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crashmeifyoucan Archive

View 6 posts and 129 comments by crashmeifyoucan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

It seems unhelpful to use trigger-words like 'bamboozling' to someone in a time of emotional stress that's looking for help. It's fair to point out that I have a limited viewpoint (as we all do in emotionally charged scenarios) but it's unnecessary to use reductive language to trivialize and invalidate the points I'm trying to make. I'm at a crossroads with my relationship where we have moved in/said I love you/pets/etc (which is great), while simultaneously trying to learn to trust myself, advo…
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/22 09:58 AM
2

Yes he has said I love you. We had some future focused discussions but how our personalities would play out on the day to day was something I needed to experience to really know. I'm not sure what's so confusing or bamboozling...he has good qualities too like attractive, hard working, intellectual, etc but the ones I mentioned are the ones that I am at odds with.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/22 07:17 PM
2

I'm openly admitting to codependent tendencies and not advocating for myself...so yes by simply being passive I've allowed the behavior/not enforced boundaries
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/22 02:40 AM
2

yes this is why i am bringing this up to talk about how to handle it properly. idk how to communicate this without him getting defensive and the conversation spiraling
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 07:36 PM
5

i get it, but i don’t want to have regrets looking back
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 04:38 PM
4

yes we live together. yes he helps with the pet and cleaning and such. he’s not entirely lazy and non participating…he asks how i’m doing, how my day is., etc. but in a more generic way you ask someone you live with. if i bring up a problem it doesn’t feel like very deep emotional support, more so superficial chit chat until he can move onto a topic he likes. he speaks about the future in terms of planning vacations. i don’t know if he speaks positively about me…he says thank you when i cook mea…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 11:21 AM
-6

so all men who want sex are insincere? i don’t understand how this can be true. there are men out there that want sex but also want relationships too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 08:56 PM
3

meaning they don’t also want a relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 08:55 PM
0

yeah but that doesn’t mean they don’t also want a relationship?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 08:55 PM
15

so none of it is real if they are nice to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 08:43 AM
5

what was missing from your marriage that made you pull the plug? how did you believe what you were looking for on the other side was real/achievable?
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 08:11 PM
9

were you happier after the divorce?
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 04:21 AM
3

currently in this same situation.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 03:16 AM
1

what holds me back is this: -if I left my husband and found someone who made me feel butterflies, a year or so from now I'll be right back to what I have with my husband now. -The lingering regret that I could have done more -How do I know I'm not chasing the impossible... -Maybe I'm putting up a shield to prevent myself from getting hurt....maybe I won’t allow myself to trust the fact that I TRULY am happy because then than means I have something to lose. -Am I sure the passionate feeling isn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 02:09 AM
1

what holds me back from making a decision is this: -if I left my husband and found someone who made me feel butterflies, a year or so from now I'll be right back to what I have with my husband now. -The lingering regret that I could have done more -How do I know I'm not chasing the impossible... -Maybe I'm putting up a shield to prevent myself from getting hurt....maybe I won’t allow myself to trust the fact that I TRULY am happy because then than means I have something to lose. -Am I sure the p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 02:09 AM
2

see my husband does put in effort, but for some reason it still feels so complacent. How was your ex not putting in effort? What exactly was the complacency? what holds me back from making any decision is this: -if I left my husband and found someone who made me feel butterflies, a year or so from now I'll be right back to what I have with my husband now. -The lingering regret that I could have done more -How do I know I'm not chasing the impossible... -Maybe I'm putting up a shield to prevent m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 02:09 AM
1

what did dead romance actually look like in the day to day for you? the thing is...it doesn't feel as if anything "died" in my marriage...it was just never there to begin with. I am comfortable and even love him, but there isn’t any passion. I'm neutral about seeing him and my heart doesn't swell when I think of him. What's missing is the za-za-zoo, the spark, the juice. I’m supposed to not be able to imagine myself without him or with anyone else...but that's all I ever think about...other peop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 10:17 PM
1

