Another cut to the old heart

Apprehensive_Park392 · 2025-01-01T15:23:31+00:00

Just let her go. Start detaching. She’s already gone in mind and heart. I’m sort this happened to you.

Too_old_3456 · 2025-01-01T00:49:14+00:00

I fell for it a lot too, OP. STBXW would get mad at me for being upset about her misdeeds. My self-esteem was so low. And I was convinced that she was my #1 supporter so it ate it and moved on. I didn’t get it until later on that she would treat me like shit to justify her own shitty behavior.

I had a breakdown and left after many years of trying to keep the family together. I realized the trust would never be rebuilt (among many other issues). Of course the headline is I that I up and left her with no notice, J basically abandoned her. Some battles and some wars are just not winnable.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-12-31T21:35:07+00:00

OP, what the hell are you thinking? One NEVER takes a cheater back, because they will do it again. Cut the b*tch lose!

darkerwithin · 2024-12-31T13:39:55+00:00

She will always betray you. Not sure what more you need to know. Stop doing things for her and let her stand on her own or fail. While you may be committed to her she does not reciprocate and is committed only to her own selfish needs and desires.

Start severing ties financial and legal. Stop paying for the car and F her good finance rate. Restrict communications with her. Txt or email only and topics - divorce and childcare. Anything else gets no response. No voice calls unless it is an emergency with one of the kids. Email and txt allow you to document her responses.

"Every time I feel like I’m pulling out of the dive into despair, one more milestone of her betrayal sends me spiraling right back in again." That is the whole point of why she betrays you. You are not meant to be able to move on.

Look into narcissism, specifically covert narcissism. Likely you will find many answers. For now all you need to know is that everything she is doing to hurt you is done with deliberate intention and purpose.

dnbndnb · 2024-12-31T13:35:57+00:00

You sir, need to visit the YouTube channel of John Griffin for the education you are lacking. Beating “weak” is the last thing a woman wants from a man. There’s a whole lot of “female psychology” you’ve likely never explored, as most of us here never did.

You’ll get past this, look back, and if you do it correctly be thankful for your freedom.

Go watch a bunch of John. You’ll thank me later.

Camping_Dad_RC · 2024-12-31T06:24:23+00:00

You’ll look at this much differently a year from now. Once the emotions are gone you will see clearly and recognize her vile and selfish behavior as it is.

I know that doesn’t make the cut shallower today, and I’m truly sorry for the pain you are going through.

She’s a mess, and, one day, you’ll be grateful she refused to reason with you. She liberated you from adding to your sentence.

Content-Class1259 · 2024-12-30T21:19:39+00:00

Note: they are only talking amicable and fair when it appears they are getting everything their way.

InspectionOk3946 · 2024-12-30T18:13:33+00:00

You need to stop talking. Don’t giver her anything to grasp. No info on anything divorce related EVER. Stop talking about it yesterday. It’s going to do nothing good for you. Stop reaching for a response from her that will give you some hope. It’s over and time for you to live and respect yourself and make your own plans accordingly.

DenyHerYourEssence · 2024-12-30T16:04:46+00:00

I know it probably doesn’t help, but understand that the vast majority of their complaints tend to be focused on what they feel they aren’t getting. Anything egregious that they’ve done that factored into the situation won’t enter their heads. I suggest you find another gym, as exercise will be very important as you work through this situation.

necromensa · 2024-12-30T15:25:01+00:00

It’s oddly comforting to know that others are experiencing nearly identical emotions and responses to the death of an important relationship. I too have dug in and stood up for myself and the importance of the marriage. I have not vacated the home when she asked (she moved out and wanted me to leave so she could come back). I hired good, capable counsel that has thwarted her attempts to gain the upper hand so far. All of my actions (which have been in response to her decision to end the marriage) have been seen as aggressive or “confirmation” of her opinion of me and by proxy the relationship. This is all just confirmation bias. She has cocooned herself with friends and family that echo back her narrative to her, shielding her from the harm she is doing to the family, our finances, and herself.
All you can do is work on yourself, stay true to your values and vision, and remain steadfast even if that means holding your chin up while the whole ship slips beneath the waves. I’m choosing to see my role as that of example to our young child, to her, and to the crowd of onlookers most of whom believe her exaggerations of a horrible marriage and angry husband. It’s interesting to see how quickly the story becomes harder to swallow when you refuse to engage or stoop to the level of gossip and intrigue.
I pray it doesn’t get as ugly as it can, but I’m also preparing for just that eventuality. The fact is that I still believe the marriage could be saved. There was no infidelity (at least that I’m currently aware of), no physical abuse or addiction. We argued occasionally and when we did it tended to get heated with threats of leaving etc and that made her feel insecure and unloved. Certainly not ideal, but not worth ending a 10 year marriage and decimating an ideal life for our child. I even feel for her because if she were to google “should I leave my husband?”, a tsunami of bitter women making videos saying that her happiness holds primacy over any silly vow she might have taken would wash over her with almost no voices to the contrary. I’m sure she believes she is making the right choice. But she is not and it is my job to stand in her way and do my utmost to protect my family, even if the threat is from within. Even if I lose, I want to be carried out on my shield.
I’m sorry, what was the question? Lord have mercy, I got all worked up there.
I think it will hurt on and off for years. But there will be more happiness in the periods between the blows. DM me if you even need support. We are legion.

0neMinute · 2024-12-30T15:17:56+00:00

She is already gone everything you do to fix it she will turn around and gas light you. Everything will be as you noticed “ why cant you let me have my cake and eat it to?” You can’t save it you can only save yourself, chances are she has been going behind your back for a bit and just now locked down the new guy for her to have a soft landing after the divorce.

Get prepared mentally for her to flip and become worse beat of luck.

Title	Another cut to the old heart
Author	AstroHustler22
Upvotes	15
Comments	29
Date	December 30, 2024 2:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hpoq5k/another_cut_to_the_old_heart/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/another-cut-to-the-old-heart.1539892 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539892

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