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henrylniv Archive

View 1 post and 39 comments by henrylniv on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
60

henrylniv/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 05:19 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

Yes this is exactly what has happened to me. And describes her current status 100%. She reached exactly this point and doesn’t want to stay. Her sister and friends are divorced. So I guess she can do it too
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 07:44 PM
3

Just wanted to say you are not alone in this. My wife initiated our separation. Now over six months in, i am still feeling new emotions all the time. We just reached a point in the last few days that i don’t think that we can come back from, and now I am fighting trying not to question if I’m doing the right thing. There’s no infidelity or big drama. But it’s finally clear now that I don’t want to be married to her any more. She is struggling though and I wonder sometimes if I should try and kee…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 12:18 PM
15

Just wanted to say I am also going through this and finally after 6 1/2 months, I feel more pity than anything toward my STBXW. I don’t feel sadness as much now for the life I “lost” when she left, and I am feeling more and more excitement for the life I am now going to have without her judgments and negativity and transactional passionless “love”
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:00 PM
1

Woah I had to read that twice. That’s quite a bit worse than my mild disappointment that my STBXW sister hasn’t once contacted me or cared about my take. I she was basically my little sister for the last 25 years too. But your situation seems a little more… um…. calculating and evil?
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:53 PM
1

Well…. Actually my 11yo is still ten for a couple weeks, I just rounded up lol . So maybe I am you? I mean I could see myself with a tittsmagee handle as well. I also sometimes wear a strong scent made from real panther. lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 04:49 PM
8

I am experiencing this is real time with me STBXW. She has simply decided being married is the root of all her unhappiness. Is it a coincidence that her sister and two close friends are also going through divorces at the same time? Once it became normalized in her mind, it was an easy leap to pin her “woes” on being married to me. To blame her SAHM life, that she now thinks was my construct, for her lack of career and lack of “independence”. She even says her children don’t need her as much anym…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 02:29 PM
12

Man- I am 6 months out now from this happening to me, and your reply here is such a thorough and near perfect response, I had to chime in. I would not believe many of these things 5 months ago, or even 3 months ago. I wanted her back and wanted my old life back so so badly. But it has become clear that this is such a common thing for women to do at this stage (our kids are 13/10, married 22 years), that I really need to start listening. I realized as recent as my conversation today with her- tha…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 07:50 PM
7

Wanted to just echo this, and say this is exactly what a lot of us had to hear to really get to the next step in dealing with what she has decided to do. At first, I was devastated and I blamed myself, my failures. Just as in our marriage, I took the full burden and placed it right on my shoulders. I’ve never felt such pain and such sorrow. I saw my life as a failure, and I saw it only through the lens of her perception of our marriage. After a couple of months, with some therapy and talks with …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 12:39 PM
5

The cold delivery of the OP is hard for some to accept sure. It would have been harder for me a few months ago when it the separation was still fresh. But now- it’s exactly what needs to happen with me. Stop worrying about shit and take care of what needs taken care of. Take care of myself and take care of my kids. Good reminder!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 07:00 PM
11

Great chatter here guys. Makes me feel good today that I am not alone in my frustration. I learned long ago with my STBXW that it was ultimately pointless to express my opinion or dare to disagree with her. Funny how it took her saying she was unhappy in our marriage for the last 15 years to realize that my acquiescence gave her power over me. To the point where she feels so empowered that she is willing to throw her family away for her independence. She justifies leaving with revisionist memori…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 10:34 PM
1

I am going through this exact same mind f*ck with my wife. I decided, for a few reasons, to not pursue divorce right now- even though she said she wanted one initially but now says she doesn’t want to get divorced right now. She doesn’t know what she wants at all about anything apparently. She just doesn’t want to live with me right now. She knows that. She was a SAHM. Now she is out looking for a job and moving into an apartment in 3 weeks when our house sells. I moved out in late October. I’m …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 08:51 PM
5

I changed her name in my phone the day after she told me she was leaving, and wasn’t attracted to me anymore, didn’t want my influence in my life and that at it was a mistake we got married. Back to her maiden name. So at least when she texts or calls about the kids I know she did this, and that she is not the same person. I don’t care about her legal name- that’s her burden now. But I’m going to start thinking of her without that name connection from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:45 AM
3

Thanks for this OP. I am just starting month #6 right now, and I am finally seeing the next step of living for me. She “doesn’t know what she wants” - but I’m tired of worrying about her. She is going to be her and I am going to be me. We will see what the future holds, but I am only now (month 6) seeing a world where I am happy and she is not my wife. Either way- if I am me for a while and can find my peace and happiness (I finally know I can) - then whatever she wants I’ll be ready. We have al…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:25 AM
2

Glad it hits home with someone else too. It’s nice to know that others understand. Cant wait for the full commentary!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 03:53 AM
3

I second this nomination- that of walking. Especially if you have a dog. It has gotten me through many evenings recently.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 01:49 AM
7

I heard I was bad with money, was like a third child, and made poor business decisions. Oh and she hasn’t been attracted to me for at least a decade. All false narratives that I need to try not to be stuck in- great advice.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 01:47 AM
1

Exactly right man. It even became transactional to her and I’ve told her this. Like- you can get some tonight as long as you do this thing for me- she decided if I deserved it or not. Used that pussy like a reward, we’d get each other off and barely connect. But there was a time when she was into it- just been a long time. And I’m the only one she’s been with. Like ever. The more I step back the more realize she does need to work on herself. She’s kinda messed up man, even spent a spell in the p…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 12:03 AM
4

Somehow this also fits my experience. She is a lump in bed and I gave up on blow jobs with her a real long time ago
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 11:41 PM
3

I'm confident there's no other man as of yet. But she certainly regresses quite regularly to making me out to be the villain. I'm not sure she is capable of getting over that temptation, to make her problems my fault. Sure I certainly contributed to any shared problems that we have - financial being really the only tangible one. I think we both pulled away from each other the last couple of years, with perfectly understandable reasons why. Lots i could have done differently though - I should hav…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 10:35 PM
2

Unfortunately yes. That is exactly what I have experienced from my wife. We haven’t started the legal divorce process but we are separated and I am trying to figure out how to move forward. She doesn’t want to get divorced yet, just wants to work on herself and me to work on myself. We are giving it some time while we sell the house. We have been living apart for 4 months. I want her to give us a chance again in the next few months. She isn’t ready to do that now, and I’m not sure if I will be o…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 08:52 PM
2

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 01:41 AM
2

Awesome thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 07:35 PM
2

What other Stoic books would you recommend?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 07:06 PM
4

I am spending it with my children. And we are having a great time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 04:51 PM
3

a rubber vag ?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 03:38 AM
4

I am having the same experience. Cold and heartless. Now blames me for anything and everything she doesn’t like in her life and thinks if I am not in she will be just perfectly happy. So negative about the past. She seems like she is almost giddy sometimes like you said, I see her bouncing around like nothing is different in her head, she is ticking off all the stages of separation and divorce as fast as she can, like she can’t wait to be the new divorced single mom. I am destroyed, she seems co…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 08:33 PM
1

I don’t want to believe that that’s true. I want to believe there is more to us than only that, more to her complex emotional state more to her opinion of me. But I think I know that it is true, and actually a bigger mark against me to her than anything else. And that us why I’m realizing I’ve been solely a pawn this whole time and that I can and will be happier on my own or with someone else
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 09:34 PM
8

So many things you’ve said are feeling and thoughts that I’ve been having. I also have become convinced that my STBXW has simply found it easier to blame me for all of her unhappiness rather than acknowledge that there are other factors. My wife had a psychotic episode after extreme levels of stress from a breast cancer scare, and being the president of our kids school PTA. That has now become my fault in her mind. She started seeing a therapist after this episode, wonder where some of these ide…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 12:52 AM
2

Man this strikes home too. I’m also just recently learning her disdain for me now reaches back many many years and I feel used. It hits hard but I deserve to be loved too. And happy. She never was actually into these things for me. I was simply there to fulfill her needs. She was not there in any way to fulfill my needs. This is so clear to me now
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 10:02 PM
3

I’m with you. Feeling many of these same things. I realized today that a stage of grief might be feeling hurt. She has wounded me deeply. I’m hurt. But I’m not dead. And my kids love me. So there is hope. I didn’t do this, she did. She is an unhappy person, I didn’t make her that way. I know these things to be true.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 09:27 PM
1

This is the truth. I really don’t know what I want to be happy for me. No idea what makes me happy when she and/or my kids aren’t involved. I’m in bad shape
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:33 AM
2

Good advice. Going to try exactly this. I started by jogging/running but I’ve been slowly moving to more just walking. I see some lbs come off with the walking only and it seems so much easier to get up and walk my dog than to try and go running, and if I do it after meals I notice a big difference in how I feel.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:39 PM
1

Yep agreed. I was/am in love with the person I thought she was. I don’t think she was ever that person. She is just an unhappy person and i am starting to understand that it wasn’t because of me. I wasn’t the best husband but the stuff she is spewing now is just crazy talk.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:49 PM
2

I heard that exactly. After 22 years. Makes me just feel used.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:47 PM
3

I don’t know. But I’m wondering if there are any women out there who can just “be”. Gonna be while before I try and find out though.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:26 PM
1

Yes we have similar experiences for sure. Definitely the planning the next vacation while on vacation. Every minute of every day was taken up by how she wanted to fill it. And she filled it all with things she wanted, not always for her, mostly for the kids, but always thinking of what she wanted next, or what’s not getting done, or what I needed to do for her. I never ever ever asked her to do anything for me. She says I’m a good dad. I’ll always be special to her blah blah blah. What I’m heari…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:54 PM
5

Yeah I believe now that she made up her mind a while ago. We are both 45. Would have been nice if she talked to me about it. 22 years and nothing
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 07:55 PM
3

Exactly what has happened/is happening with my wife of 22 years. She got in great shape and looks the most healthy and sexy that she ever has. Yet at the same time, she has started voicing her resentment at the life that she has had and I’m taking the brunt of her negative energy. She told me she wants a divorce, and got to that decision over a few months simultaneously with re-making her physical self. I didn’t see it until it was too late, and now I don’t even recognize the person she has beco…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:46 PM
9

So I’m an old dude that’s out of touch I guess. Never heard of cuddle parties. And while I’m still wrapping my head around how I would process being at something like that (dont mean to demean it at all- the concept itself is intriguing), what you’ve said about your wife being unable to just “be” with you hits home with me. The need for a distraction fueled life of never ending task lists (and in my case- the ever growing list of problems that she was facing) always took the priority in our usua…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:36 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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