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bopapocolypse Archive

View 0 posts and 50 comments by bopapocolypse on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Yes. I had a very amicable divorce with very low levels of conflict. The lawyer was there to write up what we agreed on and to make sure that I wasn’t signing off on anything that went against my best interests. Money well spent.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 10:59 PM
10

I definitely hear you about solo parenting during your custody time. It can be a lot. That said, I've found that my time without my son gives me the opportunity to re-charge and be fully present when he's with me. As you settle more into your routine, things will feel easier. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 05:05 PM
8

On the one hand, your concerns for your children are valid given how new and disorienting this situation must be for them. Also, the “staged” introduction is a very strange and questionable way to bring a partner into their lives. That said, in practical terms, this is an area where you have little to no control. Absent some evidence of an actual threat, you don’t have a whole lot of recourse when it comes to who your ex exposes your kids to. Keep lines of communication open with them and make s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 11:41 AM
2

Just to be clear, the kids are going to travel 10 hours to see you and then 10 hours back every other weekend? I understand wanting to move away from her, but at that distance it’s going to be a huge hassle. Ideally you want way closer to 50/50 time with the kids, and to make that happen you can’t be so far away.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 09:35 PM
5

“your monthly support payments to me were calculated based on you paying a certain amount per month for health insurance. If you were to stop paying for that you would need to pay me more”. I’m not saying it’s right, or just, or fair, but what she said is simply a statement of fact. I pay for my kid’s health insurance, which means that my child support payments to my ex are less than they otherwise would be. If I stopped paying for the health insurance, my child support amount would increase. It…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 10:17 PM
5

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It is a hard road to travel, and there are good days and bad days. It’s going to take time and a lot of work, but if you put your energy in the correct places, you will gradually detach from the emotions around your divorce. What your ex-partner does and thinks will matter less and less. You will accept that you may never get the answers you want. You won’t be negatively triggered by memories. Your anxiety will decrease, and you will feel like yourself again.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 05:22 AM
3

I think this is critical. Know what you want (whatever that happens to be) and articulate your needs early on. If a potential partner isn’t on board with things that are non-negotiable for you, be willing to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 02:40 PM
8

Mine is a good person and a great mom. Not to say she was perfect, but nobody is. Our relationship ran its course and she pulled the plug. I was initially devastated, but it was the right move. We are much better as co-parents than we were as a married couple.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 02:42 PM
5

But 13 years of life together seems like it's just being thrown away. At this point, it’s a sunk cost. Don’t throw good money after bad. Let yourself feel the feelings and mourn the loss. Then do what you need to do for yourself and your kids. I had trouble dealing with the “failure” aspect as well. We are constantly being told that divorce and failure are synonymous. What eventually helped me was to reframe the situation. Success isn’t being miserable for as long as possible. It’s not a failure…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 03:55 PM
4

In my experience, it doesn’t “get better.” You make it better. It’s an active choice. It took about two years for me to pick myself off the mat and start living again. When I did, life very quickly improved and felt worthwhile. Did all of my problems suddenly go away? Of course not. But the process of doing the work necessary to improve yourself and your situation is the very thing that moves you forward. The only way past is through.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 12:28 PM
1

So, per the custody agreement, you have the kids for a week and then she has them the next week?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 05:03 PM
1

Our custody is week to week if that matters What does this mean? Do you have a signed, court approved custody agreement
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:20 PM
2

Round about 7k all in. Low conflict, possibly could have been mediated or done pro se, but I wanted everything to be done by the book. Neither of us had tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay to lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 03:00 PM
11

This is spot on. I would add that it’s only been, what, 8 or 9 months since you were blindsided? This is a marathon, not a sprint. And it’s harder before it gets easier. Give yourself the time to adjust.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 05:56 PM
7

I want to find a woman that wants me but doesn’t need me. Nailed it. Same goes for wanting but not needing her. When I was married I thought my world would fall apart if she left me. Well, she left me and I was still there. Now I know that I’ll be fine alone, I don’t live with the fear of being broken up with. It’s a much stronger position from which to build relationships, if that’s what you’re looking for.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 04:48 PM
3

