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dingobat5 Archive

View 4 posts and 63 comments by dingobat5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Lol no - but I guess I tend to be very pessimistic. One thing I did in my last relationship (not with this guy) that I regret is I did cause some big fights that damaged the relationship because of made up probabilities and likelihoods in my head. I posted this just to also help myself reflect, see if anyone had any insight I perhaps overlooked. But mostly I was hoping somehow someone would take all the reasons i think it’s a bad idea and somehow magically point out the flaws in my reasoning wit…
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/22 11:37 PM
1

I ended it because of two things. One of which I have a different perspective on with time apart. I didnt feel like he cared about me because he wasn’t good at putting it into words I didn’t like how passive he was in the relationship - and I felt like it foretold a lack of ability to commit down the road. He’s not at all a passive guy. He was definitely the leader. But when it came to relationship stuff he just sort of lived in the present. So like there was commitment in the sense that we only…
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/22 11:25 PM
1

I feel like I have been since my early 20s but like I mentioned in my post I was with my ex from 22-28 and we were engaged until he said he changed his mind on kids (he was a couple years older and it makes sense that he just changed but ugh it really sucked for me lol). What sort of answer should I settle for? Aka what’s the bare minimum I should need for him to proceed?
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/22 10:34 PM
1

I don’t understand ship analogies so this totally went over my head. I would like to be able to understand what you’re saying so I can reflect
/r/RedPillWomen23/09/22 03:21 AM
1

In my attempt to keep it short I left out story telling but thats a fair criticism. I guess I assumed it was enough but I often think I’m being clear when I’m really side stepping what I should actually be saying. Idk why I’m like that or why I don’t realize it. We are 30 and 35. Together for just over a year.
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/22 12:40 AM
1

Yes I think that makes sense. I don’t really think I’m a bad person though if that makes sense? Like I’m not particularly hedonistic. But I don’t really know what I “want” from life. Everything feels very dull to me and nothing gives me the same “high” I feel from having someone I care about who cares about me in my life. I would like my life to be good already with my partner as a bonus but I feel little desire to do my hobbies and I don’t feel much enjoyment from them. It’s more like a task I …
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 10:46 PM
2

Thanks. Yes I swim open water too, as much as 2-3 miles at a time but this was very choppy water that in my opinion no sane person would go into but my bf is very big and strong and an adrenaline junkie who felt confident in his abilities. He was fine as expected but I am much smaller and I was worried about getting thrown into rocks. Idk why I felt shame or guilt for not trying but I just have a large sense of self preservation and don’t regret my decision Edit: I don’t understand why this was …
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 10:42 PM
1

I am probably the problem. I know it but I don’t know how I got here mental health wise tbh. My break up two years ago really affected me and ever since then it’s been a struggle (not because I miss my ex at all but because my life feels out of control and untethered). For my own sake I don’t like it
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 08:31 PM
0

It probably doesn’t actually change anything but in my mind since there were two separate conversations with months in between where things were sometimes or often tense I guess I just don’t interpret it as me needing to jump through hoops he’s set but maybe. I definitely think it’s possible but I’ve been very miserable for the last 3 months since having a serious conversation and i have been often needing to be cheered up and motivated by external sources (mostly him) so I think I’m more preocc…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 06:26 PM
0

Yeah I mean it was just words obviously. He could have said “if things continue as they are I see us having kids and getting married in the next 3 years” and not meant it but he isn’t a liar, and has always been very honest with me about where he stands emotionally even if he says things that could make me want to end things with him. Tbh I wouldn’t want to get married to him tomorrow myself. And also - I do see where he is coming from. It’s not so much “if I behave” as I’m sure he’s wondering i…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 05:15 PM
0

Disqualifying myself by wanting to break up you mean? In some ways I’m embarrassed and in others grateful you took the time to go through my history lol. He convinced me to give it a shot tbh after the whole monogamy thing… He told me he really saw a future with me and said he didn’t feel this level of compatibility in his previous relationships and laid out all the reasons he liked me. We didn’t set a timeline explicitly but “next 3 years” for starting a family, with flexibility on his end but …
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 04:51 PM
1

TLDR is sometimes to fully understand a question one has to strain one’s attention span and read more than 1 paragraph :)
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/22 06:19 PM
1

