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heliodrome Archive

View 3 posts and 464 comments by heliodrome on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
310

PICKMEISHA HALL OF SHAMEheliodrome/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:30 PM
6

SCROTATION REPORT heliodrome/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 01:51 PM
0

DISCUSSIONheliodrome/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:43 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

I realized I was getting something out of it. That the negative validation I was getting from him is my own need that I was meeting in the relationship. That I needed that familiar tug of low self esteem. That I was the decisive element in all of my low value relationships, including this one.
/r/askFDS19/10/21 11:27 PM
4

Stand up to a point. As you've done and that's all good. But if it looks like you're dealing with somebody personality disordered here and while they remain in the company, this situation will be toxic. Either they have to leave or you have to leave. If you stay, be very smart and dare I say manipulative on how you handle everything and you have to be smarter than them. And play smart and brilliant against dirty. The right people will understand. And indeed if you fight back you will be seen as …
/r/askFDS14/10/21 05:16 PM
29

Very much so! Whenever anyone's "pushed" someone, or impeded on their "independent alone time", they have all been avoidants. I think your hunch is correct. All aligned with the initial love bombing and "committing" early. Expect the lovebomb to stop rapidly after second time you sleep together, or if you don't sleep together, within 5-6 dates, when reality starts setting in and he realizes he is not on a date with his projection of you.
/r/askFDS12/10/21 10:45 PM
30

I would ask about his exes and if any of them were "crazy", "unbalanced", "borderline", "depressed".
/r/askFDS12/10/21 09:57 PM
2

If I didn’t want kids I would absolutely never date. (Consider yourself lucky you don’t want kids). Now that I’ve come to an age where I most likely won’t have kids anyway, I’ve stopped dating, and any encounters I’ve had that resembled a date, weren’t worth it.
/r/askFDS08/10/21 03:41 PM
2

I had the same experience, when I got my own apartment. I didn't like it, I got roommates instead and I am much happier. If I ever buy an apartment I will really research the building, the surroundings, etc. How much I can get outside and how easy it is to get around. My contentment with having my own place also lasted about four weeks.
/r/askFDS01/10/21 06:05 PM
6

That’s going to be rough. The best strategy would be to play a dumb fox or play along their stupid game. If they try and gaslight you, try to stay on the narrow path still, do your best work and go home.
/r/askFDS15/09/21 05:09 AM
9

Nothing worked until I was willing to walk away from these people. If you are in a toxic workplace when this happens often, consider leaving. Standing up to bullies sometimes makes you look like a bully if the bully is a two face. But if you have to stay share your experiences with others and see if you can find some camaraderie with others and maybe you won't need to stand up/ confront as much as the bully will eventually be exposed and leave.
/r/askFDS15/09/21 02:51 AM
1

Luckily some of my therapy was compounding insofar that I understood that my relationships were trauma response and any more trauma that was perpetuated in them was based on my initial conditioning and upbringing, so I was able to forgive myself for these relationships as part of a response to my initial trauma. I do not see them as real relationships now that I see things clearly.
/r/askFDS13/09/21 01:58 PM
5

Because they can. This is the exact time you break it off with them and establish your boundaries. And go see your real friends.
/r/askFDS11/08/21 03:10 PM
4

Stay away from dating and focus on yourself and your mental health. If you can’t afford a therapist, try working on your childhood trauma’s yourself anyway. That’s where it’s all stemming from.
/r/askFDS11/08/21 12:45 PM
14

The writer of the original book, who Carrie Bradshaw’s character was based on and the show was based on never ended up with Big in real life (Big’s character was based on her real life on again off again “boyfriend”). She said that what woman would be wasting that much time on a man like that. At 37 she would be solely focused on her career.
/r/askFDS11/08/21 12:44 PM
14

There is a reason you’re even questioning that you should drop her and the reason is the same as why we’ve stayed in sh*tty abusive relationships - we felt needed and we thought that one day our generosity will be reciprocated. Well, guess what - it wasn’t and it never will. Fade her completely. Block and delete like a bad habit she is.
/r/askFDS27/07/21 11:00 AM
2

I’m so much more content and happier, when I’m not dating, but when a man enters a picture I feel my pickmeisha come back and my mood and out look gets gradually worse. I’m codependent and always were and I don’t know if I will ever work through that in a relationship, because I seem to only be able to overcome it, when I’m truly single. So I never know if it’s me or if it’s a sh*t guy I picked, but at this point it really didn’t matter. My thing is that whenever I dated or lived with someone I …
/r/askFDS27/07/21 10:28 AM
1

They definitely have issues, pretty much most of my ghosts have come back at some point and the common denominator was after asking some questions was that these men were extremely insecure. Beyond what we can comprehend. We thing we are insecure, but these men are next level.
/r/askFDS27/07/21 10:16 AM
3

It’s easy to understand when you’ve had either absent parents or parents that have too much love so to speak - parents who were codependent on you. All are sad and unhealthy dynamics too many people unfortunately grow up with. Men and women. FDS encourages us to overcome these issues for us women - therapy, leveling up, etc. For men there isn’t as much support out there unfortunately - men do not support men the same way we support each other, so they look for women to support them. And we are n…
/r/askFDS27/07/21 10:13 AM
4

Recently I lost a few ponds, but not more than 10 I don’t believe, mostly from running, but it must have toned my body, because I visited home, and every woman friend and relative complimented me on my body. When they asked what I did I told them exactly and turned them unto running, explained which shoes to buy and where, etc. So just spreading the FDS values and I’m proud of all my ladies leveling up always. They are the best.
/r/askFDS22/07/21 05:21 AM
2

I spend all my free time with my girlfriends and sometimes we are joined the few of their tolerable husbands 😂 Also - moving back home to Europe soon 😳
/r/askFDS22/07/21 05:18 AM
2

I have no advice:( I work in retail and receive inappropriate communication from customers all the time. They find me on social media and WhatsApp although I have no identifying information out when I’m at my job. It’s all very unsettling and scary. Keep your head up and stay on the narrow path and remember that it’s just a job and you can return to safety at night at home.
/r/askFDS01/07/21 04:49 PM
4

Trust yourself. Even if you pushed someone away, I wouldn’t discount the reasons you did them. Relationships are a two way street. Perhaps there was something in his behavior that warranted it. I would analyze both sides before o took all the blame.
/r/askFDS01/07/21 04:40 PM
28

Guys will waste your times if you let them. This is an open and shut case of block and delete.
/r/askFDS27/06/21 09:26 PM
2

Thank you so much and thank you for your compassion. As a codependent and someone with abandonment issues I take relationships and heartbreak much harder than a regular healthy person. As a matter of fact right before I dated the last guy I was pretty much healed of abandonment issues, they didn’t exist at all and I was happy. I was doing really well and the relationship triggered me and brought me back to square one, all with two years of therapy and all.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 02:58 PM
4

Thank you! I think I was also about 9 months out of a relationship, when I went on a dating app and I met another avoidant, who was messing with me and I literally had to get on antidepressants again. Then after I was off OLD for a year and started dating someone in real life, and it was another fiasco. I had to up my AD dose again. So it’s been a destabilizing nightmare. If abandonment and codependency are issues you’re working on, stay away from relationships and dating and dating apps for a g…
/r/askFDS23/06/21 02:46 PM
4

I disagree. I think you’re exposing yourself to a lot of toxic behavior that in the end it will not have been worth it. And having been in your shoes, you have probably made progress, but you will get hit with the same lows than before. You may bounce back faster, but still? Why expose yourself now? What is it that being on a dating app will help your boundaries? It won’t. It will set you back. True story.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 02:40 PM
1

My experience - men who are avoidant are often angry and are avoiding communication instead of lashing out. What are they angry about, you ask. Since you haven’t done anything? The answer: They are projecting qualities onto you to be angry about. Let that sink in.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 02:32 PM
3

When I started following FDS I thought getting off OLD was in the handbook. My advice is get off OLD and keep working on you. You won’t be disappointed. But you will most certainly be disappointed with OLD.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 02:20 PM
2

From now on you will know that if you are having an anxiety if any sort that causes you to “overthink” and over explain that you are in danger. Now you know you need to leave that situation the minute you’re “overthinking” anything.
/r/askFDS19/06/21 02:51 PM
23

Get off OLD.
/r/askFDS14/06/21 09:12 PM
5

I don’t understand what you mean by how you behaved? Were you walking around kicking puppies or something? He is a cheat and was gaslighting you. That’s all. He wasn’t even discreet about it.
/r/askFDS08/06/21 11:35 PM
7

When I stopped using OLD, I felt a sense of relief and safety. There is absolutely no way I will ever set foot on another dating app. I had the exact same success meeting duds and avoidants in real life, but I have to say the real life ones were less of villains than the online ones. So even though you are exposed to less people IRL is still better people than online.
/r/askFDS18/05/21 10:36 PM
4

This is a cut and dry block and delete.
/r/askFDS15/05/21 05:40 PM
5

I had an aha moment the other day. Most men don’t see women as humans so they don’t understand that we have needs and wants, because they are us as objects. It’s just not worth the hassle. Most of these men have never had a real relationship if you really asked their exes. Start taking to a man’s ex if you want to know if the man is relationship material.
/r/askFDS15/05/21 04:11 PM
3

You know what I can’t find it now. I remember it was a chapter in the pdf handbook. But maybe I made that up. Anyway, the general consensus of FDS at least a year ago was to delete all dating apps and live in peace. I hope that hasn’t changed as it was one of the best life decisions I took away from this sub.
/r/askFDS11/05/21 05:16 PM
33

OLD is not FDS approved. In fact, OLD is discouraged on FDS. Have you read the handbook?
/r/askFDS10/05/21 06:15 PM
3

For me, dating, any dating OLD or IRL would mess with my mindset and while I’ve done so much work in therapy, etc., dating still triggers me and I start going back to self doubting and validation seeking. Everything that we worked so hard to overcome. So maybe dating isn’t an answer for you right now. You’ve done the drill and it’s not working out, there isn’t anything wrong with choosing you and your life and hobbies and keep cultivating female friendships. For some of us FDS means staying away…
/r/askFDS08/05/21 01:45 PM
4

“History” of previous relationships is the operative word here.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 01:01 PM
1

That text requires absolutely no response. He would have to come back with solid/ grand date plans to even consider talking to him again.
/r/askFDS26/04/21 08:54 PM
2

Agreed! I’m like a monk now, I reflect and enjoy every day and every hour every minute of my life today and going forward. Everything seems like a bonus at this point. And it’s peaceful and calm.
/r/askFDS02/04/21 04:33 PM
1

Lol, no problem! I stay single!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 03:09 AM
10

Haa!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:51 AM
18

I hope FBI is on top of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 02:17 PM
15

I guess there is so much of it that it’s because ingrained in our culture. I recently posted a new Facebook profile picture and some men from way back when commented and I guess wanted me to talk to them? Maybe they expect me to reach out to them? I realized that they are waiting for me to make the moves so that they don’t have to take responsibility. I did not reach out to any of them and slept soundly that night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 02:09 PM
5

I love reading this humble account of your experience. No "airs", just an honest assessment and from a point of you as an evaluator, which is the POV we all need to adapt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 05:09 PM
2

It’s going to be very difficult and near impossible. Imagine a man having that same life and they wouldn’t even flinch if they couldn’t make time for their girlfriend. You are in that same position. A relationship for a FDS disciple is definitely a challenge. Because once you have your life together, a man would have to beg for your time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:21 PM
2

You should have your own Hulu account. Why were you still using his? I would explore that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:19 PM
-1

I could be with a man who hunts with a bow an arrow and then uses the animal’s body to feed himself and others and does not waste anything, and makes tools and shoes and what have you from the rest. I would be ok with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:17 PM
36

As an FDS follower you get off tinder. True story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:12 PM
16

Carrying a pregnancy to term is a risk to a woman’s life. If we don’t allow abortion we say that the baby’s life is more important than the woman’s. It is not, both are equally important. I wish there was a study done on what men think about the gender of the fetus and whether that plays a role in their stance on the abortion. I believe that only because women are oppressed in a patriarchal society that the question of abortion is even a question that gets brought up outside of a woman’s and her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:11 PM
27

I had one of these lingering for close to three years. I guess I’m a slow learner, but during the start of the pandemic, when he was requesting my free labor, it finally dawned on me. I should have simply blocked him, but I still had an emotional conversation with him in which I begged him to please never contact me again. Not my finest hour and it felt really bad for me, but he hasn’t dared to bother me again and my life was better from that point on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 03:59 PM
8

Lol, exactly! Rest assured.
/r/askFDS07/11/20 03:56 PM
6

He didn’t eat the dinner? I’m sure he enjoyed half of it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 12:45 PM
4

There are a few good ones out there. I’m not in a relationship; but I work with a few good men:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 12:43 PM
2

A rule of thumb meeting a man online - he is 5 years older and 2” shorter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:28 PM
4

You know, come to think of it, it made no difference. The twice divorced ones as well as the never married ones were all LVMs and NVMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:12 PM
3

Lesson - if a man you just met makes it a point to mention FDS - block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:02 PM
12

Love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:33 PM
6

When dating online men lie about their age by 5 years on average. If you are in your later thirties, set the range for thirty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:25 PM
23

Yup, the “chase” keeps the focus off themselves and the work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 01:49 PM
77

1 year. Translation: 1 week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 06:09 PM
19

They will use your paragraphs against you. Silence is gold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:28 PM
22

It dawned on me recently that women don’t leave good men. Yes, more women file for divorces than men, but it’s never their first choice, they are mostly driven to it by crazy-making LVMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:24 PM
8

Yup, several months off the apps for me, never been happier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:16 PM
2

Yup, I opted out from the whole thing. My peace of mind was more important. Since I’m not dating or in a relationship, I’ve been so much calmer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 11:57 AM
12

Since I don’t seek validation in men any more, I’ve literally lost any sex drive. It was that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 11:52 AM
20

Many people on the spectrum are absolutely brilliant. I work with one and we have the best of time. We get along so well at work that I even filled out a quiz: am I autistic? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 11:38 AM
3

I’ve met one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 11:43 AM
6

We can’t save everyone, but we can hope that awareness is raised to heed the early red flags. As a pick me it didn’t matter anyway as I was so insecure. But as we level up, we all see through the bs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 12:58 PM
14

Ah, yes, I dated a guy, who was divorced and when I asked about the divorce, he said that the wife had become depressed and finally admitted she was depressed. He said he provided for her and everything. She didn’t have to work, etc. I was confused, until I figured out he is an avoidant and probably made her feel unwelcome and was distant with her and god knows what else. He was exhibiting distancing and avoidance behavior very early with me and from my experience if you live with a guy like tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 12:56 PM
1

Thank you for sharing and we are so happy and proud of you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:00 AM
3

Delete and block. Focus on you.
/r/askFDS19/10/20 04:23 PM
9

Spot on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 06:01 AM
1

Also the fact that it was implied that I “played” or “pretended”. I may be codependent, but my behavior is always authentic and I tried my best.. So that gave me a pause. It’s still gives me a pause in life now if someone says that or something along the lines of me being victim or “defensive”. I’m defensive if I’m being attacked. So I watch out for those people. Obviously deep down I know my worth and value, but i had so many layers of doubt and past trauma that it was too hard to get to my sel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 12:32 PM
7

Some lessons have to be learned the hard way for them to sink in. I spent my twenties and the better part of my thirties like this. I’m now 40, and I am finally there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 11:59 AM
5

ADHD from trauma here. Medicated and well on my way in trauma healing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 11:44 AM
2

Playing the victim, taking the victim role, pretending to be a victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 11:20 AM
4

I would day it is growing pains. I used to feel lonely, but it’s been many months since I’ve felt lonely, and it’s coincided with seizing my dating completely. I e never been happier or more content. If I have to stay stingless to stay this way then so be it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:27 PM
2

I guess the fact that I never want to be perceived as a victim insofar as being blamed for being a victim of that makes any sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 10:54 PM
3

No, they said it seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 08:34 PM
6

Being called a victim. Listen to those words carefully. Only abusive people have called me a victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 06:37 PM
3

Sure!
/r/askFDS15/10/20 04:50 PM
6

Yes, even at age 35 and having gone through some therapy, I still fell into a deceptive situation (not deceptive if you asked him), but it felt deceptive, if you know what I mean. He concealed a lot of his issues until we were living together, and while I didn’t lose a lot of time in that relationship (I figured it out within 8 months), it was still damaging to me in many ways. And I’m the type of person, who used to take a lot of time to recover. I too am angry or was angry rather and it took m…
/r/askFDS15/10/20 04:49 PM
3

It doesn’t make sense, no. If you love yourself you live all of you. If you don’t love parts of yourself, there is still something up. I think it would be good if you shared what the part is, I think it would give us greater insight.
/r/askFDS15/10/20 04:37 PM
13

In the past I would have thought nothing of a 9 year age gap and had two of my major boyfriends with that age gap, and now that I’ve reached their respective ages or just about (passed one and reaching the other), I can say that I would not date someone 9 years younger than me, at least not seriously. When I look back at those relationships, it’s exactly that. They weren’t as invested as me and weren’t really taking me seriously although they went through the motions of a “relationship”. (They b…
/r/askFDS15/10/20 04:35 PM
4

I think I wrote this before. I remember having the pressure to keep a house and to earn for the bills. It is so much easier to manage, when I’m single. I know exactly what I can expect from myself and what household duties I can manage, while working full time and what I need to outsource. When I was living with a man it was never even a discussion. It’s like it got swept completely under the rug and the house would literally become a pig sty if I didn’t do something about it. I never experience…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 02:58 PM
7

I have an angry ex, who proposed after four years together and after I had moved out. I declined. He will be angry either way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 02:45 PM
9

Attractive men have a lot more options. They have pickmes contacting them and they have plenty of date opportunities, they don’t have to creepily stalk. I think that is a fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 02:02 PM
20

Agree with this. I have a toxic narcissistic friend whom I really never trusted from the get go, but I guess I was desperate and lonely enough to keep a friendship with her. Now that I’m no longer desperate and lonely I really don’t see her that much. She leeched two of my good friends away from me over the years. Narcs will do that; they will intercept a relationship and get themselves in the middle of it and take your friends. I don’t know what to do about that, because if I get in touch with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:59 PM
43

Ah yes, this occurred to me recently (at 40 lol), that I started asking questions to men around me. Men I had assumed were HV, and it turned out they are all LV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:43 PM
6

Love the flare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:35 PM
10

It's a challenge for you. So challenge yourself and block and delete. And sit with it. And wait for as long as it takes for it to start feeling like the right choice. Because that moment will come.
/r/askFDS10/10/20 10:45 PM
3

Have you considered you have vIcTiM mEnTaLiTy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:42 PM
1

You’re welcome:) Latvian.
/r/askFDS10/10/20 06:33 PM
2

Ah, yes, I do see a pattern and I do believe it is their problem and not me. But I can’t block them because I work with them, but I can absolutely limit my exposure to them, which I have also done. I guess sometimes, when you encounter the same thing over and over and you do the same thing over and over and your get the same results, you start thinking you are the common denominator. And I guess I am, just not in a way that I can change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 05:17 PM
2

Yes. And I think it has to be transformative for them, they have to go through a lot of training to become a therapist and maybe some never really get there emotionally themselves. I would assume there are a lot of them, who don’t get there, but maybe they can still be and are helpful. I think the very act of therapy is helpful, and growth promoting. I personally still got something out of it most definitely even with their bias present. But I made a more rapid progress with a real professional.
/r/askFDS10/10/20 05:04 PM
1

Maybe it would be all the more important to explore some of the zoom based therapists, and they could be English speaking?
/r/askFDS10/10/20 04:53 PM
1

I’ve never really been to therapy in my mother’s tongue and back when I was growing up; in my country it was not accessible to me due to basically neglect from my family, etc. It would have been out of reach until I was an adult, and as an adult (20) I emigrated to America, and I didn’t get to therapy until I was 34. At that point I spoke English fluently and had had relationships with English speaking people; and had read so much literature and gone through English speaking college, so I think …
/r/askFDS10/10/20 04:52 PM
2

I think if you find a therapist you should bring up that anxiety right away and get it out of the way and see if there is any possible bias. It may or may not be there with that particular therapist.
/r/askFDS10/10/20 04:48 PM
21

That is the exact point, lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:06 PM
1

Ah yes. When I get this I watch/ listen to interviews with Joni Mitchell and Agnes Martin. I’m sure there are others we could watch, but these two are for my loneliest times:) But things have improved in my life as soon as I started therapy and I started to see all the positives in my situation. There is definitely a lot going in my life to be threatened by/ be envious of. I’m not rich or anything, but I have a lot of freedom and a fair amount of power over my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:49 PM
3

Ah yes, the single no child artist. You’re light years ahead of them in so many ways that they will always perceive you as a threat. Always. There is no friendship there as they can’t equalize with you. It’s a tough and lonely spot for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:33 PM
2

Thank you for your response. I am in therapy and I will bring this exact topic up, as I’m now starting to see a pattern of the people I have triggered. There are a few women in that lineup, too. And if I had to sum them up, they are all extremely insecure and with narcissistic traits. My approach is also very similar to yours and I’ve always tried to be very good at communicating these feelings in a conversational way. I have a low voice/ low projection so I definitely never raised my voice. But…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:19 PM
3

In my experience whenever I’ve brought any of this up in a “confrontation” I’ve been labeled a “victim”. It’s hilarious because I live my life by “non-victim” mantra, I’m always out there working and bettering myself and helping. But I get discouraged with all the bs sometimes, and when I bring it up with men I’m having this problem with, I’m labeled a victim. Little do they know that if they didn’t condescend on me, they themselves would be better off. Even my business partner, we would be maki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:38 PM
5

I’m with you, but I trigger men and they literally scream at me. So some of it is again damaging all over again to me. So I’m at my wits end in a way, I’m alone a lot and I get solace from that and I recharge with my hobbies and my lifelong friends and family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:26 PM
2

One useful thing about us that if we have a task give to us, hell it’s going to be well done. I get validation from my work and I always will. Maybe not praise, but I can see it in their eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:23 PM
6

Ah, yes, the IQ trap. Men have literally choked, when they realized that I was smart. What ya gonna do. No mans for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:21 PM
2

I get around it by being bubbly and cheery and still telling terrible jokes and cursing. I’m letting the chips fall where they may. I’m also 40 years old and give no fucks. Aging helps tremendously. And so does therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:19 PM
2

I have been to four therapists in total. The first one was male and in the first meeting he said: What problems could you possibly have? He projected basically that since I’m young and attractive I should have no problems. I decided then it would have to be a woman. The first one I saw was good and I stayed with her for 7 months. I stopped seeing her as it was in an inconvenient location and expensive, but it was also because I got into a relationship with a LVM and it all derailed me. That rela…
/r/askFDS10/10/20 02:08 PM
50

OLD is not worth it. Just a larger concentration of NVMs on there. Ladies get your peace and wait for him to appear IRL. That’s the only way. OLD attracts men, who would otherwise never meet anyone in real life because of their insecurities. Most men don’t take OLD seriously, and half of them are in relationships with their friends they have children with and they still sleep with them. Aka - they are married or almost married, it doesn’t matter how they define it, but rest assured they are lyin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:40 PM
41

All these people are depressed and self loathing and are socialized to take it out on women instead of looking at their issues in therapy. So, no, they would not change for the better, but maybe some of them would seek therapy and get better. They would have to start reflecting on their behavior like we do. It would still take a very long time for things to improve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:26 PM
19

Even as a pick me I noped out of these arrangements. All the sweeter now being single by choice with all my nice candles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:09 PM
3

Still, after FDS, I prefer being depressed and single than depressed and in a relationship with a NVM. At least I’m dealing with my shit and not being consumed by someone else’s shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 06:13 AM
0

150 lbs for 5’10” woman is perfect weight:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:54 PM
31

40 year old, honestly I think it’s always been the same, lack of respect, etc. But with the online dating men who would never be in a relationship due to issues, were suddenly able to meet women. So with the rise of online dating the psychopaths and narcissists and insecures really started coming out in droves and have access to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:48 PM
7

Very manipulative and then a paragraphs of justification once caught. Disgusting and unnecessary and screams low self esteem. Therapy is what this man needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:42 PM
2

Not without a prenup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 09:10 PM
2

Had I not been in therapy after my breakup with the narc last year, I don’t know where I would be. Use all your available resources and try to get into regular therapy.
/r/askFDS01/10/20 05:23 PM
31

Loneliness is extra here sometimes. It’s a progressive city, but there is still a lot of pressure of being a couple. Media and friends. Most of the conversations with my friends are about guys. It’s always about guys. I’m sick of it. They are all super accomplished women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 10:47 PM
23

I’m on board with this. The last few months since I’ve found FDS have been so peaceful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:45 PM
91

Yes, very important to block otherwise before you know it you’re texting with them. Be very careful, block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:43 PM
3

You’ve only hung out twice, once at a party and another time you run into him? I don’t think you need to do anything. This is just an acquaintance.
/r/askFDS30/09/20 03:49 PM
6

Practice. Be prepared for pushback and getting called names. That’s the world we live in. Still do it because from the two shitty options it’s still better.
/r/askFDS30/09/20 03:44 PM
6

Wow, what a trash place to work! I work retail as well, but we thankfully have a policy to silently walk away from a customer without apologizing or offering replacement help or call the manager. It's a surprisingly effective way of dealing with rudeness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:51 PM
17

It’s hard, but try not to internalize this guys disgusting behavior as some kind of measure of your self worth. A lot of these guys keep a lot of secrets and tell a lot of lies, so forgive yourself for getting involved with him, because you couldn’t have known the details. And remember that there were good things that happened and you were attracted to those things and you tried. And you were obviously attractive to them to make the effort to be with you, and there may have even been some true f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 08:26 PM
2

I’m coming up to this revelation myself. Thankfully I have one late uncle who I think was high value. And his voice is what I often hear in my head, when I think about what a HVM should be. He was an exceptional person. They are out there, but seems like very far and few in between.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 04:07 PM
18

When with a love bomber, watch for the dissonance. He will go on and on about how great your are and he will have a pretty good grasp of yourself and can absolutely deceive you, bet every once in a while they will slip up. Those are the moments your heart will signal that something is off. The round face comment obviously; the tan comment, and the cute girls vs hot girls comments. Those were all comments red flags that I imagine made your heart sink. If you are still in a fence about this guy in…
/r/askFDS27/09/20 03:53 PM
21

Goodness gracious! Nothing like being married to a NVM:( What advice can you even give in this situation? Other than distance, distance, distance. Level up, divorce, keep leveling up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 03:46 PM
11

Yup. It really gave me a pause. I don’t know if it matters, we dated briefly in 2015 and it was a serious relationship for me, but it looks like from what I pieced together now, not for him. (He has a porn addiction and a sexual/ psychological dysfunction that he cant hide after the first few months of dating), I was wondering whether I was just jealous, and for a brief moment I did feel like she would “bring down my business”, or some shit. And then I remembered all of you guys, and that she is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 10:25 PM
25

He got a new girlfriend and he is not serious about her and never has been (she is an old ex), and I asked him if she knows and if she is ok with it. He said he isn’t reminding her, but she knows. And I said he shouldn’t mess around in people’s lives if he is not ready and is wasting this woman’s time. He said he still deserves and wants to be happy. And that people still deserve to enjoy their lives, and not everyone is like me:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 09:00 PM
93

I was recently told by my business partner, who is HV in some areas of his life and LV in his relationships that I need to give people a break. Apparently my FDS values are too rigid. It was nice to hear that, I was pleased that I’ve gotten to that level and that it was even recognizable in my behavior and conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 02:00 PM
49

I hope FBI monitors this shit?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 01:55 PM
3

Using manipulative tactics also isn’t something a person with a healthy self esteem would do. Perhaps you’re referring to someone with an inflated ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:35 PM
4

I believe some of what you’re saying. I think I would be referring to it as inflated ego, but I wouldn’t characterize that as good or healthy self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:33 PM
18

Yes, absolutely! The low self esteem mother married the low self esteem father and all the father’s self hatred got transferred on her and that’s what the children grow up with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 12:46 PM
47

Low self esteem. But comes out as a hatred towards women. A projection so they don’t have to own their own self hatred. Probably low self esteem transferred from their low self esteem mothers. And they hate the whole gender for it. “Mommy issues”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 12:14 PM
7

With a HVM it will not matter, he will listen to you and your reasons and accept them, and if he wanted more information, he may ask, such a person will never make you feel any type of way. A LVM will make you feel insecure and question yourself. I think bringing up your divorce will be a good way to vet them. If the divorce was many years ago and no children (like mine was), I don’t ever mention it, as I have literally almost forgotten. I’ve had several LVM and NVM relationships since then that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:43 AM
18

I think anonymously sent screenshot is the way to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:36 AM
18

One of the best things I learned from FDS is to never set a foot on another dating site or app for as long as I shall live.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:20 PM
77

Lol pay for your coffee first and then I take you to a field.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:53 PM
2

It never hurts to re read the handbook. Do it about once a month. A lot of the things you wrote about would be instantly resolved.
/r/askFDS23/09/20 12:37 PM
2

Block and delete. Reason being if you don’t he still has power in your life and you need your life back on your terms or you will always be stuck in a self avoidance cycle. Your ex in your life is your avoidance.
/r/askFDS23/09/20 12:36 PM
105

At least he is honest, the rest of the 99% of the dating pool are the same and pretend for a couple weeks that they are not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:26 PM
4

Over 50% of men on OLD are already in a relationship and are using OLD for an ill ego boost. General FDS advice is to stop dating OLD altogether. This is a clear block and delete and delete the app answer.
/r/askFDS23/09/20 12:19 PM
2

Trigger warning: suicide.
/r/askFDS23/09/20 12:00 PM
2

I would start with getting back into hands on work. Not moving your hands and body can absolutely affect your mood for the worse. Second I would get on depression meds (mild nothing crazy) and get into talk therapy. And figure out why I put an ex on a pedestal and let my own life slide by the wayside. Why I don’t let myself be happy and proud. What exactly is holding me back. It’s usually the good old childhood issues, but therapy will do wonders in getting through them in an accelerated mode. G…
/r/askFDS22/09/20 12:00 PM
10

“Even though we met online”, do you mean you never met in real life?
/r/askFDS22/09/20 11:55 AM
22

When you’re old like me you also watch half of them get a divorce.
/r/askFDS21/09/20 03:40 AM
3

Send this back: “Wow, what a coincidence, I was going to text you that I can’t make it as my friends little brother is in town also. I can’t believe we have the same plans! Yeah, see you on Tuesday at 7pm, insert address of a sewage recycling plant”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 04:28 PM
0

Ha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 12:25 PM
1

Wow, he is exhausting. He sounds like a literal cranky 8 year old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 12:24 PM
11

If you are wondering if you are a narcissist, it’s number one sign you are with a narcissist. Get out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 12:20 PM
60

Incels spreading rumors. Many of us are well above average looking, and have no problem attracting attention (mostly unwelcome, unfortunately).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:16 PM
38

If he confirmed for Saturday night, but no time or place, it is not a date. A date is only a confirmed time or place. If he reaches out tomorrow, tell him, you didn’t hear from him and made other plans for the evening. You figured he was busy, catch up another time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:15 PM
99

Very unusual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 04:13 PM
1

I am trying to figure out why I couldn’t understand this sooner. It took so long. I was completely brainwashed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 01:03 PM
6

Yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 04:56 PM
3

Love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 02:05 PM
11

Yup, I would seriously watch out for men with several ex’s of a different race. I’m a blonde Eastern European and my last Narc. Ex dated my literal twin right before me. We even share the same name (different spelling). So yeah, be careful out there and vet, vet, vet. Only accept high value behavior and if race becomes a topic of conversation, listen very carefully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 02:04 PM
100

It’s become completely clear that all the stereotypes perpetuated about women are simply not true and are designed to gaslight women into patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 12:26 PM
2

A person can be a bad writer, and maybe not a natural at writing witty answers, etc., but if they literally don’t text you back in 20 minutes (what person doesn’t have their phone on 24/7?), they are simply not interested in talking to you. It they talk whenever it’s convenient for them, they are not interested in you.
/r/askFDS17/09/20 11:42 AM
10

FDS really isn’t about hating men. It’s about women seeing their value and getting out of bad relationships, focusing on themselves and their careers instead. We are on a constant path of self growth and self improvement and self esteem development. We do not get men’s attention for validation and we do not get into relationships for validation. So if you were to date an FDS woman, you couldn’t manipulate her or disrespect her. You could only act with poise, respect and care around her. So if th…
/r/askFDS16/09/20 12:19 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:21 AM
1

I’d give it a shot commenting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:19 AM
59

Translation: I suck in bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:14 AM
26

They already know. If you read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”, it may stop your urge to reach out. I recommend the book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:12 AM
4

Noticed that, too, and was curious. But saw that advice was good. I always love reading the wholesome FDS comments and advice applied to “real life” situations, and the dialogue. I can see some of the abused women turning their lives around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 12:02 PM
6

There are a few rescues that were successful, I believe. So maybe it’s not a total loss. But yeah; the only person we are ever dating on this sub is a HVM, and if the person in question is not an HVM, the case is dismissed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:56 AM
4

Thank you for your blessing! I’m off to the beaches today, traveling and staying on my own, in my own expensive hotel room. Cheers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:53 AM
20

The best quote I ever read a about narcissists and their abused ex’s illusion that they are treating the new girlfriend better than they did you is that now you see what the abuse looks like on the outside. And that is all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 05:34 AM
3

Go in IKEA website and see if they are hiring and what positions. I work there and it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 10:18 PM
5

Chicago is the way to go. Cost of living is not that bad, once you get a job, you’ll be able to figure it all out. You need to get out. We are all willing to help you. We can probably all arrange an Uber pick up for you if all else fails. I’m serious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 06:06 PM
5

As a pickmeisha I’ve been at shelter level a few times, and all those times I rose from the ashes and what saved me was a job. Job is number one way to get support. Obviously this is much harder to do with a child, but there has got to be a shelter for the woman with children. See if you can find one in a bigger city and if you can scrape together the money to leave. I hope it works out for you and I would like to contribute to your escape. EDIT: Also if you can get your hands on Lundy Bancroft’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 01:37 PM
8

I asked the last one who did this to me and our relationship and my best guess was it was the Madonna Whore Complex. But the the f*ck cares! Go to therapy! Stop getting into relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 01:20 PM
27

I’ve only found out twice (with good guys I thought) that the reason we were no longer having sex in a relationship was because they were both looking elsewhere at porn and probably more. They were committed relationships and they both supposedly loved me. The first time I found out with the first one I was trying to “fix” the relationship. The second time I didn’t try. I have no idea why these men think that they can have an intimate committed relationship with someone while actively watching p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 01:17 PM
109

She got away!!! 🍾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:22 PM
2

Whenever someone makes you feel insecure or says things about your height or anything remotely negative about you it’s because they acknowledge your power. Just remember that going forward. They only wish they were you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 12:42 PM
36

That’s why some of us don’t date. We have a life to live. Work to do. Goals to accomplish. Ourselves to love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 02:45 AM
30

Hey, I don’t have much advice other than really keeping to yourself and keeping your head down so to speak. Don’t make eye contact. For me that’s the only thing that works. I’m strictly business, when I deal with men, and I avoid dating them or getting involved with them in any way if I can avoid it. I’m not looking for a HVM and he would literally have to fall into my lap, I’m not putting myself out there ever again. So keep focusing on yourself like you have been; be safe, carry a weapon if yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 06:57 PM
25

Asking a lot of questions about my past relationships. Me thinking they were interested to get to know me. This information was used to hurt and belittle/ control me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:58 PM
7

It wasn’t until I joined this sub, that it dawned on me that all the misogyny out there is men projecting their own inadequacy and blaming it on women. I guess I always knew it, but as a pick me I internalized it vs now it’s none of my business. It only keeps them even more single and miserable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 01:08 PM
11

Agreed, I only ally with women at work, and if I have to speak to men it’s strictly business. I’m also a boss to several men, but that’s different as there is nobody above me and I’m paying them, so they get the message. If I’m on an equal ground with men, or below them in the hierarchy, I am a mute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 01:04 PM
13

I don’t know if it’s gaslighting, but it’s definitely not respect. He does not respect your sleeping preferences and instead of breaking up with you over incompatibility, he expresses it in a passive aggressive way, with an expectation that you change. Why not date another night owl?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 12:59 PM
6

Yes, of course, anxiety will creep in and we always subconsciously pick a mate based on characteristics of our primary caregiver and all our attachment wounds get activated in a relationship. It's just so much easier to navigate this with professional help, so much so that it isn't even worth it without, you could get even further traumatised, so I would be very careful whom I am dating and why I am attracted to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 06:00 PM
11

In my opinion if you can't afford therapy you can't afford to be in a relationship. Do not look for a relationship now, work on yourself in therapy and only when you have been in therapy a few months should you venture into dating. You will then have the help of your therapist to navigate all these feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 05:46 PM
4

One day you will not care, you will stop viewing yourself through the lens of a man picking you for one reason or another and start viewing yourself through a lens of self love. Age will be absolutely irrelevant other than you’ll look in the mirror and won’t believe how hot you look. At 40. You’ll smile and go off to whatever fulfilling activity of your day of your choice, be it your hobbies, or your work. You will have the time of your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 11:57 PM
18

They are so obsessed with us so they don’t have to focus on their terrible selves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:36 PM
11

Exactly! If I offended someone in my life with my behavior I would never have the audacity to ask for favors of them six months later. Only men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:33 PM
10

This was always my mantra and always will be. All my friends are female and I love them to death and I will do anything for them. My oldest friends we know each other since we were 4 years old. I was never better friends with men. Never.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:29 PM
6

I might go against the advice, but I think the nails and the blown out hair is pick me energy. I say, natural short nails, and curly girl method and live your life to the fullest. Edit: Oh I read a bit more the answers. Agree with most everyone. Posture is definitely number one. Take adult ballet or yoga if you need help with that. Good clothing and shoes is a necessity, but a few quality items that will last, make a capsule wardrobe. But mainly invest in your health and life and future as you y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:19 PM
5

Totally! I had a client, who was a male supermodel. He gave me excellent diet and exercise tips and checked up on my progress. He was also a great client. It was overall a sweet experience. I wouldn’t say I had a crush on him necessarily, but I definitely enjoyed that experience so much more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:17 PM
1

Nothing unless it’s to deter them from dating you. Someone once mentioned here that you can say that you were out with a former coworker or a coworker. I like that approach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:09 PM
23

It’s so nice to be here. I’ve permanently changed since I’m on this sub. I’m probably actually overall nicer to nice men in general, because I do not get bothered but their bs. I live my life, they live their lives. If they mess around in my life they are blocked. The end. I do not plead with men, I do not CoMmmuNicAte, I go radio silent. My life is peaceful and lovely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:06 PM
2

A few men I’ve dated have expressed that we had great chemistry. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how since I didn’t feel any chemistry at all. It turned out they were attracted to me. They call that chemistry. I was under impression that for something to be “chemistry”, both had to have a degree of attraction. Lessons, lessons. I come to this sub to not hate men. You all help me understand that they are simply underdeveloped humans and I shouldn’t be frustrated with children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 12:01 PM
41

The only man that ever proposed to me with an actual ring was a man I had left a week before after 4 years together and no marriage in sight. I didn’t marry him and thank god.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:08 PM
70

At their respective ages it is not acceptable to see, where things go. It’s acceptable at 16. No man that’s ever told me he wanted to see what develops, ever went anywhere, just like your experience. I say dump both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 04:55 PM
2

Personally I don’t even want to risk it. The way I think my body is it would be diabetic if i wasn’t on keto diet. And besides it makes life so much more manageable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 02:05 AM
9

Oh that's funny, that's the exact same diet I eat as well. It's the only way I control my weight. If I eat even an ounce of grains or sugar it's downhill from there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:52 PM
2

I do not get a lot of bs nowadays. I am older, and I literally take no bullshit from anyone and I think it shows. Men do not dare to bother or harass me. At least not the men I interact with. I get odd harassment on the street still. I guess when I say really nice, they are kind and respectful. But I also have sworn them off and don't interact with them beyond strictly business at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:45 PM
1

Sure! You can text me! I can try to help, although I’m not super seasoned:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:47 PM
25

Good for you! Do you mind sharing what the treatment was? I dealt with something similar in my twenties and it resolved on its own eventually with some supplements (I don’t remember which ones helped) but I suspect it was fungal. Dump the loser of course. You can and will do so much better. You need space, so block and take space and time to enjoy your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:46 PM
4

I’m lucky I guess, but all the time. Every day. Men are really nice to me. But a lot of it is because of FDS and how I now carry myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:43 PM
4

Small penis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 03:18 PM
3

Ha, I just went on that sub, they rate 7.5 women, who could be Victoria’s Secret Angels. A normal looking pretty girl is a 4 there, LOL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 02:00 PM
5

Hey, you are looking at yourself through what appears to be an incel lens? Why is that? The easiest explanation would be that someone on your past, maybe your parents never made you feel like you were enough? That would be my armchair psychologist’s assessment. I apologize if I’m off mark. I wonder what happens if you start looking at yourself through a lens of kindness and love. What would you do and who you would be and what decisions would you make if you loved yourself? If I may recommend a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:55 PM
18

Always! My girls and animals first! What has happened to men? What a mess!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:47 PM
33

This is why if I need to do anything, and I mean anything for work, I’m relieved if I get to work/ speak to/ buy from/ order from a woman. I know I won’t be condescended on and will get things done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:19 PM
5

I’m 5’9” and have given dating a long rest, but used to try and find the one on OLD. The short ones especially wanted to “date” me and I couldn’t for the world of me figure out why they were so adamant other than it must have been some kind of a fetish for them. I’m simply not attracted to men that are 3-4” shorter than me because I feel like they are children. Other than that I’m at a stage where I could care less what any man short or tall thinks of my stature. It’s a damn pleasure to have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 03:13 AM
4

Am I surmising this right? Altogether women can be insecure and what have you, but it seems like it’s the majority of guys, who really genuinely despise themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 03:08 AM
12

Amen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:44 PM
8

Also never forget that while you made bad choices with men (as we all did), you were acting with kindness always (protecting your ex’s credit for example). Remember all those kind things you’ve done over the years as a reflection of your character. And that now going forward you will apply that kindness to yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:58 PM
5

The only airfare (and hotel) that needs to be paid (by him) in this equation is his, when he flies to see you. Do not under any circumstances fly to see him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:53 PM
38

Answer is yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:48 PM
3

Reviews from former girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:40 PM
8

I have a real pick me friend who has given me terrible advice over the years and I remember that it literally put me in harms way. She encouraged me to work it out with my narcissist ex and became his flying monkey. I do not trust her and the relationship with her is very surface at this point. But we’ve had some nice shared experiences over the last 15 years, some nice trips, and sharing, common friends, I don’t necessarily want to throw it all away, but I certainly don’t seek her out for advic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:32 PM
6

Yes, a lot of what you see at the beginning is their best behavior until you are trapped. Always follow your instinct and if you feel an ounce of discomfort, you bounce, no questions exchanged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:14 PM
12

My guess is he likes the ego stroke of her devotion. If he is not attracted to her he may not sleep with her, but in my experience with men she would have to be a 400lb troll for him to not sleep with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:05 PM
23

Jack Kerouac’s - On The Road - “a favorite book”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 12:59 PM
7

Also not until FDS. I knew the stuff, but I didn't have the validation of all of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:17 AM
7

40 :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:14 AM
2

Yes, they keep leaving destruction in their paths. People do not change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:09 PM
14

I think you just have to keep living your life and if a good man crosses your path, and if it is someone you get along well you could develop any relationship with him that you see fit. Most men wouldn’t bat an eyelash to not be in a committed relationship and yet enjoy the benefits of one. If you meet someone who is worth trusting, you can learn to trust them. You can develop a friendship or a semi-committed relationship and you can fade fine your terms and he can define his and you can see if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:08 PM
35

Always! My sisters first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:57 PM
1

Don’t internalize his bullshit. He has no business affecting you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 02:02 PM
31

I remember reading somewhere that female orgasm used to be necessary to release an egg, still is in the animal kingdom. But there was too much misogyny in the world and evolution had to make a choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 06:34 AM
62

Men fake interest to gain women’s interest. It’s really bizarre, it must be that they are so incredibly insecure/ borderline narcissist. I’m so sick of it, I’ve completely opted out of this bs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 04:39 PM
41

He was dating his fantasy at the beginning and also being insecure he made sure you fell for him. Once he realized you are a real person with real wants and needs, he pulled out his real person as well. Two words: dump and block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 04:36 PM
3

They are taught to disrespect women from just about infancy. They can’t possibly relate to someone (thing) they don’t actually respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 06:58 AM
2

I guess the good old he doesn’t have to comprehend since he is still a man. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you can at least get some kind of compensation for this. Five years of your life were wasted and while he doesn’t comprehend, hopefully a judge will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 06:56 AM
2

I will, thanks for the pointer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:27 PM
-1

Too bad Marx is tied in with communists. He had some good points. I’m a Marxist and will always remain. https://www.marxists.org/history/erol/uk.hightide/basis.htm
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:20 PM
18

You are spot on. It’s become clear that all this type of dribble is men simply projecting their insecurities unto women. That’s all it is, it has nothing to do with women, young or old.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:41 PM
3

Unfortunately with all the progress we made we still have closeted gay men. In a weird way cultural misogyny is to blame more than sexual orientation, in my opinion. He would not lead you down this path if he respected you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:37 PM
30

There really are no benefits if you are financially well off. Marriage was invented to protect a man’s offspring and ensure that the property goes to the rightful heir. It was never invented to protect women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:30 PM
9

The only thing that grows organically is a plant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 06:40 PM
58

Ask them, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but if I’m their profile they say 5’9”, assume right away they are 5’7”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 03:21 PM
3

Exactly, the more I dissect it the more I realize it’s different constructs that men peddle and project onto women so they don’t have to work on their own flaws and insecurities. Narcissism at it’s finest. When I’m in FDS mindset I’m immune to this internalized misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:05 PM
10

I was thinking about this. I figured I’m forty now and no one will pay any attention to me and I can just live my life with my FDS values, alone and undisturbed. And yet I still get harassed on a daily basis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 12:26 PM
8

"I am a virgin."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 07:59 PM
15

It just dawned on me (- late FDS bloomer:) that men refer to marriage as the ball and chain because they blame the concept of the marriage instead of admitting they would not make a good husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 12:51 PM
29

It’s possible you were more confident with the new nose? I would get the hell out of the matchmaking and just do whatever you please with your life that brings you happiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 01:54 AM
10

It’s the conditioning. No more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 01:00 PM
19

Imagine we said shit like that to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:38 AM
5

He was tall and lanky, athletic, like myself. We had great conversations and connected intellectually. At first. He was attentive and committed. Within a couple months it was clear he love-bombed me, and changed into an angry and sulking person, started arguments every day. He was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and probably cheated on me (he slept with someone, when we were on a “break” and there was probably more he never told me about) It dug into my codependency and I was tryin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 01:19 PM
2

You have a point here. I think FDS took my anger for men away. In a way it released the burden off me and put it back on them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 12:49 PM
3

I can relate to your PTSD and I have the same. I am not ready to date and I think I will not be ready for a very long time. The thought of going through one more of these devastating experiences is really pulling me away from putting myself out there. It's been a year since my last serious relationship and a few months since my last dating experience and I really do not miss the state of mind I was, when I was dating. I have a lot of family trauma from childhood and I kept perpetuating it with g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:30 AM
5

I completely quit for good, about a month after I found FDS. I've had the same stupid relationshits come from OLD and IRL, it didn't matter, but at least I am not exposed to OLD bs and if a man comes along IRL at least it's less frequent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:21 AM
3

Wow, thank you! I will check it out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:17 PM
6

Thank you! It took me a really long time to recognize it. My default reaction to abuse is, I start doubting myself and immediately internalizing it. The last few months since on FDS, I’ve had a very different perspective and I’ve warded off quite a bit of abuse already (I work in a retail environment/ directly involved with customers). I haven’t dated since my last encounter, where I didn’t trust myself and let something drag on for a couple extra months, but I was eventually able to cut it off.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 04:08 PM
10

Good for you for recognizing! I’m still learning. I would have still gone back and re-read the messages doubting myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 03:22 PM
103

Yes. I can’t express you how protected I feel being a woman and being a part of this subreddit. These men have no access to us any more. And they are mad. They want to keep taking advantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:48 PM
21

Yeah, he is being super sneaky, it’s pretty subtle. Good for you recognizing and for hard passing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:45 PM
5

Ugh, a projectionist. Why can’t men ask questions? Why is it so hard for them? The crochet question is not a teal question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:33 PM
6

Every once in a while I remember something a guy did that ruined me, and it helps that I remember that I was with him because I needed his validation, but that today I am content and do not need anyone’s validation, so I don’t get in the same situation again. Today I only work on my life, my hopes and dreams and I validate myself and there is nobody else, who can do it for me. I looked for validation in the wrong places, but I don’t anymore. My job now is to not let anyone like this man in my li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 02:19 PM
15

I bailed my ex out and he cheated on my with his “cousin”. You would think that would have been my pickmeisha low point, but there were many many more. I was given a second chance myself, I woke up at forty and joined the FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 01:12 AM
36

You got fat. This is a long term boyfriend that I invested everything in. He was significantly overweight. I had gained some weight, but by no means was I “fat”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 07:32 PM
2

So you had sex with two men, one of them sounds like a rapist and the other one a colleague who maybe also took advantage of you. You met this guy a year and a half later and he is also managing to bring you down. Look, I’m happy you are here. That’s all I’m saying. Please dump this loser and get into therapy and figure out how to stop viewing yourself through the lens of men, and start figuring out how to view yourself through a lens of self respect and self value. Do not get married!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 12:52 PM
3

I think that’s the only way. Then you know where you stand. Men will waste your time if you don’t speak up. Literally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 01:14 PM
21

Post this on your Facebook: “Sometimes in life your have to eat roses, and when they come out the other end you really feel it”. But seriously l, stop posting anything about roses. Stop stalking his Instagram, block his Instagram and start focusing on you. What a great life you have ahead of you, and all the great things you will do. Don’t get involved with men unless they are clear that they want a relationship with you. Do not make excuses for them, listen to their words and watch their action…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 08:32 PM
12

Society enables them. Men have so much privilege in society that they never have to go through all the motions that women have. Women have developed the way they have because we are in a constant tug of war with the world to get anything done, and we rely on nuance and our smarts and emotional intelligence is necessary. I often wonder about men and their trauma and don’t they want to work through it? Like we do? With all the therapy, etc. and the thing is they don’t have to. There are plenty of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 01:06 PM
11

They are not ready for a relationship, but they are still looking for a pick me to get their needs met. Social, emotional, sexual, what have you. They see a pic me and they go for it. They rarely consider the pick me’s feelings or respect their time. They wouldn’t be dating, if they did. So as always it all comes down to lack of respect. The best thing a woman can do for herself is remove herself from “dating” and focus on her own life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:07 PM
9

I once dated a man that I moved in with after dating a year, in 2012, after six months of living together I brought up marriage and after a big fight and a lot of back and forth he agreed to maybe get married in 2016. I stuck around until the end of 2014, and broke up with him and moved out. It was a rough time for me, all the moving out, etc. a week later he showed up with a ring that I refused. Still this year, 2020 he was bugging me to meet up during the pandemic. I finally had to tell him of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:01 PM
9

Why would you not respect him? I don’t understand. It’s the beginning and he is on his best behavior of course, but I don’t see where he’s done anything to lose respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 04:42 AM
9

For me it was the gaslighting. The last two men I dated were gaslighting me, one was my last serious boyfriend, who I realized was a narcissist. And the other was a guy I had gone of a few dates on before the pandemic. He didn’t want to see me really, probably not long term, but made it look and sound like I was the one not wanting to see him. It was such bs that I just told my girlfriends that this is the last time I’m dating; and I think I was looking up gaslighting on Reddit and then I found …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 03:26 PM
22

I was living with a LVM, who never cleaned. I asked him one time if he could clean the bathroom, since I always did it. He said that I did a much better job at it, so I should do it. Just unbelievable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 11:54 PM
20

Go ahead, love whomever you want. No one is stopping you as more and more women are getting off OLD and getting on with their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:34 AM
4

I mean his advice isn't wrong. There are plenty of men, who don't know what they want and they may meet someone they want to be in a relationship with while dating and sleeping around. There isn't inherently anything wrong or criminal about dating without intention, but it comes across low value. As FDS we simply don't entertain these guys and as soon as they are "not ready for a relationship", we bounce. We do not wonder why they didn't want a relationship with us because we have our lives to l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:31 AM
1

Also they pine for women that they can’t get and are in a “relationship” with them even if they never had sex or kissed. And then these women “cheat” on them. I guess it’s the opposite of women who have sex with men and men insist it is not a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 02:26 PM
4

I think a lot. I once had great luck connecting with a man’s ex. He had made her a complete idiot and a villain, who dumped him. She is the loveliest person, a scientist and he dumped her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:51 PM
2

It’s crazy, but I always liked those big noses. The tiny ones do nothing for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:56 AM
20

This will last until he finds someone he wants to marry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:53 AM
13

I think they make some of it up. But also being attracted to unavailable people is safe for them. It’s a safe bet to date someone who is pretty much out the door. It’s a perfect excuse for their own commitment issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:41 AM
19

A cat? A CAT?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:33 AM
2

Oh ok, I misunderstood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:46 PM
-1

I mean she is suggesting he is a cross dresser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 01:29 PM
0

I think she said a sexy dress for him. So I guess that’s what ended it for him. Still, his reaction is 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:57 PM
6

Ah, yes. There is a fair bit of manual crafting involved in my job and business and I often shy (used to) away from telling men that I date what my talents and capabilities are. They would take offense just having google my name and seen some of my work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 11:06 PM
437

I remember that my life was always on pause and in flux whenever I was in a relationship. I wasted so much time on relationships I can’t waste a minute longer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:41 PM
47

So sweet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:40 PM
20

A lot of closet homosexuality for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:13 PM
17

Proud of you and happy for your freedom and protection. You’re radiating confidence and happiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:25 AM
5

Yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 05:27 AM
14

Good job dumping a NVM. With all your troubles and insecurities you still made the right call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 03:39 PM
3

Is there any way for you to move out of this nightmare? When is the lease up?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 03:12 PM
39

🤮 Reminds me why I’m not on OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 02:09 PM
4

Oh no:(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 07:29 PM
28

Look up anxious attachment or ambivalent attachment. Whenever you outsource the validation of your sense of self to another human; most convenient is a romantic prospect - as it mimics a primary caregiver relationship the most, you know you are not in the right headspace for most things. Once you fix that, it will help with your life. You may still go back and forth a little, but you will snap out of it much faster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 04:28 PM
15

40 years old, no strategy to meet anyone because of my past experiences. I’m not willing to put myself out there like that anymore. Currently just working and keeping busy. My life is very simple and calm, when I’m not dating. Whenever I’m dating, I never feel this way. If a man comes along and I still feel this way, I may consider to date him, but I’m not seeking them out, certainly not on OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 02:53 AM
3

Lol, exactly! I’ve been to a lot of places and I’ve emigrated. That has nothing to do with how I am as a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 03:20 PM
59

5’5”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 04:00 AM
8

Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 04:14 PM
6

I once tried to make the guy who was using me for sex into a boyfriend. I had tickets to a play and when he finally rolled around on Thursday he said he wanted to have “breakfast with me on Saturday”; I said we are going to a play on Saturday. We did all those things on Friday and Saturday morning and lo and behold he showed up to the theater Saturday evening in a suit. And then he bugged me about the play for another few months. It really left an impression on him and as a pick me I was very pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:47 PM
17

I sent a nude once in my pick me days to a guy, who I thought I was in love with, but who had absolutely no feelings for me other than using me for sex. I think this was probably the low point of my pick me dating days. He didn’t even respond 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:38 PM
11

Thank you! I guess I was being self deprecating. You are right. Everyone knows the days of the week and can read the clock by age 7 the latest. Just goes to show I would have tried to made plans and suggestions in my old pick me days. And now I know that if a man wants me he will go out of his way to make these plans. You could say as a pick me I went out of my way to make plans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:32 PM
18

He is love bombing her. This will implode as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:34 PM
-2

This was on Wednesday? I would still respond that you have plans for Saturday night, but you could meet for lunch on Saturday or Brunch on Sunday. But then again - I don’t have a boyfriend:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:28 PM
6

We probably won’t find a HVM, but at least we will have stopped wasting our time on LVMs and done other things with our life that are important and will bring joy to us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:53 AM
62

It also helps if you are a model 🤪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:51 AM
11

It’s an institution, but it really seems to depend on the people in it. There are happily married couples out there and that’s probably a goal for many here. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have gone through all the terrible motions that lend us here. For me personally it’s not a goal any more, but it was at a few points in my life. Now it’s something that would be nice if it happened with the right person, but it’s not a goal of mine and my focus is completely off it. I’ve been hurt too many times by…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:37 AM
3

Thank you! I think they are the insecure ones and they are the ones being so self absorbed in that they can’t see the impact of their actions. I still talk to the first ex, but not much, the second one is now my business partner some five years later. It is what it is. I think I earned his respect at the time I didn’t even raise a fuss and left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:33 AM
14

Completely agree and admittedly my first thought was, omg she is embarrassing herself, but then I realized she has balls. Thankful for her attitude!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 01:41 AM
85

I think if you want a marriage and children you can definitely have it and you are young and it will and can happen for you. I don’t think you should let go of the idea quite yet. Just don’t put yourself in situations where you will be harmed, follow the FDS rules and the chances are it will happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 11:19 PM
8

Whenever I found out a guy I was with that they were watching porn, our sex life had already gone to zero at that point. It didn't make me insecure, it was the explanation I was looking for as to why we weren't connecting. This happened to me twice and both were sad days. I had put in a lot in both of these relationships. With the first one, I tried for another year and a half, confronted him, etc. etc. With the second one, I didn't confront, I let it all go as sad as it was for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 06:53 PM
8

Ugh yes. He is still “in love” with me and it’s been five years since then. There was a lot of love and potential there. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:32 AM
11

Live Your Truth by Kamil Ravikant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:19 AM
26

Not worth it. Even if you make the first move, he has to be interested. Men will pursue who they are interested in. You can make first moves all day long. Smile and chat them up if you want to introduce yourself at an event, etc. But if it’s someone you know for a while, he would have already made a move on you. If he doesn’t make a move, he has his reasons. Respect them and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 02:38 AM
2

Ah, yes a normal person doesn’t start with love bombing hoping you will take the validation bait. It’s over the top. He is hoping you have a fragile ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 02:22 AM
7

Where you really!? Why the flattery on his part? Can’t he just say hello, I’m interested in talking and ask you some questions? His first message is very love bomby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 01:43 AM
9

You weren’t too hasty. I have to agree with the ladies that he is not interested to pursue you and you did the right thing. They will sometimes put up a fight and gaslight you, if you’re breaking up with them. They are trying to control the situation. Block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:52 PM
11

No effort, half effort, lousy effort, hanging out, they are just not that into you and will waste your time if you let them. This just gets proven time and time again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:37 PM
32

I dated a Swedish man briefly I had met many moons ago (I am eastern European and did some translating for politicians and NGOs when I was 18-19) before I moved to US., and he was way older than me. He showed up sixteen years later in New York when I had just broken up with a LVM. He seemed like HVM until he wanted me to pay for half of the ski trip that I would have normally not gone on had he not visited me. I already paid for plenty things and hosted him, etc. I was head over heels for him, u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:32 PM
12

They make me feel great. But to be honest in my immediate circle there is only two marriages where there is a HVM and the rest of them at LVMs. I would say the ratio is about 1/7. So the odds aren’t that great. I’ve personally given up on the idea and am filling my life with other things that make me happy. There are a few times I want male attention, but they are rare and less and less as I stay busier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 08:00 PM
257

I often think about that and I feel a lot of compassion for her. And from whatever little I’ve seen and heard about her, she seems very kind. I cannot believe the level of misogyny that ruined her life, and made her take the blame for a man’s actions. I wish Hillary had divorced him then and there and spoken up about it, the world would be a different place today. I often wonder if that would have helped her election. I think it would have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:35 PM
16

I think you are very wise and you understand things that happened very well and your role in it all. I think that’s why FDS is pretty much blanket against porn and BDSM because there are too many “grey areas” that are only really “grey” in the context. No, it’s all abuse, it’s all harming the individual on the receiving end of it, which are mostly women. And women are already on the receiving end of most of the bs in the society to begin with. I think keep on the same mindset as you have now as …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:26 PM
4

My last abusive guy I dated I had written a couple posts on loveshack about the relationship and I go back to those posts and advice, when I need strength. I was in a manipulated state, when I was with him, and it shows in my writing there how little a cared for myself and I feel so bad for that person that was me:( Agree with the posters - to write notes and keep a journal to refer back to, when you want to go back to him for any reason. It will help you see clearly. You may still get manipulat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:42 PM
10

You’re the one! I’m so glad you’re here and sharing and taking out the trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:36 PM
7

Oh, ha! Never happened to me, I was always afraid to mess up excel and was up in ass of format. Wish I was as diligent picking a mate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:22 PM
1

I look at my pictures, when I was in a relationship at 20-35 years old, my prime years so to speak, I look tired, my face is covered in breakouts, I’m out of shape and not exercising. I remember not exercising and making sure I get home on time to make dinner for the man. Now at 40 and single, I’m radiant, happy, in a great shape and I look and feel great. And no, I didn’t hit the wall, the wall hit me. I knew it was a do or die. I had to get on the other side of wall to freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 02:41 PM
6

I’m so very sorry!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 02:37 PM
11

I don’t quite get it, but understand that it’s funny:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 02:36 PM
24

I always thought they were sussing out if you’re easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 07:24 PM
11

Wow, you opened my eyes here. I could never understand how I got into these relationships with Narcs a it’s because of my own fragile ego and the love bombing catered to that. Thank you! I will be more vigilant in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:40 PM
10

Normally I would say don’t do it, but you are super neutral in this whole thing, so I say tell her and preferably with proof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:36 PM
6

If he is a true LVM, he will start hoovering soon. Be strong!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 12:21 PM
9

I’ve had two ex’s who watched porn and it affected our sex life. The first one I discovered, we had stopped having sex about a year into the relationship and he said it was because I had gotten fat. I had indeed gained about 20 lbs and I was too young back then to understand that it was because my relationship sucked and I was emotionally overeating chocolate sitting on the couch by myself while he was out doing god knows what. I accidentally stumbled on his porn, not really looking for anything…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 06:00 AM
15

Same here. I used to try to decipher mixed messages and initiate conversations and now I’m sitting back and enjoying my life. I can focus on my work that I always loved, but now I savor it. My home, however modest, is quiet and calm. I’m most certainly a better person for myself and for the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:20 AM
20

Keep in mind that half of the men you talk to on OLD are either married or in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:07 PM
23

Recently dumped. Couldn’t find anyone better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:01 PM
3

It because we are conditioned to have a man in our lives and be validated for a relationship. We perpetuate this whole things also by trying to find a needle in a haystack. As an FDS I opt out of the whole thing and I accept that I’m single and alone. And the lack of male attention is not my problem. I’m 40, and I feel and look better than I ever did in my twenties. Sure, I have a better diet and I exercise more now, but I think the main thing that happened is the weight off my shoulders to not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 01:24 PM
11

I was just imagining if the roles were reversed. I’m watching porn and you tell me it’s not acceptable. That would have been the last time I even thought of porn and I would immediately check myself in with a counselor. I remember in my relationships with LVMs I was harping in whatever for years and when I broke up with them they felt “blindsided”. What level of denial are these LVMs on? Is this something we seriously have to “accept”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 01:10 PM
3

I think you are very wise in that you understand your part in the dynamic. I think this is one part that a lot of narcissistic abuse survivors can’t handle and they get into the same relationships over and over again. I did that. I didn’t see my part and I was in denial about it and got into another one, because I was lonely and couldn’t self validate. Once I learned how to self validate, I could no longer be manipulated. You’re only 21 and you already know this, so that’s a lot of progress alre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 12:13 PM
1

In short - depression. I was briefly involved with a LVM this spring and I noticed that I was also slipping into depression with everything that was going on with Covid and I sought help. Once I treated my depression, my thoughts were free of obsession about this man. For me as a recovering pickmeisha now that I see clearer a man has always been something I obsessed about and projected as they are rejecting me. When my depression is treated I have none of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 12:05 PM
8

Part of my Pickmeisha spiel was always being happy go lucky. It didn’t really yield better results rather than prolong relationships that I was already miserable in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 10:22 PM
31

Yup, one of the main reasons I quit dating. I had to be all smiles and sunshine and that’s just not possible for me. I work full time and deal with all kinds of bs and my life is hard. I can’t pretend that it’s not. I’ve no energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 08:01 PM
186

Ha, I read a little bit of that article. I’m white Eastern European and I am so happy I am in an alliance here with black women. If this is how we had to come together, then so be it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:55 PM
180

Read: Women that wouldn’t date me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:47 PM
3

I am no longer on OLD and probably never will be. I understand that walking was a thing during Covid because there were few options for dating. You can tell him, you would like to dine in one of the outdoor seated restaurants if you can find one, you can suggest it, and you are free Thursday evening an Tuesday evening and leave it at that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:43 PM
12

If she reaches out to you for help, obviously spill the beans, but don’t contact her. She will have to rely on herself and her friends and family to make the right decision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:37 PM
10

I get a lot of oh, you’re tall, comments. I’m a 5’9” female, not even that tall. The people that this comment came from struck me as insecure at best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:34 PM
19

It’s a power thing. They can’t help it, but dominate you like animals. I would steer clear of any man or a woman, who comments on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:31 PM
14

It’s jealousy and paranoia. Goes hand in hand with OLD. Depends on your age, but most men on OLD past the age of 35 that I met were narcissistic, insecure, avoidant, you name it. All kinds of insecure types that had no intention of going to therapy or growing in any other way and they were looking for a woman to dump their crap unto.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 12:27 PM
9

Automatic dump.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:13 PM
3

Lol, good one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 04:47 AM
37

Where does a 5’8” average male end up on the matrix?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:19 AM
4

I think my advice would be to start getting to know yourself, and spend time with tending to your hobbies. Google an article called 42 ways of improving yourself. Whenever I’m down I start doing things on that list and my self esteem gradually rises. I’ve known FDS stuff intellectually for a while, but never got that validation until I discovered this subreddit. But you should follow the advice here not because you want to find a man. You will find him, when you are focus on your life and not on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:08 PM
14

They only come back to exercise their power. They are never coming back for “love”. Take yourself out of this equation before it damages your self esteem any further.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:03 PM
15

It’s a good red flag in early dating if a man is a rape apologist or plays any kind of “devils advocate”. GTFO if he starts splitting hairs about consent, either talking about his life or hypothetically. You’ve got a sociopath on your hands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:00 PM
38

Exactly - and customer service is it’s own beast. I think if you work with the public and what they may perceive an inferior position, and yet manage to keep that job and treat people with kindness, that’s a special kind of HVW to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 01:18 PM
17

I think if he is initiating plans and making sure he is seeing you regularly (with thought out plans and effort), social media doesn’t matter and texting doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t answer your texts, that’s a red flag, but simply not using text as the main means of communication, is not a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 01:12 PM
4

They are used to women making all the effort. At least it’s easy to ghost them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:47 AM
8

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:11 AM
114

Oh, phew, great! This sub has saved my sanity and rid me of absolutely dead weight LVMs that I was afraid to tell them to go f*ck themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:10 AM
384

Hey, if this sub is banned, can we move over to a regular website somewhere? I volunteer setting it up and paying for it if necessary. I’m thinking just a simple blog style website with posts just like here and a comment section.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:53 AM
62

I think you handled it well, but there is no need to say “honesty”, “honest” on your part, that’s a judgement he has to make. You only state your point. The honesty of your statement is implied. Whether he is HWM, we wouldn’t know. He seemed ok so far. The friendship thing was maybe he was being bored and/ or polite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:48 PM
35

Unbelievable! I’d rather go home and drink all the bear I want with my good friends than spend another minute in this idiocy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:37 PM
18

Women have been single mothers for ages. It works out fine, if there is enough cash and support from family, friends and community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 05:50 PM
49

The last text was unnecessary. Could have just said. Appreciate it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 05:48 PM
17

I think that concept is to basically not get too attached to a guy. I think there are other ways to stall your attachment besides “plating”. I think really focusing on yourself will help. Keep developing your own self, work on your self esteem, and self validation. Keep doing all the things before you started dating and make it a point to keep up all your hobbies and interests. Google article called 42 ways of improving yourself and start doing things one by one. For me plating what are most lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 05:18 PM
30

“Tea Towels”, they printed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:27 PM
2

Aww we are all in this together. We learn how to be alone and happy and we support each other. I had no idea being alone was this grounding, empowering. I look forward to living and future, even though I don’t have a husband and children. I have plenty to worry about and live for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:02 PM
33

Congratulations! I do think you need to buy yourself a beautiful piece of jewelry and go on that honeymoon regardless. This is a big step towards self love and freedom. I was in a similar spot, where I was dating someone for a year and brought up marriage at 1.5 years and all he wanted was to put it off for 5 years, I stayed with him for another two years from that’s conversation, and I eventually moved out and he showed up with a ring a week later. A ring I refused. It was tragic and pathetic a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:00 PM
25

Not sure what age you are, but anything over 35 OLD is full of avoidant men - men incapable of forming long term relationships. So looking for a LTR on OLD is an oxymoron. The best thing you can do is keep living your life and meet men organically and if that doesn’t happen; move on. Accept that your life can be fabulous without a man and children. Because it can be. Why don’t you spend your life finding out how great your life can be without a man, it will take the pressure and focus away from …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:49 PM
8

Same. Basically they hate women because they are there and don’t put up a fight for the sake of their family. If I have one advice for abused woman is to leave their piece of shit husband and make sure the children see the entire thing. So they learn that mom is not going to take any sh*t. That’s the only thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 02:47 PM
19

They can’t seem to take any criticism, even if it is well deserved. From conversations with LVMs I gathered it had to do with their cold mothers or something. When I met their mothers I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they were cold. Then I realized their husbands were abusive. So this abuse, discontent for women is internalized through their father’s treatment of their mothers. Basically Lundy Bancroft. Whenever I see a misogynist, I see a man that was raised by a man, who abused the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 02:33 PM
4

I’m even older than y’all, and I look back at my relationships and it was always always a reflection of me. My own low self esteem and inadequacies. Every man I was ever with. So now that I’ve done all kinds of work on myself I simply cannot go there again. I cannot. The man I meet and keep seeing is always a reflection of how I feel about myself; and there is no bsing myself anymore. I may stay single for the rest of my life, but at least I never let myself down again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 01:37 AM
2

I mean it would have to be something personal you know about him, but it’s also true and everyone knows it. Something that would be so underhanded it would make you vomit, and you probably wouldn’t even be capable of as a normal person. If you have any personal info on him; it would be time to bring it out now. It doesn’t even have to make sense. Other than that I’ve said things like “Shut your mouth!” I also kicked a guy in the butt once. Both times it worked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 07:58 PM
2

He’s got something for you. Some kind if feelings. I would make one attempt to reconcile, basically confront him in person and hopefully he gets around and apologizes. If not, escalate immediately to HR. If it’s a shit company with no protection, but for whatever reason you want to stay there, I would become extremely calm and grounded and basically a zen master. I would whip everyone’s butt with my calm demeanor and knock everyone out with my work ethic. The more zen person wins this standoff. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 07:48 PM
6

Women’s shelter is probably the best option at the moment. From there you will have a clearer head as to how to get your life together as you’re not going to get it together while you’re with this man. This is by design. He benefits from this situation believe it or not (although he may put you down and it seems like he can’t stand you, it’s fine so that your would internalize this hate and stay) and he will not change it. So get out and get away to women’s shelter. Then use their advice and res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:45 AM
3

Thank you! I’m worn out from all the deflection and pain. I’ve come to a place where a relationship is not a desire of mine any more. I appreciate your kind words. I hope that I can change the defenses I have up now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 07:50 AM
35

I had a man once reorganize my entire room and clean the whole place. He spent upwards of 8 hours doing it. I couldn’t believe it. He was not my boyfriend. I will always remember though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:27 AM
14

Exactly, he knows you from Adam and you are too “genuine” for casual sex. One can be genuine and have casual sex. These things are not mutually exclusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 11:38 AM
2

That’s a bs line if there ever was one. You didn’t condescend, he condescended you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 11:37 AM
4

Oh god. The only way that works for me is that I play along and pretend like they are right, smile and nod and chuckle at my inadequacies, and try to just leave work at work, when I go home. Keep working and “improving” and keep your head down, and be fake confident if you have to. It’s going to be bullshit until one of you leaves, hopefully - he.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 05:25 PM
18

This happens to me all the time. Are they trying to relate/ have a conversation? But then why not ask questions/ instead it’s always an affirmative statement. Is that supposed to be a question? Is it a man’s way to ask a question without feeling inferior? I don’t have a boyfriend; I can’t deal with any of this any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 05:19 PM
3

Bring it up right away and in a phone call. You’ll have clarity very soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:58 AM
6

For me finally ending my pick me days coincided with learning how to self validate and have self esteem. One day I was no longer interested in a relationship and all the crap that I used to put up with. Maybe I am old, but I am happy. I have zero of the things I am "supposed to have".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 05:48 PM
6

Personal experience. I’m in business with one of my old ex’s. I’m 40, he is 49. He is a different generation, it’s actually more obvious in business that in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 01:38 PM
3

I play the non block roulette because I forget and kind of don’t care, but if they pop up, when I’m vulnerable, sometimes I respond and get suckered into a conversation (dead end). It’s best to block them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 03:26 AM
-3

That doesn’t count. Let her enjoy her life:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 10:20 PM
53

I used to not think that it’s a big deal. Now I do. In my opinion anything over 3-4 year age gap is a problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 10:20 PM
3

Very rarely, mainly through school and work and work assignments (not direct coworkers) in my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:16 PM
4

You only need to meet one. So just go about your life and rest assured you will meet them. Not that it will be any better than OLD, but at least less LVMs and NVMs will have access to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:55 PM
22

Never met a HVM on dating apps. Met LVMs and NVM, which takes a toll on you. Don’t go on them for validation, if that’s what you’re doing because you will be let down. Keep up with therapy and all the other good things as you definitely need those after a NVM. Not another NVM. Learned the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:25 AM
6

If you dated him for validation and now that it’s settled into this, you no longer get the validation, but you still think you love him, you need to look into ways to self validate and what that would look like for you. It is different for everybody, but make a list of self soothing behaviors you could try that appeal to you. Sometimes we are in a rut in or out of a relationship. But I could see that a codependent person will most likely be in a relationship. Look into codependency and see if th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:00 PM
4

Lol, exactly! What am I doing on a daily as a law abiding citizen that I need to be reprimanded for?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:46 PM
15

Exactly - I think it’s a dangerous mindset. I remember the last few years leaning into my femininity and wearing my crown and attracting the love I want hoopla and the only thing that I attracted was an abusive man. We cannot expect men to be what this post describes, because it’s it’s delusional. Ask any FDS member if they ever had this experience? Did any of you have this “ideal relationship” experience. Most likely - no. And if we perpetuate the idea that it’s just a matter of attracting the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:30 PM
8

I have myself lived in a haze. For many years, I even went to therapy and all those things and I still couldn’t snap out of it until I was in a relationship with a full blown narcissist. Maybe I needed that near death experience to wake me up? Maybe my survival instinct couldn’t kick in before that? Maybe I needed that one last wake up call that I really truly love myself? I was 39, when I first uttered: “I love myself”. It was the darnest thing. Everything before that point was different than e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:08 PM
55

Actually I disagree with this post. That love doesn’t exist. That love maybe exists for yourself, but this should not be an expectation that the right guy is just around the corner. He is not. That’s just more fodder to put a woman in an inferior position and get used while dating. I mean even the first few dates, a woman is already more exposed to whatever predator comes her way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 01:58 PM
6

My suggestion would be a slow fade and then block. She shouldn’t tell him how he has affected her, but she shouldn’t block him because it will fuel his revenge. So basically Grey Rock and if he does text back, don’t text anything and if he texts questions, give vaguer and vaguer answers and fade to black over the next month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 12:10 PM
5

Height is not as much as an issue for me, but girth is. I like a man that has some strength and muscle and is wide. I’ve met men that are 5’6” and have a great body. It’s the lying about their height that’s a total turn off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:31 AM
34

You’re most likely to be met with deflection and defense. You may be called angry and the whole thing turned against you. If you think it’s going to make a difference, you can confront, but they most likely disrespected you because they feared you. If they can apologize to you all the power to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:18 AM
1

I’ve been in a similar mindset in my Pikmeisha days and now if I imagine that same scenario, I see myself getting so angry that I would make the behavior stop. I’m angry, but I used to be angry on the inside and turn my anger into depression and now I would turn it against him I would say my peace and I would walk and feel the wind blowing on my face and cooling me down, and I would keep walking further and further away from him and become calmer and calmer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:00 AM
1

How did you finally end it? I feel my last fling is going to come back in a week or so and if I fall for his bs, I will waste another month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:51 AM
3

Agreed. Even though she got pooped on once again, she didn’t resort to cursing him out or name calling and ultimately stayed true to herself. Next time she will know better to block. I’ve had several exes come back some of them several times via text and it always leaves me feeling exhausted and yucky. It finally dawned on me to block the lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:48 AM
5

I was browsing a couple years ago thinking, wow. these men aged terribly. Wtf is going on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:37 AM
3

What did you do?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 11:48 PM
27

I’m from an Eastern Northern European country. Growing up and when I was young I knew a few women that were financially supported by a man, but these were exceptionally beautiful and talented and highly desired women. An average Eastern European woman is hardly ever supported by a man, and up until recently there was no online dating so an average woman would simply not be asked on a date and there would be no paying for anything. A man has to be compelled to pay for a woman. As far as friend gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 12:19 AM
22

Ex is a gold digger yet he doesn’t have $2000 for a lawyer. You got this! Stay strong and stay away. We’ve all thrown money into pickmeisha well, but we also stopped:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 03:18 PM
50

When you are in a relationship, he has asked you to be his girlfriend, and you have agreed, you can reach out to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:38 PM
25

Prenup time. Get a lawyer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:37 PM
5

I’ve had a few come out of the woodwork during the pandemic and I think with an exception of one (we dated the longest time ago from them all - 15 years), the rest were from the last 10 years, they all wanted an ego stroke, and wanted to waste more of my time and get whatever it is they were getting from me. I was feeling physically sick hearing from them and, of course, I thought it was polite to reply, since they showed concern. It really clarified for me why I should have blocked them and kep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 02:22 PM
7

Lack of respect. They don’t respect you up until you up and leave. They never believed that you would leave them. I don’t know why it’s so hard for men to respect women and not treat a relationship like it’s a power struggle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 02:10 PM
26

Ah yes, the good old, it was a joke, you are so sensitive bit. To be fair it wasn’t until my last boyfriend, who was a narcissist that I experienced a full version of this in these exact words. But that experience was one for the books.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 01:51 PM
1

It’s definitely different. Because at 5’9” I can pretty much take a guy out. The height comes with physical strength, and a lot of men will be turned off. Thank god.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 05:07 PM
8

You should have your lawyer look it over and make necessary adjustments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 04:06 PM
40

Love that book. It saved my life. It should be given to all young women as a right of passage gift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 12:51 AM
15

Ugh, yes, learned it the hard way. The amount of anger and insults I’ve gotten from men and the disrespect just wasn’t worth it. I’ve been ghosted plenty and had no issue it with; and we owe nothing to these guys who were themselves most likely wasting our time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 06:31 PM
3

I think both. I lost a pregnancy last year and he knew about it, but I think mostly he wanted to check if she had really “trapped” him. And I was very clear that it takes two to tango and even with medical issues she cited for the infertility there was always a chance. I don’t know if he accepted that answer, but it was the end of discussion. I think he considers me a “friend”. I consider him an acquaintance at best. I do not seek out any contact with him and spend time with my real friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:24 PM
6

The only my time I’ve had suicidal thoughts were in a relationship with a narcissist, so I would examine your boyfriend and another time was when I was in a financial mess (due to my pickmeisha ways). I would examine your finances and see what can be improved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:48 PM
8

Ah, yes, it’s their insecurity I guess. I had a boss like that who felt so insecure around me (rightfully so, I was very experienced and talented), that he could not hold a conversation with me. At all. This was a couple years ago, when I was still talking this kind of stuff as my problem and not their problem. It was a difficult time to say the least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:41 PM
8

I had a LVM similar to this - no hooking up after the initial relationship ended, but still texting for three years until I finally said in December that I’m glad nothing ever worked out with us. He went silent and disappeared for six months and just texted a few days ago that he got some woman pregnant and is going to be a father. He thinks she trapped him, she apparently said she couldn’t get pregnant. I was thinking to myself what a prize she has “trapped”. Poor girl. I hope things are not a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:34 PM
6

I remember when that show came out:) I loved the aesthetic and humor, but don’t remember the pikmeisha aspect. Will have to re-watch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 11:43 PM
9

I was thinking marketing. If you like to write and you like fashion and all that jazz, and psychology, etc. It’s all right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 11:41 PM
2

It comes up:) I look like a natural blonde, but I’m far from it:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 11:37 PM
24

I’ve come to a similar conclusion. Women don’t just leave their children’s father for no good reason. Women don’t leave good men, period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 02:18 PM
3

It is the respectful thing, but keep that for an instance where there has been a respectful interaction to begin with. No ignorings for a day, you getting anxious or feeling “needy”. All these are signs of emotional manipulation of you. Whether it is intentional, we wouldn’t know. And it doesn’t matter. Keep the respectful breakup for a time where it’s been mutual respect. This is isn’t that time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 04:46 PM
5

It doesn’t matter if you’re needy or not needy with him. The thing is that if he was the one, there would be no guessing or confusion. You’re not so powerful to change someone’s feelings about you. Feelings that should not be this strong to begin with. Coming on strong and then disappearing for a day is a very clear signal the guy is projecting whatever strong feelings on you, but isn’t actually interested in YOU. It’s hard to understand this in the moment, but only in hindsight. In my experienc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 04:30 PM
45

This is me, I would psychoanalyze the guy until I'm blue in the face. Instead of dumping and living my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 08:33 PM
12

They may be attracted to many women and porn and threesomes, but they act with integrity around those feelings. We all have desires, but we know how to control them and how to be to be a HVP. We have morals and ethics and we have practiced the right thing so many times that it’s now ingrained in our character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:48 PM
52

86% effective. Wow, what a birth control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:04 PM
2

Was about to start texting paragraphs and came here instead. Silence is golden. Always has been, always will be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 04:32 PM
3

Are you familiar with dirty army? It’s a super trash website and men usually use it to shame women that turned them down, but you can sometimes see a cheater husband on there, too. Those are the posts I pay attention to. By no means do I endorse this website, and it is terrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 01:44 PM
8

I’m so sorry about what happened. It’s especially sucky because he was your friend and you had an ok relationship before. But this is most likely your codependency taking hanging on to the familiar. There is absolutely no reason for you to ever talk to your rapist. Block him. If I have any advice, don’t do home dates until you are completely comfortable with the relationship going sexual. Given that this was your friend first, it was a tricky situation and you trusted and were comfortable with h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 01:38 PM
6

A few have blamed me for the dynamic that was created. For my reaction and anger. It seems like it really was best for everyone involved to dissolve the union. Many men don’t want girlfriends or wives, they want the benefits, but not the work that goes into any relationship. I think it’s kinder to leave them than to make it work with them as some are literally in pain just around me it seems. My mere presence is activating their guilt and pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 04:07 PM
3

It’s not rude at all. If you’re in a serious relationship or planning on being in one that is one of the first conversations to be had. Believe me I’ve seen plenty of smoke and mirrors in my Pikmeisha days and I lost a lot of money in the wishing well. Throwing money into a relationship thinking that of course one day they will do the same for me. Nope. It’s much better to discuss money. And see where everyone stands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 02:39 AM
7

In that case clearly if he doesn’t have $80 to his name, what is he doing dating? This is the kind of stuff you need to ask him about. “What the f*ck is going on with your finances?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 02:29 AM
2

I would say that if you’re within 20lbs of your ideal weight, you could start dipping your toes back in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 02:31 PM
25

I like good funny neutral humor. You know, when you stop what you’re doing and have to let out a chuckle. Anything else passed as humor (or teasing) is passive aggression. Next this guy. He should be so lucky you would even go on a date with him. Being that he is 11 years older and has been wasting women’s time for a while now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 12:11 PM
4

How chubby? 100lbs overweight or 20lbs?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:11 AM
25

Why Men Love Bitches (Spanish Edition)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 12:39 AM
11

I think very much so, they get a lot more out of not committing to HVW than a LVW. However a definition of a HVW is that she will walk if a man doesn’t commit to her if a relationship is what she wants. Her staying trying to extract commitment is Pickmeisha. I think 90 days is plenty of time for this commitment to happen, and beyond that, marriage should be discussed in type first few months of dating. All this needs to be on the table so that HVW can figure out if the situation aligns with her …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:20 PM
39

All those things are fine except for cuddling. Don’t do home dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:34 PM
7

Yes, size matters all around on this one on both parties. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 02:10 PM
3

I think that settling into a roommate/ sibling relationship is very common in a marriage. When did the settling start to happen for you? Was there an event that happened that changed your feelings, or was it gradual? How long did you know your husband before you moved in together and how long since you have these feelings? Most marriages are not butterflies all day long. Most marriages are like your's. That is a normal marriage. I would first really introspect what I expect from a spouse for you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 11:24 PM
3

I think there are circles in which it’s important for a man to be married and have a stable family, etc. So maybe in those upper class circles you’ll meet someone, who appears normal, but I wouldn’t put my money on it. It’s safer to remain single in this world. Every time I’ve been in a relationship, I came out battered and had to take a long time to get back on my feet. It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready to date, it was that I was literally emotionally and often financially destroyed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 01:52 PM
3

My mom always said that I should get a man and be in a relationship, although her own marriage to my cheating father fell apart spectacularly when I was eight. There is no way I could have learned anything from her than her Pikmeisha ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 11:49 PM
2

👍🏼🙏🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 03:03 AM
6

I would give it a few months, to a year to at least have a discussion about it. If he doesn’t open up about it and have a plan or idea regarding your future marriage, I would bounce. Two years is too long in my opinion, if your goal is marriage. You should have this conversation under the one year mark, and preferably in the first six months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 03:54 PM
34

Yes, definitely put dating aside for now or you will attract a NVM, they pray on this kind of attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 02:40 AM
44

I think that is absolutely the case. I am off OLD for a good part of the last 10 months and it has really improved my outlook. I am no longer exposed to excessive negativity, and I am keeping all my interactions IRL. If I never get a boyfriend, then so be it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:17 PM
3

Being someone else:)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 07:53 PM
3

You’re going to have to stop the slapping and work on your restraint. As far as the relationship it cannot be tit for tat like it is now. One of you has to rise up and end this cycle in a mature way. You have to work through your resentments or this relationship does not have a chance. If you are serious about staying you need to act maturely and take control of your actions and it includes reactions. I agree that if physical violence has started from a man, it will only get worse. Tread very ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:45 PM
5

When you say you push and slap him. Do you push and slap other people in your life or just him? The reason I’m asking is that he may be bringing out the worst in you. But if you regularly slap other people then it’s just you. But I couldn’t deal with an angry and entitled 5 am riser, there is absolutely no reason for him to assert his power in that situation and he did. I wonder if he is controlling in other areas in your life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:34 PM
37

If you communicated your standards and nothing changed means that he is not willing to meet your standards and therefore is not afraid to lose you. If he is fading, you fade back. In a couple weeks you’ll forget about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 02:28 AM
15

Don’t like your apologetic tone I’m picking up on you here. You seem to be putting yourself in an inferior position to him. Here at FDS we do not do that. He shouldn’t pry about your sexual history and him saying he is a not h on a bedpost, he should be so lucky. I don’t like something here. I think you’re going to feel like you will have to compensate for whatever the next thing comes up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 12:03 AM
10

Therapy helped me. Nothing has really changed in my life otherwise. Self esteem is everything. Everyone is capable of working on their self esteem no matter what they look like or their status or what have you. Because it’s about none of those things. There is an article called 42 ways of improving yourself, google it. Start doing those things one by one and your self esteem with gradually rise. Also the way I describe this shift in my mind I do not seek validation from men, I can now validate m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 12:37 PM
124

So many "single dads" out there without custody. You are not a single dad if you don't have custody.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 02:57 PM
56

Agreed! It’s the little things. Kudos to OP for picking up on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 02:00 PM
132

They manage their time fine. This is exactly how they manage it. He de prioritized her and worked out instead. That is great time management on his part. It’s not time they aren’t managing right, it’s respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 01:12 PM
5

The mistake I made was trying to turn LVM into HVM with my behavior, which was completely backwards and codependent. I should have walked instead, the minute I realized the men were LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 07:58 PM
2

I thought the same. But then I examined my feelings and I don’t think what I fell in them was ever “love”. It was more of a lack of “love” and my longing for it so to speak. Either way I’m not cut out for casual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 03:41 PM
1

Don’t go to their house and don’t invite them over. It makes it so much easier. If a man doesn’t make an effort to see you outside of the home setting, you have your answer right there. Many LVM will commit to you to have sex with you and then withdraw. Only a real HVM will truly commit to you. You will remain sexy if you uphold your boundaries. That’s the only thing that is sexy. And sleeping with strangers is not sexy and if they can’t wait a few dates, a couple months, then they are not worth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 06:01 PM
8

Thank you! I agree, it’s a book you have to periodically re - read as LVM will continuously bring you down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 04:28 PM
14

I read this book six years ago. I should have kept reading it. I was killing it for a few months and then got brought down by a couple LVMs. It was hard to get back up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 03:14 PM
1

I agree, I think the whole attachment theory is a great way to explain human interaction, but I don’t think it helps with FDS mindset. I think a lot of insecurely attached people latch on to the theory trying to figure out their avoidant partners and stay in relationships that are not FDS approved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:59 PM
3

Absolutely! That’s exactly what you do! And it will make you feel so much better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:10 PM
10

On this sub we are ok with dying alone, as long as we are otherwise happy and fulfilled in our lives. HVM don’t come on every bus. When they do come, we accept them then. But we don’t try to make HVM out of NVM. When there is disrespect, we walk. Telling you they love you to get you to sleep with them and then fading after you’ve reciprocated means they wanted a free hooker. It’s blatant disrespect and we don’t tolerate it. We simply walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:09 PM
18

Thing is you are child free and he isn’t. He is not child free. Worse, he has abandoned his child. There were plenty of precautions he could have taken to not have a child, yet he didn’t. Everyone knows that no contraceptive is 100% effective, there is always risk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 05:59 PM
3

Yes, please! I don’t like male bashing either. I like to direct the attention on why we stayed with them and why we picked them and why we worked so hard on being picked - low self esteem, low confidence, social conditioning and how to overcome these limitations. Get out of relationships with LVM and focus on our lives and eventually finding a HVM. I don’t need to bash the men I stayed with. It was always my choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 05:43 PM
8

I’ve only had one truly 100% miserable experience in my life as a Pickmeisha besides other experiences, and that was when I moved in with a guy too soon, when it was truly that I felt wow this guy is the one, I felt so elated and respected and I though this is it and it wasn’t even a month in that he started throwing weird fits and giving me a silent treatment for an incorrectly washed pan. And as a typical Pickmeisha I continued to “work” on the relationship and dutifully pay for groceries and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 03:16 PM
3

They treat you just as poorly and have all kinds of jealousy fits on top of everything else. It’s exhausting. You just keep trying to prove you’re not a cheating bitch to him and it goes on until you peace out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 05:55 PM
1

I don’t have any tips, but when I start to get a feeling that I’m depressed and two weeks go by, I go and get help from professionals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 01:31 AM
3

What's your agenda with him? Do you just want a friendship? Dd he ever apologize for calling you a name? I would be very careful reaching out t somebody, who seems to have by choice stopped talking to you. I am wary of more potential abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 05:22 PM
2

You're dealing with what would conventionally be described an addiction (codependency). You might want to look into a therapist that specializes in an addiction as well as a psychiatrist. There are a lot if resources out there and a lot of help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 07:39 PM
3

I think me listening to him and others and reading men are from Mars books etc. etc. was still my last desperate attempt at being a Pickmeisha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 06:10 PM
1

You’re never alone. It’s an energizing city and it wards off depression. If I’m in the burbs by myself in my car by myself, it really makes me lonely. When I hop on the subway in the city , I can people watch, when I walk on the sidewalk, no one is wondering what I’m doing there. Walking is one of the best things about New York. I know there are people around me doing all kinds of interesting things all the time. There will always be an abundance of things to get involved in, classes to take, fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 06:01 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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