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Trytosurvive Archive

View 0 posts and 192 comments by Trytosurvive on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Have a kid, so yes, I would marry ex. I suppose I wouldn't support her going off medication if i had my time again. Also, there were holidays and early in marriage that were the best time of my life. I would also work on what I can change in myself that contributed to break up. Though I don't like who my ex is now, I don't hate her or wish her harm dispite the harm she has done to those around her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:24 AM
1

Isn't it normal? My ex was going to leave the marital home, and i asked her where she is going to go.. she said she will sell her ass on the street and our daughter will see what an awful father I am. I told her not to be stupid (was naive). Later, she grabbed me by the hair, threw me on the ground and punched and kicked me after abdominal surgery and told me to get out and fucken die. I suspect males manipulate and are huge assholes as well...some people are huge manipulates during divorce and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 06:55 AM
4

My ex wanted the same, and her lawyer hyped it all up.. wanted all my pay, residential unit, and my estate when I die (suspect super and any inheritance I get way after divorce, etc) She was a greedy, vengeful cunt egged in by friends. Said that she would rather have the property, saving etc go to lawyers than me get any. Lucky she cooled down and saw through lawyer bullshit and came to an agreement ourselves. Though I have shit tonne of medical issues, so if it went to court, uncertain how it w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 07:17 AM
5

Send flowers to daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:07 AM
4

How old is your youngest son and elder son? Depending on the age and if brothers are close, I would talk to eldest if he is comfortable talking to his brother if he feels safe or is there anything that concerns him at mums - not the best thing to do but better than youngest accidentally taking drugs and killing himself or neing abused. A neighbour I had was a drug addict and the 5 year old son found some drugs and ate them and died in the community courtyard. Your son is the first priority, and …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 04:26 AM
2

Thank you for sharing your story and providing another side of a break-up. It gives me pause as well as I reflect upon my own marriage demise to better myself if I get romantically involved again. My ex had a shit tonne of issues but took a while for me to see how some of my actions and chronic illness added fuel to the fire - rather than just blame her and move on. Hope you're in a better place and take care
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:37 PM
6

Wow.. but best way to live - an ex doesn't give a shit about you, so why give them the power to hold your emotions hostage, just apologise to yourself on your ex's behalf and win
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:01 AM
3

So, do these guys know they are getting involved with a married woman? Do women say to the new guy they are in the process of divorcing, and if he is cool with it, she tells the husband they are getting a divorce? Uncertain if I would get involved in a woman who is still married - too complicated and fucked up especially as I know what the husband/ex is going through. Be interesting to hear a women's rationale on this as I have heard this happening a lot in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 04:01 AM
3

What do you mean ex "made" triple what you did? So she no longer works? And what do you mean she got the house? I have never heard one side get full martial home. Is there some agreement that she can live there till she gets a job? If ex still works and earning more than you, you got totally screwed unless there is an underlying health condition or something? I did have a mate who's ex accused him of sexually abusing kids- was fighting in court for two years, 280k later and locked out if his own…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 09:56 PM
3

I had a great lawyer, and my ex's lawyer was sending demands for part of my estate when i die, 90% of my wages and other ridiculous demands, and im poor with chronic illness. My lawyer said its common for lawyers representing females to promise them outcomes as if they were married to a multimillionaire. My lawyer said if i don't want both me and ex to be broke and the sale of the property and any savings to goto lawyers fucken meditate as ex is being used as an ATM by her lawyers. initially, my…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:38 AM
8

That is why it's so hard to listen to people who create a whole new past and 100% believe the new narrative - it's very convincing and sometimes you question your own memory of the events.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 11:54 AM
1

That is truly despicable - uncertain why a parent would jeopardise their children's mental health to get at an exe.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 06:59 AM
1

I hear my kids regurgitate terms that they obviously didn't come up with themselves I.e " you only had kids for a status symbol to brag to your mates...you are so selfish only thining of yourself" All you can do is not attack mum and tell kids you have to see why people are telling you this and whether it's true...you have to make up your own mind. Sucks as kids shouldn't distrust what a parent is saying... kids may come around or not but parent alienation is hard to battle especially coming fro…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:55 AM
4

You have a hard road - ideally you want to work with ex especially if she has primary custody. I found working with ex a chore as things she does and says to me that I let slide just to be amicable for kids sake she would be screaming and ranting if i did the same to her. If my ex started dating a sex offender on one hand you couldn't live with yourself if they groom your kids but on the other hand your stuck in limbo as not much you can do until they do something wrong. I suppose I would first …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:07 PM
2

I have stoma and shit tonne of physical issues - weights (high reps) and boxing did me wonders during divorce burned off the cortisol and helped me get out of my own head.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 05:20 AM
0

School or even drs wouldn'tcare if boyfriend turns up with mom - they are not going to kick him out unless there is abuse - you cannot stop a partner accessing information when with mum or dad. In most cases that's silly - if my kids have a medical problem I would want exs partner to know if they have been in a long term relationship as they maybe alone with kids, drive kids to events and need to know vital information of kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:58 AM
2

Hard to say, I take daughter to dentist and medical appointments, sports etc - ex rang them all up and asked them to change primary contact and home address from me to her - dentist/drs/coaches changed it back to me as ex didn't know what was going on and never took her to appointments etc after a few missed appointments. If it's sporting activities and he is doing with friends, I would accept that as a parent and wouldn't question it. I would try to goto games thought and watch a few training s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:52 AM
3

I have been given lots if different advice on this by "specialist" from wait till 25 when kids get a mature adults brain and not comment to argue each point blah blah ...its really hard to undo parenting alienation by the parent or family who the kids like the best. All you can really do with kids that age is be there and maybe they will turn around or just invite them to dinner any get them to lay everything on the table and talk through it .. Sorry your going through this - it's hard when some…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:23 AM
3

My ex mother-in-law is a right cunt and kept telling my kids that men are just donors and piss off after kid's are born and should be with mum 24/7 etc. Because mother-in-law took kid's to school and and picked them up as my ex and I was working kids were very close to her and picked up some if this shit. There is still that perception in the community that fathers are just sperm donors and not important in kids lives - the good news in most countries see this as total bullshit and in most situa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 09:13 PM
2

Yeah I think in men anyway, it's the yoda saying Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. So you forgive to let go of the fear and anger to be in a better mental state yourself. Also gives crazy ex's less power over you...your ex does not give a shit about you so why give them power over you once they are gone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 01:24 AM
1

There was limited free lawyers in my country where I got some advice. They were family lawyers or retired family lawyers that donate some of their time at the local community centre every month. Maybe check with your local library or community centre to see if there are similar services around you. I recall people saying in divorce thread that if you have no income, you can get your spouse (if earning income) to pay for your lawyer but uncertain of rules around that and how to enforce etc. I wou…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 07:14 AM
2

In front of kids when i was the main carer the ex mother-in-law said dads are just biological donors and mums do 99% of the work - that men piss off as soon as kids are born...this is while I was caring for them as ex was sorting her life out. My ex sort of started that but to her benefit saw how much it was harming kids so stopped doing it. My kids (tween) still prefer their mum, maybe that is biological but I am hoping just being their they will come closer to me again when they were 10 and yo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 05:05 AM
10

100% If a partner doesn't work and there are no kids or hobbies outside the house, they get bored. I knew a bloke who worked like a dog but was too tired to go out after work. The partner at home got bored and then bitter that husband never wanted to do anything with her. He told wife to get a part time job, so he could cut back hours and they could do more on nights/weekends without him being too tired. She hated that idea and refused, then she stopped making dinner as husband continued not goi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 06:32 AM
2

