TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

bluestjuice Archive

View 2 posts and 9,666 comments by bluestjuice on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
119

Question For Menbluestjuice/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 01:12 PM
17

Question For Menbluestjuice/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/23 05:23 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 9,666 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

If the goal is to get support structures from the government, unionizing isn't a very useful mechanism. If the idea is that working spouses should be providing additional funds, I think this idea ignores the issue of many single-earner families operating on really thin margins and subsidizing that by taking on increased risk (i.e. failing to save an 'appropriate' level for future security, not carrying consumer debt, etc.) Probably everyone with an actual employer should unionize however, and th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 12:55 AM
0

Probably, but the phrasing upthread was ambiguous enough that I thought it was worth typing it all out really explicitly for anyone who reads this far down. 🙃
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 12:48 AM
1

It's not even "on day 28 they are more attracted to 'more masculine men' than they are to their 'less masculine' husbands." It's: "on day 28 they are more attracted to 'more masculine men' than they otherwise would be and less attracted to their 'less masculine' husbands than they are the rest of the time." Which is to say: these two groups of men don't swap places. The attraction to group 1 goes up a wee bit and the attraction to group 2 goes down a wee bit, and that's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 12:43 AM
1

Because when someone is very very attracted to their husband, if that attraction drops a small percent for a week, they would nevertheless be very very attracted.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 09:43 PM
1

Yes, and again, that can be true at the same time that it is true that they are very attracted to their husbands.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 09:39 PM
-1

Which presumably means they feel more attracted to them during their luteal phase, etc. You understand how relativity works, correct? The finding was a small downshift during ovulation. That could mean, for example, someone with 99% attraction to her husband most of the time was only 97% attracted to him during ovulation. Someone who was 85% attracted might shift down to 84%. And so on. Your study makes a claim about the downshifting phenomenon. I made a claim about the baseline attraction level…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 09:30 PM
9

What are you talking about, this study is about feelings about debt, not debt levels or spending habits.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 09:22 PM
1

The study you linked doesn't say that women aren't attracted to their affable husbands. The issue with your post here isn't that dominance has nothing at all to do with female attraction, but rather that you're developing a small amount of evidence into fully blown conclusions that aren't warranted. You're way too far out over your skis here.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 09:14 PM
1

You'd have to limit your position to only those people who hold the extreme position you describe herein. There are plenty of people who subject age gap relationships of one sort or another to scrutiny, but who don't believe everything you are describing. People can be in age-gap relationships and still scrutinize them harder than relationships with similar aged folks.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 09:09 PM
0

You touch on something worth calling out here, which is that to the degree that women find dominance sexy (as a character trait -- not talking here about power exchange in sex itself), self-dominance, aka self-control, is a big piece of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 08:56 PM
1

I mean, I didn't read 50 Shades so maybe I'm off. But was bro not a metrosexual finance guy or something? I don't think he's a great example of some 'roided up Wolverine or anything as hyper masculinity goes.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 08:51 PM
1

The devil is in the details here, right? For example there is a difference between 'dominant' and 'domineering,' even though it's certainly possible to be both. There's no evidence suggesting it's super common for women to want to date aggressive, frightening men. There also isn't any reason to believe that the vast majority of women who are dating stable, affable 'nice guys' aren't also attracted to them. In between the caricatures of 'aggressive dangerous man' and 'limp-wristed passive nice gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 08:44 PM
4

To be fair OP didn't quite cut to the chase of their question, the way I see it. I think the paraphrase you've given here is clear and concise.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 11:57 PM
3

I don't think this is a strawman since it addresses that specifically in the second paragraph.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 11:38 PM
4

Not what I was going for but also somewhat true, and quite funny.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 01:13 AM
14

Women say they can smell misogyny or insecurity This is the kind of statement that necessarily exists on a spectrum.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 05:11 PM
3

Regarding point 4, I think we need more data to really understand how many children are born from casual sex encounters. 'Out of wedlock' is too broad considering that category also holds committed relationships that elect not to marry (or have not married yet but plan to). Same issue with 'single mothers,' I'd like to see better data to differentiate between mothers who are partnered-but-unmarried and mothers who are truly single or in casual or uncommitted relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 03:06 PM
1

My AuDHD ass totally agrees with that, but I do feel like there was some kind of a cultural shift. When I was young and direct instruction couldn't be had, the 'pain' of doing nothing was greater than the pain of trial and error, if that makes any sense. It feels like my perception then was that other people would treat you better for making an effort than doing nothing. Today it seems like the perception of young people is that people will treat you better for doing nothing than for doing somet…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 02:25 PM
2

Completely.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 02:22 PM
2

I see. I suppose my perspective is that while accounting for your own possessions is an important skill, it takes time to develop it and even fully mature and competent people will occasionally mislay things. I actually treat the corresponding skills (of being able to adapt on the fly when you've lost something you needed, and of being able to problem-solve to try to retrieve a lost item) as nearly equally important.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:36 PM
2

This is probably pretty accurate, but we aren't going to be able to establish a common definition along gendered lines unfortunately. Everyone has somewhat different expectations about how invested and intimate to be with friends vs. acquaintances vs. close friends vs. a potential romantic interest, it doesn't break cleanly along gendered lines.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:29 PM
3

But you didn't really answer me! You made a claim, can't you elaborate on it?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:26 PM
3

The purplest of purple responses.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:23 PM
1

But why is it pathetic? Can you articulate exactly what the pathos is in someone misplacing their water bottle and asking after it at the desk?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:16 PM
1

The one part of this post that I sort of agree with (and this is just anecdotal so I'm open to being wrong) is that young people seem less willing to just fuck around with doing something and figure it out through trial and error than I remember. It reads like an aversion to doing it wrong that they manage by seeking clarification and direct instruction. Unsurprisingly, this dovetails with the tendency we see here for some young men to seek explicit instruction on exactly what to do or not do in…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:13 PM
1

Pro tip: complaining about the idiocy of customers is customer service 101. No shade there, but you shouldn't draw broad conclusions about people as a whole or any particular demographics based on that distorted view. Also recommend not staying in customer service too long if you can't inject a healthy dose of humor and into your assessment. We're all just out here being people and a little bit absurd.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 08:02 PM
2

You sound young. Everyone messes up sometimes. Even perfectly normal, mostly competent people have areas of life they're bad at or just fuck up on occasion. You happen to be in the position where you get to see a lot of that all day long, but you're incorrectly inferring that the moment of dumbfuckery you see is representative of their whole life.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 07:58 PM
11

Er, when you are the person being paid to answer their questions, you are their resource.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 07:54 PM
1

Dear gods. This isn't a question that needs a definitive ruling. We can just leave 'whose job is it to address this?!' to the premature ejaculator and/or their partner(s) to address, if they wish to.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 05:45 PM
1

I think this is a classic example of a case where asking the people who participate in a thing about their reasoning and motivations and asking outsiders to speculate about them might result in very different answers.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 05:39 PM
2

This is a really good point. My teen draws beautiful anime-style girls not because she's obsessed with sex with them, but because she thinks they're incredibly pretty.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 05:36 PM
2

If we're describing a world where there are eleventy bajillion genders and gender roles, and people can easily and freely adopt whichever one(s) of them speak to them, yeah, sign me up.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 01:35 AM
1

Ah, hahaha, that makes so much more sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:53 PM
2

What? Where did that come from?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:44 PM
1

Just regular life.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:40 PM
5

I thought it did, but maybe your question was unclear.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:36 PM
17

BP is just "everybody else." This is like a group of penguins looking at all the other animals and being flabbergasted that the millipedes act totally different from the tigers.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:33 PM
5

people who object to age gap relationships in this way estimate that the sketchy reasons in the downward-dating direction are more prevalent, more damaging, more predatory, or some combination of all three, than their estimation of the sketchy reasons in the upward directions.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:30 PM
7

I think 'leveraging youth and beauty to secure huge amounts of money' falls under sketchy reasons, personally. But my post was meant to illustrate the logical principles at play. Analysing a specific case study is clearly different than analyzing a practice in the abstract, and I would expect anyone who engages seriously in this kind of thinking to be able to handle them separately.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:29 PM
–

Why is this post NSFW?!?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:25 PM
11

Not really. If you sat down and made a comprehensive list of reasons why a very young person might want to date a significantly older person, some of them would be banal and some of them would be sketchy. If you did the same for reasons why a significantly older person might want to date a very young person, again, some of them would be banal and some of them would be sketchy. All that is happening is that people who object to age gap relationships in this way estimate that the sketchy reasons i…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 04:23 PM
–

The only way to frame this as a 'men' thing is to believe that responsibility for a family's financial stability and procreating decisions falls mainly on men, which I do not. There is a nuanced conversation to be had about the tension between the value of ensuring stability and preparedness before having kids and the biological and cultural urge to have kids, and how all of that plays out in a world where economic stability is extremely challenging for the majority of people. But this simplisti…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 03:14 PM
6

No, I don't think most men would be fine with that. Our culture puts a lot of value on career and the financial independence and status it brings. Most people (of all genders) have that in their core value system. People who would be fine being a SAHP obviously do exist, but I would estimate that to be a largeish minority, 30-40% maybe.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 03:04 PM
2

And in a world where you have to have kids supervised all of the time and can't just send them off in little hordes to play together.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 03:00 PM
10

I agree with you that women do have choices, however you are wrong in saying that "women don't feel stuck." Many women do report these feelings. No doubt men also often feel stuck in this scenario.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 02:56 PM
0

First off, I don't actually agree that this sub is enthusiastic about tradwives. I think you mean that there is a loud contingent here that idealizes a breadwinner/SAHP dynamic, which is true, but tradwife lifestyles are a smaller subset of SAHP lifestyles and I actually don't see a ton of discussion of the most prevalent tradwife elements here. I'm thinking of homesteading, conservative religious conviction, homeschooling, self-sufficiency, families of 4+ children, the umbrella of authority, an…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 02:49 PM
2

the term as used in modern context is heavily weighted towards the context of men being chivalrous towards women Right, I understand that. My point is that this heavily gendered usage was superimposed over the older meaning of the word, and as our gender norms change it is appropriate to further adjust the usage accordingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 02:35 PM
2

To be honest, chivalry is far less about gender and far more about relative strength and weakness. It is about those with power making a principled choice to use their power to good ends, and to not take advantage over those they could overpower. Rendering aid and protection to beggars, pacifists, children, the elderly, and so on is completely within the chivalric ideal. And following this principle is something that people of any gender can attempt, if they have some degree of power.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 02:02 AM
3

This is really well put. When we had less access to information about places and peoples outside our direct experience, we understood at some level that we didn't really know about them. This is as true of people in a different socioeconomic bracket across town as it is of people around the world who speak a different language. Now we have more information, in discrete snippets, and it fools us into thinking that we know a lot more about the lived experiences of others who are quite different fr…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 01:55 AM
1

I just saw it last night. I have a bunch of complaints but my gods, the conservative complaints are such nothingburgers.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 07:22 PM
1

No, because if it were this is the lamest possible competition. Where are the footraces? The challenge to string a heavy-AF bow and shoot through a dozen axes? Weaksauce.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 07:16 PM
5

Exposure!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 03:15 AM
7

As the comments here seem to show, people have different things in mind when they talk about decentering men.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 03:04 AM
–

I actually do think I'd put it as the threshold of middle age though! 30 seems too young, but 40 seems already in the thick of it to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 09:36 PM
1

Oh, yes! We agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 09:32 PM
–

Yeah, I feel like a lot of mid general dating advice isn't wrong per se, it's just lacking in all specificity. The people who are asking need to know exactly how to apply it to their own life.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 09:11 PM
1

Sure, that makes sense. I suppose I wouldn't consider that not knowing the general idea so much as failing to execute the measurements. But I hear what you're saying.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 09:09 PM
1

Right, I think the time to tell someone to make different choices is the time when you see them doing something damaging.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 09:01 PM
1

See, I'm generally willing to extend sympathy when someone suffers in some way, whether or not it was obvious. Maybe the tone of my sympathy might change? I'm not explaining this well. But I routinely say things along the line of "oh, that sucks. It's not surprising, but it sucks that it happened."
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 09:00 PM
1

Right, it isn't a math problem, it's a behavior problem. Which is exactly why it's hard. Changing behavior is hard. Trebly so when someone likes the behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 08:52 PM
1

say "I currently don't have the capacity to focus on my weight" I totally agree. (Almost) everybody would like to lose weight if it would just happen via magical vibes. But in reality everyone is evaluating the benefit vs. the cost in their own specific situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 08:49 PM
1

No, they pretty much really do know. They just also know, or think, that changing their behavior will be extremely difficult due to <hormones, chemicals, medication, genetics, etc.> It really isn't that people don't know that eating more makes people fatter. It's that when they tried to eat less, it sucked for a variety of reasons and they couldn't keep it going.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 08:45 PM
–

Couple of things here. Yes, there is an aspect of this that is fair play. People who haven't dated in twenty years are not necessarily good advisors on the specific weirdnesses of Zennial dating dynamics. On the other hand, heterosexual relationships and gender dynamics exist as part of a historical continuum, which can make a longer view useful for offering meaningful perspective. Older people are also (potentially) capable of sharing wisdom about the human element, which changes more slowly an…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 08:38 PM
5

Bro, this is three paragraphs of 3 sentences each. What are we even doing here.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:40 PM
0

I think in general TRP ideas would be stronger if they limited the scope to be 'X, Y, and Z are attractive qualities to a lot of women, try to have those.' Generalizing too broadly and then using these generalizations to support whatever other sociological and political opinions/values they have are where these folks seem to get really lost in the sauce.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:35 PM
1

I don't have any real evidence one way or another to make broad statements about whether men or women are better or worse at self-identifying their 'level' or pairing that to their personal standards. It stands to reason some people are more ambitious and some are more humble in this regard, but it's such a nebulous concept I can't draw conclusions at the population level. Meanwhile the idea of a level itself is extremely subjective and changes drastically depending on what criteria you include …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 01:00 PM
–

Yes, I'd agree with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 12:03 PM
2

Bro better scream like a parrot, that's required.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:15 AM
3

Yes, in fact. Arguing with trans folks about their gender is transphobia 101.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:05 AM
5

No worries, how were you to know? All good.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:55 AM
2

Facts.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:54 AM
0

No no, sorry, I mean online content -- short form videos and whatnot. My actual gym is fairly cool and eclectic but not dominated by lesbians. 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:53 AM
2

I'm genderqueer, but I answer from the female pov here because I'm female-bodied and date men. Nobody ever posts Questions for Enbys...
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:52 AM
20

Ha, this is so relatable. I want him to look my way and hold my gaze and smirk. That's pretty much the entré into interested/attracted, then everything else is like a stepping stone along a path that ultimately leads to awesome sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 12:35 AM
3

Yeah that's fair.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 10:06 PM
2

It's probably me but I feel like if I'm willing to endure the awkwardness of taking my clothes off and shoving some guy's dick into my tonsils, I can do this. But yes, fair point, you can't be reasonably expected to answer for the perspective of a random cadre of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:37 PM
2

The amount or flavor of the sex != the amount of caring for the partner. That's it really.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:34 PM
5

Wait until you hear about polyamorous people who have different sexual dynamics with each partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:30 PM
5

A.) Wasn't it? I mean... it was different because smartphones weren't around yet. And I was probably more terminally online in the '00s than some. My take is that the internet was just as popular, but we used it differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:23 PM
3

Interesting theory. I think we should probably talk about class more here but it's a bit difficult since people come from such different backgrounds and it's trickier to self-identity into class vs. gender or political leanings etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:20 PM
1

Most women participating in a casual dating scene are not asking their partner to take an STD test before hooking up. Why not‽
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:13 PM
2

It's true that some women don't really know what they want, at least in some particular arena. It's sensible to hold space for that possibility in your head. Even so, it's presumptuous to decide that a particular woman doesn't know what she wants unless you actually have some evidence to suggest that. You can understand intellectually that women are fallible while simultaneously having the humility to recognize that another person is usually going to be more knowledgeable about their own thought…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:09 PM
1

No, I AM CHATGPT!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:04 PM
5

I never saw so many slick cars until I moved to a historically Black neighborhood. 😍
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 09:00 PM
2

Everything is unmasculine. No wonder men are on the strugglebus.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 08:58 PM
42

There are basically liberal men in nearly any subculture someone might be into, too. Urban homesteaders? Liberals. Alternative music? Liberals. D&D? So many liberals. HEMA? Liberals. Reptile shows? Liberals there too. Not all of them, obviously, but there is this idea of liberal men as sort of hapless and unwilling to get their hands dirty and it's really just such a stereotype.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 08:57 PM
3

I swear 2/3 of my gym content is from ripped lesbians who are about 40x cooler than I'll ever be.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 08:51 PM
16

I think it's a byproduct of 'ivory tower liberal elites' vs. 'salt-of-the-earth working class conservative' imagery.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 08:47 PM
1

....why do you think Gone Wild Audio is full of anti-feminists?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 10:35 PM
1

It's beta bucks with extra steps. But you do get to travel, which I can get behind. At least you're expanding your horizons in the process.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 10:34 PM
2

Side tangent but it's super interesting how the cultural concept of a midlife crisis has faded out a lot since the '90s. Also mental breakdowns (though I think some of that is swapping in more specific terms for various kinds of mental health collapses). I feel like both of these had their cultural heydays in the same postwar decades that traditional nostalgia tend to lionize.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 10:25 PM
3

This argument could get a lot farther if not knowing what you want, or changing your mind about what you want, were some kind of exclusively female trait. In fact this is something many, many people of every gender demonstrate. It does lead to some problems in dating and relationships, and that's about as far as you can take it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 10:21 PM
2

No, I think you are mistaken about most of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 10:03 PM
1

The issue here is that you're talking about fairly extreme kinks that a relatively small number of people are open to.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 09:03 PM
1

Can we make Russian sex spy the new Florida man?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 08:48 PM
2

What is mainstream media in this context?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 08:36 PM
2

I only know about these people because they get brought up here, so while I'm not necessarily sure they're not widely known (I could live in a bubble), I'm not sure you can really draw broad conclusions from... anything to do with them. The more interesting debate here has to do with whether believing in a principle, such as sex positivity, means that you are not allowed to have opinions about various ways that principle might play out in the real world. This doesn't really hold up for the simpl…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 08:27 PM
1

Well thank goodness someone is having a good time!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:08 AM
4

People who are charming have this tool in their toolkit and can deploy it in a variety of ways. Also Prince Seductive is not PG enough for Disney.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:42 AM
7

He's literally called Prince Charming. Not Prince Polite and Strong.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:16 AM
1

Sweet. I love long fashion colors.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 02:50 PM
1

I've cut all my fun color out for now and am growing length for awhile so I'm going to live vicariously through you!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 10:53 PM
6

Putting this in here because I'm not sure my comment really counts as disagreement. I'm not sure if it was you or another poster with a similar story, but in that case the difference and the reason I thought that poster was a bit off was that the person asking for help wasn't a random person he'd gone out with a couple of times. I tend to agree with you that calling up random people you went on a few dates with looking for labor is weird, or at least misunderstands the nature of the relationship…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 06:23 PM
1

No, I find it curious that OP doesn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 12:06 PM
–

Oh sure, I don't mind that.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 01:44 AM
–

That's fine. Women should live their lives according to the things they care about, not metrics men actually care about.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 11:46 PM
2

No, this is a misuse of the word. 'Entitlement' means that the person believes that the people they find attractive must be attracted to them in return and that something unfair has occurred if that doesn't happen. It's perfectly possible to believe that it's unlikely that someone gorgeous will fall for you, and to consider that perfectly reasonable, but still hold out for that rather than settling.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 05:29 PM
–

My kid learned the word 'theology' the other day but he def. means 'theory.' I had a laugh and then taught him the difference. 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 05:21 PM
–

I don't read a lot of romance or romantasy so I don't have specific recommendations, but I will say I know those communities have robust subreddits here. I bet this is a commonly asked question and there are lists of different dynamics over there. Tangential anecdote: I browsed the fiction stacks at my local library last week because my holds weren't in yet and I was desperate for something to tide me over. Obviously it's not a representative sample but I was surprised that about 3/4 of the roma…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 05:18 PM
–

That too, but the kink community has been criticizing them for their content for as long as they've been out.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 05:12 PM
1

Hmm. Maybe we should ask some people from developing nations to weigh in on this instead of deciding for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 04:07 PM
1

they divorce and she is still rewarded We are still talking about alimony here, correct? If they divorce soon after she fails out as a homemaker, it would be exceedingly uncommon for her to be awarded much alimony, if any. 'I was a stay-at-home mother for 9 months your honor, my ability to get a job is seriously reduced now' is not a compelling argument and I would need to see some evidence of alimony being awarded generously in such cases. Nevertheless, I agree in general that a man should not …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 04:05 PM
3

Kind of, but interconnected social circles work in the same way. It makes sense that the more disconnected dating gets from social networks, the more people get away with callous behavior and the more prevalent it becomes.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/26 10:04 PM
2

It's beta bucks with extra steps.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/26 12:40 AM
1

Not average-average, but a better average!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/26 12:39 AM
–

Yeah, I'm sure there are a variety of experiences, but I imagine a lot of people experience a shift in mindset from 'I want that Someday but definitely not right now' to 'ohh hey my life is passing if I really want that I need to start getting serious about it soon.' Not necessarily a massive change of course but a gear shift.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 09:23 PM
2

It's probably just that the vast majority of people are not that adventurous or have links that tie them down to their current place.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 09:18 PM
0

I guess if you want to call skepticism outrage. Good luck with all that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 09:14 PM
12

I guess it's just interesting to be okay with the sexual marketplace having losers as long as it's somebody else.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 06:37 PM
19

I think an individual man thinking about how to get his individual needs met is unlikely to do this kind of reflection, but OP posited this as a beneficial systemic approach that everyone should agree with. I wondered why he didn't include average developing country men in 'everyone.'
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 06:34 PM
1

most people's idea of a "single father" is not a father who sees his kids every other weekend and pays support to the other parent, most people would describe that as a "single mother family" What? I don't think I've ever heard the phrase "single mother family" and would have no idea how to parse it. My idea of a single father is a guy who is not married now but has kids he lives with some of the time -- the male version of a single mother in my mind. I have learned from discussions here though …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 06:29 PM
49

What are the average men in other cultures supposed to do? Doesn't this merely shift around exactly which men are outcompeted in the global relationship market, not actually increase the total overall number of men in relationships? Why does the loneliness and unhappiness of average men with the means to travel outweigh the loneliness and unhappiness of poorer local men in these places?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 05:59 PM
9

I mean, this is 100% semantics, right? I don't think "sexual peak" has a formal scientific definition so it really depends on what each person is prioritizing. From what I can tell OP is talking about people who define sexual peak to be the high water mark for sexual enthusiasm, frequency, and experimentalness. That does not seem to correspond very well to the peak of fertility as defined by the biologically ideal moment to conceive and deliver a healthy baby.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 05:51 PM
2

So if she does sit on her ass all day, she gets nothing, right? No dinner this week, no money in the account this week? Not this directly, but if the breadwinner is unsatisfied with the dynamic, they should insist that the dynamic change (i.e. she starts working again) or divorce if they can't agree about how to structure their household. Obviously I think spouses should be good partners to each other and support each other through difficulties, but not to the point of helplessly enduring bad si…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 03:49 PM
4

Oh, I was making a joke about how similar angst about a crisis of masculinity contributed to Teddy Roosevelt's ideas about male 'ruggedness' needing to be honed and tested in the crucible of wilderness and combat, and helped to escalate the Spanish-American War.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 03:16 PM
3

Do they want another Spanish-American War? This is how you get a Spanish-American War‽
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 03:12 PM
–

Real average women are better than scary composite women on the internet.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:59 PM
1

Hm, that could be. That's actually interesting now that you mention it because I have marital counseling and individual therapy in completely different slots in my head and would never think of conflating them.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:58 PM
3

Yeah if we could make society prioritize humans instead of money that would be amazing.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:53 PM
2

Where's his protection against her simply divorcing him and taking the money? I need you to rephrase this or elaborate because I'm not understanding the question. The money is hers, right? So there isn't supposed to be a protection against that. The longer the SAHP setup lasts the larger the total sum of money would be, so it scales directly in relation to services rendered. Will she be compensating him? No. They (jointly, we hope) decided that their household would run on one income. That incom…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:51 PM
2

Oh yeah. I could never.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:13 PM
3

Yeah. I think this is a really thorny issue to be honest. Wanting kids is a really deeply held value (as is not wanting them) which means people will take on a lot of risk to fulfill it. I also don't really want to live in a world where children are rare and mainly luxuries for the wealthy. I don't really disagree with you, I just think that this ends up being a real problem for society as we move farther away from the family as economic unit. I have no idea how to fix that though.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:11 PM
2

I think you can make the same argument as OP if you substitute 'prospects for future earnings potential' in for 'professional ambitions.' Not everybody is excited or ambitious about a career, but everybody cares about their present and future financial security, which means caring about either their present wealth or their future earnings potential.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 01:59 PM
3

Most households really just cannot afford a SAHP dynamic. They trick themselves into thinking they can by assuming unreal levels of risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 01:43 PM
3

Moreover, his obligations continue after the divorce but hers cease. Is she going to keep cooking his dinner and doing his laundry while he's paying alimony? The most 'accurate' system would be for him to be required to meet these obligations at the time of services rendered, by putting the appropriate percentage of his paycheck into an untouchable account of some type and it being paid out in a lump sum in the event of a divorce. Not doing it this way is effectively financing the financial side…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 01:39 PM
2

This is a decent point. "Traditional cultures" may not be structured around gender equality or flexibility of roles, but they have generally also been aware of the risks of imbalanced dynamics and often attempted to mitigate them in some way.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 01:31 PM
5

I actually tend to agree that providing for the SAHP's future security should be thought of as part of the price of doing business if a couple decides to go this route. The problem of course is that a great many people simply don't have the income to do this, and in some cases one parent staying home is still the 'best' financial prospect due to childcare costs. Hell, an unfortunately large number of working people haven't provided adequately for their own future security. I agree with all of th…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 01:28 PM
5

