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black65Cutlass Archive

View 0 posts and 209 comments by black65Cutlass on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

I think about all the shitty, vile things my ex-wife said and did while we were married. Good riddance to her, if she is doing them to someone else, I feel sorry for him. Honestly, I don't think about my ex much, when I do it only reinforces that my divorce was the best decision I made in a LONG time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 01:36 PM
4

Good for you, she is thriving on your reactions. Don't give her anything. Ignore her, even if she speaks directly to you, just act like she isn't even there. I wish you all the luck in the world, you have the strength.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:40 PM
12

I passed over the good women and married the batshit crazy one. Glad I divorced her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 01:21 PM
1

My moment was when my ex-wife refused to meet me at the emergency room when I had a possibly life-threatening health issue.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 01:00 PM
5

I would tell them "tough shit, not my problem" if I were you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 03:47 PM
1

You are not trapped. You may want to seek some therapy or counseling to address the fact that you feel like you cannot leave. You absolutely can leave, choose yourself instead of her, she is doing you no favors.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 02:44 PM
2

I am sorry that yours is being difficult. I was lucky and we never had any children together, that would have been a nightmare for me and the child. I wish you luck in your divorce, life is better once you are free of them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 07:50 PM
3

I did have success but mine wanted out and actually filed first. It was a no-fault divorce; we were only married 4 years. I was exceedingly nice to her during the divorce to avoid her having any meltdowns. I paid her more than I was required from the equity in the house just to make her go away and get her out of my life as soon as possible. What I spent on paying her off to leave was less than what it would have cost to have her drag it out and pay all the attorney's fees. Once everything was f…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 02:16 PM
18

When she refused to meet me at the emergency room when I had a possibly life-threatening illness. Told me all I needed to know.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 01:16 PM
1

My wedding band is sitting in a drawer in a toolbox. Has been sitting there for 3 years since the divorce. It cost around $800 (titanium) I think, probably isn't worth shit now, used wedding jewelry isn't usually. I don't have any plans for it, I honestly hadn't thought of it in a long time until I saw this post. She kept her $6k ring, which is fine, I kept the $4k watch she bought me for the engagement. I do like the watch.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 01:51 PM
5

When she refused to go to the emergency room with me for a possibly life-threatening illness. That is when I truly knew she didn't give a shit what happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 07:56 PM
5

Don't do it. Just move on, it is over.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 01:58 PM
6

Do you really want to stay in a marriage where your wife scratches and claws at you? Seriously, think about that statement long and hard.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:50 PM
1

This is true. When I was married, I stayed for the "or worse", she had BPD and I was going to try and help her, stayed through a lot of shit. She had only planned on the "for better" part of that equation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:49 PM
1

The mortgage is 3X my annual income, but I was making the payments all along and the payment was the same after refinancing so that didn't change much.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 12:58 PM
1

The loan to buy her out of the equity in the house was about 30% of my annual income. It wasn't horrible, but not an expense I had really planned on. Luckily, I was able to refinance the house right before rates went up in January of 2022 so I still have a decent interest rate.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 12:50 PM
1

I was worried about the financial implications of the divorce at the time. I had to buy my ex-wife out of the mortgage and the house had appreciated about 30% in the 5 years we owned it, so I had to take out a loan to buy her out. But I am doing ok afterwards, life is getting better. I wish you well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 01:54 PM
1

I divorced at 55, the marriage was bad enough that I didn't care, I had to get out. If you truly want out, you can find a way.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 01:42 PM
6

My ex-wife's birthday happened while we were separated and going through the divorce. I didn't acknowledge it, I ignored it. Who cares?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 07:04 PM
1

Go through with it, would you really want to stay married to someone that did all this as some sort of "cry for attention"? Screw that, divorce her, your life will be better off without her and her games.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 06:43 PM
2

I wouldn't volunteer the information, but I wouldn't hide it either. If someone asks, I would be honest with them. Consequences for the reason your wife left the marriage are on her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 02:06 PM
2

Hell no, my ex-wife was on hook-up apps looking to cheat, the other guys had nothing to do with it, who knows what kind of bullshit story she told them. It was all her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 02:31 PM
1

I did not confront her. I found out after the divorce was final from a mutual friend that she was hooking up with guys from the internet most of the last year of our marriage. It stung a bit, but I am out, and my life is better without her. She is her own worst enemy and deserves everything she brings on herself. I haven't spoken to her since the divorce and don't care too. My divorce was my closure.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 04:16 PM
7

Don't do it. Don't even consider it. My ex-wife was suspected BPD, and we were only married 4 years, but she did a LOT of damage to me. If you can get out, stay out.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 04:06 PM
3

My ex-wife "therapist shopped" until she found one that wouldn't dig too deep and that would tell her what she wanted to hear. That way she looked like she was getting help but didn't actually have to take responsibility for anything or do any of the work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:52 PM
3

It sounds like she has some mental health issues, and those are hard to overcome if they are not getting help. My ex-wife had a lot of mental health issues that I was not aware of until after we married. She claimed it was just depression and anxiety, but I believe there was a lot more going on. You can't carry a marriage by yourself, I tried for 4 years. If they were not fully there, or even trying, it wasn't your fault it failed. I am sorry you are going through this; it is hard, I have been t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:45 PM
1

I let her keep it, she had gotten me a really nice watch when I got her the engagement ring. She actually asked for the watch back, but it was a gift, and I kept it. The ring wouldn't be worth much used so I wasn't worried about that, the watch will retain much of its value, so I didn't get screwed on that deal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:35 PM
6

How about nothing? That will speak quite loudly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 01:46 PM
13

I don't think you are an asshole for saying that. I have not spoken to my ex-wife since about 2 months after the divorce was final. I stayed in contact to get all the financial stuff handled, screw her after that. I have no desire to ever talk to her again. During the divorce she kept saying "we will be great friends after the divorce". I just nodded and smiled to keep things amicable during the divorce, knowing full well I didn't ever plan to see her again. It has been 2 and a half years since …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 03:52 PM
4

I would call bullshit on her "fixing her own problems" after 3 therapy sessions. It does indeed sound like she has checked out. Sounds more like roommates and not particularly friendly ones. I wouldn't blame you for pulling the plug, that doesn't sound like a good marriage, and I think you deserve more.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:17 PM
6

Yes, my ex-wife documented everything I ever did wrong, or she perceived as wrong in her head. She would usually bring them up when she had been drinking. She never forgot or forgave ANYTHING.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 03:55 PM
4

Would Christmas really be that much better with things the way they are?? I seriously doubt it. Just go ahead with it and get it over. The sooner it is over, the sooner you can get on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 01:31 PM
1