Same sort of situation- had medical evidence of bruises etc. Lawyer said unless you use evidence straight away it's worthless- no point bringing up months later if things go to court. It was more if she made false allegations against me. It was weird as I told ex one time that I had photos and medical records of bruises etc and she felt so betrayed... Unless it's broken bones etc nobody gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 11:08 PM
0

That is a plus she is working! No alimony. the kids are innocent in this and your still the dad - I don't know how I would react if I didn't know if my kids were mine... i hope you find peace in this and you and the kids thrive- fuck brother and ex, bloody betrayal
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 06:07 AM
5

Yes at end of day if judge sees you turn up with huge legal representation and her with a modist family lawyer, it could go against you. Have to play a tactful game and also know lawyers will not always work in your best interests, they have an agenda to leech as much money out of you - it's in their best interest to keep the fight going
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 03:13 AM
2

Do you want to know if kids are yours? Would you tell kids? A very hard situation as you are essentially seen as "dad" and I think in most countries you would still have to pay child support even if not yours . Fuck your ex as most seem to lash out when found out to be cheating scum. If she is stay at home mum I would still fight 50/50 custody so you see kids. I suspect if she isn't working you will have to divide all assets 50/50 or 60/40 in her favour. If she gets full custody, it means more m…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 03:10 AM
0

ex pulled me by the hair and punched and kicked me to the ground in front of child - I took child (who was living with mum at the time) and left, child and i moved in with a family member. Ex called police saying that i took the child from her home, police did shit all, didn't even call me. I don't know what she told them as they would have asked why I took child or any court orders (no court orders). Child and mum sort of made up and I suppose I helped that- if you read my past posts, I have sh…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 11:52 AM
3

You have to be strategic- my lawyer said same thing on domestic violence- ex would lose job = I would have to pay spousal support + more child support. It could also back ex in corner and then flee with kids or try to get full custody. Just double standards within the system against men.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 04:14 AM
1

A hard situation- my ex bashed me and I got medical photos but I decided not to goto police as it would destroy her life etc (my lawyer said same thing as she would lose her job and smash her, which would make her go ape ship and start going to court etc = money, stress and even possible less time with kids even though she was the violent one) . When I took our kid off her as she was being abusive she ran straight to the police - they didn't do anything as they said nothing they can do unless th…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 04:08 AM
11

As others stated - the ex had months/years to reconcile their emotions and loss of marriage before telling you. Looking back, my ex used me as an emotional support as she checked out then used my vunrability after. Someone who was a soulmate just told you to fuck off, emotionally destroyed you and took your future - that is one of the most painfulthingsyou can ever experience. The person who initiated the divorce is usually already at the finish line while your expected "man up" straight away. A…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 09:40 PM
3

Yes. I even felt sorry for ex (initiated divorce) that tried to break me with legal threats - she also once came from behind while I was sitting down doing work and grabbed me by the hair and threw me on the ground punching and kicking me while I was recovering from major abdominal surgery. I just keep in contact and remain civil due to daughter - I really cringe at the codependency I had but don't hold any grudges as yoda would say, it will just destroy yourself and ex don't give two shits what…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 06:30 AM
1

My ex told every everyone when i left as I suspect there was a string of men after divorce or wanted sympathy? She never really talked to neighbours but whenever I picked kids up neighbours always asked if I'm okay etc and knew though I said nothing. I wouldn't tell neighbours as it can get misinterpreted or very awkward... only bring it up if asked and your close enough/comfortable to share.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 03:15 AM
6

Reading comments this must be a typical tactic by females. Mine said the worst day of her life was the wedding day and was trying to keep from sobbing on the day. That I was selfish, unsupportive $%$#$ etc etc and that I was the worst mistake in her life - that i forced her into her actions. A year before, I was the most supportive guy, saved her from her mental illness etc.. I don't know why people reinvent the past as all the gaslighting makes it harder for you to improve as a person as you do…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 04:36 AM
2

How old are you kids? Also Pakistan for young females would be risky - though you read conflicting information about this but there is just too many horror stories. Unless you know very well the ex's partner i personality wouldn't sign just after a year l I would tell ex that their kids can come visit your daughters here or wait till till daughters are older and earn trust of ex and the partner.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 07:53 AM
2

We never get the whole story and families are weird. My ex's family invites me to their parties etc that ex isn't there hoping i bring the kids. I think also you hear when families split one party sometimes tries to block kids from grandparents - I suspect the dad is trying to keep peace on both sides so he can still see the grand kids- like you I agree I wouldn't blow up a relationship with your dad and your kids grandparents over this - though we don't know whole story - OP needs to put it per…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 06:29 AM
2

I don't think you can avoid it unless your patents buy the house and there name is on the deed - you pay "rent" monthly. If there is divorce and you lie about the situation that is backed up by statements (i.e. you transfer 200k to parent's account) your screwed. Once children are involved prenuptial are hard to enforce from what I was told. Best to pay and get proper legal advice on your options. If the marriage works out and you have kids it will be well worth it. If the marriage breaks down y…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 01:49 AM
7

Though I agree, if one party initiates a divorce that it can be devastating especially if kids are involved and one party uses them as a weapon. You can lose almost everything including your future and identity- there is plenty of studies that male suicide rises and shorter life span is common in divorced men. I recall some army expert saying that the only thing he saw that broke the toughest men was a woman and divorce/cheating etc. When your in the abyss it can be ha4d to escape especially if …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 02:45 AM
3

My ex threw me to the ground and punched and kicked me - lawyer said, get a medical certificate of bruises which I did. If your still at the house after the event and don't call the police the crime will have less impact duringdivorce- judge will ask why didn't contact police or take kids ...also I didn't report to police as she would have lost her job as it requires a background check - i would be up for spousal support or less division off assets if she lost her job...honestly if you just sit …
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 05:39 AM
4

No. I wouldn't split anything until the assets division has been finalised and signed with a lawyer. What is stop her friends getting in her ear and fucking you over while she has the kids.. while both sides are amicable get assets and co-parenting signed legally. My ex said that all her friends told her to take what she can and that children are better off without me...some friends in the sidelines love to project and watch the world burn...tell your wife/ex do it now to save money fighting pay…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 07:11 AM
2

Is it not worth getting the vaccine to see your oldest son In person? ..how would your son see this? Unless you have a medical reason for not getting a vaccine your son wouldn't give a shit about your freedom of not getting the vaccine to prove a point - this will get twisted by his mum as seen as a father who doesn't give a shit about him and younger sibling...It is a stupid law not being able to see a minor unless your vaccinenated unless they are immune compromised/at risk ...in any case pare…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 12:55 PM
5

Depends on laws where you live and how long you have been together, age of kids etc. I suspect your entitled to 50% of house and her super... never move out of the house even if asked to .. don't let her get any of her family take the kids. I would get legal aid advice. As I understand the bread winner would have to pay for your lawer as well.. if things get nasty I would set up cameras in house so she cannot claim domestic abuse and get you kicked out
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 09:21 AM
6

Your going to get mixed comments here as alot of people have had their lives destroyed by infertility. I suspect you need to, work out who you are and what you want in life There are people on this forum where parents stayed together just for their kids and they hated living in that toxic environment. You have to have a serious talk to your wife, whether she is broken by you cheating or wants to try to fix things. It's out of your hands It will be hard to reinvent yourself as your losing your fu…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 11:08 AM
2

When I was investigating with lawyer whether to persue charges of domestic violence with ex the tips were (im male) that may help you: Take notes of every threat physical or mental Take photos and go to dr if any attacks leave bruises to be documented by Dr. Talk to local police and get a statement recorded of what us happening in case they are called by you or wife Ring up child protection if any attacks happen in front of kids Do you have neighbours that can put in a statement? Friends? Work? …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 06:35 AM
5