This seems like a pretty reasonable take for those who want that SAHP/breadwinner dynamic. I just had one comment about this bit: they could end up with someone who is just trying to get their money. While this is true, it seems to me that from the perspective of a prospective conniving partner trying to get their money, the most effective way to do that would be to get and then stay married. The potential 'payout' for this person's spouse is always going to be more than for their divorced ex. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 01:24 PM
2

Failing to live up to one's own higher principles is a universal human problem, which does include feminists.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 12:46 PM
1

Come on. No doubt some men do think this way (or have unexamined beliefs that end up in similar places), but this is massively exaggerated both in terms of scale and in terms of how it characterizes men as unfeeling utilitarians who dislike women. There's no need to do this shit. We can challenge reprehensible ideas without denouncing an entire gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:13 AM
–

Fun fact: this is called syntribation and apparently some men can do it too (though it seems to be much more common in women).
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 10:46 PM
1

....I can't decide if this sounds like an Avengers Marvel spoof, or like they are avenging someone's previous traumatic anal experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 10:19 PM
3

I hardcore agree with this take. People like fancy parties and dressing up. It would be great if we could enjoy that without needing to justify it via a life event that isn't a good fit for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 10:01 PM
5

Yeah, the substance of those vows is, 'fate is going to throw some wild curve balls our way, but we intend to face all that as a team and figure it out together.' I'm not one to sit here litigating other people's commitments, but I think in principle the marriage lasts as long as the teamwork lasts. If the people stop working as a unit and turn into antagonists instead of teammates, the marriage is effectively over whether they keep it intact on paper or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 09:54 PM
1

Yeah, I was going to say, I don't know about podcasts, but there are definitely short-form content creators doing healthy relationship advice, healing your dysfunctional behaviors advice, keeping the sex alive in your marriage advice, and so on. Hell, you can get 'how to have Christ-centered husband-led home' content or 'how to decolonize your polyamory practices' content -- whatever you're into, really.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 09:15 PM
1

[ Removed by Reddit ]
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 09:11 PM
5

That's kind of fair honestly, although it makes sense from a pragmatic perspective. It's kind of like how we all bitch about capitalism but most of us won't quit our jobs to go live in a communal living group either. People want society to change but are reluctant to take on personal risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 09:02 PM
2

A lot of men already do think that therapy is basically a “grift” since it is feminist-centric. I find this point of view befuddling since psychiatry as a discipline, like most of medicine, has been mainly developed by men until relatively recently. And in particular a sizable portion of its focus has been understanding and treating veterans with PTSD, who were mainly men. I can understand why men might find the prevalence of female therapists off-putting, or might think that talk therapy wouldn…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:58 PM
2

I think this is an interesting subject and one that's worth exploring, but right away I have an issue with the blue pill = progressive viewpoint. To be clear this isn't something you are unique in saying. It's a common equivalence that muddies a lot of conversations here. It's probably fair to say that most people with progressive leanings fall under the blue pill umbrella, but the blue pill is a lot more than that. Blue pill advice for men is also things like whatever is taught about consent in…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:43 PM
2

It matters in as much as it was the thing I originally brought up?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 12:37 AM
2

Sure, but was the change of opinion sudden?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 12:32 AM
1

Sure, but we're talking about kids who have a mother that wants to parent them.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 12:23 AM
5

But you're proposing they be raised by none.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 10:40 PM
1

So the only way to split 50/50 is by proving the father a bad parent?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 10:39 PM
3

Why should the default be one parent having primary custody instead of joint custody? I'm also skeptical how often this default would play out -- would we not expect mothers to petition for joint or primary custody themselves, in most cases?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 10:25 PM
1

imbecile they not thinking about a mans damn pebbles. Here you go! I had to go c/p it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 09:42 PM
3

but all of a sudden I mean. How sudden is it, really? I always got the impression we were talking more about something someone used to do 'back in college' or 'tried it with their boyfriend in Cabo once' or whatever, not something they were into last week and now won't consider.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 09:34 PM
–

What are you talking about. People are arguing with OP's premise, not trying to convince anyone to get married without a prenup. Y'all probably should get prenups.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 07:36 PM
–

The only reason i can think of as to why i would be offended at the idea of prenup is... Ultimately this is the disconnect. It sounds as though you believe everyone who gets offended at the idea of a prenup is basing their feeling in a logical analysis, but there is good reason to believe that's not the case.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 07:33 PM
–

marriage is the way that couples can declare themselves members of the same family. This is actually the best succinct explanation for why marriage is relevant that I've ever seen. Props.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 07:09 PM
1

It sounds like you're consistent and egalitarian in your principles so I have no quarrel with that. Can I ask you a follow-up question though? (Disregard please if no.) How does this perspective on singularity and intimacy jive with a potential remarriage in the distant future? Suppose that you married and had a long and happy relationship, but your spouse died while you were in your late 40s. Would you avoid remarrying for this reason, because having that intimacy with a second person would fee…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 06:44 PM
2

I get the impulse, but it breaks down in practical terms really fast. Even with complete information (i.e. from the internal perspective of the woman in this scenario) creating an ordered list about something as subjective as 'how awesome the sex was' is often difficult to do. I highly recommend a likert-style scale instead. Instead of trying to collate data about however many past lovers there were and order them, instead measure your (and your partner's, if you want to get real team-oriented!)…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 06:36 PM
–

I find that this has gotten much worse as both sides avoid the "what are we" conversation. Because they don't want to look uncool or they're scared of confrontation. Yeah, I agree with this. Especially for young people who aren't necessarily looking for serious commitment anytime soon, being too clear about intentions or desires comes off as 'too serious' in a way that's really unfortunate.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 03:05 PM
1

Yeah, I think it's important to talk about these types of issues both from an individual agency perspective and a societal dynamic perspective. Ideally both pieces need to shift to see the best results (though individuals can always shift faster than societies).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:36 PM
1

not date women who do want marriage, assume all the benefits these women provide and then try to gaslight and manipulate their way out of obligations. Yeah, that's shitty behavior and not what I was talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:33 PM
–

Old men have plenty of kids and trauma.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:28 PM
–

Utterly pedantic side tangent: the phrase "young girls" is quite confusing. Taken literally, it means 'all the girls -- but just the younger ones.' So you would think it meant, like, 0-17-year old female children, but the bottom half maybe? Girls of 0-9? But in practical usage, most of the time, people really are referring to girls from 8ish through 17. It's as if somehow 'young women' got smashed together with 'girls' (to reiterate their status as children) into this odd inverse of what it soun…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:21 PM
–

Right. We have laws for the explicit reason that a certain proportion of people would engage in a behavior without a more compelling reason not to.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:15 PM
2

Sure. But can your point of view win enough general consensus to become reality?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:06 PM
1

I don't agree that marriage itself is designed as a failsafe for an untrusting relationship. Others have delved into why so I don't think I need to reiterate that here. The other comment I have is that hypocrisy isn't very relevant to this debate because most of the time people who have a distaste for prenups aren't coming at that from a reasoned position of 'prenups are a bad idea and here's why.' Pushback against them tends to be more about feelings and beliefs that only people who are unserio…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:45 PM
1

Eh, women also want those things without actually wanting marriage. I don't see this as hypocritical. Wanting some items and not others is fine as long as it's clearly communicated and everyone involved comes to an agreement.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:38 PM
1

Yep. And sometimes that's fine -- but you should read it and see.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:37 PM
1

This is a very valid point. My upbringing definitely painted prenups as a modernity reflective of our current culture's unserious attitude towards marriage. I don't agree with that take intellectually anymore, but I think the traditionalism vs. progressive tension here deserves more attention than it usually gets.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:34 PM
0

Legitimately, I hope you have the best time.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:29 PM
2

It's fair to say that most of the institutional parts of the institution of marriage were developed during the period when 99.9% of marriages ended with a death.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:22 PM
–

It stands to reason that someone who isn't mega hot is going to have middling or worse success regardless of the method. The point here isn't to turn some mid dude into Chad, but to determine whether he does marginally better in person or in pics, and then lean into that.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:12 PM
1

I see you don't have a flair: please make it "imbecile they <whatever whatever> pebbles" I am begging you.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:05 PM
3

There's nothing ethically objectionable to this as far as I can see. My concerns have to do with mental health and life satisfaction. Generally speaking I think people are the happiest and healthiest when they have diversified goals and can be flexible in how they meet them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 08:01 PM
6

Nah man, it's because the vast majority of people think ignoring free will and having people paired up by AI sounds abhorrent.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 07:58 PM
–

I think the individual case relates to the societal one, but yes, I follow you. Men won't tolerate a society where, at scale, women are fucking guys they had way more desire for (however long it took for that lust to be generated) when the women are young, leaving all sorts of average men out of the game then. But later 'settling' for guys they do not feel as much desire for when the women get older. I don't think we can even present conclusions about how common this is.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 07:51 PM
–

You bring up an interesting point, which is -- I think sometimes we overlook that all this cultural advice about looks not mattering is not necessarily being aimed at less-attractive people to fluff them up and make them feel good about themselves. A great deal of that advice is intended to remind people to not overemphasize looks when searching for a partner. Because we (society) know that people are attracted to attractive people. And it is wise to look deeper when trying to pair up long-term,…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 07:45 PM
–

I have to say, 'men are deluded because of porn!' sounds like the most ridiculous premise. Like way to give men absolutely no credit for understanding fantasy and make-believe and that this product exists and is curated to fill a market-driven need. However... I have been part of some exchanges here in which men explicitly said their expectations for what genuine female sexual desire looks like is: porn. I am reluctantly coming to the conclusion that there are some men (I trust not most of them)…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 07:40 PM
–

Super relevant point. Men want women to understand their own desire and share that information, but women are supposed to possess this knowledge intrinsically without acting on their desire or experimenting with it to learn its shape and details. As I get told anytime I grump about being bad at something I don't practice enough: "No practice! Only good!"
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:54 PM
–

In particular, men don't want the women they pair with to have actually slept with men who generated fast desire for her, and for whom desire levels were way higher. See, this is itself nearly a reasonable thing to want. It allows for the fact that different women have different speeds for reaching 'I'd like to fuck' stage. It tries to preclude women pairing up with him who feel lukewarm attraction, which is also reasonable. The main place it falls down is that it doesn't account for women who m…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:50 PM
–

I think he's attractive. He's got a guy nextdoor vibe rather than an edgy one, but it suits him.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:11 PM
–

I agree with EugeneCezanne on this. There are people who have the unfortunateness to combine enough broadly-unattractive traits that there will be a general consensus that they are unattractive. But most people fall into the wide middle standard deviation and in that space having different taste in which exact men are of interest to you is a good thing, because it means you're not in direct competition with your friends for the same guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:08 PM
–

To be fair, when women get together and compare crushes, there is also a fair bit of "him? Really?" that goes down. Attractiveness is weirdly both very basic/generalizable (in that there are traits and attributes that tend to show up over and over again) and very idiosyncratic. This gets more obvious when you are looking at people's crushes out of the normal average swathes of the population, but you can sometimes see it in celebrity crushes too. My theory is that the idiosyncratic parts relate …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:03 PM
–

Which is kind of wild considering the whole red pill metaphor is 'you're not gonna like the truth but here it is.'
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 05:49 PM
1

Nobody is more gullible than someone who wants to believe, it's true.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 01:55 PM
–

Sure, though at some point we have to start really getting detailed and considering how we define makeup exactly. Cosmetics have existed in Europe and European-colonized locales since the Middle Ages at least, in addition to other places that I'm less personally familiar with. But obviously 14th C Italian cosmetics are pretty different from 21st C. cosmetics, and tended to be used more occasionally and in certain social classes and roles for the most part. There is solid analysis to be done abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 01:54 PM
–

Right, I have to qualify because I myself usually don't, and neither did my mother. But that's different from it being a cultural norm, which I think is what they were driving at.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 01:49 PM
–

Nobody here had a grandma who didn't wear makeup. Or at least, nobody here had a grandma who lived in an era where it was unusual for women to wear makeup. Ymmv, of course I don't know your actual grandmas.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 01:06 AM
3

I know that 'whore' there is a typo, but friend, I laughed out loud and startled my kid. 😆
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 12:43 AM
2

We're talking about all of it, aren't we? Elder care is just as normal as childcare (and increasingly more relevant as my peers and I get older).
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:12 PM
–

Even so, on average it seems to be the case that they dislike her makeup less than they dislike her unmade-up face.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:10 PM
–

I feel like it would be illuminating for men to spend a lot of time around women who don't wear makeup.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:08 PM
–

Lol, take my damn upvote. Your Sistine Chapel eyebrows sent me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:02 PM
–

I think most men are ambivalent-to-dislike noticeable makeup styles, with some exceptions (like you said, e-girl makeup, some love a vintage glam look, etc.) I think the 'generic' male perspective on female beauty is: natural blemish-free stunning beauty with a clean face > subtle natural-looking makeup > visible makeup in a style that they appreciate, but still light on the skin > anything with visible foundation/powder.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:00 PM
–

Yes, thank you. To be fair I think a large part of this comes from actual ignorance (the difference between a gymbro and a bodybuilder may not be obvious to someone who isn't that interested in lifting, in the same way that the difference between a clean face and a natural makeup look may not be obvious to someone who doesn't apply makeup).
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:51 PM
2

Tbf, this is fairly true, because 'unpaid domestic labor' covers a lot of ground. It includes both simple physical tasks like cleaning a mirror and complex emotional labor like caring for elderly parents at their end of life. So you kind of have to identify scope to make sure you're comparing like with like.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:43 PM
2

Yeah, I don't see why anyone would find that a bad thing. It's an awkward imperfect tool.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:22 PM
5

Mercifully my human adult coworkers never scream at me, nor do they wail in misery when their desires are thwarted, nor do they throw up on the floor and saunter away unconcerned. (I started this comment thinking of toddlers and ended it thinking of cats, but honestly I think it works either way.)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:15 PM
2

This is well said, and regarding point 3, I feel it's worth noting that when you've been doing A Thing all day, sometimes you just want an opportunity to do A Different Thing. Even if both things are labor of some sort, changing tasks can be mentally refreshing. This comes up in the context of SAHPs all the time, where the working parent comes through the door and the SAHP wants them to take over child wrangling immediately. I think that comes not from a sense that the working parent hasn't been…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:12 PM
6

Eh, these kinds of arguments are irritating because they're impossible to prove in the specifics, but there's no compelling reason to believe spending some time researching before making a purchasing decision isn't a good use of time and labor. Sometimes when you make a hasty decision you end up having to replace a poor-quality item in short order, or accidentally buy the wrong version of the thing (see my spouse's most recent charging cable purchase -- oops). Presumably there are diminishing re…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 08:07 PM
5

That's a full-on hobby, that is.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:57 PM
3

It's weird to say that unpaid domestic labor doesn't exist. Obviously it exists (I did some a few minutes ago). You're trying to make an argument about unpaid domestic labor imbalances within households, which is fine, but it would have been a stronger premise if you'd phrased it differently. I also don't agree that domestic labor is irrelevant, although I think the evidence suggests we are moving closer to parity on that front compared to twenty, forty, or sixty years ago. The important part of…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:44 PM
7

Sure, except a.) this dynamic can also take place in a cohabitation situation where finances are practically and legally separate, and more importantly, b.) 'unpaid domestic labor' is the phrase used not to emphasize the financial status of the person doing the labor, but to differentiate it from paid domestic labor of various kinds.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:32 PM
1

I suppose it would depend on why we didn't match on the dating app. But in general, I tend to think that dating apps involve a lot of guesswork hoping to up the odds of an in-person meeting going well. If the in-person meeting already happened and went well, in most cases the dating app miss is irrelevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 07:27 PM
3

What? I have no idea what this social media challenge is, and your post did not make it clear. Social media challenge + custody = suss AF though.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 01:39 AM
4

I'm not talking about orgies. Did you think I meant someone literally having sex with more than one person at the same time? I'm talking about someone who is having sex with multiple people over the course of the relevant timespan during which conception would have occurred. ETA: I am also assuming for the sake of logistics that one of those people is the presumptive biodad.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 11:17 PM
4

People who are having sex with more than one person at the same time still get pregnant accidentally, and they don't necessarily know who the father is. Though they may believe they know, or have a strong suspicion. (And they may be incorrect.) I think disclosing the possibility of paternal question is the right thing to do, but I'm not sure failing to do that equals intent to defraud. If it did, for one thing, the crime should stand even if it later turned out to be the case that the bio dad wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 11:03 PM
2

if you are willing to go through it, you absolutely have an intent Hold up, you lost me. People get pregnant through carelessness or negligence all the time. And many people don't consider aborting an accidental pregnancy for a variety of reasons. How are you considering those cases intentional?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 10:45 PM
–

Sure but I don't have statistics to hand, and I don't want to argue with that guy about the statistics, and it isn't necessary to my argument anyway. Feel free, I just don't have the heart to dig into that today.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 10:41 PM
2

So... no women meet the expectations that have been devised by examining a make-believe fantasy performance for the camera? Shocking.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 10:39 PM
6

Wouldn't intent to deceive be proven by the very fact that the individual knew multiple people could be the father but willingly hid that information from the person they claimed to be the father? Not exactly. Clearly they intended to deceive their partner about having other sex partners, but I can pretty easily see someone being like, 'oh shit, maybe I got pregnant when I had that affair sex,' and stressing that they were gonna get caught, but then the baby is born and it kinda looks like the p…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 09:59 PM
7

Good point. What sorts of penalties are typical for other types of perjury?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 09:40 PM
–

Attention, the gender wars have been deferred until after the billionaire takedown has been completed. Please reconvene at that time.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 09:25 PM
2

I guess? It seems unnecessary though.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 05:22 PM
6

I don't think you needed to make up a fallacy to describe making assumptions about other people.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 04:21 PM
-1

See, we'd have to get into the weeds arguing about each of these specific items which I don't have a desire to do today. They are each worthy of a closer look in their own threads (and tbh have been debated specifically many times). Suffice it to say, I don't fully agree with your position on each of these points, and that explains the disparity in our positions there.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 04:10 PM
-1

So far I've seen and agreed to some cases where women get a small unfair advantage. So I have to say I think your thesis here is also exaggerated.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:59 PM
2

Seems legit.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:27 PM
-1

I don't expect that, and I didn't say so. I said that OP's belief is exaggerated and unfounded.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:21 PM
2

You must hang out with the 1%!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:15 PM
2

Hahaha, citation needed!!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:14 PM
3

.....you are aware that mothers are feminists, SAHMs are feminists, lots of feminists cook, clean, and have sex, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:07 PM
3

I am serious. I'm also not making the reverse comparison you made above. They are indeed completely different issues. I agree that the majority of women do not experience rape -- the reason it is treated as a more pervasive issue is because it is distributed throughout all ages, social groups, economic groups, and so on, so the concern about being raped does impact all people. In contrast, homelessness is of concern to a smaller group of people who find themselves in real risk of it, while a lot…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:01 PM
0

Right, I am not going to pick apart each of these findings (though I think some of them are a little less straightforward than you presented them). Someone else might have the energy for that but it's not what I'm interested in here. However -- the advantages you are describing aren't at all the same as women exerting little or no effort, right? It would look more like: a boy and a girl both work hard writing an essay of the same caliber, and he is scored at 92% while hers is scored at 95%. If t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:54 PM
1

In some sense because people don't a give a shit about men. We're disposable. Well, I don't believe this, and I don't treat the men in my life this way. Is this really how everyone you know treats you? Do you treat other men in your life this way also? we live in an oppressive patriarchy where men have had it too good for too long, and all efforts must be concentrated on women. Sure, but this doesn't mean people should treat men like shit. Especially in personal relationships. Again, I believe p…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:39 PM
7

Nah, not to downplay homelessness by any means, but it's just facts to say that homelessness is a thing that affects a relatively small percentage of people. It's important, but not a common factor to male life in the way menstruation is a common factor to female-bodied life. The comparison is off. Honestly this is an issue with several of the statistical points OP made -- these are issues that disproportionally affect men (and that matters), but they aren't common issues that are a part of most…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:31 PM
16

So, the specific claim you are making is about ease -- which I am going to consider to be the ability to expend minimal or no effort and receive acceptable or positive outcomes. However, I noticed that for most of the examples you point out, you are comparing outcomes without any real evaluation of the effort expended. School/uni -- is it your observation that women obtain success here (good grades, good placements, admission to competitive programs, degrees) with low effort, or dramatically les…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:21 PM
1

to allow someone to live in a comfortable world of assurance that I don't ever remotely get to live in myself. Maybe this is the crux of the issue -- can we dig into this belief some? It seems that although the world can be a tough, uncaring place, close personal relationships are meant to provide a buffer and respite from that harshness. Why can't you live in a world where your partner (and other people who are close to you and care about you) treat you with care and reassurance?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:05 PM
5

Unfortunately, the internet democratized therapy jargon, so everyone can now use it and misuse it. The presence of that vocabulary is no guarantee that the person using it actually understands the concepts, much less has developed the corresponding skills and is able to use them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:00 PM
3

Ah, but this time they baited the hook with an actual worm!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:55 PM
5

So true. We are so poorly equipped to coexist with existential horror and our attempts are feeble.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:54 PM
1

.....tapestry hoes?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:52 PM
2

Do you do cinnamon rolls?!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:45 PM
1

I think it's pretty easy to identify why women might like to have their father walk them down the aisle despite its vestigial symbolism of property transfer. Equivalizing these different manifestations of sexual control over young women doesn't make a lot of sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:27 PM
2

Excuse me, TIL that Tobey Maguire is 51, I need to walk into the sea.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:20 PM
3

I legit love that your boundary on this is 'be respectful and tip them.'
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:15 PM
1

I have a theory it might also have been more common in a particular place and time.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:13 PM
1

In addition to what others have said, I wanted to chime in that this expectation isn't completely gendered -- my partner and I both have an agreement that we will give kind but honest assessments if we ask each other sartorial questions like this. It sounds like you need a partner who values accuracy as much as you do (or at least more than your ex did) -- that's something you can take into your next relationship decision.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:04 PM
4

I think it depends, because people who are drawn to TRP come to it with different foci and perspectives. I think there is a contingent that appreciates a set of clear directives to follow, with relatively immediate results, as you say. I also think there is a contingent whose main draw is that TRP ideas, and the adjacent ideas in related spaces, validate their own beliefs about dating and their feelings of having been screwed over in some way. There are a lot of people with a lot of resentment, …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 07:28 PM
1

Although I think that probably you can get away with having no backbone if you are the right combination of hot enough and/or fun enough to be around -- I kind of feel like we downplay the role of luck in general in people getting together. Obviously all these factors matter but sometimes I think the dumb luck of being in the right place at the right time tips it over the edge, kwim?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 05:55 PM
1

Completely true. Being good often requires courage which people sans backbone mostly lack.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 05:52 PM
0

This is fair. I think the apps suck but building a real-life social network is not a quick or easy fix either.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 05:50 PM
–

Kind of, but the way you frame this is misleading. "Weak and shy guys" display clear behavioral characteristics that are less appealing to date, on average, than the 'strong and confident' guys that would be their characteristics inverse. If you present as your premise 'women like to date strong and confident guys more than weak and shy guys' I think all else being equal you'd have few dissenters. "Violent misogynists," are a different axis of behaviors (and incidentally not diametrically oppose…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 05:46 PM
–

I'm actually open in theory to government-organized initiatives to address male loneliness. I'd love to hear what actual ideas people have for what that could look like, though. My suspicion is that a metric ton of good would be done on that front by ameliorating poverty and improving mental health for all populations but particularly those in below-mean income households.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 10:11 PM
3

Aw, damn. I can't pass up any opportunity for a spreadsheet. I hear your perspective, but this actually does seem more difficult in practice, even if both people are acting with the best intentions. Opening up to someone is a process with steps, and increases in trust at each stage when disclosures are handled sensitively.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 10:00 PM
4

Genuine question: although most people don't need an actual spreadsheet to navigate appropriateness of sensitive topics based on intimacy level of the audience, such a thing could probably be developed. My question is: would a tool like that be actually useful to people who find it difficult to determine how to open up in socially acceptable ways? Would they use it to guide their behavior?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 08:47 PM
–

Bisexual people aren't open to being cheated on; in addition to being wrong this is a wildly biphobic comment to make. You're off-base by thinking that the only way to be comfortable in a relationship is to be emotionally detached. But I agree slightly in that the risk of being cheated on exists anytime one is in a relationship, and if you are preoccupied by the possibility and terrified of it, you're likely going to find yourself doing messed-up, controlling things to try to protect yourself fr…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:30 PM
–

This doesn't really seem arguable -- it makes sense that these self-reinforce in a vicious spiral. I'm interested in examining the roots of those responses, in order to try to identify places where that cycle can be broken (or intercepted before it gets started). In my opinion that looks like people developing more resilience and the ability to respond to setbacks and disappointments with equanimity. How do we help young people to develop these skills?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:21 PM
–

Right?! I watched the really unfortunate Hugh Jackman Les Mis, I can do this. 😆
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 08:58 PM
2

I don't really have a disagreement with your premise in principle --- I would agree that a particular set of standards might not be meaningfully related to relationship success. I sort of fundamentally don't understand what there is to debate here, though. Everyone's standards are individual (and often rather idiosyncratic). It feels like we are trying to make a case for a broad assessment (X people have standards that are too high, or poorly related to happiness, or whatever), but I don't see h…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 07:12 PM
–

I haven't made myself sit down and watch the films yet because I really like the stage show and am afraid I won't be able to get over it being its own thing. I really need to do that one of these days.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:57 PM
–

Man, I can't say enough good things about this Little Women. It's so thoughtfully structured and beautifully filmed.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:51 PM
3

Hugo Weaving is a godsdamned delight.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 03:44 AM
3

