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email68 Archive

View 0 posts and 96 comments by email68 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Go straight for the divorce. Don’t waste time on a separation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 06:12 PM
11

I tried to come up with a plan with my ex. She said that’s what the mediator does. Nope…. She ultimately picked the mediator. I interviewed him before agreeing. First thing he asked was if we had a plan. I had worked on it myself, and said yep. Here ya go. Basically that’s what we went with.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 04:18 AM
1

The date you both decided or ‘believed’ you are divorcing, you are no longer responsible for her spending and she is not entitled to half of your future income. Cut off all credit cards, open a sole bank account. Move future pay deposits to it and only leave enough money access for her for very basic needs until a settlement. Not payments before a settlement as IRS will not recognize them. Document everything.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 03:22 AM
4

No. Setup an auto pay from your bank and never think about it until it ends. Tell her the bank takes care of it. Done.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:29 AM
2

Don’t show your hand again
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 03:39 AM
5

Don’t date someone who is married. Crazy husband can blame you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 11:32 PM
3

She cheated, we mediated, but technically I filed, yes it’s better now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 05:07 AM
1

Move money out of joint accounts except for very basic living expenses. Not to hide it, but keep her from giving it to him
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:49 AM
2

You can offer whatever you want in mediation. I did the percentages minus taxes in cash. She went for it. Also check the accounts are really yours. I made the mistake of factoring half of “my” HSA when I learned it wasn’t mine until I separated from the job. So I ended up having to split that “minus taxes” and she went for it. Should have left it out of the equation. In any case it all worked out. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 04:48 AM
2

Make sure you are over ten years before moving forward. 50/50 on everything. Everything.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 03:32 AM
2

Move closer to family and reconnect.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:48 AM
3

Hit up divorcecare.org. Local free groups with a 9 week program for support. USA.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:43 AM
3

Only from kids, but send so it gets there a day late. 😝
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 03:18 AM
1

File asap. 10 years can trigger lifetime alimony in some places.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 04:53 AM
13

Twice. First time during when she realized her affair dude was catfishing her and she was one of many. Wanted to tell the judge never mind after everything was settled just waiting judge signature. I said nope. Second time was five years later when alimony was about to end and she realized she will have to work the rest of her life. I said nope.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 04:53 AM
0

$3k for a mediator. They want to get it done in 3-4 sessions max. Be prepared when you go in with everything split in a spreadsheet. House in your name doesn’t mean anything. You have to split everything. Maybe give more of your share to keep the house, etc. Have that in the spreadsheet to give him a place to start. Pay for an attorney on the side, don’t mention this, for them to review the mediation work and offer suggested changes you bring to the next meeting. Like it’s your idea. $1.5k was t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 05:29 AM
3

By the time you start the process, indicates is the right move. I’d finish the divorce and just live with her if you want to give her a second chance. No remarry though.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 04:48 AM
3

Business now, emotion later. Stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 04:48 AM
1

I had one of my neighbors come over just to be there during her load out. Just in case some funny business.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 04:40 AM
4

Nine years is kinda critical. In many states 10 years turns into long term marriage which means lifetime alimony. I’d start the process knowing what I do now on the other side. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 05:54 AM
3

You didn’t mention alimony, but especially with a non working spouse, 10+ year marriage in CA equals lifetime alimony payments. And since Trump, they are no longer a tax benefit for the payer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 05:19 AM
1

I used mine even though we were meditating. Had my attorney read over the agreement and I made changes to it based on her recommendation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 05:21 AM
2

OP needs to play it cool and not change his attitude with her until the divorce is final. Don’t want her to change the game from what she agreed to. Afterwords, cut all contact and move forward with his life. Learn the true nature of women and work inside its parameters.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 04:40 AM
1

Check with your HR dept. sometimes they have employee assistance programs with discounted attorneys
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 05:54 AM
17

Have a neighbor there with you while she’s there. Your place and your rules.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 03:46 AM
2

Mine went to Vegas during arbitration, had to delay signing as she was meeting her online BF. Pulled money out of my account via ATM there. Thank goodness for withdrawal limits.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:18 AM
2