> When did the settling start to happen for you? I've always felt that something was missing in the relationship. Each 'stage' of the relationship, moving in, marriage, etc. were all 'nice' but I panicked at the thought of them. When he proposed to me my body went cold. it terrified me feel more trapped in the relationship....that this would be my life....but I didn't think I had reason enough to say no. I constantly felt like an idiot because I couldn't think of a reason to leave other than tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 12:09 AM
1

He's always been a bit of a dull person, it's not as if our relationship has really come down from any excitement or spark, there wasn't much in the first place. It has moreso remained the same level always. It's interesting how other people can. be a wake up call like that. I'm sorry you had such a toxic dynamic....it sounds horrible. I'm glad you got out. I am talking with a therapist. Basically it's come down to the fact that it's ok that the relationship doesn't feel a spark and your feeling…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 12:03 AM
4

What were you secretive about and why? Why didn't you share your dreams? What was the breaking point for you? did you move onto find better connections?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 11:57 PM
7

It never really had spark, at least from my side. Every "spark" I had before was with someone who I was crazily attracted to, but otherwise ended up being a damaged/toxic person. I always associated having strong feelings for someone with either getting hurt or not having them reciprocated...when I met my husband he was very very safe and I liked that, it was what I needed at the time. But I am realizing I need more, and I don't know if it's the toxic dynamic talking (ie: he's not an exciting ba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 11:56 PM
1

how do I know I don't have unrealistic expectations/poor communication/having the grass is greener mindset and I'll regret this for the rest of my life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 11:51 PM
3

i really appreciate this reply. you are right...my relationship dynamic isn’t dark as he truly is an amazing person. caring, hard working , attractive, thoughtful, complimentary, etc. these are all great qualities and i love that he has them, but id be lying if i said there was a strong glue holding us together. we’re companionate. there were never those “sparks” from my side, just a safe, stable feeling. i was never over the moon to be with him as he is a dull person, bordering on killjoy somet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 10:52 PM
2

please please do this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 07:36 AM
2

what’s she missing or wanting that she doesn’t have?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 06:27 AM
1

I’ve thought that before, however I’ve never felt this way about anyone else or exhibited this behavior anywhere else in my life.
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/19 05:16 AM
1

Thank you. I'll PM you
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/19 07:14 PM
4

Please elaborate. What’s are your methods?
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/19 05:37 AM
50

Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get. Artificial “hard to get” will backfire. Build a genuinely full and rich life and stay busy. A guy should be a slice of the pie.
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/19 01:58 AM
1

Can you elaborate? These are real thoughts...
/r/RedPillWives25/09/19 09:20 PM
1

What now....
/r/RedPillWomen17/09/19 03:18 AM
1

No
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/19 11:27 PM
1

can you give me examples when you say "things that get the blood pumping"...
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:24 PM
1

I have and I want no part of that. but I also keep in mind that those people feeing compelled enough to write in their dating woes are biased and not always a direct reflection of reality. I don't imagine people in great relationship reporting to the relationship sub "hey guys...just wanted to write this because everything is going great with me and Henry!"
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:23 PM
1

thanks for the book rec
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:21 PM
1

can you give me more details when you say he was "weird about sex?" My man is extremely rigid and can't let loose...so translating that to the bedroom doesn't bode to well. there isn't a toxic personality aspect really, just that he's extremely passive and would rather avoid issues and not rock the boat. Trying to understand my feelings is the goal. Up until this point I felt like I had some kind of personality disorder that I couldn't feel deep romantic love for a straightforward and stable per…
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:20 PM
1

No....I didn't say i don't love him. I said I feel trapped in the relationship for unexplainable reasons. I told him how much turmoil I am in seeing him so committed and my sanity slipping away every day and how I feel like a shell of a person because I'm sitting here questioning it. No, there hasn't been a point where I thought I'd lose him. Ever. The impression I get is he feels like he "scored" with me...so even if I do something he doesn't like he doesn't want to rock the boat. Deep down I t…
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:18 PM
1

can you elaborate this more? its a very interesting point and also continues to underly the dynamic since I spoke to him about this. He hasn't brought it up and seems to almost live in a state of naivety and would rather not try to discuss or face the truth. Don't know if he is low self esteem or how to tell that but he has a stable sense of self and comes across like a kind and confident person. What sort of problem or concern could this point to in him?
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:14 PM
2