Nope. Don’t hate her. She’s a basically good person, and a great mom. Our relationship didn’t work out. We both played a role in that. I was angry at her when she decided to end it, but three years post separation and seven months after the divorce was finalized, I’m just about as happy as I’ve ever been. I’m a better person and a better father than I was when we were married. I’m healthier mentally and physically. Ultimately, she did me a favor, although it was a painful process. I hope she doe…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 08:21 PM
10

I understand your frustration. But you have zero control over this situation. You’re letting something that you can’t influence eat you alive. I’m not saying that you need to be happy about it. But you are letting her choices dictate your feelings and emotions. That’s not a good position to be in. She’s going to do what she’s going to do. The question is, what are you doing? How are you improving your life and the lives of your kids? That’s where your focus should be.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 11:22 AM
2

I killed tons of time during separation/pandemic playing Red Dead Redemption 2. If you are looking for something open world and story driven, that one is hard to beat. The Last of Us (both 1 & 2) are also excellent, with good stealth elements and memorable characters.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 01:39 PM
8

Not her decision.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:49 PM
6

I just not getting what I need out of this. God I sound selfish. Getting your needs met is not selfish. Continuing to think that you’re being selfish means that you will continue to have your needs unmet.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 10:39 AM
5

How can you all just let her go so easily? Who said it was easy?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 09:15 PM
7

There is no timetable. But it starts getting better when you begin to focus on what you can control. The choices you make as a father, the things you do to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, how you spend your spare time, these are things you can control. What your ex does, what she thinks, who she sleeps with, these things are out of your control and the longer you obsess over them, the longer your resentment and anger will last.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 11:28 PM
2

Hard agree. And if you can talk about tough issues like grownups, you don’t need to go bankrupt paying the lawyers. The key is to watch your back and have your lawyer do the same. Be reasonable, but not a sucker. Trust, but verify.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 09:50 PM
2

Two quick things. 1) Failure. I struggled with this. Ultimately, though, is ending a bad marriage a failure? Put another way, is staying in a miserable situation for a long time a success? You've got one life and you need to choose how you want to live it. 2) Mourning is the most appropriate metaphor for a divorce. You mourn the loss of the past, and of the future you imagined would happen. Even though you know the person won't come back, part of you still thinks it's possible. You think to your…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 04:48 PM
3

My own lawyer. I told them up front that my goal was a non-contentious process and we would only get aggressive if we had to. As we progressed, my lawyer told me what I needed to get accomplished and what decisions needed to be made. I conferred with my ex and we agreed on how to move forward on each topic (custody, assets, etc.) Once we agreed, I had my lawyer put it in writing, file the paperwork, and advise me about the next step in the process. Occasionally my lawyer would give strategic adv…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 12:50 PM
4

She says she wants to be fair about everything so not sure if that means we can seek mediation first or if I should seek legal counsel. Just on this particular point, keep in mind that you can still have an amicable divorce while still having the protection of a lawyer. If you and your stbx can make decisions through discussion, your lawyer can simply guide the proceedings, file the paperwork, and make sure yours not getting screwed. This is how I did it, and it was both effective and reliable i…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 10:39 AM
3

If you and your ex don’t get along, it doesn’t make sense to have the parties together. It will be awkward, you’ll resent it, and the kids (who the birthday party is about) will notice the tension. My ex and I do parties together, but if we couldn’t be in the same room, I wouldn’t hesitate to split them up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:52 AM
2

Out to dinner with gf (my kid is with his mom) then back home to catch up on The Last of Us. Looking forward to it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 06:04 PM
2

r/unexpectedtomsegura
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 08:47 PM
3

Yikes. I read that kind of story on here all the time and I feel like I dodged a bullet. Well, not the original marriage bullet. But maybe the subsequent, insane divorce bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 07:22 PM
5

I am too, and I consider myself lucky. The divorce was amicable, and she's a reasonable person. Seems like that's not the case for most guys on this sub, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:39 PM
10

Her engagement ring belonged to my grandmother. My wedding band belonged to her grandfather. We gave them back to one another.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:19 PM
11

I am 2.5 years out from the beginning of the separation and the divorce was finalized this past December. My life is much, much better than it was in the first year of separation, and better than the final part of the marriage, to be honest. It's not perfect, but it's better. It is a long, hard road but there is a better life waiting for you if you keep pushing through. Feel free to DM or post here if you want to talk some more.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 05:44 PM
4