All the things you listed are actually things I directly like about him or influence things I like about him. I think my problem is, while I could be happy with him, if he doesn’t want kids or a family with me ever or by the time it’s too late, then that puts me in a difficult situation. I wouldn’t want to change him, even if I could, but the uncertainty is hard for me as I unfortunately have a deadline that men just don’t. If I didn’t have that in my mind, then I wouldn’t have posted at all
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/22 06:46 AM
5

You strike me as very smart and I appreciate the dry humor. Your comment was helpful as well :) thank you
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/22 05:58 PM
1

Yeah I wish I were younger :( I really have no one but myself to blame for my current situation
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/22 05:14 PM
1

I never get approached :( I do a lot of things on my own, more than the average woman I think since I don’t have many friends, but it just never happens
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 07:14 PM
0

You don’t sound mean at all and I really appreciate you saying so. I am also realizing my perception has been warped a bit by trying to make things work with this guy. I’m a pretty self sufficient person but I am often envious of how doting my friends bf’s seem by comparison
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 05:29 PM
3

Lol it made me think two things It was a cowardly thing to do It was a selfish thing to do out of fear of hurting either of them
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 05:26 PM
3

I know there’s no assurances and I think that is what I ruminate about. I don’t feel like I deserve anything. I know what I would like to happen. I know what I would not like to happen. I know I feel like I’ll be alone forever and never find the right guy because it took me too long wasting time in the wrong relationships. I know I have a lot to offer and I know I come with my own drawbacks, but… 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don’t think it’s going to ever happen for me
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 05:24 PM
2

I’m envious of your good luck :) congratulations on the baby!
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 03:34 PM
2

I’m interested in hearing more about your opinion since you’re willing to go against the grain here :) if you feel like sharing
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 03:33 PM
3

For me marriage I could be okay without, but children I only have a limited time for.. Ideally I would start trying for a kid around 32-33, but yeah I don’t think that’s going to happen lol
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 11:01 AM
1

Hmm I think what I say is just very influenced by my mood. I am working on not letting my emotions rule the day but the way I see things when I’m happy vs sad vs calm are different but they all feel equally valid at the moment. I don’t say mean things if I’m angry or anything like that, because I learned not to, but I do think it!
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 10:59 AM
2

Yes I know. We met while I was still getting over my ex and I knew if I dated anyone they were likely just to be a rebound so I allowed myself to spend time with him. Then he pursued me pretty hard, and while I had always thought he wouldn’t make a good longterm partner, I started to notice all the good things about him that I listed in the OP, and thought, “well what if?” That was around 3 months ago, around when I thought I was emotionally healed and ready to pull the plug, but then he broke h…
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 06:45 AM
3

In your second paragraph are you talking about an open relationship? Because I was very explicit as to not being interested and that if that was the relationship model he preferred he could find another woman to involve in that that wasn’t me. At this point, until I break up with him, he knows it’s considered cheating and there’s nothing I can further do or say to prevent that from happening 🤷🏻‍♀️ Tbf he was in an open relationship with the only woman I think he actually regrets letting get away…
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 03:09 AM
13

Yes exactly. His ex allowed it and then didn’t even get mad at him when he confessed to her he had fallen in love with someone else. “It’s not exactly your fault because we were in an open relationship.” He told the “other woman” and she wasn’t upset either “Pick me over her.” His plan in telling both of them was to see which one, if any, would break up with him so he wouldn’t have to decide lol. Even if I hadn’t heard this story from him or anyone I have no interest in elevating my risk of STDs…
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 02:49 AM
6

I have felt that way. We do things he says he hadn’t done before in previous relationships, like he introduced me to his parents but he has also used the classic line of “I think we are more similar and have more chemistry than anyone I’ve previously dated”, some other things I won’t waste time on here. But I do sometimes feel like I could be anyone really as long as I’m not annoying him. I don’t think I’m the first to feel that way either. He told me his ex once said “it’s ‘Bob’s’ world and I’m…
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 02:40 AM
-6

I don’t think they want to meet me though? I think I’m too old for them :/
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 02:09 AM
2

Thank you :) you’re 25 and much smarter than I was at that age or even currently. I am sure you will find someone very soon :)
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 02:04 AM
2

I’m happy for you but I don’t see that ever being my future :(
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 02:02 AM
8

Do you mind if I ask how old you were when you met him though? I feel like I’m past that point. Those guys are taken or looking for someone younger
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 01:57 AM
2

Seems like comments are gonna be a resounding dtmfa but can I get some reassurance I’m not going to end up alone? I’m very obsessively ruminating about being expired and worthless
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 01:53 AM
4

