when I was a little kid myself. And of course everyone tells you you'll change your mind, but it hasnt happened to me. My abusive ex wanted kids, but I told him I refused to even consider bringing a child into existence to suffer with such an abusive father. I'm definitely 8000% happy I didn't make any babies then. Now I'm with a good guy, and I think he'd do quite well with kids, but he's never really wanted them either. I'll be hitting 40 in a couple of mon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 02:33 AM
12

They peddle this shit and make it seem like all a woman had to do is make a vague accusation and the man will go to prison for the rest of his life. In reality, only 1% of rapes result in ANY prison time at all! And they say, "Well, even if he doesn't go to prison, his life is ruined by an accusation" when we all know damn well that these men's lives weren't ruined. They bring up MeToo and say nonsense like, "Because of MeToo, I'm not going to help any women at work because they'll just make som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:55 AM
38

I can honestly say that I never felt like I was treated differently due to being a woman all throughout my higher education, except for one bizarre incident. All eight of the doctoral students in our specialty got together with a foreign professor to talk about our research, and I was the only woman there, and he asked each of the other students about their research and then blatantly skipped over me. I think he thought I was some kind of waitress or caterer or something because he only spoke to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 12:49 AM
62

At least a lot of those women divorce those men as soon as they get their citizenship status stabilized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 11:27 PM
70

I agree with the sentiment behind this, but I'd argue that highly attractive women don't necessarily get respected either. They may get treated better initially, but it's all faked because he thinks of her as a sex object. And if a guy is only respectful to you because he sees you as a sexual conquest, he'll dump you once he's bored with you, he finds a new target, and/or God forbid your looks slip a little. When it comes to the deeper form of respect, like trusting someone's judgment and valuin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:24 PM
5

I tend to agree almost all of the time. It's always particularly noticeable when a woman asking for advice about a man is deperately seeking the exact right words that will wake him up, because that means she's already tried everything she could think of to communicate her needs to him and everything failed. The reason I said she could maybe go on that one date is because of the timing of how the virus interfered in her relationship, because I don't think they had really spent enough time togeth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 08:57 PM
6

Yeah, there's something fishy as hell about this post. This woman seemed awfully unbothered by this new information considering the magnitude of this bad act, and it seems like she isn't even remotely planning to contemplate splitting up. And I too find the level of detail bizarre, along with the fact that the tone of the post is more...celebratory as opposed to traumatized. It reads like a revenge fantasy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 10:26 AM
2

Well, if it helps, my guy's autistic and I'm not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:28 AM
2

Ha, both my birds prefer my fiance to me now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 07:40 AM
51

Women ignore their own heartbreak and forgive men for cheating even if it damn near kills them inside, and they make the mistake of thinking the men will be grateful and appreciative for the second chance. In reality, however, men seem to literally despise women who give them them the gift of forgiveness, and a man will lose all respect for a woman because he thinks it makes her weak. I also wonder if sometimes the man reacts so poorly after an affair because he was kind of hoping she'd get piss…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 10:35 PM
15

What disturbs me about that kind of behavior is that it must work sometimes, right? All the creepy and predatory ways men manipulate women like this wouldn't exist if it didn't pay off for them now and then, and that makes me so sad for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 08:54 PM
69

Getting me gifts every week would make me really suspicious of his intentions, even if he were a millionaire and could easily afford it. Constantly buying you things is just another version of love-bombing, which usually means that the man is doing the easiest things he can to show that he cares; buying a woman off is an easy way to artificially make her feel more loved than she really is. Hell, if a man got me a gift every single week, I'd be more inclined to think that there was something awfu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 08:45 PM
2

Oh sheesh, I had no idea that was a common line! I thought it was a lame joke but kind of funny, but if it's super common, yeah, that's not funny and is quite gross. When I see the types of profiles and messages that are on OLD dating today, I'm honestly shocked how much worse things have gotten since I was on OKC seven years ago. I never got a sexual comment or a dick pic, nobody asked for nudes, and although I saw plenty of low-effort profiles, I never saw any of those stupid passive-aggressiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 07:19 PM
2

Actual birds! I've got a macaw and a cockatoo, and they are exceedingly intelligent and talkative even by parrot standards. When I was dating, I only had my cockatoo at the time, and I assumed that everyone would at least find him interesting because he speaks in full sentences that he makes up, he is an amazing dancer, and he makes up his own little songs too. Yet almost all the guys who saw him or heard him just acted like he literally wasnt there, which I found super strange. I mean, I've eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 07:11 PM
2

Maybe I'd be more forgiving towards this guy acting so badly this time, but I was already concerned about your relationship when I read how long you've been together and how many times you've broken up, and this relationship has gotten more than enough of an opportunity to work out yet it STILL hasn't. Time to kill it for good and not look back!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 05:10 AM
4

A lot of guys can't stand birds or at best act like they aren't there. It's definitely a helpful way to filter out men who wouldn't give a damn about my little guys..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 03:45 AM
1

Yeah, defensiveness is never a good sign. If he had apologized for the miscommunication and asked you out again, I'd be inclined to say give him a second chance, but it sounds like he's putting his bruised ego first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 10:04 PM
4

You don't find ten shirtless bathroom pictures flexing his muscles a turnon?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 07:56 AM
6

Except he already said his family is everything but yet he has no friends, so to me that says he either lives in his parents' basement or he is a pathological mama's boy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:47 AM
1

That's a damn good question! You've put your finger on the central issue. I mean, yeah, I REALLY miss sex, and I hate it that he always looks so adorable and I'd just like to jump his bones; maybe I'd even be happier if he was hideous and I did NOT want to fuck him. 😁 But ultimately, if I had to answer one way or the other, I'd still say that I don't feel like I'm settling. I love him deeply, and I genuinely admire him as well. We've been together seven years and the more I learn about him, the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:45 AM
6

Ugh, I wish I could take credit for being brave enough to leave him, but he was ultimately the one who left me. He kept holding out promises that things would get better when he was done school, then it was he needed a job in his new field first, then he needed a better job, then I had to enroll in a graduate program and move across the country to do so. And I kept jumping through hoops because he would always swear that the abuse would stop. He used my money from a car accident settlement to fu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:29 AM
10

Honestly, the most horrifying aspect of it is that everyone else in the world thinks he's the world's greatest guy. It's like being trapped in a horror movie when you're the only one who sees what's under the mask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:20 AM
1

I never wanted a gun in my house. In fact, when I answered questions on my OKC dating profile, I said I'd never be comfortable with it. But when I ended up with a new boyfriend who had been around guns his whole life and was very comfortable with them, I felt so much safer and calmer. I have a sadistic monster of an ex-husband, and it's nice not to jump out of my skin every time there is a bump in the night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:08 AM
3

I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't keep in contact with your ex's son. It must have been very hurtful because you were a part of his life for so many years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:00 AM
4

I tend to think I'd actually prefer a divorced man to a widower. A guy who's divorced probably has a more chaotic life, but there's at least a chance that the first marriage was just a bad fit and he's still a good guy and a good romantic partner when he's with someone else. When someone's spouse dies, they seem to look at their relationship through incredibly rose-tinted glasses and put their deceased spouse on a pedestal, and how can you compete with a saintly ghost?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:59 AM
4

Yes! Bad relationships trick you into thinking you're an unstable emotional wreck, but all of a sudden when the cancerous guy leaves, it's just...quiet. One thing I noticed quickly is that I used to wake up and go downstairs to the living room with great apprehension, and I'd try to suss out if my asshole ex-husband would be in one of his moods that day. I swear it got to the point where I could just sense his black aura before I even saw him (and I don't even believe in auras!). It was amazing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:54 AM
1

This is the big thing I'm struggling with in my relationship. We get along perfectly and he treats me better than anyone ever has, but he's highly averse to touch due to Asperger's and thus has little to no interest in sex. It sucks because I'm more attracted to him than any other guy I've met. And because sex tends to overstimulate him, the sex isn't very good on the rare occasions it happens. This man has already stuck with me through all kinds of hell and my horrible health, and he not only m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:42 AM
3

I don't know how old you were in that relationship, but it seems to me that the younger you are, the more likely your relationships will be based mostly on sexual attraction and/or some really superficial similarities. When you're younger you think, wow, this guy likes the same obscure band I like, and his parents also divorced when he was young, and he likes animals! Later you realize that having a lot in common in no way means that you share common ethics, beliefs, life goals, philosophy regar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:28 AM
2

I had the same experience with my narcissist ex too! He was cruel and selfish in almost every other way, but when it came to sex I'd get a minimum of five orgasms from it, and he'd do oral every time. Sometimes I would actually tell him to stop because I was tired, and he'd insist I have more orgasms first, which definitely wasn't sexy at that point and often felt like being controlled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:22 AM
4

It's likely because it's being framed as being "empowering" and "being comfortable with her body and her sexuality."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:15 AM
7

I HATE when people send you five more questions when you're still answering their first question. It makes conversation totally chaotic and lacking flow, and it starts to feel like doing homework.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:12 AM
2

Number one kind of made me chuckle, but I don't see what the point of having a joke profile is? Does this strategy ever work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:02 AM
5

I'm curious what his response was when he said he was waiting for you and you said you didn't think you had made actual plans? Did he get angry and defensive? Did he make any attempts to plan another date?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 03:57 AM
4

Oof, I just looked up my ex-boyfriend on Facebook yesterday out of curiosity because I wondered if he had done any growing up yet. I'm not saying I'm physical perfection and I'm usually attracted to guys that not everyone finds attractive anyways, but since splitting up seven years ago, he looks like he aged twenty years. Most of his hair is gone, he's fat and also carries his weight in a very unflattering way, and he's got a double chin. I kind of recoiled when I saw him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 03:50 AM
402

Is anyone else a little weirded out that she thinks God deliberately planned to break this dude's neck so that they could end up together?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 03:40 AM
30

I'd add a caveat to this, however, and that would be that if you are dealing with a true narcissist, they often excel at pretending to be kind, caring, and generous to friends and even strangers while being abusive as hell to you. It's truly alarming how good a narcissistic man can be at faking being a decent human being. My ex worked in a pediatric ICU and talked passionately about "saving poor little babies' lives" but when he'd come home, he'd gloat about a baby probably dying soon because he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 03:33 AM
77

Many men get away with horrible eating habits and lack of exercise for a lot of years, which somehow tricks them into thinking they're healthy, then they hit a certain age and their fast metabolism suddenly disappears and they show the effects of their lifestyle all at once. And even that weight gain rarely motivates them to change their ways unless they have a major health scare and/or the woman he is with starts pushing him to eat better and exercise (but as soon as she's out of sight, he eats…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 01:20 AM
2

Wow, it seems like that class you took had some really good information. Now I'll be trying to think of pooping against gravity...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 01:16 AM
2

Huh, I had no idea that c-sections could be so terrible. I always thought to myself that if I ever had misfortune to need to give birth that a c-section would be easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 10:15 PM
2