My divorce was finalized ON my 4th wedding anniversary. I did not mention it or really say anything to my ex-wife at all when we were in court that day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 02:35 PM
4

When my ex-wife wouldn't come to the emergency room when I had a possible life-threatening illness. She only worked about 2 miles from the hospital. She wouldn't leave work to come there, and she wouldn't come after work. Claimed she had an eyelash appt that she didn't want to cancel. That was the point when I realized that she would never, ever be as supportive of me as I had been to her during our 4-year marriage. It was a tough realization.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 01:52 PM
1

No, I can't even imagine an argument that would make me stay married in that situation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 01:28 PM
2

Absolutely, the constant chaos and drama keeps you off balance. It was so exhausting. You can't even enjoy the rare, good times because you are always on the lookout for the explosion that you know is coming sooner or later.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 04:30 PM
6

Yes, but my ex-wife most likely suffered from BPD and the whole marriage was a horrible experience.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:58 PM
3

I would ignore and not respond to ANYTHING that is not related to your daughters or parenting. Maybe she will lose interest in baiting you if you totally ignore all those comments. Don't even react to them, just act like you didn't hear it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 01:16 PM
3

I divorced my now ex-wife. She had a real problem with alcohol, and was also mentally ill, a really bad combination.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 01:09 PM
2

It will only last long enough to keep you on the hook, it is not permanent change. Especially with BPD, that takes years of therapy to control the symptoms, it never goes away. My ex-wife was likely BPD, never diagnosed because SHE never thought she had a problem. Get out now, you will only prolong the problem by staying and thinking that she has changed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 07:47 PM
5

Don't trust her at her word, over the course of your marriage she has shown you who she really is. Trust your experience, not her words. These miraculous changes are not real.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 07:10 PM
3

I don't do much with social media, but I did clean it out. Unfriended ex and her family, untagged myself from group photos so I don't see them. I have even deleted all photos I have of my ex or her family.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 12:17 PM
2

I stopped wearing mine after she filed the divorce papers. Took it off immediately, never looked back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:02 PM
2

I didn't give a shit; they were on her side before and during the divorce. I am sure she was painting me as evil to them and I never heard anything from them during the divorce, so they obviously didn't give a shit about me either. Good riddance to the whole family.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 12:33 PM
2

I didn't want it. She kept her ring; I kept the watch that she gave me. The ring is now worth about 15-20% of its original cost. My higher end watch has not lost nearly as much value. I got the better end of that stick.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:53 PM
10

Nope, my ex was most likely borderline personality as well as her youngest son. My life was miserable married to her. If I could go back and NOT date/marry her I would in a second.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:49 PM
1

It probably would have been true if my ex-wife had stuck with a job and not spent her money and my money like a lunatic. I am better off now without her, saving more money. She was all about spending it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:54 PM
2

I hope you are seeing a therapist after that relationship. My ex-wife was most likely BPD and that 4-year marriage was the worst experience of my entire life. Therapy has helped a lot. I am 2 years out from the divorce being final and I am feeling much better. I have been working on my own problems that led me to putting up with the abuse for 4 years. It does get better, but I would definitely recommend therapy to put it all in perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 01:36 PM
5

My ex-wife did the same shit when we were married. I put everything into the joint account, she had everything deposited in her own account and would occasionally transfer some money. I ended up paying most of the "joint" bills myself, mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc... She was too busy spending her money on bullshit from Amazon. I will never, ever combine finances with someone again, it was a scam.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:42 PM
3

I have it all in a box, wedding pictures, cards, notes, the receipt/appraisal for her engagement ring, anything with her name on it. I plan on having a bonfire in the firepit with all of it and anything else she left behind. I have been really busy, and I have not had time to do it, but I am going to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:28 PM
2

At first, I was seeing my counselor for things going on during the marriage. Then it was talking to the counselor about divorcing. The divorce brought up a lot of shit about my screwed up relationship with my parents that I have been working on now post-divorce. I really want to avoid another bad relationship so I am working on me, so I can see red flags and also so I can communicate effectively and prevent a lot of the things that happened in my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:30 PM
2

I too recommend counseling. I have been figuring out a lot of things about myself from my marriage and before that I wasn't even aware of until the divorce reared its ugly head.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:08 PM
8

It has been 2 years since my divorce was final and I still am not dating. I want to figure my own shit out before I try and get into another relationship. Give it time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 11:55 AM
5

I regret ever meeting, dating and marrying my ex-wife. She had undisclosed (in denial about) mental health issues and the 4 years we were married were hell.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:27 PM
3

I agree with it. I have no use for my ex-wife. I stopped communicating with her after all the financial stuff was completed after the divorce was final. Changed my phone number, don't care what happens to her, she deserves whatever bad things she brings upon herself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:01 PM
2

I am doing ok. 58 and divorced for 2 years. I have just my parents as family anymore. I have rekindled a few friendships that withered during the 4 years we were married. I have a pretty close work friend that I do things with as well. Living alone with my cat. I do stuff on the weekends with either friends or my parents. It is a quiet life but so much better than when I was married to my lunatic ex-wife. I go to the gym 5 or 6 days a week after work. I have some hobbies that keep me busy when I…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 02:13 PM
8

Let me guess, Borderline Personality? If I guessed right, the behaviors will continue. There is no guarantee that therapy will help. My ex-wife had BPD and our 4 year marriage was a nightmare. I would get out now, not wait for it to get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 02:02 PM
3

That is VERY controlling behavior, especially since she couldn't even have a conversation with you about it. I think that would have been a miserable marriage (at least to me). I wish you well going forward, I don't know that you will get any "closure" or understanding without her being forthright about her reasoning for it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 01:51 PM
1

I agree, I believe she had borderline personality disorder, it was a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 01:23 PM
1

I was separated from my ex-wife, her birthday occurred during the separation. I did NOT wish her a happy birthday. I am completely no contact with my ex-wife, even changed my phone number after the divorce was final. She was abusive and she can go to hell.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 12:54 PM
2

I would NOT let her keep the house if she cannot afford to buy you out. If you don't want it, it should be sold and split the proceeds. I am 58 and just divorced 2 years ago. Mine was pretty simple, she didn't want it, so I just bought her out. We were only married 4 years, no kids together, so no alimony or child support. We each took what we brought when we divorced. I don't really want to live here either, but I got a good rate on the refi just before the market went crazy. I am waiting for t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 12:13 PM
3

I took it off the day she moved out, I was actually done 4 months before we separated when she was arrested for DUI.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 11:46 AM
1

