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View 6 posts and 444 comments by gnackered on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Sure.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 11:47 PM
1

21 year marriage with a stay at home spouse? It's helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 11:47 PM
1

Good advice. I am not committed to a particular state. And it really helps. Who knew I wanted a community property state to lock in a 50/50 split (even though I entirely earned it). You hear so much negative talk about CA.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 06:56 PM
2

Simple fatherhood or money. If she moves out of state odds are life will happen and the kids visit will become rarer and rarer. Kids have lives, friends, etc. Either you in the picture or not.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 01:38 PM
1

Its not menopause caused. Also she won't consider HRT because of some other issues.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 06:00 PM
2

I am sure I will. She wouldn't be able to claim she didn't see it coming though. We have had several discussions in the past. Actually, last night she apologies for her strong reaction at dinner time. I actually didn't think much about it, but she tries, which I acknowledge. We just may be different people now. I keep a running journal online and I was surprised how far back it goes, and it was pretty bad in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 05:59 PM
2

I will before I start any conversations.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:26 PM
2

Thanks for the reply.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:26 PM
2

She did see therapist for a while now that you mention it. And that was the timing of her "finding her voice".
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 05:06 PM
5

Update: to reply to a bunch of helpful people. no cheating, I am sure. No opportunity or desire. I am sure of this. Maybe I am too skeptical of counseling be it on my own or joint. No major menopause symptoms or hormonal, just mean Part of it is her reaction to her childhood. To the extent I share any traits with her father (which is seemingly little) she is quick to react. Finances are fine. The divorce would be expensive but we have enough to support two families. I had a stroke and I am now r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 05:04 PM
3

Not really. She says she is gaining her voice. Her childhood was shitty which can't be denied. 2 out of 6 kids don't talk to the parents and the rest are basically hi/bye including us. She says that was traumatic enough for her to bite her tongue in the past. Not any longer I assure you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 02:47 PM
-1

I think counselling will be 2 against 1. WOMBAT for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 02:14 PM
1

Cheaper to keep her huh? I know. We have $3.1M and my disability pays 10K/month (for how long who knows). Figure it would get chopped in half, but I can still support myself on half. At least I don't make 250K+ anymore that could be assumed in the future. The disability pays what it pays and for how long I don't know but it would be a hard argument to ask for more. If anything it should slightly favor me because I came into the marriage with 250K but I assume it will end up 50/50. We are in PA.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 02:13 PM
8

Care less. Like not at all.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 01:44 PM
1

The refi takes her name off the mortgage. The quitclaim off the deed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 08:58 PM
1

Isn't lifetime up to age 67. A former boss grey divorce after 35 years (in MA).
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 08:56 PM
2

I don't see a big deal if she offered to trade days. If she expects you to give up the days I do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 12:22 PM
2

Mostly they suck. Sometimes they offer good perspective. I am anti-heavy handed moderation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:03 AM
3

Cancel the credit cards.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:56 PM
0

First question, cash in a box. You sadly developed a gambling habit to cope with the separation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:16 PM
7

But in the most extreme situations can't hurt. I recently had a stroke, my bench press is bar only. I wasn't breaking records before but you gotta start somewhere. People are generally supportive. I go mostly because I can't stand up from a low seat with using my arms. I warm up, sprint on the bike after, work the core, bench, and sauna. Maybe I would need to see a dr before bike sprints if I had heart problems, but nothing else is dangerous. It is more of a male space (not 100%), and that is be…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 06:37 PM
2

Kids are only kids once. I would do it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:26 PM
5

Run
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 03:54 PM
1

ED can be a sign of poor metabolic health. Go keto and get off the standard american diet. Even if the pills fix the symptom, you potentially need to look at the root cause. Get a fasting glucose test, a fasting insulin test, and an A1C. Especially the second one, you will probably have ask for it. Go here if you don't want a doctor https://ownyourlabs.com/shop-oyl/ . Insulin should be below 8, an ideal measure is 2-4. I am not a doctor.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 12:14 PM
9

I don't knoww MI law but I highly doubt it. You will potentially have child support.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:30 PM
0

Have fun with it. Take a highlighter and pick a few books mark up. Maybe dog ear a page or two, write notes in the columns. The courts won't care.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 07:00 PM
3

Good luck. I hope you have the strength to endure this. I can't begin to fathom any advice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 02:46 PM
2

If its peaceful, let her know you will be making some changes and she should get her own. If its not, let her know after its done. A marital asset is a car or a house or a 401(k). Income is income. A court may order alimony or support, temporary or for a term.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:52 PM
6

The paycheck is not marital property, its an income. You should either get a court order to support her or continue to pay the bills proportionate to past practices. Your credit will not drop due to the age of credit. It may drop from utilization ratio. The age of the credit will hang around for 7-10 years after you close it, it does not immediately fall off the credit report (and its only like 10% of the score). If you had a say 20K of credit and you only put 2K on the card and another card wit…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:36 PM
10

Close the credit cards, take half of the savings account, fund the checking account just for the bills and/or close it. Immediately tell her after you have taken these steps (no need to piss her off trying to buy groceries or whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:59 PM
5

What state?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 09:36 PM
1

You are in a danger zone. If you do a QDRO, it stays in the account. If you withdraw it, you take the tax hit and the penalty. Is this in an order? A settlement? You shouldn't have to pay a lawyer to do a QDRO, but you will pay some money to the fidelity or whomever holds the account for them to split the account. I could see this being a split cost, but if its not in the decree, you are up a river.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 03:53 PM
3

I wouldn't bring it up unless one of you has filed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 03:09 AM
2

Why don't you file for a court date?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 06:37 PM
2

Just swing by a UPS store or whatever and run it through the photocopier.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 01:55 PM
1

IMHO the best answer is neither of you get the house. You sell it and both start fresh. You divy the net sales price so all the commisions and fees are baked in - so its fair. Houses are sources of irrational behavior - if she is prepared to max herself out to keep it, I would negotiate accordingly. At the end of the day it doesn't matter, its just an asset, not "the" home.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 03:18 PM
15

Happy wife, happy life is backwards. Happy life, happy wife. Meaning she will only want to associate with you if she thinks you are awesome. In other words, put her on a pedastal, don't be surprised if she treats you like a fan. In the meantime, get the fuck out of the basement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 08:23 PM
1

I doubt it has any standing, but give it a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 12:47 AM
1

Get your fasting insulin and a1c checked. ED is an early warning sign for metabolic issues. Probably more related to the divorce but good info to know.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 06:05 PM
2

Sounds like the mediation will fail and you are going to court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 02:17 PM
3

I am with you. No kids, no real problems. OP is down a GF and a friend. Hurts maybe, but move on.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 04:49 PM
1

Everyone is different. You can look up Rollo and the light switch effect. Usually describes the ladies but may apply to your circumstance. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 04:41 PM
3

Know your rights: Marital assets and debt are to be split 50/50 - assets home equity, 401(k), cash, cars bought etc. Debts - credit card, auto loans taken out, etc. You can try to prove that certain spending was a deminuzation of the marital estate (e.g. a cocaine habit or gambling debt or hotel rooms for an affair) and should be born by one party - but you would probably pay the lawyers more than what you are trying to split.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:57 PM
2

Who cares what his motives are. The answer is still no.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 01:37 PM
3

In fairness, the breadwinner often gets screwed. Alimony beyond a reasonable retraining period (maybe 2-3 years) is theft IMHO.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 12:50 PM
1

I would do that, and do it now. Shit is expensive anyways, you can redeploy it. When she bitches about it you just say: "It will break and I am not going to be your tech help, you know?"
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 04:06 PM
0

Yup. Your downpayment is going to get chopped.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 07:38 PM
5

Do not get married even if you move forward with this girl. 18 years of child support is much cheaper than 18 years of child support, an asset split and alimony. Given her age, if you two did decide to move forward with kids, I would think about adoption as she may be past her expiration date. A lifetime of special needs, while honorable, is a substantial risk. At the end of the day, given all the red flags, I wouldn't even start the adoption process until you are two years in. Ultimately, it do…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 07:37 PM
1

Gotta start somewhere though. . .
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 10:34 PM
3

She will lose her shit tomorrow or six months from now. No benefit to waiting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 07:17 PM
2

How the hell did you get a $7M net worth on an income below 300K? Why aren't you retired or working a passion project job now?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:22 AM
2

A grill or multiple grills.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:10 AM
2

MA, NJ and WA are definitely to 23 if the kid goes to college. If you are in a blue state, look up the law.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 02:05 PM
1

You can elect to file Married - Joint if you both agree to do so - you were married on December 31st. If you can't agree to filing married joint you must file Married Separate. You can deduct the cash value of the mortgage interest you paid. So if for example you paid 10 / 12 months you can take the interest deductible and take 10/12ths of the total (or you could recalculate the amortization table to get a precise number). The utilities aren't deductible. They are a personal expense. You can't p…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 10:00 PM
1

Take a job for a while? Form a new LLC after the divorce? Probably not practical.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 12:29 AM
1

Cancel any joint credit cards/HELOC, etc would be my first move.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:25 PM
2

Its backwards anyways. If you have a happy life, odds are you will have a happy wife.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 05:00 PM
18

Thank you for your service. This sub certainly advises non-breadwinner husbands to get what they can, but we are a little more realistic and don't suggest folks are going to get a lot of loot for short term marriages and pre-marital assets. Hope she lives in a state with no alimony. EDIT - checking her post history, she also cheated on the guy. The audacity! https://old.reddit.com/r/SupportforWaywards/comments/zg9h1c/wayward_on_my_way_out_of_brief_marriage_and_i/
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 09:27 PM
5

How long married? Kids (how many, how old)? Value of the house and mortgage? You seem to be assuming you have a lot of options in a state that isn't too friendly for men. The 3% note if it has her name on it will likely need to be refi'd at market rates.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 09:05 PM
1

Look at your mortgage docs. Is her name listed?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:49 PM
2

You making payments will help her credit (assuming on time). Her being on the loan will limit her ability to buy another house because they will count the mortgage when scoring whether or not to approve. Is she likely to try to buy another house in the near future? If you decree doesn't order it I might say do nothing. Do you have kids? Are you going to be interacting with her on the regular. Once she is house shopping this is going to be a sore point. Not sure if she could take you back to cour…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 06:49 PM
2

Put it in the agreement that each of you gets a kid on an odd or even year. Then you both can file HoH and you each get a credit. You will probably wind up giving her the younger one for the last year.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 11:58 PM
8

"See you at trial", and set a date.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 07:55 PM
1

Depends on state laws. The lawyers are going to have more to say about this than this board will. 2 questions - Is your mortgage recourse or non-recourse debt (can they sue you for the difference of the loan amount, all the collection expenses and the value it brings upon sale/auction). Can you put the house up for a short sale (it will sell for less than the note, you present it to the bank and then you don't get fucked with foreclosure and foreclosure fees if your state has recourse loans). I …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:22 AM
2

Within 20 minutes is ideal for the kid (studies say). I wouldn't sweat 25-30. I would worry about 40-45.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 03:52 PM
2

How long were you married? Federal employees als get a pension you would be entitled to a piece of that for the duration of the marriage. In general you add up all the marital assets into a big pile. Then in a negotiated settlement you can say - you get the house, we each get our cars, you get the gun collection, I will take the TSP (or like whatever % of it), you take the cash etc. If it goes to a judge you won't have the ability to split it up, you just get it divided. Bear in mind that tradit…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:15 PM
2

Six months won't matter then. Maybe a bit of space can salvage things.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:01 PM
1

I assume no kids. How long have you been married? Closing in on 10 years in CA for example? If so, bad idea. Otherwise, run the experiment, maybe you will be one of those weekend and vacation couples.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 02:40 PM
2

I am mystified by the 60/40 split. I have always took 50/50 of marital assets as gospel. I almost moved to WA. Glad it's over for you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 09:14 PM
2

How is your divorce down if you are fighting about values for the asset split? As an aside, this thread has some interesting discussion - look at Breakgrouchy's comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11mdeqz/401k_when_does_it_become_marital/
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 07:42 PM
3

I was once laid off from a job where they gave us 90 days where we didn't have to go to work, had the laptops and other stuff and our job was finding a new job, plus severance. This layoff was sparked by a merger and was VERY generous. So, the circumstances do happen. I would just talking about how she was underpaid and her earning capacity only goes up from here with her next job and you can't wait for all that sweet, sweet alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 02:27 PM
1

