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AstroHustler22 Archive

View 8 posts and 121 comments by AstroHustler22 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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21

Whenever I think of all that I invested into her — the career decisions made, the windows of opportunity closed that can never be reopened, the relationships withered and ended, all in the promise of growing old with this woman, seeing our kids grow up with mom and dad together, and then she throws it all away because she’s fucking bored. The blatant disrespect and lack of appreciation for all that was done for her, for all that was given to her, because she wants to know what it feels like to b…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 04:38 AM
34

It breaks my heart to think of the woman I loved becoming one of these people. What a waste.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 04:15 AM
3

This just sounds depressing to me. Yes, I desperately miss a woman’s touch. What I miss even more though is sharing my life with a woman and having her share hers with me. It’s a soul connection that I’m looking for, not just a physical one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 03:24 AM
1

Fair enough.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 09:07 PM
2

My wife asked me for a divorce. I didn’t want it so I fought for nearly a year to pull us out of the dive while she was being courted by another man… and then she filed. I didn’t agree with what she filed so I counter filed. We’re moving toward mediation but I would still give my left nut to save the marriage. So I don’t know what you mean by “if you had it happen to you, you don’t need to ask”. I’m pretty sure, at this point, it has all happened to me, and my question remains the same. OP, do Y…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 08:37 PM
1

You started with “she asked for the divorce”. Did you want the divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:27 PM
17

The first time my wife told me that I should find someone else to sleep with was in 2020. It was a long, slow, painful decline from there and we are now going through divorce. I have the peace of mind, at least, of knowing that I stayed faithful, even as she pushed me away. I should’ve gotten it over with years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 05:51 AM
5

I have to be honest, I am really confused by all of this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 03:18 AM
2

I feel this. I love to travel with people that I love. I kind of hate traveling alone. I love experiences of ALL types with someone that I love. Life alone just feels dull and pointless. I'm just not there yet.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 06:42 PM
1

You're dead on. I wrapped my identity up in being loved by a woman. When I lost that, I lost my identity. Now I'm working to build an identity of my own but there are so many times that the old siren call rings in my ears. The subject of this post is just another example of one of those times. Sadly, it was likely my identity being so wrapped up in her acceptance that led to her loss of respect for me and for our marriage. This does not excuse her immoral and selfish actions but I'm self-aware e…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 06:41 PM
3

I'm in counseling now and have been for a few months now. We're just now starting to crack through with some of the "worthless" identity that I built up over the years. It's bizarre for me to feel the way that I do. In my professional life, I am highly respected at some of the highest levels. I stay well above average fitness (top 3% from last InBody). I am well educated with a six-figure income. Inside, I feel like a scared, unwanted little boy. It makes no sense.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 06:38 PM
2

Man, I had a female co-worker just be kind to me and I felt like I was able to breathe again. I am well aware that I am in NO position to make judgment calls on relationships right now. I was starved of affection and bread-crumbed for so long that the wound is just too raw.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 06:34 PM
3

I know you're right. I told myself for so long that she was "the one" that I'm still resisting opening my mind to there being any other. It's just going to take me time to change that story and overcome that resistance.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 06:32 PM
6

Don’t meet people. “Meat” people. I see what you did there 😏
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 02:00 PM
4

“The only thing I want from you is not to be your wife any longer” That is such a cold and heartless thing to say. What happens to these women that we give our hearts to and see ourselves growing old with? I still hear my wife asking me if I’ll ever take my “claws” out of her when I cried at her declaration of wanting to leave and, later, coldly telling me that she didn’t know why I kept fighting to save the marriage because “I don’t even love you anymore”. I just don’t understand it. I don’t gu…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:52 AM
6

This has to be the most useless comment on this thread. Seriously not helpful in any way. You bring shame upon your political party.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:40 AM
1

I 100% concur with everything that you’ve just said here. You have just described my experience and the experience that I have read from so many other men. I will add to this that in a death, unless it is a suicide, it is not something that is wanted, demanded - yet could be prevented - by the person dying. That just adds a whole extra layer of complex agony to it all.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:23 PM
2

We met at 13 and 15. We married at 17 and 19. It’s a miracle that we stayed together for the 25 years that we did.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 07:17 PM
6

