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Tjodleik Archive

View 0 posts and 279 comments by Tjodleik on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I was 34 when I finally started gaining some traction with women. Now, at soon to be 44, it still isn't "easy," and I've had some major setbacks along the way, but I'm slowly making progress.
/r/seduction12/02/20 03:16 PM
1

Because he's a fictional character that appeals to the fantasies about powerful men, submission, "forbidden" stuff and being swept off their feet that a lot of women have, and they ignore the bad stuff and focus on the parts that appeal to them. Once you look past the facade Christian Grey is arrogant, malignant narcissist, who show strong sociopathic tendencies and is straight up abusive. People ignore this because he's hot and filthy rich, and tend to backward rationalize this to him being "st…
/r/seduction06/02/20 03:31 PM
1

Hank Moody. Christian Grey is a fucking dumpster fire of every bad quality men can have, and should not be emulated in any way, shape or form.
/r/seduction06/02/20 12:36 PM
11

The guy's behavior, technique etc. don't really matter. Let's turn the clock back a few years then. We introduce me ca 2005, deathly shy, stammer and mumble, stare at my shoes 99% of the time and ooze so much bad confidence that when I met an online friend IRL the first thing she said was "Jesus, you got really bad self confidence." Results with women: Fuck all. I was living woman repellent. Learn to straighten up, keep eye contact, talk louder, work my ass off to improve my confidence and chang…
/r/seduction06/02/20 03:51 AM
2

Watch this video, then figure out if going to bars solo and trying to approach is even doable for you at this point. If it causes you as much stress as I think it does, then stop it and start with something easier. Otherwise you're most likely going to do more harm than good. "Too long;Didn't watch" version: The most common model of the "comfort zone" that gets thrown around is incomplete, and people tend to do more harm than good because they inadvertently push them selves too hard. The speaker…
/r/seduction31/03/19 08:30 PM
2

Do you find yourself getting approached? There was period of about six years, from spring 2010 to mid 2016-ish, where I was approached at least once during the weekend (I went out Thursday-Friday-Saturday). With a few exceptions it was always a hot woman, and more often than not they were blatantly hitting on me. It never went anywhere though, as I'm a fat, mediocre looking dude with issues up the wazoo, but it was pretty consistent. I could never figure out what the proverbial "X-factor" that t…
/r/seduction27/06/18 02:29 PM
2

I might live to regret this, but what the hell ... I don't see much from lesser-abled dudes. Yo. Average minus-looking, fat, ASD slowpoke here. Ï've tried, both by trying to understand your situation, trying to relate to my own experiences and by providing examples of people I know who are in situations similar to yours and still succeed, but you just stick your fingers in your ears, go BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL!!!!!!!!!!11111111one and then keep harping on the same ol' excuses, clearly loo…
/r/seduction28/12/17 01:14 PM
2

Welp, if you take your art into the street it might just work. ;) And as I've learned over the past year and a half I don't function well enough to have an actual career either, so that makes two of us.
/r/seduction28/12/17 11:01 AM
1

My first thought is that this is a trust/value issue. That is, you're pushing too hard right off the bat without having the necessary social/personal value and/or trust, making the girl thinking you might be some weirdo who will make her look bad in front of her friends, or get your pants in a twist if things don't go your way. Try dialing down the flirting and making moves and focus more on showing that you're a normal guy who will handle this with the necessary finesse and subtlety.
/r/seduction27/12/17 05:36 PM
2

Money in itself are pretty much worthless, unless one is aiming for gold diggers or sugar babies. People instead associate money with certain (attractive) abilities and personality traits, and assume that because a person have money they must also have these attractive traits and abilities. Or to provide a real life counterexample; I had my most successful period regarding women when I was working a dead end job where I made the equivalent of around $11000 a year. In other words I was barely scr…
/r/seduction27/12/17 01:27 PM
3

making new friends as an adult is impossible. To quote a friend of mine, who I appropriately enough met in my early thirties: BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIT! In fact I've made more friends in the last ten years of my life than I did in my first thirty years, so age isn't a problem. Sure, it might be harder than it used to be in college, because you aren't surrounded by people who are in the same situation and share common goals and common interests, but it isn't impossible. But sure, keep telling yourself th…
/r/seduction27/12/17 04:19 AM
1

just try to stop all negative thoughts. Speaking from experience that's probably gonna bite you in the ass sooner or later. Besides, since our minds are wired so that we have to think about a concept before deciding what to do with it, you can't really stop negative thought. Anyone who did this have any tips on what to do if I catch myself thinking negatively? Allow them to exist, but don't focus excessively on them. A simple method to achieve this is to give yourself a defined time slot where y…
/r/seduction05/12/17 02:40 AM
2

Escalate until you get a negative reaction, then dial back down and slowly escalate again. I also like the rule an old mASF veteran use, which states that if everything else is going smooth and you get three negative reactions, then assume she's not interested and leave it be.
/r/seduction25/11/17 09:21 PM
1

How would I know beforehand if she likes me? By developing telepathy. Otherwise you don't, and you have to practice, get rejected, analyze, modify and try again until you are cool, and your approach is calibrated and socially reasonable. Selecting the right woman also helps, as women tend to make them selves more available when they're in the mood to be picked up. A quick and dirty example would be two girls who go out, but hardly talk to each other and spend much of the time looking around. Thi…
/r/seduction10/10/17 04:58 AM
2

To continue the line of thought /u/Hector_Castillo started, how do you gain confidence when you don't have it? "Confidence" is about as useful an advice as tossing someone who can't swim into the deep end of the pool and then yell "Just move your arms and legs!"
/r/seduction29/09/17 05:21 PM
1

Just a reminder that we really are our own biggest cock-blocks and that you're cooler than you think. Yep, this is me in a nutshell. I've basically blown countless chances, a fair number of them with girls far outside my league, all because I have this little voice in my head whispering that I'm "nothing special" and tell me this awesome, hot woman who approached me out of the blue, complimented me, grabbed my hand and flirted like there was no tomorrow is just being extra friendly. I did consid…
/r/seduction18/09/17 04:39 AM
2

I've seen and read a lot. Some good, some meh and some utter shit. My personal top 5 would be Models by Mark Manson. Very good in my opinion. You can have what you want by Michael Neill. Not directly pickup related, but it has become my go-to self development book. Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo. Really old school and some of the info is glaringly outdated, but all in all I think his guest speaker, a psychiatrist named Paul Dobransky, does a really solid job when it comes to breaking down inn…
/r/seduction16/09/17 03:05 AM
2

It's like learning any other complex skill, which means it's going to take time. Unfortunately, all you can do is accept the fact that it's going to take a while and try your best in the meantime.
/r/seduction22/08/17 12:42 PM
2

It makes all kind of sense, at least for me. Also, now you got some good reference experiences to start building on, which I think is very important. With that said, keep in mind that it is a process, and don't get too carried away by your success. Been there, done that, and it ended up biting me in the ass in the end. Not saying it will happen to you, just keep it in the back of your head.
/r/seduction22/08/17 03:43 AM
1

I haven't tried the headspace app, so I can't really tell. Back when I started meditating there was no such thing (yep, I'm that old), so I read about it in a book and started experimenting. As for exposure, my personal opinion is to either start small, or really big. That is, either find a relatively quiet place and work your way up, or find the biggest club within reasonable distance and go there. The main advantage of a small-ish place is that there is less to process, and the main advantage …
/r/seduction21/08/17 04:11 PM
2

You didn't fail. You went out alone and sober, while the vast majority of people around you are most likely drunk and would rather stay home than go out alone. So, if you are capable of facing your fears, as you did, and do what 95% of the people around you would be either unwilling to do or incapable of doing, then please explain to me how this can possibly be a failure. Also, remember that this is a process that's going to take time. If you go out and expect stellar results right off the bat y…
/r/seduction19/08/17 08:06 PM
2

Psychologists constantly publish concrete evidence that certain traits - signs of masculinity, of evolutionary fitness - are attractive to women. Then consider the facts that a lot of these traits are mental, like confidence, a sense of humor, feeling comfortable in your own skin, being unreactive, having standards/abundance mentality, being assertive and going for what you want, and calculated risk taking among other things. These things also affect what you say, how you say it, how you act, su…
/r/seduction19/08/17 01:38 AM
1

It depends on your starting point, how fast you are able to internalize new skills and how much effort you put in. Generally speaking we're probably talking at least 3-4 months if you just need to fix relatively minor issues, and up to a full year or more if you're a socially stunted hardcase who need to learn basic human interaction. Expecting results after 10 conversations is a bit like pissing in the ocean and expecting to see it rise, though. Especially if you have little experience talking …
/r/seduction13/08/17 10:05 PM
1

I'm 41. I'm not sure I would call myself "experienced," but I do have some areas where I think I'm fairly decent.
/r/seduction02/08/17 02:41 AM
1

This is just my take on it, but generally I would talk for at least a couple of minutes, both to form a connection and build trust, and to see if we are at all compatible. Keep it light and funny, though. if so what do i talk about? I'm the quiet observer type, so I tend to comment on something in my surroundings. You can also talk about the setting you're both in or something someone else is doing. All these are regarded as positive, as it builds a "you two vs the world"-vibe, which makes it ea…
/r/seduction16/07/17 01:52 AM
1

Like I said I'm not a daygamer, so teaching you "my ways" would be a fairly short and mostly useless affair. Unless you want to learn about the mental bit in general, cause then I can ramble on for hours. And I was a virgin til I was 30 and got my first kiss two months before my 30th birthday, so yes, I believe I have at least some idea of the amount of frustration you felt.
/r/seduction16/07/17 01:36 AM
1

There are a couple of options. You could just go "Hey, I thought you were cute and wanted to say hello. I'm <name>, by the way." Alternatively "Hey. I know this is kinda weird, but I thought you were cute and I just had to say hello." Then introduce yourself and take it from there. The first one is more direct and your intentions tend to be clearer, while the other one is "softer" because you acknowledge that it's an unusual situation but you decided to try anyway. It really boils down to your p…
/r/seduction15/07/17 09:27 PM
1

my logic is since im not bad looking, cant i atleast be able to get an average womab with ease? When you eat, do you eat because it looks good or because it taste good? "Looks" is just one quality that woman value, and going from my own experience I'd say it's a quality that will give you maybe a minute extra to prove that you have other qualities as well. To give you an example from the opposite side of the scale I'm a fat, mediocre looking dude who you'd think women wouldn't look at twice, but…
/r/seduction15/07/17 09:15 PM
1

This is gonna be a bit of keyboard jockeying since I do very little daygame, but based on general experience I'd say that interaction is way too short to build the trust necessary for her to give out her number. Also, drop the "excuse me" and change "beautiful" to "cute." Excuse me can work, but generally makes you look weak and inconfident, and while "beautiful" is blatantly aimed at her looks, "cute" can be interpreted as a quality as well as being based on her looks, and will thus give you a …
/r/seduction15/07/17 09:03 PM
1

so i just need to build more rapport before asking for the digits? That's hard to say without at least getting more details about exactly how you approach. Ideally you want to find someone who's better than you and get them to watch while you do your approach, so they can (hopefully) give you some pointers and tell you what/if you do something wrong and how to fix it. This is of course just a total shot in the dark based on what little information you have given us here, but your post give me a …
/r/seduction14/07/17 01:22 PM
1

and also please explain why a guy like jin gates have all these women lusting over his pics in the comment section? I can answer that. Since he's a rapper he's (probably) somewhat famous, and thus he has high social status. This means women are "allowed" to fawn over him because they won't lose social standing on the off chance that they have sex with him. You, on the other hand, are just some dude on the street/in the bar/where ever, who's interrupting whatever they're doing, and even though yo…
/r/seduction14/07/17 01:05 AM
1

Any suggestions? "just approach"? Is the most common one. What will that accomplish, if you're awkward already? "Bars/clubs" "social circle game" all suggestions offered do not work for autistic men, in general. Time to take the gloves off, I suppose ... To make this short and sweet; if you can't go out and interact with people you are truly and utterly fucked, your chances of getting a woman is most likely microscopic, and no amount of books, tricks, techniques or posts here is ever going to ch…
/r/seduction03/07/17 06:18 PM
3