Yes..100% ..anything you write to wife, kids or wife's family leading up to and during divorce can be used against you if it goes to court. I wouldn't take any risks ...some lawyers understand texts can be written in the heat of the moment but others will use it to build up a character profile especially if wifey wants to cause you trouble with law enforcement etc
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 02:13 AM
1

I think divorced men and their daughters is hard to navigate when your not in their lives 24/7. I don't have a son but daughters from tween age onwards is generally a road of independence along with spouts of anger, combativeness and resistance mixed with love. From what I gathered from other divorced friends is kids generally rebel from 16-22 and tend to reconnect to parents around 22-25. It's hard when kids are angry at you, go to other parents place then refuse to talk to you - in a home wher…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 12:49 AM
2

Everyone is different..I was considering this to save money but dealing eith ex with co-parent it's very stressful and couldn't imaginedealing with her everyday and hearing intimacy noises even if you say you are better as friends--different ifyour under the same roof and only one has partner ...have a trial period and just see hie you go especially if it gives you a chance to save money
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 03:49 AM
2

Do you have a trusted friend or family member who can read the emails? My friends wife loved the drama and a rich family who would constantly do this tactic to get him to walk away so the ex would have full custody. He had a breakdown so got his best friend to read all the emails and let him know of anything he needed to be worried about. My ex did the same for a short period and my then lawyer said most of the demands sent wouldn't hold up in court and don't bother responding- some lawyers don'…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 10:24 PM
3

One thing I learned is if your wife/ex wife doesn't have feelings for you anymore or doesn't respect you she will never appreciate your efforts or sacrifices and just use you. I know this is a generalised statement but that seems to be a recurring theme in literature and reddit (I know it's also echo chamber and my experience)
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 05:59 AM
1

A friend represented himself after he ran out of money. He said the stress almost killed him and had to get a friend to open all the legal documents though he was fighting abuse and custody issues. It depends what your fighting, time and stress whether you want to represent yourself. My friend went around to various free legal aid services as well to get the documentation and jargon etc to a legal level as well.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 05:56 AM
1

I think its normal and sometimes kids just want a stable home without going backwards and forwards- missing mum when with dad and missing dad when with mum. My daughter has spent a few months just with me and a few with mum now and again. You just have to keep communicating and if possible see your child just during the day on rne weekends- could be just driving them to sports, friends, seeing a movie, swimming, lunch etc - just be present for them. If ypu get on with ex discuss with her of your…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 10:57 PM
6

Yes and me being older I'm impressed a 30 year old is using the term! Back in the day you used to hang around in groups after school, work etc and got to know the opposite sex and have a fling or relationship not just based on the physical. It wasn't just the meat market of apps of today. I wouldn't get any swipes if I went on these apps as I understand females don't like short blokes. I have meet a few women but they either want to move too fast or jump ship if a perceived better catch is a pos…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:38 AM
2

I think its an issue on both sides as some men are assholes to women. I work in an predominantly female industry and the violence and cheating young men have done to some of these young females is jaw dropping (if true). A mate who is divorced had rape charges brought against him by ex to stop him seeing his daughter and implied the daughter could also be in danger. when the case was dropped the ex didn't face any criminal charges of false accusations. Jordan peterson and Sam Harris has talked a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 12:42 PM
3

My lawyer said to appease ex as its expensive, time consuming and hard to fight a mum who fucks around with custody in many instances. In most cases if a parent flaunts the system and its not an emergency (no drugs or drinking etc) it could be 6-24 months till a court date and hard to enforce and police don't have time or resources to get involved unless there is abuse
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 01:53 AM
0

Is that true? I suspect what you classify as aggressive behaviour. I suppose most prisoners are male and most perpetrators of violence are male at the extreme levels. Though there are studies in male/female homes that there are more instances where females are more aggressive verbally and physically towards males. I suppose it doesn't really matter as all violence verbally and physically by any gender is bad for kids to witness.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 11:41 PM
6

Agree with this - my ex tried to teach daughter (6 at the time) that all men are toxic etc. I just taught my daughter that there are toxic and good people of all genders and lead by example by never commenting on ex while ex badmouthing me etc. My daughter soon saw through the bullshit though I had decent access to daughter so how you react depends on how much access and who else is in your sons life and what they are saying. If you just have fun with son and answer any questions honestly withou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 11:33 PM
5

Yes for about a year or two - she was real nasty. Once I rebuild myself up and stopped being co-dependent I am much happier now. I co-parent with exe and its super freeing not having any sort of romantic or validation (positive or negative) hang-ups. I could never imagine being with her again.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:51 AM
2

I was with a divorce lawyer and he was investigating a man who just lost his job - they contacted the work and found out he quit and the lawyer was so fucken happy yelling "we got him". So it depends what is your earning capacity and why you are not working...apparently many people leave or intentionally get fired from work as they think they don't have to pay child support etc.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 04:20 AM
1

Got the same advice- know who your sons' play buddies are and contact the parents and organise play dates etc. Do things that involve family + friends, especially if you have friends that have kids and do BBQs etc. The last thing you want if it goes to court is the judge thinking the kid will be isolated from friends and sitting at home around old people (you parents, grandparents etc) every weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 12:26 AM
2

This I learnt very quickly- my ex knew my triggers and would love to see me stressed or cry. You have to hide any emotions - don'tgive anyone any fuel. Ex used to shout in my face and yell "go on hit me you f@@ coward scum" etc. If any of her friend/family try to intimate you - just report it to police, never give an exe any ammunition.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 01:59 AM
1

It really depends what is planned and how amicable you both are. Most agreements I have seen with mates is alternate year with Christmas/Easter with kids. If she has big plans and kids are happy do a swap with Easter/Halloween if you can fit it in with work etc. There are always times when you have to be flexible and take in account what the kids want as long as other parent isn't putting in incentives to choose them etc
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 03:51 AM
1

I rang lawyer- he stated if she does get a job interstate and if she suddenly moves it will be really hard to get her to move back if she takes daughter. Even if there is a order not to move once it is made it to court ( huge backlog and could take 6-12 months to be heard as with mum and no drug issues etc) , the exe can just say kid has settled in new community, made friends and enrolled in school and fuck all i can do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/21 05:41 AM
2

There is no ruling - we are separated but not divorced and no custody in writing, just what we agreed upon that has been going on for four years. I pick up and drop off daughter, exe does not drive therefore I do all the legwork. It is leverage to get more money as I pay what a family lawyer said. She knows I cannot move so it's a power play and she recently quit her job but her job is in an industry that is very transferable between cities. Ex has alienated her family- initially mother-in-law p…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 05:24 AM
2

My ex states it's too expensive to live in the major city we lived in prior to divorce. I cannot move due to major health issues where I have to stay near the major hospital. Do I have much chance of fighting the move and her taking child? Child lives with mum on weekdays and me on weekends.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 04:19 AM
-2

I dont want to downplay anything but may i ask why it hit you so hard that then wife/ ex disrespected you and second guessed you in front of your 8 month old son? Is this not validating you along with her being a cheating scum?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 07:48 AM
2

Do you have anyone to go with you for pick up and drop off? If not, have pick-up and drop off in a public place and never be alone with her in a private setting - if it's in a private setting record all interactions. Talk to your lawyer of what your child support should be and deposit it in her bank account and keep records. Unless you sign anything legally don't stop child support even if exe states they don't want it as you could end up in deep shit. Review child support if ex's circumstances …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 11:39 AM
1

Depends what is happening- a mate spent 125k and ended up representing himself as ex kept filing false reports of abuse towards her and children - ex didn't even get punished when finally came out that the stories were false- just granted 50-50 and the perjury by his ex was ignored without punishment
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 07:23 AM
1

Thank you sir, will give it a listen
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 05:41 AM
4

