Bouncing back…

Factastical · 2025-10-24T00:50:44+00:00

Hello my twin. You're lucky you can part so easily. I had to get through years of the silver bullet method fired by my pathological x wife. After I left her the first full year was brutal. After losing access to my kids (self imposed), those panic attacks and massive depression persisted for a year. I can still taste it 4 years later. Here is what saved me. I don't like people. I don't like friends. I prefer to be alone than in company. However I force myself to be uncomfortable. I learned to enjoy the random conversation and tons of humor. Sarcasm gallery is often my armor to protect the sensitive person inside. I change my life. The way I react to people. The way I love and understand it. I retained 50% if my kids from a compulsive and pathological liar who tried her best to keep them. I did everything against the grain. Against my own comfort zone and against many advise givers. If you go from zero to hero, you will be a changed man. To get there will require you to be VERY uncomfortable

CB33isGMC · 2025-10-23T04:34:17+00:00

It sounds super corny but helping others really brought me out of my rut.

I used to coach my kids’ sports teams year round - at least until my ex ran off with them to another city.

Of course with no kids I wasn’t thinking about coaching, but the following baseball season the park reached out to see if I was coaching again that year. I told them no and thought nothing else of it.

Well a few weeks later I got another call that they were short on coaches and they asked me to reconsider. I don’t know why but I agreed to do it.

It was very humbling for me because my kids had been top players in that league and everyone knew that my wife had left me. Even though I was ashamed I held my head high and pressed on.

All I can say is those kids LITERALLY saved my life because I was in the dark place. Without the pressure of having my sons on the team I was able to relax and just have fun. I taught them baseball and they taught me their silly ass Fortnite dances. As a bonus we even ended up winning the league championship.

I did the same for soccer season but after that I was preoccupied with divorce proceedings and getting my own kids back.

Anywho, I found the help and the humanity I needed through investing time and energy into others. Maybe consider the same.

Good luck to you bro, it gets better. Much better.

Psychological-Yak63 · 2025-10-22T23:02:34+00:00

First, move your body first thing in the morning. I do old people aerobics (Paul Eugene on Youtube) because I don’t hate it and it sets up my day better than if I hadn’t.

Second, eat and drink well.

Third, investigate the things you want to work on about yourself. For me it’s codependency. I am already in therapy for anxiety and depression, PTSD.

Fourth, do anything for social interaction. I am going to start going to a virtual/in-person group for codependent people. I also go to a bar for a drink or two just to be around people. Usually I don’t end up talking to anyone, but I don’t let it bother me. I also go to free/low coast board game meetups.

As far as the social part I would be open-minded, push yourself a little, and don’t take the results too seriously. ANY ATTEMPT IS A VICTORY.

We can do hard things!

digcycle · 2025-10-21T23:31:24+00:00

Therapists can help you with social anxiety and to process your situation. Those are great goals to set and tackle with them. Look on psychology today for a list of therapists near you that accept your insurance. You only have to pay your copay if they are in network. Good luck!

ShankillButcher77 · 2025-10-21T21:55:41+00:00

Maybe a pet. I always had animals and had to leave my dog and 2 cats. I can’t handle a dog, so I found an adult cat that was rescue. He is my wingman and it helps to have someone to care for.

No-Dream512 · 2025-10-21T20:25:11+00:00

Try going to church and when you feel up to it , maybe volunteering at the church. You don't have to be religious and most people start going to church when they have a traumatic life event.

In the UK the NHS runs a social prescriber team when you can visit them and tell them what's happened and a bit about yourself and they will put you in touch with local events and activities that would be suitable for you.

so0vixnbmsb11 · 2025-10-21T19:54:15+00:00

I had severe anxiety, I would shake while talking to people. People always assumed I was just freezing, with practice it goes away, believe in yourself. In my perspective social anxiety is just the lack of social interactions, as your interactions increase your anxiety decreases.

Sadly the loneliness, the sadness, the regret, and replaying scenarios in your head will continue for a while. Eventually it will just come in waves, the lows will be hard lows but just keep a positive perspective of what the future holds for you. As always just believe in yourself, focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Some will see you as prideful but its self love. Go to a book store and read books that have your objective in mind, Example: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by D. Carnegie its from the 1937 and it still holds today.

This is your opportunity to attempt to be the person you want to be without any restrictions. If you want to be more outgoing, go to local events and just ask questions to people that interest you. People love talking about themselves, just be a good listener. Share your experiences and that you are recently divorce, trying to make friends, just dont trauma dump or go into too much detail. Eventually you'll be surrounded by people you want to be surrounded by.

Perspective wise try to look at what great things you can accomplish. You don't have to accomplish anything but at least you can have a better outlook for your future. It wont be easy but it will be in the effort of being better.

There is also an app called Meetup, you can join group events and try things out. I did an improv group acting, group ice skating, group runnings, painting, volleyball, kayaking, ect. Choose activities that interest you, there is so many people out there that seek what you are seeking, interaction and connection.

ng_rddt · 2025-10-21T19:48:06+00:00

I recommend you make a list of activities you like then search for clubs to join. Archery? Hiking? Shooting? Building—try Habitat for humanity? Trying to get over introversion—try improv comedy classes. Great way to meet people

enginerd12 · 2025-10-21T19:34:02+00:00

Yes, it is full-on hell to go through. Just keep breathing, man.

Develop/write a self care action plan tgat includes healthy and non destructive things you can do.

For me I'm aggressively taking care of myself with individual therapy, going to the gym, and reaching out to loved ones (family, close friends, old friends who I haven't talked to in years, and coworkers). I strongly encourage you to consider the same.

Say yes to more things and go to events/venues/cities/countries you wouldn't normally go to or haven't gone to.

Strike up conversations with strangers to eventually build up your support network.

All of this is typical advice on this subreddit. Saying that the pain is unbearable is still an understatment. Go ahead and ugly cry your guts out, drink water, and cry your guts out some more. Figure out a way to get proper sleep, whether it's ZzzQuil or a prescription.

Hang in there man, I'm in your same general phase of the recovery timeline, but I figured I would share with you things that have worked for me. You got this, man.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-10-21T19:09:50+00:00

Start listening to man empowering podcasts.

Snowbirdy · 2025-10-21T19:06:31+00:00

Be patient with yourself! It’s only been two weeks. Try reconnecting with old friends, maybe. Be careful about trauma dumping; old or new, they aren’t your therapist (make sure you have a good therapist).

Try experimenting with new hobbies, maybe you can meet people that way. Take a cooking class or a pottery class or both.

Consider getting a new dog!

dystinct · 2025-10-21T19:06:20+00:00

The only way you are going to bounce back is to work on yourself. Go to the gym, go for a walk, find a hobby.

As for the loneliness, it's going to take time to get used to it. We've all been there and some have it worse because they have kids. I think that was the hardest part for me.

Over time you are going to start to see the positives to being alone. Things from your marriage that you used to do and now you don't. I don't have to ask someone what they want for dinner, if they want to watch a movie I like, or have to go to Home Depot to look at fucking curtains. You'll see that bliss soon enough.

I've made a lot of new friends at the local bar. Not saying you have to take up drinking every night. A lot of times I'll go there and just order soda water with a lime.

I'm a bit older than you but if you are looking for someone to chat about things feel free to hit me up. We are all hear to support each other.

Title	Bouncing back…
Author	Worldly_Battle_746
Upvotes	15
Comments	25
Date	October 21, 2025 6:50 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oclfqy/bouncing_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bouncing-back.1564669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564669

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