TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

aurelia_86 Archive

View 4 posts and 165 comments by aurelia_86 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

As another (probably, psychologist agrees, on the waiting list for a psychiatrist for final diagnosis and meds) ADHD person, I felt this in my soul. Thank you for taking the time to write it out. There's so much about me that is just different from non ADHD people. My brain is just wired differently. It's not trauma, because I have done the work to heal from that, and it's not depression or anxiety because it's part of me when I'm happy as well. I have had to battle huge stigma and gaslighting a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 12:00 PM
20

I really disagree. I've had the opposite experience, where doctors been unwilling to give my psychological symptoms a diagnosis because they felt a label might be damaging. Like if they gave me a label I would suddenly stop taking responsibility for my life. All this meant was that it was harder for me to get the treatment that I needed than it should be. When I finally got my labels - complex PTSD for example - it was like being given a key to unlock the door of the room that had everything I n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 12:40 PM
10

Ok then, I stand by my earlier comment. Time to find a new job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 03:58 AM
20

Maybe to make a slightly less harsh comment - I once loved and trusted a man completely the way you trust your boyfriend. I was so sure we were going to get married and have the most beautiful life together. He even proposed and picked out our kids' names with me. Well sis, he left me a few months after that, and you know what? Every day I thanked g*d for my fancy degree, my professional connections and my six figure salary. I heard so many horror stories from women who had given up their career…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:51 AM
6

What do you mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:37 AM
39

Someone please tell me this post is fake. I really do not want to believe that anyone could be this naive. "I can be a stay at home mom permanently as he has been successful in all his ventures" Sis... He's 20. You're both barely adults and haven't even been through a recession or a job loss together yet, but you're sure he can and will provide for you for the rest of ever 🤦 Go to med school, get your degree, see how your marriage goes and have a kid then if you want. Thank us later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:36 AM
300

Sometimes I think it's time for the asteroid 🤦 How can they be so sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:21 AM
71

I have 5 male friends. 1 of them I had a fling with years ago, 2 of them made a passes and were rejected years ago, the other 2 never tried. I had a bunch of other male 'friends' too, but they all did a disappearing act when I got into a relationship. Even though some of them were taken themselves. Which is to say... Some people here will tell you not to pursue friendships with men. I am not one of them. What I would say is not to be naive about it. There is an excellent chance your friendliness…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:03 AM
222

Red flags to look out for: Grossed out by menstruation. Grossed out by any sight of menstrual products, blood etc. Grossed out by body hair. Grossed out by pregnancy. Doesn't want to hear about any of the physical changes that take place. Grossed out by childbirth. Doesn't want to be there for the birth of his child. Doesn't want to hear anything about how it happens. Grossed out by breastfeeding in public, expects women to breastfeed in a toilet rather than him having to see breasts being used …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 11:58 PM
84

I don't like period sex because I find it painful - my experience of menstruation is that my body is more sensitive and attuned to pain, so things that feel good on non menstrual days hurt. However, for anyone who does enjoy period sex, rock on with your bad self. So long as you're doing it for you, and not because you're with some scrote who wants sex every day of the month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 11:25 PM
144

My ex was like this, and yes, absolutely horrendous in bed. Foreplay was 2 minutes of my nipples being grabbed and repeatedly poked on the clit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 11:19 PM
76

What I find so hard to accept is how cold they can be. How they can settle down with a woman, have 2 kids with her, buy a house and somehow after all that have literally no sense of compassion or empathy toward her. Now that he's no longer attracted, he gives literally 0 f*cks about anything she's going through, even if it's the literal life or death of their newborn baby. He can just check out of the life they have together, even while he's sitting right next to her as she fears for her sick ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:37 PM
33

Partner is an accepted term for a de facto/committed relationship, at least in Australia where I live. I don't mind the FDS angle on marriage, but here in Australia when a de facto relationship of 2+ years breaks down, the family law treats it the same way it does marriage/divorce. It's kind of hilarious actually because what I see happen (and what happened to me) is men dump their de facto partners thinking they can walk away obligation free and then get a nasty surprise when their ex gets a la…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:27 PM
9

I think what troubles me most here is his response to you expressing your concerns. Instead of being understanding and offering to find something else you would be comfortable with, he dismisses you and shuts you down and tries to get you to go along with what he wants. That's a red flag to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 09:41 PM
18

I actually see it differently. I agree with you that's one interpretation of the behaviour, but the other is that he's genuinely surprised that doing/saying those things is hurtful. There is a kind of guy who is so incompetent at treating a woman well that all he can do is repeat the same moves, over and over again. Such men are so romantically and emotionally incompetent that they literally have no idea that taking your girlfriend to a place on the basis that his ex loved it - and then telling …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 09:36 PM
152

It's super exclusive. I'd say you have better odds trying to be a doctor or a lawyer. She should be congratulated, not put down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 02:52 AM
5

My pleasure. Thanks for taking the time to comment :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 12:05 AM
12

Ugh sis, I am sorry that happened to you. So this is actually also quite common with avoidants - they lovebomb you at the beginning. People always wonder why women don't spot them earlier, but they can actually be super kind and loving and appear commitment-minded. Until things get serious and their attachment systems activate and then... you see their true colours. It sounds like you got lovebombed, then just as the honeymoon period ended, he freaked out and used his idealized phantom ex as a r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:49 PM
9

As someone who did, I agree. It's depressing when you take off those rose tinted glasses and see him for what he truly is. It's not easy to let go of all your hopes and dreams and face up to the reality that they were never going to come true because of his issues. Though I also agree with others that the one who is truly worse off is the avoidant, because he is stuck with himself. At least we can walk away and rebuild our lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:44 PM
5

Yeah I agree, it is messed up and depressing. It's like... everybody suffers, because these dudes aren't willing to get help and do the emotional work to change. I think that's what I find saddest about avoidants. Just the sheer pointlessness of it. In my opinion, the only thing we can do is wise up, look for the signs and steer well clear if we see them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:41 PM
9