This is a divorce sub with people are going through really heavy shit and even suicidal thoughts ... its good to just have a laugh and say random shit -
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 08:36 AM
6

It was a brutal time in your life and society (courts/law) and your ex let you down and ripped your future away. My ex was a narcissists but she was my first love that part of me hates her for ripping away my childhood dreams of marriage, family and justice and another part of me will always love her as your first marriage is a life milestone. In my case no matter what I do this scar will occasionally hurt and remind me that life isn't fair and laws are biased.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/21 06:19 PM
2

Maybe different from the current advice given but keep a diary- all the days daughter is with you/your parents and when daughter is with mom - I suspect even though mom abandoned daughter 50/50 is usually what courts want (but men still get screwed by this easily if the mum chooses to fight you). Never be alone with your wife as once she is settled can easily turn a custody battle by accusing you of being violent etc. Also I would try to get something in writing from her about custody - what is …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/21 09:08 AM
2

Since they are now adults have you talked to them about it? Have you tried reaching out or organisined a dinner, movie night, BBQ etc for all your kids to come over after work/school. I suspect between 20-25 your living your own life and they know your their for them and as others state it's unusual behaviour from their mum so their getting what they missed out on growing up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/21 11:30 AM
8

A mate's wife left him mid cancer treatment... apparently health issues have higher levels of divorce... I suspect my exe left me mostly due to chronic illnesses....honestly it doesn't matter why she left at this point as your still alone for whatever the reason. I am sorry your battling cancer alone.. I would join some cancer support group- my mate did this and when well he drove people to treatments and when unwell got driven to treatments...also I would not leave the marital home and get lega…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/21 08:29 AM
2

My daughter used to love the smell of exe's favourite perfume ...Daughter would love mum to spray it in the overnight bag or daughter would sneak some and spray it herself so it could be innocent.. as others state dont make a fuss as if deliberate and exe finds it hit a nerve bet your life she will increase passive aggressive actions like this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/21 11:59 AM
6

I haven't used talkspace but similar ones. I found them not as good as in person- when you find a therapist that you trust etc they can also read your body language and its feels more personal. Also unless you can book with same therapist its useless having a new one each time. The crisis lines are ok but I felt the same to me - just someone doing a job... when I started therapy I punched the couch, swore and cried etc and it helped being with a person who knew techniques and seen it all rather …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/20 04:06 AM
2

I suppose you have to ask why did she ring up - what was the aim? I still love my exe but would never get back with her - been about 4 years. First thing is the hard truth your exe does not care how much you love her, what you should have done differently etc - its in the past, nothing you can do - i spent a year learning not to get stuck in my head of what could have been, how i could have done differently etc - the moment is gone- its over. I wrote a letter to my exe that I did still love her,…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/20 12:22 AM
1

Did you talk about the mental illness and talk to her psychiatrist before getting married? If you cannot deal with this first episode then leave as it will be a constant presence in your marriage
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/20 06:32 AM
1

This is a fine line- do you have a parenting agreement and do you get on with your exe? If you get on with exe exchange a day and be flexible but document everything- if this is a pattern you must set boundaries and deny these sorts of requests- explain to son that its wrong for mum to plan events on your days- you could compromise with son and watch a game with them at the sports bar... If your exe is the main carer and no co-signed parenting plan and exe is intentionally trying to alienate you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 12:07 PM
1

I used to get heart palpitations from stress when ex used to scream at me all day etc. If you still love her, do counselling. If possible do not ingage (this didn't help in my case as she would just stand there yelling but had a mental illness) . Record any conversations or yelling and play it back to her and sit down and tell her this isn't how you want to treat or be treated who should bring out the best in you and have your back. Set a 3 month timeline with her where any arguments/disagreemen…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 03:14 AM
2

Divorce sux balls - don't let these sorts of arguments be the norm- go to marriage counselling..maybe instead of asking reddit who wasn't there or know your relationship ask your wife - if you cannot have serious or difficult conversations with her why are you married? Just tell her that your concerned - if you love her, tell her and ask if she still loves you - how to the arguments affect her etc...no point holding grudges and not knowing, especially a partner that should have your back ideally
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/20 10:03 AM
5

When I hired my lawyer I had to sign a contract along with a retaining fee. On the contract it stated if I'm not satisfied with the lawyer or their conduct I could make a formal complaint to some law body...i suspect this is the same in every western country? And on kids situation, document eveything not only for any future law battles but to hand off to the kids when older if they ever ask why they didn't see you more etc... all the best brother, not seeing your kids SUX and can make you suicid…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/20 03:16 AM
1

I have been separated for 4 years now but met my exe at my current work (she left that workplace when we were still married)... most people still are working at my work were around when my exe and I got together and married. I didn't bother telling people at work we are divorce and many people say "how is your wife xxxxx" and I just say fine and a little comment in what she is doing....its easier than going through the work bullshit and gossip of a divorce.... I can see many people doing this ju…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/20 01:26 AM
1

I’m immune compromised... ex went to concert last week and going on a pleasure plane flight this weekend (just her) and taking daughter to crowed beach ... I am convinced she is try to get it and pass onto daughter then give to me so she can get our house... she is narcissistic so my other theory is she doesn’t think as her mum looks after our daughter a lot and if she gets covid19 like me she is also dead...
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 05:38 AM
4

Ex can demand anything but dosnt mean she will get it..my exes lawyer sent me an outline what exe wanted 75% of property, child and spousal support more than my wage, If I die continued child care and spousal support from my estate ...some people are selfish cunts during divorce and expect you to live on the street while you give them all your wages. My laywer said the demands can go in the bin, no court would grant her that. It sucks your exe is getting so much of your pay...i would get it revi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/20 03:29 AM
3

If you look at my past my health is a mess...i know no woman would want to take on me.. I suppose I'm fine with that ... I suppose the main thing I miss is sharing good and bad times with someone - on a bad day looking forward to holding someone at night and forgeting the world ... sharing good times with someone and falling asleep in bliss with someone or going out to celebrate...though if I was in good health I'm uncertain I could trust someone or live through another betrail or have that tota…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/20 08:44 AM
3

Is he well off? Is she is calculating the money/property if he dies or he has enough funds to keep her so she doesn’t have to work - divorce a few years down the track and cash in ...or am I too cynical and he is a really nice dude?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 04:24 AM
2

It’s a 50/50 chance- you hear lots of old people stating they found their soulmate and had a fantastic 50+ year adventure together... of course some that spend their life together cannot stand each other as well... I most likely play the odds if I was the OP to find someone to laugh and explore life with but be much more careful this time around
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 08:23 AM
3

I always wondered what my ex thinks about when eating where we ate or spending Valentine’s Day with her fuck buddy ... listening to lectures on narcissistic people I suspect I am indeed dead to her and doesn’t think of me at all—- just weird that 16 years together can just be dropped as ex skips into the sunset excitedly for her new life ...
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 08:18 AM
5

I hope your exe is smart enough not to put your kids at risk ... in these sorts of situations I worry that a drunk cunt the exe shacks up with would hit or touch my daughter and I would end up in jail getting revenge... my exes mum kept a stepdad around that abused exe as a teen that mum knew but ignored... all the best and keep communication open with kids to make certain the bloke doesn’t touch or threaten them and go straight to police if anything happens
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 10:16 AM
2

All the females at the medicircle youtube channel are above average in looks..she also does a podcast and seems really down to earth and portrays herself as an old daggy mum that works hard in her career. She seems to know her stuff and just wrote a book which I will request at the local library.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/20 01:11 AM
2