As others have said, everyone is different. In my case, 18 months is right around when I started to turn the corner. The first year was rough as hell. The next 6 months things started to balance out slightly. After that, I started having more good days than bad. Not to say that everything is perfect, but I have a lot more perspective and I'm better able to set my priorities. Knowing that I can be happy both when I am single and when I am in a relationship has given me some peace of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 03:02 PM
2

Same here. I’m grateful that my ex isn’t insane and realized that nobody benefits from a contested divorce besides lawyers. I know that in some cases going to trial is unavoidable, but if you and your ex can talk like adults, you can just use your lawyer to codify your wishes and file the papers. It’s a lot less stressful, and a LOT cheaper.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 01:05 AM
25

In my opinion, you made the right decision. You need to set boundaries for what you feel comfortable with. If you forced yourself to go to the party, you’d be miserable and your son would be able to tell. That’s no way to celebrate a birthday. Picking another weekend, doing something you enjoy together, and really being present for your son - that’s doing it right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/22 11:58 PM
3

I wish you the best, my man. It’s a hard road to walk, especially when it comes to the kids. If you put them first, and yourself a close second, you’re moving in the right direction.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:33 AM
3

Some questions have no good answers, and you just do the best that you can. In your situation, I’d stress that mommy isn’t feeling well and that you want her to get better. Kids understand feeling sick, but mental illness can be a tough concept. The fact that your wife isn’t getting treatment isn’t something your 5 year old needs to be aware of. She needs to feel safe and supported. It’s unfortunate that you need to be pulling double duty since your wife isn’t functioning. But your job as a dad …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:26 AM
3

My son just turned 6. The divorce is still pending, but his mother and I have been separated for 2 years now. I think you are on the right track with the idea of being a family that cares deeply about her even though you don’t live together. Keep your answers simple and direct, and always re-enforce that the reasons for the split had to do with the adults involved, and not her. You can keep things pretty broad (“mom and dad weren’t getting along very well”) and you should always avoid speaking p…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 01:54 AM
5

Not sure how old your kids are, but here’s my list so far for my 6yo. Beach trip (probably more than once) Low ropes course Zoo Theme parks Museums Aquarium Baseball game Outdoor movies Pool parties
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 09:52 AM
8

And the silver lining to the failed marriage is that we co parent well together. The one thing that makes this process bearable in my case is that my ex and I are always able to put the kid first and make rational decisions based on what is best for him. I am incredibly grateful for that, because I am all too aware that a lot of guys don’t have it that good.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 12:32 AM
1

Can you pm me a link and a time? I’m pretty busy, but if I’m free I’ll check in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 01:21 PM
1

Depending on the format, I’d be interested.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 01:10 PM
7

This right here. If you make big changes because she wants you to and not from intrinsic motivation, you will end up bitter and resentful. It sounds like you’re getting there already.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 01:04 PM
10

Last year was my first separated holidays. I’m not going to lie. It was rough. And this year will probably be rough too. All I can say is hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 02:41 AM
3

So, I’m going through a divorce and I’ve got a younger sister who is doing an amazing job of supporting me when I need it. We’ve always been close, but early on she let me know that she’d be there for me. I definitely call her more frequently these days and we have longer talks. She doesn’t rush me or try to talk me out of my feelings. She asks questions but also knows when to just listen. If your brother has kids, it might be helpful to offer to watch them from time to time if possible. For me,…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 12:39 AM
1

Oh, ok, I see. I thought it was amicable all the way through and couldn’t believe it could get that pricey.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 01:52 AM
1

Your divorce cost 70k?? And it was amicable? Wtf.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 01:32 AM
5

On one level, I see what you’re saying. Ultimately we’re the only ones who can walk this path and nobody is responsible for our lives except us. That said, I shudder to think what this would have been like without a supportive family, a core of a few loyal friends, and a skilled therapist. No man is an island, and asking for help when you need it can be an absolute life saver.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 12:31 AM
6

I’m going to echo the comment about daily contact, to the extent possible. When my 5 y/o son is with my ex, he calls me before bed to tell me about his day, sing a song, whatever. It’s really important to me that he knows I’m thinking about him even when he’s not with me. I also found it helpful to make a list of things we can do together so we don’t get sucked into sitting around the house all the time. I’ve got one list of everyday simple things (playground, hike, etc) and one list of more inv…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 12:25 AM
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