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Vollen595 Archive

View 0 posts and 300 comments by Vollen595 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

This is great. Like you I’m the sole parent. I had to laugh a bit with the heavy metal and horror moves, we do the same. It is definitely the little things. The constant chasing of making sure the bills were paid on time (you know, how she insisted it was her job to do the few things she did). Insisting the laundry was her job while a mountain of clean laundry marinates on the floor. Without saying a word, I wound jump in fold some clothes and the ex would rip my head off. Many, many other basic…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 04:44 AM
3

Been there. Unfortunately with kids and an unstable wife you need to start protecting yourself now and planning an exit. You’re describing my ex. As things got worse, I started separating my life as much as I could and planning for the inevitable divorce and typical 50/50 custody. With my acceptance of this o realized my STBX was nuts and could and would try a Silver Bullet defense against me. She’s vindictive AF so I started recording absolutely every conversation, no matter how inert. When SHT…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 06:15 PM
1

Losing my degenerate in-laws was a huge bonus. But it depends on circumstances. Long ago I dated a woman for a few years and it ended badly but I remained friends with her parents and brother.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:34 PM
1

I was contemplating for about two years on how to gracefully navigate an exit plan and cause as little disruption to our daughter. Mom is a narcissistic psychopath who threatened multiple times to simply ‘kidnap’ my daughter when I was away at work. Only I wasn’t aware of the threats, the ex was sounding off to a then 11 year old. Like many here, I imagined grinding the dead marriage until my kid was an adult. One day my daughter comes home after a sleepover and calmly sits down in front of both…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 06:00 PM
4

Brother I was (am) exactly where you are. Same cheating, worthless mom who did everything including drugs in front of our daughter. It was exhausting. The only difference was my then 13yo daughter nuking her mom one afternoon. Called her out in front of both of us. The ex went mental and went on the attack against her own child, nothing physical but absolutely horrific things said to her face. During the enterim right after mom graced us with her absence it was really rough. And considering my d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 08:27 PM
2

This. Document everything and keep it all business. No emotions, no outbursts, no fights, just let your ex be herself. And stay patient because nothing will be fixed overnight. I started out with 50/50 at initial separation. My daughter was borderline scared of her mom because like me she lived years behind closed doors with her nightmare of a mom. She was old enough to state her preference as to who she wants to live with (dad) because she didn’t want to disrupt the start of her freshman year o…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 04:13 PM
1

Move your entire family to Texas. Once there, then file. She can’t take them out of state once the papers are filed. The kids will be locked into whatever county you live in and surrounding counties. Texas is very neutral when it comes to mom and dad. I was shocked by this, I fully expected to get sidelined as a dad. But I was the stable parent, always consistent, always there for my kid. Decent job, insurance, involved in everything and constantly cleaning up the messes my ex created. I delayed…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 02:55 PM
1

Ex. My ex during the divorce quizzed me about who I was dating (no one, I’m the sole parent) and I made it clear it was none of her damn business. Just like here is none of mine so don’t bother sharing anything about her life. Dating or otherwise. After the divorce it’s been exclusively text and only business. I know it sucks but you have to detach yourself from anything emotional.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 03:50 AM
4

I mute all alerts. Then ignore for day and maybe reply if it’s response worthy. I was clear up front I never want to hear from her again outside of business. There is no shame in expecting your ex to leave you alone. Guilt left the chat long ago.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 04:27 AM
2

I told the ex we’re done talking as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce. I made I clear it was going to happen before it was finalized. Same with any details about my personal life. It didn’t stop her from asking, I shot it down instantly. Nothing of my life is her business. Once she called me to discuss a mundane topic. For a good 30 seconds I listened because I was trying to figure out where it was headed because I had already made it very clear I don’t want to hear from her about.. well an…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 04:51 AM
3

I would counter-propose with exactly what she sent you and absolutely refuse to budge an inch.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 06:22 PM
3

What was the concilliator expecting? Photos of you and the kids at the crack house? Giving them arson lessons? Sticking forks in wall outlets? I would have had a hard time not responding with something along those lines.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 09:34 PM
3

Keep doing it. Recordings plus her open substance abuse in front of our kid torched my ex in court. Earned her narcissistic butt a no contact order.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 09:00 PM
4

My ex must be her twin sister. Jeebus so familiar. You can take the w#ore out of the trailer park but you can’t take the trailer trash out of the w#ore. 19 years. My daughter ended up nuking her mom by (re) exposing her infidelity and the abuse that was going on behind my back towards her. I immediately filed and asked for a TPO and got it but my ex quadrupled down, more substance abuse, absolutely insane behavior. The court must have seen even more dangers than I did, they issued a no contact o…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 03:21 PM
25

Not. One. Cent. How? Put every asset in a Trust long before getting married. Including the house, inheritance, whatever else you want to keep insulated from a possible gold digger. Never co-mingle funds, live straight off of your or both of your incomes. You can live in a house owned by the Trust, it functions much the same way as if you own it personally. The major difference is the house and any other asset encompassed by the Trust are not subject to divorce proceedings. You can always add you…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:43 PM
7

Your lawyer sounds like mine. Full throttle at unrelenting speed towards divorce. I pressed hard for divorce as soon as possible. He even managed to have the mandatory waiting period waived. Wrapped up and completed in a year. I still need to leave him a five star review. Never in a million years would I have thought I would leave a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️review for a lawyer but he needs his own episode on Shark Week. Edit typo
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 12:52 AM
2

All of it. And it was worth every fcking cent.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 02:42 AM
2

I’m sitting about where you are currently. Sole parent with a no contact daughter from age 14 and still pending adulthood. I’m not even sure where to start. There are enough disruptions. I’m not sure if throwing in a new relationship in the middle of repairing the damage would benefit the situation at the moment. I’m not saying no but.. priorities.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 10:45 PM
1

That’s hard. My mom was in hospice and I lost so much time at the end trying to handle a job, kid and the ex’s constant overbearing ‘issues’. She hated my mom because she was who she would never be. I filed and she left but now I had a fresh divorce to deal with along with custody with a mom with substance abuse issues. When my mom passed I waited a week to even tell her. My family deliberately scheduled her memorial when she was out of town. I told her not to show up but she kept threatening to…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 01:08 AM
1

Your post resonates with me. I never planned or expected to find someone to have a child with, but things change. I have a daughter now and she’s my world. She wasn’t an accident, it was planned. The divorce not so much. I’m still struggling with the after effects of what my ex did to our child. Things ended when my daughter threw her mom under the bus for kidnapping threats and infidelity. She did it fully expecting me to divorce her mom (and I did) along with the nightmare my child was silentl…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 07:53 PM
7

The only attempt her being amicable came when my ex realized she was about to be destroyed in court. Prior to that she was an entitled insufferable b*tch. Even before I filed. Now that it’s final my version of amicable is ignoring her completely.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:58 AM
2

Talk to a good lawyer. My now ex went bstshit crazy before I filed, then doubled down after. I didn’t ask for full custody, it was ordered. With a no contact order until my kid is an adult.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 09:07 PM
3

It’s usually just another excuse for the incoming shitty behavior. Oh it’s the meds. The meds worked. At first. Then they stop working/don’t work well enough. Time to find a new better mindfuck med. Crash and burn in between (it’s the meds fault, not hers). A month to ‘get used to the new meds’ while acting worse than before. Throw in a few anxiety/adhd/sleep meds to manage things before the new meds worked. The meds would stop working. Find new meds. Repeat. I rode that roller coaster with my n…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 03:15 AM
12

Went through something very similar. One word and one number was all I wanted. W-2 I was already over the bullshit and happened to catch the now ex spouting off to her sister about making me pay for the house, child support and spousal maintenance. Nevermind the last decade plus of me literally paying for everything and forced to work at a job I hated because I have responsibilities to take care of my daughter. Like you the ex didn’t do shit. Never cleaned, I did 100% of the cooking, shopping an…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 06:29 PM
4

I recorded my ex not only threatening a false silver bullet claim, she acted it out. Before I gave that to my lawyer she called the police on me because our kid refused to go anywhere with her. Claimed I was holding her against her will and I was endangering her welfare. The SWAT Team officers were really nice. Spoke to my daughter, heard that recording and apologized and left. Neighbors love me you know what I’m saying? Let’s just say the ex was annihilated in court. I simply let her be her. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 08:00 PM
2

This is solid. Never react on impulse. Measure every move before execution, even if it means you take a few hits here and there. Stay quiet. Encourage their weaknesses. Narcissism and false confidence can be heavily leveraged in your favor. Save everything. Document everything. Record everything you can because actually hearing that gate to hell she calls a mouth operating outside a courtroom holds a lot of leverage. When recording, it doesn’t hurt to antagonize a narcissist because they can’t h…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 07:38 PM
7

Similar situation here. Ex went after her 13 yo daughter. Verbal only but it was vicious. Then double and triple downed on her attacks. Restraining order, divorce, lost custody, no contact order until daughter is an adult and she owes me CS (more her daughter). Kid is 16 now and is zero contact with her mom. Since my kid doesn’t have to speak to her, neither do I. Just say no to drugs kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 11:47 PM
3

Definitely. She was the typical max billing for $ and was useless at addressing seriously dangerous behaviors around my daughter. Documented behavior with multiple arrests as well as multiple instances of driving shitfaced with a child in the car. During pre-meditation I realized my attorney was talking to my STBXW behind my back. While she had her own attorney. My hack lawyer made an offhand remark about ‘understanding as a mom also’ and when I asked about any communication they had outside my …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:43 PM
1

I was granted CS. But I haven’t finished the paperwork with the State because she’s leaving both me and my kid alone. I will be filing because it’s my kids money, not mine. Do I feel wrong about it? Not even slightly. It cost me a small fortune to get rid of her not to mention the financial wreckage she caused. I told her I’m only upholding my wedding vows as well as she did so don’t expect anything truthful out of my mouth. Bonus she was such a nightmare of a human being the court ordered no co…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 06:27 PM
5

I would antagonize the prick and record it all. No reason you can’t get a restraining order on behalf of your minor son. A bully doesn’t react well to being pushed back. Scorched earth, that’s your son. Whatever it takes. Bonus it makes your ex look like a shitty mom.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 10:50 PM
2

I only waived the CS between the initial filing and the final decree. Trust me, they wanted me to go for the money. I had the final mediation changed with CS beginning the month after. I haven’t waived any CS from that point forward. We agreed to the standard 50/50 custody and the State standard calculated CS upfront. Her behavior after initial filing was unacceptable. Showed up drunk to pick her up day one. Of course I wasn’t letting my kid anywhere near her or the car. And yes, abstaining from…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 08:41 PM
1

Not a cent. She owed me CS from the month after pre mediation (comically she stole every dollar in shared savings and then Venmo’d me $100 for CS) but by the time to finalize, she owed me north of $8k. Then she delayed and protested saying she would owe me the full amount when she signed (true). So I said I would waive all of it if she signed. So she did. But CS started back up the next month, still no CS. But she’s been completely invisible for months. That’s priceless to me but she owes her da…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 07:05 PM
7

Been there. Everything was a criticism and I also blame SM and unchecked narcissism. It was always a devolving nightmare of me doing essentially everything while she sat on her imaginary throne of her flawless character. Eventually this led to her criticizing me to my daughter behind my back. Then came the attempts at alienation. She would be all balled up in bed with a headache or whatever ailment and I would take my daughter out to give her space. It wasn’t hidden, I told her we were going out…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 06:45 PM
5

I waited until my ex was employed, waited a while and then dropped the divorce on her. I won’t lie, I put up with endless shit just to get that W2 with her name on it. I ended up with full custody and now she owes me CS. Doing that took some hella discipline on my part. I heavily supported her through her job search process. You can do it! Just stick with it! knowing she would eventually implode a good job because she’s a narcissist who believes she’s always smarter than her employers. She was f…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 04:41 PM
1

Jeffry Foust. The Foust Law firm. 5/5 stars from me. I’m not a lawyer fan but he was amazing, fast and on point.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 11:46 AM
3

Same. And as I unloaded the true horrors of my marriage he just kept getting this stunned look on his face. Multiple times. He is a great counselor and gave good advice but his stunned reaction (that he was trying to hide) told me enough. It truly was fucked beyond belief and it’s my job to swim to shore and stop treading water. Validation I can work with. I no longer give a shit about her reasons. Counseling presented reality to me but healing is my own problem.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 04:43 AM
2

No. Not allowed to contact her at all, no visitation. It’s a no contact order on the final decree. My daughter is and was old enough to tell the court what she’s seen and witnessed and they listened to her. By her choice she refused all contact. Her mom caused a LOT of trauma and it spilled out in her IC. Turned out my kid recorded her mom and it was some wild shit to hear. Blamed her for the divorce and wasn’t shy about it. Started mocking her and calling all of her friends ‘f-cking b-tches’ an…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 09:16 PM
2