Yeah they helped me heal from narcissistic ex - you start to believe what a leech, looser, weak man, selfish, worthless inept cunt that was fed to me in the last few years of marriage- understanding the physiology behind it doesn’t cure the betrayal etc but you learn to live and lessen the ties to the past... hope things get better for you mate
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 09:40 PM
7

Look up Dr. Ramani Durvasula youtube videos - she does some really good talks on living with and healing from a narcissistic partner-
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 09:22 PM
2

Frack - exposure therapy to the max - I could never look at a photo of ex with her new fuck buddy... I don’t even look at ex when I pick up kids - not worth the pain
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/20 07:44 AM
1

This sucks as you miss seeing kids at a certain age that you can never get back while you work like a dog paying legal fees and to some shit that denies you access
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 10:55 PM
1

Bummer :( just tell him to stay away- don’t get into fight or argument - just send a Facebook message that isn’t threatening that he could take to police - if he shows your wife and she takes his side then wife is no longer on your side and your sole mate ... I am sorry your going through this - being cheated on sux
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 11:39 AM
2

Why not to talk to him? Tell him of your concerns - if he he seems like a shifty fuck tell him to piss off and not to come around again- if your wife has a big issue with this she was chosen him over you- edit if you have mutual friends talk to the blokes who are not going to protect her or the one that knew what the meme means - if they are not a rotten person and also your friend they should give some indication what is happening
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/20 11:06 AM
4

Being replaced sucks especially if your an honest person. I was very naive and trusted my ex 100% and thought I knew her but some people just play a part till somebody new and shiny comes along—- you cannot control how a person acts or feels - betrayal hurts like hell but time will help you move on
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 08:15 PM
1

Yeah - being nice to ex - well not complaining about her confuses daughter - why is mum saying all this about dad and he isn’t like that at all-just resent that when daughter challenges mum that is when ex uses other tactics like going against parenting plan etc - reality is I’m pretty powerless to do much about it as family court where I live is about 2 year wait unless urgent .. anyway it’s all for seeing our kids :)
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 09:51 PM
1

What if your child is used to spending time with other parent and not particularly interested in spending time with you? When should you inforce parenting time when other parent is actively trying to manipulate child into thinking ill towards you and your worthlessness?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 02:52 AM
2

Yeah anger is self destructive- I was pissed for along time - ex telling me i should have died when in ICU etc while I supported her though her turbulent times ... ex didn’t give two shits I was so angry and loved to add fuel to the fire - ie restricting access to kids etc - I realised I’m only hurting myself and forgave her within myself and just be chill and don’t interact- still get pissed but hit the weights and just shrug it off as much as I can—- stud just think of baby yoda ...anger leads…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 11:00 PM
1

It’s just time -over time you realise that each subsequent day the memories don’t hurt as much - there will be scars and some particular memories that still hurt but day to day gets easier. Also if you find your stuck in you head going over good times, what you should have done, loss of future etc - I found dedicating 30 minutes each day to think of that and then hit a punching bag, go for a walk or something to release that negative energy... this helped me to get out of my head at work and thi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 10:54 PM
1

Shit happens and one side will feel that they control the narrative- just discuss with your kids if they are old enough to understand go by their response. Any arguments tell ex to put it in writing and email or text them to you - my ex tries shit all the time relating to kids - it’s a fine line as she holds to upper hand with access and courts are expensive and can wait years - if kids are young give ex small victories but hold the line on essentials so it doesn’t have to escalate to court unle…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/19 03:00 AM
4

my exe was a right cunt when she left me - I wanted revenge but realised she didn’t even give two shits about me and all the rage and resentment was only hurting me- take the anger out on weights or punching bag. Even if you succeeded in ruining her you will feel shit. Also my ex was delighted how much she could hurt me mentally so just let go bro
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 10:44 AM
6

100% with made up history to validate leaving/cheating etc. “The 15 years were the worst and were a waste you selfish %#* and you only dragged me down” etc - six months before - “you are the best thing to ever happen and accepted me for who I am “ etc - the narrative changes so don’t ask or listen to exes account after the fact - you should know where you stuffed up and change for future relationships (if you eventually want to go down that road)
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 08:20 PM
6

Lots of Time and the person who is leaving isn’t the same as the person you married- if your still in love it’s going to be hell but there is an end to the tunnel- just focus on your kids and your mental health- anything your ex states isn’t for your benefit- she is most likely going to be enemy number one - get legal advice now for kids. Some exes on this board are amicable with co-parenting others are selfish pricks that will want to put you down - just play fair and be prepared for whichever …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 10:34 AM
5

There has to be more to the story - if you just up and leave and sleep by a riverbank, move in with another female and violate a restraining order im not surprised your wife wants to get as far away from you as possible and cut all communication. I would suggest seeing a lawyer and see what assets should be split and what you are entitled to. Then see a social worker about emergency accommodation- I am sorry your in this mess mate and sorry if I sound harsh but you come off as a scary dude in yo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 10:49 AM
5

Do not let this pass - ex cannot just limit access without cause - if the current arrangement has been in place for some time she cannot just change it on a whim . At your daughters age you do not want them used to only seeing you periodically. I would document everything especially any instances that communication has been denied- just don’t call/Skype at dinner/bed time etc . I would ask lawyer if any issue just ignoring request and continue to pick up daughters from school - be extra careful …
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/19 08:34 PM
3

Unfortunately this is the truth- my ex used my feelings and sense of fairness to her advantage- When I gave up ground she pushed for more - I woke up a little late that she didn’t give two shits about me and it was all manipulation- this was from a sort of caring partner that didn’t care much about money to a stealth hawk seeing how much she could extract and get away with- it was scorched-earth shit- you are enemy number one and a good chance she doesn’t give a shit about you or appreciate your…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/19 10:00 AM
2

I suspect It’s still sad to see someone you lived with for 29 years suffer even though she is the one that did it to herself and put the ex through hell
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/19 10:21 AM
8

Mate it’s not your fault and she isn’t automatically seeing someone else. I was in your position- I’m a good man but with chronic illness that was one factor..ex said she no longer loves me and wants to do it by herself... she wasn’t seeing anyone at the time but did play the field about a year later fucking around etc.., you are going to be fucked up emotionally for a long time from suicidal to mostly days decent.., your wife you knew is dead ...wife 2.0 is most likely going to leave you and ha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 10:04 AM
2

Where I live the lawyer didn’t care what caused the divorce only if there was any abuse ... I suppose the only people you need to explain to are your daughters and your wife/ex so they are not just stuck in limbo
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/19 08:08 PM
1

Sorry mean I’m these situations- the man is an abuser etc or I’m just listening too much to the media - look up Pauline Hanson
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 03:40 AM
1

It’s fucked - the power women have in family court - I understand as the majority of time men are the assholes but good guys get caught up by manipulating females- in Australia Pauline (right wing political nut) mentioned the issue and the backlash was enormous by both sides - the only person I dislike in politics had the guts to go against the grain - these sort of manipulation of the legal system should have consequences
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 12:36 AM
6

I was codependent.. suicidal when ex left me and thought I would never get over her - first love etc...she seemed to move on with ease and fuck around blah...blah. First thing you have to do is cut all contact with her and only talk to her either phone or email about kids ( and any legal stuff) ... accept she has changed and the person you loved is gone... it’s sounds like your holding false hope ... you may reconnect down the line - it does happen but you also have to live like she is gone beca…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/19 12:42 AM
1

Wow - did the court agree it was harassment? 2o years of memories cannot just switched off - I hope you are doing better mate
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 08:04 PM
1

I don’t know your circumstances- how long you were married, how much she paid towards the house etc but my lawyer stated if the division of assets isn’t fair(ish) it could be contested down the track (though this was with a 10+ year marriage) - nothing like if you won money after divorce or got an amazing job etc but more joint assets acquired while married and not fairly distributed .. If it’s airtight in your country well done sire - if a partner cheats then to hell with them and hope your doi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 10:45 AM
2