I agree he's giving me space to sort this out. Its been strange every since talking to him because he's literally acted like everything is fine and hasn't checked in at all. Not once. Almost like living in denial in a way, except I genuinely believe it hasn't crossed his mind. Maybe he's waiting for me to bring it up, but it's very very strange and sort of underlines our dynamic....it seems like he'd rather ignore/live in denial than acknowledge uncomfortable truth. I never told him I wasn't att…
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:12 PM
1

the husband's reaction here is almost a red flag? this. I was floored with how passive and agreeable he was me to suggesting leaving for a bit. It seems like he just wants me to be happy and so was willing to make the concession, but in general he is a pushover. He has been taken advantage of by a lot of people, and generally sees the world from a relatively naive perspective. He's not emotionally checked out. the range of him being interested and committed to the relationship is the same whethe…
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:08 PM
1

thank you for the reasonable response. I know this is an RP thread after all...but I'm curious your take on people that are leaving comments about staying with a good man. Assuming they don't know my situation...do you think this could be as dangerous as people telling me to leave?
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:04 PM
1

he looks and is built like a cop almost but he's very passive and a bit of a pushover. Physically I'm turned on but have a hard time mentally really feeling that desire or connection. What kind of things would encourage sexual tension? the things I've suggested or tried or wanted to be turned on by have all fallen flat....
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:02 PM
1

thank for the insight about your friend. it really sounds like she was battling a lot while not being self aware at all. not a good look. A good cautionary tale. Thank you
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 04:00 PM
1

Another poster mentioned that emotions follow actions..this definitely sounds like it
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 03:46 PM
1

the initial burning desire if i'm being honest, this wasn't ever there. At least not strongly. > your mind is playing tricks on you It certainly feels like it Thanks for the advice!
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 03:45 PM
1

aromantic i disagree
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 03:43 PM
1

good advice. thank you
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/19 03:42 PM
2

To utilize this time to establish consciously and actively engaging in things that keep her sexual interest burning strong. If you don't add fuel to a fire, it'll die out. Thank you for this insightful comment. Can you elaborate more on this point? Maybe give a few examples of keeping the interest burning strong. I've tried a few things but curious if there's something I haven't considered.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:53 AM
1

>Why did you marry him in the first place though? And how does he feel about it? He's a great person. We got along. Our lives were deeply enmeshed. He's someone I trust, someone everyone likes and someone that I felt insane to leave. "guys like him don't come along often...sure it might feel stale at times but it's stable...sure i'm not crazy in love but he's so committed...that must mean something. I'm probably too fucked up to know a good thing when it hit me anyway...so I'll go against my gut…
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:50 AM
1

So from my own experience, it seems like it's very difficult to create something with your husband that you never had to begin with. Sometimes, it just doesn't click . Often, if it hasn't clicked past a certain point, it never will. you hit the nail on the head here. While we do click in a lot of ways....similar to the first man you mentioned...the "glue" that makes you want to fight for it and deeply yearn for it were never strongly there. It was and has been a very comfortable situation with w…
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:39 AM
3

I don't know if you are being sarcastic by that last line because Im genuinely trying to improve my situation and headspace and get out ahead of this before something destructive happens. Thank you for sharing your story...it helps to hear others experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:28 AM
3

when you say cut reddit, does that include this very thread? don't read romance novels don't watch tv really Yes yes and yes. Even during exercise and these activities it seems thoughts take over. I can't physically exhaust myself enough to the point to dull them either. This is where the struggle is. all of my family/friends are for the togetherness of the relationship. Really. Their only goal is to see me reach peace/contentedness without the destruction of the relationship. The friend i have …
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:26 AM
3

this helps. Thank you
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:19 AM
2