If it has only been 6 years, do it now. It will be much less damaging than doing it after 20. I was married to my (likely) BPD ex-wife for 4 years. Luckily, I didn't have any children with her. It did cost me splitting the equity in the house (I bought her out), but no alimony and my 401k wasn't touched. She just wanted to go live her impulsive, destructive life. More power to her. I was slightly generous with the house buyout. I wanted to keep her calm so there would be no meltdowns during the …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 12:49 PM
2

I am really sorry you are going through this. I was married to a very likely BPD woman. She was manipulative, emotionally and psychologically abusive and an alcoholic. Luckily, I was only married to her for 4 years, I can't imagine living through that for 20. I didn't have any children with my ex-wife, so my divorce was a lot less complicated. It does get better on the other side though, please believe that. Stay strong for your kids but please keep practicing self care, prioritize yourself and …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 12:52 PM
2

I would tell her you don't want to know anything about her life now that you are divorcing. I even told mutual friends that are still mutual that I don't want them talking to my ex about me and I don't want them telling me about my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 11:20 AM
0

I bought my ex-wife out of her share of the equity. We were only married 4 years (no alimony) and no children between us (no child support). I refinanced the house JUST (mortgage was in my name only) before the rates went up, so I still have a good rate on the mortgage. She did have to sign at the closing because she was on the deed. Got the quit claim from her when I paid her the equity payment. Worked out ok. I don't want to live here forever but finding another house in the shit real estate m…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:42 AM
2

If it is any consolation to you, they are worth about 25% or less of the original value when you bought it if you want to sell it. Not really much point in making a big deal of it, you won't recoup much if any of the money spent on it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:01 PM
5

I got a promotion after the divorce and I am not paying for all the stupid shit she was always buying so I would say yes. I am doing better living by myself than I did while married.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:35 PM
1

I am sorry that you had kids with yours and have to maintain some sort of contact with her, I was lucky that we didn't have any. She had 2 kids from her previous marriage, and the younger one was well on his way to being just like his mom. He was hospitalized 5 times in 3 years in-patient for his mental health. Her kids were exhausting as well, I couldn't tell you how many times the police were called to our house due to his threats of suicide or refusing to take his meds. I was also lucky that …
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 02:52 PM
8

My ex-wife with suspected BPD couldn't keep a job very long, she always had these conspiracy theories in her head that everyone was against her or didn't like her at jobs. She had 5 different jobs in the 4 years we were married. She was very impulsive, especially her spending. Shopped on Amazon like crazy, like 2 or 3 deliveries a day crazy. She had a drinking problem, which was when the monster would come out. She would say that her psychiatrist said she could drink socially on her meds, but sh…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 01:49 PM
2

I am glad you got out. I divorced my ex-wife (with possible borderline) 2 years ago. Marrying her was the worst mistake of my life, we were married 4 years. Good luck to you, it only gets better after that mess.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 11:57 AM
6

I would suggest just not responding to it. Discuss only things that pertain to the kids. Yes/no answers. Ignore anything else that is brought up, just act like she never said it. Maybe it will die down if you quit arguing with her and feeding it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:44 PM
2

Just don't get married, that is all you need to do.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 12:39 PM
6

I would NEVER date another woman that has children at home, EVER. My ex-wife had teenaged sons, she was a shitty parent and later a shitty wife. DON'T DO IT! It will not end well. If their kids were grown adults with their own homes/lives I might think about it but being a stepparent sucks beyond belief.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 12:13 PM
-1

This is simply not true. There is no way too high of an octane rating will damage an engine. Higher octane prevents pre-ignition.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 02:47 PM
5

I am 2 years post-divorce and still have not begun dating yet. I am seeing my therapist about once a month and working on myself. I feel pretty good. I was in an abusive marriage (ex-wife has BPD) and that really took a toll. You have to work through all those feelings and resentments. I am still angry at my ex-wife for her behavior but will never speak to her or see her again. If you haven't thought of it, you might try therapy, it works for me to discuss all these things with a professional th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 12:23 PM
3

I couldn't do it. My ex-wife was my best friend when I married her. I didn't know about her mental health issues or that she would end up being abusive. It is amazing how little you really know about someone until you actually live with them long term. She can go to hell now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:23 PM
1

Why subject yourself to that? Just unfriend her and her family and be done with it. You didn't mention kids, that would be the only reason to have any contact with her. If no kids, just rip the band-aid off. You don't want to talk to her now, why would you want to later?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 01:24 PM
2

Yeah, I had been thinking about it a little, there were problems, but I had not decided on it until a few months before we separated when my ex-wife was arrested for DUI. I absolutely could not stay married to someone that irresponsible.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:44 PM
2

The card was given before there were any thoughts of divorce (on my part), I was sincere in giving her the card on our 3rd anniversary. She was sincere in thinking we would be divorced in a year (although there had been no mention of divorce). Apparently she had already made up her mind back then and I was unaware.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:36 PM
2

Yeah, it I thought it was kind of ironic. Another fun fact, on the previous anniversary (number 3) I gave the wife a card that said something to the effect of "looking forward to many more" (anniversaries). When she read the card, she rolled her eyes and said to me with a straight face "we probably won't make it to number 4". Damned if we weren't divorced ON our 4th anniversary. You can't make this shit up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:32 PM
2

That is just weird. My divorce was final on the exact date of our wedding anniversary and there was no "happy anniversary" anywhere in sight.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:21 PM
1

I am sorry she treated you like that, sounds a bit like my ex-wife. I hope you are divorcing her or already divorced, you didn't say in your post. I suspected (and my therapist did as well) my ex-wife of having Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know if you are familiar with it, maybe read about it and see if any of the symptoms fit your situation. Divorcing my ex-wife was the best decision I made, marrying her was the worst. She was emotionally and psychologically abusive and was also a s…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:46 PM
2

Just leave, you aren't happy, you aren't going to be happy. What more reason do you need?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 01:37 PM
3

Not even a little bit. My ex-wife deserves every bad thing in her life that she brings on herself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 02:46 PM
6

I would report it if it were me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 02:10 PM
1

I would say you need a divorce. I was in a similar situation but was only married for 4 years. I am not sure how you made it 23 years; I was miserable pretty much after the first year. I wish you luck, life is so much better now for me that I am not dealing with the drinking and mental health issues and drama. It does get better on the outside.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 02:08 PM
1

Yes, I get it. You are doing the right thing with the single word responses, yes and no. Not engaging in conversations. I would ignore the ambush, it is her shit to deal with, don't let her draw you into it. Don't let it get to you and just stay the course. You can do this!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 01:32 PM
3

My panic attacks left with her, nothing since the separation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:16 PM
7

Does it really matter? If you have kids, focus on them, who cares what your ex-wife does.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:14 PM
5

