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Udjebfk Archive

View 5 posts and 80 comments by Udjebfk on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
47

Udjebfk/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:41 AM
18

Udjebfk/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 03:44 AM
7

Udjebfk/r/Divorce_Men01/10/19 03:47 PM
5

Udjebfk/r/Divorce_Men17/10/19 09:59 PM
0

Udjebfk/r/Divorce_Men07/10/19 02:33 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

It is what it is bro. Once you stop resisting....pain is inevitable. Suffering isn't. So sorry you are going through this. I say it because I was there and never want to go back. It will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 12:10 AM
2

I hate to say this but it's all up to you. Look up "radical acceptance". Work out, eat well, and if you drink, stop, and look at it this way; you have the opportunity to make your own life. Believe me, it can get better. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:31 PM
8

Sorry, man. It sucks. First anniversary? The "year of first" sucks. First anniversary, first birthdays, first christmas. It sucks and will keep on sucking for a while. But it will get better. You´ll learn to live with this and if you put in the work, you´ll find new happiness again. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:40 PM
3

It does get easier. What does it for me is; I recharge when they're not here to be thw best dad possible when they come back I do their laundry. It keeps me feeling like a dad for those long days. I work hard to make money for them. I miss them like hell. That doesn't get easier, ever. But I don't stop being a dad. In my country, countless fathers emigrate to make a living for them. I know a guy whose dad sent him a teddy bear for his birthday....his 16th birthday. His dad still has that.image o…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 07:53 PM
3

For me, yes and no. Fucking, yes. Eating, no. I just cannot eat new pussy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:43 AM
2

Lawyer up please.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:41 AM
2

Never.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 11:14 PM
6

Yeah, that sucks. I was there. Then came a long and vicious legal battle. Now I just wish she dissapeared. Nit dead, maybe she could join a monastery or something and just get the fuck out of my.life. You'll get through this. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 08:26 PM
2

Glad you're not drinking. Sorry for what you're going through. It'll be in the past soon.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 02:22 AM
3

Did I write this?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 09:27 PM
2

Look up "radical acceptance".
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:54 PM
3

Looking at your profile and comments, I´m pretty sure you will. I´ll be glad to read it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 06:27 PM
3

Thanks, I'll check it out. I've never been athletic by any means. I tried swimming but I hate it. Bodyweight worked for me. I went from 7 pushups to 80 in one year (4 sets of 20). I've grown muscles I didn't know existed, lol. Like the first time I noticed I had traps I was like "what the fuck is that?". I went from being ashamed everytime I had to takr of my shirt in public, to being proud. Everyone has a different fitness journey. The usual advi e here is to "hit the gym". Many people can't af…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:55 PM
2

Nah, I'm good rn. No time, energy or money for dating.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:46 PM
4

And now that I think of it, she was more like my ex than I wanted to realize at the time, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:43 AM
6

LOL!!!!Thanks! Yeah, I dated an amazing beautful woman last year, way out of my league. Amazing. And then she dumped me because, well, I have three kids, no free weekends, etc...Set me back a couple of weeks. But it was easy to move on. I feel good now because finally, I feel happy by myself. I´m not into that redpill or mgtow bullshit but I finally found peace with my own company.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:38 AM
2

Wait....I just read this post while lurking on my own profile, and thought I wrote this. I could´ve written this word for word. The pets. The sudden change. Everything. Hell on earth. Please look for my last post in this sub. It will get better if you put in the work. I fucking promise. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:48 AM
1

I´m sincerely happy it helped. You´ll be ok man.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:43 AM
3

Yes. Please believe me, it gets way better, I was lurking this sub 5 years ago seeking the same reassurance as you right now. Feel free to stalk my profile and all the shit I went through, and that you will go through. I´m so hapy right hnow being alone. Life is not perfect by any means, and at times I miss having a "family". Even though I still have one, just different. Just one piece of advice. Serious fucking advice, from someone (again, feel free to stalk my profile), get sober and start wor…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 01:08 AM
4

"I decided to start my own business"...I did....it failed. She left. Please, man, you are me 5 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 01:44 AM
5

"I know it's technically may fault"... no, it isn't. I could've written your post 5 years ago. Feel free to stalk my profile to have an idea of the destruction you are up to. Leave, cut your losses. Your best days are ahead of you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 01:42 AM
6

Leave. You might not realize this now but you are in an abusive situation which will get way worse if you don't lawyer the fuck up.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 01:39 AM
3

If you are going through hell, keep going. I never thought it would get better but it did. Stay sober. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:48 PM
2

Shit man...I´m in a similar boat. 3 kids, 8 and 5, every weekend. Needless to say, I have no social life. ​ I started dating this year, after 4 years of divorce. Well, no surprise, it did not work. Right now, I am with my kids at home, one of them possibly has covid. I got a lot of shit to handle, and in the meanwhile, their mom is enjoying her weekend with his asshole boyfriend. ​ Sorry man. It sucks. Still, I would spend as much time as possible with the little fucks. I´ll try dating again in …
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 09:01 PM
2

"Not found"
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 01:29 AM
5

Update....the very, very hard fucking way. Yeah, it was all civil and amicable 3 years ago. Things change. Lawyer...the...fuck...up Now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 12:36 AM
8

Lawyering up is the first thing you should do when separation comes up. I'm learning this the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 05:27 PM
10

You don't have to be an asshole and tou don't need to have a prenup. You need to pay attention at the first fucking red flag. Or the second one, or third one. I did not. I sped right by all those flags giving them my middle finger. I know what I did. I saw the exit many times and decided to stay. I guess the 3 amazing children I got out of it made it worth it. I would do it again just for that. But JFC I'm paying for it. Good luck my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 05:09 AM
7

Keep avoiding the bottle. Let me repeat that. Keep avoiding the bottle. ​ I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks and it will keep on sucking. But believe me, it will get better. Exercise, diet, sunshine, firends...you know, the usual advice. Just hang in there. It will really suck for a while, and it will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better., Best wishes. PM anytime.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 08:04 PM
3

That's why r/Divorce_Men and r/DivorcedDads exist.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:54 PM
2

Thanks. I try to be a good human being but fail at it often. Oh well. We are just evolved monkeys.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 01:33 AM
2

Growing up in a cathoholic country, divorce has always been frowned upon. It's actually a sin. And I have seen, in my own family, the consquences of people staying together "for the sake of the kids". Of course, pulling a gun to your wife while blackout drunk is better than divorce, I guess. If YOU are better off divorced, believe me, your children are as well. Best wishes my friend. Again, sorry for my kneejerk reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 01:32 AM
2

Too bad we can't really pick, right?
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 11:50 PM
2

Sorry for my mood....second time I apologize on reddit today. One of those days. But text often conveys little information, so your comment came across to me as condescendent. The again, sorry, we are on the same side. No, it's not an outlandish belief. And yes, some ststistics might support that. For example, the studies of Judith Wallerstein, which painted a grim picture for the children of divorce. But she missed a lot of confounding factors. The landmark study by Mavis Hetherington showed ev…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:58 PM
3

Look up the work of Mavis Hetherington. (See, Islandboy? I can google.) She did an excellent longitudinal study on this. A rapid conclusion; it's conflict which harms children.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:25 PM
0

What an idiotic reply. I have "googled" about this subject a lot. The "statistics" which are usually quoted some times to back up your statement, often refer to outdated studies. And the results differ a lot. So what "statistics" are you referring to which back up your claim. Because I can, as well, sau that your statistics are bullshit and that "I'm not google". So if you are not adding to the conversation, stay the fuck out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:22 PM
2

Which statistics?
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 08:40 PM
3

I'd rather have my balls gnawed on by rabid squirrels.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 08:39 PM
15

What reason? Unless it's abuse or endangerement, a kid needs his father. Paying a "pit bull lawyer" to keep him away from his dad speaks of a piece of shit person. So I agree, fuck her and her sugar daddy. I hope the kid has a nice life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 09:39 PM
1

That sub has the reputation of being a hate group towards pwBPD. I don't fully agree with that but there is a bias. It's full of people who have endures thw worst. Hurt beyond words. Not every case is the same. There's also r/BPD and r/BPDSOFFA where pwBPD are allowed to post. It could help to give you a more balances view.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 12:39 AM
2

I did that too. Just let her take anything so as not to create futher conflict. 3 years later I want my cast iron dutch oven back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 11:05 PM
2

Sucks, dude. I'm sorry you're going through that shit. Sorry to say, but BPD is just terrible. I hope things get better for you. It will be tough to have to still deal with her because of the kids. You need to be the best you can. Get a good therapist. If having a wife with BPD is tough, an ex-wife is tougher in some ways. You will have to be the stable parent for your kids. Provide them with a safe and peaceful place. And doing that while dealing with their mother will be tough. Take all the ca…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 11:03 PM
3

I just blew my beer out of my nose. Thanks for the laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 02:04 AM
1

Lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 09:39 PM
5

Lol. Amazing post. Congrats on keeping the cat. I didn't. She would cuddle with me and purr when I was in my worst moments. Now the flesh-eating zombie has her. But guess what. She couldn't take care of the dogs. I have them now. 2 years later. They are back with me. Next stop, the cat. And full custody of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 04:25 AM
1

Who, the cat?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 04:22 AM
1

You will feel ok again. You just have to put in the work. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 02:01 AM
4

Sounds awesome. I think I'll get me a fire pit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 03:35 AM
3

I get you man. Today I was thi king of my ex thinking "what a fucking number you did on me." I'm sorry you went through that. Do you have children together? Keep with the therapy. Look into BPDfamily forums, amd outofthefog.net. Healing from this shit is hard but possible. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/21 04:21 AM
1

Yeah, those are the highs, but the lows really suck. She's a covidiot, and I'm really apprrhensive of all of this stuff, takibg care of the kids, living with my elderly parents, and not wanting to die and leave my children without a father. She just does what she wants. Whenever I try to talk to her about serious studf like that, she snaps, insults me, threatens me...it's a fucking rollingcoaster. Maybe I would prefer not knowing and not being so involved with her if she wasn't so fucking crazy.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 05:28 AM
2

I understand you perfectly. My relationship with the ex is generally terrible. But it's normal to want to share the moments of your children with the only other person in the world for whom they mean as much as to you. When things are calm, we sometimes share pics, and today actually some texts about them. It's cool. We even had a weekend trip "as a family" recently, only to have a huge fight with her threatening with a lawyer a couple days later. It's a constant roller-coaster. She was under en…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 03:09 AM
3

I just want her back too. Or do I? What do we want back? I just want the mother of my kids back and !y whole family back. If I didn't have children with this woman, I wouldn't want her back. It sucks man, I get it. There's nothing to do but move forward. The only way to possibly get her back, ironicqlly, is to let her go and move on. Become a better, stronger person. Begging, pleading, flowers, and all that shit won't bring her back. You need to not want her back to have any chance of having her…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 11:49 PM
1

Same here, man.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/20 10:48 PM
3

Same here.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/20 06:56 PM
6

Golden uterus syndrome.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 03:36 AM
4

I've beem living with them for the past 7 months. I dreaded the idea. But they help with the kids, and the kids love them. And my dad got really sick, he's 81, so I'm glad to be of help too. Look up my past posts. This was one of my fears. But it hasn't been so bad, and I basically saved my dad's life by being here. Be glad you have somewhere to crash. Going back to my teenage bedroom at 43 with three kids is hard and very humbling, but many people here went on to live in their cars. So I guess …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:25 AM
0

I don't agree that you have to stop loving her. You need to emotionally detach from her and stop needing her love in order to be happy. But you can love her and not need her by your side. I actually find it liberating to rralize that I will always love my ex, and I hope she finds happiness without me, if that's what she wants. That's the difference between true love and dependency. I want to be happy without her and I want her to be happy without me. But I will always care for her, especially si…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 05:23 PM
4

I thought that whole acceptance thing was bullshit but it isn't. Accepting and mindfully observing the pain rather than resisting it actually alleviates suffering. It's weird but it's true.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/20 02:04 AM
2

No, it wouldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 09:25 PM
1

Also, I believe most people who have come to terms with their divorce and lead happy lifes do not hang around here much anymore. It's usually those of us who are struggling who frequent this sub and similar groups.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/20 08:59 PM
1

It is true. For me it has been almost a year and things haven't gotten much better. But I haven't really started to have a new life, I'm on a transition phase, which is being prolonged thanks to the pandemic. Your post is spot on, but I ask because many times people who say it gets better don't have kids, in which case a divorce is just a breakup with paperwork. I'm struggling a lot with not having a whole family anymore and all it implies for me and the kids. On top of that I quit smoking so I'…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/20 08:34 PM
1

Do you have children?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/20 05:06 PM
3

Total bullshit indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/20 08:08 PM
2

Same here. I don't miss her that much but I miss yhe idea of a family unit very much. Sharing the parenting with the only other adult to whom the kids mean the same as me. I don't know if I'll stop missing that. Hopefully we'll get over it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 11:29 PM
7

I'm at my parents at the moment. I have 2yo twins and a 4yo and really cannot handle them on my own. My mom is bathing one of them right now. Like you, I'm not fighting over money ad long as 50/50 is upheld. So, I'm trying not to rock the boat. Look up my post history if interested. It obviously depends on the relationship with your parents; in my case it's been rough but the help and company is invaluable. It does take swallowing your pride to go back to your teenage room at 42. Look at it as a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/20 01:48 AM
6

Don't try to get him to "get over it" or "snap out of it". Listen if he needs to talk and let him know you are there to listen but try not to bring it up. Validate his feelings. Give him a hug. Oxytocin helps. Don't make him drink. Just being there and caring will help. But the healing process is long and hard. Kudos for being a good friend.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 07:13 PM
3

Exactly. I would've avoided years of drama and pain. But the kids are worth all of it. So I would probably tried harder to make things work. I can pinpoint 2 o 3 mistakes that took us down this road, but probably thus would've happened sooner or later.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 03:46 PM
2

I try but she makes it impossible. I really hope to hace a peaceful relationship some day. Divorces are full of pain and loss for both sides. A divorce is most of the time caused by an already disfunctional relatiinship, so when money, custody, and all kind of new disagreements are added by the divorce, there's no reason to think the relationship will get any better. I hope that time and space makes having a better relationship easier.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 09:45 PM
2

The outbursts and irrational behaviour started very early on. I knew she had issues amd she even warned me of them. I guess I suffer from caretaker syndrome. I believed that with enough love, she could get better. And she did for a while. But after our twins were born, she had postpartum depression and my business failed and it all went to shit from there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 05:34 PM
3

Irrational outbursts, emotional immaturity, always playing the victim. I just ignored those flags constantly. Even though my life is hell right now because of it, I do not regret ignoring those flags because of the 3 amazing children she gave me. I love them so much the pain is worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 04:45 PM
1

As much time as possible with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 06:27 PM
2

Your fears are normal. Do anything to be in his life. You work hard to provide for him, and the fact that you are concerned about all those things show you are a devoted dad. Take it day by day, be for him as much as you can. It's not about the amount but the quality of time. He will grow up to see you are a caring and devoted dad.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/19 03:02 AM
4

Forgive. It's a cliché, but holding resentment is lije drinking poison and hoping for the other person to die. Another cliché; the best revenge is living well. Be the bigger person. It will bring you peace.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 03:05 AM
1

We will. No doubt about that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/19 01:46 AM
1

How are your kids doing?
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 06:29 PM
2

We are lucky, and it helps in many ways. Still sucks though. I never thought I'd be here. But time to move forward. Best wishes.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 04:32 AM
1

Thanks man, good luck to you too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/19 10:25 PM
2

Yeah, we went through a separation/reconciliation already. Don't think it will happen again. At least, for my own mental health, 8 don't want to think about it, I need to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/19 10:36 PM
1

Thanks for this post. I am going through the initial hell and cannot see anything positive to look forward to, except for my kids. This gives me a but of hope.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 09:30 PM
2

I read them, many thanks, they do give some hope.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/19 09:26 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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