Don’t fall for it. It’s over. Don’t give it any more thought. Only talk in public about the kid and divorce/mediation next steps. She’s an adversary now. Guard yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 06:05 AM
1

Mediation is just the couple working on the marital agreement with a mediator. Instead of filing yourselves and getting attorneys, you both agree to mediation. Three or four visits you work it all out with the mediator doing the paperwork. You sign and they file with the courts. Six month later in CA anyway, the judge signs and it’s official. I had an attorney on the side looking it over each time and I’d make changes. Much cheaper and more control, but both parties have to agree to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 03:45 AM
1

If you come to an agreement through mediation, you two decide. If you can’t a judge decides. Filing first doesn’t really do anything. Every circumstance is different. Just wanted to pass that along.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 05:13 AM
0

Filing removes control. If at all possible try to meditate.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 03:49 AM
13

Record all conversation. Limit conversations. Only meet in public settings.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 05:26 AM
1

I set my bank to automatically mail a physical check each month. You put start and stop dates. Figured I’d have canceled checks as proof, I didn’t have to think about her crap writing the check myself, and I could blame the bank if she didn’t get it on time. Win
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 03:54 AM
6

Tried to come back after the alimony ran out. Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 03:22 AM
2

Lawyer to start for advice. Mediator if you can talk her into it. Have lawyer check what you work on with the mediator privately. Always best to keep it out of the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 03:16 AM
2

Or live together
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 02:36 AM
2

Bring a spreadsheet with all the finances divided up as a starting point. Look up auto values, homes, bank accounts etc. Doesn’t need to be elaborate, but they need a place to start. Also gives you the control from the start putting things in your column. Just needs to look equal. Doesn’t have to be equal. A judge won’t care if you both agree. Leave out small stuff. Like furniture, nick knacks. Those become garage sale value in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 03:02 AM
5

Don’t answer
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 02:58 AM
1

You can always go back to the judge and petition to change child support. Spousal support you can “remove jurisdiction” from the courts so they cannot change it. That’s all I was saying. You can come to an agreement on it though.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 04:21 AM
2

Check out divorcecare dot org. It will help you process things with folks going through the same stuff. It’s free. I found it helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:18 AM
1

You can’t negotiate child support away. That jurisdiction always stays with the courts. That means you can agree to anything you want now, but either of you can go to the courthouse and have it changed to their ruling anytime.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 03:39 AM
2

Actually you should hurry it along giving her hope to be with the AP. She will rush the process and leave stuff on the table. It’s the Mr. Wonderful effect. If she wants to be with the new Mr. Wonderful she needs to rush the divorce while he’s still there and she believes he wants her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 03:14 AM
2

Rent a storage. Move your stuff there. Now it’s safe from her too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 03:07 AM
8

You need to dismiss the emotion for now. Go into business mode and take care of the divorce like it was a legal matter to be dealt with, because it is. It can have far reaching consequences if you work with emotions. After its all done and signed, then you can bring your emotions back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 03:11 PM
2

Best way to win is not to play.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 05:40 AM
1

Sell the car. Split the profit if any.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 04:20 AM
1

Local lawyer office who provided the service. You have 2-3 meetings, work out your agreement. They file with the courts. Six months later your divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 03:50 AM
2

Mediator. About $3,500.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 04:44 AM
2

9 and 13. Told them the night I found out and confronted her. Kids aren’t dumb. #1 kid suspected already seen mom use a weird texting app. When asked who was she texted she said nobody. I have them 100%. Been 7 years. We all watch the ex train wreck through life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 03:36 AM
2

I did. Didn’t want her making up a story. Kids are fine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 03:09 AM
6

You need to go prepared too. Learn your state laws, bring a spread sheet with the assets divided as a starting point. Bring house and car values KBB, recent solds, whatever. Learn the in and out of your states dissomaster (CA) determines alimony costs, but there are a lot of things that can bring it down, like mandatory union dues, medical costs, expenses of running home, etc. Don’t leave anything to chance. Study up. An attorney is not your friend, councilor or teacher. They bill by 15 minutes.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 03:48 AM
4

100% mediator. Give you much more control on the outcome. Have a attorney review on the side. No one needs to know that. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 03:04 AM
3

Sometimes jobs have personnel benefits with reduced attorney fees. Check with your HR dept. good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 02:59 AM
2

It’s called the “Date of separation” and it has a lot of underlying things associated with it. You can’t keep act like your married. Like having dinner together, acting like there is no issue with others etc. This governs the end of the marriage term in CA anyway. I’m looking at my settlement right now. Anyway check with your attorney and see how to cement that date. It can be hard to do depending on how the spouse benefits or not. Any debts collected after this date would be on her. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 11:00 PM
11

Mark the date she said she wanted a divorce. If you believe it to be true and you will be divorced, that’s the last day you’re finances are intertwined. Of course, check with you attorney, but from then on you only owe her what is in a court order. So if she charges up credit, buys anything it’s 100% on her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 05:41 AM
3

Start recording every interaction. Phone is ok, better is an inexpensive digital recorder.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 04:21 AM
1

State always maintains jurisdiction of child support. Not a bargaining chip.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 05:17 AM
2

My ex had two options written in the agreement. 50/50 if she stayed in the same school district. So if she moved out of the school district, then she got option two. Summer and every other Xmas. I have them the rest of the time. Having kids travel daily outside the school district is a big deal. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 04:56 AM
5

It happens when the money runs out and they can’t level up. Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 03:07 AM
1

Everything is negotiable. It’s not really 50/50. That’s just kind of a guide.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 03:19 AM
2

Your right. All I could find was this one talking about it wearing off. http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=42775 Basically it is moving fast and striking deals while your ex is overly infatuated with the new guy. She’s willing to move quicker and compromise to be with the new Mr. Wonderful.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/21 05:22 AM
1

Exactly. OP should look up Mr. Wonderful Effect
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 06:31 AM
11

Find a friend or family member who can just listen. You need to tell your story 100 times. Don’t text or talk to her. You’re in your emotions. Only business conversation with her moving the divorce to a conclusion. If you’re in the USA look up and attend divorcecare.org. It’s a weekly free group put on all over the USA.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 11:47 PM
2

Some jobs have HR benefits with free consultations and discounts. Try to do mediation and also have your private attorney look over any agreements.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 04:33 AM
3

Some states over 10 years is lifetime support.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 03:40 AM
8

It’s over. Even if it wasn’t, it’s not worth saving. Anyone who can do that to you and the kids you don’t need. Don’t do a separation. Tell her if she doesn’t mediate you’re filing. Write that date down, it’s the date she doesn’t get half of anything going forward. Tell her You’ll sell everything needed and drag this out the new guy will be long gone. If she plays ball, she can be with him quicker. It’s business at this point. Emotions come later after the judge signs. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 04:46 AM
2

Review the disomaster carefully. Mandatory retirement contributions, medical, etc. There are many others, lower your take home pay and by extension her percentage. Try and use a mediator and not go to court. Court you may find 10 years plus marriage is alimony for life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 05:21 AM
2

I think some courts have an app for texting so it’s logged. Just limit your discussion to kids and money if you have to pay. Nothing else is on the table. You don’t just answer the phone when she calls. You only answer when you know why the call via text. For now, chill until it’s final.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/21 02:42 AM
1

It might if it’s deposited in a joint account. But in this case it’s not relevant anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 03:05 AM
1

You split the part of the retirement gain earned during the marriage. Unless she received the inheritance during the marriage, I don’t see how that is anything.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 03:05 AM
2

Family court always have jurisdiction over child support. You can agree to anything, but they can still change it for the interest of the child. You cannot negotiate out of that. Just setup a bank autopay so you don’t have to see it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 03:03 AM
5

Secure an attorney secretly. Try and get her to agree to a mediation to complete the process. You have much more control that way. Use you side attorney to review and tell you what to modify the mediation agreement. Try and stay out of court, but threaten to sell the house and everything if needed to pay attorneys. You’re advisories now, but play nice. Only talk about the deal. Nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 03:34 AM
6

By a digital recorder and keep it on whenever you’re around each other.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 04:01 AM
1

Google divorce care. Local groups meet for a multi week program.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 05:29 AM
1

Your best chance in CA is the Mr. Wonderful Effect. If she’s in an adulterous relationship and wants to be with him quickly, that’s a huge motivation to bargain. She will want to be with Mr. Wonderful quickly, 6 months. Otherwise you threaten to drag it out for years and deplete all the finances Mr. Wonderful wants. Take your deal to an arbitrator. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/21 04:33 AM
7

Don’t have unprotected sex if you suddenly get the opportunity. Her knocked up now is the last thing you need.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 03:18 AM
4

Be chill, smile and nod during the divorce. After, your only limited interaction should be about the kids. Don’t be a human tampon.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 03:29 AM
3

I hope you have an attorney. Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/21 03:37 AM
1

Don’t move out until divorce is final or a court order.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/21 03:32 AM
4

Move money out of joint accounts. Not to steal it, but to protect it. You will be accountable for it. My stbex was pulling family funds for her new guy. Check your HR dept. some have free 30 minute consulting and hourly discounted attorneys. Think and decide logically now. Emotions after it’s done. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 03:24 AM
1

Should be a stipulation about living in the same school district if you have equal timeshare. You seem to have a poorly written agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:29 AM
1

My work had an Employee Assistance Program with free lawyer consultation and a good hourly discount.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/21 04:12 AM
2

Look up divorce care. It’s a free multi-week program held at local churches. But you need to separate you emotions from the work you have getting through the divorce. Get an attorney ASAP keep it to yourself. Try and get her to mediation instead of court. After it’s over you can be emotional again. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 03:30 AM
2

Go fo 50/50 or say you will give that up for something else you wanted, be she was not willing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 11:10 PM
22

Stop telling her your plans. It’s over btw. Best to move forward. There is light on the other side of this. If possible agree to see a meditator and work out your own deal and present it to the mediator and her. Have an attorney on the side they don’t know about to go over the agreement. You can’t afford not to have an attorney. Go for 50/50 to increase your time with the kids and limit your support. Some states like CA 10 years is lifetime spousal support. She can sign that away in mediation. E…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 02:57 AM
3

Gifts are gifts and not part of the negotiations or split. Never give expensive gifts like a car.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/21 06:11 AM
1

Sometimes jobs offer employee assistance programs and you can get free .5 hour consultation. And then a sizable hourly discount when you hire them. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/21 12:32 AM
1

Just change her last name in your phone.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 03:42 AM
1

There is no his and hers in a marriage. Everything during the marriage is both parties equally unless a gift. Interesting how people still don’t understand that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/21 03:37 AM
1

Is it normal to feel bad going through a divorce? Yes of course. But you need to put that off until later. It’s a business contract that needs to be desolved and dealt with swiftly. You should not be there for her for anything including emotional headspace. Use the fact that she has another guy to your advantage. Research the Mr. Wonderful effect. Only talk about kids and limited finance needed to move forward. Nothing else. Don’t answer calls that haven’t proceeded with a text about the call. M…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 03:54 PM
20

The Shawshank Redemption. Never forget what you had to crawl though to get here. Keeps you from ever going back. Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/21 04:58 AM
6

You need to help change your dads mindset. He doesn’t get to decide if there is a divorce. Either can and your mom did. So he needs to take advantage of the fact she wants one w/o the courts. If she signs off on the house, retirement, savings, and no support, he should do it. Unless she is overly wealthy and would support him. He should get an attorney maybe not even tell her he has one, but have them look over everything. After the divorce in a few years, she may come back to him. He can decide…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 03:46 PM
1

The date each of you thought you were getting a divorce, because it was said or whatever, is the day future assets are separate. Any new money coming in is the person who received it. Take note of that date.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/21 10:58 PM
3

Mind stating your age? I’m just curious. I’d be careful about jumping in too quick before your processed all the divorce grief. I recommend divorce care. You can google it. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 06:37 AM
1

Messy. If you don’t make a payment, they will go after her. If you want to sell, you need her sign off. When you go to sell, she will need to sign off. Divorce is like a business separation. Everything must be separated at the time. No legal ties.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 03:23 AM
1

I would add that you must get your ex off the title and the loan. So if you’re keeping the house and it’s not paid for, you must refinance and qualify on your own income. Not doing this at the time of the divorce will haunt you later.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 03:17 AM
9

She doesn’t get to decide. Get a lawyer and stop talking to her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 03:02 AM
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