thank you. I have met with professionals about controlling my intrusive thoughts and medication. All that's really come from it is a depression medication and several strategies to cope (meditation/journalling) but i'll admit it hasn't done much but fan the flames of the apparent hamster it seems. It seems like my life is so normal and there's no external circumstances causing this which is concerning
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/19 07:18 AM
0

get them out how? I've already talked to him bout this....
/r/RedPillWives07/09/19 12:45 AM
1

what needs to be prioritized?
/r/RedPillWives07/09/19 12:34 AM
1

uptight in terms of having fun and wanting to explore life and be curious about things. We may laugh at the same moments of a show and appreciate a dry/dark sense of humor...but those aspects don't translate into other areas of life. It naturally falls into a child/parents...older brothers/sister relationship with the way he is constantly telling me to do chores/slow down/be on time/wipe the counter down/close the fridge/tuck my shirt in/etc. I'm by no means a lazy person but this constant grind…
/r/RedPillWives07/09/19 12:33 AM
1

My H and I have an extremely companionate relationship. It's like a great friendship...an "easy" relationship...we are great roommates and have similar humor and character traits but there is emotional/sexual depth and connection missing despite my searching/testing the waters/trying things out/drawing him out of his shell. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and he ends up feeling like a brother vibe to me. Ultimately I kept overthinking it that he's so great on paper, that I must be broken n…
/r/RedPillWives07/09/19 12:28 AM
1

> Some days it breaks me that I'm depriving him of a woman that's absolutely crazy about him. I might have low self esteem but when I take a step back and look at the situation it's categorically and objectively unfair for him to be in such a one-sided situation. > You are unsatisfied/unfulfilled. yes 100% absolutely. Achingly so. I have no idea what on God's green earth to do about this. > Hamsters are dumb creatures. then my hamster is a a torturous demon rodent from F**** hell. > Get your hyp…
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/19 12:05 AM
2

I never considered that I could be "fucked up" until now...even after years of therapy nothing crazy has hit the therapists radar other than mild depression/anxiety. I feel crazy for being in the "perfect" situation and still feeling this way. That's what's making me crazy. I feel like I work to accept it and then it boils over and I freak out in almost a cyclical way. As if there's this mild hum underneath it all reminding me that I don't feel connected/satisfied and then it bursts (aka now). H…
/r/RedPillWives06/09/19 11:58 PM
1

Just took it and got INTJ-T
/r/RedPillWives06/09/19 07:49 AM
1

thanks for pointing that out. i also sway between "I'm destructive" and "this isn't right for me"...it's a hellish limbo to be in. Yes I'm probably very scared of being alone. As far as the test...I've taken it multiple times on different websites and arrived at INTJ every time. I'll take it again just to see. the feelings and thoughts I expressed in specific to this relationship and not necessarily how I always am in life.
/r/RedPillWives06/09/19 07:35 AM
1

I agree...an action needs to be taken then. H and I spoke about me living with a friend for a month or so....didnt imagine it to be 6 months. (not sure I can financially swing paying for both places while I sort it out). But at least it's a start. I've admittedly taken a passive role in the relationship because I realize a lot of the things boil down to personality traits that i wish were different. As another user pointed out, its when he's most out of character that I'm most interested..and th…
/r/RedPillWives06/09/19 07:27 AM
1

no he was always this way throughout the whole relationship. I told myself the positives outweighed the negatives but after getting married all the fault lines started cracking and I felt more trapped than i did before. I can't tell. There's so much fear around the situation and that some days I'm convinced I'm broken and chasing drama/high/escape and others I'm convinced to my core that my heart was never in it and I just found more sophisticated ways to avoid that truth. What I can say is the …
/r/RedPillWives06/09/19 07:24 AM
1

Yes
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 12:38 PM
2

Yes
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:53 AM
2

Yeah possibly. It would be an ironclad reason to leave for sure. but I'm interested in knowing he can push past his own boundaries (which are extremely uptight) and bend a little to have some fun with me. I think if we were to play out a fantasy situation where he was "getting his" and keeping me involved i would be hot. The other day we went to a strip club together and sort of let this play out. He seemed happy and the stripper taught me a few cool moves
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:45 AM
1