Yeah, that's why I included the part about watching what others are wearing and then take it up a notch. When I say "overdressing" I'm thinking more along the lines of "wearing a suit to a beach party" kind of overdressing. Overdressing a little bit will most likely help. Going overboard, not so much.
/r/seduction29/06/17 02:34 PM
2

The "simple" solution is to learn to enjoy the process, not the end goal. That way your emotional investment is mainly geared toward enjoying what you're doing while working toward your goal, be it a kiss, her number, sex, whatever. Also, there is always going to be some emotional investment. The trick is to learn to manage it and not get ahead of yourself. The simplest way is to be mentally present, as this will keep you from building expectations based on what might happen in the future if you…
/r/seduction28/06/17 11:07 PM
3

I've gotten the most attention from women when I wore sweatpants and a black t-shirt. Maybe there's something different about your attitude when you dress nicely? Not saying you shouldn't dress nicely, just that there might be other factors at work as well. Overdressing is also a thing, so as my old mentor said; Watch what others are wearing at the place you're going to, and then take it up a notch.
/r/seduction28/06/17 10:53 PM
2

because I keep replaying the moment in my head ... and that's probably why you've been on a six month dry spell, because you are wasting energy on your fantasies about what could have happened. As a footnote, kissing does not equal "I almost got laid." No, kissing means just that. There are tons of things that can go wrong before you actually get laid, like logistics, fucking up and becoming too needy, a friend of yours who barge in and screw things up, a friend of hers screwing things up, getti…
/r/seduction26/06/17 07:01 PM
1

There is none, cause chances are he pulled that number out of his ass. However, the clit has on average 8000 nerve endings while the dick has 4000, making it twice as sensitive.
/r/seduction26/06/17 06:47 PM
3

Nah. I started when I was 29 myself, and while it might take more time to get rid of old habits I would say it's never too late and it's definitely worth it.
/r/seduction26/06/17 02:03 AM
1

Not as corny as the corn I'm eating right now.
/r/seduction24/06/17 09:14 PM
3

If you get blown out and told to f*ck off just by going up to a girl and introducing yourself, then I might be inclined to think the girl in question is being incredibly rude and just move on. What do you guys think I should do in this situation, and what have you guys found out what works for you? Keyboard jockey alert - I haven't actually experienced such a situation, but depending on my mood I would most likely either just leave, say something like "Hey, what's with this whole being rude thin…
/r/seduction24/06/17 07:50 PM
1

This is just my personal experience, but affirmations did jack shit for me. What helped me was meditation and CBT stuff like the triple column technique.
/r/seduction23/06/17 09:15 PM
1

Then the next thing is probably to find out why you get anxious, and whether or not the cause has any root in reality. Also, what do you do when you get anxious? Where is your focus, is it on your anxiety or somewhere else? Do you try to fight it and/or push it away?
/r/seduction21/06/17 06:31 AM
2

It's not just about the number of approaches, it's about where your focus is and how you process what's going on in your head before, during and after the approach. Do it wrong and you will basically train your brain to feel anxiety every time your approach, which in a worst case scenario will mean you're gonna struggle with AA even after 5000 approaches. My go-to advice is meditation and reading this. The first is an article about meditation and the benefits of doing it, along with instructions…
/r/seduction21/06/17 12:44 AM
1

And they all didn't even give me a date. I even made out with like 4 of the numbers - again nothing out of it. If you experience consistent flaking then the issue is usually something you fucked up earlier in the process, with the most common causes being either lack of sufficient attraction, lack of trust or lack of personal and social value. Analyze your game and find out which one you fail at.
/r/seduction04/06/17 08:49 PM
1

once I show any hint of sexual intent, they go sideways. Kind of a hit or miss without actually watching you in action, but how you show it, when you show it and in what context is just as important as actually showing it. I wonder if it's truly a numbers game. To some extent seduction is always going to be a numbers game, simply because it involves other people and you can do exactly zero to control their reactions. All you can do is work on your end and improve the things you can control, whic…
/r/seduction27/05/17 05:11 PM
3

In no particular order ... I'm wondering that for my age of 21, it's too late to get laid OMG, yes! If you haven't gotten any by the age of 13 you're NEEEEEEEVVVVAAAAAARRRRH!!!!!!1111one gonna get laid. EVER! I'm joking, of course. Seriously though, it's never "too late." As an example I discovered the seduction community when I was 29, and got laid for the first time a few months after I had turned 30. This is just a personal opinion, but I'd stay away from online dating if I were you. Girls on…
/r/seduction27/05/17 04:14 AM
1

Acceptance will give you somewhere to start. Many people have beliefs about how the world works that aren't necessarily true, and to get anywhere they have to let go and come to terms with the fact that their story, which they might have invested in and repeated over several years, maybe decades, does not serve them and in a worst case scenario is actually stopping them from reaching their goal. This is not an easy task, and many may resist it or flat out deny that their world view has faults, w…
/r/seduction05/05/17 05:23 AM
1

About eight months. I could have gotten it a lot sooner, but screwed up due to confidence issues.
/r/seduction12/04/17 03:14 PM
8

How you give them attention also matters. If you don't care about a girl you will be more unrestrained, care less about what she thinks of you and be ready to walk away at the drop of a hat. The key is to approach them with a "You're attractive, but I want to know what else you have to offer and I will walk away if I don't like what I find"-attitude. You got standards, and if she doesn't meet them there are more girls out there who will. If you are able to pull it off you can also give her shit …
/r/seduction11/04/17 12:39 PM
1

Any tips on how to flirt with girls? I basically just try to have as much fun as possible when I go out now and truly have no goal when speaking with women like I used to. If this is how you do it then my first thought would be that your problem is a lack of sexual vibe and (enough) positive tension. There are lots of ways to do this, like prolonged eye contact, lighthearted teasing and banter, and the all important physical contact. It is of course possible to get the girl without touching her,…
/r/seduction11/04/17 01:08 AM
1

You mad You made it two words into that sentence before you failed, and at this point I can only assume that you're putting words in my mouth so you can tell yourself that you're more "leet" than me. You are of course wrong on both accounts, and to be honest I don't care enough about you to give two shits about who you banged or how you managed to pull it off. That, and PUA has taught me that comparing myself to others is a complete waste of energy, and thus something I'm not inclined to do. Wha…
/r/seduction26/03/17 06:14 AM
1

Good boy. Now go find your sock, son.
/r/seduction25/03/17 05:13 AM
1

Do you honestly think that genetic elites need "pick up gimmicks" just cringe Considering the fact that the vast majority of us don't belong to the "genetic elite" I find this premise unhelpful and largely irrelevant, and choose to attribute it to you focusing on the 10% who have to do jack shit to get a girl, so you have an excuse to sit in your room and jack off into an old sock while you cry about all the girls you can't get, because you're so wrapped up in your own insecurities that you coul…
/r/seduction24/03/17 11:14 PM
1

Yep, this is going to be another one of my rather lengthy rants. Brace yourself. :p I don't know what I can take from this. The general idea would probably be along the lines of "play to your strengths, not your weaknesses." As an example you come across as well articulated in our online discussions, and despite the somewhat prominent focus on what you can't do I wouldn't think you were anything but "normal" (in lack of a better word) based on our written conversations alone. So I'd say you're a…
/r/seduction24/03/17 10:59 PM
1

I think their material has both pros and cons, like every pickup related book/video/article/whathaveya out there. Personally I think the principles and techniques they teach are generally sound, and things like the Blueprint Decoded and "Hand of God" did help me tremendously. However, I do think they have a bit too much focus on state and persistence, which IMO runs the risk of creating super-persistent monkeys who bounce off the walls and won't take no for an answer. I also feel like they go in…
/r/seduction21/03/17 11:57 PM
1

Coping better than you do, son ;)
/r/seduction21/03/17 06:35 PM
1

Coping better than you, I imagine. But keep playing that "angry victim of the world's evil"-card and basically act like you're entitled to a hot girl just because you were born with a dick. And thanks for reminding me why I put in all that effort, and why I never want to go back. Have a nice day, sir. :)
/r/seduction21/03/17 01:05 AM
1

The biggest ones were that I was the proverbial nice guy and somehow expected relationships, intimacy and sex to magically grow out of a friendship if I was nice enough and totally sacrificed myself to please her every whim. I also realized that I acted the way I did not because I was being nice, but because I deep down thought that I could trade niceness for intimacy, and that I was basically trying to guilt-trip girls into having sex with me. Pickup theory also gave me one hell of a reality ch…
/r/seduction20/03/17 05:30 PM
1

So if we take this notion to its logical extreme I should stop using computers, because I got a friend who's a computer wiz and owned everybody else in programming class while making close to zero effort. Not to mention that this is rather extreme black-and-white thinking, where you basically say that just because a certain percentage has natural advantages in a given field, the rest of us should just give up and not put in any effort to improve our selves whatsoever. Now that's "cringe" if I ev…
/r/seduction20/03/17 05:15 PM
2

But as you explained, that thing for you turned out you had to become something of a local celebrity who knows everyone in the establishment. A bit off topic, but that's more of a side effect of me going there as often as I do. I am generally not sociable in any way, shape or form, and if I say more than "Hi" and "How you doing?" to anyone it's generally because I know them well enough to not be afraid to run out of things to talk about or they're doing all the talking. What's your advice for gu…
/r/seduction20/03/17 05:24 AM
2

Are the odds accurate? Fuck no. He sound more like the kind of guy you find at puahate.com and such, who is totally convinced that nothing he ever does will affect his chances to get laid. The truth? Somewhere in between. It will always be a numbers game to a certain degree, and not everyone can become Casanova, but I firmly believe that changes can indeed be made to make the odds at least a little bit more favorable.
/r/seduction20/03/17 05:07 AM
2

I'm still a ~340 lbs teddybear and look like Chumlee from the tv show Pawn Stars, so not exactly your classic hunk I'm afraid. Also, the average height of males in the country I live in (no, not the US) is 5'11", and roughly 12% of the male population between 18 and 40 years old is my height or taller, so stop pulling assumptions out of your ass in an attempt to further your side of the argument. Also, since you stopped reading after I mentioned my height I guess you missed the part about it not…
/r/seduction20/03/17 04:57 AM
2

As a former hardcase who struggled with social anxiety for the longest time - so much this. To make a very long story short(er) I tried quite a bit before I discovered the seduction community, but since I failed miserably every time and had no clue what I was doing wrong, the only thing I could think of was to try harder. As one might expect it didn't work too well, and in the end it just made me bitter, depressed, and downright misogynistic. It wasn't until I got something pointing out what the…
/r/seduction20/03/17 03:47 AM
2

I guess that's why I actually got some success after taking in some of the advice from forums like this, despite being fat and having a chubby face. I figure I have height, as I'm 6'4"-ish, but that sure as hell didn't help me a single iota for the first 30 years of my life. And as for spouting "chad" every other sentence, /r/incels is that way. ->
/r/seduction20/03/17 03:23 AM
5

but maybe some movies or music or other practical influences from personal experiences Yeeeah, no. Movies taught me that if I was super nice, as in prepared to cut out my own kidney and sell it if she asked me to, and gave up my entire life to be there for her 24 hours a day, then she would realize what a fantastic guy I was and fall madly in love with me. It should surprise no one that things don't exactly work that way in the real world. Movies and music are generally speaking horrible when it…
/r/seduction19/03/17 12:44 AM
1

Let's actually get around to providing an answer here ... I think you said you're over 6 foot tall, though. Let's not deny that could be a factor in this. 6 foot 4 inches. Ish. I've probably shrunk a bit with age. And I have to say that if it ever was a factor it appear to be a very small one, cause before I started working on my confidence and that huge pile of mental horseshit I had accumulated over the years, I got almost zero female attention. So.. this being the case.. how do you manage to …
/r/seduction18/03/17 01:37 AM
2

In that case I recommend "The confidence gap" by Russ Harris. Also, if you want to clear mental baggage in general, "Feeling good: The new mood therapy" by dr. David D. Burns has some great tools for doing so.
/r/seduction14/03/17 10:10 PM
3

"You can have what you want" by Michael Neill. It's my go-to book for self development, and it has helped me immensely. It has an untraditional take on some things, but that's part of what made it work for me. "The confidence gap" by Russ Harris is also good for inner game IMO. Lastly I'm currently reading "The chimp paradox" by Steve Peters. I haven't read all that much, but so far it's been pretty good.
/r/seduction14/03/17 09:54 PM
1