I was in your boat but my ex ended up divorcing me - I would say in most cases 50/50 for custody - you are going to lose out some time with kids if you leave but if you stay she could initiate divorce and you end up fucked up with stress etc - see a therapist to see if you can/want to save marriage- if not see a therapist to see how to navigate through divorce (and lawyer). Divorce is hell and I carry a lot of scars from it but I survived- some people thrive through divorce so you have to see wh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/19 09:22 AM
7

Really don’t see the point in this - some nutter female ramble on how she was wrong- one story without any context or proof is suppose to prove what? This is men’s divorce help - not some bullshit of us vs women- many men here were hurt by females but there is enough shit in world why add to it? Just help our brothers going through divorce without making all females as the enemy or idiots
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/19 10:40 AM
6

One of the biggest things I have learned is when a partner leaves you don’t listen to their alternative facts - people reinvent history to live with their decisions- my ex said that I saved her life multiple times then changed her tune of me being the spawn of the devil that sucked the life out of her when she left me - there are parts you can take away for emotional and relationship growth but I suspect 85% of what my ex said was just bullshit to make herself a hero to herself and friends in le…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 01:07 AM
1

I understand mate but in my experience brothers who bring the hammer down hard spend a lot more in court over custody which may have been avoided. Though I agree in some circumstances you have to go hard .
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 08:13 PM
1

Mate, you sound like a asshole- this attitude isn’t going to help a brothers marriage...
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 11:18 AM
3

Double agree with reading about emotion health - not stupid self health books but true books about understanding emotional well-being. Ancient Greeks etc put a lot of emphasis on academic and emotional intelligence- today I think that’s lost and we are not taught how to take care of ourselves mentally when shit hits the fan
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/19 01:35 AM
2

My ex initiated divorce- was suicidal for about 2 years - I still love her - or the memories of her and our past - she was my first love etc - I found a podcast with two divorced men really helpful (forgot the name) I did therapy, exercise, eat healthy, play with daughter, hobbies, SSRIs etc not through joy (except seeing daughter) but going through motions to hopefully one day it will stick and I would get some positive feelings back. After 3 years at a much better place but still ups and downs…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/19 01:31 AM
2

The person who cheats on you will say anything to shift the blame ... there is never a reason to cheat - if she had any respect or love for you she would not just make excuses. It’s raw mate and if your love cheats on you, its loss and betrayal at once. If you want to see if anything can be saved go to marriage counseling and see how you both feel with someone who has seen this shit before. Some marriages survive infidelity but they are a hard road. You will be fucked, dead and emotional pain fo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 09:06 AM
2

I can understand your frustration of being a career at such a young age and your wife I suspect feels like a burden and maybe purposely destroying the marriage or just a byproduct of depression from a chronic illness. You both need therapy to work out what you both want and if you can give that to each other. I was told 75% of marriages that had a chronic illness or mental illness end in divorce (my ex had mental illness and I a chronic illness) marriage counselling didn’t save my marriage but g…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/19 10:40 AM
1

Me? I never took drugs. If you mean the the original poster even if a drug addict he is still a dad (if he is isn’t trolling) and always time to turn life around to be an invested dad if he hasn’t burnt all his bridges with the court and ex . Anyway thanks for the warning
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/19 08:43 AM
1

That’s sucks mate when another man is in the picture- nothing you can do. I would investigate if ex is alienating you from your child - I would see what the new man in the picture is like if this is going to be a long term relationship - as hard as it is all you can hope is he is a decent bloke who you can talk to when necessary. You really need legal advice
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/19 06:32 AM
1

If the courts state you need AA then do it —- if you don’t drink and ex is just spinning shit then you need to prove to court this fact - get legal advice how best to play the game - being a dad your already behind the 8th ball as mums have more rights - just a fact so you have to play the game but play it smart - mums can make your life hell and make shit up without consequences
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/19 06:03 AM
1

I would ask the court how to go about child staying overnight at your place - there are dad’s here that have 50/50 with 9 month old kids- if you leave it too long it will will be harder to get your child to feel safe at night away from mum
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/19 05:33 AM
1

Apprehended Violence Order.- you cannot come in a certain distance to her - it can make picking up your child a pain (public place etc) - ex can easily say she is scared of you
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/19 05:21 AM
2

Your just hurting yourself mate - texting ex that they are a cunt could result in AVO - if she is the primary custody I suspect the courts will take her word in relation to child’s health unless you have a note from a specialist to back your claims. I would take your rage to the gym and do things with your child with their friends- get to know the parents- this would look good when you want to renegotiate custody - if your ex makes play dates offer to take child - my ex is a narcissistic poo but…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/19 05:06 AM
7

have you both gone to counselling due to deadbedroom and is your wife aware its an issue for you- if not see if you both can see a marrage councillor. The grass is always greener etc... Divorce is one fucked up ride that takes a massive toll on all involved, especially the kids. If your done, then your done - time to move on but make certain your 100%
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/19 10:22 PM
3

It is hard as letting go of ex is harder when you have kid/s and you do have to pay child support and miss a lot of their lives once divorced but on the flip side the only reason I’m alive is because of my daughter and she is the biggest thing in my life and for a long time the only bright thing in my life . Kids change you to the core ... I hope you find someone who wants kids and will want them with you
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/19 10:50 AM
2

Sorry brother- being replaced is hard Stuff to recover from. At the end of the day your ex changed and only married for money, you cannot stop people changing for the worst - you have your kids to live for now and hopefully one day you will live and laugh for yourself
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/19 10:38 AM
2

As i understand cortisol from stress does put extra pressure on tendons, muscles and body as whole -- is this pain amplified to anxiety attacks? I dont know how old you are but if over 35 i would get a general blood test/blood pressure tests etc to see that everything is ok physically and then start off training slow-- start a decent diet of healthy foods and start with walking, then pushups, jumping jacks etc then light weights and progressively build up tendon, muscle and bone health with say …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/19 10:26 PM
3

Pretty much this -- document everything and date - what you did with your son when you had him (can you take him to play dates, social events etc) dates you had him and any variations imposed by mum- If your ex is just making stuff up without dates and specific instances then it is dead in the water -- I would not really agree with getting nasty even with the truth as it will start to tarnish your character - If Son is crying or acting out at mums place mention it but dont use it as tool -- you …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/19 10:14 PM
1

Did she work before? As I understand if she is seeking alimony her previous job and income would be taken into account- she cannot just quit her job and demand money - uncertain what would happen if she has documentation from a psychiatrist though. If you have kids I suspect this would work in her favour- hope you get guidance from your lawyer and she gets better or found out if gaming the system
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/19 09:46 AM
5

I was diagnosed with PTSD after divorce- I was codependent so was very disconnected and unable to enjoy doing stuff as I only liked doing stuff with my wife/now ex - now I sort of don’t feel anything or have drive to do anything on weekends unless I’m with my daughter - no real drive to find another partner - more or less drifting- I exercise and eat healthy but it’s more that I have to rather than for enjoyment.. I started get back into hobbies but not really enjoying it but hoping that will ch…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/19 07:40 AM
2

50/50 would be hard to alienate one parent - she at her mum’s with her mum spouting shit against her dad - at her dad’s just chilling and not having to listen to rage/revenge but having fun and talking about positive things - I know whose place I would rather stay...
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/19 12:13 PM
1

To be honest, in this forum second chances are slim but you never know - part of being in a healthy relationship is that you accept both parties grow and Change- mental health is a biggie and I read that 70% of marriage fail if there is chronic or mental illness. I suppose get therapy/medication for your mental health issues and put 100% in yourself and saving the marriage- if it works -greatness but if you lose her at least you don’t have lingering regrets or doubts you could have done more... …
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 03:39 AM
4