Oh, I think childcare expectations are wildly different from the 1960s! In a combination of ways, some of which I agree with, and others that I definitely don't. That's a fascinating and complicated topic because it's not just parents deciding to do more or differently, there have been serious societal shifts in thought about this (and structural changes too). I totally thought you were going to talk about home cleaning standards though, which is a different (though also interesting) conversatio…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 07:02 PM
1

Fwiw this type of content is out there. I've mostly left IG these days so I can't remember names, but there were at least a couple dudes I was following who were focusing on body positivity and ED recovery from a male POV.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 06:45 PM
2

I'm not terribly optimistic that online dating can be 'fixed' or improved in a way that will bypass its most obvious, pernicious drawbacks. But since it's not going away, fuck it, might as well tinker with it and try to improve it anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 04:41 PM
1

I feel slandered. 😭
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:12 AM
3

At one point around the turn of the 20th century children were running amok in the streets unsupervised so some enterprising do-gooders invented playgrounds to create relatively safe spaces for them to play and hopefully not be squashed by a milkcart. This take is ahistorical in the extreme and one of the obvious tells is how you imagine mothers in the Beforetimes were doing so much intensive hands-on parenting. They were not.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:05 AM
1

Yeah, I think that there's potential for relationships to take on a leader/follower dynamic which I actually think is fine if it suits the persons involved and isn't imposed dogmatically from the outside. I suspect a great many relationships actually operate this way the majority of the time due to personality, even if the ultimate Final Word is settled more egalitarianly (or even in a leadership dynamic tilted the other direction). There's some interesting research about followership out there,…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 01:44 AM
3

I feel like 'strawman' is the wrong word for this phenomenon, but that's just a semantic argument and it doesn't change the main thrust of your debate. I have two thoughts about what you describe. First, there's an element of this that tends to fall on anyone (especially anyone young) who expresses clear and specific ideas about what they want their future life to entail. Mainly it comes from older people (not necessarily vastly older -- ten years is plenty). I personally think this is partly we…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 01:25 AM
2

Maybe it's stripping! Honestly I have no idea but I'm now chewing over this like a puzzle. Some area of academia maybe.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 07:53 PM
1

This seems so obvious to me. Like, I think it's a little weird to be worried about, but if it's a big deal to you mention it way ahead of time in the dating process so it's super upfront.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 07:31 PM
0

Mmmph, too much generalizing despite there being a grain of truth. Yes, most women who are upset and hurt by an unexpected demand for a paternity test are not going to go all the way through to a divorce on that basis alone. Divorce is actually a pretty last-ditch contingency most of the time, and that goes doubly for someone pregnant or with a newborn. That doesn't mean, however, that the hurt and breach in the trust relationship isn't grave and significant. It's very unlikely that it would blo…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 07:25 PM
2

I don't necessarily think it would be ethically bankrupt or anything, but there are logistical considerations that make it a less-than-compelling option as a blanket practice.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 07:18 PM
–

The real psyop is men gaslighting themselves into believing fashion is dumb and boring and gay and effeminate.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:54 PM
–

Speak for yourself, men in '70s shorts are hot AF. It certainly wasn't my idea to have y'all wearing baggy everything down to the knee all the time. Fashion is complicated and cyclical and people use it to signal a bunch of stuff, including but absolutely not limited to sexual availability/desirability.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:47 PM
1

I do love me a good analog pasttime but I also notice that there is a lot of digital content about digital detoxing, which... seems a little sus. 🤨 Meanwhile, sometimes I get to talk to people here about weird topics that don't come up at work.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:42 PM
2

Yeah, it'd be unpopular. Quite unfortunate.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:30 PM
5

Some feminists do advocate for this already. (I'm one). Some women do pay on dates. It's simply not the case that "no women will choose to pay on a date." There is no actual mechanism for feminism to "deal with this instantly." Feminists who believe in splitting date costs have to convince feminists who don't, the same as anyone else does. There isn't even a feminism High Council or anything that can put out a ruling or recommendation. I understand that date paying is just an example. This is my…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:24 PM
0

Eh, I think a segment of female voters would vote in favor of equality. Whether that's enough together with whatever segment of male voters would vote that way, or whether any politician wants to deal with the unpopularity too, is hard to say. This isn't my nation so I don't have enough information to have a more developed opinion on this, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:15 PM
3

Huh, I did not know that. That actually seems like a policy that should be adjusted, unless I'm lacking important context.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:08 PM
3

Again, facing pushback and disagreement isn't really losing, right? It's a basic part of arguing for social change. I disagree with randos calling you 'brokie,' but I can't think of how to argue for social change in a way that will be popular with everyone. If it's an important social change it's worth enduring the discomfort of people disagreeing with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 06:07 PM
6

Sure, I understand the practical aspects of trying to thread a needle in this way. I don't actually think launching into a big speech about equality is a sensible idea. I'm honestly pretty sympathetic to men who are trying to balance their beliefs with tactical success pragmatically in this way and making concessions in terms of their actual behavior. The real-world pressures are a bitch and I get that. What makes less sense to me is online rhetoric that is anti-feminist in nature. It makes sens…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 04:30 PM
3

Right. I think my definition is closer to, 'because of feminism X works out better for men' -- a definition that doesn't rely very much on direct control of outcomes. More of a 'things are better in X way' descriptor. I see your understanding though and don't necessarily disagree within that scope.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:15 PM
1

Ja, I saw that later. Fair enough I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:12 PM
0

I don't think it was, but no point arguing over it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:12 PM
1

Ah, you answered my question elsethread well enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:11 PM
2

I've never met anyone who loathed Quakers before -- what's that about?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:09 PM
2

Huh, I'd agree, that needs to go.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:05 PM
19

Your female coworkers get more days off?! How does that (and the retiring earlier) work?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:03 PM
3

You seem to be making an argument (correct me if I'm wrong) that the only benefits are protected legal powers. I can sort of see the logic in saying that feminism hasn't granted men as a class any new legal powers (I can't think of any off the top of my head -- maybe things relating to being present at their child's birth, but I'm not sure that's legally protected so much as a cultural norm, and anyway the mother's wishes probably still supercede his there). I think I don't define 'benefits' so …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:00 PM
1

The comment upthread was claiming the premise: in order for old gender norms to be killed, men need to want to do it. Obviously men have free will and can do what they wish. Edit to correct quote-from-memory.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 02:52 PM
8

I don't really agree that "it doesn't matter," but I think you speak cogently about the tension that exists when two different paradigms are both in play. That's definitely real and causes real difficulties. I actually think feminism does talk some about male gender roles being outdated and what it looks like to move on from that. But I think it's fair to say it's not the central focus of feminist dialogue and that more attention is paid to women's roles and experiences. Can I ask -- since the t…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 02:49 PM
1

No, it's absolutely possible to do something for reasons other than liking it. We all do things we don't like all the time. Whether it makes you a hypocrite or not has to do with whether taking the distasteful action compromises your values or not, not with whether you enjoy it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 01:17 PM
1

That all sounds pretty unlikely. But even if it were true... would it matter in some way? What difference would it make to the 'unselected men,' to know this, or to the 'powerless women' to hear this?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 01:03 AM
–

You are better off being a bachelor and have ONS or GF’s, unless you just can’t get sex elsewhere. Yeah, I think we all really underplay how much limerance amps up a person's baseline sexual desire. I'm not anti-marriage at all, but I would tend to agree that you have to be interested in that commitment for solid reasons above and beyond regular sex. There is unfortunately no way to guarantee that you will want to keep having sex with someone (or they will want to keep having sex with you) forev…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 11:29 PM
–

This. There's a grain of truth in the OP -- I don't think anyone truly believes that being intentionally misleading about what your ideal sex life will look like is fair to your partner or likely to end well. But I think flattening a sexual relationship between two people over a long period of time into a math problem between their two libidos is woefully oversimplified. There are too many factors at play and many of them (the effect of kids, the effect of a decade of age, everyone's health leve…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 11:25 PM
1

If you're looking long enough or obviously enough to have lost plausible deniability, yeah, that's a thing to work on.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 11:12 PM
8

Women don't know what you're thinking unless you externalize it somehow.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 09:32 PM
9

That's what we call an intrusive thought. Which is normal enough, but yeah, your job as a person is to catch yourself doing that and practice doing better.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 09:10 PM
4

Sure did. It's a pretty consistent model across any type of transaction. It could also be applied to earning academic credentials, or negotiating salary, or whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 06:32 PM
2

It's a rubric; you could probably 'score' each skill from 0-10 and roughly map out any person's social skill level. Of course each individual will be more or less skillful (aka have a higher or lower total score). Different people have different skill levels (and may be good at or struggle with different sections of this chart). Women are not exempt from this, and are not universally socially skilled in all ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 06:29 PM
8

You're conflating two different things here. It's perfectly possible (savvy, even) to leverage a mechanism that provides a possibility for advantage for yourself, but not love the system. It's even possible to love the advantage you gain while disliking the mechanism. If work for tips, as a server say, and I know I make more money when I smile and act friendly with the customers, it would be foolish of me not to do that, even if I dislike it. It's possible to think that this is a stupid system o…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 06:22 PM
3

Same, but I assume that speaks to the kind of friends I have. TBH the women who most enjoyed 50 Shades seem to be exactly the ones who have no real interest or experience with BDSM in real life. Which is fine (and probably best, since as you say it's an awful handbook).
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 05:26 PM
2

Bahahaha, I'm glad you worked that out, I would have never.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 05:23 PM
7

"abused by an ancient minotaur" sent me. 💀
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 05:05 PM
3

My guy gets compliments from random people (a decent mix of men and women) about his distinctive moustache all the time. When my hair is distinctive we keep a running score when we go about about who collects more comments. I think noticing/commenting on fashion and styling choices is a thing done more by women, but it's definitely some men as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 01:36 AM
–

I have my own theories about why survey results of high schoolers might work out that way, but it's interesting whether I'm on track of off base.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:49 PM
–

Interesting, thanks!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 03:53 PM
–

Do we actually have data suggesting that Gen Z men are more interested in marriage and procreation than Gen Z women? I see this conversation conflating dating, sex, marriage, and procreation pretty freely, but these are not at all the same thing even though they relate to one another. I would expect that the number of people interested in dating would be higher than the number interested in marriage, for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 02:44 PM
3

Low-key jealous of your homebirth! I had one planned with my third but instead got a placental abruption at 36 weeks and an unplanned C-section. Obviously given the circumstances that was all for the best, but it was too damn bad. I'm glad you all got to experience it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 12:56 AM
–

Yes! This is the part that I think gets left out of this conversation. There are presumably people who lie or say what their partner wants to hear, but there are also a whole lot of people who have genuine good intentions but abysmal follow-through. Either way the end result is unsatisfactory division of labor.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:48 PM
–

I can get behind this, but it doesn't weed out men whose gender politics and expectations are egalitarian and great but who have awful standards for maintaining a home.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:42 PM
6

It's frightening. In some ways it's a bit of a mindfuck to know that pregnancy and birth is the safest it's ever been in history, and even so it's still quite unpredictable and scary.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:11 PM
8

Wise words. "Unglamorous and humbling" is dead on. Hang in there; may your labor and birth be calm and easy and your kid healthy and a good sleeper. 🖤
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:09 PM
5

It's almost as if perhaps there could be a healthy middle road between "being hedonistic and organizing life around my immediate comfort and convenience" and 'sacrificing my physical self, financial security, and personhood.' I think the question of virtue is actually a good one. Sacrificing for duty and to care for others is virtuous, but so is setting healthy boundaries and caring for the self. If increasingly there seems to be no balanced route forward and people feel stuck choosing between t…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:07 PM
7

You're focusing overly much on the risk of death and not considering all of the other outcomes that a person risks throughout a pregnancy and postpartum. Pregnancy is a really involved process that interconnects with every system in the human body, which means that any individual has no way of knowing which possible outcomes they'll walk away with.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 09:52 PM
3

This feels familiar. I think for me the best word for it is 'vocational' -- it felt like something that would be meaningful and challenging and I wanted to be a part of it. I can't explain it any better nor can I explain why people who don't have that urge don't have it. Having kids isn't really a logical decision -- when you break it down pragmatically it mostly doesn't make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 09:46 PM
2

Well, we are!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 09:26 PM
1

None idea, but this reminded me of a song lyric. "But a long-legged twenty-something looks as good as ever, And her mother, and her grandma both look better every day."
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:11 PM
3

Actually we should probably bring dancing back. It's social and active, both things we all could use a lot more of.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 07:35 PM
1

when women (quite rightly) complain about men expecting them to do the bulk of the house chores, do you tell them to just 'not date those men'? Honestly, yeah, I would advise people to date people who expect to split house chores equitably and who are competent at domestic work in general. It is a bit more difficult though in the sense that paying for dates happens immediately in a new relationship (you can see if they follow through on what they say) whereas sharing a household takes longer to …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 07:28 PM
5

It's not 1st world men's fault that they are attracted to women from Thailand, Philippines, Columbia, and Venezuela, but 1st world women are only attracted to men from the "good countries" and have a certain amount of privilege and social status. Bizarrely this is a tacit acceptance of the notion that some percentage of the least-desirable men are just undateable, too bad, oh well -- you're just okay with it if they're Thai, Filipino, Colombian, or Venezuelan.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 10:49 PM
3

Yeah, chronic illness treatment (which is basically what mental health treatment is) is a whole different ballgame, and it's often really hard for people to make that shift from the well/unwell binary paradigm to a spectrum paradigm of more or less severe symptoms.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 09:46 PM
3

Sure? I don't really see accusing someone of something incorrectly as lying so much as being wrong, but ymmv.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 08:16 PM
6

The response to that accusation is, 'no, I want a loving and respectful relationship where we team up on life and divide labor in this way.' The accusation is 'you don't even care about the person, their hopes, dreams, ambitions, or who they are.' If that's not true, that's the rebuttal.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:55 PM
1

I think this hinges mainly on whether there are serious feelings of disgust on either's part towards the other. We tend to talk about attraction and sexual orientation in terms of positive feelings, aka what traits or genders entice you, because in regular life that's more relevant, but in an extremely limited scenario like this it becomes all about whether the idea of sex with that other person revolts you or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:24 PM
7

Sorry, this hypothetical is strained and doesn't prove anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:20 PM
4

It is absolutely about semantics. This is a good place to recognize you didn't really understand the word and walk back your claim.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:17 PM
3

No thanks. I watched too many documentaries about the Habsburg dynasty.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:15 PM
7

20 people is already too few. There's no way back from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:03 PM
1

So really the 14 people in the hypothetical who are procreating need to not.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 04:00 PM
1

If you are looking for a strictly transactional exchange of financial support for housework and sex, I personally find that squicky. But it's not unethical as long as you are completely transparent about it and pair up with someone who finds that arrangement satisfactory.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 03:54 PM
3

Eh, the real problem is that the phrase 'bare minimum' is vague AF and doesn't have a specific, fixed meaning. People use it to try to describe that they're not asking for a lot, relative to their own perspective, but everyone has their own perspective. It's just not a terribly useful term.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 11:40 AM
2

Always in imminent danger? Yes, that's way above baseline. That would have to interfere with ADLs in a really debilitating way. They're in active distress constantly. That person needs serious professional help, not a partner who validates their emotions.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 12:10 AM
4

Wild.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:42 PM
12

Tbf, nobody likes being called out by data. That's why my Garmin is very rude to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:27 PM
5

Right. Risk assessment and risk tolerance are only somewhat related to actual statistical risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:36 PM
6

Oh hey, so I'm actually a super data-driven nerd, and I am also the sort to have time data to reference (I find it helpful in managing my ADHD, what can I say). I also have the type of autism that has a horrible time letting an inaccuracy stand (you are all shocked by this, I can tell). My response recommendation, that both validates the feeling and sets the record straight in a way that satisfies my brain, would be something like, "I don't think I played videogames that much last week -- my log…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:30 PM
2

Ah, it's pretty hard to validate someone's feelings while dismissing them as neuroticism at the same time, yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:22 PM
3

True, good point. Many people do kinda suck at identifying what will actually make them feel better, and just stab around in the dark hopefully. I contend talking about it improves it, though -- even if you have to say super asinine things like, 'ugh, I thought I wanted to cuddle but now I'm just sitting here being mad while cuddling, this isn't working, let's try something different.'
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:19 PM
3

That just means her perceptions and what she wants are more important than his perceptions and what he wants. Nah. Again, the perceptions don't really matter (unless you are arguing with the sort of eminently rational person who will actually be able to reason themselves out of a feeling when presented with new factual info -- not common). This is true for both of them. What she wants matters. What he wants matters. Neither one is more important. When two people want different things, they can c…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:15 PM
9

I've never heard a claim that the difference is entirely social, and that sounds absurd to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:04 PM
5

Well yeah, because the emotion is the problem. Not the small chance of a random rapist. Validating and supporting someone through a difficult emotion is a pretty solid fix.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:21 PM
2

but the messaging is always the same work for the same pay Not really? I'm not quibbling that many people fail to engage very deeply with the topic and misunderstand it in this vein, but it's definitely not hard to find people talking about it in a more sophisticated way. People who are invested in closing the wage gap and engaged with that work understand that means addressing the related gender imbalances (such as who does more caregiving, who does more overtime, what fields people go into, et…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:14 PM
9

Therapists would tell you this is the place to use 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements. It isn't 'you play videogames too much,' it's 'I want to do X with you during your videogame time' or whatever. Their perception doesn't really matter, which is why making it more accurate almost never does anything to defuse the argument. Their feeling that they want X matters. (which anyone with half a neuron would recognise as setting up an unsatisfiable condition - her perception will always be tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:06 PM
3

We really should. I don't like to get too moral panic about this, but internet connectivity combined with pocket computers really is the wild west for the human brain and people a few centuries on are probably going to be aghast at the way we did this.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 12:48 AM
7

Speech, instruction (given and received), debate, plus of course reading others' written words (both texts and correspondence) and writing one's own (not all written word communication happens as published work).
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 12:41 AM
11

This is mistaken. Of course books were not the only medium for engaging with intellectual ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 09:38 PM
3

Sure there is. Philosophy and intellectualism in general has always been the realm of a relatively small group of people (skewing towards the elites who could spare the time and access to education that fuels them). The general public in 1792 wasn't putting their every thought on the internet for you to read but the everyday banality of human existence is ongoing. If anything the Internet has probably made philosophy more accessible to people outside elite spheres (while at the same time providi…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 09:36 PM
16

Excellent comment. Men who will not believe anything a woman tells them should not waste everyone's time asking questions pointlessly.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 07:37 PM
–

It feels like men are expected to show emotional investment without ever making the other person feel restricted. Yes, basically. Although in a committed long-term relationship it's fair to have an understanding that your decisions affect your partner, and agreements about how you both will navigate that. In regards to your quote though -- most people want their partner to be on their team. They want a cheerleader, encouragement when the going gets rough, and enthusiasm when they have an idea th…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 07:28 PM
2

Fair. I think probably what I meant was more of, 'it's not surprising that people sometimes misunderstand.'
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 03:30 PM
4

Nah. The generalities are pretty obvious and well-known, and get discussed here all the time. They're not a secret, but for any single item that is generally desirable, there is a significant minority who prefers the opposite. It's more like any commonalities come with a large caveat. 'Women like this -- except for all the ones that like that.'
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:25 PM
4

I feel like in this case you should be doubly aware of how much the average person does not understand taxes. 😆
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:22 PM
6

That's so basic I don't think it could be considered a 'type.' I think most people want a partner who matches this. The poster upthread is talking about personality variations, like -- do you want her to be a bubbly chatterbox that wants to talk to you all the time, or the still-waters-run-deep type who is happy to sit with you silently or work together on a project without necessarily talking nonstop? Do you want to have a busy shared social calendar or do you want to limit that? Do you want to…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:19 PM
5

Yeah, I think it's a little bit of a failure, but also I think it's unfortunately a little bit of how the natural transition from limerance to long-term love goes. I don't mean this as a malicious thing, either. It's very easy to fall in love with the version of someone that they are when they're head over heels for you, you're new and exciting, and they're just getting to know you. That version of the person can inadvertently come off as more emotionally open, more enthusiastic, etc., than thei…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:11 PM
2

I get what you're describing and mainly agree, but I want to point out that men and women both do both sides of this.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:06 PM
1

Yeah, it is true that people (which in this case means women) have a tendency to overgeneralize their experience and believe that their own opinions are more universal than they are in reality. It's not malicious, but it doesn't make understanding any easier.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:03 PM
3

Yeah, I don't think this take is it. You're trying to argue for a utilitarian idea that men doing the vast majority of housework in addition to paid work and whatnot will result in better results for domestic, familial bliss, but all of this assumes that this could happen without taking an emotional, physical, or mental toll on the man. That seems unlikely most of the time. You got a few things right. I do think women tend to find competence hot. And though I think 'feminine energy' is some Tikt…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 12:55 PM
1

I looked up wtf Bunnings was just because of this comment. 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 12:43 PM
1

Actually this is a valid point. People pleasing is a type of manipulation at its heart, though it doesn't involve lying and basically just involves being so agreeable and nice that someone will (hopefully) keep liking you.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 12:31 PM
1

Eh, I would agree with you if you softened this to something like 'the best men for relationships tend to be in relationships' or 'a large proportion of the available men are not necessarily great men to be in a relationship with.' I think statistically that is probably more or less true, because men (and women) who are bad at doing relationships are more likely to find themselves single more often. Finding a great match in the pool of available matches is certainly akin to looking for a rare Ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 12:26 PM
–

Indeed, reexamination is and should be a continual, iterative process. Outcomes matter, and principles matter. That tension is definitely part of what makes system design difficult.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 12:20 PM
–

Yep, and if this is indeed the best option, reexamination should arrive at that conclusion again. There's no reason to assume that people in the past were invariably correct, but a bad system will be demonstrable as bad each time.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 11:43 AM
2

I genuinely had no idea Wikipedia had so many photos of penises. o.O
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 08:23 PM
4

Right, I think it is possible to have a 'you're growing up' celebration or ritual that doesn't hinge on bodily functions that are outside of your control. From my understanding a lot of masculine rituals that transition a boy to a man involve going out and doing some difficult, dangerous, or painful task. I'd be pretty cool with some kind of 'once you have completed X then the community will celebrate you as an adult!' ritual. Maybe our teens could take public transit and complete a quest or som…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 06:38 PM
2

To be honest I think this inclination relates to my general observation that secular US culture doesn't really have enough celebrations, holidays, and lifetime milestones. Many of the ones we do have are directly lifted from religious practices, and adopted with the serial numbers filed off. Which is fine if you're culturally associated with that religion, but doesn't leave much for the fully secular folks.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:58 PM
5

I got a sugar cube corsage for my sweet 16 (a weird tradition that nobody else my age has ever heard of, but apparently was mildly popular in the northeastern US in the 1950s?). Mercifully it was not linked to menstruation, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:55 PM
2

I wouldn't link it directly to puberty, an awkward period that most teens do not want to have extra attention called to, but I do think that coming of age rituals or celebrations are meaningful and worth practicing for young adults of all genders. For what it's worth, there have been many examples of male manhood rituals or celebrations in various cultures. And most modern Americans don't really celebrate a girl's first period formally (thankfully). I actually think high school graduation is bas…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:52 PM
–

Sure. I notice you said, "correctly," which implies you believe there is a right way and a wrong way to pair up romantically/sexually. This is probably the first point to examine and discuss within society, to determine whether there is indeed a correct way for that to work that people can agree on. Laws and policies such as tax expenditure tend to derive from society's ethical codes, so establishing a consensus on the latter will be the most effective way of proposing changes to the former.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:46 PM
11

No. Visual sense occurs by allowing light to be turned into electrical signals by the eyeballs and sent off to the brain, where the brain analyzes the data and in some cases goes, 'wow, very sexy!' and pumps out some arousal chemicals. More or less. All that is being described is a dynamic where the electrical visual signals don't trigger arousal chemicals (or trigger them in smaller quantities), but behavioral stimuli (how he acts, moves, talks, smiles) also trigger arousal chemicals to be sent…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:01 AM
10

Porn is made up. It is a fantasy of how we wish sex/the world works. Wishing real life were more like it is like wishing Tatooine was a real place.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:45 AM
1

I get that, but I think probably the M&Ms themselves aren't the problem in that case, it's the actual idea that upsets.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:39 AM
6

The Original Dick, as Hazbin Hotel so elegantly coined him.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:12 AM
0

Yeah, pretty much that. Like, human beings are not objects and I understand why it rubs people the wrong way to read analogies like that. But I think it can be easier to stay chill and calm and step outside heightened emotions a bit when talking about M&Ms or roller skates or whatever to analyze a dynamic, because it puts a little bit of distance between us and the analogy. So I personally try to give some grace to people who offer analogies to try to explain their perspective. (It might also be…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:04 AM
–

Honestly this is probably the number one disenchantment of growing up. Yes, you can fail, at things you really cared about and wanted.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:45 AM
3

What you are observing here is the tendency for ancient literature to provide instructive and cautionary lessons, like 'disregarding the instructions of a god will end in big fuckery for humankind.' This isn't particularly about women or their choices. People making bad choices and being punished for it is bread and butter stuff in ancient texts.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 08:08 PM
3

True, true.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:56 PM
5

"My only love, sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!"
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:53 PM
3

Romeo was a besotted horndog who went to the party to stare at Rosaline, saw Juliet, and lost his damn mind over her instead in approximately four seconds. Dude is so fickle even his bros roast him for his change of heart.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:51 PM
4

Right. Obviously there are lots of women out there who like nerdy guys, but presumably there are also lots who do not, just like there are men who don't like nerdy guys. It's by no means a dating death knell, but it does mean you probably need to locate your market.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:44 PM
2

Agreed.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:41 PM
4

I would say late-stage capitalism, but why not both?!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:32 PM
4

I feel like the specifics of the harm are pretty relevant, too. Getting picked last for flag football is hurtful, but it's a different caliber than having someone trip you and grind your face in the mud. (This is meant to be a pretty vague metaphor -- I don't have a specific dating harm in mind as analogy.)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:29 PM
0