Absolutely I would divorce them, that is not something that one person decides for the other.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 01:57 PM
2

After having been cheated on I would not. It is your decision, if you think the relationship can be repaired. I definitely wouldn't if she is still talking to him, that would be a deal breaker. I wouldn't think she is taking it seriously if she is still communicating with him.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 01:54 PM
2

The sad part was, when we first married her family seemed really nice. Her dad was always nice, but I suspect that my ex's mom has some mental health issues similar to my ex-wife. Her mom was always right there to agree with my ex when she was complaining or criticizing me, adding fuel to the fire. By the time we divorced I am sure that between my ex and her mom, I was a total bastard. Her dad disappointed me as he would just fall in line with her mom, even though I think he was a decent guy, he…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:46 PM
7

I divorced them at the same time I divorced my ex-wife. I know my ex-MIL was always in my ex-wife's ear stirring shit up. I don't need a relationship with any of them.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:24 PM
6

All the good things you describe from your marriage you can do with just about anyone, without the police state home life. Is this really what you want your life to be like. There are always possibilities to start over and have a good life. I divorced 2 years ago at 56 and I am working on myself now but there are still many years left that I expect to spend happy. Choose yourself, you don't sound happy, just complacent.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 12:55 PM
3

Sounds a lot like my ex-wife, who both I and my therapist suspected was BPD. It was a miserable life when I was married to her. If she isn't getting treatment (or the correct treatment) it will only get worse. My ex-wife was undiagnosed and untreated and oblivious to the fact that she had ANY issues. I was always to blame for everything. If you can't get her to commit to treatment, I wouldn't stay in the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/24 02:13 PM
9

Nice that you have single friends. All my friends are married and involved with their families or children. I don't blame them, they have their lives to live, but that makes it harder for me to get out and do things. Going out by myself is boring and really not that much fun.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 12:32 PM
11

I doubt it. We were only married a few years. She is in her mid-forties, and she has some mental health issues and is her own worst enemy. I am better off after the divorce; I don't have to be around her, and my life is peaceful. She is stuck with herself, and the drama and chaos that follows her everywhere. I am sure she is chasing her next future ex-husband; she already has 4 divorces under her belt.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:30 PM
4

Good for you standing up for yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:06 PM
6

I am 2 years out of my marriage, I haven't forgiven her. She was cheating for most of the last year we were married, I found out from a mutual friend after the divorce was final. Even though the divorce was already final, I got angry. Knowing that she was lying to me all that time bothered me. She also said and did a lot of hurtful and abusive things while we were married. I haven't forgiven her for those either. I think I will eventually, but it will take time. I thought I would have been over …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 01:55 PM
8

I have started removing people like this from my life. I thought they were great, close friends that I could depend on. Not so much. When I changed my phone number, there were quite a few people that did not get the new number. It sucks to come to this realization but is it so true. I have VERY few people that I actually consider friends anymore, and my divorce just highlighted the people that I cannot rely on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:46 PM
6

It is scary when they drop the mask completely and are unrecognizable as the person you originally married. Same happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:49 PM
6

Hell no, I wasn't having sex with her for last 8 months of the marriage before we separated. Good riddance to her, I feel bad for anyone that gets mixed up with her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:52 PM
5

Ultimately it is seen as a gift and return is not required. My ex-wife had bought me a very expensive watch for our engagement. When we were divorcing she demanded the watch back. I told her that if she returned the ring, I would give her the watch back. The ring cost more than the watch (when new). I guess she reconsidered as it was never mentioned again. Jokes on her as the resale on diamond rings sucks, but the watch retains its value. The watch is now worth more than she could possibly get f…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:37 PM
3

Honestly, our divorce was final almost 2 years ago and I still hate her. She was a liar and serial cheater. I am glad to be rid of her and her insane spending habits, but she deserves every bad thing that happens to her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 03:00 PM
2

I suspected my ex-wife of suffering from borderline personality disorder. When I was describing some of the absolutely insane shit she would do to me and then turn around and blame me for, one friend just said "yeah, women are crazy". That was all he said. Needless to say, I didn't discuss my divorce with him anymore. I don't think most of my "friends" would have even believed the shit that happened in my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:44 PM
2

I have some close female friends that were good to talk to. I also recommend therapy, it helps. I was disappointed that my male friends didn't or wouldn't step up when I needed them. Especially one that leaned on me during and after his own divorce, that kind of stung. I guess they show you how important you are in their lives one way or another. I have stopped contacting some of my "friends" because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:17 PM
3

Take care of yourself. You do not "owe" her anything. I can just about guarantee she would not extend you the same courtesy if roles were reversed. Think about that, it is a one-way street. She is an adult and can figure her own shit out.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:11 PM
9

No relationship with any of the in-laws post-divorce. I am sure she was shit-talking me to all of them anyways so no great loss. We had a couple of mutual friends. One is still friends with both of us, I told her "I don't want you telling me about her, and I don't want you telling her about me", and she has been pretty good about that. Another was actually closer friends with my ex-wife, but after seeing my ex's cheating, lying and generally bad behavior at the end of the marriage that person is…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 02:05 PM
2

Plus, with my ex-wife and her kids gone, nothing gets as dirty or cluttered and the cleaning is so much easier!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 02:24 PM
1

He is not to really to blame for the affair. You have no idea what she told him. He may have thought she was single. If your wife had not cheated it would not be an issue. She was obviously OK with cheating; I honestly would not worry about him. She is your problem, not him.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 11:40 PM
14

I wouldn't even give my ex-wife the time of day. Have been no-contact for almost 2 years. She was abusive and manipulative, and I don't care to ever talk to or see her again. Removed all forms of contact, even changed my phone number. She can go to hell. Good for you for not letting her get under your skin and dismissing her attempts at more contact. Glad you are doing well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:59 PM
4

Honestly I was over it before the divorce was final. She had been acting like she was single for almost the entire last year of the marriage. I did my healing at the end of the marriage. I was just glad she was someone else's problem now. You need to focus on the abusive and manipulative part, she will now be giving that gift to someone else. That is a win for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:18 PM
2

Not unreasonable at all. Decisions like that to open a relationship have to be made by BOTH parties. If you go along with it just to appease her, it will build resentment and I believe ultimately end the marriage. If you don't want that you are not being unreasonable, you are not obligated to go along with her every whim simply because she is being "honest". Either she wants to be married to you or she doesn't, it doesn't work both ways.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 02:07 PM
5

I think your anger is misplaced. Your ex is the one that betrayed you, he was just who she did it with.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 02:01 PM
3

