downandalone20 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
14	Documents and a liar		downandalone20	/r/Divorce_Men	26/02/21 08:37 PM
7	Lack of motivation; what motivates you?		downandalone20	/r/Divorce_Men	15/06/21 10:37 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	She told me my son didn’t want to see me today. If you can get her threatening that in writing, or a recording (depending on laws) has your solicitor said that would help?	/r/Divorce_Men	20/06/22 09:24 AM
1	Divorce - Getting a financial agreement and decree absolute I would look into finding a mediator. If you speak to a solicitor (not your wife's) then they can give recommendations. When I got divorced I was advised by mine that the courts wouldn't even entertain us unless mediation was tried. They can assist in getting all the financials from both sides and making an equitable split. If your ex doesn't want to go that route, then at least get one documented and it can show that she was not wanting to cooperate, which may look favourably upon you to some d…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/05/22 04:10 PM
13	She Filed, what are my next steps? In one sentence you say "we both desire to be amicable and equitable" and then you say she is opposed to 50/50 on the kids. That isn't being amicable. Get a separate lawyer, and get what you rightfully deserve. Don't settle for less than you should.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/04/22 12:25 PM
2	Advice - winning her back. Stay at home and have a fun weekend with your kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/10/21 07:28 AM
5	Cheating Wife: 31 Obvious Signs That Your Wife Is Cheating I mean, it says obvious... Which maybe to someone on the outside, or when you look back, then sure. Unfortunately though, being in the middle of it is like being a Lobster placed into a pot of cold water and then the heat being turned up. It doesn't all happen at once, and so you let something slide, and then another thing, and another... Playing it off as no big deal. After a while, you do start to wonder why she is home from work later all the time, and the doubt creeps in; but without proof t…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/21 01:15 PM
2	Guys I need help.... No, and that is currently a good thing, but you can't negotiate with people like that. Don't give in to what she demands, and the first words will be "if I don't get this I'll report you".	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/21 07:09 PM
2	Guys I need help.... Unfortunately, she's accused him of rape already, so there is <1% chance of a peaceful/amicable divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/21 07:06 PM
5	Never Imagined it would happen to us. What do I do? Moving out is generally the first nail in the coffin. If you can, get a voice recorder (check local laws for whether recording without her knowledge is admissible in court) and then head back home. Expect a confrontation, but let her know calmly you have as much right to live in the house as she does. If she wants time/space she is more than capable of finding somewhere to go. If you expect a big fight, it may be worth letting local law enforcement know before hand, and if they aren't too busy m…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/21 07:05 PM
2	Just beginning “trial separation” any advice would be helpful. Been married 6 years and have two young kids. Feeling extremely anxious. Have you set any "ground rules" for what you both can/cannot do during separation? Think of Ross & Rachel with the 'we were on a break' thing. If she wants to be able to sleep with other people, I would be inclined to say that she already has someone in mind, if they aren't already doing stuff. Sometimes separation can be useful, to give you space and time to think, and maybe realise what you miss about the other person; however a lot of the time, separation is usually so someone can get everyth…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/08/21 04:15 PM
2	Found out I'm FINALLY getting served! See if you can send her some jobs in the area her master's is in. Then, get in writing her saying she doesn't want them. That may help too.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/21 07:26 AM
5	Recognize this famous photo? It's an American POW returning home to his family after five years in captivity. Three days earlier, his wife told him she'd been sleeping around and wanted a divorce. She got 43% of his lifetime pension. See, I get no fault divorce - you just grow apart, nobody has done anything wrong but you're not happy. For that, it is a good thing, as otherwise people would stay in loveless marriages as the court threw them out and said "work it out". However, making all divorce no fault is ridiculous. In terms of divorce, we should redefine cheating to come under mental abuse. Then maybe the people that cheat would get looked down on as much as those that physically abuse their partners.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/21 07:15 AM
1	How is co parenting working out for you? For the most part it is going okay. We use diary type books to write in and go between the houses and the childminder, so keep up to date with everything. Only issues are when the children are ill/not able to go to school - she doesn't want me knowing where she lives, and cannot drive. If one child is ill but the other is fine, she has to take the ill child out to take the other to school, which I think is unfair, if not irresponsible given recent times; or have the healthy one skip school which…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/06/21 02:36 PM
6	Do you at any time regret divorcing your wife? How’s life (mentally) post divorce? .. 29M looking to potentially get the process started. Do I regret it? Sometimes, sure. Although, I'm still fairly early in the process (4 months) but we are just finalising the finances through mediation and then I can apply for the decree absolute. The only times I regret it are the evenings/nights I don't have the kids. I miss them, and wish this hadn't happened so I would get to be with them all the time. And I miss having some form of intimacy with a woman... During the days though, I can do whatever I want. When we were together, I was always …	/r/Divorce_Men	22/06/21 10:01 AM
