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dystinct Archive

View 6 posts and 188 comments by dystinct on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I think she moved to Australia. The kid is with her parents.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 05:20 PM
2

I'm 50. I'm with a woman now that I have a greater connection with than a woman I was married to for 18 years. I leveled the hell up. Hot, fit, great job, etc. I feel appreciated and loved for the first time in a long time. If I didn't put in the work before I met her, it wouldn't of worked out. I lost weight, got in shape, worked on my issues, and kept up with my hobbies. Keep your head up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 11:52 AM
2

Child support, alimony, parenting time, assets/debt.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 05:46 PM
8

Its June, Bruv. Why are you thinking about this now? The answer is a hard no.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 05:44 PM
14

The power of no. The only “fuck” you need to give her is, fuck all the way off.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 05:52 PM
3

Find a different exchange point. Take yourself out of the equation.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 10:04 PM
8

Not worth your time, brother. Why do you need to be at their house anyway?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:36 PM
1

I'm 50. I've had success on the apps. Mostly through FB Dating and Hinge. I do my best to avoid subscription based platform's that make you pay to see likes. The shitty part for me is the financial investment. If you want to date and date often, its going to cost you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 11:58 AM
-7

For the same reasons it has always been. Having a partner, sharing experiences, tax breaks, etc. I was married for 18 years and I don’t regret any of it regardless of the outcome. Would I marry again? Absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 08:19 PM
4

So don’t. Did you learn from the experience? Mine was terrible with money and she managed the finances. I should have stepped in years ago. Now I have control and I’ll never be not involved ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 07:57 PM
5

My problem wasn't the dating as much as my tolerance for drama. I've had some great dates and met some really cool women. After my divorce I can quickly see where things are headed and walk away easily.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:43 AM
2

All of your debt is shared debt. Mediation is agreeing on everything. You can either do the paperwork yourself or higher a mediation lawyer to do it for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:19 PM
5

The best/fastest/cheapest route you can take is mediated divorce. Agree on as much as possible, split debts/assets evenly, and don't settle for anything less than 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:12 PM
5

I get it. I’ve been there. It’s no longer your problem, your concern, or needing your attention.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 05:19 PM
4

Spend less energy concerning yourself with anything she is doing. You’ll be far more happy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 05:12 PM
2

Unless he plans on doing all the paperwork himself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:40 AM
5

Get a lawyer is the first step. Your quickest and cheapest option is to go through mediation. Work with your partner and agree on as much as possible. Do not settle for anything less than 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:17 AM
11

I lost 45 pounds, fitter at 50 than I was at 30, great relationship with my kids, and found love. She found someone too that she is going to move in with next year. (I only know that from the kids). The future is what you make it. There is no future if you sit here and dwell on the past. Find what makes you happy, brother. I'm betting it wasn't her that did.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 05:54 PM
6

I’m 50. I’ve had a few dates that turned into relationships, but eventually ended. I have zero tolerance for any fucking bullshit. I’m 3 weeks in now with a wonderful woman and I feel like a teenager. She is everything I would want in a woman. I was married for 18 years and never considered we would divorce. I listened to a podcast shortly after my divorce and there was a quote that I will never forget. “If God could take away someone that you never thought you would lose, imagine the person he …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 04:35 AM
3

Sorry, dude. Bro hug. It won't be like this forever. Keep showing up for her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 05:33 PM
3

Depends on the age and if they are able to participate. My kids are teens and I had them help pick items to decorate. They also picked their own furniture and helped put it together. My place looks like an eclectic with ADHD decorated, but I love it, and its cozy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:15 PM
23

Why the fuck are you letting your ex be involved in your relationships? Block her or tell her its none of her business.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 12:58 PM
4

Keep showing up for him and he will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:07 PM
5

Hang in there, brother. It's going to get better. It sounds crazy, but you will learn to enjoy your time alone at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 06:54 PM
4

Focus on the “pros”. You’re being upset with grief of your past life. The “cons” are just memories that you cherish”. Keep them and make new memories. They can coexist.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 02:05 AM
10

Sounds like she is already getting what she deserves.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:27 PM
3

It's not the case here. Her new boyfriends parents picked the days. I doubt they have any interest in being malicious about it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 02:27 PM
2