I totally sympathize with you. My ex-wife was undiagnosed BPD (suggested by my therapist) and had substance abuse issues, was serial cheating at the end of the marriage and cost me over $100k during a 4-year marriage. Unfortunately, they believe every single thing they feel is the truth, no matter how destructive or outlandish. I believe my ex-wife will continue on her path of destruction and chaos no matter what, full speed ahead. She had no consideration for her own children, luckily I never h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 01:55 PM
2

I get it. I had what I thought was a couple of really close friends. One of them I was the one to help him get through his own divorce. Went out for drinks with him, listened to him spill his guts about his divorce. Helped him work on his car. Was just generally there for him. When I was going through my divorce, not a peep. I let him know I was getting divorced and after than it was like I had the plague. Most of my other "friends" were the same way. Not sure I really have any friends anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 03:27 PM
5

I wouldn't tolerate it for long, you have for far too long.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:55 PM
2

Yeah, I had legal insurance (offered through my workplace) and the attorney cost me zero. Settling the equity in the house on the other hand...
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 07:37 PM
3

About 30k in the divorce. Over 100k over the course of the 4-year marriage (she liked to spend money).
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 07:35 PM
10

I would follow through with the divorce. My ex-wife was very likely undiagnosed BPD, very impulsive and near the end was serial cheating, meeting strangers for sex from the internet. If the marriage has gotten worse over 15 years it will likely not get better any time soon if she isn't working on herself. Even if she is, you won't likely see much improvement for a long time. Don't engage in emotional discussions. Keep things matter of fact. Only respond with basic answers if you must engage, fac…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:15 PM
3

Thank you. I ended up changing my cell phone number, not specifically because of her, but it made her contacting me less likely. She removed me from her friends list on Facebook when she moved out, that is really the only social media that we were connected on. I don't check her pages. We work for the same company at different locations, she did try to contact me through Microsoft Teams through work. That is funny. She tried to message me and "thank" me for all that I did for her and her sons. I…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 03:55 PM
3

Nope, she threw it away and was serial cheating for at least part of the last year of marriage. I don't care if I ever talk to her again. Have been no contact for 18 months. We were close friends before and during most of the marriage, her loss.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 02:31 PM
1

I had no luck getting much support from many of my friends when going through my divorce. One of them I had supported during his divorce, going out with him and listening to him talk about it A LOT. I was kind of surprised by that one, but I guess he wasn't as close a friend as I thought so I don't really talk to him anymore. I suspected my ex-wife had borderline personality disorder. There was another trusted friend that I tried to talk to about the situation. He kind of blew me off by saying, …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 05:06 PM
6

Merry Christmas to you as well. I get it. My ex-wife left me her cat and took her dog. I was surprised because she had the cat first but whatever, she is a good cat and I enjoy having her. The cat would have been miserable with the ex anyways, the cat hated the dog and always had to hide from the dog. Ex-wife didn't care, it was all about the dog. I will be visiting my parent's briefly (kind of a hit and miss relationship there) and then probably watching old movies with the cat. I wish you well…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:43 PM
3

I like my female therapist. She was the one that pointed out my ex-wife was abusive. She plays no favorites.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 04:45 PM
3

After my ex-wife moved out when we separated. I changed ALL the passwords to ALL the accounts. I didn't want any freeloading by her or her kids on stuff I was paying for.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 01:47 PM
2

I totally get it, my ex-wife (divorced 18 months) had some mental health challenges and was pretty emotionally and psychologically abusive. To be honest, I have not even started dating again. I am working on myself to try and prevent ending up in another relationship like my marriage was. Good luck to you, time and no-contact do help.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:41 PM
2

Remember the abusive, controlling and miserable parts and then don't meet up with her. I wouldn't even entertain the thought. She showed you who she really was.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:15 PM
2

I guess tough shit for her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:12 PM
2

The peace and calm are the best things. She had some mental health issues, as well as her 2 teen sons and it was just a constant flow of drama and emergencies. I couldn't tell you how many times the police had been to my house while we were married due to either son having suicidal ideations or refusing to take their meds. A clean house is nice as well, she did zero housework and I got so tired of her kids not picking up after themselves as well.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:06 PM
2

It is interesting, my ex-wife and I used to do this as well. She actually got me to watch some shows that I would never have watched. I do still watch a couple of the shows that we watched together. Sometimes it reminds me of when we used to watch them together, but not constantly, more of a momentary thought that I dismiss. It took me a while to be able to do it after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 03:55 PM
1

The first one she recommended was "Stop Walking on Eggshells". I saw so many similarities to my then-wife's behaviors in that one. Another really good book I read was "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist." Good luck with it, being married to my ex-wife was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 01:07 PM
1

I just can't have that happy jacky attitude about my ex-wife after all the emotional and psychological abuse I endured during the marriage. She sucked every ounce of happiness out of our marriage. I know she will continue to destroy everything she touches; she has not learned anything. I pity the next poor bastard that dates or marries her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 02:24 PM
1

I am sure that my ex-wife shit talked me to everyone. I don't care, I will never see any of her family again and really don't give a shit what they think. I care even less what total strangers I will never meet think of me. I know what really happened, I have told mutual friends of mine and my ex-wife that she cheated. I have nothing to hide.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 02:20 PM
2

I have no problem talking about it. I tell friends the shitty things my ex-wife did. Why would I be ashamed of them, I wasn't the one doing them. I tell people she cheated, I have told mutual friends of myself and ex-wife. If she didn't want people to know, she shouldn't have done it. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 01:58 PM
5

I told them the truth, I wasn't going to sugar coat my ex-wife's behavior. I had no problem telling them, don't want people to know you did something embarrassing? I guess you should have thought about that before you did it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 12:48 PM
2

My ex-wife and I were friends and co-workers for 7 years before we dated and married. I had no reason to believe she was THAT different behind closed doors. I suspected borderline personality disorder after reading some books my therapist recommended after hearing about her behaviors and a lot of online research (thinking I could help her). I had never heard of it before and quite frankly was not prepared for her emotional dysregulation. Life was constant chaos and drama, every little thing, eve…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:56 AM
1

Absolutely! I was married to her for 4-years. She was absolutely not the person that I thought I was marrying. She ended up having a lot of mental health issues that were not disclosed before we got married. She even denied having these issues when she found out I was researching them (even though she had a suicide attempt and was in-patient in a mental health facility shortly after our wedding). My marriage was one huge mistake. Lesson learned.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 03:40 PM
2

I understand where you are at. I divorced my undiagnosed (and most likely) Borderline ex-wife about 18 months ago. The instantaneous changes in mood and demeanor are frightening. Luckily, I didn't have any children with mine, she had children with her previous husband, and she was well on her way to fucking them up mentally. I wish you luck, my divorce went pretty smoothly. I just made sure I was extra nice to her during the divorce so she wouldn't split and drag her feet. She thought me being n…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 02:52 PM
14