I mean, there's something pretty distasteful about any kind of analogy that compares people to objects, but I'm sympathetic to the use of analogy to try to lower the temperature on dating dynamics.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:25 PM
3

You're assuming that most men consider a woman who's had past sex partners a 'downgrade.' Most men don't care about that to this degree. Mostly they have their own past sex partners and are fine with that. You're also assuming that most people getting together at 30 are unattractive, and/or that they didn't also have "an attractive woman in her prime" earlier in their dating history. Just because people are marrying later doesn't mean that most men are never sleeping with women under the age of …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:21 PM
8

If I, as a thinking person, observe that a previous situation was unjust, I should celebrate that system being overturned even if it means my personal situation being less advantageous. I don't want to live in a world where injustice is the norm. And I don't want to have an advantage that is the result of an unjust system.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:17 PM
9

It's not really true that there are no obligations and nobody owes anyone anything whatsoever in a society. Aside from the most committed libertarians, everyone believes in a social contract of one sort or another, and recognizes and accepts mutual duties of safety, security, dignity, and care to one another. These responsibilities are codified in law as well as appearing as social customs and mores. There are, of course, lots of differences in exactly what that looks like in practice, and lots …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:08 PM
2

Yeah, I mean, I'm personally somewhat ambivalent about the option to forgive a cheater. It's an interesting question though as it's one on which various religious groups, cultural groups, etc. don't cleave neatly as to which option is more pro-social. I think I agree with you that people inform their attitudes to cheating with general social attitudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:20 PM
2

Question: isn't a person staying with someone through thick and thin (even up to and including being cheated on) an example of that person's loyalty? This discussion makes it seem like men don't value loyalty in their prospective woman so much as they are looking to women's generalized attitude on male loyalty in order to determine how loyal they should be.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:02 PM
5

I think broadly speaking, most people like a variety of cheap and simple touchpoints in their relationship, with more elaborate or special occasions sprinkled in at intervals. Obviously there is a lot of variation between people, but in my experience people's desires for their relationship-sustaining activities mirrors their desires for other lifestyle activities. That is to say, people who like hiking in general probably are happy to have hiking dates, while people whose lifestyle is such that …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:38 PM
3

This is an odd perspective to me, because it seems likely that the current moment represents something of a low point in terms of women putting up with cheating, right? Of course some people do reconcile with a partner who cheats, but this seems to have been more common in eras past where a divorce was even more damaging than it is today.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 08:50 PM
2

Sexual assault conversations usually focus on women who are assaulted, which is its own problem, but yes, this principle applies to men as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 02:44 AM
4

Half of me?! I honestly have no interest in personal attacks, but your responses are really lacking in substance to debate with. You just keep asserting that you're right and that other respondents are lying, without arguing their specific rebuttals.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 08:46 PM
8

Everyone has some bias; this comment doesn't show a great deal of reflection. Also, 'no u' is not a brilliant rebuttal.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 08:39 PM
9

Interesting. I define my community as my family, my friends, my close geographic neighbors, my regional geographic neighbors, and the world, in concentric rings. I have different duties to each group, with stronger bonds of obligation and mutual support the closer to the center you go. This sounds like a difference of values, not a failure of logic. But can you clarify why the items I mention upthread aren't part of one's obligations to community, with this context?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 08:34 PM
11

You have to show your work here. Why is women volunteering, donating to charity, and participating in society not socialization and fulfillment of their duty to society?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 08:12 PM
7

No, your supports are claims for which you have no evidence. Please see above for specifics.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 07:59 PM
11

No. Because I wouldn't use the word 'selfish' merely to describe a person doing something with self-gratification as part of their purpose (or even as their only purpose), when the net result is also gratifying for someone else. I reserve that word for people doing something for self-gratification where no one else benefits, and more commonly where someone else must endure a dissatisfaction at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 07:58 PM
11

I mean, everything is done to some degree due to self-interest. I'm not sure you can say that because of that, there's no meaningful difference in selfishness between a person who buys an ice cream cone, and someone who donated the money for an ice cream cone to a little kid, so that they can enjoy feeling like the kind of person who would give an ice cream cone to a little kid. Wouldn't we normally call the second person more selfless than the first?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 07:24 PM
9

Women, men, and nonbinary folks are all capable of selfishness. But -- Women are not properly socialized: don't feel any pressure, don't think as being part of a community. Citation needed. I see women regularly feeling pressure to perform, excel, role conflict, and so on, and this is echoed in media -- see the song 'Surface Pressure' in Encanto, the famous America Ferrera speech in Barbie, Paris Paloma's 'Labour,' etc. Women also significantly participate in community building, including social…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 07:20 PM
3

Honestly, assuming Erica retained memories of her Eric experiences, dealing with a nonconsensual physical and mental alteration of this scope would probably fuck up the majority of people for life. Erica would most likely be a mess, her mental health would collapse, and she would act out in one or more ways before dying tragically young.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 06:57 PM
1

Okay. We can argue about that, but it doesn't really matter. If it turns out you're right and these ideas I'm seeking to change are basically baked in, then I'll fail and you don't need to go to any great effort to fight against my efforts.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 04:10 AM
4

All animals are equal. Some animals are more equal than others.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:59 AM
0

Sure, although I don't think I was particularly dismissive about it. I don't think there's anything casual about the marketplace of ideas. Even so, we have radically reshaped dominant beliefs and ideas before, and we will continue to do so.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:50 AM
3

Society is gynocentric and politicians pander to the women’s vote. Can they pander a little harder? It seems like a gynocentric society catering to women would have things like mainly-female leadership, maybe revoke male franchise, super normal things like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:46 AM
3

Finding other people's emotions tiresome and uncompelling is, itself, an emotional perspective. Men would do better if they acknowledged the role of emotion in their own argumentation.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:43 AM
0

Everyone has the power to influence change and not abide by these norms, but they uphold it because it benefits them in some way.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:31 AM
0

It describes ideas. There is nothing unchangeable or destined about prevailing ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:01 AM
-1

This is exactly, literally, what patriarchy is. Patriarchy is all of us upholding patriarchal beliefs and norms, reinforcing them through myriad social mechanisms.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 12:29 AM
1

I think maybe we mean somewhat different things by 'simping.' I tend to think of it as meaning: making ongoing bids of attention, affection, and interest to someone who might not be uninterested, but also isn't reciprocating that energy or escalating the relationship at all. Is that what you're talking about?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 12:22 AM
2

Okay, I guess? Women have been looksmaxxing forever (as have some men -- while the cultural importance placed on male beauty seems to vary more than female beauty across time and place, and according to social group, it's hardly a new idea). Looking attractive attracts more partners which generally means more opportunity to pair up with partners you prefer better. There's argument to be had about whether this dynamic is desirable or how much any given person should go out of their way to improve…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 10:59 PM
1

Honestly, this is totally my pedantic language ass showing itself, but this idea can be expressed in a moralizing way or a morally-neutral way. Probably more often people do mean it in a moralizing way, though, so I take your point.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 05:59 PM
1

Ehhh. This overlooks the many extremely average-looking men (and women) in the various free love movements over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:46 PM
1

Eh, but these ideas are all intertwined and many people consider them to be part of 'sluttiness.' There is a fella just above saying that a woman 'acting slutty' with him, aka being overtly sexual, is disconcerting. I take your point, but this topic is complex and there is a lot of variety in people's experiences and opinions.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:42 PM
1

Ohhhh.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 01:13 AM
1

Yeah, that is what I said. They are separate things.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 01:10 AM
6

Super relatable, haha! I am happy compromising my preferences and being considerate of my spouse when we are together. But when he is out of the house for a long period, I sure revel in the freedom to play whatever music without headphones, turn on lights and get dressed in a puttery fashion while being able to see what I'm doing, and know that when I set things up a certain way they will remain like that until I get back.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 08:01 PM
6

I agree with you. I'm not even bi, but friendship across gender lines of all types has always been normal to me. I can only assume the way I form boundaries between 'friends' and 'maybe more than friends' differs in some way from people who refrain from any kind of closeness with others of their preferred gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:56 PM
1

I think you'll find that a lot of people's experience with relationships (whether by preference or because that's just what they've experienced as normal) falls more to the enmeshed/somewhat codependent side of the scale. To an extent some of this is simply a lifestyle preference and a question of compatibility. But it is possible to go really far in either direction of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:52 PM
3

This doesn't really make sense. If we waved our hand and erased the patriarchy* today, biological variation in a bimodal form would still exist. And probably be challenging, but maybe less so since we could just worry about the biological variations themselves. *For definitional purposes, in my comments 'the patriarchy' = 'the set of beliefs, norms, and expectations describing how people of various genders ought to think, and act.'
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:42 PM
1

It's a bit circular. He's unsuccessful because he's bitter, and we know he's bitter because he's unsuccessful and complaining about it. The irony is that for quite a few guys, this is basically how it goes. Some rejections feed into bitterness which makes further rejections more likely, and everything descends in a vicious spiral.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:33 PM
2

What this other poster said is true, though. This is further complicated in that some people will experience loss of attraction to this man based on his behavioral cues, while others will remain attracted to him but make a reasoned judgment call against him and reject him anyway. From the man's perspective he may never know which is at play in any given case.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:26 PM
2

No, this continues to be a sticking point that many men consistently struggle to grasp. Many people, including what seems to be a majority of women, experience attraction based on both physical appearance/attributes and behavioral cues. It's fine honestly if your attraction doesn't work this way and is strictly physical in nature, but this is not so for many people.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:23 PM
-1

Being unsuccessful at dating doesn't necessarily mean one is a bad person, but some bad people are also unsuccessful at dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:20 PM
5

Insults aren't all about morality. 'Jerk' is an insult with an aspect of morality to it -- it's given to a person who acts in an unkind way (or to someone whom the insulter wants to paint in that light). 'Loser' is an insult without an aspect of morality to it. Instead its sting rests in the implication of failure. Different axis: failure<-->success is not the same as bad<-->good.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 07:14 PM
–

I mean, that's probably true. Lots more people are self-centered or oblivious than are truly malicious. There's a related debate about whether people who act selfishly are 'bad actors' but that mainly depends on how one defines the term. The harm is done regardless.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 07:30 PM
–

Are you trying to talk about people not intentionally being bad actors, like that bad actions come more often from people acting selfishly but meaning well, rather from moustache-twirling versions of outright villainy? I think you might be saying something that sort of holds water, but it's not clear.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 06:20 PM
2

I think maybe we're talking past each other. I agree that little kids don't necessarily understand nuanced reasons behind characters. What I don't really understand is why anyone, of any age, would watch these films and think women or girls are always good and innocent, incapable of deceit or evil. The narrative simplicity of these films is that there isn't too much in shades of gray -- characters are usually good or evil, not a little of both. I would agree with an analysis that Disney films do…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 06:15 PM
2

All kids are naive. But these are also films made for kids so they are not that sophisticated, either. Kids who are two are not adept at textual analysis but watch Disney films all the time, so this argument seems like a nonstarter. Obviously the understanding of a two-year-old vs. a six-year-old vs. a ten-year-old is going to be different in terms of complexity. It doesn't follow that the two-year-old can't identify which characters are 'good' and which are 'bad.' Can you revisit some of my exa…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:42 PM
7

Why must the penalty for breach of contract be ruinously costly? That seems excessive for a breach of this type. Penalties for breaching contracts are pretty normal, but not typically ruinously so.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:37 PM
6

Mmmn, consent can be revoked freely at any time. A contract cannot, so while you might be able to say that a person has agreed freely to enter this contract, you can't say they would have consented to every sexual act that follows.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:26 PM
4

Right, I agree about that. If it's an important and valuable role then it should be equally important and valuable for anyone to fill it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:23 PM
5

I would venture to say these are all very straightforward understandings of these films, so yeah, I think a kid would understand them. Depending on the age they might not be able to articulate them very well, though, or explain the whys behind each character.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:20 PM
2

Full agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 08:06 PM
18

I would agree on average that a shy weirdo girl who is not also distressingly unattractive will probably get enough sexual/romantic interest to potentially have relationships. But I would not say that is because people take pity on them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:49 PM
3

My fifteen-year-old is into this right now and honestly it is damn hilarious.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:45 PM
3

Super valid point -- men singing/rapping about sex in the pursuit of status = power feels less sexual to people sometimes than people singing/rapping about sex in the pursuit of pleasure.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:36 PM
1

Good point re: the target audience's tastes.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:33 PM
8

.....what?? Maybe you should give some examples of artists in these genres that you consider to be devoid of sex, so that other people can weigh in on them specifically.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:31 PM
5

I have a hilarious metal cover of WAP on a playlist somewhere though. It is a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:29 PM
2

Music is huge and most people aren't familiar with the vastness. We all tend to listen to our own preferred subgenres and whatnot. I assume I'm not in the loop enough to even know what counts as 'modern female popular music' so I'm just cruising through the comments.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:28 PM
7

Like fucking Billy Joel has a song about oral sex, right? It's everywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:24 PM
6

TIR that Peaches by The Presidents of the United States of America is probably also about asses. I'm doing great, y'all. 😆
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:22 PM
25

Honest question: are you close friends with a lot of shy women at the back of classrooms? I was and I wouldn't agree that this was their typical experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:16 PM
4

The real answer about SAHPing, in my opinion, is that taking on that role represents moving from a position of independence (employment) to dependence, and that feels to most people like a loss of standing or security (probably both). The opposite move for women (from dependence as a SAHP role to independence and employment) feels like a gain of standing and/or security. That made it an easier (or maybe just more desirable) transition for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:48 PM
4

Aladdin -- Jasmine pretends to be a poor woman and lies when they meet, Aladdin is shocked to find out she's a princess. He then pretends to be a prince and lies to get access to her again, then she is shocked when this is revealed. Beauty and the Beast -- Belle is pretty uniformly virtuous throughout, but this is a classic tale of the beautiful heroine loathing the handsome jerk and instead falling in love with the horrible beastly jerk who grows more compassionate and considerate through their…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:42 PM
1

I want to treat this question as a serious one because this topic is of interest to me and I've studied it a fair bit. Can you clarify when-ish pre-sexual revolution you're talking?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:22 PM
1

I don't know anything in specific about Nigerian families, so if you have a source to point me to to read up on this I'd be happy to do so. The broad strokes of my comment are not misinformation, however, and are based on a comprehensive body of knowledge about childrearing practices in the US and Europe over the past three hundred years. Feel free to give a more developed rebuttal if you like.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:11 PM
1

It is about both, but also they are more intertwined than you're acknowledging. If people have to work such long hours to afford to live that they no longer have bandwidth to take on an intensive, two-decade project in addition to that, is that a money problem or a culture problem? It's both. Children stopped being an economic insurance policy in industrialized nations (as they are in poorer countries where the economic prospects of a family are more closely tied to total labor capacity and chil…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 04:28 PM
3

Sure, but the reproduction rate is a changing variable, and there is no reason to think it can't uptick again if needed.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 04:20 PM
1

It seems much more likely for humanity to become extinct through some kind of mass mortality event than through failure to procreate over time. These conversations seem somewhat hyperbolic to be honest, as though a declining birth rate is fated to just continue its descent unchecked forever, and nobody would notice or change their behavior around this at any point along the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 04:17 PM
3

You've got some decent points in here -- the shift towards white-collar work was an important shift in the indistrializing workplace and it initially it had gendered limitations that kept women from accessing those career options for the most part. Feminist attention to that disparity probably was needless in an industrial context where that work mostly didn't exist. The distinction/conflation you close with is accurate, but it also results inevitably from this shift of work out of the home/farm…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 03:47 PM
2

Women working on their family's agricultural or business pursuits, or working in cottage industry, are active participants in their family's economic prospects. Housewives are not, so critiques against that is raising a very specific concern.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 03:36 PM
9

When the Christian fundamentalists are on board it's safe to just nope out on principle.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 12:44 AM
10

The hilarious thing is that this was largely a Victorian myth. The early modern and medieval myth was that women were closer to animals and therefore more ruled by base lusts, while men, being more rational, were better able to rise above such instincts and better control their passions.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 12:39 AM
16

I think truly a lot of modern secular folks who debate here simply cannot relate to the impact religion has in shaping behaviors of people existing in systems like this. If your religious practice holds that God has put you together with this other person in a sacramental or otherwise divinely blessed bond, living with it and finding silver linings or growth opportunities becomes a spiritual imperative, not just a social belief. People in these kind of belief structures think of bad spouses the …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 12:31 AM
6

The details of this vary quite a bit depending on exactly which "back in the day" we look at. I personally think in the 40s, 50s, and 60s, most western couples were marrying for love in one sense or another. But that's quite a different matter from modern love marriages; they tended to marry younger and sooner, to not cohabit prior to marriage, and were less likely to opt out of marriage before 30 if they hadn't met anyone they felt was an excellent match. Marrying badly was a known risk and cau…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 12:20 AM
4

Yeah, I think it depends heavily on the exact family culture. Some families have a very strong 'don't air your dirty laundry' dynamic and talk about issues very circumspectly if at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 12:13 AM
1

It sounds like you're arguing that men need more societal supports, encouragement to not make martyrs of themselves and to set healthy boundaries, collective action to support labor interests against unscrupulous employers, and maybe even updated etiquette guidance to match 21st century social norms. Those things sound good. Let's have them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 06:59 PM
1

Damn, they're making another predator film?!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 03:49 AM
3

I suppose. I see women who care about men's issues and women who don't care about men's issues both wanting others to agree with their perspectives about women's issues, so that makes it seem like caring about men's issues (or not) is an unrelated conditional.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 06:10 PM
3

Eh, these are not mutually exclusive things. They can care about it and use the statistics as a rhetorical tool.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 05:52 PM
10

I don't follow this chain of logic. Women who take offense at the belief that abortion should be outlawed generally feel that is a violation of pregnant people's bodily autonomy. Obviously that constitutes a serious difference of opinion, but how does that relate to not caring about men's issues? Similarly, women who disagree that women should be stay at home moms disagree because of their own deeply held beliefs. I guess you could say that represents feeling entitled to have others agree with t…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 05:51 PM
3

It also depends on the strength of their self-control. There are two inputs in this equation.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 09:45 PM
8

Listening to a lot of random YouTubers also doesn't make you an expert on anything. Being a YouTuber doesn't make you an expert on anything! We are almost all amateur sociologists with no real training in this field as well as varying life experience and educational backgrounds. Yay!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:29 PM
2

If you set up conditions where that level of TFR happens more naturally to most you maximize the freedom of individuals who are innately more averse to mating and/or reproducing to opt out. Right. I'm obviously averse to rolling back human rights gains, but I think there are plenty of potential solutions to tweaking the preferred choices of the influencible middle of people within ethical boundaries. But it's difficult to discuss in detail because the foundational consensus of, say, 'we need a 2…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:25 PM
3

It's possible to argue a case for needing to try to adjust the population-level reproduction rate (and how one might go about doing that), but one of the major problems with this argument here is that the question of exactly how much procreation is necessary for society to persist, how much would be ideal for society to thrive, whether and how that changes over time, and how wide the gap is between the current rate of reproduction and the desired one is, are not at all settled. People here tend …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:10 PM
5

I disagreed with that post and I disagree with this one too, but if all else fails, at least can the people who think this way date each other and leave the rest of us out of it?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:55 PM
1

Ding ding ding.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 05:22 PM
3

Honestly, as this interaction shows pretty well, in part there is no internet-wide consensus because social norms and mores can vary widely regionally and by community. It's worthwhile to investigate what people say on the internet but it's also important to tune in to the social milieu you exist in.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 05:12 PM
1

I think this is right -- at one point I was going to try to collect survey data from respondents here about this very question and chart it out a bit. But yeah, although I feel like most people have one noteworthy cold approach meetcute story in their family tree somewhere, part of the reason those get told and retold is because they are in fact rare and kind of cinematic (in hindsight, after they got married and had fifteen grandkids and are celebrating their golden anniversary). My parents met…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 05:01 PM
1

The argument happened several days ago and I made my point pretty clearly at the top of this thread, I think. In the context of women's sexuality, their actual arousal is irrelevant because a lack of arousal can be paired with either attraction or non-attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 12:05 AM
1

No. Trying to argue that being attracted to someone is the same as being turned on makes no sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 08:11 PM
4

No. Just use your words.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:56 PM
2

This doesn't even follow. Plenty of people enjoy anal stimulation/fingering who aren't into pia penetration.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:39 PM
2

I actually largely agree with you. I think most people do have heightened sexual frequency during the NRE phase, and might not even necessarily recognize that's what's going on. It doesn't make them bad people, but it does mean that when that settles out in a year or so the resulting baseline might not work any longer. I also agree that people have a bad tendency to be too committed after a year and go to significant lengths to try to make a relationship work, even if it shows clear signs at tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:34 PM
7

The one thing that FetLife got right!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:26 PM
3

Maybe so. I would love to know if that holds true for men who have been in long-term sexual relationships, as well. And perhaps if it holds true for men over 35.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:21 PM
1

We were talking about attraction here, not arousal.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:19 PM
17

Right? Like, I was there and even I can't tell you exactly how I was during any specific past moment of sex, or why I did a particular act. It seemed like a good idea at the time? I was in the mood? The stars aligned? It's like trying to articulate why I ordered the scallops instead of the steak one night at dinner twenty-three years ago. I dunno, I felt like it then. It's not that deep.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:04 AM
1

I don't actually understand at all how a person is meant to tell the purported difference between their partner now vs. their partner in the past, unless they have known this person that entire time and have some kind of direct insight into their enthusiasm, eagerness, and effort in bed at both points. It seems like the past version of the partner would have also had boundaries and required respect, right? Or if they didn't for some reason, that's recognizably bad and we should all be glad they …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 02:55 AM
6

It's really just whether they're stating their real boundary, or bluffing hoping their partner will change their behavior to match their preference.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 12:28 PM
2

I agree that giving/receiving X are separate kinks, definitely. I dunno, at some level I don't know where the dividing like between a super common kink and a standard mainstream sex act falls. Obviously there are some men who aren't into receiving (giving? Unclear which verb is more appropriate here!) deep-throating, but that's true of everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 11:05 PM
–

Nah bro. Women do a lot of chores because they look around and see a bunch of chores that need to be done. If they complain about having to clean up after their husband, it's because they think he should be able to put his own plate in the dishwasher and mop up when he tracks in mud or whatever. If women wanted to avoid sex with their husbands, that's what smartphones are for.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:42 PM
2

Yeah, my response was a side thought not so much a disagreement, sorry if that wasn't clear.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:38 PM
3

Yeah, no sex act is inherently submissive or dominant. This is actually why I'm super glad top/bottom/verse terminology is getting more mainstream alongside dom/sub/switch terminology.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:35 PM
0

I think the main difference is that certain kink dynamics -- female submission, whether exclusively in sex or in terms of lifestyle/relationship dynamics, are super normalized and accepted as part of non-kinky relationships and sex dynamics. Basically I think a lot of people are practicing kink without really recognizing it (and without much of the accompanying community emphasis on safety and consent that helps make these practices safer).
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:24 PM
1

It probably still counts, in the same way that fisting counts. It's technically just a bigger/fuller insertion, right, but it also involves an element of pain/pressure being overcome as well as a more extreme level of vulnerability/openness for the one being penetrated, so I'd allow it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:20 PM
1

Oooh.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:16 PM
–

True!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 05:25 PM
–

Nah, I care about him. That shit sucks.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 05:20 PM
–

Sure, I don't disagree that professional success earns people respect and acknowledgement, and that that feels great. I think most people would like to 'not work' in the sense that their financial comfort was assured, they could choose their own adventure in terms of doing passion projects or working a schedule they find pleasant, and continue to have the lifestyle and social success and respect that they have while working. I actually don't think people are very happy lazing about watching Netf…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:59 PM
–

Dude, are you okay? You should stop having sex or doing sex acts you don't like. Seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:51 PM
3

It's a mindset that stems, I think, from being deeply afraid of abandonment, which includes needing confidence in the reality of their partner's affections that can only be obtained through demonstrations of importance and continual reassurance. Well, I mean, I guess this particular iteration also stems from being indifferent to their partner's actual enjoyment in the face of their own wants. But the other I swear is the throughline that adheres so much of the RP/BP perspectives. "What if I'm no…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:49 PM
1

I agree with that so I'm not sure what you disagree about, but fair!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:43 PM
6

Now this sounds like "I can change him!!" with more steps.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:39 PM
6

Bro, I agree with you, but the "it is obvious that she didn't stop doing it because she doesn't like you enough" part is the part that they refuse to believe.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:24 PM
–

This seems obvious, in the same way that most men (people) don't like having to work for a living. Most women don't especially enjoy their man having to work, either. This isn't a thing that is enjoyable. I don't disagree that having a full-time housekeeper and family manager is a great advantage if you can get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:16 PM
2

I don't know, maybe. I imagine there are degrees of intensity to this mentality and also more- and less-romanric ways to go about it. I'm not sure that men with this mindset won't also sometimes be pretty unsuccessful.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:10 PM
0

No, nobody is discussing that.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:07 PM
0

'Enthusiasm is better than begrudging agreement' is still an opinion based on values and preferences, but yeah, it's one the majority of people will agree with. This OP is talking about a wide variety of differences, though. 'Oral sex is better than no oral sex' or 'bondage is better than no bondage' or 'diaper play is better than breeding play' or whatever are opinions that are going to invite a little more disagreement between individuals.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 02:54 PM
5

So much romantic and sexual unhappiness stems from the misguided idea that there is a standard script that works most of the time and therefore we can skip having conversations about things. Or from people believing that what they like in a relationship/in bed is obvious or normal and people they get into relationships with must naturally want the same things.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 02:49 PM
24

Yeah, I think there are definitely men who like it, and who particularly get off on the idea that they have 'succeeded' in capturing a woman's affection like it was some kind of Skyrim quest. It seems fair to say that the idea that all men are like this is drastically overinflated.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:58 PM
17

You want me to pass on having a honest conversation with my man about something he did to upset me, and instead use our sex life to Pavlov him like a dog? This is so fucking bleak.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:56 PM
12