Ugh. I'm sorry sis. It's a common story unfortunately. Hope you're in a better place these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:38 PM
25

Your last paragraph... that is the truth, right there. My ex hated himself so much, and I do think he looked down on me because I loved him just as he was. Toward the end, it was like he thought he could get rid of all the things he hated about himself by getting rid of me. Yet now he's apparently miserable without me - and still hates himself. It's so sad and unnecessary, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:35 PM
62

Thanks! I think your points were really important, btw - you were pointing out that avoidants can idealize a lot of different things/people to create distance. I particularly liked what you said about them needing to create a better 'out there' or 'someday' so as to have a reason for the way they act in their day to day lives. I also liked what you wrote: "Really he's unhappy because he has to be him." It's sad in a way. They employ all these strategies to keep themselves 'safe', hurt a lot of p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 01:06 PM
89

These are words of truth. If the avoidant man ever wins back the Phantom Ex, she ceases to be the untouchable goddess on a pedestal and resumes being a messy, imperfect human being with needs and desires. Exactly what they are afraid of. I think that it's really important that Phantom Exes consider this if they're ever approached by an avoidant man wanting to get back together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 12:51 PM
141

So I agree with a lot of this. I mean, I agree with nearly all of it. You're saying that avoidants cycle through a range of distancing strategies, use it to excuse poor behaviour in their current relationships, and wind up stuck in a cycle of misery as a result. I do want to say though, avoidants don't always think in such LVM ways. Their idealized single life can be as simple as "I could hang with my buddies whenever I felt like it and she'd never nag me about how many video games I play". Thei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 12:46 PM
25

Wow, what a compliment. Thank you very much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 12:22 PM
102

I'm so sorry. I understand situationships are common with avoidants. It offers them the benefits of being in a relationship, but without the commitment and closeness that they so fear. I know what it's like to get caught up in the pursue-withdraw cycle. You get so lost in the chase that you forget to think of whether the relationship is serving you and whether you deserve to be treated in certain ways. Everything becomes about getting the intimacy you've been deprived of. Starving people can't t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 12:09 PM
85

It does your head in until you understand it, right? Because logically it makes no sense how you can transform from being an unwanted burden on his freedom to a longed-for goddess on a pedestal. I agree that identifying and moving on is best. I believe that most anyone can walk the path of healing and growth if they want to. But some people just don't want to, and you can't make 'em.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 12:04 PM
2

Also a great point. Especially women with children I think - very hard to be carrying the burden of parenting as well as taking on political or business leadership.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:03 AM
359

Another translation: "My ex divorced me because I am a workaholic pervert who doesn't do housework. Since then, I have found that no-one will voluntarily have sex with me. Since I am too cheap to pay for a prostitute, I would like to take advantage of a woman whose situation is so desperate that she will have sex for a roof over her head. Unless she is fat. Then no."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 01:13 AM
52

So glad!! We love to see it. Happy anniversary :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 01:03 AM
19

We love to see it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:26 PM
128

I'm so sorry that happened to you, sis. How devastating. Sounds like you know you're better off now but sorry you had to go through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:19 PM
14

Oh no, please don't apologise! That makes total sense. I feel a bit mean now - there are radical feminists who do make arguments like that, so I just assumed you were one of them and I was responding to that. I think I understand your point now - you're saying that if society feeds women a glorified/romanticised/whitewashed idea of how something is, they might actually want to do it, because they don't have a realistic idea of what it's going to be like. I agree with that and think it's an impor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 01:29 PM
30

I think I'm less into 'false consciousness' type arguments and more into critically appraising the context in which women make their choices. For example, I read a study on sex worker demographics in my state. The study said that there had been a trend away from people who had been born in my country, towards tertiary-educated migrant women whose qualifications weren't recognised in my country. When you look at it that way, prostitution is clearly not a 'free choice' - because it's a choice clea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:19 PM
6

I wish I could upvote this multiple times
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 10:58 AM
2

Good luck from another 'nice' woman :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 09:38 AM
47

Yes. I was thinking a bit about 'choice feminism' earlier. I think that many of them genuinely want to make sure that women aren't stigmatised or socially punished for the way they live their lives. And I want that too. But the problem is that they do this by sitting around validating women's choices - without ever asking whether those choices serve women, or looking at the power imbalances that bring about those choices in the first place. I mean personally, I am not all that interested in sitt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 09:27 AM
6

Other people have given you better advice for the psych stuff than me, but I was thinking abour your coworker. I wondered if you could have a conversation along the following lines: "Bridget, I've so appreciated your willingness to pitch in and contribute to your colleagues' work. However, I'm managing some sensitivies with my A and B projects. You probably aren't aware of them because they don't sit within your core responsibilities. Next time you'd like to comment on Y or present on Z, I'm goi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 06:03 AM
178

"It's about choice. That's the point of feminism." Nah sis. The point of feminism is the global emancipation of women from patriarchy. And when I say patriarchy, I mean power structures that place women in a subordinate position relative to men. That oppress women legally, socially, economically, politically, physically, sexually and spiritually. The point of feminism is for every woman, everywhere, to be able to live her life as a full and free human being. It's a hard task, and I won't live to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 05:38 AM
21

It's so interesting what you say, about shying away from power because you don't want the burden/responsibility. I think a lot of women feel like this. This is partly because our female socialisation has ingrained the idea in us that we're not capable of holding positions of power. And partly, many women have a keen sense of responsibility and won't assume a commanding position unless they're 100% able to discharge their responsibilities to a consistent standard of excellence. Whereas I've seen …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 04:05 AM
10

Honestly, I feel like it's ridiculous to expect women to live up to these perfect standards of what a 'queen' would do. Love isn't a tap you can turn off on command. And it makes fools of us all. I know what you mean. When you bare your soul to someone and they respond to that with indifference or cruelty - that says a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:23 AM
202