1	$10k unaccounted for O I agree; to me 10k is a lot so I would do what I could to get it back; but looking at one of OPs original divorce posts, he said even with things split 50/50 they would both be millionaires - based on that is 10k worth the stress and extra time she is living in their head?	/r/Divorce_Men	17/06/21 11:33 AM
-1	$10k unaccounted for The first question you should really ask yourself is: "Do I really need that 10k?" Is that 10k worth the extra time having to interact with your ex, having to sort out courts, solicitors, etc? If the answer is yes, then when you had mediation, you should have both provided up to date statements showing values. You also know how much monthly outgoings were. You haven't given a time frame between the agreement being done and now, but even if a year ago, that is 2k a month, which seems high... So, …	/r/Divorce_Men	17/06/21 07:58 AM
2	LISTEN TO THE HEART OR THE MIND? She stopped going That's all you need to think about. She clearly isn't willing to put in hard work...	/r/Divorce_Men	28/04/21 09:05 AM
8	Housework Mine only moved out 2 months ago, but this is the biggest thing I noticed. Other than washing and washing up, there isn't as much mess. And I have the kids living with me... The sides used to be cluttered with letters and paperwork and other rubbish. Stuff she'd complain about being there... But that doesn't exist anymore, because she isn't here to put it there. She still hasn't moved all her stuff out yet; it's sat in cardboard boxes in one corner of the house. I cannot wait until that is gone …	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/21 08:49 AM
1	What are my first steps? Get it in writing - at least then you can show that you tried/were willing to do it, but she wasn't. Alternatively, just book an appointment, tell her when it is, and when you turn up and she doesn't, will be noted as to who is making an effort.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/04/21 10:27 AM
1	How can she even think this is a "fair" offer... But how will my bond get stronger, if I'm having to do the "boring" stuff of getting them into bed and getting their homework done, whilst she gets to then spend the weekends taking them out and having fun.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/03/21 08:04 PM
1	How can she even think this is a "fair" offer... That is absolutely stupid. So I could say that she has them every night, but I will get them at 7am and drop them back at 7pm; I could spend 84 hours a week with them and her 0, but that wouldn't matter because they sleep in her house?	/r/Divorce_Men	18/03/21 08:03 PM
1	How can she even think this is a "fair" offer... Yea, the offer also said for "holidays to be arranged closer to their time" meaning she doesn't want that to be the situation when they are off... Plus, she also wants midweek visits and video calls on the other days. Basically limiting any time I have with them after work to nothing. Tempted to ask her to do it the other way; she has them during the week and I have them 3 out of 4 weekends; if she thinks it is a fair deal then she'd have no issues with that, surely?	/r/Divorce_Men	18/03/21 07:58 PM
0	How can she even think this is a "fair" offer... Really? I'm in the UK so will need to double check whether that is the same here (unless you are already referring to the UK) but if that is how it works that is pure bullshit. I would get at best 2 hours a day with them awake, Vs 10-12 a day over weekends... Unless I keep them up all night, which would then be child abuse...	/r/Divorce_Men	18/03/21 01:12 PM
3	Documents and a liar Thanks for the advice! I'm in the UK, so things are slightly different here, but I do have both audio and video devices in the house. My lawyer stated though that courts look upon evidence provided by those as "in bad faith", so he is having me keep a journal as well. We can then say we have video proof so they wish for more later down the line/think I am lying. Thankfully, we never opened any joint accounts. I paid for everything to do with the house, while she covered food and a few other bits…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/02/21 09:15 PM
1	Documents and a liar Unfortunately she has already "hidden it", albeit not very well. So I worry that if I move it now, she will say I've been snooping/trying to control her. And I don't want to add more fuel to that fire... I've applied for divorce (much to her annoyance, even though she's been wanting one for the last 6 months at least), now just waiting for paperwork etc to begin.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/02/21 09:11 PM
1	Documents and a liar Yea, that is what I was thinking. I don't see her being able to do much with the documents, but my concern is why she needs them/what does she expect to do with them... Birth certificates are needed for signing up to schools, so maybe she is thinking of that... I'm not sure, but I took photocopies of them today and have now put them back. The bank books are for children's ISA accounts. They are in my name/linked to my bank account, and money cannot be withdrawn until either the child turns 16, o…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/02/21 09:09 PM
2	Men Divorce Medicine Why would their speciality be traffic court? Do a Google for "family/divorce lawyer" and you should find some. You can also ask/visit their website before having a consultation if they do divorces, etc.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/02/21 12:30 PM
5	“Verbally and emotionally abusive.” Abuse is, in my opinion, also different from person to person. What you view as abusive, I may not. Don't get me wrong, there are things that everyone can/should agree is abuse, like locking people inside a house without a way of getting out, or restricting access to finances, or physical beating. But other stuff can be a circumstance of upbringing. For example, my STBXW normally gets home around 7pm. She finishes work at 6pm and the journey should take about 30 minutes - I never quibble about t…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/02/21 12:08 PM