Look, you're right because "better" is a subjective assessment. But fundamentally this is a semantic argument and the men who make this argument won't care because they want whatever they mean by kinky sex, and are using 'better' according to their subjective opinions. I don't really know why people who want a certain kind of sex or lifestyle or mutually satisfying activity don't seek out partners who are compatible with that, but I'm going to guess it has to do with everyone's inability to talk…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:53 PM
-1

Preach.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:50 PM
4

It proves they got different treatment. Whether it's better or worse depends on how individuals feel about the differences.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:49 PM
19

But what if I want sex as a reward for myself?!? I've been doing a lot -- I deserve a little treat.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:46 PM
9

It doesn't really follow that women are impossible to get, when most of them are in relationships and a portion of those who aren't actively do not want to be. If there are women doing what you say they must be a relatively small percentage of the total.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:41 PM
13

Increasing birth rates has very little to do with women's mating strategy. Plenty of people date and marry with no intention of having kids, because they don't want them for a variety of reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 12:39 PM
6

"Practice trusting them" jumped out at me and is so, so important. I tell new parents this a lot and I think it's critical. Your dad sounds like a hell of a guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 09:45 PM
3

Yes, thank you. Throughout the vast majority of history, everybody worked because that was literally where the food came from and people like to eat.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 09:41 PM
2

I think anyone who claims the orgasm gap is caused by any single thing is talking out their ass. It seems most likely that it's a multifactoral phenomenon, to which people of all genders contribute in various ways. To be honest teasing out the factors that contribute to it is only interesting in terms of theorizing ways to shrink it. Who cares whose fault it is? What can we do about it? Let's up our orgasm reps. Jeez.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 09:28 PM
2

Short men = lower tier than fat women. The "tiers" claim is silly but yes, I was only making a direct reference to fat married men. I don't dispute that shortness is a disadvantage in dating or that fat women get married. I don't think that's inconsistent with my prior statements. Women are amazing with their track record of sticking to their standards, no matter how unrealistic they are. Could be, but I guess we'll have to see. My personal opinion is that high-earning women will continue to mai…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 08:08 PM
2

There really is no clear dividing line, though? One person may defend me in one instance and harm me in another instance. It is more useful to distinguish between harmful and helpful behavior than individuals.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:32 PM
0

I just don't think modern people who debate politics and philosophy on the internet are blind to the concept that a free society where discourse on sundry topics without fear of reprisal can exist is a conscious decision of that society and supported by corresponding power structures.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:30 PM
1

Sure, but I think this is a more convincing argument when noting a positive action as potential evidence of an underlying feeling, than citing inaction as evidence of an absence of feeling. I also think it's particularly absurd to do this (claiming inaction is evidence of an absence of internal state) when talking about sexual expressions and behavior, an area of life that is rife with taboos, mixed cultural messaging, embarrassment, and shame.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:26 PM
2

You can't spit in any direction without hitting a married fat woman. How are beauty standards hitting women so hard when this is true? Sure, but the same is true for men. It's also a somewhat moot point when we have no idea what those married couples looked like when they first got together. Being adequately attractive is a getting-together thing, primarily. Not that many people will dump a spouse that they love and are committed to just because their looks changed. Beauty standards cover a lot …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:19 PM
2

You can't help how you were born. This standard no longer applies to women, why should it apply to men? It's true. We all have to contend with the physical framework the fates gave us. Women do also contend with cultural beauty ideals though, even if the ideal differs from the male ideal, so it's odd that you contend it's not so. Women love his value more than they value his love. This is a conclusion you have drawn based on the standard I mentioned. It might or might not be true, and would need…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 05:23 PM
1

If men want women to behave differently, they can ask for that or encourage it; that would be a different conversation. It's foolish to assume that inaction means a lack of internal feelings, especially when the person states the contrary. We all can think of instances where we did not act on feelings for a variety of good and bad reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:07 PM
2

I can see the logic behind thinking it's gauche to be too forthright about the specifics of someone's attraction. It's probably hard to walk that back as a society when oversharing about all of this stuff is ubiquitous, but I can see the argument that knowing more in detail about others' attraction is basically disadvantageous to everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:12 AM
14

The standards you listed were: be beautiful not have sexist ideas make about as much money or more as the women that you want to date To be honest, we can quibble about whether each of these are absolute, but they don't seem at all excessive as things to look for in a prospective long-term life partner. There are already several important things you left off. Maybe the better question is, why did you think this is unreasonable?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:14 PM
5

Convenience, and probably confusion, stress, and frustration at the idea of trying other options.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:06 PM
2

Yeah, I agree with you. I think there are those (probably not that many here though as our BP contingent tends to be more thoughtful, precise types) who hold the nuance-free overly generalized view.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:50 PM
–

Agreed, though I also think there are usually a lot of people who basically fall in this camp but 'don't consider themselves feminists.'
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 06:17 PM
–

This is such a crucial point. The position 'women getting the vote and more economic independence was good and laudable but now that that has been achieved we are in a post-feminist world' is still feminist in the sense that it's not anti-feminist, and it's not looking to push back women's rights. But it's also a very conservative (small-c) form of feminism.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 05:18 PM
6

To be honest that thesis statement would be a coherent and relevant discussion.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 05:03 PM
6

I cannot observe you, are you a ghost?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 05:00 PM
6

Not at all. And you know this, because surely you don't question the existence of erectile dysfunction.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:59 PM
9

You did the thing again where you supposed an internal mental process would be exhibited in some externally visible way.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:57 PM
5

I agree, and have before, that there is a heavily oversimplified opinion going on with this idea, underpinned by just world fallacy. It's also not "gaslighting." Overgeneralizing isn't gaslighting. And plenty of men (people really) have various skill issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:46 PM
12

Also, 'heterosexual women, which is the majority of them, are pretty much all either lying or deluded' is not the use of Occam's Razor you think it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:43 PM
6

Indeed, which is why I didn't talk about arousal (which is indeed a different thing) but attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:40 PM
11

'Static pictures are boring' is not some fifteen-step mystical enchantment and it's wild that you can't discern that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:37 PM
11

The fundamental issue here is that you don't believe women's self-reported experience of their own sexual attraction, even though sexual attraction is invisible to the outside eye. You are guessing at people's thoughts and feelings based on how you think those thoughts and feelings should influence their behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:33 PM
5

It's possible to be ace and not sex-repulsed, so that you're okay with having sex for other reasons than actual sexual appetite. Which doesn't mean OP is on point at all. They're consistantly conflating attraction, identity, and behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:31 PM
2

No, that pleases me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 05:14 AM
–

That's a wildly unserious take. But am I to take it that your objection to social safety nets isn't really that it's making women too free from men, but rather that you just don't like society taking care of any people who are struggling?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:40 AM
–

What you can do however is making society more fair. Get rid of DEI program, social welfare programs, food stamps, affordable housing etc. So according to the US Census data from 2022, about 34.8 million men and boys received Medicaid or CHIP, vs. about 42.5 million women and girls. That is a 21.5% vs. 25.4% ratio. SNAP was about 15.9 million men and boys (9.8%) vs. 22.4 million women and girls (13.4%). Rental subsidies were 4.9 million men (3%) vs. 6.8 million women (4.1%). Not utterly insignif…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:32 AM
–

Sometimes it does. But I bet we can just say that all the single mother payments are paid for by the working women's taxes, and the men can pay for the old ladies.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:47 AM
–

Being poor, or old, isn't obviously a mistake or a shortcoming.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:45 AM
–

I can appreciate that but it was such a glaringly bad turn of phrase that I felt obliged to mention it anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:43 AM
–

The fact is that women are the primary beneficiaries of all the safety nets and welfare programs, funded primarily by men. All this really means is that >50% of people benefitting from safety nets are women, which seems unsurprising since a huge number of people utilizing those programs are elderly, and women live longer into old age on average. And that the funds for said programs come >50% from men, which also isn't a surprise since more women of working age are out of the workforce than men. …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:39 AM
–

Safety nets are not rights, but they are literally entitlements. Rights are a different thing (that people also have).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:30 AM
–

It's a hard question to answer. It's important (to most allosexual people), but how important? It seems to vary widely. In terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs I figure it comes into play at the 'belonging and love' level and possibly also the 'esteem' level, depending on the person. Society and government mostly seem to focus on ensuring that more basic needs are met -- physiological needs and some security and safety needs. Although it's true that my government also provides for other needs, s…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:26 AM
–

....no. Guys who just jam their dick in do not necessarily orgasm quickly. Those two things have no relationship to each other. Also the absolute worse sex for women is not lackluster quickies. It's being raped, painfully.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:18 AM
–

This is only one specific way of thinking about sex, though, right? Even if we assume that 'sex' only means piv penetration, if a man inserted his penis exactly once and didn't orgasm in the process, would we say he was defective?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 10:07 PM
–

Nah, nobody evolved to have sex in the 21st century way. Our nervous systems evolved for a slower pace of life. Our hormone levels and overall stimulation levels are different now than they were a hundred years ago, let alone ten or twenty thousand. Our erotic selves are certainly not unaffected by our current biological environment. I actually don't know that we have any real body of data to draw on in trying to study, for example, whether the orgasm gap is improving or worsening even in the la…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 09:30 PM
–

Kind of yes, except that developing a connection and knowledge of the other that leads you to consider them to be safe is pretty much the definition of trust. I don't really disagree with you that moving slow with intense feelings and being cautious to not get out over your skis is good advice. But also I can't advocate for avoiding ever developing trust. It's delicate.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 09:18 PM
–

It means that sticking my hand into someone's ass is not as scary or embarrassing as letting someone else stick their hand in mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 09:04 PM
–

Okay? Women (some women) would like to do it more and would therefore like the risk to be lower.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 06:57 PM
–

I think we see that the women who find it the most unfulfilling or unsatisfactory don't bother, or try less often. I think this probably has to do with how hopeful they are that it might go well.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 06:54 PM
6

Emotional intelligence? I believe the research shows that women's average emotional intelligence is a bit higher than men's average, but I have no idea by what margin. Everyone has emotional intelligence in the same way that everyone has intellectual intelligence. It's a question of how much.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:23 PM
5

It's a judgment call, right? Fundamentally there is no 100% safe sexual relationship to be in. The risk is baked in to it whether you are engaging in drunken hookups or marrying your childhood sweetheart. It's never a question of risk/no risk, it's always a question of how much. So people have the option to eschew the whole thing (which is kind of silly since risk in every other part of life works the same way), or to figure out how much risk they are willing and able to tolerate, and proceed ac…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:19 PM
6

Nah, 'prize' is not the right word here as it suggests that the woman is holding on to it waiting until someone checks certain boxes, at which point she bestows it. It's a lot more basic than that. You could as easily say that 'male sexual desire depends on the woman's ability to ignite it and keep it alive' (presumably by looking hot). In one sense... sure? Without the hotness, he will not have the desire. But she also doesn't 'earn' his desire by looking hot. It's a direct cause-and-effect rel…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:03 PM
6

Since about 1995 it looks like. But psychological work on social and emotional intelligences goes back to the 1920s and '30s.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 03:58 PM
3

I agree with this.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:33 PM
1

Hard agree. It's also tricky, ne? Especially in the era of the internet, since so much of what we enjoy is actively harmful to developing robust perseverance and social skills. Much balancing act going on over here. And it makes sense that many families with autistic kids have fewer resources or abilities or bandwidth than my family has to implement effective structure. It's a huge problem and to be honest we're seeing a lot of the effects in Gen Z.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:32 PM
4

'Blame' is the wrong word here. I'm autistic. I understand very well how easy it is to think you understand a subject and not pursue further inquiry, only to later be blindsided by discovering that understanding to be flawed or incomplete. It's frustrating when others mock that surprise by saying things like, 'well, wasn't it obvious?' or 'you should have realized' or whatever. Clearly it wasn't obvious to me, and maybe I should have realized but I didn't. My bad. I don't believe in blaming anyo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:27 PM
6

Eh, sure you can? Assuming you want casual sex, and are aware it constitutes potential danger, the entire process is an exercise in vetting for someone where the likelihood of danger decreases from whatever the baseline threshold for a complete rando is down to a likelihood of danger that feels acceptable.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:20 PM
5

Dude. No. This is a bad take. Nobody is entitled to an orgasm, but looking at orgasm rates as a biological tautology rather than examining the entire ecostructure of how we handle sex as a culture is foolish. Our biology has been established a lot longer and is less likely to be flawed than our particular current moment's cultural soup.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:13 PM
4

Definitely not. It's one thread of a convoluted hot mess of cultural dynamics around sex, and everyone who is having sex is involved. I think citing it as a contributing factor to some other downstream phenomenon can be done without assigning fault.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:11 PM
3

Eh, I think you're reaching here. There's an aspect in which everyone's desire and arousal is an interplay between their internal state (how they feel, whether emotionally, physically whatever) and the external other who is fueling or amplifying those feelings (whether by their looks, behaviors, actual actions they are doing to the other, aspects of whom they are or their character, whatever). These are pretty much all the ingredients for sexual chemistry and apply to everyone who engages in sex…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 02:04 PM
11

This is the answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 01:39 PM
1

Everything counts as sex, ha.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 07:49 PM
1

more men seem willing to hookup compared to women, overall women seem to have larger and deeper social circles than men in general, giving them a deeper bench to access for potential dates via social networking men have to contend with the cultural norm of men initiating dating, which leaves them more incentivized to use apps vs. in-person approaches apps are static and photo-forward, which seems to generally suit men's attraction and arousal paradigms better than women's can't speak to this one…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 07:46 PM
0

I was going to joke, "they were all written 2000 years ago in Latin!" but I guess it wasn't really a secret.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 05:48 PM
4

There is a small overlap in the venn diagrams between men who are considerate and thoughtful and careful of others, and men who are not reasonably confident in their ability to behave in a way that meets their own standard. Those men seem to be the ones you are describing. The rest of the considerate, thoughtful, careful men are reasonably confident in their ability to behave well and continue dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:25 PM
1

Well sure, that can also be true. I think many blue pill debaters here would be happy to acknowledge that movement happens between descriptive and proscriptive modes. It is also true that blue pill debaters might disagree with either half of a statement framed like above. I have no doubt that sometimes descriptive statements get responded to with proscriptive claims like you said above, but I think pointing that out when it happens is a valid rebuttal. I'm also not sure that this is particularly…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:42 PM
9

You are correct in observing that discussions on PPD move freely (and sometimes unproductively) between descriptive and proscriptive modes. You are incorrect in thinking this is particularly a blue pill thing. All pills and really all points of view are guilty of this quite often. This is exacerbated by the fact that the subject matter most focused on here is both descriptive and proscriptive, intrinsically. 'Dating is X, therefore women should Y.' 'Women are X, therefore men should Y.' 'Male hu…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:26 PM
7

I think this is a great example of how different framing changes the 'most obvious' answer. Most people (myself included) seemed to come at the question asking 'which of the possible good outcomes is better?' and picking that. Moral came at the question asking 'which of the possible bad outcomes is better?' and choosing that. Which highlighted something I'd overlooked -- that in scenario B there is no guarantee that the ongoing relationship with this person would end up being a good one.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:03 PM
1

I dunno, in my imagination they are like people in terms of ethical alignment though probably nothing like us in physiology or psychology. Way outside the scope of your thought experiment though. 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 08:59 PM
2

Well this premise sucks, haha. B, but everything about it is terrible. Why are these aliens monsters?!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 08:30 PM
5

Valid. There's a reason most of us are not cut out to do cold call sales.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:21 PM
8

If only there were a universal woman!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:20 PM
1

Pretty much, yeah. There is some nuance (some approach locations or styles are more favored than others in general, and some will be pretty much always disliked), but yeah. How things land depends on a bunch of variables, even if the approach is generally good and consistent overall. You're right that this has no moral dimension. Which is lovely, honestly. You check with some trusted advisors to make sure your approach style is solidly in the 'inoffensive and respectful' zone, then go forth and …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:19 PM
–

Denied!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:02 PM
1

Sure, go for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 04:22 PM
–

I don't disagree that leftist narratives exist, I just disagree that they are all that the bluepill label covers.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 12:56 AM
–

Er, leftists and progressives famously squabble. It's a meme at this point.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 12:53 AM
–

Ah, classic blunder. You mostly see leftist, progressive folks here on the bluepill side of debates because there are a lot of us on Reddit in general. But my eighty-year-old grandma who doesn't believe in divorce because it's against the will of God, and probably J.K. Rowling, and a bunch of random people at my bus stop who run the political gambit are also bluepill. They just don't show up here as often.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 12:51 AM
6

I find all this possessiveness toxic AF, but even if I were inclined to countenance it, the equivalence here is off. 'Advertising,' aka posting portraits on social media, dressing attractively in public, and/or going to clubs/bars, if anything is equivalent to 'window shopping' -- checking out social media portraits, checking out attractive people in public, and going to clubs/bars. Talking to other women in a suggestive/exploratory way is equivalent to talking to other men in the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 12:38 AM
1

Dude. Practice your cookery and start making meals for your mom too.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:41 PM
6

Bro is cooked.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:38 PM
2

You would have had the same skill issues, you just would have been working through the early stages at the age of 8 or 12 or whatever. Maybe that would have been less annoying (probably just differently annoying to be honest), but you're not too old to learn.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:35 PM
2

Are you, yourself, a pre 2000s era man?! I release you from arbitrary bullshit gender norms. Go on, fly, be free.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:32 PM
1

Eh, a woman who doesn't want to learn how to cook is also a child. 'Womanchild' does sound stupid though.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:30 PM
1

Bruh, most everyone here grew up in the 1970s or later. We came of age in the era of television dinners, hot pockets, and/or microwavable entrees. Your assumption everyone here had a mother who cooked is doing some heavy lifting.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:26 PM
1

Are you a competent person, if you're flummoxed by a frying pan?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:24 PM
3

To be fair pretty much one person cooks in my home and that is my husband. We hosted my kid's birthday party this weekend which meant I was more involved in the menu planning and prep than average, and there were some inefficiencies and hiccoughs (in part because we had other things going on this weekend too so our communication game was not A+ on this). Anyway, some people subsist without ever cooking anything. There are a lot of potential ways to handle food provisioning.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 09:21 PM
–

Lol at the hamsters. 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 08:18 PM
–

Yeah, I think there's probably room for it to work if both people are chill with solo time and the independent hobbies don't absorb to fill every moment of free time.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 08:15 PM
–

I agree with this. I'm not into clubbing but I'm involved in other 'lifestyle hobbies' and it's similar. A couple really has to have other important time-intensive bonding activities or routines, or the time-intensiveness of lifestyle hobbies ends up eroding the relationship slowly.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 08:11 PM
–

Holy fuck. I literally, today, from looking up the PMOS renaming, learned that oligo-anovulation -- a condition that I have had pretty much my whole life -- has a name and exists in the medical literature. No doctor, NP, nurse-midwife, or nurse that has worked with me through three complex pregnancies over the last eighteen years, had ever told me this or even considered it worth looking into.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 01:51 AM
2

I think maybe you were a little unclear about what you meant to be contrasting the bare minimum with. I, too, got the impression romance, excitement, and anything emotionally intense were being held up in contrast to stability, calm affection, and mutual support. That might not have been what you were driving at though.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 01:42 AM
3

To be honest I don't like the 'bare minimum' phrasing because people use it to mean whatever they want it to mean. It's nebulous which means it's easily misinterpreted even by people who aren't already prone to disagreement. I think you have some nuggets of truth in here; there is a lot of value in not getting too invested in a romance too fast, in having your own satisfying, meaningful activities as well as spending time together with your partner, and generally in not becoming enmeshed to an u…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 01:31 AM
2

Because it's extremely commonly juxtaposed with unhappily single men, the topic of this post. ETA: to clarify, I also don't really have any estimate of how many unhappily single men there are in general. Not that these groups are overlapping Venn diagrams (they're not). I don't believe my capacity to quantify a phenomenon is needed to weigh in on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:59 PM
9

People call Hiddleston and men similar to him as feminine and I don’t think that’s particularly true. They’re a more gentlemanly and softer flavor of masculine, but still fall into the ‘masculine man’ category none the less. This is a really good point. We really tend to flatten masculine archetypes here and then pretend that women are only attracted to the hero-athlete version of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:57 PM
1

To be honest I'm whatever the opposite of a Greek life oriented person is, so I have exactly 0 grounds to make statements about frat parties or fraternities in general. All my opinions about them are stereotypes based on in-group vs. out-group status and therefore I won't give my opinions any credence. They're biased and probably wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:51 PM
0

My statement upthread that misogynistic men exist? I see people (who claim to be men) say things I find misogynistic in this subreddit and elsewhere often. I don't have any data to surmise how commonplace this is, in the world at large or in my particular bubble.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:48 PM
7

I would say that across the board, each of these three activities or characteristics probably enjoys a minority popularity among women, sure. I don't have a strong sense where exactly that lies for each of them, but <50% of women liking each seems totally plausible. Getting a little more into the weeds with this topic, we have to acknowledge that this presumably varies according to the demographic of women you interview -- not just along political lines, but in terms of regionality, age, etc. I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:41 PM
–

Jilling It In a Vacuum is my new post-industrial band name. 😅 But I follow you, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 10:56 PM
0

Uh. If we agree that good men or women might like parties, then it stands to reason that some of the guys at frat parties are good guys, too. Also, "these bitches" doesn't make me real confident that you're a "good ass man."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 10:23 PM
10

This sounds a bit like a game of Never Have I Ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 10:05 PM
–

Sure, but I guess I feel like there are women who would be perfectly happy to be bi, would rather they were, even, who describe enjoying lesbian porn scenes but being straight. It doesn't make sense to me that someone who has every reason to identify as bi would demur unless they were being honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:59 PM
–

That's fair. I think I was reacting to the idea that there are all these men fantasizing about transwomen with their clothes off but still being hateful and making them unsafe in life. But your take is more optimistic and I appreciate that. Trans visibility has increased massively since 2010, you're completely right. It feels grim in the US right now in this regard but it's still objectively better than when I was a youth.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:50 PM
–

Man, it really sucks that trans porn is so popular but this has almost no impact on how transwomen are actually treated out in the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:18 PM
–

I actually do think that the romantic vs. sexual identity is less aligned in a lot of people than we tend to think -- mainly in that I think many people are more binary in their romantic alignment even if they are more bi or flexible in their sexual attraction. I think the porn thing is overblown, though. I kinda feel like if someone is watching lesbian porn and doesn't want to take over for one of the ladies, she's probably not secretly a lesbian. Something else about the scene is landing right…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:16 PM
0

Honest question: do you think good men universally dislike parties? My experience has been that many people like parties of one sort or another, and their morality spans the gambit. Of course not everyone does, and this goes for women too. There are introverts and shy folks in every gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 08:55 PM
2

No. I don't really trust you to be pursuing this line of questioning in good faith, and in any case I don't feel comfortable putting forth a guess on a question with so many variables and no data to inform it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 08:46 PM
3

I think there’s an amount of unspoken subtext in every human interaction. Super valid point. I run into issues with this in conversations with my spouse, a person I trust deeply to have my best interests at heart and vice versa. Small surprise it turns up here as well, in a space where everyone is primed to dissect the comments they reply to.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 08:38 PM
1

I couldn't possibly do anything but guess. It'd also be irrelevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 07:50 PM
1

That is an issue, but your post covered some additional ground.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 07:48 PM
–

Nope! I believe the correct response from me here is: Noice.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 01:44 AM
8

I can agree that making moral judgments against men simply on the basis of not being chosen for dating or sex is unfair. Being single, consensually or not, is not a moral question. It really weakens this argument to do things like put women's autonomy in scare quotes, though. It's not salient to your point and undermines your credibility. Unfortunately, there are men who are misogynistic, entitled, and so forth. Those qualities are often considered wrong and do see moral judgments made against t…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 01:02 AM
1

Possibly, or perhaps since the phrase "essential jobs that run society" has no real definition, OP should have defined his terms more clearly to facilitate discussion. Expecting everyone to intuit what he intended is ineffective.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 12:52 AM
2

To be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, responsible for what they say and do; to respect themselves and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, and make the world a better place.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 11:19 PM
1

I thought the red pill was all about radical acceptance of hard realities?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 09:23 PM
–

If it really troubled me I think it's fine to ask about it, but my first thoughts as to why that might be would be the most boring-ass, logistical ones. 'The opportunity came up,' 'they had a family wedding happening there,' 'they were making more money then and could afford it,' 'their fear of long-distance air travel was less severe then.' To be clear, I am a person who has often overthought things, and taken things personally even when they had nothing to do with me, and interpreted meaning i…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 09:13 PM
–

Total sidebar but dude, hard same on 69. Great, I'm supposed to do two totally different things at once? Well now I'm gonna do both of them badly.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 09:06 PM
–

Mad kudos to you for saying what I tried to say but needed eight billion paragraphs to articulate.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 08:59 PM
–

This is one of those topics where I can understand why a person might feel worried about it -- yet I think the best course of action is to work on letting go or moving past those feelings. You did a fine job breaking down some of the possibilities of how this might arise. And as you noted, the only one that really represents a real, current issue is if they are actually into this sex act in the present moment, but don't want to do it with generi-you. Is this sex act a non-negotiable for you? Can…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 08:56 PM
5

I am constantly reminding myself that there are actual children here.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 08:00 PM
1

Exactly this. It's possible she's not actually that into him, sure, but shouldn't he be able to tell that from the passion of the sex they are having? Or if this is just a type of sex that's really important to him, it doesn't matter what her reason is -- they're not compatible long-term.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:59 PM
1

Wait, so what kind of source material are you using for this claim? I'm not necessarily sure you're wrong but I want more info.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:49 PM
5

Mmn, to be fair sometimes they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:44 PM
1

Sure, no one has to have any kind of sex they're not into. All these personal opinions about kinky sex being bad for relationships, or kinky sex not being better or whatever, are you assigning your own values onto other people's desires, though. After you just got done telling everyone that their desires don't have more standing than anyone else's and everyone should try to find partners they are compatible with.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:34 PM
3