I think I’m just afraid of never finding anyone. I think I have always kept my expectations somewhat realistic with this guy. I had just left my abusive ex so at first it was just for fun. While I love him idk I think something mentally kept me from ever just letting go and fully enjoying it because the writing on the way was pretty clear with this guy. But I really am anxious to the point of tears over ending up alone alone.
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 01:41 AM
11

I feel comforted that even here people are telling me to keep it moving lol
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 01:38 AM
14

I think I’m scared no one will ever actually love me after I turn 30. Or that I won’t find anyone I like because they all want someone younger.
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 01:37 AM
23

Yes I think he is a little selfish. I feel like I have so much to give to a partner, which maybe is unhealthy, but I went from a relationship where my ex would yell and throw things at me to this and I wonder if maybe the fact that he’s not so reactive is subconsciously elevating him. I do love him, but I also said loved the man who sometimes terrified me so 😅
/r/RedPillWomen09/08/22 01:32 AM
54

Oof my ex did this. He always took his time getting it fixed as well. Not a question of money or time - he just didn’t care
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 01:36 AM
24

I downvoted you at first out of impulse after I read the quote lol. My goodness
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:48 AM
22

Yep. This was my ex too. We went to couples therapy and a counselor essentially told me after we broke up that he had abusive qualities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 10:36 PM
31

Whoa did we have a run in with the same man?? In my story same thing but he transitioned to a woman shortly after my other friend filed a title ix with the university against him and it was almost like everyone forgot what happened to all the women he (now she) had harassed after that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:43 AM
8

Ah this is such a good point that I missed when reading the OP. So true. Going to try to remember this point for myself going forward with my next relationship!
/r/askFDS10/03/21 08:30 AM
8

Idk if it’s the worst but the most recent was “weird. none of your facial features are really that striking but you’re still really pretty. Guess it’s the symmetry.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 08:42 AM
4

Ew. Reminds me of a profile I saw that said something like the key to my heart is “sports, beer, and foot rubs”. I don’t really remember the first two items in the list but the last one was just a red flag lol. I hate profiles that are mostly about what they are looking for in a partner and very little to do with who they are. I end up feeling like they’re a critical person who doesn’t think much about what they have to offer their partner, only what a partner could provide for them/it automatic…
/r/askFDS13/01/21 08:36 AM
3

Thank you for saying this. I’ll definitely give that book a read. Why Does he Do That really helped me start to heal and get over him. When I’m feeling wistful about the good times, or I do something I know he’d also enjoy and I wish things could be different/I start to blame myself the way he used to blame me, I open up the book to a random chapter and wait to see how many pages I have to read before I encounter something that he used to do. I never get very many pages in. Thank you for the boo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 08:48 AM
29

So, no need to feel ashamed. We all have been in a relationship(s) where, looking back, we can’t understand what possessed us to stay. Look at my post history and you’ll find that my last ex was exhibiting dealbreaker behavior within 6 months and I stayed for 5 years. I did some self reflection and for me I think this happened because I was both very inexperienced in relationships and therefore let myself be blinded by love, thinking it could be enough, and I also had very low self esteem. I had…
/r/askFDS25/12/20 03:54 PM
3

Oh wow this was me! He broke the bathroom door twice in our apartment and once in the house he bought. Well, guest bedroom door. That is wild that that’s an actual thing. For the ladies who want to catch this before you ever see a man break a door, some early signs that I ignored was him telling me about his father who flew into similar rages (not always a red flag but something to pay attention to because this is often where they learn it), ripping his shirt during an argument with his parents,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:36 AM
2

Yeah exactly. When my ex would get that angry and I’d just laugh at him he’d keep escalating until I wasn’t laughing anymore. “Don’t provoke me when I’m angry” was what he said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:25 AM
1

Wow did we date the same guy? He’d break gifts id given him, things I had worked hard on - once he threw the dinner I had spent hours cooking in the trash uneaten... he broke a lot of his own stuff too but lol idk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:24 AM
3

Where I’ve lived I’ve always felt safe, yes, except for this past summer when there was looting in my neighborhood (I lived in streeterville, which is probably one of the nicest downtown neighborhoods). This last summer things got out of hand in Chicago in general. In my 4 years there I never saw anything like it. Otherwise I always felt safe. I think chicago has a bit of a reputation for being violent, but in my experience was not really true, unless you go to the south side - maybe 7-10 miles …
/r/askFDS20/12/20 09:22 PM
8