I just mean I'd have more respect for him if he was more willing to walk away if I had bad behavior. Keeping me in check so to speak. He really lets me get away with a lot and seems like a pushover a lot of the time. Yes avoidant attachment is something i've related to but also anxious depending on the situation. Will read this book.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:43 AM
4

yeah I agree....i'd be over the moon if he didn't put up with my shit and called me out. I'll look into these resources...I could definitely use a mindset shift
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:42 AM
2

OMG it's you again! ok...so we've arrived at Cluster b!? Can you give me a little more insight into what makes you say this? To be clear, I've only had these cheating/other woman thoughts about this man in particular but it's possibly in response to his EXTREME uptightness and over the top moral compass. I never experienced this with any exes or other men.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:40 AM
0

get what out of my system?
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:37 AM
3

I'm progressively resonating and commenting on your posts so your inbox is probably blowing up....but nevertheless. this is fascinating. i definitely have nowhere near the risk-taking, unconventional relationship experience you have (you could call me quite vanilla) but my thoughts are very similar to yours and I relate to a lot of your points.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:36 AM
2

i definitely have impulsive tendencies (food, shopping, etc) although I've gotten them under control. For the most part it's my mind running amok with fantasies. I don't have abandonment issues I don't think but perhaps attachment issues and trouble being truly vulnerable with others. What made you think cluster b?
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:33 AM
2

I asked my therapist this today. My sister is Borderline, my mother is (i highly suspect) a narcissist...so it's possible that I am on the spectrum with it although I've never had this professionally confirmed (even after asking) by at least 3 different therapists at different stages of my life. The only "condition" that's been brought up in therapy is depression and intimacy issues. All of the therapists have posted out that I tend to be attracted to complicated individuals and tend to commit t…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:31 AM
3

>but mentally is where it counts primarily. 100% > If he is not hunting, adventuring, facing adversity, and truely taking on challenge for the betterment of himself he's extremely dedicated to his career and committed to working hard and getting to the next level (certifications, lisences, etc) to provide and better us financially. this is probably his best and most attractive and why the relationship has lasted as long as it has. He's not lazy at all. But yes, I agree that beyond just working h…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:25 AM
1

Can you be more specific? How can I do deeper soul-searching about this? I've never felt this way in other relationships and they were by and large positive, functioning, and drama-free. I want someone that can level with me playfully and challenge me...not tell me I'm breaking the rules and also cave to my every whim.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:21 AM
1

Ok so say I shouldn't have married him...but I'm here. Now what? I'm stuck in an uncomfortable limbo and it's excruciating to both me and him.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:19 AM
2

actually we frequently point out attractive people all the time and openly discuss it. I believe he enjoys it (were always sending each other hot girls on instagram and using our own personal rating system to rate women in the wild...etc). It's mostly women. He's very good at breaking down physical components of what makes someone attractive and the "tricks" girls use to falsely prop themselves up..so it's highly entertaining to hear his side of it. And he of course enjoys the window shopping as…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:16 AM
2

we do this ALL THE TIME! Mostly with women though. we've even invented a system of coded language for how attractive a woman is and where she falls on the scale. I won't use the language because it would be a giveaway, but it's something like a 10 is "any man would risk it all for 5 minutes alone with her", 9 is very very attractive, probably could be paid for her looks. Someone you see on the street once a month possible...a goddess among mortals but attainable to the top tier men. 8 is super h…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:13 AM
3

I absolutely find him extremely attractive. I even tell him in the grocery store i'lll see some hottie out of the corner of my eye and feel guilty for checking him out only to later realize it's him. there aren't any physical components lacking at all. I look at him and feel desire. It's the inability to loosen up, be free, and level with me playfully that keep him in a parental feeling role rather than a partner I seriously desire to get down with. I'm not saying any of this is unchangeable eit…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:10 AM
1

how do you unlearn...?
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:06 AM
2