Ha, I mainly agree. Probably the most accurate statement is more like: 'many people have a boundary that they do not want to be in a relationship where they and their partner do not treat each other thoughtfully and care about their happiness and satisfaction.' Everyone has and retains autonomy at all times, but even so, there are things we have to do. Not because we literally have to do them, but because the consequences of not doing them really suck.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:31 PM
3

It's more likely (and consistent with the data) that women are more likely to complain about their male partner wanting to do things that she's not into.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:24 PM
–

Victims do have responsibility for the risky decision they made beforehand, and over themselves in the aftermath of whatever happened. So we agree on that point. They do not have any responsibility for the thing that happened to them in the middle. I think OP is talking about blame, though. Or at least, OP is arguing that a victim who took fewer or no risks is a better victim than a victim who took more risks.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 06:52 PM
0

Ah, you're doing the same thing the OP did of assuming that "all essential jobs that run society" specifically meant, I dunno, blue-collar infrastructure jobs I guess? There are some baked-in assumptions here that OP didn't unpack and didn't really consider, is what I was saying. I'm not arguing about the gender distribution in various industries.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 06:47 PM
–

This is a great example of my feelings on this topic. IS it stupid to hike alone in the woods? Because I personally hike alone in the woods routinely, and so do many people. It constitutes a risk, but overall that risk is pretty small. No doubt it would be safer to hike with a partner or a group, but lots of people have limited or no access to a hiking buddy or a group, and in order to make that change they would have to give up something important to them (maybe hiking altogether, maybe the fre…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 06:36 PM
–

Because you're infantilizing women instead of expecting them to behave like adults. No. This principle applies to everyone. And adults have the right to make decisions about their risk tolerance, engage in risky behaviors when they choose, and still receive compassion instead of blame when they fall victim to the odds. There's probably some coherent argument to be made here that this principle fails at some point where the risk becomes egregiously high -- like, I don't know the exact risks of de…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 06:12 PM
1

Cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 11:26 PM
3

I do love gen Alpha. They know we're cooked, but they're having fun with it. It's depressing to see all the downward generational hate landing on gen Z these days though. Did we learn nothing from the Boomer--Millennial rift?!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 07:21 PM
7

I have no need to draw some kind of distinction between a victim and a victim-ier victim (your "pure victim"). Your argument, if I understand it aright, is that women's arguments always deflect and circle around your argument to reassert victimization. My counterargument is that reasserting victimization is the correct response when someone is arguing a victim's responsibility to avoid being victimized. Asserting that someone who was victimized should have done differently in order to avoid bein…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 07:12 PM
–

Sorry, I was agreeing with you and pulled the first three actual porn categories that popped into my head. That probably wasn't at all clear.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 07:04 PM
–

I presume it's because prostates are baller, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 06:57 PM
–

Haha, the real secret is that women's porn interests are all very specific niche items that absolutely no content is sorted by. Fuck off, Barely legal and group sex and lesbian, bring in voracious oral and guys doing that eyebrow thing and dude moans categories.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 06:56 PM
13

So, you took two topics in which there are obvious victims involved (someone being cheated on, someone being sexually assaulted at a frat party) and tried to argue that they weren't actually victimized, and received pushback on that. That doesn't seem odd. It sounds like you have an unpopular opinion that is definitionally victim-blaming, and that was correctly identified by the people you argued with. (I don't think the third example really fits the pattern, and I'm not clear where the victimiz…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 06:51 PM
11

Agreed. Everyone is trying to thread the needle between doing nothing to protect themselves, and being so risk-averse that they avoid doing things entirely. But different people have different sensitivities to risk and different tolerances to risk, in addition to different capacities to assess risk accurately. The entire question of risk mitigation is not as clear-cut as OP suggests.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 06:43 PM
10

I think you didn't think this one through very hard. All the essential jobs? All the jobs that run society? All of them?! ....are you sure that's what you meant? ETA: I'm very curious how old one has to be to qualify as an "old man" under this premise. I have a bet going.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 06:34 PM
1

Godsdamn. Everyone loses their fucking mind that nonbinary folks exist but then we get this 'hur dur a third gender!?' drivel? Maybe we need to bring back the N-count threads -- they were saving us from the true lunatic fringe.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 11:00 PM
2

I just had a mini hyperfocus last week on the disaster of inbreeding that was the Habsburg dynasty, I cannot agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 09:21 PM
1

Haha, I appreciate your commitment. I agree dragons are delightful but you can keep your sketchy Targaryan bloodline. 💀
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 08:32 PM
3

Yeah, the fundament is honestly pretty similar biologically regardless of sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 07:58 PM
5

This -- I also think a lot of people are more switchy than exclusively dom or sub. Which sort of sounds like it would be easier to navigate but ends up being tricky still if you're after a LTR because you have to get the proportions to line up as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 07:53 PM
6

Look, this is a debate. You can't just say a phrase, have it stand in for a fully developed argument, and expect people to respond to it as if it was the full argument. I am not going to argue against what I suppose your argument to be. If you don't want to debate, that's okay, but please be direct about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 07:11 PM
3

You'll have to develop that idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 06:45 PM
9

Women are to blame whenever they do something wrong, but not wanting to date someone isn't something wrong that anyone is to blame for. Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 06:10 PM
2

Oh yeah, agreed. Definitely not just a men thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 05:55 PM
5

This. Obviously people are attracted to hot people. If this wasn't known there would be no point in adults, media, etc. preaching the importance of whom someone is inside.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 05:46 PM
3

...but there were always some good nuggets in there Yeah, I think this is true about a lot of ideologies and is part of how they gain a following, honestly. The nuttiest stuff is the most off-putting (and also the most hotly-debated) but there are often nuggets of truth or good advice even in terrible belief systems. I am interested in weird ideologies and cult behaviors in general and see this dynamic over and over again all over the place.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 05:27 PM
8

Kind of, but you're overlooking somewhat that whining about treatment of fat women turned into real discussion about the treatment of fat people in society and consensus-building that it was a real issue that enough people wanted to see change that activism made some impact. All of which to say, it isn't just complaining that effects social change. Complaining can prompt discussion but building consensus behind an idea is important too.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:29 PM
6

I agree with most of this. To be honest gamification and focus on inputs instead of outputs is my personal go-to for driving changed behavior. And yes, hard agree on most of the guys here not being ready to change and risk psychological safety. I hope that doesn't sound disparaging, as I don't mean it to be. But you can't change until you're mentally ready to change.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:26 PM
6

Coming right up!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:20 PM
7

......this doesn't make a lick of sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:17 PM
4

Honestly it's just been a ton of practice, learning to notice what I'm doing. Not doing it (or at least not sharing my ideas) is pretty much a mental 'sitting on my hands' sort of deal, haha. For myself I find it helps diffuse tension if I name it out loud when I notice it -- I'll literally say, "oh, shit, I started trying to problem solve; sorry, that maybe wasn't what you were looking for here." It relieves the other person of having to clarify what they wanted and opens space for them to say,…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:06 PM
6

Same, I've actively worked on that, haha. Luckily my partner is the same way so we've both gotten pretty decent at catching ourselves out trying to fix when the other person just wants to vent, and are both chill with being called on it by each other. It helps!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:59 PM
14

Booo to her. For what it's worth, kudos to you for doing the traveling you want to do and not waiting for a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:55 PM
5

Women aren't bad. Men aren't bad. Women and men and enbies and everyone contain capacity for good and evil. That's the human condition. That's the whole thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:54 PM
1

I'll drink to that.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:53 PM
6

Women as a class don't agree on much of anything. They also have no designated spokesperson. This desire is functionally impossible to see met.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:52 PM
13

I have a ton of tolerance for people who get stuck on the 'how?!' portion of self-improvement or life-improvement or whatever. The how can be confusing! Improvement is hard! It's reasonable to ask for help! The really frustrating thing is defeatism ('it's impossible to reach my goal so why bother even trying') and people who want there to be One Easy Trick to achieving whatever it is. Most improvement is incremental. Most of the time it's also multifactoral. You (general-you) are probably going …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:49 PM
32

I feel like everyone gets maybe 1-2 'whining tokens' from me in, I dunno, a week. They recharge over time. But whining has a cooldown period, you gotta use it sparingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:42 PM
3

I do think more people would steal if there were no consequences (probably more useful to say 'if it were not illegal,' but either way). But most people recognize consequences beyond legal ones, and see personal benefit from ethical behavior aside from not being punished by the law. For example, I don't loot stores because it is beneficial to me to act in alignment with my own ethical code (internal consistency feels good), and because I prefer to live in a world where taking things freely isn't…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:39 PM
4

There is definitely a contingent of men here who believe women don't really feel sexual attraction in any meaningful way, they just pretend when they feel it's advantageous.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:14 PM
1

Question, because I generally have found you to be reasonable and rational in your debates here, and I think you would have sources on this -- do we have even moderately good data regarding what percentage of men offend when considering the broad range of sexual crimes and/or misbehaviors that fall short of criminality -- sexual assault, harassment, groping, spiking drinks, coerced consent, not stopping sex when consent is revoked, etc.? I agree that the percentage of men who are violent offende…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:12 PM
7

Oddly I find I agree with this (at least that it is an aspect of the dynamic). Weird corrolary but I see this as well in regards to child death. Many people really struggle with how to process the horror of seeing someone else lose a child, and contemplating it happening to them, so if there is any possible flaw or mistake in the parent that they can point to in order to show that they 'deserved' it, they will.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:56 PM
10

Can I put you and the guys here who believe women are all asexual and use sex purely transactionally in a room together and watch the discussion?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:52 PM
-1

I'm not necessarily talking about men who are very promiscuous, just the dark triad men mentioned upthread. I think they can see repercussions for those behaviors, though of course it varies.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:46 PM
2

Sure, but it was a quippy analogy, not an exact 1:1 correspondence. My broad point is that doing wrong is often more effective than doing right, but we (mostly) advise people how to improve their effectiveness while staying on the side of right-doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:40 PM
3

I think (super broadly speaking) women's arousal doesn't fire off from seeing a hot body in isolation. Women tend to want to see how he moves, how he smiles, how he talks, and so on. Obviously women like attractive men but it's one piece of a total package, not the thing itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 01:50 PM
5

It's a lot smaller than that, sorry. Bro upthread probably doesn't mean 'the top 12% of men' and probably means more like, 'Matt, Phil, Jaden, Rob, Jack, and Gregory.'
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 01:41 PM
16

And bank robbers make more per hour than the vast majority of people, yet we don't advise people to go out and become bank robbers in order to pay the bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 01:24 PM
3

I think a lot of men who do have sex still don't think of sex with an abundance mentality. They prefer for it to be relatively rare and difficult to get, because they have a lot of ego attached to the fact that they are successful in this arena. They like that they have sex, but they also like that they are winning relative to other men. If sex was more freely available they wouldn't be able to feel like their sex-having was an accomplishment.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 01:15 PM
1

Well, I think more women are open to long-term FWB than hookups. There are also a lot of women interested in LTRs but not particularly worried about marriage. "Almost all" seems to be a real overstatement here.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 12:25 PM
1

No, being in a secure relationship mirrors the security of belonging to a tribe. I don't mean that prehistoric people wanted romantic relationships the same way modern people do. I'm arguing that 'belonging' is the primary security need that being in a relationship meets. It would be interesting to test that out, sure! I don't really agree with your hypothesis but that isn't surprising.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 12:08 PM
3

I don't fully grok what you think I omitted, but let me try this: If the main benefit of short-term relationships or hookups is sex, and a significant number of women find that they have the best sex in relationships of other sorts, they would lack an incentive to have short-term relationships or hookups.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 06:44 AM
1

I don't think that the security need you describe is the most powerful motivating force for women to seek relationships, though. I think relationships first and foremost meet emotional security needs: needs for acceptance, communion, and belonging. If you want to look at this through an evolutionary biology lens, belonging and community represented a graver, more existential threat to an individual in a prehistoric setting than most other abstract threats. Modern humans might not actually starve…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 06:40 AM
2

Hmm, well, I don't think men would fantasise about that. I really think the most obvious male-focused wish fulfillment fantasies are porn (in which very hot women meet their every sexual desire) and certain types of power-up fantasies (less so the type where they encounter setbacks and slow, more normalized growth and increased skill, but more the type where they get magical or technological upgrades to suddenly be competitive at a much higher level than previously). I'm not making any sort of m…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 06:28 AM
6

Well yeah, that's what makes it a fantasy, right? It offers relief from an unpleasant reality of life. There are lots of books about women striving and working for what they want, whether they ultimately fail or succeed. But genre romance isn't that. Can I ask you about the Titanic thing? What makes it your favorite film? Most people (and to be honest particularly most men) seem to have a fairly low opinion of it, but I think it's underrated.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:48 AM
1

To be fair I think being spoiled is basically the theme of genre romances. Not necessarily financially, and the better ones have other themes as well, but I do think a key aspect of the genre and part of what makes it enduringly popular is that it indulges the fantasy of being treated really well and having all one's desires (emotional, sexual, possibly material) met. There is lots of literature about women undertaking personal growth and change narratives, but that isn't the main focus of genre…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:33 AM
6

.....you can't just be out here developing trusting relationships, that's crazy talk! Oh right, that is how relationships work. Time to get off the internet again.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:19 AM
3

I think women believe that men's motivation for a long-term relationship comes primarily from the same place that hers does: enjoying being together with him and not wanting to be apart. Wise people would also evaluate their dreams, goals, lifestyle preferences, values, etc. to make sure they are compatible as a team.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:13 AM
3

I don't even know if I think you're wrong per se about the rich Chad of romance novels (if I'm reading wish-fulfillment fantasy why not include material comforts that I can't enjoy in real life too, while we're at it?!), but this really makes me want to do a vast analysis of genre romances to get some real data to crunch. I mean I don't want to have to read that many genre romances. But I want the spreadsheet.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:10 AM
4

How do you account for women wanting LTRs more than men then? All else aside, women on average seem to prefer sex in the context of a trusting relationship rather than a one-off hookup to a greater degree than men on average (presumably some of that is cultural, but also female sexual pleasure seems to often improve with repeated encounters with the same partner).
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:06 AM
–

I don't think this is a taboo subject particularly, but I have a hard time figuring out what the debate is supposed to be. People who date people who are toxic or shitty or just a bad fit probably should choose someone better next time. I don't think this is terribly contentious, and it doesn't release the toxic or shitty person from responsibility for their own bad behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 09:11 PM
12

Cheating situations also almost always file as no fault. Proving fault as grounds to divorce is a massive pain in the ass, is more expensive, and involves much more interpersonal fallout. There's not really much upside.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 01:24 AM
1

How do you know? I personally don't think most people are that shallow, but I could be wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 12:54 AM
1

Right. It used to be there was scarcity of calories, and/or money to buy calories. Now there is abundance of calories at low prices, and the scarcity is in time, and higher-quality or healthier calories that are behind a higher paywall, and what for a lack of a better word I'll call willpower. Not in the sense that people should 'just eat less!' but in the sense that it requires ongoing attention and effort to restrain yourself from doing something that would be pleasant and satisfy a strong bio…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 12:15 AM
4

There is a substantial difference though between 'I need to control everything' and 'I need to be careful not to be controlled by someone.'
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 11:56 PM
6

Oh no, I have to disagree on that. Some women definitely wield 'gay' as a perjorative to men who fail to meet their expectations in some way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 09:43 PM
4

I almost agree with your title statement, with one small change: Women are scared of not having the power in dating. I don't think most people perceive dating and romance through a lens of dominance, of jockeying for the upper hand. But I do agree that women tend to be aware of the fragility of their agency in life, and that dating is one of the most common ways to find it circumscribed, and to be accordingly cautious.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 09:33 PM
1

I don't see it, sorry. It appears not everybody feels that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 09:13 PM
2

Bootstrap stories are very inspiring and often demonstrate individual excellence. However, when we look at a population, we have to recognize that a population is always going to be average and distributed across a bell curve of excellence, mediocrity, and failtasticness. When we design systems for society, we need to build them in such a way that the vast majority of people (which includes a large part of the below-average people) are able to succeed. A system in which only the uppermost excell…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 09:09 PM
10

I think possibly girls have an increased tendency towards cooperation compared to boys on average -- not necessarily that they lack competitiveness, but they are more inclined to channel that competitiveness through approved channels instead of bucking systems.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 09:04 PM
3

I mean, as someone who's not attracted to women, nor a severely obese woman, I can't really speak to this personally on any level. I did run a Google search for images of women at 5'5" and 240 lbs to see whether that seemed plausible to me, though, and to my non-attracted eye there were some who looked like they would get male attention. I'll defer to the folks here who are actually attracted to women, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 02:29 AM
5

I understand the differences, but to be honest for a woman of my height, the obese designation spans from 180-230 lbs, and severely obese is 240 lbs upward. I agree that a woman at that size would consider herself fat (unless she had some really significant muscle mass body comp stuff going on), but there are definitely women 240+ lbs at that height whose proportions are such that they would still be attractive to a sizable number of men. If you have a favorable waist-hip ratio it's not unusual.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:46 PM
3

Look, I see what you are talking about here, and ultimately you and the other commenter are on different pages. There are really different discussions to be had about 'expected gender roles' in early dating and 'expected gender roles' in a long-term committed relationship. Both of them are discussions worth engaging in, but they don't interact that much with each other. I think that people who try to connect them strongly are doing neither discussion any favors.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:38 PM
2

Well sure. We started this line of argument with a homeless drug addict so I assumed we were talking about a person much closer to that end of the 'success spectrum.' I don't know you personally; I have no specific opinions about whether (or how) you should improve, or for what reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:33 PM
1

Yep!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:32 PM
0

This seems like a foolish argument. Although I'm sure this sometimes happens, surely the likelihood of a beautiful woman having sex with a successful man is much higher than with a homeless drug addict. Therefore a logical person would conclude that improving himself likewise improves his odds of landing the sex partner he wants.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 12:44 AM
3

Yeah, everything is hyperbolize to the Nth degree.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 12:25 AM
1

Again, I really think it depends. I live in a more socially conservative part of the US, it wouldn't be odd to see this play out here as I describe. I assume it might be different elsewhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 12:24 AM
0

I disagree, but if that's so then I guess we can deal with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 12:21 AM
1

Oh, is this claim limited to this sub? That wasn't apparent.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 12:15 AM
2

This is highly contextual though. In a progressive online space like Reddit? Probably so. In real life at the bbq? Not so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 09:33 PM
1

Doggy style oral sex?!? 😱
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 09:32 PM
1

These high value men must be exhausted. Poor dears.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 09:31 PM
–

Okay, this makes sense -- but I'm not convinced most people would actually like for random strangers to assume that they are ugly as hell, either. Basically any way you slice it, random strangers making negative assumptions about someone on the internet is going to hurt feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 09:16 PM
6

I thought women settled as they get older and that's where betabux dudes come in. Is that not what you're advocating?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 09:04 PM
5

I understand your position as to why disproving that argument is a worthwhile thing to spend time on. In fact in that sense I suppose I agree, since I also disagree with it. I think it might be on OP to more clearly outline the context in which the original post should be viewed as a rebuttal (though to be so fair, I'm tired AF today and might simply have overlooked that in the OP. In which case, that's on me). I also appreciate you bringing quantifiable data in to support your argument about th…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 08:55 PM
4

Okay, but I straight up do not know what you mean exactly. You replied to a three-hours-old top-level comment, and Monochromatic Prism and I argued a bunch of things across several replies apiece downthread. I don't know which part(s) you agreed with or are crowing about.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 08:47 PM
2

You said: Men who have high body counts are shamed and chastised publicly while the women were “just discovering themselves”. But you didn't support this claim with evidence, and I'd like to see it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 08:43 PM
9

What are you talking about?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 08:40 PM
1

You first; then maybe I'll do the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:50 PM
–

Oh yeah, for sure. Lots of sucktastic women. Minus the ad hominem, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:44 PM
5

Ye Good Olde Days TM
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:42 PM
3

This is definitely a thing that happens, but it's just one of a handful of common results. How fast someone moves on (either sexually or romantically) after a relationship ends depends on a bunch of factors. Things like: were they done with the relationship when it ended, or taken by surprise by the breakup? do they use casual sex or romantic entanglements as a distraction from emotional pain? are they generally an in-demand dating or sex partner, or not? do they like casual sex in general? do t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:31 PM
1

The day that this subreddit realizes that BP =/= liberal will be a glorious one. Your lips to God's ears, sister.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:24 PM
1

In 2026, society includes a robust sex-positive 'you go' culture, a strong 'traditional values' slut-shaming culture, and a variety of positions in between. All at the same time. This claim is wild though unless you can provide some evidence of men being shamed for their promiscuity in significant ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:22 PM
6

I was playing a mixtape yesterday that my uncle put together back in the early '70s and 'Cherry Hill Park' by Billy Joe Royal came on. I was all, 'damn, I totally forgot about this 'man I miss the local slut' top 40s song from 1969.' 💀
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:13 PM
5

Okay. So if I understand you correctly, you are arguing that OP's post should be understood as a rebuttal to this common argument that 'men are the whole problem with dating,' by arguing, 'no actually men are basically fine'? I don't really disagree with that because I never agreed with the common argument 'men are the whole problem with dating' in the first place. I didn't respond to that argument in my response to OP because that argument never crossed my mind, because it sounds stupid. I resp…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 06:47 PM
6

To be clear, 'disagreeableness' within the scope of this study reflects the subjects' self-reported beliefs on four questions regarding how much they care about others and their feelings. I actually think it's an interesting study and worth reading, but these results don't say anything about how pleasant these men are to interact with.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 06:34 PM
22

I think it's also reasonable to note that since women have obligate fat storage as secondary sex characteristics, the actual physique of an overweight woman is probably more likely to appear appealingly shapely vs. an equally overweight man. Men effectively have biologic bias to appreciate fat reserves in the female physique in a way that isn't mirrored in the reverse.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 06:07 PM
5

Since you are on this forum, I suspect you already knew this was the answer. Sure -- I wasn't suggesting that there are no issues in the dating market (as evidenced by producing several possible issues). My statement conveyed that there is no consensus on what the issues in the dating market are, nor on what the cause(s) of them are. I think you are overstating by presenting this as a clear and consistent thesis statement on which everyone (the BP, feminism, and women on social media) agrees. It…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 05:59 PM
2

Apparently BMI ranges don't differentiate between men and women, so both. And yeah, I'm very aware of the limitations of BMI as a metric, but it's what the study linked above was using.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 05:20 PM
17

I suppose I am ignoring that thesis statement because I don't agree with it, or even necessarily agree that it is the primary argument put forward by the BP(?), feminism, or even women on social media. To be entirely frank I'm not sure what "the issues in the dating market" even are in this context. Is it the rise of harmful black pill rhetoric? Is it dating apps and how much most people dislike them? Is it lonely single men? I'm sure single women would like there to be more quality single men t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 05:17 PM
11

To be honest I think it's a phrase that became a meme so a lot of women know/say it, but I see it used mainly as an exasperated response to some particular case of bad behavior on the part of some man. It comes out in an eye-rolling "Look at this shit" sense, similar to how queers respond to examples of weird heterosexual bullshit with, "Oof, the straights are not okay."
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 05:09 PM
9

Sure, understood. I think in that case the question really comes back to: is it necessary for a person to only have standards in a partner that they themself can meet? This has been debated here a lot and I tend to fall on the pragmatic side of thinking it sorts itself out in reality. The abstract is more philosophical but less relevant. Actually the more I think about it, if men were (broadly) on a better footing than women, wouldn't that mean that men (broadly) would be in the position to need…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 05:06 PM
2

Leaving this here in the automod because I went looking for the details on the obesity study, because I was curious what 'obese' and 'severly obese' meant here. Obese = BMI of 30 - 39.9 Severely obese = BMI of 40+ To put some general stats alongside those numbers, here are some frames of people who fall into the obese range: 5'2", 170 lbs 5'2", 210 lbs 5'7", 200 lbs 5'7", 250 lbs 6'0", 230 lbs 6'0", 290 lbs 6'5", 260 lbs 6'5", 330 lbs Corresponding frames of people who fall into the severely obe…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:57 PM
15

Somebody brought up something regarding this phrase in another thread that crystalized a thought for me. I think when women say this phrase, they understand "the bar" as being behavioral, exclusively -- that is, only related to how a person acts, carries themselves, presents -- things they do. I don't think women actually fail to understand that intrinsic physical traits also impact dating success, but it seems that this phrase only comes out when discussing men's behavior, not their general att…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:49 PM
18

This is an interesting topic, and I love that you brought data, truly. It's going to be difficult to debate comprehensively because you touched on so many different avenues of improvement. As my overall general response, let me say -- I think fundamentally no one is required to "do better," and people who say this as a critique or some kind of general call to action are making really vague statements that nobody is required to take seriously. If someone is happy with themselves and their life, t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:45 PM
1

I don't know enough about SpongeBob to affirm or refute this, but I'd not dismiss it out of hand.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:26 PM
3

I agree with some of your points in that I also think men should be able to determine what 'masculinity' means to them and how they wish to perform it. I don't think that absolves them from being (or striving to be) good humans, which is something I expect every person to be working on. The thing I think you're missing is that when people talk about "positive masculinity" they are holding it up as a gesture of goodwill to others whose thinking about gender and masculinity is more rigid than mine…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:16 PM
4

What if they just want to treat women as equals because they believe it's the right thing to do?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:09 PM
–

Eh. In the absence of specificity people generally tend to assume negative aspersions don't apply to them anyway. This is supposed to be a space for debating, not educating the masses, anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:05 PM
1

Agreed. To be honest I think our cultural loss of mystery/privacy around sex does them no favors here. 'A gentleman never kisses and tells' philosophy leaves an air of possibility that can never be confirmed nor denied, casting everyone in the best possible light whichever state is more preferred.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:03 PM
–

Oooh, shout-out to the 1930s vintage representation! Sorry about the conservative vintage values folks though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:59 PM
–

Your style sounds awesome.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:48 PM
1