File now. Custody and living arrangements can be sorted out later. Meanwhile she can’t take the kids. I will tell you, I had a really difficult time dropping the hammer on my then STBX. You know, ‘feelings’. What ended up happening was I simply showed my attorney every piece of her documented behavior and substance abuse issues. Being a dad, I assumed it would be 50/50 because I’m the paycheck. After my attorney, my daughters counselor and the court had their meetings and put up their findings, …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 08:04 PM
3

I had to do this. Can confirm, it works. My ex spent almost two weeks in involuntary commitment after the SWAT team took her out of the house at gunpoint. My ex had a gun, she almost got shot bc she’s an idiot. Fortunately not but it cost her in court. I served her divorce papers and TPO while she was committed. You’re not here to be friends with your STBX. Keeping the kids safe is paramount, just do what you have to and do it quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 07:48 PM
3

This. File now. It locks the kids in the State. My ex tried that shit and the court hammered her for it. Then she kept making threats of kidnapping, false SA claims against me towards my daughter. Oops. Recorded it all. Every word, every threat. I ended up with full custody and the house. The drinking and substance abuse made her look unstable to the court (duh) and she continued to drink with my kid in the car. That was it, no contact order until my daughter is an adult. And she owes me CS. Let…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 07:43 PM
6

She fully realizes what she’s doing and will push you as far as you let her. That’s why setting boundaries early is important. Before everything ricochets back on you and you’re left holding the business end of the shit stick. You don’t need to explain why to her, they are your boundaries, not hers. Co-parenting, 50/50, pay my bills, let’s do counseling so we can learn to co-parent. Bla bla. Fuck that. You’re no longer part of ‘We’. My ex would call for no actual reason involving our kid. I just…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 04:50 AM
2

Do it. The best move I ever made was going with my gut instincts in premeditation and firing (severing) my first attorney. She was worthless. Made one comment to my STBXW about ‘understanding as a mother herself’ and I knew my valid pointe would never get addressed. I refused to even explain. Severed. Ten days later I hired a new attorney and the script flipped completely and he went after my ex like a true shark and tore her apart (which was deserved but I never expected being just dad and a pa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 03:54 AM
3

Doubtful. My now ex thought she would get half of a trust in my name. I let her believe that until my attorney dropped the zero dollar hammer. As long as you’re not co-mingling funds your inheritance should be safe.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 07:34 PM
2

You just need to stay ahead of the psychological name-calling and flip the narrative. My ex was cast as the abusive, selfish N/BPD psychopath before I filed. Being a self admitted narcissist herself. Add in substance abuse, arrogance and demonstrably dangerous behavior and all I had to do was stay patient while letting her behavior regress. She was so self assured in her behavior and actions she buried herself during the divorce. Meanwhile I’m the responsible party and parent to the court while …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 03:53 PM
1

Plan ahead. I eliminated all debt before I filed. Both cars paid off and roughly equal value. Also waited until my ex had a solid job with a W2 (she didn’t have a job other than under-the-table cash). Mediation ended up being more or less a wash. She looted our (my) savings when she left the house. Worth every penny to be rid of the nightmare. Divorce was finalized in under a year because there wasn’t anything to fight over. The ex kept saying ‘it’s not fair’. Yeah well either was her infidelity…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:06 PM
6

I’m in almost this exact spot. Only one kid. I will give advice. She cheated so realize at this point there is no decency from her, betrayal and selfishness blowing up your family and kids proves that. Find a lawyer first. Don’t second guess, just do it. Then make sure he/she is willing to put his foot on the gas and floor it. If your attorney isn’t representing you well, find another. Then relentlessly push for it. It’s happening so might as well get it over with. Her feelings are moot. Treat h…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:59 AM
1

Many factors missing. Are you wanting 50/50 or does she want 100%? Abuse? Not sure what future lifestyle you are referring to. Lots of missing details, hard to advise anything.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 02:22 AM
3

I knew divorce was coming. Paid cash for my truck (not new by any stretch) and her car was already paid off. I deliberately kept my truck budget as roughly the same value as her car. Also paid off all debt before filing, took a while but I did it. When mediation was done, I signed over the car title to her and that was it. Equitable by design. She cleaned out our savings (OUR money as she kept bitching about even though it all went to her). I didn’t go after the half of savings she looted, made …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 05:48 PM
1

Same here. She hit that point where I refused to allow another second of her bullshit and mentally wrote her off. Zero discussion about divorce because I made up my mind and there was no going back. She didn’t understand, couldn’t understand and just kept trying to make inroads with whatever points she was trying to make. I never once raised my voice. Never reacted to her. Essentially turned her voice into white noise. She just kept saying she didn’t understand (she sure AF knows why). Kept tryi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 07:52 PM
1

Not all courts are biased. I believed like you, being the dad there was an automatic bias against men. I was planning on divorce for a few years when my kid turned 18. I was also doing 80% (let’s say 90) and I had been documenting all of my ex’s BS. In my state a child has a voice with the court at 12. Not that the judge has to listen but there are many factors. Counseling for the kids. They are old enough. That one decision to put my child in counseling completely changed everything. Now she ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 07:22 AM
1

Ahh. Missed the AU detail.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 12:05 PM
1

I set up a Trust. It also insulates any assets from the ex. Money well spent.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 02:02 PM
7

Took mine off the day I discovered her cheating and she left the house. I still have it, planning on melting it down and having it re-cast into two new rings, one for my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:24 PM
4

FFS call the cops. You may need this later. Who cares if she thinks she screwed up. Let the cops decide. Either way it’s on official record somewhere. Do you want to tell a similar story again, only worse? You will need a ‘she’s done this before’ if things get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:25 AM
1

Wow. Just damn. Shadows of my own life. On my end, it was likely long term drug use that aggravated NPD/BPD because she turned her into one of the most abrasive and volatile humans I’ve known. Manic behavior, she would rage for hours, crash, rage, repeat. Living hell. When my mom passed, I almost didn’t tell her because I had no idea what she might do. I waited a week. My mom loved her too but the last few years my mom was declining and I had zero support from the ex. Everything centered on her.…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:14 PM
24

She lied about her income and cheated? Torch her. You owe her nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 06:06 AM
2

I don’t feel bad, screw her. I don’t want my kid to see her plastered on the internet. At least until she graduates. The ex had a job, didn’t, then allegedly had or has one. She won’t owe it all but she’s supposed to let the state know if financial circumstances change. Waiving the first CS was as simple as changing the final decree and date. She’s five states away and has been almost silent. She leaves her kid alone which I did not expect considering her past behavior. For now, doing nothing ha…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 06:00 AM
2

We’re over a year separated, divorce was very fast. It mentally beats the shit out of you especially when your ex is a raging nightmare of a human being. I’m exhausted all the time but it’s gotten slightly better since divorce was finalized. Tbh I was mentally done and checked out almost two years before I filed. Also lost my mom in the time between filing and final divorce, that crushed me. It also devastated my daughter because that’s her Mimi and they were close. As upset as I was about what …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 07:22 PM
1

I’m trying to figure this out as well, only I have full custody of a teenager and no mom in the picture. I have no downtime, I have turned down dates because it’s 100% custody for me with a child hurt badly by her mom. I can’t imagine throwing dating or a girlfriend into the current dynamic I live in. I am still in the rebuilding stage after a 20 year/15 married relationship. I have turned down two setup dates by friends, I don’t have the bandwidth atm. Maybe when my daughter is a bit older I wi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 04:50 PM
10

It works the other way as well. I’m the single dad with sole custody of our child. Divorce was due to her cheating but the major component was the ex abusing my daughter and endangering her welfare (mild description) and my kid simply snapped. I didn’t ask for full custody, because I believed as a father I was getting shafted no matter what happened to the detriment of my kid. Ex had planned on silver bulleting me, planning on keeping the house, alimony and child support for her. There is no ali…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 04:22 PM
6

”I’m leaning towards fuck that and fuck them.” I fully approve of this message. Take your time, do it right, maximum impact.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:22 AM
1

Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 07:14 PM
3

Record her. I started even before I filed. When the official start of SHTF began she told me flat out all she has to do is accuse me of SA or inappropriate behavior with my daughter and she would get custody. She even acted it out. ‘I saw him looking at her in the shower’ or ‘He was definitely touching her inappropriately’ you get the idea. So did the court. Once that recording made it into official court record she was toast. Suddenly she wanted that to go away. I wonder why, it destroyed every…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:57 PM
2

If you’re getting the ‘she says’ version of rehab, she’s lying because they drug test you the minute you enter one. My ex’s was ‘oops how did that cocaine get there..’ test results but part of rehab is full disclosure. It doesn’t sound like yours is being honest if there is any ambiguity there. Rehab was on my favorites list on my phone next to bail bonds and a 24/7 lawyer. Seriously speak to an attorney and do it fast. Record everything even if it’s not legal in your state. She still has enough…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:08 AM
2

I have been exactly there. With a kid. Adderall abuse is messed up alone, add alcohol and an ADHD work ethic, narcissism and her perceived ‘successes’ at her job and she’s nitroglycerin. She will implode. Your son is beyond hiding anything from at this point so it’s your decision from here on out on how he sees everything. Not sure if there is an arrest history, PI’s or police interactions but if there is, it’s time to use it along with her addiction issues. Just know she’s going to ‘clean up’ i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:41 AM
1

If you have the means, pay off all of your debt. That was my first move along with not taking on any additional debt. When I filed and the mediators looked at my financial situation they seemed almost shocked. My situation was nowhere close to yours (abusive ex, to me and child). I remember my ex saying ‘this doesn’t seem fair that I’m getting nothing’ and that’s close to what she received. She looted every dime out of savings but that was fine, cost of doing business. Plus it was joint money an…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 09:00 PM
3

I’m the dad in the betrayed role with custody of my daughter. It’s been a shitshow to say the least. But I do understand your dads rage (not so much the obsession) but I can see where he’s coming from. You need to make him understand you are not a proxy for your mom. You are not her, you sound like you genuinely want to spend time with him. He needs to know it’s for you, not his ex wife and if he can’t respect your own personal boundaries, check back in when he can. What you wrote here is a good…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 03:17 AM
1

Put them in counseling without parental involvement. I did because that was the only way my kid would agree to go. The ex absolutely refused because ‘she couldn’t tell her side of the story’. Me? I didn’t mind, I didn’t have anything to hide and it’s in the best interest of my child. The court fully agreed. Fast forward through 4-5 sessions with zero parental input and my daughters counselor/therapist contacted me and highly advised never to leave my daughter unattended with mom, never in a vehi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 09:29 PM
1

Less than sticking with a shit lawyer who is there to empty your bank account. I severed lawyer 1 because she sucked. My second lawyer annihilated my ex in court and wrapped up the divorce in under a year. Those false charges are crimes. My ex didn’t get shit but a car I bought her and she owes me CS because I have full custody. That wasn’t even a discussed option with my crap first lawyer. Pay to lose or pay to win. Make the choice, either way you’re paying something.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:17 PM
1

That’s a lifetime non-expungable felony in my State. It doesn’t even take an accident, get a DUI with minors in the car and you’re fooked for life. I have one friend who was drunk with her kid in the car and hit a curb. Spent 5 years on probation, breathalyzer and cameras in the car and the State almost took her kid. 18 years later, she’s a model parent with no drinking and added two more kids. Great job, successful, still has the DUI forever. Another friend has two felony DUIs in his younger da…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 03:53 PM
1

Last Christmas Eve, my now ex absolutely blew up her relationship with her own daughter. My mom (her grandmother) passed away a few weeks before Christmas after a long, slow illness. The ex moved out of state so she called via zoom to speak to our kid. My daughter refused to be on camera but she was sitting beside me. Likely bc she was still upset about her first Christmas without her Mimi. I mentioned my moms passing (she was aware, not a secret) to the ex and I am paraphrasing her response to …
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 04:10 PM
2

You never get past it. You think you can forgive but it always feels rotten. You didn’t break your vows, she did. It’s only compromise on your end from that point on. The changes. It keeps you continually off-balance and it wears on your soul. I was lucky. My divorce was unplanned and immediate from my end. But I had thought about it. Many times over many years. I regret not pulling the trigger sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:02 AM
9

Definitely. Oddly she had stopped almost completely for a few years but then went all-in completely absorbed in her fake digital world. She was a former model so it didn’t initially worry be because her image was in many places. She had taken down a whole bunch of her pro shots. Suddenly she wanted them back online and like OP, I wasn’t following anything. No one reached out about inappropriate images but the sudden need for validation of her image was a red flag. I wasn’t sure where that was he…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 11:14 PM
4

Never be afraid to change lawyers mid-stream. My first lawyer was a joke, severed from her and hired a great attorney and had a completely different outcome than what lawyer 1 sold me as a boilerplate settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:41 AM
4

I recorded the X making the same threats. Even a feigned silver bullet threat. She was destroyed in court and I was granted primary residency through HS graduation. The X went further off the rails, the court had seen enough psychological abuse towards both me and our kid and they granted me CS proportional to her income. Play to win or be prepared to lose.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 04:16 PM
2

No. X had a temper but didn’t direct it at anyone in particular. I didn’t realize the X was trying to alienate me from my kid. Later when the full truth came out it did explain some prior events. My kid filled in some blanks. Mom ended up alienating herself. Kids grow up. All those little things you thought you hid from them? When they get older, it comes into perspective more clearly. My daughter carried a lot of trauma. She’s a gentle soul but there is only so long one can carry a secret that’…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 11:34 PM
2

Yes and an extensive substance abuse problem. She was good at pretending until she couldn’t. A few arrests, a couple of rehabs, I bought into her past trauma routine and did what you should do- support your spouse. I knew the X was weirdly resentful towards my daughter. What I didn’t know about was the X was openly displaying her sleazy behavior in front of her. Behind my back. Then threatening her to stay silent. DD was when my daughter had enough and straight up blew her mom up one afternoon. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 10:16 PM
1

I have a countdown widget on my phone until our kids 18th birthday. It seems petty but whatever, I didn’t blow the shit up. The X tried and he ‘we can be friends’ or ‘we need to learn to co-parent’ trope but our kid hates her and refuses any contact from her mom. Apparently (at the time) I wasn’t grasping the scope of just how shitty and dangerous a person she is. Based on what my kid told the court and therapist recommendation (and past arrest history) the X was barred from contact until the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 04:02 PM
13

You are already alone. Do you want to spend eternity alone in a dead marriage? No chance of happiness currently but more than possible when you’re single.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 06:06 AM
1

What you said about the lawyer mirroring, it was exactly this. My first lawyer made an off comment, something along the lines to my STBX of ‘she understood as a mom’ lending pity to my ex. Another piece of advice: Go read all of the reviews of potential lawyers, then cross reference who is giving the reviews. For mine it was all of her co-shitty lawyers. Their reviews were just as terrible. I never spoke to or responded in any way to lawyer one other than the Severance notice. Do your due dilige…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:12 AM
2

Agree. Once the marriage is done there can be no more weaponized emotional reactions, especially in hard copy form. I stayed cold and was pure business. The X went the emotional overreaction route. The less I reacted the more emotional her reactions became. If there are kids in the middle, it’s especially important. Sure I wanted to blow my X the eff up but I kept my tone pure business. It went rather fast and the X got pounded by the court. The one big tip I will give is this. If your lawyer is…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 03:30 AM
2

Oh yeah. Mine submitted 9 change of address forms under 3 different names (maiden, both, divorced). I didn’t get any mail for a month. Fortunately I pay everything online so no bills missed but who knows what else went to her. Not that I care. She also somehow managed to get my updated health insurance info (see above) and started filing claims. All denied, nothing on me but it’s irritating as hell. Credit watch companies help. So far no real damage done but still that’s some audacity. Added. Al…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 04:30 PM
2

If it makes you feel better I was diagnosed with PTSD as well. With a kid in tow also PTSD thanks to the ex. It sucks but don’t let it ‘brand’ you. It hasn’t been a linear, quick process but it does get better. Today was one of those anxiety for no reason days but there’s always tomorrow. Myself and my kid both see counselors, her twice as often as mine but it has helped to get reassurance I wasn’t losing my mind. Things are not perfect, likely will never be. But it gets better. I didn’t like th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 03:04 AM
2

My ex trash talked to my kid about me for years. In the end, it made our bond stronger. My ex tried the SA silver bullet approach but I had started recording her stupid shit long before. Oops. She even went as far as acting out her SA claim to demonstrate what she could do to me. The court absolutely loved that. Shredded any semblance of credibility and leverage she thought she had. She destroyed herself. I just stayed patient and let her ruin her own life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 08:22 PM
2

I thought I hid almost everything from my kid. Turns out she remembers things that happened at age 4 and beyond. In incredible detail. She just never said anything until she snapped and unloaded on her mom. I put her in counseling immediately (against my ex’s wishes) and that’s when all of the fugly truth came out. Long term psychological abuse behind my back. Wild threats. Now that her mom has left the chat, she’s much happier and vocal. I still feel terrible she went through it all but it is w…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:46 PM
3

About six months out. Like you I just ground through the marriage because we have (at the time) a very young child. Things got increasingly worse over the years and my kids 18th birthday was my goal, already positioned myself in every way to insulate myself and child from the inevitable implosion. That was until my kid came out and exploded on her mom, dumped years of threats and trauma that she had been bottling up. At age 14 she nuked her mom one afternoon right in front of both of us. She bro…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:23 PM
6

No. I would need the ex to cooperate and I’m not about to kick that hornets nest. I consulted another lawyer regarding this after it happened and he said I had a solid ABA complaint. My ex was represented by her own attorney at the time so it was a clear confidentiality violation. Meanwhile I needed a replacement attorney and didn’t have time to deal with L1. My second attorney took care of business. Technically I still have time to file a complaint but there is no way I’m contacting the ex. I s…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:48 AM
12

You need a new lawyer. My first one wouldn’t present my ex’s extensive history of substance abuse and arrests among other horrors (no DV) to the court. She kept re-writing my statement of facts in a manner that minimized everything. Then I discovered she talked to my then wife. I immediately filed to sever (you can’t just fire your attorney) and ten days later I hired a new attorney. Complete opposite result. I was granted full custody and the ex is not allowed to contact our kid until she’s out…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:29 AM
2

Agree. Let her f+ck it up on her own and then hand her a letter as soon as the divorce is signed. Dear (). I knew. You were already gone but you didn’t know it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 01:55 AM
2

Somewhat. She became very explosive and OCD about literally everything. Then oddly talking smack about how she was so much like me. Like an insult. I’m sort of beat down and caught off guard while dealing with family issues. I thought I could make it to kids 18th but the kid had other plans. She was done. The ex left in her own. Voted off the island. After her mom ejected herself, daughter started filling in the blanks. Somewhat. She refused counseling until I agreed neither parent would be invo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:45 AM
3

The court listened to my kid and the abuse mom did to her behind my back. Plus the ex had an extensive history of drug and alcohol abuse, all well documented. My daughter told her counselor what she wouldn’t tell me. Her counselor flipped and recommended an immediate restraining order and no contact. The ex went mental and threatened the counselor. My daughter asked for zero contact and mom isn’t allowed to contact her until she graduates HS. I was expecting years of forced torture on my kid, di…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 11:26 PM
6

No. I found out my ex was talking to her without letting me know about it. They slipped up in the mediation hearing and made two comments about a phone call. Then another comment along the lines of ‘I’m a mom too’ and I realized they had discussed something prior to the mediation. I immediately tanked the hearing and walked out. I started blowing up my ‘lawyers’ phone and she didn’t call me back for 6 days. It took me 10 more days to sever her as my attorney, I couldn’t hire a new attorney until…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 07:06 AM
13

Counseling. My daughter hardcore refused any visitation with her mom and refused to tell me why (abt age 13, recently separated). I finally convinced her to see a counselor under the condition neither parent would be directly involved in her counseling. I was fine with this but the ex flipped out and refused. I did it anyway (I had primary custody during initial mediation). I figured the court would not be upset by this so we found a counselor she really liked. The ex was still heavily opposed a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 12:28 AM
4

That’s why I had a dummy account pre-divorce. I loaded it up with some wild shit and comments that were obvious lies and made up stuff. The ex found it, started accusing me of lying and making up things (duh). She didn’t tell me she ‘found’ my account but it was obvious when she started making comments directly related to my bogus account. She believed she struck gold and planned on using it for leverage. She got played. When she realized I deliberately did it to flush her out, she never mention…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:14 PM
6

I could have written this, except I don’t get any joy out of seeing my ex’s life crater. I think the only moment of slight enjoyment I felt was when she realized my finances were secured and she wasn’t getting shit. We also have a daughter but is no contact with her mom due to her incredibly nasty behavior and her substance abuse problems. My ex wasn’t exactly stealthy with her plans, she told my kid years before the divorce she wanted me to buy a house, then she would leave me and force me to p…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 04:49 PM
8

My ex. 3 PI arrests, one involuntary commitment, 3 rehabs, incalculable counseling and therapy sessions. Alcohol and prescription drug abuse. No DV, so there’s that. I had the same guilt. It all began when our child was about 3. Like you I did not want to take mom away and risk or imagine her losing her life or freedom (or s*icide, she threw that out often). So I sucked it up, tried to help and be supportive in every way, all at the expense of my sanity. But I was hiding it from our kid, right? …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:38 PM
2

Won’t make any difference in Texas unless it endangers the children. However, I is legal to record all interactions between each spouse and depending on what’s said, it can be excellent leverage to demonstrate the dishonesty of a sht spouse. My ex threatened me with false SA claims, even went as far as acting it out and demonstrating what she would do to force me out of the house and make me lose custody. Oops! Recorded it all! And I didn’t let her know I recorded it until she began making false…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 06:33 PM
2

I have a credit watch company. My daughter is not 18 so i definitely need to have her SSN# checked for any use or flags. She told her to F off last Christmas Eve on a zoom call. Her mom more than earned it. That was the last time she has ever acknowledged her mom. Shortly after that the court ordered no contact until she graduates HS or if she decides to initiates communication but only one her counselor approves of it, then the court, and after multiple shared and individual counseling appointm…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 12:15 AM
2

Yep. My ex owes CS, but every cent of it is for our child (I have full custody). The ex was ordered to pay CS starting the month after the first meditation hearing but (shockingly) she not only never paid a cent, she took everything out of our joint accounts and promptly blew all of it. She even took all of the cash our kid had saved up for years. In order to speed up the final decree and get rid of her, I waived the ~$9k she owed so she could hopefully get her shit together and attempt to be a …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 04:12 PM
4

No. Then I fired her because she was useless (severed or whatever the legal term was). The second law firm I hired fully cleaned house and tore my ex to shreds. Literally night and day difference. My first shit lawyer (I found out later) was talking to my STBX at the time behind my back, while being represented by an attorney (huge no-no). My crap lawyer and my ex accidentally let it slip in mediation that they spoke twice and I was completely unaware of it. Shit lawyer 1 has a ABA review soon t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:20 PM
7

Listen to this. My ex tried kidnapping my kid and I heavily documented her threats, both written and recorded. Ex called the cops on me, made up a lie wild enough to send the SWAT team to my house. Well guess what? After 6 months of threats, fake accusations and showing up drunk for visitation, the court had enough and granted me sole custody and blocked the ex from contacting our kid until she’s an adult. All because I documented everything and my kid told her counselor what a dangerous nightma…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 03:29 PM
2

My ex did the same. Only she was talking shit to me about the same friends she was bashing on me behind my back. So I began recording that gate to hell she calls her mouth. A lot. Never told her, I simply accumulated recordings. When SHTF and I filed for divorce (she left) of course she went to her same friends and started trashing me as usual. Then I emailed all of them. Everything she was talking trash about them. Now she has no friends. None. Left the State. She had the audacity to ask me why…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:00 PM
11

👆🏻This.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 10:37 AM
1

2-3 years. Mine cannot be contested for three years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 10:37 AM
1

Most MSAs in Texas have geographic restrictions. Usually county you live in and surrounding only.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:28 PM
5

I am melting mine down and recasting it. Eventually, I haven’t decided what to turn it into. Maybe a platinum middle finger?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 06:16 PM
5

My ex went full stupid. Tried much of the same. I sat back quietly taking my lumps while documenting everything via recording or whatever method. It gave me time to dig through the past. Our kid- guess who told me mom was cheating? Yeah fun. Put my kid in counseling and she simply told the truth. Then she demanded her own mom have no contact with her and counselor agreed. It exposed the years of mental abuse hidden from me. I feel terrible to this day the amount of shit I missed. I fired my firs…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 06:55 PM
4

I pointed out to my ex that during all of her begging, pleading and attempted blame-shifting- she never once said she loves me. Suddenly there were tears and I love yous, beyond disingenuous. Nope. Still dropping the hammer. When I asked her why she’s not signing the divorce decree I got ‘Really?!?’ like I’m just kidding around. Walk away. She wants something or doesn’t like the terms. She wants more, don’t give it to her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:27 PM
2

My ex pulled stunts like this. The judge finally told her to sign the final decree or he would do it for her. She finally signed. The judge even waived the 60 day required waiting period. Her? Earned a no contact order until my kid is 18. I wouldn’t call it a win. My kid demanded no contact with her mom and received it. Since my kid is no contact, that means I have no contact. I have zero incentive to speak to her so I dont.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 01:53 PM
7

My ex doesn’t have an AP. Why? He doesn’t want to date a cheater. Lol. Fuck em both. Karma paid her a visit. Lost her job and no one wants anything to do with her. Bye. Of course she called whining about her sad state of affairs. Blocked everything. Currently I have no clue where on planet earth she is. As it should be.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 06:31 PM
3

Everything short of renting a billboard exposing her sorry ass. I never cheated. Scorched earth.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 01:50 AM
1

Same. Except the court dropped the hammer on my ex after hearing from my daughters counselor. I expected 50/50 but requested primary custody to keep my kid in the same school. My ex, the very day after mediation, shows up at the house waiving the standard 50/50 custody agreement and stating she will be rigidly sticking to that schedule. Only problem was, she showed up drunk and my daughter refused to go anywhere with her. My attorney blew me off when I called her about that. So I fired her sorry…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:35 PM
1

That’s two tubes of Eagles and six loose. Access panel under refrigerator or buried in or under a stand up freezer. There is plenty of room. Just sayin.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 01:09 AM
1

You go to a casino multiple times. Pull out cash. Then go buy Gold instead of gambling it away, but claim you lost your ass and you would have never have started gambling if it wasn’t for the divorce. Lost it all at the tables babe. Meanwhile it’s safely buried in the yard or wherever. Plus Gold isn’t exactly dropping in value so little loss in the exchange.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 08:19 PM
2

Once you file in Texas, the kids are typically only allowed in their residing county and surrounding counties. The key is to file first.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 01:51 AM
1

I promised my kid she could finish HS in her district. If it wasn’t for that I would have moved. Initially. Bad memories, all the usual emotional tugs but after more than a year out I am indifferent to it. It’s our house, not hers. Just me and my daughter. She needed the stability and still plans on staying until graduation but she has made many commitments about wanting to move. Unrelated to her mom. We live in an area that was rural suburban about 10 years ago and now it’s exploding in growth.…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 08:58 PM
1

You can’t legally separate in Texas, you have to file for divorce and then the mediated settlement agreement comes into play. In weeks. Gold is $3,450 oz right now and you can cash purchase it no problem in Texas. Just sayin. It was all lost in a boating accident.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 10:26 PM
2

I packed all of my ex’s shit and told her to come get it. I haven’t seen her face since. Maybe it was the level of betrayal and that she tried to involve our kid but I don’t miss her in the least. 20 years. 13 in total hell. It took her 6 months to realize I wasn’t joking about divorce. About then I asked her why she hasn’t signed anything and she says ‘Are you serious?’ like I was offending her. She gets it now, and the no contact order. She can continue cratering her own life. It’s been epic.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 11:27 PM
3

I did. It turns out the test would be at my expense. Only $7K. I waited until she melted down on her own and saved a ton of money.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:18 AM
1

My now ex took every dollar from savings, ran up massive debts, started defaulting on everything, then was fired from her job because she’s much smarter than the company owner. She even helped herself to money our kid had saved up. It was worth every penny to see her gone and have a signed divorce decree. Last I heard she’s being sued by multiple businesses, lenders, landlord and whoever else was dumb enough to give her any credit. $700 a month doesn’t sound terrible, especially if you have more…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 03:51 PM
3

My kid asked me to teach her everything mom refused to do. Serious control issues, mom wanted her completely dependent on her, yet criticized her for her inability to do certain things. The older she got the worse it was. Then mom started floating the idea our kid didn’t have the dexterity to do many things (BS lie) so she stopped trying. After the ex was given her walking papers, I stepped in and revisited areas she had issues with. I had to teach her to properly tie her shoes. At age 14. Mom h…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 04:20 PM
1

Ohh great idea.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 12:11 AM
6

File first and put the kids in counseling. It will pay off in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 01:29 AM
1

Your description of your wife’s addiction sounds like the hell I went through. She went to rehab multiple times, twice in-patient and one involuntary commitment and more. My Dr prescribed me anxiety meds to deal with my ex. No joke, we share a child so one of us had to be stable. For the last 4-5 years, I had to lock every medication I had in a safe. Pissed her off good but whatever, I’m not the addict. I would leave what I called ‘bait pills’ in my personal possessions. Sure as the sun rises, s…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 12:54 AM
1

I discovered after 7 years of teetotaling I don’t enjoy drinking as much as I did before. Oh well, I’m a cheap date. When the ex lived here, I had to lock up any of my meds in a safe. Ridiculous. I would catch her digging through my meds, no remorse. She would yell ‘I needed them!’ as if that exempted her from thieving. Whatever I left for her to find was bait, I knew she was stealing meds. Easier than listening to the excuses. Since she’s gone, I refill half as often. One I simply stopped. The …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 03:17 PM
4

Oh yes, pills, booze and bent cars was a specialty of my ex’s. She wadded one up one car in my kids private school parking lot. Somehow always dodging a DUI but multiple public intox arrests. AA was just a way for her to switch to pills. I was booze free for 7 years to ‘support her sobriety ‘. Yeah about that. I bought a good single malt the day I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 04:16 AM
1

My now ex had the gall to play-act a fake SA claim: ‘All I have to do is say you r*ped your daughter and the court will believe me and throw you out of the house!’. Oops. Recorded the entire encounter. That nugget among others destroyed her in court. Cover your ass. Cameras, recording, whatever it takes because it only takes one claim, false or not, to end up in a jail cell. My ex knew the SA claim was going nowhere but she still called in a fake police report claiming I was holding our kid agai…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 09:32 PM
2

I tell anyone who is not being represented fairly by their attorney to cut them loose and find another one. Why keep paying the same bad lawyer expecting a different outcome? Usually they are the type of lawyer who deliberately leaves issues open or vague because they know you will end up back in court, paying more money. The lawyer I fired. When I called her office to get the severance done, I left a message. The next morning I received an email requesting another $4k, and she still hadn’t used…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 05:50 PM
7

My first female lawyer was useless. I found out she was coordinating with my STBX behind my back while she had legal representation which is a huge violation of attorney/client privilege. She was advocating for my ex because ‘she’s a mom and understands’. Queue ABA investigation after I fired her. Or severed, sounds better. Second lawyer is a male, he came in with the exact same facts and documented history of abuse against my daughter along with the rest of her portfolio of dangerous behaviors …
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 04:44 PM
2

I was told by one counselor I should have been nominated for Sainthood for dealing with the shit I experienced. Stretch the torture out for years, with kids and compromises will be made. I have seen a few counselors over the years and they all have the same thing in common. They can’t hide the stunned look on their faces when I dump my story. Current counselor included. I don’t judge any of them, at least it’s genuine. Talking to an uninvolved neutral 3rd party human being and hearing their opin…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:53 AM
20

I learned my ex was a narcissistic psychopath.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 11:17 PM
2

If the Trust buys the house, it’s still considered part of the Trust and not subject to any claims against it. Ask your Trust attorney, there are more details. +added. Whatever you do, make sure you do not use any personal funds as part of the purchase. An example would be paying for a bathroom remodel out of personal funds while the house is owned by the Trust. Keep Trust funds and personal funds 100% separate. Mixing in personal funds will definitely give your future ex wife a chance to make a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:22 PM
22

Fully agree! I’m the non-typical divorced dad, I have custody and ex is out of the picture. Within weeks of filing, I had a few of the ‘I have a single friend with kids too..’ inquiries from friends. No. Just no. It’s all too fresh, I’m still stabilizing my life and my daughters, why would I even attempt dating or a relationship? Sure I could probably hook up with someone but I have more priorities than getting involved with anyone. My daughter is a hook, I see women being drawn to her because s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 03:12 PM
3

You need a better attorney. My first one was content to charge me obscene money with no results regarding my ex’s dangerous behavior. My second attorney (hired after atty 1 messed up the mediation agreement) cleaned house. I don’t think #2 even used half of what I documented. My kid also told her counselor what happened to her, that held the most weight in court by far. But if your lawyer isn’t presenting the full picture to the court, find a new one. I will never understand why people keep inef…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 07:56 PM
4

Finalized mine a few weeks ago. It was favorable to me but in no way do I feel like I ‘won’ anything. It took about 6 months into filing for my ex to realize I wasn’t changing my mind. She wanted to chat about something completely unrelated to us and I cut her off and asked why she was not responding to my attorney. She kept asking ‘Are you serious?!?’ like it was a joke. She gets it now, I’m not there to clean up her messes, I’m not here for support or to chat, it’s done. As expected she crater…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 07:48 PM
5

Not always. My ex was such a nightmare she lost custody, owes me child support and earned a court order barring her from contacting me and my daughter until she’s an adult. There were (are) substance abuse issues and I documented the hell out of everything. First attorney was a mom and was sideways advocating for my ex because ‘moms deserve custody’. So I fired her sorry ass and hired a shark who presented the totality of my ex’s actions to the court and it was game over. If I had never document…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 05:52 PM
1

I believe the MSA can be altered or changed at the two year mark. Mine has a 3 year lock on it because my ex is a nightmare and the court wanted my daughter to be 18 before her mom fucked up things even worse than she already had. I believe standard is two years for custody challenges as well as child support changes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 03:00 AM
3

I think I married her twin sister. If one believes in karma, it came for my ex. Her life cratered within months. The substance was during the marriage which a kid in tow. Multiple arrests, psych ward, rehab, rinse and repeat. She would constantly threaten divorce and taking our kid back to the Shitsburg town she escaped. The one she hated. When I filed, my daughter demanded to be heard by the court and tell what she has experienced growing up. Things I wasn’t aware of. The court listened. Kid to…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 04:33 AM
5

Document everything, especially drug use and cash transactions. Chances are she will flip when you have her served, and that’s fine. Record that also and put the kids in counseling, it looks good to the courts. Start to finish for me in just over a year and I was awarded full custody. My ex’s past drug use and counseling recommendations sealed the deal. Daughter is still zero contact. As noted, make sure you’re squeaky clean and hide the guns. Move your money or she will do it for you. Mine clea…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 06:42 PM
2

I have custody of my daughter. It’s been fun, she refuses any contact with her mom. For her own reasons, outside of what she did to me. New hobby: I started moonshining. I barely drink but always wanted to try it. I’m on my sixth batch so far, only two were successful. I’m not as good as it as I thought I would be. Last batch was blue corn at 120 proof and tastes decent. Why not. I’m still in the emotional trenches but just having a signed decree was a huge weight off. It was more like having pe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:43 AM
2

I won’t. No way in hell. It’s not a mid-life crisis, my mid-life was a crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:32 AM
3

I’m sort of in new territory, divorce finalized. However the two weeks waiting for a judge to sign it off sent my anxiety into overdrive. Still learning to deal with the peace and quiet. I have that urge to stop going to counseling but I won’t because I know it will bite me in the ass later. Twenty years, married 15 only to find out she cheated all but one year of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:01 AM
6

There is an open ABA inquiry. Lawyer was coordinating with my ex while she was represented by her own attorney. Ex told atty 1 she couldn’t find her lawyer so that’s why she called. Never mind the must-have severance of representation needed to do that, they chatted it up behind my back. They accidentally spilled that nugget of info during the mediation hearing. I let it all play out and then fired my attorney legally, sent her the details on how she violated attorney client privilege and she sh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 08:06 PM
8

Tell her nothing and record back. I live in a State that allows it. My ex dug her own grave with her manic mouth, lost custody. I didn’t even ask for full custody, that’s how shitty she was. I will take full custody, works for me and the kid. Another tip. If your current lawyer is just fishing for cash and doing a half-ass job- fire them. My first one advocated for my damn ex more than me. Second lawyer cleaned house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 06:42 PM
5

Good for you! I have had recently settled and divorced with full custody on my end. Start to finish divorce completed in a year. It’s been a full on lose the battle, win the war situation. Congrats on wrapping it up so quickly, I thought a year was fast.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:27 AM
8

If you don’t file a report, she will. Guess who they will believe. It’s CYA time. Do it now or things will get fugly for you real quick.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:21 AM
1

Pick up the kids and do what you need to. If you show up and she’s twisted on drugs or booze, call the police for a wellness check and do not be kind in your observations to them. Trust me, I have been there. My ex would be abusing meds and/or alcohol and she made a su*cide threat (fortunately kid was at school). Said she had a gun to her head and I heard the slide rack. I called the police for a wellness check and it went full shitshow immediately. They sent a SWAT team with an APC and a dozen …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 09:31 PM
2

You might consider an attorney. If your STBX is on board, it’s relatively simple. I have custody (was contested but she signed off), in TX also. For peace of mind alone, hire an attorney. You not ugly yet comment says enough. Approach the ex, say you just want an attorney to review everything and gauge her reaction. When the finality of it all hits her, she could change her mind and the fun begins. If you’re in N TX I can recommend a law firm.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 02:28 AM
2

I wish I had some good advice. My brother lives in AU, has for 30 years and is a respected doctor. His now ex pulled a lot of this, he doesn’t drink or do drugs so that was never an issue. His ex? DUI, drugs, $2k a month alcohol bills, major infidelity, and the courts still favored her in most situations. She bled him dry, divorce took about 5 years. Oldest kid was completely alienated by mom due to near zero contact for years. Youngest is special needs, his mom neglected him (Autistic) while he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 04:12 AM
4

She can say she will take you to court, but will that really happen? I am a solo dad with full custody. At the beginning of the divorce, 50/50 was a given, even with my ex having substance abuse issues, multiple arrests, rehabs, involuntary commitment, etc. Tons of documented shitty behavior and she was still getting 50/50. That was until counseling and therapy for my kid. Mine was 14 at the time and due to the trauma her mom put her through, I wanted my daughter to see a counselor. She refused.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 02:16 AM
7

My ex was (is) like that. Wrecked her car in the school parking lot hammered drunk and instead of calling the police like they should have, called me to come get her. When I arrived she was hysterically crying in the lobby while her car sat on 3 flats with the door open, engine running. There’s a lot more, involuntary commitment, jail 3x for public intox, rehab multiple times, similar to you but somehow she managed to dodge a DUI. Once my then 15 yo told her counselor all the things she did with…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 06:31 PM
2

If you’re parents still own the house, have them put it in a Trust. She can’t touch it. They can list you as the beneficiary of the Trust and it’s yours when they pass. Ask an attorney for details but if you’re in the US, she can’t sue the Trust or you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 12:10 AM
7

It’s trauma. Not uncommon. I’m still unraveling things. Counseling helped me. Worth a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 02:24 PM
2

Then you’re good unless her name is on it somewhere. Have the trust attorneys review it just to be safe. Only funds removed from the trust are subject to divorce proceedings. Remember, she can’t sue a Trust. My ex tried to pull the exact same crap. Ride it out and hope my family dies in time for her to get her hooks in. She was less than thrilled when I explained the function of a trust and how they work. Have an attorney explain it to you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 03:33 AM
5

Put it all in a Trust. My ex was trying to pull exactly this and my family already had a Trust before the divorce so.. nope can’t touch a cent. Unless you inherit the Trust and start taking funds out. Those funds would be subject to the divorce. My ex kept asking about it towards the end. How do i know what I have in case you’re gone questions. I had everything reviewed by attorneys before I filed, had the trust attorneys review as well and she got exactly nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 03:29 AM
2

Once you file, she is not allowed to leave. If that’s a concern I would consult a lawyer as soon as possible. I would heavily document her drinking and behavior around you and your child. If it’s not legal to record, do it anyway and document ‘from memory’ so you have it. My ex was driving around with our kid in the car openly drinking. If she’s a SAHM she’s driving also? I documented and recorded everything. Her own words and actions weighed heavily against her in court. If you have any bad hab…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 03:07 AM
3

Lawyer up yesterday. Not sure about the kids and school, generally the courts will lean towards keeping their routine the same. I know you’ve likely heard or read it before but your STBX is now your adversary. Remember who blew up the marriage, family and why she did. She’s in it for her, the you and the kids were never in her mind when she destroyed your family. Don’t expect her to suddenly be accommodating. She is the one person on earth who knows how to push the ‘right’ buttons for you and sh…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:33 AM
2

Let’s not forget fake-ass, unrealistic social media influence and conformity. If she has a problem, there’s a digital friend somewhere to validate their ‘issues’.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 10:43 PM
1

I set everything up before and outside of any agreement. I knew my ex well enough to know she would try and hijack the counselor. And she did. It probably didn’t help her case threatening to have the counselors license revoked. The court just went with the recommendations of a professional over mom or dad. Honestly it sounds like you need a new lawyer. My first one was more or less advocating for my STBX instead of dad (completely ignoring documented abuse from mom). My new attorney actually wor…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 01:48 AM
5

Get them in counseling. Insist on that and for the older two, try and arrange for counsel to be without either parent involved. That will help define and eliminate parental alienation. I did this. 5 sessions in with my kid and the counselor contacted me (and soon the court) about moms behavior and my ex lost custody. I knew she was an abusive nightmare and that clouded my view of it when it comes to my child. The counselor highly recommended zero contact and a restraining order and my kid was di…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 07:07 PM
12

Record and document. I had a very similar situation happen and my ex found out our daughter wanted to stay with me and she lost her mind. Not that it mattered, she was always screaming profanities at both of us. So I recorded everything. At one point, the ex started telling me all she has to do is claim SA and I won’t see my kid for years. She even went as far as play-acting what she planned to tell the police. I then trimmed that clip and sent it to her. Amazing she didn’t call the police. Wond…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 02:14 PM
3

Some are psychopaths who only view their children as objects to validate their existence. They will lie, deliberately create situations where it puts dad in a bad light and then make any accusation to ‘win’ to try and slam that door between a father and kids. My ex was like that, and as our kid got older she saw mom for who she is. I was used to the view of a shit wife but unfortunately my kid was forced to learn it on her own. I agree with probable mental illness. My ex could never seem to real…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:38 AM
3

When you do, go search all reviews online. I wish I had on my first lawyer, the only positive reviews were from her other co-shitty lawyers who also had terrible reviews.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 07:34 PM
2

My re-engage was me firing my first terrible lawyer after the settlement was agreed on in court. Lawyer 1 went off grid, didn’t respond to calls or emails but managed to send me a bill for expected future legal expenses, even when she hasn’t spent what I gave her. Pissed me off so I fired her (legally, it’s a pain). Ex started dragging her feet and refused to sign the settlement even though we both signed the draft copy in court. I had to hire the second attorney to force the issue, hence the ne…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:19 PM
1

I was told that since I had to ‘re-engage’ by hiring a second lawyer, my ex is on the hook for half my fees. My attorney told me that, I wasn’t aware. You might ask.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 10:35 AM
6

Did they foreclose on your underground bunker?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 03:08 AM
1

I’ve had really good luck with it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 12:03 PM
5

Oh hell no. I would be paying that BeenVerified membership and picking through his life. Perverts never change and can’t be fixed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 03:15 AM
1

Sending DM
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 02:57 PM
2

Find a new attorney. My first one was so terrible I could have brought a cardboard cutout of her face to court and had better results. My ex showed up for her first official visitation hammered drunk and I absolutely refused to even entertain the thought of my kid in a car with her. I called my ‘lawyer’ multiple times and after five days of silence, she sent me a request for $3000 and she still had $800 of my money on account unspent. F that, immediately fired her (which is not as easy as it sou…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 11:32 PM
1

If any or all of what you noted was in the MSA, it’s Contempt of Court. If you have an attorney, that’s day one business. I am on the other end of it, my ex is looking at contempt charges for multiple reasons and I am the one with custody. Often the court will want evidence of deliberate contempt. My ex served it up herself, I recorded her stating she doesn’t care and believes the court order is BS and will not abide by the MSA. Let the games begin, the only reason I haven’t pushed the issue is …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 10:42 PM
1

Do you have any sort of legal custody or did she just bail with your kid? If the child is established in school it might be difficult depending on the state. You may be able to file in your current state, if she ignores it contempt charges will get filed. If you have a clean history you should have leverage. Especially if she’s hiding.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 01:48 AM
1

My then 15 yo discovered DD2 so I understand the twisted pain. My daughter not only knew, but waited 18 months for actual hard evidence and straight nuked her mom, fully knowing it would be the end of the marriage and our family. Kids are victims too and suffer their own type of trauma. I found her a wonderful counselor, I would recommend the same. All those indiscretions I thought I hid from my child? Turns out not so much. As kids get older, they are able to put context to all of those little …
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 06:53 PM
2

My now ex was dragging her feet on the MSA. The judge was going to sign it off in her absence and she decided to sign that day. There’s an updated final decree, she was judged to dangerous to be around our kid and via the trauma and threats she kept making. Kids therapist told the court she recommends zero contact. Again she won’t sign because she won’t have access (she has been near zero contact for almost a year). Not sure why, she just makes herself look worse and worse. I had to hire a secon…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:10 PM
3

I’m here for the obvious reason. I was able to have a conversation with a divorce and family law attorney -free of charge, he was and still is not my lawyer. My divorce had some wild twists, ex was very unpredictable. I mentioned to him that my ex was being billed almost double what I was, had one attorney stop responding at all after the retainer dried up, etc. He said lawyers hedge their bets. Sort of like a contractor bidding twice as much for a repair job just because they really don’t want …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 06:15 AM
3

This is great advice. #3 not only saved me from getting raked over the coals but I have full custody. My ex completely melted down, started threatening to accuse me of SA of my child, then she started threatening our kid with all sorts of wild lies. Oops I recorded everything. Being the N/BPD manic hothead with little self control, it got even worse for her. At first I had primary residence but she just couldn’t shut her damn mouth and dug crater after crater until she earned multiple restrainin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 08:22 PM
5

Have the check canceled and get a new one. Bypass the clog.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 05:06 PM
4

It’s preemptive parental alienation on her part. My ex was trying to drive a wedge between me and our daughter by saying things like ‘you sound like your dad’ to her behind my back. Also asking her which parent she wanted to live with when we divorce. Meanwhile I have no idea. When my ex was in one of her moods (days that end in Y) I would take my kid shopping or for a treat, just something for dad and daughter to hang out. My ex? Berated both of us later. ‘You don’t care about me!’ Then later, …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 05:12 AM
10

Great job mom. Broadcasting her pettiness directly towards her son.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 02:12 AM
3

Get BeenVerified and run a background check on him. You might surprise your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 04:09 AM
3

Ask other divorcees, someone won. Then do a hard search of their reviews. That was my mistake, if I had looked on lawyer 1 I would have found someone else. Yes I had to pay another retainer, however my hack lawyer stopped answering my calls, emails, everything. But she sure had time to send me another request for $4k and she still had plenty of my money unspent from my initial retainer (I paid the entire amount due up front). Thought about it. Pay the hack $4k only to work for my ex and make my …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 09:21 PM
7

Find a new lawyer. I found out my first hack lawyer was talking directly to my ex behind my back. She was making recommendations to me based on the manipulation skills of my ex. I fired her on the spot after the first court appearance, then legally via the ‘legally required’ method and documenting it. Aside from the fact that’s a violation of attorney client privilege (ABA case pending), she made a royal mess of things. I waited about two months , hired a shark and she took care of business. The…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 06:38 PM
6

It’s meaningless. The third party recording won’t be admissible anywhere. You openly admit you want pure revenge (lol as you said). Most lawyers won’t get involved in any litigation unless you are willing to put some serious money on the table. If you are planning on doing your revenge tour solo in front of a judge, good luck. My ex stalked me, hacked into emails, screen shots of everything and it’s all meaningless. Mainly because I did nothing wrong but wanted to pursue some hypothetical harm g…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 03:31 AM
5

Your ex’s lawyer. Kidding. Maybe. I know my ex was an E-stalker. I played along. She was royally pissed when she realized I was trolling her with some of my posts. She thought she was all clever ‘discovering’ details about me. Until I told her dates and details of my BS posts. Sort of burst her bubble.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 01:23 AM
8

It’s not unnecessarily cruel, especially when they won’t take any responsibility. I have a countdown widget on my phone for my kids 18th birthday. And I told the ex once our child is 18, it’s like she never happened. I will change or block everything, I have zero interest in playing nice. My situation is slightly different, my ex was abusing our child behind my back. After I found out and filed, her own child refuses any communication with her mom. And the court agreed, won’t allow mom around he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 06:26 PM
2

Not Cap One, another bank. I had never heard about it before I contacted the fraud department. They suggested it. Once I changed the password, she had no access to the account and was forced to call. She doesn’t know the password and the fraud department contacts me. Change password again and repeat as necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 03:55 AM
2

Ask them to add a verbal password for access. That’s the only way I shut down me ex’s access. She looted everything. Eventually she cratered her financial world and doesn’t have anywhere to transfer money if she tries.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 02:33 AM
4

Same here. All while being accused of cheating, which never happened. You spot it, you got it syndrome from the cheater. After I served her the divorce papers, suddenly she realized that I never cheated. Then begged me to give her another chance. Let me think about that as you’re walking out the door forever.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 06:18 PM
11

I navigated the high road for years. One kid. Pre-divorce. I did my best to hide issues and thought I did. My daughter ended up dropping an IED in the marriage and calmly told me -with mom sitting there- that i was being cheated on and mom had been threatening her for over a year to keep her quiet. Kid waited until she had hard evidence. Mom absolutely exploded on her own child, called her a liar and manipulative. Lots of profanities. Obviously divorce was ASAP and I have custody but one of the …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:10 AM
2

You can record and then roughly transcribe it later and use the incident as documentation, then delete and deny. You’re just really detailed and have a great memory. Good luck to you. Honestly I wish I waltzed a decade earlier. I did attend Al-Anon myself for about a year. It wouldn’t hurt to attend, get similar perspectives. You will find you’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 01:06 AM
2

I was you. I put up with it out of sympathy and ‘for the family’. Alcohol, then drugs, then was diagnosed with take-your-pick issues to get ADHD meds among others. My advice- make your exit plans and document the hell out of everything. My ex did AA, rehab multiple times, but things never truly got better, more like getting acclimated to her new degree of intoxication. All in full view of our child. What I didn’t consider was the long term damage to our kid because I thought I had hidden the maj…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 11:36 PM
15

Substance abuse. Other meds prescribed to fix what she claimed was wrong with her. In hindsight I think she regretted becoming a mom even though it was planned and her decision. It just wasn’t fun for her any longer. My kid has only seen brief glimpses of her mom since about age two. The problem today is, daughter is 16 and is amazingly insightful and pieced together many of the events of her past, now knowing full well what a nightmare her mom turned into. Details aside she refuses any contact …
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 06:05 AM
2

No,it depends on circumstances. Texas always tries their 50/50 standard custody agreement, primary custody could depend on who stays in the house, where the kids go to school and kids 12+ can tell the court their preference but it’s not always binding. If there is or was neglect, that can affect custody. One thing I would advise is counseling for the kids. The courts may mandate it (likely) and if the kids are going in treatment it looks good for mediation. Counseling and therapy is how I got pr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 02:15 PM
9

Most courts do not want to disrupt a steady schedule for the kids that’s been working just because your ex wants to shack up with a BF. There’s no guarantee the relationship would last and your kids are cycled back to another school. Also depending on the ages of the kids, they might have an opinion to share with the court. My state allows this after age 12. The court doesn’t have to abide by the kid’s request but it holds weight. Another option is having the kids in counseling and let their cou…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 06:17 PM
1

In the same system. My ex has an extensive history of substance abuse, arrests. Rehabs, involuntary commitment and on and on. I wanted a psych eval for her and guess what? That’s another $7k you get to pay. My ex has been busted driving drunk with our kid and the court? Depends on your lawyer. My first one was useless so I fired her and found a shark. I have primary custody, ex owes me CS but to this day hasn’t paid a cent. Earned her two contempt charges but she’s left the State so it’s a gray …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 12:22 AM
5

My situation is slightly different. I have custody and my ex is not in the picture for her daughter. My ex is still around but our teen daughter wants nothing to do with mom. Therapy and counseling all around. I’m not ready to dive back into the dating scene yet. What I have discovered is being a single dad completely devoted to being a father seems to be an attraction point. I wasn’t a month past separation and friends were already wanting to introduce me to women. Appreciated but I psssed. I’m…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 07:25 AM
2

This is the way. I’m sure my ex has been slandering me on every social media platform on earth but I could care less. Mine swerved so far out of her lane I was granted custody, a restraining order and she owes CS. For the longest time she kept insisting my friends ‘were telling her things’ about me or our kid. It never happened, none of my friends or family ever want to see her again. She was fishing. You need to detach yourself from social media, it’s poison. Let her do her thing but it won’t m…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 08:23 PM
2

Texas doesn’t care. My ex locked our kid out of her iTunes account which froze her out of two apps she needed for school, and outside of a factory reset there is no way to switch iCloud accounts without logging in with the old ID. We were about to appear in front of a judge to force her to unlock the account when I discovered they couldn’t really force her to unlock. However she had such a bad look in court regarding everything else she’s done she decided not to fight it. I wouldn’t worry about …
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 05:56 PM
3

My ex showed up early in the parent pickup line at my kids Christian academy. Almost. Didn’t quite make it to the line, just slammed into a few curbs, mangled the car, left it running and went screaming into the lobby. Completely hammered. What does the school do? They called me to come get my wife. If they had just called the police I would had a different story. She was arrested two hours later for PI. She ran off after the lobby meltdown. All in full view of our kid. I left her in jail.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 01:47 AM
1

Not a felony? My State will hammer a parent driving drunk with kids. I know one of them, fines about the same, jail and a lifetime non-expungable DUI Felony conviction
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 09:54 PM
1

This 💯
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 01:42 AM
1

My mediation settlement agreement notes no alcohol or drug use for either party. I’m not sure if it’s normal (ex has prior substance abuse issues) but it’s on mine. Not a problem on my end. It’s not worth giving your ex ammo or leverage between you and your kids. You have about three weeks to pee clean. Well worth the effort. Once you’re actually divorced you can roll up a celebratory blunt.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 03:08 AM
2

In all fairness to OP, so did my ex. And when I was threw out divorcing, she boomeranged it back at me claiming I was the one threatening her. I filed first when I discovered she was trying to put a wedge between me and my daughter (failed miserably, she’s a daddy’s girl and thanks to her mom, age 15 going on 30). Kids are not stupid, my daughter not only demanded to stay with me but once mom was out of the house, the hidden mental abuse mom laid on her for years behind my back was fully exposed…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 03:28 PM
3

I think I was married to her twin sister. After divorce my car insurance dropped 60%. Meanwhile she’s driving around in the car I bought for her with no insurance and expired tags.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 02:00 AM
3

Paying to sue myself. It’s almost comical reading it but that’s true. This all sounds recent. We had the whole co-parenting conversation. It sounded great on paper but my ex has other issues that included psychological abuse of our kid behind my back. Things that blindsided me when I discovered them. Then she started showing up for visits drunk. Co-parenting be damned, I fought for custody and got it. During one early conversation where she saw the writing on the wall and everything turning agai…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 01:44 AM
3

Depends on the State but I had to pay my own legal bills up until the mediated settlement agreement. My ex decided to try and switch up on things we already settled and I hired another attorney to handle it. It turns out she owes me half of the legal fees from settlement on out. I wasn’t aware of this, my attorney told me. I don’t know your situation (who will be awarded primary custody) but it seems to vary by State. My ex owes CS and refuses to pay it. I’m not sure why she would believe she’s …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 10:25 PM
1

Appreciate the reply. Yeah at this point I’m financing everything one way or another, the ex looted every dollar out of our savings (even though the MSA forbid her from doing so) and with no CS coming in, everything is on my dime. The evaluation request was almost a year ago, unless the ex gets more bad attention from the court an evaluation is likely not happening. The counselors and therapists are all out of my pocket also. We divided up material assets per MSA so that’s complete (guess who pa…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 08:05 PM
1

Texas has what I call rubber stamp custody for parents, even if one is primary and the other is not. It’s ridiculous and disruptive to the kids if both parents live close (50 miles or less). 100 miles it changes slightly, further out and the times need approval from the non custodial parent. They even have a calendar 2025 Texas Custody Calendar It’s almost cartoon-ish and beyond the mediation hearing, it’s active and applies immediately. I have primary custody and my ex carried this around like …
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 06:57 PM
1

It does change from what I heard. It’s probably safer to contact the State first and ask before your ex really blows things up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/25 06:35 PM
3

In progress. She’s over the $5k threshold where it becomes a felony. They have a deadbeat dad page for the violators and there is only a handful of women representing. Being honest it’s not about the money, it’s how she tossed aside her responsibilities so nonchalantly. I’m not wealthy and my kid says her mom stole most of her cash over the years (cough cough substance abuse) so it grates on me. And my daughter. She’s pissed mom stole her money. She’s the one who recorded her mom stating she ref…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:57 AM
8

Depends on the State. My ex is about to find out, court ordered CS began the first day after the mediation hearing. Not only has she not paid a cent, she flat denies she owes me anything and caught that on a recorded call. It’s a contempt of court charge each missed month and another court ordered evaluation was ignored so that’s one more. Typically as the custodial parent, you or your attorney has to push enforcement because it’s outside of divorce court (State AGs office for me). It clearly st…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:26 AM
1

Cash it. Go buy gold. Hide gold. What gold?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 07:50 PM
1

TROs are usually 2 weeks, maybe a month. Texas is a rubber stamp state, once the MSA is signed the TRO is usually dropped. Usually. TRO on you or the STBX? My ex is about to earn Order of Protection #3 for the abuse she handed to our child. She also refuses to pay CS even though it’s court ordered. If the TRO has meat on the bone, it could get extended or reissued but it depends on the reason. My ex keeps threatening to kidnap our child and multiple su!cide threats plus my kid’s therapist wants …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 10:07 PM
5

Record everything. Saved my ass. I caught my ex vaguely threatening to accuse me of SA on our daughter, she play-acted her call to CPS sitting in front of me. When she got stupid, I pulled out the recording of her threat. Amazingly she was suddenly uninterested in making stupid claims. My guess is your ex likes to run her mouth and manipulates just about everyone she comes into contact with. Play her game then use her own mouth against her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 10:29 PM
3

Buy gold. Easy to hide, tax free (I believe in IN) and it’s not going down in value. Develop a ‘gambling problem’ some other BS excuse for the missing cash.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 12:08 AM
8

One of my oldest friends remarried his HS sweetheart. 20+ years after the first failed marriage. Against my Sage advice and everyone else’s disapproval, he still married her. It took her about two years to financially clean him out (he was retired at age 35) and she cheated on him, accused him of everything possible and then demanded his properties because he’s a dumbass and didn’t have a prenup. He still takes care of her (adult) teenage son. He also had to go back to work to pay the bills. He’…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 04:18 AM
1

Sounds solid. Good luck to you my man. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 11:43 AM
1

Neither were my parents. But the writing was on the wall. My now ex would talk about buying a house with it. Translation: wait until my parents died, I inherit the Trust and she goes for half in a divorce. I have friends with no family who gifted me a sizable Trust and they specifically structured it to exclude my now ex because they didn’t trust her. My ex lost her everloving mind over it. I have no plans to use either Trust. My ex’s reaction (then married) told me all I needed to know. They ar…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 05:45 AM
2

Have your parents put all of their assets in a Trust. She can’t touch it. It will cost a few grand and take a while but it’s well worth it. You can list your kids as the beneficiaries of the Trust if you are not around and appoint conservators to protect them from your STBX. As long as you do not touch the Trust, she has zero claim to any of it. Once you’re divorced you are in the clear.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 04:51 AM
2

Bought a still online, not expensive. YouTube and Google have been my only research sources. I don’t know anyone else actually making their own. I use standard 5 gal water jugs to ferment. Fruit, sugar, yeast (eBay for this, it’s cheap) some nutrients and start experimenting.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 11:43 AM
3

About five months I realized my previous hobbies seemed almost painful and forced. It may sound weird but she seemed to strip the shine off of everything I once enjoyed. I like to cook (or did, even that was tainted) so I decided to try something far outside my comfort zone since the idea of it will no longer get shot down or ridiculed. I started distilling moonshine. Because why the hell not. It’s not even about drinking it, it’s about the detail and the art of it. My first batch kind of sucked…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 02:31 AM
1

Take the house back apart and make her put it back together. Selfish AF. My ex is/was like that. Carried around this grandiose idea she’s adding to the household while doing absolutely nothing. My aunt told me this right after she left ‘Be honest, how much more couid it add to your plate since you’re already doing everything?’ Was she ever right. We have other issues and our child lives with me. One of the biggest improvements was communication between me and my daughter. We both discovered our …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 01:44 AM
6

I love who I thought my ex was. The real her is a horrible person who caused PTSD for my daughter. Now I’m just counting the days until my kid turns 18 so I can pretend she never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 10:14 PM
9

Similar situation here. Or was. The threats and abuse from my. Ow ex went on for years. I started recording it. So glad I did because women have an ace up their sleeves: SA and abuse allegations. I recorded my ex threatening to accuse me of it. Also she was threatening our kid when I wasn’t around (illegal to use the second one but it led me to ask the ex about it, she admitted it and I recorded that admission is legal). Financially I was in no way ready for a divorce but once it involved my kid…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 05:11 AM
3

Very similar situation for me. Disturbingly so. Everything you describe and more. In the past two years, things we’re getting worse and worse and then she found a great WFH job! I thought that would improve her caustic mood but instead, it got much worse. I could not understand why. Meanwhile we have a teenager caught in the same hell I was. Wife went to therapy, counseling, rehab, you name it - nothing stuck. What I discovered was, my now EX wife was cheating on me. Some of it began 14 years pr…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 06:05 PM
4

Do you live in a state where you can record your interactions with you? I recorded everything and caught my then wife threatening to say I SA’d our daughter. She even gave a short performance of how it might go. I found out the next day she was psychologically and emotionally abusing our daughter also. She was destroyed in court. I got custody, the house and two restraining orders (one expired, renewed with other revelations). She owes me child support as well. If I had not started recording her…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 12:06 AM
11

I get it. My ex did nothing around the house except complain about everything. When I was waffling about divorce a relative said to me: What would change if she’s gone? You already do everything. She was right. I was tired A-F of doing absolutely everything. Now if she put away the dishes she might demand a parade. I remember one evening right before I had her served, I made her favorite meal for dinner. I love(d) to cook as a hobby and a way to reduce stress. I spent hours making her favorite m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 11:53 PM
2

It’s her fault. 100%. I fell for the too drunk to consent bullshit and it turned out (multiple times) it was more then consensual. She made the decision to spread her legs and destroy your relationship, stop broadcasting her excuses as reasons for her behavior. My ex even went as far as going to a hospital and getting a r*pe exam to prove to me it wasn’t consensual. Found out a while later not only was it consensual, it was a gangbang and it was all filmed. All completely voluntary. If you want …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 04:12 PM
3

THIS. Get an attorney asap. Texas I’d typically 20% of gross but there is a cap, forget the amount. Spousal support is separate from CS so gear up for any SS battles. Again, lawyer up. If she’s fully capable of earning an income you may not owe any SS.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 05:24 AM
6

Mine threw mom under the bus for cheating on me, we both asked the cheater to gtfo and she did. From that point forward my daughter has made it quite clear I owe it to her not to entertain (again) and opportunity of R with mom. I found her a great counselor, expecting to get my ass handed to me for letting a teenager dictate banning her own mom from anything. Well.. it turned out my ex was extorting and threatening her own child to keep her lies a secret. Mental and psychological abuse. Counseli…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 04:48 PM
2

I’m literally counting the days until our kid turns 18. So is our kid, mom has imploded her own life quite spectacularly and she hates her mom. I have custody btw. I swear my ex goes out of her way to be a more miserable person tomorrow than she is today. She’s a liar and a cheat to me but to her own child is extremely psychologically and emotionally abusive to her daughter. It makes zero sense, she’s a child but her mom attacks her whenever there’s an opportunity. I believe it’s because our dau…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 07:36 PM
4

I can’t recommend recording everything enough. And I do mean EVERYTHING because you never know when that golden prize may fly out of her mouth. My ex was by far her own biggest problem in the divorce. Earned her a OoP and a restraining order. It seems like women in a divorce almost default to a belief that the husband is an idiot and they suddenly became the smartest person in the room. Seriously, record it all. My ex was completely bent out of shape that my own daughter preferred spending time …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 07:12 PM
9

The double standard is real. When SHTF for me, my ex was already a full day into one of her infamous adult tantrums (cussing me out, packing all of her bags, etc). When her own daughter busted her for cheating on dad, she asked her mom to leave. She just sat there for a minute, busted as bad as it gets. I looked across the room at the huge pile of her shit she had packed and looked at her and said ‘well, good thing you are already packed. It’s time for you to go.’ I even pulled up a few extended…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:29 PM
1

Damn that’s harsh. My ex called the police on me early on because my daughter refused to get in the car with her drunk ass. I still didn’t get the full details but she told them I’m endangering her welfare and refused to let her leave with mom. Cops surrounding my house, patrol cars barricaded the block off, it was lots of fun. Once the police spoke to us both and read my ex’s colorful history, they left. My ex was so delusional she was waiting a block up the street for the police to snatch her …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:05 PM
3

Apologies if misunderstood. She’s much more talkative now. My guess is because her mom is not here to be so dismissive of her opinions. She has my analytical side, will listen and observe situations and ask questions or make decisions accordingly. Her mom is purely impulsive, reacts with little forethought. A new issue she has developed, she’s terrified of crowds now. If it’s a small group of people, no issues. 20 people? Anxiety builds into a panic attack. This will be topic #1 when she sees he…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 10:37 PM
3

She can make her choice when she’s 18. It’s not far away. My daughter, fortunately and unfortunately depending on the situation, can recall extreme details of her life all the way back to age 4. Small snippets of age 3. Eidetic memory, photographic memory. It’s as impressive as it is concerning. One of hundreds of examples, at age 4 she remembers her mom telling her before leaving she would be back in an hour, she had an errand to run (likely drugs) and left. Promised to put her to bed. She did …
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 07:02 PM
3

Why? Where is your logic here? If a childl living in his:her own private hell with one bad parent, who are you to judge the reaction? My own child did a clean of her room and things given to her by her mom and tossed quite a bit. Items thst had negative connotations to her. It was cathartic to her. Suggesting the donation option is fine but I wouldn’t stop her from just tossing it all. I’m s her pain and bad memories,let her heal her way.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 09:57 AM
1

That’s a close parallel to our current reality. Acting like my kid is still 8. Mom treating her like her opinion is irrelevant because she’s too young to understand. My daughter is who told me mom was as cheating on me and had been keeping that secret under threats of kidnapping by her mom. With hard evidence. For 1.5 years. She calmly sat both me and mom down at the same time and threw her mom under the bus. Deservedly. Absolutely dropped a nuke on her. Her mom’s Instant reaction was to first l…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 09:43 AM
3

I feel this. A lot. There were no gifts from mom but it’s irrelevant in the larger picture. 16 y/o daughter, mom is gone but not out of the picture. Weeks between contacts, never sure where my ex is at. My daughter has been doing really well. Grades up, she’s happier because her mom has no ability to be civil to her (or me) and she’s been able to avoid her mom. Her moms problem; if there is no return on her emotional investment, she doesn’t engage. Unless she needs something. After 3 weeks of co…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 11:37 PM
1

My pro advice: Just let her run her mouth and record and document it all. My ex has dug herself a hole so deep she may get her parental rights terminated. Other than heavily documenting it all, she caused all of the damage to herself. If I had to start this battle 10 years ago, I might have sole custody already. 3 arrests, two restraining orders, involuntary commitment, multiple rehabs. I made the mistake of falling for the victim routine and me and my daughter suffered for it. Not now, gloves o…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 06:00 PM
1

I’m not sure how old your kids are but my daughter actually has the right to refuse to leave with a parent. All the way up to calling the police. I have primary custody and it worried the heck out of me for a while because school pickup was a gray area, she could have showed up anytime (she has substance abuse issues). My daughter is 16 but it doesn’t legally matter until age 18. It was surprising to find my kid can flat refuse and they will not release her to her mom if she says no. Age 12-13 i…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 07:54 AM
7

I had that ‘something is off’ feeling going on for a few years. One child, now 16. My breaking point was more than forced. It turned out our teen daughter knew about mom cheating. For almost two years. Not only that, but when mom figured out her 13 year old daughter has solid morals and knows how wrong mom was acting, her mom started to extort her to stay quiet. She threatened often to simply kidnap her, move to another state with her trash family and enroll her in a school and establish an addr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 03:26 PM
2

Do you feel horrible for you or your kids? Unfortunately you must choose which one matters the most. I spent years trying to be the good guy while the ex tortured both me and our child. Way longer than I’m happy to admit. I fell for the excuses, I fell for the guilt, I fell for the ‘keep the family together for the sake of your child’ boilerplate things to do. It only extended the damage to our kid. And me. Plus, life goes on regardless. Other things happen. I have custody and the ex owes me chi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 11:03 PM
2

Similar here. One child, 16. Although the ex has shared custody, it’s just me and my kid. We still live in the same house. My ex in-laws could be tour guides in Hell. We have zero contact with her family. Almost none between mom and child. Which is fine. My ex seems to be hiding from her own kid. And me but that’s a bonus. My daughters grades noticeably improve when mom is scarce, grades drop when mom decides to contact her and create some trauma. Not a typo, trauma. As an example, when my Mom p…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:17 AM
4

Like you a loathe the gym. I cut firewood to burn off frustrations. It involves an ax, chainsaw and violence to wood. It doesn’t take long to turn my arms into spaghetti.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 10:48 PM
1

Boom. This is the way. Everyone feel guilty or restricted by recording these situations but you know. You understand what would have happened if you had not recorded the interactions. I wish I was never in the position to do so, but it’s your children. Do it for them. You can instantly Iose everything without proof. I didn’t tell her early on. I was tired of her repeating a lie over and over so I did send her a few dated sound bites from the gate to hell she calls her mouth, and she dropped that…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 11:25 PM
1

Custody is technically primary custody for me because my daughter is too young to be considered an adult but old enough to state and make her own decisions. Supervised only, by me or court mediator and my ex wasn’t about to let a stranger tell her what to do. The huge leverage points for me regarding her mom are: Known substance abuse issues spanning back 10+ years, 3 rehab stays, involuntarily commitment in a psych hospital due to su!cide threats, the latter of which the SWAT team took her off …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 06:13 PM
2

It’s reversed on my end. I was granted child support and kid lives with me and I have primary custody. She’s never paid a dime. Do I care? Could that money go towards our chiid? Sure. Not dealing with her psychotic bullshit? Priceless. My ex is well past the point of havihg her drivers license suspended due to non-payment and really close to a felony amount of CS past due and jail time. Do I care? Am I a pissed off, vindictive bastard? Yep. Sure am but my kids best interest and mental health are…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:17 AM
5

Been there. I sucked it up for years to ‘keep the family together’ and all that altruistic BS. It just got worse. Every time I thought she found something to make her happier (since she bitched constantly about everything ) it somehow made things worse. By the end I was isolated from a lot of my family snd friends, not because of anything she did deliberately but because she was just an absolute embarrassment to bring anywhere in a social situation. Our kid was in a private Christian academy (WA…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 08:08 PM
1

It’s called manipulation. Serously am I reading this right? Your fiancé brought her baby daddy bang bro into your house 10 years ago, she got knocked up by the guy, you have been raising his kid for a decade, he’s back ‘sleeping on the couch’ (yeah riiight) and she’s blaming you for her discomfort and doesn’t want to change a thing other than you are no longer allowed in your own home? Either this is fake as fuck or you’re truly a human invertebrate because there is zero spine showing. F that. G…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 05:42 PM
1

Single dad to a teen daughter also. I try and listen. I mean really listen because all teenagers seem to speak their own language. Age I guess. Since my ex bailed, it’s been a constant learning experience for me. Probably her as well. I always have moments or days of self doubt but that’s normal. I am also lucky in the aspect she’s nothing like her mom. I stay encouraging, involved and always listen even when it’s a 5 time repeat story. I think the only time I felt overwhelmed and lost was when …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:02 PM
1

Wrong. Although my lawyer said the same about a dad and primary or full custody at the start of my divorce, I recorded absolutely everything my ex did, and what went on with our kid and the court granted me primary custody and CS based on the dangerous and reckless lifestyle of my ex. I kept recording and documenting everything. Meanwhile, the ex managed to get arrested 3x for public intoxication, wrecked her car twice with our kid while intoxicated (and somehow never arrested for it, blows my m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 08:34 PM
9

I filed the first time years ago then retracted it after she agreed to counseling and substance abuse rehab. Her choice, either way I was 4 toes out the door and our daughter was ~8 at the time. She appeared to clean up her act but as is typical, cracks started showing. Fast forward a few more years and I discovered she was extorting her own kid to keep her quiet because she knew mom was both abusing drugs (again) and was cheating on me (again). I was already making plans to split because my own…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:45 PM
4

Two words my brother: RECORD EVERYTHING. Even if you’re not sure you need to, do it anyway. My ex went the full shitty route. Or tried. I recorded her threatening to cry ‘rape’ against my daughter (who is well past old enough to speak for herself) and multiple other potential accusations. I sent her a copy of her ‘best of’ recordings and she more or less shut the hell up and she’s long gone. She lost all leverage with the threats. Record it all. It cost me almost $40 a month to do it and it was …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 04:26 AM
7

Call both. I have been exactly where you are, I forgave and ended up getting burned latter because it bought her more time. Tell you that you’re considering R and make opposite plans. The pain of more y are, older kids and more betrayal was much worse than the initial betrayal. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 11:37 AM
3

Hearing my ex admit to fault was strange for me also. Especially after spending so much time lying about it. I know on my end it is just another form of manipulation on her part. Or an attempt at it. Does your ex need something? Change the divorce agreement? Custody? Typically there is a reason. I was shocked when my ex admitted fault the first time. I let my guard down because of it and paid dearly for it later. So did my daughter. For me the real surprise was her trying it a second time. She k…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:13 PM
15

Don’t be. My ex did this (same, 12 step program, apologized to me and our daughter, letters to me, our kid, my parents, etc) and it led to years of me believing it was an honest disclosure. When DDay2 finally blew up our marriage, she tried the same thing, admitted she was the problem,her actions were toxic, she cheated, etc. all the right things to say. Again. I am and was completely checked out at this point but what the heck, let’s hear what she has to say. She made some comment about ‘I wish…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 07:49 PM
18

Same. Right after the ex was shown the exit, my aunt made a comment about ‘how much extra more work could it cause you? She already doesn’t do shit around the house’. I thought about it, and she was right. The few house cleaning and maintenance chores she claimed was -her job- really never was done. She always started a job, then stopped halfway through and never completed. Me? I cook, clean, shop for all gtoceries, cook all meals, yard maintenance, vehicle maintenance and on and on. The one cho…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 05:39 PM
2

Exactly why my own and my kids assets are in a Trust. My ex can’t touch a cent. Added two outside conservators to manage the estate in the event I’m not around.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 05:49 PM
2

Damn talk about a double standard. My ex has been hauled out by a SWAT team, involuntarily committed to a mental institution, driven drunk and wrecked her car shutfaced twice, once just before picking up our kid at preschool (no charges), three drunk and disorderly conduct arrests,threatened to harm half the planet, threatened to shoot herself in the head (legit loaded gun, and the cops just gave it back to me no questions asked). There’s more as one would imagine. Not a single bit of that matte…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 04:00 AM
2

THIS. My ex dug herself a hole to China by what I recorded coming out of her gate to Hell of a mouth. To most of the outside world, she looked perfect. Behind closed doors not even close. I recorded everything as a safety because she is quite manipulative. What I captured her saying forever torched her great wife/mom persona. Well beyond what I would have expected her to say. She went as far as shredding people who considered her a friend. Accusing them of some wild shit. Most completely unexpec…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:17 AM
3

I’m here plus custody, and an extremely verbally abusive ex who is deranged enough to blame our divorce on our teenage daughter and her friends. Teenagers. My kid knew, even though I thought I was ‘stealthily’ hiding it. Not so much. Kids are way smarter than given credit. I had to set the example of what a good parent should do, while being the role model, while my own marriage imploded and my world collapsed. It’s been all sorts of fun. My ex turned into her abusive, addict mom and tries to ju…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 05:17 AM
1

Leave. Similar here, she cheated and gradually over many years she just got angrier and angrier. I tried. Turns out the anger was due to her continued cheating. She also began to accuse me of cheating. I never did but you wouldn’t know it listening to her throwing accusations. I found it’s nearly impossible to defend myself from constant accusations of things that I never did. But it sure beat me down mentally. All because she was still cheating. I didn’t find out about the continued infidelity …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 05:52 AM
3

Oh damn I’m ordering that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 01:13 AM
7

It sucks but you will live. What you need to do is understand that the person you are mourning the loss of, never really existed. I can say that because I have been where you are. You can’t change anything but yourself at this point. And that’s all that matters. Whatever she did, whatever indiscretions she committed- doesn’t matter because it’s not the woman who she sold you on. Get angry, don’t get angry, same result - she is gone. She’s not coming back. But would you want her back? Sure, she l…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:05 AM
2

This isn’t a political thread Johnny Copy-and-Paste. Fuck off with all that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 06:09 PM
1

I always tell people, D or R, watch both sides very closely. If you’re picking Right or Left only for idealogical reasons you only know half as much as you think you do.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 06:08 PM
2

Not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 07:29 PM
3

Skid Row. Get The Fuck Out You’re standing too close, what the fucks with you? You ain’t my old lady and you ain’t a tattoo. Well, no need to wimper No need to shout This party’s over, so get get the fuck out. Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out!
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 03:08 PM
5

No responsibile gun owner ‘leaves it on the counter like ya do.’ Go to a shooting range and rent multiple handguns. A 1911 in .22 is not really a practical platform but a Ruger Mark IV 22/45 might be more practical. Same grip angle as a 1911. Your post opens with gun chat. Then angry ex gf rant. Yeah.. maybe hold off on buying that counter gun. Go rent a handgun for real, I’ve long referred to it as group therapy. Better target groupings, the better the therapy. I found distance shooting to be c…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 03:49 AM
3

Record everything.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 10:48 AM
15

Yes. Social media became her reality. It still is. Nothing harder to break than the need for validation from a bunch of bots and strangers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:15 PM
2

She’s not looking for any truth, she needs this to excuse the shady shit she’s doing. Whatever you say does not matter and never will I’ve been there. Endless accusations, half the time so insane you have no way to defend it. Then the second a question of her actions is brought up? C’mon you surely remember those fights. Always in your heels and manipulated enough to partially blame yourself. Wash, rinse, repeat only slightly worse. If she wants to leave - fine. Let her. She’s already threatened…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 01:47 AM
1

Solid advice. She won’t put in the work.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 01:37 AM
3

My ex did that with her finger one night after drinking. She did it to a female cop. It went real bad after that. Cuffs, restraints, jail, isolation cell. I put up with it, made excuses and she just got worse. Involuntary commitment worse. Don’t walk away: Run.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 01:32 AM
2

There are iPhone call recorder apps. They are not cheap. $8 a week not cheap but it’s more than paid for itself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 01:18 AM
7

Record EVERYTHING. Even if you don’t think you need to. You do. My ex tried claiming abuse and that I was holding my kid against her will. She called the police and they surrounded my house, ready to haul me off and pull my daughter out of the house. Oops. Here’s that prior restraining order for trying this before and a recording of her threatening to do it a few hours before. Now my ex has zero leverage or credibility and she’s possibly facing charges if the prosecutor decides to pursue charges…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 09:38 PM
4

A similar situation was happening yo me. Years of being accused of cheating with just about anyone with female DNA. Work, moms of kids friends, old friend from 30 years ago. I’ve never been unfaithful. Never would because I’m not trashy and value my family and would never jeopardize my daughter’s view of me. Guess what? Well you know. Discovered she was not only currently cheating but has been actively cheating for 14 years, starting right around our first wedding anniversary. I’m still trying t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 08:29 PM
1

That’s what was crazy. She had a full meltdown before calling the cops, she knew I recorded it. She never threatened to call the police, seems like common sense considering her history. Nope. She still called them and lied. That’s what alcohol and drugs will do to a person, impulsive reactions with no common sense. It doesn’t hurt that many of my oldest friends are PD. Not the same department but they are all very aware of her past. It’s sad in a way, she was sharp, driven and very smart when I …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:14 PM
2

A Trust.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 11:58 AM
1

Without details to expose her, 4 arrests for public intox, DUI, 3 rehabs, 1 involuntary commitment, fired from every job for drinking, 2 restraining orders- all fully accessible and saved on my phone, laptop, cloud, etc and I can sent copies or print it all on demand. Recordings are larger but I store cloud links to share. She knows better than to step into shark infested waters. She’s seen what I have.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 11:57 AM
6

So much of that I have parallels to. Discovering I had a pretend wife for 14 of 20 years who thought monogamy was a type of wood. It was rough. We have a child. All she has known was a disturbed and selfish mom. Until around a year before mom graced us with her exit, mom was verbally abusing and threatening our daughter when I’m not around. My kid found out mom was cheating on dad. She’s early teens. My daughter just snapped and bluntly told me what mom was doing behind my back. When she told me…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:55 AM
8

I will never understand why no one records all interactions after starting a divorce. I do, everything no matter what. My ex decided to call the cops on me. She said I’m endangering our child and refusing to let her see her. Police surrounded my house, a huge shitshow. I invited them in, let them read the pair of restraining orders she’s earned over the years, and her threats to call the cops on recordings. Needless to say, nothing happened to me or my kid. And then I recorded her stating she di…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 06:36 PM
1

I wouldn’t lie. How old are the kids? My ex and I share custody but my teen daughter hates her mom and even though mom technically has split custody, often our daughter refuses to see her. The ex has threatened to take it to court to make her visit. But our kid slammed that door, told her she can’t force her to love or like her, either give her some space or she will write off mom the day she turns 18. She even has a countdown timer on her phone. Without going into details, mom earned it. Even m…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 05:58 PM
4

I took her up on the offer. Days of fighting and she even packed all her things to emphasize her seriousness. However I had discovered she was cheating (again) so I told her it’s fortunate you’re packed because it’s time to go. And she did, papers served and she’s never been back. My sleep has improved exponentially. Wish I had taken her up on her offer sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 10:50 AM
3

Stand your ground. I reached a point way beyond ‘done’. Its like she never happened. That’s what complete betrayal earned her. We share a child but mom betrayed her so badly (differently) she want’s absolutely nothing to do with her in any aspect of her life. She recently informed mom that when she turns 18 soon, it’s the end of contact for her. She even suggested mom move 1000 miles away as soon as possible so she can enjoy high school without f*cking her life up any further. To answer, yes mom…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 06:05 PM
8

This hits home. I never st yet she constantly badgered me about imaginary cheating just because of a coworker happened to be attractive. I put up with 4 years of that shit only to find out she’s been cheating for 14 years. Sure I knew attractive women, one of which signaled her possible intent to hook up but *I’M MARRIED and I value my wedding vows and my wife. Or did. And she occasionally said I’m a misogynist. When asked to explain what that meant I was met with the ever-so-solid point of ‘you…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 03:27 AM
2

Not getting a downvote from me. Dead on balls-accurate. This describes my last 19 years with the ex, all an act. And after divorce, found out the last 14 years was way worse than imagined. When she figured out the divorce papers were real and I’m not changing my mind and my finances were secured- enter the real personality she hid for decades. That personality I would have never married or dated.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 12:03 AM
4

And you will get it. Having text evidence is gold. My ex made the same threat and they put her in a psych ward and gave me and our kid a restraining order. Couldn’t be within 500 feet of me, child, school and all of my relatives. There is still time. Call the authorities and let them deal with her. edit. Can’t spell.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 09:06 PM
2

A lot of what you shared hits home hard. The revisionist history, suddenly ‘being scared’ of me when literally nothing has happened on either end, and the narcissism. My ex was invested so deeply in her job nothing else existed. Especially me and our kid. Just a normal, wfh job with reasonable expectations. Yet it evolved into a 24/7 nightmare of her own creation with a pay increase of exactly $0. Also blamed me for absolutely everything wrong with the world. It was exhausting. The best part wer…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 04:32 AM
6

Went through years of something similar. Ex constantly playing victim while criticizing 98% of everything I do or might do. This eventuality led to heavier and heavier gaslighting disguised as accusations against me regarding infidelity. 19 years together and 15 married. One day it blew up in her face. In my face, in our kids face - our daughter knew a lot about her infidelity and straight up threw mom under the bus. That really sucked btw. Who wants to hear your wife was unfaithful from your te…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 01:55 AM
4

Similar former hell for me. STBXW decided to start the ‘our family is more important than yours’ fight when my mom was chair-bound with Parkinson’s -and- my dad had two strokes and is half paralyzed, in the ER with my mom. She called me while I’m trying to figure out if my dad was dying screaming at me with insane shit like ‘You don’t give a fuck about your family, you’re a shitty husband and dad and on and on for about 30 minutes. I’m in the damn ER and it started because I wasn’t home to make …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:36 AM
2

Agree to it with one condition: Whatever counselor or therapist is working with both of them is allowed to fully disclose anything involving your child. If your ex wants to go to individual counseling that’s fine and off limits. Whatever involves your child needs to involve you in the short term. It sounds like a delay tactic to me but not quite sure why.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 11:12 PM
5

Same. No physical violence but a lot of mental abuse and wild threats. I have custody as well. I’m stil un-doing the damage she caused. Daughter is much happier, grades are way up and she no longer feels the need to apologize for absolutely everything when she’s done nothing wrong. Side effect of a horrible mom constantly chastising her for no reason. I realized recently that I can’t think of a single thing ‘mom’ brings to the table as a benefit to my daughter’s life. Role model? Values? Morals?…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 03:00 PM
4

I would answer every question with ‘I am exercising my Fifth Amendment rights and you will receive answers through an attorney at a later date if so advised. 68 questions, maybe go to Office Depot and just get an ink stamp made.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:25 AM
5

This. STBX deliberately ran up a $300 toll bill in a month. My car and registration, I gave her a signed title, took the tags off the car and canceled the insurance. Not. My. Problem. I won’t sign the gift tax waiver so she’s stuck paying tax, registration and insurance. It’s about triple the toll she refused to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 01:45 AM
3

Please heed any advice. I was married for 15 years, together 19 and after ending the 24/7 shitshow by having my teen daughter TELL ME my STBX wife was cheating on me. Just imagine that for a second. I thought I was shielding her, but she was completely aware of everything mom was doing. After she exited our lives, time to look back and see what I missed. Holy hell she’s been cheating on me for 13+ years. Not only that but full-on accusing me the entire time of cheating on her (I never have, it’s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 03:15 AM
10

Not a will, a Trust. The will can be part of it but your ex cannot sue a Trust.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:35 AM
14

You are the backup plan sir. When she isn’t having any luck, well there’s always my ‘husband’ until about 5 minutes after sex. She could give two shits about you, this is about her and the sooner you accept it the sooner you will get your life back. Think of yourself as her emotional tampon. You’re good to cover a few rough days but the rest of the month you’re no longer needed. Don’t be that guy. It’s over. You’re getting played.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 11:56 PM
1

I cut firewood.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 08:04 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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