I disagree with this one. If I don’t think about it, I won’t get myself to do anything. Yes, but there's a difference between thinking to get you moving toward your goals and thinking (and probably worrying) about every detail to the point where you get in your own way, which is what I suspect happened here.
/r/seduction13/03/17 04:38 PM
1

I look like Chumlee from the TV show Pawn Stars, only I got a haircut recently. So there's that. If you're like me and never watched Pawn Stars, I look like this, only with shorter hair, longer, graying beard and no tattoos.
/r/seduction13/03/17 10:57 AM
1

Having social anxiety is hard enough Then do something about this first. I've had severe social anxiety for most of my life, and it wasn't until I got that under control and came out of my proverbial shell that the girls started noticing me. Also, anxiety has a real risk of affecting how you view the world, making you less prone to grab opportunities because you either miss them or talk yourself out of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that girls may already have given you all the necessary …
/r/seduction13/03/17 02:22 AM
1

Norwegian here. In my experience girls over here both approach, initiate and make their intentions clear enough, and although it's still up to the man to take it beyond friendly chit-chat once the girl has shown you she's available (in lack of a better word), things are indeed changing.
/r/seduction13/03/17 01:12 AM
1

Yeah, some of them were so incredibly nice I got to grab their ass and stuff before my brain went "Uh, derp" and my own insecurities got the better of me. However, my weight is currently one of my issues, so shedding some of it might improve the situation. Not necessarily because it makes me unattractive, but because it will fit the image in my head of what an "attractive" guy look like. I kinda wish the memory recording tech from Strange Days was a thing though, so I could actually show you tha…
/r/seduction07/03/17 06:20 PM
1

Technically it would be the latter, as I suffer from self esteem/confidence issues when it comes to moving things beyond the most basic of flirting, and tend to willfully ignore the signs or talk myself out of it whenever someone show me any kind of interest. So in that case I'm all bark and no bite.
/r/seduction07/03/17 06:03 PM
1

One of them was a fitness instructor, but I suspect you're not going to believe me and since I can't really post her picture here I guess we're not going anywhere. I find it interesting that you basically have to diminish my experience so that you can keep on being right, though.
/r/seduction07/03/17 05:30 PM
1

A friend of mine is tall and skinny (around 6' and probably 160-ish lbs soaking wet) and he's a PUA instructor, so if that's anything to go by you should be fine.
/r/seduction07/03/17 05:08 PM
1

To counter that I'm an average looking fat dude (6'4" and ~340 lbs) and I usually get approached by girls. And yeah, I would definitely call them hot. Sure, I would probably get better results if I got into better shape ("shredded" isn't a viable option, though), but working solely on the mental bit, along with posture, body language and things like dressing nice and getting a decent haircut got me to this point. Sooo ... Explain, please? Edit: While I agree that looks aren't as insignificant as…
/r/seduction07/03/17 05:00 PM
1

Three things I can come up with that might help you. Practice associations. Grab a random online article or newspaper, pick a word and try to make associations until you can tell a brief half minute story. Find common ground. I'd say the vast majority of people have some things they can talk a lot about. If you can find some shared interests you will probably have a lot more to talk about, even if it's trivial. Just stay away from serious topics like politics and such. Make them talk about them …
/r/seduction07/03/17 09:45 AM
0

I need some direct advice on how to fix this. All right. How to deal with anxiety 101, the Tjodleik edition. "Why am I feeling ths?" Find the root cause. It usually boil down to your mind wandering off into the future and thinking "If I do X, Y might happen, and I don't want that." So basically fear of an imagined loss. The other end is thinking about the past, i.e. "The last time I did this X happened, and I don't want that to happen again," despite the fact that you are dealing with a differen…
/r/seduction06/03/17 11:28 PM
2

I'm gonna do what I always do when someone has anxiety issues ... Read this, this and this. The first one is a link to an article on how to meditate. Meditation has been proven to drastically reduce anxiety, in some cases by over 60%. The second one is a forum post on how to deal with anxiety as it arises, and it ties into the first one as both require some mental dicipline. The gist of it is that if you label the emotion you feel as you're about to approach as "anxiety" you're basically gonna t…
/r/seduction03/03/17 09:24 AM
2

Especially at the beginning, showing all your cards to a girl at once will jeopardize the whole "seduction" thing. I partially agree, but it also depends on your frame of mind and how you go about picking up the girl. If "showing all your cards" means that you will slobber all over her like she's a piece of meat and clearly show that you got few other options and will sell one of your kidneys for a chance to fuck her then yes, that will indeed jeopardize the whole seduction thing. However, if yo…
/r/seduction02/03/17 09:25 AM
1

My guess would be along the lines of Mystery's "catstring theory," i.e. if you show too much interest early on they know they "got you" and their attraction for you will go down the drain.
/r/seduction02/03/17 09:14 AM
1

I tend to always ask the typical AFC questions after I open (name, who they're with, where they're going that night, age etc), but only because I can't seem to find much in the way of alternatives. "So, do you study around here or something? Oh, you study X? What got you into that?" Alternatively "I know nothing about X, but it sound interesting. Why don't you tell me a bit more about it?" "Oh, you work with kids? I know I was kind of a wild one when I was little, what's the craziest thing your …
/r/seduction01/03/17 02:14 AM
1

I used anti-depressants for a while. It did make me "calm as a Hindu cow," as you so poetically described it in this thread. However, it also completely flattened my emotions and sucked every shred of joy out of my life, making even the most mundane tasks feel like a chore. In addition my sex drive hit rock bottom, and I couldn't even get it up during the six or so months I was on those pills. So while it did fix my anxiety it also removed what little joy I had in life, which ended up making me …
/r/seduction22/02/17 04:40 AM
1

NO. You frequent online "Seduction" forums and must resort to read PUA books and watch "infields" in order for a possibility to trick, manipulate women (who don't want you anyway) into bed. Since I'm sick and got nothing better to do, mind telling me why I must follow this recipe? I mean, I've probably read and watched enough material to last me several lifetimes, but I still choose to go down the route of giving it my best shot and see where it ends up. Besides, I don't have it in me to be mani…
/r/seduction21/02/17 05:55 AM
2

How do you exactly "seduce" a woman? By being the best version of myself that I can be, and see if there is mutual interest and general compatibility. It will always be a numbers game to some degree, but I believe that by putting my self out there among the general female population, my chances of finding a woman who is both compatible and interested are at least slightly higher than they would be if I sat on my ass and did nothing. Imagine you getting approached by women who you were not attrac…
/r/seduction19/02/17 04:21 AM
1

To pull out an old writing rule: Show, don't tell. That is, assume that there is a minimum of sexual tension there and then try to build on that, either through physical contact/touch, eye contact or, if you really want to say something, sexual innuendo. Touching her is by far the easiest of the three, and confident physical escalation is highly recommended anyway, because it states your intentions just as clearly as any words. You also need to build trust and enough perceived value for her to w…
/r/seduction18/02/17 10:21 PM
2

I prefer the good ol' "Hi, I think you're cute so I just had to meet you." You state a personal opinion, as opposed to commenting on something that's literally only skin deep. Yes, you're stating your intent, but it can be very easily misunderstood as "He's only interested in me because he thinks I look hot," which will increase the risk of you getting blown out of the water because you show no interest in the girl as a person. Not to mention that there's probably a metric fuckton of awkward wei…
/r/seduction18/02/17 07:03 PM
4

If I had to choose one it would be You Can Have What You Want. It was the first non-seduction self development book I read, and in my opinion it's one of the best.
/r/seduction18/02/17 03:31 AM
8

In no particular order: Models by Mark Manson. No more Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters. You Can Have What You Want by Michael Neill. Feeling Good: The new mood therapy by David D. Burns. Only the first one is directly related to interaction with women per se, but since I had confidence issues up the wazoo and I have struggled with severe social anxiety for most of my life, the other books helped change my way of thinking and thus…
/r/seduction17/02/17 01:49 AM
2

Get the garden hose, as in focus on myself, my friends and my other interests. Mental self care is important, especially when one area in your life "dries up," so to speak.
/r/seduction13/02/17 03:07 AM
1

The hand of God by Jeffy. At least that's my guess as to what OP means. To OP: There is no "better," as both depend on you being confident, having enough intent and doing it like it's natural for you to do this. So it all depends on your foundation, not which version is "better." The best one is the one that you like, because that will make it look more genuine and natural. Personally I do both, but I prefer Hand of God simply because I think it's more fun and can be played in a number of differ…
/r/seduction13/02/17 01:56 AM
1

A word of warning first - No one can be helped if they don't want help. If you try to "force feed" him, in lack of a better word, he will most likely resist, because you're basically fighting all the time and energy he has invested in the story he tells himself about how the world works. [rant] This is just personal experience and observations speaking, but chances are he's been repeating this story for years and have "evidence" to back it up, most likely in the form of a few failed attempts tha…
/r/seduction10/02/17 09:42 PM
2

One of my favorite ways to handle this is to ask why they think it's fake. More often than not statements like these tend to be based on misconceptions and knee-jerk reactions with little to no real reasoning behind them, and they tend to crumble pretty fast if one start asking why they think this way. If I want to drive the point home some more I usually list all the skills people tend to take for granted, such as walking, riding a bike or driving a car. Then I point out that these are all skil…
/r/seduction09/02/17 03:02 AM
1

I, on the other hand, do tend to get offended when people call me a liar. Especially when I'm not lying. Think about it for a sec ... OP ask for crazy stories, and this is by far the craziest I got. I've experienced a girl being this forward exactly once in my soon to be forty one years on this heap of rock, and while I've met other girls that have given me some pretty obvious hints they don't come anywhere near this. Also, if we should, for a moment, go along with the idea that I've made this u…
/r/seduction05/02/17 12:11 PM
1

Sooo ... Gimme a reason I would make something like this up. Besides, OP wanted a "crazy" story, and this is the craziest I got. Not necessarily in the way OP wanted, but still ...
/r/seduction03/02/17 01:50 AM
1

I once had a girl make me come over, and when I got there she grabbed my hand, placed it on her boobs and told me I needed to protect her from all the "clingy" guys around her. Before anyone ask; no, it didn't end well. My brain went "Huh?" then latched on to the "protection" part, and I basically stood there with my hand on her boobs and did absolutely nothing. To add insult to injury I got pushed away from her, and the whole thing repeated itself three more times before I got kind of a pep tal…
/r/seduction02/02/17 11:04 PM
1

No, these guys are a bunch of humongous assholes who happen to think they are "PUAs." Try again.
/r/seduction02/02/17 10:58 PM
1

You can have what you want - A little unconventional, but it has some great advice regarding the most common mental traps and pitfalls, and how to deal with them. The confidence gap - Definitely worth a read if you have confidence issues. Lastly, while it's not a book or youtube video, if you can get your paws on the "Deep inner game" seminar from Double Your Dating I highly recommend watching it. It's old school, and some of the info is a bit dated, but overall I think it's very good.
/r/seduction31/01/17 02:44 PM
1

The fact that my brain still go "wut? cricket noises" and then refuse to accept reality when girls show any kind of interest. Slowly working my way through that problem now, but it's way harder than I thought it would be.
/r/seduction28/01/17 11:32 PM
1

If I count the few cold approaches I have actually done - about 20% success rate. While my experience may be limited in that area I'd say you are still wrong. There has been very little bullshit, they have all been fairly civilized, and while I did get rejected the harshest I've ever dealt with has been "Sorry, not interested." With that said, cold approaching is a skill I've never felt the need to develop. Girls approach me on a fairly regular basis when I go out, thus eliminating the need for …
/r/seduction25/01/17 01:35 PM
2

Try meditation. It's scientifically proven to reduce anxiety, and in most cases it can reduce the anxiety level by more than 50 percent. Reading this might also help, and it also ties nicely into the advice about meditation since the end goal is to silence your mind as much as possible. This is just my experience, but when my social anxiety was at its highest it wasn't really that bad. The real killer was all the negative self talk, associations and assumptions I made about totally random shit t…
/r/seduction23/01/17 11:48 AM
2