This is an interesting point. I think OP unfortunately left their thesis a little too broad so people are reading into it with their own interpretations (which have gone a bunch of different directions). I think 'vigor' is a really good description actually of positive energetic activity.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:46 PM
2

Shit, I need a plant club. Is there a remedial plant club?!?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:31 PM
–

The trenchcoat mafia thing predates most of the guys here but yeah, there have always been moral panic about 'what the young men are doing.' The internet only exacerbated an ongoing phenomenon.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 09:54 PM
7

I think it's worth observing that you introduced the word "addicted" to this thread -- the poster upthread that you responded to merely said "people tend to enjoy [...] seeking novel stimulation." Which is much less hyperbolic and seems more defensible as a position. EDIT to correct the quote for accuracy
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 06:50 PM
–

I have issue with what you said, because I think you are being disingenuous in this comment thread. It seemed to me like the point of your post was actually to assign blame, and perhaps to withhold sympathy from anyone who had a bad experience dating an asshole. I summarized my disagreement above.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:53 PM
–

So what's to debate? The women who date assholes mostly also would like to stop dating them. Literally nobody is going to argue against that advice. It seemed to me like the point of your post was actually to assign blame, and perhaps to withhold sympathy from anyone who had a bad experience dating an asshole.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:45 PM
–

Okay. I don't think anyone is actually arguing, "women should date assholes!" though, right? This doesn't seem to have much to do with what the best course of action would be (pretty much everyone agrees), but rather how to treat people if or when they date an asshole anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:13 PM
2

I think that processes that are good for the kids are by extension good for society. The larger percentage of kids growing up into happy, healthy, functional adults, the better off for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:10 PM
2

Info: are you talking about a specific age range of women in this thread? Or is this an opinion that is meant to apply to all women?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:04 PM
1

I think we might need more explanation of what you consider hyperactive, and how it differs from more 'normal' levels of activity. I also disagree strongly that being constantly active and never not doing something is a particularly masculine trait. I associate this tendency with people who are prodictivity-oriented and feel guilt if anything is undone or resting, and in my life that has more often been women (generally older women, mothers and aunts and so on). I think it's probably gender-neut…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:54 PM
–

What is the purpose of this argument? Meaning: if we all agree that you're right, now what? What outcome depends on this point of view? From where I stand, I don't think anyone is "to blame" for their attractions. People do have responsibility for their choices and actions. This includes people choosing to date people they can see are bad or bad for them, and people who do bad things.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:45 PM
2

Yeah, that seems perfectly possible. To be honest, I think a lot of the work of maturing and calibrating these sensitivities is working out what is a genuine, personal boundary ('I will not be happy/satisfied/comfortable with X dynamic') and what is a discomfort that represents a place for necessary personal growth ('I don't like/am uncomfortable with X dynamic, but that doesn't mesh with my personal values and I'm trying to figure out how to sit with that discomfort and learn how to behave more…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:32 PM
3

You're framing 'caring' and 'indifference' as though they are opposites on a spectrum, but ignoring the obvious third option. Nobody* wants their partner to control their behavior or be endlessly critical. Indifference is preferable to that. But what people mostly want from someone they are in a relationship with is affirmation and support -- they want you to like what they like, either for itself, or because you love to see them thriving. Of course people are looking for that option over indiff…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:26 PM
9

No, Machiavellian philosophy is 'don't rely on cavalry; horses are crazy beasts and will betray you.'
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:04 PM
4

Bro, you know autism presents in a variety of constellations, yeah? Also the idea of Chad is context-dependent anyway, because nobody has access to the entire human population at once. If we believe in Chad, we have to acknowledge the existence of a redneck Chad, a frat house Chad, a nerd Chad, a disc golf Chad, a regular golf Chad, a yacht club Chad, a Burning Man Chad, and on and on.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:02 PM
2

It's true.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:58 PM
8

The funniest part of this is that Titanic doesn't really lionize emotional dependence, either. Jack certainly doesn't seem to need Rose. And all evidence suggests Rose doesn't need him either in the long term. He acts as a catalyst for self-growth for her and that's it. Annnd we're back!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 05:24 PM
1

Hahaha, bonjour!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 05:08 PM
–

Jack Dawson, OG manic pixie dream boy.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 05:07 PM
9

Look, this is a semantic argument and that's fine, but it's not going anywhere except around in a circle. People who use the word 'date' to include 'going on a date with someone' would agree with the question upthread -- they needed to date 100 people to find their husband. People who use the word 'date' to mean 'being in a relationship with' would disagree -- they needed to be in a relationship with 2 people before finding their husband. All of this is perfectly clear from the top-level comment…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:47 PM
–

The funniest part of this is that Titanic doesn't really lionize emotional dependence, either. Jack certainly doesn't seem to need Rose. And all evidence suggests Rose doesn't need him either in the long term. He acts as a catalyst for self-growth for her and that's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:42 PM
1

Variable ratio reinforcement isn't a mental illness, it's a standard principle of behavioral study.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 02:19 PM
1

Hilariously an aroused vagina is probably both loose and tight. Loose because tenting, tight because engorged with blood. Schrödinger's vagina!
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 09:56 PM
1

Sure, but I'm talking specifically about the psychological mechanisms that induce people to keep pulling the handle on a slot machine, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 05:32 PM
2

I hesitate to share this thought because I usually stay out of detailed OLD discussions -- but it occurs to me that they may draw on the same 'gambling' feedback loop that helps keep people hooked on scrolling social media. You run into a lot of dross, but occasionally you find something (or someone) amazing! And we know that intermittent unpredictable rewards are the most compelling kind in order to produce more compulsive play.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 09:12 PM
3

Shania Twain told us all this in the '90s!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 09:04 PM
1

Yeah, agreed. I simplified a lot, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 09:01 PM
4

I think there's truth in this, but I also think there's something going on with men who might be perceived as cool and carefree by others, but they themselves feel like losers. I'm not sure the experience of this hinges completely on outside perception.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 08:03 PM
6

Solid points. I tend to forget that meninism sounds at all like feminism since I only see it written down.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:36 PM
2

I genuinely don't think most people think this way. Maybe I'm wrong, but damn.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 05:20 PM
14

That's a bold statement, considering how tricky happiness research is and how sparse our long-term historical data on it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 05:13 PM
6

Yeah, my sense is that the attitudes around this started shifting a long time ago and have been moving for awhile, with that shift accelerating with the social media uptake. I'd love more data about relative singleness rates in men over a hundred years. I think they are definitely louder now (as we all are), but I'm not sure whether the percentage is dramatically bigger as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 05:10 PM
2

I personally want reciprocal acts of service.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 05:04 PM
2

Dude got promoted! ....my guess from watching Downton Abbey is that maybe the male equivalent would be a "bang footman?" ..."bang butler" has a much better cadence, you're right.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 05:03 PM
1

Everybody is tired, that's what happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:50 PM
3

"Bang maid" has a specific connotation that you're kind of glossing over here (probably in order to make your point). You are correct that there is nothing dishonorable in doing the caretaking and homemaking labor of a family. If this is a fulfilling role for someone (and it certainly can be!), and they are respected and have strong interpersonal ties to their family members, this is an important vocation. The fact that our capitalist mindsets devalue it because it is unpaid doesn't inherently m…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:40 PM
15

I've been pondering what changed to help nudge the idea of a 'committed bachelor' away from being cool and carefree and into the idea of the 'loser incel' instead. With the understanding that the difference in attitude is more pronounced than any change in the general experience of long-term unpartnered adult men (by which I mean, I think 1950 also had its share of average, unremarkable men who were not necessarily as glamorous and cool as the ideal makes them sound, and who probably would have …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:24 PM
8

Total tangent: why did male activism end up with the awful word 'meninism' and not something correlated with the Latin roots of feminism? I prefer 'virinism' because it's better grammar and sounds cooler but would accept 'masculism' as being more obviously understandable to modern English speakers.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:08 PM
1

That is not the entire set of dating and romance advice from the world beyond TRP.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 09:44 PM
2

I was going to mention wellness/health influencer content -- it's a huge space of course but definitely some super-grifty content as well as plenty of outright misinformation.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 09:36 PM
2

Needlessly rude, bro.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 09:29 PM
1

Yeah, pondering it some and pairing it with my prior knowledge that readership in general is quite low in the adult population, I can see my way to there. This is one of those areas where I'm in a bubble (in this case a readers bubble).
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 09:29 PM
–

I would love to know what constitutes a silly trend and what constitutes a valid, serious period of popular culture, fashion, architecture, or whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 04:08 PM
3

Huh. I did not expect that stat to be true. That's wild.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:52 PM
1

Yes, the 'don't hang out with the opposite gender' rule only works for very heteronormative people whose social spaces share that framework. I'm nonbinary, I'd never get to have any friends!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:47 AM
2

Five Ways to Forgiveness was intense. I need to read more Ursula Le Guin.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:37 AM
1

This is super interesting because the way you described ACoTaR sounded a lot like my take on Twilight back in the day, haha. I feel like there is a space for writing that is nothing earth-shattering but perfectly readable.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 11:19 PM
2

The thing about bad bluepill advice is that most people just call it 'bad advice.' With the possible exception of any bad advice that happens to be specifically redpill. All of which is to say, it's totally fair to ignore or argue against bad advice. Bluepill folks also think a lot of it is bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 10:20 PM
1

Dig it, that makes sense. I'll probably pick it up at some point (not for a bit, I'm chewing through the last quarter of The Will of the Many reread in anticipation of launching into the sequel right after).
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 10:16 PM
0

Lord, you are not wrong re: Amanda Palmer.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:50 PM
0

Tricksey hobbitses.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:47 PM
0

Re: #3 -- not judging you, but curious -- did you like it? How'd you find it? I haven't jumped into it yet partly because it seems overhyped and I'm curious for perspectives that come from outside the most expected demographic.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:46 PM
7

I'm either an idiot or a really pure person because I interpreted that as an actual hole cut into the center of the table like some kind of sleight of hand trick. 💀
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 01:03 AM
5

Male strip shows are deeply weird. Like to the point where I can't even opine too strongly on them because I don't know whether this is a Juice being weird and trans and neurospicy thing or an everybody actually finds them weird AF thing. They seem to mainly operate as a kind of... female group bonding over performative arousal/taboo-breaking thing? It's like a group sexual encounter that stops short of actual sex acts. Completely different vibe from female strip performances IME.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 09:28 PM
4

This is the one. Women respond to a woman gushing about how much she loves women (as a category) very differently than men respond to a woman gushing about how much she loves men.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 09:11 PM
–

Ironically this is the just world fallacy that RP blokes here love to pin on all BP ideas. It's probably true that anyone who's having no success at dating has things they could work on improving (because be real; we all have things we could improve!), but that's not quite the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 08:59 PM
1

And yet we also have so many underserved communities and pervasive health issues. Solving these disparities and improving access and uptake is one of modern medicine's big challenges, for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 10:02 PM
1

Sure. If you figure out how to provide knowledge, therapies, and medications to every single person who is struggling and needs them, I hope someone puts you in charge of healrhcare on a global level posthaste.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 09:31 PM
–

PSA: Guys, if your lady isn't touching your body during sex, find a better partner. This post is funny to me. Sexual arousal happens in a feedback loop between the brain and the body. You're observing that for many men looking at an attractive female body is a quick trigger for arousal in the brain. No objections from me -- when people say 'men are more visual' this is what they're talking about. Looking at a man's attractive body doesn't seem to trigger arousal in a woman's brain as straightfor…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 06:38 PM
2

It kind of is. I went down a rabbit hole a few weeks ago watching socialization and dating informational films from the 1940s and '50s -- this one is a decent example. https://youtu.be/3D32Z5hjtR0?si=GnX16hdTpoPs4CvI
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 06:26 PM
1

Yeah, I think my disagreement is mainly semantic. Which, I do love a good semantic argument, but we don't disagree too much here.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 06:03 PM
5

Unclear whether Hugo Weaving is not conventionally attractive enough to count as a hear me out, but that man is so hot. Damn. He was at least nobody else's pick from the LOTR cast which is a deep bench of hot dudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 06:01 PM
4

I'm not sure I agree that it's useless. The same advice is useful to the same degree whether it is presented or adopted due to wanting to impress a woman or due to wanting to self-improve for your own satisfaction. I also think male self-improvement gets presented through this lens because it's effective advertising -- men tend to want women to like them and will consider things they wouldn't otherwise. I don't disagree that it would be mentally healthier to focus on self-improvement for your ow…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 05:36 PM
2

I don't really believe in 'laziness,' which means I disagree with your framing. Not wanting to work on social skills is probably mainly a sign of one or more of the following: having no real idea what to work on specifically or how to go about trying to improve (a lack of knowledge) having an impediment standing between knowledge of what would be best to do and taking action (this could be overwhelm, executive function, anxiety, depression, other priorities, financial or logistical barriers, etc…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 05:24 PM
3

This sounds like a broad misunderstanding about how this type of content works. If there is a lot of content instructing women to 'know their worth,' what that means is that content-creators have determined that: many women struggle with 'knowing their worth' and settle or sell themselves short and/or many women think they have this problem and are willing to click on a video that discusses it, offers advice on how not to do that, etc. Right now I'm seeing a lot of content about getting offline …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 05:12 PM
3

You just seem like a cool lady. I'm glad you're here. 🖤
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 02:54 PM
3

Only if I can keep switching endlessly whenever I want. Not sure what the opposite of genderqueer is, though, but if I can just change my physical at will, I'm down.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 02:52 PM
5

I can't believe you took my man Willy Wonka's name in vain like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 02:24 PM
5

Unfortunately yes. Tone policing doesn't make their arguments wrong, so I try to leave it out entirely, but I'm sure rudeness erodes goodwill.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 02:23 PM
7

Yes, the provocation is part of the point. Trebly so since TRP became slightly more mainstream/more visible to women. Any TRP content made with the expectation that women will encounter it is intentionally phrased to be as rude as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 02:08 PM
7

I think the part you're missing or ignoring is that the mindset coaching is TRP.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 02:03 PM
27

You might have a point if you were talking about the broad cultural discussion about dating, but this idea falls apart here within this subreddit. There are plenty of bluepill or -adjacent people here who are perfectly fine having a frank discussion on these topics. A lot of what you describe is people agreeing with a premise, or part of a premise, but thinking it's overstated or taken to incorrect conclusions. That is a very ordinary part of disagreement.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 01:58 PM
3

It probably depends, yeah? Some RP observations are just wrong, or overgeneralized or whatever. Those aren't necessarily indicative of men trying to control women. Sometimes men really do exhibit a pretty large degree of wanting to control women, though. And to be honest that wouldn't be so concerning, except we just got some of those systems of control changed fairly recently, so walking those reforms back is a particularly undesirable possibility that people tend to feel strongly about.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 12:56 AM
–

Why, is 'women don't play video games' a criticism? Or is 'women do play video games' the criticism? Honestly either way it's boring AF.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:32 PM
–

I'm yoinking these recs.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:26 PM
–

Hey, this bloke is not interested in arguing in good faith about this and will ignore all evidence. Carry on, just fair warning!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:19 PM
–

Oh, you again, with this boring and incorrect argument. Anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:19 PM
–

I feel like the Scouts USA move (in addition to all the other reasons mentioned) is aimed at families that are already doing scouting and want their kids to have a similar experience regardless of gender. Girl Scouts can be almost anything, but it's so open-ended that the specific experience and especially the activity focus can vary a ton troop to troop. Scouts USA has their programming structured in a more rubric-y way for lack of a better term.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:16 PM
–

For clarity, Girl Scouts' policies support a girls-focused experience, and welcome nonbinary, transgender, and gender-nonconforming kids who find that experience a good fit.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:13 PM
7

You're using a pretty broad understanding of manipulation here that includes every sort of social influence. You're correct in saying that some sorts of social influence are considered acceptable and appropriate while others are not. You're off-base in supposing that people disagree with TRP tactics because they disapprove of social influence broadly. To assess your claim that feminist society doesn't approve of TRP because they do not want men to have control, you would need to analyze whether …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 08:20 PM
0

I don't think that gulf is at all as apparent as you think. We see this all the time whenever perfectly normal people talk about being fine with having sex with someone who would rather not be having it. Or talking about it being unthinkable to stop having sex partway through if something happens that makes the other person lose interest. Or religious teachings about spouses needing to be "joyfully available" to their spouse at all times, regardless of their own feelings. There are lots of very …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:59 PM
1

Sure, statistically speaking this is so. I don't know that it matters which way it ultimately shakes out for them as far as evaluating their thoughts and opinions now.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:44 PM
6

Pretty much. When I was young this was known as 'playing games' and the proportion of young men who thought this was necessary to succeed at dating seemed pretty similar to the proportion of young women who felt their games-playing was necessary to succeed. A lot of people grow out of this, some never do.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:12 AM
2

Right, people can do that, with or without no-fault divorce. We agree, then?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 12:10 AM
3

Right, all no-fault divorce is doing in this scenario is allowing her to divorce instead of being a party girl while technically remaining married. Why do you care about that piece of it?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:28 PM
3

Cool, but my point is nobody is trapped in the painful limbo of having to prove fault of some kind before divorcing a spouse in a marriage they don't want to be in anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:18 PM
3

Good news, men can also use no fault divorce at any time and take a woman's years of hard work!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:14 PM
2

Sorry, hold the phone, are you saying that you think rapists are all extreme outliers and not part of the normal population of people? Because that doesn't bear out at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:12 PM
-1

Honestly, yes. Women dating assholes are not doing anything to anyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:00 PM
1

This! Men are primed to... adapt and use tools, mostly. To be resourceful and survive in a wide variety of climates and contexts. To develop strong communal bonds in social groups of ~15-30 people. To make stuff and do art and poke things with sticks.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 09:51 PM
1

I think any individual is going to have 'peaks' along various metrics that end up falling at different times. Broad debates like this put a lot of weight onto which metrics matter most to the people doing the debating. If all you care about is a person's physical beauty, that peak is presumably young adulthood somewhere. If you care about emotional stability, that peak is probably later in adulthood. If you care about physical strength, that depends on the person. Etc. It works out for the indiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:29 PM
2

I think that if you want to understand other women's obsession with marriage, you have to step aside from your own thoughts about it and dig into what exactly they are so enthusiastic about. What are the reasons why women (or anyone) who really want to get married want that? Your arguments all have to do with why you, a woman who doesn't want to marry, feel that way. This is fine but easily answered by simply observing that other people feel differently about it. I also think it's interesting to…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:21 PM
0

In addition to what the other commenters mentioned, I think most women who are reflective enough to have thought about it probably do expect to die alone. Not necessarily because they never marry, but because the statistical odds are in favor of them outliving any husband they have in their old age.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 11:21 PM
–

Ha! My youngest child is deeply offended that I know Gen 1 Pokemon but nothing else.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 11:07 PM
–

Quick, go eat all of the protein, or none of it!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 11:03 PM
–

Not that you want or need my advice, OP, but yeah, this PerformativeRacist is right.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 10:47 PM
7

I had a long debate with my friends about this once upon a time and the conclusion I came to was that the friend zone is the same as unrequited love, except that in classic unrequited love, the love object is considered to be blameless. The lover suffers because their affections are not returned, but this is the result of bad fortune. This understanding of love treats it as an external circumstance which happens through the power of nature (or doesn't), and the responsibility of the people invol…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 10:02 PM
–

Gaslighting was invented in 1944. Narcissism was invented in 1899. Fat shaming seems to date from the early 2000s though. There's nothing especially fancy about specific terms for specific topics. This is just how language works, I'm afraid.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 09:51 PM
–

I think wage income is a survival skill, not a gender role.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 09:43 PM
–

I agree with you that the structure of modern society expects people to be able to handle routine cleaning and household management tasks as part of the general package of adult life skills. I'm somewhat sympathetic to people who didn't get raised by parents who took the time to teach them -- especially since the educational expectations for professional work are quite time-intensive and specialized, so I can even see the logic in focusing on educational advancement for a teen and young adult, w…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 08:51 PM
–

This is an incredibly important point. I think most people who don't have a special interest in this subgenre of history don't necessarily realize the ubiquity of paid domestic labor even for working-class people until pretty recently. The heyday of the 'career housewife' was so short-lived.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 08:42 PM
2

Ha! Tell everyone they are annoying as hell is certainly an option. This does raise an interesting point though -- it is difficult to assess the veracity of anyone's own observations and conclusions about the people around them when the rest of us each have our own distinct contexts. It's reasonable to believe that some people are not reliable witnesses, or interpret their observations incorrectly, but it's also possible that some people simply are in contexts that concentrate clusters of people…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:29 PM
7

Agreed. I think to the extent that things like divorce rates are cultural, you've got to reckon with the fact that you are going to bring your own cultural baggage with you wherever you go, whomever you pair up with.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 02:00 AM
0

Yeah, sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:06 PM
1

I guess so. Honestly I'm in favor of both and think they target different needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:03 PM
0

Anytime we say that people "just need to <something>," we need to pause and consider what the barriers are between them and this action we think they should take. Sometimes it's just knowledge, in which case telling them would be enough. But pretty much everyone knows they ought to eat better and get more physical activity. So we know that if they know this, yet are not doing it, something else is standing between them and this behavior change. Figuring out what that is (and how to reduce or rem…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:51 PM
1

I don't think women think men should go to therapy instead of getting coaching help? For one thing, it's quite possible to do both. For another, I haven't observed much of these two ideas being portrayed in opposition to each other. Saying men need therapy isn't necessarily saying anything about the merits of coaching.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:46 PM
4

Ah my guy. The evidence is against you on this one. But if you're aromantic or on that spectrum, take heart! Y'all have a really cool flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 10:20 PM
5

Okay. What conclusion should we draw from this?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 09:31 PM
–

Many people like being married. Also insurance is expensive in the US.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 09:19 PM
–

We absolutely can and should leave open the possibility that people lie. Self-report data is not the best type of data. However, the correct response to that is to look for further studies on the same topic and compare results, and keep a grain of salt our conclusions, not throw up our hands, completely ignore any data, and draw conclusions based on vibes.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 09:17 PM
–

Eh, or more sex ed = less accidental pregnancy leading to marriages that maybe weren't thoroughly considered first = marriages made on more-considered foundations persist better? Or any number of other correlational reasons, this is a gnarly complex topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 09:13 PM
1

This kind of therapy sounds baller, honestly. I've had therapists in the past and it wasn't bad but it wasn't a great fit and it didn't seem to be very helpful in terms of my day-to-day. The process of finding therapists and dealing with insurance surrounding it in the US sucks rocks though to be honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 09:07 PM
1

I agree with you about needing goals and action plans, and to be honest I don't even think that's completely a 'men' thing. I'm not trying to argue about the prevalence or if there's any gendered slant in this, just observing that there are plenty of women who also want and need actionable goals. To be honest I don't think that therapy is a bad fit for men in general, or that men generally don't like talking about the stuff that's bothering them. The issue I see is that therapy is best for certa…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 08:55 PM
3

I misread the chart title when I saw it initially and was sure it said "Sexiness is rising by every measure!" Massive disappointment.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:11 PM
12

That's the thing though, is one's dating pool everyone in the entire world?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:05 PM
5

I mean, there isn't really an average job. You could do median or something there. ETA: no I'm an idiot who forgot how medians work, you can't use that either. You could calculate average income!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:50 PM
2

Hahaha! Take my meagre upvote.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:49 PM
91

You're sort of right, but consider: Each person's perception of average is limited to the segment of the population that they interact with. Even if they happen to know and acknowledge that they are themself above-average in some way. But yeah, a college student is thinking of an 'average college student,' and forgetting about the enormous percentage of similarly-aged people who aren't attending college. People in NYC are thinking about the people they pass on the sidewalk or ride the subway wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:47 PM
2

You're neglecting to consider that this person's experience of trying to be covert about their past would, to them, feel profoundly uncomfortable and inauthentic and would itself be self-destructive behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:34 PM
2

This is correct. Most of the things that genuinely make a person bad are... well, bad. They get hidden or at least obscured as much as possible. Assholes usually have a charming, funny side. Bending the rules, or breaking stupid rules, comes off as bold and attractive, but most people aren't going to be interested in someone who presents themself as brazenly criminal. So not only is it not always obvious when a person who is a little rebellious is also willing to be downright evil in the right c…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:07 PM
1

Well these sibs are just adorable. Teen cats are a blast.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:39 PM
1

Agreed. I personally wouldn't venture an opinion on whether men or women are more varied in their tastes; I think it's too close to call. I think that certain traits tend to be highly valued by a large percentage of the relevant populations, and additionally there is a wide range of traits aside from those that are valued by smaller but still significant numbers.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:37 PM
1

How does this observation jive with the observation elsewhere in these comments that women are far more interested in following trends, rules, and have narrower variation in interest and preferences?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:33 PM
1

Yeah, I completely agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:25 PM
6

Oooh, can we hear about your cats?!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 12:32 AM
1

I tend to agree with this. I think it might be possible to model this by getting really granular, quantifying everything and weighting it, and then combining everything into one aggregate score? But ultimately there would still be quite a bit of error because different people would have different weighting systems. And all of it might not matter ultimately because there is the human attraction factor. People often fall hard for someone who is a little different from the person they would have cr…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:59 PM
–

That makes 0 sense. If you were just gonna reach into the bag of insults I'd think 'simp' would at least follow basic rules of logic.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:43 PM
1

Sure, seems fine, go for it. I imagine the difficulty is finding men who are similar to oneself, with the same specific struggles and strengths.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:40 PM
1

Compulsory, not compulsive.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:33 PM
2

I think most of the time when people talk about men "getting older," they are not thinking about men going from 19 --> 25. Maybe this is an issue of defining our terms? Maybe there are 17-year-old struggling boys out here hearing 'women aren't especially excited about dating older men' and imagining that means that 25-year-old men are badly positioned for dating? I dunno.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 06:19 PM
3

Which chapter and verse is it where Jesus says, this bitch is a whore let me get my nut out. I can't remember!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:44 PM
1

Your servant, duh.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:35 PM
2

Servants aren't demons! Domestic work is important and really nice to have.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:30 PM
2