I understand the point you are making. My counter point would be that having a kid has consequences and requires compromise. A fair compromise would be to keep the kid in the same schools if the runway is short. Many settlement agreements mandate this. I am not saying you have to live in the same hood and have joint parties, although more power to you if you make these sacrifices and that is what your kid wants or needs. If you showing up to the birthday party transforms it to a shitshow, then h…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 12:26 PM
2

That she is likely to put her needs first and try to move with the kids back to her family. My son will be entering high school in the fall, so not the best time to relocate.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:30 PM
2

Its a bunch of stuff that has held me back. The marriage is okay (not great) about 60% of the time and truly awful 15%. Stoicism can be a curse. I am close to retiring early and burnt out. Alimony would chain my to my job for a long time, despite the asset split being sufficient to support her. I have no problem with asset split or CS. If I can retire and wait a bit, then I can avoid indentured servitude. Custody issues, my youngest has 4 years left in the house and probably less when you consid…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:14 PM
1

Its funny, because my B-I-L is the child of divorce and his Mom swallowed her pride and did a ton of shit joint with her ex and his affair partner, for the rest of her life. I kind of admired her willingness to put their differences aside for the sake of their kid, and she said she did also. Even bought houses down the street from each other. Recently a friend of mine got divorced and they both got townhouses in the same complex for their 14 year old. I said, wow, kudos. My wife now is hugely ag…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:45 PM
43

Is she mirroring a new guys interests?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 04:11 PM
2

She is one of a million, not one in a million.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 03:34 PM
1

You should change your vocab. You won't call the cops, you will call a locksmith or you will break a window. Its your house, you can do what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 04:19 PM
1

Cars can be refinanced and retitled. You both should want both the asset and the loan in her name. Otherwise you could stop paying and she gets her car repo'd (not recommending this, as your credit would be fried and she could sue you depending on what your decree said). Collectively as part of any asset split you may or may not need to reach into your pocket.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 04:06 PM
1

You brought you exes in for fun? No? Then not remotely the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 01:27 AM
8

You are beta bucks. Get out NOW.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 09:03 PM
1

Something glaringly obvious and material like hiding a winning lottery ticket, maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:03 PM
1

I don't think that is true in my state. It looks like there is another guy making the same point. I hope this is true, as I had an IRA worth $77K 20 years ago which would be over $330K using just an 8% nominal return (I think market was closer to 11%). It looks like BreakGrouchy is going to trial on it, I wish that this was true and wish him luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 12:37 PM
12

Spurned lover trying to cash in. Sues the trust instead of him. I can see a lot of NDA's being updated to include any and all trusts. I guess this comes with the territory as a mega-millionaire celebrity. Congrats to Tiger for learning the lesson not to re-marry.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 03:00 AM
2

What state? In many states you take the value the day you got married, and then you take the value on the date of separation and that is the marital asset. For example - her 401(k) was worth $7K when you married and is now $307K - 7K is premarital - 300K is marital. If this was the only asset or debt she would walk away with $157K and you would get $150K in a 50/50 marital asset split.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:46 AM
1

How old are the kids? I am sure you haven't spent you last dime on attorneys, but its fantastic that you have reached this point.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:42 AM
15

Don't get her pregnant. She is done listening to you. Just say as little as possible and try to put the house on the market to raise cash to clear the debt. Turn off any joint or authorized credit cards. After she talks to a lawyer if she is still on the alimony train, lawyer up and file ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 12:57 PM
2

You can have kids and not get married / comingle all your assets / get the state involved / enable the divorce courts who may fuck you over. People do it all the time now. Does she have past interest in fishing and soccer or is she just mirroring your interests now. If its mirroring, put a ring on it and watch that change.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:57 PM
2

How much do you earn from disability? How much does she earn? I assume with a 30+ year marriage that almost all your assets go into the "marital asset" category (baring substantial inheritances). Assuming your disability payments are comparable - WHY WOULD YOU SPLIT ASSETS 2/3rd to 1/3rd? Stop being her white knight. 50/50 split. Go your separate ways.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 04:32 PM
2

Do you know the value of her stuff? You got that through discovery? Right? Are there material personal assets? I think you can get 90% there building up the financial assets - houses, cars, retirement accounts, cash, mortgages, car loans, credit cards. If there are pensions and personal assets that gets a little bit trickier. There can be some dickering about the house value. The cleanest answer is to sell it and split it. Kids? Income disparity leading to alimony, duration of alimony - these ar…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 04:19 PM
3

In my opinion you are fucked until your daughter is old enough to have a voice in her custody arrangements. When does that happen? 12? 15? How old is your kid? I would propose modifying the custody to accommodate the lessons, if that schedule is set in stone (she doesn't get a different time next year when she slides into a different bracket) and your daughter's interest is resolute. She will say no, but at least you are trying.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 04:39 PM
2

Both of you retire? Sounds like she already is. Much empathy, my wife is a SAHM and every attempt to get her to go back to work falls flat. 20 years ago I got the privilege of paying off her grad school loans ($50K) and now she won't even go to work part time for 15/hour or whatever (she let her license lapse but could do other work and probably make 40K). My understanding is it will cost you some $$$ to have her evaluated for the hopes of imputing anything above minimum wage. What outrages me i…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 04:31 PM
1

Has the estate distributed the assets? If not, I would ask the executor to keep it open and hold the money until the divorce was done. Otherwise I would set up new accounts to segregate it (and not buy anything in the near term).
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 04:25 PM
2

A friend of mine has been engaged for about 8 years now because they don't want to add her income to claim from his ex-wife. I wouldn't take legal advice from your ex's lawyer. Watch all you want, I would just live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 09:29 PM
1

Have you filed? Is the divorced a known thing? Depends on where you are. If you are still in the planning mode, then yes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 06:49 PM
1

The general advice here is opposed to getting bit twice. "Whatever you do, don't throw me in the briar patch" - Br'er Rabbit
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:54 PM
2

If, you like the place and the terms. House appraisals are estimates and can come in high or low. If you have no equity and can put it on the market on the higher side (don't be too obvious or greedy). When no buyers come in you can probably justify saying "I will take it over" Or, I will throw you $5-10K and take it over. If you get an offer on the high side, take it and split it. Or I will take the house and the CC debt and call it a day. Lock down those cards before you get a court order tell…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:43 PM
2

So you can’t even marry someone else? Good one!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:33 PM
2

From my perspective the 2023 word is "please". Not as in "please pass the milk" but more like "will you do something my way." <dramatic pause> "Please."
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 08:56 PM
3

Pensions are sometimes in the form of an annuity-like payment stream - e.g. we will pay you $500/mo ate age 60 for life, the pension has a 3% COLA adjustment. This income stream can be converted into an NPV (but at what discount rate), but the series of adjustments (e.g. COLA or no) can make the math tricky.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 04:30 PM
3

Awesome post.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 04:39 PM
1

In most states CS "goes" to the child so you can't negotiate it away. Alimony can be negotiated.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 12:49 PM
2

Which has better divorce laws? For example, a small city in NJ could put you on the hook for CS until the kids are done with college. PA its high school. What can you get out of this by agreeing to the larger city? (e.g. 50/50 kids time).
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:04 PM
2

I don't know about proof of adultery. In general I hear better things about AZ, IN, TX, GA. Maybe a deep south state?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:46 PM
2

A friend of mine's parents were both married when they met, started affairs, got divorced, married and went maybe 40 years until her Dad passed. Certainly happens.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:43 PM
1

Two years ago I brought it up and she shut it down instantly. It was a total non-starter. If I wanted a divorce, I need to file. We are in the "cheaper to keep her"/"for the kids" stage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 10:19 PM
2

Its not illegal to send money to a different account. You will get interrogatories that will request all this data. If you lie, then the court will burn you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 03:44 PM
7

I would push for a legal separation (not sure if your state has that) or a post-nup to fix the terms of the end of this platonic existence.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 10:00 PM
1

My wife used to work as a school psychologist, has a master's degree and a one year certificate. She let her license lapse and hasn't worked in 17 years. We originally had the plan that she would go back to work when the youngest was in KG or 1st grade to pay for college and extras (vacations, whatever). At the time I had an awesome job and made at least 100K more than I do now. I saved up the college funds. Then there was a merger and I got bounced out and settled into a good, but not great job…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 03:23 PM
2

Don't adopt her kids from prior relationships. If you do, you are on the hook. Or live in Canada, apparently.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 02:44 PM
4

Human needs are complex. One moment of weakness could lead to 18-21 years of pain. Just putting it out there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/23 07:18 PM
5

I wouldn't worry about alimony - maybe 18 months at the most, probably nothing. Marital assets are everything you acquired or grew during marriage less any debt incurred. I would want to figure out how much debt she came into the marriage with. Doesn't matter who paid for it. Don't offer to pay anything extra while the divorce is proceeding. After she has signed, then you can be generous. No white knighting. Good luck and sorry you have to go through this. Don't get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/23 04:35 PM
1

How long did you have to pay?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 02:43 PM
1

Is there an agenda to waiting - e.g. you are at 9 years, 10 months married?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 06:49 PM
1

100% this on the covert contracts. I still do this, but I am trying.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 01:51 PM
2

Close the cards in my opinion. Probably gets your hand slapped, but no further damage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 03:59 PM
1

Kids? How long was the marriage? I would want the house sold to clear that debt. If there is anything left over y'all apply it to the debt. How did your wife take "the rental income", she directed it to her account? Still presumable a marital asset. Probably something else to sell in the settlement of the marital estate.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 03:07 PM
4

The light switch effect. https://www.trp.red/p/trp/938 Congrats on low/no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 03:48 PM
2

You may have difficulty getting another mortgage with you named on another loan. You okay renting for three years? I have no idea if your proposed solution will work. Presuming you have equity in the house your foreclosure risk seems small. If it were to happen your credit goes in the shitter.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 09:28 PM
2

Why? You don't want to ever get married again, RIGHT?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 03:20 PM
1

Go back to the first gym?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 02:52 PM
9

Congrats. Your son will get the taste for steak sooner or later!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 02:52 PM
1

NJ is not the friendliest state for a father to get divorced in. CS through college being a big issue, not sure about alimony. You might want to move back to your old state if those are going to be issues.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 01:53 PM
3

Spousal support is based on recent income. typically last 3 years. I have some ambition towards retiring early and have been advised to wait until 3 years after I retired to file. In CA, the judge can order lifetime alimony for marriages in excess of ten years. Any chance you could move to AZ?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 08:55 PM
1

Maybe your legal fees will be $5K and you have a 50/50 chance of winning. Not knowing your state and situation I would suspect its like $8-10K and a 20% chance of winning outright and maybe a 25% chance of cutting six months off and a 55% chance of spending on legal fees with no result. But that is PURE speculation. But would I spend $1-2K on a threat? Yes, I would do that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 04:54 PM
1

1700x18 = 30,600. How much will your lawyer fees be? What are your odds of success? Sorry you are going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 09:33 PM
2

I am still married, but I would argue against cohabitation as well. The trend is for the law to view you "as if" you were married if you live together (e.g. Canada, although one rich guy got fucked when he never lived with his girl). Also changes the relationship dynamic.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:53 PM
3

I would come up with a blanket denial and copy/paste for most of the issue. Something like - "This point is categorically denied and lacks a basis in fact" - or something like that (IANAL). For something specific in facts like on November 1, defendant kidnapped me and the kids I would expand it and say plantiff went willingly and we had a good time at applebees or whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:42 PM
4

Not sure you want to boost the income if alimony is a risk.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:36 PM
1

What a disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 02:56 PM
1

Nothing much to fight about. I would just file. Write it up as you keep yours, she keeps hers. If she wants to fight it she can hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 02:44 PM
9

Don't you mean you are thinking of moving to Arizona or Texas?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 01:58 AM
3

Its not the equity put into the house, but rather the change in the equity during the marriage. For example: House bought in 2010 - 100K, mortgate 90K Married in 2015 - FMV at date of marriage 120K, Mortgage 80K, equity 40K Divorce 2023 - FMV 400K, Mortgage is 60K, equity is now 340K (pretend the market went insane and they paid cash for an addition, assume all the money came from him or her - it does not matter). 340-40= 300/2 = 150K. If you want to buy her out, you have to come up with 150K. I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 04:18 PM
1

I also understand and empathize. I don't think cohabitation would work. It "works" now because y'all can present yourself to society as a couple. If you got divorced, even if you didn't tell anyone, the fundamental would change and at least one of you would undermine it, probably both. I was listening to Jordan Peterson on Joe Rogan yesterday and they were talking about Moses and the Isrealites, and the whole "Let my people go" thing. Well they escaped the tyranny of the pharoh and where did the…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 02:48 PM
1

Yes, my daughter declared her self bi as a 14 year old, joined the gay/straight alliance and had a bit of gender disphoria. I think she changed some of her logins to she/they on discord or the like. Since then she pulled herself away from going deep down that path and will correct me when I use the wrong pronouns when I talk about her friends and annoying things like that but substantial improvements.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 10:28 PM
3

I have an 8th grader and a 11th grader. They are each pretty different, I would say my son (8th) is more like his mother, whereas my daughter is more like me. I am still married, in part because of the potential impact on the kids (and all the usual shit, housing an HCOL, SAHM, divorce rape, etc). One of the posters talks about no prizes for enduring a marriage, and that resonates to a point. Anyways, with the 11 grader, its like she's already grown up and we are just living together at this poi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 09:34 PM
2

How old is the kid? Just going into HS (14)? or just about out (16)? The ex picked the big city and she wants the kid. The kid is going to have to choose. Your choice is what do you do? You could stay where you are, take summers maybe and wait it out. Or you could move with the kid, get a rental, maybe rent out your current place (if you own) and figure things out. If it were me and my kid was just going into HS, I would move with her. If she was nearly done, I would not. Its a judgement call.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 06:22 PM
-1

Its a game of chicken. She is driving an 18 wheeler, and you are in a regular car. In my opinion, you probably have to suck it up and stay put until she is retirement eligible. That said, if you think things through and view her separation as a sunk cost and decide you can live on half the pension, then you regain optionality. If it were me, I would fold. Can't win them all.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 06:13 PM
11

She can't kick him out during the divorce unless she trumps up a domestic violence charge against him - aka the silver bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:34 PM
3

What is the worst case scenario if no one pays this note? The bar gets siezed, liquidated and you have a remaining debt to split 50/50? Is that enough to push you into bankruptcy? You have a job, sounds like the bar is her thing/your dream. I would think about how it plays out if you let the dream go (along with the cheating gal).
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:24 PM
5

ED is a warning sign for metabolic dysfunction. When you get it checked, don't just look at glocuse (sugars, A1C) but also pull fasting insulin. If you are anywhere near pre-diabetes - no sugar, no grains at least 6 days a week.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:16 PM
2

Read No More Mr Nice Guy - and pay attention to the section on covert contracts - this is 100% you. Then come back an re-read your post. This advice applies regardless of whether you stay or go.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:04 AM
1

I was just summarizing the other link. When you are waiting for trial it is not unusual for either temp alimony or a status quo be ordered in terms of paying the bills.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 07:06 PM
9

I believe that is a state where 50/50 is the opening position. Don't give her a chance to tip the scales with a DV charge or the like. Start recording now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 05:45 PM
4

There was a case where like a 78 year old man wouldn't retire and draw his pension because the exwife would get her pension. Once she died he retired the next day. You gotta admire that!
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 05:42 PM
3

What state do you live in? The issues I see are a fight for 50/50 and to not let her move to the big city and take the kids. Alimony and CS would just be in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 05:07 PM
5

The article says, if you don't have kids, your absence including taking on a redudant expense will make the ex fat and happy and then your divorce will take longer. Basically the uncomfortable nature of sharing a house is an incentive to settle.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 04:15 PM
2

Or they consider it part of your compensation and factor that into the alimony/cs calc.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 07:05 PM
7

I would wager Mr Wonderful is her boss. Get it signed and done before a lawyer or a friend changes her mind. Also, prepare for her to flip when the bloom and off the rose. Hopefully you will have everything signed to tilt things in your favor. Just mentally prepare for the drama.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 02:17 PM
1

I feel your pain trying to get a spouse to work. We don't need it, but that is not to say we couldn't use it. Its not quite as bad as your situation (she does clean, sort of cook) but I am just stuck living with it at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 10:51 PM
2

The real risk in my opinion is that she will seek to value the growth in the value of the business during the term of the marriage. Say 12 years ago the business was worth $5K, and now they bring in an expert who says you could sell this business for $1,005,000 (based on profitability, revenue multiples, whatever). Now I would like 500K for the appreciation of the business during marriage, a split of the checking accounts, and alimony and child support too. Oh, and give me my cut from the house …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 07:14 PM
5

Well 340-182=158/2=79. That assumes there was no value gained in the three years prior to marriage. In your scenario you are basically saying the gain in the marriage period was 120K, so your house was worth 220K at the time of marriage. I guess there would be some fudge factor based on the amortization of the loan. Her $100K split is basically saying all the value growth was in the marital period and the collective we paid down the mortgage by 40K. Feels unrealistic to me. As does your expectat…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 07:06 PM
0

Yes, I really did. Look, I am doing it again. Low probability of reaching someone, but low stakes too. I am glad you got a laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 12:49 AM
6

You bought it while married, it is a marital asset regardless of how it is titled. You should sell so that you both will bear the cost of selling.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 10:21 PM
-1

In sickness and health and all that, but that trifecta of mental conditions seem pretty rough. This seems out of the blue (and maybe I am a quack), but you might want to read or get the audiobook - "Brain Energy" by Chris Palmer which suggests a metabolic pathway for most mental disorders. There is no way that your wife would consider a dietary change (keto/low carb) in this time of strife and pregnancy, but if your relationship survives this it might be something to consider. You would have to …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 03:01 AM
6

Most of the advice here is geared towards custody, asset splits, and spousal support. Your vent seems to be about the rules of polyamory and who can fall in love with who, how far is too far and that kind of thing. I admit, I am at a loss for how to give you advice. Simplistically in the context of polyamory, it seems like you can patch it up and maybe the sands shift in terms of how the various relationship function. I admit confusion as to why he can be off with his surrogate soul-mate but he …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 02:38 AM
1

ive told my lawyer who told her lawyer and So lawyer bill rate vs PO box rental, which is cheaper?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 12:55 AM
2

Legal separation is a concept in some states and not others. "have children" - you would be nuts to consider this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 01:06 PM
2

Doesn't work that way. All marital assets (and debts) get piled up in the middle, then you divy them up. You don't give her something and HOPE that you get something.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 12:59 PM
2

I am not sure the judge can force the sale of a property in france. They can however assign a value to it for asset split purposes. The houses aren't important, the value of the houses is.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 01:30 PM
3

My understanding is that you need to look to your state rules as to whether your state requires one party or two party consent to recording to be evidence. That said, if you are getting a false domestic violence charge thrust upon you the recording can save your ass.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 05:48 PM
2

One night a week is great for me. My kids are teens, from what I remember of the early days, the kid does sleep. If you want more, I suggest you try to make it part of the fabric of life. E.g. Johnny plays with his friends most nights after the kid goes down, but on Tuesdays and Fridays that's us time or whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 04:45 PM
5

Once you are close to filing and thereafter until its done - voice activated recorder at all times.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 04:36 PM
2

I play with a group of friends one night a week starting at about 8:30 until midnight/one o'clock. Its like a bowling league, just on the calendar. My wife generally respects this. I play mobile games at like 5-10 minutes increments, and its no big deal. My wife does complain a bit about quality time and she is super strict about no phones at the table, which is generally good for us all. If she needs to google something to support a story, the rule is not evenly applied.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 04:23 PM
13

Your shadow side did you a favor and fucked the co-worker. Four years without sex, this is not the love of your life. You think you broke up the family, but she contributed also by freezing you out. Could it have been cleaner, could you have broken up first and then put your dick in something new? Yes, that would be more mature and better for all involved. It didn't happen that way. Learn from it, become better. Be a great Dad, and know that you are standing on your own two feet. Have a steak an…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 04:09 PM
4

How old are the kids? More to the point, fiancee? Don't you learn! (j/k)
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 02:39 PM
9

You probably paid for it, but I love that last one.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 01:24 AM
5

Filing starts the waiting time for a trial date. If you can't agree between yourselves (a settlement with or without a mediator), a trial date is what you need.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 02:02 PM
3

Has either one of you filed?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 01:13 PM
3

I am no psychologist, but I read your comment and the first thought that came to mind was codependent. You both sound like you have fragile foundations. If a foundation breaks, who knows what happens to the relationship, but if you strengthen your foundation you will better prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 01:11 PM
1

I have seen the advice not to pull the trigger until 3 years post early retirement, lest you get your income imputed. We'll see. It seems like a lot of our conflict relates to parenting styles, and anxiety issues. I think it might get better, unless the anxiety is a pervasive issue and the kids are just an excuse. In that case, it may come time to call it quits.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 01:57 AM
2

I sort of am. In 4 years my kids will be off to college. I hope to retire early, and evaluate. Its not that bad probably 30/50/20 good/meh/bad. I pretty much owe her $2M whether I pay alimony/CS or do the asset split post retirement (assuming $3M becomes $4M over the next 4-5 years). If I pull the trigger early we will both struggle a bit as we are living in a HCOL area and we won't move the kids again. It could blow up in my face and she could seek alimony even though I have hung it up, but tha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 11:17 PM
2

What state are you currently living in? What state do you want to return to. You say you don't care about permanent alimony, but the amount can differ significantly state-to-state. I would make an informed choice. You could always move back in "in a huff" and wait to clear the residency period (may be shorter since you recently moved out), plus 3 days (margin of error) and file in the home state. Or if the new state is better, make sure you meet the residency period and file.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 02:17 PM
2

I wouldn't count on this system lasting. The western way will infect the subcontinent. Once you are married again its not like you get grandfathered into the old system.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 01:39 AM
2

Run the numbers and negotiate. Your divorce sounds pretty amicable, I am not sure I would overturn the apple cart for say $1,500 split. But I might for $15K. Dropping your 40K and 65K numbers into Tax caster with no deductions and your are looking at $3K for you, and $9K as a couple. I am skeptical of your medical deductions being that valuable as they need to exceed 7.5% of your income and then exceed the standard deduction. So if you had 10K of medical deductions you would have to deduct $3k (…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 01:10 AM
2

At asset split, say you borrow $15K and the car is worth $25K - if you want to keep the car - the equity on the car is 10K, you need to come up with $5K cash to pay her off and take on the payments. If it is the reverse, you borrow 25K (and presumably pay it), but its only worth 15K, you probably get fucked if you want to keep it. If you haven't filed yet, try to borrow in your name only as its logistically cleaner, and borrow what you think it will appraise for.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 09:17 PM
1

Agree, not for everybody. Just if the parents can act like adults it sets up a good situation for the kids to be able to walk between the houses. But, damn.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 03:17 PM
2

If you can afford it, condos/townhouses in the same complex (no shared walls ideally not in visual range of each other) seems way better. A friend of mine has this set up and so far so good (both professionals).
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 04:20 AM
1

I doubt you will owe much of anything with two child credits. They are partially refundable (like $1,400?) and you may even qualify for the earned income tax credit. Look into that also. HOH has a few hoops to it if you are still married. Just google HOH and separated and you will get a ton of advice for the suffering ladies of the world (that also applies to you if you provided 50%+ of their support (not of your income).
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 02:39 PM
3

Be thankful your current income is only 80K. If it was 250K, you would really get fucked. Don't work too hard while you are going through divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 02:29 PM
6

And work you way into a 10 year marriage in CA? OP - PULL THE TRIGGER
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 02:08 PM
18

Just tell her that if she doesn't split the refund you are filing married separate. Then say nothing else. Eventually she will see the light.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 05:40 PM
7

Just sell the house and start over. Split the equity and move on. I assume no kids, so don't get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 01:53 PM
7

Hillary, who I am not a fan of, is nowhere near as disrespectful as Michelle. At least not publicly.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 01:47 PM
2

In this putz's defense, marital assets should be split 50/50 - that is what we signed up for when we got the state involved in our relationship. Alimony, on the other hand. . . Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 04:37 AM
1

Sounds not too bad, just keep an eye on things.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 04:01 PM
1

Don't sleep on this. Are you eating well (by that I mean no sugar, no grains)? If you are dependant on Viagra/cialis you may be masking a deeper issue and when they stop working, well, its not good.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 03:37 PM
2

She isn't really getting fucked by the system. She didn't have kids, there has been no real talk of alimony its just bullshit around the asset split and wasted home improvement upgrades. Maybe her story is true, maybe not. But this isn't a fucking. Heavy petting at most.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 03:01 PM
8

Don't cohabitate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 09:48 PM
2

This is not the advice I would have given. What is that saying, if you hold her up like a celebrity, she will only treat you like a fan. Something like that. Sorry you are going through this OP.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 02:01 PM
1

She will use your money - e.g. take less of your retirement or whatever. In my opinion its cleaner to sell the house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 01:39 PM
2

I dumped some numbers into this calculator. I gave her a weekly income of $600, and a cheap childcare of $100/wk and it says you are paying her $230/wk https://www.amherstdivorce.com/ma-child-support-calculator-html
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 09:54 PM
5

Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 09:39 PM
2

Let her have it as long as you get the equity out. Don't take dollars in a retirement plan unless there is an adjustment for future taxes. E.g. Your buyout is $500K, don't take $500K in a traditional 401(k) since you will owe the IRS their share, ask for $600K, or Roth assets.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 01:16 PM
1

Does she have debt? Separate from yours? All your assets and debts are going to be put in the middle of the table (absent non-marital items like inheritances) and they will chop it in half. So if you have $2K in the checking account, $5K on your credit card that you hope to pay off and she has 15K in credit card debt and you keep your finances separate. Total marital estate = 18K, you each get $9K. If you pay off your credit card, then marital estate equals 13K, you each get $6.5K regardless if …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 05:00 PM
1

A dog or $300K. If this is true, good luck with puppy training.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 03:33 PM
2

Do you have an income disparity that could lead to alimony? If so, file now. Sleep on a couch if you have to, vs add another year to the marriage and the potential for more/longer alimony. I don't really understand what you are waiting for. No assets, no kids and mentally you seem okay with her taking the dog (which I agree with, you should not fight over a dog). Get a second job for christmas (gig work, amazon, instacart, door dash) scrape together first and last for that studio and get out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 03:23 PM
4

No kids? If so, keep it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 02:13 PM
1

I am potentially considering a grey divorce also. I am 50 and could stop working in about 4 years. I am really surprised that there isn't a data base that rank orders the states. The criteria seems pretty simple. Alimony Lifetime? 1 year per 3? 3 years rehab? Or judge's option? Child Support - just the formulas General custody (for men, not the extremes like abuse/drugs) - 50/50 presumption? A primary and a secondary (PA seems to have this, if you are secondary you most likely cap at like 40%)? …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 01:58 PM
1

Vaguely - AZ, TX, GA, IN? Bad - CA, NJ, NY, WA, OR
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 07:29 PM
1

Gotcha. Makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 03:48 AM
1

It does not hurt the world when long time marriages end. My inlaws have been together like 52-53 years. It was obvious they should have divorced 20 years ago. My own 19 year marriage is iffy. If it makes it great, if not, also great.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 01:43 AM
2

People have been divorcing prevalently for over 50 years. Social media is just another means to the end.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 01:39 AM
2

She will promise* to do more around the house when she stays home with your two kids. Then you will be making 200K+ and she makes zero. A couple years later comes the divorce (maybe). *promise won't be fulfilled. The only more around the house will be her, 20 lbs more from the second pregnancy. Anyways that's my prediction. Still married to a SAHM, who admittedly kept her figure.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 08:08 PM
1

Shouldn't matter as long as you can generate the cash.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 04:47 PM
2

Is the existing loan in her name also? If so, you may have to re-fi otherwise her credit is tied up by the loan outstanding for your house. Otherwise, a HELOC makes a lot of sense, closing costs are less (an appraisal), it tends towards variable rates, but fixed rate is possible. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 03:57 PM
1

I think you have two issues. Income change - if you take a job that pays less but get to be closer to home, I think that is fine. They could do an income study and say that you could be worth 250K a year, but if the bird in the hand is 160k with potential - a judge would have a hard time fighting reality. On a side note - if you are changing jobs, any chance you could move out of that hell-hole (for divorce) and to a friendly state? The second issue of the loan thing. If they gave you $$$ as a r…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 01:16 PM
1

She doesn't have to re-fi. Just sell the house and split the equity. Problem solved.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 02:16 PM
1

Brutal that there was no credit for temporary support. Crime (stalling) pays. Enjoy the freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 02:03 PM
2

You can transfer it tax deferred now, but if it is $50 and grows to $100 at retirement age when you withdraw it in retirement you will owe taxes then. If you withdraw it now, you will owe current taxes, I think there may be a exception to not pay the early retirement penalty of 10%, but there is taxes due.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 01:25 PM
2

No taxes on alimony post trump law change. No taxes on asset division either. Maybe he is thinking the 401(k) has an embedded tax liability (you pay taxes when you take the money out), which would be an advanced thought (but true).
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 02:46 PM
3

In a year you will look back, still hate the bitch, but conclude she did you a favor.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 02:41 PM
4

Sell the house. You are emotionally over invested in it. Split 50/50, get apartments or whatever you can afford and move ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 12:57 AM
2

You should have negotiated for every other year in your settlement agreement. So one year you would have two dependents, the next one. Technically the IRS rules don't support this, but the IRS doesn't want to get into your divorce agreement either.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 08:51 PM
3

Get the app to be your only point of contact. What is it called our family wizard or something?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 09:35 PM
1

I am still married, but I love to cook for myself. Throw a piece of meat on the grill, get forks, knives, salt, a drink and a plate together. Flip the meat, throw a side in the microwave, pull the meat, enjoy. Minus the grill, it wouldn't be as much fun.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 01:15 PM
1

In my opinion, sell the house. Your kids will adjust and it is just cleaner.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 01:11 PM
1

In the US you can only apply for a passport with both parents present. Not sure how the rules work in AUS, or if your kid already has one. If so, who has the passport?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 12:56 PM
5

Condolences. I wish we could see what happens to her life over the next ten years. I can see you thanking your lucky stars that you got out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 12:43 PM
2

Ha, nice try.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 03:47 PM
2

187 is a police code (in the movies at least) for a homicide. I think she is implying that she would kill rather than give that up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 03:47 PM
3

If she hasn't filed she could take a distribution from her 401(k), be on the hook for taxes and penalty (you could be too if you agree to file a joint return without protections) and then blow the money. Sounds like she is a saver, and that would be against her nature. As a civil servant she is entitled to a piece of your pension, as you are entitled to a split of the 401(k) saved and earned during the marriage. I suspect she will offer a trade, you keep yours and I keep mine, we split the house…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 12:26 PM
2

Reconcile, get her to move, wait a while, then file.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 03:01 AM
25

Sell the house. Rent two places. No funding questions. Fewer hurt feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 02:59 AM
16

I say fuck around for 3 more years and have a kid or two. Let her quit the job and then you will be nicely set up for lifetime alimony and about 18 years of child support. If all you are worried about is maybe a few years of alimony and an asset chop - you are getting off cheap.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 02:50 AM
4

You remind me of Holden Caulfield.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 09:14 PM
6

Just prepare for her to not do what you think is logical. So you might pay all 6 months on that lease. You buy out her equity and she blows the money and if your name is on the car note, they come after you. Then assuming you don't get into the pure crazy (DV charges, messing with your job, calling HR and reporting you for killing puppies or something) then prepare to be nickeled and dimed for a bunch of kid related stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 02:07 PM
1

This, for sure. Sunk cost theory. Just move on. There will be other houses.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 02:01 PM
23

I keep struggling with the thought of: “am i an asshole for taking the money that is rightfully mine?” You are not the asshole for taking what is yours. You bought a house, it went up 100K, now you are splitting and half that gain is yours. Period. If I said my internet blather was worth $10K, pay up. You would tell me to go fuck myself, and would be right to do so. Her attempt to bully you away from your share of the increase is just as fucked up. In most divorces 50/50 asset split of marital a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 01:45 AM
23

Start making noises about alimony (seeing as you have this income disparity, you could use it to retrain yourself for the market. . .) and then you will really see her squeal.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 12:54 AM
1

This is a math problem. Insert some numbers and you will have your answer. For example, your home equity of $1M, your 401(k) is 10K, and alimony would be $30K per year (x7). Option 4 costs you $500K and gains you $220K = a loser. If the numbers are closer, remember your retirement has a silent partner if its pre-tax money and Uncle Sam (and possible your state) will eventually want his 10-50% (I use 20-25% as an estimate. unlikely to get blessed by the court). As a practical matter, I doubt the …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:15 PM
1

Well that is a relief. Doesn't change that its over, but at least there is less BS.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 10:04 PM
3

Have you considered that she was at a bar or something and only came home when her BFF neighbor reached out?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 09:39 PM
1

So honest. Amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 01:26 PM
5

Still married and conflicted. My wife is honest and loyal. She is also prone to negativity, won't work, fairly controlling and wired different than me. The sex sucks right now too. I am not perfect either, far from it. We are in a HCOL area and its some what easier to stay married than to split. I am not sure if it will get easier as the kids go along and/or move out. I think in general she is better than average. If I get divorced, I am never remarrying but wouldn't write off women entirely. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 07:31 PM
2

I have heard intermittently that AZ, GA, IN, TX are decent options. I hear that CA, NJ, NY, MA, WA are definitely bad. I live in PA - custody isn't ideal but alimony is presumed to be 1 year for every 3. I think that every divorce has wrinkles (and judges) that matter, but it would help to have like a 50 state review of alimony (length and any cap), and then a 50 state review of custody (50/50 presumption?, kids through HS or college, basic math for 1 to 4 kids). I think that asset split is pret…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 07:14 PM
1

If you have some cash, you could try a HELOC and not have to refi or you could give up some retirement assets. I would try to use tax deferred assets, as they have a tax liability embedded in them that often isn't broken out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/22 01:12 AM
1

I am pretty sure AZ is a good state to divorce in. Don't live there, but it comes up. Don't move to CA, that is for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:00 PM
1

I wouldn't foster it in anyway. I wouldn't talk about it with the ex either (why waste words). But maybe when the kid is like 15 he will make the break. It doesn't sound like she is abusive, if so lawyers, full custody, pain.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:51 PM
1

From what I have read, you only benefit by filing in January vs December. I am on the FIRE path (have kids, almost done) but am still making bank. I have been advised (on forums) that family court doesn't care about fire and that the asset split is separate from the support calc. My state PA, generally awards support for 1/3 of the length of the marriage, may 1/2. There is limited comments that lifetime enters the discussion after 25 years. Nevermind that after asset split she could easily pull …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 12:58 PM
1

Yes, there are formulas. This article explains the bend points 90 cents on 1K per month, 32 cents on the next 5K, 15 cents on the rest (capped at 147K for 2022). These amounts are all inflation adjusted, and cumulative, so if you made 100/wk when you were 16, that may be recalc'd to 300/week. You need to get your history at SSA.gov You can then past your history into https://ssa.tools/ And you might also want to look at this article and give them your email address to get their spreadsheet. http…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 10:26 AM
1

Probably doesn't matter. The payouts are highly "progressive" (and complicated)- based on inflation adjusted wages paid into the system. Say she made 147K per year (the max in 2022) for 35 years, she would qualify for a max benefit. If you earned 12K per year for 35 years you get to the first bend point and qualify for about 25% of a max benefit (on 8% of the cumulative "max" income). If you earned 74K per year (inflation adjusted) then you would reach what is called the second bend point at get…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 11:43 AM
8

The funniest tweet on this one so far is "Mega-philanthropist McKenzie Scott even gives away her husband".
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 11:24 AM
1

If your ex made more than you they will never use the option to file based on 50% of your full retirement age. If she makes SUBSTANTIALLY more than you, you might consider filing on her history - but that would only apply if half of her benefit at FRA is more than your benefit. Absent major gaps in your earning history (like a SAH parent married to a high earner) that is unlikely to pay off for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 11:06 AM
1

Seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 10:06 PM
3

At a minimum, pre-nup? Put pre-marital assets into an irrevocable trust? Does she earn equal or more? Is she planning to stay home with kids? What is the sex like? The no excitement comments made me put the last one in. What are the consequences if you don't get married, will she leave you? Age gap? Not saying it can't be done. But you've been around the block once before. What would you do different? Just pick a different girl?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 09:13 PM
6

Looking for simps anywhere they can.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 09:05 PM
2

Unless she has specialized knowledge like nursing and has kept her license up I would assume she will get imputed at like $15/hour or 30K. Maybe 40K. Its probably easier to downshift your career (assuming you haven't filed) for say two tax returns if you want to cut the number down then it would be to lead a horse to water. Lord knows I have tried.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 02:07 PM
1

You need a business valuation done. Talk to a few brokers, if you were to sell out what would you get? Divide that by two. Presumably the brokers will look at the profits of the business, subtract out a salary for a manager to run it in your absence (which presumably would feed into the alimony calc - but not definitely since asset split and alimony are separate calcs) and then assign a multiple. That's about as far as the internet randoms can take you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 01:58 PM
2

Don't adopt the kids. Don't get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 01:56 PM
9

You can call up old friends and try to re-kindle a past friendship. Say it works with 1 out of 5, that's 1, and you will probably have another good conversation or two. I am still married myself and my wife dug herself into a similar hole, and I encourage her (to no avail - the "yes, but" game) to reach out to old friends. Same logic. The other advice is get involved in hobbies, classes or whatever. It can take some time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 01:05 PM
2

Don't get her pregnant!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 02:05 PM
3

Definitely wait out the 6 months to establish residency. I hear GA is a good state to divorce in. At least from an alimony perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 03:15 AM
1

Ok, so it might be hard to get a HELOC with a 90% LTV (85% is easier, 80% is cake), but the point was if he has a low rate, a smaller buy-out and he wants to preserve the low rate, then he needs to consider alternatives (401(k) loan?). If he has a lot to buyout then his hand is probably forced.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 08:52 PM
5

This post is so far from the point of this sub - Divorce Men. Its from a lady and its about a future relationship - not the complications of the divorce. We don't know this guy and its about your insecurities dealing with some one with an ex. We all have past relationships regardless of whether we got the state involved. You both are taking risks and you both might get hurt. That's life.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 06:26 PM
1

Depends on the context. If you have a 500,000 house, a 400,000 mortgage at 2.5% and you need to pay her $50K - take out a HELOC. If you have a $1M, a mortgage of $100K at 2.5% and you need to pay her $450K - you probably need to take out a new mortgage because HELOC rates are variable and you probably aren't paying $450K in a couple years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 03:30 PM
1

Does your business have a lot of capital assets? Employees? Could you close and liquidate it, and form a new one? Probably doesn't work that way, just an idle thought. Assuming she was assigned half the value, the house and the car had to have some value, what was it offset against. For example, the biz is worth 500K split 250/250, the house and the car are worth 150K, if allocated to her vs split 75/75 - what did you get for your 75K? More retirement? A boat? Or did you just walk away from your…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 01:48 AM
3

Spell out a plan for kids activities. No signing kids up for something without obtaining the other's consent (or they pay for it) otherwise. I am not divorced, but I have seen that issue pop.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 01:14 PM
3

In that light I would move forward then. Takes the downside risk away. What is your preferred outcome, keep it or sell it?
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 01:52 PM
4

25K is about 6% of $420. You will lose that on commission alone if you sell the property. I'd walk away myself, why take on the risk that you will lose more. At least now the money is gone and it just reduces the asset split - so in effect she pays 12.5, you pay 12.5.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 01:26 PM
2

Looks bad. Don't impregnate her again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 01:36 PM
1

My understanding is it depends on the state/judge. That said if its in settlement talks I would definitely include it in any buyout offer. If I was the one being bought out I would conveniently omit them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:08 PM
2

Good state to move to from what I hear.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 09:10 PM
2

Hooray!
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 03:32 PM
2

Maybe take a part time job now with less stress and try to establish that as your income? Maybe get a doctor to support your less stressful lifestyle? I am grasping at straws, but if your encore career is bringing in some cash it might be harder for the judge to send you back to the coal mine? It never ends. . . Maybe I should pull the trigger now and just pay for the 6-9 years than hope to work 2 more and call it quits. My wife refuses to get a job (we have been through it) and I have 5 more ye…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 03:20 PM
1

I would do this and ideally move to a better jurisdiction to file in.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 03:03 PM
2

Jesus. I had heard that if your retire early and get three years in you would just be looking at an asset split (and maybe CS if the kids were minors). What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 02:59 PM
2

Are you still living in the house? If you were to sell the house and the support order was modified so it was increased to cover her rent you have $4700 or 2350 to play with in rent. Then you don't have to worry about the furnace busting or the like. I would put it on the market if she would agree. In general, it sounds like she isn't going to do shit until the trial approaches. Get ready for the continuance to be filed and the trial to be moved to April. Maybe if the house sells then she will g…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 02:55 PM
2

Its a cliche, but you need to hear it - she is one of a million, not one in a million. Sex basically twice a year. Ouch, get out!
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 11:58 AM
1

Bear in mind if you go for the house, when you sell it will have selling costs associated with it, 5-6% brokers commision x% fix-up costs, 1-2% closing costs/taxes. Odds are if your 401(k) is traditional it may carry a higher rate than the house selling costs and if you push to discount the home price, the other side may look closer at what they are getting (an asset with a deferred liability). Also, in terms of expected value, stocks generally have an expected return greater than real estate - …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 09:11 PM
6

It will go into the over all asset split. Say the Honda was worth 20 and owed 10K - equity = 10K Tesla worth 45K and owe 30K - Equity = 15K If you then had combined retirement accounts worth 115K and those were the only marital assets, then grand total = 140K - split 50/50 70K each. She splits her 70K as 15K car, 55K retirement. You get 10K car, 60K retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 06:03 PM
1

Short marriage, some baggage on your end. Do you want her to have the house? Are you trying to keep it yourself? What is it worth? Can she afford it? Can you (post child support / alimony)? The house will be in asset split phase - Say you bought it two years ago for $250K, put 10K down, its appreciated to $300K and you paid it down another 10K. So your net equity is now $70K (300K-230K). Let's say you were working at wonderco for the last two years and you got stock awards that are now worth $50…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 01:37 PM
1

The point is she would have to petition a court to change the status quo. No guarantees, but I would say the facts on the ground matter. Sure you don't want to move to GA where the alimony rules are way better?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 02:20 AM
3

If you have kids together I wouldn't even do it when the divorce is final. Otherwise, "I just settled all my lawsuits, fuck you Debbie".
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 08:13 PM
1

OP, You need to put some numbers down. House is worth 500K owes 100K, equity 400K, 401(k) $750K , apartment, paid off, equity = 435K, that sort of thing. The asset split is probably pretty easy. Just tally it up and see where it lands. The hard part is alimony. Your income situation is better than mine (250 & 0 vs 100 & 40). How long you pay depends on your state and possibly your age (some states stop alimony at full retirement age like MA, some states do 1/3 of your marriage length like PA, so…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:59 PM
2

I believe in MA lifetime alimony is stopped at full retirement age (67). At least that is what it was for my boss, called it quits after getting the 6th kid out, SAHM, mormon, pays her 35% of his gross (pre-tax, alimony is still deductible since they finalized pre-Trump tax cuts), pays taxes on a third and lives on a third. Still pretty good since he was an ultra-high earner, but he owes it until age 67.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:52 PM
3

Implies getting re-married. See rule #1.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:44 PM
1

I guess that is what you meant with the word "coverture" - that one shot over my head. That judge is quite a dick if he won't give you credit for your pre-marriage balances.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 07:42 PM
2

Her own children don’t want to hang out with her. I missed this when I read the post. Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 01:32 PM
1

Worth a shot. If you file, I think you pick the jurisdiction. She would then have to fight to move the divorce into NJ's jurisdiction.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 01:21 PM
1

Say you worked 5 years and the day you got married your 401(k) had 100K in it. Then you got married and it grew to $1M. 900K is the marital asset. At division she gets $450k, you get $550k. Mind you, if you had put the 100K into an irrevocable trust it probably would have grown to 300K and you would be splitting 700K, but you didn't put it into a trust, so here you are. If you owned a rental house that was paid off on the data of marriage that was worth $250K and grew to $500K - depending on you…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 01:17 PM
2

Her car asset value - $29K Her car liability value - 29k Equity 0 Your truck asset value 25K You truck liability value 0 Equity - 25K Marital estate (if only car and truck) - 25K Asset split - you sell the truck and split 12.5K each or one of you keeps it and pays the other $12.5K
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 07:01 PM
2

some one in another thread mentioned hellodivorce.com - not an endorsement, but I would pay the $99 DIY fee to mess around with the documents if your divorce had the potential to be uncomplicated. Texas was one of 4-5 states they serviced. Did you adopt the stepchild? If yes, its the same as if it were biological, hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 07:30 PM
3

Not really on topic and I have no personal experience, but I would take a look at keto. I follow this girl on twitter and over five years she took control of epilepsy (no meds anymore), lost a shit ton of weight, etc. I know N=1, but damn impressive. https://twitter.com/SeizureSalad314 On topic - not sure what is going on, so I hesitate to speculate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 07:25 PM
1

Is your name not on the account? Go online and download the bank statements. No need to wait for discovery. If your name wasn't on the account, then why the hell did you put $66K of your money in it? Discovery can be used to find other, "hidden" accounts (if she answers truthfully), but accounts you know about, just get the records.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 01:22 PM
5

Are you willing to spend $5K to get the dog? 10K? Sounds like a short marriage and no kids. I would take the L and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 12:21 PM
2

My guess is they would eventually garnish any social security payments you might be entitled to. Just a guess though.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 12:06 AM
11

Cancel any joint cards or cards she is an authorized user on. Redirect your paycheck to an account that only has your name on it. Fund the checking accounts a fixed amount to cover expenses and no more. Get real interested in credit and sign up for free credit monitoring for she and you (credit karma or whatever). These steps don't do anything from an asset split perspective, but may protect you from surprises (debt on your card, debt you didn't know about, her cleaning out the joint checking ac…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 06:52 PM
1

She advised my boyfriend that he wait until end of 2022 until his businesses reach a certain phase (so he doesn’t lose out financially). Our plan was to follow the lawyer’s advice then he would divorce her. This makes 0 sense. Its better to divorce when a business is worth less than have it grow as a marital asset that will be subject to asset split. Love is complicated. I would think hard about whether the guy could be stringing you along. I would also consider how ownership of the business is …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 12:25 PM
2

Rough. I commend you on taking the high road, or at least trying to. There is a good chance that this might eat away at you and cause you to release the info in the heat of the moment. I would contemplate that a bit and think about whether you want the truth to get out or whether you want it buried (at least till the kid is 18). Any idea on who the bio-dad might be? Does that eat at you?
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 10:14 PM
1

Same debate. My wife is a SAHM who won't go back despite the kids being teenagers (and one driving). I need to talk to a lawyer, I have used online calculators and despite projected alimony going up each day, the child support goes down. Do I tough it out a few years and eliminate CS? Not sure.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 01:36 PM
1

Well, worth a shot in the other states! Do they let you deduct the future taxes associated with traditional IRA/401(k)'s? That is another potential advantage or disadvantage. Probably no case law on it as its a pretty abstract concept.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 11:44 PM
1

If I was buying her out I would include selling costs in my estimates and knock down the proceeds by about 5-10% (commission, recordation taxes, etc). If I was selling out, I would be silent on that point. Everything is a negotiation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 02:21 PM
1

picking up several new jobs No extra income while you are in the process!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 08:52 PM
2

Bingo. I asked my SAHM wife to apply for a job, 100% remote work, working for people who I know to be good, and she still wouldn't do it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 07:55 PM
3

I would cancel the joint cards before the lawyer. Then if they ask you why you didn't run that by the lawyer you can say I didn't have him yet. Ideally she will already have a card in her name so she has options. I would also re-direct your paycheck to a solo checking account and take half of the cash.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 10:36 AM
2

Thanks. Very interesting, you toughed it out a while. I am at the considering phase and my youngest is going into the 8th grade. I don't think we will make it to the finish line but not sure what the right balance is. Some days are better than others and others are much worse. Its interesting to hear another perspective. Thanks, enjoy the Bahamas.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 12:12 PM
2

Yeah the letter from the lawyer isn't in my mind to have any legal bite to it, but just the ground work for, "as stated in my lawyers letter on July 27, 2022 expenses have to be agreed to ahead of time" - make that the starting point for every response (yes or no) and you can habituate her to having to ask vs just getting guilted at every drop off or pick up. Or so it goes in my head. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 05:23 PM
1

Key phrase is "subject to mutual agreement" I would have your lawyer draft a letter that she is to write an e-mail with anything she wants to do for the kid a week in advance and promise to get back to her in 48 hours. Anything incurred without mutual consent will be the responsibility of the party who contracted for it. THEN BACK UP THAT BOUNDARY. DON'T pay for anything where she didn't follow the procedure. Her threats about documenting how you won't pay for your kids activities and interest a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:15 PM
1

What does your decree say. Do both parents have to agree to an activity or does it say you just split the fees. If it says you both have to agree, then I would tell her "I didn't agree to that, I am not paying". If it doesn't then you and your lawyer have some work to do. By the way, when they are adults your wife will want you to help with the weddings and down payments.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:02 PM
2

Great job. I am a little jealous (particularly of the no alimony thing). Did you tough it out for the kids the last few years? Or was it the semi-empty nest that revealed it? Who filed? How long did it take? Its okay if you don't want to answer. If I were in your shoes I would pay rent for a year or so, stabilize the finances, plan a trip like you have planned. I wouldn't rush into dating but I wouldn't not do it. Definitely try some new hobbies though. Get out there. We don't know if you need c…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 03:50 PM
1

So, you are asking if you should hide assets? If you haven't filed a 401(k) loan would reduce the size of the marital estate. Whatever you bought with the $$$ would presumably increase the size of the marital estate. Divorce is made of 3 parts CS, alimony and asset split. This only impacts the asset split. Doing a little math - a 401(k) loan is a max of the lesser of $50K or 50% of the outstanding 401(k) balance - lets assume you have over $100K set aside in the 401(k). So if you borrow it, you …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 03:35 PM
2

Yes, but in the context of a divorce, she might not be rationale with you, might need to be a third party.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 01:24 PM
2

In my opinion: Just sell the house. There are other houses out there. Any buyer will insist on a price reduction and you two split the proceeds.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 12:15 PM
1

Nobody knows because it would depend on how a hypothetical judge might rule. I make the proverbial $250K (and my tenure is shaky), the wife a SAHM and would like to retire early and nearly have the assets to do it. In theory my wife could file now and in PA I would probably owe her alimony based on that salary for 1/3 to 1/2 the marriage and she would probably get $15/hr imputed to her. If I got laid off and took a $75K position, my lawyer would argue he took what he could get. Hers would argue …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 10:09 PM
2

Kids? Length of marriage (any milestones coming up)? State? Obviously you don't have to wait to file. Any reason to tip-toe?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 09:54 PM
1

I would suspect its just what you were vested in on the separation date or divorce date. The question is could you post-divorce buy that time back, and would she have a claim against it. I would guess her claim is no, but don't know.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 04:55 PM
1

Sounds like a one month problem. Even if you went by her plan to alternate schedules, its for a month. It also sounds like she pushes buttons and instigates conflict. My opening would be to stick the the "court ordered" custody plan and say if you feel that your house will be more peaceful with just one of the two you would be happy to keep one of them during her week. Assuming you would be happy to keep the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 02:22 PM
1

I also might change state in the future to find better career opportunities, anyone here ever tried 59/50 when parents live in different states? You should convince her to move first then file or abandon this idea entirely. Hopefully you are moving to a state with better divorce laws.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 03:19 PM
2

I agree. Hard to read where it seems to put the "spouse" into the third person. If its a gay relationship that's fine. Just say he and I don't see eye-to-eye on kids. If its a woman, posting about her man, well okay, but just out with it. The "they" and "spouse" seems so distant. In terms my view, the male divorce thing for this sub is mostly so that it is a male space, men can be vulnerable, they can ask questions without being shamed or the like. I have asked potential support questions in oth…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 03:00 PM
1

Asset split is separate from CS which is separate from alimony. Assets acquired in marriage are split 50/50. Pro-tip tax deferred balances like a traditional 401(k) have future tax liabilities associated, so $1 in a 401(k) is worth $1 minus your future tax rate. Try to use this to your advantage. Say, the 401(k) will require fees for a QDRO, I will just take my share out of home equity (this hides the reality). In the alternative, present the facts and demand that the 401(k) is only counted at 8…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 06:08 PM
3

I am similarly situated with a conservative catholic wife and an atheist self. The day-to-day of our marriage is okay, the difficulty is we are different people and that has almost entirely been brought out by the passage of time. I can't imagine Roe being a factor, but that is mostly caused by my indifference. All Roe did was push it to the states. At the end of the day their will be some where anything goes, and others that are more restrictive. Then their will be charities or companies that w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 05:48 PM
2

Do NOT get her preggers
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 08:02 PM
3

Probably tougher to get 50/50 with an infant. I assume your state has no fault divorce, so the reason doesn't really matter. Try to get past the emotion and focus all your commentary and planning on how to co-parent best. The court will order CS based on a state formula. You may disagree but it won't matter (unless you want to go the under the table path, which seems dickly at first impression).
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 01:12 PM
3

I thought you were talking about what is going on over at TwoX with the court ruling. That is a highly reactionary place right now. To be honest with you, I think joint finances are fine until they aren't. Unless you are bending the rules, the court will push everything into one big pile and then break out the cleaver. But yeah, if you even ask questions almost anywhere else you get bottled up, banned or put down.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 10:21 PM
1

Strange question. I am contemplating divorce and money factors into the equation (how much CS and alimony, how much asset split, how much can I save in either situation), but given that she gets to drink from the water, I am not saying I got millions, take what you need, I am rich, bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 06:59 PM
8

Don't get the gal preggo, and enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 01:16 PM
1

I am a bit naïve in thinking that she won't lie but you never know. She did sacrifice her career from her perspective to support mine. That said, there are a lot of assets that comes out of that that will support her lifestyle. She isn't too greedy but she knows that I am "money focused" she could decide that I need to be punished. Mediation and collaborative divorce is definitely things we can explore. I am pretty careful and I don't see me starting this without talking to a lawyer first. Hopef…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:32 PM
4

Spot on. I worry about her fears more than my desires or needs. These are all nice guy behaviors that aren't really good for either of us. I need to fix this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 03:16 PM
1

I have a bit of dread of this. I remember back to my 20s being solo and having nothing to do on the weekends. Most of the time it was alright, but once in a while it felt like a chasm. My wife is kind of shitty, so there is that. . . I am older and wiser now. But unsure.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 03:06 PM
1

Its interesting. I am fairly future oriented, and now a days all I can think of is a solo retirement. She is fully on board with downsizing when the kids are out of school and she brings up things like where we might live and has a list of house features (like windows that can fold in and are easy to clean), and I agree with her, but I just keep thinking a townhouse near an airport in a LCOL area. Its not right. When I think of our personalities, she is very traditional and seems to have embrace…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 02:02 PM
1

You have commented on some of my past comments and I always appreciate your perspective on my flailing comments and others. Kudos. There is no question that if she asked for the divorce, it would go a lot smoother, as she would be a partner in reaching that end vs trying to get a pound of flesh out of me on the way out. The question I would have to ask myself is how would I bring her to this point short of shitty provocations. Probably means asserting my own genuine positions vs accommodating he…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 01:05 PM
1

I know you are right. In my defense, I need to grind out the job a few more years and then after that I will be set. We live in a HCOL area and I would have to gut my savings if I pull the trigger. Whereas now, I can save. Half of what I save will go away, but if I quit the marriage, all of it will go to paying for two households, possibly two lawyers. I am a couple years away from economic freedom and I am currently grinding it out. I could take a sabbatical, retrain for a less intense second c…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 12:43 PM
1

Fill the gap is a phrase that might work. I am getting killed on the budget, there is always an added expense. When we were first having kids we thought she would stay home until the kids hit elementary and then her salary would come back on line and pay for college and extras. Then my salary grew so much that we have already saved up for college and there seemed to be enough for extras. In 2017 I left the job that was paying so damn well (mergers) and flailed around a bit and settled where I am…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 12:43 PM
1

Interesting point. Very interesting, actually. That would change the dynamic with the fight that I am not looking forward to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 12:21 PM
1

No pensions.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 10:11 PM
2

I make around $225K. I previously used these calculators + https://calculators.law/calculators/maintenance/pennsylvania https://calculators.law/calculators/child-support/pennsylvania And came up with alimony of $46,200 (for at least 6.3 years), CS for two kids for two years of $40,731 and then one kid for three years of $25,457 totals up to $450K (tax free!) - that is my early release penalty. Still would have to do asset split which would be around $1.5M to her. The thing is, I just modeled it …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 10:09 PM
1

Fair point.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:21 PM
5

I guess I need to read up un bpd. I wouldn't normally think that is the diagnosis.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:18 PM
1

PA seems to be one year for every three years of marriage, or one for two in limited circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:17 PM
2

TRT was awesome. This will sound bad, kind of is bad, but I dropped it because my wife didn't like it. She said I was more aggressive and I wasn't "me". This was coupled with TRT not delivering some health benefits (basically wasn't the cure for diabetes driven ED), that I gave it up. Figured if the dick wasn't going to work, I didn't want the sex drive. That led to different complaints.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:16 PM
1

Believe her. On the first part, she doesn't love you anymore. That's a complete sentence. Start planning the rest of your life accordingly. Don't listen to the rest of her bullshit. Thank her for being truthful and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 05:40 PM
1

Offer to split the proceeds of what she takes the time to sell?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 05:26 PM
33

What a genius move on the friend's part. Put out and potentially secure a future husband making bank (I don't remember what it was, something like $600K per year). Amazing power move. Once every two weeks while dating, christ!
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen23/01/22 03:51 PM
1

Move to a state with favorable divorce laws. Establish residency and divorce her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 07:59 PM
2

You can always buy another house one day. She can always reneg on her offer of no CS, but I would take a chance on that. Make sure that you write up that you are splitting what is left over after all the expenses are paid (fix up expenses, realtor fees, taxes, etc).
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 02:19 PM
1

All reports are CA sucks. So it must be MI is better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 02:15 PM
1

Wow, pretty rough. All I can add is good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 02:14 PM
7

Every day you wait is more time added to support. Get with a lawyer now and FILE! Don't try to cheap out of it and not use a lawyer. Your a doctor, she is going to try to get as much support for as long as possible. Good news is, you have a great career, you will recover. Stop fucking around and FILE. Don't wait for her to file, you do it. Okay, you will be perceived as the bad guy, but we all know the truth. You have no kids, FILE.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 01:27 PM
14

Just run the numbers. If you pay less, consider it. The US Gov't does not consider your feelings, nor should you. Make this a math thing. If she saves a little cash in the process, so be it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 09:58 PM
5

Just divorce. You don't mention kids which means you probably don't have any. Don't get her pregnant and get the fuck out. You will pay a social price but stack that up against 40 years of living with this gal.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 05:52 PM
10

Say no. Offer to take the kid full custody if she really wants to go. You aren't limiting her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 04:22 PM
8

She is pursuing the creme de la creme. She isn't an 18 year old model anymore. If she pursued an average guy or above average guy (not alpha-bucks), she would have different results.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen09/01/22 03:52 PM
17

Nice that she didn't cover up the kid's teeth, so her would be suitors know that they have the expense of braces coming up.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen06/01/22 01:42 PM
2

Might want to consider the judicial climate of where you would be moving to vis-a-vi custody. If things are truly amicable, probably not a concern. But things change. . . No personal experience. My S-I-L moved her kid from the midwest to DC. The Dad let her go and now sees his kid like once a month and for a month or two in the summer (becoming less now that she is 14 and has some say). He was always kind of an absentee Dad though.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 10:38 PM
1

I read it as wicked witch.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 05:16 PM
1

I was going to post this. Underlying the symptoms could be a metabolical issue. Its frickin pervasive. Wish some one had turned me on to the potential issue.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 04:20 PM
4

Who cares. She is your ex. This doesn't impact your kids. Be as civil as possible and focus on your new girl. You sure you want to get married again?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 11:03 PM
16

If she spends the way you describe, it will be like getting a raise.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 07:49 PM
1

If the price is the same I would rent until the paperwork is final. You don't need a furnace to go out or whatever while you are figuring things out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 01:29 PM
3

You are in your twenties. Time is only an issue in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 01:27 PM
3

I believe a QDRO is for retirement plans (eg 401(k)) and often there is a fee for processing a transfer, whereas an IRA is individual and you just call your broker and arrange for a transfer (generally no fees). I would not pay the taxes or the penalty for her to convert to cash. Being aware of the associated taxes is what separates the men from the boys in planning (eg roths is worth more than a traditional account).
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 07:00 PM
8

Imagine a world where the divorce was finalized but you guys co-habituated. If things went sour you would have already settled the accounts, and could focus on your own healing. If things truly got better, you could always re-marry. Imagine proposing such a thing to her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 04:40 PM
1

Just don't marry the new girl, ever.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/21 03:58 PM
3

Don't get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 05:36 PM
1

Most studies say that 20-25 minutes max is the optimal.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 03:39 PM
2

I’d appreciate any advice on how I can move forward without being the bad guy. You are not the bad guy because you are making a choice that is best for you. You tried, it didn't work, you ended things as amicably as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 12:05 PM
1

I am looking at the same amount if I pull the trigger (and its amicable). Tough pill to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 11:14 PM
1

Are you divorcing in the US? If so, if you want a divorce just file for one. All states have no-fault divorce as at least an option if not the default set of rules. Your 3 points go to fault, which just doesn't matter much in the USA. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 07:15 PM
2

I predict there will be some surprises and discussion, but after a week or two it will die down. Everyone knows that they don't know what goes on in some one else's marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 01:00 PM
6

Just get out.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 10:33 PM
4

Talk to a lawyer but my impressions are: 1) your most likely screwed. House is in Dad's name. My understanding is most rent-to-own contracts leave you with no equity unless you meet the obligations of the entire agreement. Can you afford the payments on your own? How long is the agreement for? Do you think Dad would be open to a buyout (either way). 2) If she stops paying, your credit goes to shit, they repo the car, you will get billed the difference. 3) Don't let her. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 01:31 PM
7

Don't sweat it. She will eventually need to give up copies. Or just order new ones. At least you know.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 05:52 PM
3

Keep in mind that the 401(k) has a future tax hit to it, whereas the house is after tax. Say your fed+state rate is about 20%, you give her $100K, its worth 80K. If you gave her 80K of home equity, its worth 80K. Good luck, get some advice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/21 08:19 PM
1

Anything you can negotiate for? What did you trade off to preserve the 401(k)?
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/21 07:22 PM
1

Probably fucked. How much are we talking about?
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/21 07:03 PM
3

I hear you guys, but consider that you have worked hard and have plans and then the big D fucks that up. Let's not be callus to his situation. I make almost that much (all in with bonuses) and the thought of giving her half, plus half of our $3M net worth is a bitter pill, especially so close to retirement. I am close to acceptance.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/21 05:36 PM
2

They put the $ on the mom in the right place.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen01/11/21 08:27 PM
5

House. IRA you will owe taxes at your current tax rate. House you may have 5-10% selling costs, but I would expect your tax rate (fed + state) will be at least 20%. I might mortgage the house to build up the investment assets, though in this market, that is a little scary. If it were a Roth IRA, I would want the Roth IRA.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 10:57 PM
3

I am sorry to hear this. I would recommend that you delete all social media. The juice is not worth the squeeze.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 01:25 PM
1

Honest question - what is your caution with the link. The state-by-state write up was kind of handy. Do you think its inaccurate? Which way?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 10:36 PM
1

Does she work? She will probably get a substantial share of your pension. You need to consult with a lawyer to figure these questions out. I read a state-by-state write up on I think http://realworlddivorce.com/ (my work blocks it). Might help you to level set your expectations. Sorry and good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 12:17 PM
8

Get the divorce done so she doesn't try to hook you into paying child support for his kid.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 12:09 PM
3

I read every word. My reaction is "Are you fucking kidding me". Get out, now. Even if she got half your pay in alimony (she won't), a single man can be easily be supported on $75K. Get out!
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 12:00 PM
3

You split the equity and re-fi the mortgage taking her name off. She get's $150K. I might argue that the house comes with a selling cost, and really (5-6% of 400K or 20-24K) and she gets $140K (or 138K). But that might be a little much. Price should be from an appraisal or an average of 2-3 appraisals, not your opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 09:43 PM
7

You don't really make the case for why you are the same or why you are different. We don't know you or your story. Okay, you got married instead of going to college. You vaguely say something was the biggest shock, but then don't say what that is. I think you need to grow up, maybe go to college and post on the main forum. Or really don't post if its going to be vague shit like this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 12:44 PM
4

What about a one bedroom apartment and you set you bed up in the common area and give him the bedroom (at least until you finalize the agreements)?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 02:16 PM
12

Are you sure you can't find an apartment? Moving away from a child is a high price to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 02:12 PM
3

Set a boundary. Say you are happy to discuss co-parenting strategies at appropriate times but ask her to refrain from invading your space at kids activities. She will lose her shit (try to tell her without your kids nearby, they don't need that), and then if she shows up at hockey games and sits by you get up and move and let her know why.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/21 11:33 AM
6

Okay, India. There divorce is frowned upon, I think the statistics are like 3% divorce rate. No kids, so that is good. Your family reputation will take a hit and you will be damaged goods if you divorce. I know an american from India, and from what I gather her first husband basically bailed and she was damaged good. They had to kiss ass to find another Indian guy for her to marry. This guy was a real asshole and a widower. It has been suggested that his first wife committed suicide (single vehi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 08:12 PM
8

Why are you being vague about it? Just answer the question.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/21 05:51 PM
3

What if you completed the divorce and continued to see each other/live with each other? Propose that and see how she reacts. Are you close to an alimony milestone?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 12:24 PM
1

Listen to your lawyer, don't show your hand until you are ready. Retire first is my advice. The advice I have been given is if you can put three years into retirement then you are clean. I am not suggesting you hang in there 3 years, but retire now, have parties the whole she-bang, roll over the tax year, then file. By the time this thing sees a court room you will be at least six months retired - hard to make you go back. Do you have a pension? Big differences in the social security check? You …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 12:11 PM
2

Its popularized by the author Rollo Tomassi (a pen name) and his book "The Rationale Male" (and the follow on books).
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 06:04 PM
2

Not decided. Its been in the conversation for over a year. There are a lot of benefits for being married both for myself and my family. Then there are significant moments where it costs a lot. We are still married. . . But I have a cost to weigh.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 02:06 PM
2

Its not. What I am talking about, is I asked my wife to not waive alimony, but waive lifetime alimony. It didn't go well. Now in the next year or so I have to decide to back it up be filing or not. From my perspective it stinks that she won't resolve a contingent liability with a stroke of a pen. From her perspective, why should I give up something.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 12:51 PM
1

We are actually in a pretty peaceful place. I did a lot of backpedaling, but a lot of issues got put on the table. I haven't given up. She actually had a moment of fear and debated re-launching her career, which is something I had not been able to get her to do. Talk is cheap, but it is something. I am strongly considering a career change myself which would lessen any damage.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 11:24 AM
1

Good ideas, but we are staying in the PA area to get the kids through school. Something to consider if we get to that point, but at that point we are already in the danger zone. I think this will come to a head before that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 11:15 AM
1

I didn't get to the point of spelling it out, but I would have been prepared to waive any pre-marital assets in the agreement. I came into the marriage with about $250K more assets than she did. I paid off her student loans and had significant retirement assets and cash. The cash has been co-mingled admittedly, and thus probably harder to assert. That said, the wordsmithing would remain, but "the term of alimony shall be one year for every three years the parties were married, absent remarriage"…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 11:02 AM
3

I agree, the negotiation was pathetic. I hatched it earlier than I planned, but it just came up in the flow of conversation about other issues. I didn't have a response planned for the emotional response (you're giving up already) and I couldn't fully articulate that the fear does have consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 10:44 PM
2

She actually brought that up in a follow up discussion. We could move GA (we know some one who divorced there) and alimony would be rehabilitative. I was confused by that, because she could sign an agreement that gets us there now. I am not sure that she appreciates that I am fine with where we are now, I just don't want her to get "lifetime" alimony. Paying 6 years under PA's rules is fine. Paying 3 years under GA rules would work too. I am not planning to hide anything. I actually don't want h…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 09:13 PM
1

Thanks. I will at least need to validate my assumptions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 08:20 PM
2

Yes, I tried to explain to her that its not that I don't trust her. But if we are driven to divorce, I don't really trust that version of her. Whether I like it or not, she will have it in her arsenal to punish me, and she might be driven to use the hammer. She knows I started saving for retirement at age 24 with my first job, well before we met. The system doesn't reward savings, asset split is a separate conversation than alimony. Even if I divorced today she'd have like $1.3M - she could draw…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 08:19 PM
3

The screwed up thing is if I retired, and waited 3 years, we are most likely at the asset split. If I was working in the last 3 years, then lifetime is in the mix. I don't want her to give up anything but lifetime. I would happily pay 6-8 years of alimony, and might have to. I don't have a counter argument (that can slice through the tears) to her statement that I am planning my exit. Maybe yes, maybe no, she could take my issue off the table by negotiating a (still substantial) figure now, but …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 08:10 PM
1

No cheating. Its a lot of money.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 07:06 PM
2

If I did the post nup my goal would be to freeze the alimony at say a maximum of $50K per year for 6-7 years, vs lifetime alimony. In effect a $300-350K costs vs $1M cost.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 05:31 PM
1

Cold. I am not quite at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 05:29 PM
1

Basically all our money is in the house or retirement accounts. Right now I would owe her 6 years of alimony at about 50K per year ($300K). If we make to 25 years and I owe her lifetime alimony, it may be the PA stops it at retirement age or not. If I went out and bought an annuity to fund 50K/yr for the rest of her life it would cost me $1.05M. I project we will have a bit more than a $4M net worth and so asset split = 50/50, $2M each, and then I am obliged to pay her what would cost $1.05M to …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 05:29 PM
2

Not quite a living hell, but the sword of Damocles dangles over head.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 03:52 PM
8

You're probably right. Just painful when you see all the evidence that kids from in-tack families are much stronger. She is not a total monster (just part-time), and I think we could work past it, but if she holds this $1M hammer then I am in a tough spot. I used to joke with her early in the marriage that she could drop the act and reveal she was really an heiress. The fact of the matter is now she is one, I built it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 03:51 PM
3

I have heard TX and GA, but I am not sure. I think that is mostly for alimony, not sure about of custody. TX has a great in state schools.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 02:55 PM
1

Thanks for the comment. I have asked around and most report that the courts don't let you retire early, unless you have been retired for several years before you file. Our NW is currently about $2.8M and should be about $5M if I stay in this job until I am 55. I know that lifetime alimony might mean until full retirement age or something else entirely. I modelled it out assuming I had to buy her an annuity at age 55 (24 years in, assuming that a judge would say close enough) for $60K/yr and the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 08:44 PM
2

Thanks folks. I was running some numbers. I wouldn't normally offer alimony as a lump sum, but thinking about possibly drafting a post-nup - seeking to avoid lifetime alimony. Our marriage is rocky, not broken, and kids, etc. But a lifetime goal is to retire early, and apparently lifetime alimony is a risk around 25 years in PA. We are at 18, so getting closer. At year 24 the kids are out and its the natural end point for work (we have more than the $1M I used in the examples). In terms of co-mi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 08:32 PM
1

If viagra/cialis stop working your next stop is tri-mix. You have to inject it into your penis, but the needle is very small and it is doable. When that stop working you can get an implant and I guess you have a pump that they put in your testicles that after a few pumps you are good to go. There are some other things out there that seem to be more snake-oil than substance to me. Things like gainswave (ultra-sonically shock your dick) and various penis pumps or constrictive rings. A forum called…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/08/21 08:53 PM
2

Speaking for myself you take the good with the bad. My kids are raised in a stable house, she has traits that are both good and bad, the exit costs are a disincentive, etc.
/r/MGTOW28/07/21 03:56 PM
2

Enameled cast iron for the win. Le Cruiset is expensive but lasts forever (look at thrift stores). But you can get equally good stuff from Lodge or any other brand.
/r/MGTOW26/07/21 03:09 PM
2

