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View 1 post and 64 comments by greatdateguy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Inner Game greatdateguy/r/seduction11/10/20 04:13 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
11

The big change was letting go of needing to have "good game". I started accepting myself and calling attention to my weird thoughts, mistakes, etc. instead of pretending they weren't there or shoving them away. Game is a useful learning structure and the mindset is a good one - you can become more attractive. But taken at face value, it's too methodical and formulaic for many guys to do well. It was hard for women to connect with me when what I was doing was trying to perfectly execute on a bunc…
/r/seduction05/11/20 04:38 PM
18

I relate to a lot of this. I didn't see any major success with game til very recently. But it was like 14-15 years of feeling like a painful failure that would die alone.
/r/seduction05/11/20 07:51 AM
2

I've never had to ask. Usually, women bring it up right in the beginning. If she hasn't and I'm still interested in her after a few min of convo, I'll ask. Side note: Understand that by plowing through when she has as BF, there will be ramifications. If that's the route you're going, you also accept all the risks, drama, and impact that entails. Is it a "no, never do that?". Nah. There will be times when it makes sense. Maybe she has an abusive boyfriend. Maybe she's already wrapping up the rela…
/r/seduction16/10/20 05:16 PM
1

No problem. Good luck!
/r/seduction13/10/20 08:49 PM
2

That last paragraph. On point. OP, this is less about being perfect than it is about being indifferent to looking bad and making mistakes every once in awhile. Calling attention to your blunders is a high social awareness move. Recommend.
/r/seduction12/10/20 10:59 PM
2

So much of this process is figuring out what *you* like once the fear is gone. Hard to say if it'll be worthwhile til you've done it. In my exp, it goes... Social Circle > Cold Approach > Online Networks > Online Dating (In terms of efficacy) But I've got a friend who's completely automated his online dating game and I think he gets better results there than any other method. He loves it. This is more about who you are and what you like, than any objective reality.
/r/seduction12/10/20 10:53 PM
22

Baby step it. Right now approaching is outside of your concept of self, so the fear stops you. SO maybe you start just by saying hi. Or waving. Or making eye contact. Lower to bar. Acclimate. Then raise the bar little by little. You'll get there. Beating yourself up over it will only kill your desire to do this again. I resonate with what you're going through, and still hate cold approaches. But who knows, once the fear is gone maybe you'll be one of the crazies that love them.
/r/seduction12/10/20 09:56 PM
1

I'm totally convinced it will. I've been taking it on like playing on hell mode. When all this is over, be prepared to slay. I feel your pain and frustration, and you're not alone in this.
/r/seduction11/10/20 06:50 PM
3

You're doing your best. Go easy on yourself today. This probably isn't a YOU problem as much as you think it is. RN the quarantine is taking its toll. Dating is MORE challenging now than ever before because of it. Our internal state is harder to regulate (this might not have hit as hard before 2020, right?) So is theirs. That makes dating exponentially harder. Sure, you may be making mistakes, but I'm not convinced this is entirely on you. I have good friends that ghost for days or weeks at a ti…
/r/seduction11/10/20 04:29 PM
1

That's fair - the way I define taking it personally is -> you're talking about you, vs. people in general. I agree with what you're doin, but it doesn't define how everyone thinks, yeah? OP is asking for an explanation of why men get upset when their partner doesn't perform the same sex acts for them that they did for other men. OP implies it's the Madonna Whore complex - I'm suggesting that it's insecurity. Good call out - the original prompt doesn't suggest that female oppression is happening.…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/20 04:04 PM
1

Exactly this. Thank you for making this clearer to folks.
/r/seduction10/10/20 03:49 PM
1

These are all good points and what you do in your relationships makes sense. You're also taking this personally. This isn't directed at you. I'm saying that the reason why some people get reactive in this situation is because of insecurity, not because they believe in female oppression (though the latter probably happens too).
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/20 03:36 PM
6

Thank you for your comment here my dude. I feel appreciated and encouraged. I mostly agree about EDM. I'm also like...unreasonably angry that Steve Aoki exists.
/r/seduction10/10/20 03:33 PM
5

You're already doing it. You're asking the questions everyone else is too scared to ask. You're already showing who you are. This is good. Understand that this is a self perception/inner game thing right now. You have a personality but you don't believe you do. Your personality is probably being buried, too. Maybe it's buried under being polite or inoffensive, it's buried under "I'm boring", it's buried under "my opinions don't matter". That's okay! Keep speaking your mind in front of people. Ke…
/r/seduction10/10/20 03:30 PM
5

This is a really good ask. It's tempting, right? But memorizing and saying what's going on in my head will make you come off incongruent and creepy. It's not about being clever. Or funny. Or looking any particular way (good or bad) It's about saying what's actually on your mind so she can feel your personality.
/r/seduction10/10/20 02:52 PM
3

Yeah it isn't a big deal. I'm saying OPs point seems to be making this into a female oppression thing. This feels like it can be explained by human insecurity in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/20 05:23 AM
3

Hmm..help me understand. What do you mean by that? Like, sex on a reciprocal-only basis?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/20 05:19 AM
45

This has the potential to be equally upsetting the other way round, no? Like if your man didn't want to go down on you, but did on his ex? Willing to be wrong here, and this feels like a human insecurity thing and not a male-specific thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/20 04:53 AM
3

Yep rambling bad. Checking in good. Side note, feels like this is a good time to say that qualifying for someone who's lit up by the same stuff you're lit up by is important. I date women who are big on self improvement or read up on psychology. It makes up a lot of who I am and I like talking about it. That way I can ramble and it's FASCINATING to them.
/r/seduction10/10/20 03:35 AM
0

Just see if she wants to cuddle. TBH that sounds really nice right now.
/r/seduction10/10/20 03:29 AM
133

This is such an important question. Good on you for asking.Literally solves 80% of the complaints and questions I've seen on this sub. I was also super polite, formal, and blehhh around women.For me, the secret was asking myself this question over and over again... What's the one thing I'm resisting talking about? "You are so attractive I can't think straight." "I'm so fucking nervous, I don't want to screw things up, and I just want to get this off my chest." "I actually hate dancing and would …
/r/seduction10/10/20 03:11 AM
11

That's one application of it. You can use it in a number of different ways. This scene from deadpool is like...textbook "yes and" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQjl8D-7zNQ&ab_channel=XenonRd
/r/seduction09/10/20 09:52 PM
22

Basically you take any premise they offer and then spitball on top of it. This creates a playful/banter dynamic. Example: Her: I want pizza. You: Oooh! Yes! And afterwards we should get tokens and play in the arcade! Her: OMG! Can we get ice cream too? You: mmm! Romantic... ;) Let's go to the boardwalk and we can eat ice cream and people watch...
/r/seduction09/10/20 09:41 PM
6

Haha relatable. I just call it out. Fuck. Can't stop looking at your boobs. Sorry.
/r/seduction09/10/20 09:33 PM
1

Neurotransmitters. I like that you went there. I disagree that there's a *should* when it comes to love but your explanation feels true to my exp. Thanks for taking the time to write this up - I learned a few things from it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/20 07:40 PM
1

You may be right - appreciate you sharing what you know! I have no way of knowing whether this is true, but I can say that she didn't split. I do also think that BPD kinda proves the point, too - love isn't a guarantee of fidelity. Now the semantics of what actually qualifies as love...that's a whole other mess.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/20 07:35 PM
1

I dated a woman who was obsessed about me, told me she loved me more than her actual mom, and I believe her. I still believe her. She behaved the way someone in love does. We'd stay up til 4am having sex in the back of my car. We couldn't get enough of each other. It was the most intimate, loving relationship I've had the pleasure of participating in. Thing is, she would cheat anytime she felt insecure and she didn't see it as cheating until I confronted her about it. Then she realized she'd che…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/20 07:12 PM
2

Yes. sometimes it just takes a little longer to figure things out. I have a few guesses as to what's going on, but there's nothing wrong with you and you'll get through this.
/r/seduction09/10/20 06:50 PM
15

Keep after it. It's rarely ever a game of suddenly waking up and being attractive (which is what I was hoping for in my 20s). It's all small wins and incremental improvement. Maybe it starts with convo skills and eye contact, and next month it's learning to talk about yourself in a more engaging way. One day you'll wake up and realize you've made it and it was completely different from how you expected to get there. Don't beat yourself up in the meantime. You're doing your best.
/r/seduction09/10/20 06:40 PM
2

Upvoted. Good job. I like that you're allowing room for yourself to express what you're actually feeling vs. sticking to the generic "just be non-reactive bruh". It took me awhile to recognize that the rules aren't the truth, even though they're pitched that way all the time. They're training wheels. Past the newbie stage, it's my job to integrate what fits for me specifically and reject the stuff that is awkward, gross, incongruent or otherwise weird. This is all a framework to get guys comfort…
/r/seduction09/10/20 06:27 PM
48

Sexualize because she did something that turned you on. Sexualize because your brain went there naturally. Never sexualize because you think you should. Yes, do it, but don't force it or it will be creepy and weird for everyone involved due to lack of congruence.
/r/seduction09/10/20 06:16 PM
63

Talk about your life and what you're legit excited about Stop asking questions about stuff you don't care about Learn to "yes and" In general, the focus on getting to know her, and assessing whether or not you'd want to date her INSTEAD OF how you will get her attracted
/r/seduction09/10/20 04:13 PM
2

Oh. shit. was not expecting to learn something about myself today. Thank you for taking the time to write this up. " You are embarrassed by your own desires. " fuck me, that's me all day.
/r/seduction09/10/20 02:33 AM
1

I can't claim to know 100% here, so here's my understanding of it as a guy who has recently "become attractive". Attraction seems to be a mix of a bunch of different things. It's hard to pin down because many things need to be in place, and some of them vary from woman to woman. The other stuff kinda matters, but most of it is, how good are you at creating different emotions in people. The first thing you need is to disarm her fight or flight response (make her feel safe). If she's scared, feels…
/r/seduction08/10/20 04:07 PM
3

This. Your internal state gets communicated whether or not you want to. Manage it and you'll see better results with all people not just women. And don't cater to what you think she will want or what a good date should look like (= neediness and incongruence) Pick something you've always wanted to do. Get excited about that. Then invite her to come along.
/r/seduction08/10/20 03:42 PM
2

Do you have an example in mind of when you were fully yourself and that led to you getting shot down for dating/sex? Or are we talking more theoretically?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 07:02 AM
2

Nah, go easy on yourself man. Our brains lie all the time. Mine spends a lot of time telling me I'm a worthless failure even though there's evidence around suggesting otherwise. Doesn't mean I need to listen. Neither do you. Once our brains get into a fear state, they will come up with any reason not to take the risk. It's just up to you to choose another way. So maybe it starts with just saying hi. Or making eye contact. Or nodding in her general direction. You don't need to hit a home run. You…
/r/seduction08/10/20 06:46 AM
1

I think that beautifully illustrates your point about velocity of change. But I don't know if it moves the needle for me. Yes, his relatives reported that he was a completely different person afterwards. I also believe that neural plasticity means that our brains can basically shape themselves to any mental construct we wish, provided we have the motivation to keep at it. I think there are records of blinds kids who learn to echolocate. Big change! But I wouldn't say they're different people. Ap…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 06:34 AM
1

Heh I would agree. And I think that's maybe EVERY convo that's happening on this topic. It's semantics. If you replace every plank of a ship, one piece at a time is it still the same ship? Arbitrary.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 06:18 AM
2

Haha that's literally what I coach guys on, but as you can see there's some resistance. Idealogy is hard to kill.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:52 AM
2

Mmmm interesting line in the sand. So if it's a question of rate of change, then if I were to slowly change from skinny guy to morbidly obese over 20 years, would that be changing myself as a person or a natural progression? And if I'm changing does that necessarily mean I'm sacrificing the authenticity of who I am? For all I know, the changes I'm making could be the product of fate or the natural ebb and flow of hormones and neurotransmitters (and probably is to some extent). By your current be…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:49 AM
2

lol. that was fun. good meeting you man. thanks for engaging with what I wrote instead of flying off the handle like most ppl tend to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:42 AM
2

Uhh...what's a better way to phrase it. Like...so much of PUA culture is centered around tightly controlled rules for how a social interaction "should" flow if a woman is to get attracted to you. Part of what's pushed is that you have to be really dominant, loud, a social leader, never back down, have good body language, excellent style, be fit, and show that you're a "high value" person by telling stories or dropping facts that would presumably paint you in a good light. It's gotten a little be…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:37 AM
2

Haha yeah we're on the same page. Been down that path and I had a horrible time. I don't agree with his choice or POV but making ppl wrong for differences of opinion never changed any minds in my exp. That's where "there's nothing wrong with that" is coming from.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:34 AM
4

That's kinda the thing tho. Change is assured. None of us could keep ourselves from changing if we tried. Our brains and literal DNA are constantly being rewritten. Every time you learn something new. Every new step you take. Who you are changes second to second. The idea that changing somehow makes us different is a strange one to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:25 AM
3

Oh it was the whole PUA/redpill mess of being way more social, manly, confident, alpha, than I really was. Needing to constantly monitor how I was showing up, whether or not I was supplicating or demonstrating enough value. That was a bad time.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:12 AM
4

Yes. In my personal experience, the misery got to me first and the relationship ended.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:09 AM
2

Agreed. And in the grand scheme of the universe none of it fucking matters. Is it wrong if he's trying to make his woman happy? People-pleasing my way into a relationship isn't for me, but who am I to say it's wrong for him.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 05:08 AM
2

Yes. This. I don't understand where all this resistance to the idea that women like games, and date men who like games is coming from.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 04:53 AM
4

I mean I can see where you're coming from. You put a lot of time and effort into keeping your woman. Props. You must love her a lot. I'm happy you found one that you wanted to keep forever and that she said yes. 👊 Now I'm going to say some things and it'll probably feel like I'm being a colossal asshole. I've dated and will probably continue to date women that view my gaming as a plus. The question isn't whether or not she can fall in love with the real you. The question is, did you lead with th…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/20 04:32 AM
3

Yeah. It's real easy to get super try hard or incongruent when there's an agenda or a structure to follow. That's the literal biggest catch .22 of game. You're on the right track. Trust that who you are when you're relaxed and normal is going to be enough to attract women. Most of this other stuff is fluff and structure to get you to that mindset.
/r/seduction08/10/20 03:27 AM
1

This is a congruence question. Indirect is valid if you are genuinely interested in what you're discussing. Don't begin a conversation about her shoes unless you're authentically wanting to have a convo about that. Otherwise, it peters out, feels forced, and gets weird - she *will* pick up on that. It's worth experimenting with direct just to see how women react to you. My results are better there than the alternative - it's just more who I am.
/r/seduction08/10/20 12:30 AM
1

Congrats man! I've been looking for a city that feels like home for a long time... It's Paris, Boulder CO, and Los Angeles for me. I'm happy you found one AND you're moving there. As for meeting girls as friends... when I'm using dating apps sometimes I hit it off with women but there's no spark. So if they're open to it, I just ask if they wanna be friends. Otherwise, I used to just attend a lot of events where I could meet my "type" of women. I like women who are also self development minded, …
/r/seduction07/10/20 06:03 PM
1

Dude! Yes. Where are you moving to? Also, social circle game unlocks a lot of cool stuff. Like the extra practice and proof is nice, but there's so much richness in like...just the invites you start to get. I got access to BDSM events and kinky play parties in Austin from a dude I met at a marketing conference. People are amazing.
/r/seduction07/10/20 05:54 PM
6

Good ask. Biggest complaint = we engage from wanting sex, rather than wanting to get to know the human and finding something we like about who they are. It'd be like if all women only talked to you because they wanted you to buy em lunch. I'm sure you wouldn't mind buying lunch if you knew upfront, and you'd do it from time to time. But if she hid that shit and you started getting it from every woman you met, after awhile it'd be real annoying, right?
/r/seduction07/10/20 05:46 PM
3

Ahhhhh. I got you. Dude. You're...like...literally on the cusp of becoming godly with women because you're already self aware and exploring what actually works with you and what you authentically feel and want. Like...that's natural game. GG. You win. You caught it this time with her help. Now you just gotta keep catching it.
/r/seduction07/10/20 05:43 PM
2

I think I get that...just wanna make sure.What do you mean by your ego was invested? (Dude yeah, it's hard fighting biology. When I'm around someone I'm really attracted to, it's just not an easy thing to set that aside)
/r/seduction07/10/20 05:10 PM
6

He probably likes you and has no idea how to engage with you.
/r/seduction07/10/20 04:59 PM
0

Sounds like this might have gotten you into your head. No worries. :) Let's get you out. The move here is figuring out where your line is, communicating it, and enforcing it without blaming her or getting reactive. Are you genuinely cool with it if she reschedules a bunch? Then cool, let it slide. If you aren't, then own that it's not something you enjoy, and let her know. Then talk with her about it. Does she have a valid reason for rescheduling (like she's a nurse and she's on call?) or is she…
/r/seduction07/10/20 04:56 PM
15

This is a hard lesson to learn, but one that will serve you for the rest of your life. I'm sorry you learned it this way, but if you can hang onto it, it will set you apart from 90% of the guys she meets. This is literally the biggest complaint women have about dating. You're on the right path - keep goin. Going forward you may find it's tempting to swing really far on the other end of the spectrum and just not make any moves at all. Just keep an eye out for that. It's just as damning.
/r/seduction07/10/20 04:47 PM
1

Haha I gotchu. Hmmm...welp. Sounds like you're both in your heads about this. It appears like you psyched her out with the touch aversion earlier ---- but that's salvageable. It's going to take a little risk on your end, but if she's still into you this will clear it all up. My 2 cents... Whenever something is weird, just call it out and talk about it. "Hey, I liked it before when you were (touching my arm or whatever she was doing before), but I think I made it awkward and you stopped. Is that …
/r/seduction07/10/20 05:00 AM
1

No, it's not too late! Good job getting this far. Do you mean you want to escalate things with her? Or that you haven't touched her at all up until this point? While I wait for your response...It's going to be way more congruent if you do 2 things: Do something you're authentically excited to do. Invite her to come if she wants. Neediness handled. Do not escalate or touch (or anything for that matter) because you think you *should* have by now. It's like when someone's trying too hard to make a …
/r/seduction07/10/20 04:22 AM
3

Dude. Yes. Appreciating this question. Loneliness was at an all-time high, esp among men even before the quarantine. Cool that you asked for help. I mean, the thing about emotions is that we tend to wanna squash em down. I believe strongly in guys being able to feel things ...and I still avoid my feelings all the time. But, there's also a cost to that. Those feelings stick around for longer. Ever get wrecked by a rejection for a few days because you didn't want to think about it? That's why wome…
/r/seduction07/10/20 04:12 AM
8

Sounds like there are two concerns here. You feel you're falling in love too quickly and you want to slow that down You're missing obvious signs. What signs specifically do you want to stop missing? For part 1... you're fighting against biology so first recognize that this is going to happen again and there's not much you can do about it - though it may change with time. There's also nothing wrong with it. And the more you make it into something you need to fix because it's "bad" the more suffer…
/r/seduction07/10/20 03:53 AM
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