Teeeechnically getting upset and doing nothing yet complaining about it is easier than making hard decisions and making peace with a reality that you don't like. Not that it's productive or healthy. But it is easy!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:25 PM
1

This is a servant, my guy. You need to put out a job posting, with a competitive wage. You got this.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:22 PM
0

Maybe, occasionally? There are no hard and fast rules. Nothing is doomed 100% of the time (or successful 100% of the time). OP asked about common things that cause men who struggle to strike out, and this is one.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 09:36 PM
1

Meh.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 09:30 PM
4

Sexuality should not be stigmatized.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 07:35 PM
3

That's true. Only gaslighting and girlbossing allowed.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:57 PM
–

Well, both are true. Looks are important and will attract people to you. And, if your looks are just fair, you can compensate for that somewhat by having a great personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:53 PM
–

Women used to focus less on men's looks Not really. "Tall, dark, and handsome" has been around for aeons. It is true that contemporary wisdom has always tried to mitigate this by teaching that looks are temporary and you should also be looking for a man who has good character and personality, but the reason this had to be repeated so much is because good looks are very distracting.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:50 PM
29

You are right, but hear me out -- nobody needs their permission and they are not interested in understanding. This is a good use of the maxim "Never complain, never explain." Just go on living your life and let them be confused and incredulous.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:39 PM
6

I thought the vast majority of women in here posting were middle-aged and in committed relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:27 PM
–

The point is that when one specific tradition gets singled out as backwards while a bunch of others are kept without much scrutiny, it is fair to ask what principle is actually doing the sorting. Yeah, I'd agree with this. I think examining why people are losing interest in a particular tradition is worth spending time on. In practice, the traditions that flatter women, benefit women, or preserve romance for women tend to survive much more easily than the ones that symbolize alignment with the h…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:24 PM
2

Oh, hahaha. Bruh. This sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:09 PM
–

I mean that's healthier, but less renaissance Italian city-state squabbling. 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:08 PM
2

I do think the cooler last name wins scheme doesn't get enough play.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:28 AM
3

It's pretty hard to prove a negative, but it's not very plausible that an entire subgenre of pants that has been commonplace for roughly sixty years only serves this singular purpose in women's wardrobes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:17 AM
3

I love expensive, pretty cutlery even if I know the only reason to have them is for showing off. See, this is interesting! But I think that if you specifically love cutlery that is both expensive and pretty, then the prettiness itself is also doing something there. Which makes sense. Beauty is its own excuse for being, and beautiful objects, vistas, pictures, and people are harmonious and satisfying for their aesthetics alone (in addition to any other functional uses they may serve).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:14 AM
4

Would you suggest shorter men to wear heightening shoes to appear 6'... would you tell women that want 6' men to just accept men that wear such shoes and not care about height when those men remove their shoes just like when women remove their padded bras? I don't know whether I'd suggest men do this, but I don't really have any philosophical objection to it. I think in general women should not get too hung up on the exact height of a guy so if someone was upset because they'd been 'deceived' by…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 01:09 AM
2

Deeply curious if the RP men here are as conversant about polygamous cults as the women here. I suspect this is a seriously not-overlapping venn diagram of special interests, but I could be wrong!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 11:12 PM
1

I would argue that "it is outdated" is just sloppy argument. It very well might be, but the important part is why it is outdated, so they might as well lead with that. Regarding your broader point, though, I think it could be reframed slightly as 'traditions fall out of favor when they stop fitting what the people involved want out of the ritual.' You framed this as exclusively about what women want, but that seems unnecessary, since some aspects of wedding traditions also don't fit what some me…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 11:06 PM
–

If all hypergamy is supposed to mean is that attractive men are attractive to women, well gosh. Everyone is hypergamous. Pack it in crew, we're through here.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 10:56 PM
2

I mean, I get it -- shaving is artificial. I don't mean by that that it's bad, but it's a styling choice we make because we like something about it, right? It's more involved and more optional than simple cleanliness. Shaving isn't nearly as invasive as plastic surgery, but it's more invasive and time consuming than wearing a padded bra, for example. I'm extremely interested in fashion history so I just can't get all distressed about figure modifying garments to the point of considering them dec…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 10:20 PM
4

I think it's important to recognize though that there is a subjective judgment call happening whenever any of us sit back and consider different grooming and beautification techniques and categorize them mentally on a spectrum from 'basic self-care and hygiene' to 'manipulative and overdone.' It isn't so much that that spectrum doesn't exist, but more that anyone's personal thoughts about it and about specific techniques is going to vary from others'.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 09:30 PM
2

I like the noble tradition where whichever family has more clout and prestige gets to absorb the new spouse, and have its name preferred. Most of us aren't really that important, though. 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 09:11 PM
3

I proposed to my husband with fresh doughnuts, and a ring covered in meteor bits. It can happen! Best luck.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 09:06 PM
0

Very broadly speaking, I would say that people like marriage traditions. People tend to like behaviors that show continuity with history and the meaning that gets ascribed to that. We see this in pretty much everything, everywhere -- there are Girl Scout traditions, fraternity traditions, holiday family traditions, vacation traditions, the works! It's part of what people do. So yeah, I think that when people express dislike of marriage traditions, they are probably talking specifically about onl…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 09:05 PM
1

I also think, logistically, it is easier for me, my husband, and our kids to share one family name, i.e. "The Riveras", "The Joneses", etc. This is somewhat true, haha. My household has three surnames in it (mine, my spouse's, and the kids'), and sometimes I write it all out longhand, but sometimes I just use our household name like we're an aristocratic estate.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 08:54 PM
1

One of my friends has a hyphenated surname from her parents, and her brother has the same except his is the other way around. Honestly I would find that awful to keep straight as a parent, but I appreciate their commitment to the notion!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 08:52 PM
1

I think it probably depends on locale. I've done it several times, and it's not hard exactly, but it couldn't have been done all at once because the different agencies involved here each had to be addressed separately and some of them needed the updated credentials from one of the other ones. So it was more of a step-by-step process.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 08:48 PM
1

I like names, and naming traditions. So to be clear upfront, I think people should do whatever pleases them in this regard! I love that society is becoming more familiar with various approaches. I personally chose a surname for myself when I was divorced, and am keeping it forever. I think people should really consider this option more often. I hear regularly about people who are carrying names they dislike for aesthetic reasons, or names bequeathed from families they have become estranged from,…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 08:45 PM
1

Yeah, I used to work in hospital registration and we have a decently large Mexican-American population. I actually love the parental surname stacking system, but the US (and all of the naming software/systems architecture we use) does not know how to handle it at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 08:35 PM
5

Lolsob
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:51 PM
0

Yeah, I know, but.... it'd be cool if it didn't, eh??
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:49 PM
1

It's probably true that certain things are more validated than others within the public eye. I think we would have to get more specific to determine whether we consider that a good thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:25 PM
1

Now imagine asking men, who are socialized to never see themselves as victims, whether they've been harassed. They'll say no every time. Not because it didn't happen but because they never labeled it that way. I mean, you're right about this, and it's a big problem, but the conclusion isn't that the methodology captures non-reality. The conclusion is that consent violations happen a troublingly large amount of the time and are very normalized, especially in environments where alcohol and drugs a…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:22 PM
2

Ugh. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you get to deal with this now. It's not the best.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:13 PM
1

I admit, I'm skeptical that this is true, but I can't prove it. It would be interesting to get even a decent-sized survey data set on the question.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:10 PM
5

That sounds legit. Your mom and grandma and sister need to calm down.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:08 PM
3

Fair enough. Kinder surprises always make me sad.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:47 PM
1

I agree with this, and further, I think we really downplay the unreliability of the human mind in producing clean data about past events. Maybe I'm a wild outlier here but how I feel now about how amazing any past sex partner was or wasn't is heavily colored by my current feelings -- about them, about sex, about that period of my life. I assume this can cut in both directions -- some people probably get remembered as less satisfying in bed than they felt at the time, because that relationship en…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:45 PM
0

Unfortunately I have no idea which sex was the best sex ever. There was a lot of sex that goes in the A+ bucket. After that who the hell knows.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:39 PM
3

Cosigned.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:37 PM
6

Nah, you're forgetting how neurodiverse this subreddit skews. People are 100% getting into pedantic arguments on the basis of literal statements all the time. (It's me, I'm people.)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:35 PM
3

What's in a kinder surprise is invariably disappointment. Men are much better!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:13 PM
1

Sure, kind of. It's not a very good argument against anything except 'All women think/believe/do X' types of arguments, or 'How can women think/believe/do X and also X when they conflict?' types of arguments. Which in fairness we see pretty often here, so it's not surprising we see this reply as well. For topics relating to women thinking, believing, or doing toxic or harmful things, reasonable people should already be able to agree that some women do whatever it is, while others do not. For the…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 08:07 PM
9

Marriage by definition is less enjoyable than the best sex I've ever had, though? Marriage lasts for years and includes surprise water heater outages and taxes and getting stomach viruses within 24 hours of each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 12:38 AM
–

If you need another example, people who fall in love and over the course of the relationship lose sexual interest in each other but retain their romantic connection are another common scenario.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 09:53 PM
–

Y'all are absolutely right. The word OP wanted there was homosocial. There are other issues with the post, but the misuse of homo- and heteroromantic is glaring.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 09:44 PM
1

Did they see the "tattoos while you wait!" billboard?!? (Kidding, I think that's in Kentucky.)
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 09:32 PM
1

The class signaling point is valid.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 09:31 PM
1

Buh, the hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 09:19 PM
–

First of all, I'm going to hand you a new word: homosocial. Every place you use 'homoromantic' in your discussion of men, homosocial is what you mean. Regarding your argument itself -- I think a lot of men are pretty homosocial. I think the minority percentage of men who are homoromantic is smaller than the percentage who are homosexual (meaning: I hypothesize there are more men who would consider sex of some sort with another man than who would be interested in dating or marrying them). I could…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 09:08 PM
1

I honestly don't think so. I think whatever pressures might drive the price point of first dates upward are probably mainly due to social media changing people's expectations, and perhaps entertainment/dining market forces. I think men vs. women has little to do with this one -- everyone is trying to position themself advantageously based on their perceptions of the norms. I also think the homogeneity of social media plays a huge factor -- it would make sense that the average first date in a hug…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 08:49 PM
1

Fair! I probably sounded like I was making fun of you and that wasn't my intention -- your username really tickled me given the subject of discussion, was all. Apologies if it landed differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 07:42 PM
1

I thought the entire point of these people arguing with me in favour of travelling was that travelling gives you more stories to tell and also supposedly makes you better calibrated socially. Sure, what I was suggesting above is that although travel may be good at improving those things on average, there are probably people who aren't able to maximally leverage their experiences in a way that others find interesting. (This is a different phenomenon in my opinion from people who just travel in a …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 07:40 PM
1

I mean, hard disagree on point B.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 07:31 PM
3

I think this might be a location thing. I live in flyover USA and I can think of two people (a couple) that I know who have been to Bali. It just really depends. I also suppose it's probable that some people are not very good at talking about their travel experiences or what they meant to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 12:36 AM
3

Username checks out.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 11:25 PM
2

I think it's really interesting how polarizing people find travel. I sort of get that seeing it on a dating profile is a bit of a nothingburger -- everybody puts it and it doesn't tell you much about how they like to travel, what sort of experiences they like, how often they do it, etc. But there are some people here who seriously find traveling banal AF, and they're inadvertently selling me on the idea that it is a meaningful aspect of compatibility to match on, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 11:19 PM
4

Yeah, I saw this later in a comment (should have read more carefully). I got nothing.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 11:07 PM
1

I don't fully disagree with you, but I think your definition of a hobby is too restrictive for my taste. This is a subject of some contention generally though (seriously, I've had this debate a number of times in the last year), so stepping aside from that -- My larger disagreement is that while unique hobbies and interests do make you individualized, how interesting that makes you is also heavily dependent on the tastes and interests of the person on the other side of the table. A lot of the pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 09:32 PM
2

Wow, that is a shockingly low number of bi men. I'm not sure why I'm so surprised, but wow.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 08:48 PM
1

Oh, ha, that was my thought too but I see I am wrong as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 08:45 PM
11

I'm assuming they wanted to include bi women but exclude bi men? Just guessing at why but I would think the goal was to avoid scooping up M/M sex partners in the data. I dunno if this means they are fine with W/W sex partners muddying things up, or if they just don't think there would be too many of those, or what.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 08:44 PM
2

You're talking about something a little different, where details of the subset play a critical role, but sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 08:33 PM
1

Sure, great. I also expect people to use their ethical reasoning and good judgment to make decisions about their behavior, though. Often what we might find most enjoyable is the wrong choice, and that can apply here. Having a physiological urge doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your actions.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 08:22 PM
–

Goddamn, I'm too old for this subreddit. Does anyone here remember Avenue Q's The Internet is for Porn? "Ready normal people?" "Ready!" "Ready!" "Ready!'
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 10:13 PM
1

I didn't claim it was the main factor. I don't disagree with you, even. I mentioned an additional factor because I thought it was interesting and relevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 10:06 PM
1

Transamorous is an amazing word.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 10:02 PM
1

Yeah, I mean, part of it now is that with more visibility and easier access to information it's much easier for someone to find the information that oh, not everyone is kinda into making out with their best friend, maybe I'm a little bit queer. When I was a kid everyone assumed that if you were bi you were into men and women at 50/50 intensity or frequency, and now it's more common by far to recognize that people have varying leanings in their bisexuality. I also kind of think there is at some p…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 10:00 PM
3

From the perspective of undesirable men, women don't desire men. In fact, from their lived experience, women find men completely revolting. I don't actually think this is true, though. At the risk of sounding like I'm telling men about their lived experience, I would say that it seems more likely that undesirable men see women actively desiring the attractive men you mention, and form the opinion that women do desire men, but that they are excluded from that. I don't understand how anyone could …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:47 PM
1

Maybe, I honestly have no idea. Like I said, this was more of a knee-jerk comment than a truly thought out opposition. I don't have a ton of feelings about this idea because I personally just haven't used online dating so I don't have much horse in this race.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:31 PM
1

To be fair, media also skews young because coming of age stories are very relatable and popular. Attractiveness and desirability are not the only relevant factors there.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:25 PM
5

I mean if I were trying to pick a single year it would probably be between 22 and 28 so I'm not saying you're wrong it just made me laugh. 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:21 PM
2

We're not even doing a great job of keeping preteens off of Instagram, I'm skeptical that this could be done in an effective way. Which I suppose isn't a reason we can't discuss it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:15 PM
2

I get that this is a thought exercise but I absolutely cannot bring myself to care. What difference does it make ultimately? Your 'peak' is like the single best day of your life -- almost impossible to identify until you take a retrospective view. In the meantime, we move through each season of our lives in turn, and they each have their pros and cons. It's more meaningful to focus on and enjoy the best aspects of each season of life.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:07 PM
2

26 exactly?!?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:04 PM
6

The pathos and disturbance just radiates off me. Okay, thanks for the feedback I guess?!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 05:12 PM
2

Haha, I did! You're fine, it's a better word than resources and conveys my meaning well enough for my purposes. I won't hold you accountable if someone else takes issue with the choice of verbiage.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 05:10 PM
5

That's nice, but the point is that it doesn't really matter whether you support them or not. You have representation in the democratically-elected legislators who set and spend the taxes, and you therefore have participated meaningfully in the process. Whether you personally agree with every single line item is irrelevant. Happily, money is fungible and your personal share of the tax burden isn't that large, so you can just rest easy knowing it all goes to infrastructure and schools and healthca…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 05:09 PM
3

I think this is right. Tbh I think it's as simple as many people only challenging their own internal biases as far as they feel comfortable -- which is to say, the point at which they personally feel discomfort is the point at which they stop.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:58 PM
2

Sure, I'm probably using a less-precise word. Commodities works fine for my point. I like semantics so I don't mind this kind of critique at all. Carry on!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:54 PM
5

Fair point, but this is not exactly what I meant by resources. I am more interested in whether the thing can be stockpiled, distributed, or even measured and compared objectively by an external third party.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:40 PM
25

I think probably I agree with you that comphet is even stronger for men than for women. Men tend to face more bigotry for exploring their sexuality or being bisexual. If I were to venture a hypothesis, my guess would be that comphet mainly gets talked about through a female lens because a personal experience of comphet can only be analyzed and discussed after the point of recognizing it and starting to unpack or challenge it. It's not really fair game (nor very productive) to tell other people t…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:35 PM
2

Ty for including enbies!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:30 PM
4

A right-leaning world is also bad for non-chad men. It turns out that the elites who consolidate power do not really care about average people beyond what is required to support their power base.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:29 PM
4

Whether you can get it for free isn't really relevant. The costs of things isn't what defines them as resources.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:27 PM
2

Sure, I imagine it would be hard to regulate and I have no idea how it would practically be done. I brought it up because I very seldom see any sort of actual policy proposal about the various dating words that get talked about here extensively, so it was noteworthy that you actually proposed something policy-oriented.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:26 PM
3

The vast majority? Like what, 80% or something? I live in red flyover America, I am confident there are plenty of right-leaning women here who are not hardcore evangelicals and still use dating apps, go to clubs, and so forth. I question the veracity of these numbers.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:23 PM
–

I actually tend to agree with this somewhat. Don't get me wrong, I don't think much of marrying someone you don't have a decent amount in common with and well-aligned life goals, or that you don't like and enjoy as a person. I think a spouse should feel like a very close friend plus an 'in it for the long haul' that you get from being family, plus the sparkly-excited buzz you get from being lovers. That's still quite a lot, and more than a 'traditional' non-romance-forward view of marriage. Stil…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:15 PM
18

Ah, sex/relationships/dating/romance aren't resources commodities, they're human behaviors. Using economic models to analyze them is all wrong. Think of sex less like income and more like dancing or singing or making art. Edit: semantics. I am told the word 'commodities' is more accurate than 'resources' above.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:04 PM
4

Cool, it would be helpful to argue this position on its own merits and leave dating out of it as it's irrelevant to this position.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 04:01 PM
17

Why don't we just legally close dating apps? I'm not even kidding. Maybe they're a net L for the world. Would this improve matters, do you think?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 03:59 PM
6

Well most leftists are women. Uh, source needed, haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 03:57 PM
4

Leaving aside the point that other guy is making about this data being nonexistent, by what logic are you concluding that dating apps are populated only by leftist, liberal women?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 03:54 PM
2

Interesting, that makes sense. I appreciate you being willing to share!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 03:37 PM
1

Feel free not to answer if you'd rather not, but since there are relatively few men in this position to do a direct comparison, I'd like to ask -- what are the reasons you prefer being circumcised to being uncircumcised?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 10:36 PM
5

I think it's more that you sound like a lunatic, man.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 10:29 PM
7

a normal hormonal experience that literally every woman on planet earth has gone through for the last 10,000 years. Among other things, you know perfectly well that many women over the last 10,000 years did not go through peri- and menopause. Anyways, whether women 'need' a drug is arguable. Whether women prefer having options for treating unpleasant symptoms seems pretty evident.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 10:23 PM
2

Yeah, 'fuck them' is not the most pro-health response to people with illness or lifestyle risks of any kind. You're like one 'are there no workhouses?!' away from Scrooge and 'if they're going to die they'd better do it and decrease the surplus population!'
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 10:17 PM
1

Sure, those are just basics of a generally healthy lifestyle though. I'm surely not saying people shouldn't be trying to dial in these factors; they should. But depression can be really debilitating and it also makes it more difficult to motivate to improve these aspects, so if someone is presenting in need of treatment, I don't think telling them to go fix their baseline and then see if they still have depression is a sensible approach either. Really we need medical clinicians to be able to wor…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 10:14 PM
3

Yeah, I don't fully disagree. Hell, even today we have people living in demonstrably worse physical conditions in the world than the average person in North America. Generally speaking I think most people have the capacity to bear up and endure under pretty awful strain. Alongside that though I think it's probably normal for there to be some percentage of the population that breaks under that strain for whatever reason. It's undeniable that we have medication now because medication is available.…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 07:19 PM
1

that said the issue is if the disparity is based on personal choices and not discrimination how do you want to tackle the entire topic to reach a statistical parity? That's a really interesting topic that's worth exploring! I'm not sure that I myself have amazing ideas or insight into how to consider addressing that. I would probably start by looking into the upstream factors that lead people to make choices that end up resulting in women more often losing out fiscally in the long run, and proba…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 07:07 PM
3

Big wellness cartel will be happy to sell you £200 in supplements, a red light mask, and teach you how to sun your arsehole!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:24 PM
8

I personally think people are prone to depression because we live in a stressful world where we are measured mainly by our productivity, pocket internet technology makes it more and more difficult for us to turn off and shift into parasympathetic resting states, and increasing income disparity means the vast majority of people don't feel truly stable economically. It's a big uncertain world out there. But we also shouldn't glamourize the moods and feelings of people in the past. From 1800 on we …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:21 PM
9

Damn, I thought you had a source for the pet monkey thing for a sec and I was SO CURIOUS.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:07 PM
1

Probably? But I don't think you will get anyone who already holds this set of opinions to agree, because the reason most people don't care about circumcision is that it is normalized for them, not because they have a deeply held belief about why it should be done. FGM was never normalized in the US and Europe, which made banning it easier due to racism. Intactivist mothers, who are mostly feminist progressive women, have probably done the most of any group to bring the numbers down in the last t…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 06:05 PM
2

Honestly, fair. There are half a dozen reasons why FGM is perceived as significantly different. They aren't necessarily good reasons, but I don't really care, because I can't deny that the perception is different. I don't want to waste time trying to get people to agree that they are similar, when I could instead just focus on getting people to agree that circumcision is wrong and we should stop doing it. It's a side argument that doesn't serve any real purpose (and is harder to win anyway).
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:57 PM
2

This is a solid point I'll have to mull over. I'm generally in favor of adults being able to consent to most body modifications for any reasons, but I can see the WHO's point. I think the colonization and racism factor is a huge component in why FGM was able to be banned while circumcision remains permissible.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:51 PM
1

I assume these have technical terms that are used in research, but I also fully expect that when laypeople like us talk about it, we just use whatever terms seem to make sense to us, and are probably being imprecise a lot of the time. I think if one demographic is consistently earning less over a period of time than another demographic, that is probably undesirable since we don't want people to be poorer in general based on demographic characteristics. So it makes sense to study this and try to …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:43 PM
2

Thanks! It probably won't be anytime soon but I added a couple of things to my list.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 05:38 PM
2

Which deranged, sick Frenchman are you referring to? The Francophile in me wants to go do some reading. I don't have the foundational knowledge in ethical theories to debate this at the level it deserves to be debated, which is too bad as no doubt it would be really interesting. Maybe someone else will come along and pick up the mantle. Ah well.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 09:55 PM
1

Or, hear me out, we noticed that saying someone is bad for putting someone else's penis inside them is random and arbitrary. We should really have a reason for declaring a particular act wrong or harmful, and we should be able to articulate that, and it should stand up to scrutiny. Slut-shaming doesn't really pass muster.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 09:09 PM
1

Call it an 'earning power gap' maybe if that seems more intuitive.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 08:49 PM
–

Dude, that's crazy!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 02:28 AM
–

"How 'bout a girl who's got a brain -- who always speaks her mind??" "....nahh"
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 01:35 AM
–

Two femmes enter. ONE FEMME LEAVES.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:45 AM
–

My point is: living in an era when enough of us live long enough to outlive our relationships is an underappreciated luxury.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:43 AM
1

Noice.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:41 AM
1

"Of all time?" That's some clickbaity rhetoric there, mate! You're talking about me and my cohort of friends. It was better in some ways and worse in other ways. Hookup culture was not yet in its heyday and slut-shaming was much more prevalent, meaning casual sex was even harder to accomplish on average. The culture around safe sex was different. Rape and sexual assault was both common and even more stigmatized. Online dating and social media definitely changed everything about how people intera…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:30 AM
–

Facts. Because hospitality to strangers and guests is sacrosanct but your daughters are commodities you can leverage to fill whatever needs come up. /s
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:19 AM
–

You just need to take a much longer-range view of things! Think how unstable marriages were back when people used to die of pneumonia and typhoid and gangrene and childbed fever at the drop of a hat. You could go through a few wives in forty years, easy.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:12 AM
–

I think you are saying that women who meet your definition of good do not exist in the west because most women in the west do not want to meet this definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:05 AM
0

Bodily autonomy is not an ideology of non-responsibility. It is rather a principle that asserts responsibility for one's own body belongs to you, and cannot be circumscribed except in a few specific circumstances. I don't really think being lazy or gluttonous is degenerate, no. Maybe unrestrained, or perhaps hedonistic. Killing babies à la Titus Andronicus would be evil, but abortion is not really hedonistic either, and most people also do not agree that it is killing babies.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 12:02 AM
3

I would be so, so happy if all the tradrelationship people out there would just acknowledge they have a power exchange kink lifestyle and that's okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 10:02 PM
1

Hey, let's be fair. My neurodiverse household is also extremely guilty of communicating via nonsense noises and grunts on occasion. So much so that it's become a running gag for my spouse and I because I end up having to interpret some line of 'doot-de-doo' like it was actual language. So, like... while I agree that neurotypical people tend to communicate somewhat differently than the rest of us, it's not always worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 09:59 PM
1

Yes, this is an excellent analysis. I think it's especially important to highlight that analysis and extrapolation of the emotional elements of a statement or exchange can be extremely logical -- we love to position emotions and logic as though they are diametrically opposed, but we all use them both all the time. Feeling emotions often happens simultaneously to thinking about the situation that provoked the emotions. Surmising or predicting other people's emotions is a process of the rational m…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 09:51 PM
4

So it's not like married men are healthier because healthy men get in relationships. But more like married men have a healthier lifestyle thanks to their wives. To be honest I would be surprised if it wasn't some of both.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 09:35 PM
3

I think this is right. Marriage is whatever if you were already cohabiting. Kids are a full tableflip.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 09:34 PM
3

Right, and $8,000 of credit card debt.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 09:32 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter