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dak4f2 Archive

View 0 posts and 232 comments by dak4f2 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
10

Depends if you desire to grow or stay the same imo.
/r/askFDS16/03/22 01:14 AM
25

Alright what's a himbo? That's a new one to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 07:24 AM
44

I need this bolded part tattooed on my arm. This is the solid truth. Avoidantly attached men have learned to isolate and self-soothe and don't co-regulate when you or they are under stress. It's a recipe for never getting your needs met. Why even be in a relationship?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:58 PM
23

These men probably have avoidant attachment, and I am tired of playing those games. I agree, just walk away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:56 PM
1

This is what I thought too. But I ended up with someone who did not yell but unfortunately was emotionally constipated all around. My picker still was not yet finely tuned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 03:09 AM
4

"It's your job to clean your car darling!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 05:41 PM
75

What a Freudian slip. not particularly attracted to women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 03:24 AM
80

I mean it is a decent filtering mechanism. Maybe making up a small anecdote to judge their reaction is better so you won't be retraumatized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 10:58 PM
46

I mean come on, what do women bring to the table!? /s Omg I just realized how misogynistic that question really is with women historically serving men at the table. I'll never hear that question the same again. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 10:51 PM
43

An Asian partner expected me to fix his plate like his mommy did. 🤢🤮 He was a passive aggressive baby when I wouldn't. He thought it was so mean! The mindfuck is that, in my pickme days, I actually internalized that I was the mean one in that situation. Am so grateful for this post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 10:50 PM
12

Soft spoken avoidantly attached men or covert narcissists are different from emotionally mature men. I found out the hard way myself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 06:50 AM
9

Did he get released?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 06:48 AM
24

Korean dramas are full of the emotionally intelligent and expressive man. There are plenty on Netflix too! Plus the woman always picks the man, she usually has to decide between multiple men trying to show they are HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 06:47 AM
14

This sounds like the Taliban's approach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 12:17 AM
15

You were the scapegoat. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 03:56 PM
33

Ugh I can't help but read all this and think about the life the women in Afghanistan are going to have to go back to. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 01:20 AM
80

Think about how awful and selfish he'd be in bed if this is the best first impression he can make. No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:47 PM
5

Or "I grew up in an abusive home so this is what I think love is."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:36 PM
7

Yes women don't attract these men, some women just don't have appropriate boundaries and filters so the men stick around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:34 PM
8

Oh man she's projecting her good qualities onto others. I'm reading Women Who Love Too Much right now (recommended by this sub!) and it's all about this, women who can't see men for who they truly are but instead live in some fantasy world they project onto the man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:20 PM
1

Oh I know this settle devil well! Thanks for naming it so I can see how problematic it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 06:06 PM
12

They just want an easy 'agreeable' woman. 10/10 they had an ex in the past with actual opinions and boundaries and they couldn't handle it, so they want someone 'light'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 05:40 AM
2

I recommend following Lovingmeafterwe on Instagram. Sounds like attachment wounds, which I'm working on right now myself.
/r/askFDS05/08/21 12:29 AM
43

I’m the first in my line to me nearing 40 and completely alone without man or kids. I have no frame of reference for this type of existence 37 and I feel the exact same way. Even career wise. There are no guideposts, no women relatives to role model, provide a path, or give advice. We're blazing the new paths. It's really strange and weird though! At the same time I'm always in awe and am so grateful that my ancestors did not have the choices we have. I feel this weird pressure to do all the thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:52 AM
17

There exists intentional communities for women only. I just did a search for "women" at this directory of communities and there are 717 results: https://www.ic.org/directory/find/?community_status=&search=Women Here's the first listing for example, in Vermont: Huntington Open Women's Land (HOWL) is held in perpetuity for all women, is a non-profit organization guided by a collective and welcomes residents and visitors who strive to form an intentional community on the land. Our goal is to preser…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:35 AM
11

Yes. Do the workplace next. Don't speak upp too much as you're 'bossy' or 'opinionated' (assertive) and that makes you a bitch, but also don't be too quiet or you will never get promoted as you don't contribute ideas. Oh wait, maybe you do contribute ideas but Simon gets all the credit, oops. What narrow lines we have to walk as women. Screw that. its impossible to meet their ridiculous idealizations and requirements. That's why we stop and just bring us. Took me so long to realize this! I used …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 06:47 PM
6

That sounds like a hellish culture for someone with autism to navigate. I always assume the words mean what the words mean, literally and directly. I'd fail over there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 12:19 AM
2

I'm so ready for more women-centric movies and stories that do not center romantic relationships. That legit just center the women and their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:53 AM
1

Young girls are taught to be humble after all. 😡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:42 AM
73

The g spot is actually the internal part of your clitoris! The book She comes first is pretty good at teaching about women's anatomy and pleasure, it's where I learned that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 02:19 AM
63

That's my dad. It was great as an adult to ask if him if we were 'taken away from him', did he ever fight for custody? You know the answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:45 PM
34

She's likely avoiding her own problems by focusing unhealthily on another's. Awful strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:43 PM
46

He's not even her boyfriend! It's her boyfriend's friend! This is beyond codependency. I hope she finds her way into therapy so she can put her energy into herself instead of throwing it away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:41 PM
10

The idea was that babies "need" their mothers 24/7 or they'll grow up to have bad attachment styles, and that's just wrong. The literature on attachment theory I've read suggests caretakers need to be only 'good enough', not perfect, and in fact responding to an infant only 50% of the time is good enough for healthy attachment to form. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/05/190508134511.htm I agree it's no excuse for psychopathy though! Personally attachment theory has been helpful in my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:11 AM
93

Childless is someone who wants children but doesnt have them yet. Childfree is someone who does not want children period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 04:34 AM
9

It's not blaming mothers afaik. It's basic attachment theory. Replacing mother with 'caregivers' would be better imo though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 02:45 AM
123

This is a beautiful piece of literature. We’re fed lines like “looks don’t matter to women” to which I would respond HA HA HA HA HA. Yeah, looks don’t matter if women aren’t expecting to get any sexual pleasure out of the relationship. Which many aren’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 10:20 PM
87

Why do I want the men who are supposed to love me to hurt me instead? Ding ding ding! I went through a mild version of this phase briefly until I realized why - I had equated abuse with love as my dad physically abused my mother and me. Now that I'm aware, it repels me and I could never do that again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 10:01 PM
29

This is (just one reason) why I don't want kids with a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 02:18 AM
18

My mother did this to me too, as a child and adult. It's abusive no matter where it comes from. This is a great post to help with discernment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 02:04 AM
87

Yes. What. is. this. bullshit. Drives me mad. Sure let me, barely over 5 feet barely over 100 pounds confront the large man, not the ex who is over 6 feet and over 200 pounds. Great. Why did I even need you again? A man like this will not fight for you and your care when you are sick or incapacitated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 05:01 PM
132

This is what my dad told me he did. "She was talking to an attorney about getting a divorce. That's why I divorced her." Meanwhile he was physically abusive to my mother and the children, and having an affair. He found a second wife who played mommy, cooked for him every day, cleaned, perfect housewife. I really liked her as a person too. She's since left his ass, now he's old and alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 04:55 PM
2

Oops you're right I've got it backwards, will edit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 08:18 PM
7

I was disappointed by the conclusion though, which basically was like, "If women were in power they'd end up just the same as men."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 08:15 PM
10

That's awesome! How much time would you say you spent on trading and watching markets daily? How did you manage your taxes with all those trades? Does a particular platform give you a nice tax statement at the end of the year, or do you have to track gains manually? (In the US each of those trades would be a taxable event, not sure about your country) So many questions. :) I have some crypto and was just wondering if there was a way to make money off the volatility that wasn't so labor/time inte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 07:45 PM
3

That's true for proof of work coins, but most coins are proof of stake now and don't have that problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 07:42 PM
8

I downloaded the handbook onto my kindle. There used to be a pdf version I thought. Edit: Just checked the sidebar, looks like it's not there anymore since things get added all the time. I have some fresh reading to do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 01:41 AM
978

Can't help but wonder what they were saying before she decided she needed to record, and how many times this had happened before until she realized she needed to record it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:29 AM
5

Whaaat? I missed this bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:38 AM
161

DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:43 AM
35

A fucking hula hooper. 🤣 I'm so sorry you went through this but I'm laughing my ass off over here. No shade to hula hoopers, I follow a rad hula hooper gal on IG. But this is hilariously sad. So sorry for what your went through, and so glad you got away!! Congrats on your growing life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:12 PM
38

You were a product of your culture. How could you have known any different? But you learned and grew, many don't. And that's all you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:09 PM
48

Say "Why do you have to be so controlling?" I'm dead because the things we share here are the things we have actually experienced. And we're not alone! What a (sad) relief to find that out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 06:15 AM
12

I still want an app for this - women plumbers, electricians, handywomen, tow truck drivers, etc. by women for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 05:54 AM
2

yet he still can't believe me? And also made it about his own 'victimization'. This therapist needs therapy before treating others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 01:24 AM
54

That makes no sense. What a jerk, he just wanted to put you down. My stbx told me I was 'selfish' for wanting to start yoga one night a week as I was starting to come out of a long depression. This was a symptom I was feeling better, something to be celebrated! He was already doing tennis two nights per week and an online MBA another 2 nights. "When will you have time for me?" he wanted to know. When I called him out on it he said he was "joking". Men can be asses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:57 PM
13

I've never heard of functional fitness, thank you. I was wondering where/how I could learn basic stuff like how to pick up things and move heavy things without hurting myself. Yay 30s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:55 PM
42

But something just...snapped in me and I'm no longer able to tolerate bad treatment from anyone. 👏👏👏 I can feel this energy in your words. Am proud of you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:41 PM
177

Yes yes yes, all this. Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:43 AM
23

It also makes me mad because she clearly told him she didn't want to rehash it and share her story when he was on trial. Then he goes and shares her story. It's not his story to share. Unless he got her consent to share this story, he just added to her trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 02:22 AM
4

Since she was a baby. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 08:15 PM
70

If the conservatorship is over her attorney is suddenly out of a (consistently high paying) job. What an awful conflict of interest. She cannot choose her attorney either, her father who is in charge of her conservatorship does. What a bind she's been in, a prison guarded by the lowest LVMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 08:12 PM
17

Adorable? Are you a puppy or baby?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 08:04 PM
150

Women: scapegoat for all (even amongst some women themselves)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 08:02 PM
17

I have C-PTSD and no addictions Some of us with cptsd have 'acceptable' addictions like being a workaholic or shopaholic. I'm addicted to Reddit, it helps me when I dissociate/freeze. For the link between addiction and trauma Dr. Gabor Mate is the goat. https://youtu.be/BVg2bfqblGI https://youtu.be/GaWmzR_x3cM Thanks for the link, I haven't seen that guy before!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 12:49 AM
6

This is fantastic, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 11:45 PM
218

They believe women in everyday life who express being unhappy or in pain are just acting. Yes, one common trope is that women cry to manipulate men. We couldn't genuinely be hurt and in pain, could we? No that would inconvenience men. We are only there to be happy and docile. Edit: Omg I commented after reading your first paragraph. Then I posted and read the second. Exactly!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 03:19 PM
0

(believe it or not, I actually did feel creeped out around a lot of men bc they're always sexualizing me) then traded numbers. Mind you, this was my fucking uber driver, picking me up from work (think similar to hooters but more bar-like) Sis I just want to point this out. Are you putting yourself in situations to be sexualized? I used to objectify myself too and wanted male approval. I had read too much Cosmo. Hope you can see the connection here. Ofc men will sexualize a cucumber so it's not a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 06:34 AM
6

Society teaches young people that our elders (even just 20 years older) are senile, not with the times, clueless, and don't 'get it'. So how does one learn wisdom passed down from those who have lived it? It's pretty wicked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 03:32 PM
649

Yes and if anyone new would date him he'd claim they were a golddigger. It would be lost on him that he created that scenario by trying to use his increased $ to lure new women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 02:55 PM
13

I'd personally rephrase this as I’m beginning to think all dating subreddits here are anti-woman to some extent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:35 AM
41

Now they're fucked because women historically care for the elderly in the family and society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:04 AM
17

If it's bad it might be rape. Nothing like a bad pizza. They're so wilfully clueless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:01 PM
48

Childhood abuse can lead one to choose abusive or low value partners in life because it's all you know. It's what you learned love was at an early age. Plus childhood abuse often can lead to low self esteem later in life. Thank goodness for therapy and FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 07:31 AM
33

Too many men believe we are theirs for the taking, and not someone to also be given to. It's a one-way bottomless pit with some. I felt like an object in a 'relationship' like this. I say 'relationship' in quotes because real relating is a reciprocal 2-way street. I was only to be pleasant. I wasn't to have any difficult emotions. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 07:50 PM
38

Bottomline it does not matter who the woman is they want to comment on how they find them attractive, imagine being a women and evaluating every guy you see Yes there's even a scoring system. She's a 7, a 5, a 10, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 01:16 AM
19

There's a lot here, but I'll just comment about the bit at the end. He's DARVOing you. Deny, Attack, Reverse victim and offender. I hate this, I feel for it for years. DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse t…
/r/askFDS09/06/21 03:54 PM
38

you gave him more humanity than he actually had As another FDSer put it, men objectify women while women humanize men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:18 AM
27

Exactly. We don't need to dominate patriarchal structures. We need to build our own. Like OP I've started my own small business in the hopes of building something even a little better. Right now I'm doing it for myself, if I'm successful hopefully it can touch more women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 09:30 PM
3

A person can have conflicting feelings. It's tough when that happens for sure. Some parts of us may feel one way and other parts may feel entirely differently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:16 PM
9

Now you're a "Karen".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 06:12 PM
15

"Stop controlling me." "All my exes liked it." ::gets defensive when you give direction, takes it as an affront to his non-existent skillz:: ::stares at clock like why hasn't she cum yet?:: Maybe if you listened..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:59 AM
17

Porn does not show how to actually pleasure a woman at all. Which is part of why men are so bad at sex. That and their egos, how can they listen to your guidance when they already are sex gods that know it all?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:57 AM
62

This is so on point. You've figured out their psychology. It's like the study that found that when men say a woman has a sense of humor, they mean she laughs at his jokes. Must they always center themselves. Their poor fragile egos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 06:39 AM
27

Their fellow bros ridicule them if they are a 'simp'. It's their culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 06:27 AM
44

And yes, I answer when they write/call me. So communication is effectively delegated. What if you stopped shouldering his work? This is extra emotional effort he's offloaded onto you. Pick it up or drop it, your choice. I'm starting to drop ALL of the extra load that is not really mine to bear, in work and in relationships. My eyes are opening and I'm over it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 06:23 AM
87

It starts with them. But they don't take responsibility. They weren't socialized or taught to, but need to grow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 06:19 AM
20

Oh my goodness I love this idea. Edit: I just contacted my old university to try to set up a Women in Physics scholarship (my degree and university). Eeee! Thank you so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:42 PM
11

'His' women?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 05:00 PM
15

If women are such bad drivers how come insurance companies charge young men higher premiums than young women the same age? Because the data shows the men are actually worse/more dangerous drivers. Source: was an actuarial analyst setting auto insurance rates based off historical claims data in my younger years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 04:29 PM
84

"I was just joking." "Can't you take a joke?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 04:18 PM
25

Look into time value of money. Your money grows exponentially based on the amount of time you save. An extra $1000 saved one time at age 20 grows to $15,000 by age 60, for example. Front load your savings, math is on your side and your future self will thank you. Then you will have FU money earlier in life to leave any company or man that doesn't know your worth or value you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 02:28 AM
55

There's a male professor in Sonoma County, CA getting heat for making students watch traumatic rape scenes. This is not ok, especially for women who have been previously sexually assaulted. I hope she reports him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:38 PM
205

This happened to my mom. She had to have radiation and chemotherapy due to cervical cancer from HPV in her 60s. It had grown so much undetected until she started bleeding. She didn't think she needed to get a pap smear after being married to my father for 22 years and then getting divorced, she hadn't been with anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:22 PM
8

I hate when men try to throw you around like a doll. It usually hurts or is dangerous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 05:12 AM
38

If you have blonde hair you'll be photographed by men and even school children and treated like a zoo animal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 03:49 AM
52

Please make this its own post. I need some more never stop vetting discussions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 07:37 PM
6

Thank you, truly. 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 06:47 AM
9

She is always told to serve others, to belong to others, to respects others, to the point where she loses herself. Thank you. I thought there was something wrong with just me for losing myself with men and feeling more myself when single. I noticed this in my 20s. Now with your words I know this is universal and some of the shame is lifted. Thank goodness for therapy with a likely radical feminist therapist! And FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 06:37 AM
3

Don't even get me started on this in the workplace. I went to a Women in [Large tech company] company conference and the older women were legit teaching us to act like men to get ahead. Aw hell no. I was still a pickmeisha then and even then I knew that was wrong! Women have our own strengths, we don't need to copy or roleplay as men. Fuuuuuuuuuu*k that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 06:29 AM
134

Sonsbands, oh my gosh that's the perfect description of this dynamic! Sadly this is a form of abuse called emotional incest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:12 AM
23

Or the time that I was aching in pain and crying and reached out to him for comfort like a hug or verbal support...and he yelled with rage at me and then gave me silent treatment for hours. Sis this is so sad. My heart breaks for you. My stbx got angry at me after my grandmother passed away and I came to him for a hug and asked for him to squeeze me tighter. He was so angry and wouldn't. I just don't understand. My ridiculous ass was sending him links to articles about how to support a loved one…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 01:54 AM
58

Reporting a rape and everything that entails for the victim is often as psychologically damaging as the rape itself. Please understand why some women do not report. I am not saying they shouldn't of course. In fact I applaud those women who have the strength to report! But this personally is why I didn't report being raped, I expected reporting to be traumatic and damaging itself since it was by someone I knew. I expected to be victim blamed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 11:06 PM
1

Love the podcast! Finally listening to this one right now. Was surprised to hear 'pussy' used as a slur. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 09:47 PM
3

I used to get rashes in the winter and this is exactly what my dermatologist told me, that we really don't need soap on our skin, in fact it's bad for it. We really just need it on our smelly bits!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 09:16 PM
169

Everything is ass backwards and emotionally avoidant. I'm learning more and more about childhood emotional neglect. I wonder if some of this is a symptom of that. I really fear for those kids raised by YouTube and tablets today. The symptoms of emotional neglect they will display as adults might be off the charts. :( We will see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 09:26 PM
10

Circular conversations that lead nowhere and you wondered how you even got there. That's a bit disordered. I am not a saying he's narcissist, I think that's overused, but here is a good list of things to be on the lookout for with people who have disordered ways around conflict: https://narcissistabusesupport.com/7-signs-the-narc-is-serving-you-a-word-salad/
/r/askFDS17/05/21 03:00 AM
13

It's like they try to push past women to say "feminism is for everybody" when patriarchy backfires on them. You have perfectly captured this energy with words. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 06:37 PM
36

Yep. Was with an Asian man and he didn't like to date Asian women because they were 'too high maintenence'. He meant that they have standards and know their worth. Unfortunately I didn't at the time. I'm a blonde white women and he'd talk about how that was 'every Asian guy's dream'. No just no. I don't think he saw me. I think he was confused about growing up in a whitewashed part of Texas and wanted to fit in, which I feel compassion for. But I was an object to help him do that, and unknowingl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 06:13 PM
126

This gorgeous man is imprisoned in Myanmar due to the military coup. I hope he's OK, no news in over a month. :( The military arrested Takhon, a celebrity who openly backed anti-coup protests, early on Thursday. His detention comes as part of a widening crackdown on media figures and artists in the country. The Myanmar military has published a list of 120 celebrities wanted for arrest, including several singers, actors and models. The stars are facing accusations of spreading dissent, and can fa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 07:05 AM
220

I told a long-term partner what I wanted for my birthday was for him to make me a chocolate cake. I communicated clearly. Like, even a boxed cake would have been something. But I got nothing. Nope. Never again. He didn't give a shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 03:22 AM
9

My father left Have you worked with your therapist on how this abandonment trauma may lead you to seek the validation and attention of other males, and worked to heal this wound?
/r/askFDS13/05/21 04:24 PM
13

What we seek without we must learn to give ourselves within, or else we become a bottomless pit that can never be fulfilled, it will never be enough. The advice from u/lavender_flow is spot on. Also look into self-reparenting, you may bring that to your therapist or find one who is familiar with that, or check out resources online. You probably didn't get enough attention as a small child (or got too much? different experiences can lead to the same symptom - go back in your history and ask why).…
/r/askFDS13/05/21 04:20 PM
17

I am literally not good at any type of relationship. Not with friends, not with my family, and my relationships with men are literally nonexistent. Therapy or 12 step groups are the best for the above (relational skills growth). Therapy is best for working through the woundings around outside attention. It might take several tries to find a therapist that works best for you. When you see one, you can even bring this post and your comments to go over with them!
/r/askFDS13/05/21 04:14 PM
26

Exactly. It's more like a bullseye on your back for men to try to take from you, objectify you, use your body to gratify themselves, bump up their ego and standing with other men, take advantage of you, and pretend to be your friend (lying, deceit, betrayal when you thought he was your legit friend, in my pre-FDS days). Hence FDS to help us sort the wheat from the chaff, and to know our worth beyond what society has traditionally told us it was. Of course some women use their 'fuckability' to tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:00 PM
19

This comment right here is undoing a lot of my remaining internalized misogyny, internalized male gaze, and self-objectification. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:58 PM
55

"Is she always this rude to good guys?" Zero self-awareness. His actions show that he thinks he is entitled to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:05 PM
38

I see it now! Thank you. This internalized patriarchical crap takes some time to un-brainwash. Maybe even a lifetime. But you all keep me in check.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:58 AM
74

Unfortunately if you ask, "What about the men?" they'll probably just focus on how it's not fair men don't get paternity leave. Which I absolutely think they should. It's just missing the point and making men victims again/arguing in poor faith. (Btw I do think men should get paternity leave to help out with and bond with children!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 12:47 AM
30

Maybe in a roundabout way it will save humanity. There are too many humans polluting, harming, and disrespecting one another and mother earth. It's time to pull the breaks a bit. We have enough humans and we won't go extinct from not reproducing for a loong time (see the developing world). We'd more likely go extinct from our own hubris (nuclear war, polluting) first. It's a good thing women can make more conscious decisions now. Hopefully the rest of humanity will follow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:16 PM
29

Lovebombing.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 06:52 PM
19

My boyfriend freshman year of high school told me I should get a tan (now I realize it was probably from watching porn). I was in the tanning bed most days at 14. My poor crispy skin. Sidenote why did my state allow 14 year olds to go tanning?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:30 PM
41

This is every Korean drama ever! Usually the plot is one regular possibly depressed woman with two hot men fighting to win her heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:26 PM
8

I've found that before I'd healed from my childhood trauma/dysfunction (which will be a work in progress for my lifetime), I wanted to be with other wounded people who would 'get me', even subconsciously. Except they carried that same baggage into our relationship. What I keep hearing in healing communities is that we are attracted to that which we are used to. I was attracted to men like my father or mother, emotionally unavailable, emotionally immature, and volatile. I felt more comfortable wi…
/r/askFDS07/05/21 04:42 AM
75

But also, "You should smile more," if we aren't smiling. Gotta love the double binds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 02:58 PM
22

I would encourage the mother to tell the child the details when they are an adult, when the adult child asks and is ready. If a child is 8 or even 12 it will seriously mess with their emotional and psychological development if they are given adult information they cannot yet process. Source: it happened to me and I'm still in therapy in my 30s. My mother should have gone to a therapist and friends for support, not her young child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 02:23 PM
9

Could someone help me rationalize why a person, be it a man or woman would behave like this? It is emotional immaturity, a lack of emotional development likely tied back to their childhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 11:24 PM
10

Meanwhile I love the juxtaposing image, her in actual relationships with her friends. As if others don't see friendships as real relationships. Love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 03:47 AM
6

That's as far as I got too before coming to the same conclusion.
/r/askFDS27/04/21 11:57 PM
9

I stopped reading at #2. That was enough. Red flags galore, nothing exist about it.
/r/askFDS27/04/21 11:56 PM
5

It would be a design challenge for sure. There's a circular multilevel parking structure, in Oakland of all places, that feels really safe as there isn't a big swath of open rows of cars. There's really no middle parking either, everyone parks on the 'outside' with open air to the outdoors. You never need to walk to or through the middle, you stay on the edge by the open outdoors and can usually find parking right by the elevator. Surely a false sense of security but I'll take it. https://images…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 11:51 PM
27

Can't wait for more women architects to design welcoming, healthy, healing spaces.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:21 PM
41

A guy told me it was because he always moved his penis to the (right? left? I forget) side of his boxers. I believed him until seeing this post, knowing how much he used porn, and knowing how very small his unerect penis was (no reason for it to need to be moved to the side of the crotch seam for low hanging boxers and a small member).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 06:04 PM
5

A big light bulb just went off in my head to help me understand my own mother better after reading your comment. THANK YOU. I could never articulate why gifts/$/'nice things' I never asked for or wanted from my mother would repulse me so. It was exactly this dynamic. There was always hell to pay. Thank you for the clarity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 03:23 AM
8

Apparently it happens in Asia. Just saw this over in in the worldnews subreddit: Menstrual leave: South Korea airline ex-CEO fined for refusing time off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 10:41 PM
1

Apparently it happens in Asia. Just saw this over in in the worldnews subreddit: Menstrual leave: South Korea airline ex-CEO fined for refusing time off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 10:35 PM
16

I didn't know this into my 30s. Zero sex ed in school or at home, great. I thought I always had to change put my tampon every time I peed. That many changes was painful for sure. Thank goodness for menstrual cups and for learning about my anatomy. I even have a graduate degree in STEM, it's so embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 10:33 PM
66

It sounds like he was dating someone(s) else or, more likely, married. The no photos together is just one such sign. Reminds me of Jason Collier, the man who was discovered through Facebook to have a wife, two fiancees, and other girlfriends in different cities/states. https://www.dallasobserver.com/arts/three-timing-texas-police-chief-jason-collier-arrested-by-texas-rangers-11982954 I'm so proud of you for walking away!! You've thrown out that which didn't add value to your life, to make space …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 10:16 PM
6

Alright I have to ask the question. Please help me to level up ladies. I read this and thought, "That sounds nice," then read the comments and realized I have some things to learn! What does 'good' look like? Because my dad would do these things when I was little (hug, it's going to be alright) and so that's really all I know as far as emotional support. It's my model for men. What's better, what should I look for?
/r/askFDS23/04/21 06:48 AM
5

You're exactly right. I'm working through the stages of grief myself. It's the grief of an ideal, a lie. I actually already had to go through this grief of an ideal, a lie with my abusive mother. I had to grieve the mother I never had and never would get to have. But behind that grief will be personal growth into a better reality. That's my hope anyway.
/r/askFDS21/04/21 11:02 PM
10

So happy to hear about your vision for life and a refreshing take on what womanhood can be. I'm surprised at the top comment criticizing your life vision. Obviously bucking the narrative of what a 'woman is supposed to be' is still not popular even amongst some women. :/ Good on you OP for living outside the box women have traditionally been given and for living in your own truth. Your ideas sound like a refreshing combo of r/simpleliving and r/wgtow to me. I agree that women have been trained b…
/r/askFDS18/04/21 06:02 PM
143

Everyone would have a week off work every month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 12:44 AM
10

They need to prove to themselves that you react "emotional" because it means they can feel their manliness on your costs. Yes!! And I sometimes get the sense that psychologically they need us to feel the emotions for them. Gross. This paper on projective identification blew my mind: Projective identification (PI) is, above all, an interpersonal defense mechanism by which individuals (inducers) recruit others (recipients) to help them tolerate painful intrapsychic states of mind. It differs from …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 08:33 AM
46

Yes, say her name! Dr. Kati Kariko Helped Shield the World From the Coronavirus https://nyti.ms/2PDO23b
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:51 AM
16

Found the original article if you want to learn about Dr. Kati Kariko's story: Kati Kariko Helped Shield the World From the Coronavirus https://nyti.ms/2PDO23b
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:49 AM
9

I'm mentally ill (complex PTSD) and would never do anything like these men do. It's common decency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 07:46 AM
6

Porn as a public health crisis, she is so right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:04 PM
6

I have a similar background. I highly recommend trauma therapy and ACA online Zoom groups. Am learning so much. Plus FDS is showing me where my self esteem is in the crapper and is making clear the abusive behavior I still tolerate that I thought was normal. So glad you asked this here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 11:24 PM
63

God this rule would have saved me so much angst and trouble in my 20s, and prematurely bonding with LVM. That and no drinking on early dates. Better late than never though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 12:05 AM
85

"Quit using the past against me" (now I'm the victim)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 10:34 PM
9

Honestly it sounds trite but what is helping me is lots of therapy.
/r/askFDS29/03/21 05:29 AM
4

Report him. I did too. The mods won't see what you wrote here. Click the 3 dots by his comment, Report, choose that it breaks FDS rules and choose that this sub is by women for women as the rule broken. Thanks for being on the lookout!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 12:53 AM
28

They keep getting banned by Reddit or taken over by male mods. I'm not kidding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 12:46 AM
6

It's AllLivesMatter all over again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:43 PM
30

The line between sexual coercion and rape is very narrow if nonexistent. The people in your first paragraph are valid, as are women who consider this rape. The problem is the people in your first paragraph often aren't arguing in good faith.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:06 PM
21

Thefemaledatingstrategy dot com Ovarit dot com for women, not necessarily about dating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 05:54 AM
4

reddit.com/user/Blank-Cheque/comments/mc9ave/list_of_protesting_subreddits/?sort=new
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:11 AM
10

"They pick apart the negatives so you don't pay attention to the absent positive." 100% this! I fell down this hole for 8 years of my life. I was convinced by him that I was mean and awful and just didn't know it because my family had been so dysfunctional. (Conveniently this was only when I had an issue with him I wanted to address.) Meanwhile it distracts from the fact that he's emotionally neglectful and emotionally undeveloped, because we both believed I was the messed up one (the identified…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 05:50 AM
15

I can't imagine pressuring someone into a sexual situation and actually being able to enjoy it that knowing they were reluctant at first. Maybe in their sick minds it makes it more of a 'conquest' that they've 'won'. Some of them see everything as a win-lose competition and perhaps enjoy that more than the win-win collaborative spaces where everyone is better off. We see it all around the world, thanks patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 09:41 PM
56

TELL ME THAT I WILL FUCK HIM ON THE FIRST DATE WEATHER I SAY I WILL OR NOT 10:1 odds this guy is a rapist. This is how my rapist talked. "No," I said. "Yes," he said. Over and over. Proud of you for leaving!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 06:00 PM
6

Just bought the Womanizer Duo today so tbd on the results. Found a 20% off coupon online. But I'm getting it for the same reason! Good luck.
/r/askFDS15/03/21 03:50 AM
2

FDS hopefully I can get finance tips !! Check out the subreddits fireyfemmes or moneydiariesactive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:18 AM
27

"Oh your body went into freeze/shock and you didn't poke his eye out? You must have been sending mixed signals/wanted it."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 07:22 PM
23

Wow that is a glaring lack of reciprocity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 01:46 AM
71

This is the same way groups of men would leer when I traveled as a white blonde women in the Indian communities of Malaysia, even when I had my boyfriend with me the whole time and intentionally dressed modestly. Or sometimes in the cafeteria of my tech company in Silicon Valley. That's the worst. I am not anti-immigration, I'm just really unhappy with some of the cultural aspects folks are bringing over and into the workplace, as a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 12:41 AM
57

I'm so sorry he dismissed your valid concerns. Likewise my boss was adamant that when women travel alone they don't have to do anything different or take any extra safety precautions compared to men. "My sister travels alone all the time," he said. So do I, I often don't go out after night especially in a foreign country, especially in a country or culture with less respect or rights for women. When I told him that he acted like I was making it up. He also thought seasonal allergies were made up…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 12:39 AM
47

Not OP but there's certainly a cultural aspect. For instance, America has nothing on India and the ME. And the way they're raised is often an integral part of the culture. Conscious parents can work hard to try to create an anomaly (bless those trying). But if they parent unconsciously, like most do, they will just mirror the culture and all that came before them. Often the way people are raised is mirrored in the culture and vice-versa. I too am curious how much of it is 'natural'. There's no w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 03:13 PM
20

Agreed. Our system is set up on an assumption we can (and must) grow infinitely. That's just insanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 06:33 PM
27

A note from a lawyer stating whatever the legal/law repercussions of continued contact are could be very helpful. Worked to keep my creepy narcissist landlord from trespassing again. No police were involved when our lawyer sent him a letter. The lawyer letter told him of the financial repercussions according to the law should be trespass again. Best $150 I've spent in a long time. He doesn't respect you but he might respect legal retaliation. Good luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 08:16 AM
216

Thanks for the flowers AFTER we broke up. Never saw any during our relationship. Strange that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 08:11 AM
23

"I NEED". No concern about you at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 08:09 AM
50

or a seashell from the first beach you walked on and painted it Omg just reading this my heart melted. This is exactly the kind of thing I've been looking for my whole life. It shows they were thinking of you and then created something unique and special just for you, instead of mindlessly throwing money at something. They put a little bit of themselves into the gift.
/r/askFDS04/03/21 07:35 PM
12

I thought everyone was going on coffee dates or something idk. 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 07:25 PM
23

"I can't even joke with you!" Yeah, because your jokes are simply put-down jabs at my expense. How is that funny?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 07:24 PM
3

Oh wow I am just now seeing this in a new light, an Asian partner did this big time. Lightbulb moment. Man I had a lot of growing up to do, was blind to the red flags. Thank goodness for FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 07:18 PM
7

Yes, then they have the audacity to act like the victim because you're bringing it up. "You always use this against me. That was x years ago. We've talked about this already." (Why can't get just say "sorry"?) Yeah, you immediately get defensive and dismiss and brush it off every time it's brought up. You've never taken accountability or allowed space for my experience or resolution, and instead attack me for bringing it up to shut me down. So it's still an open issue. God bless FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 07:02 PM
15

I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 06:47 PM
32

Oh lord I've always read this as Starbucks! 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 06:44 PM
28

Emotionally unavailable once they get you. Sounds about right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 06:28 PM
24

Wtf is this article conclusion. Perhaps, then, as a separate study revealed, the key to fixing your stress and improving inter-partner communication cold be roasting each other. That's because an Appalachian State University study found that a regular ribbing of your loved one is actually a stronger indicator of a healthy relationship. Ya, that will fix things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 06:17 PM
7

Preach. And then get called a nag with dismissive, belittling, passive aggressive sighing and eye rolls for asking them to wash their hands when they got home from work during a pandemic. ThE HOrRor. I don't like feeling like a resented mother to my partner. Gross. I was concerned with our collective health. He acted like I was doing something mean to him. Jacka*, I listened to you once and we got stranded on a remote mountain in the dark in under freezing temps. And I had to get us out of there…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 12:16 AM
5

Maybe she unconsciously wants her daughter to suffer as she did? Sadly there is resentment in some women if their daughters get to achieve more in life than they could. There's a great blog by Bethany Webster all about this, The Mother Wound. https://www.bethanywebster.com/about-the-mother-wound/ On a personal level, the Mother Wound is the set of painful patterns originating with our mothers that cause us to unconsciously limit or sabotage ourselves. On a collective level, the Mother Wound is t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:57 PM
7

They probably heard it from Jordan Peterson. He says exactly this in a university lecture to young impressionable students! He says in this video at 7:17 "There's something that isn't quite right in the way that they're constituted" if a woman doesn't have or want children as "their primary desire" at the age of 30. https://youtu.be/NV2yvI4Id9Q?t=7m17s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:55 PM
7

Are boys broken if they don't play dolls?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 11:54 PM
4

Exactly this! I'll also add if our childhood home was chaotic, we sometimes unconsciously look for and seek that chaos in our adult relationships because our bodies think that's 'normal'. A safe, calm relationship can actually feel like a threat to the body if it hasn't experienced that before! So then we unconsciously create drama to feel more comfortable/normal and the cycle continues, until we stop it ourselves with therapy and work.
/r/askFDS03/03/21 05:44 PM
23

What are your feelings on cob? I've been dying to build an eco-friendly cob house in the middle of nowhere. The house is literally just earth, sand, and straw and you can custom shape it any way you'd like since it's moldable. And it's really inexpensive! Usually groups of women help other women to build them too (see the Mud Girls Collective.) I'll stop geeking out now. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:15 PM
11

This is great advice. Is there an HPV blood test for men, or how is that tested?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 10:32 PM
15

Yes! Brit Marling, who wrote and starred in The OA, has an excellent article on exactly this. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/07/opinion/sunday/brit-marling-women-movies.html I Don’t Want to Be the Strong Female Lead: In pop culture, women are often objectified and disposed of. But even when we’re not being victimized, the alternative leaves much to be desired. It's a great article. I tried to copy/paste the whole article here but it got removed by the automod. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 12:09 AM
9

He sees you as a pet, as his property. My kitty baby My lil princess My pretty girl My beauty
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 12:01 AM
5

She added that there doesn’t actually need to be someone on the other end of the line. I don’t believe the feminine is sublime and the masculine is horrifying. I believe both are valuable, essential, powerful. But we have maligned one, venerated the other, and fallen into exaggerated performances of both that cause harm to all. How do we restore balance? Or how do we evolve beyond the limitations that binaries like feminine/masculine present in the first place? In 2014 I went back to the library…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 11:31 PM
5

This is beautiful! There is a close philosophy for this in Carl Jung's works. Psychologist Carl Jung, though his ideas are dated and several not-tasteful males appropriate his ideas in a poor way, believes that we are all whole but our early years and socialization cuts us down. In midlife our earlier we may go on a personal journey to shedding what isn't us and reclaiming our wholeness and our unique true selves. He has the idea of anima and animus (inner masculine and feminine, the parts that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 09:32 PM
51

Male bosses are the worst because they truly do hold power over you.. until you leave. Bravo for that make coworker though. I'm always looking for the glimmers of hope in between the piles of trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 08:04 PM
12

Oh that's so sad. :( I'm sorry to hear that, but thank you for sharing your experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:17 PM
46

Most women who desire romantic partnership with men will have to settle. Does anyone know if statistically romantic partnerships with women are different? Or is there a big LVW epidemic as well? Asking for.... a friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:42 PM
19

This. They only respect other men. This is legit the only reason I've wanted a boyfriend, to protect me from other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 07:43 PM
14

I just did an image search and they all look like Kim K. It's really strange being older (30s) and seeing all these different trends for different female body types over time. It holds girls and women to impossible standards and breeds dissatisfaction with their own beautiful natural selves. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 07:34 PM
62

They will treat you like bringing up normal and healthy issues makes you abusive. So, if a man ever gaslights you by saying that the WAY you expressed your points is "angry" or "emotional," practice FDS and end it. Ugh yes, all of this. Thank you. I spent 8 years thinking I was 'saying it the wrong way' and doing it wrong/badly/being hurtful every time I'd bring up a concern. It immediately turned into what I did wrong (how I brought it up wrong) - and I belived that I was doing something wrong!…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 04:49 AM
65

"Although both sexes say they want a sense of humor, in our research women interpreted this as ‘someone who makes me laugh,’ and men wanted ‘someone who laughs at my jokes,’ ” says Rod A. Martin of Western University, Canada. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-humor-gap-2012-10-23/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 07:40 PM
38

Holy cow this is so true yet so savage. It's like an arrow straight to the heart. This is the truth. So clear. So awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:56 AM
65

This is so great! This is a subject I can geek out on. The best calendar imo is the lunar calendar. It follows the moon phases (and thus a woman's menstrual cycle). There are 13 full moons/ months per year in a lunar calendar and each month is equal. Women have been associated with the moon for a long time. Early societies respected the flow and its connection to lunar phases and the natural world, ritualizing bleeding as a time of rejuvenation, purification, rest, and creativity. https://www.ny…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:46 AM
43

A few more I just today learned are also gaslighting: Reversing the discussion to what you did wrong (I fell for this one for 8 years before wising up) Shaming you for bringing something up "Why do you have to be like that?" when bringing up a legitimate complaint or concern "We were having a good time" Raging at you for an honest question Accusing you of something wild you're not doing Denying responsibilty for their actions Playing the victim One I hate the most that's on this list is, "It was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:03 AM
16

They've seen it in all the movies and TV shows. Kevin James (Hitch, King of Queens), Seth Rogan, etc. LVMs always get the beautiful girl.
/r/askFDS21/02/21 01:42 AM
2

But I take the 'no sex before commitment' rule to include any sexual contact, not just PIV. Ah that's fair. I never thought about it that way. I'm not sure where I draw my line, thanks for that as I clearly need to introspect more on clear boundaries. I was thinking just no PIV sex before commitment, but you have a really good point! I don't know if you can see my other comment or if it's still removed but there are other possible intimate acts. They don't lead to orgasm. I wouldn't call them se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 09:06 AM
3

