Losing hope. How to rebound?

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-12-23T02:29:44+00:00

Well bud, join the club.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women.
- Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.
- You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP.
- The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
MGTOW
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for the kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy). Visit the subreddit theredpill and read the sidebar articles as well.
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube.
- Learn to forgive your ex. This will set you emotionally and mentally free so you can begin enjoying life once again.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-12-22T00:04:01+00:00

Take control of the things you can control. Diet, exercise, sleep (as much as possible given the stress). Avoid alcohol.

You need an outlet for stress and something to remind you that you are a man: competitive sports, martial arts, firing guns etc.

You also need meditation, yoga or journalling. Get all the thoughts out of your head

Go out with male friends. Speak to family members.

Post here as you are not alone. We have all been through the wringer in one form or another.

To answer your last question, there is happiness on the other side. I have never been this happy in a LONG time. But you need to create that life and create those habits that bring you joy.

Icerunner45 · 2024-12-21T17:59:49+00:00

I haven’t. I still miss her. I still love her. I just can’t show it anymore and have to use the logical part of my brain to make decisions and phrase my messages with her.

Faceater25 · 2024-12-21T05:44:09+00:00

I usually turn to my faith in times like this It doesn’t matter how strong or smart I am because using any of my attributes would just make my life worse. For example revenge.

For times like this it is important that there is no understanding god’s plan he has put for us. If we rely on our own instincts of course we plea why have you forsaken me oh god? Many times have I prostrated and begged god to stop because the divorce is a nightmare.

I have surrendered and just let god do his thing. And actually I feel way better now.

He freed me from a hoe. I am a free man now!

If you believe in a higher power… When faced with adversity turn to god. This is the answer.

Aceking1983 · 2024-12-20T22:14:23+00:00

I'll keep it short. "The only way to get over somebody is to get under somebody."

redragtop99 · 2024-12-20T22:05:10+00:00

For me, actually talking through the “last day of our marriage” helped me. I was in the middle of it, maybe 6 months in or so, and I was talking to myself about the last time I saw her, and literally said to myself, “that was the last day of our marriage.” It helps to put a beginning and an end to it, as until that point I still through our last day was yet to come. When you realize the story is already over and been written, it helps you to see the real perspective.

Sheppy012 · 2024-12-20T21:00:29+00:00

Tldr: This. And, Fuuuuuuuck!

Daily, I open this app to read or see if someone is experiencing something like me. To get through another 5 hours. It always comes pretty darn close and I feel less alone. I also think maybe today I’ll post my title and entry. Then it’s too hard to go there, or it will be too dark.

Well this man’s entry is my own. Words to the feelings, fears, worries, loss, heartbreak, devastation that I too have. Viscerally. I am sick. It actually hurts. I love my wife. It’s engrained and as deep as it ever was during 20 years of knowing her. Because I’ve chosen that. To love her, despite… whatever. To look forward to our life together, every day, weekend, perpetually. I dig her, despite… whatever. I want to face trouble, hike, work, adventure, empty nest, grow old together, with the warm loving available pragmatic person I knew her to be. I assumed I married someone.

But, she doesn’t exist anymore. Not for a little while, and not now. Daily, I still can’t get that. I wake up or it strikes me, this can’t be real. She’s going to come through that door any minute. At times I haven’t existed either, made mistakes, chose terrible behaviour. But not dire, and not without apology remorse and another concerted effort to improve. I went to work, cared about her, offered affection, the gamut.

I see her actively choose words, ideas, and a path that a % of her recoils at, its in the eyes, a brief flash of disbelief that’s then buried quickly. Breaking up bonds and foundational bricks one at a time. I stand slack jawed and weak, unable to find the same kind of separation, mediation, lawyer type vocabulary, my mind screaming and throat swelling. This can’t be real.

Then, it got worse, impossible, quiet murmurings with our kids, pointing them in her direction, hidden but obvious. Pulling plugs from the switch board that the two of us thoughtfully built for years to support the growth of healthy children. But they’re young and she’s their Mom after all. So the mountain I have to climb has 10x’d now, and I didn’t have the gear to begin with. The 3 most important people I’ve had in my life do not see or hear me as a person now. In a matter of months.

All this sappy soft deep bullshit to say, this is the hardest fucking thing I could ever have imagined I’d face. Because she didnt actually die, she’s right there, choosing. And they’re choosing the same because she’s teaching them it’s about teams and strongholds. These beautiful beings, that by existing, cause joy and vibration in my cells, I haven’t seen or talked to in 5 weeks.

It’s a living nightmare. That’s not hyperbole. If you know you know. She’s not dead, she’s right there, choosing. How do you grieve a living person?

And all the stuff I’m supposed to do? Still don’t have it in me. I don’t have the fight in me. No amount of suck it up buttercup or journaling or therapy has helped yet. Still getting up everyday, but it’s dark.

Thanks if you got this far. I wish the best for you. I’ll read the replies now, strong men holding up others, and hope that the drops bit by bit will fill the bucket I need to do what has to be done.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-12-20T19:02:05+00:00

The only way out is through. You’ll get there.

AirSailer · 2024-12-20T18:32:56+00:00

"Rebound"? I don't particularly care for this word, because it implies a high-point that may be unrealistic. You need to adapt, analyze, then iterate. Pick a point to strive for, anticipate what things may stand in your way, then work through those problems. Kind of like in the book "The Martian", each problem is an opportunity to solve and grow.

As for hope, I would say that's a fantasy. Hope is equal to wishing. If you're in a funk emotionally then you have another problem to solve.

I know all that sounds clinical, but the main thing to understand is that the woman you fell in love with never actually existed. Her love for you was a facade she put up to manipulate you. Women are transactional, once she got out of you what she needed she's ready to move on. Maybe you did some things wrong, but truth is that you could have been the perfect husband/father and she still would have found a reason to stop respecting you, to stop having sex with you, to stop admiring you, and to stop needing you. Sorry buddy, it sucks, but it's the truth.

dasfoo · 2024-12-20T18:04:42+00:00

You have a form of (or something similar to) Stockholm Syndrome: You have developed empathy for someone to whom you are simply an object to be manipulated for their gain. It may be hard, but it will feel healthy for you when you shut off that empathy and cut her out of your life.

As soon as I realized that with my ex, it was very easy to make a clean break. For me, someone who was not very lucky in love prior to meeting her, one of the most attractive things about her was that she was -- or so I thought -- into me. Learning that she was not really ever into me, beyond my capacity to temporarily fulfill some of her life goals, almost immediately ended my feeling of connection to her. There was simply no further value to be gained by continuing to pursue a relationship that did not exist as I understood it.

It's psychologically painful in other ways -- making me question my worth as a partner, my ability to read people, feeling like I had been slow-burn deceived/abused for two-and-a-half decades -- but she went from being what I thought was a relief from pain to the primary cause of it. I don't like pain, so I removed her as the immediate cause and am now dealing with the legacy effects of that pain without continuing that first-order harm.

krazykanuck · 2024-12-20T17:22:44+00:00

For me a big shift was when I fully accepted it was over. That she truly didn't want to be with me and probably hadn't for some time. I pictured being with someone that I didn't really didn't want to be with, by doing so I was able to understand her actions better and then act accordingly.

DoughnutObjective806 · 2024-12-20T17:15:03+00:00

As the prospect of reconciliation seems doomed".

If I'm reading this right, here's the very 1st thing I would do. Make it very clear to her you know its over, and you will be acting as such. Then act like it.

I've seen guys post on here "it's been 14 months seperated and she flirted with me the other day, should I try again?"

Don't be that guy. Your four months into this. It's over. Don't let her breadcrumbs you romantically any longer. She wants to divorce you. She's excited to get on tinder. She's told her friends she's excited to divorce you. Don't fall for her crocodile tears when she's trying to leverage better terms for the divorce. Don't be her back-up plan.

Commercial-Doubt-612 · 2024-12-20T16:41:37+00:00

Grief. She is dead. Make best of this life. Always be hopeful. Time will heal. We are with you buddy. Blindsided. Unprepared. Unexpected. How I wish she is actually dead so that I can move on. But this is painful than mourning a dead love one. This was the death of the version of her when we tied the knot. Let's hope the universe be fair and kind to men like us. And rain misery to whom who belongs to the street.

Puzzleheaded_War922 · 2024-12-20T15:55:39+00:00

You're definitely not alone. The first six months were dark for me. I literally felt immortal. Time had stopped with my mind suspended forever in the center of it all. The next two years were less depressing but still not enjoyable. Four years later, life is better than ever.

It takes time. Believe in the promise that it gets better. Because it does. One day this will be in the rear view mirror.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-12-20T15:42:39+00:00

You call her STBXW or EX. It helps to put a label on it so you can process.

You’re currently stuck living in the past and anxious about the future. That’s why you’re feeling like you’re going through the motion. It’s how I figure a zombie would be when I was at that stage. You’re just there without any purpose other than knowing you must survive.

Takes a lot of work and understanding the emotion, the pain, fear, anxiety, depression, grief, anger, sadness, and happiness.

Like others commented, therapy, talk to someone, journaling, talk to yourself in the mirror, gym, morning sunlight, get sleep back, eat clean. This is your life you can’t let this moment define you but instead you define the moment.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-12-20T15:32:37+00:00

yes i spent 2 months not sleeping not eating but i was hanging out with a buddy and his gf, going out with them alot. they were my saving grace.

one night, after 2 months i was starting to get pretty weird in the head. was only getting 3-4 hrs of sleep and trying to run my business. i was getting ready to meet my friends and i felt totally weirded out. met them, had drinks and that was my moment i let go of all the anxiety and stress

almost like my mind had had enough and it was either die or move on.

lucky for me i was starting to see light at the end of the tunnel and was embracing divorce

i had also contacted a woman i dated in college and she and i were heading down the path of renewing our relationship.

its a tough one to over come but i was actually looking forward to being away from my 24 years of hell. it was just the monetary part that caused me most of my angst.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2024-12-20T15:25:22+00:00

Oh man ur just blinded by her manipulation. True happiness lies ahead. I was there where u are, I should have just let go sooner than I did. I wasted years trying to win her love, and now I have a girl that loves me regardless, but also is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, inside and out. Yeah, it sucks at the time but staying in that marriage will kill u!

Slowloris81 · 2024-12-20T15:04:22+00:00

Yes. There is happiness on the other side. It is not an easy journey but you just have to go through it. When you fight for your kids you will see that you have the strength and resilience you might never have thought you had.

NC_Geezus · 2024-12-20T14:46:33+00:00

Yes, the weight and pain lessens and you regain control of your emotions and your mind, it just takes some time and some work. Talk to a therapist if you have access. Journaling my thoughts, fears, feelings, emotions, ramblings, etc. was extremely therapeutic for me. See if your primary care physician can prescribe something to help steady your mind and quell your anxiety. Talk to someone (friend, family, anyone who will listen). Hit the gym and workout regularly (daily) with heavy weights. These are the things that help move you past this more quickly.

In my experience, you have to process all of the emotions before you're free of them.

Title	Losing hope. How to rebound?
Author	AstroHustler22
Upvotes	19
Comments	62
Date	December 20, 2024 2:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hil1xy/losing_hope_how_to_rebound/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/losing-hope-how-to-rebound.1539053 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539053

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