What's the most ridiculous thing about this man's shitty and abusive attitude is that this woman is still feeding the baby breastmilk, she's simply opting to pump her milk and sometimes supplement with formula.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:25 PM
5

I suspect postpartum depression has far more to do with mothers not receiving adequate support than it does with hormones. I'm not denying that hormone-based postpartum depression exists, but I think a lot of it is situational, which is awful because a doctor will just prescribe psych medications which do nothing for the women that just need more support and understanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:23 PM
6

I think the insistence on "natural" childbirth no matter what is an example of that kind of medical abuse. I mean, modern medicine allows for childbearing to not have to entail ridiculous pain and suffering, but the mother is supposed to opt not to take advantage of that or else she's a Bad Mother. It ties in to the cultural notion that what makes a "good woman" is her willingness to suffer. We're held to beauty standards that are at best uncomfortable but often are actively painful. We're suppo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:20 PM
4

I know colostrum is supposed to be really beneficial for the newborn's immune system, but does it have sufficient nutrition to sustain a baby for the three days until the milk comes in? I never knew it took a little while for the milk to flow. I mean, nowadays there's the option of formula, but what did women do before that was an option?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:10 PM
3

I read about those things happening during breastfeeding and can just feel my nipples retracting deep into my chest!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:07 PM
6

Men like that don't give a fuck about the hypothetical children either. They are just like little kids begging their mothers for a puppy and solemly swearing they'll do all the work, but then lose interest a month after the puppy arrives. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:05 PM
14

It's also what's best for the hypothetical baby. I'll never understand why so many kids are brought into this world under circumstances that practically guarantee a very hard life, such as having a baby to save a relationship or having a baby with an abuser. This was literally the only boundary that I had the guts to maintain with my ex-husband; there was no way in hell I'd create a human being out of thin air just to suffer the same way I was suffering with him already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:02 PM
326

This is also the kind of man that harasses his wife about her weight who just had twins a month ago. "Babe, isn't it time you get back in the gym? Haven't you been laying around doing nothing long enough yet?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:54 PM
25

The people who are so anxious about English not being their first language on Reddit almost always have better grammar and spelling than most native speakers. You did great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:40 PM
11

Parrots are actually much more intelligent than that! They learn to speak words and phrases that are useful to them the vast majority of the time as opposed to what you try to teach them. It cracks me up to think of a parrot just squawking out "Misandry! Misandry!" though. 😀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 05:22 PM
15

That's a good point, because if you keep your accusation relatively vague, he's likely to assume you know more than you do and might accidentally admit to a bunch of bad behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 03:04 AM
14

In my experience, most women who give a relationship a second chance come to regret that decision. I know that I made an enormous mistake in remarrying the same asshole I had just divorced. What tends to happen is that there's a burst of new relationship energy that increases your optimism for giving it another try, but a lot of it has to do with the security of entering a relationship with someone you already know so well; it's like putting on a pair of shoes that's perfectly broken in. However…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:59 AM
13

I live in the U.S. in an urban area that has a very large northern African Muslim population that is extremely conservative. A lot of the men drive cabs, and I've had long conversations with many of them who were clearly educated, intelligent, witty, and respectful. But then when a driver mentions his wife, I get kind of depressed because ALL the women here are forced into burkas or niqabs, or at the very most liberal, they are covered from head to toe in layers of clothing and veils. Unfortunat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:37 AM
28

Being alone is infinitely better than tolerating a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. An abusive relationship will literally shorten your life and destroy your physical health and mental wellbeing. I always get so annoyed with the way incels think that an abusive relationship is still way more preferable to being alone as they are. Their self esteem is tied to a woman finding them sexually desirable, so they believe anyone in a relationship must get a huge boost of confidence. They don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 01:53 AM
3

There's no guarantee that a divorce will be favorable to the woman, either. I was also with my ex for 14 years but we were married, and he plotted how he'd screw me over before he left. He drained all the bank accounts and left me with a ton of debt, and he hired a lawyer months in advance and got away with all of it. I put him through school and he enjoys a VERY lucrative career because of that. It's been seven years and his life is amazing, whereas it's like I wasted 14 years of my life on abs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 12:25 AM
51

I just made a comment on another thread saying that I think women are too committed to being "fair" to men, which makes women disregard their intuition because they don't have "proof" to support their nameless fears. And the sort of man you speak of is the type who knows how to operate precisely in the "gray zone" in which his behavior may set off alarm bells in his partner but he is careful not to create any evidence, and if the woman is insecure, he can just call her crazy or controlling or pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:54 PM
52

I'd also say that if you are constantly anxious and feeling a pit in your stomach when he's around, that's an incredibly bad sign. He'll try to make you feel crazy for feeling that way, but your gut is telling you something important and you need to listen! Something that a lot of people don't know is that living in a state of chronic anxiety is not only bad for your emotional and mental health, but it's also bad for your physical health over time. I just so happened to suddenly develop several …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:22 PM
8

I do find myself getting angry with mothers who choose to bring kids into the world in circumstances that pretty much guarantee the child will be miserable. The amount of awfulness and abuse I let my ex get away with is ridiculous and shameful, but I'm so glad I at least mustered enough of a backbone that I refused to bring a child into the world who'd have that monster as a father. I didn't protect myself, but at least I spared a child from having to be born into the living hell I was in. My ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:14 PM
27

Wow, that's almost exactly the situation I was in. My ex-husband was Hispanic too, and his father totally embodied the worst abusive macho Hispanic male stereotypes. The father would beat both his sons as well as my ex's mother, and his mother coped with that by forming a bizarre, quasi-incestuous bond with my ex. She'd run to him every time she was abused, and she would tell him that he needed to become a doctor so that he could buy her a big new house and a red convertible, and she started say…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:00 PM
30

The only time I ever asked a guy out he said, "I'll think about it" and I told him not to bother. Imagine, he was already planning on fucking with my feelings and we weren't even dating yet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:47 PM
19

After I saw the second caption, I was expecting this to go in an entirety different direction and her man was going to want to transition! I guess I've been spending too much time browsing r/itsafetish but the use of "tiddies" almost always indicates a man with AGP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:41 PM
2

The one good thing about narcissists is that in spite of how superior and special they believe themselves to be, they're actually all the same. Their behavior is incredibly easy to recognize and predict once you have experience dealing with one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 08:47 PM
3

That's a good point too! There are a hell of a lot of fake bisexuals nowadays because people are desperately trying to be special. I find it really annoying that people who are heterosexual and in heterosexual relationships try to make it seem like they've been oppressed for their (nonexistent) same-sex attraction. I mean, I'd feel like a ginormous asshole telling a lesbian that I understood her struggle, because although I do have same-sex sexual experience, I've always been partnered with men …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 08:44 PM
2

Oh no, don't worry about being blunt. You are absolutely correct. I think he stayed with me as long as he did because he would get whatever he wanted from me. It was such a horrible dynamic because not only was I tolerating a lot of abuse due to my traumatic childhood and lack of self-esteem, but I was also stuck with him because of being disabled and unable to work. Because I had nowhere else to go, he'd just ramp up the abuse strategically whenever he wanted something, and I just kept hoping t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 08:36 PM
3

Huh, my partner has Asperger's and as I was reading the OP, I too immediately wondered if her husband was on the spectrum!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:57 AM
1

You can set up your phone to automatically reject his calls, if he's actually calling from his own number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:12 AM
1

This man is a wretched waste of your valuable time at best. It's also chilling as fuck that this guy is already making rules about what you are "allowed" to talk about, what you can and can't do, and who you have to spend time with. This jerk is adding nothing to your life except extreme negatives!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 11:05 AM
6

It sucks, I don't think any woman actually wants to be jealous. We want desperately to trust our men but have been burned too many times before. It's been such a weird experience with my current guy because he is truly the only person in my life who I trust completely, but the first time he went to hang out with friends overnight I had a horrific choking panic attack. I felt AWFUL about putting him through that because he didn't deserve my lack of trust; it was all because of how fucked up and c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:50 AM
3

Oh yeah, and if you're looking to find out why he acted this way, you won't ever get more of an explanation than this: He did this to you because he COULD. He did it to you because he likes pushing women's buttons and making them feel small. He did it to you because he didn't care about you at all; his only interest was in taking your virginity and adding it to his trophy collection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:39 AM
3

Be grateful that you were able to keep this guy from totally ruining your life and leaving you an incoherent mess, because this is the sort of man who hurts women habitually, and worse, he hurts them for fun because he enjoys it. And that anxiety you felt around him all the time was your intuition SCREAMING at you to run away. Do you know that living in that state can even wreck your physical health quite badly? I know you're afraid of being alone and worrying that you might have made a mistake,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:34 AM
3

My ex loved to tell me that my childhood trauma had fucked up my head and had made me crazy, paranoid, and unable to trust. Yet he had already cheated on me at that point, but still had the nerve to imply that any other "normal" woman would have been just fine with it. He also used to claim that me crying right after the infidelity was me "being abusive and using his guilt against him." Yeaaahh. When my ex started the first day of his new job, he immediately made friends with a female coworker a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:12 AM
5

Oh yeah, I also just remembered that the guy I'm with now only had a one-time sexual experience with one woman and then a rather short LDR with a handful of in-person visits. We met when he was 32, and honestly I was SO glad he was lacking experience because I had previously been married for more than a decade and thus I didn't want to be dating bachelors in their 30s because they would have already accumulated so much random sex by then, and it just wouldn't have been a good fit for me. It's po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:48 AM
2

I actuallu like that he was upfront about this because guys are definitely known for lying and falsely inflating their amount of prior experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:39 AM
3

I wish I could steal your AspieGaydar special powers and go back in time with them! 😀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:37 AM
6

You're totally right that a cheater will cheat regardless, and as I was writing up the original post I was feeling badly that some bisexual women here might feel called out. I guess it's not just being with a bi person that would concern me; it's specifically bisexual men that I would avoid. We already know how most men will cheat if they get a chance to, and I think it's far easier to obtain quick and anonymous sex with men than women. A lot of it has to do with trust as well; because I didn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:35 AM
8

Thanks, and you do raise an excellent point that my ex was absolutely capable of handling the whole situation better than he did. It just sucks because I'm sure all our mutual friends and family who have a clue about his abusiveness probably handwave away his horrific behavior because the poor guy was just gay and unhappy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:24 AM
3

A lot of recovering alcoholics become really anti-alcohol and will freak out if anyone near them gets a drink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 08:53 AM
3

And the congregation could work together to rescue women stuck in abusive relationships who don't have any money or a safe place to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 08:35 AM
1

It's by far the most hassle free and side effect free birth control I've ever used. I've previously tried both male and female condoms, spermacide film, depo-provera injection, like six or seven different types of BC pills, and now the IUD, and the IUD is ridiculously superior. The only incovenience about it is that the insertion is a bit unpleasant and crampy, but it's also over with super quickly and only has to be done every three years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:26 AM
11

If you meet him online and he's using a username and not his real name, do a quick internet search for the same username. Many times he'll belong to various other sites under the same username, and then you can actually read his comments too if he's been commenting somewhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:50 AM
85

Something similar happened to me. When I started dating after my divorce, smoking was a 100% no. It was one of only a few actual dealbreakers. Well, I ended up making friends with one guy on OKC for several months while I was dating someone else, and because I wasn't looking at him as a potential date, I had never noticed in his profile that he smoked. Eventually we became interested in meeting and seeing if there would be a spark in person, and that's when all of a sudden I found out he smoked.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:42 AM
3

Did you tell your mother what you had discovered?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:01 AM
2

Don't feel guilty. You gave him another shot already, which I'm sure he didn't even deserve in the first place. Life is too short to allow someone else to make your life more difficult!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 12:51 AM
2

I have one of the newer generation IUDs that is meant for smaller uteri, Skyla. It has a small amount of locally acting hormones, which is wonderful because it makes your periods way easier and lighter, but you aren't getting all the side effects from the hormones being ingested. I absolutely adore this as far as birth control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 12:16 AM
2

If you aren't doing so yet, start taking a good high-dose biotin supplement. It can make a dramatic difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 12:08 AM
15

I'm so sorry he put you through all that. My situation was really similar as far as getting married way too young largely because my family is awful and I had nobody else but him. I'm so glad your ex is out of your life and can't hurt you or drain you any longer. It sounds like your ex wasn't even just in denial about his sexuality but was also an abuser, and what I hate about that is that everyone will praise these men up and down for their "bravery" when they come out of the closet, but everyo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:22 PM
6

I'm not entirely sure how those allergies affect me. I've got some autoimmune conditions and thus usually feel not-so-healthy, so that often masks symptoms of other conditions. I did realize after the allergy test, however, that after an extended cuddle session where I'd nuzzle faces with one of my birds, I do immediately get some sniffles and congestion, but somehow I never noticed before! It sucks, though, because on of my parrots is naturally very dusty, and apparently I'm really allergic to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 11:09 PM
39

A lot of people don't actually know their allergy status unless they have experienced substantial symptoms or done a formal allergen test. Sometimes allergies manifest in less obvious ways. I've had parrots all my life since I was about seven, and decades later I ended up finding out that I'm extremely allergic to birds! I've also been around dogs a large proportion of my life, and I'm incredibly allergic to them too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 08:16 PM
22

The ultimate NVM phrase: "I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. I can change!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 07:09 PM
49

There is literally nothing that my ex accomplished in his life before we divorced that he did on his own, and now he has a high-paying career and continues to enjoy the fruits of my labor and support. He isn't even remotely embarrassed about any of it, either! Many, many women help their men achieve their dreams at great cost to themselves, and the vast majority of the time, the man will show his gratitude by ditching that woman as soon as he becomes successful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 07:07 PM
57

Just yesterday I saw some dude arguing on a relationship sub that women never let men know what they want, and it's goddamn infuriating because the average woman does everything humanly possible to let the guy know she isn't happy with something. They tell the man a million times, desperately searching for the right time, the right tone of voice, and the perfect words that will make him listen. She'll talk to her friends, post online asking for help, read tons of relationship books, put herself …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 07:02 PM
3

This relationship sounds kind of awful and you haven't even been together all that long yet. Yeah, you can certainly do MUCH better than putting up with this, and that's why he's trying to guilt and control you into staying with him. And the thing that scares me the most is his jealous and controlling nature. When a man gets to the point where he's dictating how you dress and whether or not you're allowed to work out, I view that as being an extremely substantial predictor for ever-increasing je…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 06:30 AM
4

Any violent behavior at all. He may not punch YOU, but he might throw something in your direction or punch a hole in the wall right next to you. It will NEVER end up being a "one time thing*, and it was never "just an accident" in the first place. I am horrifically ashamed to admit that my ex-husband threw a vase at me that cut off an entire toe within the first year we were together out of about 14 total years. And I had to get rushed in for emergency surgery and I was in SO much pain because t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 06:10 AM
2

Ha, both of my parrots vastly prefer my fiance to me! My cockatoo even talks about him constantly: "I love Daddy. I very like Daddy. Very, very good Daddy. C'mere Daddy, step up. Daddy's nice. Daddy's so cute." He hasn't bothered to learn how to say, "Mommy" at all. It's okay, though, because he's a good guy and treats my little brats like they were his own children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 10:54 PM
2

An entire year without at least committing to being exclusive sounds pretty awful to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 10:32 PM
12

How old are you two? Have you ever discussed marriage before with him in any way? Are both you and him at very stable points in your life, e.g. completely monogamous, finished with school, holding down jobs, not addicted to anything, not in the midst of a major financial, family, or mental health crisis? If one or both of you isn't yet truly ready to get married, then that shouldn't be a concern for you yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:05 PM
2

When I was dating my Hispanic ex-husband, his family was actually really racist against me for being white. His parents actually went through the effort to import some random girl from their home country in an attempt to make him date her and break up with me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 07:24 PM
3

Thank God, I thought you were serious! 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 06:06 AM
2

It wasn't because she didn't like you. It's because dear old mommy was missing her baby boy and was jealous that he had a new woman in his life. She won't share her recipes so that her son has to visit her when he wants a specific food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 11:20 PM
15

A new man's dick doesn't actually change the vagina's size. A vagina will temporarily stretch a bit to accomodate a larger than usual object, but it certainly doesn't stay that way. A woman who slept with ten men with different sized dicks three times a week isn't going to be "looser" than a woman who sleeps with her husband three times a week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 09:44 PM
39