Curious. What part of Father's Day is about the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:21 PM
2

I've never considered it downplaying my role. I took the same position with every holiday on the calendar. If it falls on my day, cool. If not, we can celebrate another day. Christmas for example. We celebrated the weekend before.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:15 PM
6

Let it go. The quicker you get to the "not my problem" state the better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 12:19 PM
1

I let my kids know that they would be going to their mom's on Sunday. Both of them didn't want to go and argued that it is my weekend. Sorry kids, she wrote it in the agreement. The best part? After the game she asked to take them to Florida for a vacation with her new boyfriends parents. They leave the day before Father's Day. HAHAHAHA
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 11:25 AM
3

Well if you weren't going to eat it...
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:05 PM
3

It's just going to make things harder in my opinion. I went zero contact unless it was about the kids. I don't wish her happy birthday or give the kids money to buy her gifts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 06:47 PM
1

The big one for me was the school district. We live in a top rated school. She lives in district, I don't. I had the lawyer add that if she moves out of district I will have the opportunity to move in district so they can stay in that school. If I chose not to, the districts would be compared in each of the areas and the kids would go to the best school out of the 2. Transportation is big too. You want to make sure you spell it out that each parent is dropping the kids off on their weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 05:54 PM
1

I would consider a strictly business relationship rather than a friendship. Unless you see value in being friends. I communicate well with the ex about the kids, but I see no value in small talk with her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 12:20 PM
2

I actually enjoy eating alone now. I like to people watch mostly and sometimes just sit on my phone with my airpods.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 11:35 AM
5

Time to start a new life! You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 12:43 PM
2

Most here had the call made for us. I don't know your full situation, but if you don't think it can be resolved you should move on. There is a happy life out there for you whether with someone new or alone.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 12:57 PM
7

Fucking stop, Bruv. Mistakes were made. Learn from them and move on. There are a lot of women out there. Hurting yourself may sound great on paper, but you’ll just transfer all of your pain to family and friends.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 08:35 PM
3

Come back? Hopefully never.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:03 PM
4

Friendships offer value. Do you see anything of value in a friendship with her?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:01 AM
4

Yes. It lead to her being checked out and on to the next man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 06:23 PM
2

I’m moved into my apartment on our last anniversary.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 10:48 PM
1

Instapot is way better than a crock pot.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 11:20 AM
1

New purpose? What was the old purpose? I was married for 18 years and never even considered a divorce in my future. It happened though. Path's change, but life pretty much stays the same. It's just a different routine at this point. I still have to work, I still enjoy my hobbies, I enjoy the 50% I get my kids, and I enjoy finding new relationships. Whether they are new friends or new GF's.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 03:38 PM
1

Google her phone number. It should list places lived and sometimes time frames.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:37 AM
2

I still talk to her dad a few times a week, but I have for the last 18 years. Mainly "Good morning, Son!", jokes and pictures of what he is cooking on the grill. Never once has the divorce come up. I saw her step dad for the first time in a year a couple of weeks ago. Friendly conversation. I don't hate any of them and still consider them family.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:33 AM
2

Probably the saddest post I’ve seen here. Sorry, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 10:25 PM
2

What does your parenting agreement detail about switching schools?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:20 PM
1

Are you still living together? Can you take over the bed time routine? I think its a pretty silly reason to be gradual. It's not like they are toddlers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:53 PM
1

Why are both of you coming up with a gradual plan? For your 7 year old a 2-2-5-5 plan will ease separation anxiety. If you are going for 50/50, then start it right away and have it written in your parenting plan. I would also suggest moving to a week on week off once the 7 year old is 8 or 9. This structure is better for older kids. Yes, its silly and unnecessarily restricted if there is no abuse or issues. Yes, but I think you are limiting yourself from seeing your children. Yes, if you think t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:37 PM
1

What are the ages of the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:18 PM
2

They’ll just read through points in the documents. Then they’ll ask if you agree. Pretty anticlimactic.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:55 AM
2

It sucks, but its just the new normal. You will get used to it and even enjoy it sometimes. I love my kids to death, but sometimes I can't wait for them to go back to their mom's house.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 06:47 PM
3

There is nothing you can do. If she wants a divorce, then you are getting a divorce. The best course of action for you is to get a lawyer and shoot for mediation. It is going to be the fastest and cheapest way through this. Once its done just move on with your new life. Sorry, brother. Most of us have been where you are at. A lot of us found happiness after the divorce. You can too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 05:42 PM
1

Nothing wrong if that’s the case. Everyone deserves happiness and peace. Whether it’s working it out with his current wife or funding therapy between the legs of a 30 something year old.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 10:49 AM
1

Find a lawyer and start the process. Don’t let your feelings or anger get in the way. The cheapest and easiest route will be mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 04:42 PM
5

If she is upsetting your peace then you need to end it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 04:04 PM
3

Have it written in the agreement. All “current” activities will continue and the costs will be split. All “new” activities will need to be agreed on by both parties. If one doesn’t agree, and the other does, it will be on them to cover the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 03:59 PM
4

A simple “no” is all you need. No explanation, no engagement, just a simple response. You don’t have to make accommodations.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:34 PM
4

I have a 3 story apartment. I measured the space to make sure everything I had would fit perfectly. There isn’t a thing in here that doesn’t have a space. If I don’t have space for something new, I won’t buy it. So sick of clutter from my past life. It’s also colorful. I’m so sick of everything being a shade of gray. I also invested in more art on the walls. Picking items up at goodwill and art fairs. I even bought a picture frame TV. I added a HomePod mini to each room so I can have music playi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 03:45 PM
4

Figure out what you don’t like and fix it. Make sure it’s what YOU don’t like and not what your ex didn’t like. I’m 50. I didn’t like how much weight I gained, how little I exercised, how little I focused on finances, and how messy I was. I changed ALL of that. I didn’t change anything about my personality, goals, desires, etc. There’s nothing there to change. I’m me, and maybe I changed over time, but I’m still me. If it wasn’t right for her, fine. It’s right for someone out there. Seek improve…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 02:12 AM
2

There is so much life after divorce. Whether it’s being yourself again or being who you are with someone else. You didn’t mention your age, but it doesn’t matter. I think people in a long term marriage forget their partners are not perfect. They let those imperfections build up until they decide they can do better. I’m not in a serious relationship, it’s still fresh. But, she’s a lot of things my ex never was. It’s also intoxicating to be around a woman again that you can truly see wants to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:26 AM
3

Stop giving a fuck. Seriously. It doesn't matter how it ended or who ended it. Focus on your life and you'll be a lot better off.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:19 PM
8

Most of us don't want another relationship. At least right away. I'm not a "hook up" type of guy, but I have cycled through several short term situations since my divorce. Mostly due to seeing some pattern of behavior that I'm not willing to go through again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:31 PM
1

Jesus man...
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 03:24 PM
3

Feel you, bruv. I didn’t think it would bother me. I ended up working from home because I couldn’t be around people. I went to a local bar to “celebrate”. Ended up crying halfway through the drink.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:03 AM
3

I thought I was in the wrong sub. lol.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:55 PM
4

Damn near all of us, bruv. Find a lawyer, start the process, work on yourself, and find another woman (if you want)
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:38 PM
8

Reflection is nice, but you have work to do. The more you dwell on this, the longer it will take to get on with your life. Go live YOUR best life.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 03:32 PM
5

I broke up with a girl I was seeing for a few months. She didn't "do" anything, I just wanted more quality time together. It felt like we only saw each other when we were going out. I broke it off with her and for a short time regretted it. I didn't want to feel alone. Now I'm on to the next. Good chemistry, fantastic sex, other good qualities, and some things I don't like. I'm seeing how this goes for now. The point I'm trying to make is there are always more options out there and you don't hav…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 05:44 PM
3

Let that shit go. No longer your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 04:15 PM
6

Sorry, brother. You're opinions on what she is doing and who she is exposing your children no longer matters. You are just wasting energy thinking about it and trying to discuss it. Move on with your life. You have much more to concentrate on and look forward to. You're not broken. You are reborn.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:52 PM
1

Probably hasn’t been shared with close family.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 01:03 AM
2

Breathe. She’s hurting and she wants you to be miserable. You’re in this situation for a reason. Just keep that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 01:02 AM
1

golf clap
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 01:00 AM
3

Christ dude. This read like a chapter in a novel. Bravo. I’m in the same place. Just about a year out and I had so much on paper to do and didn’t cross half off the list. But it’s ok. As long as I keep learning. Was the goal post too high, yes. Adjust. New normal? What’s normal? I had the same thought after it ended. But I never had a “normal” and you don’t either. Think back through everything. Were there ups and downs? Yes, you had a partner then. I get it. So now the only “new normal” isn’t t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 12:24 AM
1

It really depends on the route. Do both of you want a divorce? Mediation. If not, find a lawyer and start the process.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:08 PM
2

You’re going to need to provide more details if you want advice. Do you want the marriage to end or keep going. Stock answer: Lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:07 PM
4

I hope you learned your lesson about digging up the past. Nothing but heartache there, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 07:58 PM
15

She doesn't care, regret, have remorse, have empathy, and she will NEVER acknowledge the pain she has caused. I hope that clears it up for you. I hate to sound harsh, but the longer you sit here thinking about this crap, the longer it's going to take to restart your life. Your marriage didn't define you. Hold on to the good memories if you like and learn from your mistakes. You have a whole new life to focus on now. Keep your head up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:17 AM
1

Get a lawyer and start the process. Therapy isn't going to help you want to be with someone you've seem to make up your mind about. Life is too short to spend it being miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:48 PM
1

I simplified everything. We are a week on, week off. If the holiday, birthday, etc. falls on your week, its yours. Then again I never really gave a shit about any holiday.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:24 PM
1

Was it your scheduled time?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:42 AM
2

Forming a bond while high on psychedelics is wild. Can’t see any future issues from that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 10:08 PM
11

The best thing you can do now is to work through a mediator with your wife. Everything should be split even. Assets, debt, and parenting time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 04:06 PM
2

Save your money. I told the kids to make sure they told her happy birthday, but didn't give them money to buy her a gift. I also told them to stop buying me things on holidays.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 03:44 PM
2

The annual fee is pretty high but the perks kind of even it out. I got the card because I travel for work once or twice per month.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 05:27 PM
5

Easier to say, harder to do... You just have to let it go. I was married for 18 years and thought it would last forever. We never really argued and seemed to be the power couple. Eventually the norm wasn't good enough for her. Nothing you can do but move on, brother. Also, anger isn't going to get you very far. You have things to do. You have daughters to focus on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 07:44 PM
3

Depends on your parenting plan. But I’d rather be closer to my kids than any friend, family member, or group of people. All of those things are temporary. Your kids are “your” forever.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 01:53 AM
7

Amicable is deciding it’s over and how to work together to end it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 12:17 AM
6

I had a bad habit of seeing where my kids were when not with me through the phone app. I noticed one day they were at a church. I found this odd. The only time we went to a church during our 18 year marriage unless it was a wedding/funeral. I got the feeling that it was due to her new relationship. My daughter told me her mother told her to cover up more. Pants instead of shorts, long sleeve instead of short, and no more crop tops. When I asked about it she said that it doesn’t hurt for the kids…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 03:11 PM
2

Uggh. Just broke it off with a woman 12 years younger. It hurts but it was the right thing to do. I think what pains me the most is how harsh I allowed myself to be. No conversation just a text saying it’s been fun and to take care of herself. I feel like an ass just typing this out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 07:02 PM
1

I’m not sure of your rights, but you really should have consulted with her. Everything after divorce is black and white. You’ll need to follow the rules.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 04:46 PM
6

I'm chatting with a scammer now actually. A lady messaged me about my post. I asked what post she's referring to and she said it was from this sub. lol. What are you doing in this sub, Laura. Do people actually fall for this shit? Don't get me wrong. I'm bored so I'll play along.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:26 PM
9

I was in the same situation. Big house with more rooms than we needed. I fucking love my apartment though. Its organized and everything has its place. Its decorated with what I like (even if it looks like an eclectic schizophrenic with ADHD decorated it). And the best part? I can clean the whole place in an hour.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 02:59 PM
3

You really had me at “rope and a pint”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 02:15 PM
3

I think that love lets you look past a lot. My ex was pretty but never really lost the baby weight. But I was in love with her and to me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. When we divorced I felt very unattracted to her. Almost a repulsion.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:41 PM
1

I think we all felt it. It will pass with time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:38 PM
4

I posted in a singles section in my area and she messaged me. Kind of weird, but I did a “how’d you meet” type origin story.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:37 AM
3

Valid point, but there wasn’t another chance. I think that’s part of the problem. Hey, this is what you can do better but I’m not allowing the opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 10:27 PM
10

Get over it. You can’t control the decisions made for you, only how you react to them. The longer you stay in this place of anger and despair, the longer it will take for you to get through it. Divorce changed me. I’ve always been an angry person I’ve always let the little things bother me. I’ve dwelled on things out of my control. Not anymore. I’m shocked how little I am bothered by anything post divorce. Maybe you’ll get here too. Maybe you won’t. What I can tell you for sure is being angry an…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 02:09 AM
1

Do you have a finalized parenting plan? It should have verbiage in it about the school the kids attend and drop off times and dates. Mine doesn't limit her from moving, but she will have to get the kids to me and vice versa when its time to switch.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 11:51 AM
3

I felt the opposite about tasks/chores. Everything seemed to be easier to complete and maintain. Then gain, I didn't have a lazy person completely destroying the areas I just cleaned.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 07:52 PM
5

You just need time. It will go away before you know it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:29 PM
8

Umm… 7-10 for a shower? Sex once a month and she could be smelly? Dude. Get out. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:51 AM
1

What does it say in your divorce documents. Typically the higher earner covers the insurance and half of the out of pocket medical expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 07:51 PM
3

I’m not OP. I was just being silly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 04:40 PM
5

Well… sex?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 04:20 PM
3

Go no contact. You are just keeping that wound open talking to her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 05:31 PM
1

You know who you are, brother. Your marriage didn't define you as a person.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 03:24 PM
2

This is going to be hard to hear, but I feel a lot of men on here suffered in silence. You are about to feel very alone and nobody is coming to help. Most likely nobody is going to check on you and nobody is going to ask you how you're handling the divorce. This is going to suck, but when you get to the other side you'll be a far better man. I didn't go to therapy, no hate on those who do, it just wasn't for me. Instead I focused on work (don't let this impact your job), diet, finances, fitness,…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 03:12 PM
1

Let it go. Focus on things YOU have control over. You have no power and no say in whatever she does.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 10:17 PM
2

You can’t go non contact but you can strictly limit the amount of contact to conversations about the kids/divorce. Skip the pleasantries. This is what helped me the most. I also have a strange personality. Out of sight out of mind. 18 years together and I don’t think of her at all.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 10:03 PM
1

A week on week off is generally better for kids 7 and up. It will also be easier on the 2 of you if you can handle the 7 day separation from the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 06:56 PM
1

How old are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 06:08 PM
7

Queen size bed with a king size comforter.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 12:27 PM
3

You are spending unnecessary energy on things out of your control that don't really matter.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 03:07 PM
6

I still talk to her Father and he still calls me "Son". I've never spoken to him about the divorce. It's always been a "good morning", dad jokes, or whatever meat he is grilling. I haven't talked to anyone besides him. Kind of weird knowing people for 18 years and then never talking to them again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:29 PM
3

Story time... We had a large network of friends within a community that we lived in. We would go boating, hang out at each others house, etc.. One of the couples was throwing a party and they were very insistent that everyone be there. It was a normal night of eating, drinking, and socializing. At the end of the night they served dessert in the form of a giant heart cookie that was split down the middle. It had "we're getting divorced" written on it. It was the most awkward thing I had ever witn…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:06 PM
9

Translation: You'll be sorry you didn't divorce her sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 06:04 PM
5

Time to get a lawyer and get out. I would work towards a dissolution. If she is on/off with her ex, she isn't focused on your marriage. Besides, do you really want to continue down this path with such a fickle partner?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 02:16 PM
1

You should have kept that to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 06:36 PM
2

I do this too. I keep up with most of the daily cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc. But there are somethings that are easier to clean when they leave. Deep clean bathrooms, floors, etc. I tell everyone I like them to have a blank canvas when they get back to me. They really are artist when it comes to destroying this place.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 05:12 PM
9

Consistently breaking up? I'd just walk away. He shouldn't be in a relationship with unresolved issues.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:43 PM
8

We used to spend at least $2K a month on food so when we split I budgeted for $1K. I don't even get close to that number now. And that is with eating pretty well.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 08:38 PM
12

Same situation. Needed to buy everything for the week and would end up not making some of the meals. I told her it would be easier to shop for the next 2 days and make larger meals to have leftovers. Nope. Also, shopping would take forever. Up and down every damn isle buying crap that we don't need. I love my situation now. I pop in the store for what I need and am out in less than 10 minutes. No impulse buying no hassle.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 08:29 PM
1

Besides the yelling part, it sounds like he’s disciplining them as a normal parent should. Should you talk to their mom? Nope. Encourage your kids to talk to their mom. This is not your responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 04:55 PM
6

I met a woman on Reddit. My kids were with their mother through Christmas. She came over for dinner at my place and brought me flowers that she put together. She also brought some coffee (I’m a big coffee dork). As it got late in the evening she confessed that her plan was to stay the night all along. It was an amazing evening. The next day we met on Christmas at the movies. Another amazing night. Since then, we have gone out and had great experiences. The Nutcracker Ballet, drinks and nice plac…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 10:23 PM
3

I've always hated Christmas. I'm actually pretty fucking OK with not having the kids and not having to do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 07:32 PM
4

Everything is going to be OK, brother. It just takes time. This is my first Christmas without my kids and I kind of enjoyed celebrating it on Saturday. They opened gifts and we went to breakfast. I didn't have to worry about stores and restaurants being closed. It was kind of cool.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 12:01 PM
1

The more you stop caring about things, the less you will be bothered by them. It really shouldn't matter to you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 04:52 PM
1

Mine was pretty painless. 50/50 parenting, equal division of assets, we sold the house and paid off all debt. It was over in a couple of months.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 04:03 PM
3

I'm right there with you. I feel I got off easy. 50/50 custody, assets split equally, etc. Hell, I didn't even pay for the mediation lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:45 PM
11

I focused on the gym, diet, and hobbies. Doing things myself was a welcome change. It's much easier to accomplish things when you don't have anyone to add their opinion. The only thing that became an issue is getting the kids to where they need to go while also having a plan for dinner. Nobody to split the duties with. Most of the friends we had were as a couple. I cut all of them off and set out to make new friends. Find a local watering hole and start to frequent it. Not necessarily drink. Go …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 05:59 PM
1

Mediation is agreeing to a fair split of the assets/property. It's going to be hard to negotiate if she isn't countering the offer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:50 PM
5

Something will come up when you least expect it. Your life isn’t over, it’s just new and different. Keep your head up brother, and if you need to talk feel free to reach out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 10:17 PM
8

Looking forward to having my kids this week. We are celebrating Christmas on Saturday since they will be with their mom next week. Also looking forward to more chats with an amazing woman that, get this, I met on Reddit. Yes, I’ve met her in person. Lol.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:49 PM
5

It really doesn't matter who's name they are under or who paid the bills. Its shared property. Combine the value or the cars, minus the debt (if there is any), and whatever is left should be split equally. Whether its equity or debt. And that seems like a wild thing to get to the point of going to court. Unless they are Ferrari's.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 06:17 PM
7

Gym, photography, videography, guitar, making electronic music, cooking.. I'm looking forward to solo traveling next year now that I'm alone 50% of the time. It's going to be a lot cheaper which will give me more money for more trips.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:48 PM
5

Hell yeah, brother! I'm down to 170 from 215.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:45 PM
5

I did exactly this. No contact other than things having to do with the kids. To the point of telling her not to send me pictures of whatever the kids are doing when they are with her. It would just remind me that I am not there. It helped tremendously.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 07:46 PM
12

Mine was dragging my kids to the boyfriends family reunion before the divorce was final. The kids tell me that they are either at his house, doing something with him and his kids, or they are all over at her place. She even asked if she could have the kids on one of my days to take them to an xmas party. She wanted them for 8 hours the Saturday before Christmas (which I won't see them on Christmas). LOL So yes, I get what you are going through. Married 18 years and it feels like all of the BS sh…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 07:33 PM
5