My wife pulled a similar stunt with our former military chaplain. As far as I know, he’s lost his job now after I reported everything that I found evidence of to his commanding officer. There was a point in time that I reached out to my sister in laws husband for some advice as we have always been friends, and we are both Christians. He came back and spouted some stuff about me that made it clear that she had already poisoned the well everywhere that she could. That day, I decided to cut everyon…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 04:10 PM
1

Just… wow. How do we end up in relationships with these women?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 07:21 PM
4

I would argue that looks get you to the conversation. Everything else gets you any further than that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 06:48 AM
5

I was going to ask why this comment was downvoted to zero, then I realized it’s a google search away from answering itself. I’ll still throw you an upvote to get your head back above water 👊.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 03:25 PM
3

At the end of the day, only you can decide what to do. Personally, I try to lean on scripture when I don’t trust myself. Throughout all of this, I have often gone back to ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬-8a. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hop…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 08:06 PM
3

You are absolutely right that she is not the person that you married. To be fair, you aren’t the person that she married, either. That is the wild thing about marriage is that we make this public declaration that we will stay with the same human being for the rest of our lives, understanding that the person is going to become so many different people over time than the person that they were when we made the promise. My stbxw made the same claim, that the reason she filed for divorce is that she …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:52 PM
4

I’m going to play devils advocate here since there are kids involved. Is she the same person that she was before the split? Is she still doing the same things or has she made a 180 of her own? I am not of the mind that people cannot change, but I strongly believe in the power of evidence. Behavior is a language and should be listened to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:36 PM
3

I cheated when we were much younger with the same rationale (I wasn’t “happy”), both before the marriage and after. I tried backing out of the wedding and she wouldn’t have it. I knew that I had no business getting married but was too whipped to stand my ground. After disclosing it years later, we went through marriage counseling together and through therapy individually. We moved on, I made my family the center of my life, and we were happy… or so I thought. Nearly a decade later, she engaged i…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:07 PM
2

I’m heading to Vegas myself around April after a buddy comes back from overseas. Popular month!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 10:30 PM
2

This right here. Nobody wants to live this way. Please try to get her some help before walking away. “In sickness and in health” might apply here.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 11:56 PM
1

This right here. Your wife clearly has no respect for you, OP. I would clearly define what a positive change would look like and lay it out for her. Let her know that if she does not want to respect these boundaries, then you’ll be filing for a divorce. Give her a chance to adjust course before walking out, but just continuing to complain without any teeth only continues to undermine her respect for you as a man.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 10:55 PM
5

When I say lawyer up, I would specifically recommend getting a consult from a few lawyers in the area, outlining what your goal is and asking about pitfalls to be aware of. This is your chance, too, to vet the attorney that you will eventually want to hire. You can usually get a consult for free and ask all the same questions you would ask a paid attorney - they just aren’t formally representing you. They will know the family law for your state, though, so it’s critical that you get that insight…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 07:09 AM
5

I’m new to divorce, just going through it myself. I will say that you are generally entitled to half of everything in the marital estate, ie. anything acquired or accrued during the marriage. From the sound of it, she will most likely freeze you out and shut off access to resources as soon as you make your move to leave so it would be a good idea to know what that half looks like and plan to execute a physical and financial split on the same day. As much as I hated it when people would tell me t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:51 AM
4

This is a huge worry of mine, that after my 21 year marriage ending STRONGLY against my will, I won’t find another woman to love and to be loved by. Then, if I am able to find that woman, I might end up facing that loss, too. I can totally understand why you would want to hang on but you also need to be very careful that you aren’t making her more than she is because you’re afraid to be alone again. I’m preaching to myself here but it sounds like you might be in a similar boat. Try to step back …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:39 PM
3

I’m watching it with my teenage daughter. My younger sons keep asking to watch it but, as you know, it can get pretty rough and I’m not trying to give mama ammo to use against me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 02:13 AM
1

I’ve been trying to detach and I just can’t figure out how. At least once a day I’m racked with so much pain that I have to hide from my kids so I can let it out in tears. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get this woman out of my heart and my mind. I fall asleep thinking about her, I dream about her, I wake up thinking about her, and all day long I’m weighted down by heartache. I’m like an addict and she is my heroine. I know that I put her on an unrealistic pedestal because she’s not a nice p…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 01:01 AM
2

I recently found John and have probably consumed ten hours of his content. He’s really helped me to understand some things but I’ve clearly got a lot to learn.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:03 AM
2

I don’t know that I ever would’ve left but it’s clear to me now that the only time things were good with us was when I just gave her whatever she wanted, without complaint, and expected nothing in return. It was when I started trying to set boundaries that she lost all desire to be with me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:02 AM
1

I watched my parents go through similar challenges whenever I was really young and now they’ve been married for 44 years. I’m not saying it was the healthiest thing to do, but the pattern that I had was that you never give up, you fight and work through the issues. My stbxw grew up without a father and a cold, distant mother so she doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like either. It’s really no wonder that we’ve ended up where we are.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:59 AM
2

I really appreciate your insights. If you don’t mind, I’ll ask one more question. When you say to take time for myself, what did that mean to you? I’ve always used my spare time to either do something for my family, my house, or a side hustle, which just made money to do the aforementioned things. I don’t really know what it means to just do things for myself. I know how bad that sounds but it’s just been the reality.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:52 AM
2

I had never heard of a parenting plan, which makes sense because I’ve never needed one. This absolutely resonates, though. So many of these topics are questions that have been floating around in my mind and I’m sure have been in hers, too. I’m going to dig into this concept to see where we can come to peaceful agreement on as much as possible. Thanks a lot for sharing this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:49 AM
1

That’s a strong response. What has your experience been with this?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:47 AM
8

That’s my understanding of the standing orders and I mentioned that to her. She didn’t like it at all that I was invoking that but it seems necessary or she’ll just continue re-writing our entire family dynamic.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:54 AM
2

I hate this divorce. Still, I want to minimize the damage. We’ve got a lot of work to do with this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:52 AM
1

That isn’t concern is setting some kind of precedent. I don’t know if that’s a thing but I’m wary of it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:51 AM
1

I have to dig into all that. What she isn’t taking into account is that our two youngest are starting sports practice in a couple of weeks and I’ve been in the process of starting them in a self defense class. None of that is factoring into her proposal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:51 AM
3

What I want is full custody but I know that’s just “me” speaking, not “dad” speaking. I know that my kids need time with their mom and regardless of everything, I feel bad for their mom and don’t want to see her hurt and that would devastate her. I don’t know, man, I’m a mess. I fought FOR her for so long that I’m having a heck of a time learning to stand up AGAINST her demands. There is zero doubt in my mind that I will invest in them more than she will but I have to be careful how far I take t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:48 AM
7

That was my first instinct but I have a hard time trusting myself when it comes to her. I never know if I’m responding out of the pain that she has caused or if I’m responding out of my desire to reconcile or something in between. I don’t like being that guy, but I feel like I need counsel for everything these days.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:45 AM
3

I sent an email to my lawyer right after I posted this. My stbxw got incredibly pissed when I told her I wanted to talk to my attorney about it. She told me that she wasn’t going to try to control the kids’ whereabouts through all this and I told her that I wanted to believe her but I have a hard time believing anything that comes out of her mouth with everything that has happened. I feel pretty shitty for putting it that way but it’s the truth. She’s caught me flat footed so many times this yea…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:43 AM
1

I had to look up what “lionizing” means and I would say it applies. I don’t know why I’ve always put her on such a pedestal but I have. I convinced myself that she was God’s gift to me and no matter how little energy or thought she put into our relationship, I didn’t let that change my mind - I would just try harder. I am definitely an overachiever type. I wasn’t happy with myself academically until I made it into Mensa and I’m still set on getting a PhD, even with an undergraduate and graduate …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 11:47 PM
2

Today, as I was writing out the narrative of our relationship for my attorney, I realized how much misery we have both endured through the past couple of decades. Neither of us has ever really been good to the other. We hurt each other at different times, and she just made the decision to kill it while I was determined to nourish it. Last night, she told me that we just loved each other at the wrong times with her referring to me being shitty early in the relationship and her being shitty over t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:53 AM
1

I am finding this to be so, so painfully true.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:45 AM
2

I’ve been working on a custody case all day. When I put it to paper, I don’t know how I haven’t seen it before. There is no way this woman has been a 50/50 parent. She’s been a 25% parent, at best. I wanted to keep things peaceful but if she is insisting on taking it to court to try and maximize CS, I’m going for full custody. I still want the kids to have her in their lives but I cannot voluntarily entrust them to her for half of their development, realizing just how absent she has been.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 02:21 AM
3

It is truly sickening. Even today, she walks out this morning without a word as to when she would be back and I’ve been home with the kids all day. Yeah, she sure wants the money but she doesn’t know the first thing about what it means to be a present mother.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:42 PM
2

I’ve always worked out at home and was entertaining joining a class so I’d be able to form the social circle. I know that I desperately need adult connections in my life because as much as she wants the child support and custody, I’ve been the primary caretaker for so long that my social circle is practically nonexistent.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:40 PM
3

It’s ironic that you should say this as my Home Screen is literally the text “Be Smart and Shut Up”. You’re absolutely right. Moving forward, I need to keep all communications to text and email as much as possible and stop looking at her as someone that I know because I really don’t anymore, as much as I keep hoping that I do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:39 PM
3

I’m getting all the stuff together for my attorney today to prepare for a court battle. All her talk of “being amicable and fair” seems to have gone out the window now that I’ve told her that I’m not willing to roll over and meet her demands for CS. I can’t imagine it will get any better from here.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 04:33 PM
1

I feel where you’re coming from. As I’ve gotten further down this road, I’ve come to realize that my stbxw has really become a not very good person (lies, conceals, gaslights, drinks, doesn’t exercise, refuses to take responsibility) and I’m certain that I’ll be able to find a better match. Not that she doesn’t have the potential to be, she has just chosen not to and that is entirely on her. I’m taking this opportunity to pour all the energy that I was pouring into trying to make her happy into …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 01:12 AM
1

Yep - five kids, ages 20 to 7. Good luck with the course. Even though I don't believe that any amount of coaching or courses could save my marriage, I think I needed to put myself through the rigors so I could feel like I hadn't quit without trying. My wife and I just had an argument not even an hour ago over all this. She blames my reacting negatively (i.e. checking up on her location when she was acting suspicious and pleading with her to just communicate honestly with me) to finding out that …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 07:29 PM
7

That is also part of the script. Take it from the collective mind here. If there isn’t another person now, there has been recently and THAT person gave her “that loving feeling” that she is now missing from you. I had it put to me this way. When you’re taking a shower and all of a sudden the hot water turns cool, it’s because the hot water is flowing somewhere else. Nobody wants to be alone at your age or even at mine, a couple decades behind you. Don’t buy what she’s selling.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:23 PM
5

You’re telling my story, man. I spent more than $8,000 in the last year on relationship coaching and programs, trying to save a marriage that my stbxw had already checked out of. She swore that she was “looking for reasons to stay” but in reality had another man in her ear. You want to love your wife? Love her from a distance by not speaking ill of her and letting her have this life, as hard as it is likely to be, that she believes that she wants. You want to love your kids? Show them how their …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 06:11 PM
9

Welcome to the club. I’m sorry that you’re here. 😔 A few bits of advice. First, understand and accept that this is NOT all your fault. Whatever your story is, it takes two to make a marriage and two to maintain it but only one to end it. She is at LEAST as responsible for this as you are. Next, understand that your sweet love is dead and gone, replaced by the woman that you know now. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling around that, find solitude, and let the emotions out. You need to process t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 09:19 AM
2

Bro, my stbxw just LITERALLY saw her childhood BFF through a divorce about a year ago. She had made me an anniversary playlist with some Swift music that I loved in context. Now, I can’t stand to hear that woman’s whiny, self victimizing voice on the radio. Listen to her music. It’s all break ups and chasing the next romantic high. Morgan Wallen is another one that I can’t stand for the same reason.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:28 AM
1

I’m sorry to hear that. This is a shitty club to be in.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:57 AM
6

You've just described a lot of the elements of my own story. I totally put my stbxw on a pedestal, even as she treated me like a nuisance that she would rather not have to deal with. The last few months before telling me that she wants a divorce, she walked around with her headphones on, listening to Taylor Swift nonstop. She started "circling the wagons", telling her family about things that I did a decade ago so now they won't even look at me, much less hear anything that I have to say. What h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 07:14 PM
3

My stbxw literally used the term “blindsided” to describe to her therapist how she expected I would feel when she told me that she didn’t know if she wanted to be married to me anymore. After the 2023 that we had, I had never felt so secure in our relationship. The hardest thing for me to deal with was trying to wrap my head around how she could have flipped so severely and so suddenly. I’ve come to accept that this is a problem that she has and is going to have to come to terms with on her own.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 12:44 AM
7

I was in the same place. My stbxw told me in March that she didn’t know if she wanted to be married and by August she told me that she wanted a divorce. In November, I found out that another man was involved and, after confronting her about it, she filed for divorce at the beginning of December.. Until that time, I fought like hell to try and save my family. In retrospect, I realize that she hasn’t treated me like she has liked me in at least a couple of years. I’m really looking forward to find…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 03:38 AM
7

I’m convinced that 2024 was the worst year of my life so far. I’m really looking forward to a better 2025.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 02:57 AM
1

The "monkey branching" is sickening and the disdain is real. If I drank with her, I drank too much. If I quit drinking, I was attention seeking. If I was hitting fitness goals, I should know that she was "not going to be impressed by it" while she would point out guys on television and social media that were just so hot. She could go hang out with her friends and if I asked about her time than I was being insecure but I wasn't trusted to go do things with the few friends that I had left. The mor…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:24 AM
1

You offer some solid suggestions here; thank you. I want to highlight that this group has been such a blessing in not feeling so isolated. You guys are great and greatly appreciated.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:13 AM
2

You're absolutely right. This is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another and it is TOTALLY up to me how that next chapter is written.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:11 AM
1

I hear you and I appreciate your comments. Thinking too deeply is a bit of a habit and not one that has served me well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:09 AM
2

I convinced myself that she was God's gift to me and that it was my responsibility to make her happy. That became impossible, no matter how hard I would, or could, try. It's taking some time to let this go but I'm getting there. At times, I still want her to literally plunge a knife through my heart and end it. At other times, I feel sparks of hope at finally pursuing some of the things that used to make me feel alive, things that I had shelved to focus on her and her desires. It's a rollercoast…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:07 AM
3

I booked an international trip today to visit one of my kids. My stbxw was supposed to be part of that trip but backed out to fund her legal fees. Truth be told, I'm looking forward to taking a trip where I don't have to worry about her drinking too much, getting tired, hungry, bored, or any other number of factors to put her into a foul mood. I'm going to take this trip and just enjoy it, for a change.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:02 AM
2

This has resonated so much and I've pondered it since I first read it a few days ago. When my wife and I met, I felt so unlovable that her affection sent me over the moon. She had serious abandonment and rejection issues of her own so we were a perfect little example of codependence. In no time, we had kids and I settled into playing house, pretending that she loved me as I loved her even while my friends and family would quietly point out to me how unbalanced our individual contributions to the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 05:58 AM
1

She told me during a phone call last week that she just doesn't love me anymore. That is a 180 degree about face from where we were less than a year ago which is something that has haunted me, wondering if she might turn back around if I just hang on long enough. My greatest motivator to move on now is realizing that I've been setting an example for my kids of it being acceptable for someone to deceive you, reject you, and use you, and you just keep taking it and asking for more. I don't want th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 05:49 AM
2

That is absolutely horrible. I've worried that my stbxw will do something like this. She has depression issues and has for a long time. One of her therapist friends told her that she "doesn't need medication, she just hates her life". I'm scared for her and that keeps me from mentally and emotionally kicking her out of my life. I'm sorry that you've had to go through that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 05:46 AM
2

So often, it has felt like my best friend, my baby girl, the love of my life, is dying from a self inflicted disease that she could turn around on demand if she would only choose to. I totally get where you're coming from.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 05:43 AM
11

Because it is. And it’s going to. Love on your son. Grieve when and where you can without letting the little guy notice. Sleep as soon as able. Peaks and valleys, man. Peaks and valleys. Another peak is coming. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 12:37 AM
3

This is profound. After reading what you wrote, I tried to pinpoint what day that would be for me and I think I can say that it was March 23 of this year. That was the day that she became someone that I didn’t recognize anymore. That was the day that a 24 year relationship became something that gave me more fear than comfort. Everything that has followed, has been one long, slow, painful dissolution of everything that we had built together. During that time, I gave her back the wedding ring that…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 06:21 PM
3

That has certainly crossed my mind. At the same time, I don’t want my kids seeing their dad acting that way and I don’t want to use a woman that way. It sure would be a tempting escape, though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 06:09 PM
5

Easter Sunday was six days after my wife told me that she didn’t know if she wanted to be married anymore. That day, I nailed an index card to a cross with my prayer for God to help me let go of my wife as my god. Over the years, I had put her in that place and her happiness took the highest priority in my life. I would say that prayer has been answered as my “god” proceeded to wholly forsake me. I read a bible story to and pray with my two youngest kids probably six out of seven nights a week a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 06:04 PM
5

I want to respond to so many things that you just wrote but I’m not in a place to do that right now. Quickly, I just want to say that what you are dealing with is wrong, is an abomination, on so, so many levels. You don’t deserve this. I’ve been listening to a guy on YouTube named John Griffin. He seems to get it, too, and has come out the other side better for it. Maybe his work can help you process.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 09:22 PM
2

Pray tell more of this medicator?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 05:25 PM
1

Had I known in March what I know now, I could’ve done so much better. I did the opposite of pulling away in a compassionate manner and, instead, was emotionally crushed and tried everything I knew and didn’t know to try to convince her that leaving was a terrible idea. We have five kids and I was determined to “save my family” and just made things worse, instead. It was after confronting her about misleading me about where she was for nearly a week away from home that she said she wanted the div…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:35 PM
1

That’s good to know. My military journey has been weird with a mix of active duty, traditional guard, and Title 10 orders while in the ANG. Throw in a mix of enlisted time and commissioned time and it becomes quite the cluster. I need to set something up with base legal to work through what she “should” be entitled to for my own future planning. Thank you for pointing this out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:20 PM
1

That’s good to know. My military journey has been weird with a mix of active duty, traditional guard, and Title 10 orders while in the ANG. Throw in a mix of enlisted time and commissioned time and it becomes quite the cluster. I need to set something up with base legal to work through what she “should” be entitled to for my own future planning. Thank you for pointing this out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:19 PM
2

I feel like mine has been on meds more of the last few years than she had been off of them. Toward the end of last year, she started drinking a lot more, cussing (which is something that we didn’t do in our house), and just generally adopting a new personality. It’s been wild and in all the wrong ways.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:04 PM
1

Right there with you. I started dating my STBXW when I was 15 and she was 11 days shy of 14. We married at 17 and 19. Now, 21 years later, she filed for divorce 6 days ago. I have wondered about this since she dropped the “I don’t know if I want to be married anymore” on me back in March. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. The entire thing has been a total mind screwing. I’d love to believe that this is something that she just needs to work through before we come back together again some t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:55 PM
2

So what you’re saying is that you’ll sacrifice your happiness for your family? I rest my case.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:35 AM
2

This is awesome. I’m adding this to a note in my phone for frequent review. Thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 04:26 AM
1

I don’t know what your actions were that you take responsibility for but part of taking responsibility is accepting the consequences of said actions. Nothing is my life has hurt worse than having my wife refuse to even try to work on our 21 year marriage with 5 kids, on top of that, but I missed the mark in a lot of ways over those years. So did she. While I wish that she would have the willingness to work on our problems, she is not mine to control just as your husband is not yours to control. …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 03:35 PM
14

There are two lessons that I have learned and have shared elsewhere. 1: Never sign a contract with someone who gets paid to break it. 2: A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family. A woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness. This likely is not your fault. It’s just in her nature.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 05:57 AM
1

I’m beginning to realize that I’ve been kept on my knees, begging for affection for so many years that I’ve just come to believe that I’m not worthy of love. The truth is, I’m in great shape, in a great job, with a six figure income and a graduate STEM education. My kids love and support me and I’m well respected in my profession. Come this summer, I’ll even have a movie credit to my name. My wife told me last night that she always hated how I thought I was so great when I’ve been doing all I co…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:29 AM
1

That sounds mighty peaceful. Thank you for painting the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:18 AM
1

I tried. He blocked me on all her social media at the same time he blocked me on his and started sending my wife after me every time I passed more information to his CO. I did find her business page, though, and tipped her through that. I’m not sure if she ever saw it or if he intercepted it. I wouldn’t put anything past this coward.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:16 AM
3

That’s really crappy, man. I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve read that it’s north of 70% of divorces are filed by women. I later read two quotes that have resonated with my experience. Never sign a contract with someone who gets paid to break it. A man will sacrifice his happiness for his family. A woman will sacrifice her family for her happiness. This experience has taught me a few things that I absolutely must teach my sons.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:14 AM
2

Got the lawyer, filed the answer to her petition, and approved a counter petition. I deeply appreciate your prayers. I am a believer, myself, and have prayed nearly every day this last year for God and His love to move through my family again. I know that He despises divorce but He also gives free will. I’ve been reconnecting with friends from decades past and trying to remember who I was before my wife. That guy was 15 years old, though, so I’m afraid 40 year old me doesn’t have much in common …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 04:10 AM
2

God I hope so. I’m sick of feeling this way.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 03:48 AM
3

I did. He’s under investigation now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:47 PM
3

This, right here, is the way. Holy crap, man - I never even knew this was an option! Call me crazy but reconciliation is still my Plan A. This is now my Plan B. Thank you. Seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 01:43 AM
1

I’m active duty military. Her getting half of my retirement is a given. The only way I’d get out of that would be for her to agree to forfeiting it and I can’t imagine a world where she would even consider that concession.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 07:48 PM
2

Thanks. I'll check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:21 AM
2

The crazy thing is, she can't even have a relationship with the guy now. Because of the position that he holds in the military, he is under orders NOT to have any contact with her. Adding to all that, we just moved to a totally different state. It's like she's got her heels dug in so deep with betting on this guy that she just can't bring herself to allow righting the ship before she sees this divorce through.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:19 AM
1

I'm gonna have to borrow your attitude. You've got the right mindset!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:15 AM
1

I love that you two found your way back to each other. TBH, I would forgive the cheating if she would stop being so damned shady about everything. She has always been a "private person", but she went from being someone who kept her thoughts to herself to someone who hid everything, even things that had no reason to be hidden. Knowing her mom, though, I know exactly where that comes from in her personality. About the only thing that I wouldn't forgive would be child abuse. There is no coming back…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:15 AM
1

To file immediately. When I realized that it was going to be filed on her birthday and asking for all the things that she is now asking me for, I couldn't bring myself to be so heartless.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:09 AM
3

It depends on how long you were married. My understanding is that because she was with me for more than 10 years of my active-duty time, it will be sent directly to her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:08 AM
1

I live on a military base, and I am the active-duty member. She isn't even on the lease so, thankfully, she can't stay here without me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:06 AM
2

I have an attorney, and she has already swung into action. I think I'm in good hands.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:05 AM
3

Thank you. All the support here has been a much-needed surprise.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:04 AM
3

I can't imagine living out the rest of my life alone but you're right, too many women today just don't seem to have respect for a committed relationship anymore. If I ever marry again, I'll probably look for a woman from a country with more traditional values.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:04 AM
5

I find myself hoping that she'll find out that the shiny new life that she's been fed by social media isn't as great as it may look, and my family can be put back together again. At the same time, holding on to that hope keeps me from moving on. I'm reminded of the man standing at the bottom of a lake, holding onto his disconnected anchor. To let go is to lose what he has but hang on is to lose his life. I feel that so deeply.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:02 AM
4

I've been watching this group for a while and took the step of retaining an attorney so I'm glad to have done that much. I'll look for a divorce support group; that sounds like a very wise decision.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:18 PM
4

"Focus on the mission" Loving her and having her feel loved has been my mission. I know I have to switch gears, though, and I will.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:16 PM
2

Thanks for the link. I'll dig into it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:15 PM
3

Thank you for the link; I'll dig into it. I have a lawyer and will be going (back) to therapy. I have always had the stronger relationship with my kids since I've been the one to get them up and out for school in the morning, help them with their homework, show up to all the sports, performances, and awards, coached the teams, etc. I love my wife, but she has been more present for social media and her "friend" than for our kids and I've picked up the slack so my kids don't feel neglected. I'm ac…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:14 PM
14

I just received the response from my attorney for approval, rejecting everything that was presented. I'm taking her advice on this situation moving forward. I should have done that to begin with, but my sappy heart wouldn't have it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:08 PM
5

I’ve journaled for years and have started recording any important conversations. In my state, I don’t need her consent or awareness to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:56 PM
4

Thank you. My daughter told me last night to keep telling myself that I am going to be ok. She is 20 and knows very well what is going down. I don’t want to be ok. I want to be free of this pain. But my kids need me so I will have to just keep breathing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:54 PM
2

Thank you. Yes, it is a no fault state. I’m coming to realize that my wife is gone. She told me this morning that it’s not like she’s dying when I told her I wanted to cherish every last day that I had with her. What she doesn’t understand is that that is exactly what it feels like to me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:52 PM
4

That’s the attitude that I want to have. The reality is that we got together at 15 and 13 and I practically raised her. Her dad wasn’t in the picture and her mom didn’t know how to be a parent so I helped my wife get a GED, learn how to drive, and later, helped her through college. I love this woman with all that I am and I just cannot process how she could do this. That is the part that I am struggling with.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:51 PM
2

Like… do your taxes?
/r/seduction12/05/24 07:03 AM
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