I stopped considering my ex-wife's feelings and needs when she was serial cheating near the end of the marriage. I had no problem with shutting off the feelings, she was a horrible person that only took care of herself. I have been absolutely no-contact for 18 months and have ignored several contact attempts on her part. I will never ever speak to her again. I luckily didn't have children with her. I know I am better off without her in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 02:32 PM
2

Yeah, I understand that. I try not to think about it, but still angry. You wonder if she was actually where she said she was every single time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:30 PM
4

Yeah, that sucks too. I found out after my divorce was final that my ex-wife was serial cheating on me for the last 6 months or so, meeting strangers from the internet for sex. She was having them pick her up in the neighborhood and telling me she was going to her friend's house down the street. Talk about fucked up. I had no clue that was happening, never questioned where she was going.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:10 PM
2

Oh, I am sure I am better off without her. She turned out to be a trainwreck. I was husband #4, that should have been the first huge red flag. We were only married 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:42 PM
2

Thanks, I was pretty much done a few months before it was filed when she got a DUI arrest. I do have to admit I was surprised at the speed with which she "got back out there" though.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:31 PM
7

That is nothing, my ex-wife was dating someone 2 weeks after we separated and she had moved out, 3 months before the divorce was final.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:28 PM
1

I would not agree to that in the divorce, so no.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 02:13 PM
2

I would pile more on there if you have the opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:18 PM
2

The marriage...
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 05:16 PM
3

I would let them know. They can judge her character with all the information, instead of only her story. It sucks when people lie and it catches up to them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 12:24 PM
1

I wouldn't recommend it. My ex-wife reached out on the anniversary of our first date, 13 months after our divorce was finalized. I ignored her message. I want nothing to do with my ex-wife. If you wanted to hang out with your ex-wife, why divorce her in the first place? If she initiated the divorce, she should not be telling you she is lonely, she wanted the divorce after all. And yes, if you are seeing someone you should let them know if you are planning to do it. It is not fair to them if they…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:09 PM
2

If you don't NEED to communicate with her, why would you at all? I don't have kids with my ex-wife, and I have not communicated with her in 14 months, and I don't care if I ever communicate with her again. She was emotionally and psychologically abusive during the marriage and I regret ever marrying her, why would I want to talk to her. You have the same options for no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:59 PM
1

Why read them at all if they are upsetting and abusive?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 05:39 PM
3

No, it is not worth staying. I suspected my ex-wife of having BPD (my therapist suggested it from descriptions of interactions, I had never heard of it before that). I guess the only thing that MIGHT make it worth staying is if she is self-aware of her condition and is actively pursuing DBT therapy to try and mitigate the symptoms. That does not sound like it is the case from your description. I was miserable for most of my 4-year marriage and was glad to be rid of her and the drama and chaos to…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 02:24 PM
3

It certainly isn't helping you move on from the relationship. Once it is final you will have to expect her to move on and have other relationships. No point in being jealous, you will be able to do the same. If you wanted to keep having sex with her why divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 05:24 PM
7

Is your mental health worth sex? I would say stop having sex with her and get the divorce finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 04:52 PM
1

It does flare up once in a while, but I have changed things in the house somewhat. New furniture, etc... I didn't really have an option other than keeping the house. The housing market was garbage when we divorced, and nothing was really available unless you paid $20k above asking price. I didn't want to move that badly. Overall, I would like to be living elsewhere but it isn't so bad that I can't deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 05:24 PM
1

I call it a toxic mess and it should end.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 07:57 PM
1

Yes, I have no desire to ever talk to or see her again. She is mentally ill, was emotionally and psychologically abusive and tried to get every last dime she could get (over and above what she was entitled to), and then had the nerve to say as she was moving out "after this is over, we will be great friends". Fuck her, she can go to hell. Oh yeah, I just remembered she was cheating like crazy the last 6-8 months of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 06:03 PM
11

After being married to my ex-wife (I was husband number 4) I can say with confidence that her claims that all 3 of her exes were abusive were bullshit. I believed her at first but after we married, and I saw her last ex (they had kids together) I knew she was full of shit. She ended up having mental health issues and accused me of being "controlling" and "cheating" before we divorced. They were also bullshit claims (she was the one cheating). She thought I was controlling because I didn't roll o…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:57 PM
1

In Michigan, just under 4 months from separation to final hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:02 PM
5

Mine did the isolation thing, pretty much the only people we hung out with were either her friends or her family. She refused to visit my family at some point for some BS reason, saying they hated her. My parents were never anything but nice to her, buying gifts for her and both her sons for holidays and birthdays. She was paranoid.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:29 PM
5

Yes, my ex was "my way or the highway" all the time. She didn't know the meaning of the word compromise. I was always making concessions to her for everything just trying to keep some semblance of peace in the house. It ended up a very co-dependent relationship, me being the caretaker. She had no stress tolerance whatsoever. Everything in the entire world was a crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:11 PM
4

I totally get that, we originally tried some couples counseling, but my ex-wife decided that she needed to do individual counseling. I decided to stay with the therapist we had for our couples counseling as I liked her and thought she would help. Then I got shit from my ex for staying with the same therapist and accused of having an affair with my therapist. I was always wrong. Every time I would even ask questions about ANYTHING I was fighting with her and being aggressive. She literally could …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:04 PM
14

My ex-wife would therapist "shop", going to a therapist but only until they started digging in deeper and making her do the work. Then all of a sudden she would "not like" that therapist and look for a new one. That way she "looked like" she was getting help but actually she was avoiding it like the plague.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 06:45 PM
2

Mine wasn't bogus. My therapist was the one that suggested my then-wife might have BPD and pointed me in the direction of researching it. She displayed many traits, and I know she had been abused as a child. I had never even heard of BPD until my therapist suggested it. It was a miserable marriage, and she was quite emotionally and psychologically abusive. I believe my ex-wife suffers from BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 06:42 PM
2

I bought her out of the house. Still living alone in the 3br, 2.5 bath house. She and her kids left. Don't want to live here forever but with the shitty housing market there is not much available so I will stay for a while until the real estate market stabilizes a little. Plus, I didn't want to get a new loan at the insane interest rates. I was lucky to refinance the house right before the interest rates went crazy so still have a low rate.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 06:15 PM
1

No kids together, divorced a little over a year ago. I don't see or talk to her or her kids at all. Life is peaceful.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 01:15 PM
7