Because you lived with this person 17+ years - your present and future is now an unknown and a partner that (hopefully) was sexually exclusive to you will soon be with someone else. You have to stop all contact with her except for the kids otherwise you will you never start to heal. You may never truely be able to let go but after a few years (give or take) you will Start to live again in the present and not in the past . I am sorry mate, you are going to go through hell but it does get better. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 12:45 AM
5

It’s changing but I suspect the laws were written when women could not work (or worked with a lot less pay than husband) and also expected to look after the children ... in old movies from the 40s a divorced woman was an outcast or a play toy to be exploited- the kids treated like shit from society. The male went to work and continued his life and consoled by workmates it’s unfortunate that he had a garbage ex and to bang the next woman in line and start over and he would rarely see the kids. La…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/19 05:52 AM
3

Your dad needs legal representation- financial statements are standard to see how division of assets go - after 10 years and both parties name on deed your dad is screwed but it will be taken into consideration what both parties took into marriage and their earnings during the marriage- if your in a no fault divorce country and no kids involved how the other party acts means shit.. your dad should never sign anything or go to court without representation of a family lawyer- playing nice or being…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 10:00 PM
1

No worries- we are all hurting here and some of us got fucked over more than others- it was good that you clarified as my post was ambiguous about what leaving meant - good to warn others how an ex partner can go ape shit and do whatever it takes to take their partner down no matter the costs or truth - hope you are going ok
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 05:22 AM
1

Sorry mate - I didn’t mean leave the family home but leave the marriage- and you are right never leave the family home unless too dangerous to stay and gotten legal advice
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 05:14 AM
4

There sounds like there has to be a back story, build-up of resentments/unresolved issues or your wife is under major stress/mental issue to flip out on something so benign-- Divorce is hell on everyone -- you need to consider going to marriage counselling and see if you can work things out and resolve underlining issues -- unless either of you have checked out of the marriage then best to leave -- there are people in the forum that love their lives after divorce and feel like they can breathe a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 04:36 AM
1

May I ask why did you agree to her moving away? Was it financial reasons for ex? I moved out of family home as well against all advice- ex threatened to stab me in sleep and would bash me in front of child and daring me to call police in from of daughter so daughter can see her mum get dragged away because of me. First year was a lot of custody issues against agreement but now ex has a boyfriend I see daughter much more than agreement which is great. - mate it’s going to be fucked for a long tim…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 02:40 AM
2

That sucks - money, time, less time with kids, mental health all suffer when you have to drag an ex to court for something that is kids right to see both parents- I hope she gets her head out of her ass and does the right thing
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/19 08:27 PM
3

Get legal advice but in the divorce forums same question comes up and always responds with unless it is spelt out in custody agreement ex has no say who is around kids when with you - unless they pose a serious threat of physical or mental abuse- usually it’s men worried of ex’s new boyfriend or mums worried about ex husband new girlfriend that yells at kids etc - no way ex would have a say with grandparents when with you
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/19 10:21 AM
2

I am so sorry mate- I hope you will be ok - I don’t know what country you Live in but in mine spouse support is only if one side isn’t working or if huge difference in wages - child support on if she is main parent - if your 50/50 custody you should not be paying or just a little - you only pay for the lawyer if one side doesn’t work - ex can make all the demands they want but does not mean they will get it - my ex demanded the same from me but my lawyer laughed and said ex has been watching too…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/19 10:13 AM
2

She is still working through the divorce- just continue doing what you love and enjoy the fishing- don’t let it ruin a nice day fishing:)
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/19 05:41 PM
3

My ex wanted to try separation (went to marriage counselling etc) but she checked out and separation just reinforced her being happier without me around. It depends on where the party is at whether it would help at all... Good luck brother its one hard road but doable
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/19 09:40 PM
1

sorry mate -- I suppose sometimes our environment growing up fucks us up mentally. At least she had the sense to see its not the best place for your kid to be in and let them stay with you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/19 11:01 PM
1

far out -- So what did she see in the abusive felon that she chose over her kid?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/19 10:50 PM
4

Sorry mate - this would be hard as you forcing her to stay will make her go ballistic and she will make your life hell. You will get all the blame even though she just used you as an ATM And you just want to see your son. I was talking to my lawyer a long time ago about restricted movement of daughter and he said even if in place and the mum takes the child by the time it goes to court the mum can say that the child has settled and has made friends where they are now and court may not force her …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/19 05:08 PM
2

I suppose if you buy your ex out you take the risk of the price going up or down like with shares etc. The other option is you split Cryptocurrency accordance to the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/19 09:32 PM
3

If there are claims of abuse on kids the first thing will be asked are there any police or medical reports to back this up? If not why wasn’t anything done at the time by the mother. The oldest child maybe questioned if it goes to a custody battle. I feel really sorry for your brother a mate spent 170k and two years (and months at a time not seeing the kids) defending himself of false accusations- ended up getting 50/50 but now suffers from depression and anxiety which he is trying to overcome. …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/19 10:50 PM
1

yeah, one was an old school friend and another i knew for about 20 years -- We sort of all drifted apart as we all got married and had kids -- I was lucky they didn’t just abandon me when shit hit the fan...
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/19 04:19 AM
2

Yes - I think if it wasn’t for my young daughter I would have checked out a long time ago - therapy didn’t really help as talking and putting positive spin isn’t going to get me to see daughter every day, chronic illness to go, not be lonely. Fix money issues and at get my wife and life back etc . Also two close friends helped pull me out of the darkness though I still fall into the abyss now and again
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/19 02:59 AM
1

Not really but depends on their age whether they can voice a preference.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/19 06:22 PM
3

Blood is thicker than water - I was dropped like a lump of shit by ex’s side except by ex’s brother- I took on the job of peacemaker of the family and soothed over all the family bickering and as soon as my ex left me the contact was cut and the past meant nothing- I suppose I am just saying be prepared to loss ex’s family- it’s natural they will rally around her and not you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/19 11:22 PM
1

Your only 3 months in - you didn’t say how long you were married and how good the marriage was etc but expect to hurt for a few years and to start wanting to live again and do things... it’s been 2 years for me and some weekends I don’t feel like doing shit but not in the pool of depression I once was— unfortunately events in life or at a certain age a partner finds it easier to cut all ties with that event and start life again leaving behind people who still love them- don’t get stuck in your h…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/19 10:25 PM
1

Do not agree to meeting her halfway and cut your visitation- this will give her a leg up and she will move further away stating your not a huge part of their lives - as others state get an emergency order that she cannot move and write all the support systems and friends have where they live and your happy to keep them there with primary custody. I had a mate where ex moved even against agreement and by the time it went to court she argued that the kids were now settled and moving them back woul…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/19 05:03 AM
1

Still the echos if loss/jealous after 5 years - how long were you married? I am just worried this will be me even though I wasn’t her first nor last so don’t know why it’s upsetting- maybe being replaced and loss of affection that should have only be fit me?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/19 10:10 AM
1

Sounds like she is using you as a backup plan or uncertain about divorce and just separated to think things through- if you still love her and don’t suspect there is anyone else suggest marriage counseling and try to repair marriage. If your gut tells you there is something off don’t chase her and just wait to see what happens and maybe do a bit of investigation. Divorce is hell and if you still love her do all you can so even if she is finished you know you did all you can which makes the divor…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/19 12:00 PM
5

You have to do it for yourself- really your ex can see your progress but doesn’t give a shit and will still see you as the same loser to justify her actions on cheating and destroying the marriage. Even if she is impressed what difference would it make? It sucks as i remember doing stuff that I hoped would make ex take notice but she didn’t give one shit and her ship sailed away a long time ago so you have to do it for yourself and your kids
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/19 05:42 AM
1

I don’t know how accurate the article is - I would be really surprised is a wife doesn’t know how much is in a joint account, how much the mortgage is or will not hire legal representation- it seems like a pretty piss poor article that underestimates a woman’s intellect.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/19 01:07 PM
2

Do you desperatelyneed the money? Is it worth the hassel for an extra $7 a day? If you just let her leave and document she may just go and put you in a better position with custody in the future -- if you fight for and extra custody it may invoke her to lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/18 03:48 AM
1

If kids - yes to a certain point. No kids - Work out time, money and mental health spending 1-3 years in court fighting over anything under 50-70k.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/18 10:03 AM
1

First year I got presents for exes birthday and Christmas but then decided best if I just stop and give kid $50 to buy whatever- though I still love ex (or memories) so not healthy to buy gift as a hope that past and future could change than the reality- I think once separated or divorced it’s no longer appropriate for you to buy presents unless there are kids - it sucks when you know someone so long they fuck up your life and future
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/18 09:58 AM
1

Looked up "judge Mara Zazzali Hogan" and a facebook page to remove her as allegedly against men in family court. I personally dont agree in giving antidepressants to 7 year olds but no means an expert in the field but sounds weird for such a young child unless there was a psychiatrist whose expertise is in children stating this, not just a GP. I am really sorry you’re going through this as i suspect this happens more often than the court system wishes to acknowledge – ​
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/18 04:44 AM
1

Have you tried calling Daughter? Writing her letters? if there are no restraints on you seeing her why dont you try to re-establish contact? I have a mate whose ex acused him of abuse of kids and told kids what a monster he was - nothing proven and while ex kept up with lies and attack he remained calm and now the kids cannot trust their mum and trust their dad as he never said a bad thing about their mum to kids and remained consistant in his actions. but it did cost alot of money in court and …
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/18 03:33 AM
1

Funny enough I was codependent as well - they say narcissist (my STBXW was also this) and codependent people get attracted to each other. Maybe like you state a trial separation may help you both. But depression is a real cunt - when someone has cancer they don’t treat you like shit - depression you hurt the ones closest to you and stuck in a void of emptiness where you are in survival mode and have very little if anything to give to your partner- I hope you both find peace.... and again divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/18 06:03 PM
1

As others state you need therapy as well - I didn’t suffer from anxiety or depression but dealing with STBXW’s Mental illness and treatment of me during Break-up left me in a mental mess. Also ex had pretty bad depression but went in cycles and there were times when she was better and we had amazing times - maybe go to some of her mental appointments to get an idea what is happening and what triggered her depression and how to cope - maybe couples therapy as well. People with mental illness don’…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/18 05:39 PM
4

Really what is the point? The ex-bf is just using you both and he sounds like someone who expects “favours” to be repaid and you in his dept - I would stay well away from ex-bf - I knew a dude that sounded the same and they have nothing to lose and connections to make your life hell - I would tell your wife/ex not to bring any drama into your home and if she does get an AVO out and go to police straight away - keep your kids/family/yourself safe
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/18 09:34 AM
2

The nightmare sometimes goes on and on - been two years for me then found out ex is seeing someone pushed me into a dark place - I suspect it’s best if you block all social media and only talk about the kids with her and divorce (assets, custody etc) - seeing her with someone else on social media is just an extra mindfuck that you don’t need - a mate that went through this and suicide attempts etc said the main things he learned to get back his life is - 1 you cannot control how someone else act…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/18 08:49 AM
2

Maybe she is a narcissist? That she deserved and manipulated everything you gave her but incapable of regret, Shame or love and with a dose of infidelity thrown in - to be able to change the past to suit her own narrative and happy as hell when she should have at least some pain - I gave everything to ex but as soon as I needed help it wAs the start of the downfall - she did tell me she was incapable of love but only when she was At her lowest- there was no regrets how she treated me and I still…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/18 08:15 AM
1

I was codependent- I lived through my ex - wife left along with other reasons -honestly I am a mess and suicidal as lost and trying to live and find happiness for myself which is hard if you lived through someone so long - I read this and realised how much it hurts the other partner being codependent- I wasn’t as bad as your ex so if you really want to hurt her divorcing her will turn a codependent life upside down and lost for a long time
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/18 01:37 AM
2

No - if wife said she will leave you and your too focused on work/money there are many issues. Go to therapy and talk it through to see what a compromise would be and if it could be reached-
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/18 11:26 AM
4

my ex has mental illness and diagnosed narcissism- it’s hard as you know under all the shit is a good person (and for about 12 years she was pretty amazing and wonderful until I got sick and we had a kid) but when they turn all their rage towards you and blame you for everything bad in in their life you have no hope of a rational resolution . I suspect even if my ex went back on medication now she would still see me as an obstacle and source of pure evil. It truly sucks as all I wanted was a fam…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/18 02:12 AM
7

Just a comment- don’t play nice - nice does not get you anything and the ex will take full advantage of your kindness and not in a good way- I played nice and thought that 15 years meant something but I was dead wrong- it’s been two years and to be honest with kids if you don’t get at least 50/50 it doesn’t get better- I don’t see daughter weekdays and it sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/18 11:25 PM
1

My mum was in the A class and wanted to be a doctor but the teacher told her she could not do it as not physically able to and told she should work in a bank as good at maths (bank teller) - women were not encouraged to become these things and unless you had family/friends to get you into university you were actively discourage.
/r/TheRedPill08/05/18 07:26 PM
2

What is going on - a play that you haven’t read and just pulled a portion of your argument out of Wikipedia and somehow try to state it’s happening now - that its a tragic comedy? I don’t see any women stating you can have free sex with any of them as long as you bang the ugly chick first. I have never heard a feminist group wanting to abolish courts. With child rearing being outsourced (child care centres, schools ect) was implemented by businesses so women could enter the labor force and have …
/r/TheRedPill08/05/18 11:10 AM
1

I hope you get to see your kids mate
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/17 11:09 AM
1

I think you never get over a divorce especially if your not the one that initiated it - also it seems us men find it harder to move on after divorce especially if there are kids - I'm just over a year - I don't look at STBXW when picking up daughter- honestly I haven't looked at her for about 6 months - I have just accepted the anxiety attacks and loneliness and that one day I will die so just have fun with daughter while still alive and it makes it easier- I don't think I would trust another fe…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/17 11:05 AM
1

I am starting to feel like I would enjoy a conversation with you mate
/r/MGTOW13/01/17 11:48 AM
1

cool --- accepted it
/r/MGTOW10/01/17 10:28 PM
1

The mathematical concept? the scifi concept? The engineering concept?, the philosophical concept? BTW sorry for calling you illiterate...not called for
/r/MGTOW10/01/17 10:27 PM
1

What the matrix has told you? WTF does that mean - trolling by an illiterate
/r/MGTOW10/01/17 05:12 PM
1

They had no obligation to do anything .They could have just avoided me and have plenty of other friends that had no issues but didn't turn their backs. I don't see how it was just in their interest to offer support unless it was just so it would be reciprocated at some point? I know I would drop everything to support m close mates in a crisis _
/r/MGTOW10/01/17 05:10 PM
6

I think you have the wrong friends mate-- My best mates have helped me through tough times, especially one ..though I agree community spirit has died in both male and females towards strangers
/r/MGTOW10/01/17 03:07 AM
2

It could be you? Admittedly it isn't just girls though, most guys also lack depth but it's mostly girls I notice. You state most guys also lack depth but mostly girls...so 95% of girls? I suspect they have no interest in talking to you?
/r/MGTOW10/01/17 03:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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