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. It's devastating when you realise that someone you love isn't who you thought they were. I think if your intuition is telling you that this is him telling on himself, you should listen to that, as hard and horrible as that is. Take care. I know it sucks to let go of someone you care about, but you can do this - heal and move on, and find joy and fulfilling love again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 01:05 PM
195

Have some compassion. This guy did a total bait and switch on her, it was devastating because she cared about him, of course she wasn't her best and strongest self. Most of us can't be ice queens all of the time. What matters is that in the end, she's decided to find clarity and process the heartbreak, rather than running back. I think we should shame men for pulling this stuff on women, not women for being emotionally affected by having to deal with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 01:01 PM
79

Ah, y'all have met my ex boyfriend then...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 12:07 PM
119

It's pretty easy. You're brainwashed by religion/family/society and you don't know your own body or believe that it's ok for you to want pleasure. Or you have few sexual partners and you legit have no idea what good sex feels like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 12:07 PM
183

Lundy Bancroft?? Get out! I'm reading his book atm and it's INCREDIBLE. Well done queens, what a fantastic guest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 11:44 AM
14

You talked a big game. Instead you drove me insane. On to better things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:54 PM
27

Right? And you'd probably wind up enjoying CNY anyway, because you're an open-minded person who looks for the good in things. That is a really good point re: LVM getting annoyed when they don't get things. It's like they think the commercialism of Christmas means they have to put no effort into it, but other, less logical beings (read: women) should put Christmas on for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:48 PM
34

The AC story is hilarious!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:00 AM
126

"Just stuff your own stocking" is code for "just don't have needs". When someone loves Christmas, or any other holiday, and a spouse or romantic partner does jack all to make it an enjoyable day for them, the spouse/partner is saying "I don't give a f*ck about your happiness". I've seen men say that they don't put any effort into Christmas because it's "stupid" and "commercial". Yeah? Well it's not stupid to her, and probably not to any children they have either. These men actually have so littl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 04:54 AM
101

As the podcast ladies say, 'we've all come out of the clown car at some point'. Glad you don't have him sucking your energy and dollars out of you anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:56 AM
101

I don't know about the evolution thing, but I do agree that millennial women are being taught that if they want a heterosexual relationship, the empowered feminist move is to have no standards and expect a man to contribute nothing to their material happiness. Then if the relationship doesn't work out, they get all the shame and stigma of being too foolish to pick a good man. It's like society-wide gaslighting. It's wild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:55 AM
83

Seriously the dumbest thing a pickme can do is doing 50/50 with a rich man who is more than capable of supporting both their lifestyle and more. As a woman who was that pickme, I could not agree more with this statement. Everything you said in your post was exactly how it was. Fine when dating, horrendous when cohabiting. Even living alone on one income, it's so much easier for me to save money now that I no longer have to spend to his lifestyle and I can set my own goals. Thanks. Looking back, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:25 AM
13

No excuse for abuse. End of story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 04:31 AM
219

Yeah, this kind of thinking is the sh*t that got me exploited by a much-richer man for years. His NW was $650k, mine was 10% of that and yet I was happy to along with his insistence on 50/50 because feminism🤡Never again, seriously. I'd rather date a poor man who wanted to use what he had to take care of me than a rich man who expected me to take care of myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 04:28 AM
28

"I'm just not very good at organising things" "Talking about emotions is exhausting to me. It's just how I am" "Cooking is stressful. It's hard and I don't like how it makes the kitchen messy" "You are the reason I don't have my own friends"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 02:41 AM
58

You can't 'disappear' autism or ADHD with treatment. They're neurodevelopmental conditions, as in, the brain develops in a different way to people without those conditions. Neither autism nor ADHD are excuses to be an asshole. People with either (or both) of those conditions can benefit from therapy and, in the case of ADHD, medication to help with social functioning. But you can't just effort or medicate ADHD or autism out of someone's brain. I used to have depression and C-PTSD. I went to ther…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:26 PM
16

I'm really sorry. I've been there too, the breakup and the baby fever. It's a tough one - solidarity ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:47 AM
26

This is so impressive. So many people don't see the light until after the wedding... or the divorce. It takes ovaries to call off a wedding 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:46 AM
62

HARD AGREE. I am single now at 35 because I did the right thing at 26, settled for an emotionally distant, conflict avoidant, passive aggressive man because 'nobody's perfect' and 'compromise'. Well after 8 years of promises and me giving up dream after dream for him, he dumped me saying he thought his life would be better without me weighing him down. I wish I'd listened to that niggling inner voice and thrown him back into the the sea while single men were more plentiful and I had more road ah…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:42 AM
8

My pyschologist has said that to me and she has a phD in this stuff, so I think that's solid information :) Avoidants can change, but they usually don't, so it's better to move on to someone else in most cases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 03:00 PM
90

I don't think it's necessarily disrespect. Sure it can be, but I think that many women's lives are so centred around childrearing that they genuinely don't have other things to talk about. I've particularly found this to be true of older/boomer women whose husbands left them to raise the kids while the men put in long hours at the office and played golf on weekends. And if those women don't have supportive husbands, kid talk with other women is essential for them because they need an outlet to d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:58 PM
18

👑👑👑 Congratulations on an epic level up, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:10 PM
18

Hey, are there stats and information sources you usually reference when you're discussing sex work? It's a subject I would like to read up on so that I can discuss with others from an informed perspective and solid evidence base. Thanks :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 12:51 PM
9

This is exactly what I want to do. Sorry your seemingly HV man turned out to be a dud, but glad you realised before you got hitched or baby trapped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:34 AM
22

I respect this view, but I still disagree. I went on long trips with my ex, including road trips - I think our longest trip was a 6 week international holiday. We had great holidays together. It was the real life stuff that was the issue for him. I'd prefer to move in after engagement, or I'm also open to an imminent engagement - we move in, there better be a ring on my finger in 3 months or we split, that kind of thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:30 AM
40