It doesn't matter. It won't change anything. It's an unnecessary distraction keeping you from focusing on your future.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 01:49 PM
1

Tell her you respectfully disagree. She can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, only the courts can. I doubt she wants to make this a legal argument seeing as her mother is receiving untaxed funds. My stopped going to after school care when he was 9. He got off the bus and went straight home. Your kids are old enough to do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 06:04 PM
–

Jokes on them. It seems a lot of us got wiped out by divorce and have nothing to invest.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:28 PM
5

Forget the wilderness. Walk into a gym and start working on yourself. You are not in a worse situation, just a different one. You are going to find things you miss about your old life, but you are going to find a lot of things that make you happy in your new life. Being strangers is what you need right now. Limit your contact to only things children related. You will be better off. In the time since our separation I have lost 45 pounds, I'm fit, new friend group, and found a wonderful woman that…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 05:38 PM
2

My kids bought me a Vera Wang silver bracelet for a birthday years ago. I never take it off because it reminds me of them. After the divorce I bought myself the matching necklace. It reminds me that nothing but that will be wrapped around my neck choking the life out of me. Figuratively, of course.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:07 PM
2

Move on, limit contact, find peace, and be happy. Some things aren't worth fighting for anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:34 PM
5

She and I work for the same company. I didn't tell anyone here until we actually sold the house and moved into our own places. Many people here think we are still married.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 06:37 PM
2

Our situation is almost identical. Married for 18 years and moved to several different states throughout the years. All of our friends were joint friends. I don't really talk to any of them anymore and I have basically purged my Facebook list of most of them. The place I moved to has a restaurant across the street that I started to frequent. I'd go there when I didn't feel like cooking, hang out and watch sports, or just sit there and doom scroll on the phone. I started making friends with the r…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:01 PM
1

Oof. I didn't see that coming.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 06:28 PM
0

I care about coparenting and discussing impactful things in our kids lives. Why the sudden interest? How will it benefit or help the kids grow as adults? Etc…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 11:48 PM
3

Nope. Never even thought about it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 09:55 PM
3

I had to google sock day.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 09:38 PM
5

Weird. Mine was finalized the same day.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 05:39 PM
1

If you make more than her it is certain you are going to be paying her. The mediation process will layout all of the assets and their value. Then everything is split 50/50. Whether or not she agrees to take the property over the house is uncertain.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:23 AM
4

New tattoos? I have to get the old ones from the marriage removed first.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 11:48 AM
7

The only way you are going to bounce back is to work on yourself. Go to the gym, go for a walk, find a hobby. As for the loneliness, it's going to take time to get used to it. We've all been there and some have it worse because they have kids. I think that was the hardest part for me. Over time you are going to start to see the positives to being alone. Things from your marriage that you used to do and now you don't. I don't have to ask someone what they want for dinner, if they want to watch a …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 07:06 PM
4

You should have full access to your child's phone. What is her reasoning?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 11:46 AM
7

First things first. Hook up the TV, order a pizza, and enjoy the peacefulness.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 11:37 AM
3

Hang in there. I moved to my new apartment on our 18 year anniversary. Tough day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 09:52 PM
1

I saw it with my kids on Sunday. I liked it and the kids enjoy it. There is fighting in it, but no gore. Most of the characters are digital. My kids are 12/14 but I’ve never really filter what my kids watch except for sexual stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 11:46 PM
3

Find something to take your mind off of it, brother. Go to the gym, take a walk, etc...
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 05:24 PM
1

I'm going to tell you what a recent date told me. Welcome to the swamp. I'd rather meet someone organically, but its hard between work, the gym, and everyday life. That leaves the apps where woman are outnumbered by men. Lots of competition. Like you said, matches that don't reply back or the conversation goes nowhere. What kills me are the conversations you have where they don't ask you any questions. I'm not sticking around to carry the conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 01:15 PM
1

Not sure how your state works, but mine asked for 3 years in earnings statements. A temporary unemployment isn't going to impact CS or alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:13 PM
6

What the Fuchs?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:46 AM
1

It still has to be balanced or the judge can reject it. He can’t just say we each keep our own 401k. If they are equal in value maybe. But if he has $100k and she has $1000 it’s not going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:26 PM
1

I would start looking at online calculators for your state on alimony and child support. As far as the house and the 401K, it will come down to how you divide those equally.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 07:00 PM
0

What you want and what the courts decide is going to be different even if its a dissolution of marriage. Talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 06:57 PM
3

Don't attempt to get her in a "better position". Its not going to work and its not your problem. Put you and your kids first.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 05:33 PM
1

Does she work? Are you shooting for 50/50 custody? You are most likely going to pay child support and alimony based on your states laws. If you want to get an idea of where you will end up before the meeting you can search for state calculators on alimony and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 05:28 PM
2

I have not had to face this situation yet, but I can give you perspective from my 14 year old son on mom's new boyfriend. Although the timeline is way quicker. We were married 18 years, been going through the divorce for a year (the kids didn't know), and have lived separate for 5 months. We have a 50/50 split and the kids would come back telling me how they were camping, hiking, and riding dirt bikes at a guys family land. I didn't pry, its not my concern. Then days before the final court date …
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:01 AM
2

I wouldn't suggest this. It has its benefits, but it is still addictive and can be abused.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 10:43 AM
5

I bet that applies to a lot of men hear. I was just trying to keep it light.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 05:34 PM
3

I did. Also told her to rebook the appointment she had for herself so I don't have to see her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:45 PM
1

Yes, there is an agreement in place. I thought about denying it, but its a doctors appointment. I think the assumption there was that it would be OK because she would take her and I wouldn't have to do it. What she doesn't seem to get is I'm not giving up a minute of my time with my kids. I don't care if its time spent watching my kids read off an eye chart.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:35 PM
1

The kicker is she said she would take her. Yeah, no.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 03:55 PM
9

Doesn't sound like you want to be married, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 05:23 PM
3

Our stories are very similar. 50/50 custody and I miss my kids when they are away, but the time I have them is all mine. I get to do the things that WE want to do. No input from someone else or plans made for me. It truly is golden.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 03:05 PM
1

I'm hoping you are asleep at this point. When you wake up, drink some water, put on a new play list and exercise. No matter how you feel. Even if its just a long walk.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:16 PM
2

Damn, bro. It's not a competition, but you definitely got me beat. lol I have a feeling that this was going on way before we separated. She was pushing pretty hard to complete the divorce. It also seemed strange that she could meet someone in such a short amount of time that she was willing to bring my kids around. But who knows. She will have to face the consequences, if there are any, with those kids. My son (14) was talking to me about it and commented that he thought people waited longer aft…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 03:23 PM
7

Mine was finalized last Wednesday at 10:00 AM. Around 4 PM I started getting texts from old friends about her relationship update on Facebook with her new man. We were married for 18 years, have 2 kids together, and have only been living separately for 5 months. I heard from my kids that they had been hanging out with some new guy for over a month, but it still stung a bit to have it verified. How do I process that feeling? I allowed myself to spend the rest of the day with it impacting my life …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 02:43 PM
6

It's a fact that you are going to be alone, at least for now. Forever is the uncertainty. You'll hear this a ton on this sub. Focus on you, it's really the most important thing right now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 11:34 AM
1

This so much. Always chased the bigger house and never kept up on keeping it clean and clutter free. I’m in a townhouse now and it’s organized and tidy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:10 PM
2

You will need to talk to a lawyer. If you want to get an idea of what spousal/child support will look like you can use an online calculator from your state. I think its pretty rare for the man to keep majority custody of the children, but we don't know your situation. I would plan on 50/50 custody at most. Keep your head up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 03:37 PM
3

This might be tough to hear, but she does not matter. Her happiness, her relationship, and her financial situation does not and should not matter to you. You putting any thought into having a positive relationship with her should be the least of your worries right now. I get where you are right now and I think is very admirable to have these thoughts, but the most important person right now is you. Some might argue that its your kids, its not. If you don't focus on you right now, you can't fully…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 01:16 PM
1

I would fight for it even if you didn’t have the flexibility. I’m going through the process now of separating and we both agree on 50/50 split. So I don’t have direct experience on how it works yet. Everything I’ve read so far has been in favor of 50/50 especially with kids your age.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 10:14 AM
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