Not really. Pays well though. Corporate tax accountant.
/r/MGTOW09/07/21 08:42 PM
181

Needs better cord management.
/r/MGTOW07/07/21 01:05 AM
6

VTI = Total Stock Market - the entire US market VXUS = Total International Stock Market - the entire market in the rest of the world. VOO = S&P 500 BND = Total Bond Fund - debatable how much you want to put here with current interest rates, but outside of commodities its the only diversifier that is publicly traded. This is the core of my portfolio. I prefer VTI over VOO when I can get it (no issues of when companies are added or subtracted from the index). Great for IRAs, especially Roth if you…
/r/MGTOW06/07/21 03:58 PM
16

You are not going to have an edge in investing, long term. 80% of the actively managed mutual funds lag the market in a given year. That number goes up over the long haul. Buy the total market index (VTI) and focus on more important things.
/r/MGTOW06/07/21 01:20 PM
3

I used to joke with my wife early in our marriage that she could admit she is really an heiress. Flash-forward 18 years and she basically is. Because if we divorce 60-80% of my assets are going to her by way of property settlement, child support and alimony.
/r/MGTOW28/06/21 03:46 PM
4

I am amused that most of the luxury SUV are driven by attractive middle aged women. Knowing they are like 60-70% leased makes me chuckle. But it impacts me as well, the wife doesn't drive the latest and greatest but its a decent toyota highlander. I got an ugly, but cosmetic dent on my accord and she gives me a raft of shit about getting it fixed. I am adamant in refusing. The urge to signal is strong.
/r/MGTOW22/06/21 05:18 PM
1

My portfolio is 100% in index funds. VTI & VXUS. Getting rich is mostly about a savings rate. If you save it, wait, it will compound and off you go. In terms of savings vehicles you have a 401(k), a HSA, a Roth IRA and a taxable account. I fund the first three and I can put in about $75K (middle aged, married). So I have zero in my taxable accounts (I do both the backdoor and the mega-backdoor Roth IRAs). Just as well, keeps the government's hands off it. You can read the "flowchart" over on per…
/r/MGTOW21/06/21 12:11 PM
1

Three day weekend for government employees.
/r/MGTOW19/06/21 07:27 PM
2

Congrats. Keep your good fortune to yourself. You don't want your ex to bring you in for a revised support order. Look into a 401(k) or a roth now that you have slain the dragon of consumer debt.
/r/MGTOW16/06/21 06:56 PM
1

Go total market so you then don't have to worry about performance issues when a company makes/leaves the 500 index. My portfolio is primarily VTI (Total US Stock index) and VXUS (International Total Stock). I have a few more funds based on what is offered in my 401(k) and 529 plans, but in those cases I am building back to the total market (e.g. 80% 500 Index plus 10% midcap index and 10% small cap index).
/r/MGTOW16/06/21 02:31 PM
1

I am an accountant. I wouldn't worry about automation. It may wipe out the grunt work, but some one has to interpret what the machine spits out. I work for a multinational, we are at least 10 years behind that latest software. If you want to worry, worry about India. We can hire some one over there with a fully loaded cost of $10K-20K vs 70K-100K+ in the US. If you want to learn a trade at the same time, get a second job. Save money like an SOB is my advice. It creates options.
/r/MGTOW12/06/21 06:19 PM
2

Don't bother. Just change in yourself how many fucks you give when she dredges up some drama. (Answer is zero).
/r/MGTOW11/06/21 05:08 PM
-1

New yahoo isn't bad. I set my cards to be market summary, personal finance, inbox, Money news, calendar, scores. I couldn't get rid of "up to speed" so I put that on the bottom. Combine that with adblock and its pretty good.
/r/MGTOW11/06/21 02:36 PM
-1

I would say they a highly speculative assets - like gold or fiat currency. There is no rents, interest, dividends. Your hope for appreciation is that the next guy will pay more. I don't think they work for hiding assets over any term. You are rolling the dice. If you bought in January and sold in march or April you did great. If you bought at $60K and now have $30K, you might as well have given the $30K to your ex, same to you. I am married, these run away and hide with crypto fantasies don't ap…
/r/MGTOW11/06/21 02:31 PM
3

Alimony is taxable. Not since the tax law change in 2017. Good points. I had heard the 1/3 the length of the marriage thing. I would have to hammer down the savings rate (currently around 30-40%), and possibly rent given the real estate market. It would basically lock in a retirement date six years in the future since I'd have CS/Alimony to pay. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 08:56 PM
5

Thank you both for replying. 3 years eh? Given that I am probably going to work 2 more years (if I don't get laid off) that is a bitter pill. I don't resent the CS. The alimony if we are just drawing from assets seems like a farce. Probably nothing changes in the immediate term but it gives me food for thought. I don't particularly like the BS in the marriage but it keeps me in play as a stabilizing force for the kids. I also don't like the BS in the workplace. Truth be told, work on the marriag…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 05:50 PM
2

You mean over the course of the support payments? Yes.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 05:43 PM
3

Shit, that's me. One night a week.
/r/MGTOW07/06/21 01:07 PM
1

I mostly use a weber natural gas grill (if you have natural gas at your house). For special occasions I will use the Big Green Egg. In terms of other stuff: Wustoff knives, Lodge cast iron skillet, Le Cruiset dutch oven (and a few other LC pans, fuck teflon), airfryer for the kids (french fries, chicken tender, non-keto shit). Most of this stuff (except the skillet & airfryer) are pretty expensive so add them over time as you can. I have a pan for making beer can chicken that gets used a lot.
/r/MGTOW04/06/21 01:10 PM
10

I like the bit where he got the kid tested "without her permission".
/r/MGTOW03/06/21 03:03 PM
1

I tried the scheduled sex thing. Initially it was Mon/Wed when the kids were in school (COVID/Hybrid), weekends unscheduled. Then it became Sun/Wed, now its sort of Sun. I am not an MRP success story (to say the least). Scheduling sex is a well intentioned mistake.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/21 08:41 PM
3

Look into keto to resolve many of those health problems. Read "The Diabetes Code" by Dr Jason Fung.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/05/21 12:01 PM
2

My wife is very anxious and reads all of the disaster porn with COVID. She pressured me into getting it, and I eventually did after I felt that the people who had an acute need had been processed. I am diabetic, but my diabetes is 100% controlled by eating keto. She is now worried about the kids (99.9% chance would be fine). She says that she doesn't want them to miss out on stuff and have to quarantine. I think the truth is she is anxious about a 0.1% result.
/r/MGTOW28/04/21 04:24 PM
2

Guy wasn't divorce raped for two reasons: she had an equal or greater nest egg, separate accounts. No kids. I am working towards FIRE, close, my wife is a SAHM and refuses to work. Talking to an attorney suggests that if we split now I will owe her $$$ for 6-7 years (married 18). If we wait till the kids are grown it might be for life, even if I am retired (court might assign me a earnings capacity even if I wasn't working and had let my network die). Cheaper to keep her. But that blog suggests …
/r/MGTOW16/04/21 05:04 PM
2

I am skeptical of a therapist as an expert. Most of them are so bought into the (present) cultural norms to be counter-productive at least for an adult. A surgeon, a CPA, a plumber - 100% on board. I don't doubt that words can be effective. But these words sound easy to agree with, but true acceptance - I am skeptical. Not because they aren't earnest, but the changes in relationships when you bring kids in transcend them. If the OP has been having problems before they have kids he should conside…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 05:40 PM
6

You don't tell her, you show her. You don't outsource it to a therapist, you set and enforce boundaries. Prediction - she will agree to whatever you said, insert babies, and claim the frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 01:17 PM
2

Life insurance is stupid easy. You want TERM LIFE insurance, and you want it to last however long you need it. If you are making bank then maybe 5-10 years. If you are like the rest of us, 15-20 years. Maybe 30 years if you don't save any money. You can look at selectquote or any number of quoting companies. Selectquote was the rage 15 years ago and I used them to compare to but ultimately went with USAA. It will take less than an hour price shopping, and then you will most likely need some bloo…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/21 04:14 PM
10

Only negative would be having to still pay US taxes, but looking into ways around this. This isn't that big of a deal. You can either take the exclusion ($108K in 2021) or credits. The exclusion is simple, if your foreign income is less than the exclusion plus the standard deduction (assuming no or minimal US source income) no tax. If you go the credit route you only pay to the extent the country's tax is less than the US tax. So if you owe 20% tax (effective tax rate, not brackets) in the US an…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/21 03:42 PM
1

OYS #4 Married, age 48, wife 46, together 20 years, married 17. Two kids, one teen (D), one tween (S). 201 lbs (up ~5 lbs) - approx 20% BF. Read - prereq's and 101. Rereading rational male. Lifts/Diet - been slacking here. No more. Cutting out sugar entirely (including starches/bread). Lifts (sad) BP 100, S 130, DL 180, OHP 85. Finances - solid Career - okay (will put more effort in). Family - the pandemic is causing problems with both kids. My D, used to be straight A's, in higher classes, is d…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/21 03:43 PM
2

Divorce is in the forefront of my mind now though since my side of the family is doing a profitable investment which would transfer a chunk of my inheritance to me. If I file before that transfer it's ok but that is in approx 60 days. Talk to a lawyer in your state, but gifts and inheritance are generally not part of the marital estate. Don't co-mingle the funds though. Also, if it starts at being worth $10K and grows to 100K the 90K of growth is in the estate. Anyways, you may not need to rush …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/21 03:03 AM
2

I am close to his before. A year ago I was much worse. At other points in the marriage I was much, much worse. Point taken.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/20 04:36 PM
3

OYS #3 Age 48, Wife 46, - married 17, together 20. 2 kids (teen and tween) - 20% BF, down from like 25%, but stalled. Been an eventful couple of months or so since I posted. My dick doesn't work properly and I have using a limp biscuit while trying to right my family. Anyways, at the last posting I made a plan to visit a urologist and get prescribed some trimix (ED meds, a shot in the dick). Took a while, but got in, got prescribed, went to the training. At the doc's office took 20 units, not mu…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 10:29 PM
2

$20K on $130K is 15%. You should bump that savings rate up a bit. I would target 25-35%. Why are you here? Doesn't come through you OYS. Everything is "good" except your porn use. Drop the porn and fuck your wife if that is what you want. Is that what you want?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/20 09:03 PM
3

If this is on an attending salary (or two)- its pathetic. Assuming he is still a resident its not that bad. With two doc's in the marriage (women marry lateral and up the dominance hierarchy) its pretty doable. OP should add the White Coat Investor to his reading list and make it a goal to pay off the 180k within two years of getting his attending salary (one year if that is the joint debt and they will both have salary jumps). Defer the big doctors house. Drive the toyotas for a couple more yea…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/20 08:53 PM
1

Perceived? PERCEIVED? What the fuck you fucking retard, take some ownership here. I do take ownership. Perception is reality. I am in the best shape I have been in 24 years (which is entirely lame) but she is less attracted to me. She doesn't want to fuck a sheep. She wants to fuck the bull. I am taking this to heart. Difficult to act on but the energy is right.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 09:24 PM
1

Do you think that I go "see about sex"? What the fuck is this shit? Or do you think you could just go take it? Well, I was awake, she was awake, she had slept some and the kids were sleeping so the thin walls weren't an issue was my thinking. So, I went up, stripped down crawled into bed and she shot me down immediately saying she was too tired. I waited for a few minutes and then got up and left. Not a great marital moment. Really drives home the fact that I am not attractive to her right now d…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 03:29 PM
1

I pretty much don't. I look at the pics like twice a month. Mostly playboy type photos. I have certainly looked at everything under the sun in my time on earth, so no hang ups. Its difficult to cum, so that is probably a big part of it. Used to jack in the shower (no mess to clean up) back in the day, but it wasn't a habit.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 08:32 PM
1

OYS #2 Stats: Age 48, wife 46. Married 17 years, two kids tween & teen, roughly 20% BF (navy), 190 lbs, 5'11", used to be in the 220s. Career beta, t2 diabetic (in remission due to keto), I have severe ED (pills don't work probably caused by diabetes). Reading: lurked here for years on/off. Have read all the pre-reqs and most of the 101s/grad level. Re-reading NMMNG, started TWOSM but decided I wasn't at that point. Finances - make plenty of cash. Focus isn't what it should be. On track to retir…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 02:24 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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