Wait, how can a bunch of incels simultaneously complain about not getting laid AND claim they are part of the 20% of men that get ALL the sex?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 09:39 PM
12

Liberal feminism is basically the ability to pick your own poison Your whole comment was excellent but this one sentence is an answer in itself. We should make this a meme or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 08:51 PM
5

Glad that monster is your ex! I hope you're in a much better situation now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 10:08 PM
6

Well, women have it easy and they don't have it easy. It's easy to attract random dudes, I mean even women who don't have pictures yet and haven't even filled in their profiles still get swarmed with messages as soon as they join a site, but then the woman has to wade through endless piles of shitty men before she finds one that might be worthy of her time and effort. And far too many men online are only looking for a hookup even if they swear they're trying to find their soulmate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 10:05 PM
5

That's actually kind of adorable! But can you imagine that nowadays the average 12 year old has already seen hours of highly explicit porn? Children aren't even allowed to keep their innocence at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 10:01 PM
1

I was exceedingly worried about going onto the dating market after my divorce because of being both overweight and having awful health issues, and Iosing weight wasn't even an option due to the health problems. However, I honestly feel like it mostly went okay for me on OLD, although I suppose I'd give the disclaimer that I wasn't HUGE or anything, and I'm also lucky that I gain weight in a pretty optimal way so that I stay hourglassy. I made it clear what my body type was before I met up with a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:56 PM
10

There's nothing worse than a man who is constantly keeping score, and he will never stop doing it. There is literally no point at which this will change, no matter how hard you try.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:13 PM
13

I've definitely noticed that when women ask for relationship advice and the man's behavior is egregiously bad, the man is almost always notably older than the woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:08 PM
21

That's why the whole "demisexual" concept is so dumb, because all it means is that the person has to get to know and like someone before they want to fuck them, which is true for like 99% of straight women and a sizeable portion of men too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:45 PM
15

I rarely see men out in the world who immediately attract me physically, which is kind of interesting because I'm bisexual and I notice attractive women all the time. I honestly think that there are simply more objectively attractive women than there are men, especially as their age increases. Even guys who have a good face and body aren't necessarily actively attractive because they wear nondescript clothes and hairstyles, and they just look boring and average. For me, apart from those very rar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:41 PM
31

It's because men advise other men to wear beards, even when women emphatically say otherwise. If you look at any of the appearance rating subs, maybe like 1 in 20 dudes with facial hair get any comments from women saying they like it at all; all the rest are told to shave that shit off. But the male commenters not only approve of all forms of facial hair but even have the tendency to tell just about every clean-shaven dude that he should grow a beard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:22 PM
42

I am SO sick of the whole beard trend and all the pretentious other forms of facial hair that came along with it; it's been going on way longer than trends usually do. Very few men can pull off any form of facial hair, but men treat beards as these magical things that make them seem super manly. They also rely on beards to make up for the weak points in their facial structure, but they just don't understand that a recessive chin can often be more noticeable with a patchy beard on top of it. The …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:18 PM
1

write foul words on me Sheesh, is this some common thing now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:39 AM
13

Off topic, but I get such joy from the way older poetry is composed; I love the careful rhythms and the purposeful rhyming. I feel like whenever I hear modern poetry, it's just a bunch of various words and phrases read in an exceedingly pompous and affected voice. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:08 AM
5

I've seen articles claiming that something like 20-25% of young undergraduate women in certain U.S. colleges and universities had some kind of sugaring going on. It's bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:00 AM
2

What does "flatrate sex" mean? Is there a time limit or something? I'm kind of afraid to ask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:56 AM
15

I was really disappointed with the first guy I got exclusive with after my divorce. He was very intelligent and kind, and he was genuinely really into me sexually and as a person. Because my marriage had been nothing but abuse, I was giving the new guy an awful lot of extra credit just for liking me and not being mean to me, but I started to realize that even though we were the same age, it was like he was twelve years younger than me in terms of life experience and responsibility. And my life w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:54 AM
3

Not to get all political here, but I've never before encountered anyone in person or online, voting Democrats included, who was actually enthusiastic about Biden. The most ringing endorsement I ever hear is, "He's better than Trump." Some dude just gushing about how awesome Biden is has to be some form of red flag in itself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:22 AM
13

Well, he's cute. Kinda looks like he has no soul, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:12 AM
4

That was when I first tried OLD. It wasn't as terrible back then. I'm glad I'm not the only one who remembers OLD not being that awful. I did Match.com in 2005 and OkCupid in 2012, and I was in two different parts of the U.S. each time, and my experience was kind of okay both times: Match.com yielded more guys just looking for hookups, but I certainly never got any filthy messages, dick pics, or requests for nudes or anything. OKC was even better because it seemed to yield guys who weren't only …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:50 AM
31

I know this is supposed to be uplifting, and I'm certainly glad that the husband feels like shit now, but I can't help but think of the horrible caliber of men on online dating who are messaging a married woman within an hour of her uploading a new profile. It's not like these are a bunch of honorable suitors here...they're likely bottom of the barrel scumbags who just want to grab a quick bang from an unhappy and insecure woman. This woman might feel even worse about herself when she figures ou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:21 AM
4

Only like 1% of sexual assaults ever end up with the rapist seeing any prison time at all. I'd have to think that a great many victims regret reporting and trusting they'd see justice, only to end up being humiliated and defamed on top of everything else. It's pathetic what an awful job society does with these crimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 06:06 AM
21

My ex-husband is now married to another man, and even he could handle period PIV and oral sex too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 05:58 AM
16

Can you imagine a giant statue immortalizing the moment you got assaulted by some random dude?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 05:49 AM
3

He leaves me my favourite candy around the house for me to find Are you having a romantic relationship with the Easter Bunny?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 08:08 PM
3

I'll never understand why people who have no interest in parenting children OR financially supporting them feel compelled to keep making babies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 06:57 PM
3

Were they ex-wives or was your father an actual bigamist?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:59 AM
2

I don't know, but I can only imagine what ridiculous excuse my ex gave Ooh, I know, I know! "Babe, I've been thinking so much about the wedding and everything, and suddenly it hit me: This is for real, like for REAL, and I'm going to be with this perfect lady for the rest of my life. And I just, I don't know, I guess I freaked out for a minute and had a couple too many beers, but I was just contacting my ex because I was overwhelmed by how much I love you and how happy I am we're finally going t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:56 AM
1

I highly doubt he got down to the roots, either, which means they will still come back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:41 AM
5

Except soulsuckers usually also take your money!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:27 AM
8

Actually, do you notice that the younger men nowadays aren't even making real friendships with other men nowadays? A lot of guys really seem to expect their eventual mate to be their everything; she'll give him validation, provide him direction and ambition, give him emotional support, and heal all his past hurts. I truly think that men are getting more dependent on women as women get more independent, which is why there is such rage from incels, etc. nowadays.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:25 AM
20

I highly doubt that he's making good money with just nudes, and I also highly doubt he's making good money appealing to just women either. I fear that this is one of those situations where you'll have to drag the REAL truth out of him bit by bit. He was already secretive about his job, and now he just gives you some vague answer about making good money selling his own faceless nudes. Does that sound remotely plausible? You haven't gotten the whole story yet. I can practically guarantee you that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:04 AM
6

God, reading all that was nauseating. I just can't understand this woman at all. I mean, I put up with a terrible marriage to an abusive narcissist, but I also was disabled, had no way to support myself, and had no family to turn to. If I had been able-bodied, self-sufficient, and pulling in six figures...I damn well would have walked the fuck right out the first time he was abusive. And my self-esteem was shit at the time and I still would have given anything to be on my own! The cherry on top …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 03:29 AM
2

It is SO important for a man to display this kind of loyalty and care. All the other high value characteristics your partner might have--his intelligence, his wit, his education, his amazing career, his cooking skills--ultimately pale in comparison to a man who knows how to step up when the going gets tough. You'd be surprised how many men are capable of being perfect husbands for years, but end up cheating or leaving within a couple of months of their wives' serious health problem starting. I d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:34 AM
2

You know what is EXTRA unfair? Researchers are learning more and more now about how massively childhood trauma increases the chances of chronic illnesses as an adult. So it's like your horrible abusive parents screw you over as a kid, then they screw you over with bad health as an adult and aren't even there to help you through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:24 AM
1

What would he have done if like four of you had said yes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:18 AM
2

Hey fellow successful high school dropout! I ended up really happy with my college experience, even though I was depressed as hell to go to such an "inferior" school at first. I ended up getting a full scholarship to an Ivy League grad program after that; you can totally make the most out of whatever school you end up in, and given how expensive tuition is and that you aren't even guaranteed a job upon graduation, why not save some serious money? It's also great because if you go to a community …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 01:56 AM
7

Then you've got the exact opposite problem when a guy loves and respects the hell out of you but doesn't feel "entitled" to ask for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 12:40 AM
7

I had to literally write a formal letter detailing the abuse my parents put me through and how I had to drop out of high school and move out alone to prove that my parents weren't supporting me when I applied for financial aid. It's absolutely absurd that they just make the assumption that everyone has parents who a) give a shit and b) have the ability to help with school financially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 12:15 AM
4

That reminds me of when my ex made breakfast for me a couple of mornings and then made a big fuss about telling me he wasn't going to do it anymore because I might get "used to it."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 03:40 AM
14

It's not exactly something specific he did, it's more about his consistency and reliability during even a horribly stressful time like this. We've been incredibly fortunate that he's been able to work almost completely from home and still get full pay, but it's still a big change for us to be home together all day and all night. The thing is, him being here all the time hasn't led to any conflict or stress whatsoever, and neither of us is trying to get more alone time. He still wants to spend al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 10:46 PM
26

Defensiveness is definitely a bad sign, because it shows that he views his pride as far more important than your feelings. If you approach a man with a reasonable request that is expressed in a reasonable manner (i.e., if you scream at him and call him names, then of course it's natural for him to be defensive!), then he should want to hear you out and become a better man for you. There's nothing worse than someone constantly trying to argue you out of how you feel, and unfortunately it's a real…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 10:24 PM
6

Wait, so they divorced in the end? What broke them up, then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 10:12 PM
25

Hint: It's NEVER "just online." Even if it starts out that way, the man will eventually put his thoughts into action one way or another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 10:09 PM
13

My great-grandparents by all accounts had a pretty great marriage. They both worked but actually split the housework and childcare very evenly, and they had a sex life that was so great that their exploits were kind of legendary in the family. They were together until he died, and my great-grandmother never even entertained the possibility of being with anyone else, even though she lived another thirty years after him. Yet even in this good relationship, he had a jealousy problem and did all tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 10:03 PM
8

How sad is it that this man is already this desperate after ONE month of not getting laid? There's a near infinite supply of free porn (because you know this guy's already a porn addict anyways) and he's got two good hands. It's so pathetic how some men treat lack of sex as a dire emergency. People around the world are losing their livelihoods and lives, but all you hear is desperate whining about sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 09:49 PM
4

I'm so glad I'm not the only person sickened when guitars get smashed for absolutely no good reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 09:45 PM
5

Mine made me move across the country (we were married), abused me to the point my health had a complete collapse, then left me stranded out here alone, after draining every penny of the bank accounts and running up massive debt on the credit cards. It's absolutely ridiculous how cold and cruel most men will be if your health becomes a problem. If there were any justice, they'd all get horrible cancer and die alone, but we all know they'll find some poor woman who will be willing to sacrifice her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 09:39 PM
10

The same traits that can make someone super successful in the business world can be absolutely horrible when in a relationship. There's usually a certain ruthlessness, insane competitive drive, and a cold, calculating nature that propels them to the top, but most particularly if they succeed at a comparatively young age. Even if he doesn't display those kind of characteristics too egregiously in the relationship, he is still likely to be a workaholic who is prepared to sacrifice everything to su…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 09:33 PM
40

I always seem to see some very similar posts here that are like, "He's definitely high value because he's a rich doctor and never makes me pay for dinner!" and then the rest of the post is a bunch of "buts." "But it's been six months and he won't show me where he lives," "But he forgot my birthday," "But he lives across the country and we've never met," "But he sometimes calls me a stupid child who could never understand what he does as a doctor," etc. Status and money are such tempting foundati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 09:10 PM
18

Some of these men do exist, but boy do they seem like a rarity. So many men ditch relationships as soon as the going gets tough, and even when they don't actually leave the relationship, they often begin affairs because they "deserve it" for staying with a woman who is no longer perfect. My ex-husband was so abusive that it resulted in actual severe physical illness for me, and once he'd gotten everything he could from me, he cleaned out the bank accounts and left me with literally no way to buy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 10:07 PM
39

Does anyone else notice that the type of people who say, "You can't always get what you want," rarely give you much of ANYTHING that you want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 10:04 AM
2

I know that several commenters have mentioned that you need to immediately collect all of your important documents so you can keep them safe, but I'd tell you to also make either one or two copies of everything. It's important to be able to store the original documents somewhere super safe, such as the home of a friend or family member or at the bank. Be absolutely fanatical about recording every bit of evidence you possibly can. Every single time this man says anything whatsoever to you whether…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 09:59 AM
51

Men want to win at all costs. Saying the cruelest thing to her that he could think of was a massively disproportionate overboard attack, which doesn't just let him win, it also lets him destabilize and hurt the woman, which is a BIG win because it sets her up to doubt herself and to fear ever beginning a difficult discussion with him again. If she just so much as asks him to dry the dishes, she now knows there's the risk he'll call her fat, crazy, etc. until he "wins" again (i.e. woman collapses…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 06:57 AM
2

I am in absolute awe of all you've accomplished. I wish I had your strength when I was with my ex-husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:31 PM
1

I think this would freak a lot of woman out, which is kind if funny because if the sexes were reversed, a man wouldn't be stressing out whatsoever because his girlfriend wanted to spend too much money on him! This behavior isn't really giving me huge red flags like I usually get with relationship questions, and moreover, it sounds like you're keeping your guard up, so I think as long as you stay careful and skeptical, there's no need to run away in fear just yet. It sounds like he not only has m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:33 PM
2

Yeah, I dated a guy who was fundamentally a rather decent person, but I honestly felt more mature than him by at least ten years even though we were the same age. I had a master's degree, a condo, and kickass credit, and he was taking an online course every now and then and working as a paperboy. I wouldn't care if he made little money if he was at least trying, but who the hell thinks working two hours a day is appropriate for a 32 year old who isn't even in school or anything? When we went out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:20 PM
2

I've honestly never given two shits about a man's height, but deliberate lying about it would just look desperate and insecure. I never even gave men's height a second thought until I came to Reddit and saw so many men complaining about women only dating men over six foot tall, and I was like, sheesh, I'm 5'4" and my ex-husband was 5'8" and I thought he was precisely the right size (abusive monster, but the right size). I never dated anyone much taller either, either before marriage or after my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:10 PM
7

I would give anything to go back in time and tell myself not to tolerate being with someone I couldn't trust 100% for snooping. When a man hides things from you, yet still gets pissy with you for snooping instead of reassuring you and being more open with you, it's bad news. You don't want to live like that. Hell, it will be WAY more egregiously noticeable if you are living together all the time. You'll notice his secretive behavior much more when you're around each other day and night. The chro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:53 PM
8

Isn't it incredible what a difference it is when you suddenly have a partner you actually can trust? My ex-husband literally made me nauseous all the time because he was constantly lying and I'd sense it, but like in your situation, he'd just blame it on me being "emotionally fucked up" or "paranoid and controlling," even though he had already cheated on me once. Whenever he'd say he had to work late, or run to the supermarket, or hang out with friends, I'd stress out like crazy. It wasn't that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:38 PM
1

Actually, many people who are brunettes as adults were once completely blond up until about their late teens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 04:09 AM
8

On the most fundamental level, it was shocking to me when my boyfriend would be away from me or hanging out with other people, and I didn't feel the sick sense of apprehension and suspicion that was the norm with my ex-husband. I never would have thought I could actually count on a man not to cheat, or break his promises, or spend money behind my back, etc. It's AMAZING to finally be able to trust a guy. My ex always treated me the cruelest when my health was the worst, and he ultimately left fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 03:01 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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