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eastlibertypj Archive

View 3 posts and 44 comments by eastlibertypj on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Your wife needs her own therapist. If your eldest child is coming to you breaking down crying, you need to be divorcing so that you can establish at least one home with emotional safety. I am doing this now. My wife does not sound as acutely troubled as yours but I have had to intervene when she behaves emotionally immature and loses it with our kid. You need to shift your approach in those situations to mediating while supporting your CHILD, not her. The sad thing is that a relationship devolve…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/26 03:43 PM
3

I hate to break it to you, but you're going to have to do all the work to divorce her, too. She's used to doing nothing. The first thing you can do for your sanity is to stop doing things for her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/26 01:00 AM
3

It's not common. You're making excuses so that you don't have to be accountable to yourself for not drawing a line and maintaining a standard for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 09:09 PM
1

It’s fine for you not to be ready. A lot of people here are clearly rooting for you to get laid, but you listening to your internal compass is the best thing you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 01:48 AM
5

Hey- I'm sorry you're hurting like this. Sometimes therapists are like shoes - if they don't fit well, you don't get far and being in their office is uncomfortable. I had a therapist I was getting nowhere with much of 2025. I switched in the fall from a talk therapist to a trauma informed therapist and I am now making rapid progress. Have you tried switching to a new therapist at all? Also - before you met your ex...what did you enjoy doing? Any hobbies?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 02:34 AM
4

That her family relationships were deeply dysfunctional, especially her parents, and that she was using those as the model of what marriage should be like.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 01:51 AM
2

Look for Single Parents Facebook groups. There's one in my area.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 03:36 AM
6

"If you don't want somebody to get your goat, don't let them know where you keep it." Your wife, her friends, and family all know what buttons to push to make you mad. Your reactions have built a Las Vegas sign over where you keep your goat. (whatever riles you up) Finding another drama queen to start a catfight with her is not getting her back. Living well is the best revenge. What does that look like? Try to put ten things on paper, or here.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 03:35 AM
0

Let me +1 what u/bizbunch said below: I had a talk therapist over zoom and it was almost useless. I've been seeing a trauma-informed therapist and it's a whole different thing. Making much more progress.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/26 03:29 AM
2

This may be hard to hear, but he is not "back." She is LEAVING you and the kids (again). Think about what being an excellent father feels like to you. What are your best experiences and memories with your kids? Start cultivating more chances to have those kinds of memories with them - THIS WEEK. If it was something cool that happened on vacation, get creative and figure out a local/home/not too expensive version of it that you can do now. Take this energy and channel it into THE KIDS. Do this in…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 09:36 PM
1

Hey- sorry she’s doing this; it sucks. But no, you don’t need to go confront the guy. He’s not the problem. A person who was really your FAMILY by choosing you as a life partner: Would never have had an affair in the first place. Would understand that if that had happened and the two of you had reconciled, that the absolute MINIMUM approach to dealing with the affair partner going forward would be refusing to communicate with him or spend time with him for the health of her relationship with you…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 04:58 PM
4

Your reaction was normal. Your behavioral response was inappropriate. Remember that in addition to you watching your kid, your kid is watching you. Seeing that you had to leave the game and miss supporting them is the biggest problem that happened at the game. Get into therapy, find healthy ways to process the anger, and be kind to your ex in public, and kind to her potential partners. It may not feel great but your kids see you being constructive and sturdy, and they feel better because you’re …
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 12:20 AM
1

So sorry to hear that you’re here. I’m a few months ahead of you. My strongest encouragement- adjust your mindset! Instead of “I don’t want to leave my children” pivot to: “I know I’m a good Dad and I’m starting to document things I do every day so a court will have no doubt I deserve at least 50% custody.” Instead of looking for an apartment with a default mindset that you’ll move out, pivot to: “I’m researching whether a bird nest approach would work best for our kids.” Instead of “this is goi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 07:08 PM
10

No, there’s no generalization about men or women that’s going to help you here. Go pick up the books Secure Love and the Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and see what you’re doing to attract only women who behave this way. If you see it in your daughter that’s a reflection of the two primary models for womanhood you’ve brought into her llife. You being with them has taught her that staying in a relationship with an entitled and unaccountable person is acceptable, so she’s taking so…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 12:05 PM
1

This is inspiring to read as someone going through the process soon…I think you’re doing great work on yourself and everything you’ve accomplished to get your daughter to feel comfortable opening up to you is a real accomplishment. Sharing what you did with the long term no viability girlfriend shows maturity, discernment, and respect for both your time and hers. Keep up the good work.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 03:23 PM
1

How do you manage to live together under the same roof until someone moves out without going nuts? Any best practices there?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 03:23 AM
4

Keep a journal. Write about the good stuff, but also about the times she's abusive. When you've got enough journaling down, read it frequently.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 03:16 AM
1

Seen one for consult, have not done retainer yet. Any important tips? I'm assuming I should get as many ducks in a row as possible before having the lawyer contact her?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 03:14 AM
1

I love that you joined a band! Still playing?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:50 PM
3

I'm in a similar spot. We have a child. I've been candid with our family doctor and she told me that even once you pass the point of no return couples counseling can be useful to help prepare for co-parenting. If you don't have kids, that's different. We have been to 3 couples counseling sessions after me asking for over a year. She was petulant after #1 and #2, and more constructive after #3. But I think it's too late. We still have more sessions on the calendar while I'm getting my ducks in a …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 04:01 AM
2

Look up contra dancing near you. If you can walk in a straight line you can do the footsteps. You don’t need a date. Find one and go 30 minutes early and ask if someone does a beginner lesson. You switch partners after every dance. Go to have fun, not to meet a romantic partner, and you’ll have a blast.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 01:16 AM
9

Wellbutrin at 300 mg has made an incredible difference in my emotional stability and has allowed me to improve my self esteem and sense of self worth. I’m a stronger person because I didn’t buy the lie that medication is for weak people. The medication has simply made it is easier to embody strengths I’ve had all along.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 04:12 AM
1

Be your best self and you’ll be proud of how you show up, no matter what anyone else does. (And your kids will see, learn and trust you from that) Let us know how it goes!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 01:17 PM
6

This is a tremendous opportunity to show your kids you are a mature, healthy man. Don't just go over; bake some cookies and bring them with you! Show gratitude for the invite and for any gifts she may give you. Be kind to her, the kids, and extended family. Assume it is NOT a trap! If for any reason things start to go south, find a gentlemanly way to leave. If the kids beg you to stay, give them a "I can stay X more minutes" (whether that is 10 or 45 or 300, your call) and then leave when that t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 03:19 AM
1

Update: first, thanks to everyone who chimed in the first time. We've had three couples counseling sessions and two weeks ago I had a one-on-one session with the counselor, who also had one with my wife. The counselor confirmed that my wife has essentially zero capacity to understand and have empathy with my inner world or my son's inner world, and may not even understand her own internal experience. While I've done enough self-work to know this was potentially the case, and my own therapist and…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 09:04 PM
6

You’re doing great given the circumstances. Consider watching Maika Steinborn’s YouTube videos on Fearful Avoidant attachment (also known as disorganized attachment) and Forrest Hanson’s two interviews of Lindsay Gibson about dealing with emotionally immature people. (Also on YouTube) these may help you maintain your already pretty healthy perspective that your ex is going to do what she is going to do.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 12:40 PM
1

I’ve heard versions of that. Instead of sharing that my feelings have been hurt, I’m supposed to be open to the idea that she is “not a monster” and that she doesn’t mean to harm me. (She struggles to understand impact as separate from intent) But I like your follow up. I’ll see if I can work that in. I am at 95% confidence the answer will be something other than “no.” Her FOO is super enmeshed. Her two other sisters have left their partners and moved home to be with their mom and dad. They’re 4…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 07:49 PM
1

She’s been this way for as long as I’ve known her. I got on anti-depressant medication in 2020 and in some ways, I got emotionally sturdy for the first time in my life. I started trying to work on things and reading about interpersonal relationships on my own. I started talking to my doctor about the marriage two years ago and started therapy a year ago. She is in perimenopause but these behaviors are not new. I don’t have the problems I have with her with other people. She has similar problems …
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 09:48 PM
2

Thank you for this. This is a good summary of several things I’ve felt put together. Sometimes the thing I need most is a third party telling me I’m not crazy because I’ve been gaslit a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 07:01 PM
1

Please accept my apology- that came off like I was correcting you; I hadn’t mentioned the Gottman thing before. Just trying to clarify but I see how it could have been taken as frustration. My bad. May I ask - how long into the marriage did you begin asking for counseling? Did you ever get there, and if so, did it feel too late? Or was she just unwilling to self reflect or do any work, or both? At this point I appear to be dealing with both.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:43 PM
1

I did find a Gottman trained counselor. (see my reply above for how some of that went) When we got on the virtual 15-minute meet/greet with the counselor, I asked my wife "Would you like to start, or would you like me to?" Wife: "Well, the reason we're here is because you wanted us to be here, so why don't you start." And that was largely the tone. She barely spoke to me for much the day and a half after the 15-minute call. Subconsciously, I know she's doing that to punish me for asking her to b…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 11:56 AM
2

This comment has been powerful and helpful for me this week. Thank you. I did what you said, and she did what you predicted she would. Push back, no accountability, you hurt me so much that what I did doesn't count, etc. I told her that we needed to stop the conversation because she wasn't in a positive to listen constructively. She kept going. I tried one more time explaining, and I apologized for the one thing I did that merited an apology. She said "I don't believe your apology; you have no a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 11:50 AM
1

Thanks for the engagement here. When I ask her on dates she doesn't want to go out because she doesn't think our near 16 year old can be left alone at home. She's worried about him and the internet. There are times where he is left alone with the internet for hours in our house when she and he are both home and she is working, but somehow the risk doesn't work the same way. For what it's worth, our kid is a very good kid. She said she wanted to go to Yellowstone a couple of years ago. I said, le…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 05:35 PM
1

I’ve been trying to get my wife to counseling or read couple’s books for almost two years; she won’t do any of it. It’s now becoming clear that separation is likely and she is clearly upset about how having a bad marriage or a divorce WILL LOOK FOR HER IN THE COMMUNITY but she’s not really willing to do any of the things that help build a strong marriage. Today she told me I was so unmoved by her comments and she is upset by that. Duh! Getting treated like the lowest priority possible for a long…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:30 PM
1

Watch some YouTube videos on breadcrumbing and trauma bonding.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 09:24 PM
4

Thank you for bravely sharing this. I’m sorry you had to face the abuse you endured, and whatever it was, you did not deserve it. No child does. Your story resonates with me. I was not abused in the sense that most people think of it. But I was made to feel responsible for my dad’s emotions and my mother was often dysregulated and could not connect with me as a young man. They had their own unaddressed trauma and they did not model healthy conflict resolution in a marriage, nor were they affecti…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 11:56 AM
3

I’m so sorry you’re suffering in this way. I may be about to go through the same. I’ve been self-abandoning myself for decades and I see that now. Can you share how you and your therapist perceive the role your self abandonment played in getting you here? Hoping to learn from someone who knows more than I do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 03:41 AM
1

You made a good decision. She needs help. If she is going to put you in this position, I recommend saying you need a power of attorney to act in her medical interest if you’re going to do that again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 05:56 PM
2

So sorry you went through this. My goodness. I am in therapy now and may get my kid there next.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 04:04 AM
5

You do NOT need to be embarrassed. You showed restraint and did not punch down on someone you could physically overpower. This is a very good lesson for your son. What you did was manly and gentlemanly, don't let any toxic masculinity whispering in your ear tell you otherwise. Actions have consequences, and you need to report it. This is another important lesson to your son. Be clear to the police that you want it on record, and if it is possible to get this one on record without pressing charge…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:46 AM
6

This resonates- my wife struggles with emotional immaturity and regulation, thinks that our generally wonderful son isn’t doing enough to live up to his potential, and is way too enmeshed in her family of origin’s life and opinions. I have asked multiple times for therapy or even reading relationship books, and I get no traction. It’s been 22 years. I’m in therapy and looking seriously at leaving. When I have tried to work on issues, she has threatened leaving and once hinted at suicide.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 04:17 PM
1

This was a mind blown moment for me: SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU ASK FOR EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. She hasn’t experienced it. It’s like you’re trying to describe the sensation of “salty” or “sweet” to someone with no taste buds.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 02:48 PM
1

I’m 50 with a 15 year old and in a very similar boat. My wife is deeply enmeshed with her family of origin and is a fearful avoidant who leans dismissive. She finds it impossible to apologize when she says something hurtful, and expects me and my son to manage her feelings. I’ve tried: -asking to go to counseling -asking to read marriage books together -asking to read Gottman’s Raising An Emotionally Healthy Child because a lot of the content works for couples -asking her to do a couples app (Ag…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 09:10 PM
2

I knew yesterday. I’ve been asking her to read a relationship book, see a counselor/relationship coach with me, all sorts of let’s-try-this…and I’m the only one making the effort to connect. Last night I had dinner with the male half of a couple where the wife is one of my wife’s two besties. My buddy’s wife is a therapist. My wife is super enmeshed with her aging and ailing parents because they neglected her as a child. They are dying and she wants to feel the love and appreciation from them sh…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 09:19 PM
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