I didn’t read your title so I went through the whole video waiting for the punchline... I stared at my phone for a full 5 seconds after the video ended because my brain was sure there had to be more. It just is so sad lol. I like video games but I don’t date guys that play them anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 07:31 PM
2

Oh I forgot banking! There’s definitely that here too. I like chicago a lot as a city. It’s clean, it has a good food scene, it’s convenient to get around, the rent is very cheap for a city of its size, the lake feels like an ocean so I forget that I’m landlocked. The summers are perfect, which make up for the long, occasionally brutal winters. As far as dating goes I would say the scene is (mostly) Midwestern with a good proportion of people from the coasts and international. I think this does …
/r/askFDS20/12/20 06:54 PM
3

This was very helpful thank you!! It’s interesting that even though men outnumber women there that women still have so much trouble finding a good match. You made good point as to why that is (lol @ “preparing for burning man”), but it’s still surprising/disappointing. You say men tend to stay single until they’re much older - like... how much older? I’m in my late twenties and I’m just wondering if the age demographic you alluded to is suited to women in a certain age bracket or if it doesn’t r…
/r/askFDS20/12/20 06:42 PM
2

Chicago is pretty solid in my opinion but there’s a huge lack of options in tech. For DS it’s most client services (think consulting) and some finance (accounting, insurance, trading firms).
/r/askFDS20/12/20 09:49 AM
5

Mind elaborating? I’m very similar to OP and was considering applying for jobs out there
/r/askFDS20/12/20 09:47 AM
8

I’m glad you brought this up. OP’s description is actually very similar to what I find attractive in a SO, and my ex perfectly fit these descriptors. But he was kind of narcissistic and he was definitely abusive. So now I’m in a state where his “good” qualities still attract me (confidence, charisma, the ability to smoothly direct the flow of conversation, a leader - not afraid to reject the status quo if he felt confident there was a better way) but I’m also left wondering how to avoid his bad …
/r/askFDS17/12/20 05:58 PM
3

Oh I’m sorry. Even if part of you hates them, even if they wronged you, it’s always so painful. The heart is a terrible organ. I’m about 2.5 months post breakup and it still kind of hurts every day if I’m honest. I miss him, yet I don’t, and I certainly don’t think he’s worth missing, but I can’t control those emotions anymore than I can control the passing of time. Time has helped. Focusing on myself helps. It’s a relief to me to know that if he asked me to move back in with him tomorrow I woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 10:01 PM
29

“When arguing with a man take your space” - so sad and so true. I hate that I felt your words in my bones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:33 PM
71

Yeah my ex did the same thing - would drive like a total madman. If I cried or begged him to stop that seemed to only make him angrier, so I learned just to go very still and stay very quiet. But that also seemed to anger him sometimes because he’d start shouting “DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? ANSWER THE QUESTION” and I’d answer, and then the process would repeat. Seeing other women dealt with similar things breaks my heart but also helps me so much to not feel alone, and sharing helps me proc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:30 PM
7

I wish I had known this years ago. But tbh maybe even if I had I would have still stayed :( Dealing with a lot of guilt and shame that I stayed for so long. He still emails me. He still lives in my head. I’m in my late twenties and I just feel like I wasted so much time with such a loser :/ The thing is he wasn’t all bad, but this should have eclipsed any of the good the first time it came up 6 months into our 5 year relationship. I should have known, based on how his dad treated his mom. Sigh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:26 PM
8

Lol my ex was really really racist (this isn’t the funny part) and shortly before we broke up he shocked me once by incorrectly citing some statistic about how x% of the people in America (where x is fraction of black people in the US) commit 80-90% of the violent crime. I don’t remember the numbers because that’s a dumb way of supporting an argument that’s hideously racist to begin with (and a good portion of my family is black so wtf - he said it didn’t count because they’re from Europe like l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:38 AM
1

Yes it’s the most empty apology, purely for himself and so he can tell people how he “apologized to his ex.” My ex was always the victim and never did anything unless it was to make himself look/feel like the victim or like the good guy. It’s like he knew what boxes to check but it was all so hollow. But he also still genuinely believed his own bullshit. I swear he was never truly apologetic for anything he did wrong the entire 4+ years we were together. OP he’s not sorry. He’s convinced himself…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:15 PM
1

Request to comment
/r/askFDS09/11/20 03:54 AM
9

I'm 90% sure my premature gray hairs are from the stress of being with my ex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:50 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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