There is one thing Brad Pitt isn't better at, and that's being you. Only you can be you, and since we are all unique in some way that makes you better than Brad Pitt at something. Also, having a particular trait or skill, or better looks or whatever, doesn't make other people inherently better or worse than you, just different from you. And if we're going to continue with Brad Pitt as an example, what about all the public shitstorms between him and Angelina Jolie, for instance? He's been married…
/r/seduction23/01/17 11:28 AM
1

Your options are what you make them. Simple as that.
/r/seduction23/01/17 10:44 AM
3

Correction: Chances are it doesn't work for you. That doesn't mean the odds are equally horrible for everyone. I know a few instructors, and according to them they end up having sex with about 25% of all the girls they cold approach. So if you're instructor-level good the odds are about 1 in 4, with the casual "gamer" most likely a bit below that. If one is halfway decent it shouldn't be anywhere near 1 in 1000, although I know a fellow PUA (I really dislike that acronym) who did a thousand appr…
/r/seduction23/01/17 10:41 AM
2

Why should it be considered creepy? I don't drink either, and I've gotten nothing but respect from those who found out.
/r/seduction23/01/17 10:33 AM
1

If I am alone and do that, people especially girls might perceive me to have no value and just want to join their party. Is this something you know for a fact, or is it just an assumption you have made? The fact that you say they might perceive you to have no value makes me suspect it's the latter, in which case you are basically acting as if the scenarios in your head are real. Furthermore it will most likely affect the way you act, and make you look like a weirdo. It's one way of getting laid.…
/r/seduction21/01/17 11:04 AM
2

As I always suggest when this topic comes up; read this.
/r/seduction21/01/17 04:42 AM
1

Just out of curiosity, what is ugly? And what is a 10? And how do you actually prove that you "got" a girl through the internet? I'm wondering because I've had this discussion before and the proof is never good enough. Either the guy isn't ugly enough, the girl isn't hot enough, they could be just friends and that's why they're standing together, the guy is rich as fuck, he must be some kind of celebrity, or she's bought and paid for because a guy with a face like that could never get that kind …
/r/seduction20/01/17 10:16 PM
1

is it a definite IOI? It's a definite indication of interest in knowing your age. How you handle it will most likely have an impact on how things go from there too, cause if you come across as insecure about it you increase the risk of you crashing and burning. Ignoring it once or twice is fine, but anything beyond that is more likely to hurt your chances as you will come across as insecure. But my PUA friend's argument is that lots of girls actually want a reason not to get with the dude. I'll …
/r/seduction20/01/17 08:25 PM
2

but i interpret it counterproductivley There's your problem. You have no idea what they're really thinking, unless you can somehow read minds, so how you interpret other people's actions is literally all in your head. That's also a good thing, since you can choose to interpret it however you want. So tell me, why do you seemingly go for a negative interpretation by default?
/r/seduction17/01/17 07:52 AM
1

they never put the blame on us. Well, if you act bitchy I'm not interested in continuing anyway, because it clashes with my values and what I want in a woman. And while I am very reluctant to point fingers and blame anyone for anything, because it would mean I presume to know all the reasons for another person's actions, I am fully capable of deeming a woman to be incompatible with me. If that's the case then I will simply move on, cause I'm too old to waste time and energy on things I can't con…
/r/seduction09/01/17 11:43 PM
2

Do you think I'm just too thin-skinned still, or am I essentially asking for this kind of mean-spirited reply? How should I put this ... I can certainly imagine conversations that would lead to this result, because - pardon my language - you do have some oddities that can make it somewhat challenging to discuss certain topics, such as how to interact with women. With that said I don't think you're too thin-skinned, because, at least in my book, that did indeed come across as mean-spirited.
/r/seduction07/01/17 07:12 AM
1

Try meditation. I suspect that your insecurity comes from fear of getting rejected or fucking up in some way, and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that it's something that churn around in your mind pretty often. Meditation will lower your anxiety, take your focus away from whatever is causing you to clam up, and pull you into the present moment, where your mind should be when you interact with a girl. It will also develop your ability to observe yourself in realtime, so you can catch yo…
/r/seduction06/01/17 07:49 AM
1

Not sure if you remember me, though Sure I do. You sort of dropped off the map after my last rant, so I was slightly worried I might have gone a bit overboard. Nice to see you're still alive and kicking, though. :)
/r/seduction06/01/17 05:38 AM
1

OP's post lack some rather important information. I usually just ask straight out because I'm very direct So, do you just talk about the weather, your latest trip to the grocery store, the cute dog you ran into or the guy from high school you hadn't seen in years who you happen to run into by the soup shelf, and then suddenly blurt out "Wanna fuck?", or is there some buildup here? Cause that's the important part, the buildup. Do you touch her, or do you sit at oposite ends of a table and flap yo…
/r/seduction05/01/17 06:54 AM
1

Hi, and sorry 'bout the slow reply. Can you please describe how this helped you? To make a long story short it took away my associations to earlier failures in similar situations, which cut down whatever actual fear I was feeling to a much more manageable level. It also cleared out the noise in my mind and pulled me into the present. How best to use it for a first newbie. It require a bit of practice, but try to not think of anything. Focusing on where your anxiety is located will also help, as …
/r/seduction04/01/17 02:34 AM
1

Washed out t-shirt, baggy sweat pants and flip-flops. Still awesome enough to make her chase me.
/r/seduction03/01/17 05:28 AM
1

"just be yourself" This. Also, "be nice." Didn't help, to put it that way.
/r/seduction03/01/17 05:22 AM
3

Read this. At least in my experience, it has been way more effective than the "force yourself to approach til you go numb"-method.
/r/seduction01/01/17 07:10 PM
2

Then you have seen and experienced a lot more than the average college student, met loads of people and probably have a lot of stories to tell, which mean you can take a girl for the emotional ride of her life. All those are huge pluses, although you might run into trouble if you're looking for a long term relationship. Heck, I'm a man and I too would be captivated by such a person.
/r/seduction19/12/16 10:06 PM
1

Eventual F-closes from Day 2's: 33% Probably not gonna happen. I ended up having a discussion with a few friends of mine who are instructors, run bootcamps and the whole nine yards, and they told me they, on average, had sex with about 25% of all the girls they approached. We're talking guys with 10+ years of experience, and they are good at what they do. As a footnote, keeping track like this means you risk becoming outcome dependent, which will fuck you over, but do as you please.
/r/seduction08/12/16 08:42 PM
6

I wonder why the authors these articles are so hung up on Mystery Method stuff like "negs," "target" and "buying temperature." I don't think I have ever seen someone here refer to women as "targets," negs are very rarely discussed here, and I haven't heard anyone talk about buying temperature in years. But anything to get those clicks, I guess ...
/r/seduction04/12/16 11:42 PM
1

Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo. It gave me the tools I needed to get a grip on my social anxiety. You Can Have What You Want by Michael Neill. It's basically my go-to self development book, as it gave me some much needed new ways of looking at things. Much of the book flies straight in the face of "traditional" theory, but in my experience it just makes it more effective because it offers new ways of thinking.
/r/seduction30/11/16 10:47 AM
2

So can anyone give me a piece of advice that can help my situation? Late to the party, but read this. Also, at the risk of taking what you're writing too seriously, part of the problem is probably that you think of it as a battle. If we imagine that it's true for a moment, who are you fighting? That's right, yourself. To continue that train of thought, who do you think will win? It is of course a trick question, cause you can't truly win a fight against yourself. The only way to win is to not fi…
/r/seduction20/11/16 01:41 AM
1

You should be studied. That could be interesting, although I suspect I'll end up as some sort of outlier.
/r/seduction09/11/16 04:11 PM
1

Doing what exactly? Are you walking around chatting to random people, or sitting/standing around talking to your friends, or jumping around dancing? None of the above. Funny thing is I always go out alone, and I'm borderline anti-social when I'm out, so most of the time I sit in a corner and get lost in the music. The only thing I can think of that actually works to my advantage is that I'm a passionate music lover and I got a decent singing voice, so I sit in my corner and sing from the top of …
/r/seduction08/11/16 02:51 PM
1

Where? Met most of them at this piano bar where I'm a regular guest. When? Nighttime. Or 1-2 times a month over the past five or so years, if that's what you were asking. How? Good question. I'm usually just out having a ball, and picking up women doesn't really enter my mind. Then, out of the blue, random girls start talking to me, and a lot of them end up spending considerable time with me. What would you rate their looks? I've had a couple of land whales hit on me, but most of them range from…
/r/seduction08/11/16 01:19 AM
4

Also, "nice guys" tend to have ulterior motives, i.e. they are nice because they on some level believe it will lead to sexy times.
/r/seduction07/11/16 02:05 PM
–

Sooo ... I'm a fat fuck (330 lbs), look like Chumlee from Pawn Stars and mainly dress in jeans, sneakers and washed out black t-shirts, and I've lost count of how many girls have approached me and started flirting wildly. I've even had a few of them ask straight up if I'm single, and the next five minutes of conversation were basically her ranting about how much she like guys who do <insert thing that fits my description here>. I guess what I'm getting at here is that physical looks is just a pa…
/r/seduction07/11/16 02:01 PM
1

Try asking why they're doing things and what's interesting about X, then follow up when/if you hit common ground. Just to pull a quick example out of my arse ... "So, what's your favorite hobby?" "Traveling." "Cool, I like to travel too. What's the most exciting place you've been to?" "Blablabla" "Oh, I've never been there. What was it that drew you to that particular spot?" Like I said, quick and dirty example, but hopefully you'll get the gist of it. You can also insert statements, like "Oh yo…
/r/seduction26/10/16 03:22 PM
1

My confidence is super low, but only really as a result of feeling pathetic since most guys have likely hooked up with lke 50+ girls. Actually, the average number of sex partners for males in the United States is seven. The survey that gave us this result is a few years old now and the number has probably changed, but to think that "most guys" have hooked up with 50+ women is unlikely at best and ridiculous at worst. Of all the guys I know, even in the seduction community, only a handful has eve…
/r/seduction25/10/16 11:55 AM
2

So you're basically trying to neg her. My prediction? You're most likely gonna burn. Hard.
/r/seduction24/10/16 07:37 PM
2

I'm 18, a virgin ,in college, have social anxiety ,and I want to get laid. Where do I start and what do I do I'd highly recommend working on your social anxiety first, and then go for women later. The reason I say this is that if you start approaching while battling social anxiety you're basically fighting a two-front war, and have to divert energy from one to deal with the other. That leaves you basically half-assing your way through both, and it will take you that much longer to get results on…
/r/seduction19/10/16 10:33 PM
1

Science disagrees with you.
/r/seduction13/10/16 09:10 AM
2

First of all - still alive. Haven't forgotten, nor given up. I just haven't had the energy to write anything lately, but now I'm back again. There are a lot of similarities here. Now, by any chance.. would you have any advice for a guy who's been even far more avoidant than yourself and hasn't worked for a long time? Take very small steps at first, find something you like, set the bar for success very low until you feel you're making progress, and try your best not to let negative thoughts win t…
/r/seduction12/10/16 10:22 PM
1

Yea but isn't learning social skills and seduction exactly that - getting people to like you. Ideally speaking, people liking you should be a side effect of becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. In the real world getting people to like you is probably at least part of the answer. However, if you do it for others, or to achieve a specific goal, then you will make yourself outcome dependent, because your self worth and confidence will inevitably be linked to the feedback you get f…
/r/seduction07/10/16 09:56 PM
1

Don't fight it. This might be helpful. Also, meditation has helped me immensly, as it helped me remove the part of anxiety that came from associations with similar situations where I had failed. Judging from my experience that seems to be one of the more common sources of anxiety, combined with the tendency we have to make a much bigger deal of it than necessary, thereby multiplying the negative associations tenfold.
/r/seduction07/10/16 03:01 PM
1

A "minimum full life" for someone in their 30s is having a 9-5 average job (above the level of minimum wage retail), living on their own, having some kind of social life, and having a romantic partner or at least a couple exes. All of those points are standards set by society, as some sort of recipe for a "successful life." Just because you don't have that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a full life. This is just my opinion, but a "full life" for me is based on how content I feel, not wh…
/r/seduction03/10/16 05:02 PM
1

This is going to be a bit of a rant, so bear with me ... I feel like I have, compared to most of the world, a ridiculously high privilege and therefore I'm expected to contribute, like your average first-world individual. ... but you're not an "average" first-world individual, are you? So why are you holding yourself to standards even healthy people have trouble following (burn-out is a real thing)? In this case you are not average, and you just end up hurting yourself because of that. Remember …
/r/seduction28/09/16 01:21 AM
1

I feel it has to do with the social atmosphere of high school but every time I think of cutting a girl off/being rude I envision the girl thinking "wow I was interested in this guy but he's an asshole" or "well he's not interested in me so I better move on" So what you're saying is that it's your own fantasies and assumptions that keep this ball rolling, since the girl in question isn't being responsive and therefor presumably does very little to encourage your behavior. Thing is, with me I keep…
/r/seduction26/09/16 01:29 PM
4

Let's see ... I look like a taller, fatter version of Chumlee from the TV-show Pawn Stars (minus the tattoos), and I've had smoking hot girls go out of their way to get my attention. So judging from that I'd say the answer to your question is along the lines of "not very," or "average is good enough." Also, while looks play somewhat of a role they are one piece in the hundred piece puzzle that makes you attractive to a woman, so other qualities can compensate a whole lot for shortcomings in the …
/r/seduction26/09/16 01:12 AM
2

Onto a less glossy, realer note: a practical explanation of the basic point from which most insecurity/self-loathing stems.. is the fact that I'm a guy past 30, who still can't hit the bar for "minimum adult." Neither can I. I've never held a decent job in my life, I live in a collective with a bunch of students and right now I'm "employed" through social services. My free time is usually spent either playing computer games, surfing forums or sitting at the local piano bar singing at the top of …
/r/seduction22/09/16 03:49 PM
1

At this point motivation is probably the biggest issue for me. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging I took my game to the point where girls started approaching me, all the while making it very clear that they weren't doing it to be friendly. That effectively killed any momentum I might have had at that point, because I felt I had nowhere left to go. I had reached my peak, and stopped giving any fucks whatsoever. Just to make this even more of a clusterfuck I still can't grasp or accept the …
/r/seduction21/09/16 12:14 AM
3

So, I'm a bit confused here ... In the first paragraph you say you find it hard to muster any motivation to fix any of the problems you have, which at least to me implies that you think they are actually "fixable" but you can't be arsed to do anything about it. Then, in the last paragraph, you say "many" of your problems can't be fixed, thereby arguing against what you said in the first paragraph. Care to enlighten me here? Right now I'm under the assumption that since I'm 30 and have no experie…
/r/seduction19/09/16 08:00 PM
1

Well ... You got the "alpha" who feels he has to out-alpha everyone around, and you got the alpha who is so secure in his position that he just doesn't care and do what he wants. And to throw more spanners in your logic, what do you think happened when Mr. "Tall-and-alpha" was young and the building blocks of his personality were formed? Chances are he ended up in an environment that nurtured alpha qualities, and thus got the confidence and social savviness needed to get an attractive girl pract…
/r/seduction14/09/16 12:38 AM
1

How can I pickup girls if I hate myself so much? Simple. You don't. A friend of mine put it this way: You can either fix yourself, or learn to pick up girls. Not both at the same time. Speaking from experience, if you try to pick up girls and fix yourself at the same time you're basically fighting at two fronts with half the strength you could muster if you focused your efforts at one front at the time. It is of course possible to pull off, but it will take you longer, require more effort and pr…
/r/seduction22/08/16 07:22 PM
2

Probably getting picky in my old age, but I'm very much a vibe person, and if a girl gives me bad vibes it's a huge dealbreaker when it comes to sex.
/r/seduction18/08/16 07:14 PM
1

Well if she's hot, we want to have sex with her. If she's hot and a bitch - not so much.
/r/seduction18/08/16 06:48 PM
1

Deep Inner Game is golden in my opinion. Man Transformation also has its fair share of good stuff, although I think it has more "filler" material than DIG. 77 laws has some gold, but it also has a shitload of waffling to stretch what could have been said in 2-3 hours into several DVDs worth of "material."
/r/seduction05/08/16 03:32 PM
2

No, you can't read "Models" and go tell a girl at a bar that she's beautiful and you want to get to know her better. Will backfire with the power of 10 cruise missiles. Funny. I got a friend whose go-to opener is "Hi. I thought you were cute, so I just had to meet you. I'm <name>." According to him it works like a charm, so I guess that means you're wrong in this case. And before you get your pants in a twist, he's been running a very successful lifestyle coaching business for the last seven yea…
/r/seduction05/08/16 02:46 PM
1

well not approaching is probably my biggest problem (...) So basically you're not even showing up at the starting line, and you still expect to get the prize because you're "fit as fuck" ... I've had a string of girlfriends but can never seem to find away to initiate a conversation on a night out If you are able to get girl(friend)s, then why have you gotten stuck on the idea that you need to "pull" on a night out? Is casual sex something you want, or is it just the community idea that you gotta…
/r/seduction23/07/16 07:58 PM
3

This is somewhere along the lines of asking how long a rope is, i.e it's impossible to answer. We need more information. Do you approach? How do you do it? What do you say? How do you act? Do you show intent? Interest? Are you creating sexual tension? Do you initiate physical contact? How is your body language and posture? Can you create trust and build a connection? Or do you just pull a Louis CK and blurt out "Wanna fuck!?"? Also, "Fit as fuck" doesn't mean women will jump across the room and …
/r/seduction23/07/16 01:49 AM
7

This is just my personal experience, but based on that I'd probably say she thought you were goofing off too much, and you probably came across as trying to hide something by volleying jokes at her. If you then kept going, chances are you crossed into "insecure tryhard"-country, and she lost whatever interest she might have had because she couldn't get a straight answer out of you. What do you do with a girl like this? Adapt your own approach. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if she's clearly annoye…
/r/seduction17/07/16 06:46 PM
2

"You can have what you want" by Michael Neill. "The confidence gap" by Russ Harris. "The 4-hour workweek" by Timothy Ferriss. None of these are directly related to "game" in them selves, but they do address a lot of the more common issues that seem to pop up around here.
/r/seduction11/07/16 01:23 PM
1

I've had great success with Chanel Allure Homme. However, not all cologne smell the same on every man, so you just gotta try a few and find something both you and the ladies like.
/r/seduction06/07/16 06:30 PM
1

Late to the party, but what the hell ... "Woo" is an expression coined by RSD that basically mean building a fun, positive energy, often by going all out in an effort to have as much fun as possible. It does work, but without intent to drive you toward whatever end goal you want it tend to fizzle out into nothing.
/r/seduction02/07/16 11:48 AM
1

I've been going out solo for over ten years, and none of the girls, or people in general, that I've talked to have ever been creeped out by the fact that I'm out alone. I just tell them I'm there for the music, which is true since I'm a huge music lover, and in 99% of the cases no one cares. There have been a few who has reacted of course, but they have been few and very far between.
/r/seduction08/06/16 11:25 PM
1

Sooo ... Unless someone has explicitly said that you are weird and you left that part out, you're not afraid of what you think you're afraid of. You're afraid of what you think.
/r/seduction23/05/16 09:38 AM
1

Get approached bout twice a month on average. It usually goes like this ...
/r/seduction30/04/16 09:32 PM
2

Naah ... It was just another way for me of saying "don't resist." Fighting or resisting nervousness and "push through" might be necessary some times, but there is also a real risk of locking yourself in a pattern that breeds the very emotions you are trying to fight. Experiencing the emotions without assigning meaning to them make them lose their power, and with time they will usually wither and die.
/r/seduction25/04/16 12:14 AM
5

In that case, read this. For those who can't be arsed, the general idea is that we trip over our own feet because we spend most of our mental resources assigning meaning to the current situation. To go a bit further, research suggest that this is creating what is called an implicit memory. In other words, by assigning a certain meaning to a situation, like "bars make me nervous", you are basically training our brains to create nervousness every time you enter a bar. The "cure" is to go with the …
/r/seduction23/04/16 11:16 PM
1

She is minding her own business, going about her day and suddenly someone interrupts all of that to speak to her. She is standing there getting interrupted, her personal space gets violated by someone who ONLY talks to her because he likes the way she looks. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I cant help but think that the unsaid part of this sentence is "... because that's how I would react if someone approached me on the street." Even if it's not, your reasoning is still based on assumptions …
/r/seduction23/04/16 10:44 PM
1

That is just obvious, they know that and I don't want to be that intruding creep. It's correct that they will probably know why you approach, but assuming that you're intruding or a creep is just that - an assumption. One that is most likely based on your own fears and beliefs about what you think will happen if you approach her, which essentially make you bail out based on some fantasy about the future that exist entirely in your own head.
/r/seduction23/04/16 09:47 PM
1

"You can have what you want" by Michael Neill. The general idea is to work smarter instead of harder, stop battling your insecurities and accept them instead, and stop bothering with things you can't change. It also have some very good advice when it comes to the most common roadblocks people face when they try to improve them selves, and it's basically my go-to book for general self improvement.
/r/seduction20/04/16 09:48 PM
1

No, a "date" is about finding common ground, dig in deep and find out about her desires, her hopes, her dreams and perhaps that little spark of madness that makes her do silly things just for the heck of it. Relax, get to know her and see if there's a connection worth exploring. High pressure has nothing to do in a dating situation, if you ask me. Besides, most of that pressure comes from your own expectations, assumptions and (negative) emotions anyway, which means you also have the power to co…
/r/seduction20/04/16 12:32 AM
1

[raise paw]
/r/seduction20/04/16 12:03 AM
1

To be honest I run out of things to say all the time, but I just roll with it and don't really care. Most of the time the girl will start feeling uncomfortable and try to fill in the blanks, which is usually enough for me to get my brain in gear again. If it's really bad I tend to make a small comment about how I ran out of stuff to talk about, and usually manage to turn that into a topic in itself. Everyone has fucked up at one time or another, and it's a very simple way of finding common groun…
/r/seduction09/04/16 02:05 AM
1

This is great stuff, and extra kudos for including specific actions one can take to get things rolling instead of the "Just do X and be Y"-style of advice that usually gets thrown around here.
/r/seduction07/04/16 01:30 PM
1

Let me try to reiterate a bit ... OP claims the brain has trouble separating reality from what you tell it reality is. You seem to disagree vehemently with this idea. I, on the other hand, agree with OP and try to provide real life examples. Then it all gets confusing. Now, I do agree that you can't talk yourself into having confidence right off the bat, because the gap between what you're telling yourself and how you perceive the world is too great. However, I do believe that it is possible to …
/r/seduction07/03/16 04:51 PM
1

This is so false, I don't even know where to begin. You can't fool your own brain. Guys who invent some sort of grand delusion that they are wonderful in all the ways they want to be will always fall hard when reality hits. Then I guess there should be no problem talking your friend out of chasing that girl you can clearly see is bad for him. If the brain can't be fooled he would listen to sound logic and common sense, and not just filter out all the negative stuff and tell you ad nauseam how wo…
/r/seduction04/03/16 11:10 PM
1

This is probably an exercise in futility, but I seem to have a masochistic side ... First, "neg" is an outdated term, and even Mystery, who coined the term, has moved away from it. Still it's the thing that people drag up when they want to point out what's wrong with the seduction community. Second, they get it all wrong. Negging is not volleying insults at your "victim." It's a little "zing" intended to demonstrate active disinterest, and show the woman that her beauty doesn't send you into cat…
/r/seduction26/02/16 02:05 AM
2

really, I must have been the most clueless dunce around. Oh, I don't know about that ...
/r/seduction18/02/16 12:09 AM
21

That is, I, and I assume/hope most people consciously and unconsciously practice these already. Just take a look around the internet, and you'll find that any time there's a remotely hot topic things tend to dissolve into fanboying and trench warfare fairly quickly. Heck, I don't have to look further than my co-workers to find grown men bitching about things for far longer than it would actually take them to do the thing they're bitchng about. Then they get pissed and stand in oposite corners, f…
/r/seduction16/02/16 03:52 PM
2

"It was nice talking to you, and I would really like to get to know you better. Is there any way I can reach you?" Then fish out my phone, open the "contacts"-tab and hand it to her, expecting her to give me her digits. It does require you to have a bit of a connection with the girl, but if you do it usually works.
/r/seduction15/02/16 01:33 AM
10

David DeAngelo's Deep Inner Game and Man Transformation. The first got me to pay attention to my actions instead of letting old habits and half subconscious fears rule my day, and the second helped me curb my AA and social anxiety.
/r/seduction11/02/16 12:33 AM
9

So far, 'bout 70 times and counting. Seriously though, I seem to have this amazing talent for attracting the kind of girls I like, and an equally amazing talent for not picking up their hints, and/or fucking up when it's time to move things forward. Thus I have a list of girls as long as my arm, who all went home disappointed because I am apparently totally incapable of understanding even the most blatantly obvious hints. If you can even call it hinting at that point ... I'm slowly improving, bu…
/r/seduction24/01/16 03:45 AM
7

My first advice would be to "shop around", i.e. visit the bars (and clubs, if that's your thing) in your area and find a place you really enjoy. Just as an example I love live music, and I have this piano bar just a few blocks from where I live, so I've been a regular there for the past eight and a half years. If you find a place you really enjoy it'll also, at least in my opinon, help your game, because if you get blown out then hey, at least you're in an awesome place, and that will many times…
/r/seduction22/01/16 10:01 AM
1

Let me try to provide a more nuanced picture - people who "win" this game aren't necessarily completely free of insecurities. The difference is that they don't let their insecurities beat them down or win the day. Even the best of us have shitty moments, but the good ones generally bounce back pretty quickly and don't beat them selves up over it, blame the world/other people for being evil, think they are worthless losers or take the setback personally, strategies that are all too common among t…
/r/seduction16/01/16 06:21 PM
2

To quote a friend of mine: It's the man's job to initiate, and the woman's job to be available. That means it's your job to take charge and go for something more than a wave, and her job to decide if she will allow you to do that or not. where she was at least inclined to end it better than just a wave? She might have been inclined to do that on most dates, but since you didn't do your f%&ing job she went with the safest option and waved at you. Also, since you wrote "most of them" I interpret t…
/r/seduction16/01/16 03:07 AM
12

I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you're not really that attached to your ex, you're attached to the idea of being loved and her loving you. That's why the thought of her fucking other dudes hurt so much, because it's a constant reminder of the fact that others are getting her affection now. It might also explain why you get emotionally attached so quickly, because you make up all these nice scenarios in your head and then get attached to the idea of being loved by the girl in question. …
/r/seduction15/01/16 10:37 PM
1

Way of the superior man was written by David Deida.
/r/seduction04/01/16 07:30 PM
1

If you ask me I'm not that good looking. People say I look like Chumlee from the TV show Pawn Stars, to the point where people shout "Chumlee!" at me when I walk by. I got shorter hair, longer beard and no tattoos, but otherwise we do look quite similar.
/r/seduction04/01/16 05:57 PM
1

It might be a part of it, but to make a long story short(er) I was in the seduction community for a long time, unfortunately without getting much result. Somewhere along the road it hit me that I had been chasing the "magic pill" for all those years, trying to chip away every last sticking point and becoming so irresistable that women would hit on me. When I realized that, four years of going out at least three times a week, analyzing my actions and trying to change my habits suddenly became fou…
/r/seduction04/01/16 01:08 AM
27

But yeah, what was a sign you have clearly missed when a women has been interested in you? How long do you want the list to be? :p Bad jokes aside, let's see ... I've had two girls start a conversation with me by asking straight up if I was single. Didn't get that. Then there was this blonde who kinda looked like Elsa from Frozen, who asked me how I knew the girl next to me, that I had been talking to for the last half hour or so. When I told her we had just met she started playing with my hair …
/r/seduction03/01/16 04:53 PM
3

Do you guys not get annoyed seeing these posts? They offer zero value to anyone reading them, and realistically even OP doesn't get the value he really needs. No, they don't annoy me. First, I have no control over them and getting annoyed isn't going to change that. Second, I do have full control over one thing - how I react to these posts. Nothing can annoy you unless you choose to get annoyed, because whatever happens it will always trigger an emotional reaction that will affect your reaction,…
/r/seduction01/01/16 04:01 AM
5

Controlling your emotional energy, keep negative emotions from taking over and, while acknowledging failures and learning from them, keep your focus mainly on positive things. Also, learn to take pleasure in the simplest of things, like being able to get out of bed in the morning. Or to quote Salvador Dali: "Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure - that of being Salvador Dali." Money can't buy that.
/r/seduction25/12/15 04:49 AM
3

What I think? Most of the inner game principles he teach seem solid enough, and I used some of the stuff in Blueprint Decoded to great effect. With that said, I think he focus a little too much on persistence, "plowing" and being in a super-high state all the time, thus risking that his students become super-persistent ADHD monkeys who won't take no for an answer. Personally I also think some of his outer game stuff is kind of iffy, but that's mainly because I have a very different personality t…
/r/seduction23/12/15 08:31 AM
4

So ... Out of a sample size of what, one woman you used "PUA" techniques on, you found a crazy one? I would hardly call that statistically significant, to put it that way. Since most guys who teach pickup out there has jumped on the "natural game" bandwagon, aka "be the best version of yourself that you can be" it will work on just about any girl who is at least somewhat attracted to your combination of personality, style and looks. It is actually about "being yourself," and not play games these…
/r/seduction23/12/15 08:13 AM
-1

But the only thing I want from them is casual sex and just having fun chillin' every couple of days. There's most likely your problem. You spend too much time with them, and thus give them the wrong idea. As a general rule you shouldn't see a woman more than once every ten days, as seeing them more often tend to increase the chance of them seeing you as boyfriend-material and wanting something serious. Of course, if you both know that the other just want casual sex with no strings attached you c…
/r/seduction22/12/15 03:28 PM
2

Am I nuts? Nah. To be honest I'd probably feel the same way, and tell her to fuck off just for good mesure. If I felt particularly malevolent I might take her out, show her my very best side, then take her home and be just flirty enough to get her hopes up, before casually mentioning that I think this could be the start of a great friendship and send her home at the end of the night. If she objects then hey, I didn't say this was gonna be a date, did I? And I certainly can't be held responsible …
/r/seduction22/12/15 04:14 AM
1

Anything can have social value if you're passionate about it. Of course, if you're into obscure board games that might narrow your selection a bit, but since I know a guy who managed to pick up a girl by asking her what he should do at a particular spot in Crysis I'd say pretty much anything goes. However, and feel free to correct me here, if you're getting into something just for the social value and the potential it has for attracting women, then you're probably gonna fail. Getting into any so…
/r/seduction22/12/15 03:22 AM
1

The most helpful for me was a technique where you are supposed to imagine your thoughts as images on a screen, and "you" act as an outside observer watching your thoughts as they drift by. The idea is to watch your thoughts passively, without focusing on them, and thus clear your mind completely of conscious thoughts. Since most of my anxiety was caused by "What if ...?"-thinking, this was quite effective in making it more manageable. I've also tried mindfullness and guided meditation, but this …
/r/seduction20/12/15 02:43 AM
1

Learning meditation was huge for me. Also, approaching and experiencing your emotions as they unfold, without labeling them as "fear" or "approach anxiety" helped a lot. The latter is described in greater detail here and here. I throw those links around a lot, but in my experience it's the single most effective technique I've ever come across when it comes to dealing with anxiety issues.
/r/seduction19/12/15 08:49 PM
1

"Oh god, what do I say now? She must think I'm weird, abort ABORT." and I pussy out. And I have no idea how to get past that stage of panic. This and this might help. The gist of it is to just "go with the flow," so to speak, to experience the emotion while spending the least amount of energy possible to label it as fear. This is just a wild guess, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking you might be focusing on your negative emotions too much, which in turn means you're basically training …
/r/seduction19/12/15 04:11 AM
1

If you can get your paws on it, read "You can have what you want" by Michael Neill. It's aimed toward general self help, and it has a variety of techniques and nuggets of wisdom for overcoming the most common things that stop us from progressing. It's my go to-book for self development, and I highly recommend it.
/r/seduction17/12/15 01:38 PM
51

It might be "unrealistic," but the message still applies.
/r/seduction08/12/15 10:55 PM
1

DDP Yoga, hands down. And before any gym rats jump down my throat, it's not pure yoga. It's a mix of calisthenics, aerobics and flexibility training, and at least for me it has been really effective. For a prime example, go watch this and then consider the fact that this guy is 59 years old. If you're into wrestling you can also check out Chris Jericho, who alledgedly uses DDP Yoga as his only form of workout and still is in great shape.
/r/seduction06/12/15 11:19 PM
2

Chanel Allure has worked wonders for me. However, as /u/DaygameCoach said, cologne smells different on everyone and you should try a few to find one that works for you.
/r/seduction06/12/15 10:52 PM
1

Nah. 1 - I'm a slob, and haven't cleaned my place for the last three months, except my clothes and sheets. 2 - I'm introvert and tend to answer in one-syllable words unless it's a topic I'm really interested in, a quality I don't care much for in others. 3 - Probably the biggest obstacle of all, I'm completely oblivious to even the most blatantly obvious invitations. As an example of the latter, I saw a girl at my regular venue a few weeks back, and she waved at me and wanted me to come over. On…
/r/seduction05/12/15 12:08 PM
1

Being nice is neither inherently good nor bad, it's the motives behind that makes all the difference. Further, being "nice" has gotten such a bad rep in the seduction community because the stereotypical "nice" guy tend bend over backwards for whoever he's infatuated with, the logic that drives this behavior being that if he is just nice enough she will eventually drop all the assholes and have sex with him. So the bottom line is that you don't necessarily have to stop being nice, but you should …
/r/seduction22/11/15 05:35 AM
6

This suggest disinterest, no? Nah, more along the lines of neutral/indifferent. However, this varies from person to person, and she can be very attracted and still show very little interest. The only way to really know is to get over there, talk to her and, unless you get blown off right away, escalate and see where it takes you. Relying on "signs", like the way she breaks eye contact, will turn into an exercise in futility pretty quick, and you might miss out on the woman of your dreams just be…
/r/seduction13/11/15 04:49 PM
1

I don't care if I get downvoted to hell, and I apologize in advance if I seem harsh, but seriously; go see a therapist. Now, let me elaborate ... I dug through your post history, and despite loads of mainly positive feedback you seem hellbent on maintaining the belief that your looks is your biggest problem. Also, when you run into someone who doesn't agree with you and/or challenge your beliefs, you simply stop responding and then post another thread with the same topic some time later. So the …
/r/seduction10/11/15 02:06 PM
1

because women CAN NOT take the initiative, she can only choose among those who show an interest in her! All others man just unapproachable for her and she will never has a chance to have sex with them. I totally disagree. I run into women who take the initiative all the time. It could of course be that my antics are "womanese" for "I want you," but I think the chances for that is somewhere between zero and slim.
/r/seduction10/11/15 12:46 AM
1

So, if I'm reading you right you made a very good first impression without much, or any, conscious effort, but since you got a compliment from her you're letting the rather irrational fear of possible future consequences - my guess would be fear of losing validation and/or being "disliked" - dictate your actions. You do know that the human race has not developed neither telepathy or precognition yet, so you're basically reacting to assumptions you pulled out of your own ass, right? And when you …
/r/seduction08/11/15 03:12 AM
1

A bit off topic, but approach anxiety is only a symptom. Whatever is causing it is the real problem. With that said, this and this might help. I also recommend taking up meditation, as it works great when it comes to reducing anxiety in general.
/r/seduction06/11/15 06:45 PM
1

I'm 39 and banged a girl that's 22 a while back, if that's what you mean. Younger girls (early to mid twenties) hit on me all the time, so I wouldn't worry about age just yet if I were you.
/r/seduction06/11/15 09:49 AM
2

Filmmaking is cool, but I don't how that would jive with pua, wold that be a cool identity ? Nothing inherently "jive" with pua, you make it jive. Or to use an example - I know a guy who is incredibly successful with women, and he's a computer programmer. Me, I recycle and refurbish old computers for a living, and things work out ok for me as well. Your job is what you make of it.
/r/seduction06/11/15 09:32 AM
1

Hi. I've been in a similar situation, so I'll throw my two cents in here. Now, if you think being a 21 year old virgin is tough, try being a 30 year old virgin. Yeah, that was me. I lost my virginity when I was 30 years and 4 months old, so I think I at least got a general idea of how you feel. With the pleasantries out of the way, I guess it's time to move on to the nitty gritty part. I do apologize up front if any of this sound harsh, but think of it as tough love. I have seen a lot of relevan…
/r/seduction05/11/15 05:02 PM
3

How do you fight the mental battle? Simple. By not participating. To elaborate, my view is that every time you fight something within yourself, being it approach anxiety, lack of confidence or whatever, you are basically fighting yourself. This means that you may win that particular battle, but you can never win the war. To add to the problem, whatever you defeat it will most likely come back later and bite you in the ass, simply because it is a part of who you are. So, what do I mean by "not pa…
/r/seduction02/11/15 04:15 PM
1

Hi again. First of all, sorry for the slow reply. Work and real life commitments got in the way, I'm afraid. As for the post disappearing it was removed when I refreshed the page after I had posted. If you didn't do anything I guess either something went wrong, or maybe one of the moderators deleted it. Your guess is as good as mine at this point. Now for another rant ... I never had a girl starting a conversation with me and believe me, I go out every single Friday night, still not a single fem…
/r/seduction30/10/15 11:09 AM
2

Yeeah ... Ranting time. First of all, I'm not gonna try to talk you out of it as it is entirely your choice. I am however going to try to provide some perspective, as I've been in a similar place myself. Now, I took the liberty of poking through your history, and noted that you have a lot of people telling you that you're ok and shouldn't worry about your looks. So I have to wonder why you still believe that it's cause you're "universally unattractive and deformed" despite the fact that random p…
/r/seduction27/10/15 09:39 PM
2

For me the key was meditation, in addition to this and this. To expand on the idea, thing of approach anxiety as a living being. It feeds off your energy and the attention you give it, and the more you focus on it the stronger it will become, even if you only focus on it to try and get rid of it. To make matters worse, if you try to fight social anxiety you're only fighting yourself, and even if you manage to drive it off temporarily it's a battle you can't win. So experience it and try to obser…
/r/seduction21/10/15 12:05 AM
1

In my experience it can go either way. Yeah, you will most likely lose more than someone who look like a male model. On the other hand, those who do like you tend to hook even stronger, because you display a massive confidence that you got no obvious reason (i.e. good looks) to have.
/r/seduction19/10/15 11:34 PM
2

Late to the party and stuff, but I would just like to share a neat trick someone once taught me about excuses and limiting beliefs. The trick is simply to start digging and ask them to explain what they mean, as these beliefs tend to have little reasoning behind them. For example: "Failure does matter. It'll ruin the university dynamic." "Hm, interesting angle. Care to explain how failure will ruin the university dynamic?" or perhaps "How do you think failing in a personal endeavour, as getting …
/r/seduction07/10/15 10:46 AM
1

Good advice, as some people in here spend way too much time sitting in their couch and telling them selves that they just need to beat one more sticking point, learn one more technique or some other bullshit excuse they've cooked up. With that said, I know a guy in the community who did over a thousand approaches and got four girls, so "approach more" isn't the be-all and end-all. Also, if you approach and 90% of your brain capacity is devoted to focusing on the mild excitement you feel and labe…
/r/seduction05/10/15 11:06 PM
1

"You can have what you want" by Michael Neill. He has some refreshing, if rather untraditional, views, but all in all it has been my go-to self help book for years.
/r/seduction05/10/15 08:31 PM
3

Does anyone have any pointers or advice? First of all, find a place you really enjoy, so you don't end up in a situation where lack of progress bums you out and you're in a place you think is shit to boot. This is just my personal opinion, but for me it's been vital to my game to have something other than success with girls, or lack thereof, to fall back on when I hit a dry spell. Second, learn to have fun on your own. Tell yourself jokes, make up crazy shit in your head, play games with yoursel…
/r/seduction20/09/15 11:56 PM
2

laughs Well, english is my second language, so you're more right than you might think.
/r/seduction12/09/15 08:56 PM
1

I vent on for a couple of months without fapping and didn't notice any difference whatsoever, so for me personally it's kinda meh. And before anyone asks; yes, I've checked my testosterone levels, and they were fine.
/r/seduction12/09/15 05:23 PM
1

Where am I fucking up Seddit? To put it bluntly you fucked up when you started believing that what girls say matter more than what they do. Girls generally don't call me anything, except one who called me sexy and another who basically told me I was fugly and should go home. However, they do tend to hang around, spend and awful lot of time trying to get my attention and they compliment me on my behavior and "radiant personality." Or as a friend once told me; if she sticks around she's most likel…
/r/seduction10/09/15 04:50 PM
2

I have a friend who teaches this stuff on a professional basis, like bootcamps and the whole nine yards, and he says his success rate when it comes to ending up having sex with the girl he approaches is around 25%. So for every hundred girl he approaches he ends up getting blown out somewhere along the way by seventy five of them, but he's still at it.
/r/seduction08/09/15 07:14 PM
1

and even with that I can only last a few minutes tops. You do know the average time for sexual intercourse, as in the time between sticking your sausage in her and cuming, is about five and a half minutes, right? I have the opposite problem, and can last for hours. The problem is that it's exhausting, you both risk getting sore and it's kinda hard to enjoy the orgasm when you've shagged the girl in six different positions and it feels like you just finished a triathlon. In other words, lasting "…
/r/seduction04/09/15 09:35 PM
1

If you know the place and know how the majority of the people there dress, I'd say dress a little nicer than the usual crowd but nothing more. That way you stand out in a positive way, without coming across as unapproachable or tryhard. I'd say vests, ties and the whole nine yards are a bit too much and make you stand out in a (possibly) bad way, but that's just me.
/r/seduction04/09/15 01:10 PM
5

The one thing that made the biggest difference for me was actually to stop thinking about women and "game", and just go out to have fun.
/r/seduction02/09/15 10:37 PM
1

Anyone have any tips, tricks, words of advice? Meditation. Getting friends will still be your job, but it will dampen the effect anxiety has on you. Here's a little rant by RSD's Jeffy on meditation Also, look up David D. Burns on Amazon. He's a psychiatrist who was one of the first to use and popularize cognitive behavioral therapy, which among other things is used to treat anxiety, and he has written several books on the subject. His "Feeling Good: The new mood therapy" and "Feeling good handb…
/r/seduction02/09/15 10:28 PM
1

I beg to differ (again). For instance I met this nurse once at my regular place, tink tall, fit brunette, and we had loads of fun together. Then some dude comes in. Blonde, buzz cut, generally good looking, about six foot four and jacked, and he grabs her and goes for the kiss. Lo and behold, she blows him off and return to me, a fat-ass who looks like Chumlee's unknown twin brother, and just to screw with the guy I go for the kiss, and get zero resistance. To resort to the dreaded 1-10 scale I'…
/r/seduction31/08/15 09:34 AM
6

Eh ... I don't look particularly good, and girls still try to pick me up. Try again.
/r/seduction30/08/15 09:46 PM
2

If by quality you mean looks, then they tend to be way out of what I consider to be "my" league (yeah, still got some work to do). As an example I ran into this waitress that work at my regular place last night, and she was clearly interested, like initiating kino, investing a lot in keeping the conversation going (never been much of a talker, which tend to fuck things up), trying to hold me back and making sure I would return when I left to take a piss. We're talking about a tall, fit and cute …
/r/seduction30/08/15 09:43 PM
2

Well ... While that is true to a certain extent, there is a lot that can be done even if one is not clasically "good looking." It's still a really shitty measuring stick though, and using it to try to gauge your attractiveness will most likely send you to a bad place fairly quick. It also makes you dependent on external validation, and if you don't get any, i.e. no dates in your case, or the proverbial well runs dry, chances are you're gonna crash hard. Now, in my experience there is no way to b…
/r/seduction27/08/15 07:33 PM
5

Is tinder good at gauging attractiveness? No. No. Fuck no. Heeeeell no. Online dating sites are probably the worst when it comes to "gauging attractiveness," cause the girls are in "logic mode" and go for guys they think they want instead of guys they actually might find attractive in person. To compete on tinder you need excellent pictures, preferably some that show off your masculine features, plus an interesting profile text and decent text game. If you fail on one of those you're usually out…
/r/seduction27/08/15 12:16 PM
2

I once read a post where confidence was defined as the level of skill necessary to guide whatever process you're currently going through toward the desired result. This requre practice, and since most regard seduction as a skill on par with other skills you have to start with something that is slightly outside your comfort zone and work your way up from that. Even if it's just thinking about approaching that hot girl at the book store, do it. And whatever you do, keep moving forward. Even if it'…
/r/seduction27/08/15 11:07 AM
11

In my experience the dull jobs tend to make people act out more, to keep them selves from going nuts. Me, I did telephone surveys for a living while I was in college, and met people who became some of my best friends there. The job was stupendously dull, so we would resort to playing games and throwing all sorts of comments and jokes back and forth while working. Also, let's say she really is an accountant and love her job. I know nothing about this, so it's a great chance to get her to tell mor…
/r/seduction27/08/15 10:20 AM
1

Yeah, late to the party and all that, but I just had to respond ... Since you pulled out the "if you saw what I've seen"-card, consider this; I'm a guy in my late thirties, I'm fat (some 330 lbs) and I look like Chumlee from the TV show Pawn Stars. So, not exactly what you would call attractive. Still, whenever I go out I usually get approached at least once per night, just by sitting on my ass and being me. Some nights are of course slower than others, but according to your logic this shouldn't…
/r/seduction27/08/15 08:36 AM
1

I repeat, he's funny. He's also a club promoter, which probably raise his social status quite substantially, and if I were to take a shot in the dark I'd say he's very outcome independent and have a massive "I don't give a fuck"-attitude since he makes the women walk four blocks to meet him. Another wild guess would be that he's extremely comfortable with who he is and really owns it, even if he's not attractive in the traditional way. Also, his behavior is probably very polarizing and while he …
/r/seduction26/08/15 07:53 PM
2

I would also add passion to the mix. If you can meet girls (or people in general for that matter) while doing something you love, they'll come swarming like moths to the proverbial flame.
/r/seduction18/08/15 09:35 AM
1

Well written and, at least in my experience, very true.
/r/seduction17/08/15 05:39 PM
1

Oh, I'm this guy all the time, and the girls I run into often go even further than the one in OP's post. Me, on the other hand, can't take a hint even if a girl wrote "I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME AND FUCK ME!" on a baseball bat and smacked me in the face with it. Or to put it another way, at this point I think I could even outdo /u/StuporCollider/ ...
/r/seduction14/08/15 10:02 PM
3

It's a book by a guy named Mark Manson, and it's pretty much the go-to book when it comes to seduction.
/r/seduction11/08/15 11:26 PM
1

How to meditate
/r/seduction11/08/15 07:26 PM
3

In that case, how 'bout this: I'm a fat dude, about 330 lbs, and I look like Chumlee from the tv-show Pawn Stars. Still, girls tend to treat me as the coolest thing since sliced bread, they hit on me like they're getting paid for it and a couple of them have even walked up to me and asked if I'm single. On the other hand, if you turn the clock back a few years girls wouldn't even touch me with a ten foot pole and I was a virgin til I was 30 because of massive insecurities and self loathing. I st…
/r/seduction08/08/15 10:04 PM
3

I think my problem is I'm still programmed wrong. Then it's even more important to realize that it's the programming that's faulty and that the OS and underlying hardware is perfectly ok. I guess what I'm trying to say is that quite a few in similar situations think that there is something fundamentally wrong with them as people, instead of realizing that they've just been acting through the wrong filters. I've been in the situation myself, where every setback ended with me thinking there was so…
/r/seduction08/08/15 01:20 AM
2

Does money/assets help me or hurt me? Neither. Having money in itself do jack all, it's all the things society associate with money that does the trick. but is subtly flaunting this okay? Sure. If you think you yourself isn't enough and you have to buy her attention, go ahead ... And yes, I might be unnecessarily snarky here, but the moment you think about substituting the value you bring to the table by being you with your paycheck, chances are you're gonna start losing ground real fast.
/r/seduction08/08/15 01:03 AM
1

You don't have to "ask interesting questions" to keep a conversation going. The most common question I use is "Oh, that sounds cool (or interesting or whatever). Tell me more." That's often followed by "Why did you do/choose/go with X?" In other words my main tactic is to make them tell things about them selves, and with a little bit of luck I get topics I either know something about or want to know something about, so I can tell about my own experiences or ask questions, and voila - conversatio…
/r/seduction06/08/15 12:17 AM
4

If they're totally smashed I tend to be polite and chat along, but I ignore any and all attempts at flirting. Since I don't drink it feels kinda creepy to flirt with a really drunk girl, and chances are she won't remember what she did in the morning anyway.
/r/seduction01/08/15 07:05 PM
3

I think at least parts of it boils down to how you view your life and how aware you are of your surroundings as well. Are you going to the store to buy bananas, or are you venturing into the great concrete jungle to find the secluded yellow fruit, slay its guardian and let it bless your mouth with its sweetness? A very childish example indeed, but sometimes it's not about finding some great adventure, it's about finding greatness in the one you're on.
/r/seduction01/08/15 03:10 AM
0

You're right. It's not misoginy, it's objectification. My bad. I'll leave it to you to figure out why that is, generally speaking, an equally bad thing.
/r/seduction01/08/15 01:21 AM
0

Well, the misogynistic part is where you tell us you have no interest in what the women you hit on are doing and only appear to talk to them because they happen to have a pussy. In other words you treat them as a means to an end, which in this case is getting laid, and with that attitude you might get lucky once in a while, but they're probably gonna run away fast as hell when they find out what kind of person you are.
/r/seduction31/07/15 05:12 PM
5

Go on "off nights." Women are so guarded on Friday and Saturday nights. They dress up their best, and then watch as drunk men come one-by-one to hit on them. In that case a simple workaround should be to go out sober. To toot my own horn it has been quite the icebreaker for me, and people seem to admire and respect me for not drinking, which in turn makes things easier. If you're still at the bar at closing, you've lost. At the risk of sounding dense; lost what, exactly? To be honest this sound …
/r/seduction31/07/15 01:27 AM
3

The girl would let her friends know that she is with the guy Not necessarily. I met this girl one time at my local bar, and made the mistake of not befriending the girl who was with her. To make a long story short we hit it off real well, and at the end of the night she starts making out with me. It last for a good ten seconds, then her friend moves in, grab her arm and literally drag her away from me. I met her later that night, dangling behind her friend who held her in an iron grip and almost…
/r/seduction20/07/15 03:32 AM
1

Then I'd go as far as to say that telling people to not have some kind of filter is stupid, as it will make you look like a social retard. Don't get me wrong, though. It's possible to make it work, and I know a couple of people who do make it work, but they are very confident, extremely comfortable in their own skin and got social skills and experience up the wazoo. So unless you're that kind of person, saying totally random shit like that is going to make you look like an uncalibrated weirdo wi…
/r/seduction06/06/15 08:29 AM
1

I beg to differ, as they say. Suffering from crippling social anxiety for most of my life, I've made more friends in the last five years than I did in the thirty four before that. "All" it took was a part time job while I studied, some common interests and an introduction to a friend of a friend, and it just snowballed from there. So it's not impossible, but you need a little bit of luck. And take it from a guy who spent most of his life getting full blown panic attacks if some stranger stopped …
/r/seduction04/06/15 10:39 AM
1

Here's something to consider: If you talk to a 10/10 chick in an environment where she has other options, say a club or something, and she sticks aroud for more than five minutes, chances are you have already created enough attraction to keep her around. Also, a 10/10 chick has loads of options, so if you're not interesting in one way or another she'll probably leave faster than you can say "onomatopoeia." To further mess with your reality, confidence, humor and strong eye contact are all attrac…
/r/seduction02/06/15 08:54 PM
1

Sooo ... What are you afraid will happen if you don't belittle yourself and lower your self esteem? I'm asking because a lot of people will try to make them selves smaller because they're afraid something bad might happen. Besides, meeting people who are just as good or better than you means you have a chance to learn from someone with a different perspective on things and/or different experiences/(more) knowledge about whatever you guys are doing. It's an opportunity to learn something, and it …
/r/seduction24/05/15 03:49 AM
1

Unfortunately I only have a dog-eared paperback copy that I bought a few years ago. Amazon got a kindle edition for $4.04 though, and I think it's well worth those few bucks.
/r/seduction18/05/15 04:48 AM
3

Seduction: "Models" by Mark Manson and "How to make girls chase" by Chase Amante. Both solid books with lots of useful material. Self improvement in general: "You can have what you want" by Michael Neill. Easily the self improvement book that has helped me the most, and I've read a few.
/r/seduction17/05/15 03:04 AM
1

The important question is whether the next text was something to reply to or not. Also, "What's up" is kinda generic and boring, and you risk ending up in the "dull, boring loser who I won't respond to"-category. If you really want her, give it one more shot and then move on if she doesn't respond. However, if it's been a week and you havent gotten a response I'd say your chances are pretty slim at this point.
/r/seduction03/05/15 09:08 PM
1

My apologies for the slow reply, but better late than never I guess. Also, this is going to be a long ass rant, so consider yourself warned. How did you do it? Now, I'd say it was part coincidence, part hard work and part talent. And if you don't wanna read through my rambling, just skip on down to the "What really happened" part. The coincidence part came into play when I decided to start studying after a four year hiatus, as I now live in a town whith about 155 000 inhabitants and 35 000 stude…
/r/seduction23/04/15 05:03 AM
-1

Eh. I'm fat, and girls hit on me regularly. I could of course be the exception to this rule, but since nothing happened until I started working on my personality I am of course biased towards believing that "looks" don't play as big a role as some seem to think. With that said, I don't think the community will ever agree on whether looks matter or not.
/r/seduction11/04/15 09:40 PM
3

I dealt with first and foremost by not labeling it as "approach anxiety," as you risk literally training yourself to experience anxiety every time you try to approach a girl. It's an anxiety reaction. Period. You can read more about the theory behind it here: Why approaching sets until you "go numb" is a really bad idea And here: The logical and emotional models in brief I also used meditation to lessen the impact of the associations and mental "baggage" that tended to tag along with the anxiety…
/r/seduction08/04/15 03:56 AM
2

I can't imagine what it's like to be a girl, but I can imagine what it'd be like to be in a girl's position in the sexual marketplace as someone with a male brain, and it'd be fucking heaven. ...for a while. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging I've reached a point where girls hit on me at least 2-3 times a month without me lifting as much as a single finger, and has gotten old. I don't know, maybe my brain is wired differently or something, but I tend to zone out completely unless she's go…
/r/seduction28/03/15 10:10 PM
1

First of all, sorry about the late answer. I havent checked in here in a while. Now, I don't know how helpful my answer is going to be, as I live in a rather small city with both one of the most popular and prestigious universities in my country and a popular college with lots of aspiring nurses and kindergarten teachers (it's a profession here, don't know about other countries), so there are plenty of horny students here to pick from. I find seduction here to be smooth sailing, but then again I…
/r/seduction27/03/15 02:31 AM
1

Started in December 2005, so quite a while ago. I was 29 at the time, so you could say I was a late bloomer.
/r/seduction12/03/15 07:07 AM
1

I interpret that as "have your own opinion about things, and have the goddamn balls to stand for them." This kind of thing comes from the fact that many guys will bend over sideways and agree to just about everything some hot girl say, often believing that they can "me too!" them selves into the girl's pants. Also, letting your intentions be known early is good, but it should be accompanied by a frame of mind that says "I like you so far, but I'm not sure yet ..." Find out if she meets your stan…
/r/seduction09/03/15 02:12 AM
1

I don't really bother with age at all unless the girl ask me, and if she does I just mention it casually and move on. In my experience most problems are only as big as you make them, and age is no different. If she ask, just answer her (or make her guess once or twice if you're the playful sort) and move on as if she just asked you what time it is.
/r/seduction09/03/15 01:40 AM
11

First of all I'm gonna go against the current here and say that you don't "beat" AA. It's a part of who you are, at least for now, and if you try to push it away, beat it or in any way "win" you're only fighting against yourself, and it's a battle that can never truly be won. On a personal footnote I hate the term "AA." It's an anxiety reaction, and labeling it as "approach anxiety" and thus connecting it to a certain situation can actually make it a part of the problem. Second, if you don't kno…
/r/seduction05/03/15 07:26 AM
2

First of all; Hello, fellow scandinavian. As one who has walked a similar path I say fix your mental health first. I tried to learn game, manage my depression, get my social anxiety under control and cure myself of social illiteracy all at once, and it ended up being a ginormous clusterfuck that took way longer than necessary to get out of. With that said, how does that old saying go? "To assume is to make an ass out of u and me." Your morals are fine, but you're totally screwing yourself based …
/r/seduction21/02/15 06:05 AM
1

It's not so much about "not trying to get something but escalate" as "Keep working towards your goal, but be willing to lose the girl and walk away at the drop of a hat." For example, if I get attention whoring, unnecessary drama or bratty behavior, all of which I hate, I tend to either stay silent and look at them the way I'd look at a five-year-old throwing a tantrum, or just not give a shit and zone out completely until they return to their senses again. Most people will feel social pressure …
/r/seduction21/02/15 05:34 AM
1

So, a congruence test?
/r/seduction20/02/15 01:56 PM
9

There is no "method" per se that has replaced MM, as pick up has moved away from detailed methods toward principles, general self development, (sub)communication and (meta)frames. The formula, to whatever extent it still exist, boils down to "build a great life, build your confidence, be proactive, be non-reactive, talk to people (girls included) and become the best version of yourself that you can be." The closest thing you'll get to a "method" is probably the guide at the back of Models, which…
/r/seduction19/02/15 11:25 PM
2

"You can have what you want" by Michael Neill.
/r/seduction31/01/15 08:46 PM
1

At the risk of sounding like an asshat; the book also has a progress plan (page 280 IIRC), and it's there for a reason. My advice would be to take it slow, work on one or maybe two things at a time and then move on when you can consistently succeed at them. So to go off your example, work on making more statements when you talk to girls and focus only on that for a while. Then, when it has become a habit, move on to work on expressing yourself and your ideas more, and when you can do that with a…
/r/seduction31/01/15 07:45 AM
1

Personally I prefer DDP Yoga, which is really a mix between traditional yoga, calisthenics (exercises using your body weight as resistance) and something DDP (yes, the former pro-wrestler) refers to as "dynamic resistance", which is basically using your own muscles to resist the movements you do. Some guy actually compared the two, and you can find the video here: P90X vs DDP Yoga
/r/seduction25/01/15 11:24 AM
9

I'm more curious about why you want to buy her drinks in the first place ...
/r/seduction24/01/15 10:04 AM
1

It's from RSA, or the Royal Society of Arts, which is a british organization that, among other things, host talks similar to TED. Or as the website say, it's "an enlightenment organisation committed to finding innovative practical solutions to today’s social challenges".
/r/seduction24/01/15 09:13 AM
1

It's been a while since I was a teenager, but if you get as far as touching her then I'd say yes.
/r/seduction23/01/15 08:25 AM
1

Pretty much, yeah.
/r/seduction20/01/15 01:11 AM
34

So, how many of your other friends rub your thigh when you sit close together? :P Jokes aside, the "measuring stick" I tend to rely on is if you're allowed to touch her neck, ears or face without her pulling away or showing discomfort. Even better if she looks like she's into it. Yes, it does require you to take the first step, but to keep escalating toward your intended goal, while keeping an eye on her reactions and adjusting your behavior accordingly, is the only way for you to find out that'…
/r/seduction19/01/15 06:57 AM
3

Last time I fucked up would be about an hour and a half ago (it's 3:30 AM here as I write this), and not only did I fuck up royally, I fucked up multiple times. Long stories short I had a grand total of six girls hitting me up tonight, and it looks like I'm gonna be spankin' the ol' monkey none the less. The first one approached me out of nowhere, started complimenting me on how great I looked and asked me what my "secret" was. I'm a regular at the venue I was at tonight, so she had obviously se…
/r/seduction17/01/15 02:49 AM
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