I believe I'm chasing the high of hijinks....the feeling of mutual novelty, stimulation, and growth. Not necessarily core relationship drama issues.. yes I'm not disagreeing with you. Realizing this is what's keeping me in the "i need to work on myself" zone..but practically I don't know what that looks like or what more I can do. I'm already in therapy. ​ Also want to add that while drama has its appeal, I believe I'm chasing the high of hijinks....the feeling of mutual novelty, stimulation, an…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:06 AM
2

He's hot. Omg physically completely my type. But there's something about his inability to let go, relax, want to have fun and stroke our imaginations together, etc. that makes sex feel very mechanical. we've got all the physical components but for some reason it falls flat for me.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:04 AM
2

Youre not wrong. I feel like a terrible wife. I've told him this. I told him I don't deserve him and that he doesn't deserve someone who treats him this way. His response is that he's "very happy" and "wouldn't change a thing." you can imagine the loneliness and guilt I felt from this. > The only way she actually gets excited by him is when he acts extremely out of character yes > She might get better if she works on herself but she won't just think herself into wanting this man just by playing …
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 07:03 AM
2

OK yes...drama is a false-god for "love" and I agree that stability is desirable/necessary...but in my eyes a desirable circumstance would be a relationship with a source of mutual fun and novelty and growth...A husband to want to do lifes hijinks together. I believe I'm chasing the high of hijinks....the feeling of mutual novelty, stimulation, and growth. Not necessarily core relationship drama issues..
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:58 AM
1

I agree that you shouldn't stir up problems for no reason and that stability in the relationship is desirable/necessary, and that the restlessness is from within. However, a compatible partner with a similar circumstance can be a source of mutual novelty, stimulation, and growth. It doesn't have to be drama AGAINST them (so to speak), it can just be hijinks WITH them. OK yes...drama is a false-god for "love" and I agree that stability is desirable/necessary...but in my eyes a desirable circumsta…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:56 AM
3

YES HIJINKS. This is what I am looking for. HIJINKS. A PARTNER to PLAY with me, not against me. Anything else feels so stagnant. Wait it's you again! of course I resonated with this. Please tell me your situation and how you came to find/create this scenario with your SO. How would you personally handle the restlessness I'm describing?
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:52 AM
3

These responses are a result of many many situations leadings up to the "dad" comment. That day specifically he woke me up at 5am to tell me that I left the fridge open and texts me throughout the day about chores that need to get done. It is not from my innate laziness or unwillingness to participate as much as it is a constant and unyielding pressure from him to "follow the rules" and "do your chores" usually conveyed in an extremely parental style. Put it this way. If I was driving and he was…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:50 AM
2

I feel like I am....he's extremely extremely nice...he even wanted to take my last name. Looking at us you would assume he is in control/masculine but it feels far from it. I don't naturally respond to his demeanor in a submissive way....can probably work on this. I try bringing him problems and no solutions...but the solution isn't something that usually makes sense or resolves the situation from my point of view. For example...I was going through a bit of a tough time and H responded by surpri…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:44 AM
1

who are you and what is your situation? Im so fascinated by your perspective and responses.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:32 AM
4

we do share the same sense of humor. it's probably the main thing we connect on.
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:30 AM
1

> I don't think you're in love with him, and I think you know it. yeah. Many posters here have pointed out that I may associated it with a dizzying, head-over-heels feeling that doesn't translate to a healthy relationship. It's hard to trust my feelings. But I definitely don't love him the way he deserves to be loved. It's possible I associate love with toxic traits and will never achieve long term happiness. > we didn't have the chemistry How important is this to a lasting marriage? typical adv…
/r/RedPillWives05/09/19 06:29 AM
2

must make for very good conversations :-)
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 05:51 AM
2

it was more that things weren't as mundane since we lived apart and has our own time. Our time together had to be intentional. We don't have a lot of money to spend now so we're very limited.
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 05:51 AM
1

Reading that doesn't, but perhaps I haven't absorbed the reality.
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 12:23 AM
2

Water your own RL garden w/love and attention I've told him everything in the nicest way possible without being accusatory and insulting. He knows the truth and wants me to be happy for his sake and for mine.
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 12:23 AM
1

Not anytime soon. I told him children terrify me and I'm not sure if I'd ever want them...he's extremely open and thinking "sometime in the distant future" and "we could adopt." he sees how financially unrealistic they are at this point and how we have 0 family to support us and how hellish it would be. I admitted to him how terrified I'd be to find out I was pregnant. I've absolutely never shared that I don't love him or am looking elsewhere. I've just said that I feel trapped and feel so guilt…
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 12:21 AM
2

thank you for this advice. It seems like a few little things I need to put into practice to achieve this. MY goal is to silence these overwhelming intrusive thoughts and feel true contentedness in myself and the relationship. >’ve seen too many friends break up relationships with good men because they were chasing excitement, and while it may be fun in the short term, it usually falls apart quickly and leaves everyone more miserable than before. Can you elaborate on this? it would help me to hea…
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 12:13 AM
3

I'm also an avid tennis player and currently have a solid gym routine that I'm committed to. Even extreme exhaustion isn't enough to temper this. Are you saying that the structure and commitment to the sport helped with this?
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 12:05 AM
3

>I'm working hard now to try and restore the passion I used to feel for him. this was never there for me in a strong way. My sister pointed out to me "you know...you've never really said DH makes you happy or that you are excited to be with him. He was always there and you seemed ok with that." this struck a chord with me and scared me to think that possibly this was unresolvable. Logically, he hits so many marks I don't know why I WOULDN'T feel this way. this probably sounds ridiculously selfis…
/r/RedPillWives04/09/19 12:04 AM
2

yes
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:49 PM
2

I'd say death by 1000 cuts. It's not bad but I've never hit fruition.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:49 PM
2

good advice. thanks.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:09 PM
3

thanks this is good advice
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:09 PM
1

I feel guilty that this isn't my first or baseline thought. More than that it's resentment and feeling trapped and that's how I know I'm in trouble/need to fix my thinking
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:08 PM
3

How To Improve Your Marriage without Talking About It Thank you for these practical answers
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:07 PM
2

>it starts with being bored and frustrated with ourselves and projecting it on our partners This is possibly true, but I have reached several, legitimate impasses in the relationship that make me feel that my only chance at fun is in a parallel life/somewhere outside the relationship. It doesn't mean we need to have the exact same personality or he has to entertain me, but I wonder if this is a deep fundamental thing versus a personal concern.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 10:06 PM
2

Agreed, but at what point does the lack of imagination and willingness to level with me in fun/sexuality mean a stagnant relationship?
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 09:58 PM
2

yes I agree, the drama/problems don't exist and so they are unfamiliar to me. But beyond the drama, I've hit an impasse when I feel actual fun can't be had with him. I'll give a few recent examples that I mentioned above and maybe help me navigate what Im doing wrong/how this can be saved. >I've spelled out specifically what I would want to see to have fun and he didn't want to do it. Basically I said it would be really fun if you picked out an outfit for me (even something I already own) and ta…
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 09:56 PM
3

>if your noticing your feeling some kind of lack of excitement or fun, bring that up to him and push for you guys to go do exciting and fun things together I've explained to him what would be fun for me and he was unwilling to do that. An example is I said it would be really fun if you picked out an outfit for me (even something I already own) and take me somewhere surprising (doesn't have to be fancy, can be free) and make an adventure out of it. It took me 3 months of begging with his excuses …
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 09:50 PM
2

Is RL relationship? >he’s the slightly killjoy one in your RL and you’re the more fun/lighthearted partner absolutely. And this is what's kills me. I'm constantly returning to "there's nothing that will fix this...this is how he is" and it seems counterproductive to try to change him. >Try to reframe his killjoy comment there are times I have to literally beg him to have fun. I tell him that it makes me sad that we don't have the same version of fun even with less risky things. That it makes me …
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 09:39 PM
1

no but mine is INTJ
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 09:31 PM
1

Yeah this is a good way to look at it. I want to bring myself to respect and look at it positively but it feels insincere despite my best efforts. I suppose you never got to a cripplingly negative place with that?
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 09:28 PM
3

I've looked. It's not pretty.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 08:27 PM
2

I need an exorcism
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/19 08:25 PM
1

No, I didn't have alpha boyfriends. I had boyfriends that I liked more because they were more fun/intellectual/interesting but I wouldn't necessarily say more alpha. I'm concerned because I don't feel like I ever "fell in love" with H. I never missed him when I was away or got sad when we separated for a bit. This is what's most scary to me. yes I realize the dizzying lovespell feelings are toxic...but there's a difference between ambivalence and a deep-in-your-bones attraction/respect/and desir…
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/19 05:40 PM
1

I haven't told him I don't love him, I told him I feel trapped in the relationship and am suffering from an uncomfortable state of ambivalence which is destroying me and isn't fair to him. I told him I need space to sort out my thoughts and get my shit together...therapist made this suggestion as well. I agree that it's a conscious choice to improve... but I question if I'm at the point of no return/if this can be saved to a fulfilling degree. Going to the gym and eating healthy are also a consc…
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/19 05:35 PM
2

Looking at this now, thank you
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/19 05:24 PM
9

this is absolutely my biggest fear in the world. I've tried to master these base instincts to no avail...perhaps you have some suggested reading material? Maybe I haven't read/done the right things. The intrusive thoughts are dangerously overwhelming and unhealthy.
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/19 03:48 PM
3

This is what scares me. That my definition of "love" is broken and comes from a dysfunctional childhood scenario. If I'm going to be plagued by this for the rest of my life I'll be chasing toxic relationship dynamics instead.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 03:41 PM
2

Wasn't like this in past relationships. I've been cheated on before but never been in a threesome/open relationship arrangement. I don't necessarily want him to cheat on me, but I wouldn't walk away if he did. In fact, I would be turned on/expecting it becuae I haven't been a good wife. He's extremely rule-following and law-abiding, so to know he overrode his own strict internal moral compass and loosened up to make himself happy would peak my interest so much. I only say this because he's norma…
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 03:40 PM
2

this is probably true. What does this say about attachment style? It's also the feeling that I could lose them at any moment which is a turn on.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 03:38 PM
2

It would be a relief and turn on because honestly I haven't been a good wife. The fact that he's "getting his" shows me that I need to respect him/excel in my marriage versus being the sorry excuse of the person I am now. It would keep me honest and make me realize were both on the same playing field. Seeing him get his would be a turn on for me (provided he didn't make me look stupid in the process...for example...with my sister or best friend, etc)
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 03:37 PM
1

I have told him this and updated the question. Please let me know if that work :)
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 03:35 PM
8

>you’ll incorrectly associate PINING f/someone w/real chemistry I wonder what this deeper rooted issue means in terms of attachment.... >Don’t equate him being a good guy who treats you well as a boring husband. I'm completely with you here. While logically I know this I can't seem to shake the feeling no matter what I try. To be more specific...it's not that he's good that makes him boring...it's that his idea of fun is not the same as mine and it borders on a parent/dad vibe. For example, we w…
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 03:33 PM
-1

Yes. I told him this turns me on immensely. Now we have a game when he tells me when he sees hot women (there was a 10 in my gym class) but it doesn’t have the same effect as seeing the dread play out and him actually considering this option.
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 08:28 AM
-2

He is too nice. I’ve told him it turns me on when he flirts with other women. This weekend we went to a strip club and I paid for a private dance with him and a stripper...it was a turn on for both of us but did absolutely nothing dread wise. I told him I need to feel like I’m missing him/going to risk losing him (hence the moving in with a friend for a month to gather thoughts). It does feel a bit too easy and that I didn’t have to work for the relationship. I’ve had 6 sexual partners including…
/r/RedPillWives03/09/19 08:09 AM
2

This is one of the most helpful things I’ve ever read in this sub
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/19 02:21 AM
1

Serious question, but How do you know if you’re boring?
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/18 06:29 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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