Sorry so my other comments with the things guys should do before sex got auto blocked due to some word. I'm not sure what word. Just trying to help. Guys should not just lead you straight to sex or their orgasm, you deserve more, and more buildup!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 12:59 AM
7

There are so many stages of fooling around before PIV. Remember being a teenager?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 10:28 PM
88

perfectly fine with dissecting a woman into parts. Years ago I came across a partner's secret reddit account. The feed was literally photos of female parts. Not whole women. Just boobs, or butts, or vaginas. Really freaking creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 10:21 PM
1

Dang I never thought about this from the flipped perspective. He was a good deal older so he probably did only get hired because he was a man. I finally feel so much better for the first time since he said this to me 10 years ago. Thank you for this reframing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 06:58 PM
55

God I'm so mad I read Cosmo as an impressionable young adult. 🤢🤮 It was 100% pickme training.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 10:32 PM
39

Women are the scapegoats of men/society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 01:35 AM
9

Exactly the same experience for me. A coworker told me, "You only got hired because you're a woman," though I was more qualified than him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 12:08 AM
3

Aw crap. I was hoping it would be an anti-porn movie. Thanks for saving me time and energy on that one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 07:22 PM
39

Yes, and in my experience stonewalling leaves no room for repair. Then they just come back the next day like everything's just fine and nothing happened!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 10:29 AM
3

Would you recommend the movie?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 02:11 AM
202

I'm sure they were mad at and jealous of women for how unfair that was, instead of realizing that it showed how men have low standards (for sex).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 01:41 AM
167

We need to start "Not all women"-ing these men. Another comeback I hate. "Men get raped too." Yes, typically by other men! They think that's irrelevant though, men are the victims here. They refuse to address the root of the problem - men raping others (women and men). Then when a woman shares her assault (AOC) they think she's lying or they victim blame. There's no winning with these jerks, not worth one's time. This is why I didn't report being raped. I expected secondary trauma of not being b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 08:39 PM
33

I think they also need to know what rape is. Someone saying "no" and then freezing in a survival response is rape, even if she's not fighting and the man isn't holding her down. Even if the woman invited her back to her place. According to my therapist, even if the woman is wet. Our bodies do their own survival thing. It's rape if a date enters you without consent. Even if he was "feeling it", even if you were nude. Men think if they didn't take a woman away at knife point, they aren't rapists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:56 AM
35

This explains when I bought my first car in the 2010s and the much older woman who was the wife of the dealer sat down next to me, shocked that I was buying a car on my own. I didn't understand what the big deal was. My jaw is on the floor now. How many things will the next generations of women take for granted? What will those things be? Probably leadership positions in companies, but not sure what else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 09:36 PM
10

100%. If I had experienced many whole, integrated males in life my tune might change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 12:06 AM
15

Lightbulb moment right here for me. Yes!!! They wanted me to be a male buddy. But I'm not, I'm me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 12:04 AM
40

There was a live-broadcasting reporter well down the street as the capitol was being overtaken. You could see the Trump supporter women walking AWAY from the capitol en masse and the men walking TOWARD the capitol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:29 PM
7

Your ancestors would be so proud. Our grandma and great grandmas never had these choices. I imagine them smiling down on us (except for the few bitter ones).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 12:45 PM
3

This right here. I definitely had unresolved childhood trauma. I was regularly abused by both parents so in my childhood I learned love = pain and being used for the others' needs. I knew nothing else. This was all below my awareness though, so I had no idea until my 30s. Thank goodness for therapy. I have no desire to be 'used' sexually anymore. And I was fortunate to have some partners that were real givers too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:17 PM
18

That is really good advice. Never had joint accounts (my choice) thank goodness. The hardest thing is our cat. It was his for a year until we met. 10 years with this cat and I love him like a son. He's told me if I leave he's keeping the cat. We may have to work out 50/50 arrangements but I know that would stress our cat out. This is the "Do what's best for the children" fallacy I'm stuck in. Until covid is over I'm brainstorming next steps. I've thought about immigrating to another country so t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:08 AM
39

I'm a going to disappoint you (and me) - we are still together. These are all totally new relevations for me, and this sub (and therapy) has helped me realize I'm not crazy. I'm becoming mentally free for sure and am no longer being a pickme with him, I hold his feet to the fire now. But I'm trying to figure the logistics of my next steps especially with the pandemic and owning a home together. Getting my ducks in a row. I know he isn't changing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:23 AM
29

Agreed. This would make a great post! There's also r/fireyfemmes. FIRE = financial independence retire early, but even if that's not your goal the sub is a good place to talk with other women on financial matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 09:48 PM
256

And also reroute the conversation to point out what you're doing wrong including but not limited to 'the way' you brought this up to hurt my fee fees. If only you said it in the magical right way maybe I could hear you. You are the one that really needs to change. 10 years of my life, ladies. Thank goodness for this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 09:39 PM
23

she feels a "special connection" to her son I wonder if she may be parentifying her son, emotionally? Especially since the husband seems like a LVM, she may be filing the male emotional gap with her son. Emotional parentification is when the child becomes a source of constant emotional support and caregiving to their parent or sibling, such as when they become the confidant or counsellor of the parent, who may share intimate details about their worries and personal lives, that a child is neither…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:35 AM
2

Am sad to say it, but I legit got a boyfriend when younger just so I could be protected from/left alone by other men. In essence, to keep me safe from other men. :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 03:34 AM
2

My question as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 08:29 PM
7

Holy sh**. Yes. This is why I love other women, we see and help the other to see their flowers/ beauty. Whereas men seem to, over the long term, look for the thorns and not appreciate the other's flowers/ beauty. Reading through the other comments here, this cartoon seems more like a rorschach test!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 08:08 PM
9

This is great. I'd like to add: "Not my responsibility: other people's expectations"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 07:52 PM
10

My own mother does this, not gonna lie. I'm sure it's from generations and generations of women being held back in a patriarchal society but then they turn it on their own daughters. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 07:47 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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