I didn't, my ex-wife's birthday was 2 weeks after she moved out when we separated. I was helping her pack and move through the time period of her birthday but did not wish her a happy birthday. I don't speak to my ex anymore either. I guess it depends on your situation. Do you have kids that you have to co-parent? You might wish her a happy birthday and forego the gift.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:57 PM
1

Nope, didn't even say good-bye to her when I left the courthouse on the day of the final hearing. Don't care if I ever speak to her again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 04:07 PM
3

My ex-wife unfriended me and changed her status on Facebook as soon as we separated. I am not sure about deleting photos but there were some showing up on my page that she had originally posted and I untagged myself so I wouldn't have to look at them. I would try not to let it get to you, you are divorcing and it is part of the process. Some of it hurts but that is just the nature of it, it will lessen in time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 05:52 PM
5

I would say this is an exit strategy, you may want to prepare yourself. My ex-wife did similar things, she was preparing things in the background.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 02:37 PM
1

I guess it just depends on your definition of friendly. My ex-wife has some mental health issues and I didn't want her dragging her feet and slowing down the process with meltdowns so I was extra nice during the divorce. I paid her what she wanted from the equity in the house (more than she really deserved) and even helped her move her belongings out of the house (I kept the house). She kept going on about how we would still be great friends the whole time I was helping her move. I just wanted h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 11:57 AM
1

I thought about it but actually I decided that I liked the $4k watch that she bought me for our engagement more than the $6k ring that I bought her. She wanted the watch back and I told her when she gave me the ring she could have the watch. Then I never heard another word about it. It technically was a gift and I don't think she had the right to demand it back anyways. I still have the watch, don't know if she pawned the rings or not, don't really care at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 04:49 PM
8

Yes it is crazy. She was always the one to threaten divorce, no matter how insignificant the issue was. I was always the one to try and do the work to figure things out and work for the marriage. She would throw it away over a hurt feeling, or misunderstanding. I worked my ass off to stay married for the 4 years we were actually married. It amazed me at how little it actually meant to her after all that. Makes me sad that I put so much effort into something that clearly didn't mean as much to he…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 06:15 PM
1

I can relate. My ex-wife (final in early April) moved out the week before Christmas. I just found out that she started dating a couple weeks after she moved out. I don't want her back, she had a lot of mental health issues, but I guess it bothers me that the marriage didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. Seems like she was done before she even moved out. I am not even ready to start dating yet, I am trying to deal with my emotions from the end of the marriage and the divorce. The whole tim…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 09:21 PM
1

I am mid-50's and just divorced, final about a month ago. Splitting the equity on the house sucked, I kept it but had to pay her for the now insane real estate market prices. I won't be retiring any time soon, but my life is so much calmer. I will eventually have more income living by myself, she could spend money like nobody's business but it will take a while to recover from the divorce financially.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:42 PM
4

Oh, absolutely, it was always my fault. I hadn't done "something" she never would have had something to rage about (sarcasm).
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:39 PM
7

I agree wholeheartedly. I too bought the house on my own prior to marriage. We were together but her credit was crap. I should have made the down payment on my own as well and kept her off the title. She insisted on paying part of the downpayment and wanted to be on the title. I thought what could go wrong? 4 years later I ended up having to pay her $30k in appreciation equity to get her off the title of the house that I bought and made 90% of the payments on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 07:19 PM
6

Watching Johnny Depp's testimony on TV just made me think back to the emotional and psychological abuse that I endured from my ex-wife. I felt so bad for him. I am sure that his ex-wife has some sort of personality disorder (like my wife did). I am glad that my wife was not physically abusive like Amber Heard was, but damn, listening to him and how he would try to walk away and disengage just reminded me of when my wife would be drinking and get into one of her rages. Then the next morning would…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 07:16 PM
2

I tried to help her, she wasn't having any of it. That would mean she would admit she had a problem and that didn't fit her reality that I was the one with the problem. She really did live in her own reality.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 12:23 AM
1

Fortunately for me, she took a trazodone every night about 9pm so she would go right to sleep. I stayed up later, just to have some quiet time to myself. I am sorry about your situation, and I hope you are doing better. I was quite a servant for my wife as well. She worked on and off during our marriage but would quit a job at the drop of a hat with absolutely no discussion with me and no new job already lined up. If I questioned her quitting with no job to replace it, I was the bastard that did…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 11:25 PM
2

I am sorry for your loss. I wish she could support you better, but my wife was about as supportive. In a marriage you should be able to count on the support of your partner in situations like these, it is sad that we could not.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 11:15 PM
2

I am sorry you endured 17 years of it. I was done at less than 4. I too was angry, and stuffed all of that down. I wasn't perfect but I was willing to compromise much more than my ex. She had this vision of herself that she was generous, and helpful. I guess if you were one of her friends that didn't live with her maybe she was. At home everything was "her way or the highway" and most times I didn't think it was important enough to fight about so I just gave in avoided the confrontation. That st…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 07:28 PM
8

BPD is exhausting. The random, unpredictable meltdowns. Watching how you phrase everything so you don't accidentally step on one of those land mines. I didn't even realize that is what was going on, she had me believing that I was the problem for the first 2 years. My therapist set me straight and explained that my wife was abusive. Then during a period when my wife was splitting and acting like she was single I had to go to the ER for a possible blood clot. My wife decided that she didn't need …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 06:55 PM
3

My wife would always do that shit in front of her kids. I am sure she was bad mouthing me to them as well when I wasn't around. I was always the bad guy. I tried to get her to be an adult and have adult conversations in private, but she would always do it anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 04:16 PM
5

I don't know yet. I have only been divorced for 10 days officially and I am still processing it. It doesn't help that the actual date of divorce was on what would have been our 4th anniversary. That was a bit strange too. I probably will at some point though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 04:14 PM
3

I would have a friend or family member come and take the gun out of the house, that is not the answer. It may seem hopeless now but it does get better. Just take it day by day. Get out of bed, shower, go to work. Keep yourself busy. Do you have any hobbies that you used to enjoy? If you don't want to go home and be alone, go to visit some family members or friends. I can guarantee that you will be missed. It does get better!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 05:39 PM
1

Thank you. I was on a few of the BPD subs here, BPDPartners was one of them, it was a revelation when I started researching it. I was disappointed that my ex refused to even look into it to see why I was thinking that might have been an issue for her. She turned it all around on me and I was the one with a problem. I made sure I was extra nice, and super helpful just to prevent any meltdowns before the papers were signed and finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 08:34 PM
2

How is her mental health? Has this always been this way. I had similar experiences with my ex-wife. She had some mental health issues and was suspected of having a personality disorder by my therapist. She would have wildly inappropriate responses to minor things and declare she wanted a divorce. A day or two later she would act like nothing happened. It was worse if she was drinking, she would say some of the meanest, vilest things to me when she had been drinking and then the next morning act …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 08:27 PM
1

Thank you for your affirmation. My family does not believe me when I tell them how ugly it was in the marriage. I tell them about different situations and try to describe how bad her meltdowns were but I just cannot do it justice in describing it if you weren't there. There really are no words to describe it. My therapist would not give me marital recommendations any more at one point because she believed that it was so abusive that she would not contribute to my staying in the marriage. She wou…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 09:21 PM
1

I pray that your wife gets the help she needs. My wife was suspected BPD by my therapist,(after 2 plus years of emotional abuse), I tried to find her help quietly without letting her know what my therapist thought. She found out and it blew up in my face. She accused me of every problem in the marriage, she didn't have any problems, etc... Maybe because "her" therapist didn't diagnose it or suggest it she never even gave it a second thought. If it was me and my spouse was researching something t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:43 PM
2

Nope, he did something stupid and should pay the price. I don't think it was much of a price, he should have been escorted out of the building after that stunt, and he should not get to keep his award but that is me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 03:43 PM
5

Yeah, I don't see this ending well. My STBXW is petty and controlling and has a personality disorder. I am willing to pay more than I think she deserves just to get the papers signed and for her to go away. I am buying her out of the equity in the house and her "offer" to split the equity is high by about $10k but I am willing to let it slide just to be rid of her and out of this situation as smoothly as possible. If she wanted to drag her feet she could easily cost me more than $10k in legal fe…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 03:24 PM
6

My STBXW was suspected BPD by my therapist. It all started to come together when my therapist mentioned some books for me to read when we were still married and working on it. It was like someone turned the lights on in a dark room, all of her behaviors made more sense. I tried to research ways to help her. She found out and it blew up in my face. I was the one with the problem not her. Everything was my fault. I was more than 2 years into the marriage before I figured out what the problem was, …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 08:47 PM
2

Why does she give a shit that you have your car to work on? I have a 65 Cutlass that I have owned for 28 years and would never sell. It seems like a control issue. My STBXW suggested that I get rid of some stuff (I can't remember if she ever brought up the car) but I simply told her no, not going to happen. She found other issues to fight about, so I don't actually think the issue was the car, it was something she couldn't control.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 04:52 PM
3

I hear you, I really do. I have been struggling with my life not turning out like I had imagined it. I actually wonder if the person that I married (or thought I married) ever existed in the first place. I tried SO hard the first couple of years. She had been married before and I had not, so I figured she knows what she is talking about and I am just clueless. I tried so hard to make her happy. Everything was always my fault, I believed her for the first couple of years. I went to therapy thinki…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 12:05 PM
3

No affair here, I was going to file back in Sept. 21 but she had gotten a DUI (one of the reasons I wanted to file) but I decided not to kick her when she was down and waited for that to be done. Then she had surgery in November, so that was another thing to delay my filing. Then she filed in December and moved out a week before Christmas. There was a lot of resentment on my part regarding her selfish behavior but I am trying to be as nice as I can through the divorce just to get it over with. S…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 03:42 PM
7

It is tough. I married late in life (52) and we were only married 4 years. I am nervous about starting over at 56 but it has to be better than what was going on in our marriage. Everything was always my fault and she never took responsibility for any of it. I tried really hard to make it work for the first 2-3 years but I could not do it anymore. You have to take care of yourself, don't settle.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/22 04:19 PM
1

my STBXW was controlling. She had to be in control of everything. Furniture, wall colors, my comings and goings, she snooped on my phone. If I didn't text her back right away she would blow up my phone and the whole rest of the day would be shitty. She moved out in December after 3.5 years married. I bought a new couch (that I liked), I have been bringing MY furniture up from the basement, hanging MY pictures on the wall. I had not realized that the only things on the walls before were either he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 06:11 PM
3

Absolutely, I suspect my STBXW is Borderline and not seeking help with it. Emotional abuse is no joke!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 06:25 PM
1

Sleep has been messed up since she moved out in December, I am glad you are trying to create the peace you deserve, I am working on it one day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 05:19 PM
2

The other day I was driving and saw that the restaurant that we always went to for Valentine's day had gone belly up. The sign was off the building and there was a big for sale sign out front. I thought to myself, "how fitting". The weird thing is that the thought had crossed my mind to go there by myself on Valentine's day for dinner, crazy huh? The shit you think of when you are lonely and feeling your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 05:17 PM
1

I am sorry that you went through that trauma. My STBXW is most likely BPD, with some depression and anxiety thrown in. During our almost 4 year marriage I was the target of emotional and verbal abuse as well. She had a vile temper, and could come up with really horrible things to say to me, or leave me notes & letters containing these horrible things. We have only been separated for 6 weeks but I have vivid flashbacks to events that took place during our 4 years of marriage. I expect these to co…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 06:01 PM
8

Absolutely true, joint account we both had access to, her account only she had access to. All the bills for the house and monthly things came out of the joint account. Her paycheck was NOT deposited in the joint account, only mine. That shit got old. She was a shop-aholic and every time a big bill came up like the car insurance I was always stressing cause I had to make sure the money was in the account to pay it, she never worried about it, just spent her money on what she wanted. and MAYBE dep…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 05:10 PM
3

I don't. Not final yet, but I don't miss the wife's emotional drama. Suspect she is Borderline personality and it was the crappiest rollercoaster I have ever been on. She moved out and the drama left with her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:54 PM
1

We were together a week after the "conversation". She moved out, she had been setting it up for a while without my knowledge. She ended up moving in with HER ex (father of her children) that she was married to right before getting together with me. I thought it was kind of shitty but whatever. They deserve each other, and I don't have her drama in my life much anymore (a little until she gets all her crap out of the house and this is final). I am keeping the house. I will have to buy her out but…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:37 PM
2

I totally get it. I am a month into the separation, she filed before she even moved out. she moved out before Christmas, pretty much screwed the holidays for me for the foreseeable future. The thing is I know in my heart that I will be better off divorced. The whole 3.5 years of marriage has been a struggle. She and her 2 boys have mental health issues that I was not aware of before we married. I have had so much stress and anxiety throughout the marriage, the emotional abuse was real (I suspect…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:37 PM
1

I am divorcing and I am keeping the house. I didn't really have another option as I have a classic car and nowhere to store it but here, plus it is winter, and there are close to zero homes for sale in my area. So keeping it was my best option, it is still going to cost me a bunch of money due to the appreciation to buy her out of the equity. We bought 4 years ago at a fair price for the neighborhood, $185k, I just had it appraised at $251k. I have refinanced to roll some debt into the loan sinc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 09:58 PM
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