That was difficult to watch, but I am glad this guy is on tv saying this stuff so other women know his true colours straight up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 01:26 AM
71

"P*ssy is work... you have to ask it, take it, talk sweet to it, dine it, gift it, impress it, pet it, take care of it, do chores for it" And with that, our scrote reveals that he doesn't actually see women as people, and that if he does anything to treat a woman well or even just like a human being, it is actually because he wants to lovebomb her into sex. "Heed my warning" Lol. I wouldn't want to have sex with this man or his horny little friends if they had the last d*cks on earth. Sex robots…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 01:17 AM
35

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all 🌲🕎🥂🎉. Thanks to the mods for their hard work to keep us safe and harassment free. Y'all have richly earned your break. And if you're a scrote - die mad 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:34 PM
19

Ikr!! It's wild isn't it. They end things in a very calculated manner and then act butthurt when you have the temerity to act like things have ended. Makes no sense. When our city went through a major difficult event, my ex wrote to me to ask if there was anything he could do for me and if I needed support 😅 Not after you walked out leaving me paying double rent and without a car for months, my guy, I can do without that kind of 'support'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 03:29 AM
23

My absolute pleasure. I remember how hard/scary it was to let bad friendships go or to choose not pursue friendships with people who wanted to hang out with me - about a decade in, it has paid dividends because now I only have friendships where there is mutual respect, trust and support. No regrets. I wish you all the best on your journey. Your people are out there waiting for you, and more importantly, you are in there waiting for yourself :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 02:41 AM
79

The relationship that you have with yourself is the one relationship that you're always guaranteed to have. Gotta tend it accordingly. I wanted to say - in the short term, it hurts to let a bad friendship go, but in the longer term it pays off because you're making space to let healthy people into your life and to put your energy into those friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:52 AM
18

Yes!! Or for a variation on a theme (this was my ex's one): "Hey [name], I found your [toothbrush/hairtie/single dirty sock] the other day and wondered if you want me to come by so you can have it back. Also I miss you and wonder how you are. Signed, [Man with too many issues to even acknowledge what he did wrong or say he wants your attention]." (Sent right while you are in the middle of a big career project and it is literally the worst time possible to be derailed by the ghost of relationship…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:45 AM
17

Lol. I thought it was going to say "no child should receive a plate of this for dinner"🤣 If I flipped a switch and started serving my kids piles of deep fried meat on a regular basis, I'd want my husband to intervene to insist on vegetables, not on being served first 🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:37 AM
103

Pretty much. The way I look at it is that if he chooses to walk away from me, he chooses to walk away from all of me. I'm not going to give my time and effort to someone who gives me nothing in return... less than nothing, given that it is actively harmful to me to maintain a connection with someone who treated me badly. I take that time and energy and redirect to myself and my friends and family who actually love and support me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:05 AM
436

My ex was so surprised when I made it clear that I didn't want to be friends after he dumped me abruptly after an 8 year relationship. Dude really thought he was entitled to retain all the emotional benefits I offered after he walked away from every promise he ever made (which included multiple promises of marriage, children and growing old together). He occasionally emails me about how sad he is like he's the victim of my terrible and mean behavior. Ladies, just don't go there. Don't be someone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:15 AM
6

Words to live by. Thanks for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 12:55 PM
7

Money Mavens is my pick :) Also, I love that you are doing this. I am into budgeting and investment and would be interested in this group for myself. Some other suggestions: - Women with Cents (not original but it's good) - Babes with Bank - Dames with Dimes Good luck!! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:02 AM
35

You and me both sis, right down to the religious upbringing. Glad we woke up and are past that stage now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:51 AM
141

Another option is women's legal centres/public interest legal centres. At least in my country, there are not for profit legal centres who provide services to low income or vulnerable women on a free or low cost basis. The bar association/law society of your state might also have a helpline or referral service that she can draw on. I'm happy to have a google if you don't mind sharing your state (PM probably best for that one!).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:46 AM
45

Hey, I hope it's ok to ask, but would you mind if I message you sometime? I'm Australian too and am at the beginning of negotiating a settlement with my ex. I spoke to one law firm and they quoted me $10k just for the basic disclosure/settlement experience. They asked for all payment before work commenced as well. I was so discouraged I haven't spoken to another firm since. Really interested to speak with someone else who has just finished the process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:41 AM
1123

Your friend needs a lawyer. They're married, he can't just ditch her like a sack of potatoes, especially not if they have been financially entertwined in the way you suggest. Tell her not to accept his narrative and to get some professional advice before she makes any major life decisions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 06:18 AM
11

I think why this irritates me so much is that she's saying that she'll adjust to whatever level of contact the guy wants to have, but then it's "call me if you need anything" and "ur hungry? i got u". It's like the guy just gets to do what he wants while she's sitting there available to make him dinner on the off chance he's hungry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 11:35 AM
26

Thank you so much for this. I absolutely love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 04:08 AM
7

Holy sh*t, I thought my ex was the only one who pulled the "wife" thing. I didn't know it was a standard trick used to extract wife levels of commitment without offering husband levels of commitment in return. Because that is EXACTLY how my ex used it on me. Mind blown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 03:52 AM
9

I'm a chronic over apologiser. My friend taught me to say "thanks" rather than "sorry" as a way to indicate politeness without taking responsibility. Not: "Sorry, but that wouldn't be appropriate". Instead: "Thanks, but that wouldn't be appropriate". Thanks in this context is meaningless, but it does sound a little softer for those who don't feel comfortable sending a harsher sounding message (which this scrote richly deserves). Some people are advising OP not to respond. It's a difficult call, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 04:15 AM
11

Hard disagree. Not everyone who moves in with a man does so thoughtlessly or quickly. Plenty of men wait til the wedding ring is on or the pregnancy has been announced or the baby has arrived to begin the abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:05 PM
4

That's tough. Good on you for purging though! I've spent a lot of time on my own and there are great aspects but also lonely difficult ones. Look after yourself. I know it's kind of annoying to be told to get out there, but I wonder if there might be an opportunity for you now to try some new hobbies or meet some new people? You sound pretty awesome, and I guess this stranger on the internet feels like you deserve some HV friends batting in your corner :P If nothing else, please know you're not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 05:15 AM
4

I'm sorry. I know how heartbreaking it is to be let down by the people who are meant to love you unconditionally and support you through life. And I know it's doubly heartbreaking when they let you down when you are already feeling vulnerable. I don't have inspiration per se, but it's not ok for your mum to be bullying, shaming and shunning you into living your life the way she wants. What she's doing is pretty textbook - she pushes you to do something, you refuse, she escalates with increasingl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 04:42 AM
21

Do it sis!! I once skipped a family Christmas that was full of drama to go on a trekking holiday and it was the best. You do NOT have to be someone's emotional pin cushion or punching bag or scapegoat. I know if you're a caring person you will probably feel guilty about prioritising yourself, but sometimes you need to show people that they need to chose between treating you badly and having you in their life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 02:47 AM
5

Oh, I love that book. Read it for the first time this year when I was in a bad way and I'll always be grateful to the authors for making me smile while giving me some real talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 12:25 PM
17

I am actually listening to the podcast these clips are taken from and it is HILARIOUS. The host keeps doing this tactic where he says "some men say [insert manosphere propaganda here]" to hide that HE actually thinks the manosphere propaganda. Then JP responds with the exact opposite of what the manosphere wants and you get to watch the host trying to hide his surprise/disappointment. Because it's just what "some men say", of course. I don't agree with JP generally (like literally he rails again…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 10:52 AM
1

I think I just got poked in the eye with one of guy no. 1's many red flags. I wish you luck with guy no. 2!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 11:08 AM
3

Yeah, you get it. Not disagreeing with anything you said in your post btw - women face immense pressure to 'be nice', 'take the high road', 'don't stoop to his level' etc. It's funny because 'his level' is usually cheating, abusing, stealing, drinking or gambling - but if the woman dares to show anger about it, all of a sudden she's the bad guy in the eyes of those around her. That sounds like a horrible task btw! I admire the meticulousness of those who work in litigation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 12:50 AM
4

I agree with what you're saying. At the same time, I am doing the opposite - I am all class in my interactions with my ex, who left me after 9 years together and 6 years living together. I'm trying to get a property settlement (which I am entitled to under the law), and I know every text or email between the two of us might ultimately come before a court. So I write to him in the most respectful way possible, and save my feelings and anger for my therapist and my friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 12:18 AM
9

No, it doesn't. It makes you a victim of a crappy fault-based family law system, which is antiquated and oppressive. The people in this thread are talking about men who can get divorced, but choose not to. Whereas you have chosen to get divorced, and the law is chaining you to your ex until 2 years is up and you can get a no fault divorce. I felt empowered that I left with a 6 month old baby because I knew I deserved better but does this make me a low value woman? It makes you the ultimate HVW i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:59 PM
26

I agree. When I was in my 20s, I wouldn't have considered a divorced man (though I did make the poor choice of dating one once, who turned out to be still married...). Now I'm in my mid-30s, most guys are divorced or have been in long term de facto relationships that didn't work out. If I held out for a non divorced man, I'd just be left with the guys who were too weird for anyone to consider marrying in the first place. Besides, I myself am effectively divorced. My ex and I were together 9 year…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:50 PM
47

In Australia, the law doesn't differentiate between married and long-term de facto couples - so she has the same family law, inheritance, social security, tax etc rights as if they were married. They could be married yes, but it's not the same situation as in many parts of the US and other countries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 11:49 PM
1

I agree - I'm grateful so many women took the time to give awesome perspectives. I've been going through the comments slowly making sure I take the time to read everything because it's so valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 10:31 PM
160

I hate the title of this article so much. Turia Pitt is a gifted athlete and survivor. She has a podcast, a running program, she is a motivational speaker and has done charity runs to raise money for various causes. Check out her insta if you want to see what a boss queen she is. Meanwhile the title of this article makes it all about her husband and what a hero he is for not dumping her. Just ugh. I might go read the book she wrote about her experiences or something because I am actually interes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 10:27 PM
30

No, she's an Australian - quite a famous one actually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 10:07 PM
22

YES. Yes to everything you said, seriously. I could not have put it better. I think these kinds of men think that by employing these tactics, they can wear us down to the point where we are too exhausted to bring up the issue anymore and then it will 'go away', aka be resolved implicitly in their favour. It's a passive aggressive power grab by men who are too cowardly to directly express their desires and preferences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:23 PM
5

Thanks. It's so wild to me how many other women have had the experience of having their looks put down by men who aren't conventionally attractive themselves. I honestly never knew about it until I found FDS and then it was like a lightbulb moment for me. I'm sorry you had that experience with your ex scrote and I am glad you have gotten past it. I think I need to do some journalling or something to get this into my mind. My therapist said it's a common thing men do to make sure women don't leav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:24 AM
3

My ex to a t!! Wtf is with men like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:21 AM
50

My ex used to complain that there was always "something" wrong that needed dealing with. The "somethings" were always things I had raised years ago that he stonewalled to avoid actually dealing with. It's not like stuff just goes away after the woman cOmMuNiCaTes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:18 AM
38

I'm pretty sure collectively FDS could offer up thousands of years of experience proving this point. I've got my own nine years to add to your decade!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:14 AM
3

Id say you don't have to look better. Not at all. You should feel better though. Work on improving your self esteem before you enter the dating pool. You're right... that's what this post (and the comments on it) has made me realise. It's not about needing to wait until I look better, but needing to wait until I like myself a little more. Or a lot more :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:48 AM
4

Don’t date if you can’t be nice to yourself. Those are words of truth. Thanks. Gonna date myself first for a bit, I think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:46 AM
5

Quite possibly! I always chalked it up to the fact he decided that he didn't like his body and wanted to lose weight - he did this weird switch where he went from him being fat to us being fat and then said our relatioship was responsible for his weight. At the same time though, it was roundabout the time I started telling him he needed to address his mental health issues and for us to address some longstanding issues in our relationship, so maybe there was that instinct at play. I'm not sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:11 AM
11

Thank you!! Yes ugh I weirdly have it in my head that if you put on some makeup, you need to put on ALL the makeup. I think it comes from too much insta and youtube and feeling like everyone is walking round looking flawless all the time (when if I actually stick my head out into the real world, they aren't). But I can do brows, mascara and a bit of lip gloss or lipstick. It's more eyeshadow/liner, blush, foundation, lipliner, highlighter, contouring... those things are SCARY, and I don't know w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 11:29 AM
42

💡Being conventionally beautiful will attract more men that want to have sex with you NOT men who want to love you and be a good partner to you.💡 Thank you. Gd it's so weird. It's like until in my mind, appearance and love are still very linked. Like only the beautiful can expect to be loved. I clearly have more growing and journeying to do because that is NOT a healthy way to think about things. It's true, I have let a lot of the stuff you mention go - including the fun and the pleasure of movem…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 11:20 AM
12

That's nice to hear about how you are waiting for a year after moving on. A lot of my friends are encouraging me to date again - I kind of feel like there is this pressure to get back out there, and it's refreshing to hear that someone else is actually taking the time to do the healing before dating again. I think you need to wait on dating because you have still internalized low self esteem from your scrote X!! You deserve to looks and feel your best and to be treated like a precious treasure. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:49 AM
26

Re: the ex scrote, that comment about your looks was projection and an attempt to devalue you so you'd stick around. Glad he's an ex. Lol. I love how the FDS ladies have all piled on him in these comments! Thanks, it's kind of nice to have others remind me that it's not acceptable behaviour and it gives me a smile as well. Yes. I meet so many beautiful women and so few handsome men! It's wild. I guess you are right in that a lot of other people are in the same boat appearance wise right now. I'm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:41 AM
48

Thanks, especially for sharing your experiences. I like the way you have put it: am I able to date from queen space or not? And I have to say the answer is not, right now, even though I'm starting to get the dating itch. I think I'm going to combine this with what another poster has said, which is working on my habits and my mindset (not so much my body) til I feel a bit more secure in myself. Right now I do feel like I am in a slump place, and maybe I need to take 4-8 weeks longer to make mysel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:31 AM
38

A beautiful woman can be just as insecure as a woman that isn't considered attractive, and she could also have body dysmorphia. This is a good point. One of my friends is literally beautiful - think a Scandinavian model's face on top of a pinup's body. Yet she is recovering from clinically diagnosed body dismorphia and cannot accurately see how exceptional her looks are, or recognise that she is objectively attractive at all. It's so sad, especially when you know about the history of abuse that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:28 AM
28

This is a great perspective. Thank you so much for this lovely and thoughtful comment, and for the sisterhood ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:12 AM
8

Lol. My eyes!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 10:10 AM
33

There have been some posts lately where someone took screenshots of comments on social media that were made toward stunningly looking women about how they have too much of this or too little of that. Yes, it's wild! Scrotes mercilessly tear down women who are the genetic 1% for not being made to their exact specifications. Then you turn the camera on them and... lol. The entitlement is actually jawdropping. I think in some ways, that sort of stuff contributes to my self confidence issues. Like i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 07:32 AM
68

LOL. Good point. No he just went after it and discarded when he was over it! Thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 07:10 AM
28

So on your point about being dragged for actively trying to date, I do feel I've seen a bunch of posts to the effect that men are trash, don't bother with them, it's better to be single etc. Which is totally a fine way to be, if that's what you want! But this is still ultimately a dating sub for women who want to date men, so uh, maybe those posters could go somewhere else if they want drag women for putting themselves out there and trying to find a relationship. This isn't WGTOW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:42 AM
44

Hey, that's a shame. I would have loved to read your post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:35 AM
27

THANK YOU. There was a post recently that I felt came close to blaming women for bad experiences with OLD, because it was apparently against FDS. Meanwhile I listen to the podcast where the hosts explicitly say that's a misconception and it's up to each woman to decide on what works for her in terms of meeting men. I think FDS is really about a) becoming high value yourself, b) learning to vet men and spot red and green flags and b) only allowing men into your life who add value, once you have t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 12:30 AM
27

I don't have to handle 'friends' behaving like that to me, because I don't maintain friendships with people who behave that way. One of the beauties of friendship is that you can curate a selection of friends who add to rather than subtract from your life. If someone is consistently bringing you down - why maintain the friendship? My friends aren't perfect humans and goodness knows I'm not either - but we build each other up, not tear each other down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 01:06 PM
116

Another been there, done that for me. I remember sobbing into my ex's lap about my grandfather's death and then when I looked up my ex was literally playing games on his mobile phone while I cried. I stayed because he 'was a good guy who just hadn't been brought up to know what do with strong emotions'🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:41 AM
349

Yep. Meanwhile he's lying to her about even studying there at all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:23 PM
1045

It actually is a sign of how messed up our society is that a man can literally film himself asking a random woman what size d*ck, in inches, she likes... and people respond by dragging HER, not him. Also, is it just me or does he actually say to her "you're a doctorette?" when she tells him she has a doctorate from UCLA? Like, how sexist and patronising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:12 PM
30

My mum stayed for the children and yeah, DO NOT stay for the children. It's much better that children see healthy adult behaviour and relationships modelled from a range of adults that they are close with than spend their formative years being forced to witness/experience abuse or general toxicity. It's much better that children see that it's ok to leave an abusive or toxic situation, regardless of what the perpetrator of the abuse/toxicity thinks about it. By leaving, you model self-respect and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 09:27 AM
10

I'm late to the party, but my issue was kind of the opposite, in that my ex wanted to see me in unspecific lingerie. Like, he wanted me to magically know what kind of lingerie he found sexy, go out and acquire it at my own expense, and then wear it literally every time we were intimate. And if I got it 'wrong' - that is, if I had not correctly guessed what he would find f*ckable - he wouldn't want to have sex with me! It was so stressful to buy because it was so expensive and I never had any ide…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:51 AM
12

That's actually not how antidepressants work, anyway - anyone who takes meds like that is doing it wrong. As I am sure you would know, you need to take them consistently for at least 3-4 weeks before you will begin to see an effect. Taking them a few days on and off is just subjecting yourself to the initial adjustment side effects with no actual benefit to your mental health. I'm sorry that you went through that with your ex. Mine refused both medication and therapy and decided that I was to bl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 01:08 AM
27

What if he has depression? That one always gives me a chuckle. I've had depression on and off since I was 21, and it runs in my family pretty bad. In the past 4 generations of my family, there has been either a completed or attempted suicide attempt in each generation, usually multiple attempts. Mentioning that usually puts "what about depression" people in their place pretty quick. Anyway, even as someone with depression and a strong family history thereof, I would not date someone with untreat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 11:01 PM
29

I can't even count the number of relationship advice and marriage advice posts where the comments just say "oh maybe your husband has depression, he sounds depressed." Lightbulb moment! When my ex started turning on me (saying I'd ruined his life, constantly angry, slamming doors, insulting my appearance, etc) and I started to open up about it - it's what everyone said. Oh, he's angry?? Maybe he's depressed. Maybe you should just try extra hard to be nice to him about it. Instead of people carin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:47 PM
24

For them, unloading on a woman is their way of "relieving" themselves of their mental issues I love the expression 'relieving themselves' here. I feel like I finally understand why my ex unloading all his baggage on me felt so much like being p*ssed on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 10:40 PM
202

I really agree with this. "You give me a reason to live" is another one I've heard. Beware of men using you as an emotional bandaid for their untreated mental health issues, low self-esteem or sense of social isolation. Even if you bring them happiness at first, in time you won't be able to stem the bleeding and they may rip you off and discard you in favour of the next coping mechanism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 02:17 PM
23

I do not agree with this. It's literally telling women that their responsibility is to do all the work to level up their relationships and bodies, but to be happy with it because it is apparently more "sophisticated and powerful" than being a man. If emotional labor and body vigilance is so damn sophisticated and powerful, then why aren't men clamouring to level themselves up by taking it on? It sounds like the quote is goading women to take up their socially assigned role without complaining ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 11:35 AM
115

The bar is lower than the parental basement that they live in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:28 AM
97

The bar is so low, even the dead sea looks down on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:27 AM
44

The bar is so low you'd need to go on a deep sea exploration mission to find it. The bar is buried so deep inside a polar ice cap that we may only see it once climate change melts the Arctic and Antarctic circles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 02:24 AM
35

Me too. Got the whole "if you trusted me, you'd marry me/have my babies/buy a house with me without needing to talk about it" spiel. Been there, done that, got the t shirt and trust me ladies it is not one that you want to be wearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 12:30 PM
76

And take it from me, if your partner refuses to discuss this stuff with you or makes you feel that you are being 'critical' or 'negative' or 'anxious' for bringing it up - run a f*cking mile, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 09:58 AM
5

Oh totally, I think we don't always choose the perfect words in the heat of the moment and it was clear from all your other messages that you were telling him you didn't tolerate his pornsick and misogynist behavior. What matters is that when push came to shove, you were willing to kick him to the curb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 04:31 AM
11

"It's disgusting that you won't change being a misogynistic person... I want nothing to do with you... Goodbye" I love it. Well done sis 👑 I guarantee you're better off without him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 04:17 AM
11

"Not that difficult". Ok Mr Alpha, then why don't you give it a try and show us how easy it is to be a perfectly f*ckable constantly smiling doormat? Go on, show us girls how it's done, we'll be waiting for your report.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 04:11 AM
2

Yeah. It looks like a lot of us learn the hard way. Sorry for what you've experienced. I guess the good part is that we don't put up with it anymore - some women go their entire lifetime accepting mediocre sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 10:06 AM
15

Yes! It's so transparent in hindsight but when you're young it's easy to miss because all you've known is "be nice" and "give people a chance" with a side of "stop being discriminatory to men". I'm sorry it happened to you, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 09:52 AM
36

Yes, I lost 95% of my male friends when I got into a relationship with my ex. It was a real wake up call because I truly thought those guys were my actual friends. How naive of me. I think the grossest part of it is that it also happened with men who I thought were safe because... they themselves were in relationships! Nope, those guys fell off the face of the earth too once it became clear that my ex and I were serious. I feel sorry for their girlfriends. I no longer seek out friendships with m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:28 AM
25

Yesterday I was waiting for a bus at 9pm at night and a man (who I assume was homeless) came up and started punching the bus shelter and calling it a "sh*t b*tch c**t'. He gave up quickly but it was pretty terrifying especially since he then wandered up and down the street yelling similar comments as he went. I just huddled in a corner to try and stay out of his sight so he didn't think to punch me. There was a homeless guy in my city who walked up to me and asked me out on a date. I said no, as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:15 AM
37

It sounds like your sister is massively projecting. She clearly feels the need to chase crappy men for companionship, which means that she's not secure enough to be content on her own and is scared that she too will 'have no one'. So she looks at you with pity and unwarranted concern, assuming that you're unhappy - because she would be, if that's how her life turned out. And hey, viewing you as the friendless/unhappy one means that she doesn't have to face up to her own fears and insecurities ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 01:48 AM
6

My ex used to sulk if I did anything he didn't like during sex - like if I moved his hand, or asked him to do anything differently. I'm kicking myself too. Live and learn, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 09:56 AM
8

Yeah, no. 9 is maybe the most subtle item on the list. That strange uneasy feeling that he is physically present but in some sense deeply absent - it's a real mindf*ck, and it's easy to dismiss if you're a woman who has been socialised to ignore her feelings like most of us have been. It wasn't until I started reading FDS that I began to understand it was because my ex was trying to reinact what he had seen in porn, rather than being (as you put it so well) "vulnerable, present and truly intimat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 04:00 AM
12

Yes. Another red flag would be a guy who is rich, but a total cheapskate - my ex had upwards of $500k in the bank and made six figures, but he rarely bought me gifts and if he did they were things like cheap thrift store jewellery and $15 flowers from the grocery store. You're gonna have a bad time with that guy. Edit: have changed 'supermarket' to 'grocery store' for you US folks :P
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 03:47 AM
39

Ugh ugh ugh ugh. I'm angry on your behalf, on both counts. I'm betting the first guy wasn't shaving himself every day and the second guy wasn't exactly a replacement for a vibrator either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:54 PM
39

It's perfectly reasonable to end things if they are unable to bring you to climax and uninterested in learning how. Ladies never fake an orgasm instead tell them how and what you want and desire and see if they work on getting you there. A disinterested partner is the death of a million relationships. It shows a callous disregard your sexual needs and your need for intimacy while the man gets his and is happy. Yes. This. And the best men will ask what you want and desire, because they actually w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:50 PM
21

Oh, that's a good one, thank you for suggesting. I should have been clearer in my original post, but this list is actually just a description of my ex's sexual behavior... while he was actually ALL of the things on the list, by no means do you need all the things for a man to be porn sick or a terrible lover! I was just an epic 🤡 who put up with more than any sane woman would. I honestly think each of these things is a major red flag - probably worth ending things over, and definitely worth givi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 01:56 PM
29

Oh I totally agree. It's more than ok to have preferences but it's an individual thing and there can be a range of what will work and what won't. Bigger is better for some women, and for others (like me) it isn't. I can't say it better than this post on the FDS website so I will be lazy and just quote it: That's not to say that bigger is automatically better... So the good news for men here is that penis preferences can go in either direction. It varies what the optimal dick size and shape is fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 12:34 PM
31

Yuck. So he was really trying to pleasure his own ego, not you. Sorry you had that experience. Based on my experience with my ex, I'm beginning to think a lot can be learned from reading between the lines of what a man's ex gfs have said about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 11:13 AM
64

Yes, it's important to know not every dude out there is going to have a peen that does it for you and it's ok to insist on one that you like. Re: orgasm - definitely agree - I meant to include "he thinks sex is over once he's cum, regardless of whether you have an orgasm" in my list of red flags and just forgot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 09:17 AM
58

That's a good one, thank you for suggesting. My own experience was with someone whose MO was to withold all sex that wasn't 100% on his own douchey terms, but you are completely right. Punishing someone for not wanting to have sex and being indifferent to a woman's wellbeing to the point where he didn't care that you were literally in pain are giant dick moves. Sorry you experienced that, what a scrote. Edit: wow, and he cheated on you too. What an epic scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 08:26 AM
23

Totally. I can remember a time when I really aspired to a relationship, too - and I would still like to be in one again, though I have a radically different perspective on them now than I did at 25. There is so much luck involved in mate selection. It would be nice to believe that, if you just did X Y and Z, you could be guaranteed that the man you liked was going to treat you well for the rest of ever. And while you can increase your chances of finding a decent man by applying FDS principles an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 07:13 AM
118

I feel a lot of compassion for this woman. It's so natural to want a relationship, and yet I just want to sit her down and say sweetheart... you're putting relationships on a pedestal in a way that isn't deserved. She seems to have such an idealized picture of what it's like to be with someone. I have been the woman on the plane holding hands with her boyfriend the whole time. And yeah, it was nice to have someone to travel with, definitely, it was nice to always have someone to go out to dinner…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 04:34 AM
8

Yes. It's like a subtler version of the olden days where men's career advice was about how to win a promotion while women's was about how to dress for the office. I think part of it just reflects that women are still grappling with so much bullsh*t in their working lives and being taken for granted and disrespected that it's relevant and necessary information for women. While men can focus on getting ahead and achieving their goals because they aren't having to contend with the patriarchy litera…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 11:07 AM
67

This is incredible advice. Damn, I wish someone had sat me down and said this before I got into a relationship with my ex. When we started dating, I made it clear that there was a dealbreaker for me: I wanted to move to a particular city for 1-2 years, and my expectation was that he came with me or that we ended the relationship. Of course he said he'd be on board and happy to make this compromise for me, because he knew that he'd lose me otherwise. But then, every time I actually tried to progr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:53 AM
3

Thank you for this comment. I had a similar experience with my ex - not a narc, but a pretty hardcore avoidant. He also did the whole “Do you want to break up?” “I don’t know” thing, which I found pretty ridiculous - if you've been with someone for 9 years and now you 'don't know' if you want to be with them or not, you've got problems, buddy. In a way I'm so triggered by "I don't know" now that even just reading your post brought up a lot of stuff for me. I think it's true what you say - people…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:07 PM
4

You know what? If I was with a hardworking but low income guy who treated me like a queen and all he could afford was a $1500 ring, I would wear it with pride. If $1500 was him saving up and busting his butt to buy me the prettiest thing he could, that would be ok with me. But this guy isn't poor - he's cheap. He's got the money and he just doesn't want to spend it on her because he doesn't agree with what she wants. And he was happy to use her to get where he is, and give nothing in return. And…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 02:18 AM
85

I'm a nerd, so lots of sci fi references. Katherine Janeway and B'Elanna Torres from Star Trek: Voyager. Kira Nerys and Kasidy Yates from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Maybe also Jadzia Dax. Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica. Zoe Washburne from Firefly, perhaps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 09:38 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter